1

00:00:08,553 --> 00:00:09,719

D'oh!

2
00:00:12,624 --> 00:00:15,258

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00:00:15,282 --> 00:00:19,282
<font color="#00FF00"> The Simpsons 27x07 </font>
<font color="#00FFFF">Lisa With an 'S'</font>
Original Air Date on November 22, 2015

4
00:00:19,306 --> 00:00:24,806
== sync, corrected by <font color=#00FF00>elderman</font> ==
<font color=#00FFFF>@elder_man</font>

5
00:00:24,869 --> 00:00:26,335
D'oh!

6
00:00:26,371 --> 00:00:28,371

7
00:00:39,417 --> 00:00:42,985
Tonight, tonight

8
00:00:43,021 --> 00:00:46,222
I'll win at cards tonight

9
00:00:46,257 --> 00:00:48,491
My flushes will be

10
00:00:48,526 --> 00:00:52,395
Straight tonight

11
00:00:52,430 --> 00:00:56,399
Lenny's gonna
dominate tonight

12
00:00:56,434 --> 00:00:59,635
Carl's gonna be
a little late tonight

13
00:00:59,671 --> 00:01:02,238
Tonight, tonight

14
00:01:02,273 --> 00:01:05,641
 I'll cheat them all tonight

15
00:01:05,677 --> 00:01:07,076
When they're drunk

16
00:01:07,111 --> 00:01:11,647
They don't play cards
quite right

17
00:01:11,683 --> 00:01:15,318
Tonight, tonight

18
00:01:15,353 --> 00:01:18,521
I won't get
drunk tonight

19
00:01:18,556 --> 00:01:21,924
Without a beer,
my head will clear

20
00:01:21,960 --> 00:01:25,428
Tonight

21
00:01:25,463 --> 00:01:28,197
It's fun to trick a rummy

22
00:01:28,233 --> 00:01:31,701
To put liquor in his tummy

23
00:01:31,736 --> 00:01:34,837
Your friendship's
a delight

24
00:01:34,873 --> 00:01:38,040
And you may
lose your sight

25
00:01:38,076 --> 00:01:39,575
Tonight

26
00:01:41,646 --> 00:01:45,014
Tonight, tonight

27
00:01:45,049 --> 00:01:47,750
Band camp calls tonight
28
00:01:47,785 --> 00:01:51,087
My demo goes online

29
00:01:51,122 --> 00:01:53,689
Tonight

30
00:01:53,725 --> 00:01:55,725

31
00:02:07,605 --> 00:02:10,039
Tonight, tonight

32
00:02:10,074 --> 00:02:11,841
My dreams come true tonight

33
00:02:11,876 --> 00:02:14,310
Deposit's due tonight
I'll take the pot tonight

34
00:02:14,345 --> 00:02:16,979
I'll eat fondue tonight
I'll spike your brew tonight

35
00:02:17,015 --> 00:02:18,814
Tonight!

36
00:02:21,753 --> 00:02:23,653
Moe, what the
hell is that?!

37
00:02:23,688 --> 00:02:26,322
Sorry. I missed
rehearsal.

38
00:02:26,357 --> 00:02:27,857
Damn it.

39
00:02:27,892 --> 00:02:29,959
Marge, I'm heading out!
Poker night!

40
00:02:31,162 --> 00:02:34,130
I don't want you losing
all our scrimpings!

41
00:02:34,165 --> 00:02:35,498
Don't worry, Marge.

42
00:02:35,533 --> 00:02:38,034
The real excitement for me
is staying within a budget.

43
00:02:39,170 --> 00:02:41,571
This is just
a friendly game, right?

44
00:02:41,606 --> 00:02:44,040
Oh, super friendly.

45
00:02:44,075 --> 00:02:45,675
Suckers.

46
00:02:45,710 --> 00:02:47,009
Dad, Dad, Dad.

47
00:02:47,045 --> 00:02:49,912
I need two things: a
good-night hug and a favor.

48
00:02:49,948 --> 00:02:51,614
Mm.
To save time,

49
00:02:51,649 --> 00:02:53,215
I'll start
describing the favor.

50
00:02:53,251 --> 00:02:55,451
I've just been accepted
to the best band camp

51
00:02:55,486 --> 00:02:57,620
this side of
the Mississippi!

52
00:02:57,655 --> 00:02:59,121
Which side are we again?

53
00:02:59,157 --> 00:03:01,023
Doesn't matter!
It's a great camp.
54
00:03:01,059 --> 00:03:03,793
Notable graduates include
Pete Barbutti.

55
00:03:03,828 --> 00:03:05,027
Pete Barbutti?!

56
00:03:05,063 --> 00:03:06,996
Yes! Anyway, it's
a little pricey.

57
00:03:07,031 --> 00:03:08,798
So, if you win
big tonight,

58
00:03:08,833 --> 00:03:12,134
maybe you could help make
a little girl really happy.

59
00:03:12,170 --> 00:03:13,903
Don't worry, sweetie,
I'm gonna win.

60
00:03:13,938 --> 00:03:15,805
And you know why?

61
00:03:15,840 --> 00:03:19,609
I'm wearing my lucky T-shirt.

62
00:03:19,644 --> 00:03:21,577
It was such a shame

63
00:03:21,613 --> 00:03:24,180
he lost to
President Garfield.

64
00:03:25,683 --> 00:03:28,250
Oh, I'll fix this.

65
00:03:30,288 --> 00:03:31,320
There.

66
00:03:33,825 --> 00:03:36,459
The maestro is here.

67
00:03:38,429 --> 00:03:39,629
Hey, who's the lady?

68
00:03:39,664 --> 00:03:40,830
What, are you kidding?

69
00:03:40,865 --> 00:03:43,132
This is Laney Fontaine,
Broadway legend.

70
00:03:43,167 --> 00:03:45,034
She starred
opposite Al Pacino

71
00:03:45,069 --> 00:03:47,003
in<i> Does a Tiger</i>
<i>Wear A Necktie?</i>

72
00:03:47,038 --> 00:03:48,004
Ooh!

73
00:03:48,039 --> 00:03:49,305
Now I date Moe.

74
00:03:49,340 --> 00:03:51,374
He's got everything
I look for in a man:

75
00:03:51,409 --> 00:03:53,209
a current
liquor license.

76
00:03:53,244 --> 00:03:55,011
Well, it and you

77
00:03:55,046 --> 00:03:58,314
are the two most precious
wrinkled yellow things I know.

78
00:03:59,050 --> 00:04:01,050

79
00:04:06,758 --> 00:04:08,924
Three of a kind beats two pair.

80
00:04:08,960 --> 00:04:10,793
Straight beats three of a kind.

81
00:04:10,828 --> 00:04:12,395
Three beats two.

82
00:04:12,430 --> 00:04:13,829
Four beats three.

83
00:04:18,436 --> 00:04:20,670
<i>Oh, my God.</i>

84
00:04:20,705 --> 00:04:23,005
<i>Full house.</i>

85
00:04:23,041 --> 00:04:26,342
We're gonna win! That means
Lisa goes to band camp.

86
00:04:26,377 --> 00:04:28,711
As long as Homer
doesn't let them know

87
00:04:28,746 --> 00:04:30,146
how good his hand is.

88
00:04:30,181 --> 00:04:33,282
Then he'll blow the whole
damn thing to hell!

89
00:04:33,317 --> 00:04:34,884
That would
be terrible.

90
00:04:34,919 --> 00:04:37,720
Worst jammed-in
movie parody ever.

91
00:04:37,755 --> 00:04:40,356
Come on, Homer. Poker face.

92
00:04:42,360 --> 00:04:44,760
Aah! Stupid git!

93
00:04:44,796 --> 00:04:47,396
I raise, no calls,
pot goes to me.
94
00:04:47,432 --> 00:04:49,165
Hold on, Fat Folds Five.

95
00:04:50,468 --> 00:04:53,269
I see your raise,
and I raise this.

96
00:04:54,272 --> 00:04:55,905
Is that real?

97
00:04:55,940 --> 00:04:57,640
Won it for cinematography.

98
00:04:57,675 --> 00:05:00,776
Invented a new kind of Steadicam
that's mounted on a dog.

99
00:05:00,812 --> 00:05:03,646
That's five grand to you.

100
00:05:03,681 --> 00:05:06,515
So, are you in, or are you...

101
00:05:07,952 --> 00:05:10,886
While I'm out, no one
look at my cards or my boobs.

102
00:05:12,256 --> 00:05:14,790
Aw. Don't she black out
like an angel?

103
00:05:14,826 --> 00:05:16,592
Queens beat jacks.

104
00:05:16,627 --> 00:05:18,160
No one heard
that. I'm in.

105
00:05:25,136 --> 00:05:27,636
Okay, Homer.
Moment of truth.

106
00:05:30,675 --> 00:05:33,309
Oh, four of a kind!
Hey, honey, you won!
107
00:05:33,344 --> 00:05:34,376
Huh?

108
00:05:34,412 --> 00:05:35,778
I lost.

109
00:05:35,813 --> 00:05:38,214
I lost everything.

110
00:05:38,249 --> 00:05:40,216
We're gonna
celebrate, Moe.

111
00:05:40,251 --> 00:05:42,084
What's Springfield's
version of Sardi's?

112
00:05:42,120 --> 00:05:43,352
Uh, Hardee's.

113
00:05:43,387 --> 00:05:46,522
I know a nice booth
under a picture of a hamburger.

114
00:05:46,557 --> 00:05:49,458
Aw, come on, Homer.
I'll drive you home.

115
00:05:51,129 --> 00:05:53,129
Hey, off we go!

116
00:05:53,164 --> 00:05:55,431
Vroom, vroom, vroom.

117
00:05:58,336 --> 00:06:00,669
You've completed
<i>Poker: A Beginner's Guide.</i>

118
00:06:00,705 --> 00:06:03,773
Now go out there and win.

119
00:06:03,849 --> 00:06:05,706
I bid two bucks.

120
00:06:20,282 --> 00:06:21,715
What was that?

121
00:06:21,751 --> 00:06:25,452
Those aren't the tiptoes
of a successful gambler.

122
00:06:25,488 --> 00:06:27,354
How much did you lose?

123
00:06:27,389 --> 00:06:28,722
$5,000.

124
00:06:30,092 --> 00:06:31,625
Whoa, I never heard that noise.

125
00:06:34,964 --> 00:06:36,330
I'm just sayin',
doesn't look like

126
00:06:36,365 --> 00:06:39,099
band camp is
in the cards.

127
00:06:44,974 --> 00:06:46,974
Hey, this is
my thing now.

128
00:06:49,445 --> 00:06:50,911
So easy.

129
00:06:50,946 --> 00:06:52,546
Guys, I help with a plan.

130
00:06:52,581 --> 00:06:53,981
Hey, what about
a reverse mortgage?

131
00:06:54,016 --> 00:06:57,284
I saw a commercial for one where
an old lady gave a thumbs-up

132
00:06:57,319 --> 00:06:59,620
and it turned into money,
which filled up the screen.

133
00:06:59,655 --> 00:07:01,221
The entire screen?

134
00:07:01,257 --> 00:07:02,823
Swear to God.

135
00:07:02,858 --> 00:07:05,859
Hey, Homer, here's a thought:
invite Laney over for dinner.

136
00:07:05,895 --> 00:07:08,762
Show her your crummy home,
your unhappy kids.

137
00:07:08,798 --> 00:07:10,931
Anyone with a heart
would take pity.

138
00:07:10,966 --> 00:07:13,033
Finally, my sucky life pays off.

139
00:07:13,068 --> 00:07:14,501
Do you guys
think she'll buy it?

140
00:07:14,537 --> 00:07:17,771
Oh, yeah. Your whole house,
uh, it smells like a basement.

141
00:07:17,807 --> 00:07:19,339
I've always
hated your rugs.

142
00:07:19,375 --> 00:07:21,809
Yeah... Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Why you have to go there, man?

143
00:07:21,844 --> 00:07:23,410
He has such
beautiful floors.

144
00:07:23,445 --> 00:07:25,579
Why must he
hide them? Why?

145
00:07:25,614 --> 00:07:26,880
<i>There I am,</i>
146
00:07:26,916 --> 00:07:28,749
on the main stage at Caesar's,

147
00:07:28,784 --> 00:07:30,551
about to sing
"Do You Love Me,"

148
00:07:30,586 --> 00:07:33,086
when who do I see
sitting in the wings?

149
00:07:33,122 --> 00:07:34,955
Your boyfriend King Tut?

150
00:07:34,990 --> 00:07:36,890
No. Jack Jones.

151
00:07:36,926 --> 00:07:38,759
High on his success from
"Wives and Lovers"

152
00:07:38,794 --> 00:07:41,628
with eyes for yours truly.

153
00:07:41,664 --> 00:07:45,065
But you'd just accepted
a proposal from Mike Connors.

154
00:07:45,100 --> 00:07:46,633
Which I broke off.

155
00:07:46,669 --> 00:07:49,236
Let's just say
Mannix was the one man

156
00:07:49,271 --> 00:07:51,071
I had to nix.

157
00:07:51,106 --> 00:07:53,073
Oh!

158
00:07:53,108 --> 00:07:54,675
Oh, that's rich!

159
00:07:54,710 --> 00:07:55,742
Oh, my God.

160
00:07:55,778 --> 00:07:56,944
That's going in your book.

161
00:07:56,979 --> 00:07:58,745
Please tell me
you're writing a book.

162
00:08:00,583 --> 00:08:01,949
Sit down, boy.

163
00:08:01,984 --> 00:08:03,317
We're trying
to show this dame

164
00:08:03,352 --> 00:08:04,918
that we're deserving
of her pity.

165
00:08:04,954 --> 00:08:06,253
Where's that crutch I gave you?

166
00:08:06,288 --> 00:08:07,988
There's nothing wrong
with my leg.

167
00:08:08,023 --> 00:08:09,089
There will be.

168
00:08:09,124 --> 00:08:10,290
D'oh!

169
00:08:10,326 --> 00:08:12,559
Ow! Ow, my leg!

170
00:08:13,963 --> 00:08:17,297
Oh! Oh, my leg.

171
00:08:17,333 --> 00:08:18,899
Oh!

172
00:08:18,934 --> 00:08:22,870
Who would take $5,000
from such a miserable creature?
173
00:08:25,507 --> 00:08:28,108
Laney, I know
it's your night off,

174
00:08:28,143 --> 00:08:30,477
but would you like to
sing a song for us?

175
00:08:30,512 --> 00:08:32,546
You don't have to ask me twice.

176
00:08:32,581 --> 00:08:36,216
I'm just a
Broadway lady

177
00:08:38,888 --> 00:08:42,389
Dancing on my aching feet

178
00:08:45,060 --> 00:08:48,061
Avoiding any foods
with wheat

179
00:08:48,097 --> 00:08:52,232
And no drinking pre-show

180
00:08:52,268 --> 00:08:54,001
It's okay if the
producer don't

181
00:08:54,036 --> 00:08:57,337
Know.

182
00:09:02,978 --> 00:09:06,280
Wow. You know your way
around a horn, kid.

183
00:09:06,315 --> 00:09:08,115
Oh, listen,
I don't want to gush,

184
00:09:08,150 --> 00:09:09,783
but I have all your albums.

185
00:09:09,818 --> 00:09:11,118
<i>Laney Sings The Blues,</i>
186
00:09:11,153 --> 00:09:12,619
<i>Electric Laney Land,</i>

187
00:09:12,655 --> 00:09:14,321
<i>Laney Butchers The Beatles.</i>

188
00:09:14,356 --> 00:09:15,756
Ooh, and my favorite,

189
00:09:15,791 --> 00:09:18,525
<i>Rehab Yourself</i>
<i>A Merry Little Christmas.</i>

190
00:09:18,560 --> 00:09:19,860
I'll tell you
what, Marge.

191
00:09:19,895 --> 00:09:22,796
I'll wipe the slate
clean on one condition.

192
00:09:22,831 --> 00:09:24,364
I want you to
give Lisa to me.

193
00:09:25,834 --> 00:09:27,701
Uh, for a month or so.

194
00:09:31,206 --> 00:09:32,706
I see.

195
00:09:32,741 --> 00:09:36,076
Get out. I never
want to see you again.

196
00:09:36,111 --> 00:09:37,210
Let me explain.

197
00:09:37,246 --> 00:09:39,513
Listen, lady,
you can't take a daughter

198
00:09:39,548 --> 00:09:41,715
from a mother
unless you're a bigger star
199
00:09:41,750 --> 00:09:43,317
and this is
a third-world country.

200
00:09:43,352 --> 00:09:44,751
Marge,

201
00:09:44,787 --> 00:09:48,221
I know this sounds nuts, but
I never had the joy you have.

202
00:09:48,257 --> 00:09:50,557
A child to hug me
at the end of the day

203
00:09:50,592 --> 00:09:53,126
or-or a chance
to pass along what I know.

204
00:09:53,162 --> 00:09:56,596
I'm going out on tour, and she's
got all the makings of a star:

205
00:09:56,632 --> 00:09:59,232
talent, smarts and
a star-shaped head.

206
00:09:59,268 --> 00:10:01,368
Perhaps you didn't hear me.

207
00:10:01,403 --> 00:10:03,470
Here's your coat.

208
00:10:03,505 --> 00:10:05,105
Mom, Mom.

209
00:10:05,140 --> 00:10:08,675
Mom, please. You were gonna let
me go to band camp for a month,

210
00:10:08,711 --> 00:10:11,645
where people break curfew
and exchange reeds.

211
00:10:11,680 --> 00:10:14,982
But this? This is the
opportunity to live my dream.

212
00:10:15,017 --> 00:10:18,151
Come on, how many chances
in life do you get for that?

213
00:10:18,187 --> 00:10:19,252
None!

214
00:10:19,288 --> 00:10:22,656
I've been here,
I've just been quiet.

215
00:10:23,926 --> 00:10:25,225

216
00:10:29,832 --> 00:10:32,799
I guess I can't deny you this.

217
00:10:32,835 --> 00:10:34,134
All right.

218
00:10:34,169 --> 00:10:35,869
Oh, thanks, Mom!

219
00:10:35,904 --> 00:10:38,905
And, Mom, if you have any doubts
how a showbiz kid will turn out,

220
00:10:38,941 --> 00:10:40,407
just look at
all of them!

221
00:10:44,713 --> 00:10:46,680
Mom, I appreciate this
so much.

222
00:10:46,715 --> 00:10:49,216
You'll be the first person
I thank at the Tonys

223
00:10:49,251 --> 00:10:51,551
after the great Angela Lansbury.

224
00:10:51,587 --> 00:10:53,053
Bye.

225
00:11:04,099 --> 00:11:07,034
Good night, kid.

226
00:11:07,069 --> 00:11:09,069
Would you read to me
before I go to bed?

227
00:11:09,104 --> 00:11:11,071
<i>Anne of Green Gables?</i>

228
00:11:11,106 --> 00:11:13,140
I did the
audiobook on this.

229
00:11:13,175 --> 00:11:15,475
If chapter ten sounds
like it was Peter Falk,

230
00:11:15,511 --> 00:11:17,377
it's because it was.

231
00:11:17,413 --> 00:11:20,380
So I guess you don't want
to read it again.

232
00:11:20,416 --> 00:11:22,816
How 'bout I give you
some showbiz advice?

233
00:11:22,851 --> 00:11:25,419
Every piece of advice
someone gives you

234
00:11:25,454 --> 00:11:27,587
will turn out to be wrong.

235
00:11:27,623 --> 00:11:30,824
Particularly wrong are people
like me who seem knowledgeable.

236
00:11:30,859 --> 00:11:32,826
Aw, she's already out.

237
00:11:36,131 --> 00:11:38,165
You watching Channel Six
right now?

238
00:11:38,200 --> 00:11:39,566
Hurry up! Hurry up! Aw!

239
00:11:39,601 --> 00:11:41,701
Nah, too late.
The cops cleaned it up.

240
00:11:43,772 --> 00:11:46,840
Chazz Busby.
My director.

241
00:11:46,875 --> 00:11:49,576
The man who's ruined more
productions than flu season.

242
00:11:49,611 --> 00:11:51,578
Laney! My star, my muse,

243
00:11:51,613 --> 00:11:53,713
my God, what have you
done to your face?

244
00:11:55,417 --> 00:11:56,550
Who's the lampshade?

245
00:11:56,585 --> 00:11:57,918
This is Lisa Simpson,

246
00:11:57,953 --> 00:12:00,420
the sax prodigy who's gonna
blow life into my act.

247
00:12:00,456 --> 00:12:01,555
Show him, kid.

248
00:12:03,025 --> 00:12:05,125
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa,
whoa! I wanted an audition,

249
00:12:05,160 --> 00:12:06,893
not a recital.
You're in, kid.

250
00:12:06,929 --> 00:12:08,662
I made it in Hartford.

251
00:12:11,700 --> 00:12:12,999
<i>Are you sure</i>

252
00:12:13,035 --> 00:12:15,001
you set it up right?
Yes!

253
00:12:15,037 --> 00:12:17,270
Then why aren't
we Skyping?

254
00:12:17,306 --> 00:12:19,439
I don't know.
Maybe Lisa's drugged-out.

255
00:12:19,475 --> 00:12:21,842
My daughter is not drugged-out.

256
00:12:21,877 --> 00:12:24,511
Maybe she's just sleeping late
after partying at discotheques.

257
00:12:24,546 --> 00:12:27,180
How do you know about
all-night discotheques?

258
00:12:27,216 --> 00:12:29,649
We have Disco Stu
in this town, Mom.

259
00:12:29,685 --> 00:12:31,651
He's a resource.
Use him.

260
00:12:33,622 --> 00:12:35,922
How are you,
sweetie?

261
00:12:35,958 --> 00:12:37,524
I'm good, I'm good.

262
00:12:37,559 --> 00:12:39,059
What happened to your voice?
263
00:12:39,094 --> 00:12:40,060
I don't know.

264
00:12:40,095 --> 00:12:42,028
Late rehearsals,
cheap root beer.

265
00:12:43,632 --> 00:12:47,400
But I'm great!
We're heading to New York!

266
00:12:48,604 --> 00:12:49,803
Who's watching you?

267
00:12:49,838 --> 00:12:51,138
Sonny and Stix.

268
00:12:53,442 --> 00:12:55,342
Do I hear syncopation?

269
00:12:55,377 --> 00:12:57,544
Lisa, Lisa, I was thinking
maybe you could

270
00:12:57,579 --> 00:12:59,479
come home a little early and...

271
00:12:59,515 --> 00:13:01,681
I'm sorry. I got to go.
Our take five is over,

272
00:13:01,717 --> 00:13:04,284
and jazz is all about
following the rules, you know.

273
00:13:04,319 --> 00:13:06,820
Come on, guys.
Don't I get a puff?

274
00:13:09,625 --> 00:13:11,424
I<i> really</i> have
the munchies.

275
00:13:12,661 --> 00:13:14,094
Bye!
276
00:13:14,129 --> 00:13:15,762
We've got to
get her back.

277
00:13:15,797 --> 00:13:17,898
Pack your things. We're
heading for New York.

278
00:13:17,933 --> 00:13:20,100
We should get a place there.
We go so often.

279
00:13:31,723 --> 00:13:34,757
I can't believe
I'm gonna be performing here.

280
00:13:42,634 --> 00:13:45,268
I already got<i> my</i> ticket!

281
00:13:45,304 --> 00:13:47,371
Ah, so many seats.

282
00:13:47,406 --> 00:13:49,039
Damn it!

283
00:13:49,074 --> 00:13:50,974
Lousy electric car.

284
00:13:51,009 --> 00:13:53,510
Dad, just 'cause it got
hit by lightning that time

285
00:13:53,545 --> 00:13:55,045
doesn't make it
electric.

286
00:13:55,080 --> 00:13:57,447
Shut up, boy.

287
00:14:02,354 --> 00:14:04,054
How may I help thee,
friends?

288
00:14:04,089 --> 00:14:07,124
Our car... broketh down.
289
00:14:07,159 --> 00:14:09,459
Springfield
Englisher accent?

290
00:14:09,495 --> 00:14:13,897
You must know my ultra-liberal
cousin Ned Flanders.

291
00:14:13,932 --> 00:14:16,299
Oh, he's brought such shame
to our family

292
00:14:16,335 --> 00:14:18,902
with his lip hair
and two marriages.

293
00:14:18,937 --> 00:14:22,372
And do you know
he's left-handed?

294
00:14:27,780 --> 00:14:30,747
Um, can I please
use the, uh,

295
00:14:30,783 --> 00:14:32,749
little bearded
boys' room?

296
00:14:33,919 --> 00:14:36,119

297
00:14:47,666 --> 00:14:49,466
How deep
did thou diggest?

298
00:14:49,501 --> 00:14:51,001
30 hands.

299
00:14:51,036 --> 00:14:53,804
With God's grace,
it will be enough.

300
00:14:53,839 --> 00:14:57,174
Don't know why

301
00:14:57,209 --> 00:14:59,142
 There's no sun up

302
00:14:59,178 --> 00:15:00,477
In the...

303
00:15:00,512 --> 00:15:03,146
In the... in the...

304
00:15:03,182 --> 00:15:04,748
How about "in the sky"?!

305
00:15:04,783 --> 00:15:05,749
The sky!

306
00:15:05,784 --> 00:15:07,250
You ought to
know, sweetheart.

307
00:15:07,286 --> 00:15:09,319
You were there when
God created it.

308
00:15:09,354 --> 00:15:11,321
Eh, go shave a coconut.

309
00:15:13,058 --> 00:15:15,792
I turned down<i> Transformers</i>
<i>on Broadway</i> for this?

310
00:15:15,828 --> 00:15:17,794
I was a Megatron-sized fool!

311
00:15:17,830 --> 00:15:20,797
Kristen Chenoweth was set
to play Sam Witwicky's mother.

312
00:15:20,833 --> 00:15:22,999
This is how mad I am!
Fade to black!

313
00:15:23,035 --> 00:15:24,668
You can't be serious!

314
00:15:24,703 --> 00:15:26,403
I said fade!
315
00:15:26,438 --> 00:15:29,005
Everyone, meet me back here
in however long it takes

316
00:15:29,041 --> 00:15:30,540
to wake up
from five Valium.

317
00:15:30,576 --> 00:15:31,808
On the dot!

318
00:15:35,848 --> 00:15:38,148
Hey, man, how'd
you get that seat?

319
00:15:38,183 --> 00:15:40,517
They thought
I was pregnant.

320
00:15:48,193 --> 00:15:50,293
It's showtime, Laney.
Time to see if there's still

321
00:15:50,329 --> 00:15:54,331
a spark left in that smoldering
Duraflame log you call a career.

322
00:15:56,134 --> 00:15:57,100
Hey, Laney.

323
00:15:57,135 --> 00:15:58,835
Moe, I need you.

324
00:15:58,871 --> 00:16:01,705
To make me feel confident,
strong and beautiful.

325
00:16:01,740 --> 00:16:04,241
Boy, I'm not real good at
boosting self-esteem there.

326
00:16:04,276 --> 00:16:06,977
But, uh, if you make a
mistake, I can fire my gun.

327
00:16:07,012 --> 00:16:09,379
And that's what the critics
will be yappin' about tomorrow.

328
00:16:16,355 --> 00:16:17,988
That's not
encouragement!

329
00:16:18,023 --> 00:16:20,490
Those are
your lyrics!

330
00:16:20,526 --> 00:16:23,360
I had a dream

331
00:16:23,395 --> 00:16:27,697
A dream about you, baby

332
00:16:27,733 --> 00:16:31,701
It's gonna come true, baby

333
00:16:31,737 --> 00:16:35,071
They think
that we're through

334
00:16:35,107 --> 00:16:39,209
But, baby...

335
00:16:41,480 --> 00:16:44,147
You'll be swell

336
00:16:44,182 --> 00:16:46,049
You'll be great

337
00:16:46,084 --> 00:16:48,952
Gonna have the whole world
on a...

338
00:16:48,987 --> 00:16:51,288
On a...

339
00:16:51,323 --> 00:16:52,622
Plate!

340
00:16:53,825 --> 00:16:55,792
Cheering for someone
getting a word right.
341
00:16:55,827 --> 00:16:57,360
That is a low bar.

342
00:16:58,397 --> 00:16:59,696
Four tickets, please.

343
00:16:59,731 --> 00:17:01,565
I'm sorry, ma'am.
The show is sold out

344
00:17:01,600 --> 00:17:03,233
for reasons
that elude me.

345
00:17:03,268 --> 00:17:04,734
My daughter's in there.

346
00:17:04,770 --> 00:17:06,336
Eh, we all got
our problems.

347
00:17:06,371 --> 00:17:08,805
I'm a ticket seller
for a dying art form.

348
00:17:08,840 --> 00:17:13,543
Hey, uh, you're a
union man, right?

349
00:17:13,579 --> 00:17:15,211
Brother?

350
00:17:15,247 --> 00:17:16,546
Why didn't you say so?

351
00:17:16,582 --> 00:17:18,548
I have no choice now
but to be corrupt.

352
00:17:18,584 --> 00:17:19,749
In you go.

353
00:17:21,153 --> 00:17:24,120
Everything's gonna be
354
00:17:24,156 --> 00:17:26,456
Bright lights and lollipops

355
00:17:33,832 --> 00:17:35,832
Come on, let's
sneak her out.

356
00:17:35,867 --> 00:17:38,835
Under the guise of soliciting
for Broadway Cares.

357
00:17:42,474 --> 00:17:43,773
Wait. Wait, Homer.

358
00:17:43,809 --> 00:17:45,108
Look at our little girl.

359
00:17:45,143 --> 00:17:46,576
She's got chops.

360
00:17:46,612 --> 00:17:48,778
Honest-to-goodness chops.

361
00:17:48,814 --> 00:17:51,615
Yeah. Letting our daughter
go on the road

362
00:17:51,650 --> 00:17:54,351
with an 80-year-old diva
and some sketchy jazz guys

363
00:17:54,386 --> 00:17:57,187
was the best decision
we ever made.

364
00:17:57,222 --> 00:18:00,991
Everything's coming up roses

365
00:18:01,026 --> 00:18:05,328
For me and for you!

366
00:18:16,508 --> 00:18:18,274
Mom, that was the greatest
night of my life!

367
00:18:18,310 --> 00:18:19,476
Hey!

368
00:18:19,511 --> 00:18:21,478
When does the
show start?

369
00:18:21,513 --> 00:18:23,680
It did, and it was wonderful.

370
00:18:23,715 --> 00:18:26,349
Eh, she's been bitten
by the showbiz bug.

371
00:18:26,385 --> 00:18:29,019
And when that happens,
only working with Bruce Willis

372
00:18:29,054 --> 00:18:30,286
can extinguish it.

373
00:18:33,358 --> 00:18:36,059
Okay. Just
finish out the tour.

374
00:18:36,094 --> 00:18:38,561
We'll see you
in Pittsfield.

375
00:18:43,568 --> 00:18:45,101
No way!

376
00:18:45,137 --> 00:18:47,437
Pittsfield ain't happening
for this little scene stealer.

377
00:18:47,472 --> 00:18:50,774
I love you, Lisa, but you got
a bigger ovation than me.

378
00:18:50,809 --> 00:18:53,343
So we can never share
the same stage again.

379
00:18:53,378 --> 00:18:55,412
What? How can you say that?
380
00:18:55,447 --> 00:18:57,414
Showbiz lesson
number seven:

381
00:18:57,449 --> 00:18:59,416
just when things
are going great,

382
00:18:59,451 --> 00:19:01,418
they pull the rug out
from under you.

383
00:19:01,453 --> 00:19:03,353
Bad news, Laney.
We're shutting down.

384
00:19:03,388 --> 00:19:05,955
Never cleared the rights to
"Everything's Coming Up Roses."

385
00:19:05,991 --> 00:19:07,090
See what I mean?

386
00:19:07,125 --> 00:19:09,025
Also, we're gonna need
that rug.

387
00:19:13,031 --> 00:19:15,165
Mom, suddenly
I really want to go home.

388
00:19:15,200 --> 00:19:17,167
Oh. Mm.

389
00:19:17,202 --> 00:19:20,637
If you go, let me give you
one<i> huge</i> piece of advice:

390
00:19:20,672 --> 00:19:22,272
take the Eighth Avenue side,

391
00:19:22,307 --> 00:19:24,340
then catch a cab
and circle back.

392
00:19:24,376 --> 00:19:26,309
And away... I... go!

393
00:19:26,344 --> 00:19:29,212
Pow!

394
00:19:29,247 --> 00:19:33,450
Well, Laney, youse, uh...
you still got me.

395
00:19:33,485 --> 00:19:35,452

396
00:19:39,925 --> 00:19:46,425
== sync, corrected by <font color=#00FF00>elderman</font> ==
<font color=#00FFFF>@elder_man</font>

397
00:19:52,970 --> 00:19:55,270

398
00:19:55,306 --> 00:19:57,272
See how gaudy his house is?

399
00:19:57,308 --> 00:19:58,940
A brass doorknocker?

400
00:19:58,976 --> 00:20:01,076
Who lives here, Caligula?

401
00:20:01,111 --> 00:20:02,411
'Tis troubling.

402
00:20:02,446 --> 00:20:05,480
Cousin Jacob! All the way
from Pennsyl-diddly-vania!

403
00:20:05,516 --> 00:20:08,417
I see thou art still using
the Devil's "diddly."

404
00:20:08,452 --> 00:20:11,019
Well, I must confess,
I-I do over-diddly.

405
00:20:11,055 --> 00:20:14,423
And I see your house is lit
by Edison's witch lights.
406
00:20:14,458 --> 00:20:17,893
Who's holier than thou now, Ned?

407
00:20:17,928 --> 00:20:20,962
Homer, you've shown me that
I'm guilty of the sin of pride,

408
00:20:20,998 --> 00:20:23,899
and that just makes me
love you more.

409
00:20:23,934 --> 00:20:26,768
Oh, God,
I'm stuck in a Flandwich.

410
00:20:26,804 --> 00:20:28,904
With side orders
of love and forgiveness!

411
00:20:28,939 --> 00:20:30,038
D'oh!

412
00:21:10,114 --> 00:21:12,114
Shh!