M E M O RAN D U M

TO: Riley Mosby

Student Writer, Freshman Portfolio Writing

THROUGH: Shayla Atkins, M.A.

Lecturer, Department of English

FROM: Moesha Gayle

Student Reviewer, Department of English

DATE: January 30, 2017

SUBJECT: First Revision Essay Reviewers Comments

This is being written in regards to your first revision on your first essay. Your first draft
was already pretty good. I could barely find anything wrong with it, except a few word order
switches and simplifying some of your word choices. Now that you have done both, your essay
looks great. I also loved how you made the thesis clearer and connected it to the closing
paragraph. You have plenty of examples that support your thesis and citation to reinforce them.
As a reader not familiar with the book, I think it was a great idea to add more details and a little
summary of the plot. Otherwise, it was slightly harder to understand.