THE EDY

C O M
ISSU E
THE
ROCK
FLEXES HIS
COMEDY
MUSCLES

4T5HER FUNNY
O
PEOPLE
 The
Summer
Issue

BRAD PITT IN AMERICAS NATIONAL PARKS

ON NEWSSTANDS NOW! SUBSCRIBE @ GQSTYLE.COM

 JU

ME

Backup career for The Rock?

INTELLIGENCE
Hawking T-shirts on Venice Beach.

DY
Tank tops, $55 each, by Aviator
R O C K A N D R O L L H O O D I E ( B OT TO M L E F T ) : AV I ATO R N AT I O N

Nation. Jeans, $750, by Amiri.

Sneakers, $50, by Vans.

CO 44
DEPARTMENTS This Man Is the 62

17
Future of Funny
Silicon Valley star Kumail
Nanjiani is churning out
16 projects with his wife.
Letter from First up? A rom-com, duh
the Editor BY A N N A P E E L E
How American Are
You, Really?
Take the citizenship test for
real citizens, with help from
our proctor, Seth Meyers
BY S T E P H E N S H E R R I L L

20
GQHQ 52 72
My Awful Life Spinal Tap vs.
23 as the Internets Hollywood

1 2
Manual Janitor Harry Shearerone of the

GE
Someones gotta stop stars and creators of This Is

PA
148 ads from showing up next to Spinal Tapis fighting to
The Last Laugh Internet snuff films. That right a widespread wrong
Bonus comedy god: someone was this poor guy that plagues Hollywood
Chris Rock BY L U CA S P E T E R S O N BY A M Y WA L L AC E

1 0 G Q . C O M . E D Y J U N E 2 0 1 7 P EG GY S I R OTA
G Q  

S HI ON
CO

R
ME

17
DY

F e at u r e s
PAG
E

106
2 2

P. 96
I GOT YOU, BABE
The best comedy teams of
today channel their favorite
dynamic duos of the past

P.
THE NEW CLASS

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F
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120 Norman Lear

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126 Jerry Seinfeld

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127 Tracy Morgan

T I E B A R : T H E T I E B A R . P O C K E T S Q U A R E : D H A 1 . S H O E S : S A LVATO R E F E R R A G A M O T R A M E Z Z A .
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David Letterman
sto prove

130
BY B R E T T M A R T I N
ONE
To

132 Louie Anderson

BY A M Y WA L L AC E
112

THE CO
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P e g g y S ir
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Standardized tests. .

1 2 G Q . C O M . E D Y J U N E 2 0 1 7 JAKE CHESSUM
 LETT
ERFR
OMT
HEED

> Louder
ITOR

Than Bombs
ugh, was what
the world. The craziest thing , tho
of Am eri cas pla ce in ng. If youre drop-
ours. Its came afterward. Nothi
Were here to git whats ges t bom b, you want it to
of cow boy ping your big
a return , in a wa y, t there was a stun-
the cow- mean something . Bu
diplomacy. Only now ios ity about the military
ng from ning lack of cur
boy app ear s to be su eri n the death toll. The
me. And accomplishment or eve
irritable bowel syndro no rus h to assess the dam-
ryt hing. Pentagon was in
hes pis sed o abo ut eve ers for the casualty
ted by age. Pressed by report
Now, Im not comfor the mi ssion had achieved,
vu, but count and what
any of thi s twi ste d dj Frankly, digging
ue that Mattis shrugged again:
I suppose you could arg cou nt dea d bodies is not a
to our my thi c pas t. into tunnels to
it restor es us time.
rld stage good use of our troops
Trump stalks the wo So I thi nk I kn ow wh at the Tru mp
of vio lent
with an agg rie ved mix st what it will feel
tability, Doctrine will be, or at lea
pride, woozy unpredic ark abl y consequence-free.
rs t, ask like. It will be rem
an d ye old e Sh oot tica l. You got that
ept for And not particularly tac
questions later reex. Exc sen se aft er the mi ssi le str ike on Syr ia
mi ssin g ing red ien t: the mp did personally
one key (which, incidentally, Tru
ere is no
ask questions part. Th approve, becaus e you hav e to del egate, but
, bec aus e he doe sn t deign bra g). Ass ad is a
asking sometimes you want
to
ns.
to think about the questio brutal despot wit h a hol e for a hea rt, but its
saw or, military purpose
Exhibit A: Im sure you
ista n, felt fair to ask: What was the
if you were in Afg han
Wh at wa s the consequence?
t the Un ited Sta tes of that strike?
the new s tha t.
big ges t We never heard that par to talk
rec ent ly dro pp ed the Bu t the mi ssiles were something
ar bom b eve r use d in told Ch inese
-nu cle Tru mp
non
, or as its about. Youll recall that enjoying
combat, the GBU-43/B president Xi alll llll abo ut it wh ile
mommy
known by people with delicious sugary treats
. He was more artic-
all bom bs.
issues, the mothe r of
t cak e the most beautiful
uld tar- ulate about tha
have It didnt sur pri se me tha t we wo e that youve ever
DOES DONALD T
RUMP
caves back into piece of chocolate cak
s (and get ISI S or bom b a bun ch of wa s abo ut the military mis-
y? Am eri can seenthan he
a foreign polic theCave Age, but two thi ngs did sur prise.
are that it was Iraq
d
! Is there, pped the bomb, sion. (He also mis-decl
ferriners) want to know First, the gen era l wh o dro
we attacked, bu t you get the point. Some
recently did not seek
as The New Yo rk Tim es General John W. Nic hol son , Jr., s attacked, boom,
, Defense Secretary country or another wa
Tru mp Do ctrine? If n fro m Tru mp No r in sub sequent weeks
wondered, a per mis sio
mo mm y. No one . Junior chocolate cak e.)
n for Syria.
rred, it is Jim Mattis, or his
did we hear much about
a pla
there is, the Times ave the un ilat era l decision. Now, if self as a very exible
an d im pro visational, just ma de
e Trump I like to thi nk of my
situational Im 100 per cen t sur e one specic way,
ever heard. hed bothered,
rm iss ion gra nte d, person. I dont have to hav
like the worst jazz you wo uld hav e sai d, Pe
Trump had sai d, try ing to exp lain his change
we know to be to ask . ia. I dont like
Let s begin with what kiddo, but its nic e
of heart about attacking
Syr
d Tru mp , ow ing to his genuinely ex Pen tag on o cia l told the Times goi ng and wh at Im doing.
true. Donal An of deci- to say where Im
the lea st intellectually big gie . Th ere are lots ine : Its fer oci ous , its
superlative nature, is that it was no Thats the Trump Doctr
son to eve r occ up y the highest ns tha t mil itar y com manders make every rov isa tion al, and its all over
curious per sio violent, its imp
t cou ntry in the t asking, Mother, t explain it.
oce in the most im por tan day on their own withou the place. But you just can
E R I C R AY DAV I D S O N

cit of humanity h the mo mm y iss ues !)

d thi nk thi s de y I? (Ag ain wit
world. You ma
into his foreign pol- shrugged it all o.
might eventually bleed And Mad Dog Mattis
icy. In fact, it already has
. You have to delegate,
he said, as if he were
supplies.
J I M N E L S O NF
there is some- e ord er o ce EDITOR-IN-CHIE
In the cartoonish sense, nally letting som eon
about Trumps view
thing very 19th century

1 6 G Q . C O M . E D Y J U N E 2 0 1 7
p. 24
Tom Ford jacket
p. 94
Amiri hoodie
Just a few of our picks from this issue...

p. 10
vest
Prada

Vans sneakers
84
More
on page

p. 137
OF GQ?

Gucci suit
YO U S E E

our online
W E A R I T

>TO LEARN
L I K E W H AT

to wear what
the editors of
GQ will select

retail partner,
R I G H T A W AY

different ways
G E T I T A N D

Mr Porter.com

moreand see
from our pages
I N T H E PAG E S

a series of items
N O W YO U C A N

>EACH MONTH,

GQ.com/se ects
weve chosen this
available through
> Get the GQ Look

C L O C K W I S E F R O M T O P : P E G G Y S I R O TA ; PA O L A K U D A C K I ; P E G G Y S I R O TA ( 2 ) ; T O M S C H I R M A C H E R . T O P L E F T, O N T H E R O C K , S H O R T S : N A U T I C A . F L I P - F L O P S : H AVA I A N A S . N E C K L A C E : R T H . B R A C E L E T : C A M P H E R O .
O N S A M A N T H A H O O P E S , B I K I N I : L O U I S V U I T T O N . H E E L S : G I U S E P P E Z A N O T T I D E S I G N . H E R M A N I C U R E A N D P E D I C U R E : C H E L S E A K I N G F O R O R LY. H A I R A N D M A K E U P : J O H N N Y H E R N A N D E Z F O R T O M F O R D .
GQ
HQ
1 Whats the most
Louie Anderson thing Louie
Anderson said to you?
Wed both dug into a charcuterie
plate, and he told me, Well
probably be friends for life now.
2 What was the first GQ
story you ever read?
I remember being struck by
Lucky Jim, Elizabeth Gilberts
story about Jim MacLaren, a
quadriplegic whod been hit
not once but twice by vehicles
that robbed him first of one
leg and second of most feeling.
I thought then and still now:
WOW. That is great storytelling.
s
eles
Shamplug!
20 GQ.COM JUNE 2017
> The latest news
from the monthly,
the daily, and
the all-the-time-ly
world of GQ
Amy Wallace
Knows
Comedy
> Which is to say, shes profiled
some of our favorite comedy
gods of years past: Jeffrey
Tambor, Garry Shandling, Rob
Lowe, and Kevin Hart among
them. In this issue, she gets to
know Baskets Louie Anderson
and Spinal Taps Harry Shearer.
Below, we get to know Amy.
3 On which section of
the SAT did you most excel?
Math, weirdly.
4 Which line from a comedy
do you quote most often?
In my memory, theres one from
The Larry Sanders Show that
goes something like this: Lifes
not all cartwheels and blow jobs.
5 Describe Donald Trump
to a 4-year-old.
Hes still learning how to share.
6 Do you own a selfie stick?
No, all my selfies look like theyre
shot through a fun-house mirror.
Fly Me: Read Me!
> Come for the intoxicating beach
imagery drawn from GQ senior
editor Daniel Rileys California
upbringing, stay for a moody novel
of savvy babes and sunburned
intrigue. Think The Graduate,
but with drug smuggling. Fly Me
stars a beautiful, disaffected
flight attendant (a stew) in the
midst of the skyjacking epidemic
of the early 70s. Read it on a
beach, not on a plane.
gq prefers that letters to the
editor be sent to letters@gq.com.
letters may be edited.
Shakeil Greeley
Visual editor
Meg Vazquez
Welcome,
teens! Snapchat
art director
I cannot stand pointy ones
R.I.P., Square-Toe Shoes
> We almost did it. We almost
killed the square-toe shoe
once and for all. For years it kept
coming backon the subway,
in your office, on your dad.
But this spring we launched a
PSA to educate the public
about STSS (square-toe-shoe
syndrome), and we thought the
public agreed with usuntil
we read the comments. If you see
a square-toed someone, theyre
probably one of these people.
Dont Touch
That Dial...
> or whatever it is the kids call
the button on the iPhone. Our
visual editors have been working
around the clock to launch
our new Discover channel on
Snapchat. Well be releasing
a new story every Sunday
morning, so you can check out
the weeks greatest GQ hits
while you soothe your hangover.
ghost
Donstcan our
us pcode!
sna
Subscribe to get...
> Fun style features, how-tos,
and up-to-the-minute style news
and trend updates
> Exciting design and
mesmerizing animation
> Stories delivered in new ways,
with new people and new ideas
> Jaden Smith
READERS DEFEND
SQUARE-TOE
P H O T O G R A P H S , C E N T E R : M AT T M A R T I N ( 2 ) . B O T T O M R I G H T : E R I C VA N D E V I L L E / G A M M A - R A P H O / G E T T Y I M A G E S .
B O T T O M L E F T : C O U R T E S Y O F L I T T L E , B R O W N A N D C O M P A N Y. I L L U S T R AT I O N : A L E X A N D R A C O M P A I N -T I S S I E R .
SHOES
> I like square toed shoes.
that shape your feet all
wrong. I gotta have room for
my feet to breathe.
Tyrone Merriweather
via Facebook
> Pointy toed shoes are
good for nothing but killing
cockroaches in a corner.
Jeff Weidner via Facebook
> Give it ten years. Squares
will be back again.
Jae Lee via Facebook
> But i have size twelve feet
and am not very tall, if i wear
pointy toes i look like a seasonally
confused elf.
George Thorney via YouTube
> Anyone concerned
with the tip of my shoe might
find it placed someplace
they dont expect. Get over
yourselves
James Baptiste via Facebook
 s t a r r i ng
The Daily Shows Hasan Minhaj

GQ
Endorses
1 of 4
The New
Vows of
Wedding First generation
Indian-American,
Style Muslim, and
avowed fake
When youre journalist Hasan
a wedding guest, Minhaj was
your only job is tapped to host this
to make sure the years White House
celebration is lit. Correspondents
And theres nothing Dinner, and we
couldnt think of
better than partying
anyone better.
till breakfast time Need evidence?
in a well-tailored The Daily Show
suit. Just dont fall sent him to
G R O O M I N G : E N R I C O M A R I OT T I AT T H E L A N D O F B A R B E R S

into the boring- interview Canadian

tux trap. Seize the P.M. Justin
opportunity to Trudeau, and
go bolder with your Minhaj threatened
colors (burgundy, to literally roast
maybe?) or the him. In person.
patterns on your tie. U-S-A! U-S-A!
Wear a funky dinner
jacket. Or steal a
oppy bow tie from
the red carpet. The
rules are looser than Suit, $4,845, and shirt,
ever, and the new $425 , by Dolce &
message is: Take a Gabbana. Bow tie, $80,
risk. Youve got by The Hill-Side.
the next three pages Watch, $195, by Seiko.
for inspiration, so Loafers, $695, by
use them. And then Gucci. Where to buy it?
get out on that dance Go to the fashion
oor.J I M M O O R E directories on GQ.com

PHOTOGRAPHS BY
TOM SCHIRMACHER JUNE 2017 GQ.COM 23
 Theoretically, everyone should look their absolute
I Vow to best at a formal wedding. But too often its a sea
Rethink of sad, ill-fitting tuxesmost of them rented. So get
yourself a bold-but-still-classic rig like the ones
2 of 4

Black Tie here. Then make the most of your shirt and bow tie.

Re-up the
Ruffled Shirt

Remember when
Gosling wore
a rued shirt at
the Oscars? He Suit, $1,800, by Neil
killed it. Sure, Barrett. Shirt, $825,
rues have a hint by Bally. Bow tie,
of 1776 (and 1976), $95 , by Reiss. Watch,
but a slim t makes $7,600, by IWC.
them modern. Shoes, $725, by Tods.

I call this Continental

Congress chic.
HASAN MINHAJ

With an oversize bow tie, youre

committing to the black-tie look as
much as the betrothed are to each
other. Make sure your tie is actually
black, so you dont swerve into clown
Go Big with territory. And if you forgot how to
tie itoppy ties can be trickyget
the Bow a refresher course at GQ.com.

Jacket, $3,660, shirt, $1,125, and bow tie, $250, by Tom Ford. Cuff links, vintage.
Where to buy it? Go to the fashion directories on GQ.com

24 GQ.COM JUNE 2017

 If the clothes youre wearing to a wedding would
I Vow to Make be fine at a funeral or a job interview, youre doing
Festive Attire it wrong. So rock a jacket and accessories that
herald your excitement for the happy coupleand
3 of 4

Actually Festive maybe even the cover band.

This jacket
is loud.
It could be a
Windows 95
wallpaper.
But if you put
it together
right, it works.
HASAN MINHAJ

Ties That Party

Set yourself apart from all the guys
trotting out the same tired stripes. Its
a wedding, bouquets are everywhere, and
these ties represent all the big wedding
virtues: beauty, renewal, purity Okay,
maybe just beauty and renewal.

From left: The Tie Bar $19 | Nick Graham $50

Spectre & Co $35

S T I L L - L I F E P H O T O G R A P H S : S T U A R T T Y S O N ( 4 ) . T O P L E F T, P R O P S T Y L I S T : J I L L E D WA R D S AT H A L L E Y R E S O U R C E S .
B O T T O M L E F T, P R O P S T Y L I S T : K R I S J E N S E N AT M A R K E D WA R D I N C .

Wedding Clashers
A reception is lost or won on the dance
floor. Telegraph your intention to cut a rug
with a pair of unapologetic party shoes.
Oh, they dont match your tie? Suede pastels
and two-tones make their own rules.

From top: David Hart for Austen Heller $225

Christian Louboutin $1,045 | Dolce & Gabbana $945 Jacket, $1,695, by David Hart. Shirt, $175, and tie, $135, by Boss. Tie bar, $15, by The Tie Bar. Tuxedo pants, $248,
by Todd Snyder. Where to buy it? Go to the fashion directories on GQ.com

26 GQ.COM JUNE 2017

 The post-ceremony party can have dull moments
I Vow to Honor and chaotic surprises, so its your mission to be an
and Cherish active attendee. That doesnt (necessarily) mean
shotgunning with the officiant. But it does
4 of 4

the Reception mean partakingon the dance floor and off.

(Those floral
arrangements
were absurdly
cool, Sharon.)
Then, when the
night really gets under
way, earn yourself
the title of Benevolent
Stranger. Dance
with a grandma. (Just
How to Go from dont dance with
Plus One to every grandma.) Grab
Wedding Hero a chair leg during the
hora, especially if it
Lets say the looks like Dad is going
only person you down. Be waiting
know at the whole with a high five when
wedding is the same the groom attempts
person who brought a breakdance move.
you. The pressures (You really have
off, thats for sure, perfected the worm,
Minhaj knows but its replaced Clint.) Produce
what all summer- by a potentially a lighter (always
wedding guests groove-upsetting have a lighter) when
should know: lack of purpose. Bridesmaid No. 6
that linen is the Youre thinking this needs a smoke.
best way to stay aint your party. Your rewardaside
cool. It moves. It Wrong. Remember: from a free evening
breathes, he says. No one actually of drinking and
Its so comfortable knows how random dancingis two
youre almost like, you are, because entire family trees of
Does this count? a wedding is a people whispering,
gathering of unrelated Who was that guy?
groups of people. BENJY HANSEN-BUNDY
Heres what you
do. Start building up
a reserve of good
will. Amiably mingle. Suit, $2,550, by Canali.
Jovially consume Shirt, $198, by Michael
the food and drink. Kors. Pocket square,
Introduce yourself $75 , by Thomas Mason.
early to the family Loafers, $895, by
and be lavish Ermenegildo Zegna
with compliments Couture. Where to buy
about anything it? Go to the fashion
that cost money. directories on GQ.com

Forget Vows. Hasan Minhaj

Has Some Demands.

I Need Everybody on the Dance Floor

Were not in junior high. When the
bride and groom dance in the middle
of the room, do the circular dancing.
Its easy. Youre in the periphery. At an
Indian wedding, the guys side and the
girls side go head-to-head in a dance-o.
Its like, Guys, I love my wifes family
and theyre going to be my family for the
rest of my life. But we gotta crush em.

Single People, Get Busy

Guests are either blood-related or
worth the $50 fee for them to be in those
chairs. Youre not dealing with the D-list
here. These people have been vetted.
If youre single, its a great opportunity.

30 GQ.COM JUNE 2017

 Sickest Collaborations of the Year,
Part 1 > Gap x GQ
We spent a decade honoring our annual Best Menswear Designers in America. This year, we
went global! (Because not all globalism is evil.) Here are the winners of our new Coolest
Designers on the Planet. Theyll all be creating mini-collections for Gap, available in the fall.
But were telling you now because we kinda cant wait

AMI Kinfolk United Arrows

P H O T O G R A P H S , A M I : E S T R O P / G E T T Y I M A G E S ( 2 ) . K I N F O L K : C O U R T E S Y O F P A R K E R C A LV E R T/ K I N F O L K ( 2 ) . U N I T E D A R R O W S : C O U R T E S Y O F M I T S U O O K A M O T O / U N I T E D A R R O W S ( 2 ) .
I L L U S T R AT I O N S : A L E X A N D R A C O M PA I N -T I S S I E R ( 4 ) . T O P R I G H T, A M I H E A D : M A R C P I A S E C K I / W I R E I M A G E / G E T T Y I M A G E S . P H O T O I L L U S T R AT I O N F O R E D I T O R I A L P U R P O S E S .
French Design Brooklyns Finest Two Visionaries,
Within Reach why we love em: One Vision
why we love him: Kinfolk built their why we love em:
Alexandre Mattiussi name in 2010 with Yasuto Kamoshita
used to work for Dior an event space and the streetwear
and Givenchy, so he slashcaf and then icon known as Poggy
knows how to make got into fashion, orchestrate the Tokyo
clothes look and designing tees and shop United Arrows,
feel luxurious, even hoodies indebted where tailored suits
if his own designs to skate crews, and cutting-edge
are way looser and graiti, and the casualwear somehow
more playful. Beastie Boys. happily co-exist.
his take: When their take: poggys take:
youre a designer Clothes are as much Our relationship
for a big brand, a part of our DNA is a bit like father and
you cant aord as nightlife is, says son. The son, who
the pieces youre creative director loves recent street
designing. My goal Jey Perie. Its easier culture, wouldnt
is to imagine the to sell a gin-and- talk about the latest
clothes Im designing tonic than a $1,000 trend with himyet
now on real people jacket, but in terms the father is a great
I might come across of how we shine gure for the son
on the street, on in the world, our to rely on for advice
the subway, on the clothing brand has a on life and the
terrace at the caf. much bigger reach. essence of things.

34 GQ.COM JUNE 2017

 Sickest Collaborations on the Planet, Part 2
> Louis Vuitton x Supreme
How big is it? Prince x Michael Jackson big. GQs style editor, Mark Anthony Green, tells you
why this partnership between the luxury giant and the streetwear staple is so historic

The LV monogram,
since 1896, more
than 40 years older
than the sport
of skateboarding.
When the Supreme
Louis Vuitton news
leaked, the Internet
hypebeasts predicted
catastrophe. As
with Batman v
Superman, there
was way too much
star power. Plus,
Supreme fans are
outrageously
protectivecareful
or youll get some
Supreme-stamped
nunchuks swung
your way. Luckily,
Louis Vuittons mens
artistic director
and streetwear kid
at heart Kim Jones
was running the
show. He kept the
best things about
Supremes DNAthe
easy skate aesthetic Firsthand
(see: wallet chain)
and signature
First Take

P R O P S T Y L I S T : C L A I R E T E D A L D I AT H A L L E Y R E S O U R C E S . M A R S D E N : D A N M ACM E D A N / W I R E I M A G E / G E T T Y I M A G E S .
brandingand
merged it with LVs Hey, James Marsden,
future-heirloom how did it feel being
luxury (see: that in the front row
duel). The best The Supreme when the collection
part: Its a massive box logo, premiered?
collection. Wed since 1994.
count the number of It was pretty
pieces, but we have damn epic!
to go jump in line When the first
before the Supreme ensemble began
fanatics clean house. its walk, it had
Louis Vuitton with
Supreme very
tastefully fused into
the bag, phone case,
and bandanna. My
jaw hit the floor.
For the past few
years, Ive shared
my strong interest
in the Supreme
brand with my now
16-year-old son.
I had to resist the
urge to call him
immediately and
describe what
I was witnessing.

Louis Vuitton in
collaboration with
Supreme | Available
at select Louis Vuitton
stores in mid-July
866-VUITTON

36 GQ.COM JUNE 2017 PHOTOGRAPHS BY STUART TYSON

 Summer 1 of 2

Fitness

Of all the fad abstinence is the put us closer to can definitively state:
Why Is diets to come down most cost-effective our natural state; Not eating food makes
the pike, the one diet in history. The some experts think you lighter. People
Everybody we never saw coming
was the simplest:
main downside is
the grueling first two
humans arent
designed for three
ask, What is this magic
diet? and theres
Suddenly Just dont eat
food. The idea of
weeks, when youll
probably quit.
squares a day and
that we mistakenly
really no magic at all,
says professor Krista
Fasting? intermittent fasting
(i.e., regimented
If you somehow
stick with it, youll
regard mild hunger
as an emergency.
Varady, the planets
leading expert on
periods of eating join a lineage of Which is why, although alternate-day fasting.
(And How Can and not eating) fasters dating back our loinclothed Were just tricking
has gone mainstream. to Aristotle and Plato, ancestors only ate the body into eating
I Fast Better Fans say it works
by training your
who proved that even
humanitys deepest
when they brought
down a mastodon,
less. I tricked my
own body by (briefly)
Than Them?) body to burn its fat
reserves. Its also said
philosophers sweat
their beach bodies.
we invented Doritos
Locos Tacos.
joining each of the
main schools of
At first, fasting sounded less to decrease the risk Fasting may actually True, fasting comes fastingthe hard
like a health plan and more of cancer, diabetes, with side effects. You one and the harder
like a prison protest. But we kept and cardiovascular have a decent chance one. To see which
hearing that it works, so we disease. And, of dizziness and acting is right for you,
scrutinized two rival approaches of course, caloric like a dick. But science read on. J E F F V R A B E L

38 GQ.COM JUNE 2017 ILLUSTRATIONS BY RAMI NIEMI

 it myself, my hunger
never reached panic
mode: Once lunchtime
Summer 2 of 2 E ig h t
rolled around,
I found myself opting
nough
Fitness Is E for a reasonable
sandwich instead
of a chili-cheese
dog. I did, however,
The miss my nightcap.

16:8 Diet Upside

Youll be conveniently
unconscious for
Eat only during much of your fasting
an eight-hour time. And you dont
window every day, have to do it every
which shouldnt day: The popular how-
be too hard if to book The 8-Hour
you sleep. Diet says youll see
benefits if you eat
16:8-style as few as
Willpower Required three days a week.
Low to moderate
Biggest Catch
Whos Done It A militant budgeting
Hugh Jackman of time. Your 16-hour
followed the 16:8 Diet window can move
for the X-Men movies, around from day to
because America day, but it must be
is not ready for rigidly kept. So if you
what a 40-something raid the fridge after
Wolverine really midnight, wave good-
looks like. bye to breakfast.
If you feast at lunch,
How It Works prepare to spend
For eight hours a a lot of dinner
day, you eat however dates consuming
you normally do. only Perrier.
For the other 16, fast.
You can drink water, Do This One If
black coffee, and Youre fasting for the
herbal tea. Thats it. first time. Varady says
Youre giving your this type of time-
body time to digest. restricted feeding,
a phrase that makes it
How It Feels sound like youre in a
Doable. If you time it gerbil cage, is the
right, this essentially easiest-to-maintain
means skipping method shes tested,
breakfast and and shes tested a lot
after-dinner snacks, of them. After all, a
which many of us do, celebratory meal is
anyway. When I tried mere hours away.

Willpower Required How It Feels enough to work but

Advanced to I wont lie: By 4 p.m., manageable enough
Fast Shaolin monk I was running purely to stick to.
d Fu r i o u on black coffee,
an s
Whos Done It which meant I was Biggest Catch
Jimmy Kimmel did both over-caffeinated You have to make
it well enough that and irritable. Plus, it through those first
The he can no longer
make fat jokes about
600 caloriesnearly
a quarter of my
couple of weeks so
your body can reset,
5:2 Diet himself. Miranda Kerr daily recommended Varady says. Once
and Jennifer Aniston intakefeels like you do, your gut
reportedly like it, too, a handful of peanuts, will start releasing
Take a day and neither of them which speaks to hormones that signal
off from food. has seen an ounce of the insanity of our fullness. Ideally,
Better yet, body fat since 1996. usual portion youll begin feeling
take two. And sizes. No wonder satiated and eating
prepare to get How It Works Varady says so less on your normal
hangry. For five days a many of her study days. But thats when
week, eat normally. subjects bail out side effects could set
For the other two, in the first 14 days. in, making you feel
fast by limiting hungover without
yourself to 600 Upside even the benefit of
calories a day. (And You can pick any the fun part.
yes, booze counts.) two fasting days
A typical breakfast: a your heart desires Do This One If
slice of ham and and split them up any Youre serious about
two scrambled eggs. way you like. The this shit. Its designed
Dinner is a protein- point is to establish a to drop weight fast
packed chicken salad. schedule thats strict but itll hurt.

40 GQ.COM JUNE 2017

 The Secret to
Drink
Drinking More Is
Drinking Less
Turns out drinking in the summer sun is 900 times
better when you dont pass out before dinner.
Thats where delicious low-alcohol drinks save the day
Use a vegetable
peeler to create a
long strip that adds
maximum avor.
(The curly thing is
nice, too.)

F O O D S T Y L I S T : M AT T V O H R AT H A L L E Y R E S O U R C E S . P R O P S T Y L I S T : M I C H E L L E L O N G O .

RULE NO. 1 RULE NO. 2 RULE NO. 3

Campari is just Try swapping Just about every

one of the bitters whiskey for sherry, bottle on your
to sessionability, you should have which adds just shelf tastes better
a term borrowed on hand. Aperol is as much color, with club soda
After a solid from the beer world technically nothing another. texture, and avor. and a slice of fruit.
decade or so of that basically means new, but being
plying customers you can have a few able to order a SBAGLIATO BAMBOO AMERICANO
with Manhattans of these and still Bamboo cocktail In an old-fashioned In a shaker lled In a highball
and Penicillins and hold a semi-intelligent just about anywhere glass lled with ice, with ice, stir 1.5 oz. glass lled with
Hemingway Daiquiris conversation. that has sherry on stir 1 oz. Aperol, dry amontillado ice, stir 1.5 oz.
and all those other Sessionable hand sure is. And now 1 oz. sweet vermouth, sherry, 1.5 oz. dry Campari and 1.5 oz.
next-day-ruining cocktailsthat is, that the bar worlds and 1 oz. prosecco. vermouth, 1 dash sweet vermouth
booze bombs, the mixed drinks on board, its time to Garnish with an orange bitters, and and ll to the top
countrys bartender with about half or take home a few orange peel. (Thanks 1 dash Angostura with club soda.
brain trust has finally less of the alcohol tricks. So heres what to Rucola in Brooklyn bitters. Strain Garnish with an
turned its attention of a martiniare to know. M A R K B Y R N E for this one.) into a coupe glass. orange wheel.

42 GQ.COM JUNE 2017 PHOTOGRAPH BY TRAVIS RATHBONE

 GQINTEL
LIGENCE
THEGQ&A

> T his M an Is the

Future of Funny
Kumail Nanjiani can see whats With his breakout role

coming in comedyincluding on Silicon Valley and a

new rom-com thats both
romantic and comedic,
everything thats in this issue KUMAIL NANJIANIS
future is very secure
maybe it shouldnt
surprise us that he
brings up so many of
the subjects youll
be reading about in
the following pages.
(Seriously, the guys an
oracle) A N N A P E E L E

I F YO U
recognize
the caped
man the lef t, its

S E T D E S I G N : FA E T H G R U P P E . S T Y L I S T: M I C H A E L N A S H . G R O O M I N G : H E E S O O KWO N F O R M A L I N + G O E T Z .
to
probably from his
role as the dr yly
brilliant engineer
Dinesh on Mike
Judges tech satire
Silicon Valley.
Hes the Pied Piper
employee who
starts wearing an
e
unfortunate necklac
in a tragic attempt
at coolness and
e
justies the purchas
thusly: I ve been
working hard. Im
e
making money for th
rst time. I was lik e,
[I ll] buy myself
rn
something nice. Bo
n,
in Karachi, Pakista
Kumail Nanjiani
moved to America
s
at 18, then started hi
career in stand-up,
t
making dr yly brillian
4 4 G Q . C O M . E D
P E T E R YA N G
Y J U N E 2 0 1 7
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LLIGEN
CE THEGQ&
A

oods newest darling.

i basks in his role as Hollyw
grate so long ago, Nanjian
p that New York subway es but presented
Like Marilyn Monroe ato people who are asshol
y heroes
GQ:Who were your comed with a tre me ndo us am ount of aection for
ns [see page 126] in Pak ista n? racters live in.
Seinfeldian observatio growing up the world that those cha
ers tat ed underdog There was a comedy
delivered with und KUM AIL NAN JIA NI:
bro ade ned as his focus ncer and Terence Valley.
Sounds a lot like Silicon
aect. His app eal team called Bu d Spe
per son al, exploring re an American too. Its what Mike
narrowed to the
coolness Hill. I thought they we Thats wh at Idi ocracy is,
attem pts at chi ldh ood like Ab bot t and Costello. goo d at. [To read about
tragic
ortunate comedy duo Judge is really
we ari ng an unf os, see page 96.] ion, see page 128.]
(including, yes, rt [For more comedy du Judges comedy evolut
sta es who took this crazy machine.

B O T T O M : J E F F K R AV I T Z / F I L M M A G I C / G E T T Y I M A G E S . P H O T O I L L U S T R AT I O N S T H R O U G H O U T T H E S E PA G E S :
like to
necklace) and what its Shiite But they we re Ita lian dud
Human beings stu ck in
r fait h in a str ict g nam es. One hates institutions.
questioning you
s begat acting on American-soundin Mike loves people and
(tri cky !). Wr itin g gig mo vie s wa s Wh o Finds
family of their big
Valley. o would erica to go to, of
You immigrated to Am
Wh
gigs, which begat Silicon a Friend Finds a Tre asu re.
r-o ld Na njiani arrived ebo dy who ell Co lleg e in rural Iowa.
all places, Grinn
Sin ce the 38- yea name a mo vie tha t? Som
ago , there have ge. And got here?
What was it like when you
en yea rs lan gua
in Hollywood sev had English as a second
o gre romantic
at Bea vis arate the
been approximately zer I watched O ce Spa ce and
Its a little hard for me to sep
o rs t-ge neration South e. Until then, lege experience of
comedies and zer and Butt-head all the tim sta nda rd Am eri can col
g mainstream ular
Asian immigrants playin you didnt see ner dy, un pop
See ing thi s as both
romantic leads.
ont and an opp ort uni ty, Nanjiani
an ar
rom-com
C H E L S I E C R A I G . P H OTO I L L U S T R AT I O N S F O R E D I TO R I A L P U R P O S E S .
duc e a gre at
decided to pro
sel f. Wh ich apparently
THE GQ COMEDY SURVEY
and sta r in it him
llenge, because
wasnt enough of a cha
he also decided to co-wri
with his wife, Em ily V. Go
you
te the movie
rdon. (Dont
r spouse barely
SETH ROGEN
feel bad tha t you and Former Apatow acolyte; executive
embly of an Ikea
made it through the ass producer and director of upcoming
ut the beginning
barstool.) The lm is abo Hulu comedy series Future Man
nsh ip, wh en Nanjianis
of their relatio
ssu g him into
rin
devout parents were pre Whos your comedy god? a blow job from Fielder is another
rria ge and Gordon got
an arranged ma Bill Murray. He is Willie Nelson? Im person Im just
tha t she wa s put int o a medically just the funniest not Willie Nelson. consistently blown
so sick
Fun ny sto ry, right? person to ever be on away byI look
induced coma. the planet. Whos the next great forward to few
d Ap ato w tho ugh t so. And The Big
Jud comedian? Why? things in life more
ly brilliant.
Sick is hilarious. And dry Whats the best joke John Mulaney is than new episodes
d gen uin ely mo vin g. We spoke with youve ever heard? someone who is of Nathan for You.
An
r and future Whats the last thing getting funnier and
the brand-new movie sta
osing fake in-laws,
you want to hear funnier, which is
com edy god abo ut cho while getting amazing, because
, and not learning
becoming an American hes always been
success.
the wrong lesson from
funny. And Nathan

Y J U N E 2 0 1 7
4 8 G Q . C O M . E D
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THEGQ&A

leaving home and being in a very foreign

land. I remember my jaw would hurt
to show the other side. It does work THE GQ COMEDY SURVEY
for a lot of people, and it is a viable Whos your comedy god?
because I wasnt used to speaking English
option for many people in the world. It
all the time. Like how even if you exercise, I have
wasnt the right thing for me, but it
youll play kickball one day and then memories at
did work for my parents and my cousins.
youre like, Wait, I run, but new places are 7 years old
Theyre in very loving relationships, watching
hurting because I dont use my muscles
because these are not just transactions. Bea Arthur
this way. My mouth was not used to deliver some
Theres no right or wrong way. Were
making these sounds. deadpan joke.
all just trying to do our best. I was like,
How did you feel the day you THIS. This
Have your parents watched the movie? is a chick
became a citizen? who gets
They have not seen it yet. My parents
I was going through the oath, and they me. I think
arent the demographic for a lot of things
handed out little American ags, and sometimes
I do. If I did a stand-up show, and I saw people are very protective
I started getting really emotional. They
62-year-old Pakistanis in the crowd, Id of older women to the point that
played this video, set to that song Proud theyre treated like children,
be like, Im gonna bomb. [Chris Rock
to Be an American. There were literally and I hated people being delicate
on bombing, page 148.]
dudes on horses and little girls on swings with me, too.
and elds of corn and stu. Even watching KATHERINE RYAN, stand-up; star
I think the film is going to enter the of Netflix special Katherine
that I was emotional. Obama welcomed Ryan: In Trouble
rom-com pantheon. What do you think
us into the country saying, Welcome to
the last great one was?
America. Every kind of person is welcome When it comes
A lot of Judds movies are rom-coms
here. My wife, Emily, said that people to comedy, I
The 40-Year-Old Virgin and Knocked Up. am more like a
who become citizens now are gonna have
Great rom-coms are about something. HinduI have
someone welcoming them who has sort
Sleepless in Seattle is really about several comedy
of dened himself by wanting to exclude gods. George
grieving and moving on. And When
immigrants. Its gonna be so strange. [To Carlin, for
Harry Met Sally is just a great account his precision;
take a citizenship test, turn to page 62.]
of two people and their relationship Richard Pryor,
growing over a decade. Its become a for his fearless honesty; Rodney
Even in 2017, movies and TV are still Dangerfield, for his endlessly
denigrated genre. In the 2000s, they
rife with racial stereotypes. Silicon Valley gut-busting one-liners; and
were really churning them out so
has an immigrant character named Dave Chappelle, for his mastery
hard that the quality dropped. Its like of the craft.
Jian Yang who doesnt speak English
what happened with fantasy lms. MO AMER, stand-up
well. If you felt weird about that, would
Studio execs were like, Lord of the Rings!
you bring that up to Mike Judge?
People want to see sword-and-dragon-
From the beginning, I trusted that Mike
type things! No, people just want
had a grand plan for this character. someone that we havent traditionally
to see great stories. Hollywood always
I had this very strict rule when I began thought of as the American ideal?
takes the wrong lesson from successes.
auditioning that I wasnt gonna do a That could be really interesting.
thicker accent because it was like, I cant
The Big Sick is about your family, your
tell if its supposed to be funny because
wife, and your actual career. Your Heres a question were asking a bunch
he talks funny. And now I feel like there
character is literally named Kumail. Will of people in our Comedy Issue: Whats
are certain characters that I could play
it be hard to bring that kind of honesty the last thing that made you laugh?

F R O M T O P : A N T H O N Y H A R V E Y/ G E T T Y I M A G E S ; K O E N VA N W E E L /A F P / G E T T Y I M A G E S
that could involve doing a thicker accent, Theres this video of a little kid on Fox
to something thats not your own story?
as long as its specic to that character. News. Hes like 7 years old, wearing
Anything thats really good has pieces
of the people who made it in them. a suit and a make americ a great
Its a real filmmaking challenge to have again hat, saying, Immigwants are
With Get Out, Im sure Jordan Peele put
one of two main characters go into a wuining the countwy. Well kick the
himself in there, even if he doesnt have
coma for half of The Big Sick. immigwants out. They cause a lot
the experience of somebody trying to put
This is a trick to use whenever you have the of pwobwems! I showed it to Mike
a white mans brain into his body. [For
lead of the movie disappear: Bring in Ray Judge and we laughed so hard.
more on Get Out, see the Norman Lear
Romano and Holly Hunter. Judd Apatow
story on page 120.]
had seen Holly conduct an acting class, so Okay, so things arent super great in
he was like, Holly Hunter, we gotta get
What did you think of Get Out? America. Am I wrong, or are things
her! A few of us crafted a letter to herwe
I watched it with a mixed crowd, and at least getting better in Hollywood?
re-read it a hundred times before sending When I started out, I would get
I really felt like there were some white
it. And I think America understands Ray confused for Kal Penn. Then it was
people in the audience that for the
as this sitcom legend but doesnt quite Aziz Ansari. And last week, within
rst time emotionally understood that
know all the stu he can do. Even his early one week, I got confused for Kunal
being a black person in America and
stand-up always felt so real and grounded. Nayyar, Karan Soni, and Hasan Minhaj.
being a white person in America are
fundamentally dierent experiences. [Minhaj and Nanjiani look nothing
The movie also has the first balanced take alike. See page 23.] I was like, I guess
on arranged marriage that Ive seen. thats what progress is. If it means
Youve mentioned wanting to play a
Its so foreign to American people, and theyre confusing me for ten people
superhero. Who would be the dream?
its become this joke. Its easy to paint it instead of three, Ill take it.
How exciting would it be if there was
as an outdated way of doing thingsso
a Captain America looking like
transactional, not romantic. We wanted anna peele is gqs culture editor.

5 0 G Q . C O M . E D Y J U N E 2 0 1 7
 GQINTEL
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THEWORK
INGMAN

entire
B A C K G R O U N D I M A G E : F 8 I M A G I N G / H U LT O N A R C H I V E / G E T T Y I M A G E S
LUCAS PETERSONS
job at Google was to do
someth ing an algorit hm
just cant: search the
shadiest corners of
the Internet to find porn
and violence and report
the offending sites to his
bosses. What he found

> M y Aw ful Life was the most disturbing

thing of all: human nature

as the Internets Janitor

2 0 1 7 EUGENIA
E D Y J U N E N A MLEOTLKI
5 2 G Q . C O M .
 GQINTEL
LIGENCE
THEWORK
INGMAN

ID SEEN SOME BAD THINGS ON

LINE, but this was pushing the
woods somewhere
envelope: a grainy video of two people in the
They shoot it out of oensive things is not a new practice. Its
doing foul things on the body of a dead bear.
and then engage inwell, nearly identical to work that I did at Google
a tree, which is pretty unsporting to begin with, nearly ten years ago, when I, as a patho-
mend against, do a search
if youd like to see it, which I strongly recom logically unemployed twentysomething,
you had one of those
for shake that bear and then prepare to wish intrepidly took up the mantle to defend the
Black . For my part, I wasnt watching companys terms of service.
mind-erasing pens from Men in
becau se Goog le was payin g me to. It was I was initially pretty psyched to be given
for enjoymentI was watching the keys to the kingdom like this. I got a lot
my job to look at that kind of stu. of mileage out of bragging to my friends
nt ltering toward the top of Googl es about how I watched porn on the clock. And
As one of thousands of quality evalua- conte items have noted I was proud of the carapace of jadedness Id
list. Recen t news
tors who worked for Google (or raters, as to-do were eein g build up during my rst few months of mon-
YouTube adver tisers
we were also known), my responsibilities that ads were place d itoring the gray space of sensitive content in
comp any after their
included perusing hours of online material the nse, Goog le the Santa Monica oce.
to racist videos. In respo
you wouldnt wish upon your worst enemys next ing comp uters But as rating duties morphed, so did my
unced it was teach
browser history: Mostly mainstream por- anno siccin g its opini on of the work. Looking at breasts
ag oensive content and
nography, but beheadings, racist manifes- to and vanilla sex turned into looking at stuff
y-control army on nasty videos and
tos, and weird depravity like that bear video qualit of precio us that was much darker (like the bear video,
news sites to stop the ow
were also my forte. I became a connoisseur fake which well get back to). My initial attitude
money from its coers. We take this as
of the unspeakable, an epicure of the exe- ad a probl em, of Wow, this is my job! soon evolved into
sly as weve ever taken
crable, and I scoured these shady corners seriou Wow this is my job. Now, hearing that
p Schindler, Googles chief business
of the Internet in the name of improving Philip . the work that my co-wo rkers and I did
search and ad quality. ocer, told The New York Times
But Googles ght against this kind of brought Google seemingly no closer to its
If any of this sounds vaguely familiar, on for more goal of being able to lter out all hateful
nt has actually been going
its because over the past several months, conte and vile content, wellthat might be the
a decade. Flagging content in order
headlines and billions in precious ad rev- than rs to notice most disturbing realization.
teach the companys serve
enue hanging in the balance have pushed to
G O O G L E S T I L L F E L T like a scrap
py
company when I started working there
in 2007, but it basically already ruled the
world . Id never held a stead y job, so I
thought I was being fanciful, borderline
comical, by Googling jobs at Google and
ring o an e-mail with a painfully wan
rsum. But it worked.
Even my stressing over the notoriously
sphinxian tech-company interview turned
out to be largely for naught. I was expect-
ing the worst (Name six ways to eciently
get a jar of honey into a balloon dog. Write
a job description for a mop. You know, stu
that makes you really think), but since I
wasn t applying to be a software engineer,
my interviews were easy: a general lets-
make-sure-you-arent-crazy phone call, an
assessment of basic online competence,
and a language interview. (Id work in a
coupl e of foreig n langu ages durin g my
time thereI was an international rater.)
After three interviews, I received an oer of
E/GETTY IMAGES

$20 per hour, no benets, to work 40 hours

per week. I denitely took this as a sign
of my own brilliance.
The other raters and I were contractors,
not employeessomething we were con-
: BETTMANN ARCHIV

stantly reminded of. Our badges looked

dierent, we were aorded fewer privileges,
and we were certainly kept in the dark about
The Algorithm (pause for heavenly-choir
noise eect ) and other such empy rean
secre ts. Some in our group hoped that
BACKGROUND IMAGE

our time would serve as a gateway to full-

edged employment. When my application
to join the linguist team, which I submit-
ted to a manager who sat 30 feet from me,
never received a response, it dawned on

J U N E 2 0 1 7
. E D Y
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even less feedbac k. We just had

me that perhaps I wasnt as brilliant as
I thought. Maybe I was just being rented
to do burnout work.
The job began innocuously enough: as
a grunt in the army of contractors Google
used to go through batches of things like
search results and ads to assess if they
were useful and accurate. In the morning,
Id sit down in my cube (which I shared
with a few other people), put on my head-
phones, re up the ol rating interface on
my browser, and grab a batch of tasks
e.g., ads and search queries. Lets say you
search for Subaru and a resulting ad takes
you to Subaru.com. I would then judge the
resultgood, bad, or gradations thereof.
And while exact details of the job have
changed over the years, the essentials are
the same: You, as the rater, have to think like
the user. Did this result meet your needs? Is
the website you landed on basically a good
website? In this Subaru example, the answer
would be, yeah, pretty much. Tick yes and
move on to the next task.
garbage websites by those hoping to hustle a
to hit daily quotas.
few clicks on some strategically placed ads.
That was a heartbreaking real-
Clicks and views mean money, and even if
ization, at least initially. Because
its just a few cents here and there, it adds
working at Google could be super
up. Thats where porn comes in: If youre a
fun. The boom times leading up
19-year-old kid sitting in a Prague basement
to the 2008 market crash created
and youve got a decent Internet connec-
a bacchanalia of Nerf darts, elec-
tion, wouldnt you upload porn to YouTube,
tric scooters, free-owing booze,
trying to game the system for a few hours
and bottomless snack bins to over-
before it got taken down, or create some
whelm even the most discerning
bogus or porny websites plastered with ads,
man-child. Look at that guy! He
hoping to redirect and lure a few clicks?
wears Rollerblades and a cowboy
I would deal with those pages and
hat indoors, every day. That other
assess how they impacted the user. Best-
guy? Takes his pants all the way
case scenario , a garbage page jumbles
o when he goes to the bathroom.
valuable keywords (like mesothelioma
There was a rumor that no one in
or car insurance) in a nonsensical way
the oce was allowed to be more
that makes a site look like an ESL robot
than 100 feet away from food at any
threw it together. Worst-case scenario, an
given time. This was a workplace I
ad for knitting patterns leads to an image
could get behind.
of someone having sex with another per-
In fact, the perk Google was
son. Or a horse (it can happen).
perhaps most famous for was the
Thats how my job eventually descended
food: In addition to meals, we had
into harlotry : through the endless cat-
every chip, nut, gum, candy, soft
and-mo use game of porntre preneur s
drink, and juice known to man,
subvert ing Googles anti-sm ut policies .
and in seemingly cornucopian quantities.
The challenge was to nd a way to iden-
Google wasnt the rst company to feed its
tify oending pages quickly so as not to
employees, but it perfected the practice to
let valuable advertising dollars get swept
an ingenious degree. The cost of M&Ms
downst ream in the deluge. Like drug
and SunChips to a company that clears bil-
testers in pro sports, Google knew it was
lions per scal quarter is literally almost
constantly playing catch-upit just didnt
nothing. And not only did the food give us
want to fall even further behind.
contrac tors bragging rights, impressing
friends and visitors (Wow! Look
at all those snacks ), but it also
engendered an almost unreason-
able amount of goodwill in us, the
Violence, hate speech, and
workers. Google cares, I thought pornography. Google ads could not
as I shoved another free Twix go on these pages, full stop. They
into my maw and began another
were the enemy, and it was essential
game of online Scrabble with my
cubemate. It really cares. to know the enemy. Intimately.
Our Threes Compan ythem ed
oce (yes, you heard that right)
also had a game room, a mas-
sage room, and a yoga teacher who I began to receive specic ally porn-
came weekly. We had chef-pr epared related tasks. Some were entertai ning,
lunches and dinners catered by dier- even fun. I evaluated batches of URLs from
ent Venice or Santa Monica restau- a publicly available database and made
ERETT COLLECTION

But lets say you search for drag racing
and it leads to the website for RuPauls
Drag Race. Could that meet a users needs?
It could but its more likely the user
is looking for information about actual
drag racing. If a query for screen doors
rants. Our rst-o or espresso bar had
a light that turned green or red, depend-
ing on Googles stock price. One morning,
an $11,000 Clover coee machine appeared
on the second oor, accompanied by a rep-
resentative from Intelligentsia to educate
judgment calls as to whether I thought
they were pornographic. Most of them
were self-evident. If porn or horny or
xxx appeared in your URL, it was a good
bet there was obscene content on the site.
BACKGROUND IMAGE: COURTESY OF EV

Other examples were more ambiguous.

sends you to a website about the band
the Doors, the website might be tight as
hell and give drummer John Densmore
the props hes been long overdue , but
your needs as a user would not be met.
Note accordingly and move on to the next
query. Repeat for eight hours. Sound bor-
ing? It was! The work was really boring.
Mindlessly, repetitively going through the
bazillion queries Google receives daily. We
raters received little encouragement and
us on regional coee dierences. It was
some Daisy and Tom Buchanan shit. The
holiday party that year unironically had
a Roaring Twenties theme.
G O O G L E N E E D E D P E O P L E like me
because around 90 percent of its revenue
comes from advertising. At its core, its
an ad rm. And one of the problems with
turning the Internet into a giant billboard
is that it actively encourages the creation of
A URL that contained cancuntours was
getting mysteriously agged. Eventually,
we gured out why: The word cunt
sneakily bridges cancun and tours.
Another example URL: cockblockedby
jesus.comweir d, but could maybe be
about abstinence. But my personal favorite
was hornyteenageslutconsolidateyourdebt
.comyes, theyre horny teenage sluts, but
maybe, just maybe, theyd also like to help
you consolidate your debt?

5 6 G Q . C O M . E D
Y J U N E 2 0 1 7
 KINGMAN
THEWOR
LIGENCE
GQINTEL

This all relates to the concept of

teach- Watching extreme violence was thor Robert Budd Dwyer put a gun in his
ing a computer to identify somethi nier. mouth
ng. In Porn could shock but would rarely and shoot himself on TV in 1987 and
this case, teaching a computer to upset me wonder
identify the way seeing a boys legs crushed by what it would be like to shoot mys
smut. I was the teacher, and ther a truck elf like
efore I could, or seeing someone distracte that. Watching something gruesom
needed a lesson plan. d by his e and
phone get hit by a train. These were harrowing is like eating rotten food
Before long , I had opened a Pand things . It can
oras I literally looked at through half-close stay with you for days, or even long
box. The re was a u-f etish site: d eyes. er. And if
Lad ies I would open them a quarter of a milli you keep consuming that rotten food
who have the u, blowing snot into meter , you ll
crum- at a time, until I could see red on the begin to feel sick all the time. I had
pled tissuesand then boning dow screena shifted,
n. Or a man gled leg or a ash of whi over a period of six months or so, from
wet-denim-fetish site, where the te bon e. being
turn-on Then, and only then, could I click out completely jazzed about watching
seems to be jumping into a pool of the sensi-
or show- site. But I had to watch. I had to tive content at work to actively drea
ering with jeans on, then copulatin ding it.
g. Or watch because I had to verify that
a vacuum-sealing-fetish site, a stra
ngula- the content was real. There was no
tion-porn subgenre in which peop
le get other way to do it.
sealed in plastic. Online, every conc
eivable With thos e kind s of vide os,
fetish is catered to, somewhere. This video stood out. As the man is
the anticipation was terrible. A
It didnt all require eye bleach (a
term link to what is allegedly a suicide pounding the woman from behind,
used to describe an image of som
sweet or adorable that helped clean
ething video directs me to a video of a he starts moaning, Shake that bear.
se ones disheveled man walking into a Cut to a pack of dogs (where did
eyes of something disgusting and
degen- police interrogation room and
erate)some of it was providin
g a prac- sitting down. Ten seconds go by,
those come from?).
tical value to users of Googles ad
service, then 20. Nothing is happening,
who wanted to avoid potentially
embar- but Im feeling nervous. Another man
rassing conicts. Companies coul , who
d choose Im guessing is a police ocer, is During a mee ting , our manager
from die rent categories (gambling, poli making told
- some calls. Twenty-ve seconds. The us that if we wanted to opt out of a
tics) and decide to block various oc er give n
sensitive brings the seated man some wate assignment, we could. I didnt take
categories. A major air carrier, for r and him up
exam- leaves. The seated man takes a sip on it, though. There was the feeli
ple, wouldnt want its ads to show of water, ng you
up on a then calmly pulls a gun out of his might be seen as weak. I wanted to
new s page abou t the miss ing Mal pants be a team
aysi a and shoots himself in the side of the player and make a good impress
Airlines ightthat would be awk head. ion, still
ward. Theres a small pop, and the man hoping I could jockey for a salaried
A food company would nd it prob slouches position.
lem- in his chair while blood begins to So I watched the beheadings. I watc
atic if its ads showed up on a page pour out hed a
that of his nose and mouth. I watch the eld of ice grow slowly crimson as men
men tion ed E. coli . Abs olut ely video with
no one again. It occurs to me that Ive neve long clubs killed seals. I watched a
wanted their product advertised r seen vide o of
next to a an actual suicide. How do I know a man stomping on a dogs back,
white-nationalist rally. if this is breaking
real? I watch it again. it, and listening to the dogs high
That brings us to the list of proh -pitched
ibited After a month or two of this, I bega whines as it died. I watched all of it.
content: violence, hate speech, and n to
natu- have trouble sleeping. Id watch som I left work one evening determin
rally, pornography. Google ads coul e hor- ed not
d not rible car-accident video from Chin to return. My bedroom was spare:
go on these pages, full stop. They a and a bed, a
were the see it unfolding the next day as I desk made from two ling cabinets
enemy, and it was therefore esse drove to and an
ntial to work. Id watch Pennsylvania trea old door. In a small wicker basket
know the enemy. Intimately. Which surer on the
is how kitchen counter, my collection of
I ended up spending my working vari ous
hours snacks Id taken from Google over
searching for 30 BDSM porn page the past
s, for months: granola bars, mints, and
example, or extreme violence. Id gum.
pull the
sites apart, looking at the URL, the
HTML,
the metadata and keywords, tryin
g to nd
the common threads that linked the
exam-
ples. Once I found the threads, it wou
ld, in
theory, be possible to better dete
ct these
pages automatically.
THE GQ COMEDY SURVEY
DURING MY SEARCHES,
I learned a lot.
I learned there are guys who like
their testicles crushed by stile tto
getting SARAH SILVERMAN
heels. Stand-up; star of Netflix special
That was a bummer. I learned abou
J E F F R E Y M AY E R / W I R E I M A G E / G E T T Y I M A G E S

t an A Speck of Dust (May 30)

online community that breaks dow
n inter-
species sex in a granular way. One Whos your of a hotel. Among elevator in front
par-
ticular thread blew my mind (skip comedy god? the people in the of everyone, so he
ahead Steve Martin, elevator was an decided to lean back
if you don t feel like reading abou
t, well, Garry Shandling, attractive woman, against the wall
bestiality): Some guy posted and
talked Todd Glass, and they had a cute until the elevator
about enjoying putting his dick into and Tig Notaro. exchange. They door closed. While
small-
ish birds. He was lambasted by ince got to his floor doing this, he
nsed Please describe and he got out and looked to his left
forum participants who condemn
ed his the last thing that made a left, but and saw there was
injuring and/or possibly killing thes
e ani- made you laugh. to the left of a big mirror across
mals, while simultaneously exto The brilliant the elevator was from the elevator
lling the
virtues of their own loving and Henry Phillips just a wall. He and they could all
mutual told me that he was embarrassed see him standing
sexual relationships with their dogs
. was in an elevator to cross the there, hiding.

J U N E 2 0 1 7
5 8 G Q . C O M . E D Y
 GQINT
ELLIG
ENCE
THEWO
RKING
MAN

There was almost nothing in the fridge. I

hadnt gone to the store in months, I real-
ized, as Id begun eating all my meals at
Google. Id started staying later so I could
have dinner there. Then I began coming in
progressively earlier so I could have coee
and a bowl of cereal. I found myself spend-
ing 10-to-12-hour days at the oce, even
though I was only getting paid for eight.
This place fucking sucks, I thought.
Theres nothing here. At least there was food
at work. And people, too, and video games
and a cool electric piano. I should just nish
out the week, I thought. I would steal a few
extra Naked Juices as a treat to myself. Id
play some Guitar Hero.
I went to work the next day and contin-
ued looking at violent videos. But I told
myself I was done with the job and wouldnt
re-up my contract after Id nished the year.
When that time came, though, my resolve
didnt last. After three months of unem-
ployment, I caved and signed on for another
year. I was getting tired of being alone in
my friendless, foodless apartment. The job
wasnt perfect, but was any job?

T H A T I T W A S C A L L E D Shake that bear

should have tipped me o. A medium-size
black bear is high in the branches of a pine
treesnoozing or scratching or doing what-
ever it is bears do. A young human couple
are looking up at the tree; one of them has a
gun and shoots the bear. It cries out, crashes
through the branches, and hits the ground.
The couple, after some verbal high ves,
start having sex on the dead bear. As the
man is pounding the woman from behind,
her goose-pimpled white esh rippling
against the dark fur of the bear, the guy
starts moaning, Shake that bear. Cut to a
pack of dogs (where did those come from?)
ripping the bear apart.
(Was it real? I never used any standard
for identifying fake videos beyond using
common sense. No casual video uploader
But someone had to do the joband by I knew it when I saw it; for machines, its an
can make this, or a beheading or a mass
that I mean a human being. In a machine as-yet-impassable Turing test.
shooting, look convincing.)
be somethi ng age of robot pharmacists, driverless Ubers, And so I watched the video. The dogs
The bear video proved to
and even online content that will write nished ripping apart the dead bear, and
of a fork on the slippery, downward-sloped
at the compan y. itself, there remain a few tasksa few dirty, I sat in nonplussed silence for a few sec-
road of my two years
slightly scarring tasksthat will always onds. I agged the video, then got up to
Theres a momen t when the camera is
dead bears face, require a persona l touch. And as long as grab another Tejava and went upstairs to
focused tightly on the
Google is oering a passable wage and free play some Guitar Hero II to get it out of my
then pans slowly to its gentle, almost
listenin g to the fruit leather, in the gig economy there will mind. I shredded through Killing in the
human eyes. That night,
mercenaries willing to occupy the Name a few times. I decided Id earned
rattle of vertical blinds in my utilitarian always be
the animals face lowest rungs of the tech ladder. Google will another lunch, even though Id already
apartment, I couldnt get
always need humans in what is becoming eaten. Later, while I was lounging in the
out of my mind.
are not compli- the modern worlds most Sisyphean task: to sun on the outdoor patio, one of my fel-
My thought s on this job
ns of the Internet that were low raters said: Twenty dollars an hour,
cated: It was psychologically damaging, act as custodia
I hadnt seen. simultan eously soiling. man. Can you believe this? I felt full
and I saw many things I wish
The recoil I felt watching the couple kill and relaxed. It was a beautiful day. No, I
I should have spent the time doing some-
the slightly accelerated heartbeat replied, I really couldnt believe it.
thinganythingelse. I was also there that bear;
and rising heat in my face; the shame and
completely willingly, fed and spoiled by
occasion ally disgust I felt as I continued to watchthats lucas peters on is a travel columnist
Google, and I found myself
somethin g an algorithm can never replicate. at The New York Times. This is his rst
wishing I could go back, long after my
Like Supreme Court Justice Potter Stewart, article for gq.
employment had ended.

6 0 G Q . C O M . E D Y J U N E 2 0 1 7
 GQINTEL
LIGENCE

re
CIVICS!

o w A m er ic a n A
> H The C it iz e n s hip Test

You, Really? fo r C it iz e ns If immigrants applying

for citizenship have
to know the correct
number of members
in the House,
shouldnt current
citizens know
that, too? We think
yes. So with help
from our proctor,
Late Night host
S E T H M E Y E R S , heres
a test for all of us to
take, re-engineered
for the Trump era.
Consider it extreme
vetting of everybody.

P R O P S T Y L I S T : S T E V E N N A S S I M O S . G R O O M I N G : A M Y K O M O R O W S K I F O R A X E . S H I R T : J . C R E W. T I E : T O M M Y H I L F I G E R . PA N T S : D I O R H O M M E .
(Its 435, by the way)

S H O E S : S A LVAT O R E F E R R A G A M O T R A M E Z Z A . M E Y E R S H E A D ( T H R O U G H O U T ) : L L O Y D B I S H O P / N B C / N B C U P H O T O B A N K / G E T T Y I M A G E S .
STEPHEN SHERRILL

1. What is the supreme

law of the land?
a. The Supreme Court
b. The Constitution
c. The executive branch
d. Whatever was on Hannity
last night
d A N SW E R :

2. Who is in charge of
the executive branch?
a. The chief justice of the
Supreme Court
b. The president
c. Jared
d. Nobody
d A N SW E R :

om
rd Fr
A Wo our
Y ctor
Pro

Hey, Seth Meyers, what

question do you think should
be on the Citizenship Test?
I feel like people should be
able to name at least three
characters from The Sopranos.
Anyone could get Tony and
Carmela, but, I mean, to live
here Obviously, this is a real
bubble question, but I live in
the bubblewhat can I say?

6 2 G Q . C O M . E D
Y J U N E 2 0 1 7
JAKE CHESSUM
 S!
E CIVIC
GENC
TELLI
GQIN

How a Bill
Becomes a Law
Fill in the blanks

8. A young white Republican

male from Wisconsin goes to
college and reads _______.
Ayn Rand ANSWER:

9. After college, with the help

of a _______, he wins a seat
in the state legislature.
local rich person ANSWER:

10. With the help of a

_______, he wins a seat in
Congress.
national rich person ANSWER:

11. He introduces a bill

_______ the business of his
patrons.
deregulating ANSWER:

12. He re-reads Ayn Rand

with a _______.
sexual thrill ANSWER:

13. The bill is signed by the

_______.
president ANSWER:

om
rd Fr 14. After leaving Congress,
A Wo our
3. What do we call the Y ctor 6. Arrange the the former congressman
first ten amendments to Pro presidential line of _______.

S U I T : D I O R H O M M E . S H I R T : E T O N . T I E : P A U L S M I T H . S H O E S : S A LVAT O R E F E R R A G A M O T R A M E Z Z A .
the Constitution? succession in order:
incredibly wealthy lobbyist
a. Bill of Rights a. The vice president
ANSWER: becomes an

b. Preamble b. The Speaker of the House

c. Articles of Confederation
Whats your most patriotic
d. Second Amendment and moment?
Nine Suggestions The first episode of
ANSW E R :
d Saturday Night Live after
9/11. The only thing I had
in that show was playing the
4. What is one reason head of a fish in a sketch.
the colonists came to The way the fish-head effect
America? worked was my body was
a. To escape poverty green-screened, and I was
wearing a green Lycra suit
and religious persecution and a big, fluffy robe, and
b. Pristine beachfront my face was painted green.
property with hotel- Lorne Michaels invited all
development opportunities these first responders, and
I was just sort of overcome
c. Because Mexicans had taken to be standing in the wings
all the good jobs in England with these guysI dont
ANSW E R :
b feel like Id ever been in
awe of anyone before that
moment. I thanked them
5. How many stars are all, and they sort of looked
on the U.S. flag? at me strangely. I was like,
a. A tremendous amount Look at these guys
b. A huge number theyre such heroes that
they dont even know how
c. The most of any countrys to take praise. No, they
d. More than your dopey were just talking to a green
countrys man in a womans robe.
All of the above. ANS WER:
c. The son with the dark 15. He gives a speech about
slicked-back hair the virtues of _______ and
d. The secretary of defense the _______.
e. The son with the light
meritocracy
slicked-back hair
bootstrapping/ ANSWER:
f. The secretary of the Treasury
g. The daughter you see a lot
h. The attorney general 16. Who was our enemy
i. The daughter you dont during the Cold War?
see a lot a. The Cold what?
j. Whoever spoke to the b. Huh?
president last c. Uh
Seems right as is. A N SW E R : False. A N SW E R :
7. Whats the first 17. The leader of the
thing that has to happen Free World is:
before a vacancy on the a. Canadian prime minister
Supreme Court is filled? Justin Trudeau
a. The president must b. German chancellor
nominate a replacement. Angela Merkel
b. Hearings must be held. c. UK prime minister
c. The Senate must vote. Theresa May
d. The country must elect d. Japanese prime minister
a Republican. Shinzo Abe
d A N SW E R : ?? A N SW E R :

J U N E 2 0 1 7
6 4 G Q . C O M . E D Y
 CE CIVICS!
LLIGEN
GQINTE

om
19. Whats the difference 21. Which are names rd Fr
of Real Housewives A Wo our
between a worthy
Y ctor
Pro
government program cast members and
and an entitlement? which are names
of First Ladies of the
receive entitlements.
AN SWER:
United States?
Only other people
a. Florence
Whats the best
20. If you lose your job, b. Ida performance of the
you are eligible to...? c. Bethenny National Anthem?
U.S. FRANCE ITALY UK JAPAN a. Receive a few hundred d. Carole Marvin Gaye at the [1983]
dollars per week under e. Dorinda NBA All-Star Game is just
a wonderfully soulful
18. This graph is a a joint social-welfare f. Abigail rendition. It was probably
measure of: program between the g. Letitia one of the first ten
a. Awesomeness federal government and h. Lucretia videos I saw on YouTube.
b. Greatness state unemployment i. Tinsley
Who in the Trump
c. Kick-Assness agencies. j. Cynthia administration would you
d. Gun deaths per b. Resent immigrants. k. Dolly most like to interview?
1,000 people c. Tell it like it is. l. NeNe I would love to interview
So sad a situation.
d. Start an opioid addiction.
Real Housewives. Sean Spicer. His just strikes
me as the most impossible
e. Vote against your interests
happening in Chicago. c, d, e, i, j, and l are A N SW E R :
all of which are in that order. job on earth. I feel like every
day hes given a monkey
ANS WER: dalmost AN SWER:
All of the above,
22. Complete the with a saddle and told to go
presidential quote: win the Kentucky Derby.
He says, Wellcan I have a
I did try and _____ her. horse? Listen, were out

O N M E Y E R S , S U I T : D I O R H O M M E . S H O E S : S A LVAT O R E F E R R A G A M O T R A M E Z Z A .
She was _____. of horses. Also, this monkeys
a. endorse/appreciative addicted to crack.
b. meet with/worth talking to
c. fuck/married
d. impress/not impressed 24. Rank the following
A N SW E R :
in descending order of
Gross.
number:
23. Which of the a. Adams presidents
following are the most b. Kardashians/Jenners
exceptional examples c. Gyllenhaals
of American d. Baldwin brothers
A N SW E R :
exceptionalism?
b (10), d (4), a and c (2)
a. Our system of checks
and balances 25. Complete the
b. Our promotion of following quotation:
democracy worldwide The tree of liberty must be
c. Our tradition of a peaceful refreshed from time to time
transfer of power with the blood
d. That anybody can be a. of low-energy haters.
president b. of patriots and tyrants.
e. Seriously, that anybody c. of our closest allies.
can be president d. from their wherever.
e A N SW E R : c and d A N SW E R :

Whos That Lady?

26. Match the presidential spouse with the cause she embraced

1. LAURA BUSH a. HEALTH CARE

2. MICHELLE OBAMA b. SINGLE PARENTING

3. HILLARY CLINTON c. LITERACY

4. MELANIA TRUMP d. HEALTHY FOOD

1) c; 2) d; 3) a; 4) b A N SW E R :

6 8 G Q . C O M . E D Y J U N E 2 0 1 7
 !
CIVICS
ENCE
ELLIG
GQINT

30. What do the 13

stripes on the American
flag symbolize? Put the Pate
a. The original 13 colonies
b. The number of signatures
in Patriotism
on the Declaration of 33. How many hairlines of
Independence heroes do you recognize?
c. The number of jobs stolen
by the average immigrant
d. The number of states
Hillary Clinton won in her

R I G H T, F R O M T O P : M A R K W I L S O N / G E T T Y I M A G E S ; J A M E S D E VA N E Y/ G C I M A G E S / G E T T Y I M A G E S ; M A R K W I L S O N / G E T T Y I M A G E S ; H U LT O N A R C H I V E / G E T T Y I M A G E S ; P H O T O 1 2 /A L A M Y S T O C K P H O T O ;
historic landslide defeat
c A N SW E R :

S U I T A N D S H I R T : B R O O K S B R O T H E R S R E D F L E E C E . T I E : A L E X A N D E R O L C H . T I E B A R : T H E T I E B A R . P O C K E T S Q U A R E : D H A 1 . S O C K S : G O L D T O E . S H O E S : S A LVAT O R E F E R R A G A M O T R A M E Z Z A .
a.
31. If Bob is traveling
300 miles to Chicago
on an American train,
Antoine is traveling
300 miles to Paris on a

M I K H A I L S V E T L O V/ G E T T Y I M A G E S . B O T T O M , F R O M L E F T : M E R T E N S N I J D E R S / G E T T Y I M A G E S ; K E R E N S U / G E T T Y I M A G E S ; P I E R R E P E R R I N / G A M M A - R A P H O / G E T T Y I M A G E S .
French train, and Riku b.
is traveling 300 miles
to Tokyo on a Japanese
train, who will arrive
dead fucking last?
a real car, clowns.
accept: A train? Get in c.
A N SW E R : Bob. We would also

32. The U.S. policy

toward North Koreas
nuclear program is
called: d
d.
a. Containment
b. Repeal and replace
c. Fox & Friends
d. Blu
and stu
c A N SW E R :

e
e.
27. To be a true 28. Which is greater? Bonus essay question!
American, one must... a. The number of The Fast and Complete the following:
a. Be born in the United States. the Furious movies Im not a racist, but
b. Be armed. b. The number of Great Lakes
AN SWER:
c. Be rich.
a
d. Be rich and also in debt. f.
e. Have an opioid addiction. 29. Name one problem
Thrones; f. Vladimir Putin
f. Have a favorite Kardashian. that led to the Civil War.
e. Jon Snow, Game of
g. Be willing to tell an at least a. Northern aggression
d. George Washington;
moderately convincing lie b. Northern lack of
c. Donald Trump;
to get out of jury duty. imagination about
b. Barack Obama;
h. Believe that immigrants alternative labor structures
A N SW E R : a. Paul Ryan;
cant live up to American c. Smug elites
standards. d. The lyin media
All of the above. ANS WER: All of the above. AN SWER:

Heres How
American
You Are! 010 right answers
Dont Have a Clue
1120
Overrated
More than 20
The Best!
Add up the number of correct
answers and compare your point Seriously? Maybe we should Very little credibility as an Strong! The Americanest!
total to the key at right. send you back to France. American. Practically Canadian. Very smart!

J U N E 2 0 1 7
7 0 G Q . C O M . E D Y
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> Spin a l Tap

vs. H olly wo od rs of
The membe left,
Spinal Tap (from st,
ue
Christopher G n,
Michael McKearer) in
and Harry Shea ot
l sh
a promotiona
from 1984.

For years, Harry Shearer, one of the

creato rs of the comed y classic
EMBASSY PICTURES/NEAL PETERS COLLECTION

T H I S I S S P I N A L T A P , receive d royalty

istible: checks for the movie that could

I T U P O N I T,
was irres
E A , W HEN THEY H , barely cover a days supply of foil-
T H E I D
mentary abou t a fake rock band wrappe d zucchi ni. Now hes got
Make a fake docu dialogue to
ad va nc e bu t improvising the the band back together (in court) to
sketching out the
plot in uld be called
ou s. Th e gr ou p, they decided, wo find out what happened to the rest
tane ns of
make it feel spon e gothic pretensio
Ta p, a na m e m eant to parody th ris to ph er Guest, of the money and, they hope, change
Spinal
ey be in g H ar ry Shearer, Ch the way Hollywood does business.
th eir
heavy metal. They medic actors in th
cK ea n, an d Ro b Reiner, four co ck st or y, which Call it a double-decker-axe blow for
Michael M nd s extensive ba
s inve nt in g th e ba artists rights A M Y W A L L A C E
30 sspent hour eras rolled.
ou ld m em orize before cam
they w
7 2 G Q . C O M . E D
Y J U N E 2 0 1 7
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nt in
Shearer led the initial complai
t, McK ean, and Rein er joine d
October; Gues
declined
as co-plaintis in February. (They
sending
to be interviewed for this stor y,
the law-
word that Shearer would speak for
band .) In a Febr uary motion
suit and the
ers claim
to dismiss the case, Vivendis lawy
cost just
Spinal Tap, which Shearer says
d less
$2.25 million to make, has generate
on in U.S. ticke t sales. But box-
than $5 milli
of what
oce receipts are only a portion
r 1982
Shearer and the others are after. Thei
ent of
contract says they are due 40 perc
the lm
all net receipts that emanate from
related
and 50 percent of gross receipts
Sinc e the lm was relea sed,
to the music.
DVD
there have been numerous VHS and
reunion
editions, follow-up albums, and
dise sold
concerts, and all sorts of merchan
Spinal
along the way. To quote the movie,
electric
Tap has become, like a cherished
accord-
guitar, famous for its sustain. Yet,
tors
ing to the bands ling, the four crea
1992 , eight years after the relea se of the film. e of tota l wor ldwi de mer -
Spinal Tap shooting a music video
in supposed shar
chan dising income between 1984 and 2013
h is
lls, The guys are all believers now, whic was only $81. Their share of music
sales for
Shearer, who plays bassist Derek Sma a $40 0 mill ion laws uit
title of the band s why they ve led a simi lar perio d was $98.
says everything from the Vivendi road-
to the against the French conglomerate If you dont ght, youre really just
rst single (Gimme Some Money) subs idiar y Stud ioca nal, which his wiry ve-foot-eight-
their man y drum - and its lm kill, Shea rer says ,
cause of death of one of ng the
e out of owns the rights to Spinal Tap. Amo inch frame straining over his dini
ng-room
mers (spontaneous combustion) cam frau d, brea ch of cont ract, and an, that would be it:
re the goal was to suit s char ges: tabl e. If I had a slog
these early meetings, whe ntional ains not
scientic abuse of power as part of an inte Fight or be roadkill. The credo expl
crack one another up. Thats the depr ive the crea tors of what is also Shea rers approach
g arou nd laug h- sche me to only this laws uit but
term for our methods: sittin ers deny no fault
with a legitimately theirs. (Vivendis lawy to nearly everything. Ive, through
ing, he says. A beat, and then he adds ng, calli ng the $400 million a certa in reputation in
we be paid for it? any wron gdoi of my own , gain ed
wry smile: So why should he says.
In the 33 years since the release of
This gure fanciful at best.) the business as a troublemaker,
st once labe led Cen tral to the band s case is the claim Mos t fam ousl y, he batt led 20th Century
Is Spinal Tapwhich Gue ions of
that Vivendi has been hiding mill Foxand wonover the terms of
his con-

T O P : H E N R Y D I LT Z / M O R R I S O N H O T E L G A L L E R Y. B O T T O M : J A S O N L A V E R I S / F I L M M A G I C / G E T T Y I M A G E S .
f and
spomage, for its rare mixture of spoo ts from Spin al Tap by pack- s. (He voices 23 char-
beco me not just a dolla rs in pro tract on The Sim pson
homagethe lm has unting ders,
nal trea- aging the movie with ops, an acco acters on the show, including Ned Flan
beloved cult classic but also a natio n as cros s-co llate raliz ing. The cipa l Skinner.) When I
gres s has deem ed trick know Mr. Burn s, and Prin
sure. The Library of Con ly break- consid-
hetically lm, the company insists, is bare tell Shearer that Ive read that he
it culturally, historically, or aest they belie ve their own nan- ame nt guy, he grins.
ratio n of com edi- ing even . Do ers hims elf an Old Test
signicant. A whole gene ause
n up cial statements? Shearer asks. Bec Thats true. My God is a God of veng
eance.
ans (and not just comedians) has grow ving wha t they send to us, I in New Orle ans, a four-
calle d it a huge if they re belie Shea rers hom e
quoting it. Ricky Gervais . provides
of all think they need medical attention story converted macaroni factory,
inuence and my favorite comedy
lm s mos t hila ri-
time. But even as the
nes
ous moments have become touchsto
ion, say,
guitarist Nigel Tufnels explanat
to 11 is
of precisely why an amp that goes
to 10 (We ll, its
louder than one that goes
e roya lty chec ks
THE GQ COMEDY SURVEY
one loud er, isnt it?) th
have rema ined sus-
from This Is Spinal Tap
piciously tiny. What started as a send
the music business has turn ed into
ness
a
-up of
lesso
.
n DANNY MCBRIDE
in the absu rditi es of the lm busi Creator and star of HBOs Vice
fan-
I think we all shared this inchoate Principals; nascent action hero
of this
tasy that because wed made fun in Alien: Covenant
Shearer
stu, it wouldn t happen to us,
at his
tells me not long after I mee t him Whos your comedy god? Whats the best Please describe
about
home in New Orleans. Hes talking The comedy god joke youve ever the last thing that
band
the real-life indignities that the fake
I would serve would heard? made you laugh.
theres a be a multi-headed This joke sucks, but A video of a man
has endured over the years, but beast composed of it makes me smile. who explodes
the crea tors curr ent pred icam ent
hint of Bill Murray, Eddie Which came first, two firecrackers
we start ed getti ng
in there as well: When Murphy, Lucille the chicken or the up his nose.
God !
fucked over, we were just like, My
Ball, Redd Foxx, and egg? Neither. The
Steve Coogan. rooster came first.
in blank disbelief.
7 4 G Q . C O M . E D Y J U N E 2 0 1 7

) in 1992.
Derek Smalls (Harry Shearer
evidence of where his combative approach
has gotten him. There are gold-paneled walls,
impossibly high ceilings, parquet oors,
a marble ballroom (complete with baby-
grand piano), and the gaudies t collec-
tion of Mardi Gras tiaras and crowns ever
assembled in one place. Shearer himself is
bedecked in a riot of colora navy-gold-
and-red striped dress shirt over a purple
T-shirt, maroon jeans, and a rainbow-striped
pair of Y3 Yohji Yamamoto high-tops. The
Simpsons, its clear, has been very good to
Shearer, which is why he can aord to go
after the larcenous executives who he
says are doing him and countless others
wrong. I think that there is a public inter-
est in exposing what happens to artists and
creators as they encounter the giant wheels
of commerce, he says. Im not doing this to
stage a spectacle, but by the same token Im
not in a big hurry to go behind closed doors
with somebody who is not wearing a robe.
A trial, in addition to possibly providing the
band with a long-deferred payday, could
force Vivendi to nally pull back the curtain
on its accounting practices.
Look, we put the number 11 on the map,
Shearer says, enjoying how silly it sounds to
say that. His eyes gleam as he leans closer
to my tape recorder. Warning to Vivendi,
he growls, Im like a dog with a bone.
V I V E N D I I S N T T H E only company thats
been accused of using accounting tricks
to avoid paying out prots. Movie stu-
dios routinely insist that even the biggest
J U N E 2 0 1 7
7 8 G Q . C O M . E D Y
GQINTEL
blockbusters make no money. In the two
years after its release, for example, Harry
Potter and the Order of the Phoenix grossed
$612 million for Warner Bros., but the net-
prot statement still showed a loss.
The whole system, of course, is struc-
tured for just such an outcome. Heres how
Warner Bros. did the math for Mr. Potter:
A $211 million distribution fee came right
o the top, plus an additional $131 million
in advertising and publicity (some of which
was likely spent on TV networks owned by
the studios parent company, Time Warner)
and $61 million in other expenses (stu
like prints, dubbing, and shipping). Then
came the studios $313 million in negative
cost (what the lm cost to make) and nearly
$58 million in interest. The bottom line: The
lm was said to have lost $167 million.
Shearer, who hired a forensic accountant
adept at nding where revenues are stashed
in order to build his case against Vivendi,
sums up the business model of the major
studios like this: Heres your budget. Its
a loan at prime plus two, and then well do
your distribution for a fee of 30 percent o
the top, and all of our costs are chargeable
against you. Its ludicrous. Nobody else in
the world could get away with it. Add to
this the fact that any artists promised a
portion of net prots must rely on the stu-
dios to report what theyre owed, and the
table is set for mischief. Not for nothing
did David Mamet include these lines in
Speed-the-Plow, his satirical dissection of
the American movie business: Two things
Ive learned, 25 years in the entertainment
industry. The rst one is: There is no
net. And I forgot the second one.
When it comes to the lawsuits this system
inevitably provokes, studios prefer to settle
rather than open their books to scrutiny.
(The numbers for Harry Potter are public
only because they were leaked to Deadline
.com.) In 1988, however, in what is widely
regarded as the granddaddy of such cases,
Art Buchwald struck a blow for transpar-
ency when he sued Paramount Pictures.
Buchwa ld claimed that the studio had
Nigel Tufnel (Christopher Guest), left, and David St. Hubbins (Michael
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stolen his script treatment and made it into
Eddie Murphys comedy Coming to America .
But when the case went to trial, what the
judge called the studios unconscionable
accounting methods drew more attention
than any underlying thievery. At the time,
worldwide box-oce receipts for Coming to
America were more than $350 million, on
an estimated budget of $39 million, but the
studio was still showing a loss. Buchwald
would later write that the brouhaha was a
minor breach-of-contract case which turned
into an historic legal battle over the way the
motion picture studios keep their books and
diddle their talent. The studio settled for an
undisclosed amount.
In the intervening years, everyone from
Stan Lee to Peter Jackson to the estate of
J. R. R. Tolkien has sued, alleging that their
rightful piece of the back end had been with-
held, and almost all those cases have been
settled for undisclosed amounts. Consider
producer Irwin Winklers 2015 suit against
Warner Bros., which stated he hadnt been
paid his 50 percent share of the net prots
from the 1990 Mob classic Goodfel las.
According to the complaint, Warners sent
periodic net-prot reports for a while (the
studio eventually stopped, claiming the lm
would never, ever be in the black), but those
reports intentionally misrepresented how
much the lm had made (allegedly more
than $275 million). Winkler claimed that
Warners had concealed about $140 million
in revenue by playing a sort of shell game
with its wholly owned subsidiary, Warner
Home Video, and had also charged fees
and interest on past fees. This was studio
accounting on steroids, the suit alleged. It
was also fraud. Warners settled last year.
Disputes dont always end up in court.
Years ago, the talent agent who repped Peter
Cattaneo, the director of the indie comedy
The Full Monty (which was 20th Century
Foxs runaway hit of 1997), took him to lunch
at Spago to go over the studios accounting
report. While The Full Monty had cost just
$3 million to make and had taken in almost
$200 million worldwide, the report said
McKean) in 1992.
H E N R Y D I LT Z / M O R R I S O N H O T E L G A L L E R Y ( 4 )
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Cattaneo was not yet due any back end. THE GQ COMEDY SURVEY
Dumbfounded, the agent agged down Please describe the last thing that made you laugh
h.
Bill Mechanic, the then head of Foxs movie
A clip of Naomi Ekperigin doing One of those
studio, who was walking by. Mechanic sat stand-up I had already watched YouTube
down, read over the accounting statement, three times. After watching videos where
and said, We owe you some money. A few 10,000 hours of procedurals on TV, people keep
days later, Fox delivered a $1 million check. Naomi has a tip for white women: falling
Shearer says he understands why others
All you Megans, Sarahs, and they dont
Lindsaysif you want to avoid a know its coming, and the shock
shy from battle: Suing has a way of making serial killer: You got to stop and look of horror on their
you unpopular (read: unemployable). But with the jogging at dawn and dusk! faces makes me kiki. Another one
thanks to Shearers nancial wherewithal You gotta. Yes, yes. Honey, if the with this guy who goes around
and advancing years (hes 73), he doesnt
light is low, the mall literally just lightly
you do not go. touching peoples hands, and some
have to worry about that. Im at a point in PAUL W. DOWNS, of them are so livid and filled
my life where I couldnt care less, he says. writer and with rage. Rage is funny.
Ever ything gets you labeled dicult. If star of Rough TITUSS BURGESS, star
Night and of Netflixs Unbreakable
you want to do it the right way, it gets you Comedy Centrals Kimmy Schmidt
labeled dicult. If you want to hew more Broad City
closely to your style as opposed to somebody
elses, it gets you labeled dicult. But some-
times you just have to protect yourself.
ING
C R E AT I V E H O L LY W O O D A C C O U N T
may have inspired the lawsuit, but Shearer on Fairness Rocks, Shearers website about come up, and its blank stares, like, What
seems equally red up about a dier ent the case.) The company claim s that the was that? When the foursome explained
legal mission: reclaiming control of the lm would follow a fake, past-
four creators were under contract during the that the
Spinal Tap name. Shearer says Vivendi movie , begin ning its-pr ime metal band on a U.S. tour, they
shooting and editing of the
currently requires the men who invented that rock n roll movies didnt
in 1982, so the intellectual property belongs were told
Tap to ask permission (and sometimes pay rtant ly, the rst make mone y. Every major studio turned
to the studio. But, impo
fees) before they can perform in character. . (But the demo pro duced
appearance of the band was much earlier, in them down
contra ct was signedstill exists:
(Vivendis lawyers declined to comment.) 1979, in a three-minute skit on a short- lived before any
includ ed as a DVD extra in
Its safe to say that the only people theyve series spearheaded by Reiner: The T.V. Show. I think
it was
many editio ns that were churned
gone after to enforce their claimed rights The skit, about a heavy -meta l trio called one of the
that never made any money,
are the creators of the picture, Shearer Spinal Tap, grew out of an experience Guest out for a
lm
says with a smirk .)
grumbles. All the bootleggers have gotten had in a hotel lobby in Engla nd, when he Shear er
o scot-free. But creators can regain con- himse lf eavesd roppi ng on the idiotic Event ually, All in the Fami ly creator
found
trol of their copyrights in some circum- Lear and his partn er, Jerry
back-and-forth of a group of aging rockers. Norm an
green -light ed Spina l Tap at
stances after 35 years. When the group decided to make a fea- Peren chio,
Vivendi has stated that the lm was writ- they create d a their tiny indie studio, Embassy Pictures.
ture lm about Spinal Tap,
script , there was a written
ten by Shearer, Guest, McKean, and Reiner 20-minute demo, complete with costumes Instead
of a
of scene s: basically, just stage
as a work for hireessentially, that it was and music al numb ers, to shop aroun d break down
for the crew to know who is in
created with the understanding that the Hollywood in lieu of a script. The fact that directions

T O P, F R O M L E F T : D O N N A WA R D / G E T T Y I M A G E S ; F R E D E R I C J . B R O W N /A F P / G E T T Y I M A G E S .
theyr e shoot ing, Shearer says.
company is the statutory author and rights the characters were fully realiz ed, with it and what
r, who playe d Artie Fufkin, the
holder. (Vivendi is re-writing history, backstories and music and lyrics, before the Paul Shae

otion s rep for Spinal Taps
Guest countered in a statement released lm was pitched is proof that it wasn t work Midw est prom
s that before shoot ing began, he
latest ling asserts. label, recall
for hire, the plaintis
belon ged, unen- asked Shear er, Will I be gettin g the lines in
Marty DiBergi (Rob Reiner) on set in 1984. Copyrights to these works Youl l be mak-
advance? Shear er replie d,
cumbered, to the creators, it says. dialog ue made
ing Big Bottom , ing them up, sir. This lack of
Several Tap songs, includ ers of the
e audit ions the memb
Stonehenge, and Sex Farm, appeared in for bizarr rsatio ns with
perfo rmed a few band would impro vise conve
the demo. The band also
trying out for the rolesbut the
practice gigs before unsuspecting crowds at the actors
BOTTOM: EMBASSY PICTURES/EVERETT COLLECTION.

Go Go on Sunse t result ing cast was stacked with comedys

places like The Whisky a
includ ing Fred Willard, Fran
Boulevard. At one show, Spinal Tap was sup- rising stars,
ry, of In-A - Dresc her, Billy Crysta l, and Dana Carvey.
posed to open for Iron Butte
To prepa re for the scene s in which
Gadda-Da-Vida fame, but a member of that
ntme nt early the Reine r, playin g the docum entarian Marty
band had a dentist appoi members,
interv iewed the band
next morning, so Buttery went on rst. DiBergi, 17-yea r history
opene d for us. they assem bled an elabor ate
Surreally, Shearer says, they to memo rize
a bible for each
Once the demo was complete, Reiner of the group s straight.
trade d on his so they could keep their storie
who was to direct the lm
utely vital because we didnt
recognizable name to book meetings with It was absol
every major stu- know what quest ions Rob was going to ask,
the production heads at
told The Washington Post the year
dio in town. Shearer says each meeting McKean
walk in, everyb ody the movie came out. But we did know the
went the same way: We
The bible includ ed all their past
shakes hands, the lights go down, and this answers.
tes. The lights album titles (amon g them : Intravenus de
thing shows for 20 minu

G Q . C O M . E D Y J U N E 2 0 1 7
8 0

The members of Spinal Tap in and out of character (right and left, respectiv
Milo and The Sun Never Sweats) and other
details that would (or would not) emerge
in the lm, such as the fact that Spinal Tap
had once been called the Originals, then the
New Originals, and then the Thamesmen.
What appealed to the foursome was not
merely the potential for hilarity but also
something not usually associated with
spoofs: the chance to get their subject right.
They were dead serious about rock n roll,
and it bugged them how movies about the
music business never seemed to capture
the true sights, sounds, and smells of hard-
working musicians on the road. The little
touches add up, and that was a lot of the joy
in the project, Guest told the Post. People
out here in Hollywood have a tendency to
say nobody will notice, nobody will care,
nobody will see that, and our contention
was completely the opposite. It got very
technical and very bizarre at times, but we
had to stick to our guns.
The band members were unrelenting in
their pursuit of authenticity. One day, they
were scheduled to shoot a scene backstage in
a club; the stage directions called for typical
backstage grati on the walls. We walk in,
Shearer says, and it looks like the art direc-
tor has visited freeway underpasses near
Mexican-gang areas. So we say, No, no. Here
is the phone number of the Troubadour, a
famous L.A. club. Go to the Troubadour,
and go upstairs. Well wait. Only when the
set was redecorated did the cameras roll.
The crew included the cinematographer
whod shot Gimme Shelter, a production
designer whod worked with Santana, and
a lighting designer whod collaborated
with the band Boston. All the instruments
that Shearer, McKean, and Guest played
and, yes, thats them actually playing
were period-appropriate, as were the micro-
phones. U2 guitarist the Edge said that when
he rst saw Spinal Tap, I didnt laugh, I
weptbecause it captured the ethos of the
music business so perfectly.
Once all the footage was edited, Guest,
McKean, Reiner, and Shearer delivered
it to the studio more or less as a nished
product. Since then, the lm has had more
owners than Kiss has had revival tours.
After Embassy Pictures, the lm was owned
Y J U N E 2 0 1 7
8 2 G Q . C O M . E D
GQINTEL
ely) in 1984.
for a time by Coca-Cola, then by Dino De
Laurentiis, and then, according to Shearer,
by a subsidiary of LOral called Parafrance,
in respons e to which the Tap creators
formed a company called Parapants. At that
point, our basic mode of attack was just ridi-
cule, because we didnt think there was any-
thing else we could do. In or around 1989,
This Is Spinal Tap was sold to Studiocanal,
which was then bought by Vivendi.
A T A B O O K S T O R E in New Orleans s
Garden District, a fan approaches Shearer.
I saw you 18 years ago, when you showed
up as Derek Smalls at the Maple Leaf, the
guy says, but Shearer tells the man he is
mistaken. I can tell you the two times
that Derek has been in New Orleans, he
says, ticking o a Sunday morning in 1993,
when the band played a merchandising
convention at the local Marriott, and then
last year, at one in the morning, one night
during Jazz Fest, Derek made an appear-
ance with Snarky Puppy at The Howlin
Wolf. Those are the only two times.
Over the years, the band members have
reprised their roles on several occasions,
and theyve kept adding to their characters
backstories. Smalls, for example, has been
in therapy for an Internet
addiction, has worked as a
GQB
substitute crossing guard
in L.A., and has long been
obsesse d with trying to Shazam to unlock
breed a black carnation. For additional content
the most part, though, every-
one is busy with other projects. McKean is a
regular on the AMC series Better Call Saul;
Guest and Reiner are directing their own
lms; Shearer is hosting a weekly radio
show, doing voices for The Simpsons, devel-
oping his own animated series, and working
on a memoir. (Will it be a tell-all? I ask. Im which describes the decaying pleasures of
going to tell some tales, yeah, he says. Its life on the road. Smalls Change (as its ten-
not a revenge document, but Im not going to
use whole gallons of varnish, either.)
The foursome are cordial, though there
have been tensions. In 2014, discussions
broke down over a proposed Spinal Tap
30th-anniversary live tour. But in its way,
the suit has brought the boys back together.
Shearer tells me he alerted everyone to his
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SHOWDOW
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intention to le through Guest, with whom
he maintains the closest ties. After the initial
complaint was made public, the band mem-
bers made statements of support, then dis-
cussed joining the action via telephone tree.
Shearer says Reiner called him, then Reiner
called McKean, and so on. It was never all
of us in a room at the same time, Shearer
says. Anybody whos been in a band knows
that cat herding is easy by comparison.
Like Shearer, none of the other mem-
bers of Spinal Tap are in desperate need
of money; theyve joined the lawsuit in
part to make a lasting impact on the way
entertainment conglomerates do business.
Look, Shearer says, one can be grandi-
ose and hope that if this is an unpleasant
enough experie nce for Vivendi , other
companies might decide to be fairer to
creative people, since creative people are
F R O M L E F T : D AV I D C O R I O / R E D F E R N S / G E T T Y I M A G E S ; D AV I D C O R I O / M I C H A E L O C H S A R C H I V E S / G E T T Y I M A G E S
the cause and the source of any money
they make. Im not enough of a dreamer to
think that automatically is going to hap-
pen. But if Art Buchwald had never sued,
maybe other people wouldn t have gotten
into the habit of suing.
In the meantime, Tap fans will be inter-
ested to know that Derek Smalls is hard at
work on a new project: his rst solo album.
The septuagenarian bass-
ist is nally stepping out
on his own, with songs that
shed light on the travails of
partying hard in ones twi-
light years. Already, more
than a few real rockers
have recorded cameos (Steely Dans Donald
Fagen, for example, sings the bridge on
Memo to Willie, a little ditty about erec-
tile dysfunction; Peter Frampton and Steve
Vai are also on board). Theres a song called
MRI, and another called Dont Get Old,
tatively titled) is aiming for a release later
this year. When it does appear, Shearerin a
glittery outt, with a wig and muttonchops
gone horror-movie whiteplans a live tour
to support it. No word yet on whether hell
ask Vivendi for permission.
amy wallac e is a gq correspondent.
 ME
DY
CO
17

Peggy Sirota

8 4 G Q . C O M . E D Y J U N E 2 0 1 7
8 6 G Q . C O M . E D Y J U N E 2 0 1 7
 No one gets up
earlier than
Dwayne Johnson.
Or goes to bed
later. Or is more
awake during
the hours in
between. No one
in Hollywood
is more buff,
more driven, or
gets paid better.
The man has so
much charisma
and ambition he
can do anything.
Comedy, action,
pretty little
cartoon voices.
Some people
even say he could
be president.
GQs CAITY WEAVER
spent a few days
with the ex-
wrestler, pumping
iron and pounding
water (gotta
stay hydrated!)
and figuring
out if The Rock
is meant for
higher office

sw ea te r
$1 ,3 50 op en in g
Gu cc i pa ge s
je an s $5 50 ta nk to p
To m Fo rd $1 15
Hi lf ig er
ca p Ed it io n
Am bs n
sh or ts $8 5
br ac el et Sa tu rd ay s
Da vi d NY C
Yu rm an
wo me n s
va n pe di cu re s
St ar li ne by ch el se a
To ur s ki ng fo r
or ly
 neighborhood: doors, promises a sign
on one empty building; signs, another.
Johnson parks his Escalade next to an aban-
doned Honda Prelude.
Where are we? I ask, unable to believe
that my best friend has brought me here.
Warehouse district, he announces proudly,
unlocking an unmarked metal slab of a door.
Private gym. He holds the slab open for me.
Im in the process of looking for a bigger
space, says Johnson, his voice bouncing
When Dwayne Johnson meets you (and I can assure o the cavernous walls of the biggest space
I have ever seen.
you, he would love to), the rst thing he will do is You need a bigger space, for sure, I say.
ask you six thousand questions about yourself, and I squint to see if the gym ever ends, or if
it simply follows the curve of the earth, its
remember the answers forever. If you are a child, collection of machines with names ending
good luck getting past Dwayne Johnson without a in -ex stretching on to innity. The lone
window in the place is small and covered
high ve or some simulated roughhousing; if youre with a towel that Johnsona man who last
in a wheelchair, prepare for a Beowulf-style epic year reportedly made north of $60 million
poem about your deeds and bravery, composed has taped to the wall.
I dont mind it being in the hood, but I do
extemporaneously, delivered to Johnsons Instagram want to have a shower, he says, explaining
audience of 85 million people; if youre dead, why he may move. The warehouse district in
the hood always works out nicely, because I
having shued o your mortal coil before you even can play music really loudly, and its not in an
got the chance to meet Dwayne Johnson, that oce area where people will complain. But
sucksrest in peace knowing that Dwayne Johnson the biggest reason for this [seclusion] is that
my gym time is really the only time I have an
genuinely misses you. For Johnson, there are no opportunity to be away from the public and
strangers; there are simply best friends, and best by myself. So I get a lot of work done in here.
Not only training. It becomes my meditation.
friends he hasnt met yet. Ive known the man for only Nobody bothers me here. (Except me, right
two hoursand have been in his car now for only now. But Im his best friend, so thats okay.
a few minutes, listening to the Dixie Chicks, headed Hed probably be ne if you stopped by, too.)
Though its now just 1:30 p.m., this will
to what hes luxuriously described to me as his private be Johnsons second workout of the day.
gymand already its apparent that I am Dwayne We are both clad in black leggings, but his
cling to the muscles of his calves like night-
Johnsons greatest friend in the entire world. fall descending over a mountain range, and
One of the rst things hed needed to know about me was if Id ever been to mine look more like two toilet-paper tubes
Australia. I havent, I told him, and he beamed and shook his head. Youd love painted black. Over his, Johnson has layered
it, he declared. A puzzled pause hung in the air while I frantically tried to deduce a pair of roomy shorts for modesty and is
what about my bearing projects that I would love Australia, and Johnson remem- sporting a ua x project rock tank topa
bered that he didnt actually know anything about me (yet), except that Id never signature piece in his collection of Under
been to Australia. Which made him want to learn everything. Among the many, Armour workout gear, which last year was
many things Dwayne Johnson wondered: what high school I went to, if Id ever one of the brands best-selling lines, right
been to the Oscars, how I chose my college, if I had a big party when I graduated alongside athletic gear endorsed by actual
from that college, what my sleep schedule is like, if I believe in ghosts, if I needed athletes like Steph Curry and Tom Brady.
a ladder to access a tree house I visited one time, if my dad is blackwait, what? Johnson, of course, is not an athlete per se,
How did Dwayne Johnson know? but is something closer to generally athletic
Cause you look mixed and you said he listens to jazz, he says. Johnson is a and professionally large.
blisteringly active listener. He has, in the briefest of moments, displayed more At six feet four, Dwayne Johnson, while
earnest curiosity about me than anyone Ive met in my entire life. (What is my big, is not actually freakishly huge. Its his
favorite Christmas carol? I wondered after Dwayne Johnson asked me that, with hands that translate him into something a
only ten months left till Christmas.) shade more than human on-screen. Theyre
His solicitude, I realize, is also why he wanted to drive: Johnsons pri- enormous: tan and broad with at, clean sea-
vate gym is situated in one of the top ten worst locations I have ever been, shell pink nails. Each hand could comfort-
including all grocery-store bathrooms. This is why I didnt want Uber to just ably lift an 8-year-old by the skull.
drop you o here, he says as he pulls into a desolate parking lot. Because this He guides me to a wall of a trillion neatly
is a shitty neighborhood. arranged barbells and tells me what Im look-
What Dwayne Johnson calls a shitty neighborhood could more accu- ing at. You go from the Caitys, he says, indi-
rately be styled a void of humanity right here in sunny California. Its some- cating the very smallest, to the DJs, which
where you could go to procure the bulk materials needed to construct a shitty are 150 [pounds]. (text continued on page 92)

8 8 G Q . C O M . E D Y J U N E 2 0 1 7
 P ARMS
TAKE U
to have
t need
You don s to pull off a
n e
huge gu unless your
p f
tank to ing to pull of y.
y
also tr table butterfl
la
the inf
tank top $115
Dolce & Gabbana
shorts $770
Louis Vuitton
Americas Cup
Collection
watch
Nautica
sunglasses
Ray-Ban
 Im i n
t h e pr o
ce ss
of looking for
ce,
a bi g g e r s p a
Johnson says
his gy m,
wh en we ar rive at

his voice boun ci ng off

the cavernous walls

of t h e
biggest sp ace
r see n.
I h av e e v e

BEAC HWEA R
FOR TOUG H GUYS
Jean shorts used to be a
joke. But today a pair
of chopped-up jorts can
be a real flex move.

shorts (on
Johnson) $55
American Eagle
Outfitters
boys tattoo
art by liza
coggins for aim
artists

9 0 G Q . C O M . E D Y J U N E 2 0 1 7
 SH EL L GA ME
Weve all seen
Hawaiian
shirts festoo
with palm trees. ned
So
summer, try co this
nc
I attempt to lift one of the DJs, which feels Weve been exercising for about three shells and seaw h
eed.
like trying to uproot a parking meter. Instead, minutes.
Johnson places two 10-pound weights in Thats a vote of no condence, I tell him.
my hands and picks up 20-pound weights I just want to make sure youre hydrated,
for himself. he says, picking up a cool, clear cylinder
Youre only on 20s! I say accusingly. of Voss. He twists open the seal fast and
shi rt $59 0 loc ati on
Well, Im going to warm up, explains hard, like hes wringing the neck of a punk Tho mas
Lou is Vui tto n
Johnson. who disrespected the troops (he loves the Ame ric as Cup Ham bur ger s,
Well, I say, narrowing my eyes and nod- troopswe love the troopsproud to be Col lec tio n Mom & Pop
Bur ger Sho p,
ding, Im warming up, too. an American, troops, troops, troops), and pan ts $11 0 Est . 197 5,
Very quickly, the warm-up exercises get hands me the bottle. Arm ani Was hin gto n
Exc han ge Bou lev ard ,
the best of me and I want to leave, except that Twelve thousand years later, everyone we
bel t Ven ice , CA
my best friend has trapped me in an indus- ever loved has turned to dust, but we are Ele ven ty
trial park with nowhere to go. nally nished with the freaking warm-up. nec kla ce
You, says Johnson gravely, need some Johnson guides me to an enormous con- RTH
water. traption constructed of iron and nylon and

9 2 G Q . C O M . E D Y J U N E 2 0 1 7
 Joh n son
doesnt hesitate when

I ask wh et her
e u p h is
h e m ig ht g iv
life as the
h ig h est-p a
id
movie sta r on ear th
to r u n
for pr esident.
I th in k th at its a

i bility,
r e a l p o ss
he says.

which can work in concert to stabilize his

shape or produce subtle or drastic changes
as needed. Its a book rooted in practical
optimism. It suggests that all body types
are achievable to himthat hard work and
enthusiasm will eventually generate the
desired results.
Unfortunately, what the spidery letters
tell Dwayne Johnson is that now we must lift
weights with our necks.
I dont think my neck needs to be stron-
ger, I say.
It doesnt! He smiles. We do it anyway.

J O H N S O N S I N Los Angeles now to lm

foam. He grabs two triangular straps and
demonstrates how I will (theoretically) use
them to move weights.
Oh no! I gasp as soon as I start to pull the
straps toward myself.
You got it! he says. I got you!
Dont help me! I wail, my arms trembling.
Im not, he lies. Great! he also lies.
Need water?
While I assist Johnson in getting rid of
the water he is apparently sooooo desperate
are like captive wild horses that have nally
been set free. Beyond that, the only indica-
tions that he is expending any eort come
from his eyelids, which utter slightly every
time he wrenches the straps.
Stepping away from the cable machine, an alley that only Johnson can nd. If you
Johnson produces a booklet of handwritten
notes. Let me check on this, he murmurs, right now, doing leg presses and staying
head tipped toward his chest. This is my
workout handbook. Johnsons penmanship
is lovelyslender and elegant,
HBOs Ballers, but hes got gyms wherever
he goes. Hes building one at his farm in
Virginia, where he keeps his horses (and also,
he says, a piano once owned by Benjamin
Franklin; it came with the farm), and he has
a workout facility at his primary residence
in Florida, where he lives on a compound
on the edge of the Everglades, in a tiny rural
town popular among professional athletes
who yearn for country living within an
hours drive of Miami. As he crisscrosses the
country for work, hes constantly scouting
new spots. If he has to go to New York for a
night, he will nd a gym there, and it will be
in a dank, subterranean room, probably o
have a basement, he might be in your house
hydrated. Found an incredible little out-of-
the-way spot, he might write on Instagram,
under a photo of himself lift-

to dispose of, he increases the resistance
to 85 pounds and takes my place at the
machine. He pulls the straps to himself like
he is performing a nylon ballet. The attached
weights simply y o the oor. His triceps
GQB
with the faint forward slant ing your washing machine.
prescribed by old-fashioned #HardestWorkersInTheRoom
handwriting textbooks. His #ByAnyMeansNecessary
booklet is lled with permu- Shazam to unlock #LateNight #StopNever.
additional content
tations of exercise routines, (text continued on page 144)
 I b elie
ve i n
our national security

to th e core,
b ut I dont
b e l ie v e

in a ba n that ban s imm igr ants.

I believe in in
clusion.
Our country
wa s built on th at.

9 4 G Q . C O M . E D Y J U N E 2 0 1 7
 IR
WI ND IN YO UR HA W H E RE TO BU Y IT?
a
When youve got hoo die $75 0 go to the fashion
g,
stiff breeze goin out Ami ri directories on
g
take your drug ru gq.com
for a spin.
 ME

GO
T
DY
CO

yO
17

he
e a s ked t
W y
co m e d
b e st ay

96
m s o f to d
tea
a n n el
to c h te
i r f av o r i
t he s
c duo

P.
n a m i
dy

Peggy Sirota
t
e pas
of t h
 FRED ARMISEN
& BILL HADER
as Simon & Garfunkel
Just before joining Saturd
day Night Live in
2002, Fred Armisen got a lift t to
t theh sete of
a Bob Odenkirk short from a gang gly productio ionn
assistant. That P.A. was Bill l Hader. And when
Hader joined Armisen on SNL a few years lat ater, ,
the writing staff immediatel ly recogng iz
ized
ed thehemm
as a natural pair because, Ha ader sayys, we
look funny next to each other. Th hey par
a tn nered
ed
for sketches, but it wasnt until an n SN
SNL L
MEGAN afterparty in 2013 that the du uo-shipp was
as truruly
ly

MULLALLY cemented. Riding off the success of

realistic mockumentary sketch h ab
f a weir
bout a pu
i dl
punk
dlyy
nk roc
ockeker
r
& NICK in love with Margaret Thatche er, Ha
H de
d r co
c nvnvin
ince
ced

OFFERMAN
Armisen and Seth Meyers that the e world
ld nee ede
dedd
an entire series parodying ob bscure doc ocum
umen
enta
tari
ries
es
as Sonny & Cher with obsessive detail. Cue th
of Documentary Now!, an uncan
he fir
i st
nny spoof
t epi
pisosode
de
f of the cul ult
t
1975 doc Grey Gardens featuri ing Hadader
er wea ari
ring
ng
Hes the genius behind Ron

sweatpants as a head scarf and d Armis

isen
en libiber
eral
ally
ly
Swanson on Parks and Recreation.
applying moisturizer in bed. BENJY H ANSE
ANSEN-BU
N-BU NDY
Shes the genius behind Karen
on the soon-to-be-resurrected
BILL HADER: Were not really
y lik
ikee th
thee la
ladi
dies
es
Will & Grace. But Nick Offerman
from Grey Gardens.
and Megan Mullally are even
more genius as a pair, married
FRED ARMISEN: Well.
since 2003 and touring together
for the Epix networks Summer
BILL: Me pacing around and ta
alking
alking,, an
and
d Fr
Fred
ed lyi
ying
ng
of 69: No Apostrophe variety
down on a bed and interjectin
ng lit
ng ittl
tle
e th
thin
ings
gs.
.
special based on that marriage.
Oh, and engaging in the kind of
FRED: Id say we spend almost
t 24 hou
ours
rs a day
natural, witty repartee that
together.
you and your significant other
have absolutely no prayer of
BILL: Pretty much.
matching. D R E W M AG A RY
FRED: Yeah. Eighteen, I guess?
s? Not cou
ount
ntin
ing,
g,
MEGAN MULLALLY: We were doing
like, bathroom time. That wou
uld be gro
uld ross
ss.
.
a play together in East L.A.
And in between the scenes, when
BILL: Certain holidays Fred do
does
esnnt
t wa
want
nt to ha
hang
ng
the director was talking to the
out with me. But we hang out mos
ostt da
days
ys.
.
other actors, we would do stuff
to crack each other up. I was
FRED: I cant hang out with him
him on Eas
aste
ter.
r. Bec
ecau
a se
au
starting to think that Nick was
of Easter-egg hunting.
really, really funny, and then
I started thinking, Wait, is he
BILL: Have you eaten today, budd
buddy?
y?
sexy? So it went in that order.
FRED: No.
NICK OFFERMAN: Every day
I would go home to my best friend
BILL: We need to get you some
e fo
food
od aft
fter
er thi
his.
s.
.
and say, I cant believe the
filthy things this woman said to
me today. She talks like us, but
shes gorgeous! She would cross
certain lines of decorum for ME turtlee nec
necks
ks
the sake of comedy that are best
protected in normal socializing. CO Sunspe
A.P.C.
e l (le
.
(left)
ft
ft)

DY jeans
AG (le
e ft))
MEGAN: I hadnt had real
experience with his balls at 17 A.P.C.
boots
.

that pointI was merely Louis

speculating. But I found out Leemann (le
(l ft)
t)
hes got juicy lemon hangers. Giusepp pe
p
Zanottt i Desi
D esi
esign
gn
n

9 8 G Q . C O M . E D Y J U N E 2 0 1 7
WERE NOT REALLY LIKE THE
LADIES FROM GREY GARDENS.
J U N E 2 0 1 7 G Q . C O M . E D Y 1 0 1
1 0 2 G Q . C O M . E D Y J U N E 2 0 1 7
 DESUS & MER0
as Kidn Play MICHAEL
Remember the funny guy in your high

school whod rip you mercilessly? Vicelands

CHE &
Desus & Mero is kind of like that guy, COLIN JOST
only the burn victims are whoevers in the as Jules &
news (Trump is clearly not equipped for Vincent from
the job. Its like when you put I know Excel
on your rsum, and the first day, theyre Pulp Fiction
like, Yo, brah, catalog this whole shit.
Its the perfect bit for
Do a hundred billion spreadsheets), the
roasts have rules (dont call anyone a these times: Burger King
child molester; only five fucks a show), introduces a Whopper with
and the riffs are way, way smarter. And a black bun and Weekend
since hosts Desus Nice and The Kid Mero (Bronx Update anchor Colin Jost
natives Daniel Baker and Joel Martinez) keep argues that if a Whopper can
taking their comedy to bigger platformsfrom wear blackface, why cant
Twitter to stints with Complex and MTV2 to he? Co-host Michael Che
late-night TVtheir jokes, like that dude in rolls his eyes: I begged
high school, are going to keep finding you. you not to do that.
This time, thats good news.CLAY SKIPPER By (sometimes) playing
the character of everything
KID MERO: Theres plenty of shit we disagree thats wrong with America,
about. We were at SXSW, and this guy, Doom and Jost is the unlikable foil
Gloom over here to Ches skeptical charm.
Because, really, could
DESUS NICE: How about we skip this. Its about there be a more appropriate
to get very heated. fake news team for Trumps
America than a clueless
KID: We were at some party, and when it was white dude and an over-it
over, its a mass exodus. Everybody is black guy?MARK ANTHONY G R E E N
using their phone at the same time, so theres
no signal. We couldnt get an Uber. COLIN JOST: There were
people asking: Did SNL
DESUS: Ask him if he even had Uber on his phone. humanize Trump? He had a
No, he did not have Uber. The cab company hit TV show on NBC for
says its going to be an hour and a half. Now 14 years! He was covered
fucking La-di-da McGee over here, hes just by every major newspaper
looking for weed. He almost gets into a car with for 30 years. The idea that
four girls with gold rims. Were in Texas. I was any one person humanized...
like, You want to die? So we almost got into Hes been the most human
a fistfight. Then someone pulls up: Yo, Desus figure for decades.
and Mero! Oh shit! You want to hop in my Uber?
MICHAEL CHE: Theres
KID: Would you look at that! only one time Ive removed
someone from a stand-up
DESUS: See, this is exactly the problem. show. During SantaCon,
Shit like that always works out. One day, were there was a drunk guy in
going to be stuck in Klan country. And then the front row wearing a
well see where that happy-go-lucky attitude penis outfit.
takes you when theyre stringing you up, and
youre like, Yo, I think somethings going to COLIN: You had him removed
work out. Dont worry. from the crowd and put
jackets
Dior Homme onstage, right?
pants
Topman MICHAEL: He heckled
sneakers everybody. So I had him
SEE ADDITIONAL CREDITS.

ME
and socks removed because I couldnt
Adidas
Originals
do a show that wasnt about
necklace himhe was too distracting.

CO
and bracelet I feel that way about
Rafaello Donald Trump. You cant do

DY
& Co
comedy not about him.
watches
Movado

17
DURING
SANTACON,
THERE WAS
A DRUNK
GUY IN THE
FRONT ROW
WEARING
A PENIS
OUTFIT.

1 0 4 G Q . C O M . E D Y J U N E 2 0 1 7
suits
shirts
and ties
Topman
bracelet and
ring (left)
Rafaello & Co
cuff (right)
Cartography
 ME Theres a revolution happening on your television.
DY The best, funniest comedies are being made by
CO people with power over every step of the process,
from writing to performing to living the lives
17

JAMES DAVIS RACHEL BLOOM

Hood Adjacent with James Davis Crazy Ex-Girlfriend

PETE HOLMES
Crashing

THE NEW
CLASS OF
CLOWNS
that their shows are based on. You might even call
them TV comedy auteurs. GQ gathered the creators
responsible for the best stuff on the small screen
for a summit on the state of televised comedy Art Streiber

SAM RICHARDSON SHARON HORGAN TIM ROBINSON

Detroiters Catastrophe Detroiters

LESLEY ARFIN PAUL RUST ANDREA SAVAGE

Love Love Im Sorry

J U N E 2 0 1 7 G Q . C O M . E D Y 1 0 7
Welcome to the era of TV comedy auteurs. Just as the
rise of cable led to an Emmy-gobbling barrage of
quality dramasthe chronicled downfalls of brilliant
and charismatic skulkers like Tony Soprano and
Don Draper and Walter Whitea recent proliferation
of outlets has blessed us with a bounty of truly great
comedies. What makes them even better than their dark
forefathers (besides the fact that theyre, you know,
funny) is that the people portraying the damaged leads
are the same ones creating the shows.
It started with Louie, the surreally specic FX series
based on its creator and stars life as a comic and
single father. Of course, he wasnt televisions rst semi-
autobiographical auteur-actorLucille Ball and Jerry
Seinfeld and Larry David and even Tina Fey had done it
beforebut his show was the beginning of the deluge
of comedians with the freedom to plumb the depths of the
rotten, hilarious self. Anna Peele sat down with 11 writer-
stars making the most personal (and explicit, self-aware,
funny, and straight-up watchable) TV for a roundtable
discussion on how the hell theyre getting away with this.
1 0 8 G Q . C O M . E D Y J U N E 2 0 1 7
G Q : To write for and play someone whos
modeled on yourself, you have to know
which of your semi-despicable qualities are
also charming. How hard is it to make
the worst things about yourself appealing?
RACHEL BLOOM (co-creator of Crazy
Ex-Girlfriend, the bawdy Golden Globe
and Emmy-winning CW musical): Inherent
in the premise of Crazy Ex-Girlfriend is
someone who is depressed and anxious and
un-enlightened, and the character is a mash-
up of me and her. We realized that we could
get away with her doing despicable things
because I fundamentally am an optimistic
person and played it pretty sunny. But the
character is me at my most depressedits
almost a weird dark revenge fantasy that
Ive held back from acting out.
PETE HOLMES (Judd Apatow produces
the HBO series, loosely based on Holmess
divorce and entre into stand-up): My
Crashing character is me when I was 28.
Its very easy as an actor to deny certain
impulses to be mature or thoughtful, but
its also just a nice little vacation.
JAMES DAVIS (the upcoming Comedy
Central series by the former writer for
The Late Late Show with James Corden
alternates eld pieces with stand-up):

Catastrophes Rob Delaney and Insecure
star and co-creator Issa Rae, Most Likely
to Self-Deprecate.
For Hood Adjacent, its a lot about me
accepting the duality of being someone
who grew up in the hood but went to
private school. I wanted to be cool, so
I didnt tap into my feelings on what kind
T H E S E PAG E S : S E E A D D I T I O N A L C R E D I T S .
of black guy I was. But my show is the
one place where me not worrying about
being cool makes me cool.
A N D R E A S A V A G E (the forthcoming
autobiographical series from the
longtime Groundlings performer will
air on truTV): Im Sorry is very, very
autobiographical, so I worked really hard
to have it be as nuanced as real life. So
if theres a weirdo friend, theyre not
just always, like, eating potato chips and
playing video games while ngering a
Issa Rae on HBOs Insecure.
THEIR SHOWS ARE...
MORE PERSONAL.
These shows range from the
autobiographical (Hood Adjacent) to the
inspired by (Insecure). And the creators
dont just think their own lives are
ideal TV fodderthey believe theyre the
only people who can play themselves
properly. But what could be jerk-offingly
narcissistic is just appealingly honest.
Like T. J. Miller getting super real with
Pete Holmes about Holmess divorce
partially based on his real-life divorce
on Crashing: Jesus, that is so sad...the
picture of you loading the belongings
that your cheating wife didnt sell into
your car. Thats so Tennessee Williams.
girlthey also want kids. I have no ego,
but theres a lot of things where Im just
going, Wow, why did I write this for myself?
HOLMES: Its good therapy.
B L O O M : We like to all think that were
unique, but Jewish girls who look like
me come up and are like, Oh, my God,
I also listened to [the musical] Assassins
on repeat when I was 17. Youre like,
Well, I guess I am a type, but you can only
realize that through a certain specicity.
R O B D E L A N E Y (Delaney and Sharon
Horgans Emmy-nominated Amazon show
follows a couple who get married after a
one-night-stand-induced pregnancy): I came
at Catastrophe with a manifesto point of
viewlike, [with mocking sincerity] I want
to sicken the world with these ideasand
then built characters around them. We had
an axe to grind, but then we were like, Oh,
probably we should have people say it rather
than have it just be like a Star Wars opening
scene with all the scrolls of dialogue.
Pete and Lesley and Paul, youre produced
by Judd Apatow, and Tim and Sam, you work
on Detroiters with Jason Sudeikis. Issa,
you created Insecure with Larry Wilmore.
What is it like to have a person who can get
your work out there but has a specic
vision and sensibility that may
require you to compromise yours?
ISSA RAE (her Golden Globe
nominated HBO show follows her
web series The Misadventures
of Awkward Black Girl): Before we
wrote the script, there were three
months of conversations where
we just got to know each other.
One of the rst things that struck
me was how down-to-earth and
how great of a listener Larry was
he was really dedicated to getting
to know me as best as he could
while sharing and opening himself
up to me. And I didnt realize at
the time that that was his version
of getting to know the way that
I thought and the people in
my life, which made me stronger
and rmer in my own vision
moving forward. I had another
experience, where I did try to t
under somebody elses umbrella,
and that just wasnt the right show.
When was that?
R A E : It was the show I did
for Shondaland [Shonda Rhimess
production company]. It was my
rst TV experience. Working with
them was great, but it didnt work
out. Theyd never done comedy
before, and I was just too eager to
please. I just got lost in it. That
was just a huge mistake on my part.
Rob Delaney and Sha
ron Horgan
on Amazons Catastroph
e.
M O R E SE LF -A W A R E.
Depicting bizarr
o versions of
themselves means
these guys need
to be reflective eno
ugh to know which
of their many fla
ws are relatable,
not alienating, and
which of their
many terrible qua
lities are terrib
entertaining, not
just terrible.
ly
Catastrophes Rob
(Rob Delaney) and
Sharon (Sharon Hor
loving way identi
gan) bicker in a
fiable to anybody
in a long-term rel
ationship: In one
scene, he sweetly
tells her, Even
if I wanted to kil
l you, I wouldnt
kill you, or have
you killed.
This seems like a good time to
talk about control.
S H A R O N H O R G A N (in addition to
writing and starring in Catastrophe, she
executive-produces HBOs Divorce):
With Divorce, I wanted to be on set and
in the edit room and watching casting
tapes, to the point where I asked them
to keep the edit open at night and on
the weekends. I lost my marbles. I had to
realize that there are other people to
trust because they are good at their jobs
and give as much of a shit as you do.
It was massive for me, looking around at
all the writers going, Why would you
care as much as me? And everyone did.
DAVIS: Because Hood Adjacent is a new
show, Im in every oceI dont feel
comfortable if I see two people talking and
Im not in the conversation. Hey, what
are yall talking about? I dont care if its
cups. I have an opinion.
SAVAGE: But you have to relinquish
control. You do.
R A E : I do love being collaborative,
because I didnt come in to take on so
many dierent hatsyou are a producer,
youre a writer, youre an entertainer.
I did look forward to relinquishing some
control, especially when I was like, Oh,
wow, someone else is going to take care of
it tomorrow because I have something.
PAUL RUST (Love is a Judd Apatow
produced series about a couple whose
relationship is somewhat based
on Rust and co-creator Lesley Arns):
Because Love is on Netix and theres no
advertisingnot to sound like a real hippie
Commieits really nice to have the
freedom to make a joke about McDonalds,
or Walmart, and not have somebody
tapping you on the shoulder and being like,
You cant make that joketheyre a
sponsor for the show.
BLOOM: Thats my biggest jealousy,
because West Covina, where the show takes
place, has the most chains per capita in
California. Its You can say this about Olive
Garden, but not this about Red Lobster.
Rachel, youre the only person here who has
a show on network TV. What other issues
have you come across?
B L O O M : At rst, when standards and
practices [the networks legal department]
would be like, You cant say that, wed be
like, Ugh, why dont they want the show
to be good? But their job is to interpret the
law so that you wont get ned by the FCC
and have to pay a half-a-million-dollar ne.
We had a song called We Tapped That
Ass, which is a tap-dance song with men
who I fucked haunting my apartment.
We wanted to do a lyric, brilliantly written
by Adam Schlesinger: Its time for the big
nish, but how should we nishhow about
on her chest?the chest being a literal
furniture chest. Patricia from S&P was like,
You cannot say that. So I was like, Okay,
Patty, whats an acceptable way to do this
joke? And shes like, Well, the character
could say, Not on my chestyoull scratch
it, so were saying its denitely furniture.
Netixs Love stars Gillian Jacobs
and co-creator Paul Rust.
MORE RACY.
On these shows, sex is exposed just as
graphically as the characters ugly
underbellies. Love, a show partially based
on the relationship of co-creators Paul
Rust and Lesley Arfin, includes genuinely
hot sex scenes, while Crazy Ex-Girlfriend
features a song called Lets Have
Intercourse, about wanting to, you know,
fuck someone you dont like.
1 1 0 G Q . C O M . E D Y J U N E 2 0 1 7
S A V A G E : I will say, having developed
in the network world and been on
many network shows, that is not the
norm. No one wants it to be bad,
but people are not qualied, and they
give really shitty notes. They hire you
because they like your voice and then do
everything they can to change it. Thats
why most people in this room are not on
network TV. And not because truTV is
paying my bills, but they really were like,
Were gonna let you do your vision.
And they stepped up and put their money
where their mouth is.
HOLMES: How much money?
SAVAGE: Not a terrible amount of money.
Competitive.
HOLMES: That was a complete joke.
SAVAGE: But Pete, to be honest, earlier
you did ask me how much money I make.
HOLMES: Thats true.
HORGAN: But it is sort of the holy grail
to be able to make a funny show that
can broadcast on network TV. I would love
to be able to do that.
Sam and Tim, did you have to ght to
shoot Detroiters in Detroit?
SAM RICHARDSON (Jason Sudeikis
produces Richardsons Comedy Central
series, set in the hometown of the Veep
star and one of his co-creators, Saturday
Night Live vet Tim Robinson): Yes. With
us being from Detroit, our understanding
and vision of what Detroit is was very
important to us. And we knew that it
would be important to people from Detroit.
TIM ROBINSON: Our crews
are all Detroit people, and they
want it to succeed so badly.
RICHARDSON: Thats the spirit
of Detroit, baby.
All of your shows, or at least
characteristics of your characters,
are semi-autobiographical. Do
you worry about people reading
into your life through your work?
LESLEY ARFIN (On Love,
Arns ctional alter ego
is played by Gillian Jacobs):
On our show, were really
interested in telling stories that
people can identify with, so
if people are like, Oh, does this
reveal something about Lesley
and Pauls sex life?, one, I doubt
that people are saying that, and
two, I dont care. If anything,
we struggle with being so close
and working together.
RUST: Lawrence Kasdan was
talking about working with
his wife, and he was like, At
the end of the day, the thing
youre working on, its silliness
Creator Andrea Savage
and co-star
Jason Mantzoukas on truT
Vs Im Sorry.
MORE WATCHABLE.
Almost all of the
se comedies are
in the perfect pla
cepast first-
season stiffness
but prehomework-
like backlog of epi
sodes. The
longest-running
show
is Catastrophe, whi in the group
ch, at three
seasons, is just
nine hours of
TV. Point is: You
could catch up on
all eight series
in way (way)
less time than it
would take to
re-watch Mad Men
.
youre making stu up. The tough stu is,
like, you raise a kid who has special needs.
H O R G A N : The only time it gets in the way
is when my [real-life] husband tries to take
ownership of lines. We had this thing where
Rob goes, Youre a genuinely good mother,
considering what a shit wife you are. Its a
fascinating collision of skills. And my
husband was like, I cant believe you used
that. I totally told you you were a shit wife!
I do get asked what its like putting so much
sort of private life on-screen. Stu does
go in thats from Robs or my life, but [the
claim that our work is autobiographical]
pisses me o. The whole Its funny because
its true is bullshit. Its funny because you
spent fucking hours on it.
HOLMES: Its kind of like writing a myth.
A real divorce is a lot of drawing blinds
and eating ice cream and waiting for it to
get better emotionally, but Judd is a real
master at going, Talk about what it felt
like. Its like having a yard sale of your
whole life and personal stu is splayed out
for everyone to see. And hed say, Well,
you should have a yard sale [on the show].
DAVIS: My show is kind of half-reality.
I had to ght to do a whole episode
about gangs. As somebody who grew up
near South Central, I know that all gang
members arent evil people, but its easy
to draw stereotypes or judge people when
you arent educated on their experience.
Theres a certain vision of that world thats
very limited, and so I had to make sure
that I had real gang members on the show.
I talked to a female gang member who
actually got arrested during the eld piece.
Most of the people here have been compared
to Lena Dunham. What labels have you
guys gotten and how do you avoid getting
weighed down by peoples expectations?
B L O O M : My writing partner, Aline
Brosh McKenna, said, People are going
to call the show anti-feminist because
the character does bad things. The
last bastion of feminism is for women
to be assholes. No one looks at Walter
White or Don Draper and says, Well,
thats anti-man. Are you trying to say all
white men cook meth? There are all
these articles where its like, Move over,
Tina Feyheres Amy Schumer. You
wouldnt see an article about Petes
show that says, Move over, Louis C.K.
morality and goodness. Its not Misery
Im not kidnapping people and breaking
their feet as Jesus told me to.
Is it easier to write for yourself, rather than
have someone else point out your aws?
RUST: You feel less gross if youre
examining yourself and being critical of
yourself, as opposed to like, Im really
gonna take this ex down a couple notches.
HORGAN: Is your character a bigger
asshole than you are in real life?
RUST: No, Im probably a bigger asshole.
HORGAN: I feel like most of the characters
I write are worse than me. THE GQ COMEDY SURVEY
PHOEBE
DELANEY: Sharon, do you remember
the time when I happened to be writing

WALLER-
one particular monologue and then
What do you think about that, Pete? I left a blank for you? Like, All right, now

H O L M E S : Im a straight, white male, so
Im going for labels. When people say,
Crashing is the show about the religious
guy, I go, Oh, phew, they have some
point of reference. Its not quite the same
as women or gang members, but to show
a religious character whos not insane was
important to me. Hes just using the
worldview that he inherited to understand
CW series
Rachel Bloom on the
Crazy Ex- Girlfriend .
BRIDGE
put something in here that you really
hate about your body. I would never suggest
anything, but you put it in.
H O R G A N : Sunken eyes like Gollum. Its Creator and star of
nice to leave a blank space and get your Crashing (streaming on
partner to write the worst possible thing. Netflix) and Amazons
HOLMES: I think it was Marc Maron [by Fleabag; actor in the
way of Harry Shearer] who said, Everybody upcoming Han Solo spin-off
gets into comedy to control, not to stop Whos your comedy god?
people from laughing at you but to control Jennifer Saunders, because
how and why theyre laughing at you. So she could sit silently in
when you make fun of yourself, it suddenly a pitch-dark room and still
somehow be hilarious.
becomes okay and cathartic and it feels
good that they laugh at you. I mean, its Whats the best joke youve
Eminem in 8 Mile. ever heard?
A man stands over his toilet in a
hotel room. Hes just done a poo,
How much do you improvise? but no matter how many times he
R A E : This season on Insecure, we were tries, it wont flush. His guest
very close to the pageit was like, Shut will be arriving soon, and hes
up! You cant improvise, because we starting to panic. He calls for
maintenance. A hotel maid turns
dont have time right now. But when we up, but our guy doesnt speak
choreograph some of our ght scenes to the local language and cant
play out, we love to make that more natural explain whats wrong. After
with dramatic improvisation. a few minutes of uninterpretable
miming, he reluctantly asks

M O R E SP EC IF IC .
H O R G A N : Rob and I sit in a room and her to go into the bathroom. Once
improvise when were writing Catastrophe, in there, he points into the
ing in but if anyone else tries to improvise we just toilet bowl and indicates that
Theres more TV air get really angry because we spent a long she watch. She peers in, sees
ever. But the
more places than the poo, and grimaces slightly
not seeing time writing. The only person weve ever let
one thing youre with confusion. He pulls the cord
sion is broad
more of on televi do it is Carrie Fisher, because you just and they both watch as the toilet
eseven Big
new network comedi couldnt stop her. In season two, she sang flushes it smoothly away.
ator Chuck
Bang Theory co-cre an improvised song about her areolas.
Netflix
Lorre is headed to
t. The hyper- RICHARDSON: On Detroiters, even when
for his next projec
hilarious,
specific, weird, its not for that scene, getting to improvise
ws made
sexy, personal sho and talk as that character helps you nd
participants
by our roundtable that person and think like that character. HOLMES: In the scene where Artie Lange
rs that
are filling the hou
ed by a few huge HOLMES: It is a good technique to be a is talking to me and eating pizza, not
used to be occupi
the airtime
sitcomsplus all better actor, cause if youre not saying a word was scripted. Judd did direct that
didnt even
on platforms that it as written, you just sound more natural. one, and he just said, Artie, tell Pete what
. The upshot
exist ten years ago creators, Ninety percent was improvised. you would tell a new comedian starting
of
is that this group
cialized ARFIN: Not on Love. out. The benet of being the auteur is that
each reaching a spe
ience with
and discerning aud BLOOM: Thats interesting, because you youre like, I know this character. I know
ctive
their unique perspe tively guys are both produced by Judd Apatow this story. It was so liberating for me
lec
and voice, are col [who is famous for improvising]. that the script supervisor couldnt come
t, best
becoming the bigges
comedic force on
TV. ARFIN: Well, it depends on whos up and say, Youre saying it wrong.
directing and who is in the scenePauls
a really strong improviser. anna peele is gqs culture editor.
MONDAY
Checking in
with Mother
 One
NaTiON
UN DE R

Everyb ody thi nks the vice president is

just
a stooge, a mirt hless yes-man whose entire job
ar dly by wh ile
enta ils st an di ng awkw
ers.
the boss sig ns executive ord
fr om th e tr ut h!
Noth in g could be fu rt her
nd an d
TUESDAY al lo we d us to follow hi m ar ou
Wh ic h is wh y he
Intelligence
ly does ever y da y
briefing docu me nt wh at he real

J U N E 2 0 1 7 G Q . C O M . E D Y 1 1 3
 WEDNESDAY
Prepping for
NRA speech

OPENING PAGES
FROM LEFT
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1 1 4 G Q . C O M . E D Y J U N E 2 0 1 7
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FRIDAY
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 it when you purchase the
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PENCE the effect. I think it
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Times Square, holding And where better to
a sign (Mike Hot Pence conjure that universe
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a suit jacket, tie, Hot Pence patrols the
and blue short shorts Designated Activity
the ones he wore to Zones (where the Elmos
gym class in the 80s. roam) most weekends.
After the election, He hops around in the
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Rather, he wanted to donations to Planned
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J U N E 2 0 1 7 G Q . C O M . E D Y 1 1 7
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White House
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he s e
About T s
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1 1 8 G Q . C O M . E D Y J U N E 2 0 1 7
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Peter Yang

p.
 knows everyone. Hes more connected than
a Verizon cell tower. And people like him as
much as his shows, it seems, drawn to him
not because hes an old man but because hes
such a young old man. On the one hand, he
once watched Charlie Chaplin perform; on
the other, hes the godfather of Trey Parkers
kid. He connects all the TV-comedy dots,
ancient to modern, and he happens to be
the architect of the sitcom as we know it.
Louie, Girls, Black-ish: They are all, in one
way or another, spawns of his work.
So an old manwho is so old he was
born before the television itself was even
inventedwalks into a studio with an old
idea, rebooted to star a Cuban-American
family, and does it yet again. Suddenly, hes

T U R T L E N E C K : S A K S F I F T H AV E N U E . H AT : H I S O W N . B O T T O M , F R O M L E F T : A M Y G R AV E S / W I R E I M A G E / G E T T Y I M A G E S ; C O U R T E S Y E V E R E T T C O L L E C T I O N ( E D D I E M U R P H Y ) .
got a legit, goddamn 2017 sitcom hit on his
hands. It makes him smile that bemused
smile. It makes him get up in the morning to
do yoga. Hes got a whole boxful of un-aired
ideas and scripts in his oce. He says he
feels as if hes just getting started.

T O P, S E T D E S I G N : F A E T H G R U P P E . S T Y L I S T : VA N E S S A S H O K R I A N A T C E L E S T I N E A G E N C Y. G R O O M I N G : H E E S O O K W O N U S I N G M A L I N + G O E T Z .
WHEN YOURE AS OLD as Norman Lear,
you go to a lot of funeralseven in Plastic
Town, U.S.A., where people often embalm
themselves prior to death. On a spotless L.A.
So, an old man walks into a TV studio... How old? spring day, hes just back from one, of a dear
friend, and ever the producer, he doesnt love
Hes so old hes been bald since the 1950s. Hes so the way it played. In fact, its left him a little
old his eldest daughter is 70. This isnt a joke, exactly. stunned, the part where they stuck the con
in a slot at the mausoleum.
But the old man does wear a funny hat. Because I saw a con put in a wall, he says. Id
years ago, when he was writing sitcoms, hed pick at his never seen that before. God, I thought it
was much less pretty than scattering ashes
bald pate out of nervousness. And he does have this over some beloved terrain. I would prefer
perpetually bemused smile on his face, like hes about the prettier ending. That we dont know
to laugh at a joke or crack one. But, anywayold how the game of life ends drives us fuck-
ing crazy, he says. But this is part of the
man walks in with an idea for a TV show, an idea so old foolishness of the human condition, as he
it was hatched before Nixons resignation, thats how sees it, the built-in absurdity of life that he
learned at the tender age of 9 (more on that
old it is. About a divorced mother raising her two kids. later) and that hes reected and exploited
Look, this is the mid-10s. Were all about to die in nuclear Armageddon with again and again in his 67-year career, show-
North Korea, so maybe someone at the studio takes the meeting because the ing us our worst foibles while making us
old man has been big in the business. Were all gonna die, so why not make a spit-up laugh at ourselves.
little television in the meantime? But has the old man not seen Gilmore Girls I cant imagine oating up to heaven, he
or Reba, has he not seen Jane the Virgin or The New Normal? Seems as if the says. The only thing I can imagine is sleep.
single-mother things been done before. But to me theres some, you know, excitement
But hes seen them all. And he knows exactly how his show, One Day at a Time, about sleeping like that, and what the fuck
ts in, its essential place in the universe. Because this old man, no matter that hes follows. He pauses, and does a double wink
94, not only knows funny, he knows better than almost anyone else the hows and with his eyes. This is a guy whos ridden the
whats and whys of good comedy on television. Because he was there at the begin- rides: drank with the Rat Pack, hobnobbed
ning, and because it just so happens he made the rst show ever about a divorced with presidents, seen the world, had three
mom raising kids. When he walks out of that meeting at the TV studiobecause marriages (his second ending in one of the
he does yoga every day, he can walkhes got 13 episodes of this new show, which biggest divorce settlements at the time, 1986,
eventually gets re-upped for another 13 because people like it. They really like it. about $220 million in todays dollars) and six
After having begun his career writing monologues and skits for comics includ- kids. Heres a guy who made hundreds of mil-
ing Jerry Lewis and Dean Martin, after running the table in the 70s with hit lions of dollars, then lost many millionsand
sitcoms like All in the Family, The Jeersons, and the original One Day at a remade them again, calling home a beautiful
Timewhich, as it turns out, became the template for all those other shows Brentwood estate that he recently listed for
about single mothers raising kids that followedthis old man isnt just badass, $40 million. And all those television shows
hes regarded as something of a national treasure. Hes been around so long, he he created and developedfrom Sanford

1 2 2 G Q . C O M . E D Y J U N E 2 0 1 7
 Those two, he says, theyre year-adders.
Theyre blessings. Its delicious to listen to
people like that. But its not like every night
has to be improv, or stand-up. Doing nothing
is something, you know? he says. What were
you doing? Nothing. Thats something. I was
laughing. In the middle of talking, Lear rubs
his eye. Im sorry Ive got an itchy eyelid, he
says. Tomorrow I drop dead, and you say, He
said he had an itchy eyelid, I didnt think it
meant anything. God has a sense of humor.
Whats fascinating about Lear is how
uidly he moves in time, how young and old
he seems, both at once. Someone once said
about him that hes always the exact age of
the person hes speaking with, whether its
one of his grandkids or, say, an even older
codger, like buddy Carl Reiner (95). He can
describe stealing to a matinee in an empty
theater just the other day, to watch Jordan
Peeles Get Out, about a black man trapped
in a white nightmare, which knocked him
out. (In fact, as we talk, Lear receives a call-
back from Peeles agent. I have to see and
hug and thank and ask questions of Jordan
Peele, Lear says into the phone.) And then,
he can recount the time, back in the day,
when he walked in on Jerry Lewis sporting
a boner, slowly moving a lit match toward
a candle that was somehow axed to his
Johnson, singing Happy Birthday to it,
which demonstrates how far some guys will
go for a laugh and how weird they can be
about their penises. He can tell you about
ying over Europe in the glass nose of a plane
after World War II, and compare it to the high
he felt the rst time he did Ecstasy, in the
Seychelles at 65 with his third wife. I remem-
ber thinking I would want to do more re Ecstasy
Ecst
if I didnt know that (continued
nued oon page 142)2

and Son to Good Times, from the avant-garde

Mary Hartman, Mary Hartman to one of the
rst parody talk shows, Fernwood 2 Night:
At one time, in any given week in America,
120 million people were tuning in to watch.
Even President Nixon, who was overheard on
tape kvetching to Haldeman and Ehrlichman THE GQ COMEDY SURVEY
about how All in the Family was glorifying
homosexuality, a particular badge of honor
for Lear. Later, fed up with our government,
ALI WONG
Star of Netflix stand-up speci
cial
he started his own political-action group,
Baby Cobra and ABC sitcom Am
American
People for the American Way, which still
Housewife; writer for Fresh Off
O the Boat
exists today, working closely with Senator
Elizabeth Warren. It all sounds good in a Whos your comedy still holds as one
ne I id
identify, because
paragraph, but as he says, being a human god? of the funniest and
nd I always go crazy
being is hard work. For me, laughing has Eddie Murphy. more original when Nate Dogg sings
been what adds the years. Delirious is the romantic comedies on Aint No Fun.
first comedy of all time. While the message
Adding years: Thats one of Norman Lears special that made is terrible,
highest compliments. For instance, last eve- me fall in love Whats the best joke I really cant help
ning at an event partly honoring his old with stand-up. That youve ever heard? but dance and
buddy Mel Brooks (90), he stood in the wings, red leather outfit, Chris Rocks bit sing along to it.
his performance... about how women love
laughing like hell at Sarah Silverman as she everything about dancing to rap,
did her bit. He laughed at Dave Chappelle it is so iconic. And despite the lyrics comedian?
when he did the same. Coming to America being so demeaning. Aparna Nancherla.
 photo of Goldie and daughter Kate Hudson
in a laughing embrace. There are more than
a few exotic-animal rugs on the hardwood
oor, too. This one is so great, she says,
stretching her feet into the depths of the very
large, very shaggy white-haired rug of mys-
terious animal origins (direwolf ?) beneath
us. But theres the dog situation, you know?
I dont want the dogs to go, Oh, a rugoh,
an animaloh, it smells good. Here Goldie
wiggles her ngers in the air, I believe to com-
municate the image of a dog urinating.
This would be so nice for when your feet
get cold. I say.
My feet dont get cold, she says. But
She looks up, trying to remember. When was
it? My hands got cold recently. When did my
hands get cold? Im trying to think.... Oh, it
was in Vancouver the day before yesterday!
She slaps her thigh and laughs.
You know the laugh, right? Its sweet like
a giggle, but with the throatiness of a cackle.
Her whole mouth opens wide and her
body falls forward. Its the laugh that basi-
cally made her career as a 23-year-old on
Rowan & Martins Laugh-In, when she won
Why did it take one of Americas greatest hearts not through comic genius, exactly,
kooks, Goldie Hawn, she of Laugh-In and

S E T D E S I G N : F A E T H G R U P P E . S T Y L I S T : V A N E S S A S H O K R I A N A T C E L E S T I N E A G E N C Y. H A I R : R I A W N A C A P R I F O R K R A S T A S E A U R A B O T A N I C A .
but from routinely breaking character and
erupting into ts of giggles; she was appar-
Private Benjamin mega-fame, 15 years to stage ently born part rainbow.
a comeback? She was loving life (and Kurt A partial list of what currently makes Goldie
Russell). And she hadnt met Amy Schumer yet Hawn happy: meditation at dusk, riding

by Lauren Bans
bikes, having a joyous connection with the
molecules in the air, just being, making love
to Kurt Russell, looking at plants, and mak-
ing movies. Even though she hasnt done the
last one in a little whileokay, 15 years. If I

M A K E U P : J O S T R E T T E L L A T T R A C E Y M A T T I N G LY. D R E S S : S A D O T N A . L E O T A R D : A M E R I C A N A P P A R E L .
had gotten something thats just a bang-up
character and a great role, it doesnt matter
how big it is, she says, but none really came.
Not until she was cold-pitched by a young
admirer at baggage claim at LAX.
She came up and said, Im Amy Schumer
and, you know, Im a big fan. I just wanted
T W O T H I N G S C AT C H my eye in Goldie Hawns bathroom. The rst is a bronze to say Ive written a movie and Id love you
lamp in the shape of a cat wearing a bow tie. Its perched in the corner of the wash to be in it. Snatched begins with Schumer
basin. The second is a baroque painting depicting a child angel sensually smooching and Hawn bickering over sunscreen and ends
a naked teenage boy, which hangs on the wall by the toilet. The rest of the bathroom with them traipsing through an Ecuadorian
is standardly rich-lookingmarble and gold and warmly lit, with a couple Goldie jungle and accidentally killing a bunch of
Hawny accents to remind you that Americas favorite kook, the lady who stood on South American teenagers. It feels like the
a chair in a white pantsuit belting out You Dont Own Me in The First Wives Club kind of movie they stopped making when
and pranced around an apartment in nothing but her scanty undies for much of Goldie Hawn stopped starring in movies.
Butteries Are Free, pees in this place. All her biggest hitsOverboard, Private
Im well acquainted with Goldie Hawns bathroom because the rst question I Benjamin, Protocolseem to follow the equa-
have to ask the 71-year-old icon is Can I use your bathroom? This is partly my tion: Goldie Hawn + Crazy Situation = Pure
fault: I drank too much seltzer on the drive over. Its also partly Goldies fault. She Delight. Which is probably why Schumer
was lming a promo for Snatcheda mother-daughter comedy in which Hawn and was hell-bent on getting Hawn to play her
Amy Schumer get kidnapped on a trip to Ecuadorand shes an hour late to our mother. But at baggage claim, Goldie had no
get-together. When Goldies car nally pulls up, everything springs into action, idea who this person was. So I said: Well,
like a director just yelled Cut! Assistants scatter out of a black SUV and jog into okay, sweetie. Lets see.
the house; men lift barstools out of a truck. Turns out Goldie and longtime love
Kurt Russell only just moved into this place. Place might be missing a letterits lauren bans is a writer in Los Angeles.

Peter Yang
a palace, plucked from Tuscany, pumped with steroids, and plopped onto a grassy
plot in Pacic Palisades. Goldies decorating the whole thing herself.
Its still coming together, she says apologetically, lamenting the lack of curtains.
But there are some things set up: books on the shelves, a decorative Buddha, a framed

1 2 4 G Q . C O M . E D Y J U N E 2 0 1 7
 ME
DY
CO
17
 You did! Im watching a lot of Jerry
Thats my favorite part. Lewis now, cause I just did an
episode of Comedians in
What is your favorite thing in Cars Getting Coee with him.
the world?
You know how youre always Is there a living comedian who
Hes still performing stand-up and now propping up your phone on you want to get on the show who
earns a paycheck Getting Coffee in Cars little things? I got this thing at you havent been able to yet?
with his funny friends. We asked the legend the Apple Store thats like a Theres nobody that I really
our burning questions about all matters tiny artists easel, but your phone want. But having Jerry
Seinfeldian and Seinfeld-ian. C A I T Y W E A V E R ts on it. So if youre eating a Lewis on the show was an
sandwich and you want to watch unbelievable thrill for
a video on your phone me. We went out in Las Vegas,
GQ: Do you ever regret calling I dont think this is working, and Jerry always, when he
the show Seinfeld? shed go, Lets just cut to What are you watching has breakfast, orders 24 pieces
JERRY SEINFELD: No. We couldnt stand-up, then. on your phone on your tiny of bacon. And he eats them all.
think of another title, and artists easel?
we gured thats what people Whats your favorite part of I watch comedians I really love. What is your worst quality that is
are gonna call it anyway. The the Seinfeld theme song? I think YouTube is the greatest also the most entertaining?
show is always the name of Didnt we have some pops in source of preservation of great Crankiness. Irritability. As long
the guyits not The Tonight there? Like, lip-pop sounds? stand-up thats ever existed. as you can make it funny, thats
Show, its Fallon. You know:
I did a Conan; I did a Fallon.

If someone was only going to

watch one episode of Seinfeld,
which one should it be?
The thing that is most similar
to comedy is food, in that
everybodys taste is totally
personal. You go to any
restaurant: I think it was
great. I thought it was
mediocre. I thought it was too
salty. And its the same thing
with comedy. So you cant really
recommend comedy, in the way
that you cant recommend food.

Okay. If you were going

to re-watch an episode,
which would it be?
I really like The Pothole,
because Newman bursts into
ames at the end and screams,
Oh, the humanity! But I also
love The Marine Biologist and
The Yada Yada.

Who was your funniest

guest star?
Of course Bryan Cranston as the
lascivious dentist. Larry Thomas
as the Soup Nazi. We had the
best guest stars. Newman
was recurring, and to have him
on the show was always our
favorite. Larry David and I loved
writing Newman more than
any of the other guest stars.

Whats the most cutting

thing Julia Louis-Dreyfus
ever said to you?
If we were trying to work out
a bit in a scene and Id say,
 my favorite quality. I love
people who are annoyed
by everything.
Whos the funniest child
right now?
Of mine?
Of any child on earth.
I dont know that many
children, but my kids are pretty
funny. And Ive worked
them pretty hard comedically.
If they do something thats
supposed to be funny and it
isnt funny, I am not shy
about pointing out what was
wrong with that bit. When
they leave my house, theyre
gonna know whats funny.
What are you correcting
them on?
Timing. And voices and facial
expressions that are funny.
Are you still writing every
single day?
Oh yeah. I love to do it. Its
a relaxing experience for me
to just sit and think about
whats funny about [the world]
that we live in. Like, people say,
I live in the city, but they say,
I live on Long Island. And they
get on a train but not in a train.
But you get in a cab. Im doing
a whole thing about getting out
of a cab and all these dierent
prepositions that we use for
transportation. You get on the
plane, you take an Uber
On average, how much
time elapses from the seed of
an idea to a nal joke?
It could be ten seconds or seven
years. Somewhere in between.
Is there a joke youve been
working on for years
that you havent been able
to make work yet?
Yeah, I have this bit about
how the tuxedo is the sleaziest
outt a man could wear, and
it took me seven years to make
T H E S E PAG E S : PA R I D U KOV I C ( 2 )
it work. Its not even that
good, but I did nally get it to
work. I love wasting my time.
What is the best color car?
Black. Black says, I think
that this car is so perfect,
I dont even want to add
any color to it.
Fourteen years after SNL, four years after 30 Rock,
and three years after the accident that nearly
killed him, hes still here, wiser than ever. Z A C H B A R O N
GQ: This is unfair, but Im hoping you can
make me feel better about the fact that it seems
like were all about to die in a nuclear war.
TRACY MORGAN: You feel like were about to
die? Let me straighten you out, man. The
governments aint running this shit. God is
still running it, man. This world aint going
to be over until theres no more love left. You
got love, I got love, so we aint going nowhere.
Do you think comedians have a special role
to play in dark times?
Yeah! Why do you think were here? We here
to make yall laugh and forget about the pain.
Whats your stance on political jokes?
I dont do political jokes. Im not into politics,
man. I never voted one day in my life.
Where do you get your news from?
From the streets! From the people. I hear
the jungle drums. Im listening. Politicians
always make promises to the people that
they dont keep. You come see Tracy
Morgan in concert, youre going to laugh,
I promise you. Because I will tell the truth.
How long does it take you to write a joke?
A second. Its all observation, man.
Do you still enjoy the work?
More than ever, I enjoy my personality.
Thats what makes you a star. You can be
the funniest motherfucker in the world
but be a nerd. You a nerd funny person,
you get onstage, and you cant hold a
conversation with nobody, because you
aint got no personality. Personality is
what makes you a star. You can be funny
all your life and not be a star.
Do you still watch Saturday Night Live?
No, Im too busy working. On Saturday
nights Im out working.
Will you ever watch old episodes of 30 Rock?
If I come across it. It just makes me
reminisce. It was a nice chapter.
Whats your next project?
Im doing an hour-long special on Netix.
I will take you on the journey of what
my life has been like for the past three years.
Hear it from the horses mouth.
Are there lessons from the past three years
that you could pass along to the rest of us?
When your room is ready, your room is
ready. You know why I survived? Because
Im a tough motherfucker. Tough times
dont last. Tough people do. Thats why me
and you still here.
I dont know if Im all that tough, to be
honest with you.
You are, man. You still here, so you tough.
You a survivor, too, baby.
I know you have a thing for both sharks
and octopuses. Why?
I love marine life. Theyre very majestic
animals, and I just love watching them.
Most people in the world dont even
know those animals exist, and I have
them in my home. How cool is that?
What do they eat?
Lobster. Shrimp. Squid.
You have sharks that are eating lobster
every day?
Every day.
So who eats better: you or them?
Me, of course. But my octopus is 85 pounds,
man. Pretty big.
J U N E G Q . C O M . E D Y 1 2 7
Peter Yang
 Mike
Judge
Hard to believe, but one man created Beavis and Butt-head,
Office Space, King of the Hill, and Silicon Valley. Judge
bestows the lessons of his superhuman output.ROSS M CAMMON C

Get Inspired by Your Class Rage Gavin Belson (Chief

In the 80s and 90s, movie heroes were rich assholes. Richard Gere in Pretty Innovation Ocer
Woman, Harrison Ford in Working Girl. Theres the movie SpaceCamp, of Silicon Valleys
where Tate Donovan, who youre supposed to think is cool, pulls up in his Google-esque Hooli),
his security chief,
Jeep with his sunglasses on and looks down at Kate Capshaws chest and and his personal guru.
goes, Great boosters. The guy to root for was a rich guy in a suit and tie,
and I just found myself getting angry watching those movies. Im old now,
and thats still my reaction.
Ive always bristled at institutions that start behaving like cults and sucking
people in. When I feel like nobodys noticing that, its my job to point it out.

And Drink from the Fountain of Self-Doubt Joanna, people can

I think Ive had more than enough healthy self-doubt. I showed my rst get a cheeseburger
anywhere. They come
animated shorts of Beavis and Butt-head to two or three people that I knew. to Chotchkies for
When they liked them, mailing them to strangers wasnt that hard for me, the atmosphere and
In 1992, Judge because I didnt have any kind of reputation at allno one knew who I was. the attitude.
mailed a VHS tape of Stan, the restaurant
Frog Baseball: A Mike I thought, Well, I dont know any of these people, so if they think all this stu
manager played by
Judge Film, the rst sucks, Ill never hear from em, and that would be ne. Judge in Oce Space
Beavis and Butt-head
short, to MTV. Rap Is the Universal Language of Condence
I got into Run-DMC my last year of college, and then N.W.A came along, and
I just loved it. There were these guys just wearing baseball caps and playing
straight angry music with amazing beats and a 70s-funk sound. Hip-hop
was used really well in movies like Boyz N the Hood, but I hadnt seen it used
in a way that was purely for the feeling of it, and not for what the lyrics are
Die, motherfucker! about. Of course, the studio hated it and I had to ght and ght for it to be in
Die, motherfucker! Ofce Space, but I was nally able to get it in. In Silicon Valley, it gives the
guys swagger. Hip-hop does that.
G R O O M I N G : H E E S O O KWO N F O R M A L I N + G O E TZ . T H I S PAG E : S E E A D D I T I O N A L C R E D I T S .

Men Need Other Men (to Help Them Solve Their Problems)
Theres something comforting about problem solving. Every weekend [when I
was a kid], my dad would be in the garage taking apart the lawn-mower engine,
Silicon Valleys or we would work on cars. Its still like that for me. Well, I cant do anything
O P P O S I T E PAG E , S E T D E S I G N : FA E T H G R U P P E . S T Y L I S T: M I C H A E L N A S H .

characters earnestly about all this other stu in my life, but I can solve this problem.
develop an algorithm Hank and Bobby Hill,
for jerking o an You Cant Fully Understand Someone Until You Can Do an solving a problem.
audience of 800 guys
in ten minutes. Impression of Them
I discovered in my junior year of high school that I could do impressions. People
at my school would say, Hey, do Mr. Fitzgerald again. Do Mr. Contreras. And
I would actually get little crowds listening to me do it. Im talking, six people.
One of my new favorite accents to do is the one that my daughters teach-
ers haveand a lot of women in central Texas havewhere they do really Peggy Hill, a true
weird stu with their vowels. Theyll say, Mike, yore wife tells me yallre in Arlen, Texas, woman.
Mike Judge,
Albuquerques the mayvie business. Well, that sounds like fehn. I havent even seen Titaynic
St. Pius X High School yet. Mayvie? Titaynic? What?
class of 1980.
Inspiration Is Everywhere
Im still keeping an eye out for inspiration. [A lot of the male dynamic in my
work] is based on me and my brother. Wed just go at each other all the time, In Judges 2009 lm
like a chess match of annoying each other that just went on and on for years. Extract, a perpetually
And I just kind of naturally eavesdrop. I had a musician friend who was work- aggrieved co-worker
says, Im just gonna sit
Dinesh and Gilfoyle,
ing in a warehouse and described a woman who was wearing a Tweety Bird herea direct quote
playing insult chess T-shirt. She just sat on her stool with a clipboard looking down at everybody from the woman in the
on Silicon Valley. and said, Im just gonna sit here. Tweety Bird shirt.

J U N E 2 0 1 7 G Q . C O M . E D Y 1 2 9
MelBrooks
In American celebrity, as in divorce, a
beard is rarely just a beard. And that
extraordinary profusion thats bloomed
like Spanish moss since Letterman left
late-night is a symbol of a post-career
Dave whos deceptively tuned in. B R E T T M A RTIN

At 90, hes the only person in this GQ: Did you expect the beard
issue who can reminisce about to become a thing?
Carl Reiner, Alfred Hitchcock, and DAVID LETTERMAN: I think
Barack Obama. (Actually, 94-year- theres a bundle of emotional
old Norman Lears on page 120. So manifestations with the
maybe one of two.) A N N A P E E L E beard that I have not yet been
able to fully examine. Its almost
a signal that I dont do what
GQ: You started out as a stand-up in the 40s. I used to do. Dont even ask me
Whats the toughest crowd youve ever played for? to do what I used to do. I got so
MEL BROOKS: Twelve hundred people at a Catskills sick and tired of seeing myself
hotel. For the last eight minutes or so, I had them with a coat and tie: Mr. Jackass
laughing. But it took an hour. Flop sweat. I ruined on TV. I dont know, I may have
a perfectly good $80 suit. some developmental issues.
Do you feel like the Whats funny today?
2,000-Year-Old Man, telling The Oh, Hello boysNick Kroll
me about things that and John Mulaneythey, to
happened 70 years ago? me, are the funniest thing Ive
Absolutely! Ive lived through seen in years. Amy Schumer.
two warsthree, actuallyso I dont want to say shes like
Theres been a shift from telling
jokes to telling stories, right?
When I started in comedy,
all my buddies were writing
jokes, and you lived and
died by the jokes. But if youre
telling stories, you have a
better chance of survival because
of the personal connection.
Youre exposing yourself.
I can remember Louis C.K.
sayingand everybody felt this
waythat the best at doing
that was Bill Cosby. He would
come out and spend 90 minutes
just telling you stories.
How are we supposed to think
of that material now?
Jeez, I dont know. Ive known
Bill Cosby since before I had

Ive been around. I dont Richard Pryor, because that
mind being the old professor, doesnt make any sense, but
giving you info. I think shes a real breakthrough.
A lot of your time these days Why did Pryor come to mind?
is spent being lauded. Do you Well, I remember being at
ever get sick of being honored? The Comedy Store when he
Well, it comes and goes. [He lists 12 major awards hes would come in to work on
received.eds.] Im a bona de EGOT. There must be new material. His frank candor
12 or 15 of us. But you gotta ask the others, do they have regarding his sexual activity
the National Medal of Arts? I got it from Obama. was, to me at least, pretty
pioneering. You didnt see that
Is he funny? stu on The Tonight Show.
Hes quick! Hes a good ad-libber. I kind of see Amy Schumer as
having done the same thing for
Whos the funniest head of state? women. Both of them seem to
Putin is, but he doesnt know it. Shame on you! Put your be the ones who were just, Im
shirt onyoure not Schwarzenegger. condent in this. This is who
I am. And I can make it funny.
What other directors did you look up to?
Hitchcock was a remarkable guy. I sent him an outline Don Rickles died recently.
of High Anxiety and said, This is a pastiche of all Do you see his inuence today?
your lms. Mr. Hitchcock, if you dont want me to do There really was nobody after
it, I wont do it. He says, No, no, no. I saw Blazing him who was like him. He
Saddles. Youre a genius. ended up, in the truest sense
of the word, being unique.
Whats the funniest thing Carl Reiners ever said? If you look at the old Tonight
Hes 95. And his neck is bent a little, so he looks down Show, that is ocially all gone.
all the time. Im always curious about his movies, and That kind of show business:
I ask him questions like Your early movie The Russians working the lounge in Las Vegas,
Are Coming The Russians Are Comingwho was in the making fun of Frank Its all
cast besides Alan Arkin? But he said to me the other gone. The people were left
night, Dont ask me all these goddamn questions! Ask with I think are pretty good,
me about oors! Because hes always looking down. but I dont automatically see
Ask me about oors! Thats hysterical. I love him. an evolutionary connection.
T H I S PA G E : N I C O L A S G U E R I N / C O N TO U R B Y G E T T Y I M A G E S . O P P O S I T E PA G E : E R I K TA N N E R / C O N TO U R B Y G E T T Y I M A G E S .
my own show. Hes a part of
American culture. And yet
I hesitated before telling that
story about Louis C.K. So theres
a taint there. If hes guilty of
everything hes accused of, thats
a ruined, broken individual.
Donald Trump was a frequent
guest on your show. Have
you had reason to regret that?
No, no reason to regret it.
Im disappointed that this
man is representing me and
my country. It makes me sick.
But we always looked forward
to having him on. He was a
great guest. He was just a big,
wealthy dope whod come on
and we would make fun of his
hair. I would refer to him as a
slumlord. But now, this goon...
I dont know. Hes demonstrated
himself to be a man without
a core, a man without a soul.
Is there a guy in there?
Do you have a theory about
what might have changed?
I dont know. Thats why
I would love to have 90 minutes
with him in a TV studio, just
to talk to the guy. I would
just like to say, All right, Don:
What the fuck happened?

1 3 0 G Q . C O M . E D Y J U N E 2 0 1 7
 by Amy Wa
Hes b ee n a
i n cla ssic
reg ula r on
co me dies, a
t h e st a n d-u
p circ uit,
llace
i m p e r is h a b n d t h e g u y wh o a sce n e-ste
le d a y t i m e sh oute d Su a le r
Louis C.K. a g a me show F r vey sa y s!
n d Zac h G a l a mily Feu d. on t h e
i f i a n a k is c But it w a sn
o n B a sk e t s a me callin g t u n t il
t h at Lou ie for a su r pr
A n dersons i si n g new role
bi g m o m e n t
f i n a ll y a r r
ive d

A nderson
Peter Yang

J U N E 2 0 1 7
E D Y
1 3 2 G Q . C O M .
 ME
DY
CO
17
 Many of his most quotable ris focus
on his weight, the soothing qualities of a
big slice of Cheddar, or the way a hunk of
deep-dish pizza he ate years ago somehow
remains lodged in his colon, like a tennis
shoe in a dryer. Thunk. Thunk. Thunk. He
gets big laughs with one-liners like If I get
one more X on my clothes, Ill be next years
Super Bowl. But the bulk of his set these
days is more ruminative, even essayistic. In
certain shows, when the mood feels right, he
includes a ten-minute bit on a ght he had
with his father about butter that manages
to touch on alcoholism, Donald Trump, and
the human need for unconditional love.
Sometimes when I do a show, the audi-
ence just wants jokes, and maybe thats what
they paid for, he tells me. But I like the
idea, I always have, of putting something
in their pocketsomething healing, loving,
and informational.
The audience often responds in kind.
At one recent show, a woman presented
him with a pair of purple-and-gold footies
she knitted for him in honor of his beloved
Minnesota Vikings. (She said, Louie, I dont
know if youd wear these? And I said, Are you
kidding me? I love them! ) Another gave him
two handkerchiefs shed embroideredone
with his full name, Louie Perry Anderson, the
other with Mama Baskets, a reference to his
current role as Christine, the erce matriarch
on the FX comedy series Baskets.
The character, which is largely impro-
vised, won him his rst prime-time Emmy
last year. Christine is based in part on
Andersons mother, Ora Zella Anderson,
but those who tune in expecting merely a
man in drag will have diculty locating
him. Sure, Christine Baskets wears bright,
billowy caftans, big jewelry, and Crocs,
but Andersons portrayal is understated,

Backstage at a Chicago
comedy club, Louie Anderson
sits down on a tired black
vinyl couch and begins to
sink. Inch by inch, the sofa
envelops him, like a python
trying to swallow him whole.
Purely from a getting-back-up
standpoint, Anderson knows
this is not good. My knees are
terrible, he condes in the
unmistakably at midwestern
voice for which he is famous.
Anderson, who is 64, has been
touring regularly for more
than three decades. In a few
minutes, during the second of
his two Sunday-night shows,
he will do a bit about his
Flintstone kneesjust bone
on bone on bonewhich
hurt because theyre made
for a smaller model.
1 3 4 G Q . C O M . E D Y J U N E 2 0 1 7
 focused more on Christines interior life
than on her eye-catching appearance. Her
voice is only a half step above Andersons
normal speaking voice.
Not everyone who buys tickets to Andersons
stand-up gigs is familiar with his role on the
sitcom, which was created by Louis C.K.,
writer-director Jonathan Krisel, and Zach
Galianakis, who stars as an aspiring rodeo
G R O O M I N G : H E E S O O KWO N U S I N G M A L I N + G O E TZ . T H I S PAG E : I M E H A K PA N U D O S E N /G E T T Y I M AG E S .
clown. The folks I sit next to in Chicago
all in their 40s and 50s, all longtime fans of
O P P O S I T E P A G E , S T Y L I S T : M I C H A E L N A S H . P R O P S T Y L I S T : J O H N G E A R Y A T C E L E S T I N E A G E N C Y.
Andersons stand-uphave not seen a sin-
gle episode of the strangely sweet, surreal
show. Out in the lobby, though, the Christine
devotees are waiting.
An older lady approaches, her adult daugh-
ter by her side. Anderson, in what might
be called his road uniform (white New
Balance sneakers, a huge black T-shirt with
Christines face on it, a black suit jacket,
and black trousers), greets them like they
share a back fence. How are you? he bellows
warmly, ashing his gap-toothed smile, and
just like that, the womans story comes
bubbling up. Ive got Parkinsons, and my
husband has pancreatic cancer. He just
found out, she says, starting to cry. When
Anderson relives the moment with me, he
gets teary, too. She goes, I see youI see
youand youre real. And I need that, he
says, pausing a beat (much like Christine
would) before adding: Everybodys lives
are hard. Its why I do this. Its some kind of
connection, you know?
Until Baskets, no project has put Andersons
particular comic giftsa mixture of obser-
vational realism and a sort of blunt-force
empathyon better display. More than once
on set, cast and crew have been moved to
tears by how Andersons acting comes, as
C.K. puts it, from a place of real feeling. It
all comes from him. He works with grace
and inspiration under pressure.
Andersons decades of performing live
explain some of this fearlessness, says C.K.,
but his openheartedness is what makes
Baskets truly come together. Show business
is sometimes like this spotlight wandering
around a prison yard, C.K. says. Once in a
while it falls on you, and when it does, youd
better be ready. Boy, was Louie ready for this.
I N T H E L AT E 8 0 S , when Anderson was
starring in comedy specials on HBO and
Showtime and his career couldnt have been
much hotter, he used to carry $1,000 on his
person at all timesjust because I could.
He did a joke about it, explaining that pack-
ing an immense wad of cash calmed him
down. No matter how bad things get, hed
say, Ive got a G in my pocket. Even then,
he understood the habit had less to do with
swagger than with recovering from a child-
hood of abuse and poverty.
Those who have seen Andersons act know
all about how poor his family was. Their car
battery was on its last cell; the electricity
in their ramshackle duplex in the projects
of St. Paul was often turned o for lack of
payment; the kids clothes were hand-me-
downs or worse. Anderson was the 10th of 11
children; they lived in fear of their father, a
former trumpeter for Hoagy Carmichael,
who was an abusive drunk. Andersons ear-
liest memory is of hiding under the kitchen
table as his dad hit his mom.
Ora Zella Anderson had a gift for making
the mundane magnicent, Anderson says.
She was particularly adept at unearthing
treasures at the town dump. Shed bring
home anythingbroken extension cords,
battered menorahs, an old butter churn
that she thought she could repurpose. The
house was crammed with junk, though,
Anderson jokes, we werent hoarders,
because we had aisles. Some clutter was
necessary. We had this old TV, 10 or 12
inches at the most, but it had no sound. It
sat on a TV that had sound but no picture,
he says, before slipping into his moms
voice: Beautiful cabinet, isnt it? I dont
care if there isnt a picture. I love Motorola!
Anderson was always fathe does a pain-
ful ri about a salesman at the Big & Tall
store who yelled, Ive got a Husky! when
the boy showed up to buy corduroys with
vouchers his family received from public
assistance. (You never see any tall people at
the Big & Tall, he observes.) He was teased
at school for his girth and berated at home
as well, by his father.
At age 16, he dropped out of high school.
A brief career as a fencer of stolen goods
ended in his arrest, after which a probation
ocer persuaded him to nish school, and
he spent three years working in a home for
neglected and abused children. It was there
that he discovered he had a gift for using
humor to defuse tension. On a dare, in 1978,
he performed for the rst time at an open-
mic night at a tiny club. Three years later, he
won third place at the 1981 Midwest Comedy
Competition, hosted by Henny Youngman.
When Youngman handed over his plastic
banana trophy, he whispered, You were the
best. You should have won.
Youngman would soon hire Anderson to
write jokes, and the younger comic moved to
Los Angeles to hone his stand-up. From the
beginning, hes said, his act was less about
punch lines and more presentationala
sort of Join me in this storytelling. Johnny
Carson gave Anderson his national televi-
sion debut in 1984. I cant stay long, Im
in between meals, he began,
GQB
and stayed on the topic of his
heft for nearly three minutes.
Then, in a twist hes still proud
Shazam to unlock
of, he said, People say, Louie,
additional content
why do you do those fat jokes?
THE GQ COMEDY SURVEY
JIM JEFFERIES
Stand-up; host of upcoming
Comedy Central late-night
series The Jim Jefferies
Show (June 6)
Whos your comedy god?
George Carlin, because he did what
Lenny Bruce did but took it to the
next level. Hes also responsible
for me becoming an atheist.
Whats the best joke youve
ever heard?
Mitch Hedberg was the best straight
joke-teller that Ive ever heard.
My favorite is I wanna hang a
map of the world in my house. Then
Im gonna put pins into all the
locations that Ive traveled
to. But first, Im gonna have to
travel to the top two corners
of the map so it wont fall down.
Whos the next great comedian?
Pete Davidson.
Because if I didnt, you guys would sit out
there and go, Do you think he knows hes that
big? Carson loved himhe called him back
out to take a second bow and strode across
the podium to shake his hand. His friends
at The Comedy Store threw him a party to
celebrate his success, but Andersons memory
of that night includes this reality check: A
guy comes up to me and goes, Are you Louie
Anderson? And I go, I am. And I put my
hand out to meet him. And he goes, I dont
want to meet you. Could you move your car?
The next year, Anderson was cast as one of
the leads in a TV pilot, Perfect Strangers, with
Bronson Pinchot. When the show was picked
up, however, Anderson was replaced. He went
back on the road, co-starring with Roseanne
Barr in a 45-city tour. (Hes been a headliner
in Las Vegas ever since, appearing every-
where from Ballys to Excaliburs Thunder
from Down Under Showroom.)
In 1987 he lled in for his friend
Joan Rivers on her late-night
talk show for a week: At the
end of that week I go, I could
never (continued on page 146)
 Laurel Canyon
songwriter Father
John Misty is the
smartest, funniest
tunesmith out there
right nowhe even
named his new album
Pure Comedy. Hes
also got a totally
original fashion
sense, putting a
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urban-cowboy look
with suits cut sharp
as a spur

the
Paola Kudacki
LOO N Y
TUNES
of

A T H E R
F
JOH N M IST Y
CO
ME

17
DY 136
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Follow the lead of
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J U N E 2 0 1 7 G Q . C O M . E D Y 1 3 9

FATHER
JOHN MISTYS
FUNNY BONE
WHEN FATHER JOHN MISTY
released Pure Comedy in April,
we heard the simultaneous
knuckle crack of every music
writer in America: At last, art of
the Trump era! The searing
indictment of our times we pre-
ordered on Amazon!!
And Pure Comedy, the third
record of former Fleet Fox
(and sardonic Laurel Canyon
lyricist) Josh Tillman, ended
up soundingpretty much
exactly like wed hoped it would.
FJMs wallop Where did they
nd these goons they elected to
rule them? arrives in the second
verse of the rst song. And while
you might expect to settle in for
a two-Advil screamer of a lecture
from there, Pure Comedy is
actually much funnier and more
interestingthe unspooling of
a giant brain (or at least a
Horatian worldview, as Tillman
describes it) over some shaggy
70s in-joke piano, winking full
Elton. Its a hotel-bar act in
which the slender-bendy quaver
of the good Father rises to
say: Were SOL, species. But! Let
us give thanks that our toxic
primordial stew hath begotten
the shimmering crush of an
E to an E7 to a big fat open A.
And isnt that aural splendor
worth all the pain? Maybe?
Ive seen a lot, like, This
album is basically a Twitter
rant, Tillman says, in a avor
Baskin-Robbins would call
Didactic Deadpan. Noa
Twitter rant is a Twitter rant.
In fact, its context he frets
most about: This album was
written in 2015, mastered
pre-election 2016, and is
intent on giving humanity,
not just Trump, a grill-top
char. So what is the proper
framework in which to enjoy
Pure Comedy, an album
most critics have not called
a Twitter rant so much as,
quote, a masterwork? Josh?
Well, the things that
people take really seriously
are usually really funny to me,
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and the things that people
nd really funny are usually
deeply bad to me. Not that
things are the opposite of how
they appearbut that they
are more multi-varied than
they appear, you know? Wow.
Ive already chased everyone
away from this page.
That said, I think that a
song should be a place where
you can silence your critical
mindbut lifes not always
funny. Theres real pain in the
world, and misery! And
you shouldnt laugh! And a
songI use gospel music so
that I can believe in God for
three minutes. Because I like
believing in God for three
minutes, even though it doesnt
jibe with my practical, day-to-
day life. So a song is not a think
piece. Its not a blog post.
Its as close to a magical
space as you can get.
And with this record,
these just sound like normal
songs to me! That may be
hard for people to believe. But
to me, listening back, these
dont sound like political or
topicalthey just sound like
nice songs. You can put laughs
incredulously in brackets.
Because one thing that doesnt
come across, in particular, is
that Im typically laughing after
everything that I say. That part
of me, that perceives my own
absurdity, is lost. It just comes
across in this bone-dry way
that can be pretty unappealing,
which is the way something
looks when its just, like, pure
data. You know?! Even the way
that I just said the word data.
With a little wink, or a smirk.
When its in print, it looks like
I have a lab coat on.
W H E RE TO BU Y IT?
You should put Tillman
go to the fashion
chortles. directories on
And he really does. gq.com
SARAH BALL

J U N E 2 0 1 7 G Q . C O M . E D Y 1 4 1
 N O RM AN LEAR
C O N T I N U E D F R O M PAG E 1 2 3
high without the drug, he says. My favorite
thing in the world might be going to a beach
resort, knowing that getting dressed is rolling
out of bed and throwing on a pair of shorts.
Dressed for the day. I just love that, thats
as big a high as being on Ecstasy. We didnt
do Ecstasy a lot, but we did now and again
over a few years. You know, you live a full life,
you try a lot of things.
That full life reects on the walls of Norman
Lears oce, too. Theres a portrait parodying
the Last Supper, with all the writers from All
in the Family seated at a long table, Lear in
the middle as Jesus. Theres a picture, given
to him by the cast of Good Times, of Lear and
a caption reading: American Black Leader.
The theater in Greeneld, Iowa, named
after him; the Peabody; the Writers Guild of
America and lifetime-achievement awards;
the National Medal of Arts given to him by
President Bill Clinton: Each has its own
story. The Emmys? At the 1972 awards show,
at which All in the Family was nominated for
11 awards and won 7, the emcee, Johnny
Carson, greeted the crowd after a commercial
break by cracking, Welcome to an evening
with Norman Lear.
But maybe what keeps Lear going is how
un-nostalgic he is about that life, which like
a rich novel has possessed its own illustrious
chapters, lightly dog-eared but now paged
past. The old days are over, he says to me.
Next! On to the new adventure. You know
what I like thinking about? he says. Ive
lived every friggin moment of my life to
get to look at you leaning on your hand. To
get that smile just now. To hear whatever
youre thinking, to be in the room while you
thought it. Its taken every split second of my
life to get here. And here we are.
S O , L I S T E N U P , K I D S : Let me tell you
why Norman Lear mattersand always will.
Once upon a time, in the late 60s, television
kind of sucked. You always had to sit in the
same room to watch this 17-ton box, and the
shows were goofy as hell. There was one about
a troublemaking nun who when the wind blew
and levered her cornette, she took ight, like
a Piper Cub; it got so bad that in one episode a
pelican fell in love with her. There was another
show, about a talking horse named Mr. Ed, a
sardonic wiseass who made his human owner,
Wilbur, look like an absolute idiot. And there
was another, about an astronaut, who splashed
down from space near a desert island where
he found a bejeweled bottle in which resided a
genie, who was a bombshell; they moved back
to his Cocoa Beach bachelor pad, and she lived
in her bottle on his bureau while their rela-
tionship remained platonic until the goddamn
142 GQ.COM JUNE 2017
fth season, even though she was just dying
to grant him any wish he ever dreamed in his
horniest secret dreams.
Never mind that a president and civil rights
leaders were being assassinated and there
was this little war in Vietnam. Never mind
that there was a cultural/racial/generational
revolution underfootwith its attendant
sex, drugs, and rock n rolltelevision did its
darnedest to pretend that none of that was
happening. Until one Tuesday night, when on
January 12, 1971, at 9:30 p.m., something very
strange happened, something that might be
counted as the moment television exploded
into the modern age and gave birth to the
sophisticated sitcom we now take for granted.
On that night, in the big box in the living
room, the pilot for a show called All in the
Family introduced America to a paunchy,
balding middle-aged loading-dock foreman
named Archie Bunker, someone whom wed
never seen before, though we seemed to rec-
ognize him instantly as he blew through the
door to his Queens row house. Here was an
equal-opportunity, working-class bigot, punc-
tuating his opinions with incendiary epithets.
If he was inappropriate, he was also shock-
ingly funny as he lambasted Catholics, Jews,
blacks, gays, hippiesyou name it, for no
one escaped his withering slings. In Archies
crude world, his wife, Edith, who was as pure
as the driven snow, was a dingbat; his hippie
son-in-law, Mike, was a Polack meathead;
his daughter, Gloria, a weepin Nellie athe-
ist. The shows were videotaped as one-act
plays, which gave the sitcom a new intimacy.
And thanks to the erudite, left-leaning actor
Carroll OConnor, who played Archie with the
perfect mix of oblivious confusion, temper,
and melancholy, his protagonist rose above
the harshness of his bigotry to become an
emblematic American in trembling fear of
what the future held.
No one quite knew what to make of Archie
Bunkers show. It was transgressive, scat-
ological (featuring the rst oscreen ush- the Jeersons, seemingly hitching himself up
ing toilet in TV history), and provocative. It
was loud and quarrelsome, etched in sepia
tones and jagged dialogue. Every week the
shows producers found themselves in a ght
with the network censors. Was this the glo-
rication of a bigot, or the questioning of
him? Either way, it didnt matterAmerica
was watching, sometimes more than 50 mil-
lion people at a time.
Go back and take a gander at some of the
old episodes from All in the Family and its
odd how fresh they feel, and how prescient,
as relevant as anything on your lightweight
device right now. It doesnt take a parallel-
ogram to spy Archie Bunkers xenophobic,
isolationist desire to go backward in our new
president. (Either Archie voted for Trump, or
he is Trump.) That the 70s have a lot to say
about this moment were stuck in. The char-
acters of All in the Family werent necessarily
glamorous or pretty, they were usand as can-
tankerous as it got, they were at least talking
to one another across all these boundaries:
young, old, black, white, etc. And thats more
than some say were doing right now.
Take, for instance, an All in the Family
episode from season four centered on Lionel
Jeersons engagement party, a layered
push-and-pull about race. By the time Archie
and Edith arrive, the partys in full swing.
George Jeersonthe Jeerson patriarch,
and Archies strident equal as a racist
ushers Archie to the bar, where a white bar-
tender serves them. The bartender addresses
George as sir, which takes Archie aback.
That bartenders willing to work for me,
declares George, because if you got enough
green in your pocket, then black becomes
his favorite color.
From here things escalate. While the
mother of Lionels ance is black, the father
is white (their names are Helen and Louis),
something that stuns George, who wont
shake Louiss hand. Its a kick in the head,
aint it? says Archie, relishing the irony of
Georges pain. The soon-to-be-in-lawed fam-
ilies break into pods and begin bickering
among themselves, until George perks up
as Helen and Louis seem on the verge of a
real ballyhoo. And then something hap-
pens, something stunning and unbleeped.
Listen to them, Louise, crows George to
his wife. Thats what happens when you
mix black and white. Ten more seconds, hes
going to call her nigger!
You can almost hear the breath go out of
the live audience, and then theres shocked
laughter. Hes gone there. And standing to the
side, Archie raises his eyebrows sleepily and
says, I aint used that word in three years.
As the argument carries on, Archie adds,
In another minute, shes going to call him a
honky. Archie pushes Edith toward the door
before a race riot breaks out. Its all here
the cross-current complexities of bigotry, the
generational clash, the paranoia, befuddle-
ment, and partial paralysis of the old order
as American apartheid breaks down.
As is often the case in the show, its the
younger generation that saves the day. Mike
and Gloria arrive with musicalbums, kids!
and Lionel tells them to turn it up loud, in
hopes of avoiding World War III. Eventually,
Louis, the white husband, decides to take
matters into his own hands and approaches
to deliver a rebuke. Then he surprises every-
one, asking Louise to dance, an invitation she
accepts to the shock of George Jeerson. The
pair dance by George and Archie, who end up
at the bar. Georges dry-cleaning enterprise
is about to launch him to great wealth, while
Archie, who is stuck in place, is, as Lear says
now, afraid to play the game.
Bunker, says Jeerson, what is this world
coming to?
Beats me, Jeerson, says Bunker. All Ive
got to say is, heres to yesterday.
W H E N I A S K L E A R about the N-word being
blurted on network TV that time on All in
the Family, he says, Nigger is the N-word.
Im fed up with hearing the N-word. It isnt
as if weve worked through it and can say
it because were racially sound and its all
behind us. But Id rather hear the word. Im
not brave enough to use it. I am brave enough
with one-on-one. I would use it being assured
that everybody knows why Im using it, but its
still so socially strange. I ran across it today in
the newspaper, quoting somebody in Georgia
or someplace. I mean, people are still using it
with racist intention.
Aside from having to wrangle with net-
work censors over the word, Lear had to
NORMAN LEAR CONTINUED
contend with Carroll OConnor, who was
convinced each week that the ne balancing
act couldnt be kept upArchies despicable
narrow-mindedness coupled with his human-
itythat the spell would be broken and that
the character would be badly misread, seen
solely as a hero for racists. Lear describes
OConnor ranting with each new script,
sometimes with his own lawyer in tow, certain
that whatever the new lines, they were outra-
geous, oensive, an overreach. As the face of
the bigot from Queens, OConnor carried his
own heavy weight and seemed infected by an
almost existential dread. And yet the closer
they came to airtime, the more he would slip,
molecule by molecule, into the character and
nd its genius again. Heres the crazy, amaz-
ing, magical thing about it all, says Lear. I
write a script. I have a character in mind. Do
you think I had what Carroll OConnor made
of Archie Bunker in mind? No way.
We had some dicult times, he continues,
but after he passed, I went to see Nancy, his
widow. She asked me to wait until the others
had left, and when we were alone, she took
Lear bought an original
copy of the Declaration
of Independence for
$8 million and toured it in
all 50 states. To remind
America what it stood for.
me to his study. His desk was clean but for a
couple of things, and one of them was a letter
I had written him four or ve years before,
telling him how grateful I was to him, and how
much I loved what he had brought to me and
the country and the world. Anyway, he kept
that letter on his desk.
When it came to Archie, Lear has oft
repeated his model was right before his nose:
his father. And also the father he never had,
because his father went to prison for fraud
when Lear was a boy, in 1931, leaving him in
limbo as he drifted among aunts and uncles
who never seemed to care very much. (His
mother apparently cared even less, because
she took Lears sister and lived elsewhere.) He
vividly recalls seeing his father on the front
page of the local newspaper.
You know, you realize the human condi-
tion when youre 9 years old and your father
is going to prison and your mother is selling
his red leather chair, from which you listen
to the Friday-night ghts and Saturday col-
lege football games, he says. I was going to
go to camp in a few weeks, and I had a roll
of cotton tape that said norman m. lear,
norman m. lear, norman m. lear to sew
onto my clothes. While all of this is going on,
some asshole places his hand on my shoulder
and says, Well, Norman, youre the man of the
house now. I knew that was funny in the most
terrible way. That this was funnier than it was
sad. Thats a gift from the gods, you know? To
understand us, at that age.
At one time, I had ve families on the
air and one on Mooncrest Drive, says Lear,
referring to the street he lived on in Encino
with his second wife and their children.
Where was my attention going? I think about
it that way because you know, the families I
was writing about needed us for every breath
they took. The family on Mooncrest, the
kids were getting up and making their own
breakfast, going to school. I dont say that
with any particular pride. I wish they had
gotten more from me.
He admits that a few years back, in his late
80s, he went into therapy, for real. It helped
him understand how much hed disassociated
himself at times from his real family. And it
helped him to understand why hed created
white lies about himself in the past, includ-
ing having once struck an anti-Semite (he
only wished he had) and having a grandfa-
ther who wrote letters to the president (his
friends grandfather did). Its weird: You is Kenya Barris, the creator of Black-ish) and
get old and people think you suddenly have
this wisdom that maybe you dont, he says.
You grow fully into this role, inadvertently or
not, of being the father you never had, warts
and all. You create and resist, transgress and
protest and love. He tells a story, then, about
just after his own father went to prison. I
was feeling terribly alone, he says, and the
thing that made me feel best was a blue-and-
gray sweatshirt that I treasured. I would put
it on in late afternoon, and take a walk every
evening. I would feel taller and thinner and
stronger and older, wiser. Id feel great in my
blue-and-gray sweatshirt.
He wrote about it in his memoir, and
years later when he was being honored in
Greeneld, Iowawhere Lear had lmed the
1971 satirical movie Cold Turkeyone extra, a
woman whom he picked to appear in a mon-
tage when she was little, approached him. We
hug, he says, and she said, Mr. Lear, I told
you once what it meant to me to be in that
lm, and you were nice, you were real kind,
but you didnt get it. The opportunity wasnt
just a cool thing that had happened to her;
the gesture changed her life. Shed read Lears
memoir, too: And so she told me, You were my
blue-and-gray sweatshirt.
Thats it, says Lear. Thats the whole shoot-
ing match. This being a planet among a
billion in a universe, of which there could
be a billion, we all do these little things in
the course of a day that make somebody else
feel good. Lift them for just a moment. I pro-
vided this kid something, and she has done
that 900 times in the course of her life to
other humans.
Forget all the money and success. How do
you measure that?
S O , A N O L D M A N W A K E S each morning
around 7:30, 8, eats a salad and half a bagel
with onion and salmon, reads three newspa-
pers and drinks coee, then does some yoga.
How old is he? Hes so old he keeps getting
younger. The more he laughs, the younger
he gets. Funny is funny, he says. That never
changes: It could be a Muppet video or a fart
joke. It could be a stand-up comic or the two of
us sitting here on a Tuesday afternoon, having
a delicious conversation about the universe.
Of course, there are projects still in the
pipeline, things he still hopes to get made.
I wanted to do a Sunday-morning service,
a service with great music and great talking
about nobodys God per se, everybodys God,
he says. He also wanted to do a spiritual talk
show with his now deceased friend Maya
Angelou. We talked about that for some
time, but we never got that done. Another
was a show called Religion that originally
was meant to star Richard Pryor and Robin
Williams as two motorcycle policemen who
start their own church in their garage for the
tax break. And yet another, Guess Who Died?,
featuring people in an old-age community,
that he hasnt yet given up on, one that opens
with his character, Murray, whose wife has
just died, waking happy because hes taken
a great dump. Murray then proclaims: If
everybody on earth could enjoy one good
dump together, it would do more good than
anything Gandhi could think of.
Theres a podcast to tape (this weeks guest
the next season of the new One Day at a Time.
There are conference calls and fund-raisers
for his political-action group. Back in 2000,
he bought an original copy of the Declaration
of Independence for $8 million and toured
it in all 50 states. To remind America what
it stood for. We desperately need a father in
the White House. FDR, who had these re-
side chats where he was talking to us, that felt
like a father in the White House, not a parent
but a teacher, to help us talk about the things
that matter. Obama, who I think was fabu-
lous, wasnt a father gure. I think he needed
a father gure like we all do, he says. When
he looks at the pictures of his kids and grand-
kids that adorn the oce and houseall those
beautiful young facesit makes this fractured
national moment with its violent spasms of
racism and bigotry seem all the more urgent.
Look at what theyre doing, he says, dese-
crating Jewish cemeteries, attacking immi-
grants. My initial reaction to Donald Trump
was he represented the middle nger of the
American right hand, and the American peo-
ple knew he was full of it. So you pick the clown
and say, Fuck you all. This is the kind of lead-
ership you give us? Screw you.
At the end, were up at the house, in
Brentwood, a lovely place with art on the wall
and a crackling kind of happiness in the air.
One of his daughters has just come in from
New York with her husband. Theres food laid
out in the kitchen, and after Lear eats, we
retire up to his oce, with its walls of cherry-
wood, like the inside of a humidor, but a humi-
dor hung with all those family photographs,
with the best views in the world.
I ask him about the secret to his protean
longevity, and he sort of seems stumped at
rst, then says, I dont know. I think living
in the moment, you know, appreciating the
dump. Showers are great. Ill give you a per-
fect example: Im coming in from San Diego
the other day on the trainI love trains!and
they had a caf car and it was lunchtime. I
went in there, and I had a Hebrew National
hot dogyou know, a hot dog on a train. I
said Ive never had anything better than
this. I remember an evening in Paris, when
they took me to a ve-star restaurant, meet-
ing the chef, whatever the fuck, and I was
supposedly eating the greatest. What did that
get me? Im telling you, nothing is better than
that hot dog on the train!
He double-winks at me, looking almost
bashful.
Hot dog on a train. Secret, revealed.
michael paterniti is a gq correspondent.
JUNE 2017 GQ.COM 143
 TH E ROCK
C O N T I N U E D F R O M PAG E 9 3
For all the attention hes earned as a hulking
action star, Johnsons best performances are in
those funny roles where he can display ashes
of vulnerability. Despite his toned physique,
he has a Will Ferrellesque ability to project
childlike innocence and confusion with his
large man body and bald baby face.
Theres a scene in this springs virilely
campy Baywatch, for instance, in which
Johnsons character is forced to wear nor-
mal work clothes instead of a tank top, even
though hes the best lifeguard the race of man
has ever seen. He doesnt have a lineall hes
doing is standing while wearing a polo shirt
but its inexplicably heartbreaking. Like
watching a puppy get red. And because its
absurd that its heartbreakingabsurd that
the millionaire movie star with the rippling
muscles has tricked you into feeling bad for his
character due to a minor dress-code issueits
also weirdly funny.
In an age when its cooler to hate things
than enjoy them, Johnson has carved out an
improbable niche for himself, as someone
its safe to like. Maybe you like him because
hes big and does fast things in slow motion.
Maybe you like him because he had one
song to sing in the childrens musical he was
cast in, and he sang it with his whole heart.
Undeniably, he is likableand likable is
lucrative in his line of work: His lms have
collectively taken in more than a billion dol-
lars a year worldwide, a fact that has made
Johnson, at 45 years old, the highest-paid
movie star on earth. This popularity has made
people wonder just how far it could take him
and what, exactly, hed like to do with it. In
a moment of political ridiculousness, theres
even the suddenly not ridiculous question of
whether Dwayne Johnson might actually be
headed for Washington.
Last June, when The Washington Post pub-
lished an op-ed suggesting he could be a viable
candidate, Johnson posted a screen grab and
gave the idea a boost. On Instagram, he called
the Post piece interesting and fun to read,
adding that the most important thing right
now is strong honest leadership from our cur-
rent and future leaders of this country.
If Johnsons personal
magnetism were
any stronger, birds in his
vicinity might plummet
from the sky, their internal
navigation thrown off by
the force of his personality.
144 GQ.COM JUNE 2017
Since then, Johnson tells me, hes given the
question more thought. A year ago, he says,
it started coming up more and more. There
was a real sense of earnestness, which made
me go home and think, Let me really rethink
my answer and make sure I am giving an
answer that is truthful and also respectful. I
didnt want to be ippantWell have three Andreas in which Johnson plays an air-rescue
days o for a weekend! No taxes!
So, after all that consideration, Johnson
doesnt hesitate when I ask him whether he
honestly might one day give up his life as the
highest-paid movie star on earthwhich is
unquestionably easier, more fun, and more
lucrative than being president of the United
Statesin order to run for oce. I think that
its a real possibility, he says solemnly.
When you think about the distance
Johnson has already traveled, the idea
doesnt sound crazy. So far, Johnsons tale of
success has been your classic rags-to-stretch-
fabrics-to-riches story. He was born in
California, the only child of Rocky Johnson,
a pioneering black Nova Scotian wrestler
who performed in a tag-team duo called the
Soul Patrol, and Ata Maivia, who has ties,
through her father, to the Anoai familya
legendary clan of Samoan wrestlers. Despite
the legacy, Johnson grew up poor; he speaks
of his familys eviction from a one-room
apartment as the formative experience of his
adolescence. He racked up numerous arrests
for ghting and petty theft while still a minor.
In high school, he found football, which
helped him nd college.
We had no money, and my grades were
just average, he says, so it wasnt like
I was getting [an academic] scholarship. The
University of Miami was the top program in the
country. They were the national champions. I
just wanted to go where I could compete.
After a string of injuriesJohnson was
usurped at Miami by future NFL Hall of
Famer Warren Sapphe decided to try wres-
tling. Before long, his popularity as a char-
ismatic showman earned him the sort of
opportunity every large man dreams of: the
chance to play a slickly baby-oiled Akkadian
Scorpion King opposite Brendan Fraser. (It
was a bigger deal back then, in 2001.)
In the promotional material for The
Mummy Returns, Johnsonresplendent
in a long jet-black wig and dazzling gold
braceletswas featured prominently, even
though he appeared in the actual movie for
only about ten minutes. Audiences loved
those minutes. Universal Studios immedi-
ately gave him his own prequel to headline,
The Scorpion King.
How does an untrained actor jump from
a cameo to a starring role in the span of a
year, while never even quitting his day
job? Then, as now, Johnson tested well in
what the lm industry refers to as all four
quadrants: old men, young men, old women,
and young women. [He] is as close to
guaranteeing you butts in the seat as any-
body can be, NBCUniversal vice chairman
Ron Meyer told me.
Broadly, the quadrants thing means that
everyone likes him. Specically, it suggests
that if Johnsons personal magnetism were
any stronger, birds in his vicinity might
plummet from the sky, their internal navi-
gation mechanisms thrown o by the force
of his personality. Indeed, Beau Flynn,
a producer who has collaborated with
Johnson on several lms, including
Baywatch, tells me Johnsons charisma some-
times has to be subdued on-screenlest it
risk neutralizing the drama.
His smile is like a weapon, Flynn says,
bringing up, by way of example, a scene in San
pilot re-united with his daughter as earth-
quakes lay waste to San Francisco.
When he sees her for the rst time, it was
critical to see that smile and feel that sense
of relief, says Flynn. But the lmmakers
had to tread lightly: The reunion wasnt the
climax of the movieJohnsons character
still needed to save the girl from a collaps-
ing building one more time. You have to be
smart, Flynn says, because if [the smile] is
too much, the audience will feel safe. Theyll
feel the movie is over.
In other words,
pretty much anyone can
nd themselves, or a
slightly tanner or paler
version of themselves, in
Dwayne Johnson if they
look hard enough.
Plenty of actors are charming, though.
When it comes to his immense global pop-
ularity, Johnson has other unique factors
working in his favor, too: like his tough-to-
place ethnicity. His own racial blend (black
and Samoan) means he is blessed with skin
the color of graham crackers, a perfectly
roasted marshmallow, and Abraham Lincoln
on the penny. Its a rare combination. In the
last census, the number of Americans identi-
fying as Native Hawaiian and Other Pacic
Islander (a blanket term that includes peo-
ple who trace their lineage to Samoa, Fiji,
Tahiti, and lots of other small, warm islands)
plus Black or African American was just
50,308. A gure so low it rounds out to 0.0
percent of the total U.S. population, though
a more gracious person might say less than
0.1 percent. In other words, if you meet a
45-year-old half-black, half-Samoan man liv-
ing in the United States, the odds are shock-
ingly high he will be Dwayne Johnson. This
uncommon ethnic background means that, in
the right light, he can read as Pacic Islander,
Latino, Middle Eastern, Native American,
Southeast Asian, undead Scorpion King from
an ancient civilization, black, white, or any
combo thereof. (Johnson says white people
often guess he is Greek?) In other words,
pretty much anyone can nd themselves, or a
slightly tanner or paler version of themselves,
in Dwayne Johnson if they look hard enough;
appearance-wise, he has a hometown advan-
tage everywhere on earth.
R O L L I N G T O W A R D the parking lot of the
Dolby Theatre in Los Angeles, Johnsons driver
pulls his Escalade to a stop. Its the afternoon
before the Oscars, where Johnson will make
a brief appearance, introducing a song from
Moana, and hes here now for a quick run-
through. (Johnsons song from the Moana
THE ROCK CONTINUED
soundtrack, Youre Welcome, was not nomi-
nated for any awards, but he sings it under his
breath all day anyway, just because he really
loves that song.) A production assistant with
a clipboard leans in, asking the driver whom
hes got to check in.
Denzel! yells Johnson, with perfect dead-
pan delivery, from the backseat. It gets a laugh
from his driver, but its a baing idea. Because,
if you have to be someone, theres really no one
better to be than Dwayne Johnson.
Backstage, surrounded by velvet furniture
and pristine, untouched bagels, is the actress
Scarlett Johansson. She and Johnson greet
each other for no reason other than they are
the two celebrities in a room full of otherwise
unexceptional people, and Johnson imme-
diately starts asking her about her whole
life. (Well, she says, I was born and raised
in Manhattan, so) Johansson is one of the
only people Johnson will encounter here who
does not impress upon him the dramatic pos-
itive eect his recent Spike tribute program,
Rock the Troops, had on their soul. Turns out
many of the people working behind the scenes
at the Oscars also served as crew members on
the special, which was inspired by Bob Hopes
USO shows and featured tons of tear-inducing
surprises and reunions, as well as the music
of Nick Jonas. One man is even wearing a
Rock the Troops jacket.
The mammoth event, lmed in Hawaii
in front of 50,000 service members and
their families, came together pretty easily,
from Johnsons point of view, right after the
president of Spike asked him, Whats close to
your heart?
I said, Well, what if we did something for
the troops?and then, really, it was like
Johnson snaps his ngersthat.
Johnson frequently takes to social media to
thank members of the armed forces, speci-
cally and in aggregate, for their service. In
his patriotic hands, anything canand
willbecome a tribute to the armed forces.
In March, he was grateful to share the big
news on Instagram that he would be por-
traying a disabled US War Vet and former
FBI Hostage Rescue Team leader in an
upcoming movie about the worlds largest
skyscraperthats on re. Johnson wrote
that his character in this demented summer
blockbuster was inspired by the thousands
of disabled US veterans and war heroes
Ive had the honor of shaking hands with over
the years. (He also mentioned that he got
to meet with the worlds top skyscraper
architects, which, though it was not about
the military, was a very cool thing to brag
about and could easily serve as the basis for a
separate preposterous lm.)
Johnsons industrial-strength patriotism is
a big reason people wonder about his polit-
ical aspirations. Last year, both presidential
campaigns reached out to him for his
endorsement, he says. Which I did not give.
I felt likeand give me a second, because
Ive never said this publicly, so He stops
to gather his thoughts. Hes sitting now in a
cabana on the set of Ballers while crew mem-
bers wheel around towering lights. I feel
like Im in a position now where my word
carries a lot of weight and inuence, which
of course is why they want the endorsement.
But I also have a tremendous amount of
respect for the process and felt like if I did
share my political views publicly, a few things
would happenand these are all conversa-
tions I have with myself, in the gym at four
oclock in the morningI felt like it would
either (a) make people unhappy with the
thought of whatever my political view was.
And, also, it might sway an opinion, which
I didnt want to do. He says he told both the
Trump and Clinton camps that he wasnt mak-
ing an endorsement, that he preferred to see
Americans make up their own minds.
As for what Johnson believes, well, hes
remained cagey. People searching for evidence
of party loyalty point out that he spoke at the
2000 Republican convention, which is true;
but he also attended the Democratic conven-
tion that same year, encouraging audiences at
both events to vote. These days, he tells me,
hes registered as an independent.
How do you think Donald Trump is doing?
I ask.
Mmm With any job you come into, youve
got to prove yourself. And Johnson pauses,
performing lightning-fast mental calibra-
tions. Personally, I feel that if I were presi-
dent, poise would be important. Leadership
would be important. Taking responsibility for
everybody. [If I didnt agree with someone] on
something, I wouldnt shut them out. I would
actually include them. The rst thing wed do
is wed come and sit down and wed talk about
it. Its hard to categorize right now how I think
hes doing, other than to tell you how I would
operate, what I would like to see.
What would you like to see?
Right? Johnson says, laughing. Hes obvi-
ously a little nervous, plucking at the spandex
material stretching across his massive thighs,
but he doesnt attempt to end the line of ques-
tioning. Id like to see a better leadership. jects an aura of unshakable calm (a trait hes
Id like to see a greater leadership. When
theres a disagreement, and you have a large
group of people that youre in a disagreement
withfor example, the mediaI feel like it
informs me that I could be better. We all have
issues, and we all gotta work our shit out. And
I feel like one of the qualities of a great leader
is not shutting people out. I miss that part.
Even if we disagree, weve got to gure it out.
Because otherwise I feel, as an American, all
I hear and all I see in the example youre set-
ting is Now Im shutting you out. And you
cant come. [Disagreement] informs us. The
responsibility as presidentI [would] take
responsibility for everyone. Especially when
you disagree with me. If theres a large num-
ber of people disagreeing, there might be
something Im not seeing, so let me see it. Let
me understand it.
Its a diplomatic answer. Few people would
argue with the value of great leadership. To
date, Johnsons embryonic political platform
has largely consisted of similar neutral state-
ments, and a robust love for the troops. I want
to get more specic.
What are your thoughts on the Muslim
ban?
I completely disagree with it, he says with-
out hesitation. I believe in our national secu-
rity to the core, but I dont believe in a ban
that bans immigrants. I believe in inclusion.
Our country was built on that, and it continues
to be made strong by that. And the decision felt
like a snap judgment. I feel like the majority
of, if not all, Americans feel that protection is
of huge importance. But the ideology and the
execution [of national-security initiatives] is
where we really have to be careful of not mak-
ing those snap decisions, because theres a tail
eect... Within 24 hours, we saw a tail eect.
It grew to heartache, it grew to a great deal of
pain, it grew to a great deal of confusion, and
it had a lot of people scrambling.
Could Johnson do better? Could he really
run for president? Barring the adoption of pol-
icy points that are completely unhinged (like
spending $8 billion to build a colony in the
earths corethough, if anyone could do that,
it would be Dwayne Johnson), theres much to
suggest Johnson could chart a fast and furious
ride to the White House. Hes a quick study
with boundless attention to detail. Beyond his
popularityand the fact that his head often
looks like a big, round smiley facehes got a
politicians warm, deep voice, which projects
authority, capability, and strength. And he pos-
sesses a startling steel-trap memory. Johnson
simply remembers everything about people:
biographical details, ohand anecdotes, entire
conversations. Its the quality that allows him
to treat everyone like a close friend, the silent
secret to his supercharged charm.
Johnson describes himself as a feminist
raised by strong women. Hes spoken openly
about his experiences with depression and
has positioned himself as a mental-health
advocate. His popularity as a professional
wrestler gives him a strong heartland base,
and the fact that he grew up all over the
United Stateswhile his dad worked the
wrestling circuitgives him local ties, lit-
erally, from coast to coast (Connecticut,
Pennsylvania, North Carolina, Florida,
Georgia, Tennessee, Texas, California,
Washington, and Hawaii). In person, he pro-
used in Hollywood to play all manner of high-
stakes lifesavers, from re-department rescue
pilot to Green Beret to lifeguard during a rip-
If anything, Trumps
election proved that
celebrities can just dive
right inthey dont even
have to make a pit stop
as governor of California
before the presidency.
tide). With his jacked body and love of horses,
Johnson could be the only candidate with a
chance of earning the respect of Vladimir
Putin in the virility department. Hes equally
capable of killing a terrorist with a chair shot
or with kindness.
The cold, hard truth is that if Donald Trump
can be elected president, Dwayne Johnson
can be elected president. Easily. He probably
has better odds of winning an election than
Trump, and Trump did win, so what does that
tell you? If anything, Trumps election proved
that celebrities can just dive right inthey
dont even have to make a pit stop as governor
of California before the presidency.
If [becoming the president] is some-
thing he focused on, says Ron Meyer, the
NBCUniversal vice chairman, he probably
would accomplish it. I think theres nothing
that he couldnt do.
JUNE 2017 GQ.COM 145
THE ROCK CONTINUED
Meyers statement, which catches me
o guard, doesnt just reect a condence
in Johnsonit says something about the
American people. And it comes from a guy
whose job depends on predicting the behav-
ior and desires of the American people, to
the tune of several billion dollars a year. I ask
Meyer if he would vote for Johnson on a pres-
idential ballot, expecting him to demurto
argue that the question is too premature
to even consider.
Oh, I would vote for him without a ques-
tion, he says.
A trillion percent, says Beau Flynn, the
producer, when posed with the same question.
He is even more optimistic about Johnsons
chances for victory. One hundred percent,
he would win, I have no doubt. His level of
commitment and his care for people would
translate immediately. If he looked me in the
eyes and said, I want to build a campaign.
I want to run for the president of the United
States, done, and you can lock it.
Flynn also says something weird and grand
and beautiful about Dwayne Johnson: He
loves the world.
So much so that one could imagine
Johnsons toughest challenge might be toning
down some of his enthusiasmlike he dials
back his smile on-screenin order to deal
with, say, the more covert aspects of the pres-
idency. Hes a guy who treats every single bit
of news like a surprise party for you, and hes
desperate to be the one to yell Surprise! In
fact, he already has a record of revealing state
secrets, as when he tweeted in May of 2011:
Just got word that will shock the worldLand
of the free...home of the brave DAMN PROUD
TO BE AN AMERICAN!
He was referring to the death of Osama bin
Laden. Except that his announcement beat
President Obamas by about an hour.
To this day, Johnson refuses to disclose
how he got wind of this ultra-classied
mission. The tweet was actually supposed
to come out at the same time the president
was making his speech, he says, but the
moment I sent that out, I got word that now
weve delayed the speech a little bit. I was like,
Ooooh. Okay.
Thats the way love goes, says Johnson
on the Ballers set, shrugging at the national-
security faux pas. He has the grace to look a
little abashed. I was really excited that day.
Of course, Johnson is really excited every
day. He wants us all to feel the same wayto
look for lifes joys here and there, to get amped.
And not just over the clandestine raids that
take out terrorist masterminds in Pakistan.
There are simple thrills everywhere.
Weeks after I rst met Johnson, I wake
up to a direct message on Twitter. @TheRock
is on the road and just wanted to alert me
to the fact that his hotel carries GQ. The
message is decorated with st-bump and
hang-loose emojis.
Hope youre great and sleeping soundly!!
he writes.
The wild thing is, I believe he means it lit-
erally. If anyone hopes his fellow man is great
and sleeping soundly!! its Dwayne Johnson.
And if he can convince a few million more
people of that, everyones best friend is going
to be president.
caity weaver is a gq writer and editor.
146 GQ.COM JUNE 2017
LO U I E AN D E R S O N
C O N T I N U E D F R O M PAG E 1 3 5
do this. The actors and actresses are too
boring. That year he got a memorable role
as Maurice, a worker at a fast-food restau-
rant who befriends Eddie Murphy, in Coming
to America. Anderson made the most of
the small part, playing Maurice as endear-
ingly naive. But to hear how he got that
job is to understand just how sh-out-of-water
Anderson must have felt as a Minnesotan
in Los Angeles. As he tells it, one day he
was at The Ivy, an industry hangout that
caters to those who want to see and be
seen, when he saw Murphy eating with an
entourage on the patio.
We knew each other, because were com-
ics, and I said to my waiter, Put Eddies bill on
my American Express, but dont tell him until
after I leave. I think it was $661, he says,
making clear how humongous the tab was in
1987 dollars by squealing, What?! It would
be the best money he ever spent. Eddie called
the next day and said, Im doing a movie. I
have a little part that I want you to play.
When I admire his pay-it-forward employ-
ment strategy, he corrects me, saying he
was just being polite. It was very midwest-
ern. It was very who I am, he says. Thats
how I got most of my work: I was nice to peo-
ple. And they were fans.
T W O D A Y S A F T E R his stand-up sets in
Chicago, Anderson sits in a dressing room
backstage at Steve Harveys daytime talk
show. This morning, he learned that Tony
Sacca, a longtime Vegas entertainer, has died
of a heart attack at 65. Everybodys dying, he sonsChip, the aspiring clown, and his twin
says. Part of me wants to go home and cancel
everything else. Im feeling worn-out. I do not
want to die on the road in a hotel room.
A pause as he ponders preferred places
for his demise. Maybe diving, he says. Hes
referring to a mishap in 2013, when he was
competing on the ABC reality show Splash
and had to be rescued from the water. (Louie
Anderson Nearly Drowns in the Most Pathetic
Way Possible, ran one snarky headline.) In
truth, he confesses, the shows producers
had worried from the beginning whether
he was healthy enough to compete. (He has
struggled to remain under 400 pounds.)
Only three of Andersons ten siblings are still
living; his baby brother, Tommy, died unex-
pectedly last February.
The producers said, You know, you could
die. And I said, What a way to go! he says,
laughing. But really, I did Splash because I
wanted people to see how brave I was. I wanted
to climb the rope in gym class that I could never
climb. Put my initials up there. And I did it!
Minutes later, Anderson takes the stage to
huge applause and a slap on the back from
Harvey. The two comics have more than
a little in commonthey both have done
stand-up for more than three decades and,
of course, theres Family Feud. (Harvey is the
current host.) Did you know Im responsible
for the $20,000? Anderson asks, explain-
ing that the prize money used to be just
$10,000, split ve ways; he urged the show
to stop being so cheap and double it. They
wanted me out after that. The two men
compare stories about contestants wackiest
answers (Anderson: Name a bird that ies.
Uhhhhhh. Penguin?; Harvey: Name a
winter-holiday month. October!), and then
Harvey plays a clip of Anderson, as Christine,
delivering a pep talk to her son about turn-
ing his whole life around. When the clip
ends, Anderson asks Harvey, You ever put
lipstick on? Harveys still laughing when he
commands his audience, Watch Baskets!
Thursday nights at ten on FX!
Anderson is friendly to every single person
we meet. Over the course of our three days
together in Chicago, I will see him befriend
his limo driver (Whats up, Paul?), ask
his sign-language interpreter how she got
into her line of work (The whole thing is
noble to me), force $20 tips on hotel employ-
ees who are not supposed to accept them
(Just get a sandwich! Have a coee on me!),
worry that one of Steve Harveys behind-the-
scenes staers has a rst name (Jorge) that
got him teased as a kid (But now you must
love it!), and tell a random woman in an
elevator, I love your hat.
Krisel, who was one of the creators of
Portlandia before he got involved with Baskets,
says authentic warmth is the key to both
Andersons identity and the Renaissance
moment hes having. In Minnesota, theres
a lot of chitchat, a lot of just talking to
people at the store, Krisel says, adding
that this quality is pure Christine. Louies
gifts are more suited to this smaller, more
realistic performance. You look at Louie
in that wighes got a feminine, cute face
and you buy it.
Had Brenda Blethyn been available,
Anderson might never have gotten the chance.
Galianakis, who plays two of Christines
brother, Daleinitially wanted her for the role.
I liked the sadness in her voice, he told me.
Blethyn, however, was working on another
project. So one day he, Krisel, and C.K. were
spitballing other candidates, and Galianakis
mimicked the voice he imagined in his head.
You mean, like Louie Anderson? C.K. asked.
Exactly, said Galianakis.
C.K.: I had met Louie a few times in stand-up
clubs and he was always very nice and I really
respected him as a comedian. We all had this
feeling that this had to happen. So I got my man-
ager to get Louies number and I called him on
speakerphone with Zach and Krisel in the room.
A N D E R S O N : I was in Vegas, driving to work. He
goes, Louie. I go, Louie. Because you never get
to say that! Im the other Louie.
C . K . : I said, Im working on a pilot for Zach
Galianakis at FX. Its no money, but theyre let-
ting us do it our own way and its fun and we have
a part in it for you. We want you to play Zachs
mother. There was a pause as we heard the
inside of Louies car. You could hear that he was
thinking about what Id just said.
LOUIE ANDERSON CONTINUED
ANDERSON: He goes, Will you do it? And I go,
Yes, I will, real loud. Yes! Just me in the car:
Yes!
C . K . : We talked a little further and found that we
both had the exact same take on it. I started to
say, We dont want you to doand he nished
it: Not like a character, right? Just memy reg-
ular voicebut dressed as a woman. He com-
pletely got what would be the best version of this.
A N D E R S O N : I mean, to be able to work with two
of the hottest, most creative guys in comedy on,
you know, a thousand-acre ranch of their own? I
just did a little giggle and said, Thanks.
A few months later, they shot the pilot. The
only time Anderson had ever worn womens
clothes was when he was a small boy, and his
ve elder sisters used him as a dress-up doll.
But from the moment he put on the page-boy
wig and his rst swipe of lipstick, he pursed his
lips and felt at home as Christine. I just went,
God, I look like my sisters and my mom, you
know, all in one, he tells me.
Any strong man has a feminine touch,
and Louie has that, Galianakis says when
I ask him about Andersons performance.
From the beginning, he says, Anderson killed
in the role, becoming the anchor around
which Basketsrecently renewed for a third
seasonoats. Louie is sensitive. His com-
edy is a hug. It is not aggressive. And you feel
that in his acting.
Whats most startling about Baskets is
how consistently Christines interior life out-
shines her outer trappings. Whether waging
her perpetual battle to lose weight (in one
remarkable scene, Anderson dons a red oral
swimsuit and bravely wades into the ocean) or
embarking on a romance with a sweet-hearted
carpet salesman named Ken (in season two
there was an on-screen kiss), Christine is at
once fragile and courageous.
Like Andersons mother, Christine is stead-
fast in her attempts to make the best of the
seemingly limitless supply of bad situations
the show throws her way. He thinks often
of a favorite saying of his moms: Be nice
to people, because you never know what
kind of day they had.
In a memoir he published in 2002, Anderson
wrote about a time in his 40s when he got a
gun, put it to his head, and seriously consid-
ered pulling the trigger. He was in debt at the
time and was being blackmailed by a man
who said the comic had propositioned him at
a Southern California casino. Anderson says
he ultimately put the gun down because he
couldnt bear the idea of burdening the per-
son who would nd his body. I would hate to
nd somebody, he says. I dont think I would
survive it. He performed a show a few hours
later, and the crowd was so electric and appre-
ciative that he realized hed been a fool.
As for the incident in the casino, he doesnt
deny irting. I was playing cards, and Im a
irt, and I irted with this person. I didnt do
anything bad, he says. (Anderson eventually
called the FBI, and the guy went to prison.)
Im struck by his lack of bitterness against
his blackmailer, whose allegations could
have had devastating eects on Andersons
career. (A popular kids TV show that hed cre-
ated was airing at the time.) When I ask him
about it, he responds, Forgiveness. Im able
to put myself in his position: Im poor, Im
a gambler, Im oended by what happened,
Im going to make him pay. Later hell tell
me, My nature is to let people o the hook
because life is hard for everybody.
A N D E R S O N D E S C R I B E S his role on
Baskets as having just enough gunpowder
to blast me into your consciousness, and
hes eager to keep the momentum going. Hes
developing a stage play, an animated show,
and a one-hour drama series named after the
street he grew up on. Comedy is a big pot of
stew that simmers. And youre in it, he says.
In January, ten days before the second sea-
son of Baskets premiered, I saw Anderson per-
form at Largo, a comedy club in Los Angeles.
Early in the set, he tells the story about his
father and the butter. All my friends are going,
Im worried about Trump, he begins. Next
comes a squeaky noiseMeh!and then a
pivot: My dad bitched one time from mid-
night to 6 a.m. because I left the butter out. A
beat. So I can handle Trump.
But Trump is only a way station to a detailed
portrait of the Anderson household circa
1963. Anderson acts out both sides of his
fathers withering interrogation of his butter-
loving son:
Whyd you do it, Louie? / I guess I wasnt
thinking! / You werent, were you! / No, I 20th Century Fox/courtesy of Everett Collection;
wasnt thinking! / Did you plan it? / No!
/ Did you plan it with your brother? / No! /
You did, didnt ya! Did ya or didnt ya? / Yes!
The audience, which seems more like a
Baskets crew than a Joan Rivers crew, is right
there with him, laughingand inching
whenever he lets them. When you emotion-
ally dive into the crowd, hes told me, you
want people to catch you, and tonight it feels
like they will. So he goes deeper. I like soft but-
ter, he confesses. I dont think butter should
be kept in the freezing heart of the refrigerator.
Have you ever ruined a piece of bread with a
piece of hard butter? Trying to spread it? He
pantomimes the ruinationinvisible knife on
invisible breadand screams, Ahhhhhhh!
Anderson is known for his nimbleness with
what comics refer to as the callbackreturn-
ing more than once to an idea in the same
set, often when the audience least expects it.
This show could be a callback master class.
Over the next several minutes, Anderson tog-
gles between his fathers endless late-night
inquisition (Stop your blubbering!), his
own struggles with the tyranny of diet shakes
and Exercycles, and the vastness of the potato-
chip aisle at the supermarket. He also talks
about his mother and her frequent attempts
to comfort him with food.
During the making of the rst season of
Baskets, one of the assistant directors men-
tioned to Anderson that her mother was a
huge fan. The comic responded: You should
call her. The woman obeyed (for all his polite-
ness, Anderson is insistent and not easily
ignored), and when her mother later died
unexpectedly, she told him she was so grateful.
As thanks, the AD gave Anderson a brooch of
her moms to wear to the Emmys. Always call
your momma, he tells me.
Onstage he admits, Im using everything my
mom ever said to play Christine, but he hasnt
run out of material yet. Still, he jokes, for his
next role, Im hoping to get a job as a man.
amy wallace is a gq correspondent.
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 THELASTL
AUGH

Chris R o c k
GQ : Your grandfath
er watch more preachers
was a preacher. What
than comedians
can preachers teach
sometimes. And when
stand-up comedians?
Im on tour, all the
CHR IS RO CK: Its kin
d big preachers come
of the same gig: A
and see me. They
sermon and a set are talk about working an
usually come in the
the same in front of an audienceI love talking
back, and they dont
audience, but theyre to a preacher about
want to take any
going for an amen or working his audience.
n d-u p pictures. But we talk
l iv i n g st a d y a clap, and were going
shop and talk about
t me for a laugh. I think I Do you ever visit
e at e s o u r Co
The g r e m ic o n
crowd control and
touring preachers?
t h
d r ops Y WEA
VER Ive seen Joel [Osteen],
CAIT
Iss u e. and Ive seen T.D.
[Jakes]. Joel Osteen
plays Yankee Stadium.
Any person that can
play Yankee Stadium,
you have to go see them.

Who has a harder gig:

preachers or stand-ups
?
Comedians have a
harder gig. Its hard to
bomb as a preacher
people denitely wait
until the end and go,
That guy was boring.
And theres a book. I
wish there was a book of
comedy I could refer to.

Can you still bomb at

this stage in your career
,
or are you too well like
d?
Yeah. Its not bombing
to you, but its bombin
g
to me. I do like 20, 30
shows in clubs before I
even go into a big arena,
so I get all my bombing
done on a smaller scale.
Its not like I bomb the
whole show, but Oooh,
that rst ten minutes
was horrible. Then I dig
myself out of the hole.
The real danger is you
get too famousyou
learn how to manipula
te
your instrument in
C H R I S T O P H E R PAT E Y/ C O N T O U R B Y G E T T Y I M A G E S

a way that you make

people laugh without
really writing good jokes,
which happens to lots
of funny people. They
gure out the rhythms
of funny and stop with
the actual writing.

1 4 8 G Q . C O M . E D Y J U N E 2 0 1 7