aA EL a yy R.LP {SHAY Dus! Y fs . ‘. ore & " oT ce ‘ " a IND c ABOVE ALL) i RS, EKODT No.#7 ‘The Dice Man Cometh!" sold out = KODT No.#27 “Hackburger Hil $2.95 KODT No.#8 “An Orc By Any Other Name” sold out + KODT No.#28 “Hoody Freakin’ Holl” $2.95 KODT No.#9 — “Two Dice For Sister Sara” sold out KODT No.#29 “Bad Moon Risin" $2.95, KODT No.#10 “Let the Dice Fall Where They May” sold out KODT No.#30 “No Honor” $2.95 KODT No.#11 "When in Doubt: Hack!!” $6.95 KODT Tales From The Vault $9.95 KODT No.#12. ‘The Good, The Bad, andthe Uniucky’ $6.95 KODT Bundle of Trouble vol. one $9.95 KODT No.#13. 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Please include $2 per Vault or Bundle of Trouble, KODT No.#25 “Secrets of the HackFiles" $2.95 __ $1 for the first comic and 50¢ per additional comic for shipping KODT No.#26 ‘The Mask of El Ravager” $2.95 betal cid KoDT T-Shirt $19.95 ($3 S/H)’ DONT FORGET THAT KoDT Miniatures $19.95 (+ $3 s/h) THESE OTHER KENZER Elemental (board game) $9.95 (+$2s/h) ANDCOMPANY Kingdoms of Kalamar (boxed set) $29.95 (+ $3 s/h) PRODUCTS ARE ALSO Sourcebook of the Sovereign Lands $9.95(+$1S/h) aVAILABLE VIA MAL Mythos of the Divine and Worldly $9.95 (+ $1 s/h) oRvER! Tragedy in the House of Brodeln $9.95 (+ $1 s/h) Secret Temple of Adaly $9.95 (+ $1 s/h) GameMaster's Workshop: vol | $9.95 (+ $1 sh) And Now For Something Completely Different. A Card Game That's Fun(ny) nore Hoy Gane ‘° Collectible Card Game 60 card starter decks $10.95 15 card booster packs $3.45 P — And now remain gone, illegitimate-faced bugger-folk! And if you think you got a nasty time this taunting, you va ain't seen nothing yet. ..and debuting Summer ‘99, the expansion you've been waiting for you silly English Kniggets. “Taunt You a Second Time” yh 1808 Ka he nod wget, Tagen the House of Bron Sect Templo ho echsne rd Company. Ais anal ade banca ro Pian os ol Kala aCsA Dd Knights of the Dinner Table #31 Dont Fear the Reaper! May, 1999 Company, All Righis Reserved Koights of the Dinner Table" magazin is pblishe monthly by Kenzer and Company Periodicals Postage pid t (pend ing) Menlo Park, CA, Postmaster: send adres chan to: Kenzer & Company 2094 Camino los Certs Menlo Park, CA 94025, | Subscriptions: A one year sub- serigtion (12 issues) is only $3200, fLUS $3600 in Canada and US $50.00 Over) To subscribe, send cheek: or toney onder (nade payable 10 Kenzer and Company) Kenner & Company KODE Subscript 2004 Camino alos Ceres “Menlo Park, CA 94025 fax. a valid Visa, Master ‘AmEX or Discover cat mmber, your signature, card type a exp ration dat to us at (680) 233-8270, Back sues: Back (ses and related: merchandising. are_also Available. Se inside cover ofthis ‘sue or our website for details ‘Mailing Address: Kenzer and ‘Company, 2094 Camino a los Geras, Menlo Park, CA. 94025, Phonefax: (650) 233-8970, Internet: Jol RB@aoL.com (editorial inquiries only) oF KenzerCo@aolcom (all other inguisies). World Wide Web: Fnipnembers a comMetkiniken ideas, jokes, car- looms, ec, Weare interes in run hing anything that other gamers and fans would enjoy. Send a SAASE: for writer's guidelines 0 the ake std above or E-mail restin aol.com. gal Notice: Knichs of Diner “Tle, No Hone, GoneVine, Wait, Media Hacks, Stud, KoDT, Reto KobT, HackMter, Hard Eight Enterprises, Gary Jackson Fes, the Kings of Kelana the Kenn on Company Logo, ant all prominent har an Levees threo ae Uranus of Kener and Corpuny © Copyright 1999, Kenzer and | “Don't Fear the Reaper!” ‘The KODT Development Team is Jolly.R. Blackburn, Brian Jelke, Steve Johansson and David S. Kenzer Cover Art by George & Jackie Vebanic Table of Contents Cries from the Attic ail of «mada 3 2 ‘Table Talk ncaa \ 4 The Black Hands: Pleased to Meat You! A Hand tl Pi Met ns ww 6 Angels of Mercy with Dirty Paces . Ih het and il aka crome SE AP) ieee One-Two Punches Alec hae! Rh Stor bse | PEELE it ‘Missin’ Our Big Time i lt on raf A Gamer’s Brunch Geb confor Sod Only the Lonely Ton 2 i ub ping Diet Bont fir Fd al appr 3} Shardar’ “tlingue of hI comietp edn che Kids of Radi 2» Bourne in Blood ih by Ded Ke | pats Excerpt from Kutagis Journal oly doen fri Ben pr f oe s Bones of Ruin ht bdo . tae » ‘The Good; The Bad, and the (a iiss Atel Nel 2 The. Game Mechanic a Pee 9 ‘The Shields of Bandran g i reef oe Tigh lal : 4 Heard it on the GameVihe™ ‘Nes. rin and inde bude plucked fom the ine ; 50 Brian's Small Press Picks” Bit psa emf ste wr pln ob 3 Oe...2 ‘Gamin’ Dick's Back Room” Se Oper tone oe Opes Rs % Parting Shots” ‘One ls jab yr fann one om the way nt th door : x . 56 | Although he wont admit it, Knights of the Dinner Table was created by Jolly R. Blackburn way buck in 1990 as file’ for che small pres magazine Shadis™ (which he was publishing out ofa spare bedroom) Eight yeas late, a head writer and creative direc forthe KODT develop: ‘mene tea, he continues to draw and write sts forthe monthly Knight ofthe Dinner Table™ ‘magazine as lls for Dragon® magazine and The Rife” Sourcebook Series. This month, Joly slipped even further into his special plce’- He began wearing 2 great helm around the ofce and has sk hers al ir the "Man fn eran Mashing He claims tobe writing the una thor! aurobiogrphy ofan immigrant alfalfa sprout Farmer bur won ofr any deals¢ ir [4 ri r+ = 4 i} rs bie 7) et & *) Editorial of : Madwas “Excuse me, sir, do you happen to know Gamer-Speak?” ne of the biggest thrills we get from publishing O KODT is when we attend a convention and overhear someone quoting KODT during a game. Its nice co know that should the comic book fold some day and we all move on to do other things that we've some how left our mark ‘on gaming culture. (Fi sure that years fom there will still be someone out there who boldly yells, “I waste ‘em with my cross- bow whenever hes confronaed with a surly Ore at the gaming table.) The truth is, ing. Most of the action of any good RPG is verbal, after all What better way to emphasize a point or to embrace your character than with a few good phrases or quotes? amer-spea is a very important part of gam- The topic of gamer-speak came up tecently in our forum on AOL when several fans began 0 debate the proper usage in gamer terms. Not only do a lot of us speak Gamer- speak, but apparently there are different dialects out there Intrigued, I asked our fans to post their own favorite gamer terms which they used around their tables. Here is a small sampling of the results 1dHandful damage: Used when players try ro do something stupid like atacking a drawbridge or small building. The GM simply picks up a handful of dice and rolls them to determine how many hitpoints the object has. Variations include 1dBagful and 1dCoffee Can full. ADO: (pronounced "Ab-Doe"). Automatic Door Opener. Used to describe a character or NPC. who is large and stupid Useful for kicking in doors. Variations include Brick, Mr. Potato head, Arnold, Lurch, etc Casually Depart Torun lke hell when you are obviously out matched but to proud to announce you are retreating. (Aka called a tactical withdraw or retrograde advance) Clanger: anything wearing enough armor to make several dozen good pots out of (especially ifthe armor was made aut of those several dozen pots inthe first place) Clanking: Wearing heavy armor and lots of weapons. As in Since this is a formal dinner party, I guess my character can't lank." (Also called a Random Monster Lure) Crunchies: GM Term for how monsters view player charac- ters. Variations: Munchies, Num-nums, Canned-Meat, Snack Packs. Cue the soundtack: A term that announces that a player is about to perform or say something dramatic (or melodramat- ic). It sounds better than “hey look at me!” Dan Roll: 3 or mote straight 1s on a fumble check...named after the worst dice roller ever born. Think of attack rols that should come from a d6. Variations include, Puce Roll, Kazinski Effect Dicequake: What happens when someone bumps the table really had DM Break: Restroom break. A good time wo peek behind the sereen and strategize with the other players. Flavor Text: Anything hat comes out of the GM's mouth which isnt immediately useful to the players. Inchides descriptions of the weather, random dungeon debris, descrip. tions of empry rooms, ec DAMMIT PETE!! ARE YOU SURE THIS |S A WOODLAND KOBOLD COSTUME?? | DON’T WANT TO LOOK LIKE SOME KIND OF /DIOT AT HACKCON LIVE TONIGHT. KNIFE FIGHT ‘DEMOS. have boon SGANCELED 7 SURE I’M SURE// YOU GOT THE REGAL VERSION THERE. THE ONLY ONE OF IT’S KIND. YOU WERE LUCKY TO GET IT. THIS KICKS ASS/ WAIT TIL DAVE AND BRIAN SEE - LOSERS! Issue #31; Don't Fear the Reaper™CIBGUS OF TRBBOS 3 : NOW AVAILABLE “KEGBCS CX BLL PO BOX 736 HAMPSTEAD NH 03841 CABIL@AOL.COM UNIVERSAL MINIATURES SYSTEMFM: acronym for "feakin’ magic." Stock explanation for any event or effect for which the players can see no obvious explanation, To really qualify for being an FM effect, it should be something that cone could never reproduce using any of the existing game rules. Get on with it: sign tha players are tired of istening to flavor text and that the GM should pick up the pace. Give a cold steel enema: Another way of telling the GM you're back stabbing somebody. (Usually followed by a Casual Departure) GM Coolant: Cold beer on a hot day. Providing the GM with a coolant could earn a player bonuses and favored treatment. (Abo Jnown as an 12 0. Insurance Policy) Goon: A character that is designed strictly for combat. Implement of Insription: mystical writing device used to updat character sheets (aka. a pencil) Kidney Check: backstab executed on a giant, when the thief can only reach as high asthe targer’s kidneys. Map Monkey: A player (usually the newbie) who is forced into mapping for the party. The Map Monkey typically ge’s blame for everything that goes wrong, Monty Haul: Probably the oldest gamer term out chere. Any trea- sute/magic not adequately protected where players virtually ‘walk away’ with the goods Mud Die: The old, hard to read dice that came with the original D&D™ boxed sets (Ogre Eyes: Rolling all 1's on 346 PAF: acronym for “prejudiced, arbitrary, and fina.” Somewhere along the line, our primary DM read that a good DM should not be afraid to display those qualities. So, whenever he'd make an unpopular or boneheaded decision (particularly after imbibing six or eight Guinnesses), he would defend himself by declaring chat he had the right to be PAE. Pencil Death: Character that has died so many times there are holes in his character sheet from all the erasures and updates. Pencil: Whipped: A player character who has tons of crap listed on his character sheet that was NOT eaened/developed during game play (background notes, lst of sworn enemies, detailed equipment lists, etc.) Petroleum-Based Food Products: description of anything con- sumed at a gaming table that you would not want your mom to know was your only nutritional intake of the day. Includes potato chips, Doritos, Slim Jims, Ho-Hos, ee PizzaMan-Speak: Only one player in a group can possess the PizzaMan Speak skill ata time. Hie can only ‘rid’ himself ofthe skill by passing it on to a newbie. The player who has pizzaman-speak is the poor guy who has to callin any pizaa orders and has co collect the money to pay to pizaa dude. Plot Hammering: When a GameMaster forces the players along specific plot line in an advencure, Players who stray off the main 4 objective are likely to find themselves in deep kimshee when a GM is doing this, Variations include, Plot Wagon (asin getting run over by the plor wagon). Plotdevicium: Something the GM won't let the players destroy no matter what, Rediger Option: If one die ofa roll falls off the table, all of the dice are re-rolled, Shield of Ignorance and Fear: the DM screen, Spell Jockey: A spell caster: Variations: Spell Astilleryman, Spell Lober. Spinectomy: backstab, particularly when executed by a high- ‘enough-level thief that ic is esencally a sure Kil. ‘Tank: A knight in armor. ifthe dice are going badly the chorus is"In If this doesn't seem to change the dice, the chant becomes "Outside the box!". ‘The Sacrifice: The practice of pouring soda on a blank character sheet at the beginning of a game to appease whatever deities & powers that contro spills on the gaming table, Tinks: A term used to indicate when someone is being attacked and is hie but takes no damage. Variations include, Klang, Clang, Go- Fish, and Tap. Tossing the Stiff’ Throwing a corpse (usually of an orc or dead NPC) into a room to see if there are any booby traps. Totally Dead: When there is no doubr that your character has died ‘Also known as Dead Meat, Grease Spot and Demised Trap Monkey: A payer character (usually « newbie) or an NPC who is talked into or forced into taking the ‘point’ and detceting traps. (usually by unknowingly seting them off). Also commonly known as the Human Mine Detector. Tinvite the rest of our readers who cant join us online o send in their own gamerspeak terms and phrases. I'l try to run another compilation in the future, Speaking of online - lot of readers have been complaining that they dont have access to AOL and cant participate in the our forum. Well, good news! There is now a Knights of the Dinner Table Club online which can be reached by ANYBODY with incer- net access. To join go to: ‘replelubs yaboocomlelubtknightofthedinnertable Aer joining (its FREE) youll be able to access the KODT Chat Rooms, message boards, photo gallery, event calendar, etc. So be sure to check it out and come hang out with other KODT fans. ‘Thar’ about it fr this issue. Be sure to look us up at the upcom- ing summer cons. As usual we will be sponsoring some KODT Live readings, game demos and other fun stuff Tl’ next issue — Good Gaming! (hy, P Ble Jolly R. Blackburn Issue #31: Don't Fear the Reaper™Dear KODT, Tjust wanted to write in to say you guys ROCK! Ive always been a great fan of the comic bu I'm beginning to like the other feature swell. Keep Parting Shots, Gaming Dick's BackRoom, Homebrewed KODT. Keep it ALL! You guys seem to have the touch, Most everything [find in KODTT is a good rea. It’ like an adventure every issue. Though I can always count on the laughs, I never know what kind of extras you might throw in. (Like the kewl military piece in 28) ‘One other thing I think is kewl about your book is that you always sem to be talking to the reader, one on one. Does that make sense? Im sure other readers will agre that we ll feel like wwe know Jolly and the ret ofthe staf. certainly have room for you at my table if you ever come to Detroit T noticed when afew readers complained recently you guys had the gus to run hei eters. Way to go! Forget the ct that those guys were waaaay off in thir opinions. Is just nie to see that you guys can take the hea and are willing to listen to your teadets, Take my advice, Dont listen to those guys. You are doing great job and I like what you are doing. Donte pull your punches because some thin skinned no-lfe doesnt have anything better to do than complain about your cartoon characters being poor role models. You may not beable to call c what itis but I can, Fel free to print my name and E-mail address in case any- cone wants to flame me, I can take the heat. Brian Guthrie sguthfal@hotmailcom Thanks for your letter, Brian. We are fairly certain that we have to thin skinned, no-lfs among our readership. Our readers seem to be prety kewl The ruth is we try to no take offense to ltes fom our readers who take the time to write in and share ther opinions (even ifthse views happen tobe negaive). Afr all, cv been ask- ing for bones feedback for almost three years now. “A buge par of being gamer is being opinionated. Mention dice- les gaming, lve action roleplaying ov CCG in a room full of gamers and you're going 0 get a broad spectrum of opinion. Everyone ara right: an opinion and unfortunately mast peo- ‘ple who have opinion aio adhere ro the firm bei they are right. ‘And, let be bones, mast of us lve « good debate and aguing a ‘point. (Tonce spent 4 hours fier a game arguing why 1D6 damage per 10 fet of fling ddhit make sense and ended up going home with a headache) That why we opened up Gaming Dick’ BackRoom asa forum where readers can share their opinions Jolly Dear KODT, Hello! Just wanted to add my voice to the chorus of praise of Knights of the Dinner Table! I met them through reading my boyfriend's Dragon™ magazines, and then found your magazine in the store and about died laughing! I hope to soon beable to stock up on the back issues and collections, and to subscribe, so keep ‘em coming! have to admit, sometimes I get really ied of Bob and Dare. In the latest Dragon maguzine, when they ited on the orc chief- tain under flag of true, Twas much more angry than T should have been from reading a cartoon. Sometimes 1 think they should both have cused rings of “ereme’ slowness so Sara could always at first and counteract their more inane moves. Maybe Sara should seriously consider finding another gaming group, or Our Readers Talk Back! at least thteaten the Knights with leaving, make them think. Has she ever satin with the Black Handi! As for Brian, I think B.A. should snooker him into a more GURPS"ype game, where the rules are much less explicit and more flexible, See how insecure he ges once he's relying solely on the G.M's judgement. Nothing like a rules-monger left without written support! Wish I had an amusing gaming story to shar, but che only thing I recall right now is the player who unexpectedly had ro explin the origin of the immensely powerful amulet we were carrying (hot off out latest kil). His explanation: "Ummm, wwe. FOUND it. Is was... um, floating, ina river.” (Pause, while his father considers the large, gold and jewel encrusted medal lion "Roatng in a river” "Yes, that's right.” (Pause "FLOATING IN A RIVER?2" For the rest ofthe campaign, "Floating in « river" became out watchword for an obvious lie :) Later in that campaign, we were pursued by a biter mage who had turned himself bright blue, so we were ever on the lookout for someone with blue skin ‘The best ine: {In a tavern} "You hear a man mention your names." "We do? Is he blue??" "You can’t see him, you just hear his voice.” "Well, does it SOUND blue?" ‘Anyway, thanks for che wonderful stories, and keep it up! Betsy Moore ratnap@yzhoo.com Thanks for the fanny story, Betsy When reading the line, “Plating in a river?” coulda help but think of ohm Clesein the infamous Dead Parrot skit ustering in disbelief, “Pining for the Fjord” realy hate to defend Bob and Dave - Im not sure could if I wanted, But they both represent player types that Ive run into countless times during. my years as & GM. Eused to call them Reactionary Players. Stand something in font of them and they immediately react (usualy violently and swift). Someone recent ‘pointed out that in the movie, Mars Attacks that the Martians behave very much like Bob and Dave. (Even 10 the point of approaching under a lag of truce and then brucaly attacking) Strangely enough, both Bob and Dave seem to be popular and have their own fan bas. (Bob butions sell flercely at conventions Second in sales only to the Brian Buttons) amme Knights of the Dinner Table Magazine™ * May, 1999 PL AEE eS F mm FS So mm E FE t= = =BY JOLLY R. BLACKBURN Pleased to Meat You! vintinjonwhede ereeaoaneess —— — aor cs RACE FOR THE WHITE HOUSE, ‘TOURNAMENT STARTS WEDNESDA\ Tere orth Ve Penal Deas eee OKAY, LUCY THe BLIND PANDA BEAR" WADDLES UP TO KRAGIN /! AND GIVES HIM A SEALED SCROLL BEARING THE RUNE OF THE GAWD, ANDY WARHOL! SHE LOOKS DEEPLY INTO KRAGIN'S EYES AND SAYS, "GO/ TAKE THIS TO THE PIKIE ELDERS. YOU WILL FIND THEM IN DIDDLE WOOD WHERE THEY'LL BE RESIDING OVER PIXIE MEET IN A SLIST A FEW DAYS.” JUST CAME Fi THERE/ YOU SEEP I TOLD YOU PICKING WARWOL AS YOUR DIDDLE WOOD. THe GRUNGE PATRON GAWD WOULD LEAD TO TROUBLE, HIS LITTLE DIVINE ELVES ARE STILL BEATING THE /NTERVENTIONS ARE REALLY STARTING TO GET ON MY NERVES, BUSHES LOOKING FOR US, a HOW FORTUITOUS// HMMMMRPFFFF/ MORE LIKE DIVINE Sas FIRE BLOSSOM HAS INTERFERENCE, THAT GUY'S LIKE sen ‘ALWAYS WANTED TO ‘A BAD YAY LENO GUEST. HE JUST KEEPS MAKING APPEARANCES, . HAS SPOKEN” “an? TSS SHE MaNISHES a ae eer. SO NA cLoup oF >) - GREASY BLACK WHOAH/// LET ME REMIND YOU GUYS THAT TURNING DOWN A DIVINE CHARGE EFFECTIVELY GIVES YOU A -5 TO ALL SAVING THROWS AND TO-WITS UNTIL ‘YOU ACQUIESCE TO THE MISSION. WELL PEOPLE, IT LOOKS LIKE WE PACK UP AND HEAD BACK FOR DIDDLE WOODY IT'S NOT LIKE WE CAN TURN DOWN A DIVINE CHARGE. 1 SUGGEST We FORCE MARCH THROUGHOUT THE NIGHT AND TAKE ADVANTAGE OF THE COVER OF DARKNESS, AND REMEMBER THAT FAT GOOD THAT DOES. GRUNGE ELVES HAVE INFRAVISION YOU DORKEY WARHOL HAS A HIGH BY MY RECKONING TONIGHT GRUDCE-RETENTION One: FACTOR. YOULL FIND eae ‘ WELL I VOTE WE IGNORE THE YOURSELF IN DEEP PANDA BEAR KIMSHEE \F YOU GET oun WAY, ON HIS BAD SIDE, CONTINUE ON OUR WAY, i See KODT#7: The Dice Man Cometh 6 Issue #31: Don't Fear the Reaper™HE'S RIGHT, STEVIL. REMEMBER WHAT HAPPENED WHEN RASPUTIN TOPPLED THAT STATUE IN THE TEMPLE OF WARHOL? HE TURNED YOUR EYELIDS INSIDE OUT AND CALISED A SPHERE OF PERSONAL SANDSTORMS 10 FOLLOW YOU AROUND FOR TWO WEEKE/ T DON'T THINK WE WANNA TO MESS WITH THIS GUY. 1G DEALI 1 cAme THROUGH IT IN OKAY, SO MOONING (ONE PIECE - UNLIKE A CERTAN AAT — MAJOR DIETY WASN'T ‘SUCH A GOOD IDEA, ‘MAGE, WHOM | WON'T MENTION, Dane aa cane MISTAKES BEFORE, WELL T CERTAINLY WOULDN'T MIND CHECKING LOOK, BLOSSOM-BOY \'M AFRAID VM NOT UP TO SPEED ON MY WOODLAND LORE. WHAT THE HELL |S PIXIE MEET? IT'S A GATHERING OF ALL PIXIE- FAERIES AND IT ONLY TAKES PLACE ONCE EVERY SIX YEARS, WHATP LIKE SOME KIND OF THEY COME TOGETHER TO REDISTRIBUTE FAERIE MAGIC AND TO PAY OUT SHARES FROM THE AMBER HORDE. IT'S SUPPOSED TO BE A BLAST! LOTS OF DANCING, GOOD FOOD, HARO DRINK, RITUIALIZED COMBAT ‘SORRY, MEWT, IT'S OUT OF PRINT. HOWEVER, I HAVE A COLLECTOR'S COPY ’LL SELL YOU FOR FIFTY BUCKS. \ HMMM... SOUNDS LIKE ‘THAT FAERIE KIN SUPPLEMENT WASN'T ‘Als FLUFF AFTER ALL. T MAY HAVE TO PICK UP A copy, REDISTRIBUTE MAGIC? SHARES? TELL ME MORE DIMINUTIVE ONE, WELL, PIXIE-FAERIES SPEND MOST OF THEIR YEAH, USELESSPP THAT'S WHAT USELESS AS YOU THINK. YOU GOTTA THINK PIPS ON A OF IT LIKE SAVING PENNIES, ONE-SIDED TIME GATHERING ERRANT MAGICAL ENERGIES FROM THE DEEP FORESTS. ‘OKAY, OKAY, SO WE'RE TALKING BASIC RESIDUAL MAGIC HERE. IT'S USELESS AND WEAK/ SO WHAT 00 THESE CLOWNS DO WiTH IT? MOST PEOPLE WON'T BOTHER STOOPING TO PICK UP A PENNY. BLIT SAVE UP ‘A MILLION PENNIES AND YOUNE GOT YOURSELF A SMALL FORTUNE, | WELL, THEN THEY POOL ALL THE GATHERED MAGIC TOGETHER IN A MAGICAL ‘ORB CALLED THE AMBER HORDE! EACH PIXIE FAERIE GETS A NUMBER OF SHARES DEPENDING ON HIS CONTRIBUTION TO THE ORB. THE ORB IS THEN SOLD TO THE CIRCLE OF SEQUESTERED MAGICK FOR & NEGOTIATED FEE AND THEIR CONTINUED PROTECTION. ALRIGHTY/ YOU GOT MY ATTENTION NOW, SO THESE LITTLE GUYS GATHER ALL THIS RESIDUAL MAGIC, EH? WHAT THEN GEE, THEY HAVE THEIR OWN LITTLE WORLD, DON’T THEY? Knights of the Dinner Table Magazine” * May, 1999 CALL ME ODD BUT T SUDDENLY HAVE A YEARNING TO GO 10 PIXIE-MEET. WHAT (00 YOU THINK? OK WE SHOULD. WE MUST! MOST DEFINITELY. | THESE GUYS HAVE SOME KIND OF SCAM GOING AND T’M GOING TO GET A PIECE OF THE PIE.LATER THAT NIGHT... OKAY, THE POUE ELDER FINALLY EMERGES FROM THE FERN-WOUIGE AND ASKS YOU ALL TO GATHER ROUND. HIS DEMEANOR IS EXTEREMELY SERIOUS AND GRIM. 'T IS AS WE FEARED” HE SAYS INA QUIET VOICE, "7ME RUNNING HAS STARTED EARLY. THE CARNAGE SHALL BE GREAT/* AY “THE RUNNING", HE EXPLAINS, "IS WHAT THE GRUNGE ELVES CALL THE MASS HUNTING AND SLAUGHTERING OF OUR KIND THE RUNNING? BY THEIR HANDS, IT COINCIDES WITH EVERY PRUE-MEET AS THEY WHA..WHAW WHAT'S THAT? LAY IN WAIT AND AMBUSH THOSE ON THE JOURNEY HERE.” MY FATHER WAS KILLED IN OKAY, SO THE PIXE ELDER ASKS YOU FOR YOUR HELP. HE WANTS YOU TO GO TO TRETCHER PASG ON THE EDGE OF THE WOOD. IN A FEW DAYS THOUSANDS OF PIXIE AND FAERIE KIN Wil BE POURING THROUGH THE PASS FROM DISTANT REGIONS. IN THE PAST, THIS 1S WHERE THE GRELS* HAVE FOCUSED THEIR ATTACKS. $0000. LIKE |S THERE SOME PLACE T CAN SIGN UP FOR THIS THING? D0 T NEED A HUNTING LICENSE OR SOMETHING? MAYBE FILL OUT SOME FORMSP THAT'S NOT FUNNY, STEVILI WE'RE TALKING ABOUT MY PEOPLE, HERE. 1 DON'T THINK MY CHARACTER WILL BE ERANT you must ROUT TOO TOLERANT OF SUCH REMARKS, ou Mig Mh POSSIBLE. OR AT LEAST KEEP THEM AND I DON’T LIKE YOUR I THINK MY CHARACTER HAS SOME ATTITUDES IT’S NOT. GRUNGE ELF \N\ HIS BLOOD OR — ENGAGED SO OTHERS CAN SLIP SOMETHING I LIKE To see | SOMETHING ‘Cuz 'M FEELIN’ THE inion IN ONE OF MY HENCHMEN, CALL OF THE WILD! GAWD DAMN, \’M\ IMPRESSED GORDO, THAT'S JUST THE KIND OF INNOVATION AND JMPROVISATORIAL SKILLS WE BEEN TRYING TO BEAT INTO YOUR HEADS. TELL YA WHAT, GO AHEAD AND TAKE A 500 EP, BONUS, JUST PLAY LIKE THAT FOR ME IN THE MACKMASTER TOURNEY NEXT MONTH AND YOU'LL MAKE ME PROUD/ 1, FIRE BLOSSOM, ACCEPT THIS MISSION’ AND WEAR THISL! ON MY PRIMARY WINGS 1 SWEAR TH'S OATH/! T SHALL AVENGE MY FATHER, STYRM BLOSSOM! EWWWWWW, THAT WAS GOOD GORDO, EXCELLENT PLAY OFF YOUR BACKGROUND, SIR, THAT REMINDS ME, | CAME UP WITH A HARVEST DANCE FOR KRAGIN. WOULD YOU LIKE TO SEE IT? IF YOU COULD JUST CLAPA BEAT 'D BE GLAD TO HEY DID YOu NOTICE THE MAND | AGREE. DAMN, GOOD GESTURES? | CAME UP WITH ROLE-PLAYING THERE, THIS MYSELF - I'S HOW PIKIE GORDO, KUDOS! FAERIES SWEAR AN OATH! Nor | S00PPIIY WOW!! UHLER.NO, Newr, *GREIS - Slang for Grunge Elves 8 Issue #31: Don't Fear the Reaper™CET AS YOU GUYS SIT IN YOUR TREE STAND, THe MOUNTAIN PASS CoN NITRO! ENOL rect IS HAUNTINGLY QUIET! TOO QUIET!/ THERE'S NARY A Elen aca arasniy pate me occe ‘SOUND, NO BIRO SONGS. NO CRICKETS. NOT EVEN THE VADVRNTNS CF LACS WO THN MELANCHOLY DRONE OF THe KATYDID! CHARLIE FLASHBACKS DOI HERE 400K SHARP PEOPLE/! WHENEVER 11'S PETE? 1 DION'T KNOW YOU THIS QUIET, THERE’S GREL IN THe BUSH! WERE A WAM VET? HUH OH 2'M NOT. T USED TO T WANT RANGED SPELLS PREPPED AND PLAY A LOT OF RIGE AND meres READY TO FRE AT MO/CONMAND ; FALL OF SAIGON IN COLLEGE. : mayee THEY'RE THIS IS 60 INTENSE. (ON T0 us FROM BENEATH THE THICK FOLIAGE BELOW CONE THOUSANDS OF PIXIE-FAERIES, FLYING, DART- ING ABOUT, SOME CRAWLING, SOME FRANTICALLY LIMPING ALONG DRAGGING THE WOUNDED. x DISPERSED AMONG THE FLEEING PIXIE-FAERIES YOU SEE GREL WARRIORS WIELDING POWERFUL CLUBS SUDDENLY THE FOREST EXPLODES WITH THE HIGH SHRILL WAR-CRIES OF THE GRELI THE CRIES ARE SO HORRENDOUS ANO FRIGHTENING THAT ALL YOU CAN DO |S SIT AND STARE IN STUNNED SILENCE. DRATS/ WE FORGOT ABOUT THE WAR-CRIES/ MINUS § TO GAVE VS. FEAR, 1/M TELLIN’ YA, THESE GUYS KICK ASS! 1 AND MACES/ IT’S A BLOOD 1 SEARCH DEEP WITHIN MUST HAVE SOME GREL ‘BATH AS THEY MYSELF FOR THE IN ME SOMEWHERE, MERCILESSLY CLUB THEIR INNER STRENGTH TO PREY TO DEATH, REGAN MY SENSES? \ 1200s Le we Have FRONT ROW SEATS. WHAT ARE THE TACTICALS ON THIS, SIR? HOW MANY GRELS D0 WE COUNT? OH OH STAND BACK EVERYBODY! THE OH, 1’D SAY FIVE HUNDRED EASY, FIRE BLOSSOM 'S GETTING REALLY PISSED! ——-PIX/E-FAERIE |S PISSED! IT LOOKS LIKE THEY ARE WEAVING A ‘SHE PULLS OUT HER MATCHED PAIR OF HAR HARI! MIST-OF-CORRALLING TO FUNNEL BLACK THORNS OF THROWING *5 AO GIMME A BREAK! ‘THEIR PREY INTO ONE LARGE GROUP. PACES BACK AND FORTH IN THE TREE STAND. T’M TELLIN’ YA, THE MORE T LEARN i ‘ABOUT THESE GUYS, THE MORE T Ldap gatan! APM oN LOVE THEM. MY WEXT CHARACTER IS . THERE MUST BE SOME MAGE- INTEL * TYPES IN THEIR RANKS, I’M GOING: be 7, GONG J 664 GAEL, TO TRY AND PICK THEM OUT, Knights of the Dinner Table Magazine * May, 1999 ——________________9POPS TN Le estar gov scea OKAY, LISTEN UPY/ RAZ AND JUNIOR DOVIN HERE ARE BLINDED ‘SUICIDE PACT. WHAT DO YOU SAY? WITH RAGE!! WE CAN'T BELIEVE WHAT THESE GOONS ARE DOING TO THROW OFF THESE MENCHMAN THOSE POOR LITTLE GUYS. AND BESIDES, WE SERVE A PIXIE- ‘SHACKLES AND COME BACK AS COUPLE FAERIE SO IT REALLY HITS HOME...UH..IN THE HEART. WE'RE SO OF HARTA TEE aee: FRICKIN’ MAD THAT WE JUMP UP AND LEAP INTO THE FRAY? THAT WOULD BE SWEET BUT NITRO ALWAYS RULED WE CAN'T WAIT GUYS, YOU'LL BE KILLED! T (OW, BUT IF WE COULDI DELIBERATELY KILL OURSELVES OFF. ORDER YOU TO SIT DOWN AND STAY WE'RE OUT OF OUR PUT UNTIL T ASSESS THE SITUATION, HEADS WITH RAGE. oovr wore. sive aan, \ UST FOLLOW MY LEAD. HUHP ARE YOU GUYS OH YEAH FB, \ FOR REAL? WE'RE FOR REAL, ‘SIRPPI! THEY'RE TRYING TO D0 IT AGAIN! THEY'RE TRYING TO KILL OFF THEIR CHARACTERS. GINE MY REGARDS TO YOU CAN'T ALLOW IT/ | SPENT OVER 15,000 G.P.S ON THOSE GLS BUYING EQUIPMENT WARHOL, BOYS! AND ‘AND CURING THEM OF THEIR CHARACTER FLAWS. \'VE GOT AN INVESTMENT HERE. TELL THEM BACK AT TOWN THAT MEPHISTO JUNIOR DIED WITH A SMILE ON MAYBE YOU'RE RIGHT, NEWT, BUT THAT'S NOT FAIR. TO MAKE IT MORE HIS FACE AND HIS HANDS BUT THEIR REASONING WE COME OFF LOOKING INTERSTING, I'M ROUND THE THROAT OF A SOUNDS PLAUSIBLE, I’M LIKE A COUPLE OF GOING TO 00 A TRIPLE — GREL/ HAR HAR// THIS GOING TO ALLOW IT. oa NOW. ‘SOMERSAULT AND A 15 GREAT, FORWARD TUCK ON MY ‘OKAY, YOU CLOWNS LAND WITH A SOPT THUD IN THE THICK BLANKET OF FERNS AND MOSS COVERING THE FOREST FLOOR. AS YOU REGAIN YOUR SENSES YOU REALIZE YOU ARE STARING ‘AT SEVERAL PAIRS OF S/ZE TWELVE BOOTS WHICH HAVE GATHERED AROUND YOU. YOU LOOK UP TO FIND YOU ARE SURROUNDED BY A HALF DOZEN GREL WARRIORS! YOU GUYS DID THE RIGHT THING! AS YOU MAY RECALL, GRELS ADMIRE BRAVERY IN THIER ENEMIES. THEY ESPECIALLY LOVE DEFIANCE IN THE FACE OF OVERWHELMING ODDS/ YOU'VE ‘UST IMPRESSED THE HELL OUT OF THESE GUYS |ANO IT PROBABLY SAVED YOUR LIVES. OKAY, LET'S GET THIS OVER WITH, | SPIT INTO THE FACE OF ONE OF THE GRELS WHOMEVER IS THE LARGEST AND BARE MY TEETH AT HIM. GRABS A MOSS- | STONE NECKLACE HE HAS AROUND HIS PLP Ud ER.» OKAY, OKAY, THE suscep Ee NECK AND BEGINS LARGEST GREL WIPES THE SPIT was a tooo — ON THE TO CHANT. FROM HIS FACE AND SMILES AT YOU “Your know, ANKLEMY 0. $$ Issue #31: Don't Fear the Reaper™CTT OKAY, YOU GUYS HAVE JUST BECOME GREL-~GLAVES. You'LL GET A CHANCE TO BREAK THE SPELL EVERY SIX MONTHS OF GAME TIME, WHENEVER A GREL WARRIOR APPROACHES, YOU MUST KNEEL AND KISS THE TOE OF HIS BOOT/ THIS IS AN INDICATION TWAT YOU ARE STILL SUBSERVIENT. CHARMED ARE WEP OKAY, OKAY, JUST TO SHOW YOU T CAN PLAY A CHARMED CHARACTER, 1 POINT UP TO THE TREE AND TELL MY GREL-MASTERS THAT THERE'S A BIG FAT PIXIE-FAERIE SITTING UP THERE WITH HIS BARBARIAN SIDEKICK HUHP C/NON GUYS, THAT WAS UNCALLED FOR. YOU SHOULON’T BE VOLUNTEERING WHAT THE HELL? THESE GUYS AREN'T GONG T0 KILL INFORMATION TO THESE GUYS. US? C’MON WITRO - YOU'RE SCREWING WITH US// PAYBACK'S A BITCH, EHP T JUST YOU BETTER GET SOME LiP- \ HOPE THEY LET ME PLUCK YOUR (BALM/ YOU'LL NEED IT AFTER WINGS TO DEMONSTRATE MY KISSING ALL THOSE BOOTS, ‘SHUT UP, NEWTI! | AWEEBIT LATER... | a Me OKAY, THREE GRELG COME OVER TO THE CAGE AND LEER THROUGH THE BARS AT KRAGIN I AND FIRE BLOSSOM. "YOU SHOULD BE MONORED/ ", ONE OF THEM SNARLS, "YOLI HAVE BEEN SELECTED AS THE MAIN COURSE FOR TONIGHT’S FEAST!” HE PUSHES A LARGE WINEGKIN THROUGH THE BARS, "HERE/ DRINK AS MUCH AS YOU WANT/ IT MAKES THE MEAT MUCH SWEETER TO THE TASTE.” (OH MAN, YOU GUYS ARE MAIN COURGEP THESE GUYS ARE CANNIBALS? — peu DUNN Al wate ARE OKAY, LL TRY STEVIL'S LITILE TRICK AND HOCK & LOOGIE IN ONE OF THEIR FACES, 00 | WIN THEIR RESPECT? WHOAHY THIS IS ‘BRUTALI! OKAY YOU SPIT IN THE FACE OF THE GREL AND HE IS ‘ABSOLUTELY FURIOUS! HE REACHES THROUGH THE BARS, GRABS YOUR ARM AND LITERALLY RIPS IT FROM IT’S SOCKET, HE THEN PROCEEDS TO BEAT YOU ABOUT THE HEAD AND FACE WITH IT. TAKE OFF ANOTHER FIVE ‘MIT POINTS OF BRUISE DAMAGE! GEE, | FEEL REALLY BAD ABOUT THIS GUYS. LOOK, SINCE THEY PUT ME AND PETE TO WORK IN THE KITCHEN MAYBE THERE'S SOMETHING | CAN 90. REALLY? YOU'LL HELP US ESCAPE PPYL HE RIPS OFF My UHaw | ATTEMPT TO ARMP? vias Tr THe BLEND IN WITH THE pp STRAW BEDDING IN LEFT OR THE RIGHT?? Oe ESCAPEP SHYAA RIGHT’ | WAS GOING 10 GNE YOU GUYS A CHOICE, YOU WANNA BE SHAKED- BROILED? Knights of the Dinner Table Magazine” * May, 1999 11QU WEE BIT LATER STILL OKAY THE GREL-CHEIFTAIN PROUDLY ANNOUNCES THAT THE RUNNING WAS AN OVERWHELMING SUCCESS! OVER 2,300 PIXIE-FAERIES WERE BAGGED AND TAGGED. THOSE FIGURES ARE UP EIGHTEEN PERCENT FROM THE LAST RLINNING, SIX YEARS AGO. HE MOTIONS FOR THE WAR-DRUMMERS TO COMMENCE PLAYING ‘AS HE ANNOUNCES, "LET THE FEAST BEGIN/” DUDE THIS WHOLE RUNING’ THING SEEMS TO REVOLVE AROUND MK You" : FEASTING ON POXE-PAERIES. | THNK We OWE'T TO OURSELVES 10 | WRI CuY k B)@ BOWE OF” ME OUT A BIG BOWL OF 00 A LITLE TASTE TESTING BEFORE WE SEND THIS STUFF OUT. BLOO6OM STEN. SOBY SNORT! | CAN'T ; NG \ BELIEVE THEY MADE A MEAT PIE OUT OF KRAGIN/ WHIMPER ~ IT’S NOT FAIRY OKAY, LOOKS LIKE YOU GUYS STUMBLED UPON THE SECRET BEHIND THE RUNNING. AS SOON AS YOU BEGIN EATING THE PIX/E-FAERIE STEW YOU FEEL A SURGE OF STRENGTH AND POWER/ GOTH YOUR CHARACTERS GO UP IDB EXPERI- HEY, HOW ‘BOUT We PRETEND We’RE STILL CHARMED FOR A FEWW DAYS AND HANG OUT AND PARTY WITH THESE GUYS? WE MIGHT LEARN A FEW THINGS. ENCE LEVELS. |’ GONG TO RULE THE SUDDEN JOLT OF FAERIE MAGIC BREAKS THE CHARM SPELL. YOU GUYS ARE FREE TO MAKE A MAD DASH FOR THE DEEP FOREST. | LIKE THE WAY YOU THINK, GIMME A SECOND HELPING (OF THAT STEW AND SIR, I'M GONG To, S08, Try To SUMPIN’ JERRY ALE Wea feCuse, DISBELIEVE THE SITUAITON CMR RS: UST ONE MORE TIME, SNIFF ee WOULD You LeveL OEe LiKE A SI9e ‘ORDER OF Hey, THey'Re \ 22 Issue #31: Don't Fear the Reaper™Angels of Mercy with Dirty Faces 279-12 sone WELL, T TRIED CALLING GAMER TEMP AGAIN BUT THEY STILL DON’T HAVE ANYONE AVAILABLE FOR TONIGHT. I SUPPOSE T SHOULD HAVE CALLED EARLIER IN THE WEEK BUT, UH... WAS HOLDING OUT HOPE THAT SARA WOULD CHANGE HER MIND AND REJOIN THE GROUP, MAYBE YOU SHOULD CALL HER AGAIN AND BAAAAA/! SHE'LL COME CRAWLIN" BACK. THE MAKE HER CONE BACK. YOU COULD USE YOUR HACKMASTER REGIONALS ARE NEXT MONTH. GM VOICE TO INTIMIDATE HER. 7, ey) irs Ry, shen BRIAN’S RIGHT. ONCE SHE LEARNS WHAT A BLINCH OF LOSERS THAT OTHER GROUP IS, SHE'LL BE BACK. BUT IT BURNS MY ASS. WE SHOULD BE HONING OUR SKILLS AS A TEAM RIGHT NOW, SHE'S HURTING THE WHOLE GROUP. HUH? SCOOT My CHAIR? WHY? FILL UP SOME OF THIS EMPTY SPACE WERE. I'S KINDA LONELY DOWN HERE WITHOUT SARA, | JUST HOPE SARA STAYS TIGHT-LIPPED, 1 GOT NOBODY To YOU JST ANOW THEY'LL BE TRYING To PRy || waar are You INFORMATION OUT OF HER ABOUT OUR UP To, BRAN? ee GAMING TACTICS AND PROTOCOLS, HEY DAVE, WHY DON'T MOVE MY YOU SCOOT YouR CHAIR CHAIR? NO CAN OVER THIS WAY? Gs Zo DO, BIG GUY. WHY THE HELL Nor? \CUZ 1 GOT THIS SPOT TRAINED TO ROLL MIGH NUMBERSI! 'T TOOK ME MONTHS TO GET IT THIS WAY. T/M TELLIN’ YA, IF 5 ROLL MY DICE WITHIN THI6 ZONE T GET HIGH ROLLS EVERY TIME// 1 LOVE THIS SPOT. OKAY, OKAY, GOOD POINT. YOU WAVE T-TOLD YOU ALREADY - TABLE HEY, MEYI/ YOU'D BETTER BEEN ROLLING PRETTY LUCKY LATELY. TRAINING 'S.& MYTH. MOVE THAT RIGHT HAND CERTAINLY DON’T WANT TO BE THE NORMAN BOWZER FuDGEO OVER ABOUT THREE INCHES CAUSE FOR BREAKIN’ THAT STREAK. His FIGURES IN THAT ARTICLE. ‘uz YOUR IN MY ZONE. CHECKED THEM. x $0 CAN WE JUST GET ON WITH THE GAME AND STOP TALKING ABOUT ‘SARA? IT MAKES MY. STOMACH HuRT, —— UH UH, NO WAY. THis SPOT HAS SAVED MY ASS Knights of the Dinner Table Magazine” * May, 1999. ———___—_—_— 13OKAY, Buty, SO WHAT'S IT GOING TO BE TONGHT? A DUNGEON CRAWL? MAJOR QUEST? MAYBE A BAR ROOM BRAWL? I JUST HOPE YOUR MACK FACTOR |S WAY UP TONIGHT. I'M READY TO KICK SOME ASS, HeY WE JUST TOLD THEM WELL ACTUALLY T WAS HOPING TO HAGLEY TOWN? AW, DAMMIT, WE'D BE BACK SO WE SWING YOU GUYS BACK THROUGH B.A/ WHY DO WE HAVE TO GO WOULON'T HAVE TO SETTLE HAGLEY TOWN TO CHECK UP ON THE BACK THERE? YOU KNOW THAT OUR BAR TAB. WE WERE TTOWNSFOLK, YOU DID PROMISE THEM BARKEEP HAS IT IN FOR ME. DOWN ON OUR LUCK AT YOU'D 00 $0 AND IT’S BEEN TWO. THE TIME, YEARS OF GAME TIME. BESIDES, THERE’S NO TREASURE OR EP.'6 10 BE HAD THERE, COMPLETE WASTE OF TIME, | KNEW YOU GUYS HAD NO INTENTION OF MAKING GOOD ON YOUR PROMISE. DOESN'T IT BOTHER YOU THAT YOU DISAPPOINTED ALL ‘THOSE PEOPLE? WHAT ABOUT NEB/L ENSHAW? HU? YOU PROBABLY BROKE THE KID’S HEART. HE BELIEVED IN YOU GUYS! I EVER SAID THAT. I PROMISED HiM 1/0 LOOK INTO IT. TWO THOUSAND GPS IT COSTS TO SEND AN NRC THROUGH SCHOOL! DID YOU KNOW THAT? AND EVEN THEN THERE'S A 3O PERCENT CHANCE HE WON'T COMPLETE HIS TRAINING. AND I GOTTA BE HONEST - THE KID JUST NEVER SEEMED THAT BRIGHT TO NE. 1/0 BE WASTING MY MONEY. NEBILP THE TOWN ORPHAN? YOU TRYING TO GUILT ME OR SOMETHING? | TAUGHT THE KI? HOW TO RIDE A HORSE AND. SWING A BLADE. WHAT MORE DO YOU WANT FROM MEP HUH? YOU KNOW 808, IT'S, DUDE, HE CALLED Roe ae CALLED YOu ‘UST BECALISE YOU SHALLOW! ‘SHALLOW DOESN'T MEAN iF) A) VEEZE LOUEEZE!! ALRIGHT, ALRIGHT, WE'LL CHECK IN ON WAGLEY TOWN. FOR CRYING OUT LOUD/ CAN WE AT LEAST HIT A SMALL DUNGEON OR ‘SOMETHING ON THE TRIP THEREP I GOTTA SCRATCH THAT ITCH/ sat 4 COLLEGE FUNDP COUNT ME IN. LL WELL... OKAY, I SUPPOSE. Bi n GIVE UP 5 PERCENTILES FOR THE 7 OH STOP IT/ YOU'RE BREAKIN’ MY HEART HERE. TCAN'T WAIT To Sée YOU LOOK INE th tn ET NATE 5 PERCENT of LITTLE TYKE. THIS IS JUST THe SORT POOR NEBIL IN THE EYE AND OF CRAZY THING SARA WOULD HAVE ANY TREASURE 1 GET THIS ADVENTURE TO THE TELL HIM YOU'RE RENEGING ON Te0's COLLEGE PUNO. HOW'S THAT BEEN ALL GUNG HO FOR, YOUR PROMISE, \ OKAY, T/M IN TOO! T M— GUESS 1 DON’T MIND HELPING THE LESS 14 Issue #31: Don't Fear the ReaperOKAY AS YOU KICK IN THE DOOR YOU KNOCK IT OFF THE HINGES. A SMALL ROOM, APPROXIMATELY FIVE BY FIVE FEET IS REVEALED. CHAINED TO THE FAR WALL IS A SICKLY LOOKING GNOME. IN THE FLICKERING LIGHT FROM YOUR TORCH YOU CAN SEE DEEP FURROWED WOLINDS FROM HUNDREDS OF WHIP LASHES ACROSS HIS CHEST AND SHOULDERS, HE BEGS YOU TO END HIS MISERY AND TO KILL HIM. SICKLY LOOKING GNOMEP NOTHIN ELSE = GOOD CALL, BOB. THAT DUDE HAS TRAP STAMPED IN THE ROOM? OKAY, T GUESS WE'LL ON HIS FOREHEAD, BEST TO JUST LET HIM BE, MOVE ON TO THE NEXT ROOM AND. GOING TO TRY AND TALK TO HIM OR TALK TO HIMP WHAT FORP WE ALREADY KNOW THIS IS AN /N-AND-OUT DUNGEON. IT'S NOT LIKE HE CAN TELL US ANYTHING USEFUL. RANDOM ‘DUNGEON DRESSING! THAT'S ALL. BIG GUY, PRETENDING LIKE SARA IS HERE AND DOING THINGS THE WAY SHE'D WANT US TO ISN'T GOING TO BRING HER BACK, SO DROP THE CHICAGO HOPE ROUTINE ALREADY. IT'S JUST SOME STUPID NPC. WELL SARA WOULD'VE WANTED TO TALK TO HIM, ‘AND T BET SHE WOULD HAVE OFFERED TO FREE HIM ‘OR SOMETHING OR EVEN TEND TO HIS WOUNDS. HEY SARA'S APPROACH TO THE GAME WAS ALWAYS WORTH AA FEW POINTS IN THE TOURNA- MENTS, WE SHOULD PRACTICE HER STYLE JUST IN CASE SHE DOESN'T COME BACK. FOR GAWD'S SAKE, BRIAN, LET IT GOL SHE'S GONE/ \ THINK He's GONE SQUISHY ON US. eee YOURSELF 1 OUST THINK WE SHOULD TALK TO THE GNOME. THAT'S ALL. AS YOU OFFER THE DYING GNOME ANOTHER SIP OF WATER HE PUTS UP HIS HAND TO STOP YOU, HE LOOKS AT EACH OF YOU CLOSELY, MOVING FROM FACE TO FACE, HIS DEEP BLUE EYES WELLING UP WITH TEARS AS THE PAIN WRENCHES AT HIS BODY. PLACING A BLOODY PALM ON THE SHOULDER OF TEFLON BILLY, THE GNOME SAYS WEAKLY, "THANK YOU! THANK YOU, YOU KIND AND GENTLE SOULS/ MY ENTIRE LIFE T NEVER KNEW COMBASGYQN NOR FELT THE KIND HAND OF MERCY) 1 HEARD SUCH QUALITIES EXISTED IN MEN - BUIT, UNTIL NOW, I HAD NEVER EXPERIENCED THEM FIRSTHAND.” OFFER HIM SOME MORE HEALING POTION’ THEN I’LL GO THINK NOTHING OF IT, SCROUNGE UP WOOD OR SOMETHING TO MAKE HIM A LITTER. LITTLE GUY! SOON AS YOU GET ON YOUR FEET YOU CAN THROW POOR LITTLE GUY! T ROLL UP MY SPARE ROBE TO MAKE A = PILLOW FOR HIM. Knights of the Dinner Table Magazine” * May, 1999 15TM SORRY GUYS, THE GNOME WAS JUST TOO FAR GONE WHEN YOU FOUND HIM. HIS HAND GOES LIMP ON BRIAN'S SHOULDER AND HIS EYES ROLL BACK, A DEEP SIGH AND HE PASSES ON, ‘THE GNOME DECLINES YOUR OFFER OF HEALING POTION, DAVE. HE SHAKES HIS HEAD SLOWLY AND SAYS, SI’M DYING, SIR’ SAVE YOUR ELIKIR FOR ANOTHER DAY. FOR SOMEONE WHO CAN BENEFIT FROM IT.” STOP SAYING THAT! YOU'RE GONNA LIVE - ‘YOU HEAR MEP WE'RE NOT GIVING UP ON YOU. SO FIGHT DAMMIT/ HANG IN THERE/ He BEGINS TO TREMBLE OH MAN, GARA IS MISSIN’ OUT B/G TIME? SHE WOULD HAVE LOVED THIS. AND YOU! KNOW, EVEN THOUGH HE DIED, | FEEL LIKE WE MADE HIS LAST MOMENTS MORE PEACEFUL. SNIFF, HEy...DAVE? ARE YOU CRYING? SNIFF - YOU DID YOUR BEST, BRIAN. THERE WAS NOTHING ELSE YOU ‘COULD DO, SNIFF/ HE JUST LOST THE WILL TO LIVE. THAT'S ALL. HE CALLED ME DANNY-DOY TWICE SNIFF/ I THINK HE THOUGHT T WAS HIS BROTHER OR SOMETHING. SNIVEL. BRAVE LITTLE GUY. HUMP SNIFF. NO, NOT REALLY. JUST M CHARACTER. EL RAVAGER |S 4 PRETTY SENSITIVE GUY. | | shen fSurrose niar's SAIL , Mt reno? we'Re RcreR WHY THE CHICKS 016 HM, corner MEN FOR HAVING: KNOWN YOU - ALBEIT, BRIEFLY/ SNIFF. OKAY, | CALL DIB ON HIS BOOTS/ AND WHAT WAS UP WITH er 1 WAS: Mie SRE te PULOW THAT NECKLACE HE KEPT KISSING? | CALL DIBS ON THAT TOOY UNDER Hie HEAD? M GONNA CAST A ORTECT MAGIC ONT, BA. DID | MAKE OUT? WHAT THE.. I'M GONNA ROLL HIM OVER AND SEE IF HE WAS HIDING PUT ANYTHING, LL GO THROUGH HIS POCKETS TOO, / vu rawe ws eave. GNOME EARS CAN EASILY BE PASSED OFF AS BEING THOSE OF TROLL: THERE'S A FIFTY GP. BOUNTY ON TROLLS IN Assue #31; Don't Fear the Reaper™ 16OKAY STEVIL, THE PRIEST LOOKS IN THE HAT YOU HIM AND FROWNS, Teer het TOUT IM APRA ‘RAISE YOUR SLAIN FRIENDS WITH FOUR COPPER PIECES, ‘A RABBIT'S FOOT AND THO STICKS OF BEEF JERKY/* C'MON GUYS, OUR EVIL STEVIL INSURANCE POLICY ‘SAYS YOU'LL MAKE AN EFFORT TO HAVE US RAISED SHOULD WE BE SLAIN. YOU CALL THAT AN EFFORT? WE NEED STEVIL I HE'S 1 DON’T UNDERSTAND, IF YOU'VE HAD A BANG STICK OF ANNIHILATION ALL THIS TIME, WHY THE WELL HAVEN'T YOU USED IT? ARE YOU NUTS? I’M A PIXIE- FAERIE DAMMIT/ T TAKE 106 POINTS OF RECOIL DAMAGE EVERYTIME | FIRE IT, ‘ HELL YES IT WAS We DON'T NEED MIRE INGURANGE AN ERFORT | HAO mee MY GRIEF \s DEEP/ I'M GONNA NEED ‘SEVERAL ROUNDS/ suOF COURSE BY THIS POINT | WAS MOPPING MAD AND | TOLD HIM SO. SO THE DUDE PULLS OUT HIS TWENTY SIDER AND | KNEW He WANTED TO THROW DOWN, IT WAS TOUGH GOING. He HAD PLUS FIVE PLATE AND A WAR DAWG. | REALLY WISH YOU'D STOP YEAH, BUT YOU HAD YEARS. CHALLENGING MIDDLE CONN AT Te OF EXPERIENCE AGAINST HIM, 10 DUELS. THERE, SEE? | TOLD YOU BoB, YOU SHOULD ALWAYS HAVE SOME ‘MAGIC ON HAND BEFORE PROVOKING A CHALLENGE. YOU'RE GONNA | GET KILLED SOMEDAY! has | Knights of the Dinner Table Magazine” * May, 1999 F [-) a] e I ° 4 Has] 7)FA festation: . al Malik Bo iy. 3 TN Vg y- S wad Pn v4 al 4 > we cai ° The Symbiot Hordes break through into human space- ae f) f 2 | Dia enhance your NoblegArmada game with ia fleets of missle-bearing al-Malik ships facing the greatest threat yet to the Known Worlds: Symbiot metamorphing guns, regenerating hulls and inhuman marines. CO CCCMU TNCs eT cee ers eiere ee Nom _ “ counters & deckplan maps. NOBLE ARMADA rez G NORE 201 BETTER LUCK NEXT LIFE WAR WAR!Missin’ Out Big Time SOE SONI S RENEE OKAY, THE MAYOR OF HAGLEY TOWN RUNS OUT OF THE BURNING BUILDING SHOULD BE IN POSITION IN UST AS YOUR BOLT OF GRATUITOUS WOUNDING STRIKES HIM IN THE CHEST. HE THE BELL TOWER BY NOW. FALLS TO HIS KNEES, HIS ARMS FLAILING AND GURGLING IN HIS OWN BLOOD, AND LL PICK OFF ANY FALLS FLAT ON HIS FACE ON THE TOWN MALL STEPS. SURVIVORS TRYING TO ESCAPE THE FLAMES WITH MAHI He'S GOT NOTHING! SO WHOSE THE BIG MAN IN TOWN NOW? HUH? PROKIMITY-FUSED \ FIREBALLS! NO ONE'S FAULTIN’ YA, BRIAN. THE WAY THEY DEMANDED US TO LEAVE TOWN AND ALL - LIKE WE WERE SOME KIND OF COMMON STREET TRASH/ THEY HAD IT COMING. BUT ‘SARA WOULD HAVE COME IN HANDY TONIGHT. THIS ADVENTURE IS AWESOMEY 1 ALMOST FEEL SORRY FOR SARA. SHE’S MISSIN’ OUT B/G TIMEL YEAH, TOO BAD SHE WASN'T HERE. HER PARLEYING SKILLS WOULD HAVE COME IN USE- FUL WHEN WE WERE INTERROGATING THE TOWN COUNCIL. STILL THINK THEY KNEW WHERE THE MAYOR HID THe TOWN TREASURY, HEY, SUPPOSE SHE DOESN'T COME BACK IN TIME FOR THE TOURNAMENT, WHAT THEN? NO WAY! SARA'S A COMPETITOR AT HEART. SHE KNOWS WE'RE A TEAM. BUT STILL...SHE WAS BEEN UNDER Hey, IT’S NOT MY FAULT THOSE THIS JOHN LEE’S SPELL LATELY. RELAX GUYS/ ONCE AGAIN, J HAVE THINGS UNDER CONTROL. IT GUST SO HAPPENS THAT GARA AND I ARE GOING TO SEE A.MOVIE THIS WEEKEND, I'LL BRING UP THE SUBJECT OF HACKTOURNEY AND FIND OUT WHAT HER PLANS ARE, WHATI/??? WELL DON’T BE TOO OBVIOUS ABOUT IT. WE DON’T WANT HER THINKING WE'RE BEGGING HER TO COME BACK OR ANYTHING. JUST FIND OUT WHAT'S THE DEAL. IS SHE WITH LAS OR TEMP UHL. MEANT HER CHARACTER IN THE TOURNAMENT. NOT HER PERSONALLY. SHEESH/ LET'S HOPE SHE’S WITH WIS/ | HATE TO THINK OF SARA AS THE ENEMY. STILL, WE SHOULD PREPARE OUR- SELVES FOR THE WORST. SHE MAY HAVE TO BE TAKEN OUT. THANK GAWOs Ip Knights of the Dinner Table Magazine * May, 1999GUYS T HATE TO INTERRUPT BLT CAN WE GET BACK'TO THE GAMEP AS THE TOWN MALL CONTINUES TO BURN THE MIGH PRIEST FROM THE TEMPLE OF LUVIA APPROACHES YOU. HE IS CARRYING A SMALL WOODEN CHEST WHICH HE HOLDS OUT TO YOU. *HERE/” HE SAYS, “TAKE IT/ IT IS THE TEMPLE TREASURY. YOU CAN HAVE IT WITH MY BLESSINGS IF YOLI LEAVE THIS TOWN AND PROMISE NEVER TO RETURN. HAL 1 KNEW HOLOING HIS THE NERVE OF THIS GUY. 1 PATTED HIM DOWN HEAD UNDERWATER" IN TWICE/ YOU MEAN HE WAS HOLDING OUT ON US? ‘THAT OUTHOUSE WOULD PAY BACK DIVIDENDS’ / LET'S NoT BE Too HASTY TO ACCEPT HIS OFFER GUYS, WE MAY BE ABLE TO FINAGLE A FEW HEALING —~ SPELLS ON THE DEAL. L AGREE, BA.’S ADVENTURE WRITING HAS REALLY IMPROVED IN RECENT WEEKS, THE MACKBACTOR ON THIS ADVENTURE WAS RIGHT UP THERE WITH SLICH CLASSICS AS ORCS AT THE GATES, BLOOD BATH AT ‘KURZY BND SLAUGHTERHOUSE SIX. FORGET IT/ NO WIAY IN HELL I'M GOING TO 0 IT SO JUST FORGET IT! END OF STORY. C'MON B.A./ WE WANNA SEE YOU ACTUALLY ERASE HAGLEY TOWN OFF THE MAPY IT’S NOT EVERY DAY WE ETT OT nee eee IT'S YUST.LKE YOU AID, SARA IS MISSIN’ OUT VG TIME? QUICKLY RESETTLED? WO WAY! We PUT ‘ALL THOSE HEADS ON SHARP STICKS rusaeam | Ae maces nao eso ier aes RESETTLED! \ WONDER HOW SHE'S DOINGP WHAT A GREAT ‘ADVENTURES. CT TAKA THE LIZARDMAN SIGNS THE PEACE TREATY JUST UNDER YOUR MARK, LANKY AND GRUNTS HIS APPROVAL. YOUR PARTY NOW HAS THE RIGHT OF FREE PASSAGE BETWEEN THE GRAND MARSH AND THE G/BAR STRAIGHT FOR AS LONG AS THE ‘SKY IS BLUE AND THE GRASS IS GREEN. GOOD JOB, THAT WAS A TOLIGH NEGOTIATION BUT YOU PULLED IT OFF - AND WITHOUT THE SHEDDING OF ANY BLOOD. QUITE AN ACCOMPLISHMENT CONSIDERING YOU WERE DEALING WITH L/AROMEN. THE WAY OF PEACE \S ALWAYS A DIFFI- 6009 JOB, LANK/ MY BARD COMPOSES A SONG BASED ON CULT ROAD, | BOW RESPECTFULLY BEFORE THIS GREAT DEED. "LL SING IT AT MEETING HALL THIS THE LIZARDMAN AND GIVE HIM A PARTING EVENING WHEN WE RETURN THe LOST SEPTRE TO THE TEMPLE. GIFT OF RANK CHEESE AND GUT WINE. | oumer nae VM IN HEAVEN, 0 You Guys ALWAYS PLAY _. LIKE THIS? UH.SURE, 20 Issue #31: Don't Fear the ReaperA Gamer's Brunch BY JOLLY R. BLACKBURN AND DAVID S, KENZER 7 ee HEY SARA? IT’S ME 608, HOW YA DOIN’? I JUST WANTED TO CHECK AND MAKE SURE WE'RE STILL ON FOR THE MOVIES. = B0BI?? THE MOVIES? YEAH, SURE, THIS AFTERNOON, RIGHT? = HEY 1 THOUGHT MAYBE WE COULD GET TOGETHER BEFOREHAND. MAYBE PLAY A GAME OR TWO, = ‘A GAME OR TWOP WELL-LIH...GURE. BUT DO YOU THINK WE'LL HAVE... ee a A] TEN MINUTESPP 00 YOU THINK WE COULD WhsuHELLOP BOB? MELLOP KEWL! 1'LL BE OVER, IN TEN MINUTES/! TWENTY MINUTES LATER... NICE THING ABOUT TH/S GAME IS THAT IT’S TRANGPORTABLE. \F NE END UP IN THE MIDDLE OF A GAME COME MOVIE TIME WE CAN TAKE IT WITH US AND PLAY DURING THE PREVIEWS. 208, IT’S LIKE YOU'RE ON A GAMING BINGE LATELY, I NOTICED AT WEIRD PETE'S THAT YOU'VE SIGNED UP FOR BOTH THE SCRABBLE AND THE PICTIONARY JUNIOR TOURNAMENTS THIS WEEKEND. GEE, THIS WAS SUCH A GOOD IDEA, B08. GETTING TOGETHER FOR ALITTLE SPONTANEOUS GAMING BEFORE THE MOVIE. BUIT..UH...WHY BATTLESHIP? 1 HAVEN'T PLAYED THIS GAME IN YEARS, THEY'RE HAVING A TOURNAMENT DOWN AT THE *Y¥ THIS SATURDAY. TM TRYING TO BONE UP ON MY SKILLS, THE BEST OF ALL MY FREE TIME WHILE | HAVE IT, YEAH, WELL, I WANT TO MAKE \ DAMN STRAIGHT IT D0ES// THAT'S WHY I DECIDED TO TAKE A WELL T BURNED UP ALL MY SICK DAYS LAST LITLE TIME OFF. 1'Ve BEEN STRESSED Out TO THE MAX. 1’M TAKIN’ ALITTLE RAR FOR THE NEXT FEIN WEEKS. YOU KNOW KICK BACK nee Var * WITH MY FRIENDS AND GET A LITTLE EXTRA GAME TIME IN. eer ee eect A FEW WEEKS? 1 DIDN'T REALIZE YOU'D BEEN WORKING AT THE HOE & HARNESS LONG ENOUGH EMERGENCY SICK LEAVE? A2e TO ACCRUE THAT MUCH VAGATION TIME, YOU OKAY? | HAD NO IDEA, YOU \ NEVER SAID ANYTHING. WELL, T HAVEN'T REALLY, UH, THEN DON'T UNDERSTAND. HOW ARE YOu MANAGING TO... el Dave go ino the come lst themselves. ‘See KODT 922: The Lowe Ones [Bo a ‘steam tunnels to rescue Newt and Knights of the Dinner Table Magazine™ * May, 1999. ———————____———— 21ACCORDING TO OUR MEALTH PLAN IT’S WORTH A WHOPPING SIX WEEKS OF SICK LEAVE. 1 010 MY RESEARCH THIS TIME. LAST YEAR I TOLD THEM I HAD YELLOW FEVER AND THEY NEARLY CAUGHT ON TO ME. I UST TOLD ‘EM I NEEDED A CAESAREAN. OKAY, SO I’M BLUE SO 1 GET TO GO FIRST - RIGHT? I’M FIRING AT YA ON SQUARE G-1 ERP.UH..YOU TOLD THEM YOU CAESAREAN?? BUT... BOB, 00 YOU HAD YELLOW FEVER? HAVE ANY IDEA WHAT THAT ISP YEAH, THEY REPORTED IT TO THE COC IN ATLANTA. IT WAS A NIGHTMARE, THAD TO PRETEND I WAS UNDER QUARANTINE FOR SIX WEEKS. Ly, BUT IT — SEEMED TO HAVE THE DESIRED IMPACT. DON’T TAKE OFFENSE TO THIS, BUT WITH YOUR TRACK RECORD, DON’T YOU THINK THEY'RE LIKELY TO FOLLOW UP ON YOUR LATEST SCAM...R..CLAIMP YOU SEE, 1 KNEW IF I PICKED A RARE MEDICAL PROCEDURE, ESPECIALLY ONE My FAMILY HAS A HISTORY WITH, IT WOULD BE A TOUGH NUT TO CRACK. I'M NOT STUPID, SARA. BESIDES, ROLE-PLAYING HAS GIVEN ME THE SKILLS T NEED IN SITUATIONS LIKE THIS. T GOT HOLD OF MY SISTER'S MEDICAL RECORDS. SHE HAD THE SAME PROCEDURE A FEW YEARS AGO. I JUST COPIED ALL THE MEDICAL ANNOTATIONS FROM HER RECORDS OVER TO MINE, OH IT SOUNDS LIKE YOU COVERED ALL YOUR BASES, BOB, YEAH, HIS CHARACTER TERRANCE BRICK SWAPPED MEDICAL RECORDS WITH A DEAD TRANSIENT IN HACKNOIA ONE TIME. PULLED IT OFF LIKE A CHARM. HE ONLY NEEDED A 16 OR HIGHER TO AVOID DETECTION ‘THE BIG GLY ROLLED A 16 EXACTLY - IT WAS AWESOME, ABAAAW, IT WAS JUST FURST EDITION RULES ANYWAY. BRIAN GOT OVER IT. ‘SO DID MY SHOT A/T OR NOT? | YOUR PLAN WAS INSPIRED BY A WACKNOIA CHARACTER? HOLD ON A SEC. BEFORE WE START | JUST HAVE YEAH, LATER TERRANCE GOT SHOVED (ONE NORE QUESTION. THROUGH A PLATE GLASS WINDOW BY AN ALBINO AND FELL TO HIS DEATH. cere T INHERITED ee UH ERTAT'S —~ Avery TOUCHING STORY B08, Issue #31: Don't Fear the Reaper™ 22I'S NOTHING PERSONAL, SARA, BUT WHEN IT COMES TO COMRLICT WHY |S Bad. HERE? ‘SIMULATIONS 1 TRUST NO ONE/ 808 WON'T PLAY ANY GAMES UNLESS OW, 1 ASKED HIM TO BE THERE'S AN /MPARTIAL JUDGE YOU ASKED B.A, TO JON us HERE, UST PRETEND SITTING NEARBY TO SETTLE DISPUTES, BECAUSE YOU THINK T CHEAT? UKE HE'S NOT THERE, He PROMISED TO PAY MY WAY TO THE PREV Es Sees LET'S JUST SAY AN EXTRA PAIR OF BYES SETTLE KEEPS PEOPLE HONEST, DISPUTES? IN BATTLESHIP? 1S THAT COFFEE up yerPP ' AND YOU WERE SURPRIGEDP C'MON, BOB, WE'RE TALKING WELL THERE'S NO REASON aout DAVE HERE. THE MAN THINKS GANADA IS A SOVIET 70 BET JUST FEEL MORE — "ze COUNTRY. YOU CAN'T HOLD ALL GAMERS SUSPECT AT BASE HAVING SOMEONE ISN Ane ee Sete SUST BECAUSE DAVE ISN/T UP ON HIS RULES, PUTES. YOU DON'T UNDER- STAND ~ LAST WEEK T ISN’T UP ON His PLAYED TWENTY-TWO RULES MY ASS? GAMES OF BATTLESHIP THE MAN CHEATS, GaN Hab a GON HUTA ow Ren pee neue? ie ‘TO TALK ABOUT A FRIEND. YOU WAVE OUT HE’D BEEN MOVING : WIS PIECES ALL NIGHT. 716i Hi ese oF He Dover BENEFIT OF THE DOUBT? LOOK MISSY, THERE AIN'T WO DOUBT ABOUT IT, THE MAN CHEATS, AFTERWARDS WE PLAYED T FIND IT HARD TO BELIEVE DAVE WOULD HAVE ‘SEVERAL GAMES OF STRATEGO, He WAS UNBEATABLE! AGREED TO SUCH A THING - REGARDLESS OF THEN I FOUND OUT HE'D BEEN HIDING HIS FLAG IN HIS WHETHER OR NOT YOU CAUGHT HIM CHEATING, SOCK. HE SAID ONLY AN IDIOT WOULD HIDE HIS COMMAND (ON A BATTLEFIELD SO CLOSE TO THE ENEMY’S POSITION, SENT ME RIGHT OVER THE EDGE! I LOST ITT ‘AREN’T YOU LISTENING? T SAID 808, SOMETIMES YOU JUST HAVE LET THESE ‘MADE HIM EAT If, HE was = UNCONSCIOUS? KIND OF THINGS ROLL OFF YOUR BACK, UNCONSCIOUS AT THE TIME, / ARE yOu saying | sHouow'r.\ HAVE MADE HIM BAT His FLAG? 1172 We hn Laps ; , ie ate 8 T= ters ust SK soma TOKEN? ‘SAY 1 WON HE’S YOUR INMATIVE, 23 Knights of the Dinner Table Magazine” * May, 1999