Rise of the 20-something divorcee:

Women in their late 20s have the

highest divorce rates in the UK. We
talk to three who've loved, lost - and
lived to tell the tale
'I didnt fit in with people my own age I had the wisdom that comes from
having been married, betrayed and divorced. It was 18 months after my
marriage ended before I slept with anyone,' says Lindsay Bytof

Getting divorced at 25 left Lindsay Bytof, now 29, an MA student from London,
feeling disconnected from her peers.

Nick was my first boyfriend and my first love, so getting married at 21 (he was
20) after five years together seemed like the natural thing to do.

We had a big white wedding with 100 guests at a beautiful ranch house
overlooking vineyards in our home state of California. What a waste of 10,000
that was.

Wed had our ups and downs. Id developed hyperthyroidism which left me
fatigued (and made my sex drive plummet), while he was in a state of perpetual
youth, wanting to go to Disney World and the movies.

And while I had a steady job teaching drama, Nick was struggling to make it as a
screenwriter. I thought his unhappiness was due to being out of work, so it was a
huge shock when four years after we married he told me he had fallen for
someone else. I felt as though my world had ended and went into a period of
mourning. I still dont think Nick deserves my friendship.

Six months after the split, I moved to New York for a fresh start, throwing myself
into work and the dating scene.

I didnt fit in with people my own age I had the wisdom that comes from having
been married, betrayed and divorced.
It was 18 months after my marriage ended before I slept with anyone and that
one-night stand left me feeling empowered.

Sex became a positive thing, something I hadnt put much importance on with
Nick, and it began a period of kicking up my heels. While I worried that my old
circle of friends (now mostly in serious relationships) would judge me, I felt
comfortable with girlfriends in their early 20s.

By the time I met Phil through a mutual friend on Valentines Day 2014, I was a
much stronger person. Id been through one of the worst things I could imagine
happening, and had not only survived, but grown as a person.

A stand-up comedian from England, Phil was visiting a mutual friend in New York.
We had an immediate connection and we didnt even kiss.

After his return to the UK, wed write long letters and talk on Skype. I fell
ridiculously in love with him.

When I visited him in London exactly one year later, any initial awkwardness had
disappeared by the time we had taken the tube from the airport to his flat.

A couple of days later, wed both said, I love you, and by September I had
moved to London on a student visa to do an MA in applied theatre at Goldsmiths
university.

My relationship with Phil is stronger, more supportive and more open than it was
with Nick; we discuss whats bothering us, rather than resorting to
confrontations.

We are living separately with no plans to marry, but that doesnt make our
relationship less meaningful. I think commitment can be accomplished without
the paperwork.

I can see myself as partners with somebody and having children, but whats the
point of marriage? It guarantees nothing.
Divorced with three children by the age of 24, Santana Hard-Corr, 27, a baker
from Felixstowe, Suffolk, worried that no other man would want her.

Santana with children Tayla, six, Theo, five, and Tobias, ten. 'I felt like the only
person in the world who was going through this in my 20s,' she said of her
divorce
Santana with children Tayla, six, Theo, five, and Tobias, ten. 'I felt like the only
person in the world who was going through this in my 20s,' she said of her
divorce

The thought of being single at 40 used to be my worst nightmare. I considered

myself lucky to have found the one at 15, and to be married at 20 I felt sorry
for friends who were still looking for the right person.

Having a family felt like living the dream. Oliver and I didnt plan to have babies
so young, but by the time I was 22 (he was 23), we had two children, Tobias and
Tayla, and another on the way.

Just after having our third baby, Theo, I discovered Oliver had been cheating on
me with two other women. I was an idiot to take him back, but I worried about
how I would cope on my own with three children and I would have been
ashamed to admit I had failed at the marriage. I didnt see a way out of my
situation.

We had counselling with Relate, but the day before our third wedding
anniversary, when I was 23, Oliver told me he didnt love me any more and left.

I cried every day for a week and begged him to come home. The wake-up call
came when he asked me to wait for him for a year while he went out with other
women because he felt hed missed his youth. The next day I went to a solicitor
to file for divorce.

The first year on my own was tough, but not as hard as I had feared. I realised
how much I had done for Oliver when we were married Id looked after the kids,
gone to university, held down a job, cleaned the house and put dinner on the
table every night. He didnt even put out the bins.

It was actually easier around the house without him. The hardship was affording
the rent and childcare on my own. I ended up selling our house and moving to a
cheaper rented flat just so I could afford to pay for nursery I was too proud to
go on benefits.
I felt like the only person in the world who was going through this in my 20s.
None of my friends was in the same situation most werent even in
relationships.

I trawled the internet to find others like me when I came across a blog called
trashthedressonline.com, written by and for divorced women in their 20s. I met
lots of girls in the same situation through the site, and exchanging emails was
incredibly therapeutic.

Planning for a future that never happened made me realise the importance of
living in the moment.

I signed up for burlesque dance lessons and a fire-eating course, and learned to
play the ukulele.

Oliver and I had never had a holiday, so I went travelling in China last year with a
friend, and I now do fire-eating performances at festivals around the country.

When people discover Ive been married and have three children they are
shocked because I look young for my age and I have such crazy hobbies.

At the age of 24, I had my first ever date! I am always upfront with men about
having children, and it doesnt seem to put them off, although I did dump one
man who only wanted to see me at weekends when I didnt have the kids.

I dont waste time on relationships that arent working. When I met my current
partner a year ago on Tinder, of all places he was initially shocked then
delighted that I have children. Tim, who is 34, moved in with us after six months,
and says we make his life complete.

Im keen to have as many life experiences as possible these days, and Tim is
having them with me.

He has just taken me on a surprise trip to Holland to see my favourite swing

band. Whats cemented our relationship is the fact Im not reliant on him. Were
together because we want to be, and I still believe wholeheartedly in marriage.
Lauren Timperley, 28, an accounts clerk from Coventry, had her finger on fast-
forward when she married at 20, but now its on rewind.

'Within days of us splitting up, I felt as though I had my life back. I had missed
out on being 21 and doing all the crazy stuff everyone else does,' says Lauren
Timperley
'Within days of us splitting up, I felt as though I had my life back. I had missed
out on being 21 and doing all the crazy stuff everyone else does,' says Lauren
Timperley

I was the least likely person in school to marry young.

Music was my thing, not boys but at 17, when I met my first boyfriend Anthony,
I fell for him completely. He was nine years older, with a job, his own flat and the
same taste in music we met watching The Libertines.

The day after I finished my A-levels, I moved from Manchester to live with him in
Coventry.

My mum was sad I was leaving, but sent me off with the understanding that if I
ever needed to come home, it wasnt a problem. My friends thought it was all
wildly romantic, which spurred me on.

When I turned 20, we got married in a register office with eight guests. My
friends kept asking if I was sure it was what I wanted to do, which annoyed me. I
wanted it to happen, so why were they interfering?

Things started to go wrong a few years into the marriage.

Anthony was diagnosed with depression and had to give up work. My role turned
from wife to carer, and I wasnt prepared for the impact his illness would have on
my life.

I dreaded going home because I didnt know what I would find often he would
be in the same spot on the sofa as when Id left him eight hours earlier.
I became withdrawn, not talking to colleagues or seeing friends. Soon the
resentment crept in. Id see my friends nights out on Facebook and think, Why
cant I do that?

My responsibilities felt too much to cope with at 25. I harboured such anger
towards Anthony, I wouldnt talk to him. Our relationship became toxic.

Eventually Anthonys antidepressant medication and counselling kicked in, but as

soon as he felt well enough he ended our relationship (I was 25 then, and 27
when the decree nisi came through).

While I was initially upset, I was also secretly relieved. I had guilted myself into
staying so long because I feared people would think me awful if I walked out on
someone so ill and I was worried that people would say I told you so because
wed got together so young. Fortunately, my friends and family were too nice to
do that.

Within days of us splitting up, I felt as though I had my life back. I had missed out
on being 21 and doing all the crazy stuff everyone else does. While my friends
were partying and getting drunk, I was making sure my husband got out of bed
and ate. Suddenly I had freedom.

Ive been making up for lost time going to gigs all over the UK and rekindling
friendships Id let slide.

Ive worked in the same office for eight years, but colleagues have only got to
know me in the past 12 months because Ive come out of my bubble.

Thats one of the biggest life lessons for me to open up to friends and listen to
them, not get angry when they show concern.

Im certainly not ready for another relationship.

Although I havent lost my faith in marriage I now have a brilliant friendship

with Anthony Im relishing my independence. I havent changed Im just
rediscovering the old me.