THE WANGS

S4E1

"Orpheus"

Harry Jonathan Chong

10/10/2016

The Wangs fight off some scary aliens, and face the king of Planet
Tobor: Tim Brain.
EXT. SPACE - DAY

With dramatic music, flying yellow text scrolls upward

against the background of outer space:

Does anyone actually read these? I suppose some people do,

otherwise, whats the point? Then again it could be used to
bulk up the length of a movie, or TV show, because making
flying text is super duper cheap. Its like writing a book!

Anyway, because this weeks episode of The Wangs is a

continuation, this flying text will be a recap of previous
events. But the summary isnt going to be very good, because
I am tired as fuck. Its literally 4:50 AM right now. Who is
up at this hour?

So, yeah, about what happened in the episode titled Crash.

Exciting stuff! Dramatic stuff! Harry Wang got into a car
accident, and disappeared into a lake.

Then Craig took Chang to his home planet, and they acquired
a robot version of Harry. But Chang abandoned Robo Harry on a
roadside, and afterwards scary aliens visited in their Mother
Ship, and conquered the entire Earth -- including the great
nation of Canada!

Finally, Mindy, and Emily watched Chang, and Craig get

frozen into a state of suspended animation, yadda, yadda,
yadda, they all had a very bad day.

EXT. DILAPIDATED CITY STREET - DAY

Various robots from Planet Tobor are whipping humans, who are
attached together with slave chains.
Off in the background we notice the MOTHER SHIP.

EXT. SKY, MOTHER SHIP - DAY

Using a set of helium balloons, EMILY, whos wearing a

backpack with a crowbar sticking out, appears in the sky. She
drops down onto the top of the Mother Ship.

She takes out her crowbar, and pops open a panel, and jumps
in.

EXT. MOTHER SHIP, AIR DUCTS - DAY

Emily is crawling through the Mother Ships air ducts.

 2.

EMILY
I just dont get it. Why the fuck
do robots need air ducts? And why
are they so huge?

Emily stops when she sees something ahead of her. Its a

fresh, green pickle. She reaches out, and grabs it.

EMILY (CONTD)
(looking)
Is this a pickle? Whys there a
pickle here?

She bites into the pickle, and chews it.

EMILY (CONTD)
Mmm, still fresh.

Emily discards the pickle, and continues on. She gets to a

GRILLE with light coming through, and looks between the
spaces.

She sees MINDY sitting in a jail cell.

INT. MOTHER SHIP, JAIL CELL 99-1 - DAY (CONTINUOUS)

Emily whispers to Mindy through the grille.

EMILY
Mom! MOM!

Mindy turns around, and looks at the grille, spotting her

daughter.
MINDY
Emily? Is that you?

EMILY
Im here to bust you out Die Hard
style!

MINDY
Wait, how did you get past the
pickle?

EMILY
I ate it. Why do you ask?

MINDY
Oh, ummm, this is kind of
embarrassing, but I have a fear of
pickles. They used that against me!
 3.

EMILY
Why are you afraid of pickles?

MINDY
Theyre disgusting. They look like
Hulk dicks.

EMILY
Hulk dicks?

MINDY
The Hulk, you know! The big, green
guy from the comic books.

EMILY
Riiiiight. Stand back, mom. Im
coming in.

Emily kicks out the air duct grill, and drops into Mindys
cell.

EMILY (CONTD)
Alright, lets go find dad, and
Craig, and then get the hell out of
here.

INT. MOTHER SHIP, JAIL CELL HALLWAY - DAY

The front door to cell 99-1 bursts open, and then Mindy and
Emily come out.

They see that there are about a dozen robot guards pointing
guns at them.
EMILY
Suck my dick, everyone!

Emily takes out a smoke grenade, and lobs it. It immediately

explodes, and fills the hallway with smoke.

EMILY (CONTD)
Run, mom, run!

MINDY
Im well aware that I have to run!

Emily, and Mindy run through the smoke.

INT. MOTHER SHIP, BRIDGE ROOM - DAY

The door to the bridge room slides open. Emily, and Mindy run
in. They stop short of dropping into a chasm.
 4.

They look down. Theres no bridge here.

The two glance behind, and see robot guards coming down the
hallway. The robot guards shoot their guns, sending off
numerous laser beams.

Mindy, and Emily each step to the side, and hide behind the
wall to avoid these attacks.

Emily reaches into her backpack, and holds out Mindys wand.

EMILY
Mom! Got you a present!

Mindy raises an eyebrow to Emily. Emily tosses the wand, and

Mindy catches it.

Mindy looks at the wand, glad its back, and then she steps
out, and casts a spell out into the hallway.

A force sends the robots back, and makes them fall down.

Next Mindy does another spell to close the sliding doors. She
goes for a third spell, and points her wand downward.

Nothing. Her wand just makes a little puff of smoke.

EMILY (CONTD)
Whats wrong?

MINDY
Wands need to be charged. Theyre
like mobile phones... Goddamnit.

EMILY
I guess well just have to do this
the old fashioned way -- ninja
style!

Emily takes out a grappling hook from her backpack, and

tosses it up onto a bar, and secures it.

She grabs the loose rope, and along with Mindy, the two swing
across the chasm to get to the other side of the room. But as
they reach the end, the rope snaps, and they tumble, and fall
onto their asses.

They groan, shake it off, and get up.

Now, Mindy reaches out to the nearby wall to press a button

to open the new set of sliding doors.

She notices theres a sign below:

 5.

The regular bridge has been replaced with an invisible

bridge. - Management

Mindy turns around, reaches into her sleeve, and takes out
some dirt. She throws it toward the chasm, and the dirt
spreads out atop the invisible bridge.

MINDY
Gah, busted my ass for nothing!

Meanwhile, Emily is trying to pry the door open with her

crowbar.

EMILY
Mom, a little help?

Mindy turns around.

MINDY
Did you press the button?

EMILY
Didnt work.

Mindy assists Emily in her crow-barring.

At this moment, the other doors opposite open up. Two robot
guards have pulled it open. They, and the rest then march on
inside.

Now, Mindy, and Emily get their own doors open. They run
through, and the robot guards behind blast their guns just
missing.

INT. MOTHER SHIP, SECOND HALLWAY - DAY (CONTINUOUS)

Mindy, and Emily run down this long hallway, and get to the
end.

There is only one escape, which is a hatch that says:

Emergency Exit.

MINDY
(reading)
Emergency exit.

Mindy, and Emily look back, and see the robot guards still
pursuing.

ROBOT GUARD 1, whos in lead, stops, and yells out to them,

having his weapon precisely pointed.
 6.

ROBOT GUARD 1
Halt! There is no escape!

EMILY
(points)
What about this hatch that says
Emergency Exit?

ROBOT GUARD 1
Going through there -- not a good
idea.

EMILY
Youre trying to kill us. Why would
we take your advice?

ROBOT GUARD 1
Im just doing my job. Im not a
dick.

Emily looks to Mindy. They nod to each other, and then Mindy
pulls the handle of the emergency hatch.

It pops open, and a rush of air suddenly sucks them out.

EXT. SKY, MOTHER SHIP - DAY (CONTINUOUS)

Emily, and Mindy are falling through the sky.

Robot Guard 1, still on the Mother Ship, looks down at them.

He cups one hand around his mouth.

ROBOT GUARD 1
I told you this wasnt a good idea!
Emily sticks up both her middle fingers.

Mindy pulls her in.

MINDY
Emily, we have other problems to
deal with here!

EMILY
Like what?

Mindy taps the air twice to point below. Emily glances.

EMILY (CONTD)
Oh, right. Well, dont worry. Im
sure itll be fine.
 7.

MINDY
To be honest, I have my doubts.

EXT. FURTHER DOWN, MOTHER SHIP - DAY (CONTINUOUS)

It looks like Mindy, and Emily are going to hit the ground.
They hold hands to comfort each other, but then a portal of
some sort opens up, and they fall straight into it.

A split second after the portal disappears.

EXT. 90 KERRY CRES - DAY

The Wang household looks quiet. Too quiet.

INT. 90 KERRY CRES, MASTER BEDROOM - DAY

Mindys eyes open. Alone, she awakes in bed.

MINDY
Oh... What a strange dream.

Mindy looks at her alarm clock, which reads: 11:11 AM.

She rubs her eyes to get the haze out her vision, and then
throws off her blanket.

INT. 90 KERRY CRES, LIVING ROOM - DAY

Mindy comes down the steps, and heads for the living room,
where she sees Craig, Emily, Harry, and Chang watching some
nonsense on TV:

Two girls are talking to each other, GIRL 1 and GIRL 2.

GIRL 1 (T.V.)
So, then I says to Boo Radley,
Aint that a thing!

Canned laughter.

GIRL 2 (T.V.)
Damn girl, you sassy as fuck!

Mindy takes a seat in the living room. A moment after she

notices Harry, and she turns her head.

MINDY
Harry? When did you return? Arent
you supposed to be... missing?
 8.

Harry speaks in a robotic-like tone.

HARRY
Am I? Well then, I guess I better
leave.

Harry gets up. As Mindys eyes follow him, he leaves through

the front door.

The door behind him oddly closes on its own.

MINDY
(wondering)
That was kinda weird.

CRAIG
The only thing weird here is how
you smell.

MINDY
I think Im gonna go follow him.

Mindy gets up too, and also leaves through the front door.

EXT. 90 KERRY CRES - DAY (CONTINUOUS)

Mindy comes outside.

At this instant a man appears from thin air in front of her.

Startled, she steps back.

This man named ORPHEUS we notice is dressed all in black. He

has on sunglasses, a large dark beard, and a big turban. He
is like a Sikh version of that dude from The Matrix.
ORPHEUS
Hello, Mindy.

MINDY
Who, who the heck are you?

ORPHEUS
Who I am is not important. Whats
important is where you are.

MINDY
What does that mean?

Orpheus holds out his hands, and presents two green Skittles.

ORPHEUS
Eat the lime flavored Skittle, and
the truth will be revealed to you.
(MORE)
 9.
ORPHEUS (CONT'D)
But take the green apple, and you
shall continue your life in
blissful ignorance.

MINDY
They both look the same.

ORPHEUS
They are not the same.

Mindy takes a green Skittle, and chews it.

ORPHEUS (CONTD)
What is the flavor?

MINDY
Lime.

Not a second after, Orpheus, and Mindy are taken up by an

unknown force, and disappear.

EXT. ORPHEUS HIDEOUT - NIGHT

Mindy falls from the air, and lands in a chair, which is

across from Orpheus, who is already seated, with legs
crossed, and fingertips together like a tepee.

Mindy, bewildered, looks left, and then right, and then to

Orpheus.

MINDY
Hey, you got here faster than me.

ORPHEUS
Mindy. Now I can tell you the
truth. You are not where you think
you are. This is all an illusion.

MINDY
Im in The Matrix arent I?

ORPHEUS
No, you are in the Patrix.

MINDY
The what?

ORPHEUS
The Patrix. Its like the Matrix,
but was made by an Irishman named
Patrick. Therefore, Patrix.
 10.

MINDY
I... see.

ORPHEUS
Now, Mindy. Listen to me carefully.
To break out of this virtual
reality, you must find the red
keycard.

MINDY
Thats it?

ORPHEUS
Use it to open a door.

MINDY
No, I mean. Cant you give me more
details than that?

ORPHEUS
Im not Wikipedia.

Orpheus claps his hands.

ORPHEUS (CONTD)
Now begone!

Mindy instantly disappears.

EXT. TWILIGHT NIGHT CLUB - NIGHT

We find ourselves in front of a typical, grimy-looking night

club, where the name of the place is displayed in neon
colors.

INT. TWILIGHT NIGHT CLUB - NIGHT

A rave is going on. Theres a DJ, and lots of skanky people

dancing to terrible music.

Mindy wades through the crowd, unsure where to go.

Then DJ BLOODKLOT pauses, and points two fingers in the air

like a gun.

DJ BLOODKLOT
Now! Let the real party begin!
(does gun sound with
mouth)
Brrrrrrap!
 11.

The club-goers make some celebratory noise that sounds

something like Woooo! and Hooo! or some such shit.

Then the sprinklers on the ceiling all burst open, and

release a torrent of blood.

The club-goers open their mouths, and bask in the red liquid,
and catch it on their tongues.

Mindy whos stuck in the middle of the crowd darts her eyes,
and looks around with fear.

MINDY
What the hell is going on here?

All the club-goers are actually vampires. One of them looks

right at Mindy.

VAMPIRE 1 hisses, and grabs Mindy from behind by the

shoulders.

VAMPIRE 1
This one is a human!

MINDY
W-what?

The vampires step back, making a circle around Mindy.

Vampire 1 then pushes Mindy down to the middle of the floor.

Mindy stares up at the vampires with wide eyes.

Everyone around her is hissing, and darting out their

tongues, licking their lips, hungrily.
The VAMPIRES creepily whisper what they wanna do to her.

VAMPIRES
Kill her... Eat her... Drink her
blood... Tear her apart...!

The vampires then start closing in on Mindy as Mindy covers

her head.

But then by the DJing area, EMILY drops down from the air,
and comes down with two swords, slicing DJ Bloodklot in three
pieces, while at the same time wrecking his turntables.

The music stops.

Emily rises to her feet, and holds her blades by her side.
She claps them together to get the attention of the room.
 12.

EMILY
Alright, listen up, period blood
drinkers! This is the end of the
road! So. Fuck. You.

Vampire 1 suddenly steps forward, and points his finger with

a hiss.

VAMPIRE 1
KILL THE GIRL!

All the vampires rush ahead into the DJing area.

Responding, Emily backs up, and does a twisting flip, and

avoids the wave, but lands in the spot where Mindy is.

MINDY
Emily?

EMILY
Whatever you do, mom, stay down.

MINDY
Why?

Emily stands up, and holds out her blades. As the vamps hiss,
and stare at her, she starts spinning around. Fast. Really
damn fast.

EMILY
(screaming)
Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaagh!

Emily screams, and becomes a human tornado. Her swords slice

the heads off vampires, and chop them in half.
It is a literal bloodbath.

Soon they are all torn apart, and not one of them is left
alive.

But Emily is unscathed. She stands catching her breath,

covered in nocturnal monster juice.

EMILY (CONTD)
That. Was. Exhilarating.

Mindy gets up.

MINDY
Good job, Emily.

She touches Emilys shoulder, and pulls away her hand. Its
sticky. We can hear, and see that its sticky.
 13.

Mindys grossed out.

MINDY (CONTD)
Ew, gross.

EMILY
Blood orgies are always gross.
Actually, any type of orgy is
gross. Not that I really know about
these things.

MINDY
Im glad to hear that, Emily, but I
think we should be going now.

EMILY
And where do we go?

MINDY
Uhhh...

As Mindy thinks an illuminated arrow drops down, pointing the

way.

The arrow says: This way!

Mindy, and Emily look at it, naturally.

MINDY (CONTD)
What a very suspicious sign...
Lets follow it!

Emily shrugs. With Mindy leading, the two head in the

direction of the arrow, and find a red door within the night
club.
The red door reads: COME EEEEEEEN!

EMILY
Thats now you spell in.

MINDY
Dont argue with the sign.

Mindy takes a grip on the doorknob, and turns it.

EXT. SAND LAND - DAY (CONTINUOUS)

Mindy, and Emily enter Sand Land. As soon as they do the red
door behind them closes, and disappears.

The weather here notably is rainy, and cloudy.

 14.

Mindy, and Emily glance around at their surroundings. This

Sand Land is rather plain, but sandy, and decorated with
pyramids.

EMILY
Where the hell are we? Egypt?
United Arab Emirates?

Mindy puts her hand above her eyes like a visor, and looks at
the horizon with a squint. She sees something that looks like
the moon. But it isnt.

MINDY
Hmm, thats interesting. Something
about the moon here looks...off.

EMILY
Well, we are in the Patrix.

Suddenly the moon in the sky comes to life. It opens its

eyes, and shows a nose, and a mouth.

This is an ANGRY MOON, not a real moon, just a monster that

has the appearance of a moon. Its big but maybe only the
size of a large van, or one of those short school buses that
special kids ride in.

MINDY
Oh, crap...!

Mindy turns around, and starts running away. Emily follows.

EMILY
Why are we running?!
MINDY
Youll see!

The ANGRY MOON ROARS, and then it descends, and begins

chasing the girls.

Emily looks back.

EMILY
The fuck! The moon is chasing us!
Hey, fuck you, moon! Youre the
suns bitch!

Now Emily, and Mindy take a turn at a pyramid, and seemingly

they vanish.

The Angry Moon goes around to follow them, but sees nobody.
It pauses, and darts its eyes. It suspiciously travels
alongside the pyramid.
 15.

EMILY (O.S.) (CONTD)

Hey, moon asshole! Up here!

The Angry Moon stops to look up, and sees Emily, and Mindy
atop the pyramid.

There they throw down a large chunk of stone.

The chunk of stone lands right in the Angry Moons eye, and
makes a huge crack in its face.

The Angry Moon seems stunned. It sticks out its tongue, and
trembles like its been shot, and is dying.

And then it EXPLODES, sending off shards everywhere.

Emily, and Mindy shield themselves with their arms. But when
all seems calm they lower their arms.

EMILY (CONTD)
(to Mindy)
Hoo, Im surprised that worked.

Mindy stretches out her neck, and peers below, where there is
a large, red keycard.

MINDY
Wait, is that -- ?

Mindy runs down the pyramid, and picks up the red keycard.
She smiles, and holds it out like shes found some treasure.

MINDY (CONTD)
I found the red keycard!
At this moment the earth begins to shake.

Mindy turns around, and then from the sands arises a floating
sphere-like structure made up of thousands of numbered doors.

Emily joins Mindy, and the two gaze at this eerie object.

EMILY
Whoa. What the fuck is that?

MINDY
Its our way out. Pick a number.

EMILY
69!

Mindy folds her arms, and sighs.

 16.

MINDY
Try again, Emily, but this time
without being a pervert.

EMILY
Umm, alright... 11? Is 11 okay? Or
does the #11 kind of look like two
wieners side by side?

Mindy sighs again.

MINDY
Lets just do this at random.

Mindy, and Emily go closer to the door sphere.

Mindy reaches out, and holds out her red keycard to the door
marked #13.

The red keycard is attracted to door #13 as if by magnets,

and then it melds into the door, and disappears in it
completely.

Following this there is a distinct CLICK sound.

MINDY (CONTD)
(gasps)
I think it worked!

Mindy now reaches for the doors doorknob. She opens the
door, and finds there is nothing but a wall of black.

EMILY
(looking)
Its...dark.
MINDY
Maybe we shouldnt go in?

EMILY
Yah, thats probably a good idea.

Mindy, and Emily turn around, and start walking away.

But then a giant hand comes out of the doorway, and grabs
them both. As they scream, it takes them inside, and door #13
slams shut.

The very next moment the door sphere spins around, like a
top, and shoots up into the sky, and disappears.
 17.

INT. MOTHER SHIP, HUMAN STORAGE - DAY

Thousands upon thousands of people are kept in this enormous

room, stored above one another like jars on a shelf.

Here we see Mindy, and Emily situated high up in special,

futuristic-looking, clear receptacles.

We notice there are wires attached to their faces.

Suddenly their eyes open, and they each take in a deep breath
as if breathing for the first time after being held under
water.

Mindy, and Emily rip the wires off their faces, and push open
their receptacles.

Side by side they glance at each other, and then they begin
climbing down.

They reach even ground, and then go through a door to leave.

EXT. MOTHER SHIP, HALLWAY 3 - DAY

Mindy, and Emily come running through a very large hallway.

They appear tired, and sweaty, so soon slow down, and stop to
rest.

EMILY
(breathing heavy)
Theres no way well find dad, and
Craig. This place is a maze. Its
like a god-damned Discovery Zone!
MINDY
We cant leave without your
father...or Craig.

At this moment a GOOGLE STREET VIEW CAR enters the hallway,

just rolling by, capturing information.

EMILY
(looking)
Is that what I think it is?

MINDY
Its the Google Maps car.

EMILY
Wait a minute.

Emily reaches into her pocket, and fishes out her cellphone.
 18.

MINDY
You still have your cellphone with
you?

Emily turns on her cellphone, and using the touchscreen finds

a map of the Mother Ship on Google Maps.

EMILY
Yes! Its here! I know where dad,
and Craig are! Lets go!

Emily puts away her phone, and starts running off.

MINDY
Hey, wait for me!

Mindy follows Emily.

EXT. MOTHER SHIP, FINAL HALLWAY - DAY

BIG LUG, a robot, is guarding the door to a room. Hes

standing with his hands folded in front of himself.

His eyes dart left, and right, as if looking out for someone.
Then he reaches into a compartment of his, and takes out a
banana. He holds it up to his face, stares at it, and grins.

He strokes it.

BIG LUG
D-uh! Me, and my pet banana! We
will always be the best of friends!
Forever, and ever, and ever!
Big Lug grins, and strokes his banana some more.

But all of a sudden, Mindy, and Emily appear, and they attack
him with metal rods.

Emily whacks him in the leg, making him buckle, and Mindy
gets him on the temple causing him to fall to the floor.

EMILY
You came to the wrong
neighbourhood, mother fucker!

The two go to town, and beat the absolute crap out of Big
Lug, until he is totally wrecked, and just a pile of parts.

Job done, Mindy, and Emily drop their metal rods, which are
all bent out of shape, and they catch their breath.

Emily notices Big Lugs banana off to the side.

 19.

EMILY (CONTD)
Hey, whats this?

As Mindy stares, she picks it up, and starts eating it.

MINDY
Emily, nows not the time for a
snack.

EMILY
You always say fruit is good for
you. Well, back it up, mom!

Mindy rolls her eyes.

EMILY (CONTD)
(chewing)
Not bad. Its fresh.

Emily now finishes her banana, and tosses the peel. The peel
lands in front of a random robot, who steps on it, and slips,
and falls to the ground unconscious.

No one notices.

Emily rubs her hands together.

EMILY (CONTD)
Alright, alright, lets get this
show on the road.

Emily picks up Big Lugs detached head, and holds it up to an

electronic panel beside the nearby door.

Big Lugs eyes are scanned, and a COMPUTERIZED VOICE confirms

that access is granted.

COMPUTERIZED VOICE (V.O.)

Access granted.

The door slides open. Emily drops the head, and kicks it
away. She, and Mindy go inside the room.

EXT. MOTHER SHIP, THRONE ROOM - DAY

The door behind closes. Mindy, and Emily find themselves in

something that looks like a SKY-BOX. It has chairs for
sitting, and, with one-way mirrors, an overhead view of the
THRONE ROOM.

Mindy, and Emily opt to stand, and peer down through a

mirror.
 20.

The throne room is a large, ceremonial space, filled with

robots on guard, who are alongside a red carpet that leads up
to an elevated platform.

On the platform is a a giant, one-eyed, brain creature,

having two long tentacles, and a lavish kings crown.

This is the king of Planet Tobor, TIM BRAIN.

Keen observers will notice that Tim Brain has a wire

connecting him to the wall behind.

EMILY
(looking)
Whoa, what the hells going on
here?

The big doors to the throne room open, and, accompanied by

gallant music, in come PRESIDENT MAYHEW and GENERAL NUTZ.

They are carrying Craig, and Chang, who are framed, and kept
encased in carbonite.

Mayhew, and Nutz take Craig, and Chang up to the front of the
platform where Tim Brain is, and set him down.

PRESIDENT MAYHEW
Good evening, your majesty. We
bring you a gift.

TIM BRAIN
What is it?

GENERAL NUTZ
Something to eat, and something to
play with.

TIM BRAIN
Sexually?

PRESIDENT MAYHEW
No, not sexually.

General Nutz presses a button on the frame around Craig, and

Chang. This causes their carbonate to melt, and dissipate.

Chang, and Craig still have their middle fingers up. They
begin speaking like no time has passed by at all.

CHANG
I dont give a fuck!

CRAIG
Fuck you, and your whole crew!
 21.

CHANG
I hope you all get robot AIDS, you
dirty, pieces of shit!

CRAIG
And another thing --

Now Chang, and Craig realize theyre not where they once
thought they were. They appear very confused.

CHANG
Uhhh, wait a minute. Where... What
the fuck?

TIM BRAIN
Welcome to my palace.

CHANG
Who the hell are you?

Tim Brain, using his enormous tentacles, all of a sudden gets

testy. He swats Craig aside, knocking him out cold, and picks
up Chang.

CHANG (CONTD)
Whoa!

Tim Brain dangles Chang upside down over his open mouth.

TIM BRAIN
Shall I eat you slowly, or quickly
like a fat, British slapper?

Up in the SKYBOX, Mindy and Emily watch in horror.

Thinking fast, Mindy takes out an EMP grenade from under her
hat, and pitches it through the mirror, which causes it
completely shatter.

The EMP grenades lands in the middle of the throne room with
a loud CLINK. It takes everyones attention.

The robot guards circle around it.

Robot Guard 2 pokes it.

ROBOT GUARD 2
Oh, no. Im afraid it didnt
survive the fall.

The next second the EMP grenade goes off, looking like a
lightning storm; all the robots pass out.
 22.

Now, Mindy, and Emily jump out their skybox, and each do a
somersault on landing below to break their fall.

They get to their feet, and walk down the red carpet, and
confront Tim Brain.

Tim Brain, and Chang, who is still being held by a tentacle,

appear nonplussed.

CHANG
Mindy?

Mindy, and Emily look angry. Mindy points her finger at Tim.

MINDY
Let go off my husband, you -- you
pink, dirty, lowdown, slimy, glue
sniffing, worthless, anti-vax,
Hillary Clinton loving, smut
peddler!

TIM BRAIN
What? Im not against vaccinations.
Vaccinations are an important
component to our worlds health
system, and are generally
recognized as both extremely safe,
and beneficial. If you dont get
vaccinated for common diseases, you
really are putting yourself at
great risk.

EMILY
Thats true...but I still think you
should shut your fucking whore
mouth! Its go time, Tootsie Roll!

Emily, and Mindy spring on Tim Brain, and start beating the
shit out of him with their fists.

TIM BRAIN
Stop! You dont know what youre
doing!

EMILY
Be quiet while we beat the crap out
of you!

TIM BRAIN
No, listen to me! This is a bad
idea! You are putting your own
lives in danger!
 23.

CHANG
Yeah, guys, I, I think you should
listen to the big, fat brain.

MINDY
Its too late! Were in too deep!

Mindy, and Emily continue battering Tim Brain, and then soon
he dies. His one big eye closes, and his tentacle holding
Chang goes flaccid.

With a screech Chang ungraciously falls to the floor. He

tries getting up, and groans.

Mindy, and Emily help him to his feet.

MINDY (CONTD)
Chang, are you alright?

Chang rubs his head.

CHANG
I think so. Thanks for rescuing me
by the way.

EMILY
Mo man tai!

At this moment Craig gets up. He waddles over to what remains

of Tim Brain.

CRAIG
HOLEEEEE SHIAT!

Chang, Mindy, and Emily look at Craig; he returns the

gesture.

CRAIG (CONTD)
You killed Tim Brain! The king, and
sometimes emperor, of Planet Tobor!

EMILY
And?

CRAIG
His mind was controlling this ship!

CHANG
He wot?

All of a sudden the floor starts quaking.

Chang, Mindy, Emily, and Craig are barely able to keep

balanced.
 24.

EMILY
Whooooa, shit! Earthquake!

Then the throne room goes sideways, and the Wangs, and
everyone else, collide against a wall with a resounding THUD!

As they scream, the room turns again, and now it is upside

down.

Craig, who seems to be in pain, rubs his ass.

CRAIG
(whiny)
Ow! My ass! My precious ass!

EXT. OUTER SPACE - DAY

The infamous Mother Ship, which is in outer space above

Earth, is going crazy. Its spinning, and turning like its
out of control.

And then, without warning, it tears itself apart separating

into several pieces.

In the middle of this wreckage are all the unconscious robots

from earlier before, but more importantly Chang, Mindy,
Emily, and Craig, who are awake, and aware.

Chang, Mindy, and Emily we see floating in this silent void,

helpless, each holding their breath with puffed cheeks.

As they wander, and wonder what they can do, a fist seemingly
comes out of nowhere, and hits Craig in the face.
Craig spins.

GENERAL NUTZ then grabs him, and repeatedly strikes him in

the head.

Chang, Mindy, and Emily motion their arms, and legs, to

propel themselves forward, and they take a hold of General
Nutz, and yank him off of Craig.

In doing so, General Nutz goes flying the other way, and
accidentally bumps into a NUCLEAR BOMB. He grabs it, and
realizing what it is, grins a big grin.

General Nutz arms the nuclear bomb, and puts it on a

countdown.

The Wangs see this.

 25.

The number on the countdown is a bright red, and begins from

10, and then goes down to 9, 8...

Chang, Mindy, Emily, and Craig look to be in a panic.

Craig turns his head, and darts his eyes, searching for
anything amidst the debris that can help.

Then he spots an escape pod. He gestures to everyone, and

points their eyes to this lifesaver.

Craig takes the lead, and he, Chang, Mindy, and Emily hastily
swim over to the pod.

Craig pulls open the door, and lets in Chang, Mindy, and
Emily first. He gets in last, and closes the door.

Now the escape pod starts propelling itself towards Earth.

As it seems about to escape we see that the nuclear bomb is

down to one second.

General Nutz laughs like a maniac. The nuclear bomb reaches

zero, and with a minor delay, explodes.

Everything in the immediate area is destroyed, and the force

of this bomb sends the Wangs escape pod racing through outer
space, towards Earth, at an uncontrolled speed.

We notice the escape pod is charred, and sparking like

something has been damaged.

EXT. EARTHS ATMOSPHERE - DAY (CONTINUOUS)

Leaving outer space, the Wangs penetrate Earths atmosphere,
and burst through a cloud.

Here their escape pod soon begins heating up, and changes
color from a metallic tone to a bright red-orange as if on
fire.

CHANG (O.S.)
Ho-leeee fuuuuuuuck!

MONTAGE (CONTINUOUS)

- The Wangs continue on in their escape pod, which is now

just in the sky, speeding over the ATLANTIC OCEAN.

- Then (seemingly) in the blink of an eye it gets to New

York, and smashes off the head of the STATUE OF LIBERTY.
 26.

The escape pod keeps going without so much as a flinch. But

the statue after a moment starts squirting blood.

- Next, the escape pod, still flying high, hits the top of
the WASHINGTON MONUMENT, but regardless it keeps on moving.
The monument falls down, and squashes a fancy car. The car,
despite being squashed, has its alarm go off.

- The escape pod this time flies through the top of the Saint
Louis GATEWAY ARCHWAY. The archway seems like its going to
continue standing, and then suddenly it just breaks apart
into a million pieces.

- Now, the escape pod races past MOUNT RUSHMORE, and in doing
so clips the end of George Washingtons beautiful nose.

- At the GRAND CANYON a man is standing on the GRAND CANYON

SKYWALK. He looks up, and sees the escape pod headed towards
him. He runs back, and leaps out of the way, and the pod
crashes into the skywalk, breaking off the end.

- The escape pod is nearing the end of its journey. Here in

San Francisco it runs clean through the cables of the GOLDEN
GATE BRIDGE. The bridge twists, and cracks, and in many
pieces falls into the water.

END MONTAGE

EXT. FAST FOOD RESTAURANT - DAY

Here we see a generic fast food restaurant. The sign on top

actually reads: Fast Food Restaurant.

But then the letter S falls off, and it becomes FAT Food
Restaurant instead.

Meanwhile, up in the sky the Wangs escape pod can be seen.

It seems rather distant, though possibly approaching.

INT. FAST FOOD RESTAURANT - DAY

A THUG wearing a bandana around his face is pointing a gun at

the CASHIER, who behind the counter submissively has her
palms outward.

THUG
Watchu waitin for? Get me dat
money, bitch!

CASHIER
Okay, okay, just relax. Ill get
you your money.
 27.

The Thug shoots his gun upward, and the Cashier flinches.

THUG
Bitch, dont tell me what to do! I
dont work for you! Now get me mah
money, bitch!

CASHIER
Can you at least stop calling me
bitch?

The Thug aims his gun back to the Cashier.

THUG
Bitch, you better move your ass!

CASHIER
Im sorry! Im, Im going!

The Cashier lowers her hands, and opens the cash register.

But as soon as the money drawer slides out the Wangs, in

their escape pod, come crashing into the restaurant.

The escape pod lands on top of the thug, but his chest, and
head are left unsquashed.

The cashier eyes are wide, and her mouth is agape.

MINDY (O.S.)
That wasnt so bad, was it?

The Wangs climb out their escape pod. They look worse for
wear, but alive. They glance around, and seeing nothing of
interest, start walking away like nothings happened.
CASHIER
Hey! You wrecked my restaurant!

Chang pauses, and turns around. He goes over to the Cashier,

and gives her something from his wallet, and then leaves.

The Cashier looks at what he gave her. Its a coupon for a

record store. She reads it aloud.

CASHIER (CONTD)
(reading)
50% off any CD of your choice.
(baffled)
What the hell is a CD?

The Cashier crumples up the coupon, and discards it. She then
stretches out her neck, and looks at the Thug who is laying
unconscious, half under the escape pod.
 28.

The Cashier goes over to the fries basket, which is full of

fries, and returns to the Thug. She dumps the whole basket of
fries onto his head.

CASHIER (CONTD)
Would you like fries with that?!
Ahh-ha-ha-ha-haaa!

EXT. 90 KERRY CRES - DAY

Chang, Mindy, Emily, and Craig walk up to their house, and

pause to look at it. Its in terrible shape. A huge chunk of
the front is missing, showing the insides.

MINDY
Here we are. Home sweet home.

CHANG
Is it really sweet if our son is no
longer with us?

CRAIG
I said it once, and Ill say it
again: Life is a piece of shit.

HARRY (O.S.)
OR IS HE? Oh, wait, I said that too
late.

Chang, Mindy, Emily, and Craig turn around, and see Harry.
Harry waves to them.

CRAIG
He has returned!
Excitedly, Harry, Chang, Mindy, Emily and Craig run into one
anothers arms for a much needed group hug.

EMILY
Harry, where were you this whole
time? We thought you were dead!

HARRY
Dont get angry, but I sorta faked
my own death. I mean, I really did
accidentally drive myself into that
lake, but after I came up I thought
to myself, Why not pretend to be
dead, and go on a little
adventure? And I did. I traveled
across the country, and met a man
named Earl, who taught me the true
value of scrap metal.
 29.

CHANG
Ergh, Im so pissed off at you! BUT
I dont care. Im just glad youre
back home.

HARRY
Yeah, me too.

CHANG
Now, Harry, Im not gay, but I just
want to say: I love you.

HARRY
I love you too, dad. Mom. Emily.
Craig. You guys are da bomb. Do
people still say that? Da bomb?

EMILY
No. Not since 9/11.

HARRY
SO! Whatve you guys been up to?

CHANG
Just the usual: kicking lots of
ass. Ass to ass.

Harry gives Chang a half grin, and then he turns his head,
and looks at 90 Kerry Crescent in its ruined state. He walks
up to it, and stares.

HARRY
Dang -- our house got fucked up!
Insurance will pay for this, right?
CHANG
Let me check online.

Chang takes out a mobile phone, and tapping the screen,

visits his insurance companys website.

CHANG (CONTD)
Nope. Apparently, what happened to
our house is considered an act of
God.

EXT. HEAVEN - DAY

GOD is on a cloud, yelling down, shaking his fist.

GOD
That wasnt me! Your insurance
company is full of shit!
 30.

EXT. 90 KERRY CRES - DAY

Chang, Mindy, Emily, Harry, and Craig are sitting in their

living room watching TV. We can see that through the very
large hole.

EMILY
Hey. I just remembered something.
Remember when we were in the Matr --
I mean Patrix, mom? Who was that
guy who helped us?

MINDY
Orpheus?

EMILY
No, I mean in real life?

CRAIG
My guess is it was Harry.

HARRY
Who?

CHANG
WELL! What a mystery this has
turned out to be! But it doesnt
matter. What matters is were whole
again.

Chang puts his arms on the back of his sofa, and leans back,
with a big smile.

FAMILY PAINTING
A fine painting of the Wangs is superimposed onto screen. As
we are staring, RORY THE RACCOON bursts through it. Rory is
wearing sunglasses just like Orpheus.

Rory starts making some raccoon noises as if talking.

Subtitles below him say: Th-th-th-thats all, folks!

Rory finishes coming through the painting, and then runs off
screen.

EXT. 90 KERRY CRES - DAY

Rory charges at a feral cat, and starts fighting it like

animals do. Theres loud hissing, and scratching.

FADE OUT.