Tanner, ' want to start by saying that poetry is not my forte. | haven't taken the class, so | won't claim to have any authority on the subject. | do enjoy poetry and have enjoyed reading Rilke, Mary Oliver, Sylvia Plath, Ted Hughes, Neruda, and some others. | only tell you this so that you know how limited my scope is and what background I'm coming from as | give you feedback. Seven Years really stood out to me. | think that it is seemingly simple, but | love that about it. It Says so much and evokes so much feeling when | read it. In Revelation, | like the idea of the wooden floors watching the speaker, and the allusion you get by using the word planks is really nice, | think. | like the image of trying to grasp onto water and have it fall through the speaker's fingers in Identity. Freedom Paints Itself has some nice imagery. The idea of an abandoned canvas is nice. Sad, but nice. | wonder if you could play with that a bit more. Okay. Moments of confusion. I'm uncertain of what “white pupils” means in Revelation since pupils are black. I've not been able to gain any clsrity there, so | just wanted to know a bit more. Identity presents a problem for theme to me. The image of not being able to catch water seems stressful and seems to imply that the speaker Is having a hard time with his identity. The rest of the poem, however, seems like he fas s grasp on it. think it’s fine to have the poem start with confusion and end with the speaks feeling very accepted and at ease with who he or she is. But I missed that moment of change. The only other critique | have is about the ending of Freedom Paints Itself. feel like you could work on making it punchier. There is a great build up there with the images, and | just wanted something that left me with more feeling than that ending. Overall, | really think you have a good thing going. 'm interested in whether or not this is one speaker or several, and if you'll separate them in an obvious way. | can’t wait to read more (though I'm sure, if they're all like Seven Years, | will be very heartbroken after lol). Thanks for letting me read, and | hope | was able to contribute something! Lori