ALoveLettertoaGhost

HayaiasaBara

TableofContents
1. Existence 4
2. ALoveLettertoaGhostBoy 5
3. DontTouchMe 6
4. Memories 7
5. Venom 8
6. Collide 12
7. AMomentIllAlwaysCherish 13
8. Asa 14
9. Crushed 15
10. Thesword 16
11. Hearts 17
12. Fate 18
13. Letters 19
14. TalesofEmotions 20
15. Reborn 22
16. GentleOceanRhythm 23
17. WinterWonderland 24
18. StrengthtoContinue 25
19. SymphonyofHeartbreak 26
20. Happy 27
21. Sad 28
22. Angry 29
23. Calm 30
24. You 31
25. AHaunting 32
26. 8Roses 33
27. Taboo 34
28. Void 35
29. WhatMyArtSays 36
30. Me 37
31. Fortune 38
32. Moonlight 39
33. AMothersLetter 40
34. NoWayOut 41
35. DateNight 42
36. AdviceforIrritatingPeople 43
37. Mommy 44

1
 38. HeartbreakandHeartache 45
39. BurningHouse 46
40. ImFree 47

2
Existence
The breeze sweeps
And rushes through my hair,
And my eyes look
To the clouds in the sky.
My own body radiates
This warm yet hollow feeling
That you gave to me.
Do I even exist?
Do you even know?

Or am I simply just a thought

From someone elses dream?
Or maybe, could I possibly be
My own illusion?
Was I born from the idea
That I actually exist?
Am I truly prepared
To uncover these answers?
I may never be,
But when the time comes,
Ill face it with a smile.

3
ALoveLettertoaGhostBoy
Am I insane?
I must be, if Im writing
A love letter to a ghost boy.
Your warm smile is wonderful.
And youre the one I feel for.
The one I write this to
Is the boy that I see in my sleep.
You hold me as I dream peacefully,
But youre gone when the sun comes up,
Almost like itll kill you.

The one I issue this letter to

Is the boy who kisses me softly.
Your soft lips leave a tail of affection
Thatll last a lifetime.

I dont know if you can see him,

But hes very real to me.
Hes right here.
Every night, I say a little prayer,
To be with him.
This is the love letter I write
Before I sleep.

4
DontTouchMe
Dont touch me!
Im still so sensitive in my own way.
If youre too rough,
Im sure to break,
Shatter like the glass I drink from.
Its so tender,
The fragile beating of the diamond
Inside my chest that sings a sad tune.
It hums to the rhythm of pain,
It plays along to the beating
Of such a sorrowful moment.

Dont touch me
I dont want to fall in love.
I cant lose anything else,
When theres nothing left of me to be taken.
What deepens these gloom feelings
Are the thoughts and fantasies of one,
Then it hits me even harder.
The pain of being torn apart
Without an ounce of mercy,
Each drop of blood
The tears of my heart
As it cries out and begs
For you to have mercy on my soul

Dont touch me,

Or Ill disintegrate.
Ill melt away into the river
Of the suffering of a broken heart.
This life is nothing more than a burden
Of the happy and content.
I cant help crying inside
Because this life has sucked every last tear
From my own body,
Rendering me unable to shed a single tear
Without hurting myself in the process.

5
I said dont touch me.
Is this body a fucking joke to you?
Why must I keep repeating,
Repeating,
Repeating myself like a broken fucking record,
Stuck forever on an endless loop of torturous thoughts and feelings
That tear at my own flesh
Like the creatures of the night
That little kids fear are dwelling under their beds?
Are you enjoying my damn pain?
Do you like watching me suffer so slowly
Before you finish me off
Like a lion stalking its prey
Before delivering the final blow?

Fuck it, youre still going to touch me anyway.

Why even bother wasting my breath?
You still stand right there,
Laughing maniacally as if this were all just some
Sick, twisted mind game,
A dream that became my worst nightmare,
The illusion I cant escape from
Because these horrifying creatures
Grab hold of my legs,
Paralyzing my entire body,
Injecting their venom that courses through my veins.
This is a nightmare I cant wake up from.
The pleasure you feel
Is all at the expense of my fragile body
That you carve up,
Mutilating mercilessly.
And all I can do is cry out,
With every ounce of strength Ive got left
In me,
As if it would set me free,
Oh God, please, have mercy on my soul!

6
Memories
Crying.
Tears of a life newly born.
And laughter that I remember fondly.
My memories have just begun.

My first friend was my brother,

And my first love was a game of hide and seek.
And it was only then,
That I could remember in depth,
The world of wonder of imagination.

Then School started.

And I was always a very shy person,
Not wanting to talk to anyone.
I always stayed quiet,
Never smiling anymore.
But I met another person like me,
A quiet soul
In a world of wonder and imagination.

Middle school came,

Followed by tragedy.
A death of a loved one.
And I once again fell silent,
Listening closely to every whisper in the wind.
And never wanting to talk again.

But then,
A friend came along,
And I smiled again.
I started to say something,
And something turned into a sentence,
Which turned into a conversation.
And I found my joy,
An interest in artful talents that will only continue to grow with time.
Artful talents that allowed passage into a heaven unlike any other.
And I found a home that made me welcome.

7
And then High school happened,
And I found myself in a strange new space.
I found a strange new feeling that Ive only felt once before,
With him.
I was alone and scared.
A piece of a soul that was shy,
Quiet,
A person that I had once knew in my distant past.
I never thought Id feel like this,
But it happened inside.
I felt a shattered heart,
And a broken promise.
Maybe this is what they called
Heartbreak.

But then,
I met you.
And heartbreak turned into a crush.
And that crush became a love that I never experienced before.
Something about you,
Your life,
Your smile,
It gave me hope.
You dont know this now,
But youve given me hope.
And something that will never go away,
No matter how much time will pass.
I love you,
But Im so scared.
Im scared to love you,
Not because of what happened in the past,
But of what will happen in the future.

But my memories will keep on.

Theyll continue to grow and multiply.
Ill make more memories thatll make me smile.
My memories of you.

8
Venom
As if my tears werent enough to satisfy you,
As if my body wasnt broken enough,
You slithered in calmly and claimed your victory.
You toxins flowing through my body
Like a mighty river pushing powerfully
Against the force of nature.
Your venom has pierced me through and through,
Absorbing every last drop of life,
Leaving only this vessel behind.
You mock and taunt me,
Your evil smirk behind the reflection
Of the class I hold to my lips
As if to drink in the poison you so gladly poured for me.

This used to be such a wonderful dream,

One I never wanted to wake from.
But that dream became a nightmare
When you took the form of that dreaded snake,
Your eyes clouded with greed and fury,
Insanity plaguing your very soul
And now I cant wake up.
I cant escape this nightmare
Because the venom has taken effect.
My legs, I cant move them,
My arms, I cant feel them either.
All I can do is feel your venom
As it rolls off the tip of your tongue
Like the droplets of fresh dew that fall into the puddle they create.
This is the sweet torture Ive created.
Its the very thing I built in order to feel safe.
But now its my worst nightmare,
Something I cant forget,
Even if I have amnesia.

You became the very thing

That little children fear
Is lurking underneath the bed.

9
And the poison keeps flowing,
Tearing its damn claws into my flesh,
And my own blood stains the ground I tread upon
As I scream out at the top of my lungs
As if it would be enough to save me
From this endless evil,
Oh God, please have mercy on my soul!

10
Collide
Its almost like we were of one mind,
Such a sweet melody,
And Ill see what lies ahead for me.
Maybe theres some beautiful memory of you
All wrapped up in a big bow,
Just waiting for me to unravel the nostalgia
And wish for those moments
Just one last time.

And although time may keep passing by,

Ill still remember your eyes,
How they made me love you.
Ill miss your smile,
How itd make the slightest hint of a pink shade
Dust my cheeks so softly.
Ill cherish how your arms
Would help me feels so safe,
Even in the toughest of times.

Just this nostalgia itself is giving me

Such a bitter-sweet sensation of longing
To be with you,
Even if it is just for a short while.
But I know that youre far gone now,
However, I cant stop these feelings
That run wild in my heart
Like the reckless charging of animals
In their natural habitat.

The rivers that flow from my own eyes,

They tell the stories that Ill always remember
And cherish.
So, just run into my arms,
And Ill be happy for us to crash
At full speed.
Collide into me

11
AMomentIllAlwaysCherish
The picture Im gazing longingly at,
The boy Ive always come to fall for,
Me in his arms.
I hate him now,
But I cant forget him.
His beautiful dark brown hair,
The way his brown eyes glow with warmth.
And his soft lips I used to love to kiss.
Oh, that wonderful moment
Ill always cherish,
Even after I pass away.

It was winter.
The California grey skies above
Sprinkled showers of cold droplets
Like rose petals all over our hair,
But we didnt care.
We were locked in a warm, passionate kiss,
As this picture plays the memory Ive eventually come to despise.
But even if his jean jacket kept me warm
As I cuddled closer to him,
My broken heart will always yearn for that moment,
Even if it should fade away like those feelings
From that day,
Some people wait their whole lives
For a moment like the one
I hold in the palm of my hands,
The moment I place in the box
Im taking to the landfill.
And one last time,
I kiss him goodbye.

12
Asa
My name is Asa.
It means
Creative,
Silent,
And lonely.
It is from my home.
It is 17 years old.
It survived heartbreak.
It remembers my mother
holding me.
It carries her bow
And arrows.
It was hurt by
Lonesomeness.
It was saved
By a single
Hello.
Its like velvet.
It is like
my mothers smile.
Its the memory
Of her hair
Blowing in the wind.
My name is Asa.
It means the hopes
Of my future.

13
Crushed
This heat.
It kills me every time,
But my crush
On him
Refuses to subside.
Although Ive tried
To pretend
I was over it,
Hes still on my mind.
So I guess
Ill just have
To live with it.
I
Hate him.

14
The Sword
Iam
What cuts through
With sheer force.
Forged from their lies,
I am the fire
That burns up
The soul.
I am the steel
That slashes through
My enemies.
My heart
Is hardened
By the cold steel
Of the blade
That cuts through
With sheer force.
That which is used
By Kings and Lords,
That is what
I am.

15
Hearts
My heart,
I can feel it
Beating.
This soft cloud
That seems to have
A heartbeat of its own,
It feels like Heaven.
This warm softness,
Its like the sweetest
Butterscotch
On my tongue.
Such a tender
Touch,
This velvet veil
Of passion.
The lightest hint
Of mint
Playing along
Their breath..
Sighing,
I close my eyes,
Knowing that
I can never have them.
Im terribly
Lovesick.

16
Fate
Resting under shaded
Trees,
This gentle breeze
Plays the distance
Between us.
Theres a soft glow,
And the Song of Romance,
Youre mesmerized
By my inner beauty.

We were here,
Sinning.
Ignoring Time,
And angering the clock.
Theres no escape,
Time will always
Find us.

17
Letters
These stupid
Letters.
The pester me
Mercilessly,
Accumulating
In my mailbox
Constantly.
Theyre all from him.
Every one
Of them.
And they continue
To manifest there.
Oh,
These God-forsaken
Loveletters.

18
Tales of Emotions
Right now,
Emotions are running
Through my mind.

Right now,
Anger is telling Happy
How angry he is.
But happy only hugs him
Out of pure happiness.

Right now,
Love is just way too busy
Showing Hatred affection,
And Hatred tells her, Fuck off.
But she continues.

Right now,
Annoyed is getting annoyed
By Sad,
Who wont shut the fuck up
About heartbreak.

Right now,
Fear holds on
For dear life,
As Crazy scares
The living shit out of him
With his excessive weirdness.

Right now,
Shy is trying so hard
To talk to Tenderness,
But cant seem to find the words to say
To him.

Right now,
Sassy is taking no shit

19
From Serious,
Who is also taking
no shit from Sassy.

Right now,
Torment is torturing Lonely
With such lonely feelings.

Right now,
Rage is raging
through the crowd of emotions,
As they all move
Out of the way.

And as all of this

Is happening,
Lost is standing in a far corner
Of the room,
And Hes just
So fucking confused.

20
Reborn
When I am with you,
I feel the safest.
Nothing but
The perfect melody.
My wish is to
Love
The way
Im supposed to.

21
Gentle Ocean Rhythm
The gentle ocean,
The fresh scent
Of the bright blue water,
The salt in the air.
The soft sand,
A silky feeling
Between my toes
As I chase the horizon.

The light sound

Of the palm trees
As they sway and rock
To the rhythm
Of the Islands.
A beautiful song,
I stop
And listen
For a while.

22
Winter Wonderland
Oh, that winter wonderland.
The beautiful cascade
Of his brown hair
Falling lightly
On his beige sweater.
His soft brown eyes
Burn this memory
Forever in my mind.
The way
His white t-shirt
Conceals his toned body,
His soft,
Sun kissed skin.
His dark blue jeans
Shielding
His strong legs
From the sheer chill of winter.
His left arm
Slung around my shoulder,
While the other arm
Is around my waist
As he kisses me
Among the snow covered trees.
Oh, that winter wonderland.

23
Strength to Continue
You gave me
Something no one else
Can ever give to me.
You gave me
Hope.
You gave me
Warmth.
Your affection
Was all I needed
To keep going.
And when I felt
Like giving up,
Your love
Gave me the strength
To press on.

24
Symphony of Heartbreak
This is the sweet music
Ive come to live by.
The symphony of heartbreak
Plays the strings of my heart,
The drums of its beating.
The trumpets of my mind
Recites the feelings of my emotions.

25
Happy
When Im with you,
Im happy.
Youre the only thing in the world
That makes me smile with sincerity.
But you no longer exist
So, now Im only
Half-assed happy.

26
Sad
As these feelings of solitude
Begin to manifest,
All I know how to do is
Put on my headphones
And drown out the world
With a symphony of other emotions.
It never seems to work,
So I laugh.
I cry when I laugh.

27
Angry
Dont fucking talk to me!
I hate you so damn much
That you annoy me
Even in my sleep.
And even if the world itself
Would come to an end right now,
I could never bring myself
To forgive you.
But I also know
That I cant live my life
Holding this immense, intense,
And oh-so-dense grudge.
So I cry, frustrated with my own brain
For why I hate someone I love.

28
Calm
Still water, clear mind.
Only the sound of silence
And the sight of nothingness.
I like this feeling,
So I decide to stay like this for a while,
Not saying a single word.
But then, you come in,
And you fuck up my flow,
So I rage-hurl the t.v. at you.
I feel a lot better no.
Rinse, lather, repeat the cycle
Until you learn the value
Of fucking peace
And goddamn quiet.

29
You
I hate the shit out of you.
But I always feel like myself
When youre around.
So, I always find myself
Coming back to you.
Why do I hate you?
Do I even love you?
Oh well, Ill just listen to some music.
That always makes me feel better.
But then, you open up your mouth,
And I slap you
In your whole face.
And you shut up.
You just remain quiet.
I feel so much bette.
Damn, I have
A fucked up relationship with you.
Bipolar.

30
A Haunting
I saw you myself,
Though you were but a silhouette in the dark.
People tell me
Youre just a figment of my imagination,
But how could you be my vivid dreams,
When you feel so real?
The figures I see,
The empty chair that rocks back and forth,
And the sounds of nails
Scratching and clawing underneath my bed.
Its all an elaborate nightmare
That I cant wake up from.

I can hear your voice,

The emotionless tone,
I can feel your sadistic smirk.
Your haunting drives me fucking wild,
As I can feel your nails drive even further
Into my very flesh.
Your teeth sink even deeper,
Biting ever-so hard,
Your lips smirk,
Your tongue tasting my fear-stained skin.
I can only pray that this is a dream,
But I love the torture.
You know every spot on my body
That gets me to go insane,
You know just how to get me
Right where you want me.
You know how to make me surrender to you.

They tell me youre not real,

But youre the PTSD I face every day,
That has me caged inside of my own walls.
And even now, after 7 years of being rescued,
You still haunt me at night.

31
8 Roses
Hold 8 roses to your beautiful face.
See how both of your eyes
Reflect the deep red of the flowers
That give a gentle scent.
Take a look in the mirror.
Youre the only thing in this world
That seems beautiful.

Hold 8 roses to your face,

And youll see 9 of the most beautiful things
On this planet thats become ugly.
Beautiful, even in the most
Spontaneous of places.
My heart yearns for you.

32
Taboo
They say I shouldnt talk about
Oh, wait, Im sorry.
Im not allowed to say the word,
So how about I describe it to you instead

Its the feeling

Of liking the same sex or gender,
Or whatever its called.
Its when youre a boy
And you find other boys attractive,
Or it can also be the same with girls.
Same difference.
You gotta be careful when risking that,
They might not swing that way.
People tell me.
But I dont care.
I respond with,
The greatest risk in life
Is not risking everything for one thing.

33
Void
I pledge allegiance
To my numbed heart,
To the void within my own chest.
But also to the warmth
That you give to me,
Even when Im so cold,
Freezing to the touch
Please, keep me warm.

I dont just pledge allegiance

To my own void,
But also to you.
So hold me,
Save my soul
From my own demons.

34
What My Art Says
Hold me,
Dont leave me to die.
Kiss me,
Dont let me slip and fall hard
And shatter even harder.
Touch me,
Free my soul,
Give your heart to the roses
That sit in the vase on the table.

Dont just save me,

Keep me close to you always.
Act like Im the most
Beautiful treasure, priceless,
Let no one else touch me.

Love me,
Make me feel precious
Make my heart beat for you alone.

Thats how you start,

Thats how you create
A work of art.

35
Me
I was born like this,
Neither male, nor female,
But society assigned me to my gender
Like how a teacher assigns a student
Their seat in class.
But what does that matter to you?
Im an imperfect outcast,
Ive been called a loser by the other kids,
Just because I was different,
Because they saw me as
Weird when I was too shy to speak.
Therefore, I was always alone.

My first crush called me Nigger

Instead of beautiful,
And that really broke me inside.
So now Im afraid to fall in love,
And I shut everyone out.

But when I found myself becoming a poet,

I realized, finally,
That a was truly beautiful.
I realized that my soul and heart
Were both full of color and life,
And they were both part of a masterpiece
Of bright futures
And happy memories.

36
Fortune
Im not a fortune teller.
Im not going to tell you
How your story ends,
I wont tell you
If you finally get your happily ever after.
Dont ask me
If you ever become rich and famous,
Powerful or influential.
I wont tell you if you win the lottery.

Im not a fortune teller.

So, dont come to me and ask
If youll ever find true love.
Dont ask me to solver
Your own personal problems,
Because Im not
A fucking fortune teller.

37
Moonlight
The light of the moon
Glows so beautifully in your eyes.
It makes your soft lips
Look just so perfect to me.
Almost remotely similar to a childhood
Fairytale,
You hold me close
In the moonlight.
But I got lost in it,
And this fairytale
Became a horror story.
And I cant escape this moonlit
Nightmare.

38
A Mothers Letter
My sweet baby,
I know you havent seen me
In 13 years,
But I want you to know
That Ive always been right here.
Ive watched you play,
Love, laugh, cry, and grow up.
Im sure youll be just fine,
Because I know
That you know,
That Ill always be right here,
Whenever you should need me.
Because neither life,
Nor death,
Can sever a mothers bond
With her baby.

I love you,
Your mother.

39
No Way Out
Cant get it out of my head.
The feeling that runs wild
Every time Im with you.
Its like sour bitterness,
Then sweet syrup
That smothers pancakes.
We fight one day,
Only to make u th next.
Why do we do that?
Whats the point of hating each other,
If were only going to end up
Loving each other afterward?
Whats the reason
Im still with you?

This is all too wild,

And its spinning out of control.
I think Im going to be sick.
Its some kind of
Emotional rollercoaster.

I cant see a way out,

Theres no escape,
No hope of being saved.
This is the feeling
Of being with you,
Going round in circles.
This is the feeling
Of being trapped.
Trapped with no hope
Of real love.

40
Date Night
The light of the stars in the sky,
And the lamps that line the pavements.
The cool breeze helps set the mood
For such a romantic scene.
You spin me around,
Twirling me
As we dance on the bridge,
Just above a gentle river.
Your soft brown hair
Turns gold with the light from the lamp posts,
And I can see the stars in your eyes.
I love kissing your soft lips.
Just like I love this moment,
I love you.

41
Advice for Irritating People
Just a piece of advice:
I get real bitchy,
Especially around irritating people.
I say some real crazy shit,
Dont apologize.
Savagery.

Dont fucking touch me,

Or Ill knock the Hell out of you.
If you dont know
Who the fuck I am,
Ask somebody, honey.
Im the real bitch,
The top bitch,
The head bitch in charge.

I feel no damn shame.

Ill say some cruel shit,
Make your ass cry.
Look at me,
I dont give a fuck.
Thats my motto.
I dont give a fuck.
I dont give a fuck.
I dont give a fuck about shit.

42
Mommy
The tears roll softly down my cheeks.
Her sweet face,
Ill never be able to feel her lips
Touch my forehead
After this.
Ill only have a photo of her,
That smile would be the only one of hers
Ill ever see past this moment.
Ill never again feel her gentle touch.

The tears keep falling

And I kiss her cheek
One last time.
Ill never again
Hear her gentle voice
Call me her sweet rose.
Ill never again hear her tell me,
I love you.

And my sobs become even stronger

As they lower my own mother
Into her final place of resting.

43
Heartbreak and Heartache
I hate you.
You should just go somewhere
And die.

Those were the last words

That I heard my first crush say to me,
Just as I left for home on a very sunny day.
At that moment,
I felt the dullest, faintest feeling in my chest,
One that grew momentum
As my very heart fell even further
And shattered against the cold ground below,
As if it were made of glass itself.
Heartbreak.

And every shard

Landed with its jagged edges
Facing toward the sky
That was once sunny,
But now filled with dark grey clouds.
They dig into my bare feet,
Releasing the crimson liquid
That hides underneath.
But although it hurts so much,
Im unable to cry.
I dont even shed a single tear.
I just smile faintly, and say,
Okay
Heartache.

44
Burning House
This house used to be the home I ran to
When I needed comforted.
It was the only place I felt safe.
It was where my mother gave me life,
Then drew the last breath of hers.
This house used to be the one place in the world
Where I knew Id be happy as a child.
This used to be the house that
Held my childhood memories of spending entire days
Running wild with my best friend,
Playing pretend and imitating our favorite cartoon characters.
We even painted pictures of each other
As we laughed and had so much fun.

But then we grew up.

You became so cold and I was bitter,
Hurt by the sharp edge of the knives in your words.
I know it sounds cliche,
But every memory of you used to fill this house
With so much love,
But then you tore it all down.
You dug the knives into the toys we used to play with,
The paintings we made of one another,
Even the walls and the halls,
Oh, my desperate calls
For you to stop.

You just came in like none of these things mattered at all to me,
And you destroyed it all,
Every word, every smile,
Every precious moment.
What did I do wrong?
Was it because I wouldnt make enough time for you in middle school?
Or was it because I didnt want a relationship with you?
It doesnt matter anymore,
You cant fix the damage thats already been done,
These wounds will never heal.

45
The only way I can stop this all from hurting so bad
Is to set fire to the house Ive come to love,
The place we grew up in.

And as the ashes scatter,

The drapes are singed with pain,
The fine detail of the elaborate furniture
Is charred with hate.
And the last painting I did of you
Burns with every memory of our childhood.
And I stand in the middle of the devastation,
With every memory that perishes in this blazing inferno,
Theyre burnt into my very soul,
My childhood memories of us
And this house.

46
Im Free
Im free

Thats what She declared

On the day of her departure.
And I watched her draw
Her final breath
As she left for a new world
Of happiness and love.
Im not sad,
I have no reasons to be.
I know shes happy,
And that makes me happy.

My mother,
She always loved her children
With such tender affection.
She always made sure
We were safe.
I know she cared for everyone
So that no harm would ever befall them.

On that day,
Her fate drew closer than ever
As her illness washed over her
Completely.
I watched her carefully
As her faded eyes shone with
A glossy smile.
And she told me
That she was free.

I may never understand

Until my own time has come,
But Im sure that she meant
That she no longer was a slave
To suffering,
To pain,

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To the fear of what lies before her.

I can tell
That she was no longer afraid
Of her fate.
I saw it myself.

On that day,
13 years ago,
My mother departed from this world
Of cruel suffering,
And she was finally happy.
I saw it for myself
That day.
She was smiling.

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