Do all women look at men in an unequal manner?

How they act mentally,

emotionally, or physically? In the poem To All the Boys I’ve Ever Loved Before
Mayda Del Valle realizes that the woman during a relationship become the
mother to the man accompanying her. Del Valle’s way of looking at men
throughout the years has changed her personal opinion about them. Del Valle
explains her past experiences with men, and how they treat her. Furthermore,
she implies that the men she had relationships with acted like immature kids,
when she expected more love and understanding from them. Men did not treat
her with solemnity or value, and they did not treat her with the respect and the
care she deserved. Del Valle had a hard time understanding herself as a woman.

Maturity is what Del Valle expects from a true man. Throughout the poem,
the poet explains what she really thinks a man is, and is implying that they are
babies and as if she is their mother; “We are not your mothers/ and are not
meant to be, / it’s not our responsibility to raise you into respectful beings /that
have been wounded from the breast of a woman for years/ yet you came to us”
(Del Valle, 1-5). In addition, she is saying that it is not my problem that you are
not raised in a mature way, and it is not my duty to do so. For years you have
been taught respect and maturity, yet you still come to me and involve me in your
adolescent “Fast fading memories of playing hopscotch, / and skippin’ rope /we
now play freeze tag with each other’s hearts” (Del Valle, 28-30). Through this
quotation, one can understand that Del Valle is allowing one to realize that the
early years’ relationships were created through what today individuals would call
“girly” and “guy-ish” behaviour. A little girl at age 10, playing hopscotch, would
think she has a crush on the guy watching her afar. He has blue eyes, symbolizing
the ocean she dreams of swimming in, and curly, brown hair that reminds her of
the last bowl of spaghetti she consumed. A girl at age 10 thinks of a guy as a
friend that she will eventually share her first kiss with. At a young age, little kids
are playing hopscotch and skipping rope with one another- they look to each
other as friends and mates that will eventually share hugs and kisses with. A 20-
30 year old is ready to freeze their hearts and only thaw their hearts when
someone that they like or soon will love has touched them. The touch of a loving
guy will melt the heart of a loved woman. This quotation really shows how
younger relationships are inconsistent and usually do not symbolize true love
until the individuals are left to really endure a serious relationship that will melt
their heart. Men did not treat Del Valle the way she deserved to be treated, and
the way she thought they would, so as a woman she was disappointed.

Dishonesty is what releases women’s true emotions about their men. Del
Valle realizes that the men she was with, upset her, and gave her no respect. Men
come to her as if they do not know what happened, and forget the littlest things.
“You said you had a photographic memory/ but apparently you forgot that
honesty /begins by being real with yourself” (Del Valle, 34-36). In this passage,
Del Valle states that men always forget the issues happening in between them;
and always trying to get themselves out of the circumstances so they do not get
blamed for anything. The fact that the men are being dishonest states that in
order to be loved; you have to start being honest to yourself. “Wounded and half
filled with promises you can only keep half the time” (Del Valle, 6).  Keeping a
promise a woman gives you is key to maintain a stable relationship. If you do not
fulfill the promise, belief is lost. Del Valle also demonstrates the men cheating on
her with many other women. This is a sign of disrespect and dishonesty because
while the men are cheating on her they lie their way out of it to gain her respect.
“To be weighed down with the bodies of men heavy with the scent/ and the hands
of other women” (Del Valle, 10- 11). This is saying that the men she was with
throughout her life did not feel passion for Del Valle, and did not care what they
did to her and eventually toying with her emotions. Not only did this change her
opinion of men, however, it shows us the dishonesty she had been through which
changed her opinion in men.

In today’s world, women finally realize that they do not need men in their
life; since their actions cause hurt and depression to the women in their lives.
Near the end of the poem, it was said that Del Valle did not need a man in her life
anymore, and can sustain her life without them. The men in Del Valle’s life are
obstacles avoiding her living a good life; “I will sleep on dry pillows now in a bed
big enough to love myself in” (Del Valle, 64). She is saying that now, since I have
nothing to worry about I can live a happy life not worrying what is going to
happen next. All she wanted is a man to love her, and do whatever a man does to
his girlfriend to keep her happy. Loyalty is all she needed; “And we simply
wanting to be loved/simply wanting to be able to love ourselves
unconditionally/simply wanting to be held and feel safe/simply wanting the truth
of whether you can really love us or not” (Del Valle, 13-16). However, the men in
her life made it hard for her to keep that. Instead of loyalty, torment was given to
her. When a woman gets dumped or disappointed, they cry until the memory
causing this gloominess is gone. They never will forget that day the man dumped
her, however, Del Valle fought her way out of that, and kept moving on. “I will
awake these coming mornings with my eyes dry and shining/ full of the
knowledge I am priceless and worth nothing but honesty” (Del Valle 65-66). Del
Valle thinks of herself as a trustworthy woman. Immediately she recognized that
now she no longer has to wake up crying and being miserable. Telling the truth is
key to hold a relationship strong. This was a missing key in Del Valle’s life and
restricted happiness in her love for men.

To All the Boys I’ve Ever Loved Before is a poem written by Mayda Del Valle and
gives the idea of how men in her life disrespect and keep the relationship with her
hard to keep. Men in her life give her the idea that they are little boys and act as if
she is their mother. The way Del Valle was treated by the men changes her
opinion about them. Respect was lacking in their relationship, causing a different
way in men treating her. They did not treat her as a man would during a
relationship. The “men” were acting as if they are boys, giving no love or
compassion to her. This made Del Valle hard to understand herself as a woman.
Love. Do all men treat it with the compassion and peace it deserves?