Volu m e 48A | Issu e 15 | Tu es, 7/ 18/ 17
W h at ar e t h e Rock s Pl an n i n g?
I r on i c Ti m es t o Say t h e Ter m
?Li t ?
By Rachel Alper t-W isnia
Her e?s a list of the best tim es to
say ?Yo, that?s lit!?:
1. W hen standing next to a
bur ning building
2. After flicking a light sw itch
on
3. After pow er ing on a
com puter
4. After star ting a cam pfir e
5. W hen w atching the Olym pics
and the tor ch is br ought in
6. After catching a
m ar shm allow on fir e
7. After lighting a m atch
8. After lighting the Shabbat
candles
(#onlyjew sw illr em em ber )
9. W hen a bir thday cake is
br ought into a r oom
10. W hen w atching fir ew or ks
11. W hen holding a spar kler
12. W hen your phone tur ns on
after being dead for 5 m inutes
13. W hen som eone in a car
tur ns on their left tur n signal
14. W hen som eone is executed
in an electr ic chair
15. After seeing a lightning
str ike
16. W hen you do that
exper im ent in elem entar y
school w ith a light bulb, som e
w ir e, and a batter y
17. W hen tur ning on a lam p
18. W hen sticking a for k in an
outlet (do not tr y this at hom e)
19. W hen the eye doctor shines
that thing in your eye
20. W hen ten m illion fir eflies
fill the open air as you just
stand and star e
By Kier a | Edited by Fr eya
Hello, cam per s. You m ight of hear d that the r ocks ar e planning
to attack us. I know that because I hear the r ocks. You m ight
say, ?W hy is she hear ing the r ocks w hisper to each other ?? I
know it sounds cr azy, but it?s tr ue! Take cover now because they
ar e planning to attack any day now. Ever yone r em em ber the
r ocks ar e planning som ething. Tr y and listen to them and
pr otect your self. I w ill w r ite another ar ticle to tell you w hat
they ar e planning. Fir st, befor e I finish the ar ticle, you?r e
pr obably like ?they didn't tell us w hy they ar e attacking us.? You
know how w e alw ays step on the r ocks?faces. Yeah, it?s
pr obably that. And w hat the r ocks hate m ost is they get painted
and decor ated ? they hate that. But if w e do w ant w ar , w hich is
ver y violent, then you can continue as alw ays, but w e don?t
know if they'r e going to take people one by one. So be car eful,
but have a good day. Bye! (This article is totally fake)
Bat At t ack 2k 17
By The Gor don Gir ls
Satur day evening, ar ound 9:30, Woodstock, VT. We w er e
just m inding our ow n business, w atching a ver y nice m ovie. All
w as w ell in the Gor don-Tallon household w hen tr agedy str uck .
We w er e getting to the liter al best par t w her e it all m akes sense
(If you w er e w onder ing, the m ovie is called W hen M ar nie Was
Ther e, a ver y nice m ovie, w e highly r ecom m end) and the bat
dive bom bs into the r oom !! Our m other is now scr eam ing her
head off, M ia is laughing hyster ically, and I, Gr ace, am cr aw ling
to safety w ith a blanket over my head. We w er en?t sur e w hat to
fr eak out about fir st, the fact that w e m issed the m ost im por tant
plot tw ist, or the fact that ther e w as a bat in the house.
We decided on the latter , of cour se. As w e ponder ed how w e
w ould get it out of the house, the bat w as busy flying ar ound
quite like a bat out of hell. M aybe because it WAS. We gather ed
together supplies to fight our new enemy. I stood guar d w hile
my m other tr ied to get the scr een out of the w indow , but it w as
to no avail.
Plan B w as to call our fr iend w ho w as also a par k r anger.
She told us that w e should tr y and catch it. That sounds easier
than it is. M y m other put on a w inter coat and a baseball cap,
gr abbed a butter fly net, and pr epar ed to attack . Ther e w as one
pr oblem . The bat had disappear ed. This w as cer tainly an issue.
If the bat w asn?t ther e, then w her e w as it? We decided that it
w as in the guest bedr oom . M y m other spr ang into action and
shut the door. Another fr iend of our s said that by locking it in a
r oom , w e w ould dehydr ate it, and then it w ould die. I r eally it?s
just gone because w or se than a live bat in our house is a dead
bat that w e can?t find.
Now all w e can do is hope to god that the bat is in the
guest bedr oom , and not nestled against M ister Tibbs, my
childhood stuffed elephant.
Fest i val Day Ex pl ai n ed For Al l t h e
Fi r st Year Ki ds, Fi r st Year
Par en t s, an d For Al l t h e
Am n esi ac 2n d-7t h Year Ki ds.
By Oscar
(I just r ealised that I sound like
som eone fr om Har r y Potter talking
about 1st year s and stuff but CRCAP
is NOT Hogw ar ts.)
Alr ight, let?s get star ted. Fir st
of all, Festival Day is THIS COM ING
SATURDAY, JULY TW ENTY-SECOND.
(You?d better get this ar ticle in
befor e Fr iday so all the poor people
know w hat to do and w hen to do it,
Adr ianna/Walker )
So, Festival Day is basically
w her e all the par ents and br other s
and sister s and ever yone get to see
w hat the heck ever yone is doing! It
star ts at nine AM and ends at 3:30
PM and then ther e is the
pr oduction w hich is put on tw ice
once on the night of THIS COM ING
FRIDAY, JULY TW ENTY-FIRST at
eight PM and another on Satur day
at the sam e tim e.
All of the band classes such
as One Hit Wonder , Jazz and Blues,
Cover Band, and Electr onic M usic
w ill play their m usic, all the
anim ation/docum entar y/video
classes w ill show their
anim ations/docum entar ies/videos,
all the ar t/dance classes w ill
pr esent their ar t/dances, all the
w r iting classes w ill show us their
w r iting, and at the end, ever yone
goes to Isabella's!!!!!!
Thanks for r eading my
ar ticle! Sincer ely, Oscar
P.S. I know that ther e ar e festival
schedule thingies going hom e on
M onday w hich is the day w hen this
ar ticle is being w r itten. I don?t
know w hen this ar ticle is going to
be published so if it is published
befor e or on the sam e day that the
Festival Day schedule goes hom e
then PLEASE r ead this fir st. But
then again this IS at the end of the
ar ticle. W hat the heck . Bye.
W h o i s Spooder M an ? W h at ar e Hi s Con n ect i on s? I s He
a Sh e?
By Nico Di Angelo (AKA Ben Fogler )
Spooder M an. The her o of N.Y.C. The king of the US. The
m ost am azing cr eation in the univer se. But w ho is he
under that der py m ask? Does he w or k for the illum inati? Is
the per son w e'r e talking about r eally a w om an? All these
questions ar e answ er ed in this ar ticle. Spooder m an never
takes off his der py m ask . Ther efor e w e can?t be sur e of
w ho he is. But using evidence fr om his popular m em es, w e
know he cr ies m uch m or e than the aver age hum an being.
We also know that he is a spooder -hum an hybr id because
?Jokar ? (That is the w ay it?s spelled in the Spooder M an
univer se) thr eatens to use spooder r epellent on him . And
Spooder M an does not know how to spell w hen he w r ites
his fabulous m em e com ics. All signs point toooo...M ichael
?Wum bo? Watson! This r aises a lot of questions. We all
know Wum bo is connected to Har r y M cIntyr e. So Har r y is
the Scar let Spooder ! BUM -BUM -BUM M M M ! Wum bo is also
an illum inati agent, so Spooder M an w or ks for the
illum inati! Double BUM -BUM -BUM M M M M M ! And w e
clear ly know Wum bo is a m an, so Spooder M an is a m an as
w ell. Wum bo is the Spooder M an! This is a br eakthr ough
for the ages! All of histor y w ill r em em ber this day as the
day the economy w as fixed, global w ar m ing stopped, and
ever y disease w as suddenly vanquished.
HOOOOOOOORAYYY!
Tr avel l i n g. A l i st of i n t er est i n g dest i n at i on s
By Raluca
Hello! I am w r iting about places you should go to
but if you don?t like my r ecom m endations, it?s OK! I have
alw ays w anted to tr avel to differ ent, but inter esting places!
I m ade this list (m ostly because I didn?t have an idea for
today?s ar ticle) so let?s get star ted!
Num ber one: HOGWARTS! I?ve hear d a lot of people
go ther e so I r eally w ant to visit it. In case you don?t know
w hat Hogw ar ts is, I?ll explain it to you. It is basically a huge
castle that is also a huge school. The only thing is, ever y
tim e I am tr ying to go ther e, I can?t seem to find the tr ain..
Num ber tw o: The Institute of Shadow hunter s! Ar e
you a fan of M or tal Instr um ents(pr obably not)? Then you
m ust have thought once in your life: I w anna m eet a
shadow hunter ! Well, at least that is w hat I am thinking
ever y tim e I r ead the ser ies! So you get w hy I added this to
my list!
Num ber thr ee: The Capitol! Hunger Gam es fans I
bet you ar e not r eally happy! But ever ybody hates the
Capitol because of Snow , but I think it is a cool place to
visit!
So if anyone has seen one of these, let m e know ,
please!
I n t er v i ew ed: Ch ef Ch r i st i an
St r au ssber ger
By the Photjour nalism Class

How long does it take to prepare

everything?
-It takes 3 hour s to pr epar e ever ything.

Is the food organic?

-No, not all the food is or ganic.

W hat is the hardest thing to make?

-Alfr edo sauce is the har dest to pr epar e
because w e ar e tr ying to figur e out a w ay to
keep the sauce cr eamy for longer.

W hat is the easiest thing to make?

-Hot dogs ar e the easiest thing to pr epar e.

W hat is your favorite thing to make?

-The chicken w ings ar e the m ost fun in my
opinion.

W hat is your favorite food here?

-I w ould have to go w ith the chicken w ings.

How do you decide the desserts?

- W hatever w e can get that?s m ostly aller gy
fr ee.

W hat were some of your other cooking jobs?

-I w or ked at Cheesecake factor y, P.F.
Chang?s and Joe?s Am er ican Bar and Gr ille
for a long tim e

How long have you been working at CRCAP?

- I have been w or king her e for 2 year s.

Have you liked working here so far?

- Yes, I have enjoyed w or king her e.

W hat?s the hardest part about the job?

-Having a m enu that keeps m ost of the
cam per s happy.

How do you deal with allergies?

-Ever ything is nut fr ee and w e keep
ever ything separ ate like the gluten fr ee
br ead w ill be kept apar t fr om the r egular
br ead.

And? W hat happened to the Lemonade?

- We got r id of because of the am ounts of
sugar.
W h at ?s You r Tal en t ?
By Fr eya Deyo (edited by
Kier a)
Hello cam per s! This quiz
w ill tell you w hat your
talent is!
W hat do your friends think
of you?
A. Happy, Enter taining,
Funny
B. Helpful, Cr eative, Nice
C. Fun, Com plicating, Loyal
W hat do you do for fun?
A. Act out your favor ite
par t of your favor ite m ovie
B. Dr aw
C. Tur n on the r adio and
sing along
W hat do you do at parties?
A. Put on a play w ith your
fr iends
B. Decor ate the house
you?r e at
C. Sing
W hat is your favorite color?
A. Yellow
B. Blue
C. Br ow n- Black
W hat type of music do you
like?
A. Classic
B. Relaxing m usic
C. Any type of m usic!
If you got m ostly?
A ?s, you?r e an actr ess!
B?s, you?r e an ar tist!
C?s, you?r e a m usician!
Can you eat a com pu t er ?
By Ben Dennison
NO. No you can?t eat a
com puter.
I n t er est i n g Boar d Gam es #2
By Raluca
Hi! Ther e ar e so m any gam es that I w anted to include in my fir st list,
but that m eant I w ould have a giant ar ticle, so this is w hy I am m aking
a second colum n for the sam e them e! But differ ent gam es! Also I
w ould to add the fact that som e of these ar e not so popular , but they
ar e quite cool! Let?s star t!
1. Slamwich: This sounds extr em ely silly, but I assur e you, it is
am azing! It is quite sim ilar to Set. The car ds ar e split evenly betw een
the player s. The fir st player puts a car d dow n (I should add the fact
that ther e ar e 3 types of car ds: ingr edient car ds, m uncher car ds and
thief car ds). If tw o of the sam e car ds ar e put on top of each other , then
you have to slap that pile and say ?double decker ?. If tw o identical
car ds have only one car d betw een them , you have to slap that pile and
say ?slam w ich?. If the car d is a thief you have to slap the car d and say
?Stop the thief!?. If the car d is a m uncher car d then next player has to
flip a num ber of car ds as the num ber w r itten on the m uncher car d.
It sounds r eally com plicated, but believe m e it is r eally funny!
2. Rat-a-tat-Cat: Another not-so-popular gam e, but a m ust w hen it
com es to fam ily gam es! Fir st you have to choose a dealer and a
scor ekeeper. The point of the gam e is to get as few points as you can!
The dealer shuffles the car ds and deals four car ds to each player , face
dow n. The player s ar r ange the car ds in a str aight line and they can
only see the fir st and last car ds. The player to the left of the dealer
begins the r ound, w ith play continuing clockw ise. If you get a bad car d
fr om the deck you can discar d it. The next player can either choose a
discar ded car d or a car d fr om the deck . Ther e ar e also differ ent car ds
called ?pow er car ds?: Peek (you can take a look at one of the car ds you
haven?t seen yet fr om your line), Dr aw Tw o (you ar e allow ed to dr aw
tw o car ds fr om the deck) or Sw ap (you can sw ap one of your car ds
w ith one of som eone else?s car ds). If the car ds ar e in your line of
car ds, they have no pow er. W hen you think you have the low est scor e
you say ?Rat-a-tat-cat? and ever ybody flips their car ds. If you have a
pow er car d in your line of car ds you have to get another car d fr om the
deck and r eplace your pow er car d.
This gam e is r eally challenging, but a lot of fun at the sam e tim e!
3. Set: The last gam e of this list and pr obably the m ost challenging. Set
is a r eally good gam e if you ar e looking to challenge your intelligence
and cr eativity. The pur pose of the gam e is to find sets of thr ee car ds
that fit in one of these categor ies: all car ds have the sam e color , the
sam e shape, the sam e num ber of sym bols, but a differ ent type of
shading; all car ds have differ ent color s, differ ent sym bols, differ ent
num ber of sym bols, but the sam e type of shading; all car ds have
differ ent color s, differ ent sym bols, differ ent num ber s of sym bols and
differ ent shadings. It?s the m ost challenging but lot?s of fun too!
Lastly, I thought it w ould be a nice idea to leave the links to my and my
fr iends?w ebsites so her e w e go:
Ralucasblogsite.w or dpr ess.com
Dogspuppiesandother things.w or dpr ess.com
henr ysclassical.w or dpr ess.com
Wor d Th r eads 2
By Jacob Gr assi
The follow ing ar e m or e w or d thr eads I
cam e up w ith. If you didn?t see the fir st
ar ticle, or just need a r ecap, her e ar e the
r ules: You have to r em ove the fir st letter
fr om each letter jum ble that you haven?t
r em oved until all of the jum bles ar e gone,
but then the letter s you r em oved in the
or der you r em oved them have to spell
som ething cohesive. For exam ple:
dadbe
ilyoul
1. Rem ove D fr om the star t of dadbe, leaving
adbe. You have spelled D.
2. Rem ove A fr om the star t of adbe, leaving
dbe. You have spelled Da.
3. Rem ove i fr om the star t of ilyoul, leaving
lyoul. You have spelled Dai.
4. Rem ove L fr om the star t of lyoul, leaving
youl. You have spelled Dail.
5. Rem ove Y fr om the star t of youl, leaving
oul. You have spelled Daily.
6. Rem ove D fr om the star t of dbe, leaving
be. You have spelled Dailyd.
7. Rem ove O fr om the star t of oul, leaving ul.
You have spelled Dailydo.
8. Rem ove U fr om the star t of ul, leaving l.
You have spelled Dailydou.
9. Rem ove B fr om the star t of be, leaving e.
You have spelled Dailydoub.
10. Rem ove L fr om the star t of l, leaving
nothing. You have spelled Dailydoubl.
11. Rem ove E fr om the star t of e, leaving
nothing. You have spelled Dailydouble.
The jum bles ar e now gone and a cohesive
w or d/phr ase w as assem bled! Now you tr y it
w ith these jum bles.
Easy Jum bles:
Pem
Okon
Cw be
Oll
Har d Jum bles:
Pciittn
Er paio
Fr inipr aet
Edshbcles
Im possible Jum bles:
Am nnaa
Aaplaapa
Cnlanm a
Answ er s: Easy: Pokem on, Cow bell. M edium :
Pr ecipitation, Fr iendship Br acelets. Har d: A
m an a plan a canal Panam a
10 Tot al l y Not Fak e Fact s Abou t Am er i ca
By Henr y Thacher
I?m Henr y Thacher , and her e ar e 10 facts about
Am er ica that ar e totally not fake. So r ead ?em and
w eep.
1. Thousands of people illegally voted for Hillar y
Clinton.
2. The gover nm ent cover s up hundr eds of alien
sightings ever y day.
3. A r eal alien spaceship cr ashed in Ar ea 51.
4. Pr esident Tr um p has r eal hair.
5. Am er ica has the w eir dest ice cr eam flavor s (that one
r eally is tr ue).
6. Ever yone hates Satur day Night Live.
7. Ever yone hates Louis C.K.
8. Am er ican m usicians ar e hor r ible.
9. Pr esident Tr um p has been r ight about som ething
once.
10. Walker is a hum an being (sor r y, I couldn?t help
myself ).
Th i s Ar t i cl e i s Abou t Dogs an d How You Can Tel l i f
Th ey'r e Fi gh t i n g or Pl ayi n g.
By Colin Walsh.
Behavior s that show you this is a gam e.
1. The dog is doing the dow nw ar d dog also know n as
the play bow.
2. They have a huge sm ile on their face.
3. The tw o dogs ar e playing chase and ar e landing on
their bellies.
4.. They keep going dow n for m or e.
5. They take tur ns falling on their backs.
Behavior s that let you know it?s a fight.
1. They have no sm ile.
2. They give a low gr ow l.
3. Hair standing up.
4. Tail not w agging.
5. Lips cur led back .
6. Not bouncing up and dow n.
How to ensur e safe dog w r estling.
1. Don?t use food 99.999 dogs ar e ver y pr otective about
their food.
2. Don?t allow other dogs to gang up on puppy?s/dogs,
even if they don?t get hur t they have tr ouble get into
social inter action.
3. A par k is not for ever y dog.
Tw o Types of Foods
By M ar ia
Ther e ar e tw o types of foods: Lasagna
and not lasagna.
 Dr . Badoi n gy-Face: Par t 2
By Oisin Asaad

Once upon a tim e, oh yeah, I alr eady said

Th ese t w o pages h ave been
t ak en over by Cr eat ive St ar t s!
Th e Ti m e M ach i n e Son g
By Cr eative Star ts Session B
(to the tune of Yankee Doodle)
Tr avelling in a tim e m achine
We w ent to differ ent w or lds
Dinosaur s, England, hom e, even planet
M ar s
An im aginar y w or ld w ith giant foods:
Fr ench fr ies, donuts, gum my bear s?
Then they w er e eaten too!
Eaten by a giant m onster
Shot out of a volcano
Poisoned by an evil m um my
They sur e had adventur es!
W hen you have a tim e m achine you can go
all places
You can tr avel thr ough tim e
And you can have adventur es
Bu ck et Head
By Bucket Head (???myster y????)
that in the last stor y? Dr. Badoingy-Face w as
r unning out of tim e? .
If he didn?t save one patient he w ould go to
jail. If he couldn?t save a patient, they thought he
w asn?t a r eal doctor , and he w as r eally doing
som ething bad. So Dr. Badoingy-Face decided that
he w ould hur t som eone and then save them . So
that?s w hat he did. He tr ied to hur t som eone by
taking a ham m er and hitting them . He tr ied to hit
them but he m issed.
The per son yelled, ?W hat ar e you doing!??
?W hat do you think,? shouted back Dr.
Badoingy-Face. ?I?m saving you!?
?W hat do you m ean, you?r e saving m e??
asked the per son.
?I w as going to hur t you and then save
you,? said Dr. Badoingy-Face.
?You don?t hur t som eone and then save
them !? said the per son. ?You w ait until som eone?s
hur t and THEN you save them !?
Just then, they hear d a yell.
?Help! Help! I think I br oke my leg!?
Doctor Badoingy-Face r an over and took
out his supplies for a cast and w r apped up the
m an?s leg.
Just then, the head of the doctor s said,
?Congr atulations! You saved your fir st
patient!? The End
Dr . Badoi n gy-Face
By Oisin
Once upon a tim e, never m ind. Once upon
a tim e ther e w as a doctor , a ver y cr azy one. His
nam e w as Dr. Badoingy-Face.
One day, Dr. Badoingy-Face just happened
to be w alking by w hen som eone w as hur t. Dr.
Badoingy-Face yelled, ?Help! Help! We need a
doctor !?
Five centur ies later , he stopped yelling
and said, ?Oh, I am the doctor !? The End

Once upon a tim e Bucket Head r uled the w or ld. One day, som eone tr ied to defeat Bucket Head
by using the ar my, but Bucket Head destr oyed the w hole ar my w ith his r obot buckets. The r obots
thr ew the ar my into a bog. Luckily, the m inions cam e and saved ever yone in the ar my by using
bananas. They used the bananas to m ake a r ope and then they pulled the ar my out of the bog.
Bucket Head w as finally defeated w hen the ar my w ent to the Castle of Noelle and got a lava
lam p. They put the lava lam p on Bucket Head?s head and pr etended it w as a cr ow n. The lava lam p
exploded and Bucket Head exploded. The End
Th e Ti m e M ach i n e W h at Ki n d of Dog Ar e You ?
By Cr eative Star ts Session B, 2017 By Ella Fogler
(Cr eative Star ts)
Once upon a tim e, tw o people w anted to build a tim e
m achine. They did, and they w ent to Egypt. In Egypt, they r ode
W hat are your favorite colors?
a cam el. Then they saw a pyr am id. Inside the pyr am id w as a
A. W hite and black
sleeping m um my. The m um my seem ed nice. She w oke up and
asked them , ?W hat ar e you doing her e? Do you need help?? B. W hite, br ow n, and black
The people said, ?We?r e looking for a w ay hom e. Our C. Black
tim e m achine is br oken.? D. Gold
The m um my had special pow er s, and she could shoot
out tools and she fixed the tim e m achine. She also could shoot W ho would/did you vote for in
out ice cr eam . They could have ice cr eam together ! But... the the 1992 election?
m um my w as actually evil and she gave the people poisoned ice A. Ross Per ot
cr eam . One of them knew better , and didn?t tr ust the m um my. B. Geor ge Bush
He said, ?I don?t tr ust you,? and he didn?t eat the ice C. Bill Clinton
cr eam . The w om an w ho ate the ice cr eam died. Just then,
D. Ever yone
good m um m ies cam e and br ought the w om an back to life. The
people escaped in the tim e m achine.
Then they w ent to M ar s. They found an alien. The alien W hat would you choose to do
invited them into her house. One of them w ent inside and the on a sunny day. If you had
other didn?t tr ust the alien, so he stayed outside. The m an nothing to do?
outside w as eaten by an alien m onster w ith thr ee ar m s, thr ee A. Play fetch
heads, and thr ee eyes. The m an cam e out and saved his fr iend B. Take a nap
by chopping apar t the alien m onster. They r an to the tim e C. Sw im
m achine. D. Play tug of w ar
They w er e so tir ed, they w ent hom e and w ent to sleep.
The next day, they w ent in the tim e m achine to an im aginar y
w or ld and began to explor e. Ever ything w as big ther e. Ther e If you chose m ostly ?A?s, you
w er e fr ench fr ies as big as tr ees. Ther e w er e donuts as big as ar e a dalm atian. You like w hite
buildings. Ther e w er e big M cDonald?s Happy M eals as big as and black and love playing
the skies. Ther e w as a ginor m ous gum my bear , as big as a fetch.
m ountain. They ate som e of it. They they got so full they had to If you chose m ostly ?B?s, you
lie dow n and take a nap. W hen they w oke up, they saw a huge, ar e a beagle. You like the
w eir d m onster. The m onster w as as big as the univer se. The color s black, br ow n, and w hite
m onster had eight feet, four ear s, and tw o heads. The m onster and love taking naps.
ate them and they saw their house and the tim e m achine in If you chose m ostly ?C?s, you
the m onster ?s stom ach.They w er e scar ed and they r an and got ar e a Black Lab. You like the
in the tim e m achine. The tim e m achine could m ake ever ything color black and love
go w her e it w as supposed to go. They got out of the m onster
sw im m ing.
but they w er e thr ow n out of the tim e m achine! They had to
If you chose m ostly ?D?s, you
use a giant m agnet to suck the tim e m achine out of the
m onster. ar e a Golden Retr iever. You
Next, they w ent to England and m et som e m inions. The like the color gold and love to
m inions saw w her e they left the tim e m achine and they snuck play tug-of-w ar.
and took it. They w ent to the dinosaur w or ld. They saw a T-Rex If you chose anything other
and tw o dinosaur s w ear ing blue pants. One dinosaur tr ied to than m ostly ?A?s, ?B?s, ?C?s, or
eat them as they w ent flying by! The tim e m achine landed on a ?D?s you ar e a m utt.
volcano. The volcano exploded and shot the tim e m achine out.
The m inions decided they w anted to go hom e. They
took the tim e m achine back to England, saw their m om s, and
had som e lunch.
The people found the tim e m achine again and took it
hom e.

Th e En d
W h at An i m al Ar e You ?
By Leila New m an
Hello cam per s! Today you w ill be taking a quiz on
if you ar e a cat, a dog, or a r abbit. Thank you for
taking this quiz. Her e goes:
W hat do you like to do in your free time?
A. Sleep.
B. Eat.
C. Run.
W hat do you do at parties?
A. Hang w ith my fr iends and laugh.
B. Hang by the buffet.
C. Becom e the center of attention.
W hat Olympic sport could you see yourself
participating in?
A. Gym nastics.
B. Stuffing my face, anything can be a spor t!
C. Tr ack .
W hat do you do when someone insults you?
A. Walk by like nothing happened and bum p their
shoulder.
B. Bur p in their face.
C. Insult them r ight back in their face!
If you got m ostly?
A?s, then you?r e a cat!
B?s, then you?r e a bunny!
C?s, then you?r e a dog!
I hope you had fun taking my quiz!!!
Th e Can dy M assacr e
By Piper New m an
Hello cam per s! Look, I know you have been
r eading lots of other ar ticles and your eyes ar e
pr obably tir ed, but I assur e you, you pr obably w ill
w ant to r ead this ar ticle.
It has been hear d that counselor s and
cam per s alike have been snar fing dow n delicious
candy. I myself have been having som e candy too,
tw o pieces of gum to be pr ecise. I know of thr ee
people w ho have been br inging gum to CRCAP, but I
cannot tell you because I have to pr otect their secr et
identity. Now , I?m not saying this is w r ong, but I am
saying you need to get som e hands on candy or else
all of the faithful gum , lollipops, and m or e w ill have
been killed in a battle w ith w its and teeth. Candy
people, you best w atch out. I w on't ask for anything
because I know of a w onder ful thing called m oney,
so I can buy it, but som e people choose a differ ent
w ay dun duuun duuuuuuu...
Cam p Lu n ch : New an d I m pr oved
By Ravioli Vinaigr ette Gr ape-en-bur ger aka
Roxanne V. Glassenber g
So ever ybody loveeeee cam p lunch, r ight? I
m ean, I like it...but I did have som e ideas
beyond ?less pasta? and ?m or e popsicles for
Roxanne only?. And her e they ar e!
1. Cannibalism Tuesdays ? [Editor?s Note:
Roxanne wrote some stuff here that is
unsuitable for any audience of any age to read.
We had to redact it.]
2. High Density Feeding: For Line
M anagem ent ? This is a little bit
com plicated, so just hear m e out. All the food
for the day w ould be dum ped in a blender :
pasta, sausage, salad, ice cr eam , and pizza.
Then, it w ould all be pour ed into a huge vat
and a pum p w ould be hooked up to it. Next, a
long tube of piping w ould be r un into the vat
and along the ceiling of the lunch r oom in a
spir al shape. Holes w ould be dr illed a seven
inch inter vals on the piping, and nar r ow ,
flexible r ubber tubes that w ould r each about
thr ee feet off then floor w ould be thr eaded
into the holes and attached. Then, cam per s
w ould file into the cafeter ia and take their
places beside their fr iend in fr ont of each the
tubes, w ith counselor s standing betw een
them . At a com m and, each per son w ould
loop the tuber into their m outh and close
their lips tight ar ound it. Next, the pum p
w ould be tur ned on and the food-sludge
w ould be slow ly pum ped into the
ceiling-pipe. Each per son w ho get a por tion
of food dir ectly into their m outh, and they
w ould r em ain in position until feeding tim e
ended. Then, they?d continue to the Noontim e
Show. Each m outhpiece w ould be w iped
dow n, and the pipe flushed w ith w ater. Bam .
A five m inute lunch leaves extr a tim e for
classes. I r eally think the only dow nside
w ould be that ever y lunch w ould need to be
m ostly aller gen-fr ee, and those w ho couldn?t
eat it w ould have to be fed thr ough another
system . Tim e: saved. M oney: except for pipe
and tubing fees, saved. Fr ustr ation fr om
being in line: elim inated.
Annnnddd those w er e all my ideas. Got
s?m or e im pr ovem ents to the lunch system ?
Alll your counselor s r eally, tr uly, definitely
love w hen you descr ibe blood/guts/for ce
feeding/other w eir d ideas dur ing their lunch
tim e w hile they?r e eating.