THE WANGS

S4E3

"Mr Evil"

Harry Jonathan Chong

11/25/2016

The corruption of big business manifests itself as a giant, mutant

meatball, with an appetite for destruction.
EXT. WAHL STREET, GENERAL AREA - DAY

A scene that looks like its out of New York. The street is
flowing with energy, and people. Everyones busy, doing
something. There are a lot of people in suits, and ties. This
is a very rich area.

Except in one place, where the homeless man named HENDO is

begging for money.

His signs reads: Do the right thing.

But many pass by not even taking the time to glance down.
They completely ignore our homeless hero.

Then comes a bald-headed, CEO-type guy called BARAT Masrani.

Barat is carrying a cane, and wearing a bowlers hat, with a
suit.

Hendo now sticks out his hand.

BARAT stops, and looks at Hendo with a hateful face.

BARAT
Ugh! Get a job, you disgusting
leech!

Hendo retracts his hand, and makes a fist.

HENDO
Dont you think I want a job? But
they dont hire homeless people, do
they?

BARAT
Excuses, excuses, excuses.

HENDO
Think about how hard it is to get a
job as a clean cut, well dressed,
normal person. What chance do I
have? Im dirty, and smelly, and
wearin rags. I dont even have any
valid ID, or home address, or phone
number. I cant get hired. Only a
crazy person would hire me.

BARAT
Shut up! Im sick of listening to
your complaints, bum! My name is
Barat Masrani, and Im a rich
banker guy! I shouldnt have to
endure this malarkey!
 2.

HENDO
Fine, then move along.

BARAT
Ill do something better than move
along.

HENDO
Oh, and whats that?

Barat pulls back his cane, and swings it down, and starts
assaulting Hendo Clockwork Orange style. He just beats the
crap out of him, until hes bleeding, and curled up in a
ball.

No one around cares.

Barat stands above Hendo, and presses his cane into the
homeless mans belly.

BARAT
Dont ever fuck with Barat Masrani!
Remember, you poor bastard, rich
people rule the world!

As Hendo stares with fear, Barat Masrani soccer kicks him in

the head to KO him.

Barat whistles, and walks away like nothings happened.

Hendo gets to his feet, and stumbles about. He walks down the
sidewalk, and not able to keep his balance, places his hand
on a window.

EXT. WAHL STREET, SLIME WORTH BANK - DAY (CONTINUOUS)

Hendo looks through the window, and recognizes the bank. He

sees that theres a free coffee machine. He licks his lips,
and tilts looks up at the sign that reads: SLIME WORTH
BANK.

INT. SLIME WORTH BANK - DAY (CONTINUOUS)

Hendo goes inside Slime Worth Bank, and goes to the coffee
machine.

The BANK GUARD nearby, gets in his way, and puts his
nightstick out.

BANK GUARD
Im afraid the coffee is only for
customers. Are you a customer?
 3.

HENDO
Sure am.

BANK GUARD
Prove it.

Hendo goes into his old jacket, and takes out a passbook.

HENDO
See. I have a banking passbook.

Hendo opens the passbook to read.

HENDO (CONTD)
It says I have $100.00. Hmmm, last
time I looked, I thought that was
$1.00. Surprise, surprise, mother
fuckers.

BANK GUARD
OK then. You can have your coffee
after you do your transaction,
mmmkay?

Hendo turns around to leave. The Bank Guard smacks his ass
with his nightstick.

Hendo jumps a bit, but then gets into a line, and gets to
meet a TELLER.

TELLER
Hello, welcome to Slime Worth Bank,
formerly known as Slime Worth
Financial. How may I help you?
HENDO
Id like to withdraw some money
from my account, please.

TELLER
Okay, go ahead, and swipe your
access card.

HENDO
My card...? I dont know if it even
works anymore.

TELLER
Try it out.

Hendo searches his pockets, and finds a plastic card. He

takes it, and swipes it into the machine on the counter, and
punches in a password number. It verifies his ID.
 4.

TELLER (CONTD)
Okay, sir, what would you like to
do?

HENDO
Id like to draw out my hundred
dollars, maam.

The Teller types on her computer, and stares at the screen.

TELLER
Im afraid, you dont have a
hundred dollars.

HENDO
What? Are you sure?

TELLER
Your account has been inactive for
a while now, so youve been racking
up a lot of maintenance fees.

HENDO
Maintenance fees? Arent you the
bank? Youre supposed to pay me
interest. Not the other way around.

TELLER
Its not just maintenance fees
though.
(looking at screen)
Seems you owe some money from
buying some stocks a long time ago.
Yes. Says here something like you
had an American, and Canadian
trading account. You bought
Canadian stocks, but you didnt
convert your American cash to
Canadian, and transfer it over; so,
when you bought the Canadian
stocks, Slime Worth spotted you
instead, and that counted as a
loan.

HENDO
Thats insanity! Why didnt it do
it automatically for me? Why issue
a loan?!

TELLER
I dunno. Sounds like a money trick
invented by scumbags.
 5.

HENDO
How much money do I actually have,
lady?

TELLER
Negative $2,000.

HENDO
Jesus Christ! I cant pay that!

TELLER
(looking at screen)
It was higher before, but the bank
recently liquidated your assets,
and sold them off to pay off some
of what you owe to Slime Worth.

Hendos livid, and points, and start stammering.

HENDO
You, you, you, you, you, you
thieves! YOURE THIEVES! GODDAMN
THIEVES!

People start looking.

TELLER
Quiet down, sir, or Ill have to
ask you to leave.

HENDO
You dont even care, do you?! You
dont even care that the system is
greedy, and corrupt! You finance
people -- nickel and diming
customers, and inventing bogus
fees, and charges, and all types of
bullshit just to make extra profit!
Being rich isnt enough for you, is
it?! You have to be FILTHY rich,
and you dont care who you hurt!

TELLER
Ugh, what is this, some sort of
Liberal shit show? Get the fuck
outta hyah -- SECURITY!

The Teller points to Hendo. Hendo looks behind.

The Bank Guard has appeared. He walks up to Hendo.

HENDO
Gonna kick me out, huh?
 6.

The Bank Guard suddenly drops down, and does the splits, and
punches Hendo in the balls.

Hendo holds his groin, and yelps in pain.

HENDO (CONTD)
Oooooooooooh!

EXT. WAHL STREET, SLIME WORTH BANK - DAY

The Bank Guard literally tosses Hendo out the bank. Hendo
lands on the ground. Hard.

BANK GUARD
...AND STAY OUT!

The Bank Guard dusts off his hands, and goes back inside the
bank.

Hendo GROANS.

EXT. 90 KERRY CRES - DAY

Today, the Wang car is sitting out on the driveway.

INT. 90 KERRY CRES, MAIN FOYER - DAY

MINDY, CHANG, EMILY, HARRY, and CRAIG are all gathered

around.

Mindy seems to be the center of attention. We see she is

standing beside a suitcase.
MINDY
Goodbye, my dear family. Ill be
gone but not for too long.

Mindy kisses Emily, and Harry on their foreheads.

CRAIG
Ew, gross. What is that thing you
just did?

MINDY
What thing?

CRAIG
You pressed your dirty lips against
your kids faces, and sucked like
you were trying to collect a small
amount of liquid.
 7.

HARRY
Craig. Its called kissing, and I
dare say, I know a bit about the
subject. I read about it in a book.

EMILY
Humans do it to show affection for
each other.

CRAIG
No... No! I dont like it! Its
gross!

CHANG
Yah, humans are gross. Whaddaya
gonna do about it?

CRAIG
Kill them all?

CHANG
Not today!
(to Mindy)
Come on, Mindy, lets go.

Mindy waves goodbye. Chang picks up the suitcase nearby, and

the two leave through the front door.

EXT. 90 KERRY CRES - DAY (CONTINUOUS)

Mindy, and Chang come outside. Here they see HENDO lying on
the ground, all bloodied, and beat up.

MINDY
Omigod!

Mindy, and Chang run over to Hendo, and look down at him.

MINDY (CONTD)
Are you alright?

HENDO
Please... Help me... Ill give you
a free slingshot. You can be like
Bart Simpson.

CHANG
Bart Simpson, eh?

HENDO
Or, I dunno, Dennis the Menace.
 8.

Chang looks to Mindy.

CHANG
Mindy. Ill deal with this. You get
to work, alright.

MINDY
Are you sure?

Chang nods.

So, Mindy grabs her suitcase, and heads for the family car.

Meanwhile, Chang takes out a bandage, from his pocket, and

places it on one of Hendos wounds.

Now, Mindy puts her suitcase it into the trunk of her car,
and gets into the driver side, and starts it up.

The car reverses off the drive way, and then literally flies
off into the sky.

Alone, Chang takes Hendos hand, and helps him to his feet.

CHANG
Come on. Im going to call you an
ambulance. And then the police.

HENDO
The police arent going to do
anything. I was beat up by a rich
son of a bitch.

Chang drapes Hendos arm around his shoulder to help him

walk.
CHANG
A rich person did this to you?

HENDO
Theyre evil -- evil, I tells you!

Chang and Hendo start heading towards the house.

CHANG
Dont worry, pal, Ill give you
something to protect yourself. I
know a guy.

HENDO
Guy? Who is this guy?
 9.

CHANG
ME... Oh, and by the way, have you
ever shot a machine gun before?

Hendo raises an eyebrow.

EXT. MAGICAL CASTLE - DAY

Mindy, in her flying car, lands in front of a magical castle.

She parks, and gets out. She looks up, and sees a giant cows
head floating in the sky.

This is BESSY. Mindy waves at Bessy.

MINDY
Why, hello, Bessy!

Bessy moos happily. Mindy then walks over a bridge, and goes
where there are two guards in front of a large double door.

They stare at her, and she flashes her ID. The two nod, and
then open the doors. Mindy goes inside.

INT. MAGICAL CASTLE, INSIDE ROYAL VAULT - DAY

In the middle of the royal vault, floating atop a fancy,

round pedestal is a glowing crystal.

Mindy stares at it while a top ranking guard named PLAVIUS

explains what it is.

PLAVIUS
Pay careful attention. This is what
you are here to protect. It is the
Crystal of Light.

MINDY
Because it gives off light?

PLAVIUS
No. Because it doesnt weigh very
much.

MINDY
Oh. Okay.

PLAVIUS
Mindy. Guard it with your life for
if it is stolen, our Kingdom shall
crumble like Greece. Do you want us
to crumble like Greece?
 10.

MINDY
Uhhh, no, Sir Plavius.

PLAVIUS
Good. I shall go now.

Plavius spins around, and marches away in a hoity-toity

manner.

MINDY
The exits the other way.

PLAVIUS
I knew that!

Plavius turns around, and goes past Mindy to leave.

INT. MAGICAL CASTLE, OUTSIDE ROYAL VAULT - DAY

Mindy is standing guard outside the Royal Vault, to one side

of a steel double door.

INT. MAGICAL CASTLE, INSIDE ROYAL VAULT - DAY

A HOODED FIGURE of small stature all of a sudden pops up, and

appears from a pile of gold coins.

He hastily goes over to the Crystal of Light, and plucks it

without hesistation.

INT. MAGICAL CASTLE, OUTSIDE ROYAL VAULT - DAY

Mindy is standing guard, when one of the doors making up the
steel double door suddenly swings open.

Out comes the HOODED FIGURE holding the Crystal of Light. He

runs with it as fast as he can.

Of course Mindy notices, her head turning right away in his

direction. We see her face of surprise.

EXT. MAGICAL CASTLE - DAY

The guards standing in front of the castle are bowled over,

and knocked out when the doors swing open, and throw them to
the ground.

This is all due to the Hooded Figure. He runs out of the

castle, and runs onto the bridge.
 11.

Mindy appears, and follows behind, giving chase.

MINDY
Stop! You thieving jerk!

Mindy takes out her wand, and casts a bright-green colored

spell. The spell hits the Hooded Figure dead on.

The Hooded Figure tumbles, and collapses to the ground in the

prone position.

Mindy goes over to him, and turns him onto his back. She
looks at his face, and sees that hes just a kid. She pulls
down his hood for a better look.

MINDY (CONTD)
Oh my God. Youre so...young.

HOODED FIGURE
(in pain)
Im 9 years old.

MINDY
What are you doing stealing?

HOODED FIGURE
The bank. The bank is taking away
my home.

MINDY
Those bastards!

HOODED FIGURE
Please. Call 9-1-1.
MINDY
Im sorry. They cant do anything.
In my excitement I accidentally
Avada Kedavred you. Its
irreversible.

HOODED FIGURE
Ah... Fuck.

The Hooded Figure, no longer hooded, closes his eyes, and

passes away.

Mindy sheds a single tear for this young now dead thief.

EXT. RIVER NEAR MAGICAL CASTLE - DAY

Looking sad, Mindy has her head low, and is holding her wand.
Shes brooding.
 12.

Plavius appears behind her in the distance.

PLAVIUS
Mindy? Are you alright?

MINDY
No, Plavius. I killed a kid today.
A KID!

Plavius is speechless.

MINDY (CONTD)
I cant do this anymore. Im giving
up my magic -- I am a witch no
longer!

Mindy snaps her wand in two, and angrily throws it into the
river.

Afterward there is a moment of dramatic silence.

PLAVIUS
...Wait, you killed a kid?

EXT. ABANDONED WAREHOUSE - DAY

We see an abandoned warehouse.

INT. ABANDONED WAREHOUSE - DAY

Hendo, who is armed with an AK-47, has a large group of posh,

rich looking people locked up in a cage.
The cage is perched on the end of what seems a diving
platform but far larger.

Viewers though dont yet see this entire structure as we are

in close.

Hendo is pacing back, and forth, in front of the cage, as if

thinking.

Inside the cage theres: BARAT, KATHLEEN Win, a politician,

and some other wealthy people who control society going by
the names of JON, ADOLF, MAO, CHARLOTTE, LISA, CINDY, PAMELA,
RUSSELL, PAUL, JOSHUA, and PETER.

Their names dont really matter that much actually.

PETER is looking worried, holding onto the bars of the cage.

 13.

PETER
What, what are you going to do with
us?

PAUL
(to Hendo)
You think you can keep us in here,
asswipe?! Once I get outta here,
Ill buy, and sell your sorry ass!

LISA
Please. Let us go. We dont deserve
this kind of treatment.

Hendo stops, and turns to face his prisoners with an angry

stomp of his foot.

HENDO
YES, YOU DO! You people are all
rich, and powerful, and have the
capabilities to do good -- but
instead of making the world better,
you make it worse! And for what?
For more money, and more of what
you dont need! Your greed, and
corruption sickens me!

KATHLEEN
Pffft, quit exaggerating.

Hendo points to Kathleen.

HENDO
You cunt of a politician! You told
tax payers it would cost $40
million to cancel a gas plant! Then
the price tag went all the way up
to a billion dollars! And for what?
So you could fill your pockets!
People went with electricity, and
warmth because of your greed!

KATHLEEN
Honestly, I think youre blowing
this way out of proportion.

Hendo points to Barat.

HENDO
And you, sir! When you became CEO
of your bank, you immediately fired
thousands of people, and gave
yourself a 10% raise!
(MORE)
 14.
HENDO (CONT'D)
And you were already make millions
of dollars! How can you even sleep
at night?

BARAT
I sleep on a bed made out of money,
and tears. Ha-ha-ha!

HENDO
You all are disgusting, filthy
people, and youre going to get
your comeuppance very soon.

ADOLF
Even me?

HENDO
Especially you, Adolf Jr.

HENDO (CONTD)
Now, let us begin the process of
combining everyone into a single
entity, for as we all know hell is
living with people, who are equally
as shitty as yourself!

RUSSELL
Im confused.

HENDO
You will see!

Hendo points his AK-47. The rich people in the cage gasp, and
step back.
But Hendo aims down, and starts spraying the bullets at the
platform. He makes a line of holes before the cage.

The platform starts giving. All the rich people look scared.

MAO
Whoa, shit!

The platform snaps down, and we pull back, and see the cage
fall into a gigantic blender that seems to be partially
filled with some sort of radioactive substance.

HENDO
And now let the show begin!

The cage with all the rich people rests atop a set of blades.
Seems they are still alive though shook.
 15.

Hendo comes down a ladder to get to the ground floor, and he

goes over to the blenders buttons.

KATHLEEN
(staring)
Dont do it! Killing us wont
change the world!

HENDO
Im not killing you! Im combining
everyone into one to make a slurry
of DNA!

With everyone on edge, Hendo presses a button on the giant

blender.

A giant lid is then placed on top of the blender, with a

mechanical arm, and then it starts blending.

The rich people in the cage scream, and the blender blends
them all up into a slurry.

Hendo grins, and rubs his hands together.

The slurry in the blender start bubbling, and then it

explodes, shattering the glass jar.

Hendo is knocked down, going unconscious.

The slurry of rich people gathers together, and forms a giant

MEATBALL MONSTER.

Its not really a meatball, but it looks like that. Its a

giant meatball, with a menacing face, and arms.
The Meatball Monster opens its eyes, and roars.

EXT. 90 KERRY CRES - DAY

We return to 90 Kerry Crescent. A man in a suit named Shekky,

whos carrying a briefcase, goes up to the door, and knocks.

The door opens with Chang.

CHANG
Hello?

SHEKKY
Hello, sir. Im with Slime Worth
bank.

CHANG
And?
 16.

SHEKKY
Im an impatient man, so let me
make this short: You have to leave
your home.

CHANG
What? Why?

SHEKKY
You owe us some money, yadda yadda,
so we now get possession of your
home.

CHANG
Over my dead body!

SHEKKY
As I thought.

Shekky whistles. A tank rolls up to the house, and points its

cannon at Chang.

SHEKKY (CONTD)
You were saying?

CHANG
Goddamn it.

EXT. WAHL STREET - DAY

Chang, Emily, Harry, and Craig are on the streets, huddled

together, sitting down like homeless people do.

A few strangers pass by but pay them no mind.

CHANG
Guys. Im sorry about the whole,
uh, making us homeless thing.

CRAIG
No worries. Im a robot. I can
sleep comfortably in a cardboard
box.

EMILY
Its okay, dad. Youve done a lot
worse in the past.
 17.

HARRY
(to Chang)
Yeah, like that time you tried
selling the Eiffel Tower to a group
of scrap metal dealers? Wow! Talk
about ethics.

CHANG
I dont remember doing that.

CRAIG
Well, well, what a convenient
memory you have.

At this moment we hear the music of an ICE CREAM TRUCK.

Harry perks up. An ice cream truck stops by the curbside, and
random kids gather around for ice cream.

HARRY
(looking)
Oh, boy. Ice cream!

EMILY
We cant afford ice cream.

HARRY
Maybe if I ask really nice hell
give us some free cones.

CRAIG
I dont think thats how the real
world works.

CHANG
Eh, you never know.

Harry, and Emily get up. The other kids clear out, and the
two eagerly go up to the ice cream truck.

The ICE CREAM MAN gives him their attention.

ICE CREAM MAN

Howdy! What can I get for you?

HARRY
Listen. I know this is weird.
But...were poor. Can we have some
free ice cream? Im so hungry.

EMILY
Three plain cones, thats all.
Nothing more.
 18.

ICE CREAM MAN

Alright then, Ill give you
something.

Emily, and Harry smile.

The Ice Cream Man, in his truck, scoops up some rainbow

sprinkles from a box. He then takes these sprinkles, and
tosses them at Emily, and Harry, who wince.

ICE CREAM MAN (CONTD)

How do you like them sprinkles?!
Ha! Fuck you, cheapskates! What do
you think this is?! An ice cream
charity?!

The Ice Cream Man drives away in his ice cream van.

Emily, and Harry sadly go back to Chang, and Craig.

Chang shrugs.

CHANG
Well, at least you tried.

EXT. AUTOMOBILE REPAIR SHOP, PARKING LOT - DAY

The ice cream truck from earlier is parked in this parking

lot. We dont yet know its the parking lot for an automobile
repair shop, however.

Craig, Emily, and Harry sneak onto the scene.

Craig pries open the back door to the ice cream truck, and
everyone gets in.

Craig goes over to the wheel side, and using the tip of his
finger, which turns into something like a drill, pierces the
console.

He keeps it there for a moment, and through some electronic

process, gets the ice cream truck started.

CRAIG
Alright now!

The ice cream trucks take offs, and leaves the parking lot.

Not a second later the ICE CREAM MAN, comes running out,
looking panicked.
 19.

ICE CREAM MAN

Come back! Thats my ice cream
truck!

Breathing heavy, he stops knowing he cant catch up.

ICE CREAM MAN (CONTD)

Morons!
(to self)
The brakes dont even work right.

We PULL OUT and see where we are, in the parking lot of an

automobile repair shop. Theres garaged in the background.

EXT. BAE STREET - DAY

Craig, Emily, and Harry are in their newly acquired ice cream
truck, which is playing the iconic ice cream truck music we
all know, and love.

Up front, Emily is at the helm, driving, while Harry eats an

ice cream cone.

Craig is just hanging out.

HARRY
Omigod.
(eating)
This is a dream come true. Its
literally sweet revenge.

CRAIG
And technically speaking, I made
love to this ice cream truck.
EMILY
Ew. Gross.

Harry looks out the window. He sees some children waiting for
ice cream, and also as well there is PHAT ALBERT, and WILFERD
BRIMLEY -- two knockoff TV characters.

HARRY
Ooh, look! Some people want ice
cream! Emily, stop the truck!

Emily steps on the brake, but it doesnt do anything.

EMILY
Hey, the brakes not working.

Craig, Harry, and Emily zoom past the children waiting for
their ice cream. They look disappointed.
 20.

Phat Albert though is rather pissed off.

PHAT ALBERT
Hey, hey, hey! Where you going?! I
wanted some ice cream, mother
fuckers!

Wilferd puts his hand on Phat Alberts shoulder.

WILFERD BRIMLEY
Let it go, Albert. You dont need
sweets. You have Type 2 Diabeetus.

PHAT ALBERT
Awww, maaaan.

Phat Albert folds his arms.

Meanwhile, Craig, Emily, and Harry in their ice cream truck

go through a red light, and accidentally cause a pile up,
making vehicles step on their brakes, and slam into each
other.

Craig, Emily, and Harry, however, are left unscathed. They

just continue on, rolling down the road.

EXT. LEVEN STREET - DAY

Chang is walking around, looking for his children on Leven

Street.

Leven Street is an older street, but it has a charming look

to it. There are plenty of trees, aged buildings, and even
telephone booths still in operation.
CHANG
Emily? Harry? Where the hell are
you guys?!
(to self)
Oh, God. Ive really screwed up
this time. Im a worse father than
God! Thats right! The guy let his
own son be tortured, and crucified.
If thats not bad parenting, I
dont know what is.

As Chang is about to turn a corner, Mindy appears, and bumps

into him (so to speak).

MINDY
Chang? What are you doing here?
 21.

CHANG
(guilty)
I... Uh... You look very pretty
today, Mindy! Have I told you
lately that youre the love of my
life?

Mindy stares at Chang for a moment.

MINDY
You did something bad, didnt you?

CHANG
(frantic)
The bank took away our house, we
became homeless, and the kids are
missing!!!

MINDY
RELAX. We all make mistakes. Right?

CHANG
Youre not angry?

MINDY
Not right now.

CHANG
Cool.

All of sudden there is a noise of screaming. Chang, and Mindy

turn their heads to the noise, and a crowd of running,
panicking people rush past them.

Chang, and Mindy step back, and look up, and see the MEATBALL
MONSTER.

The Meatball Monster comes onto the street. Flailing its

limbs it roars.

CHANG (CONTD)
Oh, shiiiat!

Chang, and Mindy turn around, and start running.

The Meatball Monster chases after them, bouncing down the

street like a rubber ball.

The Meatball Monster then leaps over Chang, and Mindy, and
cuts off their path. Using its long arms, it knocks down two
building left, and right, and creates a mountain of rubble,
and debris.
 22.

Chang, and Mindy turn around, once more, and make a run for
it again.

The Meatball Monsters leaps to the other side, and cuts them
off, standing in their way. It stares down at them with a
snarl.

CHANG (CONTD)
Mindy, use your magic!

MINDY
I cant!

CHANG
Why not?

MINDY
I swore off magic, and broke my
wand in half after accidentally
killing a kid!

CHANG
Aw, Jesus.

MINDY
Never mind. Ill still protect you!

Mindy steps in front of Chang to protect him.

MINDY (CONTD)
(to the monster)
Stay back, you big bully,
otherwise, Ill --

The Meatball Monster grabs Mindy, and throws her away like
shes nothing. She goes flying through the air, and
disappears.

Chang gasps.

CHANG
Oh my God! You killed my wife!
(points)
You bastard!

Nevertheless, the Meatball Monster begins edging closer.

Chang takes a few steps back, and tripping a little bit, hits
his back to the mountain made of rubble, and debris.

He glances behind, and, getting an idea, quickly grabs a

decent-sized chunk of concrete.
 23.

He returns to his feet, and then takes out a slingshot from

his back pocket. He loads it up with the chunk of concrete,
and aims it at the monster.

CHANG (CONTD)
Keep your distance! I know how to
use this!

The Meatball Monster laughs. But Chang uses his slingshot,

anyway, and shoots the chunk of concrete.

The chunk of concrete nails the Meatball Monster right

between the eyes.

The Meatball Monster screams in pain, and then it shrinks,

and shrivels, and whats left is just a mound of flesh.

As Chang stares, the flesh dissolves away, revealing a very

large speckled egg.

CHANG (CONTD)
What the...?

Chang watches the egg. The egg cracks open, and out comes a
handsome, well dressed man named MR EVIL.

Mr Evil waves, and standing before Chang has a long shit

eating grin.

MR EVIL
Hi, there! Im Mr Evil! Im a
banker wanker! Lots of banking.
Lots of wanking.

CHANG
Mr Evil? What kind of last name is
that?

MR EVIL
I think it might be German.
(salutes)
HEIL HITLA!

CHANG
I...see.

MR EVIL
Anyway, thanks for freeing me from
that fleshy prison. It was getting
rather stuffy in there.

CHANG
Uhhhh, no problem-o.
 24.

MR EVIL
Hold on. Before I go, I need to do
something.

Mr Evil tilts his head back, and looking up at the sky,

shoots laser beams from his eyes.

The next moment an airplane suddenly drops out of the air,

and crashes into the ground with an explosion.

CHANG
(bewildered)
You shot that airplane down with
laser beams... That came out your
eyes...

MR EVIL
Im like Superman. Except I enjoy
killing people. And raping them.
Not just physically, but mentally
as well. Excuse me, while I go
wreak some havoc.

Mr Evil jumps onto the top of a building.

CHANG
Wait, come back!

He goes up, and flies away.

Chang seems bewildered, but a few moments later Mr Evil

returns to his spot -- covered in blood. He waves hello.

MR EVIL
Hiya! Its me again, Mr Evil!
CHANG
Oh, God. What did you do?

MR EVIL
I kinda got carried away.

Now POLICE SIRENS are heard. Then a bunch of squad cars pour
into the street.

Officers PLUNK and DUNK come out, and with the rest, form a
blockade.

They stay behind their cars with their guns ready.

PLUNK talks through a speaker-microphone.

 25.

PLUNK
Dont move, you piece of dog doo-
doo! Youre under arrest!

Mr Evil turns around to face the police.

MR EVIL
You cant arrest me. I run this
city!

DUNK
(incredulous)
You most certainly do not!

MR EVIL
Alright, Ill come along. Can I
just talk to my buddy for a second
here.

PLUNK
Sure, why not?

MR EVIL
(to Chang)
Follow me, please.

Mr Evil, and Chang go into a decrepit PHONE BOOTH that has

half of its door missing.

CHANG
OK. Now what?

Mr Evil all of a sudden grabs Chang by the head, and holds

him in place.
CHANG (CONTD)
Hey, whatre you --

MR EVIL
(to cops)
If you dont back off, I swear to
Satan, Ill laser blast a hole
right through the back of his head!

DUNK
Are you serious?

CHANG
Hell do it, I swear! Hes like a
mutant from the X-Men! You guys
know the X-men, right? What was
that guys name?
(MORE)
 26.
CHANG (CONT'D)
He was super gay, and he had a
threesome with Wolverine, and
Beast. Come on, guys, help me out
here.

PLUNK
Alright, we believe you.

DUNK
I think his name is Cyclops.

CHANG
Yeah, thats it. Cyclops.

MR EVIL
Will you people shut up, already?

MINDY (O.S.)
Hold it!

As everyone turns their heads to the sound of Mindys voice,

she descends from the sky on her flying broom, and joins the
side where the police are.

She gets off her broom, and it goes away on its own.

Now, she faces Mr Evil, and Chang, who are inside their phone
booth.

MINDY (CONTD)
I changed my mind about magic.

Mindy takes out a chopstick, and points it.

MINDY (CONTD)
Magic is just a tool, and it is up
to the individual to decide whether
it is good, or evil.

MR EVIL
Im sorry, I dont understand the
backstory here, and is that a
chopstick?

MINDY
I dont have a magic wand anymore.
This is a substitute.

MR EVIL
Eh, could be worse.

Mindy motions her arm, and does a spell that comes out of her
chopstick like a thunderbolt.
 27.

It shoots toward Mr Evil, but Mr Evil blocks it with his

hand, and reverses the spell, and it travels back, and hits
Mindy.

CHANG
Mindy!

Mindy is thrown back, and falls on the ground. Everyone looks

shocked, except of course Mr Evil.

MR EVIL
You foolish whore! Your cunty magic
cant work on the likes of me!

CHANG
Listen, I know youre evil, but do
you have to call my wife a whore?

Mindy does look like shes down, and out, but with an amount
of straining she manages to stand up.

MINDY
OK. Take two!

MR EVIL
Seriously?

MINDY
Im a woman -- I never give up!

MR EVIL
Ha! Good luck then!

Mindy motions her magical chopstick again, but this time at

the last second aims it to the sky.
Everyone looks up. The spell cast makes BESSY the giant,
floating, cow head appear.

MINDY
Go, Bessy, go!

Bessy opens her mouth, and begins sucking like a vacuum.

The cops are taken by surprise, and sucked in.

Meanwhile, Mindy is hanging onto a tree, and Chang is half

way out his phone booth, but holding on to the telephone
receiver.

Mr Evil on the other hand only has a grasp of Changs legs.

CHANG
Let go of me!
 28.

MR EVIL
If I go, Im taking you with me!

Mr Evil bites down on Changs leg.

CHANG
(scream)
Aughhhhh!

Mr Evil laughs.

MR EVIL
Mwah-ha-ha-haaa!

Then all of a sudden Craig, Harry, and Emily in their ice

cream truck come up the top of the mountain of rubble, and
then go racing down.

CRAIG
Cowabunga, dudes!

The ice cream truck rolls through the street, and hits Mr
Evil.

Mr Evil loses his grip on Chang, and goes flying into the
air, and directly into Bessys mouth.

Bessy closes her mouth. She chews, swallows, and then burps:
Urrrrp!

With that the winds have died down. Chang, and Mindy are back
on their feet.

As well, Craig, Harry, and Emilys ice cream truck slows

down, and it comes to a stop.
HARRY
Yay! We finally ran out of gas!

CRAIG
Yeah, fuck the environment!

Craig, Harry, and Emily come outside onto the street. They
see Chang, and Mindy, who are staring.

Emily throws up her hand, and gestures the sign of the horns.

EMILY
Mama, and papa! Wazzuuup!

Chang, and Mindy, appearing exhausted, and worn down, go over

to Emily, Harry, and Craig, and they all do a quick group
hug.
 29.

CHANG
Glad you guys are alright. I was
really --

BESSY
Hey, yall!

The Wangs look up at Bessy.

BESSY (CONTD)
My jobs done here now, so Ill be
going soon, but before I leave,
anyone want some milk?

HARRY
I think Ive had enough milk for
today.

BESSY
But everyone loves milk! If youre
not allergic, its very healthy for
you!

MINDY
No, thanks, we --

BESSY
Too late!

Bessy throws up a HUGE quantity of milk, soaking everyone

from head to toe.

BESSY (CONTD)
Wow. Thats a lot of milk, but also
vomit because I have a problem with
alcohol... Welp, enjoy yourselves!

Bessy leaves.

The Wangs stand about in disgusted shock.

And then SHEKKY the banking guy steps onto screen. He stares
right at us.

SHEKKY
Got milk?

Shekky seems VERY pleased with himself.

But Chang walks up behind him, and kicks him in his balls,
much to the surprise of the others.

Shekky drops to the ground, and writhes in pain, while

holding his groin.
 30.

SHEKKY (CONTD)
Argh, my bollocks!

CHANG
(to Shekky)
Hey! I have a slogan for you!
Got... Uh, pain in your groin?

MINDY
Omigod. Thats terrible.

CHANG
Mindy, Im not a writer, OK?
(thinking)
OR am I?

INT. 90 KERRY CRES, MASTER BEDROOM - DAY

On a RAINY day, Chang is on a typewriter, finishing his

novel.

CHANG
(typing out words)
And the Wang family defeated the
great darkness, and forever ever
after they lived in peace, and
harmony.

Chang leans back in his chair.

CHANG (CONTD)
Hmm, not bad.

EXT. 90 KERRY CRES - DAY

Changs typewriter smashes through the master bedroom window,

and falls below to soppy ground.

Here the typewriter types out a message for us that says:

THE END then shortly after I am in great pain. Someone
please kill me. Typewriters arent meant to feel...
YAWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!

FADE OUT.