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Islam & Marriage
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asked, O Allh! What will her Mahr be? Allh i replied,
AN JUST LIKE ANY other creation Teach her the rules of My religion and send blessings
possessing both a body and a soul (rh) is in (alawt) on Muammad and the family of Muammad.
need of several things - each of which is
From the above historical event, we can see that when a man
essential for the safeguard of ones survival
wants to agree upon the Mahr with his wife, they should
and well-being. For example, the hunger pains and desire for
make an agreement that (as a part of the Mahr), he will teach
nourishment compel one to eat so as to build up energy to
her the rules and regulations of the religion of Allh i.
live another day; the feelings of thirst make one drink water
Details of the Mahr will come later on, Insh-Allh.
which is also essential for ones life. These and many other
things facilitate man to live a prosperous and healthy life. Therefore, from this narration, we see that the first
Similarly, the sexual desires and the need to fulfill ones relationship that was created by our Creator for humanity
sexual requirements and passions play a key role in the was that of marriage.
protection of mankind, and continuation of the human race.
Therefore, it is not sensible to defy this necessity or try to With this said, we must know the finer points and overall
suppress it. rulings of this sacred foundation in order to have a fruitful
and successful life in this world and more importantly, in the
Since Man has been chosen as the best of creations, Allh life hereafter.
i has laid down the foundation of marriage in order to allow
this need of life to be fulfilled in a legitimate manner. As well, In this special issue of Al-aqq Newsletter, we will be
the guidelines are very much in accordance with the intellect covering various issues of the Marriage that will be
since the laws are Divine and the specific conditions are applicable to both the younger couples getting married and
befitting to the valuable souls of both men and women alike. also to those older men and women who are either divorced
or who have had to bear the death of their spouses due to
Historically speaking, the very first relationship that was sickness or old age. All the information has been taken from
established was that of marriage between a male and female the original Islmic sources and Insh-Allh, will aid in the
not that of a mother/daughter relationship, nor a father/son education and enlightenment of our Muslim community. Any
relationship. Thus, it can be deduced that marriage is one of questions or comments on the contents of the articles can be
the most sacred bonds between a man and a woman. In the forwarded to us at ihs@primus.ca.
book, Etiquette of Marriage, it mentions the beautiful story of
Prophet dam (peace be upon him), the first Vicegerent of
Allh i on the Earth and his marriage, which we narrate
here.
O
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NE OF THE RECOGNIZED and indisputable
commandments of Islm is that of marriage $ 9/ T -, &_@,2H<! 8 ?# <> IF a.2 X F4 F ( M
the sacred union that takes place only between a
man and a woman. In relation to this revered _ F [ F (
bond, there are many verses of the Noble Qurn and
and besides these, it is lawful for you to marry other women
countless adth that encourage marriage for any single man
if you pay them their dowry, maintain chastity and do not
or woman of any age or background. This is not only
commit indecency. So those (women) whom you marry for an
limited to the young brothers and sisters who have never
appointed time, you must give them their agreed upon dowries.
been married and are looking for their life mate, but even
There is no harm if you reach an understanding among
those who have been through divorce have also been
yourselves about the dowry, Allh is All-Knowing and All-Wise.
encouraged to re-marry and to complete their faith. From
(Srah 4, Verse 24)
the ocean of traditions and verses of the Qurn on this topic,
we quote the following: This is a commandment from Allh i which was not only
mentioned in the Qurn, but which He commanded his last
-, &"|,-.: ,- $%( "# ! and greatest Prophet (blessings of Allh be upon him and his
progeny) to convey to the Ummah, which can never be made
E F ( }B C. 9/ <%> ?@ 4 # 9/ ,5 <78 1:23 4 forbidden by anyone as that which Muammad has made
Marry the single people from among you and the righteous hall is hall until the Day of Judgement and that which he
slaves and slave-girls. If you are poor, Allh will make you rich has made arm will remain arm until the Day of
through His favour; and Allh is Bountiful, All-Knowing. (Srah Judgement.
24, Verse 32) In another verse of the Qurn, Allh i compares the
In this verse, Allh i commands us (by Him using the husband and wife to garments for one another:
imperative form of the verb) to marry the single, righteous
man/woman from among us. Allh i even gives us a %T#5L! dc! "I " L! Ec! T#[
guarantee that if we are poor or lack the proper funds, still we They (your wives) are a clothing (covering) for you and you too
should not delay the marriage as Allh i will take care of are a clothing (covering) for them. (2:187)
the couple and grant them bounties from His Grace and
Mercy. In our day to day life, we see many uses for clothing. Not
only does our dress act as a beautification for ourselves, but
<%> ?@ 4 # 9/ 5F <78 LI [ P M #KL! GH 8 IJF<! it also covers any defects that we may have on our physical
body thus, if a person has a scar or burn mark on his body,
And let those who cannot find someone to marry maintain the clothing will cover this from others around him and thus,
chastity until Allh makes them rich through His favours... they would not know that he has such a physical defect.
(Srah 24, Verse 33) The husband and wife are to play the same role in relation to
In the continuation of Srah 24, in the above quoted verse, one another. If the wife has spiritual defects or lacks
Allh i commands the believers to remain chaste and something in her character, then the husband must cover
faithful if they cannot find a suitable spouse to marry until these up and not expose her shortcomings to others. The wife
Allh i grants them bounties out of His favors. Thus, one too, must cover up and hide her husbands deficiencies and
must not resort to evil, sin or illicit sexual relationships weaknesses and protect her mate. Not only has Allh
because they cannot find a permanent spouse. i commanded the believers not to make fun of one another
and not to mock or ridicule others, but they are also
One such avenue open to those who cannot afford to marry a supposed to protect the honour and integrity of one another.
woman in Nik, as the Qurn has commanded us and the
numerous adth from the Prophet of Islm (blessings of In the 30th Srah of the Qurn, ar-Rm, Allh i tells us that:
Allh be upon him and his progeny) and his 12th Infallible
successors, the Aimmah (peace be upon all of them) have 5F !-, i J IL! _ . " JH "#T ! f g " ,<>I 1 #
done is to perform the Muta{ and marry a man or woman in
2L HI mo" 3L! m M l!.W k T -, [&_ V _jT% T | F U8
In Srah al-Nis, verse 1, Allh i addresses all of mankind This adth shows us the great importance that Allh and His
Muslim, Christian, Jew, Non-Believer by stating: Messenger (prayers of Allh be upon him and his progeny)
have placed on marriage, such that it is the most loved
f g mj. st? H L #T 3 g rKL! LV 3L X qcL ! 5T ; foundation or establishment upon which the Muslim man and
woman can build their life upon. If such a foundation is built
rKL! 9/ 3L X _1:&J _V $ vM,V 5 9u 5 5 with love, honesty, sincerity and true faith in Allh i and all
that He has commanded, then there is nothing that could
_ FyV F ( $ 9/ T -, &xV <> !1:J X destroy such a firm building.
O mankind! Have consciousness of your Lord who has : @, #1" 4 5 20 3< :(78?( ' ) ='> #1" '%
created you from a single soul. From it He created your spouse
and through them He populated the land with many men and 3 'G:= # F" :)6" C :(78(? E ) .C D A ;B
women. Have spiritual awareness of the One by whose Name
you swear to settle your differences and have respect for the . # -' KH ' I 1" #.G5 3J , 3&
wombs that bore you. Without doubt, Allh keeps watch over
It has been narrated from Ab {Abdillh that, A man once came
you all. (Srah 4, Verse 1)
to my father. My father asked him, Are you married? The man
Again in this verse of the Qurn, we are once again reminded replied, No. My father (peace be upon him) replied, I would
that it is Allh i who created mankind and then made its not love to have the world and all that is contained within it if it
spouse and through these two has the world become meant I had to spend one night without a woman (beside me).
populated. It goes without saying that it is only through the
This saying from our sixth Imm (peace be upon him) shows
natural act of marriage between a man and woman that
the importance that the rightful successors of the Prophet
children can be brought into this world as all others forms of
(blessings of Allh be upon him and his progeny) placed on
marriage are deviations that can never produce a child and
marriage. In this adth, we are told that the Imm would
thus, an increase in the population.
not even trade all the beauties and material treasures that
The noble adth are also replete with traditions narrated exist in the world, if it means that he had to spend even one
from the Prophet (blessings of Allh be upon him and his night alone! This may point to the fact that the evil
progeny) and his immediate successors, some of which we whisperings of Shan may penetrate a single man or woman
present below. to go towards the prohibited and thus, contaminate his or her
faith and belief.
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The Messenger of Allh (prayers of Allh be upon him and his
progeny) has said, Of my tradition is to marry. So then
whoever turns away from my tradition (Sunnah) is not from me
Y7' 4@SS YZ 3 X A W #, F5 KH+''6 KU(V & ' L$''1 ;T< 3J' 5
(my nation).
F [LM!
In this famous tradition mentioned in all books of Islmic And of His signs is that He has created spouses for yourselves
narration, the Prophet clearly spelled it out to the believers from your own selves so you might take comfort in them and He
that in order to stay on his path which is the true path of has created love and mercy among both of you. In this there is
salvation, we must marry not only the youth who are evidence (of the truth) for the people who (carefully) think.
getting married for the first time - but also older people who (Srah 30, Verse 21).
The Islmic Marriage Guidebook | 3
or not! It would be very naive to ignore geographical and
THE AGE OF MARRIAGE regional conditions and norms, as well as the needs of the
- MEHRI ZINHARI [ FROM MAHJUBAH MAGAZINE ] youth of the day, and such negligence could lead to many
P
problems.
UBERTY IS A NATURAL phenomenon that occurs
In the present world, with the greater intermingling between
at varying ages in different individuals. Research
sexes, better nutrition, educational facilities and more
in global human behavior seems to indicate that
awareness due to advanced mass media, children are reach-
girls and boys who are born and live in warmer
ing maturity much earlier than ever before; and considering
parts of the world are more likely to reach puberty earlier,
these factors, raising the legal age for marriage for boys and
than their peers living in the colder regions and climates of
girls is quite unjustifiable.
the world. For example, those who live in the Middle Eastern
Arab countries tend to reach puberty at an earlier age It is interesting to note that at one point of time, the British
compared to those who live in Northern European countries. Parliament had passed a law that had set the minimum legal
age for marriage of boys at 21 years, whereas the minimum
However, reaching the age of puberty should not be
permissible age for being candidate for the post of Prime
considered as the only criteria for deciding on an appropriate
Minister was 18 years! When the people raised an objection
age for marriage. Other factors such as the overall maturity
to this absurd law, the Parliament responded by declaring
of a person, and his or her ability to discern between what is
that it was often more difficult to manage a wife than to
good or bad, such that his personal approval or disapproval
manage a country.
in important decisions of life become valid, must also to be
taken into consideration. Raising the legal age of marriage and not permitting young
boys and girls who are dealing with strong sexual urges, to
What is the Meaning of Maturity?
have a healthy and safe outlet for their natural, youth-related
Like all other living beings, the human being too goes through tendencies, only leads to the spread of promiscuity and moral
a process of constant change and growth. This natural corruption in the society. If boys arent allowed to form a
overall process can be seen distinctly through changes in family before the age of 18 or 20 years; or if girls are forced to
height, weight, habits, skills, and social, economic and emo- face emotional and psychological pressures due to the same
tional behavior. All these patterns have been widely studied reasons, then they become very prone to social and
and discussed through psychology and other related sciences. psychological problems.
Ayatullh Khomein (may Allh be pleased with him) has Thus, we conclude that a suitable age for marriage would be
defined maturity thus: Maturity implies powerful presence the time of physical and mental maturity in a person. Islam
of mind and intelligence in ones dealings, ones ability to has specified the age of physical maturity but it has not
safeguard ones possessions from being squandered away specified the age of mental maturity. Rather, it has left it
and ones prudence in spending in a judicious manner. open to the discretion of the parents and children themselves.
For girls, maturity may be defined as follows: A girls ability Those who are in favor of raising the legal age for marriage
to manage a good life, her level of acceptance of the argue that:
responsibility of motherhood and child-rearing, as well as her
1. Boys, before the age of 18 and girls, before the age of 15
appropriateness in social behavior.
aren't equipped to form a family and arent in a position to
From the above definitions, we can see that although one bear the heavy responsibilities and difficulties of family life.
may have reached the age of puberty and according to
2. Early marriages are a contributing factor to criminality.
Islmic practical laws, \alt (prayer) and \awm (fasting) are
now obligatory on him/her, but if he/she is not socially active 3. Women who have fled from their husbands homes and
and economically productive, then he/she may be termed as have them become resentful towards them, are mostly women
an adolescent, but not as mature. who have got married before the legal age of marriage.
The prime age of marriage for girls, would also depend on In response to such arguments it could be said that although
their mental and psychological maturity. It may be possible there is no denial of the fact that early marriages, before
that in some cases by the age of 14, a girl may be mature physical and mental maturity, may lead to betrayal, family
enough to shoulder the responsibility of family-life and disagreements and many other problems; however, when a
motherhood, but a woman of 30 may not yet be mature girl or a boy is physically and mentally ready for married-life,
enough to do so! Therefore, what is important in determining then there is no reason why the legal age for marriage should
the ripe age for marriage is ones own level of maturity and be increased.
readiness, whether one has reached the legal age for marriage
S
beings are prone to making mistakes. exual desire is aroused in human beings at the age of
puberty. In Islmic legal definition puberty (bulugh) is
There is a very subtle message in this saying of the Prophet determined by one of the following:
(blessings of Allh be upon him and his progeny). Just as
there is proper timing for plucking fruits, there is a proper age 1. Age: fifteen lunar years for boys and nine lunar years for
girls;
for marriage, for every girl. A girl who cannot understand
and shoulder the responsibility of married-life is like a raw 2. Internal change (in boys only): The first nocturnal
fruit that needs to remain on the tree (i.e. her fathers home) emission. Semen accumulates in the testicles from puberty
until it ripens and sweetens. On the other hand if a girl loses onwards and more semen may be formed than the system
the freshness of youth while yet unmarried, then she is like an can assimilate; when this happens, semen is expelled during
over-ripe fruit that would further wither away, as the time the sleep. This is known as nocturnal emission wet dream or
passes. ihtlm in Arabic.
Age Difference Between the Husband and Wife 3. Physical change: Growth of coarse hair on lower part of
abdomen.
Is there a relationship between the age gap of the husband
and wife and success of the marriage? Since the sexual urge begins at puberty and as Islm says
that sexual urge should be fulfilled only through marriage, it
Since there is a difference in the age of puberty of girls and
has allowed marriage as soon as the boy and the girl reach
boys, they don't reach mental maturity at the same age either.
the age of puberty. In the case of girls, it not only allows
Moreover, since women lose their sexual desires relatively
them to be married as soon as they become mature, but also
earlier than men, a 5 to 6 year age gap between the husband
recommends such marriage. It is based on such teachings
and wife seems to be appropriate. With this age gap, women
that Islm discourages girls from postponing their marriage
reach menopause when the sexual desires of men have
because of education; instead, it says that girls should get
somewhat subsided. This would add to the possibility of the
married and then continue their education if they wish to do
success of their marriage and increase the spirit of sacrifice
so.
and intimacy between them.
If the man happens to be much older than his wife, in that Physical maturity by itself, however, is not enough for a
case he could end up treating his wife like a daughter, and person to handle the marriage responsibilities; rushd
the wife may think him to be more of a father than a (maturity of mind) is equally important. On the other hand,
husband. As a result there may exist lack of compatibility our present way of life has become so much complicated that
and friendship between the two. On the other hand if the a considerable gap has appeared between puberty and
wife happens to be much older than the husband, she may be maturity both in financial and social affairs. A recent article
more of a mother to him and not be able to play the role of a on the American youths says, [Y]oung Americans entering
wife. This could lead to indifference and anger, for, there the 21st century are far less mature than their ancestors were
doesn't exist a mental and physical balance between the two. at the beginning of the 20th. The difference is evident in all
Under such circumstances they would be unable to perceive areas of youthful development: sex, love, marriage, education
each other's needs. So a healthy age difference between the and work. Physically, todays youths are maturing earlier
husband and wife is very important for a happy and than previous generations, but emotionally they are taking
successful marriage. much longer to develop adult attachments. (Newsweek,
Special Edition Spring 1990, p. 55) Consequently, it is not
Thus, we could conclude that the personal physical and easy for boys and girls of our atomic era to marry as soon as
mental state of a boy and girl are the most important criteria they become physically mature.
to decide on the appropriate age for marriage.
TO THE {AQD OF MARRIAGE before the contract is read. However, if later on, both parties
agree to change any of the conditions made, they are free to
- BY SALEEM BHIMJI do so.
E
VEN BEFORE WE DISCUSS the rulings and 4. The contract should be recited in the original {Arabic and if
method of reciting the Marriage {Aqd and married this is not possible, then a representative should perform the
life in general, there are many preconditions that Mut{ah and if this too is not possible then the third option is
must be covered and understood by both parties. that the boy and girl can read the translation of the contract
These issues that we bring forth have, unfortunately, been themselves in the language which would convey the same
twisted and contorted to fit our cultural background or in meaning of the {Arabic.1
some cases, out right refused as not being Islmic principles.
5. If the couple decide to get married permanently before the
Insh-Allh, we will cover some of these preconditions in
time period of the Mut{ah ends, the husband MUST give
brief.
back or forgive the time to his wife that remains. Once this
1. Looking at the Other Party Before Marriage has been done, then and only then can they marry in
permanent marriage. If the couple is in a temporary marriage
This discussion can actually be divided into two separate and and they then marry permanently while the temporary
distinct categories: (1) the look and touch before proposing marriage has not ended, then the permanent marriage will be
to the other party; (2) the look and touch after the proposal null and void, and at the completion of the time period of the
has been accepted; however, the {Aqd has not be read this temporary marriage, they will not be classified as being
is commonly known as the engagement period. married to one another.
It is well known that a man and woman who are not related 2. The Istikh
Istikhra in Relation to the Boy or Girl
to one another through a direct blood relationship or through
one of the other ways (that are mentioned in the detailed One of the other incorrect philosophies that a majority of
books of Fiqh) are not Maram of one another. Thus, they people have adhered to is the Istikhra or seeking the best
can NOT touch or look at each other without the proper from Allh i before a marriage.
covering or with a lustful or seductive glance.
Before the boy and girl even get a chance to meet one another
Once the temporary or permanent {Aqd has been performed, and talk and see if they are compatible with the other, the
then the man and woman become Maram to one another parents will rush to their local Mawlana or {Alim to perform
through the marriage formula and can talk, be in a secluded the traditional Istikhra. If the answer comes good, then
place with one another, hold hands, touch, hug, kiss, etc even if the boy or girl is the biggest sinner or ill-mannered
However, while the man and woman are talking with one person, the parents will welcome him/her into the family with
another in order to get to know each other, they are not open arms. The opposite has also been seen that if the boy
permitted to be in a secluded place together, nor have any or girl is an upright, virtuous, and pious believer, but the
sort of physical contact these are all forbidden (arm) in Istikhra comes out bad then they are automatically
Islm. rejected with no chance to go forward.
Once they have agreed to marry one another, the next step, in This idea which is so prevalent amongst the Muslim
order for them to be able to talk in private, go out together for community must be uprooted and thrown out with all other
dinner or be able to touch each other, is that they must recite such traditional and cultural practices that have no basis in
either the temporary or permanent {Aqd. In most cases, the Islm.
couple-to-be recite a Mut{ah, with the knowledge that within
The Istikhra is a method that has been taught and approved
a certain time frame, they will be getting married
by our Prophet (blessings of Allh be upon him and his
(permanently).
progeny) and Ahlul Bat (peace be upon all of them),
The Mut{ah too has various conditions that must be followed, however, there are many preconditions and steps that MUST
of which, we highlight the most important ones: be followed before we rush to the Qurn or Tasbh.
Asking friends and family members about the boy or Also, it must be made clear that the Mahr is not something
girl. Although in Islm, backbiting or speaking bad that one pays only in the event of a divorce, as is seen in
about others is prohibited, however, the {Ulam have some East Asian cultures. Therefore, the wife can even
mentioned that this is one scenario where the law is DEMAND that this amount be paid to her before she agrees
accommodated for the betterment of the family to have sexual intercourse with her husband.
structure.
The husband and wife can agree on a time frame when the
The many supplications (such as Du{ 33 in as- amount will be paid and as it has been mentioned in the
\ifah al-Kmilah as-Sajjdiyah, known as the Islmic books of law, if the wife demands the money after it
Supplication for Seeking the Best) should be recited has become due, then it becomes obligatory on the husband
and the person must sincerely ask Allh i to guide to give it to her even if it means that he must take a loan. If
his/her heart to that which is truly the best. he does not pay the money while possessing the ability, then
he has committed a grave sin and will be held accountable by
If one is truly in doubt after all these stages have been Allh i.
EXHUASTED, then and only then should one resort to the
traditional Istikhra. In relation to the Mahr and its importance, Imm {Al ibn Ab
lib (peace be upon him) has stated:
There is a comprehensive book on this topic which has
recently been published by the Islamic Humanitarian Service _ [MP 1 ' !4P '^!' 5 3& 1 , PF" \ [] (N6" F5
entitled Istikhra: Seeking the Best from Allh (SWT) which
can be purchased from www.al-
www.al-haqq.
haqq.com.
com This (the Mahr) is the most important of all the conditions
through which, the private parts (intercourse) have been made
3. The Mahr A Gift to the Woman lawful and permitted for you.
The Mahr - or dowry as it is usually translated - is one of the We conclude the section on the importance of the Mahr with
ways through which the woman becomes all for the man a stern warning from our Prophet Muammad (blessings of
the other (which goes along with and is side by side) is the Allh be upon him and his progeny) about those men who
actual {Aqd or reading of the vows. refuse to give their wives that which they promised them:
I PF5 ' Lq 433&5 ' iV 433> '%& n^ go ' L$& & 3 2r E ^LG"
N KEEPING WITH THE eternal tradition of our
Prophet Muammad (blessings of Allh be upon him
and his progeny) in the style of the recitation of the E33 't, %& J$'s' 20E33[@, E G L
marriage {Aqd, as he had done during the marriage of
Marry the single people among you and the righteous slaves
his daughter Fimah binte Muammad (peace be upon her)
and slave-girls. If you are poor, Allh will make you rich through
to {Al ibn Ab lib (peace be upon him), the ceremony is
His favour; He is Bountiful and All-Knowing (Srah 24, Verse
preceded by a Khutbah or introduction extolling the Oneness
32)
of Allh i and His characteristics, and then sending praise
and prayers upon the Prophet of Islm and his noble family
members. Once this has been recited, the actual {Aqd or ' (! " #!($ '%& :( )
contract is performed.
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According to a majority of our {Ulam, the contract MUST be The Messenger of Allh (prayers of Allh be upon him and his
recited in the correct {Arabic language however yatullh al- progeny) has said, Of my tradition is to marry. So then
{Um al-jj as-Sayyid {Al al-usain as-Sstn, in his whosoever turns away from my tradition (Sunnah) is not from
recent book, A Code of Practice for Muslims in the West, me (my nation).
states that if the man or woman can not read the {Arabic
correctly, then they should take a representative who could 1a) The bride-to-be would say:
read the contract on their behalf. If this too is not possible,
then they may recite the contract in their own language 7 'T+P ['J+P A #?PMG I4'^L4'G"
(translation) as long as the meaning remains the same as the
original {Arabic. 1b) The husband-to-be would say:
In the examples given below, we will assume that the brother 7 'T+P ['J+P #?PM$ u L$ IP >
and sister will be reading their own {Aqd (contrary to that of
having a Representative for each side). 2a) Then the bride-to-be would say:
T
The husband should then request his wife to perform Wudh
HE FIRST NIGHT OF the newly wed couple is one and also perform a two Rak{at recommended \alt before
full of divine blessings and mercy and it with this you are ready to go to bed.
in mind that the new couple should start their
In the well-known book, Makrim al-Akhlq, it has been
married life together. Instead of resorting to music
narrated from Imm Ja{far as-\diq (peace be upon him) that
and dance parties to celebrate the happy occasion (as has
when the new wife enters the room where her husband is,
unfortunately become common place in our time), we must
they should both face the Qiblah and he should place his
take lessons from the method of the Ahlul Bat (peace be
hand on her forehead and recite the following supplication:
upon all of them) and how they commemorated such an
auspicious occasion.
FP f, 3J<'[, IP '^!' 5 AQ 3+ L1 3JQPdO" A!G 3&{1 ( J "
The reason why we say night and not day, contrary to the
way that most marriages and ceremonies take place these P;T'}Q C y Ki 3>& P T'< , KE= 3J'$& # I'4t
days is that there are clear adth from the Prophet
(blessings of Allh be upon him and his progeny) and his K> oG C Ki'[] ', F k'(l
Ahlul Bat (peace be upon all of them) instructing us to have
the ceremony at night and for the new wife to be taken to her Allaahumma bi amaanatika akhadhtuhaa wa bi kalimaatika
new home in the evening time (after sunset): istahlalatu farjahaa. Fa in Qadhayta li minhaa waladan, faj-
alhu mubaarakan sawiyyan wa laa tajal lish shaytaani feehi
' L?qE3[ E w,R :(78(? E ) vV o
g Y=(+^& %'1 [M'T< 7 3&9E shirkan wa la naseeba.
O Allh! I have taken her through Your trust and have made
y^x E +TPm 8K ' her lawful for myself by Your words. Therefore, if You have
Imm Ja{far ibn Muammad as-\diq (peace be upon him) has decreed for me a male child from her, then make him blessed
said, Take your wife home at night time and during the day, eat and pious and do not let the Satan have any part in him.
food.
In another narration from Imm Ja{far as-\diq (peace be
By eating food here, it is meant the customary and upon him), it has been mentioned that when a man intends to
recommended Walmah or ceremony that is usually kept after have intercourse with his wife, he should start in the name of
the recitation of the {Aqd. Allh by saying . If this is not done, then
Shain puts his hand in the conception of the child.
Since this is the beginning of a new life, we have been
instructed by the Ahlul Bat (peace be upon all of them) to When the Imm was asked as to how we could know if this
begin it in the name of Allh, and to seek protection in Allh had happened, he replied that we should look at the child
from the accursed Shain. This is done by performing the and how his love or hate is for the Ahlul Bat (peace be upon
following acts which have been narrated in the various them all) if Shain had a role to play in the conception,
books. then that child will have enmity for the Ahlul Bat (peace be
upon them all), while the child who loves the Ahlul Bat
It has been recommended that the husband perform Wudh,
(peace be upon them all) was protected by Allh i from the
a two Rak{at \alt for the wedding night and then recite the
accursed Shain.
following supplication:
Another recommended act is that when the bride enters the
'e+'< J3 1 #$x' #1 3B 3x 3B(V 3JMP" #$P R' ( J " room, the husband should greet her and take off her shoes
and socks. He should then wash her feet in a basin and
8^P :)^Q A(Gf, Yb8!Pq [?'" Yz 3+!'<5 %?'6{1 3$$'1 sprinkle this water around the house.
7E3[^P |[PLQ It is through this act, according to the Prophet of Islm, that
70,000 types of poverty will be removed and 70,000 types of
Allhummar zuqn ulfahaa wa wuddahaa wa ridhaahaa bi; war desires (that the inhabitants need) will enter into the house.
dhini bihaa waj ma banyanaa bi ahsani ijtimaain wa aysara The Prophet went on to mention that 70 blessings and
tilaafin. Fa innaka tuhibbul halaala wa takrahul haraama. mercies will be showered upon the bride such that each of
these will fill the house with mercy and as long as the wife is
alive, she will never be afflicted with madness or leprosy.
The Islmic Marriage Guidebook | 9
property; the good women are therefore obedient, guarding the
THE FIRST TWO YEARS: A unseen as Allah has guarded (Srah 4, Verse 34)
MARRIAGE SURVIVAL GUIDE It must be remembered that Islmically, a leader is one who
- ADAPTED BY SALEEM BHIMJI FROM THE serves, manages, provides and nourishes. A leader must also
ARTICLE FOUND ON WWW.SOUNDVISION.COM have humbleness and humility and deal with all of those
M
under his care and protection with justice and equality.
ORE MUSLIM MARRIAGES IN North
America are breaking up in their first year A husband exercises the right kind of leadership by listening
than ever before, according to the scholars in to and consulting with his wife.
North America who are having to cope with
Also, a husband is bound to follow the rules of the Qurn
the increase in marital disputes and divorce cases.
and Sunnah of the Prophet (blessings of Allh be upon him
The first five to seven years are the most challenging of any and his progeny) and the Ahlul Bat (peace be upon them).
marriage. They are the time that the couple spends getting to So differences in opinion should be referred back to these
know one another better and adjusting to each others habits sources (and of course the Religious Scholars in our local
and personalities. Below, are some of the main problems community), instead of becoming a source of tension and
couples face in the early years, and some possible solutions. problems.
1. Lack of Proper Information Before Marriage Not only is it the duty of the head of the house to make sure
that the material needs of the family and order are kept, but it
A number of problems are caused simply by the fact that the is also his duty to protect himself and his family from the fire
couple and their families go not discuss crucial issues of hell:
beforehand. Some of these include:
qcL ! [% y _V F [ JH i y 1 #KL! 5T ;
Whether or not the wife will work outside the home?
Will the couple wait to have children? "[2 : 9/ 8 LM % 7( _ ,-; 5F ( jV<!
Which city and country will the couple live in after
2 8? H
marriage?
Will they live with his parents or have their own O you who have true faith! Save yourselves and your families
house or apartment? from the fire which is fueled by people and stones and is guarded
by stern angels who do not disobey Allhs commands and do
These and other relevant issues need to be discussed and whatever they are ordered to do. (Srah 66, Verse 6)
decided in the beginning stages of the marriage process.
Therefore, the head of the house must make sure that he has
2. Who
Whos In Charge? the proper Islmic knowledge to keep himself away from the
hell and more importantly, guide his wife and children to the
One of the biggest problems is the tug-of-war between straight path and keep them on this road. In this regards, the
couples over who is in control in the relationship. This has husband has four important duties:
led to a stalemate in disagreements, as well as bitter feelings.
1. To invite his wife and children and any others under his
Many couples today are refusing to compromise within care to obey Allh. The husband should call his family to
moderation when differences arise. follow the religion and encourage them in this regard.
While from an Islmic perspective, the husband is given the 2. Teach those under his care their religious duties and
leadership role in the marriage relationship, this does not obligations of course this means that the husband must first
mean that he can run the family life like a dictator. Allh and foremost know his own religion and beliefs. If he is not
i instructs in the Qurn that: well acquainted with his religion, then he must employ the
services of the local Masjid and the scholars and either invite
s8 ( 5@8 9/ U9@ 4 1: JL ! ( Z .T y zT,2! them to his house or go to the Masjid for Islmic classes.
~F78< L! d |}H } I y q ! 4 &,5!. "# 3H : 3. Encourage the family members to perform good deeds
(Amr bil Ma{rf), as not only is this one of the obligatory acts
&9/ H in our religion, but it will also help the family both in the
short term and long term. If they know their responsibilities
Men are the maintainers of women because Allah has made
and are continuously guided to them, then peace, harmony
some of them to excel others and because they spend out of their
and tranquility will rule throughout the house.
.v8k %& s'1" ~' 2rE '< Kj'] H+'T.$ [" [ PF" :)^ 3+}P :)^ F5
Allh has not created on the face of this Earth anything more
beloved by Him than freeing a slave, and He has not created .|=>'
anything on the face of this Earth more despised than divorce. Certainly Allh is Beauty and He (only) loves beauty and He
The couple should seek the help of older, wiser and loves to see the effects of (His) blessings and bounties on His
trustworthy elders and Scholars who will try to help them servants. (Al-Kf, Volume 6, Page 438)
resolve their differences. Allh i tells us in the Qurn that: The Prophet (blessings of Allh be upon him and his progeny)
has also told us that:
"#T _ <> [ "#T _ 8 4 ,5 F 3 I? Hg " -,
More importantly too, comparisons need to be avoided, since Making a schedule may seem like an end to spontaneity but
every individual and every couple is different. Therefore, that is not true. It allows you to establish your own lifestyle
wives should not be compared to mothers and sisters and and rituals as a couple. It is especially important if both the
similarly, husbands should not be compared to fathers and husband and wife are going to school and/or working. In this
brothers. In-laws should not be compared to parents, and so scenario, a schedule helps in setting time aside for each other,
on. during a fast-paced week of work and studies.
In addition, there should be regular, healthy contact between Some rituals couples can establish may include:
spouses and in-laws. This can mean visiting each other at
least once or twice a month, or phoning regularly if distance Praying at least one prayer together.
makes it difficult to get together. Performing the recommended supplications such as
Du{-e-Kumayl, Du{-e-Tawassul, Du{-e-Nudbah,
We should remember that many times in the Qurn, we have
etc... together.
been ordered to maintain our family ties and relationships
and one of the greatest sins in Islm is to sever ties with Attending a study circle together once a week.
family members. However at the same time, the husband Deciding on a weekly menu.
and wife must maintain a balance between the time they
Having a pancake breakfast every Saturday
spend with parents/in-laws and with themselves:
morning.
,#( 5 "23<! rW ~r:I,- ,# J~ ,z 8<! 2 < 9/ T -, Setting aside one day on which no work or studying
will be done.
Z 2L$K X " L 8! " q|}8 ,& ? 78<! ,2| <! 1:H<! Setting a day when both the husband and wife will
Surely Allh commands (people) to maintain justice, kindness, clean up the house.
and proper relations with their relatives. He forbids them to Setting a time to discuss finances and a budget.
commit indecency, sin, and rebellion and (Allh) gives you
Making a phone call to your spouse during the day.
advice so that perhaps you will take heed. (Srah 16, Verse 90)
Deciding on a particular day and time once a month
In another verse of the Qurn, Allh i instructs us as such: at least to visit each others parents.
f g mj. st? H L #T 3 g rKL! LV 3L X qcL ! 5T ; By discussing and setting up these rituals, couples learn how
to talk to and feel responsible for each other. They also learn
rKL! 9/ 3L X _1:&J _V $ vM,V 5 9u 5 5 to become a team instead of two people living in the same
house with separate lives.
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8. Marriage as a Restriction
O Mankind! Have fear of your Lord who has created you from
a single soul. From it He created your spouse and through them Muslim men who have grown up in North America may find
He populated the land with many men and women. Have fear marriage restricting. After all, before, they could hang out
of the One by whose Name you swear to settle your differences with their buddies and come home around 11:00 p.m. and no
and have respect for the wombs that bore you. Allh certainly one would say a word. After marriage though, they have to
keeps watch over you. (Srah 4, Verse 1) be home by 7:00 p.m. if not earlier!
T
HE ISSUE OF an early marriage for the youth and
the re-marriage for the widowed or divorced is of FT2! ,# ?T2! 9/ "J
such importance that we could not neglect asking our
leaders, the Mar{ja Taqld for their advice and guidance. In the Name of Allh, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful
During the ghaybah of our 12th Imm, the Mar{ja are our
link to the true teachings of Islm and thus, we have Answer 1: Marriage in itself is a highly recommended act
requested four of them to provide us with valuable spiritual such that if a person fears that he/she will fall into a
guidance in this area. forbidden (arm) act, and the only way that he can prevent
himself from committing that (forbidden) act is to get married,
We have requested yatullh al-{Um al-jj as-Sayyid {Al then it becomes obligatory (wjib) to get married.
al-usain as-Sstn, yatullh al-{Um al-jj as-Sayyid
`Al al-usain Khmene, yatullh al-{Um al-jj ash- Answer 2: It has been narrated from the Noble Prophet of
Shaykh Lufullh as-\f al-Gulpygn, and yatullh al- Islm (blessings of Allh be upon him and his progeny) that:
{Um al-jj ash-Shaykh Nsir al-Makrim ash-Shrz
(may Allh keep them all under His protection) to guide the
Sh{a Muslim community of the West by answering the 6 5 43 2 1 ' )( 0 /. -
following questions: The person who marries safeguards half of his religion.
May the Peace, Mercy and Blessings of Allh be
And he (blessings of Allh be upon him and his progeny) has
upon you. With greetings to your Eminence and
also stated that:
the hope that your obedience to Allh and your
worship of the Most High Truth are all accepted,
please guide us in the below mentioned issues: HY <' R '%& ;tP," 78' 9 ='T1 UK =q , - 78 - V M!' &3
Question 1: In your humble opinion, please explain how EW5 pM'^Q B3 [&" EW5 T kQ J3 ' 5 [pG EW5 |:[?Q YH+ '?&
important is it for the young person living (in particular) in
the West to get married at an early age (according to the &3 3J?PMG #, 3J'$ *
society they are living in and their own individual needs and
There is nothing that has benefited the Muslim after
financial capabilities). In addition to this, for that person
(accepting the religion of) al-Islm greater than marrying a
who has lost his or her spouse (through death) or is separated
Muslim woman. He becomes elated when he looks at her
from his spouse (through divorce) please explain to us the
and she obeys him when he directs her to do something and
importance of these two groups of people remarrying.
she protects him (her husband) when he is not there in
Question 2: Are there any Islmic legislations from the Noble relation to her self and his wealth.
Prophet and the Infallible Leaders (peace be upon all of
them) by way of the noble adth or verses of the Qurn in It has been narrated from Imm Ja{far ibn Muammad as-
which we have been recommended to marry at an early age? \diq (peace be upon him) that:
Or is there anything in the adth in which we have been
advised to remarry after either divorce or the death of our ' " 3J So YHTPi nT'> '%& ;tP," _. !+P 3J So F 3!TP
spouse?
The two Rak{at that a married person prays of his \alt is
Question 3: If it is possible, can you please cite some better than seventy Rak{at that a bachelor performs.
historical events in which the Prophets, Aimmah or their
great Companions encouraged widows or divorcees to Answer 3: It is sufficient to look at the code of conduct of the
remarry? Noble Prophet of Islm (blessings of Allh be upon him and
his progeny) after the death of Khadjah (peace be upon her)
In closing, please remember the brothers and sisters of and the code of conduct of Amr al-Mominn `Al ibn Ab
Canada and America in your supplications, especially the lib (peace be upon him) after the death of iddiqatul Kubr
dear, valuable youth. (peace be upon her).
In the name of Allh, the Most In the name of Allh, the Most In the name of Allh, the Most
Gracious, the Most Merciful Gracious, the Most Merciful Gracious, the Most Merciful
Salm {Alaikm wa Ramatullahi wa Wa {Alaikum Salm wa Ramatullahi After greetings and salutations to you
Baraktuh, wa Baraktuh, all,
Answer (to Questions 1, 2, & 3): Answer (to Questions 1, 2 & 3): Nikh Answer (to Questions 1 & 2):
2): There are
Marriage is one of the highly (marriage) is one of the highly various verses within the Noble
recommended acts (in Islm) and that recommended acts in Islm which we Qurn, and in addition, countless
which has been mentioned by way of have been commanded to observe in adth from all of the respected
encouragement in getting married and the Noble Qurn and according to the Ma{mn (peace be upon all of them)
the perils of not getting married are too noble adth of the Messenger, in which they have recommended and
much to enumerate (in the adth). marriage is counted as being from the encouraged those who are single to
From our master, Imm al-Bqir (peace Sunnah of the Noble Prophet keep alive the Sunnah (tradition) of the
be upon him), it has been related that (blessings of Allh be upon him and his Noble Prophet (blessings of Allh be
he said: progeny), which Muslims must not turn upon him and his progeny) and to get
away from. It has been narrated from married as this act safeguards half of a
The Prophet of Allh (blessings of the Infallibles (peace be upon all of persons faith.
Allh be upon him and his progeny) them) that if a person marries, he has
has said, There is no structure in Islm safe-guarded half of his religion and in These sorts of verses of the Qurn and
which is more loved by Allh that that other narrations, he has safe-guarded adth are in both in relation to those
of marriage. one-third of his religion. In this youth who have not yet gotten married
regards, there is no difference if this (for the first time), and even those men
In addition, our master, Imm Ja{far happens to be a persons first marriage and women who were married in the
as-\diq (peace be upon him) has said, or after separation from his spouse, he past however at the present time, are
Two Rak{at of \alt of a married or she remarries. In addition, if a once again single (for whatever
person is better than seventy Rak{at of person fears that by not getting reasons).
\alt of a bachelor and it is not good married, one will fall into sin and
that marriage should be delayed due to transgression (of the laws of Allh), Answer (to Question 3): This issue has
poverty or other (material) needs them it becomes obligatory upon one taken place many, many times during
to get married. And Allh knows best. the lifetime of the Prophet of Islm
It has been narrated from the Noble (blessings of Allh be upon him and his
Prophet (blessings of Allh be upon May you all be successful, progeny) and the Pure and Sinless
him and his progeny) that, The person Lufullh \f Aimmah (peace be upon all of them).
who delays marriage due to fear of [ SEAL ]
poverty, or other such reasons has had And may the peace and blessings of
negative thoughts about Allh 9th Dhul Qa{dah, 1423 Allh be upon all of you.
(Glorified and Exalted is He). 11th of January, 2003
Office of Ayatullh al-{Um al-jj
May you all be successful and assisted Shaykh Nir Makrim Shrz
(by Him).
I
n Islam, contrary to Christianity, marriage and sex are
not antipathetic to the love for and worship of God.
Instead of an obstacle, marriage is regarded as an asset
in acquiring spiritual perfection.
A woman came to the Prophets house and her strong 2. Marriage and Family Ethics,
Ethics by yatullh Ibrhm Amin
perfume soon filled the house. When the Prophet e ($8.00)
inquired about the visitor, the woman said that she had tried
everything to attract her husband but in vain; he does not 3. Islamic Family Structure,
Structure by ujjatul Islm usain
leave his meditation to pay any attention to her. Anriyn ($15.00)
The Prophet e told her to inform her husband about the
reward of sexual intercourse which he described as follows: 4. Youth and Spouce Selection,
Selection by {Al Akbar Maher
($10.00)
When a man approaches his wife, he is guarded by two
angels and [at that moment in Allhs views] he is like a 5. Women and Her Rights (also titled Rights of Women in
warrior fighting for the cause of Allh. When he has Islm),
Islm) by {Allmah Shahd Murtah Muahhar ($15.00)
intercourse with her, his sins fell like the leaves of the tree [in
fall season]. When he performs the major ablution, he is 6. A Code of Ethics for Muslim Men and Women,
Women by
cleansed from sins. Sayyid Mas{ud Ma{sm ($8.00)
These quotations from the Qurn and the sayings of the 7. A Code of Practice for Muslims in the West,
West by Ayatullh
Prophet and the Imams of Ahlul Bayt show that the Islmic al-{Um al-jj as-Sayyid {Al al-usain as-Sstn
view on sex and marriage is in complete harmony with
human nature. It can easily be concluded that in the Islmic Many of these books are also available on the InterNet.
sexual morality: (a) marriage and sex is highly recommended Log on to www.al-
www.al-islam.org for quick reference of these and
and it is in no way associated with evil, guilt or sin; (b) many other texts that deal with Marriage, family rights and
monasticism and celibacy is unacceptable; (c) marriage is duties and other relevant topics.
considered a helping factor in attaining spiritual perfection it
This Islamic Marriage Guidebook can also be read /
prevents the Muslims from getting into sins and also
downloaded in PDF format from www.al-
www.al-haqq.com or
enhances the value of their acts of worship. These teachings www.muslimyouth.ca
neutralize the need for a sexual revolution in a Muslim
society. Since there is no sexual suppression, the question of Additional copies of this booklet can be acquired from the
a sexual revolution does not arise. Islamic Humanitarian Service HEAD OFFICE.
OFFICE