A/N: As you know, this story is supposed to span a weekend.

So this chapter starts on Saturday

night and ends Sunday night. I will likely continue with their return to New York but not much
more after that. This chapter definitely brings to light issues for the main four (CB DS) and
clears up some lingering questions about previous references. It's a fast moving story, but DB
also dated for almost two years which means their feelings can be recognized more easily now. I
hope you enjoy it, but if you don't that's okay! My stories always completely change from my
original idea (unintentionally), but I've enjoyed the angsty direction of this one.
The song No One's Gonna Love You is perf for Dair, everyone should listen to it, and the book
quote is from A Farewell to Arms.
If you can't tell from this chapter, I love writing confused and in love puppy dog Dan.
Also, this chapter serves as a reason why the story is rated M.
She would stay home with him when he wrote sometimes. She was usually quite distracting,
flaunting around in her La Perlas while making breakfast or pouring him another cup of coffee.
She liked watching the smile spread across his lips as he looked up at her, complaining about
how much work the still had to do.
"I'll give you something to write about," she whispers in his ear, a hand trailing down to the
waistband of his boxers.
"Blair-" he breathes. He means to say more, but with her hand wrapped around him he's at a
loss for words.
"I used to think about you sometimes, back before we were friends."
"We were-" he's cut off by a groan as her hand slides up and down slowly, "We were friends?"
Her laugh rings through his ear and brings an easy grin to his face, "It was innocent at first. I
just thought about your touch. I imagined your hand sliding up under my shirt, resting behind my
neck, stroking my inner thigh."
His head falls back against her shoulder as he licks his lips, picturing his lonely high school self
feeling up Blair Waldorf.
"Then after NYU and Dorota's wedding, the thoughts started to get dirtier."
She waits a few minutes to continue, just working him carefully until he says,

"Tell me."
"When I was in Paris with Serena, she'd spend some nights out of the room. I'd lay in bed
wondering what it'd be like to have Dan Humphrey for one night. I'd push my underwear aside
and rub my clit gently, thinking about what was underneath your hideous clothing."
"Dirtier," his voice is deep and it sends a shiver through her spine.
"I liked to think about you in old run down bars, pinning me against a bathroom stall, my fingers
sliding in and out of myself secretly wishing it was you, wishing you were fucking me against
that cold metal, thrusting in and out of me roughly."
"Blair, I- Fuck."
"Then I'd arch my back, squeezing my eyes shut as I'd come with your name on my lips."
He groans loudly, pulling her onto his lap hastily and letting a few fingers slide into her. A soft
moan gets buried against his neck.
"Blair Waldorf," he mutters into her ear, "everything I hate about the Upper East Side," she tilts
her head back, sucking in her bottom lip as his thumb moves against her clit at an achingly slow
pace, "doe-eyed," her teeth dig into her lip as she smiles at him through hazy eyes, "bon mot
tossing," he feels her hand reach to stroke him again, "label whoring-" her finger nails dig into
his shoulder as she steadies herself, hips grinding into his hand. She comes in a series of short
little breaths and he swallows them in a kiss while she finishes getting him off, "package of-," his
breath hitches as her lips touch his jaw, her hand moving far too quickly for him to focus.
She doesn't let him finish the sentence.
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"Blair," his hand shakes her shoulder gently before she jumps awake.
"Dan?"
"You fell asleep out here I guess. It's almost 2 am." His soft eyes force a small smile from her as
she pushes herself up from the couch.
She couldn't sleep in bed with Chuck. His phone was glued to his hand until he fell asleep with
his arms wrapped around her so tightly that she couldn't move in any direction. She had walked
down to the living room around 10 and must've fallen asleep reading.

"What are you still doing up?" she asks quietly, eyes adjusting to the dim lighting.
"I don't sleep much these days."
It's evident from the dark circles under his eyes and the weary look he's been wearing the past
couple days.
"One more day, right? Then we'll all go home and you and Serena can go back to planning your
wedding."
"Right."
They're both silent and she swears her ears are ringing. It's a dull silence that she wants to break,
but fears it'll just annoy him.
"I'm sorry for that stuff I said the other night," his voice is barely above a whisper as he
continues scribbling on the piece of paper in front of him, "You know I just want you to be
happy."
"Friends?" she raises her eyebrows, probably a bit too hopefully.
He doesn't respond, just stares at the paper in front of him pensively.
"I never wanted to hurt you," she says quietly.
Dan nods, closing his eyes to reflect on the past two years, "I know," he says, "but you did."
She looks at him carefully, the detailing of his face, his delicate lashes, the way his hand slides
across the paper as he writes. It's graceful, and yet, rugged and distraught.
"Writing sonnets about your effervescent blonde goddess?" She doesn't mean for it to come out
bitter, but somehow it does.
"I don't write those much anymore."
"Why not?"
"I'm not in high school anymore."
And they leave it at that.
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"Will you marry me?"

Her eyes fill with tears as she leans down to press a kiss against his lips.
"Yes," she kisses him again, "Yes, yes, a thousand times yes."
He loves seeing her like this. It's the reaction he always wanted, the one he needed. Her blonde
hair falls into his mouth and he pulls it out clumsily before standing.
As he stands to face her, Serena's smile gleams back at him in the sunlight.
He proposes on the Met Steps, and the whole thing gives him a fucked up sense of deja vu.
I thought you should get to feel like a princess one last time.
"Are you sure about this?" She asks, and it's so genuine that it kind of makes him hate himself
since the decision was completely impulsive. The ring on her finger makes his stomach do a
small flip as he nods and tells her he's sure.
In reality, he should've seen it coming. Serena always said they were forever, maybe she was
right.
Their spending the past few months together was very eye opening for Dan. He started rethinking being done with women altogether. Blair was back with Chuck and that meant he had to
move on too. For good.
The problem with that was, he couldn't take opening himself up to rejection from a new
relationship. While choosing Serena may have been a selfish choice, at least it was also making
her incredibly happy.
And yet, he couldn't shake the feeling that she'd come back. Brown curls and dark apologetic
eyes, standing in the doorway of the loft the way she always had. Maybe it was wrong for him to
still think that way, but it wasn't as though he could control it.
The worst part of it all is that knew, on the off chance that she did return to him, he would
probably forgive her.
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They all decide to go out for their last night up north. While the local bar is different from their
normal taste, it seems like a fun way to spend time as a group before they all go back to living
their separate lives downtown.

Dan collides with Blair in the hallway and she looks so beautiful he has to catch his breath before
he can speak. She's wearing the same dress she wore their first night in Italy. He can still
remember the plum colored skirt swinging in the breeze as she walked down the beach, her
entire back exposed in a deep V.
Her pale pink lips curl into a smile as she pushes past him politely to walk back to her room. He
watches her until she turns the corner inside.
Serena greets him in a short red dress that is equally appealing, but on entirely different levels.
"You look nice," she grins, her lips painted a deep red to match her dress. He notes that in his
flannel shirt, he'll probably fit in quite well at the bar.
Chuck and Blair are the last to arrive due to another argument about a merger between Bass
Industries and Waldorf Designs. Chuck insists it's the best thing for both companies, and their
relationship. Blair just seems against it because it upsets him. Either way, they show up with
plastered smiles just the same.
Dan sits at the bar with a whiskey sour. He's not much of a dancer, and Serena seems to be
getting along just fine without him. Carter's arm rests lazily around her waist as they sway freely
to the music.
"Buy me a drink, Humphrey," her small frame slides into the stool next to him.
"Buy your own, Waldorf."
She keeps glaring at him so eventually he orders her a gin and tonic and slides it over to her
hand, careful not to spill.
He looks at her out of the corner of his eye and is reminded just how perfectly the dress
compliments every part of her. It's not the greatest feeling.
"Bass Industries and Waldorf Designs, huh?"
The whiskey gives him the courage to ask.
"It's never going to happen. My mother finds the whole thing far too risky."
"How so?"
Blair takes a deep breath and brings her gaze up to meet his, "She says we're too unstable for
such a big commitment."

While Dan expects the words would make him happy, instead he just wonders why she's even
with him. He will never understand how Blair can continue returning to a relationship that makes
her miserable. He can see just how vulnerable the statement makes her so he quickly thinks of a
response,
"Well that's just how you two are, isn't it?"
Two wrongs make a twisted right.
"I guess. I don't know," her eyes are hurt and he reaches for her hand but quickly retracts when
he realizes his movement, "I thought I needed dysfunction in a relationship for it to be right. I
thought Chuck understood my dark side more than anyone, but I'm starting to think I was wrong.
About all of it."
Dan leans back on his stool, his elbow resting on the bar as his gaze moves from her eyes down
to her lips and back up again.
"What do you mean?"
"I thought Chuck was the only person who saw the real me, no matter how much you tried, I
didn't think you would ever fully get me. You wrote Inside, about Clair Carlyle, who was
everything I wanted to be in high school. But that wasn't actually me. I thought I was some sort
of illusion to you, that you couldn't love what I was really like," She closes her eyes for a
moment, moisture gathering on her lashes, "But the more I look back on it, the more I see that I
was never more myself than when I was with you."
Dan recalls his first proposal, when he told her that he was never more himself than when they
were together, and it was the truth. He just wished she could've seen the same was true for
herself earlier.
"Blair, I-" he takes a breath, "I don't know what you want me to say."
The music stops and No One's Gonna Love You by Band of Horses begins playing throughout the
bar.
"I know it's too late now. I just thought you should know." She stands from her seat and extends
her hand for a dance.
Dan rolls his eyes because she knows how much he hates dancing, but she would always force
him anyway. As they make their way to the dance floor he notices Serena and Nate whispering
and laughing in the corner. He wants to care, but as Blair's body moves into his he can't.

"I'm surprised Serena's doppleganger survived this entire trip," Blair whispers into his ear,
laughing lightly.
"You don't like Stacey? I think she's nice."
Blair grins as her hand gently squeezes his side, "I'm pretty sure her name is Rebecca and you
haven't said one word to her this whole weekend."
"That's because I've had you following me around like a lost puppy all weekend."
They both laugh and Dan feels himself pulling her closer against him. He knows Chuck, Serena,
Nate, whoever are probably all watching them but he doesn't care. He had almost forgotten what
it felt like to have her in his arms, smiling up at him in the most beautiful way. His fingers glide
up and down her back gingerly as her gaze flickers down to his lips.
Okay, no.
"But no one is ever gonna love you more than I do"
"Blair, listen-"
"Humphrey, thanks for keeping her warm for me. I can take over now," Chuck cuts in between
them smugly and reaches for Blair's hand.
"Really? The song isn't even over yet," he feels really immature for saying that, but the point still
stands.
"No, but the dance is."
Blair looks incredibly annoyed but Dan knows she won't do anything so he just decides to walk
away. Before he can, Chuck grabs his arm firmly.
"I have to say, I was worried about her, spending all that time with you abroad. I was afraid you'd
change her for the worst, but I must say, Humphrey," he takes a moment to meet his gaze with
Dan's, "she's even more of an animal in bed than before."
He doesn't even know how it happens but his fist is colliding with Chuck's jaw in a fit of anger.
His whole body is burning and he desperately needs air. He glances at Chuck, pushing himself up
from floor, laughing at the scene he'd just caused.
Blair's eyes are watery and apologetic and he just needs to not be there.

Dan makes his way through the crowd of people and out the door into fresh air.
"Dan!" Serena grabs for his hand as he storms down the sidewalk and he whips around, taking a
deep breath.
"Serena, I'm sorry. I just need to be alone right now."
"Too bad," she ignores his request of silence, "I felt so guilty for forcing you to come on this trip.
I knew you didn't want to go, but I made you because I thought it'd be good for our relationship.
Clearly this trip was a mistake," she takes a breath, "but it's not the only mistake, is it?"
Her hands fall on her hips firmly and he can tell she already knows the answer to her question,
just needs to hear him confirm it.
"No, the trip was not the only mistake."
"I see the way you look at her, Dan. Even when I'm sitting right next to you, I don't even think
you realize you're doing it half the time."
"Serena-"
"I tried to be okay with it, because I knew you hadn't seen her in a year so it was probably just
hard for you. But tonight, the look on your face when you danced with her"
She trails off to wipe her eyes and sniffles slightly, her firm posture weakening.
"Are you still in love with her?"
Dan buries his face in his hands. He thought he could get away from it, that the more he
pretended it wasn't there, the more it would go away. But the weekend brought everything back
full force. He feels defeated. He rubs his eyes roughly with his palms before opening his eyes to
look at her again.
"Yes. But that doesn't mean-"
"Here," Serena yanks the ring off her finger and places it in his hand, "We both know it was
never mine."
Then she walks back inside and leaves him out on the empty sidewalk alone. For the first time in
awhile, he doesn't mind being by himself.
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The second time Dan proposed was at Harold's birthday party. In front of about thirty people, he
poured his heart out to Blair only to have her tell him she'd think about it. Needless to say he
was getting used to the rejection.
Blair's out shopping when he gets a call from Lucia about a party for the writers program. The
open bar isn't something they would pass up.
He fumbles through the counter drawer for a pen to take down the address, shuffling through
papers and knick knacks until a card goes fluttering to the floor. He can't quite make out the
picture so he kneels down to get a closer look.
The Empire State Building.
His heart is slamming against his rib cage as he turns it over and reads the words,
"I'll be waiting this time."
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"What is wrong with you?" Blair shoves him even after he's regained balance, "Why would you
say that to him?"
"You told me it was over. That there was nothing between you two anymore." Chuck holds his
jaw in pain, but keeps himself close to her body.
"What's your point?!"
"My point," his voice rises, pulling her off the dance floor, "is that what I saw wasn't nothing.
Everyone could see it! Do you honestly think I'm that big of an idiot?"
Blair looks around to see all of her friends gossiping quietly, pointing at them and exchanging
glances.
"No," she says quietly, "I don't."
"I thought this was what you wanted! I thought this was your fairytale."
"You and I, we were never a fairytale, Chuck."
And finally, she figures it out. Everything becomes clear.
Her mind flashes through scenes from the past few years of her life.

You'll still have me / Always / I meant what I said, whatever you need, I'm here for you / I
want more, I want you / I couldn't stand to see you so unhappy / Our relationship is our
world / That girl is fiercely strong, independent, outspoken, beautiful, capable of anything /
I think I want to spend the rest of my life with you / I'm in this for the long haul / I'm never
more myself than when I'm with you / My book ends with you and me / I've already made
my choiceand it's you
"I figured it out," she says, more to herself than anyone.
"What?"
"He told me to figure out what I want. I figured it out."
Chuck smirks but a certain sadness rests in his eyes as he comes to the conclusion that it's not
him.
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"Read my favorite part," She nuzzles against his shoulder gently.
"Blair, you have like seven favorite parts in this book."
"You know which part," her voice is firm as she curls into his body slightly, making herself more
comfortable. Dan's already on the page.
"Maybeyou'll fall in love with me all over again."
Dan glances down to notice that Blair is mouthing the words with him as he reads.
"Hell," I said, "I love you enough now. What do you want to do? Ruin me?"
Her eyes stay closed and a small smile rests on her lips as she says aloud,
"Yes. I want to ruin you."
"Good." Dan replies, "That's what I want too."
A/N: This chapter will finally resolve a lot of things for these goons. No flashbacks today :( I
just don't think they fit anymore. May continue from here or at least do an Afterword, who
knows!
Thank you to everyone who has read or reviewed! I love you.

The house is over two miles away, but Blair decides to walk back. The cold air helps her think.
She thinks about what she'll say to Dan, how she'll explain herself to the person she wronged
most. Then she starts panicking as she considers him rejecting her- it's always possible. He's
engaged to Serena, perhaps it's what he wanted all along, she was just a distraction along the
way.
But that doesn't make sense, she thinks. She's his first choice. He had told her so many times,
how could she let that slip by her?
Her decision to walk becomes a regret when it starts pelting rain on her face and hair. She starts
to cry as she thinks of his soft brown eyes, full of concern as he listened during her struggles
with Louis and Chuck, or losing her baby. She's always found him so beautiful, even before they
started dating. Even through the tears, her body warms when she remembers his smile.
When she finally arrives at the house, she carefully rehearses what she's going to say over and
over before opening the door. She shivers in the doorway of his and Serena's bedroom, watching
silently as he packs his suitcase.
"Where's Serena?" her voice is quiet as she leans against the door frame. His reaction is the
indifference she experienced for most of the weekend. She's suddenly incredibly nervous.
"She's, uh- she's staying at a motel in town with Georgina and Carter."
Blair watches him close his eyes, a hint of regret seems to flash through his face but quickly
passes when he looks at her again.
"You told me to figure out what I want," she breathes as she steps in the room, "in Italy."
"I know, you chose Chuck." The bitterness in his voice cuts her as he continues packing, leaving
her standing alone awkwardly. A few moments pass in silence and she's already lost all the words
she had planned.
He seems conflicted about what he wants to say next, trying to decide if it's worth the fight. He
finally speaks up, "Do you think about me?"
"What?"
"Do you think about me," Dan throws the shirt he's holding into the suitcase and turns to face
her, "when you fuck him?"
Blair gulps loudly, feeling a pang of desire shoot through her stomach. His jaw is still clenched
tightly waiting for her answer. Their bodies are far too close for comfort now and she can feel his

hips brush against hers slightly. His eyes are dark and full of want. Her mouth is dangerously
close to his, willing him to kiss her.
"Yes," she whispers and his lips come crashing into hers roughly. Their tongues spar for
dominance, hers always coming out on top. His fingers are gripping her sides tightly, holding on
for dear life. He finally breaks away as they struggle to catch their breath.
"It's you." She moves in closer to him, keeping her eyes at level with his as she swallows
nervously, "It was you the whole time. I couldn't see it."
Dan closes his eyes at her words, but it's not the reaction she was hoping for. He looks miserably
sad.
"You can't do this to me again. You can't tell me I'm the person you want and then turn around
and leave me. I don't care if that sounds selfish. You have broken me," his voice lowers slightly,
"more than I thought possible."
"I want-" he takes a deep breath, stepping away from her, "I want you to read something."
Dan approaches her with a pile of messily stapled papers and she takes them from him carefully,
scanning the first page.
"What is it?"
Blair lets her fingers trace the words slowly as she reads, flipping through the pages she starts to
see a pattern. While she expects to read the trials and tribulations of Dylan Hunter and Clair
Carlyle, she finds something else entirely.
It's a series of proposals, scattered all across Europe. The Colosseum, the Eiffel Tower, even the
local cafe where they used to have coffee sometimes in the morning. Warm tears cloud her eyes
and fall on the paper as she realizes it's not about Dylan and Clair, it's about them.
Dan and Blair.
Sixteen proposals total, each with a very carefully thought out declaration of love all leading up
to the same four words,
"Will you marry me?"
Each time, she says yes.
"Read the first one out loud," his voice is too soft and she's already trying hard not to cry.

"If you can forgive me," she begins to read Dan's line with a shaky voice, "I seem to have lost all
the words I was going to say. I look at you, and suddenly I can't breathe," she takes a deep
breath, "The way I feel about you is unlike anything I've ever felt before. I hate myself, annoy
myself sometimes for loving you the way that I do," he's moved closer to her and she can feel
heat radiating off of his body, "I can write pages and pages of stories about you, but now that
you're standing in front of me, I'm rendered speechless. I know that you will probably walk away
from me, the way you've done so many times before. But I want, I need you to know that I see
you- all of you for exactly who you are. I love you, Blair. You're the person I want by my side for
everything, for all of it. Please, don't walk away."
She glances up at him, her lip quivering slightly as she says, "I don't understand."
Dan takes a step closer to her, his breathing shallow.
"Blair, I told you. My book ends with you and me. I've tried to write other endings, but this is all
that comes out. Even when we're apart, I can't write anything different."
As Blair studies his face, she wonders how she could ever leave him the way she did. His brown
eyes are so earnest and yet filled with fear that she might walk out on him again. She doesn't
know how she could ever think Chuck was what she needed, or even wanted for that matter. She
always thought Dan was an obstacle to get to Chuck, but it was the other way around. Her hand
trembles as she places it on the side of his face. He leans into the touch and she can see small
tears forming in the corners of his eyes.
"Blair" her fingers curl at his jaw and suddenly his lips are on hers again and she feels
everything. She can remember kissing him when they were together, the way it felt like he was
handing his entire heart over to her. She hadn't realized how much she missed that feeling. The
papers fall out of her hand and flutter to the floor as she deepens the kiss and wraps her arms
around his neck, pulling him further in.
Dan groans into her mouth and her body aches for more as he tears at her dress with sloppy
hands, pulling it down to reveal her black lace lingerie. His breath catches when his eyes flicker
down her body, seemingly remembering how much he appreciates her body. She pulls his shirt
over his head and a finger trails down his chest delicately sending a shiver through him.
"I'm so sorry," she whimpers as his lips race down her neck, "I've missed you" her voice trails
off as his teeth graze against her collar bone.
"More than you can imagine," he finishes her sentence and backs her towards the bed, laying her
down gently.

His hand slides down the smooth skin of her stomach, stopping when he gets to her already damp
underwear. Her hips buck against his fingers and she whimpers softly. A hunger rips through her
as she yanks at his boxers, forcing them down his legs. They're too impatient to even get her
underwear off. He shoves her panties aside and hikes a leg up over his shoulder, thrusting into
her roughly.
"Oh-" She throws her head back as she moans, propping herself up on her elbows to watch him
move in and out of her.
"Fuck," Dan leans down to rest his forehead against hers, quickening his pace, "I missed you so
much."
His hand moves to rub her clit and Blair grasps the sheets tightly, letting out an uncontrollable
moan. His fingers are practiced and sure, moving just fast enough to make her start to come on
done.
"Dan, I-" She tilts her head up to press her lips against his before dropping back onto the bed and
letting his movements take over, "Don't stop"
Her walls clench tightly around him and her body starts to tremble while she mumbles his name
incoherently. He slams into her a few more times before letting out a loud groan and collapsing
beside her.
For a moment, she wonders if it's all real, or if she'll spend another morning waking up next to
Chuck texting on his Blackberry.
"I wanna go home," she pants, glancing over at him.
His eyes stay on the ceiling.
"Manhattan?" he asks.
"Brooklyn."