Mackenzie Beckett

Period 3
4/24/17

One Step At A Time: A Narrative

Isn't it funny how people think they know you? They think they know every single thing

about you and your emotions. How it will affect you, and how you'll feel after they say it to you.

The pain of it all is like getting stabbed, and your cut gets deeper and deeper each day by

millimeters. It's the kind of sadness where you have to fake a smile to make everyone around you

think you're okay. It's all just an illusion to them. It's the kind of sadness where you have to pour

your thoughts and tears onto your pillow when you get home, alone, so that no one notices how

you're really feeling inside. The deeper the knife goes, the more it hurts, and it's rare to find

someone who can survive the pain alone. Even if you do, you won't ever be the same. This may

seem a little ridiculous, but today was different. Today was the first day Allison had ever felt this

way.

"Are you awake?" said a familiar husky voice. Alison squinted her eyes and thought for a

second then, she remembered. She had forgotten that Brendan, one of her best friends, had

stayed the night yesterday in an attempt to lighten her up. They watched those gross rom-com

movies and snacked on junk food until they fell asleep Allison hadn't been in the best of moods

lately, and another problem with this besides the fact that Allison didnt want to get up or do

much of anything was that Allison and Brendans moods were directly linked. If Allison felt bad,

so did Brendan.

At that moment, the glittering of rainfall started to drift down from outside the windows,

obtaining a beautiful world, now re-established and alive again. Allison squinted and looked out

the window for a second. She raised her arms up in an attempt to stretch and hit something.

OW! You hit me!

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"Oh, sorry Brendan, didnt mean to hit you. Did you notice that its raining outside?" Allison

said, as she slowly got up and walked up to the window and stuck her face up so close to the

windowsill that you would've thought it was glued, if you didn't know any better.

"It's okay." Brendan said, as he got up, rustling his curly dark brown hair, then made his way to

open the door to take a peek out at what it looked like outside.

"Looks beautiful out, Ali! We should go out for a walk!" Brendan said, as he walked outside and

held his arms up, allowing a couple snowflakes and raindrops to lightly fall on his skin.

As Alison walked outside, the first thing that she had thought to do was to dance into the rain.

Alison had always thought that the rain was one of Earths greatest and most calming natural

phenomenon.

Brendan suddenly burst into laughter. The childish wonder she exhibited was entirely too

contagious. Brendan couldn't complain because it was the first time Alison had smiled for a good

couple of days. The Brendan's cell phone had started ringing, interrupting his melodious

laughter.

"One second, it's my mum." Brendan said, with a bit of worry tinting his deep voice. It must have

been pretty important, because Anne, Brendan's mom, was always busy with something, whether

it be shopping, or a business meeting. She rarely had enough time to call. Alison couldn't really

make anything out of the conversation, probably because Brendan was speaking almost as

quietly as the sound the wind made as it whooshed past you. He hung up, after what had seemed

like five minutes, turned to Alison, and gave her a small grin. Alison looked up into Brendan's
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Period 3
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eyes, and saw what his smile wasn't saying. She could tell something else was up, but she wasnt

going to push him.

"Hey... guess what I found out?" Brendan said, mischievously.

"Maybe... you got bit by a radioactive spider and you have the ability to shoot spider webs out of

your hands and possibly save the world?!" Alison said, with false excitement.

Brendan furrowed his brows in confusion.

"No, silly! I just found out that I'm moving in with you! Temporarily, but still!" Brendan said, a

bit confused by what I had said before, but smiled anyways.

"Really? Wait... what are my parents going to think of this?" Alison said, a bit overwhelmed with

the current situation.

"Well, apparently, Anne called your dad, and asked if I could move in with you, since Anne is

leaving to America for a year or two for a modeling job, and your dad said it was okay!" He said,

as if it were obvious.

"Yes!" Alison had said, with just a bit more enthusiasm than was needed, but she was just as

happy as she sounded. Brendan chuckled, and gave Allison a big grin, showing the dimples on

his cheeks. She smiled back at him, but she knew something was wrong, given the look of worry

she had seen in his eyes when he had gotten off of the phone with Anne. Brendan and Alison sat

there on the bench in the local park, in silence, for what had seemed to be an hour, both lost in

their own thoughts, watching the ducks in the pond float by. Alison was in her own oblivious
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world at the moment. Her anxiety was slowly plaguing every inch of her mind. She could only

think about how life was so fleeting and she could only worry about the people closest to her.

One repetitive thought kept popping into her mind. What if something happened to Brendan, her

father or Annabelle? The answer was simple. She knew that if anything bad ever happened, she

would try not to let it take over her life.

When they arrived at her house, she had already opened the door and let herself in. Brendan

stood at the door, staring at her with questioning eyes. She had been too invested in her own

thoughts and hadn't realized that she didn't think to let Brendan inside.

"Oops! You know, Brendan, you don't really need my permission to come in anymore, okay?

You're considered part of our family now." Alison sighed.

"Okay..." he replied, with no emotion or set tone of voice whatsoever. Alison sighed, yet again.

"Brendan, why are you acting so weird?" She asked, softly. He looked up into her eyes. He knew

he had to tell her, she could see right through the poison that was his lies.

"I...i..." Brendan stuttered, and electric tears pierced his face.

"Brendan, it's okay if you don't want to live with me. I get it, you miss your mom" Allison said,

hesitantly. Brendan looked up, with sorrow and tears crawling down his face, and gave her a

pained look.
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"No, Allison, oh my gosh, no it has nothing to do with you. I mean I will miss my mom but thats

not why Ive been acting weird." he said, cautiously. Alison nodded. Brendan took a deep breath,

and told her everything.

"I lied about Anne going on a year-long vacation. What really happened was that my dad. . . well,

he, died. I needed an excuse to clear my mind, and to get away from home for a bit. Same as my

mom, really." He said, sadly. I looked into his eyes for further explanation, and so he obliged.

"I came home one day after I was with you, and I needed to talk to him about something

important. Once I got into his office, all I saw was his lifeless body, lying on the floor, and blood

pooling at every angle. The first thing I had managed to say was: 'Dad, this isn't funny, please

don't joke around like this.' And when he didn't answer, I knew it wasn't a joke. He really was

gone." Brendan looked at Allison one more time before breaking down, choking on his own

tears.

"Brendan, I'm so sorry. Is there anything I can do to help you feel better?" Allison said,

sympathetically, which she later realized that giving sympathy is always a mistake.

"I don't need your sympathy, Allison!" he yelled, a tone of sadness tinting his voice.

Allison was taken aback by his sudden mood change, but she understood. She went through the

same exact thing when her mother had died. Anger. Denial. Shock. Depression. She would have

thought that Brendan would have taken it a bit easier, but then again, the world is, after all, a

cruel place. Brendan's dad was his idol, and there wasn't anything that was going to change that.
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The next day, Allison woke up to the shrill scream of her phone, banging its way through her

temples. She had woken up with a headache that had followed her to her sleep. She buried her

head back into her covers. She didn't want to talk to anyone at the moment. She was determined

to hide away from Brendan as long as she possibly could, not because he was especially hard to

live with or that he was frustrating, but because Brendan's grief reminded her too much of when

she was told that her mother had died. She closed her eyes and took the chance to shut out the

world for a couple more hours. Alison woke up to the sound of the birds chirping happily, and

thought, it's going to be a great day! Just then, she remembered that someone had called earlier

this morning... and she walked over to her end table and grabbed the phone. Looking at the

voicemail, Allison saw Annabelle's name pop up. She checked what time the voicemail was sent.

Eight oclock in the morning.

Allison listened to the voicemail as Annabelle said the words that Alison was least expecting, and

the words she would have never wanted to hear. Annabelle had a very tragic past... her parents

were as welcome in Annabelle's house as a skunk would be at a lawn party. Annabelle's parents

had abused her since she was a child... she said she didn't remember the first time it had started

but she sure did remember the last. Annabelle's parents had nearly killed her... shoving her in

front of cars in busy highways, purposefully starving her, physically abusing her when they felt

that she was not what they needed her to be. Allison was Annabelles rock. Her one and only

person that Annabelle completely trusted. Allison pressed play to listen to the voicemail.

"Alli, my parents came back yesterday. They said they were moving in with me. I don't want

them to! They've already beat me one more time than the last. I cant handle it anymore, Alli.
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I'm sorry. I'm at my favorite place. I hope you can forgive me." Alison could hear Annabelle's

tears through the phone, though even she was crying.

Alison would have never imagined that Annabelle would ever think to do such a thing, and to

ever think that she might have been partial reason that her own best friend took her own life, it

was pure torture. She knew that Anna had it bad, but never once thought that Anna had ever

gotten to the point where she had to even think of taking her own life away just to take the pain

away. Anna was strong, staying lively and happy, all of the eighteen years she'd been alive...but

she was one of the most cheerful people that Allison had ever known. Allison would have been

late to go to the park (Anna's favourite place) to find Anna, but she needed to know that her best

friend was okay, or even if her best friend was okay. Alison refused to believe that Annabelle had

really made the decision to take her own life. She probably meant she wanted to find somewhere

else to live or something. That had to be it. She tried to call Annabelles number, but her call

went straight to voicemail. Maybe her phone died. She called Brendan's name once, not

believing what Annabelle had sounded out for her on the telephone. Alison needed to show

Brendan what the voicemail that Anna had sent, said, and badly.

When Brendan had finally shown up, all Allison did was shove the phone that had repeated those

dreadful words that no one had ever wanted to hear into Brendan's hand.

"It's Annabelle. She seemed off when she called... I should have done something when she

called." Alison said, worriedly.

Later on, the police department called and they said, "Do you know a girl named Annabelle

Tilley? Do you know anything about her whereabouts?" Alison told them the whole story, and let
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them listen to the voicemail since they needed all the information they could get about Annabelle

in order to find her. The police said that they would call Allison and Brendan when they get more

information as to where Annabelle was, and if she was still alive and okay. Allison had a feeling

in her gut that Annabelle was no longer alive, but she also knew that even if Annabelle wasn't

alive, she wouldn't believe it.

"Allison, you should go to sleep. It's been a hard day for the both of us." Brendan said,

cautiously. Anyone could tell, that at that moment, Allison was ready to drift into an endless

slumber, unless Annabelle came back into her life. Allison had already missed Annabelle dearly,

and wasn't handling the current situation very easily. All she could do, was hope they found

Anna, safe and sound, and most importantly... alive. Allison had started to drift off, closing her

eyes, as everything around her went completely black.

Annabelle's conscience had followed Allison into her slumber, haunting her dreams, though they

did not seem like dreams, they seemed real, and they were reminding her of how she could have

done something to help Annabelle, and Annabelle's happy times and smiles of the past had all

seemed fake now, as Allison's mind tortured her with old images and memories of her missing

friend, and how selfish Allison had been, not even getting up to check her missed messages on

her phone that morning. All she could do was scream and cry. She couldn't do anything now.

Allison had felt really guilty the next morning. She had felt so bad that she had blamed

Annabelle's missing status on herself, because she hadn't done anything to help.

Allison woke up to Brendan shaking her shoulders, yelling at her to wake up.
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"Whats...going...on?" she said, wearily.

"You screamed, and I heard you calling out Annabelle's name, so I tried waking you up."

Brendan said, worriedly.

"I...saw...Anna...belle...it-t seemed s-o-o real, Brendan." Alison said, stuttering on her words,

forcefully trying to hold back the tears that seemed to be crawling to the surface of her eyes.

"Shh...it was just a dream, Allison! It's okay now...it'll all be okay." Brendan said, soothingly. He

rubbed her back, as an attempt to calm her down.

"It wasn't a dream! I saw her! It really was her!" Allison said, with frustration in her voice.

"Alison, please calm down. It was just a dream, nothing to worry about! We'll find her, I know

it!" He said, reassuringly. Somehow, deep down, Allison still didn't believe him, but that part of

her that did want to believe that they could find Anna, had won Allison's mind over, and she said,

"Do you really think so?" And to anyone, that would sound naive, and maybe because it was, but

Alison's hope was too strong.

The phone rang early the next morning, and Allison had raced to get the call. She would never

pass away a phone call like she did with Annabelle ever again, just in case it was something

important. She answered the phone, eagerly, and it was the police yet again.

"Did you find any more information on Annabelle Tilley yet?" Allison said, hopeful.
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"Actually...that's what we had called to talk about. Something...happened to Anna." One of the

policemen said, cautiously.

"What is it?!" Allison had said, anxiously waiting for what they had to say about her missing

friend.

"She...passed away."

"What? How?" Allison demanded, looking for an exact answer as to how her friend had died, but

knew that she wasn't going to find one.

"We couldn't find her body. . . we only had one witness, who said they saw her swimming in the

deep end of the lake at Hyde Park."

Right then, Allison hung up the phone, and screamed in pain. Pain of losing a friend...she cried a

river, with ragged currents flowing down her cheeks onto the wilted collar of her shirt. Alison

cried for hours and hours, she cried until she didn't have any tears left. And all she knew, was that

she should have helped Anna, in some way; in any way. Alison felt as if she had committed a

crime, not helping your own friend get out of committing suicide. And in Allison's world . . . it

was a crime, and a horrible one at that. Alison felt as if she could never forgive herself for this,

and Allison finally fully understood Annabelle's agony. Allison's grief was so much greater than

Brendan's had ever been. Alison didn't think she deserved to live, it wasn't at all Annabelle's

cause of suicide. Annabelle had felt that she needed to leave this world to take away the pain, but

Allison, she felt as if she was the offender and Annabelle was the victim.

"What happened?" Brendan asked.

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"Annabelle...is...dead..." Allison said, through her pained voice, and she felt as though she could

not say a word anymore. She ran out of the house and into the pouring rain.

Allison thought for what seemed like hours, and after reasoning with herself, she had decided to

go back to her house. She wasn't as miserable as she was before, when she had found out that

Anna had died...she felt stronger. Somehow, Allison knew that she could get through this tough

time in her life, and she knew she would end up okay, even when it felt like her world was

crumbling down right in front of her. She would still always have the memory of Annabelle, and

she would always have that feeling of guilt whenever she thought of her, but at least she still had

her life, and she intended to keep it that way.

She ran back to her house, ran into the front door, and yelled, "Brendan!"

Brendan came running down the stairs, and hugged Allison really tightly.

"I thought I lost you too, Allison! You scared me, I felt so alone!" Brendan said, sadly.

"I'm sorry for leaving you. . . I seem to have a horrible habit of leaving when people need me the

most.." Allison said, sheepishly.