Feels Great

A/N: Below I have my common app essay. Having read and analyzed Dillard I want to try to
hone in on the small details and expand my ideas similar to how she did in her writing.

Feels Great

I could have chosen to not compete. I could have allowed the pain and uncertainty to scare me
into taking the safer and probably smarter route. No one would blame me if I said I couldnt
do it. Over and over again, one after another, people would approach me and ask how my wrist
felt, and while the concern was appreciated, it made it increasingly more difficult to distract
myself from my injury. With each question and worried glance I felt my confidence wavering. It
was obvious that my wrist was not in as good shape as I was pretending. Anyone could see the
evidence of the injury by the disturbing way my hand hung limply as I clutched my arm to my
chest. Yet every time a question was posed, or I was given a gentle hug and words of comfort, I
would give a thumb up and say, Feels great. Feels great. Feels great. Feels great. I honestly
cant remember how many times I said those two words to reassure others while thinking to
myself that what I was about to do was dangerous and inadvisable.

I headed into warm-ups armed with ibuprofen and athletic tape. When a stunt came down the
wrong way, sending searing pain throughout my arm and causing tears to fill my eyes, I still said
I felt great. Throughout the team warm-up, I smiled, cracked jokes and acted as if nothing was
wrong. I saw the looks of concern from my stunt group and told them that so long as everyone
did their job, we would be fine. I wrapped another layer of athletic tape around the already
throbbing, swollen mass that was my left hand. One last check in from the coaches on how I was
doing. Feels great. The truth was that an inkling of self-doubt had begun to creep into my
brain. For a brief moment, I questioned my judgement and ability to be rational considering the
pain I was hiding from everyone.

The arena was at maximum capacity, filled with fans that came from around the world to see the
best of the best compete at arguably the most prestigious competition of the year. The announcer
called my team to the floor. It was now or never. I took my spot on the floor beneath the flashing
lights and focused on the roar of the cheering crowd. Deep breath in, the music starts, and for
two minutes and thirty seconds I give my all, fueled by adrenaline and sheer willpower. I did my
job, hitting my stunts and executing each skill exactly as I was supposed to. As I walked off the
floor and exited the arena, singing along to Panic! At the Discos Victorious, I realized that I
really did feel great. My wrist was pulsing violently and my hand was a purple, but I felt great.

It was an epiphany of sorts for me. Instead of succumbing to the pain and doubt, I found a way to
overcome it. I put faith in my abilities as an athlete and overcame my fears through pure
determination. I discovered that my strength was more than just physical, that it came from deep
within me as well. I also found something I hadnt even known I was looking for, and that was
the confidence and knowledge that whatever the circumstances may be, I possess the strength
and tenacity accomplish anything I set my mind to.
Grieving

A/N: Over the years I have tried many times to put into words what it felt like when my brother
passed. This is just a bit of what I have tried to put on paper. Be forewarned that these
paragraphs do not all go together, they are just ideas and short burst of writing. Im not really
sure what direction I want to go with this, so any suggestions would be great.
Grieving
One day, I ran past Brandons room and for a split second had believed I saw him in there. In his
wheelchair, laughing at some show on his TV. I ran back with thought that he was there, only to
be greeted by an empty room. In that moment I truly realized that my brother was gone, and he
wasnt going back. To say that I started crying would be an understatement. What I did could
more aptly be describe as gross sobbing. It felt as if someone had punched a hole in my chest. I
lied in his bed the same bed I has snuck into for so many years for morning cartoons and I
mourned. I once read that saying ones heart has been crushed is more accurate than saying it has
been broken. The reasoning behind it was that once something is crushed there is little one can
do to repair it, while broken implies that it can still be fixed. My heart was crushed. It felt as
though my body was too small to contain the amount of pain and misery I felt.
Middle school was rough time. I needed help dealing with everything I was feeling, but was
unable to articulate that. Instead I internalized and bottled up my feelings. Looking back I know
that what I really wanted was help and support, but at the time, I thought it would be easier if I
just didnt feel at all. I grew angry, bitter, and cynical. I gave my parents no reason to believe
that anything was out of the ordinary, and most of my close friends had gone to another school. I
isolated myself from the world. I kept my head buried in a book with headphones covering my
ears while giving off a general vibe of dont talk to me, dont bother me.

I loved my brother with everything I had. The pain never goes away. I always feel a hollowness
in my chest that cant be filled. It has gotten easier though. Now I can say that my brother died
without feeling like Im falling apart at the seams. I can tell stories and remember him without
feeling like crying. However, sometimes the sadness sneaks up on me, and I am reminded of the
pain that follows me.
Once I was driving home from class at Kennesaw State when I thought of him and tears began to
roll down my face. Nothing had happened to cause it, but the pain and grief came flying back to
me full force.
Another time was a few days after when his birthday was. I listened to a song called Amelia
and the lyrics were so familiar and resonated with me so much that I ended up curled up in a
bathroom crying uncontrollably.
It has happened on more than one occasion at a competition. My brother was a part of our cheer
gyms special needs team. He loved cheer more than anything, so when I see a special needs
team with kid all having the time of their lives performing, I remember that Brandon will never
compete again.
One of the worst occasions was when we were copying vocabulary during my Sports Medicine
class. Everything was fine until I saw the word prosencephaly in our textbook. My brother had a
severe brain malformation called semilobar holoprosencephaly. I remember feeling chest tighten
and my breathing becoming faster and shallower. When the word started blurring in from of my
eyes, I left the classroom and went to the bathroom. Once I had locked myself in a stall, I began
to cry. Biting my lip and covering my mouth so that no one would hear. I had always known
Brandon had holoprosencephaly, but to see it in a textbook so clinically defined caused me to
breakdown. The
I doubt that the grief will ever go away, but Im okay with that. Because in my eyes, to stop
grieving and missing him is the same as forgetting about him. Despite the fact that by all
accounts I was essentially his big sister, he was my big brother. I loved him, I lost him, and now
I have to live with that. My world changed when he died, but it did not end. The Earth keeps
spinning, time goes on, and so do I. As much as I may wish for everything to stop, to just lie in
bed and not have to keep moving forward, I know that that is no way to live my life. I have to
move forward because he cannot.
Seeing

A/N: I want to expand on the idea that the opinions and observations of those around us affect
how we see things. I also want to talk about how the media plays a role in this.
Excerpt from my QCT:
Dillard compares the struggle of seeing with trying to watch a baseball game in a stadium whilst
ignoring the clamoring around you. To try and observe something completely unfiltered by
outside distractions and influences is near impossible. Such a thing also applies to todays media.
With our modern age of technology and media, the world has become a much smaller place. It is
possible to see events unfolding as they happen, and to know of events halfway around the world
within seconds. In order to keep up we look to the media as a way to compile everything. That
being said, media and technology allows us to see so many sides of different things that it
becomes hard to form pure unbiased opinions on matters. This becomes even more difficult as
ethos comes into play with reliable sources and trustworthy reporting.

- Due to technology, or world is more connected than ever before.

- Events happening across the world can be seen in real time as they are occurring.
- The media has also kept up with the worlds progress and continues to report these events to
us.
- When we look to media as a source of news and information, we often forget that we only
see what they want us to see.
- Media is all about reaction. Forgettable doesnt sell, so when we see a news story it is being
deliberately reported in a way that garners reaction.
- It becomes hard to make one's own unbiased opinions when the source of information to the
biased itself. These biases change from channel to channel. Where one is reporting on the
wrong doings of a politician, another is defending them.
- These biases and differences in reporting affect how people see the world in its inhabitants.
- Another thing commonly seen is that people often take things at face value. They dont feel a
need to look any further, so they just accept the first thing they see or hear.
Standardized Testing and Common Core

A/N: This is from the prompt we received from this weeks group. I want to expand on what I
wrote in my QCT. My goal is to talk about how standardized testing and common core do not
benefit every student, and can actually be detrimental to a childs education.

Excerpt from my QCT:

Oliver mentions Common Core and how it is meant to help underperforming schools and
students. One thing I have seen with Common Core is that it does not allow for variation in
learning styles or consider those with learning impairments. My sister has issues with
comprehension, but to be on track with Common Core she had to start working out word
problems as soon as the 1st grade. Instead of mastering the basics and understanding key
concepts, she was stuck trying to maneuver her way through paragraphs of relevant and
irrelevant information. Common Core also teaches kids too many ways to solve the same
problem, and they are the most convoluted ways to solve a problem I have ever seen. With all the
different steps for all the different methods, it can quickly become confusing. Common Core is
meant to help under performers, but the style of it can do more harm than good.

- It is unfair to judge a person based simply on their test scores. Often the case is that a student
may be doing well in their day to day course work, but they dont do well on standardized
test. It gets worse as students get older and start having to prepare for college. A poor grade
on the SAT or ACT could prevent a god student from getting into the college they want.
- Standardized test of not used to test a students knowledge and proficiency over a subject,
they are used to test a students ability to regurgitate information as it is given to them. Often
as soon as the testing is done students brain dump having not actually retained any of the
information.
- There is also the ever-present issue of time on standardized test. The expectation is that a
student can read a passage, analyze its contents, and answer the accompanying 5-7 questions.
Such an expectation is not unreasonable, what is unreasonable is expecting students to do all
of that 10 times in only an hour. That does not even allow for actual reading of the passage.
- Schools have been known to only count a classs standardized test if it will help a students
grade because so many kids were failing them. EOCs have been known to drop people whole
letter grades, and it is so incredibly unfair that that could happen to someone who worked
hard for their grade.
- Students may be dubbed low performers when in reality they are doing far better than they
once were. Their improvements cannot be accurately seen because they are being judged on a
scale that is wrong for them. This also affects a students confidence. Where they felt that
they were learning and improving, their test scores tell them they still arent good enough.
That is not to say that kids should not be assessed at all, but that there needs to be a better
way of assessing kids who do not fall on the normal spectrum if learning.
Student Stress

A/N: I would look to argue that the level of stress and anxiety students are experiencing is
becoming a detriment to their health.
- Student stress and anxiety levels are dangerously high. The anxiety that younger kids show in
forms of crying and throwing up give way to sleep deprivation and other dangerous methods.
- Students are willing to purchase another kids Adderall in hopes that it will give them an
edge. Medications like Adderall are considered stimulants, and when used improperly can
cause serious medical complications
- https://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2016/09/25/the-dangers-of-rising-adderall-abuse-
among-teens/
- http://www.healthline.com/health/adhd/adderall-and-alcohol#adderalland-alcohol2
- https://www.drugabuse.gov/publications/drugfacts/stimulant-adhd-medications-
methylphenidate-amphetamines