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Caizi Qi
Professor McLaughlin
WR133001
1 December 2016
Your Happiness Is Not Mine: Cultural Differences in the Interpretation of Happiness

Future will be my big family. I responded when our writing tutorial professor asked us
how we envisioned our future. Hearing my answer, all my colleagues expressed friendliness, but
their answers were so different from mine. I will get my dream offer from Chase I will be
working in New York. I want to be a very independent young lady. Coming all the way from
China to US for college, I have faced difficulties in many different areas: language proficiency,
living skills, homesickness, etc. However, to me, the biggest challenge has been culture shock. I
am so unfamiliar with the way people around me look at the same world. Indeed, this culture
shock is not peculiar to me and its displayed in many conversations we have, such as the
discussion of what happiness is. I began to think that understanding values we take for granted
may not be as well appreciated in another culture might help us address the problem of culture
shock and broaden our own vision of the world.

Reality Television Shows from China and US

A television show Dad, Where Are We Going immediately aroused great interest all
around the world when its first season was launched in China. What captured world-wide
attention is not only its popularity but also its content. A reality show filming 5 pairs of celebrity
fathers, ranging from popular movie stars to famous fashion models, and their children who
travelled to 6 different rural villages over 6 consecutive trips and stayed together for an extensive

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three-day period at each destination allegedly aims to provide these families a chance to enjoy
their family time. Upon its launch, the first season had an average of 600 million viewers each
week and more than 640 million downloads online (Wong). The sponsorship for its second
season even shockingly sold for 312 million(Wong). Various articles both from China and other
countries including US emerged, analyzing why this particular reality show had come to such a
big success. Indeed, the reality show of comparable popularity in US takes a very different form.
For example, Hells Kitchen, one of the most popular American reality television shows since its
launch in 2005, which turns out to be broadcasted in 350 territories because of its popularity in
US (Gary) is a cook competition in which individual participants contesting to be the only
winner.

While Dad, Where Are We Going and other proceeding popular Chinese reality show
that tries to copy its success by imitating its content all pick up the key theme of family,
successful American reality shows in contrast seem to focus much more on individuals. As the
major function of television is to entertain its audience, its reasonable for us to believe that the
changing themes seen in television shows for audience in different countries display a cultural
disparity in how people perceive and understand what happiness is, why they are motivated to be
happy, and what will make them happy. Specifically, while Chinese people because of its cultural
heritage, Confucianism, tend to relate happiness more with developing healthy and strong
interpersonal relationships, Americans influenced by American dream and individualism tend to
equate happiness with personal or individual happiness.

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In the following paragraphs, I will respectively examine the cultural connotations
included in Dad, Where Are We Going and Hells Kitchen and explain how each television
show offers insight into its audiences preferred way of interpreting happiness. Since each of
these two shows represent the most popular genre of reality television show in these two
countries, we can clearly infer from them what values specifically those related to happiness are
highly embraced by people in China and US respectively.

Confucianism, and Family Relationship in Dad, Where Are We Going

Confucianism, recognized as a religion or philosophy that emphasizes devotion to

relationships (Carnagie, et al. 151), is very influential in Asia especially in Chinese society.
Indeed, Walter Slote, a sociology professor at Columbia University and expert in East Asian
Studies, suggests that after more than 2500 years the substance of Confucianism, particularly in
terms of interpersonal relationships and ethical values, is still alive and flourishing (38). This
emphasis on relationships draws particular attention to family relationship and the Confucian
family remains dominant in China. As addressed by Slote, the Confucian family is a type of
family that highlights the importance of family over individuals, the security brought to its
members by the family (38). Besides, Tu, a scholar devoting to the study of Confucianism for
decades, also adds self-cultivation as a communal act and the father-son relationship (121125) as key characteristics of the Confucian family. Indeed, we can better understand these four
traits in a typical Confucian family by looking at interactions between celebrity families in the
reality show Dad, Where Are We Going.

First of all, as expected by Confucianism, individuals should not be overly considered.

Instead, the concept of family as an undivided whole pervades. Just as Slote explains, the

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individual is not an I, rather he/she is an inextricable part of an encompassing we (44). This
means people always prioritize family while downplaying themselves as exemplified by the daily
polite conversations that focus overwhelmingly on family, and how Chinese people call each
other-identifying people with their family name. In the final episodes opening scene of Dad
Where Are We Going: first season, Lin, one of the celebrity fathers who is widely known both
as a singer and a television star, revealed that he caught a cold because of the extreme weather in
the village, Heilongjiang, they travelled to (00:08-00:13). However, instead of requesting to stop
filming, he decided to finish the trip because this was the last chance to travel with his family on
the show, and expressed he was so happy to be with his family that he didnt want to waste any
of these treasurable family hours. (00:13-00:16). Clearly, he values his interactions with the
family over his own personal health. Therefore, although he was not feeling very good, he didnt
assume this was the reason for him to be unhappy because the opportunity to be with his son
compensated him. In fact, the endeavor to increase family happiness at the expense of personal
sacrifice can be seen in other fathers in the show as well. For example, before the shows third
trip to Puzhehei, a village in Yunnan, Tian, a sports star, had a commercial filming in another city
and the original work schedule wouldnt give him enough time to fly to the trip destination on
time. In order not to disappoint his son and lose this travel opportunity, he chose to forgo his
sleep time and finish his filming earlier. Here, we can see the Confucian idea that family, as an
undivided one, is of great significance impacts how Chinese people think about the relationship
between themselves and their family, and react to circumstances.

Adding to the general emphasis on family over individuals, when zooming in, the
Confucian idea also underlines an intrapsychic security (Slote 39) that is assured elsewhere by
an all-knowing and benign authority. Specifically, in the Confucian family, this means the

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ultimate benevolent father (Slote 39). We also can see this idea reflected in the reality show. For
example, in a later scene of the show, when asked to consider the importance of these journeys,
Lin reflected that he grew up in a family without father and he had always wished a father could
be there so he could had felt more secured and assured, therefore he really hope he can protect
his son (58:53-58:56). Whats more, a subsequent series of scenes display flashbacks to moments
during the preceding journeys when his son hugged him and expressed the need to be soothed by
him. Obviously, the father understands that he always has to support his son, and the son also
expects his father to be the person who provides him with security. For both of them, this is a
joyous process. Therefore, its clear that influenced by Confucianism Chinese people tend to
secure their emotional need to feel safe from interactions with their family, mostly their father,
rather than trying to guarantee their own safety.

Some may argue that the authoritarian role proposed by the Confucian idea to be played
by the father may ruin the harmony of the family and impose a sense of fear, creating a conflict
within Confucianism. However, just as Tu argues, another Confucian idea love as a virtue
between father and son actually mediates this potential tension (125). In fact, in Confucianisms
discussion of the family relationship, the father-son relationship especially receives great
attention. Just as Tu points out Love between father and son is intended to show that the proper
relationship between them is mutual affection rather than one-way obedience (25). Assuredly,
the reality shows choice of composing each family unit in the show with a celebrity father and
his son or daughter displays this emphasis on father-son relationship by the Confucian idea of
family. Whats more, there are all types of scenes in the show exemplifying the reciprocal love
between father and son(daughter). For example, after completing a difficult task, Guo, a movie
star, and his son Shitou hugged and said I love you to each other. (61:46-61:49) They both

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expressed their love to each other. In this case, both the father and the son gained pleasure
through their mutual share of love. Once more, Confucianism provides a guidance for Chinese
people, influencing how they interact in a father-son relationship.

Besides providing healthy father-son interactions, the Confucian family is also expected
to help each other simultaneously obtain self-improvement (Tu 121). In this way, according to
Slote, individual growth doesnt undermine the integral sense of the family (The PsychoCultural Dynamics of the Confucian Family: Past and Present 190). Again, this selfconstruction with a family-level effort can be seen in the reality show. For example, in a series
of scenes flashing back to previous journeys, Zhang, a fashion model, narrated in the
background how step by step in these journeys he had helped his son become courageous, and
more interested in adventuring (66:53-66:57). When the son is developing his own personal
strength, clearly Zhang still considers himself to have a fulfilling role in pushing his son to
grow. The sons growth is beneficial and momentous to the whole family. Again, the Confucian
idea of the family relationship shows it impact when Chinese people look at individual growth,
a rather personal aspect.

Individualism in Hells Kitchen

The Declaration of Independence elucidates that all men are created equal, and they
are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty
and the pursuit of Happiness. From this famous line, we can see that Americans emphasize very
much on the notion of freedom, equality and individual right. And the discussion of American
dream, which embraces the idea of social mobility and encourages everybody to strive for its
individual goal, remains very popular in American society. Indeed, individualism, the idea that

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views self as independent (Park and Kitayama 426), is very dominant in America. A glimpse at
the television show Hells Kitchen, a cooking competition between many individual
contestants, will show us that influenced by individualism, the focus of American society is
intensely on individuals.

First of all, individualists embrace equal opportunities for everybody to pursue whatever
he or she wants (Bellah and Robert 25). This means each person has control over himself or
herself and keeps great autonomy at hand (Park and Kitayama 426). This highlight on
autonomy is clearly shown in Hells kitchen when Mary, one of the two contestants who
survived to the last round, expressed that although many people had underestimated her ability
and casted doubt on her, because of her personal determination she was able to make the
impossible possible (3:36-4:02). Here, we can see that instead of being influenced by other
peoples expectations and attitudes, her potential in Marys opinion is only determined by her
own effort. Therefore, her emotion is also highly under her own control. Clearly this is a
reinforcement of the individualistic idea.

Besides autonomy, individualism also stresses uniqueness (Park and Kitayama 426).
Therefore, different people are free to have different thoughts and ideas that are not necessarily
the same as others. Indeed, this idiosyncrasy is greatly noticed and highly valued by the society
as we could see in Hells kitchen. In a series of scenes, after the two contestants flied to Las
Vegas to prepare for the final round of the competition, the process of these two contestants
brainstorming their own ideas for the final competition is filmed. In these scenes, they sat really
far away from each other at two opposite sides of the room. The camera moves back and forth
between these two contestants very swiftly, conveying a strong sense of contrast. Whats more,

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their narratives in the background build up the peculiarity of their ideas (6:41-6:57). Clearly,
these scenes try to convey to the audience the admirably exceptional characteristic seen in both
of the two individual contestants. Here, we can see the praise for individuals to maintain their
own ideas and construct their own worthiness by not being bounded by any other people.

Lastly but not the least, another American idea developed from individualism seen in
Hells kitchen is freedom (Park and Kitayama, 426). That is everybody is free to make any
choice or decision as long as he or she is willing to do that. In Hells kitchen, when the two
contestants were choosing the team that would help them in the final challenge, Mary attempted
to negotiate with the other contestant JaNel to exchange one team member. They didnt reach
achievement and JaNel said that she didnt care that much about what Mary thought, and she
was good to go (34:53-35:04). Here, we can see that JaNel didnt feel guilty or bad because
Mary felt bad. JaNel was just as happy. She was free to make her own decision regardless of
what that would make other people feel. Again, we can see the expression of the idea that each
individual is independent and responsible for its own emotions. Other peoples emotions and
reactions are not decisive in influencing ones own emotions.

The Changing Happiness Conversation into Two Diverse Cultures

Comparing the two different television shows, Dad, Where Are We Going and Hells
kitchen, we can see that US culture and Chinese culture each carries very distinct ideas
originating mainly from individualism and Confucianism separately. Specifically, these ideas
lead to very different understanding of the self and interpersonal relationships. From one
perspective, when looking at the self, Americans prefer to view the self as independent while
Chinese tend to view the self as interdependent (Park and Kitayama 426). On the other hand, as

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explained by Slote, when considering about interpersonal relationships, Americans view them as
slices of the pie that remain individuality while Chinese view them as ingredients in the soup
that is inextricably established only within the context of the whole. (44) This diverse
understanding of the self and interpersonal relationships specifically influences how people in
these two countries look at happiness. Indeed, researchers studying the cultural differences in
emotional experiences identify two distinct ways in which Chinese people and American people
respectively interpret happiness (Uchida, et al. 223).

The disparity in how Chinese and Americans understand self and interpersonal
relationships is evident if we go back to the scenes from these two television shows that we have
analyzed before and compare them. First of all, as aforementioned, there are multiple scenes in
Dad. Where Are We Going interviewing fathers who articulated themselves as supporters of
their kids who helped their children secure happiness. These scenes stress the interdependent
relationship within these families, conveying the interpretation of happiness as family
happiness. However, although also containing scenes of interactions between different
participants, Hells Kitchen, in contrast, displays in multiple scenes the contrasting
characteristics seen in each individual contestant, expressing the understanding of happiness as
personal happiness peculiar to each individual. Indeed, as shown in these shows, the
interpretation of happiness takes two diverse forms-interpreted as in the context of family by
Chinese and as within oneself by Americans.

Besides framing happiness respectively as personal and social, Chinese people and
American people also expect different motivations for the attainment of happiness because of
their different understanding of interpersonal relationships. Because Americans value the self

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over interpersonal relationships, they expect the construction of a positive self-image as an
effective way to attain personal happiness (Uchida, et al. 229). In contrast, because Chinese
people emphasize interpersonal relationships, especially family relationship, and devalue
individuality, they dont view personal happiness as real happiness. Instead, the idea that
happiness lies in the enhancement of social or family harmony dominates Chinese society
(Uchida et al, 230).

Again this difference in the underlying motivations for pursing happiness expected by
Chinese and Americans is reflected by these two shows. Specifically, these two popular shows
establish two different themes in order to address the contrasting expectations from their
audience and to attract attention. Dad, Where Are We Going? focuses intensively on the
depiction of family interactions, detailing how each family acted actively to promote
cohesiveness within the family and thus obtaining happiness for all the family members involved
in this intimate interpersonal relationship. In comparison, Hells Kitchen tries to portray every
individual as independent and idiosyncratic, zeroing in on how each participant individually
strived hard to secure his or her personal happiness.

Although its reasonable for us to assume that the ability to have emotions or more
specifically to feel happy is universal, when it comes to how we perceive or approach happiness,
the same universal law doesnt work that well any more. People from different countries tend to
assume that their own way of interpreting and pursuing for happiness- for example the American
way of centralizing the foci on individuals or the Chinese way of concentrating on the family as
an inseparable and important unit- is authoritatively correct and universally effective. However,
analyzing the information related to happiness covered by these different genres of television

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reality shows popular in China and US, we can figure out that the whole picture of happiness is
far broader than we could have imagined. Indeed, different people in different countries with
diverse cultures understand and pursue for happiness in much differentiated ways. Therefore, by
looking into other cultures, we may be able to understand and pursue for happiness in a less
fettered and limited way. Hopefully, the happiness conversation between different cultures
hopefully will ultimately free us. Whats more, transcending from the discussion of happiness, if
we are able to always be aware of the different stands we have on issues caused by these cultural
differences, we will be more supportive and less likely to alienate people from other countries
because of culture shock.

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Worked Cited
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