Response Paper #2

COMM 1080
Brittany Keefe
March 1, 2017

Conflict Analysis
There is a problem that I thought was resolved in my relationship with

my boyfriend but as I recently learned, it isnt. Ive known my boyfriend for

years, since we were in 8th grade to be exact. We started dated a little of a

year ago, while he was down in Cedar City for school. I knew he lived with a

girl named Laura and her brother. They had been friends since they were

toddlers. Family friends, went on vacation together and had millions of

stories. This never bothered me at the beginning because I trusted Mitch and

he had done nothing wrong for me to not trust him.

Now with my previous relationship, my ex cheated on me basically

every way you could think of. Websites, friends, high schoolers, the whole

nine yards. I found this all out by looking at his phone one night. So basically,

I have a looking at someone elses phone problem now that Ive been

working on. Now about 2 or 3 months into our relationship I was down

visiting and while Mitch was in the shower, I looked at his phone. There was a

text from Laura saying: Ill do your laundry if you let me sleep in your bed.

This caused a lot of problems because I called him out on it and how that

wasnt okay with me.

After he tried to explain their relationship with me, all I asked was that

he set a boundary with her now that he has a girlfriend, that those types of
things arent okay. I never said he couldnt hang out with her, just that he

has respect for me and our relationship. Now everything went fine for a

couple of months. She signed up for the peace core and had her going away

party was the next incident. I saw a text from her saying I love you. I sort of

lost it at him that night and we almost broke up. He followed up our fight

with I love you and want to start a family with you possibly before my best

friend even comes home etc. I thought we had figured our stuff out until a

recent conversation that brought the subject up again and he still felt like I

was the unreasonable one and I should get over it because he wasnt going

to do anything.

1. The person involved was my boyfriend Mitch.

2. This is an ongoing problem, because I thought it had been solved

after 4 months.
3. I wanted Mitch to set boundaries with his roommate/friend now that

he was in a relationship and tell her that some of the things she

says to him are not okay anymore.

4. The choices that I have made that have gotten me to this point are

simple. I looked at Mitchs phone and invaded his privacy. Created a

scene at the girls going away party trying to make Mitch choose

sides without realizing it.

5. I kept trying to tell myself during this time that Mitch hasnt done

anything wrong, he isnt my ex, he hasnt done anything to break

my trust and he never responded back to Laura with the same type

of responses.
6. I always told myself that I was a loyal person and deserved to have

my partner be just as loyal. I shouldnt have looked at his phone,

and that I may possibly be reading too much into it.

7. I have talked to Mitchs mother, my friend Amy and Brooke about

the situation and they all feel the same way I do.
8. I thought the problem was resolved until recently, and now its just

sitting there probably waiting till she gets back or I see a message

again.
9. I dont think I am wrong about any part of this situation. Regardless

of the intent of the messages, I dont think they are things to say to

a guy with a girlfriend.

10. My trust issues are still in limbo with leaving this issue

unresolved.
11. I dont think he is having any problems with this being

unresolved.
12. I want to talk this out and figure out how Mitch can keep his

friendship but satisfy my needs for boundaries.

13. I do accept him as a person, just not the full friendship he has

with Laura.
14. I can confront Laura if something ever happens again and be that

girlfriend that says to back off.

15. I keep bringing up previously fixed problems to back up my

arguments.
16. It seems to be a problem that I often forget about until

something reminds me of it since she is no longer around.

17. Sit down with Mitch and explain Im not trying to get rid of a

friendship or not have him talk to her ever again.

18. Sit down and explain to Mitch why I am making the decision to

leave and that it had to do with both of us, not just him.
19. The most difficult part of this assignment was trying to look at

the other side of the story and look at it the way Mitch might be.
20. The hardest thing I had to try and answer was how I would end

things with Mitch, I think this helped me realize it wasnt something

that could break us.