THE WANGS

S4E2

"Dog Brothers"

Harry Jonathan Chong

10/25/2016

Mindy buys a cursed cupboard, then the Wangs travel to China to

find Chang's dog, and stop the Yulin Dog Meat Festival.
INT. 90 KERRY CRES, LIVING ROOM - DAY

With his backpack on, HARRY comes downstairs, and passes

through the living room, and goes to the front door, where
there is a message.

Harry takes the piece of paper, and reads it out loud.

HARRY
(reading)
Dear family, if you are wondering
where I am -- thats none of your
goddamned business! Just kidding.
Im at the shop being repaired, and
upgraded. Last nights sword fight
did not come out as I had hoped.
Take care, I shall return.
Sincerely, Craig.

Harry scratches his head.

EXT. 90 KERRY CRES - DAY

Harry comes outside. He has a look of surprise on his face.

Theres chanting from a CROWD.

CROWD
No more dog meat! No more dog meat!
No more dog meat! Fuck dog meat!

HARRY
What the shit?

There is a large gathering of protestors marching about. The

sound of their steps echo as they hold picket signs railing
against the Yulin Dog Meat Festival.

Their signs say things like: Dog Meat Is Bad Meat! Down
With Dog Meat! Save The Dogs! Dogs Are Our Friends Arf!
Arf! Arf! and #FuckTheYulinDogMeatFestival.

Harry goes over to the protestors, and sees Emma holding the
placard that says: FuckTheYulinDogMeatFestival.

HARRY (CONTD)
Emma?

Emma stops to see Harry.

EMMA
Why, hello, Jell-o!
 2.

HARRY
Are you crazy?! You cant hold a
protest in front of my house!

EMMA
Emily said we could.

Emma points. Harry turns his head.

EMILY is off to the side, wearing sunglasses, with a drink in

her hand, relaxing on a reclining lawn chair. She waves
casually by fluttering her fingers.

HARRY
(to Emma)
Alright, what is this about?

Harry reads Emmas sign.

HARRY (CONTD)
Fuck the Yulin Dog Meat Festival?
Whats the Yulin Dog Meat Festival?

EMMA
Its a food festival in China,
where they eat dogs that they
torture. Its terrible. Horrific.
An absolute abomination!
(beat)
You wanna see a video of it?

HARRY
NO.... Yes. Just hurry up.

Emma takes out her cellphone, and shows Harry

A VIDEO OF THE YULIN DOG MEAT FESTIVAL

The hand of a CHINAMAN grabs a goofy-looking, yellow dog out

of a cage, and tosses it into a boiling pot.

The Chinaman then locks this pot by placing down a lid.

Theres horrible screaming from said yellow dog. The

cameraman filming GASPS.

CHINAMAN
Dont worry. Its just air escaping
from its body.

THE VIDEO ENDS

Emma puts away her cellphone. Harry is aghast.

 3.

HARRY
Holy shit, Emma! How can I help
your cause?

EMMA
You can donate some money, which
well use for raising awareness.

Harry takes out a bunch of dollar bills, and sprinkles it

over Emma like shes an exotic dancer.

HARRY
Here, here! Take it all!

Emma puts her hands on her hips, annoyed.

EMMA
Harry. Dont sprinkle money on me.
Im not a stripper.

HARRY
Oh. Sorry.

EMMA
But every little bit helps.

Emma picks up the dollar bills, and puts them away.

EXT. MAGIC MARKET XXL - DAY

MINDY, and CHANG are at the entrance of Magic Market XXL,

whose name is indicated by a tall, welcoming sign.

Mindy, and Chang go in, and start walking ahead. The Magic
Market is a hectic area, comprised of many stalls, and kiosks
for the sale of various magical goods, and services.

Here we see many strange creatures walking up, and down, and
witches, and wizards all going about their business.

Mindy seems rather relaxed about this, but Chang is looking

around curiously, somewhat nervous.

CHANG
Hmmm, I dont like this place.
Wheres the science section?

MINDY
Sorry, my dear, but the closest
thing to science around here is
astrology.
 4.

CHANG
Astrology is bullshit.

MINDY
Thats exactly what a Capricorn
would say.

Chang, and Mindy walk a little more.

They see a MERCHANT just ahead, who is shouting out about his
wooden furniture which is for sale.

MERCHANT
Furniture! Magical furniture for
sale! Better than regular
furniture! Never breaks down, looks
lovely, and is termite resistant!
Dont pass up this bargain of a
life time!
(muttering)
But if you do pass up this bargain
of a life time, you are a dumb,
fat, ugly, stinky, horse-shit
eating, jackass.

Chang, and Mindy stop at the furniture Merchants concession.

MERCHANT (CONTD)
Ah, hello, dear friends! How do you
do?

MINDY
Uh, what was that last thing you
said? I couldnt hear.
MERCHANT
Aaaah, I forgot what I said,
because of some memory problems I
have, but rest assured I would
never ever insult my customers.

CHANG
Alright, what do you have for sale
here?

The Merchant gestures to an armoire.

MERCHANT
This is a special, magical armoire.

MINDY
In what way is it magical?
 5.

MERCHANT
If you put someone inside that you
dont like it will give them
cancer.

CHANG
Interesting.

MINDY
NEXT item, please.

The Merchant gestures again this time to a desk.

MERCHANT
Ah, here is a most beautiful desk.
Its timber comes from an ancient
forest in Madhya Pradesh, and --

MINDY
What does it do?

MERCHANT
When youre sitting at the desk
watching pornography on your
computer, it makes it look like to
others that youre busy working.

MINDY
What? Why would we need that?

CHANG
Yeah, I dont watch porn. Its
demeaning to women, and morally
wrong. But just for curiosity sake,
how much is it?
MERCHANT
The desk is only $10,000.

CHANG
$10,000?! Forget that. Id rather
everyone know I have a fetish for
school teachers, walking barefoot,
on top of key lime pies.

Mindy and the Merchant stare at Chang like theyre disgusted.

CHANG (CONTD)
Stop staring at me! I was being
hypothetical!

MERCHANT
...Sure you were.
 6.

Now, Mindy turns, and looks at a new piece of furniture.

Its a CUPBOARD of a moderate size that you can place on top

of a counter, or table.

MINDY
(interested)
Oooh. Hey, is this for sale?

MERCHANT
Everythings for sale, including my
virginity.

MINDY
Uhhh, sorry, Im only interested in
the cupboard.

MERCHANT
The cupboard is not for sale! It is
cursed!

CHANG
But you just said it was for sale.

MERCHANT
That was before I remembered it was
cursed.

CHANG
Why would you keep a cursed piece
of furniture?

MERCHANT
Im a hoarder.
MINDY
Wait, wait, what is the curse?

MERCHANT
You will have to buy the cupboard
to find out.

MINDY
You told us the cupboard is not
for sale.

MERCHANT
Im a salesman. Its reverse
psychology.

CHANG
Oooh, Mindy!

Chang tugs on Mindys sleeve.

 7.

CHANG (CONTD)
Lets buy the cupboard, so we can
find out what the curse is!

MINDY
Im not buying a cursed piece of
furniture, so you can satiate your
curiosity.

MERCHANT
(chirpy voice)
Its 50% off... Today only.

MINDY
Oh, God. Thats a really good deal.

The Merchant grins.

EXT. 90 KERRY CRES - DAY

Car parked in the driveway, and protestors gone, Chang

carries his, and Mindys magical cupboard up the walkway.

Mindy is holding open the door. Chang waddles inside, and

shortly she follows.

After the door swings shut, the local MAILMAN comes by, and
stops by the mailbox.

He opens the mailbox, and tries placing in a parcel addressed

to Harry; however, the shoebox-sized box does not fit.

Looking annoyed, the Mailman pushes against the parcel. It

hardly budges. Then he gets forceful, and he grunts, and
leans his weight into it, really shoving with his arms.

MAILMAN
(grunting)
Ugh! Get in there! Damn it!

But the parcel only gets in halfway.

The Mailman decides to lift his leg, and front kick the
parcel not once but twice to get it all the way inside.

It works! The Mailman now closes the mailboxs door, and,

satisfied, smugly nods to himself.

MAILMAN (CONTD)
Fits like a glove!

Smiling, he skips away to leave.

 8.

INT. 90 KERRY CRES, BASEMENT - DAY

Emily, and Emma are in the basement playing video games on a

small TV, when Harry excitedly comes running down the stairs
with his squashed parcel in his hands.

HARRY
You guys! You guys!

Emily, and Emma pause their game, and look at Harry.

HARRY (CONTD)
Its here!

EMMA
Whats here?

Harry joins where Emily, and Emma are. He places down his box
marked Toy Crate which gets everyones attention.

HARRY
I subscribed to Toy Crate. Its
this thing where you pay money
every month, and they send you a
bunch of a cool toys in the mail.
Each month has a theme. This
months theme is horror.

Harry tears the wrapping off his parcel, and opens the box.
He takes out an action figure that looks like an astronaut.
Its ARDAL the astronaut.

Emily, and Emma seem confused.

EMILY
Whats so horror about this?

HARRY
Wait.

Harry takes out a piece of a paper from the box, and reads
it.

HARRY (CONTD)
This toy is...
(reading)
Ardal the Astronaut. Star of the
1984, cult, classic movie, Wing
Chun Monkeys from Outer Space in
which Captain Ardal ONeal is
murdered by Wing Chun monkeys --
from outer space. Produced by
Robert Downey Jr.
 9.

EMILY
LAME!

Harry places Ardal the Astronaut aside. This time Emily takes
out a toy. Its WOODROW the Cowboy.

EMILY (CONTD)
ooh, whats this?

Woodrow looks like a regular cowboy, except half his face is

burned off.

EMMA
A cowboy!

Harry looks at his piece of paper, and reads off it again.

HARRY
(reading)
Woodrow the Cowboy. Star of the
1999 direct-to-video movie, Crispy
Crunchy Cowboy in which Woodrow
Watson is burned alive after being
accused of illegally downloading
music via time machine.

EMILY
What the fuck? Who comes up with
these stupid ideas? Is Hollywood
full of morons, or am I being too
judgmental here?

HARRY
Youre not being too judgmental.
Emma picks up the last toy from the Toy Crate box. She
holds it up for all to see. Its SERBY the giant, two-headed,
dog from hell.

EMMA
Whoa, lookit this! Its a dog. With
two freaking heads.

Harry reads off his sheet of paper.

HARRY
Thats Serby.
(reading)
Serby the Dog from Hell. The main
monster from the 2013 movie,
Curious White People Die.
 10.

EMMA
Thats it? Thats all it says? Why
do the curious white people die?

Harry puts down the piece of paper.

HARRY
I have no clue.

EMMA
Ah, never mind.

HARRY
Hey, maybe theres more things in
the box.

Harry picks up his box, and looks inside.

HARRY (CONTD)
I dont see anything in here. Oooh,
wait, theres a little sachet here.
Must be a snack.

Harry takes out a sachet of silica gel.

EMMA
Wait, I dont think --

Harry puts down the box, rips open the silica gel sachet, and
pours the contents into his mouth, and swallows.

EMILY
Hows it taste?

HARRY
It tastes like...a really bad
decision.

Harry lays down on his back, and starts twitching. Naturally,

Emma, and Emily look a little worried.

INT. 90 KERRY CRES, MASTER BEDROOM - NIGHT

Mindy, and Chang are in bed with their eyes closed.

We see their magical cupboard is rested on their dresser.

There it begins shaking, and making noise, like its alive.

MINDY
Chang... CHANG.

Chang half awakes.

 11.

CHANG
Huh? Wha -- whos there?

MINDY
Could you please get rid of that
cupboard. Its making noise again.

CHANG
Now?

MINDY
Take it outside, and leave it on
the curb like a, uhh, dead hooker.

CHANG
Like a what?

MINDY
Just get rid of it.

Chang gets up, and waddles over to the cupboard. He stares at

it, and puts his hand on his chin as if thinking of a scheme.

CHANG
Hmmmm...

MINDY
Whyre you going hmmmm? Are you
thinking up a scheme, or something?

CHANG
Huh? N-no.

MINDY
Oh. Alright then.
Mindy turns in bed, and falls back asleep.

EXT. 90 KERRY CRES - NIGHT/DAY

Night turns into day. Now its morning.

INT. 90 KERRY CRES, HARRYS ROOM - DAY

Harry wakes up with a yawn, and stretch. He gets out of bed,

and after taking a few steps, bumps his leg into an object.

He looks down, and sees a wrapped gift with a card on it.

Its the same size as Chang and Mindys magical cupboard.

HARRY
Whats all this then?
 12.

Harry takes the gift to his desk, and places it down. He

reads the card.

HARRY (CONTD)
(reading)
To my dear son. A special gift for
a special boy. You are one in a
million... Which actually means
there are about 7,000 people just
like you. If you want to be unique
you must kill them all. Good luck.
Love, your dad, aka Chang Wang, aka
the Asian Boss.

Harry puts away the card. He tears the wrapping off his gift,
and reveals, yes, the magical cupboard.

HARRY (CONTD)
(confused)
What is this? A cupboard? Why would
dad give me a cupboard? Oh, I know.
When I was a child hed read me
that nursery rhyme. Howd it go
again? Old Mother Hubbard took a
shit in her cupboard! Wait, no,
that doesnt sound right.

Harry snaps his fingers.

HARRY (CONTD)
Ah, I know! This must be for my
toys! I did hear mom complaining
that I was leaving my stuff all
over the place.
Harry bends down, and scoops up his toys off the floor: Ardal
the Astronaut, Woodrow the Cowboy, and Serby the (two-headed)
Dog from Hell.

Harry then opens the magical cupboard, and places his three
action figures inside.

Then from an inside view we see him close the cupboards

door.

A moment later there is a sudden burst of colored light,

wisps of illumination that enter the bodies of Ardal,
Woodrow, and Serby.

After which they begin to glow like life has been blown into
them.
 13.

EXT. EL SANTO HQ - DAY

A large, shiny building serves as the headquarters to

multinational company El Santo Industries.

INT. EL SANTO HQ, CONFERENCE ROOM - DAY

Chang is at the front of the room, giving a presentation to

his boss, MR CRUMPET, and his co-workers, who are all sat
around a long table.

CHANG
Today, I have invention to show you
that is going to blow your freaking
minds.

Chang whistles. Through the conference doors comes a large,

retro-futuristic, bipedal robot, with two chain guns for
arms.

CHANG (CONTD)
(gestures)
Please welcome the X-300.

MR CRUMPET
Interesting. A robot.

CHANG
Not just any robot. Its a security
robot. It protects you.

MR CRUMPET
Can we see it in action?
CHANG
Sure.

Chang points to GARY, one of his co-workers sitting up front.

CHANG (CONTD)
X-300! That man sexually harassed
me! Kill him!

GARY
Uhhh, what?

The X-300 starts marching towards Gary.

Frightened, Gary gets out of his seat, and steps back. He

puts out his hands as if to say, Whoa, easy now!
 14.

GARY (CONTD)
Hey, hey -- I didnt sexually
harass anyone! Im a good person!

The X-300 aims at Gary. Gary becomes frightened.

He runs to the nearby window, and jumps out of it. We can

hear him SCREAMING as he plummets.

As the room looks baffled, and scared, the X-300 then shoots
some harmless, foam darts.

X-300
Target eliminated.

The X-300 goes back to its spot, and then stays quiet.

MR CRUMPET
Oh, my God! Gary jumped out that
window for nothing! That robot just
shoots foam darts!

CHANG
Of course it just shoots foam
darts. Why would I give it real
bullets, and bring a deadly weapon
into a room full of unprotected
people?

MR CRUMPET
Oh, no, no. This is terrible. Today
is Garys birthday. I bought him a
puppy.

CHANG
Wait, maybe hes not dead.

Chang goes over to window Gary jumped out of, and looks out
for him.

MR CRUMPET
Whats the news?

CHANG
Uhhh... You better call his wife.

MR CRUMPET
And what do I do about his puppy?

Chang turns his head to Mr Crumpet.

CHANG
Can I have it?
 15.

Mr Crumpet thinks for a moment.

MR CRUMPET
Ah, why not?

EXT. SLAUSON AVENUE - DAY

Mindy, Emily, and Harry are in their car. Of course, Mindy is

driving.

HARRY
Oh, boy! I cant believe were
going to Disney Land!

EMILY
Im gonna kick Mickey Mouse in his
fucken dick.

MINDY
Please. No kicking Mickey Mouse in
his dick.

HARRY
Does even have a dick?

EMILY
I dunno. Ive never seen him
without his pants. Now I know
Donald Duck is pantsless, but his
wiener might be hidden under his
feathers.

HARRY
You know who probably doesnt have
a dick -- ? Goofy. He just seems
rather dickless. Do you think hes
dickless?

EMILY
No idea. Maybe dad knows. Its too
bad he isnt here.

MINDY
Yeah, sorry, he said you guys were
really annoying him, and he wanted
some alone time.

HARRY
That jerk!
 16.

MINDY
Oh, and I have some more bad news
for you, were not really going to
Disney Land.

EMILY
Are you serious? Where the hell are
we going?

MINDY
Knotts Berry Farm.

HARRY
What? Aww, man! Thats not even a
real farm. Why cant you take us to
Disney Land?

MINDY
Aint nobody got money for Disney
Land!

EXT. 90 KERRY CRES - DAY

RORY the raccoon is eating an apple outside, but other than

that not much is going on.

INT. 90 KERRY CRES, LIVING ROOM - DAY

Chang is lying on the floor, on his back. His snow white

puppy named ALBION is atop his chest.

Chang is stroking Albions fur.

Albion we notice is wearing a shiny red collar, and a
matching id tag.

CHANG
Albion, you are the bestest puppy
in the world! I love you more than
life itself!

Chang lifts up Albion, and grins at him. Albion barks a happy

bark.

Then the doorbell rings.

CHANG (CONTD)
(looking)
Who could that be? Maybe its Mindy
-- I thought I told her I didnt
wanna see the kids today!
 17.

The doorbell rings again. Chang sighs. He puts down Albion,

who runs off.

Chang gets up, and ANSWERS THE DOOR.

CHANG (CONTD)
Hello?

He looks up, and sees a big, fat, real beast of a man, whose
name is DIRK POON.

DIRK POON
Hello, my names Dirk Poon. I was
just passing by through this
neighborhood, and I saw your
beautiful house.

CHANG
And?

DIRK POON
I would like to buy your house.

CHANG
Its not for sale.

DIRK POON
Everythings for sale, given the
right price.

CHANG
I have enough to live comfortably.
I dont need anymore money.

DIRK POON
Oh, okay. I understand. Im sorry
for having bothered you.

CHANG
No problem. If you dont ask, you
dont --

DIRK POON
(interrupting)
TIGER UPPER CUT!

Dirk Poon all of a sudden plants a leaping uppercut on

Changs chin, so hard that he goes flying back.

Chang gets up from the floor, and Dirk Poon enters the living
room.

The two face off.

 18.

CHANG
You fat bastard!

And Chang launches a dozen plus rapid fire punches to Dirk

Poons body, and then a big, right hook to his face.

It proves ineffective. Dirk Poon barely flinches.

Chang stares up at his foe, and looks a little nervous.

CHANG (CONTD)
Oh, I see, none of my punches have
affected you. Thats interesting.

Suddenly, Dirk Poon reaches out, and wraps one of his huge
hands around Changs entire face.

Holding him in place, Dirk Poon uses his fist, and smashes
down on the top of Changs head.

Chang pops out like a cork in a bottle, and falls flat to the
floor. He is stunned, half-conscious.

Dirk Poon kicks him in the gut, and makes him roll onto his
side.

At this moment, Albion appears, and begins barking at Dirk

Poon.

Dirk Poon grins, and as Chang watches, snatches up Albion.

Albion yaps like crazy.

CHANG (CONTD)
Leave... Albion... Alone...
Dirk Poon runs away with the dog like a mischievous child
stealing candy.

DIRK POON
Remember this day, old fool! No one
refuses Dirk Poon!

EXT. 90 KERRY CRES - DAY

Mindy, Emily, and Harry in their car return home from Knotts
Berry Farm.

INT. 90 KERRY CRES, LIVING ROOM - DAY

Mindy, Emily, and Harry are watching TV, while Chang looks
sad as ever, with his face sunk into his hands.
 19.

Mindy pats him on his shoulder.

MINDY
Dont worry. Well find your puppy.

Harry clicks the TV remote, and changes it to the NEWS.

EXT. TIANANMEN SQUARE - DAY (ON TV)

MICHAEL MUNCH is reporting, standing in front of a crowd of

peaceful protestors, who are sat about, holding one anothers
hands, with many of them dressed up in dog costumes.

MICHAEL MUNCH
Good evening, Im Michael Munch,
reporting for NVC Worldnews. Im
here in Tiananmen Square, where a
large group of peaceful protestors
have gathered to protest the Yulin
Dog Meat Festival. Will the
government listen to their demands,
and make the atrocity illegal?

Michael Munch turns to the crowd, then at that moment a tank

rolls up, and appears before them.

The hatch door on the tank pops up, and Dirk Poon appears
with his torso sticking out. He is holding a megaphone to his
mouth.

DIRK POON
Dear Chinese students, and
unemployed people, please remove
yourselves from the premises.
A young protestor named PING WING gets to his feet, and
stands up to the tank. All eyes on him, he points his finger.

PING WING
Eating dog meat is wrong!

Dirk Poon takes out a cage with Albion inside it, and rests
it on the tank.

DIRK POON
If eating this wonderful, fluffy
creature is wrong...

Dirk Poon pats the cage.

DIRK POON (CONTD)

I dont wanna be right!
 20.

PING WING
You are an evil man!

DIRK POON
Move out of the way, or face the
consequences!

PING WING
No! I will stand my ground!

Ping Wing puts out his hand in defiance.

Dirk Poon shrugs. He grabs Albions cage, taking it with him,

and recedes into his tank. Then he runs over Ping Wing.

The crowd GASPS, and they stare in shock.

Dirk Poon reappears, and coming out his hatch again, he

triumphantly throws up his arms.

DIRK POON
Communist China rules!

INT. 90 KERRY CRES, LIVING ROOM - DAY (RETURN TO SCENE)

Were back with Mindy, Chang, Emily, and Harry who have been
watching the Tiananmen Square protest on the news.

Chang is staring angrily.

CHANG
Mindy, pack our shit. Were going
to China.

EXT. WORLD MAP - DAY

An airplane flies from 99 Oaks, California over to Yulin,

China.

EXT. YULIN ROAD - DAY

Chang, Mindy, Emily, Emma, and Harry, who is wearing a

backpack, are walking through Yulin Road in CHINA.

Yulin Road, a direct route to Yulin Square, is a scenic area,

a picture of life in Asia from a time gone by, being full of
life, quaint buildings, and various antiquities.
 21.

EMILY
So then I said to Bart Simpson, If
youre such a badass, then how come
you havent murdered anyone?

CHANG
Emily, concentrate on the task at
hand. We have to find my puppy.

EMMA
Dont worry. The Yulin Dog Meat
Festival should be around here
somewhere. I can smell the dog
shit.

HARRY
Yeah, I stepped in some dog shit.

MINDY
Me too. Does anyone have a napkin?

At this moment a flatbed truck appears, and makes a stop.

The Wangs gaze at its back, and see a huge quantity of dogs,
packed like sardines into cages.

CHANG
Whoa...!

The dogs look absolutely miserable, whining, and whimpering.

The TRUCK DRIVER from the flatbed truck gets out, and facing
away, unzips his pants, and takes a piss in a random spot.

Afterwards, he gets back into his vehicle, and starts driving

away.

From here we see that Chang, Mindy, Emily, Emma, and Harry
have secretly hitched a ride on the back of his truck.

The truck drives through Yulin road, and arrives at the gates
of YULIN SQUARE, which is enclosed, and protected by walls.

A banner above indicates that this is in fact: The Yulin Dog

Meat Festival.

EXT. YULIN SQUARE, GATES - DAY (CONTINUOUS)

The Truck Driver leans out, and hands his ID to a BLIND

SECURITY GUARD.
 22.

The Blind Security Guard feels the ID which has a raised

photo. He then reaches up, and touches the Truck Drivers
face to compare.

Everythings OK. The Blind Security Guard nods, and returns

the Truck Drivers id.

The Blind Security Guard presses a button by the gate, and

opens it up.

The truck then goes through the opening.

EXT. YULIN SQUARE, INSIDE - DAY (CONTINUOUS)

The truck with all the dogs enters inside Yulin Square.

Chang, Mindy, Emily, Emma, and Harry we see are still hiding
at the back.

CHANG
(to his family)
Okay -- now!

As the truck reduce its speed Chang jumps off the truck bed,
and rolls onto the ground. Right after, everyone else does
the same.

They all get up, and get to their feet together.

Mindy dusts off her dress.

MINDY
Thank goodness that guard was
blind; otherwise, he wouldve
spotted us.

EMILY
Why the hell would anyone hire a
blind security guard?

EMMA
Must be plot armor.

HARRY
That doesnt make sense. Mom has a
wand that can cast an invisibility
spell. How come we didnt use that
instead?

MINDY
No, I lost my wand. Well, I thought
I had it with me. I dont know
where its gone.
 23.

CHANG
Its made out of wood. Well get
another one.

Chang walks ahead, and gestures for everyone to follow.

CHANG (CONTD)
Hurry, we have to find ,y puppy!

Mindy, Emily, Emma, and Harry join Chang. They all look
around. They dart their eyes, and swivel their heads, taking
in the horrific sights of the Yulin Dog Meat Festival.

There are various scenes here:

- A dog being spit roasted.

- A line of tables pushed together with chopped dog. There

are cooks chopping up dogs into meat.

- Dogs hanging on hooks for display.

- A guy impaling a dog for fun while a crowd watches.

- Dogs, and cats crammed into cages, crying for help.

- A pile of dead dogs, with flies swirling around.

- People sitting around tables, eating whole cooked dogs,

being consumed like pigs.

- People standing around, eating hot dogs. Literally hot

dogs. Puppies in buns!

Chang looks like hes about to go crazy. Hes breathing

heavy, and fuming. Mindy puts a hand on his shoulder to
comfort him.

MINDY
I know its terrible, Chang. But
relax. We have to stay cool to find
your puppy.

CHANG
Youre right. I have to keep calm.

EMMA
And carry on?

CHANG
Emma, why are you even here?

Emma frowns.
 24.

Chang leads the way, and he, Mindy, Emily, Emma, and Harry go
through the Yulin Dog Meat Festival.

People here are celebrating, oh sure, but theres a dark,

sinister undertone to this event. Its a market for dog meat.

Chang keeps his head down, trying to control himself, and not
stare. Then out of the corner of his eye he spots ALBION.

CHANG (CONTD)
Albion!

Albion, oddly, is in a large cage that looks like it can hold

several, not just dogs, but people.

Albion is near DIRK POON, whos in front of a large, boiling

pot that hes stirring with a paddle.

Chang goes over to Dirk Poon, while Mindy, Emily, Emma, and
Harry stick close by.

CHANG (CONTD)
Hey, shit breath!

Dirk Poon looks up.

CHANG (CONTD)
Give me back my puppy!

Dirk Poon has a smug grin on his face.

Chang puts out his hand to Mindy. Mindy reaches into her
sleeve, and pulls out an Uzi. She gives this Uzi to Chang.

Chang points the Uzi at Dirk Poon like a gangsta.

CHANG (CONTD)
What, what, what! What now, mother
fucker?!

Dirk Poon is silent.

CHANG (CONTD)
Say something before you get sent
into the after life!

Dirk Poon takes his paddle out his pot, suddenly, and swings
it at Changs hand, knocking away his Uzi.

CHANG (CONTD)
Oh, crap.

A throng of people, instantly it seems, surround the Wangs

with various weapons: knives, sticks, pitch forks, etc.
 25.

The Wangs glance at this angry mob.

Dirk Poon points to the cage beside.

DIRK POON
Get in.

CUT TO:

Chang, Mindy, Emily, Emma, and Harry are in the cage with
Albion.

Chang is holding Albion.

But Dirk Poon is in front of them wielding a flamethrower.

DIRK POON (CONTD)

Mr Wang, shall I roast you slowly,
or quickly?

CHANG
What does it matter?

DIRK POON
Your body, your choice.

MINDY
Wait! Before you kill us, can I at
least say a prayer to my god?

DIRK POON
(shrugs)
Eh, sure, why not? Just hurry up.

Mindy kneels down, and begins praying with her eyes closed.
Shes MURMURING something incoherent.

Dirk Poon begins tapping his foot. While this happens, the
top of Harrys backpack opens ever so slightly, and the
living toys, Serby, and Ardal, and Woodrow, who are holding
Mindys wand, climb on out.

They drop to the floor. Woodrow looks at everyone.

WOODROW
Well, well! Lets get this party
started!

Woodrow, and Ardal, point Mindys wand at Serby, and zap him
with a spell. Mindys wand for some reason disintegrates.

But the spell hits Serby right on the ass. Spooked he,
gallops, and charges ahead.
 26.

Serby, outside the cage, suddenly stops, and begins shaking,

and thrashing, and turning, and growling.

Then Serby grows into the size of a small house.

Serby howls. The crowd look back, with wide eyes.

Woodrow grins, and rubs his hands together.

Serby opens his mouth, and bites someone in half. The crowd
seeing this, screams, and scatters.

Serby runs after them, and starts scooping them all up,
eating them like theyre nothing but mere snacks.

Its a bloodbath. Hundreds of people have been eaten.

Serby then returns to the cage, where the Wangs, and Albion
are. But Serby turns his eyes to Dirk Poon.

DIRK POON
You dont scare me!

Serby lunges at Dirk Poon with its jaws.

Dirk Poon rolls out of the way, and then leaps up, and grabs
Serbys tail.

Serby bucks, and spins, with Dirk Poon hanging on.

DIRK POON (CONTD)

Yee-haw!

Now, Serby turns in a sharp circle, and runs off without

being able to dislodge Dirk Poon.
Meanwhile, Chang, Mindy, Emily, Emma, Harry, and Albion are
still in their cage.

HARRY
What luck!

CHANG
Now how do we get out of here?

Emma sees a lever off to the side, outside of the cage.

EMMA
That must be the mechanism to open
our cage.

As everyone watches, Emma pulls the lever. Theres a click

sound. She takes in her arm, and goes to the cage door, and
tugs on it -- it wont open. Its like a fake door.
 27.

EMILY
Pull harder!

Emma pulls harder, and then all of a sudden the whole cage
drops down, and disappears.

INT. GARBAGE TUNNEL - DAY (CONTINUOUS)

In their cage, Chang, Mindy, Emily, Emma, Harry, and Albion

find themselves in a garbage tunnel, with themselves, and the
garbage moving towards one end.

MINDY
What is this place?

CHANG
Garbage disposal.

The Wangs indeed are headed for an incinerator. Chang grabs

the bars of the cage door, and tries pulling it to no effect.
He loses his grip, and falls back.

He gets to his feet.

CHANG (CONTD)
Its no use. Were stuck.

Ardal, and Woodrow, tug on Harrys pants.

WOODROW
We can help you!

Harry gasps in surprise, and picks up Ardal, and Woodrow.

HARRY
Youre alive!

ARDAL
Quick! Throw us to the emergency
shut off!

Everyone looks confused. But they understand the situation

when they see this emergency shut off to the side of the
garbage tunnel, upon an elevated walkway.

Harry throws Ardal, and Woodrow. They latch onto a ladder,

climb up it, and get to the big, red button that says:
Emergency shut off.

Ardal reaches up, and is about to press the button, but

Woodrow grabs him back, and snaps his neck.
 28.

Ardal drops to the floor. Woodrow sticks up his two middle

fingers to the Wangs.

WOODROW
So long, losers!

Woodrow runs off, whilst laughing: Ah-ha-ha-ha-haaa!

HARRY
Ah, shit...

Chang, Mindy, Emily, Emma, Harry, and Albion huddle together,

and hug to comfort each other. They close their eyes, and
drop down towards the pit-like incinerator.

Then Craig, who has rockets on his back, appears, and grabs
the cage, and starts lifting it up.

The Wangs open their eyes after a moment. They seem confused.

CHANG
W-whats going on? Are we dead?

CRAIG
Not yet, old man!

Craig carries the cage, and the Wangs through the opening up
top.

EXT. GARBAGE DUMP - DAY

Craig comes up through the opening. The opening we see is

attached to a belt feeder for feeding in garbage.
Craig places down the cage the Wangs are in onto safe, even
ground. He then tears off the door off the cage, and tosses
it aside.

Chang, Mindy, Emily, Emma, Harry, and Albion come out.

MINDY
Craig, thank God you rescued us.
Youre the best robot ever.

CRAIG
Thanks. I am the best robot ever.

CHANG
Its too bad that Dirk Poon is
still at large. Hes one tough SOB.

CRAIG
No, hes not.
 29.

Craig from his compartment takes out the head of Dirk Poon.
The Wangs take a step back. In shock.

EMMA
Is that...

EMILY
A head?

CRAIG
Yeah, I found it just laying around
on the ground. I think Im gonna
keep it as a souvenir.

Craig kisses Dirk Poons severed head.

CRAIG (CONTD)
Hes so cute.

HARRY
Umm...

MINDY
Craig, thats not your property. I
want you to get rid of it.

CRAIG
Anything you say, boss.

Craig nods. He then takes Dirk Poons head, maneuvers it

through his legs, in a figure eight pattern, and runs down to
a basketball hoop, and jumps up, and yells.

CRAIG (CONTD)
SLAAAAAM DUNK!
He does a slam dunk, and then we FREEZE FRAME.

A REAL LIFE PHOTO

of a small, fluffy, white dog imposes on screen.

It says: In Loving Memory of Mr Paws & 2013-2016.

INT. 90 KERRY CRES, MASTER BEDROOM - NIGHT

Mindy, and Chang are in bed. Theres a loud, loud howling

coming from outside -- Chang awakes, and opens his eyes.

EXT. 90 KERRY CRES - NIGHT

Serby, and his two MASSIVE heads, are howling outside.

 30.

The window to Changs bedroom opens up. Chang sticks out his
head, and interrupts the howls.

CHANG
HEY! Will you keep it down?! People
are trying to sleep here!

Serby looks at Chang, and growls. Chang is frightened.

CHANG (CONTD)
Alright, alright. It was just a
suggestion.

Chang recedes into his room, and closes his window.

Serby turns his heads back the other way, and starts happily
panting.

MINDY (O.S.)
Is he done barking?

CHANG (O.S.)
I dont know. Who cares? Go back to
sleep.

MINDY (O.S.)
Dont you give me that tone!

CHANG (O.S.)
Alright, alright. It was just a
suggestion.

FADE OUT.