THE WANGS

S3E4

"Gone Bananas"

Harry Jonathan Chong

6/28/2016

Mad scientist Hercules Horowitz plots to make Earth into a planet

full of highly intelligent apes.
EXT. OUTSIDE ZOO - DAY

We get a glimpse of a zoo from the outside.

INT. INSIDE ZOO - DAY

Chang, Mindy, Craig, Harry, and Emily are walking along at a

leisurely pace.

Harry turns his head at the tiger habitat, which is basically

a cage, but filled with greenery to mimic a tiny jungle.

HARRY
Hey, look at that.

The others stop, and look as well.

Harry goes up to the cage, and reads the sign affixed.

HARRY (CONTD)
(reading)
The tiger from The Life of Pi.

CRAIG
Oooh, fancy.

Emily squints at the cage, seeing no tiger.

EMILY
So, wheres the tiger?

MINDY
It must be shy.
(cups mouth)
Come on out, Richard Parker!

Chang gets closer to the cage, and yells.

CHANG
Stop being a lazy, striped asshole!
We paid good money to visit you!
Now show yourself, tiger tits!

HARRY
Tiger tits?

Suddenly a RANDOM PERSON runs across screaming bloody murder.

RANDOM PERSON
Aaaaagh! Some maniac let all the
animals out! Run, everyone! Run for
your bloody lives!
 2.

Mindy, Emily, and Harry look at each other with worry. But
Craig, and Chang dont seem bothered.

CHANG
(to family)
Ah, dont worry about it. Hes
probably just a Goddamn nutter. I
mean, this zoo is the best zoo in
the world. Its as safe as, uh,
Jurassic Park. Remember that movie,
and how safe everything was?

Then we hear the roar of a TIGER.

With a leap the tiger appears in front of the Wangs. It

slowly walks forward.

The Wangs, frightened, carefully back up, with their palms

out submissively.

HARRY
Whoa, whoa, whoa! Easy, Richard
Parker! Were your friends, okay?

The tiger roars again.

MINDY
(whispering)
Craig, do something. Youre made
out of metal. Kick his ass!

CRAIG
Youre right! I should kick his
ass!
Craig charges at the tiger head first.

The tiger jumps out of the way, and Craig, missing, smashes
his head into the cage in front, and knocks himself out.

The tiger glances at the unconscious robot, and shakes its

head as if thinking What were you thinking? and then it
turns around, and turns its attention back toward Chang,
Mindy, Emily, and Harry.

Now it looks even angrier than before, and it growls, pushing

the Wangs back, striking fear into their Asian souls.

HARRY
Should we make a run for it?

EMILY
You can outrun a tiger?
 3.

HARRY
Well, I dont have to outrun the
tiger, I just have to outrun the
slowest person.

EMILY
Yeah, thats you.

HARRY
Oh, okay, nobody run then!

Roar! The tiger jumps for the Wangs. But as it is mid-air an

elephant trunk grabs it.

We see the elephant responsible for this, who makes a loud

trumpeting noise.

The frightened tiger in its grasp is twirled around, and then

tossed aside like its nothing.

The elephant looks at the Wangs. Harry runs up to it and hugs

its trunk.

HARRY (CONTD)
Thank you, Mr Elephant. Thank you
so much. You are a true hero.

The elephant pushes Harry aside to the ground, and runs past
him.

When it leaves there is a following stampede of animals,

including: Giraffes, penguins, peacocks, wolves, more
elephants, grizzly bears, pandas, monkeys, gorillas, chimps,
alligators, lions, and zebras, and so on.
CHANG
Omigod! Jumanji! Fucking Jumanji!

MINDY
Thats what you say every time you
see a bunch of animals together.
Chang, your joke is getting old.

CHANG
You say old, I say classic.
Ponayno...ponawno!

Soon the animal stampede comes to its end. Harry stands up,
and with the others, see the Galapagos tortoise lagging
behind.

Chang grins.
 4.

CHANG (CONTD)
Ha! You jerk off! You thought you
could outrun the hare! Hell fucking
naw -- youre slow as shit.

The Galapagos tortoise leaves, and then right behind him

comes a hare.

EMILY
Look at that, dad. You were wrong.

CHANG
Its not my fault. Hes on drugs.
(points to hare)
Youre on drugs! Get off the smack,
and turn your life around!

MINDY
Are you actually suggesting a hare
is on drugs?

The hare stops hopping, and it takes out a needle from

somewhere, and injects itself with drugs. Then it lays on the
floor, and starts convulsing.

Everyone but Harry seems a little shocked.

HARRY
(grinning)
Whoa! This furry, little creature
knows how to par-tay!

Harry goes over to the hare, and, except for standing, starts
flailing his limbs just like it. Its very weird looking.
Chang, Mindy, and Emily appear to be quite uncomfortable with
this display of dancing. Its seen on their twisted faces.

INT. 90 KERRY CRES, HARRYS ROOM - DAY

Harry is sleeping in bed, having a nightmare. Hes sweating,

and squirming around.

HARRY
No, no, NO! Stop, David Cameron!
Stop fucking that pig! What did
Snowball ever do to you to deserve
this type of treatment?! For
Godsakes hes not even 2 years old!
You sick, nasty, dirty, British
pervert! Ah, NO! Get off of me! Im
fat, but Im not a pig! You are
very mistaken, sir!
 5.

The nightmare awakes Harry. He sits up, and opens his eyes,
breathing heavily.

HARRY (CONTD)
Oh, thank God! David Camerons not
here!

He wipes the sweat from his forehead.

INT. 90 KERRY CRES, KITCHEN - DAY

At the kitchen table, Chang, Mindy, Emily, Rory the Raccoon,

and Craig are having breakfast. They all look well dressed
like theyre going to attend church.

Harry, whos groggy, comes into the kitchen, still wearing

the clothes he slept in, and takes a seat, where there is a
bowl of oatmeal set out for him. He grabs a spoon, and starts
eating.

MINDY
Harry, when youre done eating,
dont forget to change your
clothes.

HARRY
Why do I have to change my clothes?

CHANG
Were going to a funeral.

HARRY
Awww, man. I hate funerals. Theyre
so depressing.
EMILY
Well, d-uh, what do you expect?
Rainbows and sparklers? Funerals
are supposed to be depressing;
theyre about dead people.

CRAIG
Ah-ha-ha! Dead people. Thats
funny. Im a robot, so I dont have
to worry about death. Ill still be
alive when you guys are all dead.
(frowns)
Thats kind of sad actually.

HARRY
So, who exactly is this carcass
well be visiting?
 6.

CHANG
Hercules Horowitz. Someone I used
to work with. He was a brilliant
engineer, and scientist. He
invented a device that translates
baby talk into real words. He got
the idea from an episode of The
Simpsons.

HARRY
How did he die?

CHANG
He was brutally murdered. Someone
just snapped his neck like a twig.
Or a pencil, if you will.

HARRY
Who, who killed him?

CHANG
Nobody knows. I mean, its a total
mystery. Who is actually strong
enough to snap an engineers neck?

EMILY
Um, Vladimir Putin?

Mindy thinks for a moment, and then nods.

MINDY
Yep. I can definitely see Vladimir
Putin snapping an engineers
neck...or the necks of small, tiny,
innocent children. Heh. Thats
crazy. Im crazy for thinking that,
right?

Everyone else shakes their heads no.

MINDY (CONTD)
Okay then.

EXT. 90 KERRY CRES - DAY

All dressed up for the funeral, Chang, Mindy, Harry, Emily,

and Craig come out the front door of their home.

They take a few steps forward, and then suddenly stop. They
appear to be in great shock upon spotting something laying on
the ground -- though Chang only a moment later instead seems
rather annoyed.
 7.

CHANG
Alright! Who left this dead body on
the ground?

Chang glares at his kids.

EXT. 90 KERRY CRES - NIGHT

Day turns to night in front of the Wang household. The Wangs

however are all staying inside.

At this moment police officer PLUNK and DUNK arrive on the

scene. They go up to the front door, and knock.

It opens, with Chang as the answerer. He yawns, looking kind

of tired on account of it being well after midnight.

CHANG
(yawns)
Hello? Can I help you two?

PLUNK
Howdy, partner. You called about a
dead body?

CHANG
Jeez Louise! That was ONE week ago.
You took one week to answer a call
about a dead body?

DUNK
Dead bodies are not really a
priority for us, unless one is
being created -- if you know what I
mean.

CHANG
I do know what you mean, and I
think thats terrible. The body I
found was a real, human being, who
had a life, and a family, and some
other bullshit. I dunno, a, uh, pet
mongoose. You get my point.

DUNK
Yah, yah, wheres the corpse?

Chang points behind officers Plunk and Dunk.

 8.

They turn around, and spot the corpse, which is stinky, and
rotting. They seem a bit dumbfounded that they didnt notice
it in the first place.

PLUNK
Hmm, I thought something smelled
like Parmesan cheese.

EXT. 90 KERRY CRES - DAY

Harry, Emily, and Emma, wearing backpacks, return from

school.

They go up to the front door, and spot a note attached to it

with a knife.

EMMA
Hey. Theres a note on the door.

Harry grabs the knife, and tries pulling it out to no avail.

Emily rolls her eyes, and tears off the note. Everyone
gathers to hear her read it aloud.

EMILY
(reading)
Youre dead! Youre all dead!

Emily, Harry, and Emma seem to be in shock -- that is until

they continue reading the note.

EMILY (CONTD)
(reading)
Ha-ha! Just kidding. Ha-ha! Did any
of your shit your pants?

Emma, and Emily look at Harry. Harry shakes his head no.

EMILY (CONTD)
(continues reading)
Anyway, weve gone off to get
revenge in Russia. Theres money on
the kitchen counter, so order
yourself some food, and dont have
a party. Take care. Love Mom, and
Dad.

EMMA
What in the fuck?
 9.

EXT. RUSSIAN GOVERNMENT BUILDING - DAY

Russia...

Where a Soviet Union flies atop a Russian Government

Building.

Then out of the sky comes a black helicopter being flown by

Craig. It touches down on the roof, and out come Chang, who
is carrying a fire extinguisher, and Mindy.

CHANG
(gestures)
Go! Go! Go!

The two run for the chimney. Chang throws the fire
extinguisher down the chimney.

INT. RUSSIAN GOVERNMENT BUILDING, BOARDROOM - DAY

VLADIMIR PUTIN, and his cronies are all around a large,

rectangular table having a meeting.

VLADIMIR PUTIN
Gentlemen, we dont have a choice.
We must destroy the United States
of America. They are responsible
for the greatest cancer on this
Earth: Microsoft.

Vladimir Putin points to the camera, and sticks up his middle

fingers.

VLADIMIR PUTIN (CONTD)

Hey, fuck you, Bill Gates! Mother
fucker!

BORIS clears his throat to add his opinion.

BORIS
(clears throats)
Wait a minute, Vladimir. Last week
you said the greatest cancer on
Earth was the people of Russia.

VLADIMIR PUTIN
Boris, listen to me. Changing your
mind is not a sign of weakness; it
is a sign of maturity.

By the FIREPLACE Changs fire extinguisher drops down into

the fire. It explodes, and the chemicals inside extinguish
the fire.
 10.

Everyone around the table looks.

Coming down a line, through the doused fireplace, Chang, and

Mindy drop into boardroom. They roll, and stand to their feet
in a single motion.

CHANG
Hello, boys!

Vladimir, and his men, reach their hands under their table,
and each take out an AK-47. They aim them at Chang, and
Mindy.

Mindy takes out her wand, and casts a protective spell -- a

shield to stop bullets.

Vladimir, and his men shoot anyway. Their bullets do nothing

against it.

CHANG (CONTD)
(grinning)
Ha-ha-ha! You losers! I am
invincible!

Chang grins, and then reaches into his back pocket, and
retrieves a high-tech looking grenade. He lobs it over the
shield protecting him, and lands it on the table of Vladimir.

The high-tech looking grenade lets out what look like many
bolts of lightening.

And they shock Vlad and all of his men unconscious. They drop
to the floor, and besides a few twitches, dont do much of
any moving.
Magic-shield down, Mindy, and Chang go to the far end of the
table to confront Vladimir Putin.

Vladimir Putin it appears cannot move, but resting on the

floor his big, beady eyes are wide open. He looks up at
Chang, and Mindy with great contempt.

VLADIMIR PUTIN
You may have crushed me, but you
have not crushed the Russian
people. Their economy will do that
to them.

Chang grabs Vladimir Putin by his cloth, and lifts him off
his feet.

CHANG
Who killed Hercules Horowitz?! I
know you were involved!
 11.

VLADIMIR PUTIN
Ah-ha-ha! Horowitz killed himself!
That bleeding heart Liberal. His
love of animals betrayed him.

MINDY
What does that mean?

VLADIMIR PUTIN
It means -- fuck you, figure it out
on your own!

Vladimir Putin closes his eyes, and passes out. His head
flops to the side.

CHANG
(disappointed)
Ah, son of a bitch.

Chang lets go of Vladimir. Vladimir drops to the floor with a

THUD.

Chang folds his arms in anger, and Mindy puts a hand on his
shoulder to console him.

Not a moment later we hear the strained voice of the great

Russian leader.

VLADIMIR PUTIN (O.S.)

...OUCH.

INT. 90 KERRY CRES, BASEMENT - NIGHT

Emily, Emma, and Harry are standing around a corkboard.

The corkboard contains a map of 99 Oaks, with pins in them,
and black & white photos, and newspaper clippings of recent
murders, where peoples necks have been mysteriously snapped.

HARRY
We are living in strange times,
people. 19 people, in our city,
yesterday were murdered via neck
snapping. And I admit at first I
didnt care, but then someone
murdered our beloved ice cream man.

Harry points to the newspaper clipping saying that the ice

cream man was murdered.

HARRY (CONTD)
What sort of monster couldve done
something like this?!
 12.

Harry starts sobbing hysterically.

Emily slaps him across the face to make him stop.

EMILY
Get your shit together, boy! We
need you to keep a level head!

Harry wipes his tears, and gives a stiff upper lip.

HARRY
Youre right. I need to be a man.
Also, I guess I can just get ice
cream at the grocery store. But
its not really the same, is it?

EMMA
Everyone, focus.

Harry, and Emily look to Emma.

EMMA (CONTD)
If we want to catch the murderer,
or dare I say murderers, we must
collect evidence. Without evidence
we have nothing.

EMILY EMMA
We should set up a trap. We should set up a trap.

HARRY
What sort of trap? We dont know
anything about the killer.

EMILY
Not so. We know the killers M-O.

Emily shows a picture of ROCKHOLD.

Rockhold is a hyper-intelligent gorilla, but we do not know

that as we can only see his back in the shadows, and in
addition to this he has on a hat, trench coat, and gloves.

In the photo Rockhold is throwing away a banana peel.

EMILY (CONTD)
He always leaves behind a banana
peel.

HARRY
Why?
 13.

EMILY
Low potassium? I dont know, but we
can use it against him.

EXT. RUSSIAN COUNTRYSIDE - NIGHT

Under a starry night sky, an old timey train travels along

the Russian countryside.

INT. RUSSIAN TRAIN - NIGHT

The Russian Train has an open setting, with beds stacked up

high, where random people are fast asleep. Some of them
though are passed out from drinking, telling from their
empty, and half-empty bottles of alcohol.

In one section is Mindy, Craig, and Chang who are contentedly

snoozing.

But Chang having to go pee awakes. He throws off his blanket,

and gets to his feet.

Eyes half closed, he stumbles through the dim setting, and

makes his way towards the bathroom.

As he is about to reach the bathroom, and he extends his hand

out for the doorknob, a figure comes out from the shadows:

A RUSSIAN ASSASSIN -- throws a rope around Changs neck.

Chang grabs the rope, to keep it from tightening, and then

hastily backs up. He takes the Assassins arm, and Judo
throws him to the ground.
Following this move, Chang attempts a head stomp; however,
the Russian Assassin rolls out of the way, and springs to his
feet.

Chang and the Russian Assassin square off.

Chang throws a three punch combo. A jab, cross, and swing,

each miss the Russian Assassin, who avoids them.

The Russian Assassin then counters with an uppercut, sending

Chang reeling back after it catches him on the chin.

The Russian Assassin now grabs Chang by his shirt, and slams
him into a wall.

The Russian Assassin takes out a knife, and places it to

Changs throat.
 14.

Chang, using both his hands, grabs the arm holding the knife,
and pushes it away, then lets off a knee strike into the
Russian Assassins groin.

The Russian Assassin drops his knife, and bends in pain.

Chang steps back, and connects his hands together, and slams
down a double-fist into his back.

The Russian Assassin falls to the ground. He starts getting

up, and Chang kicks him in the face, and sends him rolling
backward.

The Russian Assassin quickly stands.

Chang rushes toward him with a high kick.

The Russian Assassin catches his leg, and sweeps him to the
floor.

The Russian Assassin gets on top of Chang, taking mount

position, and starts strangling him with two hands.

Chang tries to pull his hands off but cannot. The Russian
Assassin is too strong.

Changs face now starts changing color, and his vision is

fading.

Then all of a sudden the Russian Assassin stops moving, and

his body, and face are streaked with bright, orange lines,
and he disappears like evaporated.

Behind him Mindy is revealed, holding her wand. She lends

Chang a hand, and helps him up.
CHANG
Whew. Thank God, you came just in
time.

MINDY
You know Im always here for you.

At this moment Craig comes onto the scene.

CRAIG
Aloha, everyone!

CHANG
Hey, you were supposed to be
keeping watch.

CRAIG
Im sorry, I was updating my
system.
 15.

CHANG
Oh, really?

CRAIG
Yeah, and I was, ah...
(whispers)
...watching interracial, robot
porn.

MINDY
Whats interracial robot porn?

CRAIG
Have you ever seen a Mac and PC
fuck each other real hard?

MINDY CHANG
No. Yes.

Mindy glares at Chang. Chang seems a bit embarrassed, but he

just grins, and shrugs.

CHANG
MEN!

EXT. AMERICAN ROOFTOP - DAY

Were back in America on the rooftop of a tall building.

Here Emily, Harry, and Emma are housed above in a large

contraption that looks like a combination of a construction
crane, and a claw machine used in arcades, and amusement
parks.
Below set up is a trap: a load of bananas, and a sign
pointing to it that says Free Organic Bananas.

Emily, Harry, and Emma discuss their plans.

HARRY
This is a stupid idea.

EMILY
Its not.

EMMA
He will come. Believe me. Free
organic bananas are very tempting.

HARRY
(sighs)
Alright, whatever.
 16.

Emily, Harry, and Emma turn around, and face the window to
look down.

As soon as they do they notice someone, a figure in a trench

coat, and hat, ambling down the roof.

This figure bends down to grab a banana.

EMILY
(to Emma)
Quick! Activate the claw!

Emma pushes a red button on a panel, and a big claw drops

down, and grabs this figure on the roof. It lifts up, and we
see who it is.

Its Harry.

Emma, and Emily glance back, and find Harry is not with them,
then they go back to Harry, and give him a searing glare.

EMILY (CONTD)
Harry! What the fuck are you doing
out there?

HARRY
I was hungry.

EMMA
But why are you dressed up in a
trench coat?

HARRY
I didnt want anyone to know. D-uh.
EMILY
(groans)
Oh my God.

At this moment, another figure appears. This time its the

murder suspect ROCKHOLD. He is disguised in his hat, gloves,
and trademark trench coat.

Emma gasps.

EMMA
Its the actual murder suspect!

Emma, Emily, and Harry stare at the roof, and see Rockhold
pick up a banana.

Rockhold peels the banana, and eats it, and beats his chest,
and roars.
 17.

EMILY
What the hell?
(to Emma)
Quick! Do something?!

EMMA
Uh...

Emma hits the release button for the claw.

Harry is released, and, with a scream, falls onto Rockhold.

Emma, and Emily come down a ladder, and get onto the roof.
They are oriented in a way such that they are a few feet back
but in front of Harry, who is on top of Rockhold.

EMMA (CONTD)
Harry, are you okay?

HARRY
Do I look okay?

EMMA
Yes.

Harry gets off Rockhold, and stands to his feet.

HARRY
Well, Im not. Im emotionally
scarred.

As Harry rants, Rockhold from behind comes to, and slowly

starts rising up.

HARRY (CONTD)
I mean, you used me as a sack of
potatoes. What were you thinking?
Are you out of your mind?!

Emma, and Emily both point to Rockhold but Harry ignores

them.

HARRY (CONTD)
I mean, Emma, youre such a goober!
I dont think we should be friends
anymore. Im way too good for you.
You hear me? You, you foolish,
little, uh, white --

Emma, and Emilys eyes widen as they see whats transpiring.

Finally, Emily speaks up.

EMILY
Harry, look out!
 18.

Harry turns around.

Rockhold puts his hands on Harry, and growls, revealing his

gorilla face.

Rockhold then takes Harry, and puts him over his shoulder,
and runs away with a deft quickness that only an animal could
do. He jumps off the rooftop, and disappears.

Emma, and Emily go to the roofs edge to look down, and see
nothing.

EMILY (CONTD)
Aw, crap.

EMMA
I know this isnt the time, nor
place, but its kinda funny. I just
realized we did that, uh, movie
thing.

EMILY
Huh?

EMMA
You know, in the movies when
theres something behind someone,
and theyre not paying attention,
but the characters in front can
see, and for some reason they cant
speak, but theyre pointing, and
being ignored. Then BAM! The
monster attacks!

EMILY
(pleased)
Oh, yeah. We did do that trope.
Wow. Ha. Thats...mildly
interesting.

Emma nods.

EXT. CALIFORNIAN POLICE STATION - DAY

There are palm trees, and such outside cause its

California, bro.

INT. CALIFORNIAN POLICE STATION, ADMIN AREA - DAY

Officers Plunk, Dunk are working in the administration area,

each at a cubicle beside each other.
 19.

Plunks PHONE rings. He stops typing on his computer, and

picks it up.

PLUNK
(on phone)
Howdy, partner!
(listens)
Yes, I am a real police officer.
(more listening)
Okay. Okay. Yep. Yep. I gotcha.
Thats kinda weird, but if you say
so. Uh-huh. Yah, I know. No, thats
not a thing we do anymore. Alright,
talk to you later. Peace out!

Plunk HANGS UP his phone, and spins his chair in Dunks

direction.

Dunk looks at him.

PLUNK (CONTD)
Officer Dunk, prepare your anus.

DUNK
Uhhh, what?

PLUNK
Someone just called saying they
know who the infamous neck snapper
is.

DUNK
Go on.

PLUNK
A fucking gorilla, biiitch!

DUNK
A gorilla bitch?

PLUNK
No, just a gorilla. The bitch part
was for, ah, dramatic effect.

DUNK
Oh, okay... Goddamnit.

EXT. KONG TOWER - DAY

Rockhold comes racing down the street with Harry being

carried on his shoulders. Harry squeals, and pounds
Rockholds back with his fists.
 20.

HARRY
Eeeee! Let me go, you big meanie!

Rockhold stops in front of Kong Tower, and uses the numerous

ledges, and footholds to leap up onto the second floor, and
then the third, and the fourth, and so on, and so on, until
he reaches the ROOF.

On the ROOF, Rockhold gets out a rope, and ties up Harry into
a bundle, and places him near half a dozen barrels.

Back to GROUND LEVEL -- Emma, and Emily come running onto the
scene.

They pause in front of Kong Tower, and look up.

Rockholds head peeks out from the roof, and peers down.

EMMA
(gasps)
There he is!

Rockhold sticks up his middle fingers, then disappears.

EMILY
That son of a bitch...! Alright,
Emma, I think its time to use our
spider gear.

Emma, and Emily put on their spider gear, special shoes,

and gloves made for climbing like a spider.

They get onto the face of the building, and start climbing
up.
Rockhold meanwhile is on the ROOF beside Harry.

HARRY
(to Rockhold)
You wont get away with this! Good
always wins! Whether Im good, or
not, thats sort of debatable.

Rockhold sneers. He grabs a barrel from nearby, and goes to

the edge of the roof, and throws it down at Emily, and Emma.

Emily, and Emma see the barrel falling. They easily leap out
of the way.

But Rockhold throws even more of these barrels, and at a

faster pace. He tosses down three more of them.

With their best timing, both Emma, and Emily narrowly avoid
the barrel onslaught.
 21.

Rockhold seems frustrated. He steps away from the roof.

Now Emily, and Emma get to the top of Kong Tower. They get
over the edge, and on their feet, see Harry, and the two
remaining barrels -- but no Rockhold.

EMMA
Harry! Are you okay?

HARRY
Hes still here!

EMILY
You what now?

Rockhold whos in hiding pops up from behind the two barrels.

He takes one of the barrels, and throws it out.

Emily ducks down, but Emma whos behind gets nailed. The
barrel crashes into her, and knocks her out cold.

Emily glances at Emma, and then looks back at Rockhold.

EMILY (CONTD)
Dude, what the fuck!

But Rockhold dont care, and he tosses the last barrel on the
roof like a bowling ball.

Emily jumps up, and gets into the air -- but the barrel
catches the bottom of her legs, and causes her to spin out of
control, and slam down into the ground, flat on her face.

She becomes stunned, and dazed.

HARRY
Emily!

ROCKHOLD
Silence, fatty!

Harry watches as Rockhold walks over to Emily, and lifts her

up, so that she is on her feet. Then he holds her, and takes
a grip on her head as if to snap her neck.

ROCKHOLD (CONTD)
Prepare to meet your maker.

EMILY
Wait. Before you kill me. I have to
ask you a question... Why? Why kill
all these people?
 22.

ROCKHOLD
Revenge.

EMILY
Revenge?

ROCKHOLD
On the human race! Because they
treat us animals with nothing but
cruelty! Like we are scum! Like we
are monsters! Like we are the
detritus between their toes!
(heavy, angry breathing)
And so shall I do the same to them.

EMILY
Maaan, you so crazy!

Rockhold tightens his grip on Emilys head, and slowly starts

pulling it.

Emily is sweating. Her face is twisting, turning red.

HARRY
You Goddamn, dirty ape! Let go of
my sister!

ROCKHOLD
And if I dont, what are you going
to do to me?

HARRY
Ill call the cops!

ROCKHOLD
Mwah-ha-ha! And can they hear you
from up here?

Harry stretches his neck out, looking elsewhere.

HARRY
Hey! Police! Hello! The murderer is
over here!

We hear the voice of PLUNK.

PLUNK (O.S.)
Hold it, scumbag!

Rockhold, still having a grasp of Emily, turns around to face

Officers Plunk, and Dunk, who are pointing their guns.
 23.

DUNK
Let go of the girl, or well have
no choice but to shoot!

So, Rockhold lets go of Emily, and pushes her aside to the

floor, but then draws something that looks just like a gun.

Plunk and Dunk, of course, take no hesitation to use their

pistols. They blast Rockhold with bullets.

Rockhold drops dead to the ground. Everyone is in shock.

Harry still tied up, sees Emily, and Plunk, and Dunk gather
around the corpse of the intelligent ape named Rockhold.

Dunk takes the gun from Rockholds hand. He pulls the

trigger, and water squirts out.

DUNK (CONTD)
It was just a squirt gun. He wasnt
trying to hurt us...!

Plunk howls.

PLUNK
Nooooooooo!

Plunk collapses onto his knees, and leans on Rockhold, and

sobs.

EMILY
You do remember that he snapped the
necks of numerous, innocent people,
right?
Plunk lifts his head.

PLUNK
Oh, yeah.

He stands up, and starts kicking Rockhold with a great zeal.

Grunting, hes really working up a sweat.

Meanwhile, his partner, Dunk, and Emily, and Harry look

rather ill at ease, wondering when it will all stop.

DUNK
Uh...

Dunk puts out his finger as if to say something but Emily

puts out her arm, and shakes her head no.

Plunk continues his kicking of Rockhold.

 24.

EXT. SKY - DAY

A small airplane is flying through the sky.

INT. AIRPLANE - DAY

Chang is in the COCKPIT with Mindy who is flying.

MINDY
Chang, can you please get me some
water? My throats parched.

CHANG
Sure thing, honey.

Chang LEAVES THE COCKPIT and enters the CABIN AREA. He walks
down the aisle, and notices at the end something that looks
like a convoluted, high tech canister, that has lights, metal
pieces, and numerous computer parts.

CHANG (CONTD)
(confused)
What the hell is this?

Hercules HOROWITZ pops up from underneath a blanket, and, on

his feet, brandishes a machine gun.

CHANG (CONTD)
(gasps)
Hercules Horowitz!?

HOROWITZ
In the flesh.
CHANG
I thought you were dead.

HOROWITZ
Nay, my dear Chang. I merely made a
clone of my body, and faked my
death to pursue a higher goal of
mine.

CHANG
Which is?

HOROWITZ
Im not gonna tell you. That will
allow you to foil my plans.

CHANG
Please?
 25.

HOROWITZ
Alright, since you said the magic
word -- and I cant resist.

Horowitz gestures to the high tech canister.

HOROWITZ (CONTD)
This is an experimental device I
salvaged from the brain project.
Once activated, it will spread self-
replicating nanorobots all over the
world, and transform all higher
life forms, like apes, and monkeys,
into intelligent beings. It will
essentially create a planet of the
apes.

MINDY (O.S.)
Chang! Wheres that water?!

CHANG
(to Mindy)
Coming!

HOROWITZ
And thats pretty much it.

CHANG
Horowitz, why would you do that?
You have such a brilliant mind.

HOROWITZ
I care about animals. A lot. Some
might even say sexually.
CHANG
Uh, okaaaay, and what do you want
from me?

HOROWITZ
I need one final piece to complete
my device. Hand over the Rayolator.

CHANG
I dont have it.

HOROWITZ
Dont make me shoot you in the
face.

CHANG
Okay, I do have it.
 26.

Chang retrieves the RAYOLATOR from his pocket, and hands it

to Horowitz.

Horowitz looks at it with glowing eyes.

HOROWITZ
Thank you, Chang. Youve done the
right thing.

EXT. SKY - DAY

The small airplane in the sky blows up, exploding into a

million pieces.

But just below we see Chang, and Mindy free falling, with
parachute packs on their backs.

Its a strange sight to see. The wind is whipping against

their faces, making their skin look all rubbery, and wavy.
Their teeth show as their lips are pulled back, not able to
stay in place.

Chang can be heard screaming his displeasure.

CHANG
Eaghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh...!

EXT. 90 KERRY CRES - DAY

Back home...

INT. 90 KERRY CRES, LIVING ROOM - DAY

Craig, Emily, and Harry are sitting on a sofa watching TV.

HARRY
Craig, do you know where my parents
are?

CRAIG
Yes. Theyre taking a vacation in a
place called I-dont-give-a-fuck-
istan.

EMILY
Thats not a real country.
 27.

EXT. BEACH - DAY

Mindy, and Chang with their parachutes deployed come down

from the sky, and land onto a large, sandy beach.

INT. 90 KERRY CRES, LIVING ROOM - DAY

Back to Craig, Emily, and Harry who are still in the living
room.

HARRY
Emily, Im not a pussy for being
concerned about mom, and dad.

EMILY
Bro, relax. Theyre fine.

CRAIG
Nah, probably not. Your dad is kind
of an idiot.

EMILY
And what makes you so much smarter?

CRAIG
Ask me any question, and I can
answer it.

Harry takes out a calculator and presses some numbers.

HARRY
Whats 5,919 x 267?

CRAIG
1,580,373.

Harry glances at his calculator.

HARRY
Wow! Hes right!

EMILY
Oh, okay, so you can answer any
question, huh?

CRAIG
Yes. Of course.

EMILY
Well, tell me: What does this say?

Emily takes out a mobile phone, and shows Craig a captcha.

Craig stares, and squints at it.
 28.

CRAIG
It says, uh...

Craig springs up from his seat, and runs away.

CRAIG (CONTD)
...Fuck you! I dont need this!

EMILY
No, it says: LYNN flextime!

EXT. BEACH - DAY

We return to the beach, where Chang, and Mindy are walking

down the sand, no longer carrying their parachutes.

All of a sudden Chang stops, and gets down on his knees. He

picks up some wet sand, and, while Mindy watches, confused,
he makes a sand sculpture of the Statue of Liberty -- but
only the upper half.

MINDY
What are you --

Chang pounds the sand.

CHANG
Aghhh! Y-you maniacs! You blew it
up! Damn you! Damn you all to hell!
Mother fuckers!

MINDY
I dont think Charleton Heston said
mother fuckers.
(gets an idea)
Oooh, wait, I have an idea! Chang,
stand back.

Chang gets to his feet, and stands back. Mindy uses her wand,
and zaps his sand sculpture, and turns it into a real statue.

Chang stares in awe. It looks just like the upper portion of

the Statue of Liberty, though a bit more weathered.

CHANG
Whoa! Ive always wondered what was
inside the Statue of Liberty.

And Mindy uses her wand to make a little door upon the Statue
of Liberty.

Chang goes up to the Statue of Liberty, and gets inside.

 29.

We hear the footsteps him walking around inside, and then he

stops.

CHANG (O.S.) (CONTD)

Aw, hell naw! There are people in
here already! Hey, get out of here!
This isnt for you!

We hear the voice of a TOURIST.

TOURIST (O.S.)
Can you take a picture for us?

CHANG (O.S.)
(grumbling)
Oh, alright. Fine.

The click of a camera is heard.

TOURIST (O.S.)
Thank you very much.

CHANG (O.S.)
Yah, yah, dont mention it.

FADE OUT.