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Love

How to Love a Strong & Complicated Woman.

Via Jennifer S. White
on Sep 18, 2013

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Relephant:What Women Really Want from Men.

Call her a pampered-princess typeyoud be right.

She knows her worth and value and she demands that her lover does too.(Lesson one.) You know, lets just cut to the chase and dive in.
How to love a strong and complicated woman.

~
*Dear elephant reader: if you're single & looking for mindful dating or conscious love, try out our lovely partner,
MeetMindful.
~
First, be open.
Because she will probably want to pull the blankets up over her head from time-to-time; closing herselfand her thoughtso from the world
and the world includes you.
Shell want you to know how she feels, of course, but she wont always feel up to telling you. This will make your relationship challenging for
both of you, because open communication is necessary for two people to properly understand one another without, well, misunderstandings.
So please talk to her about your own feelings and thoughtsyour sharing will encourage hers.
Also, dont be afraid to ask her questions, but do try being gentle rather than probing. (She saysthank you in advance.)
And lets get this out into the open right away:Complicated women who pretend that they are not complicated are a challenge.
You have your work cut out for you.
Dont get me wrong, there are uncomplicated womenjust like there are men who will see this articles words and nd themselves written here
for their lovers to read.

Because sharing the same sex doesnt make us the same person.
On the other hand, any woman with close girlfriends will be able to tell you that women, very generally speaking mind you, have their own
ways of communicating and, sometimes, even thinkingall Im suggesting is that its okay to admit it.
No, Im going a step further and saying that if wedo admit this that all of our relationshipsbe it a friendship or romantic partnershipwill be

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easier becausere-read the rst statement above and repeat after me: opencommunication is necessary for two people to properly understand
one another.
Okay, so back to the self-declared-uncomplicated-yet-complicated woman.
Im probably not the best authority in this arena, because I often put my eccentricities on display (obviously).
However, I will tell you this: let her go on pretending that shes not complexyou will not change her mind. This is a realization that she must
come to own her own (or another woman who is a close enough friend can point it out to hernot you).
Why?
Simplere ect upon the moments when youve probably accused her of being di cult to understand; likely theyve been those times when
you were irritated, and your words and thoughts were not coming from a completely loving place.
So, ladies, consider being more forthright about your needswithhim and with yourselfand, gentlemen, keep in mind that your own sharing
and approachable receptivity will help her to come out of her shelleven if its at seemingly tortoise-like speedsbut, in the meantime, practice
patience with her. (Because shes worth it.)
Additionally, part of the reason that shes being so emotionally reserved is that, like many of us, shes afraid of rejection, and this fear
however subconsciousleaves her with a fragile vulnerability.
Which brings me to

Give sincere compliments.

Everyone needs to be toldout loudwhats great about themeveryone.
However, the complicated woman probably needs more compliments than your average bear, or lady as the case may be.
Yes, shes strong (well get to that later). Still, inside every grown and gorgeous woman is a little girl wanting love, a ection and attentionand,
honestly, if most people search themselves they, too, will nd a child wanting to be shown love.
If you cant handle this, walk away nowand good luck ndingany womanor any loverwho doesnt need the occasionally verbalized
compliment.
Remember the sincere part, though.
You certainly dont want to hand out so many compliments that they become expected or, worse, canned and phony.
Still, there are most likely two reasons why a woman would ask you, for example, how she looks in something:one, she genuinely wants to

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know how she looks, in which case you should be honest and not let her leave the house in something hideousproceed with caution hereor,
two, shes shing for compliments because you rarely give them to her unless she asks99.9% of the time, the latter is the reason.
Moving on.

Lets shift over the strong aspect of your lady love.

Strength, like many personal attributes, is subjective. I de ne a woman withstrengthas someone who knows what she wants, who isnt afraid to go
after it and who has her own independent mind and life.
In short, if I were you, I wouldnt glance in any other womans direction but hers because youll nd that shes fun, ery and full of excitement since
she knows herself thoroughly and cant wait to discover more with you.
So how do you love a woman like this?
You must be strong too (see aforementioned description)and the reason for this isnt complicated like she is.
A strong woman wants a partneran equal, someone to challenge her when necessary and who is steady enough to lean intowithout
getting bulldozedwhen life gets hard.
She might act like she always wants to get her wayshe might even think she doesbut, in reality, she doesnt want to romanceor be
romanced bya push-over.
This doesnt mean that she doesnt want you to be sensitive, to always consider her viewpoint and to compromise, but itdoes mean that she
wants you to stand up for yourself when you need tobecause she wants to love and respect you enough in return that she, too, has to be
sensitive, to always consider your viewpoint and to compromise.
Again, a strong woman is looking for a partner to hold her hand and walkwith her through lifenot walk her through life, pulling her hand and
being controllingand, likewise, she doesnt want to waste her time always guiding you either.

Okay, back to complicated.

Actually, you know what? I think I can save us both a lot of time here; I dont think there is such a thing as a complicated woman. No, come to think
of it, a self-de ned complicated woman will give you the least amount of troubleand be the least di cult to gure outbecause shes already
trying to gure herself outand then shes trying to express her revelations to you so that you can fully know her.
And thats the thing about complicated people: all theyre looking for is someone who gets themreallygets them.
Arent we all complicated in our own ways? Isntcomplicated just semantics? Dont we all have internal idiosyncrasies?

I mean, isnt it the sum of these individual quirks that make people special, unique and worth getting to knowand then
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love?
So if you clicked on this article my speculation is this: you either consider yourself a strong and complicated woman, you love one, or you want to
love one.
And heres another thought: youre already going in the right direction. Because all love has its intricacies and its delicate balances between two hearts
and two mindsand its not easy for two people to work as one.
Its not easy, but love is worth it. And sheis worth ityou are worth it. Yet, all love depends upon learning and sharing and growing together if it
doesnt want to grow apart. So stay curious.
Be openand remember that having love inside of you that youwant to give readily is, itself, a huge contributing factor towards a relationships
success and strength. And were all strong in our own waysstrength really is subjectively de ned.

We all have our own personally distinguishable strengthsand love is simply nding another person who recognizes
them and wants to help you make them even stronger.
Because people might be complicated, but Im not entirely sure that love has to be.
Then again, I guess that love will always be complexas long as strong, inquisitive, impassioned people are involved.
Relephant bonus:

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Like elephant love on Facebook.

Ed: Bryonie Wise

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AboutJennifer S. White
Read more from Jennifer S. White

Jennifer S. White is a voracious reader, obsessive writer, passionate yoga instructor and drinker of hoppy ales. Shes also a devoted mama and wife
(a stay-at-home yogi). She considers herself to be one of the funniest people who ever lived and shes also an identical twin. In addition to her work
on elephant journal, Jennifer has over 40 articles published on the wellness website MindBodyGreen and her yoga-themed column Your Personal
Yogi ran in the newspaper Toledo Free Press. She holds a Bachelors degree in geology, absolutely no degrees in anything related to literature, and
she currently owns a wheel of cheese. If you want to learn more about Jennifer, make sure to check out her writing, as shes nally put her
tendencies to over-think and over-share to good use. Jennifer is the author ofThe Best Day of Your Life, available onAmazonandBarnes & Noble.
She's also as excited as a ve year old to announce the release of her second book,The Art of Parenting: Love Letters from a Mother, available
onAmazon.

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0 Comments

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Facebook Comments Plugin

joanne 145 weeks ago

Thank you for your article, an amazing read. Kind regards x

Amber 145 weeks ago

+1

Love this! So true.

Natasha 145 weeks ago

Will have to share this lovely read!

Amber 142 weeks ago

+10

Sounds like a confused woman, not a complicated one. Doesn't really know what she wants. and doesn't seem worth it.
Tamara 142 weeks ago

+2

Love this article! Now only to nd a man who understands it.

Jenna B.

142 weeks ago

Wiser
Nice article Bryonie!! Sounds like you think you have women all gured out. We'll see. ;) Remember, some llies are just trying to
nd the right stallion to fully experience life with. Stay curious!!

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Kate 142 weeks ago

+13

i don't mean to be cruel, but this article appears to be a ramblings of a somewhat confused individual." Pampered princess type"
maybe complicated, but not in any way that suggests strength .. So you ( as in your typical Princess type strong and complicated
woman ) profess to know what you want, but asking for it may leave you in a state of 'fragile vulnerability'...hmmm, A strong
woman ' knows herself thoroughly ' yet can't necessarily ask for her needs to be met, instead she wants you to know now she
feels but won't always be up to telling you'. Crikey, this is published in a journal that is about mindfulness? To even utter a
phrase like 'knows herself thoroughly' reveals how little the author knows about herself, for who of us knows themselves
thoroughly?
Muks 141 weeks ago

+14

A strong woman, or any strong person for that matter, is a straightforward communicator, not sitting in a shell. Strength is not
just based on wants and independent opinions, but on accepting and showing feelings and vulnerability. The person described
in this article is not a very con dent woman to me.
KateBartolotta 103p 141 weeks ago

+4

"I mean, isnt it the sum of these individual quirks that make people special, unique and worth getting to knowand then love?"
That's it exactly. That's the whole point. I wouldn't want to be with anyone romantically, and have a tougher time having close
friendships with people who *aren't* a little complicated, that is to say, those who don't dig beneath the surface of things and
who aren't a little quirky.
Guest Commenter 135 weeks ago

+7

What women should realize is, for every one woman who has this extensive list of needs, there's another equally nice and
beautiful woman who does NOT require all these things.
Which do you think a smart, secure, con dent man would choose?
Melanie

132 weeks ago

+1

Love
wonderful article!! very enjoyable and brilliant read <3 :) love and blessings <3 know thy self <3
Esteban 132 weeks ago

+9

I see articles like this all the time, telling men how to win, keep, or love "complicated" (di cult) women. Yet I never see articles
teaching women how to be "better women". The articles geared toward women generally teach various methods of subterfuge
for women to "get what they want from men". There are many reasons why so few men in this generation will ever consider

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for women to "get what they want from men". There are many reasons why so few men in this generation will ever consider
marriage. It is because women have become more self centered, egoists, and seek to extract various resources from men
without giving anything of value in return. Why would any man bother? Because you're a special princess and you "deserve it"? K.
Jazmn 132 weeks ago

Thank you for this reminder.

Katan 132 weeks ago

+1

The best part of this article is the title. There was a lot of stream of consciousness writing in the rst part, some gems in the bit
on strength, but then more u !
catherine 132 weeks ago

I love your article.

I can relate though.
I hope there will be this guy who can appreciate and knows how to love such personality like mine.
andrea kennedy 130 weeks ago

+1

'Maya' an illusion. The best bit about this piece is that it truly testi es to the categorical fact that thinking we are or can always
be strong is an illusion. The frustrating part for the person on the outside trying to love the woman or man who is trying to keep
their walls up, is what makes it or them seem so complicated. It's just an illusion and everyone is all things and all walls can be
broken down if you really want him or her enough.
BOB 128 weeks ago

+1

i LOST MY MANUAL ON THEM!

Torsten 128 weeks ago

+1

That was a long article - does it really have to be that complicated ? :-)
My take-away is this:
"all love depends upon learning and sharing and growing together if it doesnt want to grow apart. So stay curious.
Be openand remember that having love inside of you that you want to give readily is, itself, a huge contributing factor towards
a relationships success and strength"
Am I the rst guy to get this far?

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RickT 122 weeks ago

A SCW has her own insecurities just like the rest of us. I think she hides them more behind her strength and complicatedness.
Where I think us men make the mistakes in loving them is loving them with grace. At least that's where i made my mistake. We
tend to think deep inside her there is no tenderness, but I have to believe there is. It just takes time to get to it.
syd 112 weeks ago

I love u Ang
Gropopoll 0p 108 weeks ago

+1

Hello, I have just sent that message to Jennifer on FB: "Hello, I decided to follow you after having read your article on
"complicated women", I have feelings for a woman on FB whom I haven't yet met. To me, it isn't that much that she is
complicated, she is a diagnosed autist, between high and low, I think I have autism myself but it's far from certain, I must do
more tests. What bothers me a little is the di erent background we have. I don't know how to handle her on FB, she says she
rst wants ti see it happens well via FB but so far, we have had many disputes and arguments, more in her view than mine. My
main worry is how can I let her know I am often trying to d-dramatise things, taking things more lightly without that she be
o ended. She says she don't know humour or smile but I don't fully believe that and when I say I thought lots of autists have a
nice, particular sense of humour like mine, she says it is a clich, a streotype. She has it very di cult apparently to open to
others, she is shy and all in reality she says but the messages she sends me are often unjust, cruel, she accuses me of things I
am and never would be, I want show men aren't all the same but it is far from easy.
Cheers,
Nicolas"
Ginny lwer 106 weeks ago

Nice thank you lol

Gaudy 85 weeks ago

Great article, loved it!!!

projectam2015 1p 80 weeks ago

+1

WOW right on the head! De nitely mention you 2mrw on IG.... This post is ME.... SMH... HONESTLY ME! Thank you
Ella 52 weeks ago

Hello,

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Hello,
I think that this is a great way of explaining how women are perceived from the male perspective. Or from the perspective of the
person dating or attempting to date or marry a woman. Women can be very complicated. I think re ective of two people who
have di erent ideas about life. One who is more open about where they're at and the other person who is not ready to share or
doesn't know how to share what they feel. I think complex is rooted inside of a woman who does not necessarily knowing
herself well enough to express every detail within. Having the di culty of expression is resulting in what is perceived to be
confused or complex. Overall, just wanted to thank you for shedding some light on a few issues that I'm having with my wife and
helping me see that is not necessarily a bad thing that she is di erent.
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