When you were a little child, they looked at your parents and be treated you based on your parent's

income. But when you grow up and has a fine job, they will look at you and be treating your parents depended

on your income, they said.

I was born in a small and peaceful village located in Southern Vietnam, where you can catch the voice of

the birds singing simultaneously with the annoying sound of cock-a-doodle-doo when it crows. The little tiny

town wakes up at five. The loads are neatly arranged to prepare for sale every day; workers, schoolers, sellers,...

Wake up to prepare for the new journey of a new day. My life was normal; nothing special happened as I grew

up. Full of endurance, peer pressure and sorrow. Because I was not having a very good childhood memory, I see

things, behave and act a lot different than people at the age of mine.

When I was in Elementary School, I was being described as a loner. My parents worked every day, and

sometimes they also got to work on the weekend. Most of my daily life was spending time with my

grandparents and all by myself in the backyard. Until these days, I am still questioning why did my parents not

buying me any toy when I was little like any other children in the village; why did they not? Besides, my

cousins had plenty of toys that I can confidentially declaim that all the kids in the village would be extremely

jealous of them. That was the purpose of why I spent a plethora of times at my cousins house just to, at least,

find myself a little happiness from his fortunate. Kids enjoy playing with their toys, dont they?

One day, I remember that it was on an evening, the school has ended and I walked to my cousins house

with the thought of playing with his robots again. I was smiling. Yet that happy thought was entirely shut off as

I was standing in front the door hearing his mother, my aunt, announcing that I think Vi is about to come in a

minute, put away your stuff from now. Do not let her touch them.. I walked home. Since then, I started to

recognize that every of my mothers brothers and sisters had been acting the same. Whenever I came, all they

ever did to me was giving me a nod instead of saying Hi, but when my cousin came, they acted completely

different. I cried as I sat on the roots of the tree thinking Why did they act that way? Did I do something that

not pleased them? Or they just didnt like me? I have done nothing. You know, at that time, my brain was not

fully developed. I determined not to talk to my mother about it, until now, I still havent. Henceforth, I threw

myself into study hoping that they will look at me in different behavior, perhaps they will like me?
 I gained more and more knowledge. With all my purpose and endurance, I have got myself into a

National Olympic Math Competition in Middle School, and the first place in the top five students of the year. I

felt like I am better than everyone else in the school; I deeper myself in the solitude. I felt like there was a

barrier around me that no individual could go pass it. Have you ever been studying a lot and then you get

confused by it? When the Math Contest was held, I was extremely confident that I am, 100% sure, taking the

first place, or at least second place. I prepared for the contest all day and all night long; I remember that I,

indeed, missed out dinner the day before the competition. I spent an endless amount of times to study, but then I

got confused when they handed out the test problems. I was a failure. The students were making fun of me, the

family was disappointed, the goal was getting worse. The barriers around me were becoming bigger. All I can

do is learn, learn and learn because besides studying, I can not do anything else. I recognize I was no different

than a robot.

During the end of the first semester of my seventh grade, I moved to America, a country of dream, hope,

and opportunities. I was hoping that I will make more friends so that I will not be alone anymore. I was empty

of being alone. Yet, things turn out to be absolutely opposite. I got bullied, being shunned by the people around,

even teachers, and I was all by myself again. I cried to my father saying that I want to go back to Vietnam that I

hate America so much. I hate the people so much, as I recall. My father just consoled me and encouraged me to

try to overcome. My family lived in my aunts house (another older sister of my mother) and we were always

happy. All of a sudden, my uncle (my aunts husband) told my family to get out of his house in the middle of

night. Actually, I was very helpless, depressed, disgusted. I can do nothing, I hate myself. I just stood on the

street and cried miserably and pitifully.

Throughout my four years in high school. Four years is not short, yet it not long either. Sadness yet

happiness at the same time. I learned how it feels to have friends and the feelings of betrayal by my own

friends. It is like holding a rose without realizing that there are thorns on it, and you just holding it unwittingly.

It hurts, not physically but mentally. From then on, I was so fearful of the times when I was joyous. Do you

understand? I find my life seems impossible to balance. As long as I have some fun, even the smallest pleasure,

indeed, hapless moments will come like waves rush in the quiet coast. I came up with a saying by myself: The
more I learn about people, the more I love my cat. I became an introverted youth in my Sophomore year at

Westminster High School. I quit talking to people; besides, I was talking to my cat. It was fun. I remember that

it was midnight, and I could not sleep. I was hugging my cat and started talking to her about everything, and it

was getting all emotional out of nowhere. Tears just started to falling off my cheeks, and I was just sat in the

corner of my room with my cat whispered Why am I so lonely? Why am I so different? Why is it so hard to fit

in?. My cat, she was touching my under eye area using her paws to wipe the tears off my face and started

meowing. I swear that was the happiest moment ever happened in my life. Recently, she passed away due to an

accident.

Beginning of my Junior year in high school, I was sitting in the library all by myself doing homework. A

girl came and sit next to me on the same table, and she was asking me if I can explain the math problems for

her. We lately became best friend. We are like two polar ends, two opposite ends. We are completely different. I,

myself, is an introverted, and she is an extroverted. And that is what making us so close to each other. My

parents are overprotecting me, I can not go out; therefore, I do not how it feels to go out, to have fun with

friends. However, I always have my family; I always have the love of my mother, father, and siblings. As an

inverse, my friend, herself, did not have the love from her family but she has a lot of friends and have her own

freedom. We are sharing our fortunate to each other, learn from each others stories. This girl has an even worse

childhood than I had. She told me that Listen, Vi, when you look up, you are nothing compare to them. But

when you look down, you are a lot better than thousands of people. I keep thinking that way so that I can face

my life. Be happy, see! Your childhood is already better than mine. I dont know why your parents did not buy

you any toy back then, but maybe that is the way they want to raise you. Furthermore, give up your goal from

now. You can not please anyone just because you are an outstanding student. Listen, when you were a little

child, they looked at your parents and be treated you based on your parent's income. But when you grow up and

has a fine job, they will look at you and be treating your parents depended on your income. Live for yourself.

This girl, she is my only friend. I can only smile when I talk to her. I do not want to lose her like those friends I

had three years ago. I wish that I can selfishly keep this happiness for as long as I can. She is my best therapist

ever because my cat left me already.

 As a result of all the incidents happened in the past which has shaped me as a person right now, I grow

more mature in term of thinking and behaving. Yet that introvert personality has already lived in my cells and

become part of my nature. I know I should change it as I come closer to meet my new life in college, but as up

now I just cant. A repetitive act becomes a habit, the habit of doing many times becomes a personality, the

personality of frequent express will gradually become human nature. I am a loner since I was in Elementary

School, as up now, loneliness is part of myself.