Should parents lie to children about Santa?

Millions of parents convince their kids Father Christmas is real but this lie may be damaging,
according to psychologist Christopher Boyle and mental health researcher Kathy McKay.

They also suggest parents may not be motivated by purely creating magic for their children, but by a
desire to return to the joy of childhood themselves.

Writing in the Lancet Psychiatry, they say childrens trust in their parents may be undermined by the
Santa lie.

If they are capable of lying about something so special and magical, can they be relied upon to
continue as the guardians of wisdom and truth? they write.

They also say idea of an all-seeing North Pole intelligence agency which judges every child as naughty
or nice is when considered as an adult terrifying.

Professor Boyle, of the University of Exeter, says: The morality of making children believe in such
myths has to be questioned.

All children will eventually find out theyve been consistently lied to for years, and this might make
them wonder what other lies theyve been told.

Whether its right to make children believe in Father Christmas is an interesting question, and its also
interesting to ask whether lying in this way will affect children in ways that have not been considered.

The authors accept that lying to children may sometimes be right.

An adult comforting a child and telling them that their recently deceased pet will go to a special place
(animal heaven) is arguably nicer than telling graphic truths about its imminent re-entry into the carbon
cycle, they write.

But the Father Christmas fantasy may not be purely for the children, according to the authors.

For adults, its a chance to go back to a time when they believed in magic.

Dr McKay, of the University of New England, Australia, says: The persistence of fandom in stories like
Harry Potter, Star Wars and Doctor Who well into adulthood demonstrates this desire to briefly re-enter
childhood.
Many people may yearn for a time when imagination was accepted and encouraged, which may not
be the case in adult life.

Now that the holidays are upon us, many children around the world will
stand in line for or write a letter to a jolly old man dressed in red, sharing
their hearts deepest desires.

But perpetuating the Santa Claus myth may set children up to realize
that their parents are liars, psychologist Christopher Boyle and mental
health researcher Kathy McKay argue in a new essay in the medical
journal Lancet Psychiatry. The thought of an all-knowing being who
watches their every move (maybe with help from the Elf on the Shelf)
may even terrorize them.

While the stakes seem low after all, how much harm could really
come from a little fairytale? Boyle and McKay make several
compelling arguments against perpetuating the Santa Claus myth.

1. Youre setting your child up for inevitable disappointment when

they realize the truth about Santa.

Everyone remembers that moment they realized that Santa Claus

wasnt real, Boyle and McKay write. The disappointment is so searing
that it creates a JFK efect people remember where they were and
what they were doing when they heard the sad news. For many people,
they write, the holidays never again hold the same kind of magic.

Speaking as former children, both authors remember the abject disappointment

when they found out that this Christmas magic was in fact human based. The spell
was broken; the escape from reality that children and adults can share for a few
months had gone. Christmas was never the same again.

2. You are laying the groundwork for your childs distrust.

The authors cite research that finds young kids have a more general
tendency to assume that adults only talk about real things. But after the
years-long con is over, a childs natural trust in their guardian could be
somewhat tainted by the Santa experience exacerbated, no doubt, by
the parents repeated denials and justifications for Santa when a child
comes with questions or evidence about his existence.

Children must all find out eventually that their parents have blatantly and consistently
carried on a lie for a number of years. Children may find out from a third party, or
through their parents getting bored of the make-believe and making a mistake; both
might affect the trust that exists between child and parent. If adults have been lying
about Santa, even though it has usually been well intentioned, what else is a lie? If
Santa isnt real, are fairies real? Is magic? Is God?

3. The Santa myth serves you more than your children.

In addition to collecting the treats and sweets children leave out for
Santa the night before Christmas, adults also get to cash in on a
nostalgic sense of holiday magic that comes with perpetuating the
Christmas lie, the authors write. Playing Santa for their children, they
suggest, lets parents briefly escape to a better place and time where
the use of imagination was encouraged and nurtured.

It seems that by returning to a fantasy world, there is a comfort in being able to

briefly re-enter childhood, which was a magical experience for many. A time when
imagination was accepted and encouraged but which becomes lost in the space and
time of adulthood. The self-conscious recreation of myth seems to be as popular as
it ever was. Might it be the case that the harshness of real life requires the creation of
something better, something to believe in, something to hope for in the future or to
return to a long lost childhood a long time ago in a galaxy far far away?

All children will eventually find out theyve been consistently lied to for
years, and this might make them wonder what other lies theyve been
told, Boyle concluded in a statement. Whether its right to make
children believe in Father Christmas is an interesting question, and its
also interesting to ask whether lying in this way will afect children in
ways that have not been considered.
The effect of a parents lies on children

Emerging studies do suggest that parents lies may have a detrimental

efect on a childs behavior. A small MIT study on six- and seven-year-
olds found that when an authority figure omits the truth, it may cause
children to suspend their trust or be suspicious of anything else that
authority figure says in the future. An experiment from the University of
California, San Diego found that when children ages five to seven are
lied to, they are also more likely to cheat and then lie in return.

So why do parents lie at all? It basically boils down to two reasons: to

make children do something, and to make children happy, according to
Gail Heyman, a UCSD psychology researcher. And at first blush, it might
seem that the Santa myth accomplishes both things at once. It
motivates children to behave well, with the promise of a Christmas day
jackpot at the end.

But not everyone is as convinced as Boyle and McKay that the Santa lie
may hurt children or that it even qualifies as a lie at all.

Many people think the Santa myth is not a lie and is more like fantasy
play, Heyman said.

She says scientists are only just starting to understand the efect a
parents lies big, small and holiday-themed have on children, and
are nowhere near understanding what psychological efects a years-
long Santa con may have on developing minds.

At this point, there is no evidence that lying about Santa in particular is

harmful to children, and may young adults tell us of fond memories of
Santa, she said.
How should conscientious parents approach Santa?

While there is currently no study to show that the Santa Claus myth
does harm children, Heyman is partial to the approach astrophysicist
Neil DeGrasse Tyson took with his daughter when she lost a tooth and
asked him about the Tooth Fairy.

Tyson swapped his daughters tooth with a present while she slept, but
the next morningasked her a lot of skeptical questions and encouraged
her to talk to her friends about the experience. Together, his daughter
and her friends decided that the next person to lose a tooth would hide it
under their pillow without announcing its loss to anyone. After
conducting this little experiment, they realized the Tooth Fairy was
actually just their parents.

I personally prefer the DeGrasse Tyson approach because I value

critical thinking so much, and I think young children face enough
challenges in figuring out what is real or not without their parents
potentially adding to the confusion, Heyman concluded. I also think
there are better ways to promote imaginative thinking.

Gail Gross, a psychologist and child development expert, suggests a

compromise: Share Santa with your children, but as the fable and
tradition that it is, and not a magical being to believe in.

Telling children the truth about the Santa myth can give them
confidence in your honesty and support. Trust is based on experience,
and if children trust you, they learn to trust themselves, and ultimately
others, Gross said.

How do you approach the Santa Claus myth with your children? Let us
know in the comments what you tell them, and why.

Each year, parents around the world convince their children that if they
behave, a jolly man in a red suit will come down their chimney and bring
them presents to be opened on Christmas morning.
But could the age-old tale of Father Christmas be damaging to kids? Thats
the question researchers pose in an essay recently published in the journal
Lancet Psychiatry.

The paper, entitled A wonderful lie, suggests that childrens trust in their
parents may be undermined by the Santa myth.

If they are capable of lying about something so special and magical, can
they be relied upon to continue as the guardians of wisdom and truth? the
researchers write. If adults have been lying about Santa, even though it
has usually been well intentioned, what else is a lie? If Santa isnt real, are
fairies real? Is magic? Is God?

For psychologist Christopher Boyle, a professor at the University of Exeter

in the U.K., one of the authors of the paper, the morality of making
children believe in such myths has to be questioned.

All children will eventually find out theyve been consistently lied to for
years, and this might make them wonder what other lies theyve been told,
he said in a statement. Whether its right to make children believe in
Father Christmas is an interesting question, and its also interesting to ask
whether lying in this way will affect children in ways that have not been
considered.

But not everyone agrees that fueling childrens belief in Santa Claus is
harmful, and other experts say that what parents tell their children about
the Christmas story should be an individual family decision.

I think lie is a harsh word to use here, Deborah Best, PhD, a professor of
psychology at Wake Forest University, told CBS News. I think a better way
to look at it is that its a family secret.

Best notes that at the ages when young children are likely to believe in
Santa, the concept of make-believe is an important part of their lives. And
the Christmas story, she said, has many beneficial attributes from
generosity to spreading joy to rewards for good behavior.

Its something really special to them, she said. If you go into any
preschool, kids love to play dress-up. They get to try on different roles.
Mona Delahooke, PhD, a pediatric psychologist specializing in early child
development, agrees that make-believe can play a key role in childrens
development.

Fairy tales and make-believe help children master the transition to the
reality of real life, she told CBS News. Up to a certain age, people arent
able to distinguish between real and pretend, so for children, what they
experience is joy through their imagination. In that way it [the Santa story]
is similar to fairy tales, which help children master a different range of
emotions and what the reality of real life is. So they do have a
developmental purpose.

Best acknowledges that children will likely be affected when they learn
Santa isnt real but not in the way Boyle and his co-author Kathy McKay
describe in their Lancet article.

I think most children are disappointed when they find out that their
parents are Santa Claus, she said. Theyre disappointed in the magic
going away, but Im not so sure that theyre angry at their parents
about lying. I dont think Ive ever heard that. Its more of a loss of that
magical part of childhood.

Best said she is not aware of any research showing that the myth of Santa
is damaging to children.

But both she and Delahooke do agree with the authors on one point: the
concept of Santa and his modern accomplice, the Elf on the Shelf as
part of an all-seeing North Pole intelligence agency, constantly watching
and judging whether a child is naughty or nice, could be scary for children.
(And adults, too, the Lancet authors add: Who among us could claim
constant goodness if watched at all times?)

Im not a fan of using Santa not bringing presents as a threat, Delahooke

said, just as Im not a fan of parents using any form of threat for a child to
have better behaviors.

Best concurred, I think that would be bad parenting.

Ultimately, Delahooke says when it comes to whether or not a family
shares and reinforces the Santa story with children, theres not a one-size-
fits-all answer.

Its a personal decision based on the parents religious and cultural beliefs
and importantly, the parents own intuition, she said.

She also suggests parents follow their intuition when it comes time to tell
children the truth about Santa.

At some point its going to be necessary to cross that bridge because many
kids will get to that conclusion on their own, Delahooke said. So follow
the childs lead and ask the child questions and have conversations that
reflect the childs own developmental stage about pretend and
imagination.

Tis the season to enjoy wrapping and unwrapping gifts, eating a

years worth of Christmas ham and seafood, and, according to
researchers, its also the time of year when parents lie to their
children.

Psychologist Christopher Boyle and mental health researcher, Dr

Kathy McKay, are arguing that telling children Santa Claus is real
may be ultimately damaging to them.

These experts also say that it is this lie-telling that can lend a childs
trust of their parents to stray

"If they are capable of lying about something so special and magical,
can they be relied upon to continue as the guardians of wisdom and
truth?" Professor Boyle and Dr McKay write in the Lancet
Psychiatry journal.

"All children will eventually find out they've been consistently lied to
for years, and this might make them wonder what other lies they've
been told, they continue.
However, this doesnt mean Professor Boyle and Dr McKay think
that all lie-telling has a negative impact on a child. While they stress
that lying to a child about Santa can be detrimental to them down the
track, telling a child that their deceased pet is going to a better place
(like, animal heaven) is arguably nicer than telling graphic truths
about its imminent re-entry into the carbon cycle.

Not only that, but these experts also believe that some parents may be
telling their kids this lie to return to the joy of their own childhoods.

Dr McKay of the University of New England says many people may

be looking to relive a time when imagination was accepted and
encouraged, which may not be the case in adulthood.

"The persistence of fandom in stories like Harry Potter, Star

Wars and Doctor Who well into adulthood demonstrates this desire to
briefly re-enter childhood, she says.

As parents, we know that Santa doesnt exist, but does that mean sharing this myth with our children is
really lying? If Santa is not part of your familys tradition or culture, then there is no need to even
consider encouraging that belief in your child. But if you are struggling over whether or not to tell
Santas story, you may take comfort in the notion that it doesnt really harm children to imagine.

Santa Claus Is One of Many Myths

Kids up to four, five, six, seven live in what we call fantasy life magic years, says Dr. Benjamin Siegel,
Professor of Pediatrics and Psychiatry at the Boston University School of Medicine. They are
influenced by what they see and hear around them. They get very excited about characters in their life
that have special meaning for them. Those characters include superheroes, monsters, animals and
even Santa.

While there are many ways to encourage your children to be good, the story of Santa is just one of
them. Siegel points out that Santa, for most families, is a jolly man with helpers who brings presents to
children who are good. Sure, there are tales of coal in the stockings of naughty children, but it would
be hard to find a child who actually received that on Christmas morning.

What parents should assess is the values they are trying to impart and whether this myth encourages
those morals. Every culture has a fairy tale or myth that belongs to its historical identity, Siegel says.
If the myths are good and talk about sharing and helping your neighbor, then thats really nice.
Its Tradition
For many families, the excitement of leaving cookies for Santa, watching through the window for his
sleigh at night, waking up early to open presents and sharing all that goes into believing in Santa Claus
are special and unique to their given family. That tradition is why many parents share the story of
Santabecause thats what they learned growing up.

Caroline Jorgensen, a mother of two boys who blogs at Morningsidemom.com, introduced Santa to her
sons because it was natural to do so, even if it felt wrong at times.

It never seemed like an option not to tell my kids that there was a Santa, she says. But, once I did, I
was surprised to find myself feeling bad about it. I was lying to my child. There he was looking up at
me, expecting me to explain the world to him, and I was telling him that a fat man in a red suit who
snuck into our house once a year was as real as the green grass outside. To top it of, my firstborn was
scared of Santa for a few years.

As her son outgrew his fear of the man in the red suit, Jorgensen realized why parents tell their
children about Saint Nick in the first place: magic. Its amazing, isnt it? Presents of every kind
appearing under the tree, she says. Adults dont get that kind of magic. How wonderful that they can
have that.

Santa Isnt Just One Story

If you decide that Santa Claus is going to be part of your familys Christmas tradition, there are many
ways to tell his story. You may be surprised to find a myriad of Santa books waiting to be read at the
local library.

There are books about environmentally conscious Santas and about animals, even dinosaurs that
dress as Santa. There are Santa tales featuring popular characters like Corduroy and Curious George.
Many parents may stick to the traditional The Night Before Christmas, which now comes in many
variations. You can also check out illustrated childrens Bibles to provide a religious perspective, or find
a book on the history of Saint Nicholas.

There is no right or wrong way to tell the Santa story. Some holiday books are touching and poignant,
others are fun and frivolous. It depends on the child, says Marisa Conner, Youth Services Coordinator
for the Baltimore County Public Libraries. We find that for families its a very personal thing. A lot of
parents want to pass on what they believed as a child, what they were excited about. Whatever book
you choose, the point is to encourage your child to dream.

As an educator and as a person, I find that fantasy books do engage the imagination, Conner says.
Children learn at some point whats make-believe and not. Thats the fun of life. It makes us see
diferent personalities.
When They Find Out
Parents worry that they will have to break the news to their children and shatter their whole vision of
Christmas. However, many children come to this realization on their own around age seven or eight,
Siegel says. And when they do, they are basically unscathed. Siegel cites a study that revealed that
children who learned the truth may have been upset, but not nearly as upset as the parents.

Most kids do fine when they learn a myth is not real, he says. Sometimes parents feel very badly
because they want their kids to continue to believe in Santa Claus. Maybe parents like the myth
because it makes them feel good, or because kids get disappointed in them when they find out the
truth. Kids realize that parents arent so powerful, but that happens in adolescence anyway.

Jorgensen admits dreading the day her sons will find out. When I thought about my sons not believing
the other day, I suddenly felt sad. When they dont believe, then it changes Christmas for me too,
doesnt it? Completely. I lose the magic too. However, Jorgensen also realizes that providing the
Christmas magic involves a lot of work, and it will be nice to have a break from sneaking around late at
night to have everything in place for children with big expectations.

Talking Through the Disappointment

Whether your kids find out on their own, from an older child on the playground, or from you, there are
ways to handle the disappointment.

If they are upset that you lied, acknowledge their disappointment and ask about their feelings, Siegel
recommends. You can explain that Santa is a myth that your family has chosen to share. Santa Claus
is part of Christmas and we believe in Christmas, you can tell them. Siegel recommends comparing
the experience to the tooth fairy or Easter bunny, and encourage children to remember the fun and
excitement that made the event special.

Children should also have the opportunity to define what Santa Claus means to them. They may
surprise parents when they reveal that they knew all along, but still had fun playing along with the
game.

Until their children catch on, parents may just want to enjoy the magical world of Santa that they have
helped to create. Sure, Santa may not really exist, but believing in him for a few years can be
tremendously fun, even for parents.

With Easter coming up, I think about when I used to believe in the Easter Bunny,
Santa Claus, and The Tooth Fairy. I used to think they were so real, and I dont know
why. They sound very unrealistic when I think about them. An oversized bunny that
brings candy, a bearded man in a red suit bringing presents, and a flying woman who
takes teeth and gives money for them dont sound very real at all. Why did my
parents lie to me at such a young age, and why do most parents continue to lie
about these folklores?
Parents lie to their kids about these folklores mostly just to create fun, memorable
holidays. The other reason is so their kids behave. The myth of Santa Claus tells kids
that they have to be on their best behavior all year to receive presents. If theyre
bad they get coal on Christmas morning. The presents at Christmas, the candy at
Easter, and getting money for losing a baby tooth all create memories in a childs
life.

These little white lies dont do any harm, but when a parent takes it to the extremes
such as dressing up as one of the fictional characters to deliver the gifts, then its a
little to much. If a kid finds out that these fictional characters arent real, dont try to
cover it up, tell them! When the little white lie become a big lie, thats when these
folklores become a problem. If a kid believes in these folklores 100%, then when
they find out that they are not real they will be devastated. If a kid has some doubt
in the folklores, then when they find out it might make them a little sad, but theyll
get over it.

When I told my parents that I didnt believe in Santa, the Easter Bunny, or the Tooth
Fairy they told me to still believe in the spirit of giving even if I didnt believe in the
fictional characters anymore. They told me that there is some truth in the Santa
folklore because there was, at one time, a Saint Nicholas who delivered gold to poor
people through their chimneys. They told me that the Easter Bunny and the Tooth
Fairy had no truth in them. I wasnt devastated, but I was worried that I wouldnt get
presents and candy at Christmas and Easter. To this day I still get a basket at Easter
labeled From The Easter Bunny and presents at Christmas labeled From Santa.

Why do these folklores exist in the first place, and why do they continue to be past
down? The legend of Santa Claus was made after Saint Nicholas as said earlier. He
was a saint in the fourth century. When his parents died he was given a large sum of
money which he distributed to the poor. The Easter Bunny originated somewhere in
Europe and has spread all over the world. It represents the new life of spring. The
eggs for Easter come from the early Christian church because they would fast during
Lent and have a stockpile of eggs to give to their children on Easter. The Tooth Fairy
also originated in Europe and has spread around the world. The early Europeans
would bury every baby tooth that a child lost, and when they lost their sixth one they
would be given a small sum of money. A survey was taken about the Tooth Fairy, and
when children learned that the Tooth Fairy wasnt real, 75% of children reported
liking the custom; 20% were neutral and 3% were not in favor and didnt want to
continue the tradition with their own kids. These folklores are mostly just a tradition
that our parents parents passed down to them, and now theyre just passing them
down to us.

A large part of all of these folklores is also commercialism. The holidays have become
a way for companies to get children into asking for ridiculously over-priced toys and
treats. Companies have also made profit off movies about these fictional characters
and commercials using the characters such as Dr.Pepper.
Childhood folklores, if parents dont make to much of them are just innocent
traditions that dont hurt children. If parents keep the traditions very small, and dont
make anything to big about them, then the simple traditions are fine. Parents just
want to make the most out of their kids childhood and thats why they lie to us about
these folklores.

While most people agree that it is bad practice to lie to children, most parents will
make an exception when it comes to Santa Claus, the roly-poly, white-bearded
philanthropist who visits at this time of year with a sleighload of gifts.

Of course, not everyones a fan some oppose the Santa myth on religious
grounds. Others dread the day when their child inevitably learns usually from
other children that Santa (spoiler alert!) isnt real.

Others, however, reflect joyfully on their childhood Christmas experiences, and

hope to recapture some of that magic with their own youngsters. But what effect
does this all have on children and their development are we better off just
telling them the truth from the outset? Lets take a look at the scientific evidence.

Arguments against
A common concern is that lying ultimately will erode childrens trust in their
parents. While this may be a real possibility, it is probably one that can be
managed. For example, when your child begins to question Santas existence, you
can have an honest conversation with them about why you supported them in
their belief citing perhaps the enjoyment genuine belief produces.

Its always possible that they might resent the deception or question your
judgement in other areas but if you are honest with them about why this
situation is exceptional its unlikely your child will hold it against you for too
long. (If youre really worried about this you can always be truthful with your
child from the start and engage in pretend play: Lets pretend Santa is real and
leave some cookies out for him!)

Another potential problem that is sometimes raised is that encouraging belief in

Santa could make it difficult for children to distinguish between fantasy and
reality possibly delaying their cognitive development.

But research suggests that the ability to differentiate fact from fiction actually
starts early in childhood and increases with age. In fact, some studies suggest that
children with rich fantasy lives may actually be better at identifying the
boundaries between fantasy and reality. For example, many cognitively normal
children develop imaginary companions and naturally outgrow them.

Young children can distinguish impossible entities (such as flying pigs) from
possible ones what they have trouble with is emotionally charged entities, such
as monsters, and those endorsed by the surrounding society, including Santa.
This is because children are especially attuned to the coherence of testimony they
overhear from others about these entities.

Arguments in favour
There are two main arguments in favour of letting your children believe in Santa
Claus. One is the pleasure they get from the idea of the kindly old man with the
big beard and sack of presents. The second is that they behave better because
they think they have to be good in order to secure the best returns.

To test whether beliefs about being watched by an un-observable person helps

children to behave well, I ran a study with some colleagues in which we
introduced to children an invisible person named Princess Alice a friendly
woman who could make herself invisible, but is there even though you cant see
her. We found that, compared to playing unsupervised, children who first met
Princess Alice (her presence implied by an empty chair) followed the rules of the
game more closely, on a par with children who were supervised by a real adult.
This was true especially for children who believed that Princess Alice was real.

However, any short-term benefit from believing in Santa vanishes when children
stop believing in him. To achieve real behavioural change, children must learn
by reflecting on their own self-motivated behaviour. Encouraging them to believe
in Santa might actually temporarily make it harder for them to do so.

The verdict?
There are pros and cons to each route and theres no evidence that children are
harmed in either case. Whats clear, though, is that parents shouldnt be overly
worried about the repercussions of believing in Santa children are not
completely credulous.

In fact, children continually take stock of what those around them believe and
actively assess the uniformity of such beliefs to reach conclusions about the
plausibility of various claims. As childrens causal reasoning develops (Santa is
too fat to fit down the chimney), they eventually realise that he is not real, while
understanding that other things they cant actually see, for example germs, are.
The key task for parents is managing the likely disappointment that comes when
their children eventually grasp the truth.