THE COLOUR OF

LOVE

__________

Christina N. Sibiya
 The Colour of Love

The colour of love

Copyright 2017 Christina, N Sibiya
Published by HIPPOCAMPUS MEDIA (Pty) Ltd

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or

transmitted in any form or by any means without written permission
from the Copyright owner.

ISBN (978-0-620-76827-6)

Printed in SA by Business Print

Info@hippocampusmedia.co.za
www.hippocampusmedia.com

1
The Colour of Love

2
 The Colour of Love

Table of Contents
Acknowledgements ......................................................................4

Introduction ......................................................................................6
Chapter 1 ..........................................................................................8
Chapter 2 ....................................................................................... 17
Chapter 3 ....................................................................................... 23
Chapter 4 ....................................................................................... 31
Chapter 5 ....................................................................................... 34
Chapter 6 ....................................................................................... 41
Chapter 7 ....................................................................................... 45
Chapter 8 ....................................................................................... 50
Chapter 9 ....................................................................................... 60
Chapter 10 .................................................................................... 64
Chapter 11 .................................................................................... 70
Chapter 12 .................................................................................... 74

3
 The Colour of Love

Acknowledgements
Firstly, I give all thanks to the Almighty God for the strength and wisdom
to write this book.

Secondly my gratitude goes to Bishop Mosa Sono and Pastor Gege Sono
who both have been very instrumental in their teachings which
positively impacted my life.

To Pastor Nonhlanhla Phake, Pastor Moroesi and Pastor Fani Gxoyiya

for their undivided support, to my mentor Dr Mabuza, thank you very
much.

The warm felt gratitude goes to my family, my mother Stella Shabangu

and my father Elias Shabangu even though he is no longer alive he did a
good job in raising me up. To my darling husband Amos Sibiya who is a
great influence to me in writing my book, I give my greatest thank you.

To Mbali Misimeki and her crew Hippocampus Media, for the

publication of the book, Thank you so much.

May the Good Lord Bless you all!

Sources
All scriptural references are obtained from the NIV bible version unless
stated otherwise.

4
The Colour of Love

5
 The Colour of Love

Introduction
Life is mostly enjoyed when you unleash your potential. There are so
many obstacles in achieving ones vision, a disability is one of those.
God always has greater plans for our lives as stipulated in the bible from
the book of Jeremiah 29:11. That however does not mean that we will
not encounter challenges. Sometimes some individuals dont even feel
loved at all. Throughout the authors life encounters, it is evident that
God loves us and He is always with us regardless of our current life
circumstances. Love is one language that is understood by every soul
globally. The book is not an autobiography; however, the development
of it and perception thereof was influenced by the authors life
experiences.

The Colour of love is a book about a visually impaired African lady

named Lerato, who despite many challenges aspired to become a
journalist. If you thought blindness was enough, you are yet to discover
her pain from a rape incident, rejection and faith.

A journey to self-discovery requires trust in God, forgiveness, self-

actualization, going through all phases of the healing process and love.
Love indeed conquers all and it is anti-discriminatory. Lerato meets
white gentlemen named Jade and together they conquer it all through
their love for each other. Lerato translated in English from Setswana is
love while Jade is a colour, so what could be the colour of love?

There are many ways of defining love; what matters with love is not the
colour of your skin or your unique outward appearance. Rather, love
can break beyond all the boundaries created by humans. The precious
love story occurs in an educational institution. Though

6
 The Colour of Love

education is essential, the ability to practically apply what you have

learned is what qualifies you as educated. God has created each of us
uniquely with different traits that expose the beauty in every individual;
hence there is significance in valuing diversity. Even though we are
unique individuals we still have parallel life experiences. Love requires
us to be anti-discriminatory and to eradicate any prejudice in our
hearts.

7
 The Colour of Love

Chapter 1

8
 The Colour of Love

L erato is a visually impaired young lady who grew up in the local

township of Dube village in Soweto, as her name says; she grew up in a

warm family with both her parents. She is the only child in her home;
she is referred as the apple of her fathers eye. This young lady is self-
driven and has full confidence in herself.

At the age of two she was diagnosed with a rare condition which
affected her eyes as well and her physical development. According to
her parents she was born prematurely at seven months through a
caesarean procedure. Due to the nature of her birth which deprived her
from a normal child development she also had difficulty walking as a
child. According to her mother she only began taking her baby steps
when she was already five years old. After several attempts of treating
the condition coupled with a surgery, it led to her blindness. The
doctors had to rely on God for a miracle; I mean Leratos condition was
a major challenge even for qualified professionals and experts.
Unfortunately, the damage could be reversed, Lerato had to get by and
live in that dreadful condition.

Months went by and it was very difficult for Leratos parents to accept
that their precious daughter is now blind. It took them a very long time
to accept the recent transition. The disability condition gave birth to
endless challenges in their household. If you thought blindness was
enough, well you are wrong! Lerato felt sick frequently and that
strained her parents. Just like any other good parents, they had high
hopes for their daughter. It was their chief desires to have their child
obtain an education from a mainstream school like normal children
without any disabilities. Well! God had a much greater plan.

9
 The Colour of Love

A time for Lerato to attend school came. During our challenges life
continues. Lerato was then enrolled in one of the Catholic special
schools where she discovered her passion for acting and singing choral
music. There was this nun who had a soft spot for her, she saw
something extraordinary in Lerato and believed in her capabilities and
ability to express herself. She saw the need to select Lerato to
participate in occasional school dramas as an actress. I think that is
where I developed the love of acting, this nun was strict when it came to
what she wanted, but she was kind. At some point, I wished that I could
also follow the calling of becoming a nun however, as time progressed; I
outgrew the desire. I recall those years when she used to take me during
break times and we would visit her house, the visits were always about
checking up and prayer. She is one of those women in my life who
taught me the importance of a prayerful life.

Lerato began her schooling at a very late stage due to the illness;
however, because of her determination and zeal she managed to
complete her matric. I recall this one teacher in my matric year that was
so good in encouraging his learners to do well; he pushed us to do
beyond our best in all our studies. I remember him saying that I was
going to pass his subject whether I liked it or not and no one in his class
is permitted to study economics subject in standard grade. Believe me
when I say; all his learners studied economics in higher grade. It is
factual that all the teachers in that school were exceptional at their
work. There was a teacher who desired to see me excel in my studies,
therefore she organised a tape recorder for me to overcome the
inability of reading and writing in braille. The tape recorder was
beneficiary even at tertiary level. Eventually, I made all my teachers
proud by passing my exams.

10
 The Colour of Love

Lerato had a dream of becoming a journalist ever since she was a child;
her passion for journalism was driven by the desire to expose the
erroneous conducts of the world committed by men. The drive to
pursue this career arose after Lerato was sexually abused as an eight-
year-old girl by her fathers friend. Ever since this cruel incident
occurred, she has never felt the same about men. She hated men! She
wanted nothing to do with them. She did not trust men!

Dreams do come true Lerato thought to herself, she was busy in her
room packing up her laundry when her mother called her to the kitchen
Toto my child, can you please come this side because your father and I
want to talk to you for a while. I am coming in a while mom! Leratos
mother was wearing a straight face when Lerato entered the room and
her father looked at her with concerned eyes; Lerato could sense that
her parents wanted to tell her something very important my child we
first want to appreciate you and tell you that we love you very much
and to thank you for your hard work in your studies I was listening very
attentively to what my parents were saying to me and wanted to grasp
what they were telling me, at the same time I was humbled by their joy
and pride of parenting a daughter of my calibre.

The following morning, she woke up very early because she had planned
with her parents to go to town for a shopping spree and to spend
quality time as a family away from home before Leratos departure to
university in January. What a wonderful time I had with my parents
(Lerato reflected) as she was resting on her bed facing up with her arms
behind her head-on top of a pillow. She reflected on all that had
happened during the day.

As she was still resting, another thought crossed her mind concerning
her childhood; on how an orchestral music was so fascinating and how
much she wanted to learn the operation of a violin. She was reminded

11
 The Colour of Love

of a time, she turned twelve and her parents took her to this school
which was operative only on weekends and it was free. She could learn
the basics of music and when she got to high school she persuaded
choral music. She remembered how their school used to win in choral
music competitions on numerous occasions and how they would bring
in money to the school. The highlight of the thought was when the
principal gave the award to the choir and when we were invited by the
president of the Disability council to come and perform on the launching
of a new school for people with disabilities. These thoughts suddenly
reminded her of how fortunate she is to have parents who are caring
and supportive, despite the average living condition they still manage to
sacrifice to grant her the best she deserves and for that she is grateful.
Her mother was working for a very wonderful couple as a domestic
worker, the couple were fond of Lerato as their own child and they gave
her everything that she needed. Amazingly, the couple was a white
family however that did not become a barrier for them to portray their
compassion and love towards Lerato and her family. When Lerato woke
up in the morning she would normally do her devotions because she
was a strong believer in the power of prayer. After her devotions, she
went and took a bath thereafter she decided to go to the kitchen to
prepare breakfast for her parents in their four-roomed house.

Today my uncle is coming to visit together with my aunt, aunt Khosi,

from Pretoria West and they both wanted to see me before I left for
university. I assisted my mother to prepare lunch for them. The purpose
of the lunch was to unify the family in celebrating one of their own. For
my parents going to university was a huge achievement because no one
in my family got an opportunity to attend university apart from my
father who only managed to go to a teachers college. I

12
 The Colour of Love

made my family proud. The time for the family reunion finally arrived
and we were all excited to gather after such a long time.

While we were sitting around the dining table my uncle, ta Sam as he

was popularly known said to my mother now sister do you think that
Lerato is going to cope on her own without you by her side e le sefofu
Jana in a colossal place such as a university? Which implied whether I
will cope being blind in a huge place such as a university without
supervision. In his mind that was a huge task to be undertaken by a
person in my condition, but then who could blame him because his
school instilled that mentality in him. He never valued people living with
disabilities.
What my uncle said made my father aggravated and he left the table, he
excused himself and he went outside. When my uncle realised what he
had done, he stood up and came to the side of the table where I was
sitting and he took my right hand and he said to me Toto my child, I am
very sorry for not acknowledging you as a person all these years, I am
very proud of you my child and I hope you embody us the Mbhele and
Moeketsi family wherever you go. There was a sense of shivering in his
voice; it seemed like he wanted to cry, as for me I was listening to him
attentively because I had waited for quite a long time to hear him say
those words to me. I could sense that what he was saying was genuinely
from his heart and he was truly sorry. However, it was going to be
more interesting to hear him cry as that was prevalent to everyone
judging from the tremble of his voice. My father was a very loving and
considerate individual, but when it came to me he did not want
anything or anyone to mistreat me. He saw it as necessary to excuse
himself and go outside without causing any drama or embarrassing
himself.

13
 The Colour of Love

As we were having an afternoon tea, he then explained why he did what

he did and expressed how aggravated he felt at my uncles comment.
The following morning, after Lerato finished with her devotions as she
usually does every morning, she decided to take a walk to a nearby park
to clear her mind and take a break from her daily home chores. The park
had a peaceful sensation when she arrived, one could hear the melodies
of the birds under the beautiful shiny sun. Lerato was pondering while
sitting under the tree, that was the day that marked fifteen years since
she was sexually abused and it suddenly dawn to her why she was
feeling dejected, I wondered why was I suddenly thinking about that
horrific day in my life, why now! she thought to herself. When she
returned in the afternoon after spending the whole day at the park, she
found her parents worried about her whereabouts and wellbeing. Well
that is only natural of them to react in such a manner. After lunch and
helping her mother to wash dishes, Lerato then decided to retire to bed
very early, as she had a long day.

Lerato woke up to pleasing news the next morning as she received a call
from her bursary sponsors, informing her that she has been selected for
a fully funded bursary to pursue her studies. It was very exciting to
know that her bursary covered her boarding fees and food for the
duration of her course. She was so thrilled and out of joy shouted from
the top of her voice. When both her parents came to see what, the
noise was all about, they found her in tears of joy because her dreams
were becoming a reality. She was like a butterfly, caged in a dark place
for a long time being unable to spread its wonderful wings, but now she
has an opportunity to start over and become the best that she could be.

The long anticipated day finally arrived; Lerato was starting a new
chapter of her life; on becoming a young adult and taking a stand of
being an independent individual. The desire for capturing stories of

14
 The Colour of Love

ordinary people was now becoming a reality. Studying journalism has

always been Leratos dream.

There is a very worrying issue in my heart which made me to pursue my

career. A certain lady living with a disability told me a sad story of her
life whereby she was forced by her own biological mother to sleep with
older men to get money! (She frowns). Ag! What a cruel world we are
living in. When I heard her story, it reminded me of the issues in my own
life and how people can just take whatever they want from women
living with a disability just because we are perceived as a vulnerable
group! What a disgrace!

As Lerato was sitting under a tree at her home on a sunny weekend, she
was visited by her childhood friend; they were best friends since
primary school. Their friendship grew into sisterhood. Off course Lerato
was delighted about the friendly visit. We had a long and interesting
conversation catching up; she mentioned to me that she has relocated
to her parents home in Rustenburg after both her parents passed away.
She was the only child just like me; she then had to stay in their home to
look after it. When her two children were born, they added to the
countless responsibilities. At the time Leratos friend was also on a job-
hunting mission. Knowing my friend very well, I could tell from our
conversation that she had a lot of issues which she bottled inside of her.
Lesego was at first reluctant to talk to me about her issues, I guess she
did not have the courage to speak to me. She was preparing me for the
news and after her funeral I was devastated to have lost someone so
dear to my heart. The most hurting thing was that she left behind two
young kids and the youngest was only five months old with an absent
father.

The following week on Monday it was the week of Christmas and the
atmosphere was saturated with joy, peace and harmony because

15
 The Colour of Love

people in the community were relaxed. Christmas is only celebrated

once a year; hence it is always a big deal to celebrate it. With us
Christians we celebrate the birth of Jesus Christ. After a few days,
everything goes back to normal and life must continue.

It was the beginning of the January fever and I also had to prepare
myself for the new world ahead of me. The thought of leaving my
parents was not settling but it was for the best. Well it had to be done.

16
 The Colour of Love

Chapter 2
Note to self

17
 The Colour of Love

T he week went by very quickly and before I knew it, it was time for

me to leave Pretoria for my universitys first orientation. When I arrived

there I was surprised to find that the place which is called a university
was a totally different setting from school, more especially for a person
such as me. Firstly, the buildings had no ramps to guide me on my way.
The first six months were the toughest because I did not know anyone
and getting to the lecture halls was a challenge. I recall one time when I
got lost on my way to attend my lecture, that was one of the very
prickly moments until I came across a gentleman who apparently was
going to the same lecture hall, he became my saving grace and from
there onwards we became friends. Even though at first I was
uncomfortable around him I eventually got comfortable around him, he
introduced himself to me as Thabo Mosweu from the Free State and we
began going to class together and he was more helpful to me. As time
went on Thabo introduced me to another lady by the name of Dineo
who became my sister-friend. Dineo and I became very close and our
bond became stronger each day. I began to relate to her as my older
sister. She was also fascinated to be around me as it was her first
encounter with a blind person that also made her to be sympathetic
towards me.

The following week I decided to go to the library to write my

assignments and to study, as I was busy I suddenly heard a male voice
whispering next to me. I was unaware that there was somebody next to
me therefore I was frightened I jumped from my seat how are you able
to type on the computer being blind, and how do you memorise stuff
without noting them down? (The male asked). I then whispered the
answer annoyed by his insensitive question. The gentleman realised
that I was focusing on my work, however he could

18
 The Colour of Love

not resist disturbing me first and foremost who are you and secondly
could you not wait until I get done with what I am doing, seeing I am
using my head to memorise before you asked me questions mhh sir,
whoever your name is!? then the voice in response said to me I am
sorry for my bad manners; my name is Jade White and I am a second
year student in journalism, I am sorry for having disturbed you whilst
you studying, its because of my curiosity, I am sorry madam and if I may
ask who am I talking to? I then answered, Your apology is accepted
and my name is Lerato Mbhele I am a first-year student in journalism.

Jade was interested in knowing more about me, he then invited me over
for coffee at the cafeteria after my study session to chat more. At first I
was sceptical about him I think that was because of my past experiences
with men but he eventually proved to be different. He made me realise
that not all men are cruel. My encounter with Jade lead to many more
good memories shared together. After my day was complete I went
back to the residential facility to relax in preparation for tomorrow.

The next morning was a Friday; usually I never had any classes on
Fridays. Dineo and I arranged to go out for lunch and it was Dineos
treat as I did not have enough money to spend on both of us. I dressed
up in my casual wear, I wore my pair of jeans, some nice top and a pair
of snickers which my uncle bought for me on my birthday last year. We
enjoyed our outing after a long week of books; it felt good just to relax.
The following day was Saturday; I decided to do my laundry in the early
hours of the morning so that during the day when other students do
theirs mine would be long done. I have learned that leaving my laundry
on the washing line is not wise as it might just disappear into thin air.
After doing my laundry I decided to go to the library to do my work. As I
was busy doing my work and minding my own business a

19
 The Colour of Love

certain lady came to me and asked me a few questions regarding my

life. She said that her name is Tebogo from the journalism forum and
she obtained my name from my English facilitator. She wanted her to do
a story about me to motivate other people with disabilities not to give
up in life. After my conversation with Tebogo I grew inspiration to form
a group that offered moral support to the new students with disabilities.
Dineo always provided me with good advice on how to develop and
improve my support group.

The following morning was a Sunday and there was a bus that came to
collect students who wanted to go to church outside the campus area. I
decided to go and attend the church service, Oh! What a wonderful
service one had in the presence of the Lord, I was happy that I managed
to attend this service. I also met a lady who was very kind to me and we
exchanged numbers in case I needed anything even just to talk.

That evening rain drizzled after a long season of drought, because of

that I slept very early around seven in the evening. In the morning, I
nearly over slept but I managed to rush and I arrived just on time for my
first lecture class. The lecturer of that module was quite insensitive
towards me; she would ask questions like how am I going to mark your
work because I dont believe that it is you who wrote this work? Such
words used to break my heart but as time went on I developed a thick
skin. I recall one incident when the same lecturer forced me to
memorise everything and she refused other students to help me in
taking notes, she also went as far as disqualifying the use of my
recorders during lessons. It appears her intention was to see me suffer.
Well I adapted and got used to her ill-treatment. I thank God for my
good memory because it came in very handy (she smiles).

The following day which was Tuesday, I was busy preparing myself to go
to class when I received a call from a lady who was fascinated by my life

20
 The Colour of Love

story. The lady requested to meet up with me the next weekend so that
I can narrate my life story for her magazine column. When that Saturday
came, I woke up very early to prepare myself for the long day ahead and
at around 8:59 am the lady and her team arrived. They set up their
cameras in my room and the interview started. The photos were
profiled and everything went as planned. After the meeting with the
team; the same afternoon Dineo and I went out to celebrate my
significant attainment. While we were walking on the side of the road,
Dineo could notice that people were staring at us as we were holding
hands. We managed to go pass them and continued with our journey. I
was captured by the remarks and some peoples behaviour as we were
walking. Some uttered comments such as how shameful it was to be
beautiful and blind; one individual literally put a R200 note in my hand
as a sign of pity. People behaved strangely towards me and I could
literally feel it. It was as if people with disabilities could be rehabilitated
from their condition or perhaps a supernatural intervention must fall
from heaven. Peoples reactions can be overwhelming at times.

One day I was walking by the side of the road when suddenly a car
nearly bumped me, the man driving was so terrified that he might be
arrested so he covered it up by offering me a one hundred note,
fortunately I was not hurt. I was just terrified; this ordeal has taught me
that money can buy anything in this world; however, your life is more
precious than money.

Dineo and I were resting on the grass by the park when Thabo and Jade
approached. Hey, guys they greeted us and decided to join us, well!
We allowed them to join us and we had fun together with provocative
topics. We had a lot of debates and before we knew it was time to
leave. When we departed, we had an agreement that the four of us will

21
 The Colour of Love

gather every month end provided we are not busy with our varsity
work. We discovered that debating is our common denominator.

22
 The Colour of Love

Chapter 3
Note to self

23
 The Colour of Love

W hen I got to my room I was exhausted, I dozed off on the couch

whilst I was still listening to the radio. I only woke up the next day on
Sunday and had to prepare myself for church. I quickly prepared myself
for church and I am glad I made it on time. The service was beautiful
and the day was remarkable as I received Jesus Christ as my personal
Lord and Saviour. It was wonderful to distinguish that I am a new person
and a daughter of the highest God. I do matter to God regardless of the
disability. Knowing that my purpose in life is to pursue Gods agenda
was a great discovery for me. When I got back to my room I phoned my
mother and shared the great news with her, she was very excited for
me.

The following day which was the last Monday of the month was a very
busy week; due to that there was not enough time to meet up with
Dineo as usual. Surprisingly I received a call from my uncle just to check
up on me. He deposited money into my account and bought me some
groceries. After I spoke to him I was very astonished by my uncles
change of heart and his sudden willingness to support me without being
told by anyone to do so. Nonetheless, I was grateful to get assistance
when I was least expecting it considering that I was going through a
rough patch since my sponsor was late in paying for my groceries. I had
no food for most days, in fact there were days when I ate bread
smeared with a banana or bread with potato chips. I remember one
occasion when I had no money and only left with R300 between myself
and poverty. I did an experiment with extra strong sweets putting them
in water as I was under the impression that the water will be sweetened
by the sweets, to my disappointment as the sweets dissolved in water,
it felt as though I was having a laxative. The water just became minty
(she giggles). During those days, it was difficult

24
 The Colour of Love

but what kept me going was my desire to reach my one goal of being a
successful journalist. I was also grateful to the fact that I am alive and
where there is life, there is a purpose and tomorrow brings us hope. At
the end of the week my uncle delivered as he had promised and I could
buy my essentials. Dineo was sad and disappointed when she
discovered that I had no food for a while, she said to me but why did
you not tell me? I could have done some means for you. During those
days Dineo would come to me more often and she would tell me on her
tough upbringing, she explained that her father wanted her to get
married as their culture encourages young girls to get married and
expand their families instead of going to University. There was already
an arranged marriage for her. Dineo ended up absconding from home in
the middle of the night just to escape the pre-arranged marriage with
an older man. When she arrived in the city of Johannesburg she had
nowhere to stay, she was forced to stay on the streets for a month. She
also told me how tough life on the streets can be, but one day as she
was roaming around the streets looking for food in the rubbish bins an
unknown woman took her to a nearby shelter where she was helped
and rehabilitated. She could finish school and further her education.
When I heard her story, I was so amazed at how money can be so cruel
and influence parents to trade their children.

The school term was about to end and a lot of work had to be covered
for me to be at the top of my game. I had to forget about myself and
make sacrifices for my studies and the road ahead. My sponsorship
solely dependent on my good academic performance and I had to push
harder. That term I attained excellent grades in all my subjects which
qualified me into the midterm examinations.

25
 The Colour of Love

After my afternoon classes I decided to call my parents just to find out

how they were doing, after speaking to both I felt at ease as I had
missed talking to them. The following morning, I woke up energised and
I did my exercise routine just to stay rejuvenated. During the afternoon
prayer meeting with my support group a topic arose about
forgiveness the issue was about the way forgiveness is portrayed.
Forgiveness is an intentional decision; it cannot be forced on someone.
This is still a difficult phenomenon to date. Forgiveness is a process that
comes out gradually through engagement and proper counselling,
eventually it is doable. As we were discussing the topic, another lady
said something profound which got us thinking about the difficulty
when it comes to forgiveness. She said that she has a problem with
forgiving even though forgiveness is the way to a peaceable life. When I
got to my room I started thinking about how I could possibly respond
should a man who sexually abused me ask for my forgiveness. What
would I say? How will I react? I just never felt ready to tattle my fears
head-on.

The next week was the last week before the end of the term and we will
be on recess. All of us will be going back home for the holiday. I am
happy to get a break to be with my family and to forget about school
work for a while. Dineo on the other end was not going home because
she is from Lesotho and she does not have enough money to go home, I
invited her over to my home for Christmas but then she declined
because her aunt who is staying in Johannesburg had already invited
her for the entire recess period.

It was very pleasant and exciting to meet with my family after a long
time. As for Dineo, the dark cloud was covering her family as she had to
deal with the passing of her father who was involved in a dreadful
vehicle accident. She was still in Johannesburg when she received the

26
 The Colour of Love

news; she only managed to get to Lesotho on the day of her fathers
burial. When I spoke with her on the phone she sounded dejected and
emotionally drained. However, despite the fights and disagreements
she had with her late father she was still his daughter. It has always
been Dineos wish to work to restore e her relationship with her dad but
it became too late. This is a lesson that we need to love each other and
treat each other well while we are still alive. She awakened me the
harsh realities of being a foreign national living in South Africa.

My father who is a very dedicated school teacher was on leave that

gave my family an opportunity to go to town together. My dad was a
nobleman as he took us to a restaurant with my mother to dine. I am
telling you he modelled the man of my dreams. I would certainly not
drop my standards when choosing my life partner. My father then told
us of a certain teacher in his days who was strict he said that, that man
wanted them to imitate his standard of living, he would hit his students
and scold them for no reason. His students were afraid of him to an
extent that they gave him a nick name called; Mankankani. It was sad to
hear that my father was so terrified of this teacher, he was even afraid
of that teachers grave as it turned out that he eventually died from
heart attack after my father had graduated from college. I enjoyed more
of the stories that my father would relate to us about how he grew up
and how his parents managed to take them to school regardless of their
financial challenges, they did their best to Ensure that he becomes a
literate man.

During the afternoon while I was still sitting in my room, suddenly my

phone rang and it was a call from Jade. We spoke on the phone for a
while his reason for the call was to just check on me. After hanging up I
suddenly got the sense that he was not just checking on me but he had

27
 The Colour of Love

something that he was withholding from me; but maybe I am being

paranoid. However, there was just something unusual about him.

The next day I woke up very late because I was tired from yesterdays
events and the long day I had. However, I would not dispute that I had
fun. I did my morning devotions and prayers then I planned on what I
was going to do for the day. I organised my bed and then cleaned my
room. When I got to the kitchen my mother had already made me
breakfast so that they may timeously depart to town with my father. It
seemed as if my parents enjoyed shopping. I was left alone in the house,
my father later called to ensure that everything is still intact. My parents
were very surprised to find me busy with my home chores when they
returned home. Mom had to lend me a hand in finishing up and to
prepare food for supper afterwards we were all having a peaceful
dinner. In the morning, my uncle arrived at our home to visit us, but it
was not a social visit. He came to request a meeting with the family;
apparently, he wanted to speak to us about the man who once sexually
abused me. The man was due to get his medical and aging parole. My
uncle came and prepared us for the forthcoming event.

When I went to bed in my room I pretended to be sleeping. Well the

reality is that I never slept a wink. I was busy wrestling with my mind on
how I could possibly be in the same room with the man who destroyed
my life and stole my trust. Why did the court release him? Why so
soon? (She starts crying). I guess in my mind I was still thinking that he
was going to be in jail for a long period, in fact in my heart I was not
feeling any remorse for him, I wanted him to pay for the innocence that
he took from me. In fact, for my sake I wished that he was dead! (She
cries again and she covers her face in shame and despair).

The following day I was not feeling well I guess it was because I did not
have much sleep the previous night. I had a terrible headache and I was

28
 The Colour of Love

vomiting continuously to a point that I could not intake anything. It felt

as if my skull was going to be torn into two halves. The headache
persisted until I collapsed, when I regained my consciousness I was in
hospital and the doctors suspected that it was triggered by severe
stress.

When the doctor was done with his examinations he suggested that I
should be booked in for counselling because he felt that I did not deal
with the traumatic experiences of my teenage years. I had to be
admitted for a couple of days for rehabilitation. During my stay at the
centre I met this wonderful lady who told me about her life and how
she coped with a disability, she said that she coped by telling God all her
frustrations and weaknesses and she suggested that I should do the
same. As we were talking we were joined by a certain guy who was
using walking sticks. He also related his life experiences with us; he said
that he was involved in a car accident which left him paralysed and
using a wheelchair. He would take an hour just to arrive at church but
through the prayers and support from fellow Christians, he could move
from his wheelchair to using sticks for balance, so as part of his good
faith he came to donate the wheelchair to the centre.

After being discharged to go back home I was very determined to get

better. All I needed was full recovery. I went home quicker than I
thought. I believe that was because of my faith. I believed in the healing
power of God. We later sent a thank you card to the hospital as a token
of appreciation. I had to stay at home for some time for me to gain back
my strength and then get back to my studies as per doctors
instructions. The classes had already resumed. When I got back to
school I had no time to rest but I have very supportive friends who
helped me a lot. I just had to constantly visit my doctor for regular
check-ups. It was heart-warming to see the thank you card we sent to

29
 The Colour of Love

the hospital displayed in the ward I was once admitted in. The staff
members appreciated the effort.

30
 The Colour of Love

Chapter 4
Note to self

31
 The Colour of Love

T he following day I was feeling much better possibly because it was

the last Friday of the month. After the end of our classes I would usually
go out with Dineo. It was fun just to get out of the class room set up.
Dineo was also excited to spend time with me after recovering from my
hospital episode. I was dressed in my pair of jeans, a t-shirt and a pair of
snickers that my uncle bought for me. We had a lot of fun as girls! The
following day was a weekend and I felt lazy to do anything so I slept and
woke up late. The following morning, I was preparing myself to go to
church when my phone suddenly rang. Guess who that was? It was Jade
who wanted to come with me to church. It was a surprise to me
because Jade did not strike me as a person who would want to attend
church. The word for the day was based on John 3 verse 16 For God so
loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever
believeth in him should not perish, but has everlasting life. The message
was that we should know that God loves us passionately and He can do
anything for us, He even graciously gave His Only Son to us to die for our
sins. After the church service, we went to the nearby shop and had
lunch there, as we were sitting my heart started beating abnormally fast
and I was suddenly uncomfortable. Jade touched my hand and said
ever since the first time I set my eyes on you I knew that you were the
one for me, and I, I love you and please I dont want you to say anything
right now because I want you to go back and think about what I just told
you. I am serious about what I am telling you now and I would
appreciate if you take time because there is no pressure. I am not going
anywhere after he said those words he let go of my hand, I paused
for a while in a complete speechless mode. It was as if we were both
thinking of what to say to each other. We continued with other things
as though nothing has happened.

32
 The Colour of Love

When I got to my room on that Sunday I was puzzled at the event which
transpired late last night. I kept on asking myself what must I do now,
because I have never had someone proposing to me before, except for
this one occasion when I was still in high school. A guy was forcing me to
be involved with him to an extent that he held a gun on me with the
hope that I will get involved with him. But by Gods grace he was caught
red handed and he was arrested since then I became more cautious of
guys, for me I just saw men as people whom I should be extra careful
around. For some reason my mind always fed me with the rape
experience. I was walking in fear of being abused in the name of love.
What is love? Does it have any colour? God is love.

I kept on thinking about my conversation with Jade and wondered, what

a drastic turn of events. I thought that I was coming to study but instead
someone wants love from me. During those days, I became withdrawn
and distanced myself from the whole group to an extent that Dineo
confronted me about my actions. I had never experienced intimate love;
I did not know how to break the news to my friend. I am in love, I had
terrible encounters with people from the opposite sex therefore I was
thinking that love does not have value, even though I did grow up in
front of two people who loved each other so much, but when it came to
me it was a different story. The feelings of love and the emotions
attached to loving someone were foreign to me. I spend days trying to
avoid Jade because I knew that he would expect me to give him the
answer to his request.

33
 The Colour of Love

Chapter 5
Note to self

34
 The Colour of Love

I became busy for two months to an extent that I was not able to

meet up with Dineo for regular our outings. My schedule became busy
and kept me away from Jade. Anyway, it worked for my favour because
I was not yet ready to face him.

When the week started, we had an assignment to write an assay as part

of our group work. We decided to pick a topic that spoke about peoples
perception of others when it came to beauty. We compiled peoples
different responses on inner beauty in comparison to the outer beauty.
The topic also covered issues such as skin complexion and the different
hair textures that people use to define beauty. I remember stating that I
find it hard to differentiate between the two because if we say someone
is ugly then we are insulting Gods creativity, we are simply saying that
God is not a good artist. The phenomenon of beauty is very subjective
and controversial. We also focused on defining beauty by visually
impaired individuals. Our article was very comprehensive.

The article managed to capture our deans attention with our

systematic thesis and details. He was very impressed with our topic
because he also had uncertainties pertaining to the phenomenon. He
commended us for being brave and working hard on the assignment.
We each received money from the dean, which was a big deal. Later,
the same day we decided to go clubbing with my crew. There is always a
first time for everything, however not every first-time thing is great. It
appears I was the only one not enjoying the club environment. I am
telling you people drank their lives away. What an experience! As I was
sitting there in boredom a sudden fight arose, two guys fighting over a
girl. I remember running out to stand outside for my own safety. As I
was standing outside my frustration levels were

35
 The Colour of Love

increasing. It was dark, cold and very late. The only person I could
remember who had a car was Jade, even though I was not comfortable
to call him he was my only option.

Jade came to pick me up and there was complete silence in the car. He
was angry with me for clubbing at night; I mean who goes clubbing
during the day. I decided to narrate my club experience to him, well that
somehow cured our awkward moment. When we were about to reach
the university, he pulled by the side of the road and insisted that we talk
about his love proposal. He mentioned that I was the first women
whom he ever loved; apart from the old girl who Jades parents chose
for him but the relationship failed. We sat in the car for quite some time
as we were talking about numerous things; He was trying to convince
me that his words are genuine. I should give him a chance to show me
what true love is, I was having my own trust issues because of my past
experiences, in my mind there was no such a thing called real love, thus
I was not willing to give him a chance.

The week of the month end was my time to do my groceries therefore I

would normally ask Dineo to accompany me for safety. She came along
and that Saturday morning we went to do shopping and as we were
walking on the side of the road a car pulled next to us and guess who it
was? Jade he offered us a ride as he was also heading to town, well
we were grateful for his generosity which saved us our taxi fare. I was
sitting at the back and Dineo was sitting in the front seat. I did not know
how to react in the presence of Jade, I just froze. As we progressed with
our journey the road we travelled in was barricaded because of a group
of women protesting for womens right. We had to use an alternative
route to town, which was much longer. When we got to town Jade
dropped us near the supermarket and he quickly rushed to the bank,
the agreement with him was that we were going to call him

36
 The Colour of Love

once we are done. As we were waiting for him outside, Dineo asked a
peculiar question she said tell me my friend, is there something that is
happening between you and Jade? I replied in an amused tone why
are you asking me that? She went on and said he kept on looking at
you in the car as though something is happening between you two, is
there something that we should know that we do not know? When I
was about to answer, her Jade returned and I could not continue with
our conversation.

Sunday came and it was the thanks giving ceremony at church. I am glad
I made it a priority to attend as it was a great event. When I got back
from church I received a surprise call from my mother and as I was
talking to her I recalled something that was said by my English teacher,
she said to me, my daughter secrets are like a dirty fungus which is
rotten and cannot hide its terrible smell from people and it always has a
way of making its mark for people to notice, but once it surfaces it can
destroy. But in this case, it was to heal the wounds that were
underlying in ones heart. My mother was calling to tell me that the man
who raped me wanted to see me as soon as possible. After speaking
with my mother, I felt agitated that the man wanted to put me in an
awkward position. After I wrestled with these thoughts for some time I
realised that I also needed some answers from him therefore I had to
meet with him. My first question to him was going to be why did you
hurt me so much? I wanted him to give me an honest answer as, I
guess that was another way for me to be able to get the closure I
needed.

I decided to go home the following week to meet this man, when I

arrived at home my uncle, my aunt and my parents were there. We
decided to go the following day to his house. Apparently, he was very
sick, staying with his sister who was looking after him. When we

37
 The Colour of Love

got there I felt empty until we got inside the house. I was suddenly
feeling very weak on my knees, when we got to his room there was that
terrible smell that indicated that this man was very sick, when he saw
me entering the room his first words were I am sorry he repeatedly
said those words and his voice was shaking as if he wanted to cry. I just
stood there not knowing what to say because I had a lot of mixed
emotions that I eventually cried. There is a saying that crying cleanses
the soul I believe that it is true. When my emotions surpassed we could
talk through what we felt and I eventually forgave him. I did not find
sufficient reasons not to grant him his last wish on earth. I had to
forgive him to free myself from sleepless nights, nightmares, fear and
pitying myself. I needed to set free and continue to focus on my self-
development. All I ever wanted was to heal myself from all the
heartaches and trauma that I held on to for years. After that whole
heavy session of many outbursts and hard feelings which were being
bottled up, we forgave each other. Before we could leave he gave me
an envelope and he said that I must not open it today, when we got
home I took a long bath then went straight to bed. That day I slept like a
baby.

The following day my father received a call from long-time friend who
used to work with them as a teacher. My fathers friend relocated to
America after marrying his high school sweetheart and now they have a
daughter. They were on vacation in South Africa to show their daughter
Lebo the origins of her forefathers. Lebo and her parents came to visit
us for dinner one night. Lebo is a very fascinating person, she wanted to
know more about the motherland so we had a long chat and she also
told me about life in the States. She was very fascinated by my blindness
condition. Myself on the other end I was happy to have found a new
friend.

38
 The Colour of Love

The next day I had to return to the university. The journey was very long
as I travelled in a bus and it was very hot during the summer season. As
the bus was cruising I started thinking about what that man said to me;
his words kept on echoing in my mind.

When I finally arrived at the university the first thing I did was to jump
into the shower to cool myself down. Thereafter, I prepared food and
had my meal before informing my parents of my safe arrival. As I was
relaxing the envelope crossed my mind. I became very curious about
what could possibly be in the envelope. I had to find someone I trust to
read it for me. Dineos name came to my mind. The following day I went
to Dineo and asked her to read the letter inside the envelope for me.
We sat at the modest balcony then she started reading Dear Lerato it is
with my sincere apology that I write you this letter, I know that my
devious and cruel actions cannot be easily forgivable, but I humble
myself asking for your forgiveness, please find it in your heart to forgive
me. To show you how sorry I am I have decided to give you my house as
well as an amount of one million rand for your studies. Hope you are
okay and well and again forgive me! The letter further explained how I
was going to get the money that was left for my studies, when Dineo
was done reading the letter for me she left me Digest the news on the
letter.

I started thinking about what I wanted to do with the money; I was

confused not knowing what I wanted to do but overcoming financial
lack was my main goal. Another thought crept in me that this man might
be trying to buy his way out of trouble. It felt as though by accepting the
money I will be selling my soul. This was puzzling. How will other
women who went through the same thing perceive me? This will be
betrayal to them. After a long period of self-introspection, I had to let go
of my miserable state and refrain from dragging people into my pain.

39
 The Colour of Love

My family had already moved on, hence I also decided to let go and
move on.

40
 The Colour of Love

Chapter 6
Note to self

41
 The Colour of Love

A fter two weeks, I got a call from my mother telling me that the man

passed away. After speaking to my mother, I started thinking about how

life can be so unpredictable. One minute you see a person and the next
they are gone from the face of the earth. I learned that life is too short
to have unresolved issues. We need to resolve our issues while there is
still time to do so.

During the week, I heard Dineo saying that she was going home to
Lesotho to prepare herself for her fathers cleansing ceremony which
had to take place during the same week. When she was getting back, as
she was walking in the street just after she got off the taxi, she was
confronted by two guys who mugged and raped her. They left her in a
pool of blood, but with Gods mercy she was saved by a certain man
who said he was a pastor of a local church. He took her to the hospital
and informed me via a phone call about the incident. When I heard this,
I felt miserable and angry at the world, I kept on asking God many
questions such as why!?

She had to stay in hospital for the period of one month because she was
deeply wounded and they kept her for further treatment. Even though
she was going to take time to heal physically, the emotional scars cut
deep. Despite all that had transpired, I thanked God that she survived.
When time went on I could see that she was trying to be better but she
struggled to trust people. I invited her to church and she agreed to
come along. When the church was over there was a meeting organised
by a certain lady pastor for abused and raped victims. We joined the
support group even though Dineo was a bit reluctant.

42
 The Colour of Love

The year went on and it was around the month of September when I got
a call from a newspaper printing and magazine company. They were
offering an internship to media students. I was very excited to be
equipped with practical skill to develop my career path. It was not as
easy as I had imagined. The first day when I arrived there were a lot of
student interns, but I was the only blind student and it seemed like the
company was not prepared for a person with my condition. All the
students who were there with me were given their equipment and work
to do and I was left alone in isolation with nothing to do. I used to just
go there just to sit and do nothing; it was very frustrating to be placed in
an office with absolutely nothing to do. Instead I was like a trophy that
was advertised around to the sponsors that there is a person with a
peculiar condition in our midst.

My internship experience was emotionally draining and I was always

fatigued. At some point, I wanted to quit. One morning as I was
preparing myself to go to work a sudden feeling of inferior complex
overtook me and I felt powerless. I found myself questioning my
existence on earth; I felt so powerless almost to a point that I did not
even have enough energy to face the day ahead of me. I did not see the
point of life, in my mind I thought of all the people that I knew who are
living everyday perusing their purpose and as for me I saw myself as a
helpless individual who lived under people arms. What is my purpose on
earth? (She wipes tears on her face) I would sometimes ask myself
weather God knew about me and my existence, I felt desolated and
miserably in despair. No one could relate with my situation of being
blind and abused.

There is no prayer that goes unanswered and God finally answered my

prayers. One morning I received a call from my former supervisor
offering me an opportunity to offer my peer counselling services as I

43
 The Colour of Love

previously did and this time I was compensated. The opportunity came
at the right time as I needed money. Suddenly I could attach meaning to
my life. I was very consistent in getting my job done and meeting
deadlines. I could ironically do it with my eyes closed (she laughs).

The next morning it was very cold and drizzling. I also felt a heavy wind
blowing me from side to side. I just could not comprehend how one can
experience three seasons in one day. Well! That is the South African
weather at times. Regardless of the weather condition, I remained
passionate and consistent at work; absenteeism is not part of my
identity. As I was walking by the side of the road, a school bus pulled in
front of me and the driver offered me a ride to the taxi rank. I was
grateful as that saved me from freezing and probably arriving late. After
long hours of hard work, I decided to visit the bank to withdraw my
money. To my dismay when I arrive at the bank I discovered that
someone hacked into my account and stole all the money I had.
Surprisingly the bank manager thought I was behind the act. Can you
believe this? I mean how could I possibly steal from myself and act
surprised? I figured that there seemed to be a trend of bad incidents
occurring in my life. The following month I lost my cell phone in my own
home. My mother had called in a certain guy to come and help us with
painting the house. It turned out that the person was a thief who saw
an opportunity to steal my phone. After I spoke to Jade on the phone I
plugged it on the charger next to my CD cassette. I remember that very
clearly because I was listening to music earlier that day, little did I know
that it will be the last time I hold both my phone and CD cassette. Whilst
my mother was busy in the kitchen I was sitting in the dining room
where this guy was, but he still succeeded to stealing in my midst. The
police were called, but they could not offer any help as there was no
substantial evidence. It became a futile exercise.

44
 The Colour of Love

Chapter 7
Note to self

45
 The Colour of Love

D uring my last month at work, my supervisor called me to his office

and read me a report which he had to submit to the University. I was

not happy with my performance review as he had stated that I was
unable to perform my duties because the company did not have the
resources for a blind employee or trainee. I struggled to digest the bad
report. Well! Life had to go on. My parents never gave up on me as they
have always been my source of strength. The thought of being in the
same company for the whole year was not easy, considering that my
first quarter was not good. Time progressed and at the end of the year I
received an improved report. I grew in faith and believed that all things
are working for my good, it all worked for my good. The improved
report gave me hope that I will graduate. The Internship was a
determining factor, so I had no other option but to do exceptionally
well. During my internship year, I came across one lady in the company I
worked for. Her character fascinated me; she was very polite and
driven. She reached out to me with an attempt to understand my world.
I always open to individuals who seemed interested in knowing me
hence I spent some time with her with endless conversations. She was
very encouraging and advised me not to give up on my dreams. In her
words, she would say patience is the mother of success.

During that week, there was an event that was taking place for the
elderly organised by the government entities and different
stakeholders, so my manager wanted me to take part and then
nominated me to attend. It was a wonderful event which our paper had
to capture. Dukes were on fleek as that was the theme for the day.
After the event my supervisor offered to take me back home. On that
day, I realised that I am not the best person to give out directions, we
got lost and everyone was confused as they have never been to my

46
 The Colour of Love

home before. The only person who could give clear directions was my
mother but she was not at home at that time. Well my last hope was
Jade; he came to our rescue because he was familiar with the place. We
called him then he immediately drove to collect me. I felt so
embarrassed that I could not give clear directions to my home. When
we arrived at home we started laughing at the drama as I related the
story to my mother, that story reminded me of my varsity years where I
would get lost on campus and when I finally get my way to the class the
lesson would already be over.

Few weeks later the internship was over and Dineo was focusing on her
studies again. This time around visiting home weekly was not practical
as she needed all the time to focus to obtain her qualification. After
being away from home for a while she decided to take a weekend break
from her studies to visit her parents. When she got home her father was
also coming back from work in the afternoon when the taxi that he was
travelling in collided with a car on the road, the taxi was badly hit from
the crash and Leratos father was among those that lost their lives on
the spot.

I have never cried so bitterly in my entire life, it felt as if my heart was

torn into two halves. I could just not make peace with the fact that I will
never get to communicate with my father anymore. I felt bad and
bemoaned not visiting home sooner. At least I would have spoken to my
father for the last time before losing his breathe. This was just painful
and heart breaking. I felt trapped in my emotions as though I was a
butterfly bottled without air. The burial day was the worst; it was even
harder for my mother to keep it together as it was beginning to sink in
that my father is no more! My mothers partner in crime for many years
was truly gone and he is not coming back. Weeks passed and months
turned into years and slowly the pain grew to be bearable, but we

47
 The Colour of Love

always missed his presence in our lives more especially my mother.

After all my dad was her husband for many years and their bond was
not going to be broken anytime and not even by death itself.

When I went back to varsity to resume with my studies my priorities had

now changed and I was more determined to finish my studies in
memory of my father. I wanted his memory of loving education to be
honoured, so I dedicated all my time and energy to my studies with the
determination to complete my qualification as he would have wanted
me to when he was still alive. The road to finishing was a very tough
one; it would sometimes feel like it will never come to an end. It was
during this time when I received tremendous support from my family
and Jade. Where on earth does, this white man come from?

Towards the last days before graduating I was suddenly losing the
passion and self-doubt developed in my heart. I saw my life of many
years studying coming to a long halt and my future being doomed. I
think that was caused by the pain of my fathers death that took a strain
on me. I looked up to him and I did not want to disappoint him, no one
could replace the relationship I had with my father. I would remember
those days when I would make him a promise that I was going to buy
him a lazy boy chair with my first pay cheque because he enjoyed
sleeping on a couch during his recess. I was missing my dad so much I
would sometimes wake up in the middle of the night thinking that I
heard his voice down the passage calling my name, as he would
normally call me. I remember those days when he used to say Lee, my
princess, please come this side when he wants us to have tea together.
My dad had a very firm but loving voice, it was almost the same as
Jades voice.

When the year ended, I went back home to wait for my results from the
University. I was very anxious however my trust in God kept me sane. I

48
 The Colour of Love

worked very hard throughout the years, I deserved to graduate. I waited

for my results in anticipation until Dineo influenced me to travel with
her to collect our results. It was on Tuesday morning when we
embarked on a journey to varsity to collect our academic transcripts. I
asked my cousin Thato to accompany me to town where we met up
with Dineo. I was tired as I never slept a wink. We finally arrived at the
University, went straight to our faculty and collected our results. My
nerves prevented me from opening my results. I have always achieved
distinctions; however somehow I could not handle my nerves at this
point. I then Asked Dineo and my cousin to open the results on my
behalf, Guess what? I was graduating. Jade called me later that day to
tell me that he and Thabo aced the exams and they too will be
graduating on the week after our graduation.

I always dreamed of owning my own publications company in which I

will be publishing mainly magazines and newspapers as well as books.
My vision is to integrate the company with a coffee shop that has an
internet caf at the top floor. I have always loved an idea of owning my
own business and not depending on being employed by someone else. I
refuse to be underutilised.

49
 The Colour of Love

Chapter 8
Note to self

50
 The Colour of Love

M y mother was pleased and very excited to receive the good news

of my graduation; she wanted the whole world to know that her

daughter will be graduating from university. I ensured that my uncle and
aunt were also informed about the good news before anyone else could
know. They contributed to my success through their love and endless
sacrifices. Off course I could not forget the people from my church who
contributed with their prayers.

On the day before my graduation my mother went to withdraw money

from the bank. To our shock someone hacked into her account and stole
all the money she had. This was very strange, the same thing happened
to me previously. My uncle and aunt came to our rescue, they ensured
that all the necessary costs are covered and I looked the best for my
graduation. My uncle drove me to the graduation venue. It crossed my
mind that my father passed away on the same day and time as my
graduation. I could tell that my mother was walking through memory
lane; she was frowning and having teary eyes. There were many
students who were graduating on that day, my name and the
qualification was called towards the end. I was so impatient thinking
that perhaps they forgot about me. Finally I was called on to the stage
and as my name was called LERATO MBHELE I knew from that
moment that I was not dreaming. . I received the certificate and I was
congratulated by the professors which boosted my confidence. I turned
to face the crowd, they started screaming and clapping hands, I felt so
honoured and truly blessed. When I got to the other side of the room I
passed other ladies who were very excited for me, I received a bag with
a pen and a key holder with my name engraved on it as part of the
graduation gift. We left the university very late that day. My family
prepared a thanksgiving meal to celebrate my achievement.

51
 The Colour of Love

As I reflected on my graduation ceremony heaven came to mind. I

wonder how it would be if Heaven has a similar reception as the
graduation ceremony, where God is a chancellor who gives certificates
to all those who have done well on earth and we are all wearing white
gowns, instead of black ones and the angels singing song of triumph,
how wonderful would that be!

Jade took me to a resort designed to accommodate blind individuals as

a way of celebrating my achievement. The animals at the resort were
tamed wild animals. On arrival, we took a tour around the place and we
were guided on how to explore the resort. I could touch each animal
and feel how it looked like, animals such as the lion, tiger, snakes,
elephants and so on. I enjoyed myself and learned a lot as I have never
experienced anything of that nature. I have always known that Jade has
a good heart; I just never knew how romantic he could be. He bought
me a box of chocolate, a bunch of red and white flowers. He made my
day special by doing anything that I requested. I felt like a princess and
honoured. Jade asked me to give him the answer to his proposal
question? I thought he would have figured it out since we have been
spending time together. But he was ready for whatever answer I was to
give him. After a long consideration and digesting his question I realised
that I love him. We have been through a lot together. I finally accepted
his proposal and he jumped with excitement. He lifted me up and kissed
me for the very first time. That day will forever remain memorable in
my heart.

We had lunch and went through the different meaning of our names. I
informed him that Lerato means love. The love that my parents had for
each other, hence I was born. He then told me that his name is a colour.
Then we both wondered what could be the colour of love?

52
 The Colour of Love

When we returned from the trip the weather changed, a heavy rain
suddenly poured. Jade was so brave; he drove through that terrible
storm until we safely arrived at home. That night I did not sleep as I kept
on thinking about the wonderfully spent day with the love of my life.

My mother and I developed a strong bond after the passing of my

father. Some of our neighbours became jealous of our relationship, they
made our lives difficult. There were days where we would find waste
thrown next to our yard and sometimes it was thrown inside the yard
until one day my mother decided to call the local counsellor to come
and intervene. Thereafter there was even more turmoil. One of the
neighbours even intended to gun us down; fortunately, the police
officers came to our rescue. Through it all I have realised that God has
always had our back.

Just when I thought I struggled as a blind university student, being

unemployed also became a challenge. As I was waiting for my sponsor
to process my qualification before they can place me in their company it
appears they will never call me back. I remember applying for a job
advertised by a company looking to employ people with disabilities. I
was so excited and had my hopes high. When I got to the company I was
told to return as they only needed people with physical disabilities not
visually impaired individuals. In their own words blinds are expensive.
Well, I did not give up; I continued to search for more jobs. As I was
searching I came across another company looking for a marketing
expert. Having obtained training in marketing I applied for the post with
confidence. During the interview, I suddenly became nervous and began
to stutter while answering questions. At some stage the lady who was
conducting the interview released me to catch a breath for a while.
Obviously due to that I did not get the job.

53
 The Colour of Love

While I was still looking for a company that can employ me, I also
thought about opening my own business. I decided to visit a certain
organisation which was based in Diepkloof. That organisation taught me
to make cleaning detergents for commercial motives. Well the business
was not bad but as time went by I grew tired and I left. Weeks went by
and I was still unemployed. I received a call one Monday morning from
one of the sponsors informing me about a job offer and that I will be
starting on the first of February as a journalist. I was happy to have
found the job of my dreams. This was truly Gods making and not my
own doing. When I first started, it was not as easy as I had anticipated it
to be, but as time progressed I could get hold of things and I could move
around on my own in the building. I encountered challenges when I had
to go back home and travelling to work in the morning. Town is such a
busy place to walk on my own, I would sometimes find assistance from
different security personnel and people who are pedestrian on the road,
though other days were better than others. I experienced challenges
during rainy days; you can just imagine walking holding an umbrella in
one hand, a walking cane on the other and having to concentrate with
people pushing on all sides. The experience was very frustrating. I would
cast out all that frustrations by praying to God to give me strength daily.

I spoke to Jade on the phone each day; we made it our priority to keep
each other informed about everything that occurs. After a week of
starting my new job, Jade lost his father who was diagnosed with
cancer. It was very sad; his father was a prominent doctor of the time. I
relate better to the pain that he felt because I once lost a father and it
was the most terrible thing that could have ever happened to a human
being. One Thursday as I was getting to work not knowing that the
buses were on strike and the taxi queue would be long, we waited in the
cold clueless of what was happening. I even arrived late at

54
 The Colour of Love

work on that day. Later during the day, I was surprisingly called into my
managers office to meet with the company director. Apparently, the
meeting was organised by our director who wanted to know if I was
happy to be working as a journalist or whether I should be moved to
another department as it was suggested by my manager without
consulting me. I was so offended and angry simply because my manager
did not discuss that with me before involving our director. When I got
home that evening I related the story to my mother, I wanted to leave
that place and quit as I felt that I was never appreciated and valued. My
mother just said to me be patient my child all will be fine, you will see
and I said to her out of frustration I am blind now when will that
happen ma? The following week our office had a water burst and we
all had to be escorted out of the building and because of that the
electricity was off, thus the escalators were also not working therefore
we had to use the stairs to go down, it was a very scary experience but
thank God we were all safe.

Dineo called me to plan a reunion since we last saw each other during
our graduation. She invited Thabo and Jade to join us to sustain our
friendship. We agreed to meet at my home on Saturday. I prepared a
meal for them and they decided to postpone on the day of the event,
our meeting was rescheduled for another time. During our meeting,
Jade made an unexpected announcement; he just stood up and
announced to everyone that we are in courtship and now the attention
was on us. It felt a bit awkward because I was not prepared to explain
myself to anyone especially on the issues of race and my disability. Jade
always used to say that love does not have colour and it knows no
boundaries. As the saying goes when one heart beating and it finds
another one that beats the same, then there is something beautiful
worth the experience, he went on and said that when he was still
young he used to watch movies on soldiers at war and he observed

55
 The Colour of Love

how wars could be unpredictable. He stated that love is the same as war
and he continued to say that, you, Lerato you are my being, my friend
and the love of my life. During that moment, I was shy like a young
school girl. It was as if I could just bury myself and come out when
everything was gone. Jade was a romantic man, I particularly admired
how he looked at me. Dineo was one person who encouraged our
relationship to continue, she was constantly positive.

After that day Jade and I hanged around more often and my mother
noticed the pattern. One day she called me to ask what was happening
between Jade and I; even though she was suspicious about us she
believed me when I told her that we were just friends. I was not yet
ready to tell her about my love life. The relationship between me and
Jade was secretive. I feared that my family would not approve of him as
a potential man in my life, but I knew that my family would trust my
judgement and choices in life.

One day my mother decided to cook lunch for the family and she
suggested that I must invite Jade since he was still around. As we were
sitting around the table my mother started a conversation with Jade,
with the aim of getting more information about Jade and his family. Our
friendship was difficult due to the stigma attached to mixed race
relationship. We could also notice that it was a bit awkward for
everyone seated there.

My mother was impressed that her daughter could make friends despite
living with a disability. I was surprised when she told me that she was
fond of Jade. She even said that the calibre of Jade would make a good
husband for her daughter. I wondered if she would be able to deal with
the family pressure and peoples negative comments should her wish be
granted. Well, we shall cross that bridge when we reach it. When we
were sitting with my mother on that day, I asked her

56
 The Colour of Love

why do people get married? she said people get married because they
love each other. I became very worried because I knew that I could not
conceive my own children due to the abuse I experienced. I did not
want to deprive Jade an opportunity of being a father and having his
own future family. It is every couples dream to have kids of their own,
even though Jade said that he did not mind, it has never stopped being
my concern.

As time went on Jade became a regular visitor and spent more time at
my home. My mother did not have any problem with that, she
understood our love. My uncle found out that I was courting a white
person and he was not happy. He asked very provocative questions and
insisted that I date someone of my ethnic group. He even went as far as
telling me that if I did not end the senseless love affair he will disown
me. I cried the whole night, and then the following day I called Jade to
end things between us. I feared that my uncle was not approving of our
relationship and I did not want to disrespect my uncle. I have never
seen or heard from Jade for some time. I became angry at my uncle and
the whole family for interfering in my love life.

I took a day off from work to calm my nerves and to effectively deal
with the whole fiasco. I went and sat at my favourite spot at the park
and as I was sitting down at the park a certain guy came and sat next to
me, we then started to talk about life and how unfair it can be at times.
Life doesnt always give you what you want but gives endless lessons.
We shared our experiences and for some reason I told him about Jade
and the predicament we are facing in our love life. He also told me
about his divorce and how his wife ran to another man with their two
sons. His wife left him and ran away with a lecturer. He was never given
a chance to raise his sons, and he even attempted to commit suicide
twice. As he was talking I suddenly recalled that Jade once

57
 The Colour of Love

related a similar story to me, he said that his mother got married to his
father who she did not love but was forced by her parents to get
married to him because he was a rich man. As time went by Jade and his
younger brother were raised by this other man who they called father
for a long time. When we departed, I asked him to write me his contact
details on a piece of paper, he called himself Mr Jan Swissburg.

When I got home I found my mother worried as she thought that I was
lost or something had happened to her only daughter. After I left the
police came and surrounded our house, they believed that there was a
suspect hidden in our house. They searched our home and found
nothing. It was a wrong tip off. Can you believe that?

The following week I woke up and prepared myself to go to work and

face life challenges ahead of me. My main concern was to collect as
much money as possible and leave the working environment to pursue
my purpose. I believe that I was created to be on this earth to fulfil a
certain purpose and that purpose was not to work for the rest of my
life. As the day progressed I got a very nasty call telling me that my state
agent got shot during a car hijack. I was so puzzled when I got the news;
my only prayer was that God should keep him alive, for my sake
because I needed his help. During lunch, I got a call from Thabo, he said
that he was not enjoying his life he is used to being around his friends
and now that we have separated into our own endeavours it feels
strange. He felt alone, he went on and said that he was with Jade and
said that Jade was no longer a happy person.; Jade told him that he is in
love with me, It seemed as though my family will not give him the
opportunity to express that love. I am the only girl that he loves and
without me he does not see a future for himself on this earth. I was so
surprised! Jade has never expressed his feelings before. He kept them

58
 The Colour of Love

to himself but went and told Thabo I thought, he must be truly hurting
inside.

When my lunch hour was over I decided to give Jade a call just to check
on him. We spoke and we decided to meet. He picked me up from work
and we had our discussion over drinks. When I got home that night I
was so exhausted from the days activities I did not even touch my
supper. I could not stop thinking of Jade.

59
 The Colour of Love

Chapter 9
Note to self

60
 The Colour of Love

T he following day I reported to work and my morning started on a

good note but during the day I got a lashing from my supervisor for
leaving work early. On that day, I had to leave work late to make her
happy. On that day, I had to catch the last bus at night. When I arrived
at home I was exhausted from a long day and emotionally drained. My
mother was very worried about me because I did not arrive home at the
time she expected me. It felt like I was just receiving one raw deal after
another, what kind of life is one living; it seems as if I have no sense of
belonging on this earth! Earlier that day as I was sitting at my desk with
my headset on; trying to write my article my colleague came in the
office causing distraction. She just came in and started making
unsettling noise which was inconsiderate because I was using a voice
recognition computer that requires silence. For some odd reason, it
appears she deliberately made noise with an aim to distract me because
she understood my condition. I prayed to God that I should hold on
remain, remain persistent and resilient. All I wanted was to obtain my
work experience; therefore, I could not give up. I had to resist the devil
and fight against any opposing force to achieve my goal.

As I was travelling back home from work, I met Thabo in the same bus. I
was excited to see him; we found a place to sit and had a long chat
about our past experiences at school. As we were talking he told me
about his fathers kind and compassionate character and how he took
good care of their family. He was also told me that his father was
concerned about their education; he used to monitor their progress by
constantly consulting with their school principal concerning their
grades. That stirred me to pursue my music qualification followed by my
journalism qualification. Sadly, Thabos dad also passed away, he could
have been very proud of his own son. Thabo did not seem like someone
who was in an intimate relationship. Out of my curiosity I asked him
about his love life. He told me that he was once in a relationship with a
lady whom he dearly loved, however the relationship failed.

61
 The Colour of Love

His lady moved to another country and their relationship could not
survive the distance. He said that he is afraid of being hurt again, so he
prefers to rather wait to meet a compatible partner who is willing to
commit for a lifetime. It was at that point when I realised how valuable
Jade is to me. Thabo continued with the narration about his late friend
who could not survive diabetes. He was also diagnosed with the same
chronic illness shortly after the death of his friend. His medical condition
has been a hindrance on him committing to any relationship. He fears to
die leaving his loved ones behind. Despite that he still believes in the
existence of love.

Each day has its own challenges and it is during those challenges when
individuals discover the love of God and learn the significance of prayer.
It is the nature of human beings to always complain without reflecting
on the mercy of God. We tend to neglect the greatness of God. We all
have a purpose and it is through prayer that our purpose is revealed to
us. I finally arrived home after a long dramatic day at work. Sometimes I
tend to feel as though our employers or leaders at work take us for
granted, I mean considering what happened to me, its like I am a
project in progress. I am not valued or taken serious. A week that
followed was also not a pleasant one, our company implemented an
awareness campaign for people living with disabilities and the event
was hosted at a nearby stadium. As I was walking across I slipped and
fell on my back. The camera captured the incident and I became a
laughing stock. I struggled to stand up and one of the guys who had a
mental disability had to lift me up. I was so embarrassed and
uncomfortable to walk around as everyone kept asking if I was fine. This
ordeal made me to think much harder about what I wanted in life and
where I want to see myself in the future. That thought was solely
concerning Lerato. I was grateful for the starter pack and it is through
the grace of God that I am keeping my head up. I saw a need to thank
and appreciate Gods favour upon my life. As I reflected on my life I took
a conscious decision to be grateful for my life.

Later that night I received a call from a dear friend of mine, he said that
he was still working in the United State; it was very interesting to

62
 The Colour of Love

discover that he is now a father to two wonderful kids. We spoke for a

long time as I had a lot of staff that I wanted to tell him. When he hung
up I was happy as I have been longing for that debriefing session.

63
 The Colour of Love

Chapter 10
Note to self

64
 The Colour of Love

T he week came to an end and I phoned Jade asking him to come over

for us to plan our future and the direction we were going to take. We
went to a restaurant, had our meal and spoke about our relationship
goals and expectations. It can be difficult when your relationship is not
approved or supported by your family. We sat there for a long time
trying to figure out what to do about this matter in our hearts and
eventually we decided to continue with our relationship without
approval from any of our families. We were both not willing to give up
on our valuable love. Jade assured me that he is willing to fight for us till
the end. As young people, we both desired to travel the world, we both
envisioned ourselves on vacation in Cape Town. South Africa is a
beautiful country with diverse things to explore, Jade and I desired to
explore South Africa as a pair.

I was excited to embark on a journey to view the house that was left for
me by my former abuser. I finally moved on with my life and accepted
the precious gift. I eventually took the decision to move on with my life
and to accept that my past does not define me. My plan was to turn the
house into a coffee shop and an internet caf or a centre that will
empower other women living with disabilities to recognise their full
potential. Lerato is multitalented; she used to sing at church and in the
bus, every morning. I would sometimes wonder why I did not pursue a
career in arts as I am also a good actress.

During the day as I was sitting with my mother I received a call from the
paramedics who obtained my numbers from Jades phone. The
paramedics phoned from the hospital to inform me that Jade was
involved in a motor vehicle accident and he is hospitalised. I was
heartbroken to hear such devastating news. Jade sounded

65
 The Colour of Love

disorientated and in pain when I spoke to him. I kept wondering how

Jade ended up in an accident, he is one of the best drivers I know. I
prayed endlessly for him as I believed that the love of my life will fully
recover. Jade lost his memory and he was unable to recognise me; that
bruised my heart. To top it all, he only remembers his former girlfriend,
whom he dated before he met me. What was I supposed to do? I kept
asking myself; what if he never ever remembers me? Is this the end of
our love? You know when the heart of a woman loves it loves for real. It
was hard for me to understand what was happening to us, it was like an
ocean overflowing. I kept on asking myself is this the end of our
relationship? But I kept praying for his healing and recovery. At some
point, it felt like Jade was hurting me deliberately because he was
uncouth towards me whenever we spoke, he even denied being my
better half.

One day as I was walking by the side of the road minding my own
business, a car suddenly pulled in front of me. A guy offered me a ride.
At first I was reluctant but he managed to convince me and I eventually
got inside the car. As we were talking it turned out that this person is a
medical doctor and it was not the first time he saw me. He had slowly
developed love for me and now he got an opportunity to propose to
me. I was not persuaded with what he said at first because I knew how
men can be now and again. Nonetheless I agreed to go out on a date
with him.

During those days of Jades denial of me it was so difficult to accept the

situation; I saw myself as a failure hence I found it difficult to cope. His
mother was not even in support of our relationship. She thought that
her son deserved someone better than me. During those days, I would
go to sleep early and only wake up in the middle of the night crying over
Jade as he was the only man I ever loved in my entire life. I was very

66
 The Colour of Love

patient with Jade even though it seemed like I was fighting a losing
battle. I continually prayed that he may be well even if he might not
remember me. The doctor who proposed to marry me was also not
giving me a break; it was like someone had just sent him to distract me
from Jade. I needed a shoulder to cry on, so he came at the convenient
time in my life. However, I did not let those feelings distract me I
declined his proposal and suggested that we remain friends.

One day I was sitting in my office at work when a lady who is working as
a cleaner came to clean my office. We spoke about love and what it
meant to us as individuals, she then said something unusual that left me
thinking about my relationship with Jade. She verbalised that love was
never thought to respect colour and boundaries. She continued and
stipulated that laughter is the cures sadness and if we were a laughing
nation then the world would be a better place. There is no harmony on
earth because people are not happy. The rest of that day I was
pondering on how to tackle my relationship challenges with Jade. I also
had to confront my uncle about his stereotypical views concerning my
love life. When I knocked off on that day I was accompanied by one of
the security ladies to the bus station. Our bus was twenty minutes late.
As we were travelling we encountered road works and the usual road
was closed so we arrived very late at home.

When I got to work the next day, I was expected to present my proof of
registration with the journalism professional board. What a shock! I just
realised I am not registered yet I have been paying for all these years! I
was troubled because they threatened to discontinue my professional
licence. I was concerned about my mother because she is financially
dependent on me. Losing my job would make things difficult. It gave me
a sense of purpose to do something for my parent. I regret not pursuing
a different profession; perhaps I would not have

67
 The Colour of Love

encountered many challenges. However, I still had money in the bank

and a house in my name worth R350 000, probably I should consider
starting my own business. Later that evening I got a call from Jades
cousin who was very rude towards me, she told me that her family does
not approve of our relationship therefore I should stay away from Jade.
She further said that I am not good enough for Jade as I am black and
blind. I was not startled by her rude comments as that was clear from
the very onset, just like dust which has ascended it will descend and I
will have rest. The comments were hush but I decided that I was not
going to let it perturb me, as if I do not know who I was. My name is
Lerato which means love, therefore instead of being bitter I will
dispense love and tolerance towards those that do not understand me. I
am saying this because sometimes I would find it very hard to cope in
society and at my work place, but through it all I knew that love
conquers all.

When time went on Jade got better and he was recovering, his memory
was slowly recovering. Unfortunately, it was late for us as there was no
hope for our relationship I still loved him however I did not see a
positive future for us. My aim was to let him get well so that I will be
able to express my feelings to him. I became emotionally drained from
everything that took place around me in those days. I nearly got
bumped by cars because I went into a red robot unaware that it was
red. I heard people screaming at me to stop, I have never been so
scared in my life and the first thing I did when I got to the office was to
thank God for His travelling mercy and grace towards my life. This got
me thinking about how short life is and it should be cherished. God
always has a purpose for our lives. God loves us so much that He does
not attach any colour to His love. It was on the 21st of May when we
celebrated the birth of my mother, the day was successfully celebrated
with the help from my uncle and cousins. during that week, I received a

68
 The Colour of Love

call from Jades younger brother who knew me very well; he told me
that Jade endeavoured to commit suicide but it was not successful
however he is readmitted in hospital and he wanted to see me. I kept
on wondering why he wanted to see me; I mean it was clear that I was
no longer a part of his life. I arranged with his brother to accompany me
to visit him in hospital. When we got there I suddenly felt
uncomfortable. When we got to his cubicle he was joyful to see us even
though he sounded very feeble. A few minutes later his brother left us
and went to the shops to get him something fruity. Jade apologised for
his ill-treatment towards me and extended an apology for the way his
family acted towards me. I confronted him about his ex-girlfriend and
he told me that he cannot recall anything and claimed that he probably
spoke under the influence of medication during that time. He assured
me that I am the only love of his life. I had to think deep about the
genuineness of his words.

69
 The Colour of Love

Chapter 11
Note to self

70
 The Colour of Love

W e finally tried resolving things and restoring our relationship it

seemed like his behaviour was influenced by his family. When I got
home on that day I found my uncle fuming. He felt that I was being
defiant by continuing my relationship with the white man. I felt
humiliated because he verbalised his aversion in front of Jades sibling.
To worsen things, he chased him out like a dog. My uncle was a very
hard nut to crack. The next morning, I was exhausted and I decided not
to go to church. Days passed without hearing from Jade and I decided to
give him a call and to my surprise he was already discharged from the
hospital. Those were good news because it meant he had fully
recovered. He had to undergo counselling as part of the intervention to
help him re-adapt to his native environment. We became closer than
before, I was noticing some changes in him, he was a more soother and
he looked forward to fixing his life. He desired to be reunited with his
biological father. As we were conversing one day I told him about the
man that I met at the park and how I was suspecting the similarities in
Jades story to that t mans story. Jade was willing to look for Mr
Swissburg, as he believed that the man might be his biological father.
He drove for the whole day looking around in the area that I had told
him about and he also phoned the numbers that I gave to him. To our
amusement the man I met at the park was indeed Jades biological
father. Jade took his father to meet up with his entire family. One
weekend we decided to go and buy a new computer which I will be
using, we were directed to go to certain shop selling specialised
computers for blind people. When we arrived there it was a surprise to
find that the shop owner was also a blind person, he told us that he
became blind when he was sixteen years old; he got shot during a
robbery in their store. That man was very passionate and resilient.
When I got home on that afternoon I was exhausted, therefore after
having my supper I went to bed.

The seasons were changing rapidly and the clock was ticking on the wall,
before one knew it, it was winter already. It was becoming cold and

71
 The Colour of Love

getting dark quickly. I had to change the time and the mode of transport
I was using as it was becoming harder to wake up in the early hours of
the morning. The bus was also becoming colder and people were also
becoming fewer everyday making it difficult to hold the morning
devotions. I always miss the bus ministry in winter as it is the best way
to start my day. Wednesday was a time for the local election and to
many it was a well-deserved public holiday. My mother and I went in
the early hours of the morning to cast our local election votes. On our
way, back home my mother told me about the days when they were still
oppressed as a black nation, she expressed how the former South
African president, Thabo Mbekis generation is fortunate to have the
freedom to choose their own governing party. On Thursday morning,
the weather was still cold and we were standing on the queue waiting
for our taxi to arrive. Next to me was a man on a wheel chair and we
started talking about the challenges that are being faced by people
living with disabilities in our country. As we were talking I came to the
realisation that the labour market had a mission to integrate people
with different challenges into the mainstream but still lacked the
willingness to learn from the very people they are claiming to help. Our
communities still need to be orientated on differently abled people;
after all we are completely normal human beings. A certain lady told the
marshal that she wont sit next to a person with a disability, the marshal
got angry and he led that lady out of a taxi. People on wheel chairs
sometimes must pay for two seats in a taxi, that whole experience made
me to desire to have my own car. when I tried to communicate my
feelings at work it sounded as though I was an overly sensitive person,
thats when I remembered my lecturers words when he once said you
know my daughter you can take any animal and domesticate it but you
can never tame a human being so I must adapt all the time. The day
progressed and I continued with my work, little did I know what the day
had for me. One of my colleagues invited me to a meeting that was
geared up to help people with disabilities to be independent; thus, I was
going to be heading that mission. When I got home that afternoon I
found my mother busy trying to prepare us a meal, suddenly the lights
went off and we were without lights. We had to eat whatever

72
 The Colour of Love

we could because it was cold I had to sleep early. What a boring day
that had become.

When I was travelling with a taxi to work in the morning, a thought

crossed my mind, I realised that we are striving to prove ourselves to
the public. Well it is a reality in the world of people living with
disabilities; it has become our culture to work ten times harder than
everyone else. You always need to push beyond boundaries as we are
undermined by normal people. I noticed this guy who we travel with
using a wheelchair struggling to get in and out of the taxi. Sometimes
they are made to pay extra for their wheelchairs to be in the taxi and on
the other side I am also there relying on others or the driver of the taxi
to tell me that I have arrived at my destination. I realised that we need
each other as we are having different struggles in life.

The weekend was just normal without any strife on my side except that,
when we got home with my mother from church on that Sunday
afternoon we found no water. We had a shortage of water since the
previous day. My mother tried to find out what had happened but there
was no clear definite answer from the water suppliers offices. When we
woke up on Monday morning there was still no drop coming out in our
tap. The incident made me realise how imperative it is to save water.

73
 The Colour of Love

Chapter 12
Note to self

74
 The Colour of Love

L ife was going on as normal until one Saturday my mother sat me

down for a meeting. She told me that she received a letter from Jades
family requesting to meet with my elders. Those were shocking news
for me as I did not expect Jade to ask for my hand in marriage so soon.
Though he loved me, marriage was never part of his vocabulary. I was
certain that what Jade was starting was not going to be an easy road,
but as they say in IsiZulu sbindi uya bulala, sbindi uya philisa which
means it helps to be bold.

The day of the Malobolo (dowry) arrived and I was nervous as I did
not know what to expect. This was not just a usual event; remember
this was a combination of two cultural race groups. Many issues could
arise or perhaps determine the success of our union. My elders settled
in the lounge with Jades family to initiate the lobola negotiations. I was
waiting in suspense in my bedroom; I wished I could be a fly on the wall
so that I can hear everything. The African custom does not allow the
grooms family to meet their bride until the two families reach an
agreement of the dowry negotiations. The whole occasion took about
one hour to two hours. Eventually the two groups came to an
agreement. We agreed that our wedding ceremony will be done by my
pastor since I grew under his leadership. The date was set for the
exchange of gifts by the two families which symbolises the unifying of
the two families. This event is like a traditional wedding, where we were
expected to dance on the streets and there would be songs that are
sung. In my case, we were not required to do so as I was not going to be
able to do the required dance moves. As for my uncle, the one who did
not approve of my relationship with Jade, he was happy and gave us an
instruction to name our first child after him. The second step was when
I had to travel and go to Jades home. I was accompanied by my cousin
who was there as my sister and other people to Jades family. We were
expected to sing and dance as a sign of excitement and to show how
things are done in our culture. It was so interesting to notice the two
completely different cultures being fused into one because of love. It

75
 The Colour of Love

was a very long day with a lot of activities. We had already bought our
own house, hence the family decided to do a house warming on the
very same day. It was hectic. This event was not the end of the wedding
ceremony as we had to do the official white wedding, confess our vows
to each other and have the pastor to bless our union. I remember the
day we went shopping for our wedding rings as though it was yesterday.
It rained cats and dogs, the heavens were agreeing with us. We received
tremendous support from everyone around us. Being blind had its own
benefits. My wedding gown was done by a certain clothing designer and
it was so quick because he managed to do it in two weeks. My dress was
a show stopper I tell you. On the eve of our wedding day it was so cold I
was in the saloon to do my hair and nails. One lady said in a joking
manner dont let us be wet on your wedding day in fact you shall be
alone on the day if it rains. When I got home the house was filled with
family, friends, and neighbours. Many people I have not seen in a very
long time. Some were there just to witness whether it is true that a
blind black lady was getting married to a white man. This was God at
work. My mother was the happiest parent; she started remembering
how tough it was raising me up together with my father. We were
under pressure because we were behind time we only had two weeks to
prepare for the wedding. My mother ensured that my white gown was
perfect; it has always been her dream to witness her only daughter
marrying in a white gown. People from the church organised a bridal
shower it was interesting as they made me to wear a dish washing cloth
and a pot scrapper on my head, and I was covered with a blanket on my
shoulders. Jade had a fair share of eggs and flower mixed with oil all
over his body. They took pictures of us and they looked hilarious.

After everything was done presents were handed to my mother to keep

them for us and we were expected to go and change in preparation for
our dance rehearsals. We were both nervous we kept on stepping on
each others toes. This one time I tripped on Jades foot and we both
nearly fell. What a scary experience! Eventually we got the steps right.

76
 The Colour of Love

When I think of it my eyes become teary from laughter. It was just one
of those funny moments.

The long-awaited day finally arrived and I had to be up very early to

prepare myself. The house was full as we all know that in the African
culture we embrace any event in numbers and my uncle made Leboko
as we had an African theme for the day. The bride was transported in a
black BMW car; I tell you the wedding vibe was on with hooters and
people joyfully singing. When I arrived at church I was ushered in with a
song sung by a special guest, my favourite R&B singer. This was the
wedding of the year; I mean a live performance just for me. I reflected
on all my struggles with Jade and now we are about to tie the knot. Love
knows no limits. It would have been lovely for my father to walk me
down the aisle; however, my cousin Thato was there to fill up that gap.
Jades brother was his best man and Dineo was my maid of honour. I
believe she knew me better; she was more of a sister than an ordinary
friend, above it all she was super excited for me. I walked down the aisle
and stood on the pulpit in front of the pastor, just as we were about to
say our vows, I suddenly remembered how I used to reject love and
Jade has always been patient with me. We declared our vow to each
other, Jade was so nervous and he could not even voice out his vows
properly. The pastor made him to repeat them and said that if we were
shooting a video and he was a director he was going to say Cut! That
was a very funny moment. Finally, we got married. The church
symbolised our marriage as a life without limits even for people living
with disabilities. Lebo and Thabo were also present at my wedding. I
was happy to see my friends and colleagues. Oh! Jades parents were
both present as well. On that day in the morning everybody was so late
including my wedding coordinators, my hairstylist, and the makeup
artist. On the other end, I was worried that our pastor was not going to
be impressed if we arrive late for the matrimonial. My pastor valued
time and always delivered any service with excellently.
It was a dream comes true for me. I felt like a real princess given the
fact that it was my first experience. Declaring love for each other is one
thing but committing to it is another thing. After the ceremony, we
went

77
 The Colour of Love

to take photos at a beautiful park. We travelled in a convoy with our car

hooters on. Jade was telling me how he intends to spoil me and already
we were discussing our honeymoon plans. He said that I was looking
beautiful in my white dress and he was taken away when he had to
uncover the vail from my face, then the pastor said you may kiss the
bride. We had our first kiss; well it was the second time however it felt
like the first time ever it was a wonderful experience for us. We had an
African peach and brown theme at our reception venue; our cake was
also decorated in African colours. I ensured that we maintain the high
standard in everything. I am a woman of excellence and prestige. The
Master of the Ceremony was the celebrity personnel well known for his
stand-up comedy. Everyone on the program had a chance to share their
speech and the word of God was preached. We also did our toast and
cutting of the cake. We were the couple of the moment; I surely
enjoyed my weekend of fame. When God blesses you, He causes a
scene. At the end of it all we then closed off the day with our stylish
vote of thanks. We composed the poem together to express our
everlasting love for each other.

78
 The Colour of Love

The Colour of Love

When love strikes, it is like dynamite that is small but can turn
everything upside down,

Same as love, someone may think that they are well with themselves
until they meet their significant other,

My love, you came into my life and everything changed,

You saw no colour in our love! You made my world better with your
presence,

You came along and I was taken away, now that I found you, I found
my long-lost peace,

Before you came along I was in pieces and now I am in one peace.

You and I are like these rings on our fingers, they are covered in gold
which is the symbol of this love

We found wholeness in each other and the round figure is the

completion of our life in each other,

The diamonds that are decorating these rings are like you and I, we
are stuck with each other for life.

What could be the colour of love?

-Christina Sibiya

79
 About the Author

C hristina Ntombizodwa Sibiya is a proudly South African citizen from

Gauteng Province in Johannesburg, born and groomed in Dobsonville,
Soweto. She was born with sight however, in 2005 she was diagnosed
with hydrocephalus which lead to optic biotrophy and that is when she
became blind.
Amongst other academic training obtained, in 2013 she attained her
Bachelor of Social Work degree from the University of South Africa. She
is currently a registered and practising Social Worker.
She is married to Amos Sibiya and together they continue to conquer
life and positively impact lives.
The author is strongly rooted on her Christian faith and always draw
her strength from God.

80