3 Ways To Be Happy - WikiHow

7/18/2017 3 Ways to Be Happy - wikiHow
How to Be Happy Expert

Reviewed
Three Methods: Developing a Happy Outlook Living Happily Interacting with Others
Happiness is not a simple goal, but is about making progress, when it's as elusive as ever. Being happy often means
continually finding satisfaction, contentment, a feeling of joy, and a sense that your life is meaningful during all kinds of
problems that does not depend upon finding ease or comfort.[1] Nobody is jolly or elated all the time, but some individuals
are definitely more fulfilled/fortunate than others. Some studies reveal that happiness has little to do with comfort or
possessions so what is it about? A sense of well being/happiness is good for your health, so what can we do to have that?
[2] Read on to learn how to be happier.
Method
Developing a Happy Outlook
1
1 Change your thoughts. People have a natural tendency to remember negative experiences but forget positive
ones; however, thanks to adaptability (neuroplasticity), you can actually change the way your brain functions. You
can train yourself to be happier by seeking self-actualizing work and your kind of fun.[3]
Practice mindfulness. Occupy your mind with positive thoughts, actively striving, seeking, working on goals and
humming a tune, for happy effects on the mind and body. Focusing on your experiences in the present moment
without judging them or yourself can help you become more compassionate to yourself and to others.[4][5]
Meditate. Activities that promote meditation, including an extended peaceful prayer, yoga, Tai Chi, or spiritual
reflection, actually change an area of your brain called the insula, which is involved in your experience of
empathy/understanding others. Developing your empathy muscles (helping others) will help you lead a happier
life.[6]
Make small events into appreciated experiences. Focus on and preserve the great little moment in a photo,
write a journal or Facebook entry or make a short video. Make awareness of a gorgeous sunny day; accept a
compliment from a friend. Why this will train your brain to be happier by actively acknowledging the beauty
of small moments and turning them into memorable experiences.
Smile a little, hop, skip and sing in those moments, and they will not slip so quietly through the cracks of
memory. Say, "Thank you, so much!"; perhaps, write thank you notes on Facebook, use text, email or snail
mail, appreciating people in a big way.
2 Look for the positive in all your experiences. The old saying that you find what you look for is true. Start.
Because of this, make it a habit to actively seek out the positive in any experience. Its not only good for your
overall happiness, its good for your physical health, and boosts your immune system.[7][8]
Accept harsh experiences and problems as learning opportunities. It can be tempting to let challenges or
roadblocks keep us from feeling happy. Sometimes, it looks like theres nothing good about a particular
situation or experience. However, its important to think about even the greatest setbacks as experiences we
can learn from for great results in the future/tomorrow.
Don't give up on your ideas. "Try, fail often, get over it quickly," says Myshkin Ingawale, in a 2012 TED talk. He
discussed his inventing small, inexpensive blood-oxygen and hemoglobin diagnostic technology that now help
save womens lives in rural India. Many ideas were not successful at first. But instead of allowing himself to
give up or see these challenges as failures, he used them as learning experiences for his next attempt. Now,
his handheld invention for blood analysis has helped reduce maternal deaths from anemia and complications in
rural India by 50%.[9]
Refocusing on the positive can help you heal from traumas.[10]
3 Cultivate optimism. Why does winning the lottery not make people happy? In the 1970s, researchers followed
people who'd won the lottery and found that a year afterward, they were no happier than people who hadn't. This
http://www.wikihow.com/Be-Happy 1/11
is called hedonic adaptation,[11] which suggests that we each have a baseline of happiness to which we return. No
matter what events occur, good or bad, the effect on our happiness is temporary, and happiness tends to quickly revert
to the baseline level. Some people have a higher baseline happiness level than others, and that is due in part to
genetics, but it's also largely influenced by how you think.
There is power in intentions, having a purpose: Positive thinking is an important component of self-esteem and
overall life satisfaction.[12] Optimism also tends to make your personal and work relationships better.[13]
Optimism is more than just positive expectations. Its a way of interpreting everything that happens to you.[14]
Pessimism tends to explain the world in global, unchangeable, internal terms: Everything sucks, I cant do
anything to change this, Its all my fault. Developing an optimistic outlook means thinking about yourself and
your world in limited, flexible terms.[15]
For example, a pessimistic outlook might say, Im terrible at math. Im going to fail that test tomorrow. I might
as well just watch TV. This statement suggests that your math skills are inherent and unchangeable, rather
than a skill you can develop with work. Such an outlook could lead you to study less because you feel like
theres no point to it youre just an inherently bad mathematics student. This isnt helpful.
An optimistic outlook would say something like Im concerned about doing well on that test tomorrow, but Im
going to study as well as I can and do my best. Optimism doesnt deny the reality of challenges, but it
interprets how you approach them differently.
Blind optimism isnt any healthier than pessimism. To go skydiving on your own without any preparation or
training because youre optimistic about your abilities is obviously a bad idea that could lead you to injury. True
optimism acknowledges the reality of situations and equips you to face them.[16]
4 Practice active gratitude. A multitude of research confirms that gratitude is good for you. It reduces anxiety and
depression, helps you become more positive, strengthens your relationships with others, and encourages
compassion.[17][18][19][20] It also has been shown to increase your feelings of happiness.[21]
Some people are naturally higher in trait gratitude, or the natural likelihood of feeling thankful. However, you
can train yourself to develop an attitude of gratitude no matter how high or low your level of trait gratitude is.
[22]
Try to avoid approaching situations or people as if you deserve anything from them. This doesnt mean that
you have to put up with disrespect or being mistreated, but it does mean that you should try to take people as
they are without feeling entitled to specific benefits or actions.[23]
Accumulate all the little joyful things that happen to you during the day. They add up. You could keep a journal,
and write them down. For example, if there was not bad traffic on the road, if you had a very scrumptious
breakfast if your friend said something uproariously humorous that made you laugh, if you took your dog out for
a walk in the park and played with it, add these together. Youll probably find that you have more to be grateful
for than you even realized.[24]
Share your gratitude with others. A word of thanks, even a brief one, can make someone else feel appreciated.
Sharing your gratitude with others also helps you remember what youre thankful for.[25]
Let the good things sink in. Its not enough to just note good things when they happen. Really take the time to
think about them and let those experiences sink into your memory. Consciously telling yourself, This is a
wonderful moment and I want to remember how grateful I feel for it can help you store up these memories for
when times get tough.[26]
5 Determine your core values. Your core values determine how you think about yourself, your life, and the world
around you. These beliefs guide your decision-making. They may be spiritual, or they may not, but theyre the
things that are fundamental to how you look at life.[27] For example, commitment to excellence could be a value, or
dedication to family or belief in a higher power. Whatever your values are, research suggests that when you arent
living your life and making choices that are value-congruent, i.e., in line with your values, youre likely to feel unhappy
and dissatisfied.[28]
Research suggests that when you are consciously aware of your values, youre more likely to act in
accordance with them.[29] Take a little time and reflect on what is most important and meaningful in your life.
You can think about times when you felt happiest or most satisfied and what the common factors in those
situations may be, for example.[30]
Often, employees dissatisfaction with their jobs can be traced back to a mismatch in core values. If your
company doesnt value the same things you do, youll feel unhappy even if you like your work.[31]
6 Visualize your best possible self. This is an exercise that has been shown to increase your feelings of
happiness and well-being.[32][33] It involves two basic steps: visualizing how the future you looks when youve
achieved your goals, and identifying the characteristics you need to use (or learn) to get you to where you want to be.
[34]
Begin by imagining yourself in the future, when you have gotten to where you want to be. Pick a few goals and
imagine that you have achieved them. Make sure theyre personally meaningful, not external markers of status.
Visualize what this future-you is like. Imagine all the details of what success looks like. For example, if your
dream has always been to be a musician, what does success look like for you? How much do you work? Who
do you work with? What do you create? How do you feel about your work?
Write down all the details of this scenario. Then, imagine what characteristics you will need to use to get you
there. For example, becoming a successful musician probably requires things like perseverance, creativity,
patience, and energy.
Consider which of these traits and skills you already have. You may even surprise yourself with what you
already know and can do. When you notice traits or skills that need further development, think about ways you
can build up those things.
7 Show yourself self-compassion. Beating yourself up or giving in to negative thoughts can leave you feeling
weak and unhappy. Dwelling on negative thoughts or feelings of guilt doesnt promote improvement; it actually
holds you back from growing and learning. Instead, show yourself the same kindness and generosity you should show
to a friend.[35]
Manage stress by prioritizing and doing what's more important promptly. Practice deep breathing, exercising
and getting enough rest. Even a few minutes a day can make a difference. Do more things to protect your
health and make goals/choices that lead to success including stronger relationships and better careers. Start
your day with positive affirmations, such as I accept myself today for who I am or I am a person worthy of
love and respect.[36]
Take short self-compassion breaks throughout the day. For example, if youre really swamped with work you
might feel overwhelmed or guilty. Use mindfulness to acknowledge how youre feeling: I am feeling stressed
right now because I have so much to do. Next, acknowledge that everyone experiences these feelings from
time to time: Im not alone in feeling this. Its a natural feeling. Finally, give yourself a quick compassion boost,
such as saying something positive to yourself: I am capable of getting this done. I can focus and work hard. I
am a valuable person on this team.[37]
Challenge negative thoughts. Were often our own worst critics. It can be easy to lapse into self-criticism.
Instead, challenge negative thoughts when they show up. For example, if youre on a diet but had some
popcorn at the movies, a self-criticizing thought could be I ate that popcorn. Im such a failure on this diet.
Challenge this by showing yourself compassion and making a plan for what youll do differently: I ate that
popcorn and it wasnt part of my healthy eating plan. This isnt a failure, and I am not bad for having had a
treat. I will be more mindful of what I eat the rest of the day.[38]
8 Heal past traumas. If you find yourself consistently feeling down or upset, you might have some underlying
issues from your past holding you back in the present. In the United States a report of child abuse is made about
every 10 seconds.[39] This is only accounting for reports of abuse. A lot of abuse and other traumatic childhood
experiences go unreported to authorities. Trauma from the past or even just painful circumstances such as the death of
a loved one or a bad break-up can cause mild to severe depression. If you have tried everything you can think of to
make yourself happier, there is a chance you could be dealing with something along these lines.
If you have the resources available to you, consider seeking counseling from a licensed professional. The
counselor can help you work through the past trauma or painful memories in healthy and safe ways.[40] A
counselor can also make referrals for you if you or the counselor feels an anti-depressant medication (for use
temporarily or long term depending on your situation) is appropriate for your case. There is nothing wrong with
seeking help! If you are feeling really embarrassed or self-conscious about seeing a counselor, you should
know they are bound by very strict privacy and confidentiality laws. No one has to know you are receiving
therapy except you and your counselor or doctor. Working through past traumas with a counselor may be
difficult at the time, but it will greatly increase your quality of life in the long run.
Many communities and universities offer therapy through low-cost public clinics. Check in your area to
see if this is an option.
Common treatments for trauma include cognitive-behavioral therapy, talk therapy, exposure therapy, and
pharmacotherapy.[41] These therapies can help you learn new ways of thinking and responding to situations
and process your feelings.
If you dont have access to professional counseling services, you could try using self-help books at your local
library or talking to someone you trust about your feelings. Religious ministers and support groups are often
places to go for free support. Often just the act of talking things out with someone you love and trust and who
will support is a healing act in itself.
9 Contact a hotline. If things get really bad, there are several free, anonymous hotlines you can turn to. If you are
at a low place or just dont know where to turn, these hotlines can help. Often these hotlines will direct you to local
mental health resources in your area if you just ask them. If you just need someone to talk to, remember your call is
anonymous and free. The person on the other end of the line is there to help if you need it.
The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline is: 1-800-273-8255
The Crisis Center Hotline is: 775-784-8090 or text ANSWER to 839863.
Method 1 Quiz Score

What are some ways in which you can change your spirit for the better? 0/3
Practicing mindfulness.
Meditation.
Appreciating the small things.
All of the above.
Method
Living Happily
2
1 Own yourself. This means to accept and embrace your habits, your personality, the way you talk/look, your voice
everything that makes you you. Remember that youre a unique person who has value and is worthy of love
and respect. Learning to be comfortable with yourself will help you project confidence to others and live a happier life.
Dont apologize for traits that are part of you, like your personality, your voice, or habits. If there are traits you
want to change, make sure youre doing it for you and not because you feel like someone else has told you to.
Make your decisions based on your values, not what others have declared you should do or be.[42]
Love your body. Its unfortunate that in todays world, both men and women are bombarded with images of how
were supposed to look, dress, or behave. These stereotypical ideals can cause a lot of harm. (Over 91% of
women, for example, feel unhappy with how they look.[43]) Practice finding things to love about your body. Put
sticky-notes with affirmations such as Youre beautiful or Youre awesome on your mirrors. Embrace that
bodies come in an infinite variety, and yours is unique to you.
Make a list of your strengths. Be honest with yourself. Write down everything that you know or are good at, no
matter how minor it may seem to you. You can scuba-dive? Thats awesome. You can network with others on
a team? Sweet! You can make a frozen pizza without burning down the kitchen? You made some good grades.
You sing in the bath. Thats good too!
Dont compare yourself negatively with others. Remind yourself of your options by listing and appreciating
small, good or great fun moments that occur. Accept simple fun. For example, if you like to play games for a
little while on Saturdays, dont let others tell you that youre silly or too old for things that bring you fun and
relaxation. As long as your activities dont cause you or other people pain or harm, dont feel guilty about doing
things you like no matter what other people suggest.
2
7/18/2017 2 3 Ways to Be Happy - wikiHow
Set meaningful goals for yourself. Take a good long look at your life, your values, and the person you want to be.
Set goals that are meaningful to you and accord with your core values. Research suggests youre more likely to
achieve these goals and feel happier having done so.[44] Ask yourself some big questions, like How do I want to
grow? or What impact do I want to have on the world?[45]
Be realistic. If youre five feet tall, your chances of stardom as a professional basketball player arent great.
Making realistic goals doesnt mean you have to limit yourself to what you know or can do now, just that you
acknowledge your situation and abilities when youre making your plans.[46]
Keep your goals action-oriented. Its vital that you set goals that you can achieve. Remember that you cant
control what anyone else does or thinks, only what you do. Dont set a goal that relies on others actions for
success.[47]
Frame your goals positively. Youre more likely to achieve your goals if theyre framed as something youre
working toward, not something youre running away from.[48] For example, if you want to exercise more, dont
tell yourself to Stop sitting around so much. This kind of goal statement is negative and will make you feel
negative. Instead, choose a positive goal that emphasizes action: Take a 30-minute walk three times a week.
3 Choose extra activities that make you feel better. When you have time or make time, do your favorite hobby or
go outside for a little time to enjoy fresh air. For example, walk your dog or go jogging or play basketball or golf,
bowl or swim. The main thing to do is to choose to relax and also to keep yourself functional.
Scientists have tried for years to develop a formula for happiness, and it turns out that being chronically
happy (that is, feeling that long-term satisfaction and contentment) does have a formula. Scientists estimate
that the perfect formula goes something like this: 50% genetic factors (biology, brain chemistry, etc.), 10%
circumstantial factors (income, job, living situation), and 40% intentional activity (what you choose to do and
think regularly).[49] Choosing activities and experiences that are personally meaningful will really make a
difference in your happiness level.
The ability to choose is very important for happiness. In one study, participants either chose their own positive
activity or had one assigned to them. The participants who chose their own activity and regularly participated in
it were happier than participants who werent allowed to choose their own. If you feel like your life is restricting
your choices, try to find ways to incorporate more freedom in your life.[50]
Studies have shown that feeling awe, or that feeling of overwhelming positivity when we see a beautiful work
of art or visit a natural wonder, promotes happiness and well-being.[51] When you can, indulge in activities that
promote that feeling of wonderment and amazement in your own life, such as listening to an incredible piece of
music or going on a hike.
4 Focus on people, positive relationships, not on things. The path to continuing happiness doesnt lie through
an iPhone or a fancy car (like a new toy). In fact, research suggests that people who are focused on material
things are often trying to make up for other, unfulfilled needs in their lives.[52] Materialistic people are often less happy
with themselves and their lives than people who are less focused on stuff.[53] Its fine to appreciate what you have,
but remember that things wont bring you joy. They may even increase your likelihood of feeling sad or fearful.[54]
Of course, you need to make enough money to meet basic needs food, shelter, and clothing. If youre living
in poverty, you are far more likely to experience sadness and frustration than people who are economically
comfortable, largely because of all the stress youre under.[55] Once you make enough to support basic needs,
however, your happiness is not significantly affected by how much money you make, but by your level of
optimism.[56]
5 Push yourself out of your comfort zone. Studies show that humans cant help but fall victim to the hedonic
treadmill. We rapidly adjust to change, even positive changes, and treat whatevers in our lives as the new status
quo.[57] That's why it's important to push beyond your comfort zone to fuel personal growth.
Research has consistently shown that were more productive when were just outside our comfort zone.[58] This
is called the zone of optimal anxiety, and it pushes us to take risks and try harder because were unfamiliar
with our situation. However, if you go too far outside your comfort zone too fast, your performance will plummet
again. Look for a balance of stability and trying new things.[59]
Taking risks and stepping outside your comfort zone offers many rewards. One of the most relevant for your
happiness is increased resilience, or how you deal with unexpected challenges. By routinely challenging
yourself to push past your comfort limits, you develop the adaptability and flexibility to handle change when it
arises.[60]
6 Smile. Science suggests that when you smile, whether you're happy or not, your mood is elevated. This is
especially true if all your facial muscles, including the ones around your eyes, get involved.[61] So smile whenever
you can! Smiling is like a feedback loop: smiling reinforces happiness, just as happiness causes smiling. People who
smile during painful procedures reported less pain than those who kept their facial features neutral.[61]
Smiling releases endorphins, which are associated with pain relief, and serotonin, which is associated with
happy feelings.
Remember that different cultures interpret smiling differently. For example, Russian culture views smiling at
strangers in the street as suspicious, while Americans will readily smile at almost anyone.[62] Smile at others,
but dont get offended if they dont return your gesture they may just have different traditions than you do.
7 Follow your intuition. In one study, two groups of people were asked to pick a poster to take home. One group
was asked to analyze their decision, weighing pros and cons, and the other group was told to listen to their gut.
Two weeks later, the group that followed their gut was happier with their posters than the group that analyzed their
decisions.[63] Granted, some of our decisions are more crucial than picking out posters, but often the options were
agonizing over wont have a huge effect on our long-term happiness. The stress of weighing all the options endlessly
can make us unhappy, though.
Intuition can be honed by experience. For example, experienced nurses are often good at identifying symptoms
in an individual and using a combination of their medical knowledge and intuition built up from past
experiences to make the right decisions for their patients.[64] Obviously, if youre a brand-new nurse, your
intuition isnt going to be as good as someone with more experience. However, if youre dealing with something
that youre pretty familiar with or that doesnt have huge consequences go with your gut. Youll be right
more often than not.
Follow intuition in three domains or areas by using: your experience (heuristics); natural thinking relevantly, and
incorporating your feeling, desires and satisfaction into decision-making.[65] Intuition includes how your brain
automatically stores and processes information relevant to your life and how you handle events.
Enjoy learning something on your own using your experiences (heuristics) and draw on those
experiences when making a decision.
If you are trying to buy a new car, you already have a set of assumptions (schemas) you are taking with
you into the decision-making process (domain) before you set foot at a dealership.
You observe others' body language, vocal tone/inflections, moods and emotions (affect) associated with
the decision you're attempting, and all contribute to your intuition, making your intuition more reliable
than what some skeptics suggest.[66]
Start with the small decisions first. Start with small decisions and practice following your gut so that you know
exactly what following your intuition feels like. The more you practice this, the more in-tune you will be with that
gut instinct.
8 Treat your body like it deserves to be happy. Your brain isn't the only organ in your body that deserves to be
happy. Assure vigorous exercise, a healthy diet, and regular sleep key factors in growing to be happier and to
stay that way. Achieve high levels of life satisfaction, better physical health, for improved longevity.[67]
People who are physically active have higher incidences of enthusiasm and excitement.[68] Scientists
hypothesize that exercise causes the brain to release chemicals called endorphins that elevate our mood.
Eat right. Eating healthy foods fruits and vegetables, lean meats and proteins, whole grains, nuts, and seeds
gives your body and brain the energy it needs to be healthy. Research indicates that unhealthy diets,
especially those rich in processed carbohydrates, sugars, and industrial vegetable fats, is responsible for some
cell death, brain shrinkage and contributes to certain diseases like depression and dementia.[69]
Get enough restful sleep. Study after study confirms it: the more sleep you get, the happier you tend to be.[70]
Getting just a single extra hour of sleep per night makes the average person happier than making $60,000
more in annual income, astoundingly enough.[71] Research has also showed that employees who get enough
rest are more productive and successful.[72] So if you're middle-aged, shoot to get at least eight hours of sleep
per night; the young and elderly should shoot for 9 to 11 hours of sleep per night.[73]
Method 2 Quiz Score

True or False: Pushing yourself outside of your comfort zone can help you feel happier. 0/3
True. Stepping outside of your comfort zone will help you become more productive, which can help you feel
happier.
False. You must stay within your comfort zone in order to feel safe and stay happy.
Method
Interacting with Others
3
1 Stay close to friends and family. We live in a mobile society, where people follow jobs around the country and
sometimes around the world. We do this because we think salary increases make us happier, but in fact, our
relationships with friends and family have a far greater impact on happiness. So next time you think about relocating,
consider that you'd need a salary increase of over $100,000 USD to compensate for the loss of happiness you'd have
from moving away from friends and family.
If it isnt possible to move closer to your loved ones, communicate with them regularly. Technology such as cell
phones and Skype make it easy to stay in touch with the people you love even when theyre on the other side
of the world.
2 Be compassionate. Compassion is all about doing something kind for someone in need, or someone less
privileged than yourself. A brain-imaging study (where scientists peek into people's brains while they act or think)
revealed that people gain as much happiness from watching others give to charity as they do receive money
themselves![74] Think of effective ways that you can make your community or the world a better place by being
compassionate. Compassion is a key part of sustainable happiness, and its also really good for your health.[75]
Tutor, volunteer, or get involved in a church group. Countless children are looking for someone to teach them
and act as a role model.
Make a microloan. A microloan is when you give someone (usually in the developing world) a very small sum of
money for an economic project of their own. Many microloans have 95%+ repayment rates.[76]
Give a person in need food, clothing or shelter, if it would be safe. It's so basic, we often forget to think about it,
yet so easy to do.
Increase the happiness of those around you by giving small gifts. This will increase your happiness as well - in
fact, the one giving the gift usually feels a larger pulse of dopamine (the neurotransmitter responsible for feeling
happiness) than the person receiving the gift! [77]
Try loving-kindness meditation. This type of meditation stems from Buddhist traditions that focus on increasing
compassion for others.[78] Studies have shown that this type of meditation can reduce feelings of sadness and
depression.[79][80]
3 Make friends. In a 2010 study published by Harvard researchers in American Sociological Review, people who
went to church regularly reported greater life satisfaction than those who didn't. The critical factor was the quality
of friendships made in church. Church-goers who lacked close friends there were no happier than people who never
went to church. When researchers compared people who had the same number of close friends, those who had close
friends from church were more satisfied with their lives. This research shows just how important it is to make friends
with similar values and outlooks as you. It doesnt matter what your interests and beliefs are. Finding something you're
deeply passionate about and making friends with those who share similar interests will result in the same intimacy.
Be a peacemaker. If your ideas and understandings would continue dissension in a family squabble, or in your
group of friends, or at a meeting of an organization such as on the job in a workplace, or in a church group, do
something else. Be agreeable as much as it is up to you, applying yourself where you can be happy without
unnecessary argument, anger and discord. Don't insist on getting your way/preferences in a personality
conflict, on shades of meaning and adversarial issues at the expense of the order and peace of the group and
your own happiness.
Interact with people who share your interests, and feel happier due to sensations of reward and well-being.
This is because during such interactions, serotonin and dopamine neurotransmitters responsible for feelings
of happiness and relaxation are released into the body. In other words, your body is designed to feel happier
when engaged in social interactions.[81]
4 Have deep, meaningful conversations. A study by a psychologist at the University of Arizona has shown that
spending less time participating in small talk, and more time in deep, meaningful conversations can increase
happiness. [82] Meaningful conversations move past the surface level of informative small talk. These conversations
discuss your ideas about love, life, hopes, and dreams.
Psychologist Arthur Aron has done a lot of work on how to generate meaningful communication between
people. His work recently made a splash with the idea of 36 questions to fall in love. While this media
representation isnt quite the way the research works, Arons questions do ask deep, probing things about the
other person, which leads to a stronger feeling of intimacy and connection.[83]
Share your happiness with friends. Studies have shown that people who openly share their positive feelings
with others have greater social connection than people who dont share. The next time you experience
something wonderful, go start a conversation about it with a friend. Itll bring you closer together and make you
both happier.[84]
5 Find happiness in the kind of work you do now, even while you are seeking a new career. Many people
expect the new job or career to dramatically change their level of happiness. But research makes it clear that your
levels of optimism and quality of relationships surpass the satisfaction gained from your job.[85]
If you have a positive outlook, you will make the best of any job; and if you have good relationships, you won't
depend on your job for a sense of meaning. You'll find meaning in interactions with the people you care about.
You'll use your job as a crutch instead of relying on it for meaning.
Find your flow at work. Flow is a state of mind where a person is fully absorbed in what they are doing. They
have next to no trouble concentrating on the activity because the activity is challenging enough to hold their
attention but not so challenging that it exhausts them. This might not be possible for every activity you do, but
find ways to make it happen frequently and try out different strategies to make it work. Some people find their
flow by using a timer to keep them focused for a set amount of time and others find their flow by setting up the
work environment a certain way. Find what works for you. Studies have shown that employees who can find
their flow have greater work satisfaction.[86]
This is not to say you shouldn't aspire to get a job that will make you happier; many people find that being on
the right career path is a key determination in their overall happiness. It just means you should understand that
the capacity of your job to make you happy is quite small when compared to your outlook and your
relationships.
6 Forgive. In a study of college students, an attitude of forgiveness contributed to better cardiovascular health. You
could say forgiveness literally heals the heart. While it is unknown how forgiveness directly affects your heart, the
study suggests that it may lower the perception of stress.[87] Yet despite its many benefits, its incredibly hard to do.
Fortunately, there are steps you can take to learn forgiveness.[88][89]
Remember that forgiveness is something you do for you, not for the other person. Holding on to anger and hate
can cause you immense hurt. And forgiveness doesnt mean denying that the other person did something
wrong. For example, consider Auschwitz survivor Eva Kor, who has publicly forgiven the Nazi guard who kept
her and many others imprisoned during the Holocaust. She has said, I forgave the Nazis not because they
deserve it but because I deserve it. She forgave her abusers because she didnt want to carry the burden of
anger with her, but they are still wrong for their actions.[90]
Forgiveness also doesnt mean continuing to put up with mistreatment. You can forgive someone for treating
you wrongly and still take steps to make sure they dont do it again.
Think about what you want to forgive. How does that wrong make you feel? You may wish to write down your
thoughts and feelings.
Reflect on the experience. What could have been done differently? Can you learn from this experience? What
would you want from the other person?
Write a letter to the people you want to forgive. What did they do that hurt you and why are you forgiving them?
What do you want for them now? Where do you stand in the relationship? You dont even have to mail these
letters if you dont want to; simply writing them can be a way to express your forgiveness to yourself.
Remember that forgiveness isnt conditional. If you make forgiveness contingent on a particular result or action,
you could be waiting forever. It can be hard to forgive others because they may never admit or suffer
consequences from their wrongdoing. Value forgiveness as a way to let go of something that can hurt you, not
as a way to ensure anything happens to the other person.
Forgiveness can be a very spiritual experience. Studies show a clear correlation between state forgiveness
(the act of forgiving something), self-forgiveness, and a sense of sacredness. By practicing forgiveness, you
may end up discovering something sacred about yourself or the world around you.[91]
Method 3 Quiz Score

What are some ways in which you can interact with others in order to improve your happiness? 0/3
Engage in small talk. Avoid deep, meaningful conversations, as they can be too draining.
Be more compassionate and giving. Sometimes, helping others can help you feel better about yourself.
Focus on the job you want, and if you are unhappy with your current one, focus on your unhappiness and use it
to fuel your job search.
Forgive those who hurt you, and accept the way they are treating you.
Community Q&A
How can I feel happy always?
Feeling happy all the time would be wonderful; however, it isnt realistic. Humans have a broad range of emotions for
Jessica B. Casey every life occurrence, and although they dont all feel good in the moment, they are important in how we process
thoughts and emotions, and how we cope and relate to others. Instead, strive for contentment, commitment, and
perseverance
Not Helpful 14 Helpful 58
How do you learn to love yourself?
Think about everything that makes you yourself. The good, the bad, everything. Make a list, write it all down. Every
wikiHow Contributor day, look at that list. Read it to yourself in the mirror. Think about yourself without any one of these qualities and see
how different you would be. Don't care about what other people think of you. Just wake up every day with a smile and
be the best you you can be.
How do I avoid negative thoughts?
Practice repeating a positive thought to yourself every time you think a negative one. This will be tough at first, and
wikiHow Contributor it's best done alongside other mood elevation techniques. Try meditation, exercise, or doing something you love.
How do you become the person you wish to be?
Consider the elements of your personality and talents that you most care about and that make you happy. Work on
wikiHow Contributor enhancing those and giving them the best opportunities to shine. Remember that all human beings are a balance
though; some of your less desirable traits will surface on occasion but the trick is knowing how to manage them
successfully.
Can I be happy without sex?
Absolutely! Focus on your relationships with others, your hobbies, and the things you're grateful for. Plenty of celibate
wikiHow Contributor and asexual people lead happy and fulfilling lives.
I've moved to a new city and I'm lonely. How do I cheer myself up?
Calls back home will only take you so far. Sieze opportunities to meet and befriend new people, including finding a
wikiHow Contributor group of people who share your hobby, or who will teach you a new one.
I have become a very negative person. How can I change this?
Think about why you are being negative in the first place. Then, you might see it wasn't for the best reason ever. Also,
wikiHow Contributor "just be positive" is not a good way to think of this because you will feel pressured by positivity which will make you
even more negative. When you start to think negative thoughts, catch yourself and either stop the thought process or
attempt to change it into a more positive outlook.
How do I find out who I really am?
What would you do if you had no obstacles and there was no chance of failure? Answer that question and you'll be on
wikiHow Contributor your way to figuring out your personal outlook and goals.
How can I be happy when my crush is in a relationship and she's the only one I care about?
Find more people to care about. Focus on people you already know, and love them. Make new friends, and love them
wikiHow Contributor too. Love is not just a feeling: it is an action.
How do I overcome my fear of commitment?
Get past the stereotype of the "relationship chains" and talk to your partner about what you each need from the
wikiHow Contributor relationship. If you can't break bad habits, visit a counselor.
Tips
Working toward your own personal goals, don't confuse yours goals with ones of parents or friends, but follow your
vision. Goals can propel you to move forward instead of procrastinating/wandering. Figure out what will make you feel
accomplishment, and make one step at a time to get there.
You feel the way you think. A simple way to look at this is the following equation:
(activating event) + (beliefs) = (consequence.)
A+B=C
This means an external triggering event alone will only contribute to making you feel sad, anxious, fearful or any other
emotion. Your beliefs also contribute along with the triggering event to how you feel. So changing the way you look at
things (such as an attitude) will result in a big change in how you feel in response to situations that trigger negative
emotions in you. As a rule of thumb, remember that anything that makes you feel bad for longer than than several minutes
is self inflicted. It's your thought process, and not just the actual event that largely makes you feel the way you do (a
concept from cognitive behavioral therapy).
Don't be ashamed; when and if you fall, get back up and dust yourself off and go again... Remember that most of what
you're stressing over now will be irrelevant in a year. And when you had a bad day there is always a new chance to make
next time or tomorrow better. When you fall, you may get a scratch or a broken bone but it will heal.
Take deep breaths, and smile, even if there is nothing to smile about. Relaxation and meditation or prayer can be very
helpful, if you believe in it. To relax, start by flexing your toes, feet and continue up the leg, and up to each area of your
entire body, doing tensing up and then relaxing your neck, jaw/mouth, face and finally wiggling your scalp muscles. Even
getting a massage is a way of taking just a bit of time out for yourself, as a way to reward yourself for all that you do.
Try to love others as you love yourself a little more. Happiness stems from feeling good about the things around you
and how they affect you. Look in the mirror, and feel happy that this one who is looking back at you is a survivor.
Don't let what people do or say to you affect you negatively. If somebody says something to insult you, do not
respond back, as they will tend to bother you more. Avoid such people.
Don't replay bad experiences of your life except to understand the events. Think often about the good ones and the new
ones; remember every day is a new chance.
Talk about love, dreams or anything that makes you feel happy.
Avoid dwelling on negative emotions and practice being positive. If being around someone is making you feel bad, avoid
that person if possible.
Don't ever be bored with who you are. Choose to appreciate your opportunity. Boredom is a personal problem. Be
proactive. Take action to improve issues. Always look on the bright side. The past is gone and you can't change it. No one
can. Be purposely cheerful and talk positively, then people will enjoy being around you, and you can enjoy their
appreciation!
Warnings
Don't focus too much on life's occasional happy/unhappy moments, but look toward something everlasting.
If you are constantly unhappy or depressed, seek professional help.
Sources and Citations
1. http://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/happiness_greatest_hits
2. http://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/are_positive_emotions_good_your_heart
3. http://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/the_neuroscience_of_happiness
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How to Be Happy Expert

Method 1 Quiz Score

Method 2 Quiz Score

Method 3 Quiz Score

How can I feel happy always?

How do you learn to love yourself?

How do I avoid negative thoughts?

How do you become the person you wish to be?

Can I be happy without sex?

I have become a very negative person. How can I change this?

How do I find out who I really am?

How do I overcome my fear of commitment?

(activating event) + (beliefs) = (consequence.)

Sources and Citations

Show more... (88)

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