Sarah Abobaker

2/10/17

Narrative Essay

Mrs. Morgan
ID: 1586019
Forgotten because of Technology

Tapping, ringing, and not a word spoken. For a second, I decided to look around and

everyones face was glued to this little device radiating light. I thought in that moment, if I was

to cry no one would be there to realize, and if I were to die people would still be on their little

devices recording instead of having a beautiful moment where everyone gathers around me.

They say when death occurs, bacteria within the body begin breaking them down. Enzymes

in the pancreas cause the organ to digest itself. The body soon takes on a gruesome appearance

and smell. Decomposing tissue emits a green substance, as well as gasses such as methane and

hydrogen sulfide. The lungs expel fluid through the mouth and nose (Scheve, 4). However, I

dont need to face death to experience not existing because this what technology has made

me into. (This is such a nice sentence, the wording is clear and you tie it into your quoted

information well)

People are focusing so much on what the next trend is (What people? Would this be

everyone or just the younger generation?). It is worse when a celebrity is more valued to a

person than the one they call a friend. Every move a celebrity makes is recorded, the praise is

high in everything they touch. I am nonexistent, screaming for attention but no one notices and

no one will notice me. Then the thought came up, maybe suicide is easier than living and feeling

the nonexistence. If I am dead, then at least I will not feel the emotions of loneliness when being

surrounded by people. The fact that suicide rates for teens have tripled since 1960 -- making
Sarah Abobaker

2/10/17

Narrative Essay

Mrs. Morgan
it the third leading cause of adolescent death and the second cause among college students

( Crouse, 1), means I am not the only feeling like I do not exist.

When I do get attention, I do not get attention for the right things, so I rather not exist

(What type of things would they get attention for? Bad things?) Sometimes I think to myself,

what if I attempt to join to social media. When I do encourage myself to fit in, all that is there is

negative comments for not what wearing the trend that I did not know about. So much pressure

to be someone I am not to be included. [What is the purpose of existing, if Im not existing being

me?] (This sentences wording is a little awkward. Although I know what youre saying, maybe

try to rearrange some of the words/punctuation to make it flow a bit easier ). A war between

society and I, and I am losing a fight that I only know is happening (wow, this is such a deep

sentence, I love it!). I am at point of surrender where I choose to pull the trigger on myself.

It was the day when I decided to finally not feel like I am invisible the only way I knew

how. I walked, my heart was not beating quickly, and felt free from the burden society has put

me in. When death was the greater choice, I understood how cruel life has been because of the

amount of people engaging in technology instead of engaging with me .I no longer existed

because of social media, because of the addiction that people had yet failed to realize. That was

the only solution. Like most people who committed suicide, negative in our lives is constantly

reinforced and the positive around us is discounted as being irrelevant, or even non-existent

( Walker, 4).

It was easy, I walked alone like I always did. I went to an empty room that was always

empty. For a second, I thought about not killing myself. I thought that I dont need to be alone. I
Sarah Abobaker

2/10/17

Narrative Essay

Mrs. Morgan
can have fun with people, and eat food, and live my version of happily ever after. (I really like

this what if you included!) Then I came to realize that people record every second that they are

having fun, and every meal that are eating. They wouldnt be there for me, they will be there to

impress people on social media.(They would be trying to impress social media instead of

trying to offer you attention?)

Work Cited Page

Walker, Marie. "Cyberbullying and Teen Suicide." Psych Central. N.p., 17 July 2016.

Web. 17 Feb. 2017.

Bradshaw, Maria. "Technology and Suicide." Mad In America. N.p., 08 Sept. 2013. Web. 17

Feb. 2017.

Scheve, Tom. "How Body Farms Work." HowStuffWorks Science. HowStuffWorks, 18 June

2008. Web. 17 Feb. 2017.

One thing you can improve on is using more metaphors or similes to give your writing

more depth
Something you did really well was the story telling in general. Even though it wasnt a

story specifically about anyone, you wrote it in a way that made it relatable to people

who were feeling this way. You used a lot of different syntax, ranging from short and

choppy sentences to long and descriptive sentences.

Sarah Abobaker

2/10/17

Narrative Essay

Mrs. Morgan
Your citations were integrated very well into the rest of your essay!! Even though they

werent explicitly relating to technology or even psychology, they related well to the

examples and definitions that you were trying to explain to the reader!!