The Chaos - Text & IPA transcription 02-05-2014 ; 18:41

Dearest creature in creation, dirist 'kri n kri'en

Studying English pronunciation. stdi 'gl prnnsien

I will teach you in my verse, a wl ti ju n ma vs

Sounds like corpse, corps, horse and worse. sandz lak kps k hs nd ws

It will keep you, Susy, busy, t wl kip ju 'suzi, 'bzi

Make your head with heat grow dizzy. mek j hd w hit gr 'dzi

Tear in eye, your dress you'll tear, trn a j drs jul t

Queer, fair seer, hear my prayer. kwi f 'si h ma pr

Pray, console your loving poet, pre kn'sl j 'lv 'pt

Make my coat look new, dear, sew it. mek ma kt lk nju di s t

Just compare heart, hear and heard, st km'p ht h nd hd

Dies and diet, lord and word, daz nd 'dat ld nd wd

Sword and sward, retain and Britain, sd nd swd r'ten nd 'brtn

(Mind the latter how it's written). mand 'lt ha ts 'rtn

Made has not the sound of bade, med hz nt sand v bd

Say-said, pay-paid, laid but plaid. se sd pe ped led bt pld

Now I surely will not plague you, na a li wl nt pleg ju

With such words as vague and ague. w s wdz z veg nd 'egju

But be careful how you speak. bt bi 'kfl ha ju spik

Say: gush, bush, steak, streak, break, bleak, se g b stek strik brek blik

Previous, precious, fuchsia, via, 'privs 'prs 'fju 'va

Recipe, pipe, studding-sail, choir, 'rsipi pap 'stdnsl 'kwai

Woven, oven, how and low, 'wvn 'vn ha nd l

Script, receipt, shoe, poem, toe. skrpt r'sit u pim t

Say, expecting fraud and trickery, se kspkt frd nd 'trkri

Daughter, laughter and Terpsichore, dt lft nd tp'skri

Branch, ranch, measles, topsails, aisles, brn rnt 'mizlz tpslz alz

Missiles, similes, reviles, misailz similiz rivailz

Wholly, holly, signal, signing, 'hli hli 'sgnl 'san

Same, examining, but mining. sem gzmn bt 'man

Scholar, vicar, and cigar, 'skl 'vk nd s'g

Solar, mica, war and far. 'sl 'mak w nd f

From desire: desirable-admirable from admire, frm d'za d'zarbl 'dmrbl frm dmai

Lumber, plumber, bier, but brier, 'lmb 'plm bi bt 'bra

Topsham, brougham, renown, but known, tpm 'brum r'nan bt nn

Knowledge, done, lone, gone, none, tone, 'nl dn ln gn nn tn

One, anemone, Balmoral, wn 'nmni blmrl

Kitchen, lichen, laundry, laurel. 'kn 'lakn lndri 'lrl

Gertrude, German, wind and Wind, 'gtrud 'mn wnd nd waind

Beau, kind, kindred, queue, mankind, b kand 'kndrd kju mnkand

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The Chaos - Text & IPA transcription 02-05-2014 ; 18:41

Tortoise, turquoise, chamois-leather, 'tts 'tkwz mi l

Reading, Reading, heathen, heather. 'rid 'rd 'hin 'h

This phonetic labyrinth s fntik 'lbrn

Gives moss, gross, brook, brooch, ninth, plinth. gvz ms grs brk br nan pln

Have you ever yet endeavoured hv ju 'v jt ndvd

To pronounce revered and severed, t pr'nans rivid nd svd

Demon, lemon, ghoul, foul, soul, 'dimn 'lmn gul fal sl

Peter, petrol and patrol? 'pit 'ptrl nd p'trl

Billet does not end like ballet; 'blt dz nt nd lak 'ble

Bouquet, wallet, mallet, chalet. buke 'wlt 'mlt 'le

Blood and flood are not like food, bld nd fld nt lak fud

Nor is mould like should and would. n z mld lak d nd wd

Banquet is not nearly parquet, 'bkwt z nt nili 'pki

Which exactly rhymes with khaki. w g'zktli ramz w kki

Discount, viscount, load and broad, 'dskant 'vakant ld nd brd

Toward, to forward, to reward, td t 'fwd t r'wd

Ricocheted and crocheting, croquet? rked nd krei kr'ke

Right! Your pronunciation's OK. rat j prnnsienz 'ke

Rounded, wounded, grieve and sieve, 'randd 'wundd griv nd sv

Friend and fiend, alive and live. frnd nd find 'lav nd lv

Is your R correct in higher? z j[r] k'rkt n 'ha

Keats asserts it rhymes Thalia. kits 'sts t ramz 'la

Hugh, but hug, and hood, but hoot, hju bt hg nd hd bt hut

Buoyant, minute, but Minute. 'bnt 'mnt bt mainjut

Say abscission with precision, se b'sn w prsn

Now: position and transition; na pzin nd trnsin

Would it tally with my rhyme wd t 'tli w ma ram

If I mentioned paradigm? f a mnnd 'prdam

Twopence, threepence, tease are easy, 'tpns 'rpns tiz 'izi

But cease, crease, grease and greasy? bt sis kris gris nd 'grizi

Cornice, nice, valise, revise, 'kns nas v'lis r'vaz

Rabies, but lullabies. 'rebiz bt llbaiz

Of such puzzling words as nauseous, v s pzl wdz z ns

Rhyming well with cautious, tortious, 'ram wl w 'ks 'ts

You'll envelop lists, I hope, jul nvlp lsts a hp

In a linen envelope. n 'lnn 'nvlp

Would you like some more? You'll have it! wd ju lak sm m jul hv t

Affidavit, David, davit. f'devt 'devd 'dvt

To abjure, to perjure. Sheik t b' t 'p eik

Does not sound like Czech but ache. dz nt sand lak k bt ek

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The Chaos - Text & IPA transcription 02-05-2014 ; 18:41

Liberty, library, heave and heaven, 'lbti 'labrri hiv nd 'hvn

Rachel, loch, moustache, eleven. rl lx mst 'lvn

We say hallowed, but allowed, wi se 'hld bt 'lad

People, leopard, towed but vowed. 'pipl 'lpd td bt vad

Mark the difference, moreover, mk 'dfrns mrv

Between mover, plover, Dover. b'twin 'muv 'plv 'dv

Leeches, breeches, wise, precise, liz 'brz waz pr'sas

Chalice, but police and lice, 'ls bt p'lis nd las

Camel, constable, unstable, 'kml knstbl n'stebl

Principle, disciple, label. 'prnspl dsapl 'lebl

Petal, penal, and canal, 'ptl 'pinl nd k'nl

Wait, surmise, plait, promise, pal, wet s'maz plt 'prms pl

Suit, suite, ruin. Circuit, conduit sjut swit ruin 'skt kndit

Rhyme with shirk it and beyond it, ram w k t nd bijnd t

But it is not hard to tell bt t z nt hd t tl

Why it's pall, mall, but Pall Mall. wa ts pl ml bt pl ml

Muscle, muscular, gaol, iron, 'msl 'mskjl el 'an

Timber, climber, bullion, lion, 'tmb 'klam 'blin 'lan

Worm and storm, chaise, chaos, chair, wm nd stm ez 'kes

Senator, spectator, mayor, 'snt spk'tet m

Ivy, privy, famous; clamour 'avi 'prvi 'fems 'klm

Has the A of drachm and hammer. hz e v drm nd 'hm

Pussy, hussy and possess, 'psi 'hzi nd p'zs

Desert, but desert, address. d'zt bt dzt 'drs

Golf, wolf, countenance, lieutenants glf wlf 'kantnns lftnnts

Hoist in lieu of flags left pennants. hst n lju v flgz lft pnnts

Courier, courtier, tomb, bomb, comb, kri 'kti tum bm km

Cow, but Cowper, some and home. ka bt kup sm nd hm

Solder, soldier! Blood is thicker, sld 'sl bld z 'k

Quoth he, than liqueur or liquor, kw hi n likj 'lk

Making, it is sad but true, 'mek t z sd bt tru

In bravado, much ado. n br'veid m 'du

Stranger does not rhyme with anger, 'stren dz nt ram w 'g

Neither does devour with clangour. nai dz d'va w 'klg

Pilot, pivot, gaunt, but aunt, 'palt 'pvt gnt bt nt

Font, front, wont, want, grand and grant. fnt frnt wnt wnt grnd nd grnt

Arsenic, specific, scenic, 'snk spsfk 'sink

Relic, rhetoric, hygienic. 'rlk 'rtrk ha'ink

Gooseberry, goose, and Close, but close, gzbri gus nd klz bt kls

Paradise, rise, rose, and dose. 'prdas raz rz nd ds

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The Chaos - Text & IPA transcription 02-05-2014 ; 18:41

Say inveigh, neigh, but inveigle, se n've ne bt n'vigl

Make the latter rhyme with eagle. mek 'lt ram w 'igl

Mind! Meandering but mean, mand mindr bt min

Valentine and magazine. 'vlntan nd mgzin

And I bet you, dear, a penny, nd a bt ju di 'pni

You say manifold like many, ju se 'mnifld lak 'mni

Which is wrong. Say rapier, pier, w z r se 'rep pi

Tier (one who ties), but tier. 'ta wn h taz bt ti

Arch, archangel; pray, does erring 'k'enl pre dz 'r

Rhyme with herring or with stirring? ram w 'hr w 'str

Prison, bison, treasure trove, 'przn 'basn 'tr trv

Treason, hover, cover, cove, 'trizn hv kv kv

Perseverance, severance. Ribald psivirns 'svrns 'rbld

Rhymes (but piebald doesn't) with nibbled. ramz bt 'pabld 'dznt w 'nbld

Phaeton, paean, gnat, ghat, gnaw, 'fetn 'pin nt gt n

Lien, psychic, shone, bone, pshaw. lin 'sakk n bn

Don't be down, my own, but rough it, dnt bi dan ma n bt rf t

And distinguish Buffet, buffet; nd ds'tgw bfei bfit

Brood, stood, roof, rook, school, wool, boon, brud std ruf rk skul wl bun

Worcester, Boleyn, to impugn. 'wst 'bln t m'pjun

Say in sounds correct and sterling se n sandz k'rkt nd 'stl

Hearse, hear, hearken, year and yearling. hs h 'hkn ji nd 'jli

Evil, devil, mezzotint, 'ivl 'dvl mdztint

Mind the Z! (A gentle hint.) mand zd e 'ntl hnt

Now you need not pay attention na ju nid nt pe 'tnn

To such sounds as I don't mention, t s sandz z a dnt 'mnn

Sounds like pores, pause, pours and paws, sandz lak pz pz pz nd pz

Rhyming with the pronoun yours; 'ram w 'prnan jz

Nor are proper names included, n 'prp nemz n'kludd

Though I often heard, as you did, a fn hd z ju dd

Funny rhymes to unicorn, 'fni ramz t 'junkn

Yes, you know them, Vaughan and Strachan. js ju n m vn nd strn

No, my maiden, coy and comely, n ma 'medn ki nd kmli

I don't want to speak of Cholmondeley. a dnt wnt t spik v kl'mndli

No. Yet Froude compared with proud n jt frud km'pd w prad

Is no better than McLeod. z n 'bt n mklad

But mind trivial and vial, bt 'trvl nd 'val

Tripod, menial, denial, 'trapd 'minl d'nal

Troll and trolley, realm and ream, trl nd 'trli rlm nd rim

Schedule, mischief, schism, and scheme. 'ul 'mstf szm nd skim

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The Chaos - Text & IPA transcription 02-05-2014 ; 18:41

Argil, Gill, Argyll, gill. Surely 'l l 'gal gl li

May be made to rhyme with Raleigh, me bi med t ram w 'rli

But you're not supposed to say bt j nt s'pzd t se

Piquet rhymes with sobriquet. pkt ramz w sbrikei

Had this invalid Invalid hd s 'invlid n'vld

Worthless documents? How pallid, 'wls dkjmnts ha 'pld

How uncouth he, couchant, looked, ha n'ku hi 'kant lkt

When for Portsmouth I had booked! wn f ptsm a hd 'bkt

Zeus, Thebes, Thales, Aphrodite, zjus ibz 'eliz fr'dati

Paramour, enamoured, flighty, 'prm nmd 'flati

Episodes, antipodes, psdz n'tpdiz

Acquiesce, and obsequies. kwi's nd bsikwiz

Please don't monkey with the geyser, pliz dnt 'mki w geiz

Don't peel taters with my razor, dnt pil teitz w ma 'rez

Rather say in accents pure: r se n ksnts pj

Nature, stature and mature. 'ne sttj nd m'tj

Pious, impious, limb, climb, glumly, 'pas 'mps lm klam glmli

Worsted, worsted, crumbly, dumbly, 'wstd wstid krmbli dmli

Conquer, conquest, vase, phase, fan, 'kk 'kkwst vz fez fn

Wan, sedan and artisan. wn s'dn nd t'zn

The TH will surely trouble you i tie wl li 'trbl ju

More than R, CH or W. m n 'si'eit 'dblju

Say then these phonetic gems: se n iz fntik mz

Thomas, thyme, Theresa, Thames. 'tms tam t'ris tmz

Thompson, Chatham, Waltham, Streatham, 'tmpsn 'tm 'wltm 'strtm

There are more but I forget them m bt a f'gt m

Wait! I've got it: Anthony, wet av gt t 'ntni

Lighten your anxiety. 'latn j 'zati

The archaic word albeit i 'kek wd l'bit

Does not rhyme with eight-you see it; dz nt ram w et ju si t

With and forthwith, one has voice, w nd fwi wn hz vs

One has not, you make your choice. wn hz nt ju mek j is

Shoes, goes, does. Now first say: finger; uz gz dz na fst se 'fg

Then say: singer, ginger, linger. n se si 'n 'lg

Real, zeal, mauve, gauze and gauge, ril zil mv gz nd ge

Marriage, foliage, mirage, age, mrid 'fli m'r e

Hero, heron, query, very, 'hir 'hrn kwiri 'vri

Parry, tarry, fury, bury, 'pri 'tri 'fjri 'bri

Dost, lost, post, and doth, cloth, loth, dst lst pst nd d kl l

Job, Job, blossom, bosom, oath. b b 'blsm 'bzm

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The Chaos - Text & IPA transcription 02-05-2014 ; 18:41

Faugh, oppugnant, keen oppugners, f 'pgnnt kin pjunz

Bowing, bowing, banjo-tuners 'b bai bn tjunz

Holm you know, but noes, canoes, hm ju n bt nz knuz

Puisne, truism, Use, to use? 'pjuni 'truzm jus t juz

Though the difference seems little, 'dfrns simz 'ltl

We say actual, but victual, wi se 'ktjul bt 'vtl

Seat, sweat, chaste, caste, Leigh, eight, height, sit swt est kst li et hat

Put, nut, granite, and unite. pt nt 'grnt nd ju'nat

Reefer does not rhyme with deafer, 'rif dz nt ram w df

Feoffer does, and zephyr, heifer. 'ff dz nd 'zf 'hf

Dull, bull, Geoffrey, George, ate, late, dl bl 'fri t let

Hint, pint, senate, but sedate. hnt pant 'snt bt s'det

Gaelic, Arabic, pacific, 'gelk 'rbk p'sfk

Science, conscience, scientific; 'sans knns santfk

Tour, but our, dour, succour, four, t bt a d 'sk f

Gas, alas, and Arkansas. gs 'ls nd 'kns

Say manoeuvre, yacht and vomit, se m'njuv jt nd 'vmt

Next omit, which differs from it nkst 'mt w dfz frm t

Bona fide, alibi 'bn faidi 'lba

Gyrate, dowry and awry. 'airet 'dari nd 'ra

Sea, idea, guinea, area, si a'd 'gni 'r

Psalm, Maria, but malaria. sm m'r bt m'lr

Youth, south, southern, cleanse and clean, ju sa 'sn klnz nd klin

Doctrine, turpentine, marine. 'dktrn 'tpntan m'rin

Compare alien with Italian, km'p 'eln w 'tln

Dandelion with battalion, dndilain w b'tlin

Rally with ally; yea, ye, 'rli w lai je ji

Eye, I, ay, aye, whey, key, quay! a a e e we ki ki

Say aver, but ever, fever, se v bt 'v 'fiv

Neither, leisure, skein, receiver. nai l sken r'siv

Never guess-it is not safe, 'nv gs t z nt sef

We say calves, valves, half, but Ralf. wi se kvz vlvz hf bt ref

Starry, granary, canary, 'stri 'grnri k'nri

Crevice, but device, and eyrie, 'krvs bt d'vas nd 'ri

Face, but preface, then grimace, fes bt 'prfs n grimeis

Phlegm, phlegmatic, ass, glass, bass. flm flg'mtk s gls beis

Bass, large, target, gin, give, verging, bs l 'tgt n gv v

Ought, oust, joust, and scour, but scourging; t ast ast nd ska bt 'skdi

Ear, but earn; and ere and tear i bt n nd nd t

Do not rhyme with here but heir. du nt ram w h bt

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The Chaos - Text & IPA transcription 02-05-2014 ; 18:41

Mind the O of off and often mand v f nd fn

Which may be pronounced as orphan, w bi pr'nanst z 'fn

With the sound of saw and sauce; w sand v s nd ss

Also soft, lost, cloth and cross. 'ls sft lst kl nd krs

Pudding, puddle, putting. Putting? 'pd 'pdl pt pt

Yes: at golf it rhymes with shutting. js t glf t ramz w 't

Respite, spite, consent, resent. 'rspt spat kn'snt r'znt

Liable, but Parliament. 'labl bt plimnt

Seven is right, but so is even, 'svn z rat bt s z 'ivn

Hyphen, roughen, nephew, Stephen, 'hafn 'rfn 'nvju 'stivn

Monkey, donkey, clerk and jerk, 'mki dki klk nd k

Asp, grasp, wasp, demesne, cork, work. sp grsp wsp d'men kk wk

A of valour, vapid vapour, e v 'vl 'vpd 'vep

S of news (compare newspaper), s v njuz km'p 'njuspep

G of gibbet, gibbon, gist, i v 'bt 'gbn st

I of antichrist and grist, a v 'ntkrast nd grst

Differ like diverse and divers, 'df lak davs nd 'davz

Rivers, strivers, shivers, fivers. 'rvz straivz 'vz 'faivz

Once, but nonce, toll, doll, but roll, wns bt nns tl dl bt rl

Polish, polish, Poll and poll. 'pl 'pl pl nd pl

Pronunciation, think of Psyche, prnnsien k v 'saki

Is a paling, stout and spiky. z 'pel stat nd 'spaki

Won't it make you lose your wits wnt t mek ju luz j wts

Writing groats and saying grits? 'rat grts nd 'se grts

It's a dark abyss or tunnel ts dk 'bs 'tnl

Strewn with stones like rowlock, gunwale, strun w stnz lak 'rlk gnl

Islington, and Isle of Wight, 'zltn nd al v wat

Housewife, verdict and indict. hzif 'vdkt nd n'dat

Don't you think so, reader, rather, dnt ju k s 'rid r

Saying lather, bather, father? 'se 'l 'be 'f

Finally, which rhymes with enough, 'fanli w ramz w 'nf

Though, through, bough, cough, hough, sough, tough?? ru ba kf hk sf tf

Hiccough has the sound of sup. hikp hz sand v sp

My advice is: GIVE IT UP! ma d'vas z gv t p

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