The Magic Potion

A Ten-Minute Play

by

Natalya Churlyaeva

Natalya Churlyaeva
Kolomenskaya 12/42
Krasnoyarsk, Russia
churyahin@rambler.ru

The Magic Potion by Natalya Churlyaeva

 CHARACTERS

LOLA: a sorceress.

BELLA: LOLA’S past acquaintance and recent client.

GOODMAN: BELLA’S boss.

NICK: BELLA’S neighbor and lover.

The Magic Potion by Natalya Churlyaeva

 SETTING
The action takes place in a rented apartment.

TIME
The present.

The Magic Potion by Natalya Churlyaeva

 1

As the curtain rises, LOLA and BELLA are

fussing around a table preparing for a party.

BELLA
But, Lola, can you promise me the right result?

LOLA
Never call me Lola. Now I’m Lady Albergena.

BELLA
Lola!

LOLA
Listen, I very seriously warn you, I’m Lady Albergena.

BELLA
But in your documents…

LOLA
Soon I’ll revise my documents to my new astral name.

BELLA
Alright, if you want. We’ll let you be Albergena…

LOLA
Not just Albergena, I’m Lady Albergena. Clear?

BELLA
(Glances at her watch.)
Lola…I mean, Lady Albergena, we don’t have much time. Shouldn’t we
be ready before he comes?

LOLA
My part is ready.

BELLA
With guarantee?

LOLA
With this sort of thing, there’s no absolute guarantee, and can’t have.
However, as a top tier witch, I can promise that whoever drinks from
this bottle…
(Shows a full bottle of gin.)

BELLA
(Interrupts, scared.)

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Oh my! What if Mr. Goodman doesn’t drink gin?

LOLA
How can that be? Everybody drinks gin.

BELLA
Not everybody. It’s you who drinks gin since 8th grade.

LOLA
You’re mistaken. I was used to beer at school.

BELLA
(Sarcastically.)
What you were used to at school was mixing beer with gin and drinking
it straight.

LOLA
You confuse me with Peggy Sue. She’s the one who liked to mix
everything.

BELLA
Well…maybe…don’t recall…and no time to recall.
(Glances at her watch.)
Lola…Oops! What is it? Lady Albergena? So, Lady Albergena, what
should I do if Mr. Goodman refuses to drink gin?

LOLA
Ask him… Beg him very persistently… Well, I suppose you can even
striptease for him.

BELLA
Striptease? How?

LOLA
Very simple. Here comes the man, you greet him in a negligee, and…

BELLA
A negligee? What are you saying! He’s not just a man, he’s my boss!
And he only comes to get the report I should have finished long ago.
How can I hand him the report while dressed in a negligee?

LOLA
Why not? You did tell him you’re seriously ill, didn’t you? By the way,
how did you manage to get him to come himself? Why wouldn’t he just
send someone from the office for the report?

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 3

BELLA
I told him that while writing the report, some unpleasant issues
emerged that could potentially damage the company’s reputation and
they can’t be discussed over the phone.

LOLA
You’re tricky!

BELLA
I have to be. Just think, Lola, how else can I manage my life?
(Rubs her brow while LOLA looks disapprovingly at her.)
Oh, I’m sorry, Lady Albergena! Just think, I’m nearly 30. Nobody wants
me, not a soul pays attention to me…

LOLA
What about Nicky?

BELLA
Nicky?

LOLA
Yes, Nicky, from the apartment upstairs.

BELLA
What are you saying! He’s only a repair man!

LOLA
An auto mechanic.

BELLA
What’s the difference? Do you think I’m so desperate to live with a
boor?

LOLA
What about Mr. Goodman? He’s an aristocrat, perhaps?

BELLA
Well, he’s not… But he’s almost a tycoon.

LOLA
(Sarcastically.)
Aha, a tycoon, big fish in a small pond.

BELLA
What do you mean?

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LOLA
Well, you see, there’s quality gin, and then there’s the other stuff, just
a mixture of alcohol and water. See the difference?

BELLA
Good that you mentioned gin. What should I do if Mr. Goodman refuses
to drink gin nevertheless?

LOLA
Well, I don’t know. I always prepare my magic potion with gin and so
far, no one has been disappointed with the results. Everybody who
drank it ultimately fell in love like crazy.

BELLA
Fell in love with whom?

LOLA
With the one who paid for it, naturally.

BELLA
(Excited.)
Lola…sorry, Lady Albergena, I have no money at the moment, but I’ll
pay you if Mr. Goodman falls in love with me! Trust me, I’ll pay you all I
owe you as soon as he marries me!

LOLA
Don’t worry, I trust you.
(Meditates.)
Say, I’ve got an idea. If you double the fee, I can give you the potion in
Pepsi. I can even make it with Coke if you pay extra.

BELLA
I’ll pay everything you ask! You just can’t imagine how much money
Mr. Goodman has!

LOLA
Alright. So, if money is no object for you in the future…
(Picks up her handbag from a chair, opens it, pulls out 2 bottles,
and gives them to BELLA .)
Please, take these.

BELLA
Oh, my dear!
(Clutches the two bottles tightly and kisses them.)
Certainly he’ll drink from at least one of them! He’ll drink, look at me,
and fall in love with me, and I’ll never need money again…

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LOLA
(Looks expressively at BELLA.)
Right, you’ll never need money again. If you give me ten percent of
what you’ll get.

BELLA
(Confused.)
Why ten? Haven’t we agreed on six?

LOLA
No. It was ten.

BELLA
Maybe six and a half?

LOLA
No, ten.

BELLA
Well, at least seven.

LOLA
Alright, it you insist, let it be seven and a half…and only if you don’t
succeed.

BELLA
(Confused.)
If I don’t succeed? But if I don’t marry Mr. Goodman, where would I get
the money? I only rented this apartment, and the car is on credit,
and…

LOLA
(Losing her temper.)
Too bad I got mixed up with you.

(A doorbell is heard.)

BELLA
Must be Mr. Goodman!
(Exits in a hurry.)

LOLA
Seems I started to help her in vain. Anyway, too late to change
anything… Shoot! It’s always like this with her since I got to know her,
everything she’s done has gone astray. Well, anyway, not my problem.

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(Moves to exit and bumps into BELLA, steps aside.)

BELLA
(Enters with her back to the audience, trying to pull GOODMAN
in.)
Mr. Goodman, come in please!

GOODMAN
(Enters reluctantly.)
Ms. Ryan, I’m in a real hurry, so…
(Points perplexedly at the laid table.)
What’s that? You told me you’re not feeling well, so you can’t bring the
report to the office, but in fact…
(Approaches the table.)
Oh, drinking gin?
(Looks at LOLA.)
With some dubious…

BELLA
(Introduces LOLA.)
This is Lady Albergena. She’s here to help me.

GOODMAN
Help with what?

LOLA
(To GOODMAN.)
You’ll know soon enough. Anyway, don’t want to be in the way. Bye.
(Exits.)

GOODMAN
Well, Ms. Ryan?

BELLA
(Hesitantly.)
Mr. Goodman, I just…

GOODMAN
Well, where’s the report?

(A doorbell is heard.)

BELLA
Mr. Goodman, I’m so sorry! Please wait a minute!
(Exits in a hurry.)

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GOODMAN
It’s a madhouse! And a mad day too… I’m so tired.
(Sits down beside the table.)
We really must check personnel qualifications and find a decent
pretext to get rid of such deadwood as Ms. Ryan.
(Recovers his breath.)
Oh, how stuffy…
(Sees the bottles of Pepsi and Coke.)
Need a drink.
(Looks around.)
Huh. No tumblers, only wineglasses. And she told me she’s really sick!
Is drinking gin the way to get better? By all means we must dismiss
her, don’t need drunks at work. Besides, she’s not only an alcoholic
but a liar too! Told me, “While writing the report, I discovered
something that cannot be discussed over the phone.” Such
impudence! If she doesn’t bring the report immediately, I… Oh, I really
need a drink! Damn it with decency…
(Opens the bottle of Coke and guzzles it down.)

(Loud voices are heard at the entrance. BELLA tries to block the
door but NICK pushes her aside and they both enter.)

NICK
(To BELLA.)
It won’t take long. I only want to fix my cable by your window then I’m
leaving.
(To GOODMAN, astonished.)
Who are you?

GOODMAN
(Confused.)
Me?

NICK
Yea, you! What are you doing here?

BELLA
(Tries to push NICK out.)
Nicky, get out! Don’t be in the way!

GOODMAN
(Adjusts his tie and hair.)
No! Don’t send him away. Let him stay.
(Approaches NICK and takes hold of his arm.)

NICK

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(Jerks back and pulls his arm away.)

What the hell! I’ll ask again, who are you?

BELLA
He’s my boss.

NICK
What’s he doing here?

BELLA
He came to get a report.

GOODMAN
(Dreamily tries to caress NICK’S arm.)
Oh, how wonderful that I came here to get the report…
(Turns to BELLA.)
How incredible you happen to be such a heavy drinker that you
couldn’t come in after boozing…

NICK
Wh-at? Bella a heavy drinker? I’ll smash your mug for that!
(Hits GOODMAN in the nose.)

BELLA
(Screams, terrified.)
A-a-a-a-ah!

GOODMAN
(Turns to NICK.)
Oh, how wonderful! Hit me once more! Please hit me!

NICK
(To GOODMAN, puzzled.)
Shit! What’s the matter with you?

GOODMAN
(Stretches his arms towards NICK.)
Please hit me! Please…

NICK
(To GOODMAN, scared.)
What do you want from me?

GOODMAN
Love! Love!

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NICK
Keep away! Don’t come near!
(Starts to evade GOODMAN who keeps on chasing him around
the room.)

BELLA
(Sees the half bottle of Coke and picks it up.)
The magic potion! Nick, he drank it! It’s all because of you!

NICK
Don’t blame me! He’s your boss, he’s absolutely crazy!

GOODMAN
(To NICK.)
Let me be crazy! Let me be anything! Only let me be with you always.

BELLA
(To GOODMAN.)
No! You won’t be with him! It’s my magic potion and it’s me who will
be with you always!
(Hits NICK over the head with the bottle of Coke.)

(NICK falls down and lies motionless.)

GOODMAN
What have you done! You…you…you killer! Criminal! Alcoholic! I’ll
destroy you!
(Grabs the bottle of Pepsi and wants to hit BELLA with it.)

BELLA
(Escapes, crying.)
Oh, my God! What have I done!
(Exits in a hurry and locks the door behind her.)

GOODMAN
(Tries in vain to open the door from the inside and soon gives up.
Distressed.)
How cruel life is… Don’t know how I can go on living now.
(To NICK lying on the floor.)
Oh, my love, I’ve been waiting for you for so long! Tried to find you
everywhere: nightclubs, saunas, on the Bahamas and Canary Islands,
even in New York… Once I even started searching for you in a public
library but luckily they dissuaded me… And to think that I meet my
love in the rented apartment of my good-for-nothing employee! And I
don’t even know who you are…
(Goes down on his knees beside NICK and hugs him. NICK

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moans.)
Are you alive? Drink this and you’ll feel better.
(Pours some Pepsi down NICK’S throat.)

NICK
Shit! What filth!

GOODMAN
It’s only Pepsi.

NICK
(Sits up.)
I hate Pepsi.
(Looks attentively at GOODMAN.)
Strange… When you pour it down my throat, it didn’t seem too bad…
even tasty.

GOODMAN
Drink! Drink more, Nick!
(Pours Pepsi over NICK.)
Well? Is it good?

NICK
Very good.
(Caresses GOODMAN’S arm.)
By the way, what’s your name?

GOODMAN
(Adjusts hair.)
Wolfgang.

NICK
And I’m Nicolas.

GOODMAN
Though I don’t really know who you are, I’m sure that it’s the most
beautiful name on Earth!

NICK
Oh, no, it’s quite an ordinary name. And I’m quite an ordinary man, an
auto mechanic, the most ordinary man.

GOODMAN
Don’t say that! Never say it and never think like this. An auto
mechanic, you have what you can be proud of, you can do many thing
with your hands! And what am I? Just a paper pusher who can’t do

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anything useful in fact. If they dismiss me, what shall I do? Who will
need me? Who will care for me?

NICK
Don’t worry. If they dismiss you, then you’re always welcome to my
place.

GOODMAN
Oh! I’m already willing them to dismiss me!

NICK
What for?

GOODMAN
Just to be with you.

BELLA
(Peeps into the room, then enters, ignored by both men.)
Nick? Are you alive? Are you angry with me?

NICK
(To GOODMAN.)
Then what are we waiting for? Let’s go to my place right now!

GOODMAN
Okay, let’s go!

(GOODMAN and NICK stand up, take each other by the hand,
look into each other’s eyes, and exit, paying no attention to
BELLA.)

BELLA
(Walks over to the table and sits down.)
In any case, it’s good that Nick’s alive, so they won’t put me in jail for
murder.
(Notices the bottle of gin on the table and picks it up.)
I am so disheartened… Why not have a drink? Where’s a wineglass?
(Opens the bottle, pours some gin and drinks it. Then goes to a
bedside table, takes out a mirror, and stares into it.)
Why should I bother? Do I really need someone to love?
(Adjusts her hair and puckers up her lips, makes a few smacking
sounds as if kissing her image in the mirror.)
You, you, my sweetheart, you are the best on Earth! No man deserves
such a beauty…all men are pigs…

LOLA

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(Peeps into the room, ignored by BELLA, enters.)

Well? Is everything all right?

BELLA
(Not turning away from the mirror.)
Everything is fine… Just peachy keen!

LOLA
Did you get what you wanted?

BELLA
I’ve got all I want.
(Turns to LOLA, startled.)
What are you doing here? Why are you interrupting my tête-à-tête?

LOLA
(Surprised.)
What tête-à-tête? With whom?

BELLA
(Looks into the mirror.)
With myself.

LOLA
(Sighs.)
Don’t quite understand what she’s got but doesn’t look like I’ll get
paid.

End

The Magic Potion by Natalya Churlyaeva