Hannah Elise Jones

MSOD 614 Individual Reflection

February 25, 2017

Throughout our 614 Intensive, group dynamics and elements of team building were at play in both the

designed activities and in all of our offline interactions with one another. As a continuation of our 612 Intensive,

elements of self-awareness and personal mastery were also clearly evident in this experience. Focusing in on the

three main levels of work in this session; the larger cohort, my Learning Group, and myself as an individual, there

were apparent ways that group dynamics, team building, and self-awareness shaped my learning.

Group dynamics dominated much of our overt communication and learning during the intensive. With the

larger cohort in the Learning Group formation experience, I learned firsthand how pervasive traditional trappings

of group dynamics are, regardless of how educated or prepared to tackle them the group appears to be. While

there are ways our experience could have been different, I don't believe that that we would have ever found a

way, within the container we were given, to identify a process that was pleasing for everyone. Acknowledging

that, I now understand at a deeper level just how hard it is to design for groups and facilitate them through

challenging experiences. You cannot remove the painful elements of group dynamics from the equation and so

you must find a way to respectfully and effectively work with them as best you can.

Within our Learning Group my experience of group dynamics was fascinating as well, particularly when we

were experiencing early group formation. As our group came together one of the first things we did was process

the larger group formation experience to come to a shared understanding, particularly around the events that

happened to our group right at the very end of the process. This was a continuation of the forming process we

began while initially choosing our group, but allowed us to move deeper into our formation as we expressed

some of the anxiety we had about the group and the process we experienced. The shared expression and

subsequent support, somehow absolved of us of our errors in the formation process and allowed us to start our

new team together quickly with more confidence and clarity. This exercise helped us pass through some anxiety

and begin to understand who we would be together as a team.

 On an individual level I experienced how the group is profoundly shaped by the self-awareness exhibited

by its members. In our Learning Group formation process, there was a distinct undercurrent of resistance that

was driven by individual needs, fears and wants. Each individuals inability to manage those emotions resulted in

the expression of various defensive routines, all of which contributed to our struggle to make progress as a

group. Defensive routines, defined as all the policies, practices, and actions that prevent human beings from

having to experience embarrassment or threat, at the same time, prevent them from examining the nature or

causes of the embarrassment were amazingly apparent during our formation process (Argyris,1994). Personally,

when I was called out early in the process for stepping up to the front of the room to take notes on our written

agreements, and then asked by some members to share what I had been doing, I found myself bargaining and

negotiating with the group, trying to minimize myself so that my actions were not perceived as threatening. I was

subsequently rejected by the group in spite of my attempts to minimize myself and my work. Later in our group

reflection process this was labeled as an act of scapegoating on the part of the group.

In regards to team building, I personally felt that the experience of Learning Group formation helped to build

us as a team at the cohort level. There were however, many people who did not feel this way, and actually

experienced the activity as breaking our group apart. For me, the intellectual exercise was so interesting and

rewarding that I felt closer to the individuals I experienced it with. Because I tend to lead with my intellect, it

makes sense that I would experience team building at the cohort level differently than my peers who may lead

with a more emotional or spiritual orientation. This will be an interesting pattern for me to watch for as we

continue to develop as a cohort and as learning groups.

While the intellectual connections were satisfying to me throughout the process, there was a point in our

Learning Group that even I needed a break. During the previous two days we had been engaged in deep

conversations about our expectations of the group and our individual styles and goals, all of which had served to

bring us together in profound ways. We were proud of what we had accomplished, and everyone had voiced

their excitement at what this group had already become in such a short time. Despite this energy, we were all
craving casual connection, and that was evidenced by the almost euphoric atmosphere of our dinner during our

free night. We expressed desires to talk about surface level things and learn more about each other outside of

the intensity and depth which we had been operating. In this experience I reaffirmed my awareness of the power

of simple connection to build team.

During our Intensive, I was highly aware of my experience with group dynamics and team building as they

were playing out, but it wasnt until returning home and reflecting on the experience that I gained a better

understanding of how my own levels of self-awareness and mastery shaped my experience. With our cohort in

the Learning Group formation process, and particularly the debrief, I became aware of the profound difference of

experience we are all having as members of this cohort. While the concepts of individual realties and working

with the iceberg are not new to me, I had never been in an experience where those things were not only so

apparent, but that we got to debrief and analyze them together. One concept that stood out to me the most was

the varying degree of psychological safety that my cohort members experienced. During our debrief I had the

realization how different my experience was from many of my cohort members, who felt anxiety from the

moment the activity was announced, while I had felt none. When my peers said that they experienced a feeling

of rejection every time someone walked away from a group they were in during the formation process, I was

shocked. Without knowing it, I had made the assumption that more members of our cohort were self-assured in

ways I was generally attributing to mature, educated, and successful individuals. I was leading with assumptions

about people that were limiting and in some cases plain wrong. These assumptions could have lead me to be less

attentive to the needs of others, and accidentally harmful to individuals I care about.

This realization lead me to wonder a great deal about why I never had concerns about feeling safe in the

group. I believe, relative to many, I have a high sense of self-awareness, and find security in that awareness.

While I do have a considerable amount to learn and improve, the work I have done in the last few years has

prepared me to be more self-assured than I would be otherwise. This self-reflective orientation prompted me to

spend time preparing for this experience on my own, considering how I wanted to show up, and what I wanted
to get out of the formation experience. As a result of this reflection, I went into the process clear-eyed about

how I wanted to challenge myself. The strongest emotion I experienced occurred when I was

unable to show up as I had originally planned. I intended to not take a leadership role in the process, and instead

be primarily an observer, however when I was nominated to be a facilitator my own goals were directly

challenged by the group. In the moment I had to consider whether trying to challenge myself, was worth

disturbing the group process, particularly when I knew I had the capabilities to fill the role I was being asked to

fill. Before returning for day two, I took some time to myself to journal on the emotional tension I felt about

being nominated as a facilitator. Why was it that I felt taking a role outside my normal orientation would provide

me with more growth? Does it not make sense that sharpening skills I already have in a safe container would be

the most beneficial for me as a practioner? How were my own goals influenced by how I believed others

perceived me? All these questions were significant for me and had little to do with Learning Group formation

itself. I walked into the room on Thursday morning with more personal clarity, which allowed me to show up in

my role as facilitator with more confidence and integrity. Over the years, experiences like these have taught me

that I find safety in myself first, not others. In our Learning Group formation process, as long as I was clear on

what I was brining to the table and why, there was no reason for anxiety.

Our intensive helped me to understand groups and individuals in a more intimate and compassionate

manner. I felt that the experience built upon intensive one in a way that allowed me to learn a great deal more

about myself in the context of my relationships with others. As I explored my own self awareness in new ways,

the intensive two experience highlighted that group dynamics often play out in ways we do not expect and

cannot always influence. Group dynamics, team building and self-awareness were present in my own individual

awareness, and in my awareness of each group I was part of throughout our time at Pajaro.