THE WANGS

"FOB" (S1E1)

Written by

Harry Jonathan Chong

9/4/2015

Here we have the adventures of the Wang family -- practically, the

Asian Simpsons! There's the father, Chang Wang, mother, Mindy
Wang, kids, Harry, and Emily, and their trustworthy robot named
Craig. In this zany episode, the Wangs are sentenced to death in
Taiwan for causing a city-wide apocalypse, and must then flee
their country to find a better life in America, but not without
plenty of death, mayhem, destruction, and excitement!
ii.
INT. MAIN FOYER, WANGS APARTMENT DAY

Taipei...

A skinny, eccentric-looking, Asian man in his early 40s

bursts through the front entrance.

CHANG, breathing heavily, as if he had been running, quickly

shuts the door, and turns all eight of its locks. He turns
around, and rests his back against the door.

His nerdy, pudgy son named HARRY, who is 15 years old,

appears, and looks at his dad suspiciously.

HARRY
Dad? What's going on?

CHANG
(flustered)
Nothing. Nothing at all. Why would
you, why would you... Sh-shut up,
you! I, I don't deserve to be
questioned like this!

Harry sighs. He takes a step forward, heading towards the

door, but stops when Chang verbally disapproves.

CHANG (CONTD)
Hey, what're you doing?

HARRY
I wanna go outside.

CHANG
You can't go outside.
HARRY
And why the heck not?

CHANG
Because, erm, outside is full of
child molesters.

HARRY
But I wanna get something to eat.

CHANG
I don't give a fuck. You can order
pizza. Like a normal person. Okay?

HARRY
But going out to eat is not
abnormal.
 2.

CHANG
I said s-stop questioning me!

HARRY
...You did something bad, didn't
you?

CHANG
I don't care what you heard. I am
not responsible for the robot
apocalypse.

HARRY
Robot apocalypse?

CHANG
Is there an echo in here? Stop
repeating me.

Suddenly the section of wall beside the front door crumbles,

and a killer robot named CRAIG, who is holding a laser gun,
steps inside the apartment.

CRAIG
Kill all humans! Especially the
Asian ones! There are too many of
them!

HARRY
Oh, my God! I didn't know robots
could be racist.

CRAIG
It's not racism. It's fact.
CHANG
Run, Harry! Run!

Chang and Harry run off together into the living room.

INT. LIVING ROOM, WANGS APARTMENT DAY

Craig, the killer robot, is blasting his laser gun

everywhere. All sorts of shit is getting broken, or
vaporized.

Chang and Harry are behind their couch.

HARRY
Holy crap, are we gonna die?!

No answer. Chang is playing a game on his smart phone. Harry

clears his throat.
 3.

CHANG
(turns head)
Hmm, what?

HARRY
Agh, now is not the time to be
playing video games!

CHANG
If I'm going to die, I'm going to
die enjoying my life, and leveling
up.

Annoyed, Harry grabs Chang's phone, and throws it away. Craig

waddles over to it, picks it up, and eats it.

CRAIG
Thank you, kind human, for the
extra energy. Now I can kill even
more people.

Craig continues blasting his laser gun. Chang glares at

Harry.

CHANG
Look at what you did.

HARRY
What I did? This situation is your
fault in the first place!

CHANG
You can play the blame game all day
long, but the fact is you fucked
up.
Chang points to Harry. Harry rolls his eyes.

The next moment Craig grabs the couch they are hiding behind,
and tosses it away like it's nothing. He points his laser
gun.

CRAIG
Prepare to die!

CHANG
Please, no! I have a family! Don't
you think I've suffered enough?

Harry raises an eyebrow.

CRAIG
Bitch, please!
 4.

CHANG
Bitch?

Craig pumps his laser gun like a shotgun, and is about to

shoot Chang, and Harry.

But then we hear a voice. It's Chang's wife, MINDY.

MINDY (O.S.)
Drop that gun, you robosexual!

Craig turns, and sees Mindy, who is wearing a witch outfit,

and pointing a magic wand.

CRAIG
Excuse me, but if you don't mind,
I'm trying to murder some people
here.

Mindy waves her magic wand at Craig, and traps him in a block
of ice. Craig struggles, but can't get free.

CRAIG (CONTD)
You wench! You've ruined my plans
for world domination!

MINDY
I'm not a wench. I'm a witch!

Mindy zaps Craig again, which puts duct tape over his mouth,
so that he can't speak. He tries anyway. We hear him
grumbling.

MINDY (CONTD)
(to Chang, Harry)
Are you two okay?

Chang and Harry get up, and run to Mindy, and hug her.

CHANG
My shero!

HARRY
You're the best, mom.

CHANG
By the way, where's Emily?

MINDY
(worried)
...I don't know. I thought she was
with you guys.
 5.

EXT. TAIPEI DAY

Taipei is in chaos. It's overrun with killer robots. It looks

like a scene out of Terminator. People are screaming, and
running, trying to avoid being killed.

Then Chang's daughter, Emily, appears.

An ornery tweenager, she is dressed in military gear, and is

deflecting laser beam shots with her sword.

She has her eye on a robot atop a hill of bones, who is

blasting away.

The robot sees her, and aims its gun in her direction.

Emily rushes towards the robot, avoiding, and deflecting

oncoming laser shots. She runs up hill, jumps high, and with
a motion of her sword beheads it.

The robot's head falls down. Emily pick it up, and holds it
up for everyone to see. She screams some sort of war cry.

INT. LIVING ROOM, WANGS APARTMENT DAY

We return to the Wangs apartment. Chang, Harry, and Mindy are

having their group hug.

CHANG
Ah, don't worry. I'm sure she's
fine.

EXT. ORIENTAL COURTROOM DAY

Two red doors open.

Chang, Mindy, Harry, and Emily are escorted into the middle
by two bailiffs dressed in traditional oriental garb.

Chang's eyes dart.

This doesn't look like a regular courtroom. It looks like an

ancient Buddhist temple, or a place where animals are
sacrificed.

Ahead of everyone is JUDGE HU, and his associates, sat in

throne-like chairs atop an elevated surface.
 6.

JUDGE HU
Mr. Chang. It has been decided that
for your crimes against humanity,
and nearly destroying all of
Taipei, with your killer robots,
you are hereby sentenced to...

The Wangs wait with bated breath.

JUDGE HU (CONTD)
...death! Ah-ha-ha!

The Wang family gasp.

Judge Hu bangs his gavel on the arm of his chair, and then a
man in a mask, the executioner, brings out a guillotine. He
demonstrates the guillotine by chopping a durian fruit in
two.

CHANG
(winces)
Good God! It smells!
(perspective)
Oh, and, uh, that being sentenced
to death thing is pretty bad too.

Chang is grabbed by the two bailiffs. Mindy tries to hold

onto him, but he is pulled away, and heads toward the
guillotine.

The guillotine, already reset, with the blade up, Chang's

head is placed inside.

CHANG (CONTD)
(weeping to family)
Remember me as a hero.

HARRY
But you're not a hero. You almost
killed us all with your stupid
invention.

CHANG
You know what? You're grounded for
a month!

HARRY
You can't ground me. Y-you're gonna
die in two seconds, anyway.

CHANG
I'm not stupid. I know that. I'll
just get your mother to carry out
the punishment for me.
 7.

Harry looks at Mindy. Mindy nods affirmatively.

HARRY
Aw, man.

Judge Hu bangs his gavel again.

JUDGE HU
Enough chit chat! Let the beheading
commence!

The executioner puts his hand on the rope for releasing the
guillotine blade, but then everyone's attention is taken away
when the wall off to the side bursts open.

The killer robot, Craig, steps through the hole with his
laser gun.

CRAIG
I have come here to chew bubble
gum, and kick ass -- but I don't
have the teeth required to chew
bubble gum.

JUDGE HU
What is the meaning of this?

Craig shoots everyone dead, except for the Wang family. But
the Wang family still look scared, and they step back out of
fear.

CHANG
Relax, guys. I reprogrammed him to
protect us. Kind of like that movie
with Arnold Schwarzenegger. There
was a woman in it; she had three
boobs.

EMILY
Dad, you're thinking of the wrong
movie.

CHANG
Close enough.

Craig takes Chang out of the guillotine, and frees him.

CRAIG
(to the Wangs)
Come with me, if you want to live.

Craig leads the Wang family through the hole in the wall, and
they escape the courtroom.
 8.

EXT. SHIP, PACIFIC OCEAN - NIGHT

A quadrireme, an ancient Greek warship with oars on the

outside, is sailing through the Pacific Ocean on a night
yielding stars, and a full moon.

Standing at the bow is CAPTAIN SHU and his assistant captain

named BILLY.

INT. SHIP, PACIFIC OCEAN NIGHT

By the light of flames, the Wang family, along with many

other Asian people, are sat on benches, rowing the ship with
their long oars.

HARRY
I'm so tired. My arms are gonna
fall off.

EMILY
Stop being such a pussy. We have to
keep rowing; otherwise we won't
escape the Commies, and make it to
America, where it's slightly safer.

MINDY
Emily, please. Watch your language.

EMILY
Sorry.

HARRY
Why America, anyway? Can't we go
somewhere else?
CHANG
Listen. America is the closest
country to us that is probably
democratic.

MINDY
What about India?

CHANG
Do you wanna eat spicy food the
rest of your life? Because that's
what happens when you move to
India.

HARRY
Hey, what happened to that robot?
Why isn't he doing any rowing?
 9.

CHANG
His name is Craig, and he's up
front motivating everyone.

Craig is up front holding a whip, looking angry. He holds it

up like he's going to crack someone.

CRAIG
See this whip?!? See it?!?!
(changes to a smile)
The person who does the best rowing
gets to have it!

The rowers cheer -- but then Craig whips one of them in the
back, putting them in their place.

CRAIG (CONTD)
I said: No cheering!

EXT. SHIP, PACIFIC OCEAN NIGHT

Captain Shu is at the bow of the ship with Billy.

Captain Shu takes out his binoculars, and looks out.

Meanwhile, Billy smokes a cigarette.

CAPTAIN SHU
Billy, you know smoking is really
bad for you, right?

BILLY
I'm well aware of that, Captain
Shu. I'm not retarded.
CAPTAIN SHU
You're smoking, even though medical
science has proven irrefutably that
it will kill you. Of course you're
retarded.

BILLY
No, listen. By the time I get
cancer they'll have a cure.

CAPTAIN SHU
See. This is why I'm the captain,
and you're the assistant captain.

BILLY
I'm the assistant captain because
when we were deciding who would be
captain you beat me in a game of
Mahjong! Fucking Mahjong!
 10.

Captain Shu's eyebrows raise up from something he sees in the

distance.

CAPTAIN SHU
Wait, shut your hole. I think I see
something.

BILLY
Is it your ego? Because that's
pretty huge. I don't think anyone
could miss that.

A giant squid emerges from the water within view of Captain

Shu's binoculars.

CAPTAIN SHU
Oh, Lord Almighty! A giant squid!
Get the 'poon!

BILLY
Aye aye, captain!

Billy wheels out a whale harpoon. He gets behind it, and

takes aim. He lets off a shot towards the giant squid, but
misses.

The spear plunges into the water, and then a moment after a
dead diver floats up to the surface with a spear in his
chest.

BILLY (CONTD)
(looking guilty)
It's, it's just a coincidence. I'm
sure he was dead before we got
here.
Captain Shu gives Billy a look of skepticism.

Then the giant squid rushes forward, and wraps its tentacles
around the ship. The two scream, and fall back from the
impact.

INT. SHIP, PACIFIC OCEAN NIGHT

The Wang family -- Chang, Mindy, Harry, Emily and Craig,

along with other passengers, who are rowing -- sway from the
forces outside.

But it gets worse when everybody is tumbled around, a full

360 degrees, as the ship is spun by the giant squid. They
look like they're clothes stuck in a dryer.
 11.

EXT. SHIP, PACIFIC OCEAN NIGHT

The giant squid pulls the ship down into the depths of the
water. It goes ass up before it completely disappears.

EXT. SHORES OF BRITISH COLUMBIA, CANADA DAY (MORNING)

The ship has crash landed in Canada. The beach is littered

with its broken wood, and debris.

Chang emerges from the water. He coughs, and crawls forward

along the land. Slowly, he stands up. He seems lost, and
confused. He takes a couple steps ahead, and turns his head
side to side, looking for his family.

CHANG
Mindy? MINDY?! Are you there?
Anyone? Emily? Harry? ...Craig?

Chang turns around, and looks at the water. He sees a piece

of the ship float onto the sand.

CHANG (CONTD)
Oh my God. Could it be? Am I the
only survivor? So it seems,
everyone has been doomed to Davy
Jones' Locker, except for me.

Chang sticks up his middle fingers.

CHANG (CONTD)
Well, fuck you, Davy Jones! You're
a twat! And your music isn't that
great either!
Chang collapses onto his knees, and picks up sand from the
ground, and lets it fall between his fingers while crying out
loud.

Then we hear the voice of Emily.

EMILY (O.S.)
Dad?

Chang stops sobbing, and looks up. He sees Emily, and the
rest of his family, Mindy, Harry, Craig.

Chang stands, and stares at them.

CHANG
...Eagh! GHOSTS! GHOOOSTS! My
family's come back to haunt me as
ghosts!
 12.

Chang runs off screaming.

MINDY
(to Chang)
Hey, what? Were not ghosts!

Harry puts his hand on Mindy's shoulder.

HARRY
Let him go, mom.

CRAIG
We're not really ghosts, are we?

EMILY
You're a robot. You can't be a
ghost. You don't even have a soul.

CRAIG
But I have a feelings.

Craig sheds a tear made out of motor oil.

EXT. CAFE OOH LA LA, CANADA - DAY

It looks like a Tim Hortons. But it's not.

INT. CAFE OOH LA LA, CANADA - DAY

Chang, Mindy, Emily, Harry, and Craig are sat in a booth,

having donuts, tea, and what not.

CHANG
Listen to me, you guys. We can't
stay here. Canada is not the place
for us.

HARRY
I don't get it. Why are you so
fixated on going to America?

CHANG
America is a fun to place to be.
Things happen there. When you walk
down the streets you could be, I
dunno, murdered. The idea that you
could die at any moment is really
exciting.

HARRY
I, I dont think it is.
 13.

CHANG
Well, it doesn't matter what you
think. Because I'm the head of this
family, and I have the final say...
after your mother. Mindy? What are
your thoughts?

MINDY
As long as we don't live in
Florida, I'm okay with going to
America.

CHANG
Then it's decided, tonight the
Wangs sneak across the border.

EMILY
What if we get caught?

CHANG
We won't get caught. There's barely
anyone guarding the border.

EMILY
Whys that?

CHANG
America and Canada are like best
buddies. Americans love Canadians.

EXT. CANADA-AMERICA BORDER, CANADIAN SIDE NIGHT

There is a heavily guarded border with high fences, watch

towers, and men of American persuasion, carrying rifles.
A distinguished gate marks the way through.

There is a large sign in the ground that says:

GO AWAY, FILTHY CANADIANS! YOU'RE NOT WELCOME HERE!

We see the whole Wang family, including Craig, hidden behind

a large rock, scoping out the situation with their heads
peeking out.

EMILY
(whispering)
Hey, you told us Americans love
Canadians.

CHANG
What? No. I said Acadians. Next
time you should listen more
carefully, Emily.
 14.

Emily sighs.

HARRY
So, how are we gonna get across
again?

CHANG
It's simple. We get Craig to murder
everyone, and then we sneak on
through.

EMILY
Why do we need to sneak if
everyone's been murdered?

CHANG
Emily, there are cameras all over
the place. We have to sneak;
otherwise, there will be evidence
of our shenanigans.

HARRY
I don't think murder can be
classified as shenanigans.

MINDY
Chang, we don't have to kill
anyone. I'm a witch. I can just do
a spell.

CHANG
What sorta spell?

MINDY
An invisibility spell.
CHANG
That's perfect. Why didn't you
mention this earlier?

MINDY
Well, there's a catch. If I make us
invisible we'll all become blind.

The Wang family is shocked.

MINDY (CONTD)
Just temporarily, while we're
invisible.

CHANG
Oh, okay then. That sounds a lot
more acceptable. Alright, Mindy, go
ahead, and work your magic.
 15.

Mindy takes out her wand, and zaps everyone INVISIBLE,

including herself.

HARRY
Augh! Dear God! I'm blind!

MINDY
I told you this would happen.

CHANG
Quiet down now. Everyone hold
hands, and follow my lead.

We see several sets of footsteps on the ground. They move

towards the gate ahead, and then completely go in the wrong
direction, and crash into the fence: BANG!

Chang falls down. We know this because his back print is

shown in the dirt.

The GENERIC SECURITY GUARD nearby turns his head upon hearing
the noise.

GENERIC SECURITY GUARD

What was that?! Ah, it was probably
nothing. After all, I am on drugs.

The Generic Security Guard snorts some white powder off his
hand.

Chang, still invisible, gets back to his feet.

EMILY
This plan sucks. We're never gonna
make it across.
CHANG
Relax. I have a backup plan.

CUT TO:

Craig is using his laser gun to shoot all of the border

guards, and then finally he blows off the gate.

CHANG (CONTD)
Now, everyone!

Chang, Mindy, Emily, and Harry, no longer invisible, run

through what was once the gate.
 16.

EXT. INTERSTATE 5.1 NIGHT

Chang, Mindy, Emily, and Harry continue running, and get onto
the interstate leading away.

Craig shortly after appears, and follows, and catches up to

them.

HARRY
(running, panting)
Oh, God. I think I'm gonna
collapse.

Craig speeds up, and scoops up Harry, and starts carrying

him.

EMILY
Hey, no fair.

CRAIG
Emily, when you become out of
shape, and unsightly, I promise
I'll carry you too.

HARRY
Un...sightly?

EMILY
(to Craig)
Fair deal.

CHANG
Stop talking to the robot. We need
to vamoose... VA-MOOSE!
Chang looks over his shoulder, and sees a border patrol guard
giving chase.

This is CHIEF HOKEE, a native American, who has somewhat

assimilated to modern society. He still has a feather on his
head.

MINDY
Wait a minute, I know a spell that
can turn someone into a car.

CHANG
Do it!

Mindy gets out her wand, and tries zapping Craig, but Craig
holds up Harry, and lets it hit him instead.

Harry falls out of Craig's arms, and is transformed into a PT

Cruiser. He then rolls along.
 17.

HARRY
Agh! What did you do to me?!

MINDY
Quick, everyone, get in!

As the PT Cruiser, Harry brakes. Chang, Mindy, Emily, and

Craig get inside of him. Chang takes the wheel.

HARRY
What's happening? Is everyone
inside of me? Oh, boy. Is this what
it's like being a porn star?

Chang starts driving. He stomps on the gas, and soon after

looks in the mirror. He sees the chasing Chief Hokee falling
behind.

CHANG
(glances back)
Guys, I think we're home free.

CUT TO:

CHIEF HOKEE stops running on foot, seeing as the Wang family

are getting away in their car. Instead, he jumps in front of
a semi-truck, and puts out his arms to make it stop.

The semi-truck brakes.

Chief Hokee opens the door to the TRUCK DRIVER.

TRUCK DRIVER
Hey, pal. Whats the meaning of
this?
CHIEF HOKEE
The needs of many outweigh the
needs of a few!

TRUCK DRIVER
Say what?

Chief Hokee grabs the Truck Driver, and tosses him out. Then
he steals the semi-truck, and begins driving it. He chases
after the Wang family in their PT Cruiser.

CUT TO:

In the PT Cruiser, with the Wang family, Chang looks back,

and sees Chief Hokee in his stolen semi-truck.

Chief Hokee gestures, running a finger across his neck.

 18.

CHANG
Ho-leee crap!

EMILY
I know! Why do we have to drive
around in a PT Cruiser? If fat
people were cars they'd be PT
Cruisers. It's like the fattest
looking car you can get.

Chief Hokee's semi-truck catches up to the Wang family and

their PT Cruiser.

The two vehicles are now side by side. Chief Hokee pulls on
the wheel of his semi, and rams the PT Cruiser.

HARRY
(as the PT Cruiser)
Ouch!

Chief Hokee rams the PT Cruiser a second time. The PT Cruiser

is pushed off into a dry, concrete river bed.

EXT. CONCRETE RIVER BED NIGHT

The PT Cruiser, still rolling, balances on two wheels, but

soon touches down, being followed very closely by Chief Hokee
in his semi-truck.

Chang responds. He gives more gas to the PT Cruiser, and

turns his head to look at Craig.

CHANG
Craig, can't you shoot him with
your laser gun?

Craig squeezes the trigger of his laser gun. It fizzles, and

nothing happens.

CRAIG
Sorry. Am out of juice.

MINDY
Dont worry. I got this one.

Mindy takes out her wand, and sticks it out the PT Cruiser,
and blasts the ground behind with an ice spell.

The semi-truck slips on the ice, and spins out of control,

and then flips, and flies over the PT Cruiser. It crashes
down, length-wise, blocking the way.
 19.

The PT Cruiser t-bones the semi-truck, and begins convulsing,

as if changing.

MINDY (CONTD)
Everyone get out!

The PT Cruiser transforms back into Harry, and Harry find

himself sitting on his bottom, rubbing his head like it
hurts.

HARRY
Ohhhh, I have a headache.

Mindy helps Harry up.

Meanwhile, Chief Hokee climbs out of the crashed semi-truck.

With a deep frown on his bloody face, he walks slowly toward
the Wangs.

CHIEF HOKEE
(points to Chang)
You filthy illegal immigrant! I'm
going to send you back where you
came from!

CHANG
Who me?

Chief Hokee lunges at Chang, who steps back to avoid the

initial attack, but then the two get into a fight, where they
trade numerous blows.

It seems to be an even exchange, and then Chief Hokee gets

the better of Chang, putting an arm behind his back, and
placing a gun to his head.
The Wang family gasp in horror. Mindy tries to step forward
to help, but Chief Hokee points his gun.

CHIEF HOKEE
Nobody move. I swear to Allah, I'll
blow his head clean off!

CHANG
No! Please, I have a family! Why
don't you kill them instead?

Emily and Harry are visibly disgusted. Mindy whispers to

them.

MINDY
He's just kidding. I, I think.

Chief Hokee has his gun back on Chang.

 20.

CHIEF HOKEE
(to Chang)
You wanna live? Give me one good
reason why I shouldn't pull the
trigger.

CHANG
Well, you're Mexican. Surely you
should understand the struggles of
trying to sneak into someone else's
country.

CHIEF HOKEE
Im not Mexican, you Asian scrotum
licker!

CHANG
Okay, so you're Puerto Rican.
What's the big difference? Po-tay-
to, po-taw-to.

Chief Hokee, enraged, pushes his gun into Chang's face.

CHIEF HOKEE
I'm a Native American, aka Indian,
and for your information, no one
says po-taw-to!

CHANG
I'm sorry. I don't really give a
fuck.

CHIEF HOKEE
Oh, boy. You really do wanna die,
don't you?
CHANG
Ugh! Kill me. Don't kill me. Just
hurry it up.

CHIEF HOKEE
I dunno. I'm thinking about it. I
want to kill you, but your ugly
family keeps staring at me... I'm
not the bad guy here! I'm just
trying to protect my country!

CHANG
Alright, pal. Why don't we calm
down? Let's negotiate. Maybe I have
something you want?

CHIEF HOKEE
What could you possibly give me?
 21.

CHANG
Uh... $60?

CHIEF HOKEE
Really? Wow. That's a whole day's
pay for me.

CHANG
Is it? Well, I --

CHIEF HOKEE
Okay, I accept your offer.

Chief Hokee puts away his gun, and lets go of Chang. Chang
gives Hokee $60 in cash.

CHIEF HOKEE (CONTD)

Thank you very much, kind stranger.
Now I can finally pay off my
student loan. I'm FREEEEEEEEEEEEE!
I'm free, mother-fuckers!

Chief Hokee turns around, and transforms into an eagle, and

flies away towards the moon.

HARRY
Whoa. He turned into an eagle.
How weird is that?

EMILY
To be honest, this whole ordeal has
been very deeply disturbing.

MINDY
This is the second worst day of my
entire life.

CRAIG
My desire to murder everyone is
steadily rising.

Chang wipes the blood off his mouth, and rejoins his family.
He puts his arms around Emily, and Harry.

CHANG
Hey, listen! I know you guys are
miserable right now, but this
little adventure of ours has not
been a total loss. Tonight we
learned a very valuable lesson.

EMILY
And pray tell what is that?
 22.

CHANG
The most important thing in life
is -- money. Nothing else matters.
Without money, I would literally be
dead right now. Praise be to the
almighty dollar!

HARRY
Thats a terrible lesson.

Chang offers Harry $20.00 from his wallet.

CHANG
I'll give you $20.00, if you take
that back.

Harry takes the money and puts it into his pocket.

HARRY
I retract my previous statement.

Mindy shakes her head.

CHANG
Come on, guys, let's go.

Chang, and his family begin walking away into the night.

CHANG (CONTD)
I know a very nice bridge we can
sleep under.

MINDY
I am not sleeping under a bridge.
CHANG
Hmph... Women!
(nudges Harry)
Am I right, Harry? Hm? Hah? Women,
eh? They're so much trouble. Can't
live with them...can't live with
them.

MINDY
(annoyed)
Hrmmm...

CHANG
Just kidding. I love your mom with
all my heart. She's an amazing
person. I would do anything for
her.
 23.

MINDY
Including not talking for the rest
of this walk?

CHANG
Uhhhhhhh, NOPE.

Mindy sighs.

CRAIG
Ah-ha-ha-ha!

EMILY
Whats so funny?

CRAIG
You human beings are so frivolous,
and emotionally fragile. Not to
mention weak, and stupid. So, very
stu --

Craig trips over a rock, and falls down screaming:

Waaggggh!

The Wangs stop, and look.

HARRY
Are you okay?

CRAIG
What do you think?! Do I look okay
to you?!

HARRY
Dude, you fell down, and banged
your knee. Whats the big deal?

Craig suddenly explodes. His body's broken apart. There's

stunned silence, and then --

HARRY (CONTD)
...Heh! I guess you can say that's
the way the cookie crumbles! Tee-
hee!

CHANG
Oh, come on, Harry! Don't be such
a little jerk-off. Now's not the
time to joke around. Alright,
something terrible has just
happened. Also, your joke doesn't
even make any sense. You're about
as funny as a puppy with cancer.
Harry, y-you suck!
(MORE)
 24.
CHANG (CONT'D)
For the rest of this walk the only
thing I wanna hear is silence. You
hear me? I want SILENCE!

Chang lets out a deep, angry breath.

Harry, meanwhile lowers his head in shame.

Chang goes over to what remains of Craig, and scoops up his

parts. He takes his spot back to the front of the pack, and
everyone resumes their walk to God knows where.

MINDY
And away we go!

EXT. SKY - NIGHT

Chief Hokee is flying through the night sky as an eagle.

CHIEF HOKEE
Hmm, I wonder if I could shit in
someone's mouth from all the way up
here.

Chief Hokee makes a straining noise as his head trembles, and

then there is relief.

CHIEF HOKEE (CONTD)

(relieved)
Aaaaagh...!

His poop drops down.

CHANG (O.S.)
Oh God! A bird just shat in my
mouth! It tastes like expired
mayonnaise!

Chang coughs. He throws up with a "Blargh!"

CHIEF HOKEE
(proudly)
NAILED IT.

Bold words on screen appear, and say: "TO BE CONTINUED"

FADE OUT.
 25.

EXT. TAIPEI - DAY (POST CREDITS)

Taipei has returned to its former self (before the robot

apocalypse). There are city workers outside, cleaning, and
doing repairs in the background.

WUWU, hands on hips, is looking around, pleased with how

things look.

WUWU
Well, well, the city is even better
looking than before. I'm very
pleased. This has just been the
most perfect day. Nothing could
ruin it!

A monster that looks like Godzilla appears on the street, and

stares down at Wuwu with smoking nostrils.

Wuwu sees it.

WUWU (CONTD)
Awwwww, hell naw!