981203.
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Issue 951 - Weekly
World
Marks
AIDS Day
orlds Aids Day on December 1st alerted the
W
world to the seriousness of the worldwide situa-
tion. Demonstrations and marches were organ-
ised throughout the world. Some of the worst hit areas
have reached epidemic levels. The following list contains
some of the harsh realities that the world was reminded of
on December 1st.
* 7,000young people become infected with HIV - the virus
that causes Aids every day
* Ninety-five per cent of people living with HIV and Aids
are in the developing world, where it typically infects
young healthy adults effectively targeting the people
whose energy and wages communities depend on for sur-
vival.
* In Sub-Saharan Africa 2 million people will have died of
Aids this year - four times the total for the rest of the world.
* The HIV virus infected 11 people a minute worldwide
during the last year
* A man with HIV has on average a one in 500 chance of
passing the virus to a woman in a single act of unprotected
vaginal sex.
* In Zimbabwe, which with Botswana has the highest inci-
dence of Aids, life expectancy is likely to fall from 61 to
39 by the year 2010 because of Aids.
* Around 25,000 people in the UK are HIV positive
In London, one in 533 women is HIV positive,compared to
one in 6,222 for the rest of England and Wales.
* About 33.4 million people around the world are infected
with HIV, two-thirds of them in sub-Saharan Africa. In
Asia and the Pacific, 700,000 people become infected with
HIV per year.
News 1 n News & Letters 3 n Union 4 n Music 6 n RAG 8 n
Reviews 10 n Features 11 n Notices & Personals & Crossword 13 n
Thursday 3rd December 1998
Queen To Visit
The University
er Majesty the Queen will be
H visiting the University this
Friday to open the Surrey
Space Centre. The Duke of Edinburgh
and the Duke of Kent, who is the
Chancellor of the University, will
accompany The Queen as she official-
ly opens the centre, which has pio-
neered research into such areas as
microsatellites and affordable space
technology.
The Queen will also present the 1998
Queen’s Award for Technological
Achievement which Surrey Satellite
Technology Ltd (SSTL), the
University company based at the cen-
tre, has won for the development of its
low cost satellites.
During the visit, the Queen will be
invited to enter one of the Centre’s next year; PICOsat for the US Air the Internet.
state of the art clean rooms where the Force, UoSAT-12 which is an experi-
satellites are constructed and prepared mental Surrey satellite and TiungSat Steven Alexander.
for launch. The Queen will also be which was built for the Malaysians
shown three satellites due for launch under a technology transfer and train- If you want to see the Queen on her
ing programme. visit, you are welcome to gather out-
side the Space Centre for 11:00am or
Vice-Chancellor, Patrick Dowling, in Senate Square at 12:15pm this
said: “The Centre represents one of Friday (4th December).
this country’s most successful partner-
ships between academia and industry
and one of which we are justifiably
proud. We are delighted that Her
Majesty will be visiting us to launch
the Centre.”
SSTL has pioneered the “smaller,
faster, low-cost” approach to space
technology and is now the world leader
in providing space technology transfer
and training to emerging space nations,
such as Korea, Pakistan, South Africa,
Portugal, Thailand, Singapore,
Malaysia and China.
SSTL is also playing a leading role in
the first European mission to the Moon
by designing a small, low cost lunar
spacecraft, which students world-wide
will be able to follow on its mission via Microsatellites built by SSTL
Entertainments Guide 9 .
Surrey Pride 14
981203.qxd 03/12/98 19:47 Page 2 (1,1)

2 News Thursday 3rd Decembner 1998 n

Editorial nobody that is apart from

those responsible for the
and towns similar to the
States is, in my opinion, tak- News in Brief by Steven Alexander
financial affairs of the pubs ing the whole matter to far.
Mandelson: “Not the Terrence Higgins Trust,
and bars serving the beer. Smoking Kills and passive
smoking is an incredible to draw attention to World
Editor a Clubber”. AIDS day, which was this
Tom Sherwen Every extra penny spent on health risk. I do believe that
beer generates a massive in the open air a smoker Tuesday. The billboard,
(su-comms@surrey.ac.uk) Martin Dowie, head of the alongside Kennington Road
amount of income which is should be able to inhale as British Council in Rio de
then put back into other ser- much nicotine as they like. I in South London, was
Janeiro, has denied Punch described as “The Safest Ad
Deputy Editor vices and provides the allow people to smoke in
magazine’s allegations that
Steven Alexander financial revenue needed for my house (o.k. campus in The World”, despite the
he and Trade Secretary distraction it would cause to
(cv71sa@surrey.ac.uk)
the licensed premises to room), and my car. The lat-
Peter Mandelson spent a passing drivers.
operate in the first place. ter of which I have just dis-
night out on the town in Rio
Surrey is an expensive part covered will more than like-
Arts Editor of the country and although ly have to be converted to earlier this year. However, there was a seri-
Daniel Jones I live for £1 a pint offers, I unleaded petrol by January ous message. 33.4 million
no longer gripe about the 1 2000 four-star leaded Mr. Dowie claimed that they people are infected with
(ps51dj@surrey.ac.uk)
amount I spend on beer. petrol is to be banned. The had not had a great evening HIV worldwide, and that
Either way after a few I, government believes that of together, visiting gay bars number is increasing. Claire
News Editor It’s strange. Throughout my
a)couldn’t care less and b) the five million cars in the and clubs, as was reported
Student life I have wanted McMaster of the Terrence
James Buller can’t remember anyway. UK which run on leaded in several newspapers the Higgins Trust said: “There
cheaper beer, cheaper CD’s, morning after. He told the
(ma71jb@surrey.ac.uk) petrol, three million can be is no room for complacency
cheaper clothes and more
Fags have gone up by 21p. converted to use unleaded Guardian that he and with HIV/AIDS. We hope
money. Today I am having
Such a huge increase is cer- fuel. Mandelson were “victims of
Features Editor to deal with budgets. What a this billboard will remind
tainly worth kicking up a A very limited supply of a horrendous smear”, which
Nick Walsh turnaround. I’ll give you an people of the importance of
fuss over if you are a smok- four-star will be available was “like something out of
(ps71nw@surrey.ac.uk) example. If the price of beer practising safer sex.”
er which I am not. I have through classic car clubs. Kafka”. Whether he was
was halved everyone would
always been concerned The Government is to referring to Franz Kafka, the
notice and most pubs would
Music Editor go bankrupt. If, more realis-
about smoking however I do launch a publicity campaign novelist, was uncertain. Ready Teddy
Andrew Thomas not object to other people over the next few weeks. Punch magazine said in Gone!
tically, the price of beer was
expressing their freedom to Personally I don’t know if reply that the journalist who
(ps71at@surrey.ac.uk) reduced by a few pence then
choose. The constant move either my Toyota or my wal- uncovered the story had “25
nobody would really notice. If you go down to the shops
towards smoke free zones let will handle the swap. years experience in journal- today, you’re sure of a big
Sports Editor
Paul Cliff Letters ism” and cited them as “reli-
able”. The whole affair was
surprise. Someone went
down to the shops last
(barefacts@surrey.ac.uk) inflamed by William Saturday, perhaps they were
Dear Barefacts, NUS walk out of further and tional groups who would
Hague’s weak jibe about in disguise. Because a teddy
higher education in March have a demonstration every
Commercial Manager “Lord Mandelson of Rio”. bear worth £325 was stolen
Last edition you carried an of this year, that 40,000 took week if they could. Our
Justin Beavis article which on the one part in our regional demon- campaign will involve stu- that day, for certain because,
(li71jb@surrey.ac.uk) hand suggested that students strations, and that hundreds dents and the wider commu- Spain is Nice, But that was the day the teddy
didn’t care anymore because of thousands have signed up nity. It must utilise cam- thieves had to have nicked
WWW.surrey.ac.uk/ they had taken the (under- to the NUS Student Rights paign tactics from demos to
I Hear It’s it. The bear was stolen from
Union/barefacts standable) decision not to Charter. lobbying and letter writing, Sunnier in Chile. The Bear Garden in Jeffries
attend the Campaign for and must be around things passage in the town centre,
Free Education (CFE) NUS will be organising fur- that can bring the general Events appear to be reach- and was wearing a blue
Deadline for Publication Demonstration, and at the ther demonstrative action public with us. That is the ing a head for General sailor’s jacket with curly
Monday 10am same time labelled NUS a around a policy that can only way to convince a gov- Pinochet. After his tour of mohair. If you know any-
Bare Facts is an editorially independent
bunch of careerist, business unite the student movement. ernment with such a huge British jails and subsequent thing about this, please ring
newspaper, published by the University friendly, yes-men. Our policy, which Surrey majority. visit to a North London pri- Guildford police on 01483
of Surrey Students' Union
Communications Office. University students played a vate hospital, he has until 531111.
The views expressed within the paper The fact that only 2,500 stu- part in making, is that As far as careerists go, my
are those of individual authors, and do December 11th before
not necessarily represent the views of dents attended the CFE tuition fees are wrong and career has been spent for Home Secretary Jack Straw
the Editor, the Editorial Board, the
demo has more to do with that all students whether five years working in stu- Local School to Be
University of Surrey Students' Union or decides which country has a
the University of Surrey.
This publication may not be reproduced
the outdated and extremist part or full time should have dents’ unions. right to him. Run By Church.
in whole or in part, stored in any form, position, which the revolu- access to enough money to Unfortunately most activists
copied or distributed, without the express
permission of the publisher. tionary left still insist on live on whilst studying, involved in the CFE seem to King’s Manor School in
All submissions must include the author's
The most obvious, humani-
maintaining, that a mass fur- eliminating the reality of make a career out of selling Park Barn is to be bought by
name and Union or Staff Number. tarian action for Mr. Straw
Submission is no guarantee of ther and higher education student hardship. As the far left newspapers. a consortium of local
publication. to take would be to allow
Anonymous and Pseudonymous articles system can be entirely fund- national representatives of Churches. The school,
will not be published. Spain to extradite him for
Bare Facts reserves the right to edit
ed by the state. I would like UK students NUS has a duty Yours sincerely, which has been in financial
submissions. to point out that 1 million to set a proactive agenda Simon Webber trial over the atrocities he
has committed. However, difficulty for some time,
students took part in the and not be hijacked by fac- NUS National Secretary
this would damage relations welcomed the bid.
Printed by However, Guilford council
East End Offset (TU), with Chile and could cripple
Dear Bare Facts, this sabbatical restructure hopefully, the constitutional its fledgling democracy. The was less confident that the
Bow, London, E3 3LT
and the consultancy report review will do this. House of Lords has ruled group of 14 ecumenical
I was very pleased at the last last year are two examples. that Pinochet does not enjoy churches would be able to
© USSU Communications Student Council to hear of Something as important as Please, before we are asked immunity from prosecution. get together the £6 million
Office 1998 the plans for the two new next year’s review of the to vote on this important needed to save the school.
Another consideration is
Union sabbatical officers - Union constitution, howev- sabbatical restructure, could that Pinochet was a regular The head of the consortium,
especially since there will er, can not be rushed and we have some sort of reas- arms buyer from Britain businessman Peter Dale said
be many more students on needs to be looked at by surance that the constitu- when he was Commander in “We have the ability to go
Bare Facts
campus next year. However, more students than the tional review will not be as out and fund-raise, as well
Union House Chief of the military there.
I was disappointed to see “usual bunch of hacks”. rushed, and some idea of as a very broad experience
University Of Surrey Whatever Mr. Straw
that the proposals mean that who will be involved and of education. If the commu-
Guildford decides, the future for the 83
most postgraduate students I love the idea of having two how it will be adequately nity support is as great as
Surrey year old Pinochet remains in
will not be able to stand for more sabbaticals, and I am discussed. we think it is, they will have
GU2 5XH the balance
election (due to the term of happy to speed through the Yours sincerely,
to consider us.
office being designed for proposals so that we can
Tel: 01483 359275
Fax: 01483 534749
undergraduates). elect two new officers to Andy Gale Claire McMaster: The churches plan to revive
start next year. But there are Postgraduate Association
Each year seems to fly by, a few things in the job President
40 Foot of Rubber the school’s sixth form and
email: extend the school day, but
and often there is little time descriptions which need
barefacts@surrey.ac.uk The world’s largest condom will keep the school as non-
to discuss important issues clarifying (such as the anti-
before they are voted on - postgrad start dates!) and, was unveiled this Sunday by denominational.
981203.qxd 03/12/98 19:47 Page 3 (1,1)
981203.qxd 03/12/98 19:48
4 Union
The Great BareFacts Survey 1998
areFacts is changing.
B
Every year, different
editors leave their
mark on the paper, but now
we are asking you what
changes you want to your
paper. If you read the
Page 4 (1,1)
paper, please fill in the sur-
vey.
All submissions will be
entered into a prize draw for
a free years subscription to a
magazine of their choice.
Maximum value £30.
Hand in to the BF office or
put in the box outside. (The
BF Office is next to the
snooker roomin the Union)
Thank you for your time -
The Bare Facts Editorial
Team
Thursday 3rd December 1998 n
The Lunchtime Shift
Bar staff interview
The Thursday lunch time
shift in Chancellor’s
Kate Cheminais (music),
been working in the Union for
seven weeks.
Vicky Hills (dance), been
working six/seven weeks.
Abigail Morris (music), four
months.
Lindsay Endean (music),
one year.
What do you like about
working in the Union?
Kate-You get nice food when
you finish your shift.
Vicky-Meeting a lot of new
people.
What would you like to
improve?
Vicky-The attitude of some of
the people we serve.
Abby-More Cigarette breaks.
Kate-I would get someone
else to clear up after Friday
Night Out. It is just disgust-
ing. More money would
be good, although it is
OK......I suppose.
What are the worst chat up
lines you have heard?
Abby- Do you come here
often?
Kate-I only work at lunch so
I don’t hear many chat-up
lines. I have been given phone
numbers but I have never
ever called them.
SUPER SPORTS DAY
Imperial Cancer
Research Fund
ll for charity mate.
A So what do you
want? Facts? OK, in
our life time 1 in 3 of us will
be affected by some form of
cancer, and unfortunately 1 in
4 of those will die because of
it. The various forms of can-
cer affect near enough any
part of your body from the
skin to the bowel. Many
forms of cancer can be pre-
vented through checking your
own body, or regular check
ups. Most people think that it
will only affect some one who
is in their 50’ or 60’s, but
sadly this is an incorrect
assumption, it can affect peo-
ple our age, 18-30’s.
What’s being done?
Hmm....OK so I’ve said a lit-
tle about how and who it
affects. Well, what I’m get-
ting at is the fact that we can
help those who have the
knowledge and expertise to
prevent and hopefully cure
cancers.
The last 15 years have seen
astonishing advances in the
laboratory. We are in a gold-
en era of research in biologi-
cal science. A major chal-
lenge now is to translate our
Vicky-Oh, I had that one
about “is your father a thief
because he stole the stars and
put them in your eyes”;
I just looked at him and
walked away. Someone else
can serve you mate.
Were they drunk?
Vicky-Yes, most definitely.
What is your worst experi-
ence with a rude customer?
Kate-I had one man who was
downing his drinks at the bar
faster than I could serve. He
got really irate when I
wouldn’t serve him. He was
just a complete......
Vicky-I did an order of about
nine kronenburgs and I got
back to the bar and they had
all been sipping them
and they said, “are these
Fosters?”. I said no because
they had asked for
Kronenburg. In the end I had
to pour out another nine pints.
Lindsay-A woman came in to
Chancellor’s at 1 o’clock
wanting a drink and was quite
annoyed when we told
her she had to go to Hari’s if
she just wanted a drink. She
then came back at 2.30
demanding food and was real-
ly angry to be told that we
stop serving lunch at 2.
People are always rude
when it is busy and they have
to wait.
understanding into new
approaches to preventing and
curing cancer - a process the
Imperial Cancer Research
Fund has already begun and
will accelerate as we move
into the next millennium.
So what can we do?
Not to distant in the future
(sounds like a Star Wars
intro..), on Sunday the 28th of
February 1999 to be precise,
Imperial Cancer and the
University of Surrey
Students’ Union are to host
and present the “Super Sports
Day”. This is to be a day of
team participation in a diver-
sity of sports, in teams from
clubs, societies, departments,
local businesses or just
groups of friends. The mixed
teams of 6 will participate in
3 compulsory sports being
Basketball, Unihoc and
Football (6 aside) then one of
either table tennis or climbing
the vertex and one of either
tennis or archery. The day is
aimed at producing a really
good team spirit, excellent
moral and a competitive yet
friendly edge.
Entry is open to local busi-
nesses, clubs and the public.
This in itself will be seen as a
positive step to integrating
Have you ever experienced
aggressive behaviour?
Vicky- Someone once
grabbed my arm and tried to
pull me over to the bar
because I wouldn’t serve
him. He was very drunk and
we had been told not to serve
him.
Lindsay- I had a customer
deliberately smash his glass
when I could not serve him
the drink he wanted
because we had run out. That
was not very pleasant.
Kate-I have never had any
problems.
What is the most unusual
drink you have served?
Vicky-Guinness and pineap-
ple.
Lindsay-Guinness and
orange.
Kate-Guinness with anything
is pretty weird.
What are your favourite
shifts? Everyone- Lunch
times. Nice food and tips.
Next week
The FNO shift
the local community with the
University through a sporting
social event.
This is definitely going to be
a fun day, and by us having
fun, through sponsorship we
will be able to contribute
much needed funds to help
advance this charity’s work
helping everyone in the
future.
If you’ve read and understood
this article, then you will
realise the amount of effort
which has gone into this
already. Now we need your
help. If you are interested in
entering a team for the day or
wish to have a chat about the
charity then come to the
Sports Office in the Students’
Union and see Alex or
Gemma or any of the
Sabbaticals for information.
Alternatively call on x9981 or
259981.
BE PART OF THE PRIDE
-
Also, 14.30 on Thursday the
3rd of December i.e.
TODAY, there’s a photo
shoot to promote this event
in the press with the leg-
endary Eddie “the Eagle”
Edwards amongst other
sporting people at
Campusports......see you
there!!!!
981203.qxd 03/12/98 19:48
5 Union
Interested in being a Sabbatical?
T
hat time of year is
once again fast
approaching and
for once I’m not talking
about the impending
Christmas vacation.
Nominations for the
Sabbatical Elections, with
voting due to take place in
February, will be opening
soon. So, who can stand
for what? Basically, if
you’re a full member of
the Union, and over 18
years of age, then you are
eligible to stand for any
The Thoughts of President Hariet
et’s face it, being a
L s a b b a t i c a l
chap/woman/objet
d’art can be quite hard
work. If this is to be
believed then it follows that
being the Union President
must be a little bit more
arduous. To find out what
holding this post is like, I
interviewed Harriet Sims in
her amazingly cluttered
office.
*Why did you decide to
become a Sabbatical offi-
cer?
“ I enjoyed being Union
Chairperson in my final
year, and I wanted to
become more involved with
the university. I was also
attracted to the job because
it gave me the opportunity
to live the student lifestyle
for another year.”
*What is your job?
WANTED!
MINIBUS DRIVERS
FOR EVENING BUS RUNS
Excellent rates of pay - Earn up to
TEN POUNDS AN HOUR!!
For further details please contact
Alex or Gemma in the Sports Office
on ext. 9981 or 9987
Page 5 (1,1)
Union Sabbatical position.
The following profiles are
an attempt to explain to
you exactly what the role
and importance of the
individual sabbaticals are.
Nomination forms will be
available from Monday
15th December and com-
pleted forms must be
handed in to the returning
officer by Friday 29th
January. For further
information and to find
out what is required
alongside your completed
“ I oversee the running of
the student union. In addi-
tion, I’m the Club
Chairperson. I’m responsi-
ble for trade in the union.
This includes all the bars,
the fruit machines and all
the catering. My job is my
life.”
*What do you spend most of
your time doing?
“ I have to attend various
meetings all the time. I also
spend a great deal of time
sorting out problems that
students bring to me in my
office.”
*What do you feel has been
your biggest achievement
this year so far?
“ Convincing the university
that we need six sabbatical
officers instead of five, and
getting funding for all of
them. The change has meant
that a rearrangement of jobs
and responsibilities has
taken place, and all
Sabbatical officers bar the
Union President will be
referred to as Vice
Presidents.”
*What is the most rewarding
aspect of your job?
“ Seeing the students here
enjoy themselves at the
union.”
nomination form please
contact Celine Gordine-
Wright or Tom Sherwen in
the Comms office or via
their pigeon holes. Next
year the job descriptions
will have changed howev-
er, in the first of two
insights into the life of this
years sabbaticals, John
Dear and Steven
Alexander set about delv-
ing a little further into the
jobs of the President of
the Union and the Student
Affairs Officer.
*How do you get on with the
other Sabbaticals?
“ Very well. I knew four of
them before we were elected
because of the things they
were involved in at the uni-
versity.”
*What are you most looking
forward to now in your
Sabbatical role?
“ The redevelopment of
Chancellors at Easter. A
building company is to draw
up plans for this redevelop-
ment, and these plans will
be put before student coun-
cils so that any change can
be decided upon democrati-
cally.”
*If you could buy one ludi-
crously extravagant and
expensive item, what would
it be and why?
“ I’d buy a record company
because I love music and
my degree was in sound
recording. I’d prefer to own
a large record company with
many different types of out-
put, including classical and
jazz as well as pop records.
I’d also like to have a radio
station.”
Harriet’s office can be found
down the end of that funny
corridor in the union.
Interview by John Dear
Thursday 3rd December 1998 n
Use Fudge no other sludge!!!
Hairtec
24 Madrid Road
(01483)440414
Reduced Prices for Students
Tuesday’s - Fridays inclusive
The Affairs of Gill Venables
What do you actually spend How do you get on with the
most of your time doing? other Sabbaticals?
My time is split between sit- We are all very good friends
ting on meetings, mostly to and colleagues to each
do with the Union and other. I have a particularly
responding to E-mails. But close working relationship
the part I most enjoy is hav- with Tink, the Liaison offi-
ing face to face contact with cer. At the moment we have
students, resolving their been working on the Union
problems. support for World AIDS
day. We’re going to saturate
What do you feel has been the Union with information
your biggest achievement so about AIDS and cover
far this year? Hari’s bar with posters.
Why did you decide to
Managing to balance my
become a Sabbatical offi-
Sabbatical responsibilities What are you most looking
cer?
against the Welfare side of forward to now in your
Well, largely because I
my job. This year, the Sabbatical role?
thought I would enjoy the
changes that are happening The elections, I suppose. It
job, and be good at it. If
in the Union mean that I will be interesting to see
you’re thinking of becoming
have spent more time work- who will apply for our posi-
a Sabbatical, you have to be
ing on it than previous tions. That and the
sure you want the job, and it
Welfare officers. Every Christmas Party, which we
has to be your own decision
Sabbatical who comes into all contributed ideas for.
– no-one should force you
office has to decide how
into it.
they balance out the aspects If you could buy one ludi-
What is your job?
of their job and look at crously extravagant and
which areas they will focus expensive item, what would
Varied, to say the least! I’m
on more; it would be impos- it be and why?
involved largely in the run-
sible to do everything! Probably one of those nice
ning of the Union, from day
B.M.W.s, the Z3 I think its
to day affairs to strategic
What is the most rewarding called. I enjoy driving fast,
planning for the future. As
part of your job? although I’m not so keen on
Welfare and Education offi-
cer, I also deal with students
When a student walks out of other people driving fast
my office looking less when I’m in the car; Tink in
problems, which can range
scared than when they came particular! A nice, new
from academic appeals
against exam results to peo-
in; or when a student comes sporty car, to put the boot in
back and says “Thanks for that little Metro I used to
ple who want to change
the advice – it worked!” own.
their rooms on campus.
981203.qxd 03/12/98 19:48 Page 6 (1,1)

Thursday 3rd December 1998 n Live Music 6

Idlewild/Chi/The Starries Sunday 6th December - In Your Union

London ULU - 26/11/1998
On a cold November
evening, London’s younger
generation is gathering.
High on their Coca-Colas,
they wait for the storm to
arrive. A frenzied teenage
spirit engulfs the air, ready
to greet their heroes of
1998. Unfortunately, The
Starries are first onstage, a
band who can not be
described as anything else
other than absolutely dire.
You could say that they are
an experimental band, but
thrashing your guitar like a
deranged monkey through
every song is not what I call
inspiring material. The
music is particularly bad
and the vocals (what there is
of them) are even worse.
The first amazing thing
about Chi is that not only is
their drummer the lead
singer, they also perform
some pretty fine tunes as
well. Good riffs, oozing
with originality, it is actual-
ly sad to see them go off
stage. At this point the
atmosphere is beyond criti-
cal. Teenie-boppers are
already moshing to
Supergrass as they are
played over the speakers.
Then finally, at thirty min-
utes past the ninth hour, the
storm arrives, and what a
blistering hurricane it is too.
Idlewild have always been a
natural live band, and
tonight is rock solid evi-
dence. The crowd respond
positively to the opener
“Film For The Future”,
which sounds great, despite
the lack of a lead guitar
(technical hitch). From then
on, its sheer adrenaline-dri-
ven madness, the floor turns
into sponge and any hope of
survival in the centre of the
mosh-pit is lost. Songs like
“Captain” and “I’m a
Message” are
favourites and inspire more
excessive pogo jumping.
firm THE YOYO’S
There have been no Sunday night bands for the last couple of weeks
The band are on stage for but on Sunday 6th December they return with one of the hottest and
only a short while (a forty
five minute set), but still
most sought after bands in the country at the moment, THE YOYO’S.
manage to perform a four-
teen-song set list (any trips
to the bar or toilet are avoid-
ed at the risk of missing two
or three of them). The pain
and anguish finally ends
with the extremely heavy
“You Just Have To Be Who
You Are”, and when you
feel like you can’t possibly
jump anymore, the band are
back on stage with a two
song encore. The storm is
finally over, leaving you
with a soaking wet T-shirt, a
numb feeling in both legs
and a general sense of adu-
lation. Andrew Smith

PULP
Wembley Arena - 20 / 11 / 1998 The YoYo’s have been put
music would be full of boring Beatles copy- together by Danny
cats...which, urm, it is. Oh well. The plot McCormack in the year
here is that something changed but the fans since The Wildhearts fold-
didn’t - they wanted the pop melodrama of ed. They started gigging in
yore rather than the sublime excesses of September on a support tour
Pulp post-fame burnout. Without Pulp and with The Backyard Babies.
particularly Jarvis, Britpop would have been A few weeks ago I
a much reduced spectacle, but the party’s described the band’s live
over and to continue to chronicle the times, show as a “raucous rock-
which Pulp admirably do, the morbid reflec- ’n’roll rollercoaster ride”.
tion of ‘..Hardcore’ was the perfect answer. However I realise I was
Tonight, there’s cool dancing, two Jarvis’s wrong, I had underestimated
and much energy, happiness and brightness the band, now their live set
in one big, mesmeric party. But it’s not as is the “Oblivion” ride to the
big as it could be power ten. Pure unadulterat-
And it’s certainly not as big as the grandeur ed high-octane rock’n’roll, a
of ‘This Is Hardcore’, the roar for ‘Common set crammed with great
People’ or the brilliance of Pulp. Despite the songs with great melodies
greed of two encores, it’s still not enough that make you want to throw
for the fans here. But Pulp, or indeed the your body around with reck-
‘Jarvis Cocker Show’, are ultimately a nov- less abandon.
elty item, and when was the last time you
Pulp are not as popular as they were. Which wore red jeans (the early nineties, eh?). So who are The YoYo’s?
is a shame. But then lots of things are a Daniel Jones and Laura Knight. The band is led by bassist
shame. But if tastes didn’t move on, guitar and vocalist Danny
McCormack, previously of
Gig Guide The Wildhearts, a band
December which will, in time, be
Thurs 3rd shown to be the best British
Divers @ Camden Underworld, London band of the nineties. Danny
is more than ably assisted by
Friday 4th Tom and Neil both on gui-
Thermonic @ The Borderline, London tars and vocals and Bladder
Jo Greenwood @ Kings X Waterats, London on drums and backing
Hugh Cornwell @ Reading Alleycat vocals. Yes, this is a band
Lo-Fi All Stars @ The End, London with three lead singers,
which certainly adds to their
Saturday 5th character when they play
Monsson Bassoon @ Aldershot West End Centre live..
Teenspirit (Nirvana tribute) @ Reading Alleycat
Sunday 6th Bare Facts meets Danny and
THE YOYO’S - The Union Tom before the London
show on their first headlin-
Monday 7th ing tour which is to promote
Jo Greenwood @ Camden Monarch, London their debut single ‘Out Of
Tuesday 8th My Mind’ which is released
Sona Fariq @ Camden HQ Club, London the day after they play the
Wednesday 9th
Flux/Special Branch/Jug @ Reading Alleycat (free) Sunday 6th December - In Your Union
Union.
“‘Out Of My Mind’ has just
been playlisted by Xfm,
which is really good. People
will actually know that it is
official that we exist,” states
Danny.
Which label is releasing the
single?
“The single is released by
Rebound, an indie label
formed by a couple of peo-
ple from Mushroom. We
will go for a proper deal in
the new year. This is a one-
off. We wanted to get a sin-
gle out, we wanted to keep
the momentum of the band
going, get on tour, get a sin-
gle our, just do it!”
What do you want The
YoYo’s to be?
Danny starts “a good band,
that everybody enjoys being
in. As long as it is fun we
will do it!”
Tom continues “four mates
playing rock’n’roll, with no
politics in the band. People
have said we have a gang
vibe. We enjoy playing.”
People have mentioned the
Clash and The Ramones
with respect to the gang
vibe.
“It’s better than Jason
Donovan or Bros,” laughs
Danny. “The Clash and The
Ramones are great bands.”
“There is that side to it”,
Tome butts in, “and there is
the rock’n’roll side like the
Stray Cats, bands we like.
We are a bit more rock-
’n’roll orientated than the
Ramones. It’s a bit more riff
oriented than that.”
“And we know more than
four chords”, Danny adds,
“A, B, C, D and E.”
So what do you want to
achieve?
“To keep busy, to keep
happy, to keep doing what
we’re supposed to do
instead of farting around.
Just keep doing it!”
How would you describe
The YoYo’s?
“Loud guitars, good
melodies, good rhythm,
everything a band should be
really”, Danny believes.
Tom adds “it’s good fun, it
makes you want to get out
of the house and see us. It’s
not easy listening.”
Your gigs are in-your-face
entertainment for the crowd.
“That’s exactly what we
want to do. We want people
to get off their arse and learn
guitar because if we can do
it, anybody can. Just go for
it!”
Are you happy
“Yes!” says Tom.
“Yes!” says Danny, “but I’ll
be even happier when the
rider arrives.”
The YoYo’s play in the
Union on Sunday 6th
December and their single
‘Out Of My Mind’ is
released on 7th December.
Rob Winder
981203.qxd 03/12/98 19:48
7 Music Reviews
SINGLES
ELLIOTT SMITH - Waltz
#2 (XO) (Dreamworks)
From the critically-
acclaimed ‘XO’ LP, the
academy award-winning
Smith, brings us a subtle
piano-based chug-along bal-
lad. Though it doesn’t quite
hit any kind of peak, just
drifting along, this bears all
the hallmarks of such greats
as Neil Finn and Paul
Simon, and deserves consid-
eration. Promising. 7/10
JRH
SOUL HOOLIGAN -
Sweet Pea (Freskanova)
Fantastically good vibed,
this most be one of the most
infectious tracks of the
year... Also quite delightful
is DJ Plumps remix.. you
must check this one out 7/10
D.A
MERZ - CC Concious
(Lotus)
If Beck yelped more and
discovered jungle Merz
would be the result. Slightly
bizarre electronic buzzes
layer over chopped drum
loops whilst the vocal viers
through a dozen multi-
ALBUMS
VARIOUS - New Jazz
Generation (Clean Up)
A slightly misleading title,
this is in fact a collection of
eleven rare dance/alterna-
tive tracks, previously avail-
able only on limited vinyl.
Almost immediately, you’re
absorbed into a lifeless
futuristic world, courtesy of
the latino inspired opener
“Luna En La Pampa”. This
mellow “out there” atmos-
phere persists throughout
ALBUM OF THE WEEK
MODEST MOUSE - The Lonesome
Crowded West (Matador)
‘Lounge (Closing Time)’ circles around,
like an old man, perhaps bearded, meander-
ing around some autumnal leaf filled glade,
at times barely maintaining a pulse but piss-
ing some warm glow: a rustic masterpiece.
Its about movement, you see. ‘Doin’ the
Cockroach’ is a spasmic dance down a
Page 7 (1,1)
effects pedals. Very much
the cleaned up sound of the
underground, primed for a
coffee table audience next to
Massive Attack and Tricky.
6/10 A.T.
PENTHOUSE- Valley Of
The Sows (Beggars
Banquet)
This is a shouty metal num-
ber, with heavy guitars and
drumbeat to match. As the
title might suggest, this is a
song about pigs, or rather
hacking them into bits and
eating them. The B-sides
don’t sound too different,
but at least you can just
about tell which song you’re
on. 6/10 E.C.
SHERYL CROW - There
Goes The Neighborhood
(A+M)
Typically laid back, pleasant
pop tune from the former
school teacher. Nothing
paticularly special, but also
not objectionable. 6/10
R.W.
ROBBIE WILLIAMS -
No Regrets (Chrysalis)
The nations favourite lowest
the following track, only to
be stopped dead in it’s
tracks by the groovy vibe of
“A New Song” (scrump-
tious Brazilian percussion
fused with a big bassline
and divine piano hook).
Quality continues with the
funky “Big Daddy Hair”
(possibly the theme to a
nineties version of “Shaft”)
and the epic “Optimus
Prime (Underdog Remix)”,
a “Massive Attack” style
melodies; the desert of sound interspersed
with crackling riffs can do nothing but
evoke thoughts of perfected serenity - the
sounds Sebadoh would make if they were
told to relax. A book, a scented candle and
this shimmering away in the background is
the order of the day if you feel like taking it
easy to one of the most affecting albums of
the year. 9/10 D.J.
Thursday 03 December 1998 n
SINGLE OF THE WEEK
SEBADOH - Flame (Domino)
This is Sebadoh’s first single since 1996 and probably their
most swinging statement to date. It is based on a sample
from a long lost mid sixties UK psych garage song with an
insistent, infectious bittersweet beat layed on top... classic
Sebadoh! 8/10 G.C
denominator entertainer, ATGOC “ Repeated
returns with a maudlin Love” (Phuturetrax)
trudge through his woes. Snear drums and sexyvo-
The transparent catharsis cals. A real eurodisco tune,
employed in his lyrics, just already featured in sets by
arn’t interesting. Coupled J.Jules, Pete Tong and
with a passe tune, the fin- Brandon Block. Atgoc is a
ished article, as a song in production of Mr. Mazzali a
reality is nothing special. resident at three of Italy’s
5/10 N.W top house clubs. Repeated
love ....Repeated music.
5/10 C.H.
string-section harmony, out this laidback album,
accompanied by pounding
beats and a touch of drum
and bass - the end result is
which is as eclectic as the
bible. Vellocete seem to
touch the grace of the clouds
magnificent. The introduc- with their epic soundscapes
tion of vocals on later tracks of joy and wonder while at
ensures less repetitive lis- the same time taking you on
tening. A very original and a trip of self discovery to
uplifting record. If only half your heart. Tracks like 'La
of that mainstream crap Sirena' which seduces you
sounded this good..... 8/10 into the warmth of Sarah's
A.S. (the singer) heart while
'Submarines' compells the
VELOCETTE Fourfold heart to jump and skip a beat
Remedy (Wiiija) or two. Another band to
Angelic harmonies and compete with the likes of
soulful beats flow through- Spiritualised and the Beta
Band which are to my mind
probably better.A wonderful
country mix of allure and wanting of
road land- every known possiblity of
ing up in life. Uplifting, joyful and
some small bewitching. 8/10 K.M.
town to
kick things METALLICA - Garage
up. The Inc (Vertigo)
r o u g h A double CD of covers from
sheen cast the former greatest metal
on the band on the planet, released
s o n g s to fill the gap until the next
m e r e l y studio album. However this
adds to the is a mixed bag, albeit with
effect - half great sleeve notes from
b a r k e d David Fricke. Disc 1 (4/10)
voices cut- is a selection of newly
ting the recorded covers, some of the
spun out more metallic numbers from
Diamond Head, Black
Sabbath and the Blue Oyster
Cult work well. However,
the versions of Thin Lizzy’s
‘Whiskey In The Jar’, Nick
Cave’s ‘Loverman’ and Bob
Seger’s ‘Turn The Page’ are
not worth of the band that
recorded ‘Damage Inc’.
JAY-Z - Hard Knock Life
(NorthWestSide)
This record is truely crap,
but guarenteed national
radio play. I could have a
better time listening to
sounds of the sewage plant
vol. 3. Appallingly bland.
3/10 I.P.
FIERCE-Right Here,
Right Now (Wildstar
Records)
Fierce, a trio from inner
London appear to be a post-
pubescent incarnation of
‘Cleopatra’. Similarly,
Fierce also write their own
material, which is not neces-
sarily a guarantee of compo-
sitional talent. Littered with
cliched and unrelated
rhyming couplets, ‘Right
Here, Right Now’ doesn’t
seem focused in subject
matter. Following the usual
formula, this -their debut
single- is a catchy, radio-
Disc 2 (9/10) is the collec-
tion of previously released
covers and remends you that
this band once has balls. The
songs from the ‘$5.98 EP’
stun just as they did 11 years
ago, when they marked the
beginning of a new level for
Metallica, the band sound-
ing rawer and heavier than
they manage these days. The
only dissapointment is the
the run of 4 Motorhead
songs which close the cd,
Metallica fail to match the
energy of the originals,
unlike their version of
Queen’s ‘Stone Cold Crazy’
which is full-on rock’n’roll
fun. Overall this collection
shows that the Metallica
sound is pretty much based
on Motorhead and Diamond
Head (4 songs from their
classic ‘Lightning To The
Nations’ album are cov-
ered), although I was sur-
prised that they didn’t cover
a Venom song or two.
Probably for completists
only. 7/10 R.W.
Jonathon Richman - I Will
Be King:Greatest Hits
(EMI)
Former member of seminal
70’s band ‘The Modern
Lovers’, collects together a
fine collection of songs,
from his solo albums. An
This week’s music brought to you by
Andrew Thomas, Mario Dias, Emma Clark, Gabriel-
Oliver Chamero, Dean Arif, Rob Winder, James
Hemingway, Oliver Smith, Nick Walsh, Andrew Smith,
Ian Purvey, and Christian Hunter
friendly little ditty attempt-
ing to convince us that they
are exciting. Like a good
cheddar I expect they will
improve as they ‘mature’.
Expect to see Fierce doing
the ‘Live and Kicking’ cir-
cuit. Oh, and the patronising
23-second accacpella B-side
‘The Message’ is a bunch of
arse. 1/10 O.S.
DREAM CITY FILM
CLUB - Nerveshot
(Beggars Banquet)
It seems someone was say-
ing something behind all the
noise and mess that is this
‘song’, from what I could
gather he said he was ‘itch-
ing’. This is a ridiculous
piece of garbage that should
only be used for torture, so I
suppose what I’m saying is
that you should only buy it if
you like sadomasochism.
An awful 0/10 M.D.
unabashed passion for The
Velvet Underground,
become apparent in songs
like ‘Velvet Underground’,
but songs like ‘That
Summer Feeling’, are like a
refreshing breeze, a simple
tune, done on an acoustic
guitar, not trying to be any-
thing other than honest.
Throughout the album, is an
‘All American’, clean cut
feel, you can imagine him
playing on a beach, in his
Hawaian shirt, just taking it
easy. This lends a mood
which is relaxing, just not
too taxing. On the whole,
there is nothing too innova-
tive or of too much depth,
just a guitar and voice. 6/10
N.W.
VARIOUS - Reativate 13 -
(React/Phuturetrax)
Mixed by John Flemming
“00” this cd’s not bad. It
contains radio active liquid
trance and again some euro
flavour. To be honest most
of the songs on the c.d do
bare some kind of resem-
blance, however some are
stylish while a smaller num-
ber are.....well..not so good.
6/10 C.H.
981203.qxd 03/12/98 19:48 Page 8 (1,1)

RAG Time
Beer
The Chairman’ Bit by Rhys James
ell as many of you The reasoning behind this is

W will have noticed

this term has been
lacking an actual RAG week
that we , as RAG , would be
able to run a larger number of
events over a longer period of

Drinking
and I suppose this little bit is
just to explain some of the
thinking behind this idea.
After a number of years where
the traditional Rag week,
although very successful, has
time thus allowing us more
time to concentrate on the
planning and the publicity of
each separate event and the
Surrey student would be
fresher and more enthusiastic

Competition
started to grate on Surrey stu-
dents towards the end of a
week of constant events and
pestering in the name of char-
ity, this year the decision was
taken, partly due to this and
This is what we like to see - Most Erotic pint! partly due to the amazing
ednesday 25th sive, but things turned bint failed to take his name. Many men went up and all organisational skills of the
to both participate and to
donate to RAG.Obviously this
the first year we have tried this
and so the results remain to be
seen.
Please if you have any
thoughts on this or any ideas
for further events this year

W November. Yes,
the legendary
RAG beer drinking compe-
tition reared its magnificent
head (no pun intended!)
once again in the Main
Union. The annual festival
of beer, vomit, abuse and
pornography was once
again welcomed to the
Union with open arms by
the ENTS Committee (You
do have to wonder about
their sanity). Our compere
for the evening was the
VERY outgoing and confi-
dent Dickon, whose wit
soon charmed all in the
building. Yeah, right. In
reality his crude comments
around when last years vic-
tor Rob
arrived,
arrived. Rob
removed his
jumper and quickly pro-
ceeded to absolutely waste
the poor 4 secs previously
set. The beer entered the
tasteful plastic crappy flop-
py glass, and promptly dis-
appeared in 2.1 secs, not as
good as last year, but he is
getting old now! Will he
even turn up next year, or
will the arthritis be too
much?! Rob may be losing
it , but the Rev. Robin
Harvey is still giving us a
run for our money with a
fastest pint time of 5.4 secs.
That’s still better than the
This means anyone that was
too sad to actually take part
can now all go round claim-
ing it was them. BE
WARNED we have a photo
of the winner, the blond one
next to the trolley managing
to look as if he’s trying to
put the beer anywhere
rather than his mouth.
The novelty pints probably
came a close second for
entertainment value (for 1st
see later) They began with
the wibbly-wobbly pint,
which amused all, and only
injured a few. No fatalities.
Which is good. Well apart
from Dickon (compere), I
went down again rather
deflated following com-
ments about the meagre
committee(ahem), to move
away from the traditional
week of chaos and instead to
then either drop us a line
through our pigeon hole or
come along to one of our
size of their manhood (is simply run events throughout meetings (details on the RAG
the plural menhood?) After the year. board).
destroying the fragile egos
of a few men and worrying
the large male audience
they were overshadowed by
the remarkably annoying
girl at whom everyone
threw their pints. Look we
tried to shut her up and get
her off, but she was really
quite insistent.
We were immensely happy
to see that it wasn’t the
sports teams that were
monopolising the event (we Treasurer and helpers drinking the profits!!

and rude gestures made him
a popular figure for abuse,
while the microphone man-
aged to change his slightly
slurred speech into some-
thing like a deep voiced
Ewok.
The evening soon gathered
momentum upon the arrival
of those greatest of rivals,
the rugby and football
teams, of both sexes.
Although RAG put up a
valiant fight in the first boat
race, we lost shockingly to
the rugby team. The foot-
ball team then stepped in to
the breach and beat the
rugby team at their own
game, in what turned out to
be a hotly contested boat
race. The rugby team seem
to think RAG members
can’t even use a stopwatch.
They may be right.
Then competition really
began with a series of male
fastest pints, none of which
were particularly impres-
Rag committee.
Girls are generally better
than blokes and they didn’t
let the side down in their
fastest pint competition.
Their sheer exuberance as
millions of them attempted
the record, made up for a
not-too-bad 5.2 secs. Bernie
was brilliant.
The Beer Shower reap-
peared, in the form of half
of a not TESCO trolley, a
really old, grotty 3 litre
squash bottle and a bit of
hosing that no-one claims
to have nicked. We did
clean it particularly thor-
oughly, that would be why
it leaked absolutely every-
where because the Vice-
Chair still hasn’t grasped
the use of gaffer tape, while
the Treasurer seemed
unable to grasp, well, gen-
erally anything! The record
for the beer shower was 3.5
pints, but is still as yet
unclaimed, as some dim
think most people would
have paid to see him on his
way to Casualty. Anyway, I
digress, the fastest (and
straightest) wibbly-wobbly
was that of Jason King who
completed the rather slip-
pery course in a pretty
shoddy 20 secs. But he did-
n’t fall over. He claims to
have been in training at the
Union for the past semester,
practising walking drunk-
enly really extensively.
The evening suddenly took
a turn for the worse just
after all of the slightly more
sober people left for Bo’s
(or the completely sober for
home) At approximately
10.30 p.m., two delightful ,
well-mannered young
ladies took to the stage in a
quest for victory in the most
erotic pint competition. Not
that they won. Following
their attempt they began to
hoist rather eager young
men onto stage with the
promise of a bl*wj*b.
aren’t complaining about
them), it was just really nice
to see ordinary, normal (ish)
people coming down from
their groups and making a
complete arse of them-
selves in public.
We’d like to thank , the
Union, the F&B Manager
(for the beer), Stage Crew,
you lot of drunken bums
that took part in the evening
or watched, and finally
Security, who admittedly
enjoyed the end of the show
but not enough to compen-
sate for still being stuck
there with us until mid-
night.
If I have offended anyone
by belittling their achieve-
ments at the event, then I
apologise in advance, I
couldn’t do better. But I
know someone who can!
RAG Tart and Vice-Chair.
Who is this having a quick shower before going to Bo’s?

The “How many pissed people in one picture” comp. Cakey in the Wibbly - Wobbly pint comp Rob wins fastest pint...again...and again....and again!
981203.qxd 03/12/98 19:48 Page 9 (1,1)

9 Entertainment Guide Thursday 3rd December 1998 n

Cineline 0870 505 0007 OFU

Fri 27th Nov to Thurs 3rd Dec
Out of Sight
Saturday Friday Thursday Wednesday Tuesday Monday Sunday Saturday Friday

fri-sat 12.40 15.45 18.30 21.30

4th

sun-thurs 12.10 14.55 17.45(except sun) 20.30

The Negotiator
fri-sat 12.50 16.00 21.10
sun-thurs 12.10 15.05 20.15
Rush Hour
fri-sat 13.00 14.00 15.15 16.20 17.30 19.45 21.20 22.00
sun-thurs 12.15(except sun) 13.20 14.50 15.50 17.25 18.20
20.00 20.50
Babe: Pig In The City
5th

fri-sat 11.00(sat only) 12.30 13.30 15.00 16.00 17.25 18.30

19.50 21.00
sun-thurs12.05 13.00 14.25 15.30 16.45 18.00 19.00 20.30
The Parent Trap (sneak preview) The last OFU film this semester (sob, sob) is GOOD
sun 12.20 15.05 WILL HUNTING (hoorah). Starring Matt Damon,
Ronin Ben Affleck (you should want to see it already),Minnie Driver
fri-sat 12.30(fri only) 15.20(fri only) 18.40 21.30 and Robin Willaims. Showing in LTG on Sunday 6th
sun-thurs 13.45(except sun) 17.35 20.20
at 5pm and 8pm and on Monday 7th at 8pm.
Blade
6th

fri-sat 13.00 (fri only) 16.10 18.55 21.40 20 year old Will Hunting is After his cocky, smart-aleck
sun-thurs 12.25(except sun) 15.05(except sun) 17.55 20.30 brilliant, but troubled. He is attitude scares off other thera-
Antz able to solve complex mathe- pists, Lambeau turns to his
fri-sat 11.20 (sat only) 13.20 15.30 17.40 19.40 matical problems nearly with- former college buddy Sean
sun-thurs 12.30 14.35 16.40 18.40 out thinking, but is also a bit McGuire (not the cheesy
Small Soldiers of a punk. Having never left failed pop sensation and star
sat 11.10 13.40 16.10 his hometown, Will spends of Grange Hill). This psychi-
sun 12.30 15.00 his days working as a janitor atrist is not a pushover like
Mulan and his nights drinking with the others, however; he is just
7th

sat 11.30 13.50 his friend chuckie, and trying
sun 12.25 to impress Skylar, a British
There’s Something About Mary student now studying at
fri-sat 21.40 Harvard.
sun-thurs 20.40
The maths lecturer Lambeau
gets a hint of Will's potential
when he catches him solving
8th
as stubborn as Will, and
works hard to get inside his
head. At the same time,
Skylar tries to get inside his
heart, and both hope that Will
will grow up and fully realize
his potential.

a problem his own university This movie has been touted as

students couldn't. When he
sets out to find him, Lambeau
finds out that Will's been
thrown in jail for beating up a
Doctor Doolitle cop. Lambeau goes out on a
sat 11.00 am limb and arranges for Will to
Barneys Great Adventure be let out under his supervi-
sat 10.50am sion. The conditions are that
Lost in Spacce he meet weekly with him to
9th
one of the feel-good movies
of the year and well deserves
its Oscars and Golden Globe
awards. SO COME AND
SEE IT.
Buy you tickets in advance
from the UNION RECEP-
TIONIST or reserve them via

sat 11.10am discuss mathematics as well the box in the post room.
The Magic Sword as with a psychiatrist to dis-
sat 10.50am cuss his personal problems.
12th 11th 10th
981203.qxd 03/12/98 19:48
n Thursday 3rd December 1998
If Only (15)
Starring: Douglas
Henshall, Lena Headley
Director: Maria Ripoll
I
f Only centres around
what would happen if
you could go back and
undo the worst mistake of
your life...a feeling that
most of us can probably
relate to - and a plot line that
sounds remarkably similar
to ‘Sliding Doors’ as Victor
(played by Douglas
Henshall) gets transported
back in time to re-visit the
moment he admitted to hav-
ing an affair. However, this
is no one-dimensional rip
off and in fact should proba-
bly be considered as the
quirkier, wittier and indeed
more imaginative distant
hilst lounging in
W the KUB the
other day Derek,
Twford E’s friendly neigh-
bourhood porter, presented
me with a newspaper clip-
ping that he thought may be
of interest to the more finan-
cially challenged among us.
Entitled “Cook a purrrfect
dish” The Express article of
Sunday October 18th 1998
featured Volker Kitz’ new
cookbook Spaghetti
Shebanese.
The book contains a number
of recipes that use meat
reclaimed from tins of cat
food as the main ingredient.
Claiming “the meat basical-
ly comes from healthy ani-
mals” Kitz recommends the
chunks of ‘meat’ be rinsed
Page 10 (1,1)
cousin to Sliding Doors.
This excellent Anglo-
Spanish film explores the
pitfalls of challenging fate
and rewriting your destiny
and illustrates that maybe
real happiness can only ever
be achieved if you let your
Cheap Scoff
in a sieve to remove the
pungent smell. Also, prior
to use, care should be taken
to remove pieces of bone
that may be found in even
the most expensive tins of
kitty chunks!
Finally , the book comes
with a health warning:
“Avoid preparing cat food
for people with heart or ner-
vous disorders without
telling them about the ingre-
dients. It could lead to
health problems caused by
shock.”
For anyone adventurous
enough here’s a sample:
Chicken-Nug-Nuts
Film Reviews
Out of Sight (15)
Staring: George Clooney,
Jenifer Lopez, Ving
Rhames, Michael Keaton
Director: Steven
Soderbergh
E
lmore Leonards latest
novel to movie tran-
sition is naturally
smoother and less san-
guinary than Tarantino’s
take on Rum Punch (Jackie
Brown) and every bit a dark,
sardonic, plausibly intelli-
gent romance. Jack Foley
(Clooney) as an upmarket
bankrobber meets Karen
(Lopez) as he frees himself
from the confines of prison
life and spends a car journey
in flirtatious converse with
her in the boot of the get-
away car, and providing evi-
dence that romance can start
in the strangest of places.
Unfortunately, she’s in the
boot as a result of attempt-
life run its true course.
While this film may have
been criticised for its lack of
realism, it s the surreal ele-
ments and mysterious
Spanish dustmen that give If
Only its edge and freshness.
Laura Knight 8/10.
You’ll need:
250 grams of Kit-e-kat
“tasty chunks with chick-
en”, 1egg 75gm flour, 75gm
breadcrumbs, fat, dips.
Instructions:
Whisk the egg with water.
Pick the largest chunks from
the Kit-e-kat, rinse in a
sieve and leave to drain.
The chunks break easily, so
be gentle. Toss them in the
flour, dip in egg mixture
and coat in breadcrumbs.
Fry on both sides with a lit-
tle fat. Serve with dips,
chips and coal with ice.
Yummy.
Best of luck
Uncle Syd
ing to stop his escape in her
role as an FBI agent - so
career wise they aren’t par-
ticularly suited as partners.
Soderbergh leads you on a
sharply shot thriller effort-
lessly mixing up the past
and present as the plan for
Foley’s last big job unfolds
aside David Arnolds neat
acoustic backing. Clooney
is clearly every bit the big
screen star now and utterly
charming as he plays off
sexual energy with Lopez
and male bonding with
Rhames as Buddy (Pulp
Fiction).
Out Of Sight had more
potential than most to be
cliched and corny but the
blurring of character stereo-
types and the subtle ironic
hue make for worthwhile
viewing.
8/10 Daniel Jones
The Prince of Egypt
wo men - brothers
T and princes of the
greatest empire on
earth. One will someday
rule Egypt. The other will
become one of the greatest
heroes of all time. A lie
made them brothers, but the
truth will destroy a dynasty
and forever separate them,
in faith, in heritage, in des-
tiny.
The epic journey of Moses
from slave to prince to
deliver has been told and
retold for centuries, inspir-
ing generation after genera-
tion. Now this timeless
The Turner Prize 1998
he Turner Prize is
T awarded to a British
artist under 50 for
any outstanding presenta-
tion of their work that has
taken place within the last
year.
The prize of £20,000 was
established in 1984 by the
Tate Gallery with the pur-
Reviews 10
Blade (18) wise he will become one of
Starring: Wesley Snipes, those, which he hunts. The
Kris Kristofferson, plot line is very simple,
Stephen Dorff Blade must confront and kill
Director: Stephen all the vampires in the in the
city but first he must deal
Norrington
with Deacon Frost (Stephen
here have been many Dorm), a non-pure vampire
T a vampire tale told by
the big screen that
usually borders on the
who seizes control of the
governing assembly of
Vampires. Frost then starts
to provoke a genocidal
ancient lore’s and myths but
apocalypse known as “The
Blade encompasses this in a
Blood Tide” which means
unique way as it is based on
capturing Blade so he can
a comic book saga. So
use his blood to become the
already it is treading on a
God of Blood.
thin line by trying to main-
Blade has all the typical
tain its comic book identity
characteristics of an action
while keeping
movie, yet director Stephen
it in the big screens favour.
Norrington has created
The main character Blade
some very nifty martial arts
(Wesley Snipes) is a half
scenes, which shows off the
vampire who was born to
skill of Wesley Snipes and
the vampire world when his
team of choreographs.
mother was bitten whilst
Blade is not as dark as ‘The
carrying him. But to keep
Crow’ but still miles better
his vampire tendencies
than ‘Spawn’.
(drink blood) under control
7/10 Kevin Marston
he must use a serum other-
story comes to the screen in
anew form for audiences of
every generation and experi-
ence.
The Prince of Egypt features
the voices of Val Kilmer as
Moses and Ralph Fiennes as
Rameses. It also brings
together the vocal talents of
Sandra Bullock as Miriam,
Danny Glover as Jethro, Jeff
Goldblum as Aaron, Steve
Martin as Hotep, Helen
Mirren as the Queen,
Michelle Pfeiffer as
Tzipporah, Martin Short as
Huy and Patrick Stewart as
Pharaoh Seti.
Over 350 artists, animators
and technicians from over
35 different countries devot-
ed four years to bringing
The Prince of Egypt to the
screen. The film breaks
exciting new ground in ani-
mation. New approaches in
character and production
design give the film a look
that is distinctly different
from other animated films.
pose of promoting public peek at their work, it is cur-
discussion of new develop-
ments in contemporary
British art.
rently being exhibited at the
Tate Galley - exhibition
ends on the 10th of January
1999. Laura Knight
The artists that have been
short-listed for this years Stop PressStopPressStopP
prize are Tacita Dean, Cathy The Winner of this years
de Monchaux, Chris Ofili Turner Prize is Chris Ofili,
and Sam Taylo-Wood. If the artist who creates his
you’re interested in taking a work using elephant dung.
981203.qxd 03/12/98 19:48
Thursday 3rd December 1998 n
Marmite, Good or Bad?
(The obvious follow-on to
“Lesbians, Good or Bad?”)
he question I left you
T with last week was
“does nationality
belong in a multi-cultural
society”? The common belief
is that modern society is mov-
ing away from tradition to
variety, meaning that our cul-
ture is becoming richer by
encompassing as many differ-
ent experiences as possible.
By destroying nationality in
favour of a global multi-cul-
tural society, this variety is
being eroded, and it is there-
fore self-defeating. A multi-
cultural society is also depen-
dent on there being several
different religions, yet a single
global culture would surely
only subscribe to only one
accepted form of religion.
Political correctness is now
reasonably comparable to
parts of the communism sys-
tem that ruled Russia for sev-
enty years, which was
frowned upon by Western
Society.
Personally, I was under the
impression that Britain was a
democracy. I thought that our
Government was elected to
power by winning the majori-
ty of the vote. And yet our
university, an integral part of
this democratic society, is
apparently not democratic. By
dropping the National
Anthem, universities in this
country are pandering to the
minority of the minorities,
contradicting democracy and
eroding our national culture.
Perhaps it is time to step back
and consider a simpler exam-
ple, with an almost uniquely
British flavour. Whilst on my
industrial placement year in
Windsor, I lived in rented
accommodation with three
Americans, who looked on in
bemused disgust as I ate
Marmite on toast. Marmite is
a taste fairly unique to Britain
(It’s called Veggiemite in
Australia), and by offering my
housemates a chance to try
Marmite, I would like to pro-
pose that I was also offering
them a new cultural experi-
ence. Whether or not they
accepted was their choice, as I
was not threatening to force-
Page 11 (1,1)
feed them, but I was offering
them the opportunity to form
their own opinions on it. I
don’t care if they liked it or
not, as that would not affect
my opinion or consumption of
Marmite.
University life can be likened
to this tasting opportunity, in
that when we arrive at univer-
sity, a wealth of opportunities
are presented to us, and it is up
to us to experience as many as
we dare. University is, after
all, not purely an academic
experience, but a cultural
experience too. No one is
forcing you to take part,
although it may not seem like
that at the Fresher’s Fair. But
should someone who suffers
from vertigo insist that the
Mountaineering Club should
be abolished, or should they
be a bigger person, and accept
that whilst it is not for them,
there are strange people who
enjoy such things? Do the
members of the
Mountaineering Club cry at
night because someone does-
n’t join their ranks? I very
much doubt it. Do they stop
climbing because one individ-
ual suffers from vertigo?
Again, I very much doubt it.
And even if the majority of
people suffered from vertigo,
would this signify the demise
of the mountaineering club?
My doubt remains safely
intact.
On a wider scale, one would
think it only fair that such a
matter should be decided upon
democratically by voting. But
let’s consider how many stu-
dents vote during the annual
election of the Student
Union’s Council. The very
nature of democracy at the
University of Surrey is, in the
majority, apathy. Any such
referendum on this subject
would therefore only carry a
truly representative result if
everyone’s opinion was asked.
In such an environment, it
would not be enough to sim-
ply invite people to vote.
And whilst considering the
Student’s Union, let us
remember something that is at
its fundamental heart, as well
as being at the fundamental
heart of the university. The
policies of both have the sole
objective of protecting the
minorities against discrimina-
tion, and quiet rightly, as dis-
crimination is only ever a neg-
ative activity. But to put it
another way, we already
accept an environment which
is tolerant of every possible
cultural difference, without
trying to change any of those
differences. By cultural differ-
ence, I am referring directly to
the minorities that thrive with-
in the university, because the
majority of people protected
by these policies are in the
minority. In modern society,
the gay community, for exam-
ple, has its own unique cul-
ture.
So in this environment of cul-
tural tolerance, why are these
minorities unwilling to toler-
ate the culture of the majority,
and insistent on special privi-
leges? Such an attitude consti-
tutes nothing more than nar-
row-mindedness. An unwill-
ingness to accept something
different to what they believe
in, and by pandering to this
lack of tolerance, the universi-
ty are seemingly promoting
narrow-mindedness as a good
thing.
Non-participation is a perfect-
ly acceptable alternative to
singing the National Anthem,
and if you don’t believe in the
deity or the monarch, no one
is forcing you to sing or
believe. That would be unrea-
sonable. But it is reasonable to
ask for people to tolerate those
people who do hold to that
belief, for those of us who are
proud to be British.
Finally, a reminder to the
University of Surrey. We are
still a British University, and
whilst we should all look to
the future, it is equally impor-
tant to remember where you
came from. The British
National Anthem isn’t really
about a deity and a monarch,
but it is a rousing piece of
music and British culture that
encapsulates all the best
things about being British.
Perhaps the University of
Surrey is no longer claiming
to be one of the best things in
Britain?
Alistair Gerrard
11
WWW
“People singing, all around us.
Children playing, having fun.
T’is the season of love and
understanding. Merry Christmas
everyone.”
he anoraks amongst you
T might recognise these
words as a line from
Shakin’ Stevens number one
Christmas single. The song, for
me, sums up exactly what
Christmas is about. And it is this
time of year that radio stations
and record shops raid their
underground archives and bring
out all those old Christmas
anthems, to give Slade and Band
Aid yet another crack at the
charts.
As if that was not enough, you
can now torture your friends and
family by sending them these
same songs with a seasonal
greeting card. No, not one of
those which play a song upon
being opened. I am referring to
the latest in Internet mail - web
cards.
The infamous GeoCities hosts
the website of Wicked Moon.
While allowing cards to be sent
over the Internet all year around,
the feature page is the Christmas
one - obviously. Set up in
December 1997, the designers
claim that it is a Santa’s grotto of
festive designs, created by artist
Jason Brown.
The process is simple. You
select a picture that would ‘nor-
mally’ go on the front of the
card. Then you can choose a
standard greeting message or
write your own, and even a song
to play in the background. You
can even run a test before ‘post-
ing’ it
Another company, Blue
Tuition Fees by Pravin Jeyaraj
UITION FEES. The very
T sound of those words is
enough to make even the
most docile of students foam at
the mouth like a rabid dog, utter-
ing blasphemies and profanities
to anyone that will listen.
Especially, it seems, if it is the
NUS.
In his (brilliantly written and
argued) article, Nick Walsh
attacks the defenders of stu-
dents’ rights as “a group of
careerist, business-friendly yes
men” who “go along with gov-
ernment plans...”. And quite
right too. After all, if our own
union will not speak out for us,
then who will.
But the issue is not rights’, poli-
tics or careers, but one of plain
stupidity. I mean, why was there
such a genuine surprise when the
bill was passed through last
summer.
Ever since Tony Blair became
leader of the Labour Party in
opposition in 1994, there has
been a shift in values. Out goes
the red, in comes the maroon
(red/blue mixture). This was the
so called modernisation that
started with the abolishment of
Features
by Pravin Jeyaraj
Mountain Arts, goes one step
further. As well as designs, you
can choose from a selection of
verses. They even cater for other
festivals that occur at this time
such as Hanukkah and Kwanzaa,
and the religious aspect of
Christmas.
I have used Wicked Moon
myself, but there are an endless
number of rivals all offering
almost exactly the same service.
The main advantages of web
cards over traditional ones are
that the service is free and fast.
You do not have to worry about
ruining a friendship if you forget
someone on your list. Off
course, if that person does not
have access to the Internet, then
you are buggered.
“Christmas is my most favourite
time of year,” said Mel C on the
B-side to ‘2 become 1’. I know
exactly what she means. I love
Christmas. Firstly, I cannot wait
to wake up on the twenty-fifth
and discover what Father
Christmas has brought me.
(Who says he does not exist?)
The Happy Christmas site
actually informs on Father
Christmas up-and-coming
actions (24th - fly around the
world delivering presents, 25th -
rest). But the big fat red one will
appearing on the site soon. Yes, I
can finally meet my hero. I just
hope I have been good enough.
The reason why I like Christmas
so much is that no matter how
bad my year has been, the last
month always makes me feel
warm inside. I cannot really say
what it is. Maybe it is the
prospect of loads of pressies and
parties. Or perhaps it is the way
that everyone seems to forget
their differences and people who
Clause 4.
1994 was the year that Britpop
was launched with the return of
Blur and the arrival of Oasis.
Indie bands - traditional music
of the college circuit - were
quickly sucked up into the main-
stream along with their leftist
views. Many of them pledged
their support to New Labour.
Noel Gallagher readily endorsed
the party as though he were a
Spice Girl endorsing Walkers
Crisps.
Between 1994 and 1996, Blair
has made several references to a
graduate tax and some form of
method to make students pay (at
least in part) for their education.
Then again, Labour were in
opposition, the Tories were the
most successful political
machine this century, and no-
one thought this could change.
Therefore, nobody listened.
Off course, this policy was not
mentioned once during the elec-
tion campaign, which in part tar-
getted Thatcher’s Children (i.e.
us). Indeed, the crutch of their
campaign was that the Tories
had been in power for too long
and had lost it and that they were
would never give you the time of
day suddenly become your best
friends. (Okay, that is a slight
exaggeration but you know what
I mean).
Many Hollywood films are
released in December. Last year,
there was “I Know What You
Did Last Summer”, “Tomorrow
Never Dies” and the ultra-bril-
liant “Spiceworld”. This year,
American audiences were treat-
ed to special two minute trailers
of the Star Wars prequel.
Titled ‘Star Wars: Episode I -
The Phantom Menace’, the trail-
ers filled cinemas to bursting
point. A selection of pictures
from the trailers and behind the
scenes can be found on the Star
Wars Prequel Pic page, along
with more general information
about the cast.
When the film is finally released
on May 21, 1999, a generation
of Star Wars fans can find out
just how Anakin Skywalker
could betray the rebellion and
the the Jedi Knights and join the
Dark Side. A bit late for
Christmas but definitely worth
the wait...
This weeks websites
Wicked Moon
http://www.geocities.com/SoHo
/Lofts/3151/geocards.html
Blue Mountain Arts
http://www.bluemountain.com/e
ng3/christmas/index.html
Happy Christmas
http://www.wickham.newbury.s
ch.uk/xmas/xmas.html
Star Wars Prequel Pic page
http://outland.cyberwar.com/~s
mad//Prequels.html
This week’s keywords
“Star Wars prequel”, “Web
cards”, “Father Christmas”
immoral and corrupt. The spin
doctors certainly hoped to bring
Blair across as a charismatic
alternative to the grey matter of
Major.
So when Nick Walsh asks “how
many people voted for Tony
Blair so he could introduce fees
and cut grants”, the answer
would appear to be all of them.
After all, we are intelligent. We
were not on another planet for
the last two years. And we cer-
tainly were not fooled by that
smile, that handshake and that
Noel Gallagher. Were we?
Then again, what was the alter-
native?
Finally, one cannot really fault
the government for having any
preconceived ideas about stu-
dents and their parents. Sure, the
rumour about only being able to
afford dodgy accommodation
with condensation and poor
heating (and that is just on cam-
pus). Yet somehow, we manage
to scrape all the pennies from
behind the sofa/bed to get pissed
and have a great time EVERY
Friday night. Oh, and will some
one please turn that mobile
phone off?
981203.qxd 03/12/98 19:48
12 Features
Dr Russ
Dear Russ
I am thinking about doing
a PhD. How should I go
about it and how do I
know I would be suited to
it anyway?
Dear Anna
It is probably better if I
answer the second part of
your question first. I have
lost count of the number of
PhD students I have seen
over the years who have
wanted to give up. In many
cases, they simply hadn’t
realised just how different a
PhD would be from a first
degree. Apart from one or
two special doctorates, most
PhDs involve no lectures,
no revision and just one sin-
gle 2-3 hour exam at the
end. You may find yourself
working alone for long peri-
ods. You may meet what
appear to be insurmountable
problems or you may sim-
ply fail to obtain the results
or information which you
need. You are therefore
more likely to succeed if
you are determined, patient,
have good time manage-
ment skills and the ability to
solve problems. It also goes
without saying that you
should have an enquiring
mind and a love for the sub-
ject you are studying. Do
you think you fit this bill?
SURREY/USA EXCHANGES
Want to know more about going to:-
** MICHIGAN STATE UNIVERSITY **
** UNIVERSITY OF NORTH TEXAS **
** UNIVERSITY OF MARYLAND **
** COLORADO SCHOOL OF MINES **
** UNIVERSITY OF NEVADA, LAS VEGAS **
Come to a General Information Meeting
on
Wednesday 9th December ‘98
contact Sue Webb, ext 9177
or email - s.webb@ surrey.ac.uk
Page 12 (1,1)
If you have serious doubts
about these requirements a
PhD might not be right for
you.
Moving on to the other part
of your question, a good
place to start looking is in
either Postgrad or in
Prospects Postgraduate
Directory, both of which
can be seen in the Careers
Library. They will give you
some idea of the kind of
research going on in differ-
ent parts of the country. If
you would like more
detailed information you
could try Current Research
in Britain, a copy of which
can be seen in the Main
Library. This contains brief
descriptions of the work
which various academic
staff in British universities
are carrying out. The next
step would be to send your
CV with a covering letter
explaining what you would
like to do and why. You can
make as many applications
as you like.
Finally, if you would like to
stay at Surrey, all you need
to do is mention your inter-
est to the member of staff
with whom you would like
to work and they will tell
you what might be avail-
able.
Russ Clark
Careers Service
1.30 p.m. T B 1
Further info:
Bangs and Sax
nterested in music and
I want to listen to some-
thing different? Then
Studio One of the
Performing Arts Building
(next to the NatWest Bank)
is the place to be on
Monday 7 December at 7.30
pm. A group of musicians
from Spain and Portugal are
visiting the Music
Department to give a “one-
off” performance of saxo-
phone and percussion
music. Anyone who has
seen a live percussion per-
Thursday 3rd December 1998 n
formance before knows how
gripping these events can
be, although the final pro-
gramme is a bit of a mystery
at the time of going to press.
The group are visiting
Britain for a very short time
and wanted to perform at
the University particularly.
if you think this might be
your kind of musical thing
then come along.
Admission is free.
Name Your Prize Competition
hampagne and
C Budweiser beer are
being offered as
prizes in a competition to
find names for the new
Hospitality Catering Services
complex on campus.
Extensive redevelopment of
the current Hall Restaurant,
Hall Bar and Vegetarian
Restaurant will create a
modern 450-seat restaurant,
a 200-seat cafe bar and a
meeting and dining suite, to
include a new Council
Room, on the building’s top
floor.
NAME YOUR PRIZE COMPETITION
(PLEASE COMPLETE IN BLOCK CAPITALS)
NAME:
ADDRESS:
TELEPHONE NO:
MY SUGGESTED NAMES ARE (SEE ABOVE FOR CATEGORY DESCRIP-
TIONS)
CATEGORY 1
CATEGORY 2
CATEGORY 3
CATEGORY 4
If I win, I would like to receive: (please tick one )
Champagne Budweiser
The closing date for entries is Friday 22 January 1999
Please return to Emma Treeby, Secretariat, Senate House
Students Coining it...
...thanks to FPA
uring the week end-
D ing 4th December,
students are able to
get free money in the Union
thanks to the Family
Planning Association. In an
innovative campaign
emphasising the need to use
condoms, the FPA have
been scattering 10 pence
coins in the bars of 96
University Unions in
Britain. One face of these
coins has a sticker placed
over it bearing a safer sex
message. Coins bear one of
two messages: “Some
things you can’t help pick-
ing up. Chlamydia, HIV or
any STI shouldn’t be one of
them. Use a condom.” or
“Some things you can’t help
picking up. In 9 months it
could be a baby. Use a con-
dom.” The campaign,
which is funded by the
The Aliens Have Landed
e warned - the little
B green people are
here.. and they have
a large interest in your plan-
et... Green Soc is up and
running, we held our AGM
last Thursday, so thanks to
all those who turned up and
supported us, and watch out
for our campaigns.
The competition is open to
all University students and
staff. The closing date for
entries is Friday 22 January
1999.
According to taste, winners
from each of the four cate-
gories highlighted below
can chose from two bottles
of champagne or a case of
Budweiser. The competition
categories are:
1. Name for the cater-
ing complex as a whole
2. Name for the 450-
seat restaurant
Department of Health, will
be backed up by beer mats
and posters giving further
information about safer sex.
Commenting on the cam-
paign Anne Weyman, FPA
Chief Executive said,
“Today’s students have been
exposed to the safer sex
message since they were
young so attracting their
interest in a campaign
encouraging condom use
required non-traditional
advertising techniques.
Many people who will not
pick up a leaflet will pick up
a 10 pence piece - we hope
after reading the message it
carries they won’t pick up
anything else!”
Students wanting more
information about contra-
ception and sexual health
can call the FPA’s helpline
on: 0171 837 4044.
We’ll be promoting recy-
cling around campus, a real-
ly small thing that takes so
little effort, is so easily
achievable, and yet can
make such a difference. It’s
not asking all that much,
and we’ll all benefit from it.
Houston, we’ll have a prob-
lem soon if we don’t.
3. Name for the 200-
seat cafe bar
4. Name for the upper
floor meeting and dining
suite
You can enter one, two,
three or all four of the com-
petition categories by com-
pleting and detaching the
coupon below and returning
it to Emma Treeby,
Secretariat. Alternatively
email you entry to e.tree-
by@surrey.ac.uk.
Competition winners will be
announced in early February
1999.
981203.qxd 03/12/98 19:48
n Thursday 3rd December 1998
■ Aaah! Daddy John (or is
it Mummy John!)
■ Nice legs Asif, really
hairy! (I warned you!)
■ Claire has a very nice
chubby bum. Mole
■ Ram blows camels for
fun! B.B.
■ Oi Rose stop bloody
moaning
■ Sophie and Dom sitting in
a tree, eating each others
heads!
■ Nugget! You old slapper
(but at least you knew his
name this time!)
■ Line. Spoken to anyone
new in the Union recently
that HE should know about?
■ Emma, Sophie and Rob.
You realise you pulled 3
slappers last Friday?
■ I love name tags in socks.
I think it’s really attractive
babe!!!!
■ Mullord as a nipple cov-
erer!!
■ Art, can your camel sniff
out a juicy bush, or not?
■ I am not a tart!
■ Princess Payne. Sorry for
taking the piss Your
Highness!
■ Warning: these personals
may contain traces of nuts
Crossword No 87
Across
1. Tap a golf ball (4)
3. Stroke needed to get
out of a bunker? (4-4)
8. Deprived of feeling (4)
9. Imposes (8)
11. In this vicinity (10)
14. Tuber (6)
15. A writer (6)
17. Getting to start work-
ing (10)
20. Individuality (8)
21. Stupid person (4)
22. Deceiving (8)
23. Gas used for lighting
(4)
Last weeks solution
Across: 1. clamp 4. syringe 8. ski 9. inaudible 10. adapted
11. avert 13. dainty 15. pepper 18. panda 19. spanned 21.
competent 23. ink 24. sprayed 25. clean
Down: 1. custard 2. animation 3. print 4. scalds 5. radiate
6. nib 7. elect 12. expensive 14. tragedy 16. redskin 17.
ascend 18. paces 20. attic 22. mar
Crossword Compiled by Jeff Blackham
Page 13 (1,1)
Personals
■ The Rag secretary doesn’t
walk the walk!
■ She had a son about my
age, but I bet he did’nt do
that to her. B.B.
■ 1 large Donner! Chilli
sauce, salad??? No Ketchup
please!
■ Dr Jon needs to get his
head shaved by the one and
only Lesley any time after
Thursday
■ Banana Boy - How many
kebabs on saturday
evening?? Which makes a
total of how many for this
week?? Fat Bloke!!!
■ How many in for
Management C on Monday?
■ Warning: This newspaper
may contain traces of nuts
■ Oi nutter!
■ Oi, BB! Leave my Mum
alone!
■ To my little snapper. It
was nice while it lasted,
Thank you!
■ University of Surrey
Football Club; Santa is com-
ing to empty his great big
sack for you on Saturday
evening at the Xmas dinner!
Leave out several mince
pies, ham and cheese slices,
a few pickles, a bottle of
Down
1. Fist-fights (5-3)
2. Rashness (8)
4. Old type of carriage (6)
5. Person interested in
government (10)
6. Rustic and uncultured
(4)
7. Russian news-agency
(4)
10. Chewed (10)
12. Mockery (8)
13. Intensify (8)
16. Small domestic animal
(6)
18. Female deer (4)
19. Small room (4)
wine, a garlic naan, some
Surrey cocktails, Playstation
FIFA 99 and a couple of
pints of Loopy. I thankyou.
■ News of the World;
USFC drink SURFC under
the table (AGAIN!!!) in the
Annual RAG Beer Race -
You Fill Up My Senses!!!!
■ And the Birds FC beat the
Rugby Slappers as well
(CUM ON SURRE’
FOOTE’!)
■ Jo and Kath thanks for the
tour love Nude, Splendid,
Tiny, Dizzy, Fit and
Cheerful
■ Lesley Barraclough -
What are you like? or Who
do you like? Is itThe
Ravishing Robbie
■ Where’s Catherine? Oh
she’s asleep again
■ Sheep + sheepdog + box
of sand = taff maths
■ Crourke, you’re a muppet
■ Banana Boy or Bloater
Botherer? The moose hunt
continues!
■ Stag hill joe, you’re roll
neck jumpers make me
weak at the knees
■ Anyone fancy coming to
our wedding at a football
ground!?!
Basketball Tournament
ancy a game of bas-
F ketball??
exams in the not to
distant future, planning
With
ahead is vital! The
Students’ Union aka the
Sports Officer Al, and the
Hellenic Society are organ-
ising a tournament open to
all Clubs, Societies, groups
of friends or enemies (for
all I care!) and all abilities.
If any group of students are
interested then please do
not hesitate to pop into the
Union and pick up an entry
form or have a chat about
the tournament.
■ ‘Tall, blue-eyed blonde
seeks tall, blue-eyed hunk
for birthday snogs and...?
Contact Laura on ext. 4133.
Waiting for your call!’
■ Sorry Trish and Anne.
Lots of love Tom. (Can I
have some more money
please?)
■ To the 2 engineers - 2 gor-
geous girls looking to erect
some towers. Look
out for us in the union on fri-
day night around 10-10.15
pm around the photo
booth.
■ Mickey Coleslaw - who
will it be this Friday?
■ Ayo, maman !!
■ Lady Marina of Brinsley
Manor - Believe me, I
would do ANYTHING!
■ Coming Soon! “ Chicken
Licken” and “Revenge of
the sage and Onions!”
■Lee, Thats thelast time
you jump over five people!!
■Hannah and Jo, you still
haven’t been round for tea
and biscuits yet.
■N, L, H, C - we rocked
around the x-mas tree. Jx
■ Mr Spock was right!
■ Miss World - Mrs Spoon
It will be held in the Sports
hall at Campusports on the
31st of January 1999, not
long away trust me! There
will be prizes, so a careful
diet over the next few
months would be recom-
mended, e.g. 18oo calories
per day, one and a half pints
for each male a ing the spring term?
day....etc.....hmmm!
A whopping entrance fee of
one hundred pennies per
player will be demanded on
submission of your entrance
forms!
Notices & Personals
Notices
The Union Cash
Desk will be open as
normal from now on (12 -
2pm) closed on Wednesdays
The editor would like to
apologise for any confusion
following last weeks notice.
Archery Club AGM
Saturday 5th December
12:30Campusport Hall
Students living in 3 language students
Semester Only rooms looking for accom. for sept
who wish to occupy their
rooms for any part of the
Christmas vacation should
come to the Accommodation
Office, Campus Enquiries
window to book before
Tuesday 8 December 1998.
In most cases it is hoped that
students may stay in their
own rooms.
Students living off-site may
apply for a standard room
over the vacation. The
longest dates possible for
students would be from
Tuesday 22 December to
Wednesday 13 January
1999.
American Football ner, beer and cocktail pro-
AGM - Monday 14th motions, free entry into the
December 19.30 Haris Bar
The next Charter Ball
meeting is 4th December
in Grant Mitchell Room at
4pm.
Tabla player wanted.
To work with Final Year
Dance Students (Kathak)
next semester. Please con-
tact Alison Turner, via the
School of Performing Arts
Office.
Bargain IBM compat-
ible computers.
Software Installed Ideal for
Word Processing etc. ~£150
Call Dirk 01483 458 185
Quick Sale Wanted.
Computer and Printer for
Sale!!!
286 NEC Computer and dot
matrix printer for sale + all
the relevant manuals.
The computer has wordper-
fect 5.1 and a spreadsheet
package. Also Lemmings
game! It is ideal for a stu-
dent wishing to type up and
print coursework and disser-
MIXED DOUBLES POOL
COMPETITON
Thursday 3rd Dec, 7.00pm onwards.
All welcome, but partners must either be mixed or
if you’re brave enough, two men can play if one of
the players dresses up in drag.
13
tations. It is also compatible
with the computers at uni-
versity, so work can be trans-
ferred onto Windows.
£90 or the nearest offer.
If interested contact Sara
(daytime) on 01483 562 142
ext.: 5 at the Guildford
Institute.
to dec 1999. If you can help
contact li82ch. Back to back
lease with managements stu-
dents is an option.
University of Surrey
Football Club
Christmas Dinner.
Saturday 5th December
1998 at the Varsity Centre,
from 7pm. Tickets are
priced at £12 and are avail-
able now from Cliffy in the
Barefacts office or on G.
457248 or 0403 719696.
For your money you get a
three course Christmas din-
Union (provided you are
observing the dress code!)
and a chance to enter the
Xmas present raffle (top
prize; free Tour ‘99).Dress
Code; Official
Merchandise.
USFC
Wanted: If anyone has a
coputer monitor they are not
using would you consider
lending it to Nightline dur-
If anyone knows of an old
settee that's looking for a
home then please also get in
touch.
T h a n k s .
nightline@surrey.ac.uk
Int:4949 Ext: 432710
Since the end of the second
world war Oslo/Norway
have given a xmas tree
as a gift to London(cannot
remember why). The lights
on this tree will be turned on
in Trafalgar Square on the
3rd of December at 6.00
p.m.
If you want to come along
to this event, please come to
the railway station (main
entrance) at 4.00 p.m
I hope I'll see as many as
possible there!
981203.qxd 03/12/98 19:48
14 Surrey Pride
Some Food For Thought
ost people know
M that what you eat
can affect your
sports performance, but even
so many athletes can be
observed scoffing chocolate
or crisps in the minutes lead-
ing up to a match or competi-
tion in the hope that it will
provide an energy boost. The
predominant energy source
used in sport is carbohydrate
which is stored in the body
(muscles and liver) as glyco-
gen. Endurance capacity is
proportional to the amount of
stored glycogen. The problem
is that you do not know how
full or empty your glycogen
stores are until they are
almost empty. Good perfor-
mance depends on you hav-
ing enough energy to last the
duration of the game or
match.
The key to this is your diet.
Athletes should aim to eat a
diet that is high in carbohy-
drate but low in fat; not so
easy with a student lifestyle.
Examples of high carbohy-
drate foods are rice, potatoes,
bread, pasta, cereals, dried
fruit and bananas.
If this sounds like you then
the next option is the pre
match meal or snack. Sadly,
the pre match meal cannot
make up for a bad usual diet
due to the time that it takes
for the nutrients to get in to
the muscles. Again this meal
needs to be high in carbohy-
drate but low in fat and pro-
tein so that it can be easily
digested and ideally eaten
2–4 hours before the activity.
During the activity, particu-
larly intermittent sports such
as football, hockey and rugby,
Inter-Departmental Sport Results
Soccer
Dept (Mon)
CIV ENG
EEITM
SSTL
MATHS
AEB
SBS
CHEMISTRY
DANCE
ECONOMICS
NURSING
MECH ENG
LIS
MUSIC
PHYSICS
CHEM ENG
CSER
SEMS
Competition Winners So far:
Monday Soccer : WinnersCiv Eng, Runners up AEB
Tuesday Soccer: Winners Civ Eng 1, Runners upCiv Eng 2
Page 14 (1,1)
or sports where there are
repeated bouts of activity,
energy stores can be depleted
very rapidly. 30–40 minutes
of intense physical exertion is
enough to reduce glycogen
stores enough to cause a
noticeable decrease in perfor-
mance. An energy drink or
carbohydrate snack during
half time or breaks in play
can help to top up energy lev-
els and prevent feelings of
lethargy and heavy limbs,
associated with glycogen
depletion.
After the game or competi-
tion all of the energy that has
been used has to be replaced.
A meal or snack high in car-
bohydrate will go some way
towards replenishing carbo-
hydrate stores ready for the
next training session or more
likely the strenuous business
of celebrating in the union.
High Carbohydrate foods or
snacks are those which have
50-60% of their energy con-
tent from carbohydrate and
therefore less than 35% of
their energy content from fat.
Some examples of common
snacks and their value as
Carbohydrate sources include
Jaffa Cakes (high in carbohy-
drate and low in fat), white
bread with jam or honey,
bananas, jacket potatoes,
cereal with semi skimmed
milk, energy drinks and nutri-
grain bars. Not so good
snacks for their carbohydrate
content are cereal bars (these
are very high in fat), crisps
(60% of energy comes from
fat), most chocolate bars, and
last but not least alcohol
which must be converted to
fat before it can be used by
the body.
Soccer
(Tues)
12 13
7 7
4 7
2 2
5 4
0 2
2 4
0 0
3 2
0 0
4 0
1 2
0 0
2 0
2 2
0 0
0 0
Netball: Winners Civ Eng, Runners-up Nursing
Squash: Winners Elec Eng, Runners-up Chemistry
Thursday 3rd December 1998 n
First Years Will be Surrey Pride. ID Sports Silver Parade
A whole new world has begun,
A whole new feeling deep down inside,
Strange new places to be seen, strange new
Y
ears ago, at least 10
beautiful solid sil-
ver trophies were
donated to the University
faces to meet, and are now on display in
But somehow all will be well, the foyer of the sports cen-
Because deep down inside is the Surrey tre. These had been inherit-
ed from the sports enthusi-
Pride.
asts and visionaries from
Battersea Institute of
We all seemed keen when first we came, Technology, now known as
And signed our names to everything, the University of Surrey.
but then the reality hit us hard and the seri- What are these mythical
trinkets you may ask?! They
ousness
are the ID Sports trophies
Seemed to get us down. and are once again up for
We all seem tired all the time, grabs!
All our enthusiasm seems gone,
Everyone thought the Surrey Pride was The Interdepartmental pro-
gram of sporting activities
drowned.
has been successfully run-
ning for 25 years this year!
But this year we are doing more, Quite an achievement and to
We may know the library but the union too, celebrate, there is to be a
We are there each theme night, and at the special prize presentation in
the Students’ Union on the
games,
main dance floor on
We will be successful in all, Wednesday the 16th of
Each year it will grow stronger, December at 1pm. Nat West
And when the time comes we’ll be there, have kindly donated prizes
For surging inside is the Surrey Pride. to be given to various cate-
gories such as, the
Who is he? 25 Years of ID Sport
I thought I would write this letter, or the past few weeks
About an anonymous bed wetter.
He has been up the football ladder,
And kept the secret of his weak bladder.
F and months the sports
hall at Campusport
has been the venue for some
of the most brutal and
In Uni. He was known as a biochemist, intense physical encounters
To certain females he is known as a menace. ever seen at Surrey
Without an apology, sorry or regret, University. I’m referring, of
This poet left my mattress rather wet. course, to Inter
If you know this drunken male, Departmental sport, where
students of subjects as dis-
Who receives information on sport, win or
parate as music and micro-
fail. biology go to fight for the
Be sure to let us know, pride of their department.
This person will surely have to go. But despite being so fiercely
EDGE ??? contested the emphasis of
ID sport is very much on the
enjoyment of taking part, as
much as winning, and in the
camaraderie generated with-
Squash Netball Total
in the teams by the collec-
tive effort for the common
cause.
0 7 32
11 0 25 All of which is true, not
1 3 15 least, for ID netball.
3 8 15 (Officially a mixed sport but
3 2 14 one in which the female par-
ticipants are still in the
0 7 9 majority over their male
4 0 7 counterparts.) After a gru-
0 7 7 elling league stage it was all
0 2 7 decided last Wednesday
0 6 6 when the fantastically com-
0 0 4 bative dance team were
beaten 6-1 by the civil engi-
0 0 3
neers in one semi-final;
0 3 3 while the courageous SSTL
0 0 2 team, hampered by injuries
-1 -2 1 and absences, were routed
0 0 0 9-2 by the nurses in the
0 0 0 other.
And so to the final where
the predominantly male
Participation Trophy award-
ed to the most active depart-
ment, the Most Improved
Department, and Sports Rep
of the year awarded to the
rep who has been seen to be
giving the most continuous
effort to the organising of
teams and in integrating
their department. All
awards are given to the
respective department or
single person displaying the
magical characteristics of
the Surrey Pride.
On top of these awards,
nosh and drink are given to
the reps who attend the cer-
emony and there is a raffle
tickets for which are avail-
able from Campusports
reception and the Sports
Office. Prizes are expected
to include Music vouchers,
Beverages (i.e. beer!), a
meal for two, cinema tickets
etc. The awards will be fea-
tured in both Barefacts (of
course!) and the Surrey
Advertiser newspaper.
Spangley
civil engineers, facing an all
female nursing
shamelessly fielded the
biggest, burliest
team,
and,
frankly, clumsiest 7 at their
disposal (Shelley and
Veronica excepted). It was a
blatant attempt to secure a
cynical victory for height
over skill, agility and sound
positional play: and it
worked beautifully. Louise
scored a well taken goal for
the nurses in the first half
but with Shelley and Rich
rampant at the other end and
Damian (the Tony Adams of
ID netball) a rock in
defence, it proved no more
than a consolation. The civil
engineers romped home 7-1
winners to clinch their
fourth netball championship
in a row.
The Brickies, it seems, go
from strength to strength but
it all starts again after
Christmas with a range of
ID sports including football,
volleyball, hockey and
squash. So if you want to be
a part of the action get hold
of your sports rep and get
involved. And if you’ve just
been a part of the action
then don’t forget the presen-
tation (and celebration of 25
years of ID sports) will be in
the union on Wednesday
16th December from 1 to
2pm.
Jonathan Goodson
981203.qxd 03/12/98 19:48 Page 15 (1,1)

n Thursday 3rd December 1998 Surrey Pride 15

Surrey Pride Star Profile

Number 7, Emma Banfield UniS 2nd XI 2 Addiscombe 2nd XI 1.
Vital Stats; The House of Sin’s Superior Sinner, Stencils “Seven” Sustaining Superstition,
So Saving Surrey’s Seconds Senior Scorer’s Statistics.
adger’s team sheet seemingly designed for his umpires patience enough, to be heard saying, “I have

B
Age: 21
Dept: L.I.S. said UniS 2nd V style of play, and spent the he was sent from the pitch the whistle I don’t need to
Nicknames: T h e Addiscum, and rest of the game “roasting” receiving 5 minutes in the be told the rules” to which
Blonde Fist there was no doubt that this his left back, unsettling Sin Bin. Moments later Mr a witty retort was to be
Measurements: fixture did have some his- Addiscombe and leading to Dead was lucky to remain heard. He was promptly
Average (Zammo????) tory. However, when I Surrey being awarded a on the pitch following a presented with a yellow
Sporting Interests agreed to umpire I did not penalty flick which was clumsy tackle for which he card. To which he contin-
(and why?):H o c k e y envisage presenting more duly missed by Goody, received a green card. ued his outburst, and in
for the enjoyment of cards than seen at a magic unlucky to hit a post. Addiscombe pulled level return was informed that
the game and the circle convention. The after a Surrey short corner he would be playing no
social side of sport game started badly for The half time score was 0- had broken down and a further part in proceedings.
(Really, Miss Surrey with Addiscombe 0, and during half time I lack of marking resulted on Kato was then to join the
Banfield????) dominating the early informed the other umpire a one on one, between aggrieved party, having hit
exchanges with 8 short- that I had warned the left Addiscombe’s centre for- the ball away in disgust at a
Marital Status: corners in the opening 10 back and centre half. The ward and “The Beak” decision. Unable one can
Mistress minutes. Intent on hitting umpire clearly misunder- between the sticks. Despite only assume to stomach
the long ball, Surrey stood, because when the the best efforts of our this display, Badger was to
seemed unable to build left back and our right ‘keeper the score was now be seen losing his insides
anything resembling an wing came together and level. on the centre circle and
Personal Info; attack. the left back was consistent was also asked to leave the
in threatening our winger, With both teams restored pitch. Eventually, Surrey
What is your favourite feature? My ability to blush whether Addiscombe eventually both players were prompt- to their full complement of were worthy winners and
guilty or nor! found the backboard from ly sent off. Surrey were players. Surrey again took much alcohol was con-
What do you go for in a man/woman? Man - nice eyes, a short corner but I spoke awarded a short corner and the lead with James pounc- sumed because of jugs
bum, sense of humour. to the other umpire Torben, despite a poor ing. Addiscombe seemed from our carded guys,
Woman - blonde hair! expressing my concerns strike was spoon fed a to become most irate fol- Balding Bob missing a
Favourite Drink? Baileys (Half a shandy when Lisa that the ball was not rebound which he prompt- lowing this goal, the centre stroke, Badger for not
lets him out!) stopped. My colleague ly dispatched for Surrey to forward warned for swear- holding on to his dinner
Favourite Food?Muesli with yoghurt. became swayed by my take the lead. Celebrating ing and other players for and Mr dead for spillage.
Favourite Music? I’m an 80’s chick - it doesn’t get any argument and promptly in the now customary man- out bursts and hitting the All bodes well for
better than Wham! disallowed the goal. This ner of “shirt off revealing a ball away. With 9 minutes Badger’s band to continue
seemed to affect the oppo- tattooed 7”, which was his to go Surrey’s left winger their charge for the league
Sporting Info: sition and Surrey began to 4th goal in 3 games. held up the ball. When championship.
play their way back into there was a sudden out-
What does Surrey Sport give you? Blurred contention. Fred Loppy on Moments later a challenge burst from Addiscombe’s Paul Daniels
Wednesday night/ Thursday morning memories! the right wing used his by Torben was penalised, Centre forward, having
What is your; ample pace in conditions and having tried the already been warned. I was
most memorable moment in Surrey Sport? Winning
my first BUSA match 8-0 and watching Southbanks rugby team
running around the pitch naked and realising why the Badger is
a Hockey player and not a Rugby player!
funniest moment you can recall from your days at Surrey?
Kidnapping a random bloke from Senate steps at 9am and drag-
ging him to Croydon to umpire.
worst injury? Coldsore
Do you have any sporting superstitions? Always
talk about sex at half-time instead of how the game is going!
How does Surrey Sport affect your Social/Private life?
It is my social life and hence, I don’t have a private life!
Is sex better before or after sport? Sex - me? (up!).
Who is your sporting role model? My Manx
house-mate for her all round commitment to Surrey Sport -
Netball, Mens Hockey, Mens Rugby, Mens Football, American
Football and probably (like Telstar!) many, many more.
Which sports personality would you most like to meet?
Jurgen Klinnsman (who apparently likes a good blonde fist
also!)
Sum yourself up in 3 words? The Blonde Fist!
Top Squash Examinations in
Jon-Paul Samuels’ nominated question; Are they as good as
they look?
he Mens squash first 3-0 at no. 1 and 3-0 victories
Campusport
Depends on the lighting (How about the House of Sin’s flashing
red bulb and neon “Girls, Girls, Girls!” sign - Sports Ed?)

Now that you are a Star of the Pride, which question would
T team rounded off the
group stage of their
BUSA matches with another
win to finish unbeaten at the
you like added to the profile list for next weeks Star, part- top of the group. The last 2
time USFC footballer and manager of Bretty’s Bar and weeks have seen victories
Bistro, Mr. Allstar Arnell? against Portsmouth and
Do you have my hair grip? Southampton. The narrow 3-2
victory over Portsmouth was
Thankyou Margi, UniS Hockey’s blonde bombshell current- especially sweet as it was
ly starring in the Denzil Road Opera Houses Awarding win- Surrey’s first victory over
ning production ‘Den of Inequity’ playing the leading part them in 4 years. Victories at
of Madame Cyn. It is rumoured that she had to undergo a strings 2, 3 and 4 from Mick
Biggs, Graham Osoki and
range of cosmetic surgery to get the part but these reports
are, as yet, unconfirmed by our showbiz correspondent Tree Paul Clough sealed the win.
Frog Samuels. Hark, I hear the sound of a sex slave driven
Last Wednesday saw Surrey
chariot pulling up outside my office punctuated by a crack-
entertaining Southampton in
ing whip and the smulch of hair gel being applied. Mr.
the last match before
Arnell I presume!
Christmas. Tim Burrell won
from Biggs, Balfour and
Clough completed the match.
Mark Oakley playing at no. 5
was unfortunate to be the only
loser.
The squash team this year has
a strong squad and can hope-
fully have a good run in the
knock-out stages maybe even
beating their success of 2
years ago when they reached
the semi-finals. Next weekend
sees 4 members of the squad
competing in the University
individuals event. We wish
Tim, Mick, James and Paul
the best of luck. Hopefully
they can better the success of
last year when Tim represent-
W
e are sorry to
have
announce that
to
we are again the venue
for University examina-
tions. This will mean that
the Fitness Club will be
out of action at all times
when examinations take
place. The Main Hall will
be unusable for the whole
of the period. We will be
continuing with as many
of our classes and courses
as possible. Please check
if you are in any doubt,
by ringing ext. 9201.
Please accept our sincere
apologies at the inconve-
nience caused by this. We
hope it will bring you all
back in 1999 with
renewed vigour, deter-
mined to make up for this
temporary lack of oppor-
tunity, and appreciate
what is normally avail-
able even more.
However, facilities at
the Varsity Centre are
completely unaffected.
Examinations start
Monday December 7
1998 until the end of
term.
981203.qxd 03/12/98 19:48
SRA - National Squash League
UniS Guildford 3
Devon & Exeter 2
aving slipped up
H against Chichester,
it was always
important that we bounce
straight back. It was just as
well that we had our
strongest team out, since it
was clear that Devon &
Exeter were not going to
give up their previously
unbeaten status easily. With
all the matches taking three
games only to decide, it
looks as though each was a
little pedestrian. This was
certainly not the case.
Tegwen Malik was always
going to be too strong for
our own Lisa Opie. We
have tempted her out of
retirement, having been at
or near the top of World
Money, Money, Money
Paul Cliff, Sports Editor
s a long since
A graduate of this
University still
clinging on through
clenched teeth and white
knuckles to the good old
days before I had to con-
cern myself with Council
Tax, debts, and career
decisions (not to mention
the impending prospect of
middle age, if you believe
my better half!), but I find
myself appalled with the
deluge of recent sports
reports regarding the
increasing interference of
financial matters in issues
of a sporting and not an
economical nature. I talk
initially of course, of the
recent situations, which I
can only describe as utter-
ly outrageous, involving
certain managers being
cut-out of transfer deci-
sions. Nottingham Forest
bung enquiries still unre-
solved, allegations regard-
ing the Derek Trotter
transfer deals of Terry
Venebles, and the resigna-
tion of Everton chairman
Peter Johnson dominated
the weekends headlines, in
many cases overshadow-
ing the coverage of the
sport itself.
Football isn’t the only
sport to be stained in this
way. Boxing has always
been a sport that is suscep-
tible to the megalomania-
cal interference of those
who fund the sport but the
level of meddling reached
new heights yesterday at
the Press Conference for
the Holyfield - Lewis uni-
fication bout for March
13th. With a display that
for all the world looked
Page 16 (1,1)
Squash for fifteen years.
Tegwen is only 23, but has
already won the Welsh
Championship five times.
She is a good player play-
ing well and wasted no time
in beating Lisa whilst drop-
ping only four points along
the way.
Adrian Grant’s opponent,
Michael Hopkins, thought
he could be bullied out of
the match. He strutted and
complained as he tried to
put the officials under pres-
sure also. Adrian ignored it
all, said nothing and just
kept the score ticking up in
his favour, as he glided
round the court with a fault-
less display of retrieving
before adding a string of his
unique winners. He is a
very mature 17 and has not
lost in the competition this
like the puppeteer who’s
become bored with Punch
and Judy, Don ‘Blow-dry’
King took centre stage
leaving the two men actu-
ally putting their lives on
the line to flounder in the
shadows like a pair of
braindead bouncers, creas-
ing their designer suits.
Not that he’s not good
value. Amongst his con-
servative claims aimed at
hyping up the fight, were
invites to both Margaret
Thatcher and Hilary
Clinton and the ridiculous
claim that the fight would
‘help to promote and heal
relations between black
Americans and Jews’.[Cue
Rabbi to wave to audi-
ence.] I know it will never
happen in today’s com-
mercial world where
everything is marketable
and nothing can be sold for
a Kings ransom, but am I
alone in longing for the
days when I picked up my
football boots solely for
the reason of putting them
on and kicking a ball
(albeit not very accurately)
and not sitting through
budget meetings, discipli-
nary committee’s, League
hearings and fund-raising
drives wondering what it’s
all about, anymore?!?!?
As for Don King, perhaps
a role in the United
Nations where he will no
doubt attempt to solve the
conflict in Kosovo by
organising an under 12’s
tiddlywinks tournament
and inviting John Major to
tee-off!
Play for the Sport, Play
for the Pride
Surrey Pride
year. John Russell had had
a difficult few days prior to
the match, playing three
five setters in just over
twenty-four hours in other
competitions. He was
unable to raise his game to
the level we have come to
expect and lost comfort-
ably.
Skipper Stephen Meads
was celebrating being pro-
moted to World No 25 and
was never unduly troubled
by Gareth Davies. It was
thus tied at two matches
each when Paul Johnson
was called upon to show us
how it should be done. In
the latest World listings,
Paul has just been named
No 5. The packed crowd
were treated to a quite mag-
nificent display of terrific
squash coupled with a
Stags Stung by Stingers
SurreyStingers 28
Southampton Stags 0
his past weekend, the
T
Surrey Stingers went
to Southampton to
play the Stags. The Stags
were favored by most, but
the Stingers had made other
plans. The Stingers put 45
points past Kent last week
and had faith in themselves
as they went to
Southampton.
The game started with the
Stingers taking possession,
they drove the ball up field
and eventually scored a
touchdown with a 1 yard
run. From then on out, the
first half saw none of the
teams able to score,
although the Stingers’
defense managed to give the
offense quite a few chances
to do so. After half time,
however, the Stingers
offense was brought back to
life, and the offensive line
blocked magnificently for
the running backs to score
two more touchdowns,
while the Quarterback threw
one 24-yard touchdown
pass. The defense, also
called the Swarm, played
?
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seemingly light-hearted
approach that meant we
almost wanted his oppo-
nent, Hadrian Stiff, to win a
game just so the exhibition
could be prolonged a little
longer.
This result means we will
go into the Christmas break
as leading the group what-
ever happens in the next
round when we do not have
a match. It is possible for
Devon & Exeter to tie with
us at this half-way stage,
but only if they win this last
match by 5-0. Their oppo-
nents are the only team we
have lost to all year. There
is also only one team in the
league that has managed a
complete whitewash – it is
UniS, and we have done it
twice
Mustapha Rally
out of their skins; they were
practically all over the
Southampton offense, not
giving them any space
whatsoever to create any-
thing for themselves. The
offense excelled at the run-
ning plays, and although
Southampton managed one
sack, the offensive line was
in total control of the Stags.
The defensive line and the
offensive line formed the
backbone of the team on the
day and although some
excelled more than others
did, the word team has no
I’s in it…
The Stingers also had the
pleasure of taking along two
of our still unnamed
Cheerleaders (suggestions
are welcome). We appreci-
ate their efforts to come
along and hope to see them
along with the rest at our
next game which is at home
to the reigning college
champions, Hertfordshire,
on Sunday. The game will
be played at the Varsity cen-
tre, kicking off at 1:00 p.m.
Spectators are welcome,
and the team will be in the
Varsity bar afterwards.
Yeti
First Past The Post
wo more winners, a
T second and a third last
weekend - starting to
improve my figures! Teeton
Mill proved he has made the
transition from top hunter to
top-class staying chaser as he
stormed to an easy 15 length
victory in the Hennessy
Cognac Gold Cup at
Newbury. Connections of
Seven Towers, the race
favourite who was tailed off
when pulled up after little
more than half distance, sus-
pect that he may have trapped
a nerve in his back when
jumping the first fence.
Trainer of the winner, Venetia
Williams, who had a horrific
fall in the Grand National
which nearly paralysed her,
says that Teeton Mill is head-
ing for the Aintree spectacular.
At Newcastle, I had a 1-2,
when Dato Star impressed in
beating French Holly in the
Fighting Fifth hurdle. Back at
Newbury, the Martin Pipe-
trained Wahiba Sands led all
the way as he pushed
Zafarabad to third in the
Gerry Feilden hurdle. All
four figure prominently in the
betting for March’s
Champion hurdle, although
clear favourite Istabraq rein-
forced that position with his
12th win over jumps, barely
breaking sweat.
There is a rare chance this
weekend for the two mile
chasers to take centre stage
from the stayers in the Tingle
Creek Trophy at Sandown.
The 1-2-3-4 from the Haldon
Gold Cup at Exeter last
month again lock horns, and I
suspect that Direct Route may
reverse positions with Lake
Kariba. However, if the
ground dries sufficiently,
Edredon Bleu may give a bet-
ter account of himself than
last time out. The William
Hill Handicap hurdle also
takes places a little further up
the A3, with two of the top
six - Nomadic and Vent
D’Aout - in last year’s
Triumph hurdle making sea-
sonal debuts. Good novices
often don’t make immediate
improvement, as seen with
Zafarabad last week, so I’m
plumping for Blowing Wind
and Star Rage. The stayers do
have a major race of their
own, the Coral Rehearsal
Chase at Chepstow for those
with Gold Cup and National
ambitions. Several of the tal-
ented entrants have already
won this season, although the
three mile trip may be a bit
too sharp for both Dom
Samourai and Earth Summit.
If Suny Bay wasn’t so highly
handicapped, this brave horse
would be almost a certainty.
He’s sure to put in a good
show, but last year’s winner,
See More Business, is my
choice. One other point is
whether Escartefigue can
finally live up to his pre-sea-
son billing as a major threat
following two disappoint-
ments so far.
Elsewhere in racing this
week, Lester Piggott auc-
tioned some of his trophies,
artworks and other souvenirs,
raising £145,000 in the
process. His reason behind
the sale was to clear some
room at his home! Jenny
Pitman will find out in a fort-
night if she is free of the thy-
roid cancer she has been
fighting for the past year fol-
lowing a scan last Friday. The
British bid for a hat-trick of
victories in the 1½ mile Japan
Cup last weekend ended in
frustration as Faithful Son
finished 7th, while Luso
trailed in a miserable last of
the 15 runners. The Japanese
filled the top three places for
the first time in the 17 year
history of the prestigious
£1.73 million event. Plans for
a competition along the lines
of golf’s Ryder Cup were
announced. The Shergar Cup
will take place at Goodwood
in May, with Robert Sangster
selecting Europe’s best to
take on Sheikh Mohammed’s
Middle East team on a six
race card. And finally, a heli-
copter dash for jockey
Richard Johnson paid divi-
dends on Saturday. He fin-
ished 3rd in the 1.15 at
Newbury before travelling to
Warwick in time for the 2.25,
where he promptly won the
next three races
by Eddie Heardman
?