M E M O RAN D U M

TO: Riley Mosby

Student Writer, Freshman Portfolio Writing

THROUGH: Shayla Atkins, M.A.

Lecturer, Department of English

FROM: Moesha Gayle

Student Reviewer, Department of English

DATE: January 16, 2017

SUBJECT: First Essay Reviewers Comments

I write this to address the first essay submitted on January 12, 2016, titled Oedipus
Essay. I found it hard to peer edit this essay mainly because I thought that it was already really
well written and organized. Your essay showed that you read thoroughly and that you understood
the reading and was able to convey the points form it that supported your thesis.
One thing that threw me off was that although your thesis was clearly a question, the
answer to the question was never actually given or restated in the conclusion. The reader can
imply that the thesis is, self-preservation drives humanity. Your examples definitely supports the
sinister idea, but I think that it could be made clearer.
The vocabulary was very extensive and almost everything was perfect. The only thing
was, Word kept putting those little blue corrective marks under your sentences, and I found
nothing wrong with them, but then when I scrolled over it was suggesting simpler ways to
convey your ideas. I often find that I too try my best to sound smart and not at all like how I talk
when writing for school, but sometimes it can be overdone because the simple way of saying
something is sometimes the best way. Your use of in text citation shows that you have almost
mastered that.
Was there a prompt for this essay?