Walking out en masse looks like inside of parking garage, me and CM

and rest of family behind with backpacks

- Mom crossing quickly, determined. Two spaces between two
railroad tracks. Mom tries to cross, crossing guard holds us back,
says train will pass through the second one (thin barrier
indicating itll go through)
- But mom worried about missing train to jump on since cant jump
here in front of guards, runs through and I hold on to her arm
- Then run up steep ramp- like ramp section of car parks but
longer, behind one solitary woman in a business suit, rumpled
hair.
- Get up there, see people jumping on train, heads stuck in bodies
out, one man jumps on very front like a starfish,
- Baby on back like a papoose
- Then brothers arrive, decide theyre all going to try and jump on
too. I think this is a bad idea, I say Ill wait until dad gets there as
hes fallen behind
- Multiple trains on various tracks on either side of jumping
platform pass by dangerously close.
- Finally it comes close, they walk to very end where I cant see
them, and presumably jump on.
- While Im waiting for dad (who looks different, a bit like dad in an
education and not like jb) baby begins to feel like a dead weight,
remember that all this time I havent been looking at it or
feeding it, now to scared to do so- what will I do with it? I dont
want it but terrified of it being dead, of me having killed it, of it
having blue face.
- Finally dad comes, by this point Ive seen enough people jumping
on and being injured to decide its too dangerous to attempt, Im
not willing to get sucked under wheels and loose limbs, decide to
wait for paying train, to walk a bit over and to pay to get on
regular train
- Dad comes and decides to jump on, a wait a few days for it to
come along and for him to jump, then wait another few for
passenger train to come and I get on it
- Still havent seen baby, am too tired and also scared of it being
dead- scared that people can see its blue face, so I almost sit on
it (my back to back of seat, etc)
- Arrive, finally decide to look at baby- he looks grey but is blinking
slowly= not dead
- Walk to chiringito with two Mexican women there, ask them
hurriedly for a coke to give my baby with a straw
- At first doesnt drink (its too cold) but gradually catches on
- Baby regains color, place him on floor to change diaper (then
begins to play with penis and shit, a bit mess)
- Break in narrative

Repeated flash-forwards throughout narratives: Im an

intellectual like ZS, sharp and bighting, on a panel TV show shot
in my kitchen (?) with other blonde panelist talking about culture,
film, etc
o Im very mean to her- know much more than she does,
every point she makes I can point out like 20 references.
o Chip on my shoulder- shes had it easy, her cultural
understanding and ease comes from lifetime of families
dedicated to that, not through a struggle
o Gave baby up for adoption (?) finally
o Talking about kitchen tiles at some point (flash to another
scene- an insurance man coming to talk about how they
can replace kitchen furnishings because of damage they
caused, me and husband laughing at how we made it
lucky, capers on floor which I squish and pick up. Tiny
laundry-room sized kitchen which he comments on)
o This goes on for a while, but with different women
Then somehow realize that long journey mom and brothers have
been on should, if they played their cards right, the train should
be coming in today.
o Go to train station, get on rain, see as everyone gets down
from train
o Brothers there, see them walking off, dont ask about mom
o Line seems to slow down, no mother to be found
o Never ask brothers about it- too shocked but not entirely
than it happened- I can imagine it and how it went down
o Father not on train that comes in a few days later.