QUARREL

Quarrel is a heated argument or disagreement, typically about a trivial issue and between

people who are usually on good term (Oxford Advanced Learners Dictionary).

Types of quarrel

Quarrel can be categorized into three:

1. Acute

2. Progressive

3. Habituated

These can be further discussed as follows:

ACUTE QUARRELS

These are usually sharp and loud in tone. They are most common in new marriages when

each partner is jockeying for position within the union. Among the problems that need to

be worked out are: personal habits, how money is spent, in-laws, sex and family

planning.

Importance of Acute Quarrel

1. It strengthens the relationship by increasing trust: constructive fighting that occurs

within boundaries or rules that allow for emotional expression while avoiding

abuse, strengthens a relationship.

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 2. You will feel better: letting off steam and expressing your feelings releases

tension, anxiety and fear.

3. Your partner will know your thoughts, feelings and opinion.

4. Intimacy increases: fighting tell us what is important for our partner, what they

dont like, what they want, where their boundaries are, what hurts them and what

they need to feel better.

Advantages of acute quarrel

1. It helps the partners to know whether they are compatible to each other.

2. It encourages intimacy.

3. It helps the partners to know the likes and dislikes of each other.

4. It helps the partners to know the behaviours and attitude of each other.

Disadvantages of acute quarrel

1. It may lead to divorce.

2. It may result to hatred among the couple.

3. It leads to resentment.

4. It causes fight among the partners.

PROGRESSIVE QUARRELS

Quarrels become progressive when couples fail to focus on their differences and make

the necessary adjustments. Conflicts blend into one another, ultimately snow balling into

a verbal brawl in which the combatants zero in on each others weaknesses. This is a very

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dangerous type of quarrel as issues are intertwined making a lot more volatile and

because each party is looking for the others weak area, it becomes must easier for name

calling and belittling of each other to enter the conflict.

Importance of progressive quarrels

1. It improves your character: your patience, care and love by focusing on what is

important that you care for this person and want them to be happy (without losing

sight of your own needs).

2. It makes the partners to understand themselves: after they become comfortable in a

relationship, it is easy to think that our partner knows our mood, our needs and our

wants. Some people even think they can or should be able to read our mind

fortunately fighting clashes, these delusions in an instant.

Advantages of progressive quarrels

1. It helps the partners to reconcile their differences.

2. It makes the partners intimate.

3. It helps the partners to work on each other weaknesses.

4. It builds the partners toward achieving a particular goal.

Disadvantages of progressive quarrels

1. It leads to family crisis.

2. It brings division in the family.

3. It leads to hatred in the family.

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4. It threatens the peace of the family.

HABITUATED QUARRELS

This type of conflict is what results after couples recognize that there are some issues in

which they will never agree and where accommodation is the best they can hope for.

They learn to slides step problem issues as often as possible and they strive to avoid

investing these issues with too much emotion when they do surface. This category of

conflict may not imply as much danger to a relationship or marriage as the others, but be

sure not to shore too many issues under the rug this way.

Importance of Habituated Quarrels

1. It strengthens the relationship

2. It helps the partners to accommodate each others attitude and behaviors.

3. It helps the partners to learn about each other and as such it deepens the

relationship.

Advantages of habituated quarrels

1. It deepens the relationship.

2. It helps the partners to know the dos and donts of each other.

3. It frees the couples from life out of hypocrisy

4. It builds the partners in achieving a particular goal.

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Disadvantages of habituated quarrels

1. It brings disunity among the couples.

2. It leads to family crisis.

3. It brings lack of peace in the relationship or in the family.

4. It threatens the marriage

As a counselor, yes I encourage quarrel among couple because of the following reasons:

a. It exposes the strengths and weaknesses of each of the partners therefore, it helps

each of them to know how to handle each other.

b. It threatens the relationship at the beginning but at the end, when their differences

are reconciled, it strengthens the relationship.

c. It frees them from life out of hypocrisy.

REFERENCES

1. Lord, Charles G.; Lee Ross; Mark R. Lepper (1979). "Biased assimilation and
attitude polarization: The effects of prior theories on subsequently considered
evidence.". Journal of Personality and Social Psychology. 37: 2098
2109. ISSN 0022-3514. doi:10.1037/0022-3514.37.11.2098. Retrieved 2017-10-
05.

2. http://blog.healthylivingnow.org/2011/10/23/identifying-the-types-of-quarrels-
that-develop-in-relationships-so-as-to-guard-against-them/

3. Oxford Advanced Learners Dictionary (8th Edition).