The chaos by Charivarius

Dearest creature in Creation,

Studying English pronunciation,
I will teach you in my verse
Sounds like corpse, corps, horse and worse,
It will keep you, Susy, busy,
Make your head with heat grow dizzy;
Tear in eye your dress you'll tear,
So shall I! Oh, hear my prayer,
Pray, console your loving poet
Make my coat look new, dear, sew it!
Just compare heart, beard and heard,
Dies and diet, lord and word,
Sword and sward, retain and Britain,
(Mind the latter; how it's written);
Made has not the sound of bade;
Say-said, pay-paid, laid, but plaid.
Now I surely will not plague you
With such words as vague and ague.
But be careful how you speak,
Say, gush, bush and break and bleak,
Previous, precious, fuchsia, via;
Pipe, snipe, recipe and choir,
Cloven, oven; how and low;
Script, receipt, shoe, poem, toe.
Hear me say, devoid of trickery:
Daughter; laughter and Terpsichore,
Typhoid; measles, topsails, aisles;
Exiles, similes, reviles;
Wholly, holly; signal, signing;
Thames; examining, combining;
Real, zeal, mauve, gauze and gauge,
Marriage, foliage, mirage, age.
Query does not rhyme with very,
Nor does fury sound like bury.
Host, lost, post and doth, cloth, loth,
Job, Job, blossom, bosom, oath.
My oppugnant, keen oppugners,
Bowing-bowing, banjo-tuners,
In their yachts or their canoes;
Puisne, truism; use, to use.
Though the difference seems little,
We say actual, but victual.
Seat, sweat; chaste, castle; leigh, eight, height;
Put, nut, granite and unite.
Reefer does not rhyme with 'deafer',
Feoffer does, and zephyr, heifer.
Dull, bull, Geoffrey, George; ate, late;
Hint, pint; senate, sedate;
// kes ba arivaris //

// drst kritr n krien
std rnnsen
a w tit ju n ma vs
sandz ak ks k / hs nd ws
t w ki ju suzi bzi /
mek j hed w hit r dzi
tr n a j dres ju te /
s a // / h ma pre /
pre / knsl j lv t
mek ma kt lk nju d / s t //
dst kme ht bd nd hd
daz nd dat / ld nd wd
sd nd swd rten nd brtn
mand t / ha ts rtn
med hz nt sand v bd /
se sed pe ped / led / bt pld //
na a li wl nt ple ju
w st wdz z ve nd eju
bt bi kef ha ju sik
se / b nd brek nd bik
rivs / res / fju / va /
pap / snap / respi nd kwa /
klvn vn ha nd l /
skrpt / rsit u m / t //
h mi se / dvd v trkri /
dt / ftr nd tsk
tafd miz z tpselz / alz /
eksalz / smlz / rvalz /
hlli / hli / snl / san
temz / zmn kmban
r zi mv / z nd ed
mrd / flid / mr ed //
kwri dz nt ram w veri
n dz fjri sand ak beri
hst / lst / pst nd d / kl / l /
db / db / bsm / bzm / //
ma pgnnt/ kin junz/
ba b bnd tjunz /
n e jts e knuz
jun / truzm jus t juz
dfrns simz t
wi se ktul | bt vt
sit swet test / ks i et / hat /
pt / nt / rnt nd junat
rif dz nt ram w def /
fif dz / nd zef / hef //
dl / bl / defri / dd / et / let /
hnt / pant / sent / sdet /
Scenic, Arabic, Pacific;
Science, conscience; scientific,
Tour; but our and succour; four;
Gas, alas, and Arkansas!
Sea, idea, guinea, area,
Psalm; Maria, but malaria;
Youth, south, southern; cleanse and clean;
Doctrine, turpentine, marine.
Compare alien with Italian,
Dandelion with battalion,
Mark the difference, moreover,
Between mover, plover, Dover,
Leeches, breeches; wise, precise;
Chalice but police and lice.
Camel; constable, unstable,
Principle, disciple; label;
Petal, penal and canal;
Wait, surmise, plait, promise; pal,
Suit, suite, ruin, circuit, conduit
Rhyme with 'shirk it' and 'beyond it',
But it is not hard to tell,
Why it's pall, mall, but Pall Mall.
Muscle, muscular; gaol; iron;
Timber, climber; bullion, lion.
Worm and storm; chaise, chaos, chair;
Senator, spectator, mayor.
Ivy, privy; famous. Clamour
And enamour rhyme with 'hammer',
Pussy, hussy and possess,
Desert, but dessert, address.
Gold, wolf; countenance, lieutenants
Hoist, in lieu of flags, left pennants.
River, rival; tomb, bomb, comb;
Doll and roll and some and home.
Stranger does not rhyme with anger,
Neither does devour with clangour.
Soul, but foul and gaunt, but aunt;
Font, front, wont; want, grand and grant.
Shoes, goes, does. Now first say: finger;
Then say: singer, ginger, linger.
Scholar, vicar and cigar,
Solar, mica, war and far.
From 'desire': desirable - admirable from
'admire';
Lumber, plumber; bier, but brier.
Chatham, brougham; renown but known,
Knowledge; done, but gone and tone,
One, anemone; Balmoral;
Kitchen, lichen; laundry, laurel,
Gertrude, German; wind and mind;
Scene, Melpomene; mankind;
Tortoise; turquoise, chamois-leather,
sink / rbk / psfk /
sans / knns / santfk /
t / bt ar nd sk / f
s ls / nd kns
si ad / ni eri /
sm mri / bt mler /
ju / sa / sn / klenz nd kin
dktrn / tntan / mrin
kmer elin w tljn /
dndlan w btljn /
mk dfrns / mrv /
btwin muv / v / dv /
itz / britz / waz / prsas /
tls bt pis nd las //
kml / knstb nsteb
prns dsa eb
et in nd knl /
wet / smaz / plt / rms / pl /
sut swit run / skt / kndt
ram w k t nd bjnd t/
bt t s nt hd t te
wa ts p m bt m
ms mskjl / del / an /
tmb / kam / bln / an //
wm nd stm ez / kes / te /
sent / sektet / me //
avi / rvi / fems // kmr
nd nm ram w hm /
psi / hsi nd pzes /
dezt / bt dzt dres //
d wlf / kantnns / eftennts
hst / n u v flz eft ennts //
rv / rav tum bm / km /
dl nd rl nd sm nd hm //
strend dz nt ram w
na dz dva w k //
sl / bt fal nd nt bt nt
fnt / frnt / wnt / wnt / rnd nd rnt
uz z dz // na fst se / f
en se / s / dnd /
skl / vkr nd s
sl / mak / wr nd f
frm dza / dzarb / dmrb frm
dma /
lmb / m / b / bt bra //
ttm / brum / rnan bt nn /
nld / dn / bt n nd tn
wn / nemni / bmrl /
ktn / akn / ndri rl /
trud dmn / wnd nd mand /
sin memni / mnkand /
tts / tkwz / mw e
Reading, Reading, heathen, heather.
This phonetic labyrinth
Gives moss, Gross, brook, broach, ninth, plinth.
Billet does not end like ballet;
Bouquet, wallet, mallet, chalet.
Blood and flood are not like food,
Nor is mould like should and would.
Banquet is not like parquet,
Which exactly rhymes with khaki.
Discount, viscount, load and broad;
Toward, to forward, to reward.
Ricocheted and croqueting, croquet?
Right! Your pronunciation is O.K.
Rounded, wounded; grieve and sieve;
Friend and fiend; alive and live;
Liberty, library; heave and heaven;
Rachel, ache, moustache; eleven.
We say hallowed, but allowed;
People, leopard; towed but vowed.
Sally with ally; yea, ye,
Eye, I, ay, aye, whey, key, quay!
Say aver, but ever, fever,
Neither, leisure, skein, receiver.
Never guess, it's not safe:
We say calves, valves, half, but Ralph!
Heron; granary, canary,
Crevice and device, and eyrie,
Face, but preface, but grimace,
Phlegm, phlegmatic, ass, glass, bass-
Bass; large, target, gin, give, verging;
Ought, out, joust and scour, but scourging;
Ear, but earn; and wear and tear
Do not rhyme with 'here', but 'ere'.
Seven is right, but so is even;
Hyphen, roughen, nephew, Stephen;
Monkey, donkey, clerk and jerk;
Asp, grasp, wasp, demesne; cork, work.
Pronunciation - think of psyche!
Is a paling, stout and spikey;
Won't it make you lose your wits,
Writing 'groats' and saying groats?
It's a dark abyss or tunnel,
Strewn with stones, like rowlock, gunwale,
Islington and Isle of Wight,
Housewife, verdict, and indict!
Don't you think so reader, rather,
Saying lather, bather, father?
Finally: which rhymes with 'enough':
Though, through, plough, cough, hough or
tough?
Hiccup has the sound of 'cup'...
My advice is: GIVE IT UP!
rid red hin he //
s fnetk brn
vz ms rs brk / brt / nan / pln //
blt dz nt end ak be /
bke / wlt / mt / le //
bld nd fld nt ak fud
nr z md ak d nd wd //
bkwt s nt ak ke
wt zkti ramz w kki
dskant / vakant / ld nd brd
twd t fwd / t rwd
rked nd krke krke //
rat // j prnnsen z ke //
randd / wundd / riv nd sv
frend nd find lav nd lv /
lbti / abrri / hiv nd hevn
ret ek / mst evn
wi se hd / bt lad /
i ed / td bt vad //
sli w a / je | ji
a / a / a / a / we ki ki
se v bt ev / fiv /
na / e / sken / rsiv //
nev es ts nt sef /
wi se kvz vvz hf bt rlf //
hern / rnri kneri /
krevs nd dvas / nd eri /
fes / bt refs / bt rmes
flem / flemtk s s bes /
bs / ld tt dn / v vd
t at / dast nd ska / bt skd
/ bt n nd wer nd te
d nt ram w h / bt e //
sevn z rat / bt s z ivn
hafn rfn nevju stivn
mki dki klk nd dk
sp / rs wsp / dmen / kk wk
prnnsen / k v saki //
z el stat nd saki /
wnt t mek ju uz j wts /
rat rts nd se rts //
ts dk bs tn
strun w stnz / ak rlk / gnl /
zltn nd al v wat /
haswaf / vdkt / nd ndat //
dnt ju k s rid / r
se be / f
fanli / wt ramz w nf /
/ ru pla / kf / h
tf //
hkp hz sand v kp /
ma dvas z / v t