Chairs versus Tables

In the pages of history there are an abundance of perspectives with regards to

some of the greatest conflicts never to be resolved. Amongst these conflicts is
the battle for religious uniformity, the battle for resources and the battle for
gender equality, but of all these conflicts; the greatest and most neglected of
all is the battle between chairs and tables.

Since Jesus Christ was first betrayed at the last supper, chairs and tables
have been a crucial element for matters of business, faith, social life and
frolicking. While a chair has the irrefutable supremacy in its abilities to
accommodate a man or a woman (or a man and a woman) atop its majestic
platform made from a material of your choosing, the table's ergonomically
stupendous advantage is its capability to accommodate the abiotic facets that
man or woman deem fit to accompany the synchronous table and chair
experience. This may refer to an impressive symbolic pattern of sea shells or
(in the case of deceased biotic facets) a roasted rack of lamb with light
seasoning to induce an orgasmic taste explosion.

Whatever your back-story, a standard or profound use may be found from

each of these god-like creations. The true question however; which is
superior? Well, it's certainly possible that a table may be present in any
situation without the support of a chair (although it would spruce up the
occasion if there were one). However, historically, the presence of a lone chair
is perceived as being odd and perhaps even detrimental to the subject of the
chair (i.e. the man or woman utilising the chair's goodness). Additionally, in a
nuts and bolts physical competition of dominance, the table is the undeniable
winner. One cannot bear a table on a chair. In contrast, one can stack chairs
on tables or even utilise the table as a chair whilst stacking chairs on top of it.
Even better, if you were to sit on a chair that had been placed on a table, you
would not only enjoy the full force of the chair itself, but the heightening
sensation of the table would deliver a cocktail medley of chair and table
virtues. It may also procure the seater a sense of safety and empowerment,
having being raised further from the dull dirts of the earth.

Regardless of the table's available option of chair substitution, we can never

forget where we come from. No table; big or small, mahogany or stainless
steel will replace the therapeutic significance of a chair. A chair of sufficient
design has the capacity not only to shelter the gluteus maximus, but to assist
the growing recovery of the muscle tissue after leg day. Dating back many
years, chairs have always had an impact in culture. European monarchs
owned chairs of pompous aristocratic design that their peasant counterparts
seldom received the opportunity to enjoy. One example is the lounge and
dining chairs of the British royal family. Not what you were expecting? Rule
number one of chair law: never mistake a throne for a chair. While they both
serve the similar purpose of accommodating a seater, a throne has an
underlying malicious purpose to deceive the seater into a false sense of
security. King Richard the third had a throne and only after two years in the
job he was killed at the battle of Bosworth field. This is not a coincidence. The
throne was the principal instigator.

While it is intrinsically impossible for a chair to serve a malicious purpose, a

table is capable of such things. While a chair can only be accommodating to
matter of the biotic kind, a table can accommodate objects of destruction that
span far beyond those of their biotic counterpart. For example, guns may be
rested on tables prior to a bank robbery. Similarly, poisons may be arranged in
a specific order of chemical composition atop the table. This is not possible
with a chair. Should a chair then reign superior?

In the politics of law-making, a general consensus will push for legislation.

Similarly, a writer alone cannot determine the power ranking of two practical
inanimate objects in society. The people must decide where the fates of the
table and the chair lie. While you ponder this, indulge yourself with a further
ponder: next time you seat yourself and/or accommodate the abiotic facet of
your choosing at the benefit of the chair and table experience, remember the
importance of chairs and tables. Remember their historical importance.
Remember that even in the stone age, men and women were arranging
stones so that they may accommodate the gluteus neanderthelia of the
neaderthal, or the roasted meat of the sabre-tooth tiger they had recently
killed for optimum nutritional value. Remember your origins. Remember that
Jesus loves you. Fin.