THE WANGS

ODD DOG (S2E9)

Written by

Harry Jonathan Chong

3/13/2016

Hilarity ensues when Emily Wang accidentally adopts a dog that is

really a demon.
EXT. KERRY CRES - DAY

Harry and Emily are on their street, walking home. They have
backpacks on their backs, as they are returning from school.

EMILY
Hey, Harry. What would you rather
have? Four arms, or four legs?

HARRY
OK. I'm not saying that I would,
but if I were a gay slut, with
the four arms I could jerk off
four guys all at the same time.

Harry motions jerking off with two of his hands.

EMILY
Eww, what the fuck?

HARRY
I'm just trying to weigh the
benefits, okay? What's the use
of four legs? How would I sit
down?

EMILY
You wouldn't You'd be like a
horse. You'd just stand all the
time.

HARRY
Yes, but what are the benefits
of having four legs?
Emily shrugs her shoulders, and then she, and Harry run into
a handsome, young man named SASHA.

Sasha, who's holding what looks like a bible, greets them

with a smile.

SASHA
Hi, there! How do you do, fellow
children?

Emily stares at Sasha. Her eyes are wide, like Cupid's struck
her with an arrow.

HARRY
What do you want?

SASHA
May I ask about your religious
affiliations?
 2.

EMILY
Anything you want.

HARRY
Look, pal. We know what you're
selling, and you're wasting your
time. We already believe in
Jesus...and to a lesser degree,
King Solomon. Finding out the
truth by threatening to murder
a baby by cutting it in half,
very clever.

SASHA
Yes, that's all well, and good,
but I'm not promoting Jesus.

EMILY
What are you promoting?

Sasha grins.

SASHA
Satan.

HARRY
Satan?

Sasha throws up his arms.

SASHA
I love Satan! Satan is the best!
Satan rules! All hail Satan!

HARRY
Okay, bro, chill your boner.

Sasha hands Emily the book from under his arm.

SASHA
Here.

EMILY
For me?

SASHA
It's a Satanist's Bible. It has
my name, and number in it, if
you ever feel like calling me up,
and asking questions about my
Lord and savior do not hesitate.

EMILY
Oh, thank you very much.
 3.

SASHA
Now, I must go. Good day!

Sasha busts out a "hover board," and gets on top of it, and
rolls away.

Harry turns his head to Emily, looking angry. He looks at her

Satanic Bible.

HARRY
You're throwing that away, right,
Emily?

In the background, Sasha accidentally steers his hover board

into the curb. He crashes, and falls down. He turns onto his
back, and begins to stand up.

But suddenly his hover board explodes. Sasha is thrown,

returning to the ground.

EMILY
No way, I'm not throwing this
away. A cute boy gave it to me.

HARRY
You Satanic cocksucker -- gimme
that!

Harry grabs at Emily's Satanic Bible, and the two get into a
tug of war.

The Satanic Bible slips away from Harry, and Emily's fingers,
and is thrown into the air.

The two follow it with their eyes, which trails over to

Sasha, who's now just getting up.

The Satanic Bible drops on his head -- bing! -- and he is

down for the count.

Harry, and Emily appear aghast. Then they angrily point at

each other.

HARRY EMILY
This is your fault! This is your fault!

EXT. 90 KERRY CRES - DAY

The Wang household's here, looking normal as ever.

 4.

INT. LIVING ROOM, 90 KERRY CRES - DAY

Mindy, Chang, Emily, Harry, and Craig are all sat in the
living room crocheting when there is a RING at the doorbell.
No one looks up.

MINDY
Someone wanna get that?

CRAIG
Nope.

CHANG
Harry, answer the door.

HARRY
Aw, mannn...

Harry gets up, and answers the door. It's EMMA.

EMMA
Hi!

HARRY
Emma, what're you doing here?
I told you, I'm not interested
in buying your charity chocolate.

EMMA
Actually, I came here to see your
sister.

Emily looks at Emma, and waves. Emma waves back.

HARRY
Okay then, come in.

Emma takes a step forward.

CRAIG
Stop! You cannot come in!

MINDY
Why can't she come in?

CRAIG
We all know the rules for entering
the Wang household: Gas, ass, or
grass.

HARRY
Emma, you don't have t --
 5.

EMMA
No, no, I can oblige.

Emma plucks some grass from outside, throws it inside the

house, and then sticks her butt out, and farts.

EMMA (CONTD)
There I gave you all three. Are you
satisfied?

Craig stares at Emma, and starts slow clapping.

MINDY
(uncomfortable)
Please, stop slow clapping.

INT. EMILY'S ROOM, 90 KERRY CRES - DAY

Emily is on a chair talking to Emma, who is casually combing

her hair, and sitting on the end of the rooms bed.

EMMA
That robot of yours is weird.

EMILY
Because he's an alien from another
planet, and also an asshole.

EMMA
It all makes sense now.

EMILY
By the way, did your dad get that
cake we sent him? If not we can
send another one. We really
appreciate him getting our house
back through his shady dealings,
and chicanery.

Emily folds her arms.

EMILY (CONTD)
Heh. You know, this whole situation
really gave me something to think
about. I used to believe that all
lawyers were huge pieces of shit,
but after meeting your father, now
I know, at least half a percent of
them are genuinely good people.

Emma stops combing her hair.

 6.

EMMA
Yeah. My dad got your cake. The
file you put in there really helped
him escape prison. He used it to
stab a security guard.

EMILY
OH? Did he died?

EMMA
No. He was stabbed in his ass.
It was an ass stabbing.

EMILY
Interesting... Anyway! You'll never
guess what happened to me today!

EMMA
Did you meet a Satanist?

EMILY
What? You too?

EMMA
Yeah, he said if I worshiped
Satan, all my wishes, and dreams
would come true. He gave me a
Satanic Bible. The first few
pages are instructions on how to
summon a demon to grant your wish.
Apparently, they're like genies.

EMILY
Not that I like Satan, but this
idea of having my hopes, and
desires fulfilled is really
appealing.

EMMA
I think we should try it out.

EMILY
How does it work?

EMMA
Well, we have to find a host for
the demon so he, or she, can come
into our world.

EMILY
Huh, yeah, and who's the idiot
that's gonna volunteer for this?

INT. BASEMENT, 90 KERRY CRES - NIGHT

 7.

In a plain basement, Harry is in a chair, casually eating

cookies.

HARRY
So, erm, what's this whole
thing about again?

Actually, he is in the middle of a pentagram, surrounded by

numerous candles.

Emma, and Emily are here too, together, holding a Satanic

Bible.

EMILY
Shut your mouth, Harry! The deal
was, we gave you those cookies,
and you don't ask us any
stupid questions!

HARRY
Okay. Jesus.

EMMA
This isn't about Jesus. Far
from it.

EMILY
Now hush, child! We must get to
work, lest the blood moon
leaves.

Emily and Emma together read from the Satanic Bible.

EMILY
(chanting)
Oooh, monny, monny, moo!
Nanny, nanny, loo! Eera,
beera, baddy, daddy, boo!
Dark Prince we speak to you!
Hear our prayers, and make us
rich, don't be a total bitch!
EMMA
(chanting)
Oooh, monny, monny, moo!
Nanny, nanny, loo! Eera,
beera, baddy, daddy, boo!
Dark Prince we speak to you!
Hear our prayers, and make us
rich, don't be a total bitch!

Together Emily, and Emma slam shut the Satanic Bible. At that
instant a bolt of lightning shoots out from it, and connects
itself to Harry.

The lightning lifts him up, and then drops him back into his
chair. Harry is now passed out, his head is drooped to the
side.

As Emily, and Emma looked on worried, Harry suddenly awakes,

and opens his eyes, which are now a glowing red.
 8.

Harry stands and walks over to Emma, and Emily. We notice he

has a strange hiss to his voice.

HARRY
Hello, I am Bojangles the demon.
For what reason am I summoned?
Do you desire to make a wish?

Emma, and Emily glance at each other in disbelief.

EMMA
OOOH! I wish Justin Timberlake
were my boyfriend!

EMILY
Seriously? Out of all the things
to wish for in the world that's
what you want? What a waste of
a wish!

EMMA
I like his music, okay?

HARRY
(to Emily)
And what would you like, oh, dark
haired girl?

EMILY
Hmmm... I've always wanted a
pet dog.

So, Harry snaps his fingers on both hands, which somehow

produces sparks.
HARRY
It is done!

Emily looks around, but there's nothing. No dog.

EMILY
Where's the dog?

HARRY
You shall see.

Harry opens his mouth, and the spirit of a demon comes out,
and floats up, escaping through the ceiling.

Harry then goes unconscious, and falls to the floor.

EMMA
He's not dead, is he?
 9.

Emily puts her foot on Harry's belly and presses it. He lets
out a fart.

EMILY
Not yet, no.

EXT. HIGH SCHOOL #90456 DAY

School is on. No kids outside.

INT. CAFETERIA, HIGH SCHOOL #90456 - DAY

Lunch time. Emily is at table having a salad when Emma

appears, and excitedly takes a seat beside her to talk.

EMMA
Emily, you'll never guess what
happened!

EMILY
You discovered where missing
socks end up? Is it, is it Narnia?

EMMA
No, silly, my wish came true!

EMILY
Wuuut! Justin Timberlake is your
boyfriend?

EMMA
Well... Not exactly. I met someone
named Justin Timberlake, but he's
not the singer, and he's been
hounding me for a date.

EMILY
Is he good looking?

EMMA
To be honest, I think your
brothers more attractive.

EMILY
Damn! Justin Timberlake must be
one, ugly, mother fucker!

EMMA
Ah, thats a bit harsh, dont you
think?
 10.

EMILY
Nope.

At this moment, JUSTIN T, aka the non-singing Justin

Timberlake, appears, and he taps Emma on her shoulder.

JUSTIN T
Emma! I've been looking all over
for you!

Emma slowly turns to Justin T.

EMMA
Hello, Justin...Timberlake. I was
just having lunch.

We see that Justin T is a smelly, disgusting, human being.

JUSTIN T
Emma, whyve you been ignoring me?

EMMA
I'm not ignoring you...

Justin T gets down on bended knee, and takes Emma's hand.

JUSTIN T
EMMA! I love you! Be my girlfriend!

EMMA
Justin. I told you before, I'm not
interested.

JUSTIN T
Come on. Give it a chance. How
about we go out on a date? Just one
measly date.

EMMA
No, I dont want to.

Justin T stands. He angrily points at Emma.

JUSTIN T
So, you think youre too good for
me, huh! Well, let me tell you
something, Emma! Youre nothing but
a deceitful, horse-faced whore!
Youre a skank! A wanker! A dirty,
filthy slut!

Emma seems taken aback, but Emily on the other hand looks
angry.
 11.

EMILY
(to Justin T)
Oh, fuck off. Your insults don't
make any sense whatsoever. A woman
refusing a date is actually the
exact opposite of a slut.

JUSTIN T
What do you mean?

Emily stands up, and goes over to Justin T, and pokes him in
his flabby chest.

EMILY
Leave my friend alone! Or else!

JUSTIN T
Or else what?

Justin T gives Emily a shove.

EMILY
That does it! I'm gonna Ronda
Rousey you.

JUSTIN T
You what?

Emily springs up, and does a flying armbar on Justin T. She

bends his arm, and then snaps it.

Justin T screams.

JUSTIN T (CONTD)
Yeeaaaaaaaaaaaaaagh!

INT. FUNERAL HOME - DAY

Justin T's corpse is in a casket. Meanwhile, Reverend

Boville, aka REV BOVILLE, is at the front performing the
eulogy.

We see MR TIMBERLAKE and MISSUS TIMBERLAKE are here as well

as Chang, Mindy, Harry, Craig, Emily, and Emma.

REV BOVILLE
Oh, Lawd! Lawdy, Lawd, Lawd! What
a tragedy we face when a man so
young passes away so quickly. But
on our day of mourning we remember
who he was, and how much he was
loved.
(MORE)
 12.
REV BOVILLE (CONT'D)
Justin Timberlake was a damned fine
human being, and he does not
deserve to be within the confines
of this casket. However, we may
find justice for I believe I know
who has caused his death.

Rev Boville points to Emily.

REV BOVILLE (CONTD)

It was you! You did this, Emily
Wang! You broke Justins arm, and
the shock caused him to have a
fatal heart attack!

EMILY
I --

REV BOVILLE
You should be ashamed! You should
be struck down, and sent into the
depths of hell, where you would
burn, and suffer for all eternity!

EMILY
I'm sorry, I didn't mean to kill
Justin Timberlake. But he was being
a creepy, overbearing, piece of
shit.

REV BOVILLE
It's too late for that! You
will be punished!

Rev Boville raises his arms as if commanding the ether, and

then he disappears, leaving behind only his clothes.

EMILY
What the hell...?

Suddenly everyone around Emily turns into shadows -- living

shadows, like people but made out of shadow, and darkness.

Emily notices this in her peripheral vision, and then turns

her head, left, and then right, and then she hastily gets out
of her seat, and turns to face the crowd of shadows. Her eyes
are wide, and fearful.

The SHADOWS stand up, and point to her all at once.

SHADOWS
Guilty!
 13.

EMILY
No, please, I --

Two shadows in the crowd sink into the ground, disappearing,

and then rise up right behind Emily. They grab her arms, and
cover her mouth as she tries to scream.

They turn her, making her face the casket.

From the casket, Justin T's corpse rises up. Justin T gets
out of his casket, and like a zombie, ambles towards Emily.

He stops, and using his hands, stretches his mouth by several

feet. Inside his mouth is the land of hell, full of fire, and
torture.

Emily shakes her head.

EMILY (CONTD)
(muffled)
NOOOO!

The shadows holding her drag her into hell, and when she is
in there, Justin T's mouth closes shut.

INT. EMILY'S ROOM, 90 KERRY CRES - NIGHT

A nightmare. Emily, with a cold sweat, suddenly awakes.

Heavily she's breathing. But soon her eyes look side to side,
and she realizes she's in bed, and her face, and disposition
calm.

EMILY
Oh, thank God. It was just a
nightmare. I'm not going to hell.
...Well, not right now, anyway.

EXT. POHA PARK - DAY

Under a tree, Mindy, and Chang are sat on a checkered

blanket, having a picnic. Their arms are intertwined, holding
two wineglasses, which they sip from to have soda.

Meanwhile, Harry, Craig, and Emily are off playing soccer.

Harry is in goalie position as Emily, and Craig are facing

off for the ball. They stand on either side of the ball, and
then a whistle blows.

Emily dashes forward, and takes control of the ball. She runs
to the net with Craig lagging, chasing from behind.
 14.

EMILY
Ha-ha! Try to keep up, slow poke!

CRAIG
Slow poke? I find that highly
offensive!

Craig suddenly charges ahead, and kicks the ball off Emily.

The ball seemingly goes towards the soccer net, and Harry
jumps for it, but misses. The ball goes astray, flying off
into the collection of trees behind, where it disappears.

Emily, and Craig stop, seeing what's happened.

EMILY
Craig! You lost our soccer ball!

CRAIG
Don't hate the player, sister;
hate the game.

Harry stands up, and looks as well. He puts his flattened

hand over his eyes, and squints.

HARRY
Aww, gee, that was our last ball.

EMILY
(sighs)
I'll get it.

Emily heads for the forest, and goes inside.

EXT. POHA FOREST - DAY (CONTINUOUS)

Emily enters the forest. Despite being day, it's dark, and
creepy. Walking forward, she swivels her head, looking for
her lost ball.

She spots it near a bush. She jogs ahead to grab it, and then
a dog, a Rough Collie, comes out of hiding.

MR PB, short for Mister Peanut Butter, gives a friendly bark,

and pushes the ball to Emily. She picks it up.

EMILY
Oh, why, thank you very much. How
polite of you. Are you Canadian? He-
he.

MR PB gives a friendly bark. He goes up to Emily, gets on his

hind legs, and licks her face. She smiles.
 15.

EXT. POHA PARK - DAY

At this point, Chang, Mindy, Harry, and Craig are all

gathered on the checkered blanket under the tree.

They are each reading a book when Emily comes out of the
woodwork, and appears with Mr PB running alongside. She huffs
excitedly.

EMILY
You guys! Look what I got!

The Wangs put down their books, and look up.

EMILY (CONTD)
Isn't he adorable?

Emily rubs Mr PB's head.

EMILY (CONTD)
I named him Mr PB. PB is short
for peanut butter, because some
of his fur reminds me of peanut
butter.

CHANG
Emily, we are not keeping that
dog.

EMILY
Why not? I can't believe you, dad.
First you forget about my birthday,
and now this?

CHANG
It's your birthday? I mean, uh --
happy birthday! I was the one who
left that dog in the forest. As a
surprise. For you! I hope you like
your gift, Emily.

EMILY
Oh, dad. You're the best!

Emily hugs Chang, and then runs off with Mr PB.

CHANG
Now, excuse me, family. I have to
use the bathroom.

Chang stands up.

 16.

CHANG (CONTD)
(whispers)
Im gonna pee in the bushes.

Chang leaves. Right after, Harry looks at Mindy.

HARRY
Hey. It's not Emily's birthday.

MINDY
Let it go, Harry. Let it go.

INT. LIVING ROOM, 90 KERRY CRES - DAY

The Wangs are all gathered in the living room, watching TV.
As usual we have Chang, Mindy, Emily, Harry, Craig, and the
newest addition, Mr PB.

The NEWS is on.

INT. NEWS ROOM - DAY (TV)

SANJAY GOOBER gives us the update.

SANJAY GOOBER
Hello, I'm Sanjay Goober. Today on
the news we have some shocking
news. Today eighty-nine people in
99 Oaks, California were brutally
murdered.

A box in the corner shows a pile of dead bodies, and then

accordingly follows Goober's words.
SANJAY GOOBER (CONTD)
But here's the freaky part all the
bodies have dog teeth marks.
Investigators believe that the
killer is OJ Simpson, who has
recently escaped prison. If you
know where he is, please contact
me, because I want his autograph.
He's my favorite football player.
Oh, sure, he's a murderer, but he
did some great things for the
sport.

INT. LIVING ROOM, 90 KERRY CRES - DAY (RETURN TO SCENE)

We return to Chang, Emily, Mindy, Harry, Craig, and Mr PB

after watching the news.
 17.

CHANG
Guys, did you hear that? All the
people killed had dog bite-marks.

CRAIG
Heh, that OJ Simpson is quite the
character.

CHANG
No, hes not... Emily, would you
please cover Mr PB's ears?

EMILY
Why?

CHANG
Just do it.

Emily covers Mr PB's ears.

CHANG (CONTD)
(whispers)
I think Mr PB is the real murderer.
He killed all those people.

EMILY
Are you kidding me?

CHANG
The other day I saw him dragging
an unconscious body into the
backyard. I didn't do anything
because I was feeling lazy, but
what the fuck was he doing?
MINDY
Oh, Chang. He was probably rescuing
him. Mr PBs a good dog like that.

CHANG
Nuh-uh! What about when I worked on
that movie set that time, and he
yelled at me for no good reason?

INT. MOVIE SET - DAY (FLASHBACK)

We're on a movie set. There are fake trees, fake grass, a

wooden bench, and a painted background, with a blue sky, and
white clouds.

There are two actors in this scene: BRYCE, a dashing redhead,

and MR PB.
 18.

Bryce is kneeling down in front of Mr PB, stroking the fur

atop his head.

BRYCE
Oh, Mr PB. You're so smart, and
handsome. If only you were a human
being, we'd be perfect for each
other.

MR PB
Well, what if I told you that --

Mr PB becomes distracted. He looks at Chang who is behind,

walking across the set.

Chang gets to a light, and starts adjusting it, tweaking the

angle.

Mr PB goes over to Chang, and barks.

MR PB (CONTD)
Hey! What are you doing?

Chang stops to answer Mr PB.

CHANG
Uh, adjusting the lights.

MR PB
I'm gonna kick your fucken ass!

CHANG
(confused)
I...
MR PB
I want you off the fucken set,
you prick!

CHANG
Mr PB, I'm sorry.

MR PB
No, don't just be sorry. Think
for one second!

Chang scratches his head.

MR PB (CONTD)
Da, da, da fuck are you doin'?!
Are you professional, or not?!

CHANG
Yes. I am.
 19.

MR PB
Do I fucken walk around, and --

CHANG
Mr PB, please...

MR PB
NO! NO! Shut the fuck up! Listen!
Am I gonna walk around, and rip
your fucken lights down in the
middle of a scene?

CHANG
No.

MR PB
Then why the fuck are you walkin'
right through here?!

Mr PB motions his legs as if walking.

MR PB (CONTD)
"DAH DAH DAH DAAAH!" like this in
the background. What the fuck is it
with you?! What don't you fucken
understand about this?!? For
fucksakes, man. You're such an
amateur.

Chang sheds a tear.

EXT. 90 KERRY CRES - NIGHT

A black car pulls into the driveway. Five men with machetes
then come out. They go up to the front (double) door, and
kick it in.

INT. MAIN FOYER, 90 KERRY CRES - NIGHT

The five bad guys with their machetes burst inside. As soon
as they step in they meet Mr PB, who is calmly sitting in
front of them.

The one at the front, BAD GUY #1, grins.

BAD GUY #1
Aw, look, a cute, lil dog!

Mr PB grins back, and then growls, and lunges at Bad Guy #1.
He clamps down on his balls with his teeth.

Bad Guy #1 howls in pain.

 20.

INT. MASTER BEDROOM, 90 KERRY CRES - NIGHT (CONTINUOUS)

Mindy and Chang are peacefully asleep in their bed as we hear

what's going on downstairs: The bad guys are screaming,
crying in pain as Mr PB rips them to shreds.

INT. HARRY'S ROOM, 90 KERRY CRES - NIGHT

Harry is asleep in his bed too. Craig is here as well, but is

on the floor with a blanket.

The cacophony of Mr PB's rage continues.

INT. EMILY'S ROOM, 90 KERRY CRES - NIGHT

Emily's sleeping, hugging a pillow She turns onto her side,

while the would be robbers/home invaders beneath her cry for
mercy.

BAG GUY #1
No... No... Please! Let me live!
I'm sorry! I'm not really a bad
person -- I'm not a lawyer!

We hear Mr PB growl, and then go CHOMP! A bone crunching

noise travels through the house.

EXT. 90 KERRY CRES - DAY

The night turns into day, and the sun rises. The front double
door to the house opens, and Chang, Mindy, Emily, Harry,
Craig, and Mr PB come out.
They stop right away, and seeing something, stare ahead like
they are shocked.

CHANG
Holy crap! What hell is that?

We turn our perspective, and see on the lawn, five poles, and
atop these poles the severed heads of the five bad guys from
last night. Their foreheads have either a pentagram carved
into it, or "666."

Chang runs over to the poles, and stands in front of them.

CHANG (CONTD)
Jesus Christ! What happened here?!
Where did these heads come from?!
 21.

Mr PB, with his tongue out, happily wags his tail. Chang
gasps, and points to him.

CHANG (CONTD)
It was him! The dog! Mr PB! I
know he did this!

EMILY
Dad, I know these severed heads are
really disturbing, but how could he
even do this? It makes no sense.
Don't be silly.

CHANG
I'm not silly...!

Chang runs up to Mr PB, takes out a bottle of holy water, and

splashes it on him.

CHANG (CONTD)
The power of Christ compels you!
The power of Christ compels you!

Mr PB seems to shrink but then shakes his head, and barks,

and starts marching forward with a growl. Chang backs up.

CRAIG
Uh-oh. He looks pissed off.

Chang grabs one of the poles in the ground, head and all, and
holds it out like a spear. He twice thrusts it at Mr PB to
ward him off.

CHANG
Get back!
But Mr PB keeps coming forward. Chang thrusts his pole again,
this time hitting the dog in its face.

Mr PB stops, whimpers, and lowers down, and puts his paws

over his eyes as if really hurt.

CHANG (CONTD)
Omigoodness. Mr PB, I'm so sorry!

Chang positions his pole sideways, so that it is not held out

like a spear, and with a concerned look, he starts walking
toward Mr PB, whos still making whimpering sounds.

Then Mr PB suddenly removes his paws from his eyes, stands,

as dogs do, and looks up at Chang, who stops in his tracks.

MR PBs eyes are glowing blood red.

 22.

CHANG (CONTD)
Whoa, whats wrong with your eyes?

Mr PB tilts his head up, and howls. He then makes growling

noises, and begins shaking, and convulsing. He Hulks out, and
transforms into a MONSTROUS BEAST.

This monstrous beast is a strange mix of creatures. It has

the head of a dog, the teeth of a saber tooth tiger, the skin
of a naked mole rat, and a body like an over-sized gorilla.

CHANG (CONTD)
Uh-oh...

Mr PB, in his MONSTROUS FORM, goes over to Chang, and looks

down at him with an angry face.

Chang looks back at him, but it looks like hes gonna totally
shit himself.

Mindy seeing this hastily takes out her magic wand, and zaps
the pole with the head on it that Chang is holding.

The pole rises up, and Chang finds himself in the air.

CHANG (CONTD)
(looking down)
What the?

MINDY
Get on!

Chang does something like a muscle up, and gets atop the
pole, and sits on it like a flying broom. He points his
finger outward.
CHANG
Go!

The pole, in the air, rushes away, and then on the ground Mr
PB follows from behind at an incredible speed.

EXT. TWIN BUILDINGS - DAY

There are two tall buildings here, connected by a bridge in

the middle.

Chang comes flying through the air, on his pole, and crashes
through a window in line with the height of the bridge.

Seconds later, Mr PB, as a monster, appears, and climbs up

the building, and crawls through the broken window.
 23.

INT. OFFICE, TWIN BUILDINGS - DAY (CONTINUOUS)

The office like any other office is filled with desks. In the
middle of this we see the pole that Chang used to fly. It's
broken, and snapped in two.

In the nearby distance Chang himself is hiding under a desk,

hugging his knees.

Continuing from earlier, Mr PB climbs through the broken

window. He sniffs the air, and slowly walks ahead, turning
his head, side to side, as if searching.

When he comes to the end of the set of desks, he suddenly

goes back, and jumps on top of them. He goes to the very desk
that Chang his beneath.

Mr PB raises his head, and howls. We focus on his face, then

he grabs the edge of the desk he is atop, and swings his head
down to look below. No one is there.

Chang is on the outside, crawling away. Chang finds another

hiding spot under a different desk.

Mr PB jumps down, and gets to even ground.

In a rage he kicks his hind leg back like a bull, and rushes
straight ahead, crashing through all the desks, and just
narrowly missing Chang.

Chang takes this as a cue, and comes out of his second hiding
spot. Again he begins crawling.

This time around, Mr PB rushes exactly to the spot where he

is, and grabs him up by the back of his neck, and roars.
Mr PB throws Chang aside like he's nothing.

Chang falls against a plant, and at a spot where there's a

fire extinguisher.

Mr PB marches towards Chang. Chang gets up, grabs the fire

extinguisher, and sprays the monstrous creature.

He throws the fire extinguisher, and runs off for the door
marked EXIT.

INT. BRIDGE, TWIN BUILDINGS - DAY (CONTINUOUS)

Chang gets onto the bridge connecting the twin buildings. He

continues running, and looks back over his shoulder, and sees
Mr PB following behind, steadily stalking.
 24.

Chang returns his head forward, and suddenly spots Emily. He

stops right in front of her, putting his heels down to avoid
a collision.

CHANG
Emily? How... How did you get here
so quickly?

EMILY
Uber! Now, get out of the way, dad.
I have some business to deal with.

Emily, who has a hand behind her back, goes around Chang, and
walks towards Mr PB.

Chang stays back, and watches. He seems a bit baffled, but

refrains from interfering.

EMILY (CONTD)
Mr PB!

Emily takes out a double-barreled, sawed-off shot gun from

behind her back.

EMILY (CONTD)
You have been a BAD DOG!

Emily shoots at Mr PB.

EMILY (CONTD)
A BAD, BAD DOG!

She shoots him again.

Mr PB has stopped coming forward, and is knocked down by the

second blast. He falls flat onto his back.

Emily walks up to Mr PB, and looks down at him.

His eyes are closed. There are two huge holes in his torso,
that combined makes what looks like one large hole.

CHANG (O.S.)
Ye boyyyy! You fucked that dog up
like Old Yeller!

Then the holes on Mr PBs body close, and his body totally
heals as if nothings happen.

Mr PBs eyes opens.

Emily takes a step back.

Mr PB stands up, and gets to his feet.

 25.

CHANG (CONTD)
Oh, shiat.

Mr PB stares down at Emily with an angry face. Emily looks

right back at him.

EMILY
Im not afraid of you.

Mr PB swats away Emilys shotgun. Then he grabs her by the

front of her neck, and shoves her up against a glass pane,
and holds her in place.

MR PB
I will make your death quick, and
painless, Emily.

Mr PB roars. Emily quickly goes into her pocket, takes out a

chocolate bar, and tosses it into his gullet. He goes GULP!
and his eyes go wide.

He lets go of Emily, and backs away like he's in pain.

He holds his throat. His face starts swelling. He shakes, and

stumbles about, and puts his back against a glass pane for
support.

We can hear his labored breathing. The allergic reaction is

doing him in.

Then Emily shouts to Chang.

EMILY
Dad! Double dragon time!
Chang nods.

Emily, and Chang gather before Mr PB, and they strike a kung-
fu pose, and then charge at him with flying kicks.

The flying kicks send Mr PB through the glass.

EXT. TWIN BUILDINGS - DAY (CONTINUOUS)

Mr PB from the bridge falls to the ground below, and explodes

into several pieces.

Emily, and Chang we see are looking down through the newly
made hole in the bridge.
 26.

INT. BRIDGE, TWIN BUILDINGS - DAY (CONTINUOUS)

Emily, and Chang lift their heads up. They then look to each
other, and relieved give each other a hug.

CHANG
Thanks for saving me, Emily.

EMILY
You're welcome, dad.

Emily and Chang let go of each other. Emily puts her hand
around her dad's shoulder.

EMILY (CONTD)
C'mon. Let's go home.

Together the two walk away.

EXT. TWIN BUILDINGS - DAY

The head of Mr PB (just his head) is laying lifeless on the

ground outside. But suddenly one eye opens. It's alive!

Then Chang, and Emily come into view.

CHANG
Hey, look, Emily. Mr PB's head
opened one of its eyes. It's saying
like: "I'm still alive!" You know,
so there can be a sequel or
something. It's a real open ending
here. But I hate open endings. Just
wrap this shit up already! My time
on planet Earth is limited!

EMILY
Okay, dad. I hear you. Loud, and
clear.

CHANG
Wait, didnt this sorta already
happen a minute ago? You know, when
you used your shotgun on MR PB, and
he instantly healed, and opened his
eyes, and got up.

EMILY
Yeah, I remember that.

CHANG
Damn, this is some straight
bullshit.
(MORE)
 27.
CHANG (CONT'D)
Its like goddamn tropes, or
whatever they call it. Well, fuck
you, tropes!

Chang runs, and soccer kicks Mr PB's head. The head comes
flying toward us.

EXT. 90 KERRY CRES - DAY

The Wang household is back to normal.

INT. LIVING ROOM, 90 KERRY CRES - DAY

Chang, Mindy, Harry, Emily, Craig, and RORY the raccoon are
sitting around the living room in front of the TV.

They look bored, if a little sad.

EMILY
(sighs)
I miss Mr PB.

HARRY
Me too.

CRAIG
I know he was technically evil, but
he had a lot of heart.

MINDY
He was the Mike Tyson of dogs.

Chang groans.
CHANG
You guys are so goddamned sappy!

EMILY
What's wrong with that?

Chang stands, and points to his family with two fingers.

CHANG
Listen, I'm gonna cheer all y'all
up right fucking now!

MINDY
How?

CHANG
ASIAN NASCAR.
 28.

EXT. RACE STADIUM - DAY

The stadium is crowded but there are five empty seats. Here,
Chang, Mindy, Emily, Harry, and Craig come down the steps,
and fill these seats.

CHANG
Oooh, I can't wait to see a car
crash!

Chang uses the binoculars from around his neck, and looks at
the track. There's a damaged vehicle "resting" upside down.

CHANG (CONTD)
Aw, man. We're too late.

Then all of a sudden two racing cars going in opposite

directions for some reason smash into each other, spin out of
control, and hit the barrier off to the side.

The next moment all these cars come flying out from the air,
and slam down creating a dog pile of cars. The pile of cars
sets on fire, and explodes.

In the stands the crowd look shocked, and they gasp -- but
then they smile, and clap with delight.

A stray, unconscious, race car driver hurtles past the Wang

family, and leaves the stadium.

THE END