THE WANGS

S3E10

"Crash"

Harry Jonathan Chong

9/22/2016

Chang, Mindy, Emily, and Craig hold a funeral for Harry Wang after
he drives the family car straight into a lake.
EXT. 90 KERRY CRES - NIGHT

The Wang household is quiet. Nothing out of the ordinary.

INT. 90 KERRY CRES, HARRYS ROOM - NIGHT (DREAM)

Eyes closed, Harry is laying in bed.

A mysterious mist appears on the floor, and a young, pretty

woman in a nightgown, named NICKY, appears holding in each
hand a plate of chocolate cake, and a New Nintendo 3DS.

NICKY
Harry, my love, are you awake?

Harry opens his eyes, and sits up. He seems surprised.

HARRY
Who, who the hell are you?

NICKY
Why, Im the woman of your dreams.

HARRY
Oh, really now?

NICKY
I bring gifts: Chocolate cake, and
video games. Or how about sex, if
you know what I mean?

Nicky winks.

HARRY
My mom says I play too much video
games. So, cake please!

Nicky gives Harry the cake. Using just his hands he begins
eating it.

Nicky stares at him. He looks up. She grins back.

HARRY (CONTD)
(disinterested)
You can go now. I dont need you
anymore. I have cake.

NICKY
But --
 2.

HARRY
BEGONE, WENCH! I will call you back
when I need more things to put down
my gullet!

NICKY
Oh, okay then...

Nicky frowns, and turns around to leave. As she walks away

Harry goes back to eating his cake.

HARRY
Mmmmm, so good. This is definitely
NOT a gluten-free cake.

The very next moment a RAPTOR, with a monocle and top hat,
hops onto the end of Harrys bed, and looks down at him.

Harry stops eating his cake, and tilts his head back.

RAPTOR
I do declare! Someone is getting a
tad pudgy!

HARRY
I dont care about your opinion,
you metro sexual raptor!

RAPTOR
Thems is fighting words!

The Raptor hisses, and jumps onto Harry, and clamps its jaws
around his head.

HARRY
(screaming)
Aghhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

INT. 90 KERRY CRES, HARRYS ROOM - DAY (EARLY MORNING)

We return to reality.

Harry is in bed. He wakes up from his dream, and his eyes

open wide.

HARRY
Whoa. What a weird dream. I would
never refuse video games.
 3.

INT. 90 KERRY CRES, LIVING ROOM - DAY

CHANG, EMILY, and CRAIG are all sitting down in the living
room.

Chang watches TV, while Emily reads a book. Craig is playing

on a portable video game console.

HARRY comes down the stairs, and goes over to Chang, who
seems lost in what he is watching on TV.

HARRY
Dad?

CHANG
Harry...

HARRY
Can you take me to the store? I
wanna buy some cake.

CHANG
Sorry. I cant. Im in the middle
of this TV show. Were going to
find out who the murderer is. I
suspect its Professor Plum with
the candlestick.

HARRY
But how will I get cake?

CHANG
I dunno. Positive thinking?

HARRY
Positive thinking is bullshit.

Chang sighs. He goes into his pocket, and fishes out some
keys. He tosses them to Harry, who catches them in his hand.

CHANG
Youre old enough to drive, right?

HARRY
No.

CHANG
Well, theres a first time for
everything. Go to the store
yourself, and dont kill anyone.
Okay?

HARRY
Ill try my best.
 4.

EXT. 90 KERRY CRES - DAY

The family car is sitting out on the driveway.

Harry comes outside.

He gets INSIDE THE CAR and sits in the drivers seat. He

places his hands on the steering wheel.

HARRY
Alright, this shouldnt be too
hard. Its, its just like Grand
Theft Auto, except Im not going to
murder any prostitutes. Hopefully.

Harry puts the car keys into the ignition switch, and starts
up the car. He slowly begins reversing on the driveway.

Everything seems okay, and then he suddenly speeds up, and

knocks over the garbage cans by the curb.

HARRY (CONTD)
Aaah, fuck...

But soon Harry successfully gets his car onto the street, and
takes off with no more problems -- for now.

EXT. BUSY STREET - DAY

Harry is sitting in traffic. Hes stuck, surrounded by

honking cars, and angry drivers. Impatiently he taps the
steering wheel of his car.

HARRY
Cmon, whats taking so long? Ergh,
I hate being stuck in traffic. Or
wait a minute. Maybe Im not stuck
in traffic... MAYBE I AM TRAFFIC? I
am the law! No... I am traffic!
(nods)
Well, Im not going to let this
situation define me. I am better
than this.

Harry presses a red button in his car, and raises it several

feet off the ground. Now, the wheels on his car look like
they are on stilts.

Harry drives forward, and easily goes over, and past a bunch
of other cars on the road.

HARRY (CONTD)
Ha-ha! So long, suckers!
 5.

But then Harry encounters a large SUV, and accidentally rolls

over it, flattening the top.

He carries on driving, though he leans out his window, and

looks back to apologize.

HARRY (CONTD)
Oops, sorry! My mistake! Have your
people call my people! Just
kidding. I dont have people.

EXT. MOUNTAIN ROAD - DAY

Harry is driving up a mountain road, squinting as if lost.

HARRY
Oh, boy. I think Im lost... HARRY,
just stay calm. Stay calm, and use
the force. It will guide you,
telling you where to go.

Harry closes his eyes.

HARRY (CONTD)
Yes, I can feel the force coursing
through my body.

He drives his car off the road, and goes down a slope where
below is a lake.

EXT. LAKE - DAY (CONTINUOUS)

Harrys car drops into the lake, and sinks down into the
water.

UNDER WATER

We see Harry submerged in his car, which is steadily filling

with water.

HARRY
Oh no, oh no, what do I do?!?

Harry snaps his fingers.

HARRY (CONTD)
I know. Ill call my Irish friend
Shannon. Shes quite the egg-head.

Harry gets out his cellphone, and dials Shannon.

SHANNON answers in her tick Irish accent.

 6.

SHANNON
(on phone)
Hallo?

HARRY
(phone)
Shannon, what do you do if your car
is sinking under water?

SHANNON
(phone)
Before I answer your question, I
need to know if you support
repealing the eighth.

HARRY
(phone)
FUCK YOU, SHANNON! BABIES ARE
PEOPLE!

Harry hangs up on Shannon.

HARRY (CONTD)
I think Ill call 9-11 instead.

Harry dials 9-1-1.

HARRY (CONTD)
(phone)
Hello, 9-1-1? Im in a bit of a
pickle.
(listening)
What do you mean youre going on
your lunch break?
As Harry is in disbelief a jet of water from a crack in his
car starts spraying in his face, going up his nostrils, and
in his mouth. He puts his hands out, and flails as if trying
to fight it.

HARRY (CONTD)
Eaaaghhhhhhh!

EXT. 90 KERRY CRES - NIGHT

A police car pulls into the driveway.

INT. 90 KERRY CRES, LIVING ROOM - NIGHT

The doorbell rings. Chang, who is in his pyjamas, comes

downstairs.
 7.

He answers the door, and sees police officers PLUNK and DUNK.

CHANG
Hi...?

PLUNK
Mr Chang Wang...

CHANG
Did you find my son?

DUNK
Sort of.

CHANG
Sort of? What does that mean?

PLUNK
We found...his body.

Chang collapses onto his knees, and in grief covers his face.

CHANG
Oh, my God... Harry! HARRY!

Dunk gently pats Chang on his shoulder as he cries.

DUNK
There, there.

EXT. FANCY FUNERAL HOME - DAY

Many cars are parked in front of a fancy funeral home.

INT. FANCY FUNERAL HOME - DAY

Chang, Mindy, Emily, and Craig are together, standing in

front of Harrys casket, looking at what they think is Harry.

MINDY
Poor Harry. He never even got a
chance to experience a full life.

CRAIG
But he looks so peaceful.

EMILY
I know I used to be hard on him,
but now I can see I was wrong. Its
true. He does actually have big
bones.
 8.

We see a large, portly looking skeleton laying in Harrys

casket. This isnt Harry but everyone is made to think so.

Chang wipes away his tears.

CHANG
Good night, sweet prince!

EXT. PLAYGROUND - NIGHT

Chang is sitting in a swing set looking depressed. His head

is down, and hes barely swinging, moving only because of the
wind.

Craig comes onto the scene, and carefully stands beside

Chang.

CRAIG
Chang...?

CHANG
Yes?

CRAIG
You know its creepy for an older
white man to be hanging out in a
childrens playground at night,
right?

CHANG
Im not white.

CRAIG
Oh, yeah.
CHANG
What do you want, Craig?

CRAIG
I know youre sad. So, I thought
Id surprise you with something.

CHANG
Not to be rude, but I really dont
want anything right now.

Craig looks over his shoulder. There is an alien spaceship

hovering behind, silently in the air.

This is Craigs spaceship, which is metallic, and sphere-

like, having the appearance of a very sophisticated ball.
 9.

CRAIG
(looks back to Chang)
Please?

CHANG
I said no, Craig. No means no.

Craig rolls his eyes, and then puts his fingers up to his
mouth, and whistles.

His spaceship instantly positions itself above the

playground, illuminating the area, and making the sand on
ground swirl about.

Craig, and Chang look up, Chang being the one with the far
more confused, and terrified appearance on his face.

CRAIG
Were visiting my home planet!
Remember how Im actually an alien?

CHANG
You what now?

CRAIG
Close your eyes, or youll
permanently go blind!

Chang closes his eyes, and Craigs spaceship casts down a

beam of light, and sucks them both up into its innards.

The spaceship then shoots off into the sky, and disappears,
leaving behind a rainbow in its trail.

EXT. SPACE, PLANET TOBOR - DAY

Craigs spaceship heads toward PLANET TOBOR, a small, earth-

like planet inhabited by robots.

EXT. GEAR CITY, CITYSCAPE - DAY (CONTINUOUS)

Continuing on, Craigs spaceship flies for Gear City.

Gear City is a futuristic-looking metropolis, with tall,

sprawling buildings, and architecture that defies logic.

EXT. DR ELEPHANTS LAB - DAY

A long, pill-shaped building lets in Craigs spaceship

through a large door that has the appearance of a shutter.
 10.

INT. DR ELEPHANTS LAB, MAIN AREA - DAY

Craigs spaceship enters the mysterious lab of DR ELEPHANT.

It extends some legs, and touches down for a landing.

Immediately after there is an opening on the spaceship, and a

slide of some sort comes out, then Craig, and Chang, whos
wearing silver antennae on his head, slide on down.

Craig, seated behind Chang, puts up his arms in the air.

CRAIG
Wheeeeeeeeeee!

The two get to level ground, and stand up right away to meet
three robots standing in their way:

DR ELEPHANT, GENERAL NUTZ, and PRESIDENT MAYHEW.

CRAIG (CONTD)
(surprised to see them)
Dr Elephant... General Nutz, and
President Mayhew! What are you two
crazy cats doing here?

DR ELEPHANT
They are taking a tour of my lab.

GENERAL NUTZ
Theres some good stuff here. Could
be used for purposes of war.

PRESIDENT MAYHEW
Or self-pleasure.
DR ELEPHANT
Uh... Maybe.
(to Nutz, Mayhew)
You two gentlemen have a look
around. I need to speak to my other
guests in private.

President Mayhew, and General Nutz nod.

DR ELEPHANT (CONTD)
(to Craig, Chang)
Come along, if you please.

INT. DR ELEPHANTS LAB, PRIVATE ROOM - DAY

Dr Elephant is standing in front of a table, where something

long, like a person, is covered with a large, white cloth.
 11.

Craig, and Chang stand by, awaiting an explanation.

DR ELEPHANT
Craig, to be honest, I didnt
really want to do this, but since
you saved me from those munchers
that time, I owe you one.

CRAIG
Munchers are very dangerous.

DR ELEPHANT
And now, for the piece de
resistance! My personal magnum
opus!

Dr Elephant removes the white cloth, revealing a robot that

looks identical to HARRY.

Chang gasps, and runs over to it.

CHANG
Is that...?

Dr Elephant, and Craig gather around Chang.

DR ELEPHANT
Yes, a robotic duplicate of your
son.

CRAIG
Hes not exactly like Harry, but he
might help you in your grieving.

Chang is in disbelief, staring down at ROBO HARRY. He begins

to SOB.

Craig gently places a hand on Changs shoulder.

CRAIG (CONTD)
Awww, Chang... Cmon, stop being
such a pussy.

EXT. SPACE, PLANET TOBOR - DAY

Craig, and Chang, in Craigs spaceship, fly away from Planet

Tobor.

EXT. 90 KERRY CRES - DAY

We return to the Wang household.

 12.

INT. 90 KERRY CRES, LIVING ROOM - DAY

Chang is slowly coming downstairs. He pauses, and looks down,

and watches ROBO HARRY sitting, reading a book.

Chang goes into the living room to see Robo Harry.

CHANG
Robo Harry. What are you reading?

Robo Harry shows Chang his book: The Adventures of

Fuckleberry Finn.

ROBO HARRY
Huckleberry Finn. The version I
have is a misprint.

CHANG
Ah, good, ol, racist Huck Finn.
That used to be my son...my real
sons favorite book.

ROBO HARRY
I am your real son.

CHANG
No, I mean, my human son. The one
who doesnt have an Intel inside.

Robo Harry lowers his head, and frowns.

ROBO HARRY
You dont love me -- because Im
different.
CHANG
Humans arent like robots. They
cant be replaced. Each one is
unique.

ROBO HARRY
(lifts head)
What about twins?

CHANG
Yes, including twins.

ROBO HARRY
Oh. How strange. That seems very
contrary to your statement.
 13.

CHANG
Anyway, uh, Harry, I mean, Robo
Harry, didnt you mention something
about wanting to visit Disney Land?

Robo Harry gasps, and shakes with excitement.

ROBO HARRY
Oh, boy! Disney Land! The happiest
place on Earth! Are you going to
take me there today?

CHANG
Thats the plan. So, pack your
shit, were going to see Mickey
Mouse.

ROBO HARRY
Yay!

Robo Harry claps, but Chang has an uneasy look on his face
like hes just told a bold-faced lie.

EXT. QUIET ROAD - DAY

Chang, and Robo Harry are driving through a quiet road that
is surrounded by trees.

ROBO HARRY
Are we there yet?

CHANG
Almost.
Chang slows down, and stops his car.

CHANG (CONTD)
Alright, here we are. You can get
out now.

Robo Harry looks outside.

ROBO HARRY
This doesnt look like Disney Land.

CHANG
Were going to walk the rest of the
way because of the expensive
parking.

ROBO HARRY
Oh, okay.
 14.

So, Robo Harry gets out of the car -- and then Chang
immediately begins driving off. Because of the wind the car
door closes on its own.

Robo Harry chases after it.

ROBO HARRY (CONTD)

Wait! Dad! Where are you going?!

But he stops, and his head sinks down.

ROBO HARRY (CONTD)

You forgot about me.

EXT. BIG CITY STREET - DAY

Amidst many people, on a big city street, Chang, Mindy,

Emily, and Craig are out for a casual stroll. Just to look
around, window shop, and so on.

MINDY
Chang, why did you get rid of Robo
Harry?

EMILY
Yeah, I kinda liked him, even
though I tried to kill him with a
paradox.

CHANG
You guys he was just a robot.

Craig glares at Chang.

CHANG (CONTD)
(clears throat)
A very good robot, but it just
wasnt right. Every time I looked
at him it reminded me of what I
lost. What I can never have again:
A complete family.

Chang sighs.

MINDY
I know. Without Harry everything
feels off. Were like a cake
without icing.

CRAIG
Thats just sponge cake.
 15.

MINDY
I dont like sponge cake.

EMILY
Yeah, fuck sponge cake! Fuck it in
its stupid spongey ass!

MINDY
Alright, easy now, Emily. Swearing
doesnt --

The world suddenly becomes a shade dimmer.

Mindy becomes speechless. Her mouth is agape. She, Chang,

Emily, and Craig are stunned upon seeing something in the
nearby distance.

There is a crowd gathered around. Everyone is stopped in the

street staring upward.

There is a huge, just absolutely enormous, classic-looking,

invader type, alien spaceship makings its way through the
sky. It is so big that it is casting a shadow that darkens
the entire street.

The MOTHER SHIP then stops, and centers itself, hanging

silently in the air.

All the people, and the Wangs, stand still, looking,

wondering what this is.

MINDY (CONTD)
What is that thing?

CRAIG
Surely we can find out, if we stand
around, and stare like idiots.

As everyone stares idiotically the Mother Ship casts out a

giant, hovering SCREEN, like a hologram, and President
Mayhews stoic face appears.

CHANG
Hey, that guy looks kinda familiar.

PRESIDENT MAYHEW
Greetings, citizens of Earth. I am
President Mayhew, the leader of
another world called Planet Tobor.
As alien visitors we come to you in
peace, to exchange ideas,
information, culture, and --
 16.

President Mayhews speech is interrupted by General Nutz who

shoves himself in front. He holds out a fist, and shakes it.

GENERAL NUTZ
Your planet is ours, flesh bags! We
are going to crush you all into a
fine, powdery dust!

President Mayhew edges back into the screen.

PRESIDENT MAYHEW
(whispering to Nutz)
What are you doing? Youre ruining
my presentation. Im trying to lull
these fools into a false sense of
security.

GENERAL NUTZ
(whispering back)
Oh, was that the plan? Aw, fff --

The hovering SCREEN CUTS OUT, and disappears.

MINDY
Whoa. That was kinda weird.

Then all of a sudden a huge mechanical creature, with three

legs, like a tripod, bursts out from the ground.

This is a TRIPOD TANK.

The crowd are dumbfounded at this sight, just staring

curiously.

EMILY
Whoa. What the hell?

CRAIG (O.S.)
Run you, doggone fools!

Chang, Mindy, and Emily turn their heads, and see Craig
running in the opposite direction.

The next moment, the TRIPOD TANK releases what looks like a
laser beam, and shoots a guy eating a burrito.

The burrito guy totally disintegrates, disappearing like

nothing.

Now EVERYONE gets in a panic. They start running away,

screaming, shrieking, and shoving past one another.

The Wangs run too, and soon catch up with Craig.

 17.

Onward, the Tripod Tank marches at a steady pace, chasing

after all the people.

It shoots, and vaporizes three men, and women in a second.

Then several more, and then a whole bunch more. It is tearing
through the whole lot.

Meanwhile, the Wangs keep ahead, and Mindy points to a

manhole cover.

MINDY
Quick! To the manhole cover!

Mindy, Chang, Emily, and Craig get to the manhole cover.

As the Tripod Tank continues shooting more people, Craig

removes the cover, and in the Wang family go, quickly
climbing into the sewer.

INT. SEWER - DAY

Chang, Mindy, Emily, and Craig are huddled together, sitting

in the sewer as sounds of death, rumbling, and chaos above
them can be heard.

Emily is hugging her knees.

EMILY
I cant take this anymore. It
smells like shit in here. Lets go
back outside for some fresh air.

CHANG
No. Its too dangerous.
MINDY
You know what annoys me about this
whole situation? That tripod
monster thingy was just laying
dormant underground this whole
time. Youd think with all the
sewers, and cables being laid
underground, and geological
exploration, someone wouldve found
it.

DAWNATELLO (O.S.)
Youre right. Its absolutely
nonsensical.

The Wangs look, and see a creature that looks half human/half
turtle. He is holding a stick as a weapon, and has on a
purple strip of fabric around his head as a mask.
 18.

DAWNATELLO as he is called does a hang ten gesture.

CRAIG
Who the hell are you?

DAWNATELLO
Just a super hero, wondering what
you dudes, and dudettes are doing
in my home.

MINDY
Theres a big monster outside,
killing everyone.

DAWNATELLO
Ill take care of this.

Dawnatello goes over to the sewer ladder, and starts climbing

it.

Chang stands, and puts out a hand to Dawnatello.

CHANG
Wait! Come back, you idiot! You
only have a stick to defend
yourself!

DAWNATELLO
Cowabunga, dude!

Dawnatello pushes off the manhole cover, and leaves the

sewer.

The next moment we hear a ZZZZZZZZZZZZT! sound, and he is

vaporized by the Tripod Tank.
His leftover stick drops down, and falls back into the sewer.

Craig gets up, and picks up this stick. He twirls it around

with a big smile.

CRAIG
Hey! Lookit me! Im a ninja turtle!

EXT. WHITE HOUSE - NIGHT

The Mother Ship hovers above the White House. Then it

suddenly uses an energy weapon, and blasts down a beam of
blue.

The White House explodes into a million little pieces.

 19.

Everyones dead it seems, except for one guy sitting on a

toilet, reading a newspaper.

He looks up, notices whats happened.

At first he seems shocked, but not a moment after he goes

back to his business like nothings happened.

INT. 90 KERRY CRES, ATTIC - NIGHT (CONTINUOUS)

We PULL BACK, and see that the scene from just earlier is
actually a video clip, from NVC WORLDNEWS, being displayed on
a SMALL TV.

We see that Chang is watching this TV, wearing 3D glasses.

He is hiding out in the attic, with Mindy, and Emily.

CHANG
Whoa. The 3D on this TV is
spectacular. I have no idea why 3D
isnt more popular.

Mindy uses a remote control, and turns off the TV.

CHANG (CONTD)
Hey! I was watching that.

MINDY
Chang, I dont want you taking joy
in the destruction of humanity. OK?

Chang crosses his arms, and pouts.

EMILY
IM BORED. How much longer do we
have stay in this stinky attic?

CHANG
Its not usually stinky. I just
farted. It was silent. A silent,
sneaky, ninja fart.

EXT. 90 KERRY CRES - NIGHT

Two robots from Planet Tobor are at the front door of the
Wang household.

They arent Nazis, but look like the equivalent to Nazis

which are robots.

Theres: NAZIBOT 1, and NAZIBOT 2.

 20.

Nazibot 1 knocks on the door.

They are answered by Craig, who looks out with a big, fake
grin.

CRAIG
Hello, there, robot overlords! How
do you do this fine, summer night?

NAZIBOT 1
A nosy neighbor has informed us
that you are harboring humans in
your house, and that you stole a
military vehicle. Also, he said you
should stop playing your music so
goddamn loud, because your taste in
music sucks.

CRAIG
(points)
HIS TASTE IN MUSIC SUCKS! He likes
Katy Perry! We all know shes only
popular because she has big, milky
boobs.

NAZIBOT 2
Either way, we need to take a look
around inside.

CRAIG
Okay, but youre not going to find
anything.

INT. 90 KERRY CRES, LIVING ROOM - NIGHT

Nazibot 1, and Nazibot 2 stare at Craig.

Craig who is awkwardly standing in front of an ALIEN FIGHTER

PLANE.

CRAIG
This isnt what it looks like. Its
just a, uh, movie replica from,
uhhh, Lootcrate.

NAZIBOT 1
Okay, maybe, MAYBE that is a movie
replica, but something about your
behavior is rather fishy.

The Nazibot 2 picks up an empty potato chip bag from the

floor.
 21.

NAZIBOT 2
Why would a robot need potato
chips? You cant eat these.

CRAIG
I am...an Irish robot! Made in
Ireland, I was! Potatoes is what I
craves!

Nazibot 1 grabs Craig, and turns him around.

CRAIG (CONTD)
Hey, whatre you doing?

Nazibot 1 takes out a magnifying glass, and looks at a

marking on Craigs back that reads: Made in Taiwan.

NAZIBOT 1
Ah-ha! Made in Taiwan! You lying
son of a bitch!

The look on Craigs face is worrisome.

INT. 90 KERRY CRES, UPSTAIRS HALLWAY - DAY

Nazibot 1, and Nazibot 2 are looking up at the attic door.

NAZIBOT 1
Yah, theyre probably in the attic.
Thats the first place humans go
when they hide.

NAZIBOT 2
Or the basement.
Craig seems jittery, and nervous. He is wringing his hands.

CRAIG
You, you two are being silly.
Youre not going to find anything
in the attic. All I got up there
is, um, pictures of, uhh -- Barack
Obamas anus! I dont recommend
looking at them because they are
pretty shocking.

NAZIBOT 1
No worries. I have a strong
stomach.

NAZIBOT 2
You dont have a stomach.
 22.

NAZIBOT 1
Shut up, Billy!

Nazibot 1 then extends his arm like a long snake, and pops
his hand through the attic door.

INT. 90 KERRY CRES, ATTIC - NIGHT (CONTINUOUS)

Out of fear, Chang, Mindy, and Emily are all huddled

together, hiding in a corner.

Nazibot 1s hand is groping around, trying to find them. It

gets closer, and closer.

The sweat on Changs forehead grows.

And then Nazibot 1s hand finds its way to his face, being
only inches away, like a cobra about to spring on its prey.

Then for no reason seemingly it retracts, and leaves the

attic.

Chang wipes the sweat off his forehead, relieved.

CHANG
Whew!

But Nazibot 1s hand suddenly returns, and it grabs Chang by

the top of his head, and pulls him.

Mindy, and Emily jump, and try to grab Chang, but just miss.

CHANG (CONTD)
Aaaaaaagh!
Chang is pulled out through the attics opening.

INT. 90 KERRY CRES, UPSTAIRS HALLWAY - DAY

Chang is being held in the air only by the top of his head.
Naturally, he appears scared, and confused.

NAZIBOT 1
Well, well, well, lookit what we
have here!

NAZIBOT 2
A human!

Craig cups his hands around his mouth, and yells to Chang.
 23.

CRAIG
Run, Chang! Run!

Chang tries running, and pumps his arms, and legs -- for a
much longer time than he should. He keeps going, whilst
heavily grunting, sweating.

Its getting weird. Nazibot 1, and Nazibot 2 look at each

other uncomfortably like, What the eff is going on here?

EXT. FIELD OF SCREAMS - NIGHT

I think The Simpsons already made this joke.

Anyway, we see Chang, Mindy, Emily, and Craig each tied to a

stake, with kindling under their feet, like they are going to
be set on fire.

Indeed, President Mayhew, General Nutz, Nazibot 1, Nazibot 2,

and an army of robots, dressed in white robes, are here for a
literal, good, ol witch burning.

Nazibot 1 is holding a flaming torch, keeping a guard, while

President Mayhew addresses the Wangs.

PRESIDENT MAYHEW
Humans, and robot traitor! Do you
have any last words to speak of?

CHANG
Yeah, I do. FUCK YOU!

PRESIDENT MAYHEW
Then commence the burning.
Nazibot 1 is about to lay down his torch on the kindling, but
ROBO HARRY appears, and jumps in front of the crowd, putting
out his arms.

ROBO HARRY
Wait!

CHANG
Robo Harry?

The crowd looks slightly confused, but listen to Robo Harry.

ROBO HARRY
I know you all hate humans, because
theyre different from us, but are
they so awful that they deserve to
be burned alive? Sure, humans do
bad things.
(MORE)
 24.
ROBO HARRY (CONT'D)
They kill animals, they kill unborn
babies, they kill regular babies,
they rape women, and men, and
theyre extremely deceitful, and
generally make the world an uglier
place to live in... and one of them
invented pop-up ads, BUT...
(unsure what to say next)
Uhh... Uhhhh...

Robo Harry points back to the Wangs.

ROBO HARRY (CONTD)

I love these specific humans! These
are the good ones! My human dad,
for example, didnt want me
anymore. So, you know what he did?
He abandoned me by the roadside
instead of recycling me for parts.
Now, that is the mark of a truly
kind person. Wouldnt you say?

PRESIDENT MAYHEW
So, what exactly do you want us to
do here?

ROBO HARRY
Do the right thing! Spare their
lives, and let them go!

President Mayhew, and General Nutz look like theyre

thinking. Then Nutz gives a firm nod.

GENERAL NUTZ
Okay, scumbag! We will free them.
ROBO HARRY
Really?

GENERAL NUTZ
But if you want us to do this, you
must do us a little favor first.

ROBO HARRY
Anything.

PRESIDENT MAYHEW
Let us kill you.

ROBO HARRY
Huh?
 25.

PRESIDENT MAYHEW
This human burning was tonights
entertainment. So, since we dont
have that, you will have to step up
to the plate, and replace them.

Nervous, apprehensive, Robo Harry looks at the Wangs, and

then back to the crowd.

ROBO HARRY
Fine. Ill do it. Just hurry up.

So, President Mayhew, and General Nutz go over to Robo Harry.

As he seems jittery, and afraid, President Mayhew blows onto

him a cloud of freezing gas.

The Wangs are shocked seeing Robo Harry totally freezes over
into a statue of ice, like he was touched by Sub Zero.

The next moment, General Nutz winds up for a punch, and

uppercuts Robo Harry, shattering him into a a million pieces.

Chang, with tears in his eyes, screams out in pain.

CHANG
HAAARRY!

EXT. DESERT, MOTHER SHIP - DAY

An Alien Fighter Plane appears, and enters the Mother Ship

that has been terrorizing Earth.

INT. MOTHERSHIP, CONTROL ROOM - DAY

A ROBOT SECURITY GUARD, who has duct tape over his mouth, is
tied up to a chair.

Then we see Chang, and Craig next to a console/computer.

As Craig looks over his shoulder, Chang takes out a CD, and
inserts it into a slot.

CRAIG
Hurry!

The computer screen in front, which is giving off a glow, has

a dialogue box appear that reads:

Would you like to install Norton Antivirus? and below it is

a Yes or No.
 26.

Chang rubs his hands together, and presses a button to select

Yes.

A progress bar pops up, showing Norton Antivirus installing.

CRAIG (CONTD)
Come on, progress bar!

The progress bar quickly gets up to 90%, then it slows down,

and theres a sound of footsteps coming from outside of the
room.

The doorknob on the door jiggles. Theres a loud KNOCKING.

GENERAL NUTZ (O.S.)

Open up this goddamn door, maggot!

Chang, and Craig look to the door, and then back to the
computer screen.

Chang bangs his fist on the console.

CHANG
(to progress bar)
Hurry up, you piece of crap!

The progress bar gets to 98%, and seems to freeze.

PRESIDENT MAYHEW (O.S.)

What is going on inside that room?
Nigel, are you in there? Nigel!

The ROBOT SECURITY GUARD, whos tied up, shifts his eyes to
the sound of President Mayhew, and tries saying something,
but his words are just muffled.
ROBOT SECURITY GUARD
(muffled)
Help me! HELP MEEEEE!

CRAIG
Will you shut up back there?!

Now the progress bar reaches 99%, and then 100%.

The screen flashes the words: Installation complete.

And the next moment the door to the control room is kicked
down by General Nutz, who is with President Mayhew.

General Nutz has his hands on his hips, and a cigar in his
mouth. He glares at Chang, and Craig.
 27.

GENERAL NUTZ
What is the meaning of this?

CRAIG
(to Chang)
Bail!

Chang, and Craig ram through President Mayhew, and General

Nutz, dropping them to the floor.

INT. MOTHER SHIP, EXIT TUNNEL - DAY (CONTINUOUS)

Continuing on, Chang, and Craig run out of the control room,
and into the exit tunnel.

They hastily hop into an ALIEN FIGHTER PLANE, and take off.

President Mayhew, and General Nutz now get back to their

feet, and, very angrily, look at the two getting away.

In their Alien Fighter Plane, Chang, and Craig are speeding

towards the exit, which is a big hole, with two sliding
pieces for a door.

The sliding pieces are gradually coming together.

CRAIG
Hurry up, Chang! Go! Go! Go!

CHANG
Damn it! Im trying! I dont know
how to fly this thing! I can barely
drive a car!
Right after Chang says those words, a burst of laser shots
whiz past the Alien Fighter Plane, narrowly missing it.

INSIDE THE ALIEN FIGHTER PLANE

Craig, and Chang look at the radar screen, and see two dots
following them.

Back to the outside of their craft, President Mayhew, and

General Nutz are following on what looks like a FLYING
MOTORCYCLE.

General Nutz whos seated in front of Mayhew, squeezes a

trigger on the handle of his Flying Cycle, and lets off two
bursts of laser beams at the Alien Fighter Plane.

The Alien Fighter Plane sways left, and right, dodging the
attacks.
 28.

PRESIDENT MAYHEW
(to General Nutz)
You bum! You totally missed!
Whered you learn to shoot?
Canada?!

GENERAL NUTZ
Shut your mouth, President Mayhew!
Im working on it!

The chase between the Alien Fighter Plane, and the Flying
Motorcycle continues.

General Nutz shoots at Chang, and Craig one more time. The
laser beams that come out from the Flying Motorcycle hit the
Alien Fighter Plane in the back.

INSIDE THE ALIEN FIGHTER PLANE

Chang, and Craig feel the brunt of the attack, and bump
forward.

CHANG
Oh, crap!

Outside, their Alien Fighter Plane has trouble flying. Its

cracked, and smoking, wobbling, and shaking.

CRAIG
Oh, shit!

General Nutz shoots again, and this time clips the wing of
the Alien Fighter Plane.

Then we see the doors to exit the Mother Ship are about to
close shut.

Chang jerks the steering wheel of his Alien Fighter Plane,

and angles it, so it looks like itll go through.

But it doesnt. The door close in time, and they crash into
it.

The Alien Fighter Plane lies, smoking on the floor.

CHANG
Aw, son of a bitch. I totally
thought that would work.

INT. MOTHER SHIP, CARBONITE ROOM - DAY

We come into a large, science fictioney room.

 29.

In the middle, tied up, are Chang, and Craig stood next to
each other on a circular platform.

President Mayhew, and General Nutz, who are nearby, watch

while Nazibot 1, and Nazibot 2, and an assortment of robots
hold back Mindy, and Emily.

Mindy puts out her hand.

MINDY
Chang! I love you!

CHANG
I know.

EMILY
Shouldnt you say: I love you too
in return? What you said thats
kinda shitty.

CHANG
Its a movie reference. Youre too
young to understand. And, yes,
Mindy, I love you too.

PRESIDENT MAYHEW
Begin the freezing!

General Nutz presses a button on a standing console, and the

platform under Chang, and Craig begins lowering.

CHANG
Ill be back!

Chang, and Craig are then dipped into carbonite, and return
up in a frozen, preserved state. We see that theyve somehow
managed to stick up all their middle fingers as a final fuck
you.

Mindy doesnt take notice. She just seems sad. Emily,

however, is covering her mouth trying to cover her laugh.

President Mayhew sees this, and angrily points.

PRESIDENT MAYHEW
Stop laughing! Middle fingers
arent funny! Theyre immature!

EXT. GIANTS CAUSEWAY - DAY

Screen wipe to Giants Causeway, where Emily is looking up at

the peak of this structure on which a robed man, back facing
toward us, is standing.
 30.

Emily goes up the steps, and approaches him. The robed man
turns around revealing himself as GEORGE LUKAS.

GEORGE LUKAS
Good evening.

EMILY
Wait a minute, are you -- ?

GEORGE LUKAS
In the flesh. Oh, and by the way,
youre being sued.

EMILY
For what?

GEORGE LUKAS
Todays adventure has been far too
derivative. Its outright
plagiarism.

EMILY
Says you.

GEORGE LUKAS
Still suing.

EMILY
You cant sue if youre dead.

GEORGE LUKAS
Im not dea --

Emily suddenly pushes George Lukas, and, with a yelp, he

falls into the water. She shakes her fist at him.
EMILY
Han Solo shot first, sugar tits!

Emily then turns around, and takes out the hilt of a light
sword. She activates it, and makes a blade come out, and she
does a rolling jump towards the screen, and cuts it in two.

The two pieces of the screen flow away, revealing the words:
TO BE CONTINUED.

CREDITS.