Snotty King’s Monday Morning Quaterback

Here we are, another beautiful rainy morning, and

another Blood Bowl season about to get under way! It
seems like only yesterday that the Norsica Rampagers
claimed the eleventh LWGBBL title and here we are in
the preseason preparing for another great year of blood,
guts, and Blood Bowl!
The Snotster has been up to quite a bit during the
offseason. I started an offseason training program to try
and beef up. The results have so far been fairly
disappointing, but I think with some of Big Mike’s juice that I can see the improvements that I
so deservingly crave.
Looking at the league, we have some old faces mixed in with quite a few new, which is always
exciting. While the league tries to keep divisions intact, often that is impossible. The only
division that retained its full integrity was the LBBC East, while the rest had new teams move in
and names shuffled around a bit.
With such a change, its really hard to say what teams will do well and which teams will struggle
this year. I don’t want to give premature predictions that end up being totally wrong. After all, I
do have my reputation to live up to. We will give it a try though!
LBBC East
The only division to remain intact from last season. The division lost the Pirats but gained
rookie human team “The Steamers”. Coached by the Pooh Emoji, who coached the Pirats last
season, the Steamers are going to have a hard time being competitive this season in a division
with three teams that have a year under their belt. Their focus should be to keep the team
healthy and get some experience.
The middle of the division will fall between a fight between Legion of Doom and the Lolphins.
Last year these two teams were close to each other all year, with the Lolphins edging the L.O.D
for a wildcard spot. The Lolphins let go of treacherous blitzer Zak Tumas, and it is rumored as
of this writing that LOD is cutting Dicky Sherman, aka the “Best Blitza in the League”. Both
teams will look to rekindle the blazing rivalry that they established last season.
Atop the division will remain Jormungandr. Though they came close to losing their crown to
the Lolphins last year, this season they have an even more stacked team, with all-pro Mamma
centering probably the most brutal line in the entire league with six other high strength saurus.
Dirty Skink and Icky Valencourt will remain slippery and elusive as ever, and if Jormungandr can
address their defensive woes from last season, they will be a contender for the title this year.
LBBC South
The south retained the Nuln Lions and the Kohs, while adding on the orc team Da Vulchas and
the dwarf team the Grudge Bearers. Not much is known about the dwarf team, that will
struggle until it gets some experience in, but Da Vulchas had a great run in the Orcdidas Open
over the summer and have had quite the impressive preseason.
The Lions came away with the division crown last season, but this season they will have the
challenge of tackling the Kohs and the Vulchas.
If the Kohs can stay healthy and tighten up the mistakes that plagued them last season, they are
just as viable a playoff team.
The south is one of my favorite divisions right now on paper because it is going to be competitive
and fun ride to watch!
LBBC North
The North right now is probably the weakest of the divisions in the league. All four teams are
rookies, and the Emperor and the Patriots retired leaving it wide open to any of these teams to
claim the top spot and a playoff berth.
This is beneficial to fans, who will enjoy a competitive division as there are no dominant teams
sitting within it, but can harm the teams within the North as well as their mettle will not be as
tested, and as such a playoff spot may be a one-and-done.
Its hard to say exactly which of these four teams will take the division title and I’m not even
going to begin to speculate. We will just have to watch the season unfold.
LBBC West
The wild west last season featured league MVP Guy Abend show us some magical
quarterbacking as he led his Louisville BBC team to the divisional crown and an impressive
playoff performance. This season, his team has improved even more after a great run in the
Orcdidas and are this sports writer’s favorite to win the West again and perhaps see a Rock
Vagas WAAC XII appearance.
Joining him will be the Goughed Eye, an orc team with a year experience under their belt but
some rookie coaching that will need improved before they can challenge the BBC. Never
underestimate the raw power of the orcs though, it only takes a series of good rolls to cripple an
opposing victim.
The Ratbones Brigade coach put the skaven in the bin for the year and has emerged with
Ragnarok, a rookie Norse team. The coaching staff of Ragnarok is solid, having won a PC title
with the league a few years back. Their challenge will be on paper, with a rookie team that is
vulnerable to the bashing orcs and the efficient play of Louisville.
Trailing at the end is the goblin team known as the Lord’s Kitchen, coached by Nun White.
Goblin teams are a wildcard. Known as “team wreckers”, the secret weapons of the goblin team
more than make up for their weaknesses, and even beating a goblin team can be hollow when
several of your team are killed or seriously injured.
LBBC Central
The Central division was without a doubt the most brutal of divisions last year, and earned its
spot as the most physically demanding. Only Blain’s Bashers remain this year, having won the
division and made an appearance at WAAC XI. This year, they are favored to win the division
again, but not easily and certainly not without a lot of effort expended. A shaky preseason has
many doubting their long-term durability in the playoffs, and while there is little to suggest that
they won’t find a way into the playoffs this year, whether they can advance out of the wildcard
spot will be the question.
The Emperor Bellycheck and his Patriots terrorized the league last year. This season, the
WAAC X champion coach will be leading the Ogrenapolis Dolts. The experience of the
coaching staff will offset the severe weakness of an ogre team, but the math doesn’t lie. A Dolts
playoff appearance is not likely.
Team Instinct is the other ogre team in the division. As brutal as ogres are, just as the Dolts will
have to contend with, so too will Team Instinct. Preseason has not been kind to the team and
they have some work to do to tighten up their play.
The Headbashas are the fourth team in Central, with little experience. Not much is known
about them, though they did defeat the Dolts in the Orcdidas Open over the summer. That
cannot be ignored or forgotten… and while their experience is considerably less than Blain’s
Bashers, they could eek in a solid season this year.
LBBC Badlands
The Badlands had some disfunction last season, with a team quitting mid-season. The Norsica
Rampagers remain in the division, the current champions and league champions. This season
they will be tested by a series of rookie teams, though these teams are elven in nature and a lot
faster than the opposition last season.
The Elfheim Eagles and the Magetown Yellowjackets will feature a high octane explosive
offense. The weakness will lie in their fragility, something that Norsica loved to exploit last
season on opposing teams. Fragile themselves, no one was able to test Norsica and they carried
no injuries.
The Blood Gods Renegades, the lone chaos renegade team, finishes off the Badlands, and while
not much is known about them, this division has the potential to be competitive IF the three
other teams can figure out how to put some of Norsica down and out of action.
Snotty’s Picks
If I have to go with a top pick, I’m going to say that there are four teams that I am going to be
betting on come playoff time. Jormungandr, Louisville City, Norsica, and Da Vulchas. I think
that these teams represent the best of 2018 and one or both of these teams will be facing off in
Rock Vagas in June.
I’m ready to get this season underway!
Week One Preview
Week one features cross-divisional games as we open up the season. No teams will be facing
divisional rivals, but it is important to go into the divisional bracket of the next three matchups
backed with a win!
Jormungandr @ Goughed Eye – Mamma is one of the hottest stars on the pitch today. Dirty
Skink is one of the most highly rated dirty players in the game. Macho Comacho and Captain
Clothesline anchor a line of six saurus and the beautiful krox Mamma (who will have former
Lolphins blitzer Black Zack the Traitor attending her at pitch-side). The real question here is
… who will Mamma be blackmailing this time?
Goughed Eye is led by quarterback Teddy Surehands, and they are going to have to figure out
how to out-muscle what analyst Don Romero calls “the most complete line in all of Blood Bowl
… ever”. If they can find a way to isolate and get some of the saurus off the pitch, they have a
shot. Jormungandr’s biggest weakness last season was their porous defense.
Its hard to not give this one to Jormungandr though, and we have them winning this 2-0.
Legion of Doom @ Ragnarok – neither team had a preseason to speak of so knowing exactly
what will happen is not something anyone without a degree in psychic 101 can accomplish. The
L.O.D had a promising rookie season, missing the playoffs by a rank. This year they are going
to have to do better, and a rookie Ragnarok team will be the first test.
L.O.D should win this one 2-0 due to experienced players.
Steamers @ Lord’s Kitchen – the Steamers weren’t able to get any preseason going, and the
Lord’s Kitchen took advantage to get some practice and prepare for their first regular season
outing. The Kitchen, led by coach Nun White, can be beastly with their illegal antics, and the
Steamers are going to have to find a way to cap the fanatic, chainsaw, and bombardier if they
want to come out of this with a win.
This game will be a close one, but we give it to the gobbos 2-1.
Sons of Gold @ Norsica Rampagers – a rookie dwarf team with a rookie dwarf coach taking on
the reigning champions. Dwarves are tough. But not that tough. Norsica 3-1.
Red World Order @ Elfheim Eagles – humans on elves. One coach is relatively new.
Experience and the elven propensity to light up a scoreboard will make all of the difference.
Elfheim 4-0.
Myrmidons @ Yellowjackets – two rookie coaches with two rookie teams. Elves have more gifts
than their human opposition, so for the Myrmidons to shake off their preseason slump they are
going to have to study some tape and get some good dice rolls behind them. The inexperience of
the Yellowjackets and their coach will mean mistakes will be made, but the difference will be
who makes the fewest. This sounds obvious, but in a game with two new coaches and two new
teams, the team that makes the fewest critical errors will be the one on top. Elves win this one
3-1.
Dire Bears @ Blood God Renegades – rookie coach of a rookie team against a more experienced
coach with a fairly green team. This one will go to chaos, as the human Bears will struggle.
Renegades 2-0.
Blaines Bashers @ Da Vulchas – this game happened in preseason and happens again live in
week one! Da Vulchas have proven to be a serious threat and the Bashers rash of horrible luck
may continue to plague them as they hit the road. Rigzod Mightygutta and Da Vulchas have a
chance to put themselves in a great position in the LBBC South with a win against the league
runner-ups.
Discounting the Bashers though would be a huge mistake. You don’t make it to the big game if
you aren’t solid. If the Bashers can figure out how to shake the curse of “Porn-Star”, as they have
dubbed it, they could learn from their preseason calamity and come out on top.
We give this one a 1-1 tie.
Instinct @ Grudge Bearers – ogres rolling into a dwarven stadium. Dwarves can endure the
pounding that ogres can put out, and all of that bonehead can certainly be a liability. Gotta give
it to the dwarves in this one 2-1.
Dolts @ Lions – the Lions have had a bad preseason. Both Barry Randers and quarterback
Standford, the two top Lions on the team, are out with injuries. This banged up team is going
to struggle hard against the WAAC X champions, helmed by the spirit of Coach Bellycheck…
the only thing that can temper the Dolts is their own boneheadedness.
Dolts 2-1
Headbashas @ Kohs – the Kohs have shown enough to our analysts for us to have some faith in
their toughness this year. This could be a championship team, and the Headbashas are still
relatively green. No pun intended.
Kohs come out of this on top and head into the divisional bracket with a win 3-1.
Middenheim Lolphins @ Louisville City BBC – the Mighty Fine Lardnuts Game of the Week,
broadcast over Cabal Vision under the lights in Slugga Stadium. The powerful Louisville City
BBC takes on a struggling Lolphins team.
The Lolphins are led by quarterback Greasy Bob and feature a solid set of skilled positions with
Buzzsaw Zonka, Ripper Wake, and Jason Taylor anchored by the immovable Suh. The
Lolphins will be without two solid linemen in Larry Little (injury) and fatboy Richmond Webb
(sponsorship responsibilities).
Louisville is led by league MVP Guy Abend and has future hall of famer blitzer Kyle Smith head
hunting. The City has signed on rookie receiver Kenny Doublette to give another deep threat
along with Luke Spencer, in a high flying high octane elven-like throwing offense. Louisville
will be without blitzer Paco Craig and their ogre Greg Ranjitsingh, which makes this a more
interesting matchup.
Look for the Lolphins to sign some muscle for this matchup. The big questions will be will the
Lolphin offense show up this time as well as will they be able to contain the passing attack that is
Louisville City?
Louisville wins 2-1
Lolphins Start Preseason With Shaky Start

Middenheim – The Lolphins have been trying to

shake the monkey off their back that has been present
ever since the Emperor Bellycheck and the Patriots
took them down in the wildcard playoff round last
season.
The Lolphins spent the first half of the 2017 season
making it count when it counted, and spent the second
half of the season failing when they needed to step up
the most.
From handing Jormungandr the divisional title with a dropped touchdown pass by “Asshole”
Kenny Stills to Black Zack Tumas the Traitor allowing a late game touchdown by Dirty Skink,
to going up 2-0 on the Patriots and then choking in the second half of the game to lose 3-2, the
Lolphins have just not played good Bloodbowl for several consecutive months.
“Matt Damon.” Former player and potential assistant line coach Matt Damon stated after a
practice. We’re not sure what that means, but we were glad to see Damon had recovered from
his career ending injury at the hands of the Legion of Doom and walking around and giving his
former team inspiration.
“We’d like to see him become Coach Damon, but we’re still waiting on the particulars with the
budget before we can make that transaction final.” A Lolphins front-office staffer stated.
The Lolphins are looking to build a competitive team for the 2018 season and challenge
Jormungandr for the division title. Rivals Legion of Doom also want to have a say in that, as
well as rookie team coached by Coach Rat Pooh called “The Steamers”.
Rolling into the badlands, the Lolphins faced off against rookie team “The Lord’s Kitchen” to
much fanfare. The field was little more than a pit dug out of the ground and festooned with
spikes (the goblins it was said were trying to make the Lolphins feel at home, as Trash Life
Stadium is built in a similar manner). It was a nasty place. A dingy and dirty place. It was a
perfect place for a Blood Bowl game.
“It stunk, the locker room had dead rats in it and there was this perverted goblin chick that kept
trying to come in while we were getting ready. I wasn’t really comfortable there.” Lineman
Richmond Webb told us.
“Matt Damon.” Matt Damon nodded. We weren’t sure what that meant either. Damon spent
most of the game by the dugout tending the fire that was burning within head coach Dumpster
Fire.
Dumpster Fire replaced the lost head coach “Trashcan” … or Coach Can as he was known by
the team, after losing the final regular season matchup vs the Skaven Ratbones Brigade (who it is
said stole his lid and have it hanging up in their locker room)
Dumpster Fire’s training regime has not yet borne fruit, and it is difficult to know just how he is
measuring up as a Bloodbowl Coach, but his team is carrying on as they did with Coach Can.
“He’s pretty motivational. Coach is on fire. Literally. No one here wants to be on fire. That
makes us play better.” Quarterback Greasy Bob told us.
The game against the Lord’s Kitchen started
off as any other. The Lolphins won the
coin toss and elected to receive. The fans
would get to see the newly revamped
offensive formations and strategies and there
was excitement in the air.
The Lord’s Kitchen had plenty of
inducements, procuring a couple
Bloodweiser Kegs and the giant ball with
teeth Madcap Miggs.
The Lolphins had a Bad Habits card played
on them, which was apt as the bad coaching and playstyle that has haunted the team the past few
games really deserved it. The Lolphins lost all of their team re-rolls for the first half.
Boy did that hurt.
The Lolphins offense came out of the gate pretty competently, though the name of this game
was the failure to really break any goblin armor. The Lolphins led the league last year in
casualties inflicted upon them, and the Lord’s Kitchen managed to injure two Lolphins to carry
this tradition on.
Greasy Bob rolled right in the pocket and fired off a perfect pass to blitzer Ripper Wake in the
center of the field. Wake thundered forward before Madcap Miggs launched himself at the
Lolphin, dropping the blitzer and popping the ball loose near the gobbo goal line.
The scramble was on. Kenny Stills, famed for his key failures the season prior, dodged deftly
away from goblins as he picked up the downed ball and turned to make his way to the endzone.
He was a square short, and had to make a go for it roll to put the Lolphins up by a score.
Alas Kenny Stills failed his GFI roll and fell into the endzone with the ball falling out of his
inept hands and back onto the turf.
With the clock ebbing to zero, Glassjaw Mike Pouncey threw a block at a goblin to clear the
path for a last moment score. Pouncey of course rolled a couple of skulls, and the no re-rolls
were pounding the Lolphins. Pouncey hit the turf hard, the clock hit no time, and at the half
the revamped Lolphins offense left the field with a 0-0 draw.
“This was just unacceptable. We need to step it up out there.” Star fullback Zonka noted.
“Matt Damon! Matt Damon!” Damon was heard yelling in the locker room during the half.
The Lolphins failed to note a gobbo sneak near the waterboy’s stash, and he put some illegal
substance in the Lolphin water. Greasy Bob took a drink and just like that the Lolphins thrower
was enraged and frenzied and unable to use his hands at all (the Gobbos played a dirty trick card)
It was now up to the Lolphin defense to hold the gobbos back. Ray Finkle performed the Irish
Crane forward kick which put the ball deep in the Gobbo’s backfield and then a 291 Strong side
blitz had blitzer Jason Taylor popping the gobbo pogo player who had the ball. The ball was
loose, Taylor was running wild, scooped the ball up and rumbled into the endzone to score the
first Lolphin touchdown of the preseason.
“I swear I almost died right there. I cried so hard. We finally scored a point, and I was so
grateful.” Teary-eyed fan Jenna Jennabee told us after the game.
“Matt Damon.” Matt Damon told us. He seemed quite proud of the defensive adjustment.
With the Lolphins leading 1-0, the gobbos struggled on offense to move the ball much at all.
The Lolphins swept around on another blitz, knocking the pogo gobbo out of the game with a
concussion. Another score was not to be unfortunately, as the ball traded hands most of the
second half near the gobbo goalline.
“I’m kind of frustrated that these holy and righteous implements are doing nothing!” Coach
Nun White was heard on the gobbo sideline.
As soon as she stated this, the gobbo chainsaw roared to life and took out Jason Little and rookie
Brian Cox (who sustained a leg injury and will miss the preseason game against the Goughed
Eye. Not to worry, Beefy Burts was able to hook him up with a week’s worth of free steak, and if
you bring your family down this week and mention Brian Cox you can get 10 gc off your next
dinner!)
The Lolphin defense was fairly dominant, and while they were not able to capitalize on excellent
field opportunities to score a second touchdown, the gobbos were unable to get near midfield
with the ball either and thus the Lolphins secured a preseason victory.
Do we consider the monkey off the back yet?
“Matt Damon.” We assume that this means no. The matchup against a more seasoned
Goughed Eye will be more telling. The Lolphins will need to adjust that flagging offense before
they head to Louisville City for their rivalry matchup. Afterwards, they head to Seven Nation
Dirty Stadium to face their divisional rival Dirty Skink and Jormungandr.
“We have a lot of work to do before the season starts. And we need to finalize our roster. With
only eleven of us on the roster, we’re playing some Iron Man BloodBowl and we need a deeper
bench.”
Tickets for the preseason match against the Goughed Eye go on sale this week. The game will
be held at Trash Life Stadium in Middenheim.

Lolphins Carve a
Draw in Thriller vs
Goughed Eye 1-1
Middenheim – The preseason
came to an end for
Middenheim with a bang, as
the struggling Lolphins pulled
off an incredible come-from-
behind miracle to draw against
visiting Goughed Eye.
Many standings authors have
the Lolphins picked to struggle
for a second place divisional
placing, underneath
Jormungandr, due to a
struggling offense.
Coach Burning Dumpster and
assistant Matt Damon had
spent the offseason devising a
new offensive scheme, which
was showcased last week
against the rookie goblin team
The Lord’s Kitchen.
The offense struggled
considerably in that game,
having two opportunities to score in the first half on offense and failing to a consecutive roll of
snake-eyes when it mattered most (those re-rolls don’t guarantee anything!)
During the game against the Goughed Eye, the Lolphin offense sputtered and failed to score
another two times, again with two snake-eye rolls, and a third set of snake-eye rolls on an
improbable dodge later in the game. To top it off, nose-tackle Nudumbakin Su disputed his
contract four times during the game… three of those turns coming consecutively from turns 13,
14, and 15.
The Lolphins received the opening kick off coming in with a shallow bench. Rookie blitzer
Brian Cox, who was voted game MVP against the Lord’s Kitchen, was out with a lacerated
quadricep due to a goblin chainsaw. To replace him, the Lolphins hired journeyman lineman
Garvin ‘the Nighttrain’.
‘The Night Train’ didn’t live up to his billings, as five minutes into the game he was put out of
the game with a broken neck. Indeed, the Lolphins having led the league last year in casualties
inflicted upon them kept the blood pouring as they would end up losing five players to the
Goughed Eye and finishing the game with just six players standing!
Lolphin quarterback Greasy Bob was on point again, completing a pair of passes in the game and
having one dropped in a tight spot late in the game. The Lolphins had a chance to score twice
in the first half, getting the ball down near the Goughed Eye’s goalline before another failed go
for it roll failed twice in a row (snake eyes #1) stalled the first drive.
Shortly thereafter, Greasy Bob was primed to hit “Asshole” Kenny Stills, who caught a beautiful
pass and only needed to dodge into an empty square to put the Lolphins up a score managed to
roll the second set of snake eyes on the dodge. The Goughed Eye coach was rolling on the turf
laughing, stating “What are the odds of THAT happening?!”
Well coach… this is the Lolphins. And when in Middenheim all one can do is lol. And lol
some more.
The Goughed Eye was playing sloppy ball, being penalized twelve times for illegal procedure.
Where they were sloppy executing on defense and not taking advantage to the lol’ing Lolphins,
they made up for in brutal efficiency, knocking out blitzer Zonka, and taking out Asshole Kenny
Stills, blitzer Jason Taylor, and violently spraining guard Larry Little’s knee.
Little is expected to miss the season opener against Louisville City.
With a tied half, the Goughed Eye were set to receive a second half kickoff with only seven
Lolphins able to get back on the field.
The Goughed Eye found the seven Lolphins very capable of holding their own. As in their
game against the Lord’s Kitchen, the Lolphins came together beautifully and snuffed out the
Goughed Eye offense, penning them up on the sideline and frustrating their movement.
Towards the end of Turn 12, the Eye was finally able to hit paydirt and throw the ball across the
width of the field to take advantage of the depleted Lolphin numbers, punching a hole in the
thin defender’s line and putting the orcs up 1-0.
“The game was basically over at that point. Most of the fans started putting paper bags on their
heads and began leaving for the parking lot around then. I’m glad I stayed and watched.” Super
fan Leroy Lejenkins said, with his body painted in the aqua and orange of laughter.
There are times during a game when something magical happens. That chain started right after
the scored touchdown when fans noticed a few red flags on the field. Matt Damon had begun
hysterically screaming his name on the field and the refs figured out that he was complaining
that the Goughed Eye had too many men on the field.
Indeed, the Eye had been playing with twelve men the entire time!
“What do I know? I only have one eye! I thought we had fourteen men on the field after all!”
The orc coach said with a sly grin.
The Goughed Eye blitzer that had scored the point for his team was sent off the pitch and
ejected from the game, but the score remained 1-0.
“Once a score happens, we can’t go back and change that. We can only penalize the parties
appropriately and move the game on.” Referee Ned Hockerleez said after the game.
What happened next would be recorded in Lolphin history books. Greasy Bob received the kick
off, which was a short squib of a kick. Su, Glassjaw Pouncey, and Ray Finkle did their best to
pad the area around Bob, while AG 4 blitzer Wake came off of the end and knocked a few orcs
to the ground before penetrating down field behind the orc front line.
No one thought much of him, and the orcs sent three of their own to surround the blitzer.
Su went bonehead three turns in a row when he was needed most, and the Lolphins fired off a
couple of difficult blocks into the Strength 4 black orcs, pushing them away from Greasy Bob
which allowed him to wheel out and around.
Declaring a short pass to Wake in Turn 15, the AG4 blitzer needed a 5 to catch the ball, which
he promptly failed even with a re-roll. The pass was beautiful, but Wake just had too many
defenders on him.
The orc quarterback on Wake, however, was able to pick up the ball as it ricochet off of Wake’s
helmet (he had no problem rolling the 5)
With Turn 16 on, the Goughed Eye got a bit careless. The orc quarterback scrambled toward
the sideline and attempted a quick pass to an open orc blitzer “to pad his stats”.
The dice turned against him, and the pass was inaccurate and landed on the ground in front of
the blitzer.
With just one turn left, the Lolphins had the chance to equalize but it was going to take a
miracle.
The Miracle in Middenheim happened.
“Matt Damon.” Assistant Coach Matt Damon told us after the game as he was putting the fire
out in coach Dumpster fire.
For this miracle to happen, the Lolphins needed to fire off two unlikely blocks to clear the path
for Greasy Bob. Su finally came out of his stupor and laid out the black orc on him, and glass
jaw Pouncey mule-kicked a second black orc and sent him back, leaving Greasy Bob with just
one defender on him.
Wake, all AG 4 of him, made a pair of consecutive dodge rolls and a pair of go for it rolls to clear
the space and get into the endzone. It was now up to Greasy Bob.
The Lolphins quarterback is quickly turning into a veteran and clutch player. For him to
succeed, however, the odds needed to not be as stacked and Bob needed room to get the ball and
move forward to get the pass out of long bomb range and into a long pass.
Enter Ray Finkle. The kicker who studies eastern martial arts unleashed a devastating Yellow
Spider kick which kneecapped the orc blitzer hovering over the ball. Bob made his dodge roll,
ran to the ball, picked it up, and then moved forward before heaving the ball to a wide-open
Wake.
It took the passer re-roll to make it happen, but the pass was a bullet and Wake with his AG 4
was able to easily catch the pass for the draw as time expired.
While this is preseason and nothing counted officially on the tally sheets, coming away from that
game outgunned as such with a last moment draw is enough to light some fire under the
Lolphins who will be traveling to Louisville City for their first regular season game.
They will do so without guard Larry Little and will likely have to hire another journeyman. You
can bet the Lolphins will be looking on the waiver sheets for a star player to help them in
Louisville.
If they can get their offense to gel and stop giving up the easy scores, Louisville City may even
have a game on their hands.
"A Goblins Game"
Pre-season Shenanigans

First pre-season game for the Lords Kitchen, against the

"almighty" LOLphins kicked off with a BANG! Coach
Nun White, absent from the first game due to a tear in
her habit (from Gods know what). She bestowed her
almighty power to her favorite Ooligan,
LEEERRRROOOYYYY Jenkins.
Drawing from Misc Mayhem deck and Dirty Tricks (as
any goblin should) he managed to strip the LOLphins of
ALL team rerolls for the first half of the game! When
interviewing Leroy he managed to explain to us why this
wasnt just a victory for the team but a personal victory as well. "Serves dems right for beings
means to Mindy wile she was in der locker room."
He continues on "She'd only in der to grab us da ratz snacks before da game and to chec out da
competition." Turns out Mindy and Leroy are involved, but that is a story for a different day.
A postive turn of events enabled The Lords Kitchen to bring in star team player Madcap Migzz
(the mighty football of teeth and claws). The team says he is a big teddy bear in the locker room
but on the field he is a Wild Animal! Fans enjoyed watching the opposition scramble to avoid
being in contact with him. He is fast, hits hard and is extremely unpredictable. To the fans this
makes the perfect player to watch! Lots of entertainment and the possibility of carnage, what
goblin doesn't like carnage?
Lots of action in the first half of the game saw the bombadier throw his mighty explosive into a
group of tightly formed LOLphins. Success was had in knocking 3 players flat on their backs!
This did not stop the LOLphins from pushing forward into the end zone! Kenny Stills, ball in
hand, makes a GO FOR IT and...FAILS!!! Coach dumpster becomes enraged and flames soar
towards the sky! The crowd cheered and laughed as Kenny lived up to his reputation. Does he
ever score when he is in the end zone? The first half of the game ends without a score any serious
injuries or casualties.
Second half of the game sees the goblins recieving the ball, Robert Warthosen (infamous pogoer)
picks up the ball and holds ready for teammates to ready themselves into place to recieve the ball.
This, however, was not a good strategy for Robert as the LOLphins saw an opening and headed
strait toward the unprotected player.
They quickly outwitted the goblins and knocked Robert right to the ground making the ball free
to be picked up. Slash goes in for a blitz and injurs the new rookie for the LOLphins, knocking
him out of the rest of this game and next. He was taking to the hospital writing in pain. "It was
just a flesh wound" says Slash.
LOLphins came back with an angry vengence for taking out one of their players and scored
agains the goblins. This made the game 1-0 in favor of the LOLphins.
Fans seemed to enjoy all the action on the field but were disapointed that The Lords Kitchen did
not cause more damage or score, such a fickle fan group. Maybe next time Goblins, maybe next
time.

Jormungandr Handles Lions 3-0 Preseason Highlights

In the local bar, the screens are all tuned to the preseason report for the blood bowl
television network on the upcoming season. Behind the news desk sits Dirk Neglar, the main
host and dwarf, Grimzal the Mighty, the cohost and black orc, and Carl Reckler, the other
cohost and human.
“Welcome to the preseason wrap up report, I Dirk Neglar, with me as always is the
Mighty Grimzal and Carl Reckler. Tonight’s spot light is on the Nuln Lions. After their division
win last season and their overtime lost to Louisville City BBC in the playoffs, many expected the
Lions to continue into the next season being a dominant team.” Dirk started speaking.
“However, they have not held up to their normal good form. So far in the preseason, they
have played their division rivals Kohs, and the juggernaut that is Jormungandr. In both games
the Lions were scoreless with little to show for in the game. They seem to have lost a major step
in how they compete against other teams so far.” Carl remarked.
“They are showing how humans team normally to play, soft and weak. They averaged 5
people out of the game by the beginning of the second half of the game and down by 2 scores.
Then, the injury report from the Jormungandr game shows they will be without their star Blitzer
Barry Randers, and their star thrower Matthew Standford for the season opener.” Grimzal
replied.
“The Lions really are on a bad start for this season. Its seems that losing the two blitzers
in the heart wrecking lost in the playoffs have really taken the steam out of the players and
caused the team to not perform at their best so far, this season. Their only hope is to start the
season off with a win and just play to their fullest.” Dirk spoke. “What do you all think the
chances for the Lions to repeat and win for the division this season.”
Carl spoke first, “I don’t think they have a chance with the way the new LBBC South
Division is shaping up. Losing to their division rivals during the preseason and not having two
key players for their first game, I think we will see this team with an early loss and we will see
them continue to go down hill from there. They don’t have the same basic build as the start of
last year, and the two new teams to the division are nicely tooled up to take on veteran teams.”
“For once I’m in agreement with Carl.” Grimzal remarked. “Before the playoffs, the lions
where a great holding defense and scoring offense. With the loss of two center point men in the
playoffs, and now two key players out the first game, the lions have a long hard road ahead of
them to get healthy and back on track. The only hope is to get some new players skilled up and
score quickly and often in the upcoming games.”
“Quick right guys, I don’t see the Lions really being a threat, and I predict a new division
winner at the end of the year.” Dirk replied.
Sacrificing it All
Tony Niemann

‘The ssstarsss could not have been wrong, this team was
dessstined for greatnessssss. What could have gone
wrong?’

The Skink High-Priest paced back and forth, his head

fan vibrating in irritation as he watched the Kohs slink
back to the pools that spawned them, to lick their
wounds after a hard first season.

A large Slann hovered on his Dias licked his lips and

shifted his large, pupilless eyes towards the smaller
lizardman.

‘I know, I know, the prophecy didn’t ssssay when, just

that they were desssstined,’ the skink then paused for a
moment as if listening. ‘Your right, we ignored the
offeringssss because of the prophecy, and we only trained
them to play the game. We neglected the fact they are
also warriorssss. The old onessss need their offeringssss
and the team needs to be honed like the sssswordssss
they are. We musssst make changesss, we begin
tomorrow.’

For the months that followed, the Kohs trained as warriors. Hunting their prey relentlessly. Those
they did not kill outright were captured and brought back for sacrifice to the old ones including
Nuffle.

On days the team did not hunt, the trained on the pitch, taking what they learned in the jungles to
the field. No longer did they play the game, it was only about the hunt. Balls were made of meat .
The players where only allowed to eat after those practice day, and only the balls they carried ac ross
the line and the slaves on the practice team that they killed.

If a slave on the practice team performed admirably, they were honored as a special coach to teach
those skills to the team, the sacrificed to strengthen the team with their spirit.

All this, and more, made the team stronger, faster, more cunning, and most of all a singular entity.
As pre-season drew near, it was time to make the hard decisions
on who would represent the team and allocated funds were short
from all the extra effort to turn them around.

All the Saurus and Kimman-Taasik, the Kroxigor, were crucial

to the team. Two of the newer Skinks were improving, but not
to the level the rest of the team was progressing, so they were
easy cuts. The difficult cut came from the Kohs’ last year stand
out, Xib Chun.

He was a ferocious warrior. Fearless and bold, a real playmaker.

But a hit early in the first season made him more fragile. He
was a difficult choice to let go. Typically, this would me Xib
would preform a sacrificial suicide, but the big Slann coach
himself stepped in and anointed him into the priesthood of
coaches were he Is learning with the team he trained so hard
with.

Now, after two momentum building pre-season games it Is time.

The pitch has been prepared. The star are aligning for the team
known as the Kohs. Gone are the young lizards of last season.
The drums beat a warriors cadence of victory that the whole league will soon hear.

The stars are eternal, as is the Prophecy. It might take one hundred years, but if the Kohs have
anything to say about it, this will be the year that the stars will align.
New Season, New Teams, New Expecations!
Clay Knuckles

LWGBBL 2018 is close to kicking off and there have been a number of significant changes.
This week we are exploring one of the new Elf Teams, the Elfheim Eagles!
Coach Clayvius left his position with the Devil’s Backbone to take over as the head coach of the
new expansion franchise Eagles. Elves differ considerably from Chaos Dwarves, but we suspect
Coach Clay has some experience with handling a rookie Elf team.
Star Catcher LL Cool J had this to say; “Romance sheer delight how sweet
I gotta find me a girl to make my life complete
You can scratch my back, we'll get cozy and huddle
I'll lay down my jacket so you can walk over a puddle” While we are unsure what that has to do
with Blood Bowl…we just assumed it was a line from one of his songs from his side gig as a Rap
Megastar.
Hoping to change the fortunes of last season, Coach Clay is looking to move the ball and light
up the scoreboard, while maintaining a top tier Defense from 2017. With LL Cool J and Ice
Cube running crisp routes, the odds are that Tupac will have plenty of targets for the vertical
passing game. Pro Elves are notorious for their up temp passing game, so scoring early and often
look to be big parts of the playbook for the Eagles.
On defense, Dr. Dre and the Notorious B.I.G. are going to have to make in impact for the
Eagles to soar into the playoffs. Coaching in the LBBC Badlands Division will present less of a
danger of being bashed to death than the LBBC Central once did, but the Blitzers will be sorely
needed for any success at all to happen.

Speaking of the Badlands division. The Norsica Rampagers, defending WAAC Bowl Champs
return an impressive roster and look to run through a division full of new teams. Norse, 2 Elf
Teams and a Chaos Renegades team, all rookies fill out the division.

The Eagles can be competitive through smart play, and trying to avoid injuries where possible.
If their luck holds, possibly a divisional championship, if not, early retirement.
Week one will see the Eagles taking on a new Dark Elf team. The matchup should be fairly
even if the Pro Elves armor can hold up. Then again, this could be a blood bath, and both teams
could get wrecked early in the season.
After reviewing the leagues and divisional splits, most predictions will see the Eagles finish in 2nd
behind the Rampagers, while pushing for a playoff spot. 6-3 is certainly attainable as a record,
but 2-7 could also happen. In the end, we will see what Coach Clay has up his sleeve for the
2018 season.
Playoff Predictions: Division Champs Rampagers, Jormungandr, Kohs, Sons of Gold, Louisville
City BBC, Blain’s Bashers
Wild Card - Elfheim Eagles, Nuln Lions
Hope everyone has a great season, looking forward to mixing it up with some new teams and
coaches!
The Curse of Porn Star
a Basher Nation special report by Chris Williams
There are legends of those with an axe still too grind, someone who left this world before they
were ready to go. Then there are whispered breaths upon the breeze that Porn Star has returned to hex
his former team.
A crack team of experts has been assembled to investigate in the latest edition of Blood
Illustrated. Leading the team is spirit expert Dr. Clive Foreman. “What we have here is a level-three
haunting accompanied by a level one curse – one of the worst I have seen in years. Porn Star longs to be
appeased due to his violent death.”
Wayne Themblespool, an expert in numbers, chimed in “Yes, what we have here is a troubled
soul that was brought on to right a wrong upon the pitch. You look back at the post game conference a
year ago and it is clear that Porn Star was hired due to subpar preseason performance of the Blaine
Bashers. After his hire, things really turned around for the team as they rode the energy of Porn Star all
the way to the Final game. Even after that, the Bashers got a first round seeding out of pool play. But I
want to focus of that fateful final game of pool play, the day Porn Star died.”
Mr. Themblespool looked over to Dr. Foreman with a troubled glance. Then continued, “Well
Porn Star really saved the game that day for the Bashers when he dived in to secure the ball for victory.
But his heroism cost him his life. He wants to be remembered. But, until he is inducted into the hall of
Fame, he has cursed the Bashers to a run of bad luck that rivals the luck they were having before his hire.
It is a classic example of a poltergeist that throws a monkey-wrench into the works just to show everyone
how valuable he was to this team while he was still alive.”
Dr. Clive Foremen chimed in, “A point here that cannot be stressed enough, the Bashers have
proven themselves to be a good team, but in the three games since Porn Star was killed, things could not
have been worse on the pitch. First, they lost in the knockout round of the Orcadidas tournament to
Louisville City. It is safe to say the Bashers were never really ever in that one. It had to be one of the
ugliest loses in team history as nothing went right. At the time, everyone just thought it was the team
mourning the loss of the teams’ heart and soul.”
“The next game was the Basher Bowl. While the Blaine Bashers Beat the Balin Bashers 1-0, once
again it was a struggle again lady luck. Four Blaine Bashers were hurt or sent into concussion Protocol in
the opening minutes of the game forcing the Blaine Bashers to play down four men the rest of the game.
“Then we have the final game of the preseason against Da Vulchas. Once again, another train
wreck of a game as nothing once again went right for the Bashers. They could not complete a pass, score
or smash any skulls. As a matter of fact, looking back at the three games since Porn Stars demise, the
Bashers have had 6 causalities inflicted upon them while dishing out zero in return. The only violence
they have managed has been three knockouts. And it is not only that, but considering they only have on
score over this stretch and zero pass completions, the only explanation is the curse of Porn Star. “
Louisville City Faces High Expectations Going into Second Season
Brian Mathews
Entering season one, very few expected much out of the start up human team out of
Louisville. Facing a bruising division of orcs and dwarves, wisdom around league circles said
that the boys in purple didn't stand much of a chance. Head coach James O'Connor shrugged
off the naysayers and went undefeated in division play, leading the team to a LWGBBL West
division title, as well as semi-final appearances in the playoffs, as well as the offseason Orcdidas
Open Cup.
O'Connor returns for season two to some new uncertainty. Every other team in the
West division has folded or suspended play for the upcoming season and we will see a new slate
of opponents. Gouged Eye, an experienced orc team moves over from the South and two very
dangerious rookie teams join the fray: the goblins of The Lord's Kitchen and the Nordic
Ragnarok. Despite new opponents, the team will certainly face higher expectations and a bigger
target on their backs than they did a year ago.
Along with the coach, the team also welcomes back skilled goblin Apothecary Steve
Finkelstein. Steve will have his bag of tricks on the sideline starting with the first preseason
game and hopes to keep the boys healthy and on their feet. The Faux Sports media team voiced
by the legedary Blob Balbano and Hairy Miners will also provide insight at Slugga Field for the
team's rabid fanbase, the Coopers. Surrounded by a cloud of purple smoke, waving flags, drums
and
bourbon, the Coopers are fired up and ready to cheer on the team to many more victories and
hopefully a LWGBBL title. While the sidelines sit pretty, the players of course stand as the
most important part of any quality Nuffle team. We will break down the full roster that fans can
expect to see take the field very soon.
Legends and Departures
Nuffle giveth and nuffle taketh away. Before getting into the returning players we must
first mention the ones that have not returned to the roster.
Catcher Speedy Williams lost his life in the semi-finals of the LWGBBL Playoffs.
Following a mighty blow from Norsica, Finkelstein could not revive him and he passed on. Fans
will remember him for his heroic play against All Up in Dem Gutz, where he forced a fumble on
a touchdown saving tackle, recovered the ball and took it the length of the field for a game
sealing touchdown in a 2-0 victory, as well as his skill with a chainsaw in the playoff match
versus the Nuln Lions.
The leader of the Louisville City line, Paolo DelPiccolo caused problems for opposing
teams throughout the season as well as the cup. He scored a touchdown in the same match
against Dem Gutz and earned the MVP as well as the Blood Illustrated MVP for his play in that
match. After harassing Rocky Top throughout regulation of the team's final Open Cup match,
freakish Black Orc Big Mike murdered Paolo to prevent him from playing in overtime.
While both of these players have passed to the other side, they will be remembered in the
hearts of Louisville City fans everywhere. In addition to these two legends, two other players
are currently out of contract: lineman Ilija Ilic and catcher Brian Ownby.
Ilic had the honor of being named Blood Illustrated MVP in a rainy match against Gork
N Mork in which he never saw the field. Ilic left the team following the LWGBBL Playoffs
and sat out the open cup. Ownby signed with the team as a replacement for Williams during the
cup, but made little impact in limited time. Both players remain options to return at some point.
Blitzers
Conventional wisdom points to blitzers as the heart of any human team. The
combination of speed and strength can wreak havoc on teams ranging from speedy elves to burly
dwarves and the City returns all four blitzers from last season's team. Kyle Smith leads the pack,
making an impact from week one, inflicting two casualties against rival Middenheim, then
continued his reign leading the team in casualties. He showed amazing agility in the preseason
and put on a show vs Team Instinct, scoring twice and inflicting two casualites.
His running mate Sean Reynolds made plenty of big plays could be a key player this
season. Tarek Morad returns and has the skill and experience to make this an exciting group to
watch. Paco Craig also returns after a solid season , though hobbled by an ankle injury sustained
during the preseason match against the Ogres of Team Instinct.
Skill Positions
With the speed of a blitzer and the strengh of a black orc, league MVP thrower Guy
Abend returns for his second season and looks to remain on top. Abend broke out in week two
against Gork n Mork Univeristy with a touchdown on the ground as well as a touchdown pass to
Craig and didn't look back, leading the City in touchdowns scored. Abend did most of his work
on the ground, including a highlight reel run bowling over a happless defender in group play of
the Orcididas Open Cup against the Cleveland Steamers, but he also has an accurate arm and
can get the job done through the air.

Secondary to Abend, thrower Niall McCabe entered the first season in competition with
Abend. While he fell behind his fellow thrower, he can run step for step with the MVP and will
see plenty of time on the field. Look for O'Connor to try to get McCabe into the endzone more
this season.
Mark Anthony-Kaye took on the role as kicker for the team, often pinning the
opposition deep into their own territory and serves as a skilled blocker allowing him to contribute
on defense as well. He will remain in that role for the upcoming season.
Luke Spencer returns at catcher. With only two touchdowns, he did not put up the
numbers expected of a stereotypical catcher, but has exeption skills as a blocker allowing him to
team up with the blitzers to open holes on offense and lock down opponents on defense.
Following the preseason slate, the team has also announced that speedster Kenny Doublette had
signed. He will look to fill the hole left open by the death of Williams.
Brawlers
The Bourbon Brawlers, the big Ogre and the rough and tough lineman are key cogs for
the Louisville City defense and attack. Following the playoffs, rumors swirled that ogre Greg
Ranjitsingh might not return for a second season; however, after a solid showing in the cup, the
team earned enough cash to meet his contract demands. A human punching bag, Ranjitsingh
did not make the highlight reels very often but made a huge impact every time he stepped on the
pitch. Unfortunately he suffered a groin injury in the preseason finale and expects to miss the
opening rivalry match against Middenheim.
A pair of experienced lineman look to step into the leadership role left open by the death
of DelPiccolo. Cameron Lancaster played every match from preseason through the cup. George
Davis IV scored the game winning touchdown off of a fumble recovery in the team's revenge win
against Norsica in group play of the cup. Rounding out the line, hometown kid Richard Ballard
signed as a replacement for Ilic going into the cup and turned heads during the preseason when
he crippled a snotling vs team impact, recovered the ball and threw a dart of a pass to Smith for
the game's third score. The team will likely look to add more depth as the season progresses.

The Coopers are ready for the season

There you have it: your Louisville City Blood Bowl Club! Stop by the team store to purchase
your gameday gear, show up to cheer on the boys and don't forget to thank our many sponsors
(including Fallen City Beer, Human-ugh, Bonecare Bonebreak, Old Forestry Bourbon, Yer
Goblin Bank, Select Shifty Wagon Dealers, Old Ogre Parcel Service, Squirm Faulty Dentistry,
Papa Grunt's Pizza, Orcdidas and Senator Mulch McTurtleface)! Let's bring home a
LWGBBL title! Come on City!

The Saratoga Sentinel

Jon Whelan
Welcome all to the much anticipated 2018 Nuffle Season! I, Lemy Mopwad, write this
piece to you with some breaking news. While the rest of the LBBC has been alive with roster
tuning and pre-season exhibition matches, our very own Legion of Doom has been completely
cut off from the outside world for the entirety of the offseason.
Us Legionnaires (self-coined term for the best fan base in our sport) have long awaited
any sign of life from the Legion HQ. At long last, however, we have received a glimpse into
what our season might look like. Earlier yesterday we received the first snippets of news from
team PR.
Warning- the information I am about to divulge is shocking, and I would advise putting
down your Legion of Doom coffee mug before you read, for fear of breaking it.

Star Blitzer Dickie Sherman, our beloved #25, has been cut from the team.

I’ll give the readers a minute before continuing. This is tough to swallow.
…

In a stunning and absolutely unforeseen turn of events, Legion management has parted
ways with the verbose and explosive playmaker, known by himself, as “The Best Blitzer in the
League”. Following such a tight-lipped off season, the news is as heart attack-inducing as staring
down the rear end of the Boz when his indigestion acts up.
Dickie made a name for himself in his “rookie” season. As an older man, many were
dubious of his ability to step into matches and have such a profound effect on the team. Being
his age, many fall into two pieces after a nasty hit from a Black Orc. However, after the first few
2017 preseason games, he became league-famous singularly for his near-deafening outbursts of
“WOOOOOOOO BEST BLITZA IN DA LEEEEEEAGUE”.
These events were typically followed by him falling on his face before the blitz could
materialize, but on several occasions his charismatic game play paid dividends. One such
occasion he went toe-to-toe with the infamous Krox Mama, and gave her a “love tap” she’d never
forget. To this day the Legion HQ still gets love letters written from Mama addressed to Dickie
(but then again, what team doesn’t? She’s got lots of love interests I hear).
 Per our
locker-room
sources, Dickie
was polarizing to
the max. When
he made plays
they were enough
to send shivers
down a ghoul’s
spine, but on his
off days, those
matches where
he found himself
injured on the
sideline (or
whiffing on a
blitz), he was a
venom to team morale. Dickie showed promises to Legion management, but with his age,
volatile emotional state, and sheer cost to roster (off his name value) the team decided to move
on with the younger, cheaper Blitzer Beastmode.
As it turns out, Mama might have to start sending those letters elsewhere- namely the
unemployment line. As shocking as all of this is, we wish Dickie the best, even though he may
have thrown some chairs through our office windows for printing this week’s edition of the
Sentinel. While it’s not been confirmed that Dickie was behind the vandalism, there were shouts
of “BLITZA” and “BEST IN DA LEAGUE MOTHERF***ERS” heard in the vicinity as the
glass came crashing to the floor.
On a closing note, our Blitzer corps isn’t the only position to be thinned out after the
roster cuts. Legion management made a statement of confidence in our team leader Dangerboy
by also cutting back-up Thrower Dave Blitzkreig. Signed from the stands a couple of games into
last season, Dave stepped in admirably to orchestrate some less than fabulous drives.
Surely this season will be one to watch, as we still haven’t seen the team practice once all
pre-season. Maybe they need to focus and are secluding themselves to train? Or is it something
more sinister? The Coaches Meeting with the press is slated to take place before the first game,
so with fingers crossed we anxiously wait to see what is going on with our promising young team.
Tune in next issue to learn how Dangerboy prepares before matches of Nuffle, with an
interview sure to delight all his fans.
Team Instinct
Kyle Perkins
My given name is Master Apprentice Machiavellian Johannes. I am a human of exceptional
height (six feet, four inches), thin in nature, with a long chin and a thick broad nose.
Being naturally in tuned with magic, especially electricity, and born into a wealthy family going
to a magical university was not a hard call. I graduated at the top of my class in the year of
2081. Since I specialized in electric current I was attached to the first heavy infantry mountain
patrol known as Ogre Squadron.
Given my ability to terrify with electricity and fire I was assigned control of a magical
detachment in the army by General Ironhead. General Ironhead was known to be a very tough
man to get along with and he was always fretting over his son, a member of the army as well.
During our two-year excursion against the orcs, we had fantastic success in destroying many of
their encampments as well as keeping sonny boy safe. We could battle day and night, us Ogres,
with great stamina. My downfall was a warboss named Headbreaker of the Death Skulls.
During battle he had masters of psychic attacks, the Weird Boyz. For what little I knew, Weird
Boyz's abilities were random and unpredictable. I later learned that their head shaman, BigSkull,
was an exceptional Orc witch. He was able to counter many of my spells and ultimately defeat
General Ironhead's army.
To make matters worse, the General's son SteelSkull, was killed in the attack. The Ogres proved
to be exceptional in our retreat and kept me and the General's staff alive. The Ogres extreme
hardiness, strength, and terror effect was the win of the day.
After we limped back to the closest stronghold, Tip Top, battle worn and defeated, General
Ironhead had me removed from his army and to my shame I lost my wizard ranking. As I
brooded in Tip Top, I had a commissioner show up from a game called Blood Bowl.
The name intrigued me. Who knew there was a game, played for fun where you could knock
down and beat up on the opposing team and get paid for it. And fans came to cheer you on just
for trying to move a ball down a field.
He convinced me I could have fame and fortune by coaching a team of Ogres. I studied this
insane game, recruited some burly players, and became Coach Spark for the team called Instinct.
I was very familiar with Ogres and their training. They may not move quickly or gracefully but
they sure do hit hard (even enjoy it). But the Snotlings, now that is a different matter altogether;
they have proved to be much harder to train. They tend to not do what you want them to. This
makes for an interesting and sometimes unpredictable day on the field. I'll keep working with
them and maybe bounce their skulls some more to see if I can knock them straight. I won't take
bets on my success with that though.
A Look at the New Norse Team Ragnarok
Assembling a successful Blood Bowl team requires building blocks of all shapes and sizes. Some
are blockbuster free agents who earned a massive payday. Some are highly touted prospects who
became first-round picks. And some are players who get overlooked for a number of reasons, but
they later grow into key contributors.
The latter group could be forgotten on a losing roster, others finally dodged the draft-bust label
then there are those who ascended after a roster move gave them an opportunity.
Every team has a key building block who doesn't generate much attention but is critical for long-
term success regardless. Here's a closer look at those players as the preseason ends for Ragnarok.
Ragnarok’s decision to select Berserkers with each of their first two picks in the 2018 draft was
confusing at first, especially for a team with plenty of needs elsewhere. The coach hopes that as
the season goes on, though, that decision will start to make a whole lot of sense.
Thorfast the Savage received most of the attention as the first Berserker picked, Sigthor the
Bloodied is expected to make an immediate impact too, with two interceptions and 79 tackles
during his minor league career. He displays the intelligence to diagnose plays before the snap and
then reacts quickly to blow them up in the backfield. Those instincts will make him a movable
chess piece and a difficult defender to scheme against.
Dagher the Lost, one of Ragnarok’s Ulfenwar, has a large, glowing target on his back early in the
2018 season. His penchant for chasing opponents down, drawing himself out of position has
opposing offensive coordinators wanting to expose what they think is a weak link.
Don’t expect him to allow large chunk gains, his strength on the field will see him making plays
often on his own. Success in difficult early circumstances will launch a season of steady growth
for Dagher.
At 7'2" and 368 pounds, Raghal the Crazed has the size Ragnarok coaches look for in their
Ulfenwar, and he can win physical battles in press coverage. His aggressiveness will lead to
numerous blocks thrown since he's a tenacious and willing tackler. Teamed with Dagher, even
big guys on other teams will come to fear his snarling visage on the pitch.
Viggo the Matted will prove to be Ragnarok’s wildest wild card, pun intended. His disturbing
presence on the field will be looked to be maximized in disrupting opponent ball handling and
complicated maneuvers. While not as solid as the Big Guys on other teams, Viggo is expected to
absolutely demolish ball carriers that fail to escape his grasp. Ragnarok coaches are well aware
however of the potential unreliability in his play-making ability and will be looking to layer
defensive positions around him in case plans go awry.
Ragnarok’s sons realize their roles on the team. While not being as aggressive as the rest of the
team, they will be key in holding positions and making key hits stick. Their tough nature will do
well to keep them in the game but the Clans are full of hearty young men looking to make a
name for themselves. Where the sons may fall, others will step in.

Preseason Scouting Report: Da Vulchas

Greetings, Blood Bowl Fans!

Today, we have a preseason scouting report on an up-and-coming team new to the WAAC
Bowl. Da Vulchas made a mark by hiring some big-name stars to help them bash their way into
the Orcdidas Tournament Playoffs last year. However, they are going to have to find victory on
their own if they want to establish themselves as one of the top teams in such a prestigious
league.

They are led by Head Coach Vomad the Vicious, a hulking brute of an Orc that made a name for
himself years back playing for the Ironcrag Decimators. Anchoring the Decimators' line for
eight seasons, Vomad left Blood Bowl behind after a particularly nasty contract dispute ended in
the decapitation of team owner Gallak Tuskhand. Several years as a petty warlord failed to
satisfy his hunger for gold and glory, so Vomad decided to return to the game where he had his
start.

Coach Vomad formed his team from the rowdiest and toughest of his warriors, and the team has
been quick to catch on to the nuances of the game. Thrower Morkid Krookhacka described the
team strategy in the following manner: "Bash 'em in da face--Stomp 'em real good. Play dead
'ard, but don' forget to take da ball to da end zone, or da Boss will rip your guts out through your
[censored]." The team used their winnings from the Orcdidas tournament to hire a Troll and
Goblin, which has added some new wrinkles to Da Vulchas playbook.

Da Vulchas have shown no fear of a good fight, squaring off against other heavy-hitting teams
this preseason. This will serve them well in the coming season, having landed in the South
division along with the Grudge Bearers (Dwarves), Kohs (Lizardmen), and the Nuln Lions
(Humans). This will be some stiff competition, and Da Vulchas will need all their Orcish
strength and cunning if they hope to come out on top.

In the first exhibition match, they defeated the new Ogre squad called Team Instinct with a score
of 3-0. The tone of the game was set when on the first play of the game Team Instinct's Ogre
Gyarados forced a fumble by dropping the Snotling Pidgey on his head while trying to toss him
down the field. In the ensuing scramble to get the ball, Vulchas Blocker Uldrik Bigkrushah threw
a vicious block that fractured the leg of the Ogre Golem. Not to be outdone, Bumgag Facecutta
showed off by scoring the team's second touchdown, which is no small feat for a lumbering
Black Orc. The star of the game, however, was Blitzer Jumm Edwakka who racked up two
touchdowns, a pass completion, and smashed the ankle of the Snotling called Crabby.

The second preseason game saw Da Vulchas engage in some Orc-on-Orc violence against the
Blaine Bashers. The game got off to a rollicking start when the fans of both teams rioted during
the opening kick-off. Da Vulchas were able to score once on offense, and once on defense,
while keeping the Bashers out of their end zone entirely. Vulchas Blocker Gritzor Tuskrukk laid
the boot to Blaine Blitzer Numbskull's delicate bits (if any Orc bits can be considered delicate!)
which will keep him out of commission for a while. Cabalvision reported record viewers for a
preseason match, with both teams walking away with lucrative sponsorship deals. Due to the
immense popularity of the game, the two teams are scheduled for a re-match to kick off the
season.

Eager to establish a home field for their growing fanbase, it is rumored that the team is already
banking gold to purchase their own stadium and training facility. It appears that Coach Vomad
has big aspirations for Da Vulchas, and is trying to build an organization that will reap him the
fame and glory he so greatly desires. Will their early success continue, or will Da Vulchas be
another flash in the pan? Stay tuned to find out!