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body language
goa caтegory
praсtiсal introduсtion mind, body, spirit

сontеnt
. understand the basiс prinсip|es
. learn how to apply the theory
. get more from life

bе wherе you Want to be with teaсh yourself

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 teaсd
yourself

body language
gordon r. wainwright

Fоr over 60 yeшs' more than

40 mi||ion pеople have learпт ovеr
75o subjeсts the teaс*r youвelf
way, with impressive results.

be where you want to be

with teаch youвelf
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lпtroduсlion
Pаd 0пe ski!ls and leоhniqшes
1

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01 eyG GontаGt 6
еye grammar I сл
uses of eyе сontасt 11

resеаrсh iпto eye сo]ltaсt 't3

what our pupils сan teaсh us 14

making better use of your eyes 15
exerсises and experiments 16
n laсial expression 18
the range of expressions 21
fасes and first impressions 24
talking with your faсe 25
faсe faсts 2в
smile, you'll feel better 28
exerсisеs and experiments 29
EI heаd moyemenls 31
talking heads 34
Iistening heаds 35
it depends on how you look at it 36
how to use your heаd 37
nod if you Want me to сontinuе 38
exerсises and experimeпts 39
u gestu]es aпd body mouemenls 41
 let your body do the talking 45 09 timing аnd synоhroпiza|ioп 105
Morris's gesture maps 47 time and tide 107
propIewatсhing 49 good times and bad times 108
gesture psyсh0logy 50 silenсеs and pausеs 109
how to speak body |anguаge 51 dovetailing in discussions 1 10
exercisеs and experiments 53 getting a word in edgeways 111

05 postшle and stanсo 55 how to use time еffeсtive|y 112

mind-reading through posture 58 exercises and expеriments 114
l'm the king of the сastle 60 10 body languagв aпd spoken languagе 116
l'm inс|ined to Iike you 61 supporting whаt is said 1 19
posture researсh 62 speeсh errors 120
exaggerated posturеs 64 said
сontrаdiсting what is 120
exеrсises and experimеnts 65 politiсa| body |anguаge 120
06 proximity and orientation 67 you
faugh and the world laughs with 123
sеating arraпgements 71 exerсises and experiments 123
why do psyсhiatrists have сouсhes? 74 parl two Gonlexts 125
status, proximity and orientation 75 11 body lапguagв аlouпd the wor|d 126
don't сome any с|oser 75 сuItura| differenсes 128
making interaсtion easier 78 non-verbа| universals 130
exerсises and eхperiments 79 negotiating styles 131

n7 b0d.ly c0ntаct 81 busiпess as usual 132

bodily сontaсt and touсhing 86 what to do when you сan't speak
you need hands 88 the language 134
hugging and kissing 89 exerсises and experiments 134
don't push 90 12 body laпguаge аt wo]k 136
better bodily сontaсt 91 oссupational body |anguage 138
exerсises and expеriments 92 the effeсtive use of mеetings 141
08 aрpea]ance аnd physique 93 attitudes to workmates 142
first imprеssioпs 95 the BL of iпdustriа| rе|ations 143
you've gotta have style 97 motivating others 143
sorting the men from the women 98 team building 143
body shape and size 99 exerсisеs аnd experimeпts 144
peopIe сhange 't01
13 everyday eпGouпto1s 146
improving your image 102 the first five minutes 148
exerсisеs and experiments 103 opening аnd сlosing сonversаtions 149
 how to spot a liar 150 Г'l
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smalltalk 151

exerсises and experiments 153

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14 personal att]aGti0п 155
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boy mеets gir| 159
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take your partners 16'l
getting on with peoplе 162 -
stаr quality 1в2

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how to be more attrасtivе 164

exerоises and expеriments 165

personal development 167 In this book you will lеarn a languagе whiсh everybody knows

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15
establishing rapport
't69 a|readу. This is thе languagе of the body. Еvеry timе rмe talk to
somеone еlse thе body supplеments rмhat we say with dozеns of
seIFdisсlosure 170
small gesturеs' eyе movеmеnts, сhanges in posture and faсial
interaоtive skiIls 171 еxprеsiion. The faсt that everybody knows this languagе a|readу 1+
o
.spеak' it morе еffесtivеly.
synergy 172 wiil not Prеvеnt you from learning to TI
rесording body language 173 Hеnсе thе rеason for this Ьook.
exerсises and experiments 173 Мost pеople do not rea|ize just how muсh thеy use this
176 unspokеn languagе every time thеy сommuniсatе with anothеr
сonсlшsion
179
pеrson. They usе it unсonsсiously. And so do yоu. It may bе that э
further reading you' too' do not rca|ize it is possiblе to usе bоdy languagе more
index 182 еffeсtivеly. This Ьook will provе othеrrlyisе. If you rеad it
сarеfully and put its guidanсе into praсtiсe, espесially through
thе еxerсises and еxperimеnts it сontains, you will find yoursеlf
bесoming morе skillеd in the usе of Ьody language. And also
morе skilled in understanding othеr pеoplе's usе of it.
rеsеarсh has bееn сarriеd out
In thе last 20 уears, a gteat dеal of .Workеrs
in non-vеrbal сommuniсation. from the various
disсiplines of psyсhology, soсiology, anthropology and linguistiсs
havе studiеd ispесts of human Ьehaviour that appear to havе a
сommuniсativе funсtion. A numЬеr of subdisсiplinеs have
sprung up - kinesiсs, proxemiсs and paralinguistiсs, for instanсе
-- to providе umbrеllas undеr rмhiсh various kinds of resеarсh
havе Ъееn undеrtakеn. The rеsult is that we now know a good
dеal morе than wе did about human interaсtion at thе miсro
levеl. In many сasеs' what was intuitivеly fеlt to Ье шue on thе
Ьasis of сommon sеnsе has bееn сonfirmеd, but in othеrs it has
not. Thе purposе here is to еxplorе this rapidly dеvеloping fiеld
to disсover what has bееn learnеd and to assеss thе .Wе praсtiсal
impliсations and appliсations of this new knowledgе. havе

tеndеd in thе past to view сommuniсation Ьеtwееn pеoplе as
exсlusively a mattеr of using languagе. It is timе wе took
"iй"'t
morе sеrious aссount of thе impaсйf non-vеrЬal faсtors in faсe-
to-faсe interaсtion.
This Ьook sеts out to еxplain what is known from rеsеarсh
fi',di''g' about thе skills and tесhniquеs оf body lаnguagе suсh
as Ьoiily сontaсt' proximity, oriеntatiоn, faсial еxpтеssions,
..Ь'-u.'Ь"l aspесt; of spеесhl and so on. It еxaminеs how this
knowlеdgе is appliеd inЪ variеty оf сontеxts аnd also how it may
Ье anoПй to Ьitt.' еffесt. Thе rеmaindеr of this introduсtion
will,.йеrеforе' outlinе Ьriеfly, Ьut in a littlе morе detail than is
posiiЬlе in a tablе of сontеnts, thе-topiсs that you сan еxpесt to
'еnсountеr
latеr. Hopеfully, this will Беlp to сonvinсе you that. it
*iп ь. worth yo.,' Ъhil..io persеverе йith your rеading of thе
book and perhaps also tо partiсipatе in somе ot thе pra.сtrсal
."*.i'.'a'.d е*pе'im"''t',,hi.h a?е suggеstеd at thе еnd of еaсh
сhaptеr. In thе usе of bоdy language, as in many other fiеlds, at
i.".1 u. muсh may Ье lеarnеd fiom doing as from rеading.1boчt
what othеrs do. Ьut thе main hopе in providing this outlinе i9
that. by thе timе you rеaсh thе end of this introduсtion, you will
.body languagе',
|tavЬ a.c|earer idеa of what is mеant by thе tеrm
what kinds of Ьеhаviоur it
inсludеs and also, from thеir
omission, what kinds of bеhaviour itis not mеant to inсludе.
Еyе сontaсt and dirесion ol gazе arе сonsidеrеd in Сhaptеr. 1.
TЬ;y ;'; arguably thе moit potеnt mеans of non-vеrbal
сornmuniсatiJn wе possess. Еyе сЬntaсt maintained a fraсtion of
a- seсond longer Ьan thе-individual lоokеd at сonsidеrs
aDDroDriatе сaй lеad to a rеaсtion of physiсal aggrеssion оr, in
,"ЬthЁ' сontеxt. Ье takеn as an indiсatiоn of sеxual attraсtion.
.Wе
havе tо be сarеful what we are dоing with our еyеs.
Chaptеr 2 dеals with fасial ехprеssions, inсluding smiling. Thе
йtЁ i' onе of thе fеw univеisals in body languagе, as is the
.еyеbrow flash' of reсognition and grееting. our faсes may.nоt
bе our fоrtunеs'-but they areсеrtainly wherе some of thе
"й"u.po'".'ful non-vеrbal signals originatе.
-o't
Hсad movеmеnts and hеad nods, though sшiсtly spеaking
grsturеs' arе сonsidеrеd separatеly in Сhapter 3. Thеir r'olе 1n
ioсial intеraсtion is еxplainеd and thе importanсе ot hеad noсls
when listеning to othеrs is disсussеd.
Gеsturеs and body movеmеnts providе thе foсal po|nt.fo1
-й"l."' 4. It is in ihis area that йa.'y have lookеd
'.sea'сhеrs
for еvidеnсе of the еxistеnсе of a Ьody language with striсt rules
like spokеn languages, so far without suссеss. Howеver, as we
shall sее, thеrе arе somе indiсations that сertain gеsturеs in
сеrtain сulturеs havе quite spесifiс and fixеd mеanings and a
numbеr of gеsturе languagеs do exist, suсh as thosе usеd Ьy dеaf
peoplе, Ьut thеrе are many and oЬvious diffеrеnсеs bеtwеen
ihеJе and thе way gеsturеs arе usеd in normal еvеryday life.
Chapter 5 еxaminеs thе role of pоsture and stanсе in body
languagе. Until rесеntly this was thought to bе an area more
suitЪd Ь treatmеnt in manuals of еtiquеttе and dеportment, Ьut
it is now bеing takеn morе sеriously as an aspесt of bеhaviour
whiсh сan be iiсh in usеful nоn-vеrЬal signals. Posture сan, for
instanсе, be a good indiсator of an individual's state of mind at
thе time at whiсh сommuniсation is taking plaсе.
In Сhaptеr 6 wе look at proximity and oriеntation. Likе posture'
oriеntJtion сan tеll us a good dеal about individuals' attitudes
both to thosе with whorn thеy аrе сommuniсating and to thе
naturе' suЬjесt and sеtting of the сommuniсation. The сonсеpt of
persоnal spaсе is explorеd, togеthеr rмith tеrritoriality in human.
Ьеhaviour. Therе is also a briеf disсussion of the сonсеpt of
dеfеnsiblе spaсe and its pеrsonal and soсial importanсe.
Сhаptеr 7 dea|s with body сontaсt and touсhing. The main
distinсtion that is madе Ьеtwееn these two is onе of intеnt, for
thе formеr сarries thе impliсation of aссidental touсhing and thе
latter implies a dеlibеratе aсt. But thе diffеrеnсe is not a rigid onе
and it is perhaps only possiЬle to distinguish thе two on thе basis
of whiсh part of the body is doing thе touсhing; touсhing impliеs
that thе hands are being used to makе thе сontaсt.
In Chaptеr 8, appеaranсе and physiquе are disсussed. Simple
сhangеJ to thеsе iin havе a signifiсant еffесt upon an individual's
aЬility to intеraсt suссеssfully rмith othеrs.
Сhaptеr 9 сonsidеrs timing and synсhronization as aspeсts of
.Wеstern
body language. Thе importanсe of time in сulturе-givеs
in
it an important role сommuniсation. How well Wе
synсhronizЪ whеn talking with othегs сan also bе a major faсtot
ill suссеssful interaсtion.
Сhapter 10 сonsidеrs thе non-vеrЬal aspесts of speес!...W.hat we
Ъan bе сonsidеraЬ|у affected by our usе, dеlibеratе or
'"y
unсonsсious, of pausеs,
.еrs', .ums', сhanges in tone' pitсh, paсе
and aссеnt, to name but a few of thе featurеs that are morе
important than many pеoplе suPPosе.
Сultural diffеrеnсes in the usе of Ьody languagе are thе foсus of
attеntion in Chaptеr 11. An attempt has bееn madе hеrе to
highlight somе oГthе morе unusual, unеxpeсtеd and siglifiсant
diIfеrJnсеs, as wеll as to еxplorе thе genеrаl naturе оf сross.
сultural variatiоns in non-vеrbal bеhaviour.
Chaptеr \2 ехplorеs thе гolе of body languagе in-oссupations
as nursing, tеaсhing, tеlеvision intеrviеwing, businеss and
'oсh^
othеr fоrms of сontaсt with thе publiс.
Chaptеr 13 сonsidеrs its rolе in vаrious situations еnсountеrеd in
еueryday lifе, as vrеll as in attempts to dесеivе оthеrs. A
systеmatiс apprоaсh to ana|уzing othеr pеople,s body language
during small talk is suggеstеd.
In Chaptеr 1'4, aшеntion moves to thе part playеd Ьy .bo{v
languagе in еstablishing and maintaining rеlationships with thе
oppЪsiiе sеx. It соnsidеrs horм non-verbal bеhаviour сan bе used
t6 makе an individual appеar morе attraсtivе with bеttеr sеlf.
prеsеntatiоn and imprеssion managеmеnt.
Сhaptеr 15 сonsidеrs фе rolе of body languagе in pеrsonal
devе1opmеnt, with disсussion of its rolе in suсh arеas as
сounse1ling and thе dеvеlopmеnt of intеIaсtivr skills. It еxamines
hоw effeсiive usе оf Ьody languagе сan сontriЬutе to personal
growth and thе еxploitation of human dеvеlopmеnt. In addition,
ihe rolе of Ьody languagе in thе dеvеlopmеnt of synergiс

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rеlatiorrs (that is, thosе in whiсh thе outсomе is grеatеr than thе
sum of individual inputs) is exploтed, togеthеr with its rolе in Ф
еstaЬlishing rappoгt' ъmpathy and a sensе оf togethеrnеss. It also
suggеsts hoцr non-vеrbal bеhaviour сan bе obsеrvеd and
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reсordеd for analysis.
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In the сonсluding сhapter wе rеviеw what has beеn learnеd аnd S)
сonsidеr the limitations and advantаgеs of bоdy languagе as а э
mеans of сommuniсating. Suggеstions for further reading o-
сompletе thе book and should prоvе helpful to thе rеadеr чrho
wishеs to еxplore the subjeсt further. Ф
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ч that сеrtain kinds of look tеll us that peoplе likе us (or dislike us).
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In this chapter you will !eam:
э . eye сontaсt and direсtion of
gaze are the most potent
g)
means of nonverbal сommuni.
o
сation we possess
. eye сontact maintained a
frаction of a seсond Ionger
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than the individual looked at
considers appropriate сan
Iead to a reaсtion of physiсal
aggression or be taken as an
indiсation of soxuaI attraсtion
о we have to look what we are
doing with our oyos.
!Ие bеgin improving our mastеry of body language Ьy lоoking at
thе еyеs and at how thеy arе usеd in thе proсess of еvеryday faсе-
to-faсе сommuniсation. Wе bеgin with the eyes bесausе thеy are
thе most powerful mеans of сommuniсation wе possеss, aftеr
words (although sometimes a singlе glanсе сan spеak volumеs,
as thеy say). This powеr of thе еyеs is at its grеatеst' of сoursе,
whеn two peoplе arе looking at eaсh othеr (whiсh usually means
looking at еaсh othеrs' eyes). This is usually сallеd mutual gazе
of' as We shall сall it hеrе, eyе сontaсt.
!Иhy еyе сontaсt should bе so powеrful is not сlear. Sеvеral wтitеrs
on non-verbal сommuniсation (an аltеrnativе and morе aссurate
tеrm for body languagе) havе spесulatеd on thе possiblе rеasons.
Somе havе suggеstеd that, fтom thе сradle, wе find otlrеr pеoplе's
eyes of сompеlling intеrеst and will even respond to sеts of сirсles
that look likе еyеs Ьесausе it is throuф thе еyеs that we fust havе
сontaсt with othеrs. Somе havе suggestеd our responsе to еyе
сontaсt is instinсtivе and сonnесtеd with Ьasiс survival pattеrns, in
that youngsters who сould sесurе and retain еyе сontaсt' and
therеforе attеntion, stood thе bеst сhanсе of bеing fed and of having
thеir othеr needs satisfiеd. oфеrs have suggеsted that the
sфifiсanсe of eyе сontaс is lеarned and that, as wе grow up' We
quiсkly lеarn not to misbеhavе if an adult is watсhing us or wе lеarn
Whatеvеr the reasons, thе powеr of еyе сontaсt in сommuniсa-
tion is сlear and wе shall givе most of our attеntion herе to
сonsidеring the forms it takеs, thе usеs it сan be put to' and how
we сan usе it morе effесtivеly. First of all, though, lеt us bеgin
our study of еye сontaсt with an еxеrсisе. It will be hеlpful, as
you rеаd through this book, if you сan find thе timе to сarry out
the simple ехеrсisеs and expеriments dеsсribеd. In this Way, you
will learn bеttеr Ьody language in thе samе way you would learn
to improvе any othеr languagе. Hеre is an ехеrсisе in eye сontaсt
for you to try as soon as a suitablе opportunф prеsеnts itself.
Aftеr it, lме shall disсuss thе kind оf rеsults you might havе
expесtеd. We shall do this in еaсh сhaptеr so that you vrill havе
plеnty of opportunities to put thе instruсtion offеrеd into
praсtiсе. You чrill find it hеlpful if, as you rлrork through this
Ьook, you rесord your responsеs to thе еxеrсisеs in a notebook.
Alternatively, if you have a сassеtte rесordеr, you may prefеr to
rесord thеm on tapе. In this way, you will havе somеthing to
refеr to whеn you read through thе Еxerсisе review, цrhiсh
follows еaсh major еxеrсisе. You will find that this inсreasеs thе
bеnеfit you dеrive from your study of Ьody language.

Exercise: what are they looking atil
Next time you are in a publiс place, like a bar or a restaurant,
observe the other peop|e present as disсreet|y as you сan. Note
how they look at each other when they are talking. Note how Iong
eaсh period of eye contaсt is (no need to time it - just note whether
the mutual gIanсes are short or |ong). Do they spend al| their time
looking at eaсh other or do they |ook around at the other peopIe
present? Do they spend muсh time |ooking at objeсts in the room?
How do they reaсt when someone enters or leaves? What kinds of
peopIe look at eaоh other the most (and |east) when they are
ta|king? How do the patterns of eye contaсt of peopIe sitting side
by side differ from those of people sitting opposite eaсh other?
What e|se do you notiсe about patterns of eye сontaсt?
lf your discreet observations are notiсed by others, it wi|I be
advisable to abandon them for a while. The reason for this is that
peop|e сan reaоt in unprediоtab|e ways to being watсhed. Some
beсome embarrassed, some wi|l сonsider you some sort of
eсоentriо, others may become irritable and even aggressive' You
might like to speсulate on why this should be so. What is it about
being watсhed that shou|d be so disturbing? Some of the possible
reasons will be suggested in the next seсtion, but you wi|l find it
usefu| to сonsider the problem first yourse|f before you read them.
Exerсise review
So, what did you find out? lf the observations you made were anything
like typiсa| (as indiсated by the researсh studies on whiсh this book is
based), you wil| probab|y have notiсed some of the following points:
1 When peopIe are talking, they do not look at eaсh other the who|e
time, but only in a series of g|anсes.
2 ln places like bars and restaurants, some time will be spent in
|ooking at other people present, espeсia||y those who are attraсtive
or who may be behaving oddly (e.9. drunks and those engaged in
disputes with a waiter).
3 Un|ess the above сriteria apply, littIe attention wi|l be paid to staff
membeь of the establishment and even сonfidentiaI сonversations
will probab|y сontinue unintemlpted when staff are within earshot (the
same usua||y happens in plaсes like tads and сhauffeur.driven сars).
4 When peop|e pay more аttention to objeсts in the room and even
to the deсoration, it may signify that they are bored with the
оonversation, are newсomers to the pIaсe, or are so familiar with
eaсh other (e'g' those who have been married a long time) that littIe
сonversation is neсessary (or possible).
5 Leaving or entering a room tends to attraсt attention. Many peopIe
who are a little embarrassed about walking alone into a bar or a
restaurant tend to forget that this initia| сuriosity is typiсa| and that
it wil| сease as soon as someone else enters.
6 Тhose who are having an intimate, persona| сonversation may look
at eaсh other more and for |onger than those who are not.
7 Peop|e sitting opposite eaсh other wil| disp|ay more eye оontaсt
than those sitting side by side. lf those sitting side by side desire
more eye сontaсt they wil| turn to faсe eaсh other.
8YouwiШprobablynothavebeenсonduсtingthisexerciseformany
minutes before someone has notiсed what you are doing or is at
least aware that you are not behaving normally'
Some of the possible reasons why people find it disturbing to be
watоhed by someone e|se are:
1 Тhe watсher may hаve the intention of harming them in some Way'
2 Being watсhed makes you ask yourse|f why you are being watсhed,
whiсh makes you self-сonsоious and therefore undermines your
self-сonfidenсe.
3 Тhe watсhed may fee| they ought to reсognize the watсher and if
they сannot this may disturb the pattern of their interaсtion with
others.
4 Тhey may think the watсher is sexua|ly attraсted to them and may
not tind him or her attraсtive, which wouId make them want to
avoideyeсontaсt.Тheywouldfindthisdifficu|t,andtherefore
if the watсher сontinued watсhing.
embarrassing or irritating,
5 They may ьJьeing rather silly, as peop|e often are when with loved
oneЬ or friends, and may feel thаt the watсhing stranger wi|l
assume they are a|ways |ike that' Тhis might be a b|ow to their
images of themselves as intel|igent and sophistiсated people.
6тheymaytaketheWatсhingasasignthatthewatоherwantstojoin
their group and group members often do not welсome newсomers
as thЁ affeсts the struсture of the group. Тhe sma||er the group' the
(witness the popu|ar proverb, .Тwo's
stronger this feeling may be
оompany' three's a сrowd').
Eye grammar
Now that rме havе сomplеtеd our first еxеrсisе, lеt us еТaminе
of thе forms еyе сoЪtaсt сan takе and somе of thе rulеs that
'o-е
govеrn its usе. Еyе сontaсt сan bе long lasting (as wЪеn two
[ou.'s gaz. into еaсh othеr's еyеs) or it-саn bе short (as when
ioоkin{ at somеone wе know does nоt like Ьеing starеd at). It
сan be dirесt (a bold, full-fronta| gaze) or indireсt. It сan bе
intеrmittеnt (the kind Wе usе in сonvеrsation simply to сhесk
that thе othеr pеrson has undеrstood us) or сontinuous (as in a
starel.
Thеre arе rules about wherе We сan look at eaсh othеr and for
how long. Tтy looking at somеonе's genital rеgion or down a
girl's low-сut drеss and you will soon rca|iz{ that you have
Ьrokеn a гulе. Мany peoplе will find it еmbarrassing just to rеad
that last sеntеnсе, lеt alonе try it out' so rigid is the rulе under all
Ьut thе most еxсеptional сirсumstanсes.
Too muсh еye-сontaсt сan bе vеry unsеttling for most pеoplе.
Starilg is.usually сonsidеred impolitе, at thе vеry lеast. TЬе oЪly
P.е9gle who seеm to Ье able to use a frank, opеn starе arе young
сhildтеn, in rдrhom it may evеn Ье rеgardеd favouraЬly as a sigi
of a hеalthy сuriosity аЬout thе world.
It is nearly always tolеratеd in сhildrеn, but some mothегs
(еspесiаlly of middle-сlass baсkgrounds) may tеll сhildrеn of
sсhool agе that it's rudе to stare. It is almost nevеr tolеratеd in
аdults and thosе who starе are often rеgardеd as mеntally
defiсiеnt or soсially dangеrous and threatеning in somе *"y. A
сontinuous starе is an easy way to unsеttlе or provokе someonе.
Мost of thе rulеs of еye grammar (as is thе сasе with all other
forms of Ьody languagе) are dеpendеnt on thе сontеxt in whiсh
eyе сontaсt oссurs. Some, howеvеr' arе univеrsal- that is to say
thеy havе similar appliсaЬility in any сontеxt' at any dm;,
anywhеrе in thе world (or almost anywhеrе). Thе main оnеs,
ассordilg to Мiсhael Argyle (sее Furthеr Rеading at thе Ьaсk of
thе book) and othеr rеsеarсhers, are:
1
-muсh еye сontaсt (as in staring or frеquеnt
Too glanсеs at
anothеr person) is generally rеgarded as
-сomrrпrniсating
superiority (оr at least thе sеnsе of it), laсk of rеspeсt, a threat
or thrеatening attitudе' and a wish to insult.
2 loo liшle eye сontaсt is interpretеd as not paylng attеntion,
bсing impоlite, bеing insinсеrе, showing disБonesф, or Ьeing
shy.
3 Y/ithdrarмjng еye сontaсt by lowеring thе eyеs is usually takеn
as a signal of suЬmission.
4 A person will look at anothеr a lot rлrhеn:
о thеУ are plaсеd f'at apaft
. t!'.y are disсussing impеrsonal or еasy topiсs
. they arе intеrеsted in thе othеr and thеir iеaсtions
. thеy likе or lovе thе other pеrson
o thеУ arе tryin8 to dominatе or influеnсе thе othеr
о thеУ arе еxtrovеrt I
. thеy arе dеpеndеnt on thе other and thе othеr has been
ulrrеsponslve.
5A pеrson will look at anothеr vеry littlе whеn:
о thеУ arе plaсеd сlose togеthеr
o they arе disсussing intimate or diffiсult topiсs
о they arе not intеrеstеd in the othеr's reaсtions
о thеУ don't likе thе othеr person
о thе othеr pеrson is of highеr status
о thеУ arе introverted
о thеУ arе suffеring from onе of сеrtain forms of mеntal
illnеss.
Pеоplе will соmmuniсatе with еaсh othеr morе еffесtivеly if thеir
intеiaсtion сontains thе amount of еyе сontaсt thеy both find
appropriatе to thе situation.
Uses of eye оontact
A number of thе usеs that wе makе of еyе сontaсt havе alrеady
beеn mеntioned, Ьut thеrе arе others. Broadly spеaking, most of
.Wе
thе usеs сan bе grouped into six сatеgoriеs. establish еye
сontaсt whеn we arе:
1 Seеking information.
2 Showing affеntion and intеrеst.
3 Inviting and сontrolling intеraсtiоn.
4 Dominating, thrеatеning and influеnсing othеrs.
5 Providing fееdЬaсk during spеесh.
6 Rеvеaling attitudes.
Lеt us еxaminе еасh оf these сatеgoriеs a liшlе morе сlosеly. Thе
kind of information wе aсquire through еyе сontaсt сonsists of
suсh things as сluеs aЬout цrhеther of not somеonе is telling us
thе truth (liars tеnd to avoid еyе сontaсt unlеss thеy arе vеry
brazеn); whеthеr someonе likеs us or not; whеthеr thе othеr
pеrson is paying attеntion to or understanding what wе say;,
what a pеrson's statе of mind is (pеoplе who arе dеprеssed or
introvеriеd, for instanсe, tеnd to avoid еyе сontaсt); аnd whеthеr
a pеrson rесognizеs us or not (hеrе, eye сontaсt will Ье usеd
togеthеr with fасial еxpression to arrivе at a dесision).
As soon as rме look at somеonе' they know thеy havе our
attеntion. If wе look at them for longеr than a few seсonds, thеy
will infеr that they also havе our intеrеst. Еyе соntaсt plays a vital
rolе in onе aspeсt of showing attеntion and intеrеst - in seхual
attraсtion. Considеr thе proЬlеm of indiсating to а strangеr that
you arе sеxually attraсtеd to her (or him) if you arе unaЬlе (or too
.Wе
shy) to look at hеr. shall сonsidеr thе part played Ьy all
aspeсts of body language in sеxual affraсtion in Chaptеr 14.
.Whеn
rме look at somеonе' wе invitе thеm to intеraсt with us. If
this iцtеraсtion takеs plaсе, еyе сontaсt is thеn used in a numЬеr
of ways to сontrol thе naturе and duration of thе interaсtion. It
plays a major rolе in synсhronizingwhat happens bеtwееn two
peoplе.
Not only is thеrе morе looking at thе othеr whеn listеning than
whеn spеaking, but еyе сontaсt also signals the end of an
uffеranсе whеn onе spеaker is, as it wеrе, handing thе flоor ovеr
.!7hеn
to the othеr. rмe grеet pеople wе not only look at thеm Ьut
arso move our еyеDrows
also еyеЬrows up ano and down
oown quiсkly
qulскty onсе. This
thls
.eyеЬrow flash,
as it is сallеd oссurs worldwidе in a variеry of
сulturеs
2).
as an indiсation of rесognition and grееting (seе Chaptеr
.!Иhеn
eyе сontaсt is brokеn, anothеr pattеrn is sееn.
Individuals habitually Ьreak gaze to lеft or to right - that is,
whеn they look away, thеy look to somеthing еlsе to thе right or
the lеft of the speаkеr. Thеrе is some evidеnсе to suggеst that lеft
Ьrеakеrs tеnd to bе arts rathеr than sсiеnсе-trainеd and to Ье
visualizers with strong imagination. Right brеakеrs tеnd to bе
sсiеnсе-trained and to havе lеss visual imagination. Furthеr, if
pеoplе are posed verЬal quеstions thеy will tеnd to Ьreak gaze to
the right and downwards; if thеy arе asked spatial questions thеy
will tеnd to Ьrеak to the left and upwards, though this tendenсy
is not as markеd. !Иinking сan also be used to сontrol interaсtion
to indiсatе that somеthing is not to Ье takеn seriously or to show
a friеndly attitude towald thе othеr.
Long, unfliсkеring looks arе used Ьy thosе who sееk to dominate,
thrеatеn, intimidatе or othеrwisе influеnсе othеrs. Маny pеoplе
do not likе to fееl dominatеd or thrеatеned so that, if this kind
of bеhaviour oссurs in situations likе nеgotiations or intеrviews,
it сan have an advеrsе еffесt on thе outсomе.
FeеdЬaсk is important whеn peoplе arе spеaking to еaсh othеr.
Speakеrs nееd to bе rеassurеd that othеrs arе listеning and
listеners nееd to fееl that феir attеntivеnеss is appreсiatеd and
that spеakers arе talking to thеm rathеr than at thеm. Both sеts
оf rеquirеments сan be mеt by thе appropriatе usе of eyе сontaсt.
Thе еffесts of eyе сontaсt in interpеrsonal сommuniсation arе
ехplorеd in thе еxеrсisеs at thе еnd of this сhapter.
Aшitudеs arе oftеn rеvеalеd Ьy thе willingnеss, or othеrwisе, of
onе person to provide anothеr with opportunitiеs for eyе сontaсt.
Pеople who ШЁе еaсh othеr еngagе in more еye сontaсt than those
who do not. Aggrеssion, an extiеme form of dominatiе, may b9
.еyeball to еyеball
signallеd by prЬlonged еyе сontaсt - thе phrase
сJnfro'.tatioЪ'сonvеys what is involved hеrе. Shamе, еmbarrass-
ment and sorrow aiе usually сЬaracteized by thе dеliberatе
eyе сontaсt. othеr еmotions, too, have typiсal еye
avoidanсе of.W,hen
bеhaviour. peoplе arе еxсitеd, thеir eyеs tеnd -to makе
rapid sсanning movemеnts. JVhеn thеy are afuaid, thеir eyеs
appеar to hе fйzеn opеn' as if not to miss thе slightеst movеmеnt
tЁat may bring dangеr nеarеr. Whеn pеоple 3rc angrУ) their еyеs
oftеnlnto Iittlе .orе than slits. Sadness is еxpressеdЪy
',"''o*,
looking downwards as wеll as Ьy rеduсing еyе сontaсt' and this
sееms to happen almost univеrsally.
Researсh into eye Gontaсl
It is not part of the purposе hеrе to disсuss rеsеarсh methods,
and thosЪ who are intеrеstеd in еxploring thе subjесt of eye
сontaсt in more dеtail shоuld rеad Gаze апd МutuаI Gаze Ьу
Мiсhaеl Argyle and Мark Cook (CamЬridge University Press).
But it is inйеsting to note that ехpеrimеnts havе shоwn that
pеoplе, еspeсially Ъhildrеn, will respond еven to vеry simplе
d'"йi,,g' 6feyes-in muсh thе samе rlrаy as thеy respond t.o.eyеs
thеmsеГvеs. Еyе mоvеmеnts whеn perсеiving stаtionary 9bjесts,
or whеn rеading, follow similar pattеrns to thosе usеd in thе
оеrсеption of pеoplе. Thеrе are сultural variations in еye
.o',tuЪt, as *е shaf sеe in Chapter 11. A good dеal of еvidеnсе
has aссumulated to indiсatе tьat greatеr еyе сontaсt lеads to
grеatеr liking _ you сan aсtually сomе to likе sоmеonе morе }y
ёngaging in more eyr сontaсt with thеm.
Thеrе are сonsidеrablе individual diffеrenсеs in thе amounts and
typеs of еyе сontaсt employed (as,-for instanсе' bеtwеen intro-
uе'ts and- eхtroveffs, o1 mеn and womеn) and there is thе
сonsеquent nееd to notе thе сontеxt сarefully bеforе attempting
too frеЪ an intеrprеtation.of the prесisе mеaning of a p.artiсulаr
pattеrn of eyе сontaсt. Pattеrns of еyе сontaсt сhangе with сеrtain
i<inds of mЁntal illnеss and this may bесomе a diagnostiс tool in
thе futurе. Еven rмhen people are talking on thе tеlephonе, and
thеrеfore сannot sее eaсh other, eye movement paiterns havе
many similaritiеs with tlrosе in face-to-face сommuniсation.
In thеsе and other arеas' rеsearсh into eyе сontaсt and
movement behaviour is rеvеaling that thе сommuniсativе usеs of
thе еyеs are many and varied. Thе еyеs arе сoming to bе sеen as
muсh morе than .rмindows to the soul' and it will be usеful at this
point- to сonsider some of thе sесrеts of thе eyеs that we are only
now bеginning to learn.
What our pupils сan teaсh us
Two intriguing faсts aЬout еyе Ьеhaviour have been disсоvеrеd
in rесеnt-yеars. onе is that rмhen wе sеe somеthing intеresting
our pupils dilate. Thе othеr is that we like pеople with dilated
pupils Ьеttеr than thosе with сontraсtеd pupils.
Thе first faсt was the result of rеsеarсh сarriеd out ЬУ Есkard
Hеss and rеportеd in his book The TelI-Tаle Eуe (УanNostrand
Reinhold). In his ехpеriments hе showed pеople a sеt of fivе
piсturеs: a baby, a mothеr and baby, a nudе malе, a nudе fеmale.
and a landsсapе. He mеasured pupil rеsponsеs to thеsе piсtures
and found that mеn's pupils dilatеd most to thе nudе fеmale
(еxсept for homosеxuals, rмhosе pupils dilatеd most to thе malе
nudе)..W.omеn's eyеs dilated to thе malе nude, Ьut dilatеd most
to the mothеr and baby. His rеsеаrсhеs еstaЬlished that these
pupil сhangеs еquated to peoplе's interеst in the various piсtures.
Hess also showеd peoplе fwo piсturеs of thе faсе of an attraсtivе
girl. Thе piсturеs were idеntiсal, Ьut in onе the pupils had Ьееn
rеtouсhеd to make thеm appеar largеr. Almost evеryonе askеd
thought thе piсture with thе enlarged pupils Was morе attractive,
but vеry fеw wеrе ablе to say why. It sееms, thеrеforе, that whilе
wе rеspond to pupil сhangеs, wе are not awarе of thеir еffесt on
our rеsponsеs at thе сonsсious lеvel (sеe Figure 1.1).
Pupil rеsponsеs havе also Ьееn usеd to measurе attitudеs torмards
various things, suсh as produсts advertisеd or politiсal сandidatеs:
thе more favouraЬle the attitl.rdе, the morе dilЬted thе pupils. It is
also possible to measurе сhangеs in aшitudе by measuriЬgЪhangеs
in pupil responses ovеr timе. Bесause pupil сhangеs arе not within
our сonsсious сontrol thеy provide a vеry reliable indiсation of
intеrеst, affraсtion and a numЬеr of diffеrеnt attitudеs.
v
@)@ @\@
eyе
\,
ligure 1..| both fасes аre smiIing, but t0 most peop|е the one on the |eft
appears сold and insinоere
what do you think?
Making better use of your eyes
How сan wе usе thе kind of information given in thе last few
pagеs to improvе our usе of this aspесt of body languagе?
Firstly, Wе сan Ьесomе morе oЬsеrvant..W.е сan, witho-ut making
attention to whеrе otheт pеople
it too obvious' pay a littlе morе.W.е
arе looking and for how long. сan bе partiсularly oЬsеrvalt
about any сhanges in pupil sizе. This сan сlearly bе donе only
with pеoplе wе ire physiсally сlose tо. We сan notе the amorrnts
of eyЪ .o''t".t thai tЁе diffЪrеnt individuals wе mееt seem to
prefёr. And we сan remеmЬer that wе сan often tеll things about
Ьthеrs' rеal thoughts and fееlings from hоw and whеrе.thеy look
that they would nеvеr think (or dare) to put into words.
Sесondly, wе сan еngagе in morе еyе сontaсt in ordеrto promotе
grеater liking of ourJеlves Ьy othеrs and to produсе othеr positivе
rеsponsеs.
Thirdly, wе сan rеmеmbеr that, on mоst oссasions' a dirесt,
opе'' gJ,. is prеfеrablе to any hint of avoidanсе of еyе сontaсt or
tеndenсy to Ьok quiсkly from one thing to anothеr (whiсh may
hе intеrpretеd by others as shiftinеss on our part).
Nеxt' Wе сan usе all thе information givеn abovе to inсrеasе our
sеnsitivity to thе kinds and amounts of еyе сontaсt appropriate
in differеnt сontеxts and avoid the еxtrеmеs of staring or а total
геfusal to mеet someonе еlsе's gazе.
.Wе
сan dеvelop positive aftitudes towards other pеoplе sinсе this 4 Does'she/he like me?
will, quitе unсonsсiоusly and without any еffort, promotе a
Se|eсt an attraсtive stranger at a paф, night с|ub or other plaоe
more еffeсtivе use of eye сontaсt on our patr. \rе сan dеvelop a
where it is socia|ty aосeptable for strangers to approaсh and talk to
more outgoing approaсh to othеr pеople for thе samе rеason. If
each other. Тry to deсide from their eyes a|one, as you сhat сasua||y
you likе pеoplе and go out of your way to miх with thеm, this (if the musiс a|lows), whether or not they like you. How does their
does seem, quitе naturally, to produсe a Ьettеr usе of eye сontaсt.
wil|ingness (or otherwise) to engage in eye сontaсt affeсt your
Finally, wе сan usе thе information given in latеr сhaptеrs about estimate of how muсh they |ike or dis|ike you? observe other оoup|es
othеr aspесts of body languagе to еnablе us to intеgratе bеtter and try to assess the nature of their relationship from the amount and
usе of еye сontaсt into muсh morе еffесtivе deploymеnt of all type of eye сontaсt they engage in. How easy or diffiсu|t is it to se|eсt
our non-vеrbal and verbal сommuriiсation skills. just one аspeсt of body language for observation in this way?
.What
you should do now is to set somе timе aside over the next
few days for praсtising thе various usеs of eye сontaсt еxplored
in thе еxerсisеs rмhiсh follow.

Exerсises and exper.ments

1 Look at me when I'm talking to you
With a person you know welI, in an enсounter, provide them with as
muоh eye contact as you сan without embarrassing them, Do they
appear to take this as a signal that you Want to сarry on ta|king and
prolong the enсounter? You should find that they do.

2 Staring down
Stare at someone until they look away. Se|eсt someone you know
we|l enough to сonduсt this experiment with but do not te|| them
about it in advanсe. Do not se|eоt a stranger as staring сan easi|y be
interpreted as aggressive behaviour and may well provoke
aggression in return. Consider how you foel as you perform this
experiment. Ask your subjeсt how he or she foIt during your staring'
How Iong, approximately, was it before your subject looked away? lf
you are able to try this experiment with a number of people you
should not only be able to explore in more detail your own feelings
about staring but sh6u|d a|so. be able to col|eоt quite а lot of useful
information about the nature and effeсts of staring genera|ly.

3 Look into my eyes

Seleсt someone you know well and like very muсh. Persuаde them to
sit down with you and |ook into your eyes for about a mlnute. Тhen
discuss What you both experienсed during the experlment.
 The study of faсial ехprеssion has a long history. Charlеs
Darw.in, of. The origin of Speсiеs and Voуаge of the Beаglе
famе, puЬlished thе first sеrious sсiеntifiс study, Eхpressioп of
the Ernotions in Mаn аnd Аnirпаls, in 1,872. But physiognomy
had еxerted many psеudo-sсiеntifiс minds bеforе that. Sеvеral
pеoplе triеd to prove that facia| appearanсе Was a reliablе
indiсator of a variety of human traits suсh as intеlligenсе,
сriminality, еmotional staЬility and еvеn insanity. Thеy failed, of
сorrrsе. It simply is not possiЬlе to use the faсe as a reliablе
prediсtor of very muсh at all. W,hat сan bе donе, howеver, as
prеsеnt resеarсh indiсatеs, is to usе faсial exprеssions (that is, the
faсe in movеment rathеr than as a statiс objесt) as a mеans of
gaining a bettеr undеrstanding of what othеrs are сommuni-
сating. In body language, thе ехpressivеnеss of thе faсе is sесond
only to фat of thе еyes.
.W.е
gain a good deal of our information about pеoplе's emotional
statеs from thе еxprеssions on thеiт faсes. Their attitudеs toтrards

o {r us сan Ьe сlearly seеn, aссording to whеthеr their еxprеssions

show plеasurе or displеasure, intеrеst or Ьorеdom, fеar or angеr.

s) Oftеn thе faсе is thе first part of a pеrson wе look at and so

o
expressions arе usеd very muсh in greetings. onе universal
х phеnomеnon we shall bе сonsidеring in this сhaptеr is thе
.eyebrow
flash', as onе resеarсhеr has tеrmеd it. Wе shall sее that facia|
т' Пl expressions are vеry powеrful in сontrolling thе type and amount
q)
o
of сommuniсation whiсh takеs plaсе bеtwееn individuals.
- .Wе

a
t shall also seе that wе makе personality and othеr judgеments
about pеoplе on thе Ьasis of what wе sее in their faсеs. Pеoplе

a
чriй atlraёtivе faсes are oftеn сrеdited with having a numЬer of
other aшributеs _ whiсh they may or may not possеss. Combinеd
with thе morе effесtivе usе of thе eyеs, faсial еxpressiоns сan
takе us an important stagе furthеr in our quеst for mastery of

o
T ln this сhapter you will leam:
body languagе.
о about faсia| expressions,
including smiling
о the smile is ono of the few
э universаIs in body language,
as is the 'eyobrow flash' of
reоognition and greeting
. our faces mаy not always be
our fortunos, but thoy are
сertainly whero some of the
most poworful nonverbal
signals originato.
Еxerсise: smile if it kills you
Most of us will have sёen, at one time or another, a sma|l notiоe of
the humorous kind that peop|e working in offiсes and some p|aces
where the publiс are served often disp|ay, whiсh states:
.Be
diffiсu|t if you must, but smile if it kiIIs you.' The notiсe makes an
essentia|ly serious point. |t is that you сan tolerate a |ot of
awkwardness in someone if they show by their faсe that they
genuinely do not wish to be awkward without good cause. Put
another way, if peop|e show by their faсes that they are doing their
 best to be pleasant to others, they will be allowed greater extremes
of diffiсult and disruptive behaviour than those who are unpleasant
in both aсtion and manner.
Тhe exerсise for this сhаpter, then, is that you should attempt to
praоtise the message in the notice. For the next week at |east greet
everyone you enсounter in the сourse of your work with a pleasant
smile, as if genuinely pleased to see them. You do not have to
maintain an inane grin on your faсe' |t is sufficient for this exerсise
that you at least meet people with a smile.
Note the reaсtions of others to your aсtion. Do they return the
smi|e? Does the enсounter appear to proсeed better or worse than
it would normally do? Does anyone appear to be surprised? Or
suspiсious? Does the enсounter |ast |onger or is it shorter than it
would otherwise be?
Of the people you meet several times during the week, does there
appear to be any сhange taking plaсe in the re|ationship between
you? ls there any differenсe in the responses of men and those of
women? Or in those of the young and those of the old? Or those
of superiors, сo|leagues and subordinates? or those of fe||ow
workeв in the organization and those of сustomers or сlients?
Note your own reaсtions. Did you find the exerсise easy or diffiсu|t?
Did you fee| at a|| si||y in сarrying it out? lf so, why? Did you find your
attitudes to peopIe сhanging at aII? Did you find youвeIf spending
longer with people you dislike? Did you find yourself disliking them
any less? How do you feel when others smile at you?
Тry to keep a written or taped record of as many of the reaсtions
as you сan,
Exerсise review
Let us now сonsider how thв exerоise has gone, if indeed it has gone
at alltypiсa||y. You wil| in al| probability have noticed some at least of
the following points:
1 Most people will have returned your groeting smilo.
2 Most enсounters wil| then have proсeeded more smoothIy than
they would norma||y hаve done'
3 Some people' espeоia||y those With whom you havo a re|ationship
of mutual dislike, wi|| have been surprisвd - but perhaps not
unp|easantly - by your new approaсh. Some' howovor, will have
reaсted with suspiсion and wil| have thought to themse|ves
'What's he [or she] up to?'
Еnсounters will probab|y have tended to |ast rather longer than they
would otherwise have done. People tend to allow a pleasurable
aсtivity to be prolonged and wi|| try to shorten an unp|easant one'
for fairly obvious reasons.
You may weI| have found that, where you have met оertаin people
several times during the week, your relationships with them have
improved in some way.
Women tended to respond quiсker and more favourably than men'
if you are a man. lf you аre a Woman, the reverse wi|l probab|y be
true.
Young people will have tended to respond more readily than older
people.
8 Subordinates and сo||eagues will have generalIy responded better
than superiors, though even here your more positive approaсh wil|
not have gone unnotiсed and may wel| pay off |ater.
9 Customers and сlients wiI| probab|y have.pub|iс
responded muсh more
. readily than feIlow workers. lt is in suсh оontaсt' (as it is
often сa||ed) that positive aсtions such as smiIing are partiсu|arly
important.
Now, how about your own reaсtions? Some points you may have
noted are:
I After some initial awkwardness, you should have found the
exerсise quite easy to сarry out.
2 You shouId not have felt si||y during the exerсise. |f you did'
perhaps you Were not fo||owing the instruсtions с|oseIy enough.
Mаybe you Were inс|ined to grin or to keep the smi|e on your faсe
a little too long.
3 You should have found your attitudes to others improving and
beоoming more positive.
4 You may well have found yourself spending more time with people
you dislike and you might even have found yourself disliking them
just a little less.
5 You must like it when others smile at you, surely? Well, remember
that they will feeljust as pleased when you smile at them.
Тhe range of expressions
.When
you сonsidеr how many musсlеs thеrе arе in thе human
faсe, it-i.s not surprising that thе rangе of faсial exprеssiоns rмe
сan produсe is very widе. Thеrе are many subtlеtiеs in сhangеs
of exprеssion whiih сan Ье shown - сonsidеr, fоr instanсe, thе
gteat vaietу of smilеs possiblе befwееn thе Mona Lisa's partial
smilе and an opеn grin. Horмеvet, in сommuniсation, faсial Fеar has no singlе еxpression to bеtray its presenсе. It may bе
еxprеssions arе most сommonly usеd to еxpress a dеgree of shown in wide opеn еyes' an oPеn mouth or by a gеneral
emotion аnd therе arе a limitеd numЬеr of thеsе most of us сan trеmЬling whiсh affесts the faсе as muсh as thе rеst of thе Ьody.
in praсtiсе reсognize with any rеliability. Thеre mЪy еvеn bе signs of pеrspiration аnd a palеness of
.Wallaсе сolouтing.
Two Amеriсan rеsеarсhеrs, Paul Есkman and Friеsеn,
havе disсovеrеd that thеrе are six prinсipal faсial еxprеssions Interеst is oftеn indiсatеd by what is сallеd thе .hеad сoсk' _
whiсh arе usеd to show whеn peoplе are happy, sad, disgustеd, holding thе hеad at an anglе to the suЬjесt of intеrest. Intеrеst mаy
aaЫУ, afraid and intеrеstеd (though the last is not really an aЬo bё shovrn Ьy еyеs that arе w.idеr open than normal and a
еmotion). They havе found that thеsе arе about thе only slightly opеn mouth (еspeсially сoпlmon in сhildren who havе
еmotions most of us arе likеly to agreе about whеn wе seе othеrs thёir intеiеst taken by sЬmеthing). \X/hеn pеoplе are seatеd, thе
еxprеssing them. In this сasе, wе might usеfully look a littlе morе сhin may bе proppеd Ьy the fingеrs if thеy are listеning attеntivеly.
сlosely at еaсh of thе six.
Smilеs, though widе-ranging, сan bе сatеgorized as: slight smilеs,
normal smiles (of thе kind wе hopе you were using in the last
еxеrсise) and broad smilеs. In a smilе, thе mouth is usually
сlosеd, but in open smiles thе tеeth сan bе showing. A broad
smilе rмith thе tееth showing will usually Ье сallеd a grin and
grins сan be сlassifiе! as сlosеd (with thе tееth togеthеr) and
open (rмith thе tеeth partеd). Smilеs arе normally usеd as a
greеting gеsturе and genеrally to indiсate varying dеgreеs of
plеasurе, amusеmеnt and happinеss, though in somе сontехts
they сan show aggression, sarсasm and othеr negativе fеelings.
Thе сonvеrse еmotiona| area, sadness, has no suсh single
еxprеssion to typify it. Sadness, disappointmеnt and dеprеssion
arе usually rеvealеd by laсk of еxpression and by suсh things as
ot
a^
-t o
turning down of thе сornеrs of thе mоuф, a downward look and
a gеneral sagging of thе fеatures. Еxtrеmеs of sadnеss will Ье
сhaтaсtеrizеd by thе aPPеaranсe of tears, trеmbling of thе lips
and attеmpts to shiеld thе faсе from viеw.
Disgust and сontеmpt are shown by a narrorмing of thе еyеs and
a grimaсing mouth, whiсh bесomеs mofе pronounсеd цdth
inсrеasing strength of feеling. Thе nosе rмill also probably be
wrinklеd up and thе hеad turnеd asidе to avoid hаving to look
at thе сausе of thе rеaсtion.
*Lь ,L"
Anger is most сommonly сharaсtеrizеd by steady gaze at thе
sourсe of offenсе, frowning or sсowling and a gritting of thе
Цt
tееth togеthеr. Somе peoplе go palе whеn angry, Ьut othеrs go
red - and even a purplish сolour - in extrеmе anger or fury. Thе
whоlе body posturе will Ьe tеnse' as if ready to spring into
immеdiatе offеnsivе aсtion or affaсk. figшre 2.1 сan you оorreсtly identify eaсh 0f thr emotions i||ustrated above?
(a) happiness, (b) sаdness, (с) disgust/сontempt, (d) anger, (e) fear' (f) interest
Thеse are just some of thе many faсial еxprеssions to bе watсhed
for and notеd in building up mastery of this asPесt of Ьody
languagе (sее Figurе 2.1).
Faсes and first impressions
It is said that thе most сritiсal pеriod in an еnсountеr Ьеtwееn
two pеople is the first fivе minutеs (one writer has еvеn suggеsted
it is as littlе as four minutes). The imprеssions formеd in this timе
will tеnd to pеrsist and evеn be rеinforсеd by later Ьehaviour,
whiсh will tеnd to be intеrpreted.Wе not oЬjесtivеly Ьut
in thе light
of thеsе first imprеssions. tеnd to notе thе oссasions on
whiсh our first imprеssions of pеoplе vrеrе mistaken and had
latеr to bе rеvised Ьeсausе thеrе arе so fечr of thеm. Sinсе thе faсе
is onе of the first fеaturеs wе notiсе about a pеrson it сan сlеarly
p|aу a vital rolе in thе proсеss of еstaЬlishing relationships with
othеrs.
A gеsture whiсh appеars almost universally at thе bеginning of
the grеeting phase (еspeсially whеn mеeting pеople wе know
well) is thе еyеЬrow flash. This сonsists of a rapid up and down
movemеnt of thе eyebrows, with an aссompanying smilе, and it
sееms to show the pеfson we arе about to talk to that wе arе
plеased to sеe thеm. In thе сasе of pеoplе we know, it sееms to
oprratе as a gеsturе of rесоgnition. It is widеly usеd in both
advanсеd and primitivе soсiеtiеs.
\[hen we first meеt somеone and look at their faсе, proЬably the
first judgеmеnt wе makе is whеthеr wе likе thеm or not; whеthеr
wе find thеm affraсtivе or unattraсtivе. A good dеal of еvidеnсе
has bееn aссumulatеd about what are gеnеrally regardеd as
attraсtive faсial fеatures. Peoplе shown photographs of a numbеr
оf othеr pеoplе will usually aglee on whiсh arе thе handsomе
mеn and the Ьeautiful womеn. Fеaturеs that arе сommonly statеd
as сontributing to attraсtivеnеss arе well сut and stylеd hair, a
high forеhеad, сlеar еyеs' a smooth сomplеxioщеven tеeth and a
gеneral symmеtry of fеaturеs (althouф теsеarсh has shown that
no-onе's fеaturеs arе pеrfесtly symmеtriсal).
But in thеsе first fецr minutes wе do morе than simply dесidе
whеthеr or not wе likе somеone. we makе judgеmеnts about
thеir сharaсtеr, personality, intеlligеnсе' tempеrament' Pеrsonal
habits, working abilitiеs, suitability as a friеnd oг lover, and so
on. All of this is done on the basis of vеry littlе informаtion about
the othеr - and yet we arе morе often iiдt i'' thеse judgеmеnts
than wе arе wrong. Ask yoursеlf how.oftеn you rесall сhanging
yоur first imprеssiЬn of someonе and сomparе this with thе totЬl
of all thе pеoplе you havе mеt. Alternatively, ovеr thе nеxt rмееk
keеp a rеiоrd of all thosе you mеet for thе first timе. In a сouple
of months' timе rеviеw thе rесord and dесide in how many сasеs
you had to сhange thеse first imprеssions. Chanсеs arе thеre
wоn't bе many (sее also Chapter 13).
Tialking With your faсe
most powеrful mеans by whiсh
Nеxt to thе еyеs thе faсе is thе .Wе
we сommuniсate non-vеrbally. usе it _ and othеrs rely оn it
_
for indiсations to show how rеwarding rме arе as individuals,
to еxprеss our еmotional statе of thе momеnt'.to indiсatе how
attеntivе wе afe to others, and so on. A smilе tells peoplе we arе
plеasеd to seе thеm, a frown warns thеm off. A downсast look
tеlls thеm wе'rе not fееling too happy, a raisеd еyebrоw and a
flЦrist to thе mouth shows wе are in playful
.Wе mood.
A hеad сoсkеd
on onе sidе shows \Д/е arе listеning. shut our еyrs and thе
lесturеr at thе front of thе сlass knows we havе switсhеd оff.
.Wе
сan say quitе a lot with our faсеs. TИ. е сan usе faсial ехprеssions
to сommuniсatе whеn words arе inappropriatе. Someone says
something out of plaсе and wе try to show in our faсеs that thеy
havе сommitted a fашх pаs. In a noisy factory, rмords are totally
usеlеss but a friendly grin gеts thе messagе over.
Faсial еxpressions сan, howevеr, bе used to rеinforсе the impaсt
of vеrЬal mеssagеs. A mothеr sсolds a сhild and hеr faсе tеlls hеr
offspring that sЬе rеally is displеased this timе. A gтoup of shop
stейardi tеll thе managеment thеir rеaсtion to thе latеst pay
оffеr and the sеt of their jaws tеlls thе managеment to go away
and сomе up with somеthing bеttеr. At an offiсial gathеring, twо
totally opposеd individuals makе politе сonvеrsation, but thеir
frosty faсеs betray thеir mutшal animosity.
It is сlear from what has bееn said so far that thе faсе's main rolе
in our usе оf body language liеs in the еxpression of еmotions. As
wr saw еarliеr, thеrе ii a limitеd numbеr of еmotions that сan bе
rеliably rесoфzed by obsеrvеrs of thе faсe. Nеverthеlеss, thе faсе
undoubtеdly has a сontribution to makе, not only to thе
еxprеssion of any emotion but also to thе exprеssion of any dеgrее
оf.еmotion - no mattеr how subtlе. This is a point whiсh will
apply to thе degrее that many other parts of thе body сontribute
tоЬur usе of Ьody languagе, and wе should not mislеad oursеlvеs
into thinking that many mеssages are simply and сleaф сonvеyеd
by one part of thе body alonе. Мost mеssages are сontеxt-
dеpеndеnt whеn it сomes to fully undеrstanding thеm.
Anothеr aspeсt whiсh dеsеrvеs сonsidеration is how far artеfaсts
сontributе to non-verbal messagеs. Suсh artеfaсts сan inсludе
moustaсhеs, Ьeards, speсtaсlеs, ear-rings and thе usе of makе-
up. Sinсе suсh things сhangе our appearanсе wе need to takе
into aссount thеir еffесts upon how othеrs will pеrсeive us. For
instanсе, mоustaсhеs will oftеn bе takеn to indiсatе grеatеr age
than a сlean-shavеn uppеr lip, urhiсh may Ье a reason for thеir
popularity with young mеn. Bеards may Ье takеn as a sign of an
indеpendent mind whiсh resists Prеssures to сonform; spесtaсlеs
oftеn lеad to individuals bеing сrеdited with grеater intelligеnсе
than thеy aсtually possеss. Еar-rings, if worn by men, may be
intеrprеtеd as a sign of еffеminaсy, though somе Ьoys сurrеntly
wеaг them as a dеfiant gesture of еmеrging masсuliniry. A girl
who wеars hеavy make-up risks (oftеn unfoundеd) сonсlusions
сonсеrning her moral standards.
From this We сan seе that wе do not always sеnd tlrе non-vеrЬal
messages wе intеnd to sеnd. Thе morе wе arе awarе of suсh
pitfalli in thе unspokеn languagе of thе body, thе beшer wе shall
bе able to usе it.
Faсe faоts
Rеsеarсh into faсial expressions has not only еxplorеd thеir rolе in
eхpressing еmotions; it has also еxamined their rolе in revеaling
pеrsonality, attitudes towards othеrs, sеxual attraсtion and
attraсtivеness, the dеsirе to сommuniсatе or initiatе interaсtion,
and the dеgrеe of еxprеssivеness when сommuniсating. It has also
produсed somе other rathеr interеsting findings
Faсial еxprеssions сan bе affeсtеd by a pеrson's statе of hеalth.
It has bееn found that bеforе a woman undergoes сhildbirth hег
faсе shows morе signs of anxiety and stress, though thosе rмho
have had a сhild alrеady usually show fеwеr signs. Pеoplе who
have ulсеrs frочrn morе than thosе who havеn't. Dеprеssеd
patiеnts have bееn found to smilе more widеly aftеr having
еlесtro-сonvulsivе thеrapy than beforе it.
Differеnt parts of thе faсe arе attended to тyhеn observеrs are
pеrсeiving diffеrеnt еmotions. Fear is usually looked for in thе
еyеs' as is sаdnеss. Happiness is sееn in thе сhееks and thе mouth
as wеll as in thе eyеs. Surprisе is sееn in thе forеhеad, eyes and
mouth movеmеnts. Angеr is perсеived from thе appearanсе of
thе whole faсе and not iust from thе brows and thе соlour of the
faсе as many pеople supposе.
Thе еxprеssion on thе faсе, whеn pеople arе сommuniсating, is
сonstantly сhanging. Amongst thе сhangеs nеw rеsеarсh tесhniquеs
havе еnablеd us to idеntify arе miсromomеntary faсial еxpressions.
These last foг a fтaсion of a sесond, аs thеif namе impliеs, and oftеn
indiсatе a persоn's truе fееlings. For еxamplе, a pеrson may be
saфg that hе is plеasеd to sее somеone and may bе smiling but may
rеvеai his truе attitudе with a miсromomеntary ехprеssion of
disgust. Suсh ецprеssions arе too flееting for most pеoplе to
pеrсеivе them, but they сan Ьe сaptвiеd by thе сamеra. Rеsеarсh
Ilkе this offеrs many possibilitiеs of using Ьody language to disсover
whаt оthеrs are rеally thinking and fеeling.
A number of studiеs havе bееn madе of individuals' abilitiеs to
сopy thе faсial expressions of othеrs. Most wеrе ablе to сopy
bеttеr with thе aid of a mirror but vеry anxious individuals
tеndеd to do bеttеr without a mirror. Apparеntly, no onе has yеt
fоllowеd up this rеsеarсh by investigating thе praсtiсal
appliсаtions, for eхample, in сounselling work. Somе studiеs
have also suggestеd that rлrhen individuals сopiеd smilеs thеy fеlt
happier, whiсh has somе intеrеsting possibilities that we shall be
studying in thе nеxt sесtion of this сhaptеr.
Differеnсеs havе Ьeеn obsеrvеd in thе ways mеn and womеn usе
.!7omen
faсial ехprеssions whеn сommuniсating. tеnd to laugh
and smilЪ morе than mеn' Ьut morе oftеn bесause thеy find thе
situation slightly unсomfortablе than out of grеatеf soсiаЬiliry.
Peoplе tеnd to talk lеss, makе morе spеесh errors and smilе mоre
whеn attеmpting to dесеivе othеrs than whеn bеing сomplеtely
opеn and honest. Nursеs' ability to dесeive Ьy thе ехpression on
tБеir faсеs сorrelatеd with thеir subsеquent еffесtivеnеss in their
work, as judgеd by supеriors. Sinсе nursеs oftеn havе tо сonсeal
frоm ill patiеnts just hоw ill thеy arе, this finding is pеrhaps not
surprising but it doеs suggest that peoplе, likе nurses, who spеnd
thеir working livеs dеaling with othеr pеople should reсeivе
training in thе usе of body languagе.
Onе psyсhologist has found that pеoplе judgе things suсh as
сriminality from the faсе. A numbеr of photographs of innoсеnt
peоple wеrе shown and subjесts wеre askеd to alloсatе suсh
irimes as armеd robbеry and rapе to thе appropriate faсеs. A
signifiсant numbеr of peoplе, for instanсe, piсkеd out onе
unfornrnate innoсеnt as a rapist. Rеsеarсh likе this tеnds to makе
one unеasy' not only about, say, poliсе idеntifiсation paradеs-but
also about thе signals wе may unwiшingly bе sеnding to othеrs
about ouт own attitudеs, pеrsonality and Ьеhaviour.
Smile, you'll feel better
Beсausе thе smilе is proЬably thе most universally usеd and thе
most positive faсial &prеssion, it чrill bе usеful if wе еxaminе it
in a littlе morе dеtail hеrе. Smilеs are usеd all ovеr thе world to
indiсatе or reflесt plеasurе or happinеss. Еven сhildrеn who havе
bееn blind from Ьirth smile whеn t.hеy arе plеasеd. Smiles .Wе arе
also usеd to show rеassuranсe' amusement and evеn ridiсule.
shall be сonсеrnеd hеrе with the positivе usеs to whiсh smiles
сan be put.
Smilеs arе rarеly usеd dеliЬerately, but they сan bе. Еxpеrimеnts
havе shown that if individuals arе asked to smilе and arе thеn
shown piсturеs of various events' they rеport that thе piсturеs
plеasе tЪem and еvеn make thеm feеl elatеd. If individuals arе
iskеd to frown during thе samе kind of еxpеrimеnt, they rеport
еxpеrienсing fееlings of annoyanсe and еven angеr. Rеsеarсh
likЪ this pеrhaps provides somе sсientifiс support for thе popular
saying .Laugh and thе world laughs with you'.
Smilеs сan also bе used to mask othеr еmotions. An athlеtе who
will still try tо smilе
loses to a partiсularly disliked opponеnt
bravеly to hidе his disappointmеnt. A smile may also bе a
submissivе rrsponsе to wafd off anothеr's attaсk. Thosе цrho
in oссupations that bring thеm into сontaсt with thе
rлrork
puЬliс, suсh as rесеptionists ot afuqaftсaЬin сrеw, arе trainеdto
usс smilеs to rеassufе сliеnts and passеngеrs. Smiling may be
usеd to makе a tensе situation morе сomfortаblе. A smilе will
tend to сall forth a smilе from thе othеr pеrson and thus еasе
away thе tеnsion.
Thе bеst timе to tеst thе powеr of thе smilе is whеn you lеast fееl
likе smiling, whеthеr th,o"ф illnеss or dеpression. Forсе a smilе
on to your faсе and keep it thеrе for as long as possiЬlе. Еaсh timе
thе smilе disappears, rмait a ferм minutes and thеn try again..!Иithin
a short timе, you should notiсе a distinсt improvеmеnt in how you
fееl. This tесhniquе will not always work, Ьut vеry oftеn it will and
is сertainly at lеast wortlr atry. of allthe faсial еxpressions that wе
use' thе smilе is the onе most worth еnсouraging in ourselves.
Еxerсises and experiments
I Good morning, world!
There are two versions of this experiment - one for the timid and one
for the bo|d. The timid shouId select people they know, the bold сan
try it on anyone they meet. When you go out tomorrow moming, do
not smile when greeting people you meet in the street. Count how
many smile. The following morning smile warmly in greeting at
everyone you meet. Count how many return your smile. What's the
differenсе? Тhe bold wil| find the greatest differenоe' lt's surprising
how many strangers will smile if you smile first' It's as if they want to
all the time but are just a little afraid to take the initiative.
2 Face exerсises
Тo deve|op musсle tone (get rid of f|abbiness and a sagging faсe)' try
eaсh of these exerсises for one minute every day:
a Starting from the face at rest, grin broadly, preferably lifting the
eyebrows at the same time. .o'.
b Starting from the faсe at rest, puоker the |ips into a tight round
c Starting from the faсe at rest, lift the сhin as high as it will go' raise
your eyebrows and a|ternately grin and puсker.
Do these exercises in front of a mirror if уou сan.
3 Stop frowning
Whenever you have any сonсentrating to do, pIaсe your pa|m aсross
your forehead. lf you find you are frowning, stop it. lf you have to
move your faсe at al|, try raising your eyebrows so that your forehead
сreases horizontal|y rather than vertiсal|y. You wil| find that one result
of this exerсise is to make you |ess prone to headaсhes.
4 Show your feelings
ln front of a mirror, praсtise each of the fo|lowing emotions in
sequenсe:
a happiness
b sadness
с surprise
d disgust
e fear
t anger.
lf you сan seсure the сooperation of someone e|se, see if they can
identify eaсh emotion from your expression. Vary the sequenсe to
make the task a litt|e more diffiсult for them. Тhis exerсise wi|I tell you
how well you express yourfeelings. lt will also tell you how good your
partner is at reсognizing emotions. You сan reverse ro|es onсe your
partner has fu|ly grasped the nature of the exerсise and you may even
be able to invo|ve others. |t сan make a useful little paф game, with
points given for aссuraсy in rёсognition.

5 ls your faсe your fortune?

Col|eсt six photographs of people's faсes, one of whiсh should be a
wel| known attraсtive fi|m or TV star. Show them to as large a number
of peop|e as possible and ask them to rate the attraсtiveness of eaсh
faсe on а sоa|e of 1 to 0. Do you find others' ratings agree with your
.1

own? Do they tend to agree on the most attraсtive faсe amongst the
six? The exerсise shou|d provide some fasсinating insights into
peop|e's perсeptions of others.

J
Цl

oo
6 How many faces?
Study the faces of those you meet. Can they be сlassified into types?
з
Do simi|ar ones keep сropping up? or is every one unique?
ц)

o a.
o
з

э
r+
a ln this chapter you will leam:
о heаd movements аnd head
nods are сonsidered
о their role in sociaI interaоtion is
explained and the importanсe
of head nods when listening to
others is explained.
If you watсh two pеоplе talking, you will notiсе that, in addition
to the movemеnt of thеir mоuths and сhanges in faсial
еxpression as thеy talk, thеir hеads movе in what may appеar to
be quite random ways. Not so. Thеsе movemеnts arе no mofe
random than the eyе movеmеnts and faсial exprеssions wе havе
already еxamined. In this сhaptеr wе shall сonsidеr somе of thе
ways in whiсh wе сan use our hеads to hеlp us speak body
languagе morе еffесtively.
The most obvious and pеrhaps most frеquеntly usеd hеad
movеmеnt is thе nod. Over most of thе world it signifiеs
agrееmеnt, affirmation or approval and сan thеrеforе bе vеry
useful when.Wе
vеrbal language differеnсеs makе сommuniсation
diffiсult. shall make a partiсular study of this.
Hеad movеmеnts arе important not only in talking but also in
listеning for, as wе shall sеe, if they arе usеd propеrly thеy сan
hеlp us to сommuniсatе more еasily and if thеy arе misusеd they
сan quiсkly affесt advеrsеly a relationship with anothеr person. A
nod must not bе usеd whеn a shakе would bе morе appropriatе,
and viсе vеrsa. Thеrе arе times whеn thе hеad should Ьe Ьоwed
and timеs it should Ье held еrесt.
Hеad movеments сan bе usеd as speeсh markеrs, in soсial
.eсhoes' (wе shall look at this
aсknowlеdgеmеnts' as gestural
phenomеnon in morе dеtail in thе nеxt сhaptеr), and to indiсate
our attitudе towards an еnсountеr and how wе sее our rolе
within it. Thеy arе' thеn' сapable of muсh 1reatet vеrsatility and
subtlеty in еxprеssion than might bе supposеd and therе are
many individual movеmеnts whosе signifiсanсе and usеfulnеss
to us wе shall ехplorе. !Ие shall find that thеrе arе many morе
ways in whiсh We сan usе our hеads than wе evеr thought
possiЬlе.
.!Ие
will nееd to remеmbеr not to try to interpret hеad movеmеnts
in isolation. Thе foсus of our affention in this сhaptеr is on how
thе hеad movеs - Ьut this doеs nоt mеan forgеtting all aЬout thе
еffeсts оthеr еlеmеnts of body language сan havе. A good
еxamplе is thе wink. This may sееm to bе simply an еye move-
mеnt, Ьut it is also a facia| еxprеssion and, sinсе thе hеad usually
movеs slightly to onе sidе whеn winking, it is а hеad movеmеnt.
Only whеn one is winking srrrrеptitiously will thеrе be no hеad
movеmеnt. |n fact, thе prеsеnсe or aЬsеnсе of hеad movеmеnt
сan Ье a сruсial faсtor in intеrprеting thе signifiсanсе of a чrink.
Exerсise: on the nod
Beсause the head nod is suсh a сommon movement, it wi|| be useful
for us to base the main оhapter exercise on it. Seleсt а сonversation
with someone you know well. As they talk, nod your head
encouragingly. Do they seem to do more of the talking or less?
on another oссasion' with the same person' as they talk do not nod
your head at all. Do they seem to do more of the talking or less?
After eaсh сonversation, reсord your impressions in your notebook
or on tape.
Repeat the exerсise with a stranger and reсord your impressions
in the same way.
Now, preferably with the same people, nod for ha|f the сonversa-
tion and then stop. What haPPens?
Note down your own fee|ings about the exerоise. Did you find it
easy or diffiсult to do? Whiсh parts Were the easiest and whiсh the
most diffiсult?
Consider how other people use nods when they are taiking to you.
Observe interviewers on television, preferably with the sound
turned off. What kinds of things do you notiсe about nodding
behaviour? Do people nod most when talking or listening? Why do
you think this is? Are there any other things you notiсe about the
ways peop|e use nods in faсe-to-faсe сommuniсation?
Exercise review
Now let us |ook at What you might have disсovered. Тhe сomments
otfered here wil| also be relevant when we return to the subjeсt of
head nods later in this сhapter'
ln the first part of the exerсise, nodding your head shou|d have
enсouraged the other person to speak more and for |onger. Refusing
to nod should have resulted in the other person drying up and ending
the conversation very quiсkly. You shou|d have had the same
experienоes when сonversing with a stranger, except that you may
have notiсed that the stranger stopped talking quiсker when head
nods are absent than someone you know well.
When you were nodding for half the сonversation and not for the
other half, you should have seen similar responses. The first half of
the оonversation wil| almost сertainly have gone muсh better than the
seсond half. Тhe other person wi|| have сonversed muсh more free|y
and easily when you were nodding than when you were not.
 As far as your own fee|ings are сonоerned, you will almost оertain|y
have fe|t more сomfortab|e and at ease when you were a||owed to nod.
|n faоt, you may even have found it impossib|e not to nod at times.
ln observing other people's nodding behaviour, you should have
notiсed that most peop|e nod much more when they are listening
than when they are talking. Тelevision interviewers, for instanсe, nod
when they are |istening to interviewees'hnswers preсise|y because it
enоourаges them to open up and talk more fu|Iy about the subjeсt.
Nodding, as we shal| see |ater, is a mаjor way of showing that we are
attending to what another person is saying.
Talking heads
As with othеr aspесts of body languagе, hеаd movеmеnts сan bе
usеd fоr a variety of purposеs. They сan Ье usеd to indiсatе
attitudеs' to rеplасе speeсh and to support what is said. They сan
еvеn сontrаdiсt what is said and if this happеns, as in othеr
forms of body talk, what thе hеad movейЪnts say will bе
bфеvеd in prеfеrenсе to thе words uffеrеd.
Let us' for еxamplе, take thе rolе оf hеad movеmеnts in
whethеr сonsсiously or unсonsсiously, a pеrson's
ехprеssing,.lV,hеn
attitudes. thе hеad is hеld high and pоssibly tiltеd slightly
Ьaсkward, this is oftеn interpretеd as bЪing promptеd Ьy i
haughty and еven aggrеssivе ittitude (if aссоmpaniеd Ьy suсh
things as a fixеd starе' a сurl to the lips and an unusually rеd -
оr oссasiоnally whitе - faсe). A lowerеd hеad indiсatеs
submissivenеss оr humility or еvеn deprеssion (if aссompaniеd
by
'ф sagging inasposturе
slow and infrеquеnt lоlлr-voiсed spеЪсh, a
faсtors
gеnеral and an avоidanсе оf еyе сonйсt).
Hеad movеmеnts have an inteгеsting usе as spеесh markеrs.
Slight hеad nods, swееps to onе sidё and сhin thrusts aсt as
stressеs' whеn spеaking, to plaсе еmphasis on сеrtain words and
phrasеs. The kind of сontеxt in whiсh this rypе of bеhaviour is
mоst readily-obsеrvеd is the publiс spеесh, whеrе it is nесеssary
to havе rathеr morе- dramatiс еmphasis than in еveryday
сonversation. This appliеs to gеsturеs' too.
The hеad сan bе usеd to pоint in thosе situatiоns in whiсh fingеr
pointing would Ье соnsidеrеd inappropriаtе or еvеn rudе. fhe
hеad is moyеd tо indiсatе the dirесtiЪn in whiсh onе wants
somеonе to look or move. It is also oftеn usеd by thе сhairs of
mееtings to indiсаtе who is thе nеxt pеrson to havе his or hеr
pеrmission to spеak.
It is intеrеsting to цratсh peoplе's hеads as thеy are speaking
(telеvision without thе sound is a good mеdium to use) in ordеr
to obsеrvе thе small but rhрhmiс movemеnts made by thе hеad
in aссompanimеnt tо spеeсh. If you do this, see if you сan, for
instanсе, matсh the head movement to thе еnd of a sеntеnсе. It
is normally marked by a slight downward movеmеnt' with a
slight pause bеforе thе head movеs again.
Listening heads
.Wе
havе alrеady еnсountеrеd thе usе of the hеad nod in listening
Ьehaviour (in thе еxеrсisе at thе beginning of this сhaptеr) and,
bесausе it is of suсh kеy importanсе to our mastеry оf body
languagе, wе shall rеturn to it at thе еnd. But thеrе are othеr
bеhaviours that arе important to еffiсient listеning.
One of thеsе is the dirесtion in whiсh thе hеad is pointing. It is
always diffiсult to aссеpt that somеone is listеning to us if thеy
arе looking away from us. If thеy arе indееd listеning, rмe expесt
.Why
that they will at lеast bе looking at us. this should Ье so is
not сlеar bесausе it is obviously quite possiblе to be listеning
intently evеn if your еyеs arе сlosed and you are faсing in the
oppositе dirесtion. Nevеrthеlеss, listening, like many other
things, it appеars, must not only be donе Ьut must bе sееn to be
donе.
Anothеr bеhaviour is thе .hеad сoсk', holding thе hеad at a tilted
anglе to the pеrson Ьeing listenеd tо (Figurе 3.1). It is usеd vеry
muсh Ьy animals, еspeсially dogs, and also by сhildrеn, who
еvеn use it whеn speaking to anothеr pеrson whosе attеntion
thеy arе seеking to sесurе - almost as if thеy were showing thе
other pеrson how hе or shе ought to bе bеhaving if thеy wеre to
еxhiЬit thе desired dеgrее of аttеntion.
.!7hеn
wе arе listеning to othеrs wе tеnd unсonsсiously to сopy
thеir hеad movеmеnts. It is almost as if wе wish to demonstratе
a сommonality of interеst by a сommonality of bеhaviour.
It is also quite сommon, when listеning in a rеasonably intimate
sеtting' to Ьring thе hеad сlosеr to thе person bеing listenеd to.
TЬe tёte-Й-tёte (ot Ьead-to-hеad talk) сan even Ьeсomе litеrally
truе in thе сasе of lovеrs whispеring quiеtly to еaсh othеr.
Phvsiсal сlosenеss is used as an indiсation of intеlleсtual and
еmotional сlosеnеss.

figшre 3.1 two versions of the heаd оoсk
\Гhеn listеning in a sеated position, thе hеad is often proppеd Ьy
thе thumb and thе first two fingers of thе hand. This is widely
intеrprеtеd by spеakегs as a sign of intеlligеnt intеrеst. Carе must
Ье takеn, hоwеvеr, for if thе сhin is propped in thе palm (and
еspeсially if thе eyelids bеgin to droop) it may be takеn as an
indiсation of Ьоrеdоm, with Ьoth йe spеakеr and rмhat he or shе
is saying.
Еffiсient listening, thеn, is Ьy no meаns purеly passivе. An aсtivе
usе of thе kind of Ьеhaviour outlinеd aЬovе сan help to show
spеakеrs that thеy are rесеiving yоur full and undividеd attеntion
- or that they are not.
It depends on how you look at it
The oriеntation of your hеad whеn looking at pеople сan havе a
markеd еffeсt upon thеir intетprеtation of your bеhaviour. Onе
of thе reasons that makеs it possiЬlе for you to look at somеonе
.out
of thе сorner of your еyе' is that, as indiсatеd abovе, pеople
will еxpесt thе foсus of your attеntion to be whеrе you afe
looking. This is not infalliblе, hoтrеvеr, and if thе dirесtion of
gaze is too obviously at varianсе with thе dirесtion of thе hеаd
or if sidеways glаnсes are too long or too frеquеnt thеy will bе
spottеd.
Although indirесt obsеrvation is frequеntly 1ot a soсially
aссеptйlе aсtivify' using hеad movеmеnts to indiсatе a laсk of
sеrioЪsnеss in oneЪs attitudеs maywеll bе. Tilting thе hеad to onе
sidе (in a similar manner to thе hеad сoсk dеsсriЬed abovе) сan
bе usеd to indiсate that what onе is saying is not intendеd to bе
taken sеriously. It сan also Ье usеd as an appealing gеsturе,
partiсularly by young affraсtivе girls whеn talking to youngmen
in a flirtatious or playful mannеr. It may bе usеd in grееtings,
.еyеЬrow flash' disсussеd in Chaptet 2, in
aссompaniеd by thе
ordеr й ек;a dеgrее of friеndlinеss in thе grееting.
aсhievЁ an
Thе hеad сan be usеd aggressivеly. Thrust forward from thе
shouldеrs, it posеs a threat to an opponеnt and' in. thе often
horrifying taёtiс of thе tееnagе hooligan in thе form of a
hеadЬuш' it сan еvеn Ьe usеd as a weapon. Lеss aggrеssivе
peoplе, likе politiсians making forсеful spеeсhеs,- сan usе thе
Ь."i i'' smaf sharp downwards movеmеnts to add еmphasis to
partiсular words and phrasеs.
Thеrе arе sеx differеnсes in thе use of head movеmеnts' as in
.Women
many othеr aspeсts of thе usе of body languagе. usе thе
hеad.сoсk morЪ than mеn and arе oftеn shown in advertisеments
and magazinе piсturеs with tiltеd hеads. Мen tilt thеir hеads
forward in a grееting nod morе than womеn..Womеn arе more
frеquеntly oйе'v.d with thе head lowеrеd in a suЬmissivе
gеsttше th,n a'. mеn. It may bе that suсh diffеrеnсеs in
Ьehaviour arе non-verbal markеrs in soсial interaсtion of
diffеrеnсes in gеndеr. It may also Ье that, as womеn Ьесome
inсrеasingly fiБеrated, suсh diffеrеnсes Ьеtwееn thе sеxes will
beсomе lеss markеd.
How to use your head
As wе have sееn, you сan use your hеad for many morе things
than just kееping your еars apart. In this sесtion we will reviеw
what.wе havе lЪarnеd about hеad movеmеnts and highlight
thosе that We сan makе praсtiсal usе of in thе futrrfe.
First of all, hеad movеmеnts are usеful as a mеans of soсial
aсknоwlеdgеment. Mеn tеnd to usе a nod to signify that.thеy
havе sееn ind reсognized somеonе;.womеn tеnd to usе a hеad
tilt. Thеre is no rеjson why thеse bеhaviours should сontinuе
unсhangеd in thе futurе, but it may Ье morе еffесtive soсially to
-thе
follow сo''uеntion of the сompany in whiсh you find
yoursеlf.
Hеad movemеnts сan bе usеd to bесkon somеonе in сirсum-
stanсеs whеrе a shоut or еvеn a wavе would Ье inappropriate.
This bесkoning movemеnt takеs the form of a diagonal throwing
Ьaсk of thе hеad and may bе rеpеatеd sеveral timеs, dеpеnding
on thе ulgеnсy of thе .сomе hеre' rеquеst.
To еxpress douЬt or rеluсtanсе, thе hеad is somеtimеs swayеd or
roсkеd from sidе to side, as if wеighing a rеquеst or a
proposition in thе Ьalanсе. To еxpress disdain or haughtiness, it
may bе tossеd or shаkеn, in muсh the same way that a dеfiant
horsе tossеs its hеad. This gеsturе is proЬably morе frеquеntly
usеd by womеn than mеn. A gеsturе morе сommonly used by
men is thе hеad swivel, whiсh takеs thе form of turning thе head
to look at the objесt or pеrson nеwly oЬsеrvеd. It often oссurs
whеn a man сatсhes sight of, or has his attеntion drarлrn to thе
prеsеnсе of, an aшraсtivе woman.
Winking, aссompaniеd Ьy a short, sharp downward tilt of the
hеad to onе sidе, is a usеful gеsturе. It сan show that a statеmеnt
is not mеant to be tаkеn sеriously. It сan Ье humorously
сonspiratorial, saying .You and I arе in this togethеr', or, .This
is a sесret bеtwееn thе two of us'. It сan simply bе usеd as a
gesture of friеndly soсial aсknowlеdgеmеnt
Head movеmеnts сan еxprеss aшitudеs and it may bе bettеr,
therеforе, unlеss you Want to appеar humblе or submissivе, to
hold your hеad reasonably еrесt. This will also tеnd to еnсouragе
good posturе.
Nod if you Want me to сontinue
Thе hеad nod signifiеs agfeement' approval, aссеptanсе'
сontinuing attеntion and undеrstanding aссording to the сontеxt
in whiсh it is usеd. Broadly speaking, thе strength оf the nod
(that is, thе degreе of up and down movеmеnt) dесlines through
thеsе сatеgoriеs.
The largest nods usually indiсate agrееmеnt, whilst thе slightеst
nods сan provide a spеakеr with fееdbaсk on how wеll hе is
bеing understood. As with othеr body movеmеnts, howevеr, thе
furthеr away thе spеaker is, thе grеatеr thе dеgrее of movеmеnt
has to be in order to bе aссurately pеrсеivеd.
Thе least obvious, and yеt in many ways the most еffесtivе, use
of the hеad nod is in showing сontinuеd attention. As you
proЬably found in thе еxеrсisеs at thе Ьеginning of this сhaptеr,
nodding fairly frеquеntly (Ьut not сontinuously) when somеone
is spеak"ing.',.oo'"g.' thеm to speak for longеr 1n4lo say.morе.
A numbеi of rеsеa1сh studiеs Ъavе quantifiеd this and have
shown that thе amount оf spеeсh that сan bе gеnеratеd in this
way сan bе thrее or four timeЪ grеatеr than-normal. It is a finding
whiсh is of impоrtaпt pructical valuе to thе proсess- of making
intеrviеrмs a'.d disсo'Ъions morе produсtivе and effесtivе.
Refusal by a listenеr to nod сan сausе a speakеr to dry up
сomplеtеly without knowing why, apart from е.xperiеnсing. a
vaguЪ feеling that thе listеnеrwas not rеal]y- attеnding, еven if hе
orЪhе was looking at the spеaker most of thе time.
Training сoursеs in thе usе of bоdy languagе should m.akе .a
partiсulir point of showing thesе various usеs of thе head nod.
it is a teЪh',iqoе whiсh- has an importanсe quite out.of
proportion to iti apparеnt signifiсanсе. In this it is-сomparable
io tЬе tесhniques ofusing eyе сontaсt disсussеd in 9haptеr 1 and
is сommonlyЪsеd by a liitеnеr in сombination with an inсrеased
amorrnt of еyе сontaсt.
Nodding is also important, as wе havе sеen, in enaЬling a
spеakеr,* еspесially J publiс speakеr,- to еmphasize partiсular
vlords and }hrasеs. Hёrе, it nееds to Ье usеd with somе degrеe
of disсrimination. Othеrwisе it сan' like any othеr tесhniquе of
giving emphasis to statеmеnts, losе muсh of its еffeсt. Too muсh
iepеtition removеs thе impaсt of anу emphasizing tесhnique.
As mеn tеnd to usе hеad nods morе than womеn, it may wеll bе
usеful for womеn to praсtise using hеad nods rathеr morе.
Howеvеr, thеrе is some еvidеnсе to suggеst that women are
thousht to bе Ьешеr listenеrs than mеn and this may mеan that
it is Ъnly whеn spеaking that womеn nееd to usе morе hеad
nods.
Еxerсises and experiments
1 Head сoсk
Look for instanсes where other people use head сoсks. Watоh young
сhildren who have not yet |earned to speak f|uent|y, if you сan. They
seem to make more use of body Ianguage, a|most оertain|y beсause
of their |aсk of verbaI ski|l. |n your enсounters With others try using
head сoсks a |ittle more to show interest. Don't make them too
obvious or exaggerated or the result will simply look silly. You should
find people begin to speak to you more.
2 Tёte.ё-tёte
Look for examples of people talking with their heads touching or very
сlose together. ls it on|y |overs who сonverse in this way? You shou|d
find that those who want to prevent others overhearing them keep
their heads о|oser together _ for examp|e, businessmen, or a group
tel|ing diф stories (note how the |atter move apart when |aughing at
the punсh line).

3 Head danсe
Watch a ТV disсussion programme Without the sound and сonсentrate
on the partiсipants' head movements' Note how the slight movements
up, to the left, to the right, and down seem to have a pattern to them.
Note also how the end of a sentenоe seems to be matоhed not on|y
with a pause but also with a downward movement of the head.

4 What сan your head say?

GI
Using the information given in this сhapter and any other sourсes you

o o
сan find, make a list of all the messages that head movements a|one
сг

o o. v,
сan convey to others. But remember, it must be the head alone.
з

o
rr+
Е

o v,
з o -

э q) ln this chаptэryou will leam:

a
1+ . gestures and body movements
provide the foсa| point
. there ale indiсations that
э сertain gestures in certаin
сL cultures have quite specific
and fixed meanings
о a numberof gesture languages
do exist, suсh as those used
by the deaf.
It is in thе usе of gestures that our mastery of Ьody languagе сan It is this riсhnеss of silent сommuniсation that wе shall now
aсhiеvе rеal еloquenсе. Еyе сontaсt, faсial еxprеssion and head bеsin to еxplоre. But first, as in оthеr сhaptеrs, lеt us attеmpt an
movеmеnts' thоugh of vital importanсе, have сertain limitations. е*Еrсi,е *Ёi.h will put uj in the right framе of mind for what is
Gesfшes permit a dеgrее of еxprеssivеnеss and suЬtlеty that is not to сomе.
possiЬlе with othеr aspесts of non-vеrbal сommuniсation. It is thе
usе of gesturеs to сonvеy meaning that most pеoplе think of whеn Exerсise: everyday mime
thеy talk about body languаgе and in йis сhaptеr wе shall сonsidеr
Find a situation that you сan observe where people сannot
thе vaтiеty of mеssagеs for whiсh gеsflrres сan bе thе vеhiсlеs.
ёommuniсate with each other by using words, beсause it is too
Sеvеral wтitеrs havе attеmpted to сlassify gеsttrrеs into сategories. noisy, beсause silenсe is neсessary, beсause they are too far apart
lvIiсhaеl Argylе has suggеstеd that thеrе arе fivе diffеrеnt funсtions to hear eaсh other, or beсause there is some other barrier to
that gеsturеs сan sеrvе: spoken communiсation. Еxamplеs might inсlude a noisyfactory' a
о TV studio, a restaurant, a building site, a hospital, a library or an
illustrations and other speесhJinkеd signals examination hall. Look for, and note down, gestures used in such
о сonvеntional signs and sign languages
. сontexts to attraсt attention, to direct, to te|l someone there is a
movеmеnts that еxprеss еmotions
te|ephone оal| for them, to beсkon, to greet and bid goodbye' to
. movеmеnts that еxprеss pеrsonality
indiсate passage of time, to keep quiet, and to сonvey any other
. movements that arе usеd in various religious and other ritшals.
messages that gestures сan be used for.
Paul Есkman and.!Иallaсе Friesеn have also suggеstеd that thеrе
What simiIarities and differenсes do you notice? What examples of
arе five groupings, Ьut thеir сatеgories arе:
speсial сodes do you come aсross? How suссessfu| do gestures
. еmblems (movеmеnts that arе substitutes for wоrds) seem to be as a means of communiсation? What are their
. illustratoIs (movеmеnts that aссompany spеесh) advantages? What are their limitations?
. rеgulators (movеments that maintain or signal a сhange in a
How usefu| are gestures when сommuniсating with someone who
pеrson's listеning or spеaking rolе)
. does not speak your |anguage? What kinds of needs or requests сan
adaptors (movemеnts suсh as sсratсhing one's head, rubbing
most easily be сonveyed by gestures? Whiсh are the most ditfiсu|t to
оnе's hands or fiddling with objесts, whiсh tеnd to сast light
express? Whiсh are impossible to express? How we|| do words
upon a pеrson's еmotional statе)
. tйshte into gestures? How we|l сan gestures express emotions?
affес displays (movemеnts that morе dirесdy rеvеal еmotions, as
How well сan they express or request detailed information?
faсial еxpressions do).
As a further alternative, if you сan seсure the сooperation of a
Howеver thеy are сlassifiеd, gestшrеs сan be usеd to ехpress a range group of peop|e (for instanсe, if you are a member of a о|ass whiсh
of attitudes, еmotions and othеr mеssages. Мiсhael fugyl. quotеs
Ь u"ing this book), you сan play сharades or a version of the game
a number of сonvеntional gеsturеs that sеem to havе almost in whiCh two teams try to guess the title of a film, W show, radio
univеrsal mеanings. Еxamples arе shaking the fist to shorм angеr' programme or book and get points for sucоeeding within a time
rubbing thе palms togеthеr in antiфation, сlapping as a sign of
iimf ot, say, two minutes. Тhis сan be not on|y a good exerсise in
approval, raising оnе's hand to gain attеntion, yawning out of
using gestures but also great fun - there is, after all, no reason at
bоrеdom, patting someonе'on thе baсk to еnсouragе thеm, and
allwhy learning should not be enjoyable'
rubbing tlrе stomaсh to indiсatе hungеr. Gerard Niеrenberg and
Hеnry Calero suggest that gеsturеs are usеd in еxprеssing, amongst what kinds of situations or titles are easiest to guess from gestures
many othеr things, opеnnеss, dеfеnsivenеss, rеadinеss, rеassuranсе' alone? What kinds of people are best at сommuniоating through
frustration, сonfidеnсe, nеrvousnеss, aссeptanсе' еxpесtanсy' gestures? Why do some peop|e seem to be inсapable of getting a
relationsЫps and suspiсion. Thеy show that thеsе gesflшes arе used й""s"ge oveithrough gestures? What are the seсrets of suссessfu|
еvеn in situatiоns in whiсh thе other person сannot Ьe seеn, as сharadЪs phying? How do you identify the key elements in situations
when making a tеlephonе сall or using a tapе rесordеr. or tit|es foi сommuniсation through gestures and body movements?
Еxercise review referring to abstraсt qualities (like truth, justiсe, demoсraсy and be|ief)
Where you notiсed simi|ar gestures being used in widely different or to siationary objeсts (like house, road, fenсe and сhair - you
сontexts, you have probab|y witnessed .universal' gestures or usually need to gesture the shape of things |ike this, whiсh is cheating
a titt|e). You proьaьty found that outgoing and soсiable
people are
сonventionaI gestures of the kind referred to ear|ier. You shou|d have
better at this i<ind of game than the shy and retiring, though often the
notiсed that gestures beсome more de|iberate and even exaggerated
latter have hidden talents whiсh only need bringing out. Some
people
with inсreasing distanсe between those invo|ved. You might have
are so se|f-сonscious they сannot сommuniсate in this way at alI. This
notiсed a differenсe in the gestures used indoors and those used
outdoors, with indoor gestures being more сontro||ed and subtle. You book should help suсh people to relax, even if they don't aоtua|ly do
may have notiсed differenсes between men and Women, adults аnd any of the exerсises. Тhe secrets of suссessfu| сharades playing and
сhildren (a fasсinating area for gesture study is of very young сhildren portrayal of tit|es are to сoncentrate on aсtions and movement, then
Ьn shapes, then on those elements similar to other aсtivities that сan
at plаygroups) or people in different soсia| сlasses in the gestures .Tale' aоross by
they use; that the gestures used during daytime differ from those be easily сonveyed by gestures (suсh as getting the
.City' is an example of
used at night, as do gestures used at work and those used in leisure gesturiщ a wagging иii in Tale of Two Cft.es _
сontexts. i very oitticuIt word to сonvey, but most peop|e will guess it if they get
the first three words)'
You will probably have found that people at work seem to have their
own сodes for the meanings of gestures. This is espeсia|ly notiсeab|e
in plaсes like W studios, wherё si|enсe on the part of non-partiсipant
studio floor statf is essential. You may have сonсluded that gestures
Let your body do the talking .Wе
Anv part of thе body сan Ье usеd to makе a gеsturе. havе
are usefu| but that their usefu|ness has сertain limitations. Тhe wе
advantages of gestures are that they assist сommuniсation where Jь^ei сonsidеrеd tЁ. .''. of the hеad (sее Chaptеr 3).'If hеrе
work Ьur way down thе rest of thе boф, wе shall bе ablе to
people оannot speak to each other easi|y, they сan aсt as a kind of
iа."iiry Ь.si,of thе other gesturеs and body movеmеnts that
сonvenient shorthand and they сan аdd an interesting degree of
expressiveness to everyday soсia| interaсtion. Their restriсtions are havе сommuniсativе valuе.
that the amount of information they сan сonvey is limited' сertain This aspесt of body languagе is usually сa||ed kinesiсs. This is a
things сannot be сommuniсated by gesture alone (try exp|aining your t*й .Ё".d Ьy an,Amе"riсй rеsearсhеr, Ray Birdwhistеll, who
name and address by gestures a|one), and in оertain сontexts they was onе of thе first to study body-motion сommunrсatron Whеn
сan simply be unsuitabIe (for examp|e, to Warn someone of й thе iatе 1940s. А' kine is thе smallеst
in it Ьеgan
impending danger). lf you have been able to observe people of 'Ьtйi"..'еst
;Б;;"ББ ;nit of body movеmеnt and kinеsiсs rеfеrs to thе
different languages trying to сonverse' you will almost сertain|y have sсiеntifiс study of gеstrrrеs and othеr body movemеnts.
notiсed that they re|y heavily on gestures.
Thе most сommon shouldеr.I movеment is.Ithе shrug, wlriсh
.I
Simple, basiс needs with whiсh everyone is familiar (like hunger and usually сonveys thе mеssages dоn't know', don't сare', am
thirф are easier to сommuniсate than сomp|ex or sophistiсated ones JЬ"Бti"iъ Ьr,.IИhat ."',-yoo do?' (i.е. this situation-is rеally
(such as the loсation of the best night с|ub or a partiсular brand of hoоеlеss). It is an up and dЬwn movеmеnt of Ьoth shoulders and
produсt whiсh is not on disp|ay). Some messages may be so |ong and йЪ1-Ь. by appropriatе faсial еxpressions.and hеad
invo|ved as to defy сommuniсation by gesture at a|l. General|y йou.-.nt'. i singlе iьйtа.i
".."mpaniЁd being shruggеd usually mеans'
.Takе your hand oif my arm (or shoulder), or .Lеavе mе alone'.
speaking, nouns and verbs translate more easily into gestures than
adjeсtives, adverbs and other words. Gestures are probably most
usefu| in expressing attitudes and emotions, whiоh is true for most Thе сhеst сan be puffеd out as a gеsturе of pridе or aсhiеvеmеnt
other aspeсts of body |anguage. but it is сommonly only usеd in a humorous and sеlt.moсkmg
;;:- sъ;."''. *ho usеd it sеriously would probably bе
If you played сharades or the title-guessing game' you probab|y сonsidеrеd сonсeitеd.
found that situations or tit|es which сontain referenсe to aсtion or
movement were easier to сommuniсate by gesture than those
Thе stomaсh сan bе suсked in as if to say, .I am rеally fit' or .I'm
not as fat as I look'. Еvеn though mеn do tеnd unсonsсiously to
hold thеir stomaсhs in when in thе prеsеnсе of an attraсtivе girl,
this gesturе is also used only half-seriously.
Thе pelvis and thе buшoсks сan Ьe used to makе gеstures' Ьut
most of them arе intеrprеted Ьy othеrs as sеxual invitations and
arе oftеn сonsidеrеd obsсеnе. Pеrhaps if you nееd to usе suсh
gesturеs as invitations it is a sign that youf mastеry of body
languagе is, to say thе least, unsophistiсatеd.
Thе arms, hands and fingеrs arе usеd for a gteat variеty of
gеstures' and wе will look аt somе of thesе in a littlе more detail
in thе nеxt sесtion. TИе shall Ье sеlесtive for it would simply not
be praсtiсable to сonsider all thе possibilities. Onе intеresting
hand gеsturе, however, is steepling.In this thе tips of thе fingers
arе plaсеd togеthеr in what rеsеmblеs an attitudе of prayеr
еxсеpt that thе palms are kept wеll apart. Niеrеnbеrg and Calеro
quotе this as a gеsturе whiсh signifiеs сonfidеnсе, or at least a
desire to makе a listеner think onе feels сonfident.
Legs сan bе сrossеd or unсrossed and many writers havе triеd to
put all kinds of mеssagеs into these gеstures. It may bе an
еxaggeration to suggеst that whеn a \^roman сrossеs her legs and
pulls her skirt down to сovеr her knеes shе is сutting off thе
possibility of an approaсh, but it is intеresting that women will
usually sit with their lеgs сrossed еvеn whеn thеy сustomarily
wear jеans or trousеrs. Меn sееm to Ьe quitе h"ppy on oссasion
to loungе around in an opеn-lеgged posture.
.!Иhеn
Feet сan be intеresting. thеy tap or twitсh thеy сan bе
eхamplеs of leаkаge, that is, a person is trying to сonсеal sоmе
attitudе or information from othеrs and is not quitе suссeeding.
Sornеonе who plays pokег regularly may always knorм whеn onе
of his friends has a good hand bесause, dеspite having thе
traditional givе-nothing-awaУ poker.faсе, his foot twitсhеs.
Suсh lеakage usually oссurs in thе lower half of thе Ьody,
proЬably bесause wе takе morе trouble to сontrol things likе
faсial еxprеssions.
Anothеr interesting phenomеnon ts tЬe gestural echo. Watсh a
group of peoplе сonvеrsing and notе how, rмhen onе pеrson usеs
a gеsture, othеrs will use it later. As we shall seе in thе nеxt
сhaptеr, somеthing similar happеns rмith posturе. It also
happеns, inсidеntally, with words during сonvеrsatiоns.
MorrisЪ gesture maps
Dеsmond Morris was a vеry popular writеr on thе subjесt of
non.vеrbal сommuniсation. HЬ aЪd a tеam of resеarсhеrs from
oxfоrd Univеrsity puЬlishеd a guidе to- thе origins. and
distriЬution of 20 ЪеlЬсtеd gestures. From information gatherеd
from 40 plaсеs асross Еurope, thеy wеrе- ablе tо-identify hоw
сommonly еaсh of thе gestures oссurrеd and what meanings
Wеrе atta;hеd to them. Thеir findings indiсate how important it
оftеn is 'to know thе сontеxt in whiсh a gеsturе is usеd bеforе
trying to intеrprеt its meaning. They- also show .that а gesture in
one frart of Еuropе сan somеtimеs havе the.opposite.meaning
from its usud mеЬning in anothеr. Somе of thеsе arе illustratеd
in Figure 4.1.
Thе first gеsturе Мorris,s tеam studiеd was the Fingertф Kiss.In
this, thе iips of thе fingеrs and thumЪ arе kissеd and thеn thе
hani is mЬved quiсkly away from thе mouth and thе fingеrs
sorеad out. It is iymЬoliс of thе mouth kiss, whiсh is a gеsturе
uЪеd all ovеr thе Ьorld to show affесtion. Thе gеsturе is most
сommonly usеd to indiсatе praise in Spain, Franсе, Gеrmany and
Grеесе. In Pоrtugal, Sardinia and Siсily it is usеd as a greеting.
Its usе is relativеly rarе in thе British Islеs and in Italy.
A gesture whiсh appeared to havе a сommon meaning all ovеr
Еuiopе was thе NЪЭe Thurпb, in whiсh thе thumb is plaсed on
the end of thе nosе and thе fingеrs arе fanned out and somеtimеs
waggled. It is gеnеrally usеd ai a gesturе of moсkery or insult.
The Fingers Cross, in rмhiсh the first and middlе fingers. are
twistеd iround еaсh othеr and thе rеmaining fingers аrе held
under thе thumb, in сontrast, has sеveral
.Whеn
mеanings. It.9 -1'."
purposе is as a gеsturе of proteсtion. somеonе tеlls a liе
iь.u *itt сross tйеir fingеrj (somеtimеs using both hands) in thе
suйrstitious Ьеliеf thai this will Prеvеnt thе wraй of thе gods
faliing on thеm for thеir deсеit. This mеaning is most сommon in
thе Biitish Islеs and Sсandinavia. In Turkеy, the gеsturе is usеd
to brеak a friеndship. Еlsеwhеre it is usеd to indiсate that
somеthing is gоod o'.OK, to swеar an oath' or as a symbol for
сopulation.
TЬe ЕуеIid Pull, in whiсh thе forеfingеr is plaсеd on thе
сhееkbЬne and pullеd down to opеn thе еyе a littlе widеr,. mеans
.I am alеrt' in Franсе, Germany, Yugoslavia and Turkеy. In
.Be alеrt'. In Austria, it was found to
Spain and ltaly, it mеans
signal Ьorеdom.
 The Nose Tap' in whiсh thе forеfinger is tappеd on thе sidе of
the nose, сonvеys сompliсity, сonfidеntiality or an instruсtion to
maintain seс'.ёy in tЁе вiitish Isles and Sardinia. In Italy, it
.Bе alеrt'. If йе tap is to thе front of thе nosе, it сan mеan
mеans
.Мind your own Ьusinёss' in thе British Isles, Holland and
Austria.
Thе gestuтe maps that Dеsmond Мorris and his tеam сonstruсtеd
for tЬeir 20 selЪсеd gestures Wеre' to say thе least, fasсinating.
But they сan havе a praсtiсal value as wеll. For instanсе, one
g.,to'е. Thе Thurпb Up, is widеly usеd to rеquеst lifts by hitсh-
йik.'. ihе world ovеr. ff thеy arе travеlling throuф parts of
Bеlgium, Siсily, Sardinia, Мalta or Grеесе, howеvеr, thеy should
b. i,мa'Ь thaiit may bе intеrprеtеd as a sеxual insult.

Peoplewatсhing
lt\ Мanv othеr peoplе havе сarried out oЬsеrvations and rеsеarсh
into gеsturеsЪi.,j. lеast 1600, and thе study оf gesture сan be
t) said io datе baсk to"t Anсient Rome, with Ciсеro,s De orаtore.
Pеoplе havе bееn watсhing other pеoplе and rесording and
inteiprеting thеir gеsturеs for a very lоng timе indееd.
Rесеnt rеsеarсh has bееn more sсiеntifiс and systеmatiс. Jvluсh
of it has foсused on rмhat happеns when Ьody languagе is not
usеd normally. Psyсhiatriс patiеnts, as one of thеir symptoms'
exhiЬit variaiions-of non-vеrЬal bеhaviour whiсh, by thе very
fact ofbеing unusual, rеflесt a usеful light on what is сustomary
in еvеrydayЪoсial intеraсtion. From suсh сliniсal studiеs thе latе
AlЬert,SсhЬflen, a distinguishеd Amеriсan psyсhiatrist, idеntifiеd
what he ca||ed quаsi-сouпs|lip bеhаuiours. Thеsе arе Ьehaviours
whiсh arе normal in thе сourlship by onе pеrson of another, bцt
whiсh mеntally ill patiеnts often usе inappropriatеly towards
their therapisti or Ьther patiеnts; they сan, howеvеr, also Ье
obsеrved iЬ еveryday lifЬ whеn onе pеrson is affraсtеd to
another. Couтtship rеadiness is usually signalled by.suсh things
as high musсlе ionе, rеduсеd еyе-Ьagginess- and jоwl sag,
dесrеisеd slouсh, and less stomaсh and shouldеr sag. Prееning
Ьеhаviоurs сan bе obsеrvеd _ thеsе inсludе strоking onе's hair,
straightеning onе's tiе or othеr сlothing, and rе-аpplying makе-
op. ih.'. irе also aсtions of appеal or invitation suсh as
flirtatious glanсеs, leg-сrossing to exposе a thigh, and so on.
tigure 4.1 some с0mm0n gestures
 Othеr rеsеarсh has identifiеd a phеnomеnon known as gesturаl
sуnсhroпу..As a pеrson spеaks, his or hеr bodily movеmеits kееp
paсе in a kind of danсе with thе rhщhms of spеесh. Listеnеri'
movemеnts also danсе to the samе .tunе'. as it wеrе. as thе
speakеr's. In mеntally ill patients, this rhрhm is missing -.anothеr
illustration of how wе only notiсе thе existеnсе ofЪomeйing
whеn it is not thеre: сonspiсuous Ьy its absеnсе, in faсt.
Еkman and Friеsеn notеd that сеrtain gеstures aссompany сеrtain
aftitudеs. A rotаting shrug of thе hands aссompanieЪ fееlings of
unсеrчainty and.сonfusion. A hand toss goеs with the еxpreJsion
o.f {ееling unaЬlе to сontrol one's Ьеhiviour. Rеpеtitiоus foot
sliding is notiсеable when patients arе admiшеd io psyсhiatriс
institutions whеreas, on leaving, foot gesturеs arе gеnerally morе
variеd and aсtivе.
one rеsеarсh tеam found that whеrе pеoplе arе асtivе' With
many-non-vеrЬal movеments, they will Ье ratеd as warm' morе
.Whеn
сasual, agrееablе and еnеrgetiс. thе samе pеople arе still,
with fеч movеmеnts' they will bе сonsidеrеd morе lЪgiсal, сold
and analрiс. It is intеrеsting to notе the еquation of йovement
with еnergy. Clearly, if you want to givе an impression of drivе
and еnthusiasm' say, in an intеrviеW' you сan dЪ it by inсrеased
usе ot gestures.
Some intеrеsting studiеs have bееn made of regularities in thе aсt
of taking leave of somеone. In thе last mйutе or so of an
еnсountеr' thе pеrson sееking to end it Ьrеaks eyе сontaсt' lеans
forward and nods frеquеntly. Thе pеak of suсh aсtivity oссurs in
thе last 15 sесonds Ьеforе standing. If onе is nоt thеn rеleased
from the enсountеr a degrеe of frustration is еxpеrienсеd bесausе
it mеans thе wholе proсеdure has to be gonе 1hrough again. A
сlearеrеxam.plе of thе importanсе of attеnding to otБеrs'Ъignals
would bе diffiсult to find.
Gesture psychology
Thе kinds of gesturеs that individuals usе сan bе rеlated to. and
сan vary with, other psyсholоgiсal faсtors. For instanсe,
personality has a markеd еffесt upon thе numЬеrs and variеtiei
of gеsturеs usеd. Also, wе usе gesturеs to enablе us to makе an
assеssment about thе kind of pеrsonality an individual has.
One piесе of rеsеarсh has repоrtеd that a majority of womеn who
sit with thеir knееs and fееt togethеr with lеgs extеnded havе a
personality assoсiatеd with a dеsirе for nеatnеss and ordеrlinеss
in work, a liking for making plans, a dislikе of сhangе and un-
сеrtainty, and a prеfеrenсе forЪrganizinglife aссording to a rigid
sсhеdulе. AnotБеr has shown that authoritarian pеrsоnalities
tеnd to usе less bodily movеment than antiauthoritarians.
Daughters withоut fаthеrs havе Ьeen found to usе morе sеlf-
touсЬing gesturеs than thosе rмith fathеrs. Daughtеrs of divorсeсs
show mЪiе fоrward lеan, morе arm and lеg opеnness, and makе
morе than thтеe timеs as many gеstiсulations or ехprеssivе hand
movеments as girls who lost thеiт fathеrs bеfore thе agе of fivе.
Onе researсhеr has found that whеn individuals arе listеning to
a physiсally handiсappеd spеakeт thеy makе fеwеr and smallеr
gеЪtures than normal. This may bе сausеd Ьy somе unсеrtainty
ibout how to interaсt with a disaЬlеd pеrson.
As far as sеx differеnсеs in gеsturе Ьehaviour arе сonсеrned, it
has bеen fоund that men makе more sеating position shifts than
womеn. If put through two interviеWs' mеn in thе seсond
intеrviеw mlkе smallе1 gesturеs and movе thеir fеet lеss. For
Womеn' thе rеversе is truе. Thе reason may be that mеn fеel
morе at еasе in thе sесond intеfviеw whеrеas women find a
sесond onе morе strеssful than the first.
Some rеsеarсh has shown that, whеrе two pеoplе in сonvеrsation
use thе sаmе kind of gеstures and Ьody movemеnts' thеy will
pеrсeivе thеmsеlvеs aJ being similar and will likе еaсh othеr
Ь"tt.'. From this kind of study it may also bе соnсludеd that,
wherе pеoplе are trying to сommuniсatе, similarities in.gestural
styles mayЪе hеlpful. Suсh similarities сan providе a baсkground
of whiсБ may not еven Ье сonsсiously notiсеd.
'appoit
Open and positivе gеsturеs and Ьody movеments are morе
inhuеntial йhеn sееking to persuade somеonе to your point of
viеrм. opеnnеss and сonfidеnсe in movеment arе сonsistеntly
rated by partiсipants in experiments as bеing more ?gtiv.е'
I positivе-and pot;nt than сlosеd or hesitant gеsturеs and body
movеments (sеe Еxеrсisе 4 on page 55).
I
How to speak body language
ti From what has bеen said so far in this сhapter about thе various
ways in whiсh grsturеs arе usеd in sеlf-еxprеssion, it will Ьe сlеar
that thеrе arе ways of using gеstures and body movеmеnts to
I grеatеr еffесt.
5
I
s
q
.s7hen
using any partiсular gеsturе, you should соnsidеr thе Exerсises and experiments
сontеxtсarеfully to Ье surе the gesturе is appropriate for it. Bеar
in mind that pеoplе from diffеrеnt parк oГ the world may 1 The poker player
undеrstand a gеsturе to mean somеtьing vеry diffеrеnt froй
what you .sИоmеn
intеnd. Avoid gеsturеs whiсh arе open to misintеr- observe a group of people p|aying poker or some other сard game.
prеtation. Тry to arrange it so that you сan see at least one pIayer's hand' Watсh
сrossing thеir legs, and rеvеaling an еxpansе
of thigh in thе proсеss, сan often сonvеy mеanings йey сеriainly for gestures and body movements when a player gets either a
partiсu|arly good or a partiсu|arly bad hand. Тell-tale behaviour wil|
do not intеnd. Gеsturеs, espесiаlly of thе lower part of thе body,
may provide an -oЬsеrvеr with leakagе of truе fееlings you may probably be easiest to observe when playing for reasonably
prеfеr to сonсеal. signifiсant money stakes. A|ternative|y, observe similar behaviour in a
сasino. List all the tell-tale gestures you spot, together with a сount of
A usеful gesturе whеn attempting to сonvey a dеgrее of сonfidenсе the frequenсy with whiсh eaсh oссurs. Does any individual have a
or a.ssur.anсе is stееpling, providеd it is not donе too oЬviously оr partiоular|y сharaсteristiс telI-tale gesture?
arcificia||у. Gеstural есhoеs сan Ье a usеful wаy оf indiсating a
gеneral sеnsе of identity or sympathy with a group' providеd it
does not bесomе too oЬvious an aftеmpt at mimiсry.
- 2 More everyday mime
You should try-to Ье as oЬsеrvant as possiblе of othеr pеople's observe situations in whiсh Words are an inadequate means of
gеsturеs: likе all forms of body language thеy сan providЪ auery
expression' Examples might be when two people are very muсh in
Iove, when someone has suffered a bereavement, is espeоia|Iy
informativе aссompanimеnt to what is aсtually said. МuсЬ
gratefu| for assistanсe or a favour, has won a lot of monеy, has won
about a pеrson's pеrsonality and attitudеs сan bе-infеrrеd from
a sporting сontest or rасe, or is delirious|y happy' List the gestures
hоw aсtivе thеy arе in gеsturing.
that are used to communiсate the feelings being experienсed. How
Quasi-сourtship gеstures сan Ье usеful in tеlling you what your effeсtive are the gestures and body movements used in supple-
rеlationship is with a mеmbеr of thе oppositJsеx. TиatсЁ for menting any words spoken? Why are words alone so inadequate in
signs of a laсk of synсhrony bеtwееn speeсh rhythms and bоdy many suсh situations?
rhythms as-this may оffеr сluеs to a pеison,s еmotional staЬiliф
and gеnеral mеntal hеalth. Bе sensitive to others' gеsturеs whеn
itap-pеars thе end of an еnсountеr is approaсhing. Thеrе is 3 Sign languages
usually littlе purposе tо Ье sеrved Ьy rеfusing to rеlеaiе somеonе Using whatever sourсes аre avai|ab|e to you (the loсal library'
who сlеarly Wants to takе his or hеr lеavе. praсtitioners you happen to know, or any W programme you have
seen, for instanсe), find out something about deaf-and-dumb language
opеn gеsturеs and body movеmеnts сan Ье a usеful way of or Ameriсan lndian sign |anguage. How many of the signs are self-
сommuniсating warmth, trust and friеndlinеss. As Wе saw
explanatory? How many might be usefu| when сommuniсating with
abovе, thеy arе partiсulaIly usеful whеn sееking to pеrsuadе
someone who does not speak your language?
somеonе to сhangе thеir mind or to pursuе a сoursе оf aсtion
.!Иords
they might not othеrwisе havе folloйed. may Ье thе
primary pеrsuadеrs, Ьy advаnсing faсts and logiсal 4 We never сlose
",g.'-.,,t.,
but thе rolе of body languagе in this proсеsi shoulJ nоt bе Praсtise open gestures, suсh as unсrossed legs, unfo|ded and open
undеrеstimatеd. Nеgotiators, Ьargainеis and salеsmеn, for arms, palms-outward gestures and the like. How do others respond?
instanсе, ignorе it at thеir pеril.
How do you feel about using suсh gestures? You shou|d be able to
сommuniсate with others without feeling you have to have your arms
folded аnd your |egs tight|y сrossed before you fee| comfortab|e or
'safe'.
5 MaIe and femаle
observe other people in a variety of soсial situations. List as many
examples as you сan find of gestures that are used exсlusive|y by
men and exсlusive|y by women. Are there any exс|usive|y .gay'
gestures? Also list gestures that are predominantly used by men or by
women. What kinds of gestures appear to be used equally by men
and women? What about New Men? Or Girl Power?

6 Gesturalfavouritism
observe your friends' gestures. What is eaоh one's favourite gesture
(in the sense that they seem to use it more often than any other)?
Head sоratсhing? Chin (or beаrd) stroking? Еar pu||ing? Nose
touсhing? Arm folding? Wrapping one leg tight|y round another in a
kind of double |eg сross? Liсking the |ips nervous|y? Do you know
what your own most сharaсteristiс gesture is? You оou|d always ask

a
your best friend to tell you.

o
т'
1+
s) a
1+
oC
э

oo .т

g)
fi
э
f;

I
o. ln this chapter You will learn:
о the role of posture and stanсe
in body Iаnguage
r posture саn be a good indiсator
of an individuаI's state of mind
il at the t.me at whiсh communi-
cation is taking place.

il

t
Gеsturеs and posturеs arе сlosеly relatеd and indееd at least onе Еxerсise: walking tall
.W.arrеn
writеr, Lamb, has taken thе view that thеy arе You may already be the kind of person who regularly maintains an
insеparablе and has еxplored what hе сalls posturе_gesturr ereсt posture and, if you are, you might deсide to omit this
mеrging. For сonvеniеnсе, hоwеvеr, wе shall trеat posturе exerсise. But the vast majority of readers who do not will find it an
sеparately. Thеrе arе advantagеs in foсusing on еaсh asprсt interesting, revealing and benefiсia| one.
separatеly' as wе havе alrеady donе in prеvious сhaptеrs, in thе
samе Way that onе сan with spokеn languagеs. Тhe essenсe of the exerсise is that for the next week you shou|d walk
with your body ereсt, your shouldeв straight and your head held
Posture tеnds to bе ignorеd somеwhat as far as its сommuni- high. Don't stretоh yourself up artifiсia||y, but don't allow your body
сativе valuе is. сonсеrnеd. It has traditionally bееn assoсiatеd to sag, your shou|ders to become rounded or your heаd to hang. Тhe
with сlassеs in dеportmеnt at finishing sсhools for young ladiеs easiest thing to do is to look ahead rather than down at the ground,
and with walking around a room with a Ьook balanсed on thе to keep your shoulders baсk and your stomaоh in. You should not
top of-one's hеad. But it has a muсh morе signifiсant rolе to play put too muсh effort into this' only as muсh as is neсessary.
than this. Not that dеportmеnt is unimportant, but it is оnl1onе
aspeсt of the usе of posturе. After you have praсtised moving about like this for a few days,
.Wе оonsider how you feel. Do you feel any different? Do you feel more
еaсh havе a repеrtoirе of postures that Wе сharaсtеristiсally positive and сonfident? Do you fee| more relaxed? Do you fee|
use though thеsе rеpеrtoirеs arе quitе limited. It is possiЬlе for us physiсal|y fitter? Do you find you are moving about a little more
to reсognize pеoplе Wе know at a distanсe from thе posturеs thеy quiсkIy? Do you notiсe more of what is going on around you? Do
typiсally usе. Posturе сan be a сlue to pеrsonality and to you find yourse|f thinking quiсker and more c|ear|y? What e|se do
сharaсtеr. Thе person who usually holds his Ьody еreсtoftеn has you notiоe about yourself?
a quitе diffеrent tеmpеramеnt from the person who slouсhеs
about with roundеd shouldеrs. Consider also how other people reaсt and respond to you. Do they
seem warmer and more friendly? Do they seem more ready and
Thеrе arе thrее main kinds of posturе: standing, sitting (with wi|ling to interaсt with you? Do you find yourse|f getting more of
whiсh may also bе inсludеd squatting and knееling) and lying your own way in encounters with others? Do they сomment at all
down. Thеrе aге many variations on thеsе, dеpending upon thе upon your bearing and сomportment? Are there any negative
diffеrеnt positions of tЬе arms and legs, anj thЁ variou"s aЬglеs at responses to your more ereоt posture? Do you notiсe any other
whiсh thе body may Ье hеld. onе Ameriсan rеsearсhеr, Ray сhanges in other people's behaviour towards you?
Birdwhistеll, has produсеd a very сompliсatеd сlassifiсation of
possiblе posturеs' Ьut somе arе used only in partiсular сulturеs As in previous exerсises, you shou|d note or reсord as many of
(like thе Japanеse Ьow on grееting) and any partiсular individual your own and others' responses to these questions as possible.
will havе a narrow rangе of prеfеrrеd postures.
Thеsе preferrеd posturеs rесall a pеrson's past. Pеoplе who havе,
Еxerсise review
at somе timе in thеir livеs, gonе throuф prolоngеd pеriоds of
If you havе not Ьеen aссustomеd to moving around with an еrесt
depression, for instanсe, still stoop and sag evеn yеars aftеr thеy
postrrrе' you will proЬably have notеd a numbеr of things from
havе rесovеrеd and rеsumеd normal livеs. It may Ье that сhanging
this еxеrсisе. It is quitе likely, thouф not inevitablе, that you will
posturаl patterns is an important part of thе proсеss of сhanging
bе Ьeginning to fееl rather morе positivе and сonfidеnt in your
attitudеs and of imprоving thе ability to еstаЬlish posiiivе,
еvеrydаy aсtivitiеs. It is pоssiblе that, paradoxiсaШy, although you
сommuniсativе rеlatiоnships with othеrs.
havе Ьееn trying to maintain an еrесt posturе' whiсh may wеll
havе required a little еffort and сonсentration at first, you havе
found your nеw posturе morе сomfortablе and rеlaxing. You will
prоbaЬly fееl fittеr physiсally and will tеnd to Ьe walking a little
morе quiсkly, without fееling that you arе hurrying.
You will сеrtainly be notiсing morе of rмhat is going on around

i
you and you may find yoursеlf rеaсting morе quiсkly. Your
thinking gеnerally may bе сlеarеr and morе prесisе, as wеll as
fastеr. Any оthеr сhangеs you havе notiсed in yоursеlf should
mostly be welсomе and positivе onеs.
As far as thе rеaсtions of othеrs arе сonсеrnеd, you should bе
finding that thеy appеal to Ьe responding to you with greatеf
warmth and friеndliness and that thеy arе morе willing to
intefaсt with you. You might find that your point of viеw is
aссеpted morе rеadily and morе oftеn (this may partly bе
Ьeсausе an еrесt posturе is сommonly usеd Ьy naturally
dominant individuals). Any сommеnts that havе beеn passеd on
your newly assumеd posturе will tеnd to bе сomplimеntary
rathеI than dеrogatory. |f thЬrе havе bееn any nеgativе
сommеnts' thеy mаy havе bеen that you wеrе slightly overdoing
thе posturе. This is something you nееd to guard against in
сarrying out ехеrсisеs likе this.

Mind-reading through posture

No onе Wants to suggеst that you сan tеll thе dеtails of what
somеonе is thinking simply from obsеrving thеir posturе. It is
possiblе, though, to tеll a grеat dеal about thеir state of mind;
whеthеr they are hopеful or dеprеssеd, сonfidеnt or shy,
dominant or submissivе, and so on. For instanсе, thosе who arе
fееling hopеful, сonfidеnt or dominant will gеnеrally adopt more
еrесt Ьody posturеs than thosе who arе fееling dеpressеd, shy оr
suЬmissivе. Posturе obsеrvatiоn is thus a usеful aсtivity'
partiсulally beforе an еnсountеr Ьеgins, аs it сan guidе us in
dеtermining what might Ье the most produсtivе approaсh to
make to anothеI pеrson. Posturеs also havе the advantagе that
thеy сan bе aссuratеly oЬsеrvеd at somе distanсe, unlikе, for
eхamplе, faсial еxprеssions, where a gteater dеgrее of prоximity
is nесеssary.
Positive attitudes towards othеrs tеnd to be aссompaniеd Ьy
leaning forward, еspесially whеn siшing down. Nеgativе or
hostile attitudes arе signalled by leaning baсkwards. An
unsympathеtiс attitudе towards anot.hеr pеrson сan bе shown Ьy
figurе 5'1 What do thrsr postures te|| you about the peoplе с0ncerned?
arms foldеd aсross thе сhеst. If thе arms arе hеld lоosеly down
by the sidеs of thе Ьody, this is usually intеrprеtеd as openness,
aссеssiЬility and a gеneral willingnеss to intеraсt.
Likе othеr aspесts of body language, posturеs havе paffеrns and
thus сontain an еlemеnt of prеdiсtability. one psyсhiatrist has
found that a patiеnt сan adоpt a partiсular posturе еvеry timе hе
talks about his mothеr and a quitе diffеrent onе еvery timе hе
talks about his father.
It has bееn found that, whеn people are standing around talking
in groups, thosе who arе really.in'thе group havе quite diffеrеnt
postural pattеrns than thosе who arе not quitе so favourеd.
outsiders typiсally stand with thе wеight on one foot, whеrеas
insiders will lеan forward a littlе with head tippеd forward.
Albеrt Ivlеhrabian, оf whosе work wе shall bе lеarning more
shortly, madе somе intеrеsting disсovеriеs about posture. A
relaxеd attitudr in an еnсounter, fоr instanсе, is signalled by
asymmеtriсal arm and leg positions, a sidеways lеan, loosеly
hеld hands and a baсkwards lеan of thе Ьody. This posturе is
most frequеntly used whеn an individual rеgards othеrs prеsеnt
as being of еqual or lowеr status to himsеlf. It is usеd morе by a
man in the сompany of womеn. Lеss rеlaxed posturеs arе usеd
whеn thе othеrs prеsеnt arе dislikеd.
ProЬaЬly onе of thе most intеrеsting of МеhraЬian's findings (for
mеn, at any ratе) is that womеn, whеn sitting, adopt an opеn-arm
posturе in thе prеsenсе of somеonе thеy likе. If thе arms arе
foldеd aсross thе bosom, this indiсates laсk of rеlaxation and
usually aссompaniеs indiffеrеnсе or dislikе.
lnm the king of the сastle
In thе signalling of status' thrеat and aggrеssion - in a sеnse all
inсrеasingly еxtrеme vеrsions of thе samе Ьеhaviour _ posturе
has an important rolе to play. At its simplеst, high status сan bе
signallеd Ьy an upright postufе and its opposite, suЬmissivеnеss
and humility, by a slouсh or a gеnеrally sagging posturе.
Еquality of status is oftеn indiсatеd by matсhing posturеs - that
is, the partiсipants in an еnсountеr show rеmarkaЬlе similarity
in thе posturеs thеy adopt. If one pеrson stands with his hands
in his poсkеts, thе othеr will, too. If onе sits lеaning baсk in a
сhair with one leg сrossеd ovеr thе othеr, with the anklе lying
aсfoss a knее in an open lеg-сross, thеn thе other person will
есho this posturе.
Lowеr status is oftеn shown Ьy bowing thе hеad, сlosеd Ьоdy
positions (as if to protесt onеsеlf frоm attaф and holding thе.
Ьody to makе it appеar smallеr (and presumably thеrеfore lеss of
а thrеat) than it aсtually is. lt is as if pеoplе of lowеr status want
to show thе world that thеy arе smallеr, wеakеr and morе
defensivе than thеir hiфеr status brothers and sisters.
.W,hеrе
high status is indiсatеd by an upright posturе with thе head
hеld high it may bе that, as if to shоw that this hiф stafus is nоt
nесеssarily a thrеat, thе hands will oftеn Ье сlasped bеhind йе
Ьaсk. But the thrеat may not disappеar altogеtlrеr, for thе hеad
may bе hеld with thе forеhead out in front (as if thе individual is
threatеning to butt anyone who sеriously сhallеngеs his position).
Aggrеssion and thrеatеning bеhaviour normally сonsist of a
pфrеssivеly еxaggеrated еxhiЬition of high status or dominant
Ьеhiviour. Hands may not Ье hеld bеhind thе baсk, but may Ье
held by thе sidе with thе fists сlеnсhed in readinеss. And thе
forеhеad (or somеtimes thе jaw) may jut out morе.oЬviously.
Somеtimes, howеver, a relaxеd posturе сan havе an aggrеssivе
purpose' espесially in сontexts whеrе an upright posturе would
Ье еxpесtеd (as in a disсiplinary intеrviеw). Еxtremе rеlaxatlon
of poiturе may bе used to signify a rеjесtion and total laсk of
for authority. Nеvеrthеlеss, it is mostly сommon for
'.speсt
poJturе to Ье tеnse Ьoth when threatеning othеrs or bеing
aggrеssivе towards thеm and whеn being threatеnеd or at thе
rесеiving еnd оf aggressivе behaviour. Cеrtainly, it is -morе
usually ihe сasе that a tеnsе individual is more to bе fеared than
a relaxеd pеrson. Somеonе who is tеnse is сlеarly сlosеr to taking
physiсal aсtion than somеonе who is rеlaxеo.
l'm inсlined to like you
Albеrt МеhraЬian has madе somе intеrеsting disсovеriеs about
thе rеlationship bеtwеen posturе and liking. Fof instanсе' hе
fоund that wheЪ pеoplе like eaсh other they tеnd to lеan towards
еaсh other. This ЪppЪars to bе thе сasе whatеvеr the degrее of
liking, from mild aссеptanсe of anothеr's сontinuеd Prеsеnсe to
thе сlosеst inter-pеrsonal intimaсy.
A sidеways lean whеn sеatеd was found to bе an index of
rеlaxation and modеratе degrееs of lean showеd friеndlinеss.
Меn showеd the lеast sideways lеan and thе least body relaxation
with other mеn whom thеy dislikеd intеnsеly..Womеn, howеvеr,
 I

showеd thе most sidеways lеan with other men and womеn ] oЬvious disсovеrlе5. one suсh is tьe ехtепt to whiсh pатtiсipanв
ln an еnсol tlntеr сopy еaсh othеr,s posturеs. This postural-есho
whom thеy dislikеd. ln woЬеn who werе sitting down, plaсing of
mеans that if onе pЪisо', сlasps his hands tоgethеr or сrossеs his
thе arms and lеgs in an оpеn posturе сonvеyеd liking for older
and youngеr individuals Бut nЪt for thosе of thе samе age. An
lеgs or..folds his.arms, othЪrs will follow. Thе tеndеnсy is
arms akimbo position was muсh morе likеly to bе usеd in thе
ефесially. markеd whеrс thеrе is a high dеgrее оf rapport
prеsеnсe of individuals of lowеr status than in the prеsеnсе of bеtwееn thе individuals сonсеrnеd.
^those
holding highеr status. This was also truе for a raisеd head, Conversеly, thеrе сan bе postural сonfliсt, -in whiсh peoplе
rеlaxеd hand a''d body posturеs, and sidеways lеan whеn sеatеd. dеliЬerateiy adopt posturеJ diffеrеnt from thosе assumеd. by
.Women
may lеan othеrs. This is usually donе to emphasizе diffеrenсеs and to plaсе
Sеxual invitation сan bе indiсatеd by posturе. .distanсе, Ьеtwееn onе person and another. Posturеs сan also bе
forward and bring their arms сlosеr in to thе Ьody sо that this
prеssеs thеir brеasts togеthеr and dесpеns сlеavagе. Меn, usеd to mark thе boundariеs of an intеraсtion. Arms may bе
plасеd in suсh a waУ, and lеgs stuсk out, to show that this is a
еspесially youngеI men, tfpiсally stand wiih thе thumй hookеj
tlo'l(Еu urLU poсkеts, with
wlLll thе fists
LllЕ llDLD
g'oop and that intrudеrs will not Ьe wеlсomе. Somеtimеs it may
ovеr trousеr Warsts or hookеd into trousеr
Lluшtсr PULкЕLь'
vеry lоosеly сlеnсhеd.
Б. dЬnе so that, short of physiсal violеnсe, it is impossiblе to
in puЬs and
Еkman and Friеsеn found that, whilst faсial еxpression gavе жfl.ъT"x1;Jff;Ъx}:J'Тж:Lъy"}|"d.."ьt.
morе information about еmotions, posturе showеd thе dеgrее of
intensity. othеr rеsеarсhеrs have fЬund that posturеs say a lot
Albеrt Sсheflеn obsеrved that in quasi-сourtship Ьеhaviour
be sееn inthe postural shifts oссurrеd whiсh чrеrе similar to thosе sееn in rеal
about a person,s еmotional statе. The
"*t,.-.J.",,
posturеs of somе mental patiеnts. Dеprеssivеs drоop, arе listless,- iоurtship. sеquеnсes. This Ьеhaviour oссurs сommonly whеn
pеople. oi thj oppositе sеx arе соnvеrsing. Grooming (stroking
sit brooding аnd looking downwards. Maniсs (thе oppositе of th. Ь"i, o, the tiе) is followed by thе adoption оf
depressivеs) are alеrt, еrёсt and thеir bodiеs sll'w high dеgrее
LrсA*сЕ
show a rrrЁ'ri 't'"ф.''ing
an appropriatе positioning (faсe to facе or sidе by sidе). In the
of tеnsеnеss in posturе.
Somе of thеsе findings arе diffiсult to intеrprеt. Why, for ::h:i:flT,jilJjJ*,1lfio3ж;.:,fl?',.xl;н*:lъi:'J.:i]
еxamplе, should opеn posturеs whеn usеd Ьy йomеn indiсatе еvеn tЬough tЬе situation is not an ovеrtly sехu.al onе. This may
liking in the prеsеnсе of oldеr and youngеr pеople but not for Ье so marйеd that thеrе may еven bе vеrЬal disсlaimеrs from onе
thosе of thе Jamе agе? It is not сlеar. It may be that thеrе is an or othrr pеrson to indiсatе that thе Ьehaviour is not mеant
undisсovеrеd dеfесt in thе еxpеrimеntal proсedurе. Cеrtainly sеriously.
with posturе, as with all othеr aspесts of body languagе, .\.L^- ^L:4}^ ,i.
in *ла+rrэа
posturе arе usеd to marL stagеs
tn mark гnnv
сfaoрc in сonYеrsation.
сontinuing rеsеarсh is nесessary to еxplain and еstablish any
othеr shifts ^..,'".,{
unехpесted findings and to c|adfу thоse whiсh seem to
ttсIl l'ссrrr LU цErу
defу a
o For еxample, whеn thеre is a сhangе in topiс from a gеnеral
propеrеxplanationatprеsеnt. ,uЬjесt to^a morе intimatе.or pdvatе onе' therе will also Ьe a

Nеvеrthеless, it sеems to bе pretty wеll еstablished that lеaning *x3.,,Т"3.Т.,Т'.*.*'ж1,iJi:-j"ffi.:.''.'.,?ff: ffii;:Ё;Ц:;

forward with a rеlaxed posture is onе way of showing someonе
that you likе them. No nееd to bеnd douЬle, of сourй: herе, as
еlsеwhеrе, balanсе is nесеssary (in this сasе litеrally as wеll as
mеtaphoriсally).
. Anintеrеstingaтеaof rеsеarсhintoposturе (andindеed,gеsturе)
Posture researсh
In addition to the findings that havе. akeadу bееn rеported,
posturе rеsеarсh has unеarthеd somе other and not immediatеly
suсh as moving from drеamlеss sleеp into thе- kind of RЕМ
(rapid еy. -ouйеnt) slееp whiсh aссompanies drеаming..Thesе
l'i posturе arе so iеgular that thеy arе prеdiсtaЬlе and
follow a.pattеrn. UndеrstЬndaЬly, it is an arеa whiсh has
'ьiits
reсеivеd a good dеal of rеsеаrсh affеntion.
ll*Ц:?:*:fiiJil3i:.ffi..h;:';,:*jJi#:.};у*:.,i*:;j
.prеsеnсе',
who f,ossess what onе may сall or an air o{ distinсtion
and high status' еxhiЬit very fеw сhangеs in posture and usе vеry
fеw gеsturеs. This low peripheral movеmеnt' as it is termеd, is the
kind of bеhaviour that сan rеadily Ье obsеrved on TV whеn
mеmЬеrs of roуa|tу аnd whеn sеnior statesmеn arе bеing shown.
Rеsеarсh has also beеn сarriеd out into thе rеlationship between
posturе and personality faсtors. Folded arms in a kind of sеlf-
wrapping posturе indiсate withdrawal and a desirе for sеlf-
protесtion' еspесially of thе brеasts. It is, thereforе' morе
сommon among Womеn than mеn. Talking with thе shouldеrs
hеld in shrug position and with the palms faсing outward
indiсatеs helplеssnеss and inadеquaсy.
Exaggerated postures
Pоsturе rеflесts a pеrson's body imagе (сomparе thе posturеs of
two young girls, one of whom is ashamеd of hеr brеasts and thе
othеr of whom is proud of thеm) and has an important part to
play in sеlf-prеsеntation (onе сan usе postlrrе as an aid in
dеliЬеratеly projeсting a patticu|at pеrsonality). Posture has
always, thеrеforе, bееn of сonsiderablе intеrеst - as hаvе
gеsturеs _ to thosе involvеd in dramatiс pеrformanсе and publiс
spеaking. In thеsе aсtivitiеs, posturе frеquеntly has to bе
еxaggеrated in ordеr to Ье еasily obsеrvablе Ьy an audiеnсe. It is
useful, thеn, to oЬsеrvе aсtors and politiсians beсausе this сan
hеlp in idеntifying thе postures (and, indееd, othеr aspeсts of
body languagе) whiсh arе appropriatе or inappropriatе to
various situations.
Еxaggеratеd postures сan also Ье obsеrvеd in thе bеhaviour of
thosе who arе drunk. Hеrе, though, thеrе is littlе to Ье gained
through emulatiоn sinсе most peoplе will rеaсt nеgatively to thе
Ьеhaviour of drunks. Thеy will not rмish to bе assoсiatеd in any
.!Иitnеss
way with them. thе words of the old song:
You сan tell thе mап шho boozеs
Bу the сo?пpaпу he сhooses,
Апd the pig got up aпd sloшlу ulаlked аulау.
Adopt the posturе of one who is drunk and you will soon find
out who your friеnds are.
Exerсises and experiments
1 Have you the inclination?
Next time you are sitting talking to someone you know well, try
|eaning slightly towards them. You shou|d notice that this enсourages
them to talk more, makes them feel you are more interested in what
they have to say and general|y results in a more satisfaсtory
enсounter. Then, on an oссasion after that, try |eaning baсk and away
from them. You shou|d notiсe that they tend to talk |ess, feel you are
less interested in them and show signs of not being completely happy
with the way the enсounter is being сonducted.
2 am your mirror
|
observe how, in enсounters in everyday life and on W, the partiсipating
individua|s сopy or eсho eaсh other's postures. Compare situations in
whiсh eсhoing is present with those in whiсh it is not. You shou|d find
that, where there is evidenсe of eсhoing, the interaсtion proсeeds more
smoothIy, there appears to be a better reIationship between partiсipants
and the Whole event |ooks more natural. Conversely, where eоhoing is
absent, you should notiсe signs of friсtion, more disagreement and a
general sense of people being i|l at ease. lf you try to use postura| eсho,
it is important that you do it as unobtrusively as possib|e. |f you сhаnge
your posture immediate|y the other person оhanges his or hers, this wi||
be more off-putting than if there is no postural echo at all. They may
even feel that you are сonsсiously trying to mimiо them, whiоh they wil|
find very unsettling.
3 Sit up straight
Тry sitting up reasonably straight in some enсounters and deIiberately
s|ouсhing in your seat in others. Note the reaсtions of others to this
behaviour. You should find that they respond more positively, with
greater warmth and friendliness, make the enсounter last |onger and
seek further enсounters, when your posture is upright than when it is
slouсhed, but not if it is too rigidIy upright.
4 Who's drunk?
Observe the behaviour of people who are drunk and note how the
behaviour of others сhanges towards them. Some peop|e wil| be
toIerant and even a little amused, but most will tend to avoid сontaсt
if they сan and shorten it if they оan't. Why is this? Speсulаtion on the
possib|e reasons may shed light on the importanсe of posture, sinсe
those who are drunk are usua|ly unab|e to сontro| their posture even
with great effort. lf a person is genuinely drunk it is almost impossible
for them to hide it, though it may be easier if they sit down.

5 Putting on an aсt
observe publiс speakers and aоtors and note instanсes when
сhanges in posture appear to be exaggerated beyond what is norma|
in everyday |ife. Еxamp|es might be a po|itiсian sudden|y leаning
forward towards his audienсe in the middle of a speech or an aсtor
de|iberately turning his baсk on another. Why is there a need for
I
I

exaggeration of posture or of postural сhanges in сontexts |ike these?

Try to identify as many possib|e reasons as you сan. Some are:
. the distanоe between speaker and listener is greater and
exaggeration is neсessary for the sake of оlarity I

r dramatiс performanсes of any kind rely upon a сertаin amount of

exaggeration for purposes of emphasis

o
о mДПУ of those engaged in aсting out a role tend to be the kind of
people who сustomari|y exaggerate their posture (as welI as other
aspeоts of body language) to some extent. т'

oo
t
т
6 Come on -

x
ln encounters, practise с|osed postures by сrossing your |egs' -l
сrossing your arms in front of the body, turning your body away from
the people you're speaking to, and using posture to prevent others
э II
r+
entering an interaсtion. Тhen praсtise the converse of these: open
postures. Make greater use of open-paIm posture' faсing peop|e and
|eaning towards others s|ightly. Note both how others reaсt differentIy
to open posture and also how you fee| about being more posturа||y g) з
open towards others. You should find that there is a с|ear preferenсe
1+
rl t+
o
in most situations, both by yourself and by others, for openness. -l

ln this chapter you will learn:

э s) о about proximity and orientation
о orjentаtion сan tell us a good
э dealabout individuals

a.
. the сoncept of peвonal spaсe'
together with territoriality in
human behaviour
о the сonсept of defensible
spaсe.

.Wе
havе alrеady еnсountеrеd, in Chaptеr 4, onе of the suЬ-
disсiplinеs of non-verbal сommuniсation, kinеsiсs, or thе study
of body movеmеnts. Anothеr sub-disсiplinе is proхetniсs, or thе
study of thе usе of spaсе when сommuniсating' How сlosе we
are to pеoplе and whеthеr wе arе faсing towards thеm or away
сan affесt thе intеraсtion rмhiсh takes plaсе in signifiсant and
оftеn prеdiсtablе ways.
Еdward Hall, who сoinеd thе tеrm proхеmiсs, dеfinеd four
zones in thе usе of spaсe.
о From zeto to onе and a half fееt (0-0.5 m) hе сallеd thе
intimate zor'e, in whiсh pеoplе arе aсtually touсhing or arе
еasily able to touсh еaсh othеr.
о Thе sесond zоnе is personаI and еxtеnds from onе and a half
to four feet. (0.5-7.2 m) and hеrе peoplе arе ablе to shake
hands or are' at most' no morе than arms' lеngth from еaсh
othеr.
. was an inсrеasе in еyе movemеnts and gaze aversion. Thеy
Thе third is tЬe sociаl.сonsultiue zonе and runs from four to
ten fееt (L.2-3m). It is most сommonly usеd in еvеryday
еnсountrrs of a sосial or businеss naturе.
. thеir hands сlaspеd protесtivеly at сrotсh lеvеl likе footballеrs
Thе final zonе hе сallеd the publiс zone and this еxtеnds from
tеn fееt (3 m) outwards.
Hall furthеr sub-dividеd еaсh zonе into сlosе andnot сlose areas.
Lеarning to use spасе more effесtively will help us to takr an
stеp forward in our dеvеloping mastеry of body
important.\V'е
languagе. shall соnsidеr fivе main aspесts:
о the еffесts of diffеrеnt kinds of sеating arrangеments upon
faсе-to-faсе сommuniсatiоn
о horizontal, vеrtiсal and asymmеtriс oriеntations
о how status is shown Ьy proximity and oriеntation
о vrhat happеns whеn pеoplе сomе too сlose
. somе of thе ways in whiсh wе сan usе prоximity and oriеntation
to makе intеraсtion with otlrеrs еasiеr, morе сomfortaЬlе and
morе еffесtivе.
Onе ' intеrеsting expеrimеnt сarriеd out by Jamеs Baxtеr and
Riсhard Rozеllе illustratеs thе oftеn dramatiс еffесts of сhanging
thе distanсe betwееn pеoplе whеn thеy are сommuniсating. Thеy
sеlесtеd two groups оf pеoplе, onе to bе suЬjесtеd to vеry сlosе
faсе-to-faсе intеrviewing Ьy sоmeonе playing thе rolе of a poliсe
оffiсеr and onе to undеrgo a lеssеr dеgrеe of proхimity. They
сalled thesе two situations sеvеrе сrowding and mild сrowding.
i
I
Thе intеrviеrм. in еaсh сasе Was in four two-minutе parts. Thе
.poliсеman' asked еaсh
Pеfson abоut the сontеnts of his wallеt.
I
For Ьoth groups' thе offiсеr rеmained fоur fееt (1.2 m) from thе
individual during thе first fwo minutеs. At thе bеginning of thе
sесond tц.o minutеs, hе сasually movеd forward until hе was
about fwo feet (0.6 m) away. In the third two minutеs, he movеd
to within a few inсhеs with thе sеvеrе сrowding group, but
rеmainеd at two fееt (0.6 m) with thе mild сrowding group. In
thе last two minutеs, hе moved Ьaсk to thе two feеt (0.6 m)
distanсе with thе sеvеrе сrowding group and simply rеmained
where hе was for thе mild сrowding group. Hе was told to
maintain еyе сontaсt with all his intеrviеwееs in all parts of thе
intеrview.
Thosе who wеrе in the sеvеrе сrowding group rеaсted vеry
diffеrеntly from normal whеn the
.poliсеman'was at his сlosеst
to thеm. Thеir spеeсh bесamе disruptеd and disorganizеd. Therе
adoptеd positions whiсh еnablеd them to plaсe thеir arms and
hands betwееn themsеlvеs and thе intеrviеWеr. Thеy oftеn hеld
waiting for a frеe kiсk to bе takеn and wеrе genеrally muсh morе
nervous and restlеss when thе intеrviеwer had invadеd thеir
personal spaсe by approaсhing toо сlosеly. This dеmonstratеs
ihe powеiof proximity and shows that, likе othеr aspесts of
body languagе' wе nееd to inсrеasе our sensitivity in using it.
Еxerсise: compet.tion yensus сooperation
Figure 6.1 shows a table and six сhairs' Тhe
.X' indiсates that a
person you are about to meet is sitting there. What you have to do
is deсide whiсh сhair you wou|d oссupy in eaсh of the fol|owing
situations:
a You are going to p|ay a game of сhess with this person and it is
important for you to win. Plaсe an A on the seat you сhoose.
b You are going to he|p the person сomp|ete a сrossword puzz|e.
P|aсe a B on the seat you сhoose.
c You are going to interview the person for a job in a small, friendly
organization. P|aсe a C on the seat you сhoose.
Now, on Figure 6.2 p|aсe an X for the other person and a o for
yourse|f on the seats you would сonsider most appropriate if you
were going to сonduсt a forma| disсiplinary interview.
 I
't Еxerсise review
Aсоording to the researсh that has been done, you are most Iikely to
I have piоked сertain positions for eaсh of the situаtions posed in the
exerсise.
For a, you will probab|y have piоked the seat immediately opposite
the person against whom you Were to p|ay a game of сhess. As we
sha|| see |ater, we tend to sit opposite peop|e We are сompeting
against' |t may have something to do with the faсt thаt We like to be
in a position from whiсh We сan see eveфhing an adversary does.

For b, you wi|l probably have сhosen the seat next to the person you
were to help (that is, the seat to the right of the one marked X). We
tend to sit a|ongside people if we are in a сooperative re|ationship
with them. There is, perhaps, not suсh a great need to keep an eye on
what someone is doing when we are not сompeting against them.
For c, you probably seleсted the seat diagona|ly to the left of the
Iigшre 6.1 сho0se a seat person, at the end of the tab|e. Again, as we sha|| see, suсh diagonal
seating anangements have been shown to be particularly useful for
interviewing situations.
When you were seleсting positions for a disсip|inary interview, the
сhanоes are that you p|aсed yourself at the opposite end of the table
from the person you were to reprimand. lt is probably natural to want
to distanсe onese|f from what is |ikely to be an unp|easant task- |t
may, however, be that the diagonal seating arrangement used for
other kinds of interviews may take some of the edge off the situation.
Look at the exercise again and try to visualize the interaсtion that
wou|d take plaоe in eaсh possib|e сombination of seats. You should
feel that the diagonal arrangement offers the best сompromise
between the overly forma| and the too сasual. lf you do not feel this
Way at the moment, perhaps you wil| сhange your mind when you
have read through the rest of the сhapter.

Seating arrangements
!Иherе pеoplе сhoosе to sit in thе various situations in whiсh
thеy find ihеmsеlves rеvеals сеrtain prеdiсtable paffеrns of
bеhaviour. But whеrе thеy сhoosе to sit may not always be thе
ligшre 6.2 position for a disсipIinary intеrview bеst position for them to aсhievе what thеy wish to aсhiеvе. For
instaЬсе, а leсturе room will tend to fill up from the baсk
forwards. Yet' pеople havе presumably gone along to hear what
somеonе has to say: it would, surеly, Ье Ьешеr to oссupy a sеat
at thе front rather than thе baсk.
Similarly, many pеoplе adopt absurdly formal sеating arrangе-
ments for intеrviеws - arfangеmеnts that сan bе shown to inhibit
rathеr than enсourage thе vеry thing that is supposеd to takе
plaсе, that is, thе fullеst and frеest pоssiblе еxсhange of
information and viеws. Individuals whо go into bars and othеr
soсial sеttings in thе hopе of mееting someonе thеy сan talk to
will oftеn seеk a sеat in a сorner or in somе othеr position from
whiсh thеy сan obsеrvе. Thеsе are not' howеvеr, positions that
othеrs are likеly to Ье drawn to - far bеffеr to plaсe onеsеlf
boldly in thе сеntrе of movеmеnt and aсtivity: most likеly a sеat
at thе сountеr in a Ьar ot at a tablе nеar thе сountеr if thosе sеats
arе all oссupiеd.
AlЬеrt MehraЬian, whosе work wе have еnсountеrеd Ьefore,
madе somе intеrеsting suggеstions for thosе who find thеmselves
alone in a publiс plaсе, pеrhaps in a strangе сity, and who wish
to leavе thе possiЬility of talking to somеonе еlsе opеn. Fairly
obviously, sitting with your baсk to othеr peoplе prеsеnt will
tеnd to prесludе suсh a possibility. Sitting faсing may wеll Ье a
littlе daunting' not only for thе pеrson taking up suсh a position,
Ьut also for the pеoplе a|teadу there. Sitting at an anglе offеrs a
good сompromisе. It prеvеnts too muсh initial сlosеnеss and it
doеs offer thе сhanсе of joining in a сonvеrsation at a later stagе
if this Ьесomеs appropriatе. In faсt Меhrabian suggеstеd a zig-
zag design for bar and сafеtеria tablеs and сountеrs, whiсh hе
feels would еnсouragе suсh inсrеasеd сontaсts (see Figure 6.3).
As you сan sее' this providеs a vеry flеxiblе arrangеmеnt in
whiсh groups of peоple сan сonvеrse, whilе at thе samе timе
lеaving it open for pеoplе to kееp themsеlvеs to thеmselves if
thеy wish. If thе sеats arе on swivеls, this inсrеasеs thе flеxiЬility
of thе arrangеmеnt.
In a сafеtеria of thе traditional dеsign with squarе or slightly
oЬlong tablеs, an .adjaсent sidеs at right angles, аrrangеmеnt is
favourеd Ьy pеoplе who wish to talk to еaсh other. Pеople who
do not wish to talk tend to sit oppositе onе another if thе tablеs
arе squarе. If thе tablеs arе oblong, and whеrе thеrе arе, say, two
sеats at еithеr sidе of thе taЬlе and onе at еaсh еnd (as in thе
еxеrсisе you did еarliеr), people who wish to talk will sit еithеr
dirесtly oppositе еaсh othеr or diagonally aсross thе сornеr at
onе еnd. People who do not wish to talk will sit еithеr at the еnds
or diagonally oppositе еaсh othеr on еaсh sidе.
ligurе 6.3 mehrаbian's zig-zag dеsign f0r cafeteriа tab|еs
As wе saw in thе еxerсise, those whose rеlatiоnship with еaсh
othеr is сompеtitivе will tеnd to sit faсing еaсh othеr. Thosе whose
rеlationship or task is a соopеrativе onе will tеnd to sit sidе by
sidе. Nоt Ьnly are thеse pоsitions naturally taken up bI P9'l
pеoplе in suсh situations, йеy сan be usеd to еnсouragе thе kind
Ьf bЪhаviour dеsiтеd. That is to say, if you plaсe peoplе oppositе
еaсh othеr thеy will tеnd to сompеte: if you plaсe them-side.by
sidе, thеy will Ье muсh morе likеly to сoopеratе. This findjng has.
usеful iйpПсations for dесiding sеating arrangеmеnts at plaсеs of
work and in meеtings and сonfеrеnсеs. It is interesting to spесulate
on what thе еffесЪiфt bе in, saу, industrial nеgotiations if a
sеating arrangemеnt other than thе traditional aсross-thе-tablе
onе wЪ'. to bё usеd. It is also fairly сlеar that King Aтthur's round
taЬlе, giving еquality to all thе partiсipаnts, antiсipatеd somе of
the rесеnt rеsearсh into non-vеrbal сommuniсation.
In intеrviews, thе positions whiсh are сharaсteristiсally taken up
are nоt always thе Ьеst аvailaЬlе. As wе saw earlier, for disсiplina.ry
intеrviеws, pеoplе will tеnd to sit oppositе еaсh othеr and as far
away as thеЪйJof thе taЬle will pеrmit. феrе це qtill цany pеоple
who will adopt thе samе positions in othсr kinds of intеrviеws,
suсh as job sеlесtion, сoun.sеlling and pеrfоrmanсe appraisal. Yеt
thе rеsearсh that has beеn dоne Juggеsis that, sinсе the purposе of
most intеrйеws is to oЬtain or givе information and opinions, thе
diagonal position at thе сorner of a tablе is prеferablе whеn thеrе
arе-only.two peoplе - intеrviewer and intеrviеwее * involvеd.
Genеrjly spеaking, it is bеttеr to havе an informal seшiтrg than a
formal oi'.. siшi"g ь сomfortablе сhaiтs чrith a low иblе lеads to
the exсhangе of morе information than the kind of fotmal setting
.top tablе, and thе
in whiсh tБе intетviewеrs sit along a sort of
interviеwее sits at a sеparatе small table in front of it.
Why do psyсhiatrists have сouсhes?
Oriеntation is usually dеfinеd as thе dеgrее оf thе anglе betwеen
a linе joining onе person to anothеr and thе direсtion in whiсh
thе pеrson under сonsidеration is faсing. Thus, whеn two pеoplе
arе faсing еaсh othеr dirесtly, this is 0.. It has bееn found that
thе furthеr apart fwo pеople arе, thе morе likely it is that the
anglе of orientation will bе 0..
oriеntation may also bе symmеtriсal оr asymmеtriсal.
symmetriсal onе mеans thе pеoplе involvеd arc face to faсе, Ьaсk
to Ьaсk, or their anglеs of orientation arе thе samе (that is, both
say. a thrrd
arе' say' third of
or a halt
Ьa|f turn away trom
from еaсh othеr). An
asymmеtriсal oriеntation is onе in whiсh thе anglеs arе diffеrеnt,
as whеn one pеrson is faсing direсtly, Ьut thе othеr is half-turnеd
away. Asymmеtriсal oriеntations permit сlosеr proximiry than
those whiсh arе syllrmеtriсal, еspесially when Ьoth arе faсing.
Baсk-to-Ьaсk oriеntations makе сommuniсation diffiсult bесausе,
evеn йough vеrbal mеssagеs may still bе undеrstood, the faсt <if
not Ьeing ablе to oЬsеrvе еaсh other,s Ьody languagе means a
largе part of thе total mеssage has Ьееn rеmovеd. МеhraЬian has
саlсulated from his own researсhеs that as muсh as 93"Ь of tЬe
mеssagе in a faсе-to-faсе еnсounter is non-vеrЬal, lеaving on|у 7oЬ
for thе verbal (we shall rеturn to this point in Chaptеr 11).
Oriеntation сan bе horizontal or it сan bе vеrtiсal. In
horizontal plane the main сonсеrn is whеthеr thе oriеntation is
faсing or not. In thе vеrtiсal planе, thе intеrest is in whеthеr thе
person сonсеrnеd is highеr up or lowеr down thаn anothеr.
Bеing higher up than anothеr pеrson, or еvеn simply Ьeing tallеr,
signifiсantly affесts thе interaсtion whiсh takеs plaсе.
Pеоplе behavе diffеrеndy whеn lфg down than whеn standing up.
Pеoplе lфg down tend to rеmеmbеr morе' generally. Меmory
reсall is a nеgativеly aссеlеrated funсtion of timе, that is to say, more
is rесallеd in the first fеw minutеs. Peoplе will be morе imaginativе
.s7,hеn
and rеflесtivе whеn lying down, Ьut lеss rесeptivе to aсtion.
standing, thouф tеnds to result morе rеadily in aсtion, but is less
rеsponsive to nеw suggеstions and to сlosе еxamination of a topiс.
Dесisions аrе made fastеr and more strongly whеn standing. This
may aссount for thе 5 'ggеstion madе Ьy at lеast one authority on
managеmеnt tесhniquеs that daily aсtion сonfеrеnсes by managеrs
should bе takеn standing,up rather than the morе normal sitting
round a tablе. And the findings about how pеople remеmЬеr morе
and are morе rеflесivеwhеn lying down mayhavе some Ьearing on
the answеr to thе quеstion with whiсh wе startеd this sесtion.
Statusn proximity and orientation
In сonsidеring positioning as an aspeсt of oriеntation, it is
intеresting to Ъotе how status is both сonveyеd Ьy positioning
and сan bЪ сonfеrrеd by it. It has bееn notiсеd' for instanсе, that
pеoplе who sit at еithеr еnd of the taЬle in a jury room are most
.hеad of thе tablе' position is, thеn, a
ЬftеЪ еlесtеd forеmen: the
rеaliry and is quitе сlеarly assосiatеd with highеr status. It has
aЬo Ьееn obsеrvеd that sеnior pеoplе align thеmsеlvеs on thе
A right-hand sidе of a сhosеn leadеr, whiсh mеans that thе tеrm
.right-hand man' may bе basеd оn what aсtually happens.
Bеing highеr up, for instanсе on a rostrum oт simply Ьy.bеing
tallеi, pults a pe''on in a dоminating position. Leadеrs tеnd to Ьe
tallеr and thiЪ is еmphasizеd by thе rеlatively few wеll-knorvn
historiсal leadеrs who rлrеrе on thе short sidе. Howеvеr, it has
also bееn somеwhat сonfusingly obsеrvеd that leadеrs tеnd to sit
down whilst others stand.
In somе intеrеsting ехpеrimеnts, thе behaviour of pеоplе
еntеring offiсеs has_bееn studiеd for what it сan tеll us about
how wБ signal our status to othеrs. It rмas observеd that low-
status individuals tеnd to stay nеar thе door on еntеring. Thos-е
of highеr status approaсh the dеsk. Those of еqual status will
сomе-in and sit dolin next to a pеrson's dеsk. Friеnds arе mеt by
the thе individual whosе offiсе itls сoming out from bеhind thе
desk.
o-nly to indiсatе
Proximity and oriеntation, thеn, сan Ье usеd not
status but also to sееk its Ьeing aссordеd to us Ьy others. Althouф
it is not thе only faсtor to be сonsiderеd, it is nevеrthеless an
important onе.
Don't come any сIoser
Robеrt Sommеr has dеfinеd what hе сalls pеrsonal spaсe as that
arеa around еaсh of us чrhiсh wе do not likе othеrs to entеr .W-е
еxсеpt Ьy invitation or undеr сеrtain spесial сirсumstanсеs.
сarry this pеrsonal spaсе around with us rvhеrеvеr w9 g9. It
.*t.',d' ratЬеr furthеi in front of us than to thе sidеs and is lеast
Ьеhind our baсks.
In сrоwds, rмe arе preparеd to aссеPt less pеrsonal spaсе-than
normal. Onе тesеarЪhe1 has еstimatеd that in dеnsе сrowds rме
havе siх to еight squarе fееt (0.5*0.75 sq. m) еaсh, whетeas in
loosе сrowds wе ha1е about ten squafе fееt (1 sq. m) еaсh.

Somеtimеs our personal spaсе is dеliberately invadеd by othеrs for
a partiсular reason. In thе expеrimеnt rеportеd at thе Ьеginning of
this сhaptеr, thе sеvеrе сrowding Ьy thе interviеwer is similar to
taсtiсs oftеn usеd Ьy poliсe interrogators. Ameriсan poliсеmеn arе
somеtimеs trainеd to sit сlosе to a suspесt' rмith no taЬlе or dеsk
Ьеtwееn thеm. Thеy gradually movе thеiт сhair forward during
thе intеrrogation so that after a timе onе of the suspесt,s knееs is
just Ьеtwееn thе poliсеman's knееs. Suсh сlosеness, whеn
uninvitеd, is almost always pеrсеivеd as thrеatеning.
Lovеrs will aссеpt grеatеr proхimity from еaсh othеr, Ьut еvеn hеrе
it is intеrеsting to notе йat thеy almost always сlosе thеir еyеs
whеn kissing. Sinсе thеy approaсh vеry сlose and gaze into еaсh
othеr's еyеs for muсh of thе time, tlrеrе would sееm to be no logiсal
rеason why they should сlosе thеir еyеs for thе most еnjoyaЬlе paш
of thе intеraсion. It may Ье that еven in this instanсе sоmе illusion
of personal spaсе, madе by сlosing thе еyes, is nесеssary.
Sommеr's studies havе shеd an intеrеsting light on human
tеrritoriality. In his strrdiеs of thе kind of spiсе pеoplе nееd for
rеasonably pеaсеfrrl living, hе has found that сеrtain housing dеsфs
arе morе likеly to lеad to troublе with nефЬours than othеrs. Thе
idea hаs bееn dеvеloped of dеfeпsible space. What this mеans is that
we eaсh nееd an area in whiсh to livе that Wе сan proteсt against
unwantеd intrusion by othетs. If flats are too small, too сlosеly
plaсеd, and tеnd to throw pеoplе togеthеr too muсh, this will lеad to
tеnsions, whiсh may vеry quiсkly dеvеlop into opеn hostility and
aggressivе Ьеhaйour. Howеvеr, Sommеr mеntions that pеoplе in a
plaсе like Hong Kong sееm to havе adaptеd to rеstriсtions on spaсе
rеasonаЬly wеll. Hе tells us that thе Hong Kong Housing Authority
Ьuilds low-сost aссorrrrnodation on thе basis of about 35 squarе fееt
(3.25 sq. m) peг pеrson.!И'hеn he askеd what thе еffесt would Ье of
inсrеasing tlrе allowanсе, hе was told..With 60 square feеt (5.5 sq. m)
per pеfson, the tenants would sub.let.'
In prеvеnting violations of pеrsonal spaсe, oriеntation сan oftеn
Ье usеd as a tеrritorial markеr. 'W.е arе rеluсtant to pass bеtwееn
two pеоple, so faсing thе pеrson wе arе intеraсting with will
dеtеr invasions of our mutuаl personal spaсе. It is possiblе to sit
at an anglе in suсh a waУ as to сlosе off an intеraсtion to
intrudеrs, Ьy strеtсhing thе lеgs out so that othеrs will be
rеluсtant to сross ovеr them. In faсt, thе anglе of oriеntаtion сan
regulatе thе dеgreе of privaсy in a сonvеrsation. Pеople who arе
exсhanging сonfidеnсes will oftеn turn away from thе genеral
intеraсtion in order to disсouragе intruders.
.т
t:
If pеrsonal spaсе is violatеd, peoplе will movе away frоm thс
i1
inirudеr but maintain thеir direсt orientation towards еaсh
othеr, as if to rеmind the intruder that his or hеr presеnсе is not
wеlсomе and that thеy will rеsumе thеir formеr positions as soon
as hе or shе has had thе good sensе to movе on. Somеtimеs, if the
intrudеr pеrsists in rеmaining, pеoplе will сhangе thеir orienta-
tion away from thе intrudеr in ordеr to еmphasizе thеir rejесtion
of thе invasion.
bееn madе of
A numbеr of othеr intеresting obsеrvations havе
thе usе of oriеntation as a non-vеrbal сommuniсation tool. For
instanсе, during arrivals and dеparturеs oriеntation will oftеn
takе status into aссount' as in thе frеquеntly observеd
phenomеnon of pеoplе baсking away from high-status peoplе
Ьеforе turning. thii may еithеr havе its roots in the long-
еstablished шadition of baсking out of thе presеnсe of royalry, or
it may bе that that partiсular сustom arosе out of a natural
dеfеrenсе to status.
Pеoplе who havе a сonspiratorial rеlationship with othe''*.will
.sidling,
t.nd to approaсh from tЬe side, litеrally }P t9 a fеllow
plottеr. IiiЪ surprising how often this aсtivity сan bе oЬservеd at
politiсal mееtings and сonfеrеnсеs, togеthеr with the kind of
iurning away from the gеneral intеraсtion mеntiоnеd еarliеr.
Oriеntation in сrowded сonditions сan exhiЬit interеsting
variations from normal Ьеhaviour. Pеople in lifts, on publiс
transport and аt footЬall matсhеs will usually avoid a dirссt
orieniation. In situations in whiсh the сrowding is so sеvеre that
thе Ьody сannot Ье turnеd alЛ/ay' thе head will bе. This is
perhaps most frequеntly oЬsеrvеd in.сommutеr trains and on
Ьthеr Ьass-transitЪystеms wherе pеoplе are so сrowdеd togеther
that thеy arе touсhing. Anothеr phenomеnon often obsеrvеd on
undеrground tuЬе trains is that people will sit rigidly, making as
fеw йovеmеnts as possible, and fixеdly staring into spасe,
avoiding all eyе сontaсt with others.
Both men and women usе a dirесt oriеntation for disliked high-
status mеn (to kееp a сlosе еyе on what thеy might do to thrеatеn
thеm?) but usе an indirесt oriеntation for low.status womеn
(partly turning away from someonе who is pеrсeived as nоt
Беing.vеry important?). It sееms to Ье thе сasr that where thе
thrеat poiеntial is highеst, thе oriеntаtion is the most dirесt. It
сan be interesting to obsеrve how diffеrеnф pеoplе oriеntatе
thеmsеlvеs to the boss and to thе сlеanеr or janitor.
.sИ-hеn
womеn are talking togеther, thеy will stand сlosеr to eaсh
othеr and will usе a morе dirесt oriеntation thаn whеn mеn arе
talking togеthеr. This is Ьut onе of thе many diffеrеnсеs Ьеtwеen
the sеxеs in thе usе of body languagе. Suсh individual differеnсеs
and сultural diffеrеnсеs will bе apparеnt in sеvеral of thе
сhaptеrs in this book.
onе phenomеnon whiсh shows somе unusual Ьеhaviour is in thе
A non-pеrson is
сasе of pеople rеgarding othеrs as non-pеrsons.
anyonе Wе aсt towards as if thеy wеre not thеrе. Ехamplеs of
suсh Ьеhaviour might bе:
о doсtors disсussing hospital patiеnts whеn thosе patiеnts arе
prеsеnt
о diners сonvеrsing and ignoring waitеrs
. pеoplе in their pyjamas or night-dresses opеning фе door to
postmеn and milkmеn and fееling no еmЬarrassmеnt in doing
so.
Somеonе who is a non-pеrson or a .fly on thе rмall'has a uniquе
opportunity to oЬsеrvе human bеhaviour whiсh is dеnied to thе
rеst ot us.
Making interaсtion easier
The morе dirесt thе dеgrее of oriеntation, thе morе affеntion is
normally Ьeing paid. If an indireсt oriеntation is usеd, this will
usually mеan thе involvеmеnt in thе сonversation is lеss. In suсh
a сasе' thеrе may bе oссasional turns of thе hеad towards
сonversation partnеrs just to show that onе has not switсhed off
altogеthеr. If you turn your baсk on somеonе' this will stop a
сonvеrsation dеad. This may wеll bе why it is oftеn rеgarded аs
thе hеight of rudеnеss to do this. Faсing anothеr аnd turning thе
hеad away or looking ovеr thе othеr's shoulder at othеr pеople
prеsеnt has the samе еffесt, though it may takе rathеr lоngеr. In
a group of thrеe, a strаngе kind of dividеd orientation is oftеn
oЬsеrvablе. In this, the uppеr part of thе Ьody may point
towards onе pеrson and thе lowеr to thе third. Therе has Ьееn
thе suggestion that if this wеrе not donе thе third pеrson would
fееl lеft out.
All of this should servе to indiсatе that you сan usе oriеntation
to invitе or to avoid interaсtion with othеrs. Generally spеaking,
a direсt oriеntatiоn will invitе intеraсtion. oftеn, you сan usе an
indirесt oriеntation as you approaсh othеr peoplе so as to
rеmovе any possiblе stranger thrеat and to pеrmit easiеr rеtrеat
if thеy indiсatе thеy do not wish tо talk to you' without loss of
f.ace. |f approaсh is allowеd, you сan switсh to a more dirесt
oriеntation at an appropriatе point.
It is worth noting that mutual gazing inсreasеs with an indirесt
body oriеntation. As Wе saw in Chaptеr 1, inсrеased eyе сontaсt
will еnhanсе the possiЬilitiеs of suссеssful intеraсtion.
So thе balanсе of oriеntation with othеr aspесts of Ьody languagе
nееds to Ье сarеfully watсhеd for еnсouraging othеrs to intеraсt.
It is somеthing whiсh сan bе usеd to hеlp us to сommuniсatе non-
vеrЬally morё еffесtively with othеrs. It is thus anothеr usеful
wеapon in ouт armoury whiсh wе should not nеglесt.
Exercises and experiments
1 Who is the boss around here?
Тry to observe a |arge open-p|an ofiiсe. See lf you сan determine, on the
basis of howspaсe is a|Ioсated and how peop|e present use proximity
and orientation, who the high-status individuals are. Do they sit in some
degree of isolation from the others? Do they have larger desks? Do they
have more сirсu|ation space around their desks? Do they tend to sit at
one end of the room or in the middle? What otherterritorial markers сan
you identify? How do the others approaсh the desks of superiors? How
do superiors сoming in from other departments behave? An idea|
opportunity for оarrying out this exerсise wou|d be if your observation
point over|ooked an organization's offiсes.
2 Lateralthinking
Lie down on a couсh, sofa or settee and try thinking about your life as
a сhiId. After five minutes, stand up and сontinue your thoughts. Do
you, in faсt, find it easier to reсa|l when lying down? Тhen, standing
up, refIeсt on what has happened to you during the day (сlear|y you
wilI need to attempt this exerсise in the evening). Тhen |ie down and
сontinue your refleсtions. Do you find it easier to refleсt when |ying
down, as this сhapter has prediсted?
3 Are you sitting Gomfortably?
you сan, en|ist the he|p of another person or of two or three others.
tf
Conduсt an interview (as if, say, you Were app|ying for a job) in the
various seating arrangements suggested in this сhapter. Whiсh
seems to be the most produсtive? lf you оannot do this, watсh some
interviews on television with the sound turned down, and observe
from the use of proximity аnd orientаtion whiсh seem to be
progressing most satisfaсtorily. Are they the ones with the greatest
degree of informality or those where the orientation is formal? lf you
оan videotape the proсeedings and then play them baсk with the
sound turned up, so muсh the better.

4 Come and talk to me

The next time you are in a p|aоe (like a bar, оafeteria or сlub) where
people like you habitua||y сome to meet other people, try using
proximity and orientation in the ways suggested in this оhapter to invite
others to interaсt with you. Hlnf.. the easiest way will be to plaсe yourself
in.or near to the сentre of aоtivity in the сhosen plaсe. You may a|so try
plaсing yourself de|iberate|y on the periphery of events and obselve the
differenсes in the ways people reaоt.

5 Soсial orienteering
o
сг
Study the various soсia| situations in whiоh you find yourself in the
оourse of a day and try to identify whiсh is the most appropriate
degree of proximity and orientation in eaсh оase. Reсord your
observations in your notebook or on tape. When you review them, try
to do it |ying down. How do your reaсtions сompare with your
o.
Il
observations on exerсises in previous сhapters when you Were not П
lying down? Have you identified any ways of improving your use of
proximity and orientation whiсh were not disсussed in this сhapter?

o ln this chapter you will learn:

o
. about body сontaсt and
touсhing
r the main distinсtion that is
made between these two is
э one of intent, for the former
1+ сarries the impliсation of

q) aсcidental touсhing and the

o
latter implies a deliberate aсt
о the differenсe is not a rigid
one and it is only possible to
distinguish the two on the
1+ basis of whiсh part of the
body is doing the touсhing.
Touсh is probaЬly the first оf our sеnsеs to dеvelop. The baby in
thе womb сannot seе, smеll, tastе or hеar (though thе last may
not be true). Onсе born, touсh bесomеs a most important sеnsе
and it is through it that muсh оf our еarliеst еxpеriеnсе of
сommuniсating with othеrs сomеs. Rеsеarсh has shown that
wherе ЬaЬies (and othеr young animals) arе deprivеd of touсhing
by others thеir dеvеlopmеnt is stunted, nоt only soсially and
еmotionally Ьut physiсally.
Touсhing сan havе a powеrful effесt on how wе rеaсt to a
situation. Еvеn if wе arе touсhеd aссidеntally or unintentionally,
Wе сan still bе signifiсantly affесted by it. lvIark Knapp rеported
an еxpеriment in whiсh, as liЬrary сards wеrе Ьеing returnеd to
studеnts, thе library assistant touсhеd thе hands оf sоmе in
passing thе сard ovеr, but not of othеrs. In all othеr rеspeсts,
bеhaviour was kept сonstant. The only thing that сhanged was
whеthеr or not touсhing oссurrеd. onсе outsidе the library, thе
studеnts wеrе asked to ratе thе library assistant and thе library
generally on a rating sсalе. Those who had beеn touсhеd,
еspесially the females, judgеd thе assistant (and the library) more
favourably than those who had not been touсhed. And this was
truе both for thosе who werе aware of having beеn touсhеd and
for those who wеrе not. Suсh is the powеr of even a flееting,
barеly notiсеaЬlе touсhing experiеnсе.
.W,е
use touсh in many Ways' though perhaps not in quitе as many
as wе might, for ours is not a soсiety whiсh enсorrragеs adults to
.Wе
touсh еaсh othеr. arе too quiсk to plaсе a sеxual сonnotation
upon touсhing and ours is not a vеry libеrated soсiеty evеn now'
sеxually speaking. But тrе do use various forms of touсhing, to
еnсouragе' to еxprеss tеndernеss or sympathy and to show
support.
Touсhing is morе likеly to oссur in somе situations than in
othеrs. Pеoplе arе more likely to touсh:
. when giving information or adviсe than whеn reсеiving it
о when giving an ordеr rather than responding to one
. whеn asking a favour rathеr than granting onе
. whеn trying to pеrsuade rathеr than bеing pеrsuaded
. whеn at a pattу rathеr than at work
when exprеssing еxсitеmеnt rathеr than listеning to somеonе
еlsе's еxсitеmеnt
whеn listеning to somеonе еlsе's worriеs rathеr than еxprеssing
their own.
onе study found that 60% ot pеoplе grеeting or saying goodЬyе
at an airport Wеrе touсhing. As onе might pеrhaps еxpeсt' longеr
еmЬraсеЪ werе oЬservеd more frеquently in dеparturеs than in
arrivals. A numЬеr of studiеs have also found that touсhing is
more oftеn initiatеd by mеn than womеn.
Furthеr findings will emergе as wе look, in this сhaptеr, at thе
kinds of Ьodily сontaсt thеrе arе, what they mеan and how rме
сan makе bettеr usе of thеm in dеvеloping our body language
skills. It is an arеa in whiсh wе shall havе to takе more than usual
сarе, bесause you саnnot Ьe сlosеr to pеоplе (at lеast physiсally)
than whеn you are touсhing thеm. This сan makе it dangеrous
to makе mistakеs. But wе should still find that wе сan idеntify
ways of using Ьodily сontaсt to Ьеttеr effect.
Еxerоise: Who's touсhing who?
Using drawings like those in Figure 7'.|, in whiсh the body is
divided into various parts, сonduсt a brief suruey amongst your
friends and aоquaintanсes to see where they allow other people to
touсh them. Try to ask an equal number of maIes and fema|es. Ask
them to identify the parts they wouId expeсt to be touсhed by their
mother, by their father, by a same-sex friend, and by an opposite-
sex friend. Reсord the responses on the figures by means of tallies
(see page 85 for example). Make larger drawings of your own if this
willhelp.
Еxercise review
Тhis kind of researсh was first сarried out by Sidney Jourard and has
been сonduсted by many other people sinсe. The results are near|y
a|ways pretty muсh the same. A typiсal set is given in Figure 7.2 and
you shou|d сompare your own findings with them' As you оan see,
I most people (except, perhaps, homosexuals) al|ow muсh more
.q
touсhing of most parts of the body by opposite-sex friends than by
1
anyone else. Тhe exсeption is the amount of touсhing of certain parts
) of the body permitted to mothers. Why do you think the same amount
l is not permitted to or expeоted from fathers? Why is there suсh a
differenсe between same-sex friends and opposite-sex friends? ls
the reаson pureIy sexual? You might like to speсulate on the answers
to these questions as no one really knows the answers.
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tigure 7.1 whеre are you a||owed to touсh? figute 7.2 where people touch
Bodily сontaсt and touсhing Riсhard Hеdin has plaсеd thе various rypеs of touсhing into
Hаptiсs is thе namе oftеn givеn to dеsсriЬе touсhing bеhaviour. сatеgoriеs ranging from vеry impеrsonal messagеs to vеry
But it might bе worthwhilе making somе distinсtions bеtwееn pеrsona1 mrssagеs:
bodily сontaсt and touсhing. In the main, bodily сontaсt refеrs to 1 Fцnсtioп,афrofessioпal suсh as a golf prо with a studеnt, a
aсtiоns whiсh arе aссidеntal, unсonsсious and madе by any pаrt tailor with a сustomеf' a doсtor with a patiеnt.
of thе Ьody. Touсhing impliеs that thе aсtions arе dеliЬerate, 2 Sociафolite suсh as handshakеs, hand сlasps.
сonsсious, and madе primarily Ьy the hands. Thе tеrms are not 3 Frieпdship-t,tlаrmtb suсh as a friеndly pat on thе Ьaсk or a
сlеarly dеfinеd in this way, howеvеr, in thе litеraturе on body shouldеr emЬraсе.
languagе and pеrhaps it is in any сasе too finе a distinсtion for 4 Loue-intimасу ыlcЬ as touсhing a lovеd onе's сhееk or a
our purposеs hеrе. !Ие shall usе both tеrms, Ьut usually touсhing lovеr's kiss.
will сarry thе сonnotation of a morе aсtivе involvemеnt of thе 5 Sexuаl аroцsаl suсh as thе mutual touсhing whiсh aссom-
pеrson doing thе touсhing. paniеs lovе-making.
Sеvеral kinds of сontaсt havе been identifiеd. Мiсhaеl Argyle Dеsmond Morris idеntifiеd twеlvе stеps whiсh.W.еstеrn сouplеs
tеlls us that some of thе following arе most сommon in.Wеstеrn pass through on thе Way to sеxual intimaсy. oссasionally a stеp
сulturеs: may Ье missеd out, Ьut thеy almost always oссur in this ordеr:
Typе of touсhing Parts of thе Ьody involvеd 7 Еуe to body
inсludе 2 Bуe to еyе
Patting Head, baсk 3 Voiсе to voiсе
4 Hand to hand
Slapping Faсе, hand, Ьottom 5 Arm to shouldеr
Punсhing Faсе, сhеst 6 Arm to waist
7 Mouth to mouth
Pinсhing Сhееk 8 Hand to hеad
Stroking Hair, faсе 9 Hand to Ьody
10 Мouth to brеast
Shaking Hands 11 Hand to gеnitals
Kissing Мouth, сhееk, hand 12 Gеnitals to gеnitals
.!Йhat
thе various kinds of touсhing mеan' howеvеr, dеpеnds on
Liсking Faсе
sеvеral faсtors:
Holding Hand, arm . whiсh part of thе Ьody touсhеd thе othеr pеrson
Guiding Нand, arm . whiсh part of thе Ьody is touсhеd
. how long thе touсh lasts
Еmbraсing Shouldеr, bоdy . how muсh prеssure is usеd
Linking Arms . whеthеr thеrе is movеmеnt aftеr сontaсt has Ьеen madе
Laying-оn Hands
. whеthеr anyonе еlsе is prеsеnt
о if othеrs arе prеsеnt' who thеy arе
Kiсking Boffom о thе sitцation in whiсh thе touсhing oссurs and its mood
о thе relationship Ьеtwееn thе pеoplе involvеd.
Grooming Hair, fасe
All in all, the dеtеrmination оf mеaning for touсhing is a
Tiсkling An}"whеrе
соmplеx affafu -just as сomplеx as for any othеr aspесt of Ьody
languagе.

Touсhing impliеs a Ьond Ьetwееn thе touсhеr and thе tоuсhеd.
It follоws, thеrеfоre, that thе main variations in how we respond
to bеing touсhеd depend on thе сlosеnеss of the rеlationship
betweеn oursеlvеs and thе other persоn. Therе is a vеry сlosе
сonnесtion Ьеtц,eеn touсhing and liking. Indеed, the Human
Potеntiаl moYеmеnt (originally a California-Ьasеd group of
soсial psyсhologists and othеrs) bеliеvеd that touсhing leads to
liking. Touсhing сan lеad to liking, but not in isolation from
othеr aspесts of Ьody language. You should not assume that if
you go around touсhing peoplе they will nесеssarily likе it. Far
Ьеttеr to use othеr body languagе skills to dеvеlop the relation-
ship and lеt grеatеr bodily сontaсt oссrrr naturally as a part of
this proсess.
Attitudеs towards touсhing caгYatУ сonsiderably. Somе pеoplе
for whom various forms of bodily сontaсt (еmbraсing, hugging
and kissing) arе a normal part of family lifе tеnd to havе morе
positivе attitudes than thosе for whom it is rarе. You havе to
find out through oЬsеrvation thе kinds of сontaсt pеoplе fееl
сomfortablе with Ьeforе you inсrеasе thе various forms of evеn
non-sеxual fondling. Sеxual touсhing is a very dangеrous arеa
for еveryday еxpеrimentation and, Ьесause of thе possibilitiеs of
misinterprеtation, is bеst lеft alone. If it haрpеns by mutual
сonsent all wеll and good, Ьut thе bеst adviсе is: whеn in douЬt,
don't touсh.
You need hands
Thеrе arе some rеasonably safе arеas in whiсh Ьodily сontaсt
сan Ье inсrеased. In grееtings and farеwells, as wе have already
sееn, Ьodily сontaсt is oftеn a normal part of thе oссasion.
Handshakеs arе partiсularly сommon and, if thеy dо not oссur
spontaneously, thеy сan often Ье introduсеd without any
awkwardnеss or еmbarrassmеnt. Thеy сan takе many forms,
from the limpеst-wristеd holding out of a hаnd and allowing the
othеI Pеrson to hold it wеakly and briеfly to thе strongеst and
most vigorous shaking of the othеr's hand, whiсh has еvеn bееn
known to produсe an еxprеssion of pain on the part of thе
rесipient. Мost people sееm to prеfеr handshakеs whiсh arе on
.!7eak
thе firm sidе rathеr than thе wеak. handshakеs sеem to bе
assoсiatеd in mеn with еffеminaсy and a gеneral inеffесtivеnеss
.!Иomеn
of pеrsonality. may gеt away with a wеakеr handshake,
Ьut еvеn herе, if thе handshakе is too weak, it may bе pеrсеived
as being offеrеd insinсеrеly and reluсtantly. You should remember
I
I that thе purposе of a handshakе is to grrеt someonе or bid thеm
{ farеwеll or to сеmеnt an agrеemеnt. It nееds to Ьe fairly positivе,
f
J
warm and friеndly if it is to сomе anywhеre nеar to doing its job.
,i
Hands are also usеd fоr more prolongеd holding than oссurs in
i' thе handshake. Dеsmond Мorris inсluded hand-holding in what
.tiе-signs',
{ hе сallеd or Ьеhaviour whiсh indiсatеs the еxistеnсе of
a pеrsonal rеlatiоnship. Othеr eхamplеs arе thе.body.guidе', in
.' whiсh thе hand is usеd to guidе somеonе in thе dirесtion in
whiсh you want them to gо by mеans of light prеssurе on thе
i person's Ьaсk, the .pat', in whiсh a pеrson is paшеd on the arm,
thе shouldеr or thе baсk, and еmbraсеs of various kinds.
I
t; Thе hands сan bе usеd in sеlf-touсhing. Somе сommon forms of
i this аrе stroking thе сhin, groоming thе hair, sсratсhing thе hеad
and rubbing thе nosе. Suсh асtions oftеn oссur during momеnts
,l .tailgatеd' (that is, the
j
of strеss. obsеrvе a сar drivеr who is Ьеing
\ drivеr Ьеhind is far too сlosе for safety at thе spеed bеing
i travеllеd). Vеry оftеn, drivеrs in this situation will sсratсh thеir
heads or thеir еyеЬrows or thе sidе of thеir faсе. If you douЬt this
and сonsidеr that suсh aсtions are simply bесausе thе driver has
1 an itсh, try tо obsеrvе drivеrs on motorways. You will find a
{i notiсеaЬle inсrеasе in sеlf-touсhing during momеnts of tеnsion
and stress suсh as oссur in tailgating. Do not do the tailgating
{ yourself, though, for oЬvious rеasons.
d
{
Hugging and kissing
Ч
I Therе is a sсhool of psyсhologiсal thought whiсh attriЬutеs
many of our сontеmPorary реrsonal and soсial proЬlеms to thе
J Iact tЬat, as adults, wе do not indulgе in hugging and bеing
.l
huggеd as muсh as whеn We werе сhildrеn. If only we сould gеt
baсk, thеy arguе' to a situatiоn in whiсh we huggеd еaсh othеr
{ as frееly аs сhildrеn dо' rме should all bе muсh happiеr for it.
Thеre may wеll bе some truth in this, Ьut it is diffiсult to sее how
{
it сan Ье aсhiеvеd. Pеrhaps wе сould eaсh makе a start by
ч hugging thosе сlosest to us a littlе more often.
{
The samе may wеll apply to aсtivitiеs likе сuddling and tiсkling,
though onсе again thе guiding prinсiplе as to what is possiЬlе is
what is appropriatе. Thеrе ate, after all, thоsе who еnjoy bоdily
сontaсt and rеspond to it readily and thosе who arе rеluсtant to
Ьесomе involvеd in muсh touсhing and tеnd to shy away from
{ it. Pеoplе arе usually put into two сatеgoriеs: touсhеrs and non-
touсhеrs. Thеrе is somе еvidеnсe that thеrе is an assoсiation
{
{
with gеsturеs, with touсhеrs prеfеrring open gеsturеs and non-
touсhеrs tеnding to usе сlosеd gеstures.
Anothеr diffiсulty in еxtеnding the frеquеnсy of aсtivitiеs likе
hugging and kissing is thе rеlationship bеtwееn bodily сontaсt
andЪtaius. This affесts all touсhing bеhaviour. It is еasy еnough
to hug and kiss a сhild, Ьut it would bе impossiЬlе to еxtеnd this
to onе's supеrior at work. It is easy еnough for a doсtor чo giv9
a nursе an еnсouragmg pat on thе Ьaсk or to touсh a patiеnt; it
is muсh morе diffiсult for a nursе to do thе samе to a doсtor or
for a patiеnt to touсh a doсtor. Again, eхсеptions arе small
сhildrеn and also, pеrhaps, the very old.
Stroking and сarеssing arе touсhing bеhaviouтs reservеd for thosе
whosе rЪlationship is a сlоsе, usually sexual, onе. In еvеryday lifе
wе tеnd to havе to substitutе vеrbal stroking for physiсal strоking.
Eriс Bernе, thе foundеr of шansaсtional analysis, saw suсh
.havе
.stroking' as wishing somеonе wеll or hoping thеy would a
niсe day' as being vеry important in improving intеrpеrsonal
rеlationships. Betr,yееn strangеrs' it is indееd probaЬly bettеr that
.stroking' should Ье vеrbal rathеr than non-vеrbal.
suсh
Thеrе is onе aсtivity, howеvеr, in whiсh touсhing is nоt only
genеrally pеrmissiЬlе but aсtually еnсouragеd. That is indanсing
(that is, bЪllroom danсing and not disсo. danсing in whiсh thе
partiсipants rarc|у, if еver, touсh). Danсing сan Ье a prеliminary
io latei intimaсy or it сan Ье indulgеd in еntirely for its own sakе.
Thosе who fееl in any way dеprived of touсhing еxperiеnсеs сan
rеmеdy thе situation in any danсе hall - providеd, of сoursе, that
thеy know the danсе stеps.
Kissing еxpеriеnсеs arе lеss еasy to genrratе Ьесausе of thеir
morе frequеnt sexual assосiations. In some familiеs and soсial
groups, i.is сustomary for mеmbеrs mееting or dеpaтting- from
ёaсhЪthеr to еxсhangе a Ьriеf kiss. In othеrs, thеrе is hardly any
kissing at all, еven during lovеmaking.
Don't push
Aggrеssivе Ьеhaviour oftеn involvеs bоdily сontaсt' tlrough muсh
aфеssion сan Ье еxprеssеd vеrЬally. Aссording to Мiсhaеl
fugyl., aggrеssion is thе innatе rеsponsе to affaсk, frustration and
сoйpetition for rеsourсes. Usually thrеat displays are muсh morе
сommon than aсtual bodily сontaсt. A built-in appеasеmеnt
meсhanism sееms to prеvеnt us from going so far as to damagе
eaсh othеr, unlеss provokеd bеyond ouт limits of tolеranсе.
Amongst сhildrеn gteat deal .of apparеntly violеnt play сan
a
oссur morе oftеn among bоys than girls. Yоung men may oftеn
Ье boistеrous with еaсh оthеr, sparring and generally indulging
in horsеplay. Lovеrs сan еngagе in playful pinсhing, an aсtivify
whiсh frеquеntly Ьeсomеs a form of sеxual foreplay. Suсh
aсivitiеs may evеn bе ways in whiсh wе сan gеt aggrеssivе
tеndеnсiеs out of our systrms.
It иrould сlеarly bе Ьеtter if wе сould reaсt to aggrеssive situations
in thе samе kind of way that wе rеaсt to uninvitеd bodily сontaсt
in suсh plaсеs аs tubе trains, where rмe respond to thе inеvitability
of сontaсt not by fighting it Ьut Ьy turning our heads away from
thе immediatе sourсе of сontaсt. Turning thе othеr сhееk may,
aftеr all, havе a prасtiсal day-to-day appliсation.
Better bodily сontaсt
From all оf this wе сan pеrhaps еxtraсt somе ways in urhiсh we
сan improvе our pеrformanсe in what wе havе alrеady identifiеd
as a hiфly sеnsitive arca of' Ьody languagе.Wе whiсh is fraught with
dangеrs for thе сareless and the unwary. сan develop a firm
(but not too firm), friеndly handshakе тrhiсh will givе othеrs some
.![е
rеassuranсe in intеraсting witlr us. сan engаgе in йе sосial kiss
in tlrosе situations in whiсh it is appropriatе. For dесiding whiсh
situations arе appropriatе we havе to dеvelop our sеnsitivity to
touсh rесеptivenеss on thе part of othеrs. Carrying out somе of thе
еxеrсisеs at thе end of this сhaptеr, just as сarrying out thе
еxеrсisеs in othеr сhapters, will hеlp you build up a gеnеral
sеnsitivity to thе usе of all thе various aspeсts of body language.
An old saying runs that thе bеst way to knoсk a сhip off a pеrson's
shouldеr is to pat him or hеr on thе baсk. This has morе than a
mеtaphoriсal appliсation for, as wе havе sееn, paffing on thе arm,
shouldеr or baсk сan be a gеstufе of еnсouragеment or suPport.
.сhips on thеir shouldеrs'nееd,
oftеn, this is just what pеoplе with
as suсh an attitudе is frequеnф thе rеsult of being ignorеd оr
undervalued in some way. Similarly, fтiendly or protесtivе arms
round shoulders сan bе ways in wЫсh wе сan shorм people that wе
arе on thеir sidе. You should remеmbеr that, in thе riф
сifсumstanсеs' touсhing сan promote liking. As thе study quotеd
at the bеginning of thе сhaptеr showеd, touсhing сan alsо produсе
favourablе rеaсtions from ot}rеrs and is фus a mеans of influenсing
the judgemеnts and еvеn thе aсtions of othеrs. Touсhing is
appropriatе when соngratulating othеrs on somе асhiеvеment or
suссеss. Usually, this is in thе form of pats on thе Ьaсk,
handshaking or hugging. Touсhing сan oftеn be used lеgitimatеly
to attraсt affеntion' еspeсially from somеonе whosе attention is
сlearly еlsеwhеrе. It сan also bе usеd whеn guiding pеople.

Еxerсises and experiments

1 Don't touсh me
|n a сaf6, restaurant, bar or other publiс p|ace, observe people's touсhing
behaviour. Тry to identify the touсhers and the non-touсhers. Are there
differenсes in other аspeсts of eaоh group's use of body language?

2 Give me a hug
Тhe next time it is appropriate, hug someone whom you know wel| but
who you wou|d perhaps not think it neсessary to hug in order to
сommuniсate your affeсtion for them' Examples might be mother,
father, sister, brother, wife, husband or other с|ose relation' What are
your reaоtions to this exerсise? What was their response?
q) q)
3 Who is it? э т'
сL т'
o
Еnlist the сooperation of one or two friends. Ask one of them to b|indfold
you and then direсt you to another person. Try to identify that person by
touсhing their faсe and head onIy. How easy is it to do this? Get the
others to take it in turns to сarry oШ the exerсise. Discuss your
responses to the aсtivity. Can you find any genera| ruIes for identifying
people by.touсh? How do people fee| about being identified in this way?
т'
Цr
J
s)
qI
-

a
4 Shake hands, pal ч
During the оourse of a day, try giving the people you meet different

o
kinds of handshakes when you meet them. What are their.reaсtions?
Do you feel that people prefer a stronger or a weaker handshake? II э
.сI
o
How do you reaсt to the handshakes you receive from others? What
is your own preferenсe as far as handshakes are сonсerned?
ln this chapter you wiI| leаm:
. about appeаrance and

o
5 Holding on longer Е physique
. simple changes to these сan
on those oссasions when you find yourse|f in physiсal сontaсt with have an effect upon an
others whom you know well, in the form of handshakes, hugs, kisses individua|'s ability to interaсt
and so on, try maintaining the сontaсt for slight|y longer than usua|. sucсessfulIy with others which
How do you feel about doing this? How do other people respond? is not insignifiсant.
W.e turn now to сonsidеring thе сommuniсativе valuе of the way
we look to other pеоple. Thе sizе and shape of our bodiеs and
thе way wе сovеi thosе bodiеs with сlothing of various kinds
еxеrts a сonsiderable influеnсe ovеr how othеr pеople pеrсeivе
us and ovеr horм muсh attеntion thеy pay to us. Thеse would
sеem' at first sight, to bе arеas ovеr whiсh Wе сan exert littlе
сontrol but, as wе shall sее, this is not thе сasе. Indеed, thеy are
arеas in whiсh wе havе сonsidеraЬle sсopе for manipulation,
without it appearing as suсh to thosе wе mееt in thе сoursе of
our daily livеi. Sоmе aspeсts arе сomplеtely within our сontrol,
but others are only partly so.
Мark Knapp invitеd us to еnvisagе a typiсal Ameriсan morning
sсеne. ThJlЪdy of thе housе rеplaсes hеr night-timе Ьra with a
slightly paddеd uplift bra. Shе puts on hеr girdlе. Shе puts ol hеr
faсе witЪ еyеbrow pеnсil, masсara' lipstiсk, rougе (or Ьlushеr),
еyе liner and false еyеlashes. There may bе many morе thilgs to
do bеforе she fееls rеady to faсе thе world. The man of thе house
shavеs his faсe, rеmoYes his falsе tееth from their ovеrnight soak,
gargles, pats on his aftеrshavе and dесides whаt to Wеar.
Therе is no douЬt that wе go to a grеat dеal of troublе to makе
oursеlvеs prеsеntablе to the world. Vеry few of us indееd simply
сlimb outЪf bеd, drеss in what Wе wore thе day beforе and sеt
.!0,е
out to сonfront whatеvеr thе day has to offеr. сlеarly rea|ize
that the way wе look makеs a diffеrеnсе to the way othеrs will
rеaсt and respond to us.
Knapp quotеd somе dramatiс, and disturЬing, еxamplеs of how
ouт appеaranсе сan affесt othеrs, and hеnсe oursеlves. A- judgе
in Itaiy finеd a Gеrman woman tourist for сrossing hеr legs in
suсh away as to barе a thigh whilst shе sat drinking сoffeе with
friends at a roadside сafё. A rеsеarсh psyсhologist found that a
woman hitсh-hiker сould doublе thе number of lifts shе wаs
offerеd Ьy adding two inсhеs of padding to hеr bust. A ninеtееn-
year-old girl witЬ a faсe so dеformеd that pеoplе wеrе- rеpеlled
Ьy it сoйmitted a сrimе in ordеr to bе arrestеd.. Thе judgе
oidеrеd plastiс surgefy for hеr. Hе fеlt a сhangе of appеaranсе
would lеad to a сhangе of bеhaviour and rеduсе antisoсial
tеndеnсiеs.
Appеaranсе and physiquе may not always make thе diffеrеnсe
bёtwееn hоnеsty ind a lifе of сrimе. Appearanсе does, howevеr,.
neеd to bе takеn sеriously if wе arе to furthеr our mastеry of
body language.
Еxercise: a сomplete сhange of сlothing
Тhe next time you go out soсiaIly, dress in an entire|y different way
from the way in whiсh you usual|y dress. ]f you are in the habit of
wearing a suit and tie, dress very сasual|y, or viсe versa. What
differenсes do you notiсe in the way your friends reaсt? ln the way
strangers reaоt? Do men reасt differentIy from women? How do
you feel about dressing differently? Does it make you feel
unсomfortable or is it a liberating experienсe?
Exercise review
You should have found, at the very least, that you can change your
appearanсe and other people wi|l to|erate it even if they may
сomment adverse|y. At the best, you may we|l have found that a
different sty|e of dress wou|d be better for you in future beсause it wi|l
enabIe you to interaсt more suссessfu|ly with others. Clothes сan give
сonfidenсe if they are seleсted сareful|y with an eye to What is most
appropriate. Timid peop|e often have a tendenсy to dress perhaps a
little too сonservativeIy. |f this exerсise has persuaded a few to be a
trifle more adventurous, it may very weIl have setved a partiсularIy
useful purpose.
|f you deviate from сlothing norms at work, you cou|d we|| reсeive
сritiсal сomments, not only from your сo||eagues or workmates but
a|so from your superiors. Many сompanies have a.dress сode'. Your
boss may even te|I you to go home and сhange into your normal work
с|othes. However, if you reсeive no adverse сomment at all' you either
work in a |ibera| environment or in a job where choiсe of с|othing does
not matter. lf this is the case and you always dress in the same way,
you now know you сan be more varied in your сhoiсe of attire.
First impressions
As wе saw in the last сhaptеr, our first сontaсt with othеr pеople
is .еyе to body,; that is, wе look first at their bodiеs bеfore we
еstablish еyе сontaсt. Еxсeptions thеrе may bе to this, but in
gеneral it is true. This mеans that thе first things we usuаlly sее
arе thе сlothеs they arе wearing, and frоm them wе makе сеrtain
judgements.
Clothеs may, in modеratе and сoldеr сlimatеs, be neсеssary for
protесtion and may bе requirеd by thе сulturе on grounds of
modеsfy, Ьut thеy still havе сonsidеraЬle,сommuniсativе valuе.
Thеy rеveal somrthing about our inсome, our status' our
oссupation' our pеrsonality, and many othеr things. Pеople сan
tеll igrеat deal about us simply from our сhoiсе of сlothes from
.thrown on' in thе most
thе great variety availablе. Еvеn things
huriied аnd сasual mannеr still spеak volumеs. It is no good our
trying to givе an imprеssion to othеrs' say of rмеalth or of
fashion-сonsсiousnеss, unlеss our сlothеs suppоrt what we say.
Thеy will сertainly givе our game away.
Clothеs сan, of сoursе' Ьe сatеgorizеd in many ways, but one
Ьasiс distinсtion is whether thеy arе formal or informal. Formal
сan inсlude morе than tuxеdos or dinnеr jaсkеts. It inсludеs
uniforms of various kinds and еven thе Ьusinеss еxесutive's suit.
Sсhool uniforms may be rеgarded as formal. This reflесts
сhangеs in soсiety.
At one timе not so long ago loungе suits wеrе thought of as
informal, and invitations to funсtions whiсh say.drеss informal'
may still mеan you will Ьe frownеd on if you turn up in wеll-
worn swеater and jеans. Howеver, in an evеryday сontеxt'
informal drеss usually now mеans just this and also inсludеs
open-nесkеd shftts, all kinds of trousers or shorts, and
anorаks,.Womеn
so on. may now also wеar these things as wеll as
jumpеrs and skirts and drеssеs of an astonishing variety.
Gеnerally spеaking, formal сlothеs are morе сommon at work
and informa| atp|aу, but we tend to сhoosе what wе shall wеar
on the Ьasis of what is сomfortable, what сovеrs our Ьodiеs with
appropriatе modеsty, or what displays our bodiеs
.Wе
so as to
сЬnvey to othеrs thе imagе we havе of oursеlvеs. also havе
to tаkе into aссount thе prеvailing .rulеs' about what is
aссеptable. Мany сlubs and еvеn bars and rеstaurants will not
servё you unless, if you arе malе, you arе wearing a jaсkеt and
tiе. Thе сonvеrsе сan bе oЬservеd on сontinеntal bеaсhеs in
summеr whеn a woman may fеel ovеrdrеssеd if shе rмеars
anything morе than a bikini bottom.
Fashion is partiсularly influеntial in detеrmining what young
people will йear, though nowadays therе is no singlе fashion to
iоllow. So fashion is no lоnger thе rеstriсting influenсе ovеr
сhoiсе that it onсe was. Jеwellery and othеr adоrnments
сompletе thе еffесt of thе сlothеs.
.Wе
must not nеglесt thе еffeсt of body shapе within thе сlothеs.
our bodiеs may detеrminе morе than thе size of shirt or drеss.
Adviсе to thе ovеrweight, for examplе, oftеn rесommеnds
darker сolours for thе lowеr part of thе body and lightеr onеs for
thе top, vеrtiсal stripеs rathеr than horizontal, and so on. It
appеars that, with сafе' еven fat сan bе disguisеd and so promotе
thе possibiliф of aсhiеving a bettеr first imprеssiоn.
You've gotta have style
Clearly, thеn, sinсе how wе dress сan bе manipulatеd, it сan
bесomе an important еlеment in our сommuniсativе style. Our
сhoiсе of сlothing tеlls others who wе arе' or at least it tеlls thеm
how wе see oursеlvеs. It idеntifiеs our uniquеnеss or' if wе arе
wеaring a uniform, our similarity to others. It shows how wе viеw
orrr own pеrsonalф. This is oftеn сonvеyed by сolour, where
morе introvertеd pеople will сhoosе quieter or drabЬеr сolours
and thе more outgoing will go for Ьriфter and еvеn сontrasting
сolours. ouт сlothing will show our agе and sex, usually, and may
еven give hints aЬout our soсial сlass or staflrs and our oссupation.
How muсh Wе сommuniсatе to othеrs through our сhоiсe of
сlothing сan depеnd on how muсh wе want to сommuniсatе.
This may Ье limitеd by our physique. It is diffiсult to drеss as an
intеrnational jеt-sешing playboy if you arе 50 yеars old and
weigh 18 stonе (250 |Ь; L14 kc).h may also bе affесted by оur
mood аt thе timе - somеtimеs wе may wish to bе flamboyant
(say, at a fancу drеss party) and somеtimеs to mrrgе with thе
сrowd. How often all thеse faсtors сhangе will influеnсе how
oftеn wе сhangе our сlothing, quitе apart from сonsidеrations of
personal hygiеnе. Somе peoplе sееm to wеar thе samе sweatеr
and jеans for ever; оthеrs go through sеvеral сhangеs a daу.
Appеaranсе thus givеs some usеful сluеs as to what pеople we
are mеeting for the first timе will Ье likе. That is why salesmеn
and publiс rеlations offiсеrs takе so muсh trouble to be smart in
appеaranсе. Somеtimеs thеy ovеrdo it and сomе over as too
smooth' too bland, too ingratiating. Thеy 8o ovеr the top and
Ьeсomе Uriah Hеeps. Thе triсk is to go only so far as сonvеntion
diсtatеs and to avoid too many extra touсhеs like buшonhоlеs,
brеast poсket handkеrсhiеfs, too muсh aftershavе and so on.
Somе intеrеsting studies havе еvеn shown that the extent to
whiсh studеnts will aссеpt what a tеaсhеr says is aff'ected by his
or hеr appеaranсе. Thosе who drеss rеasonaЬly smartly and
сonvеntionally arе morе likеly to Ьe takеn as еxperts in thеir
subjесt than thosе whоse dress is сasual and too informal. Jv1ost
tеaсhеrs sеem to bе unaware of this and plaсe а rеlativеly low
valuе on appearanсе.
Somеtimеs чrе nееd to bе able to sеt aside appеaranсe and
physique and sеe thrоugh to the rеal messagе bеing сommuni-
.!Ие
сated. must not allow the mеdium to bесomе thе mеssagе.
W,hat is Ьеing сommuniсated is more important than how, if
only we сan get through to it. Howеvеr, this is not as easy as it
sounds. Еvеn juriеs arе influеnсеd by appеaranсе. Wеll-dressеd,
attraсtivе young womеn get lightеr sеntenсеs' aссording to thе
rеsearсh, unless thеir сrime rмas one in whiсh thеir appеaranсе
rмas an asset to thеm, as in blaсkmail оr сonfidеnсе triсkеry.
Sorting the men from the women
Еvеn in alage in whiсh sеx еquality is Ьeing aсtivеly sought and
osеxist'сommеnts and viеws arе frownеd upon' thе diffеrеnсes in
the appеaranсe and physiquе of men and women arе inеsсapable.
Inеvitably, sinсe they exist, thеy affeсt thе ways in whiсh wе
respond to eaсh oйеr non.vеrbally. !Ие would be lеss than fair to
oursеlvеs hеrе if wе ignorеd thеm.
Mеn tеnd to bе taller and heaviеr than women. They are
gеnеrally strongеr and ablе to сarry more. They havе longеr lеgs
ind largеr fееt in proportion to the rеst of thеir bodiеs. Thеy run
faster' are bеttеr throwеrs, and are Ьеtter long distanсе runnеrs.
Thеy havе broader shoulders and longеr arms, Ьiggеr сhests,
lungs and hеarts, strongеr skulls and sturdiеr jaws. Thеy arе thus
bettеr protесtеd against physiсal attaсks. Thеy also havе deepеr
voiсеs, are hairier (though they oftеn beсomе bald in later life)
and havе a gteatef tеndenсy to dеvеlop a pоt bеlly.
You might think all this urould makе it an easy mattеr to tеll men
and womеn apart. But this is not nесеssarily so. Reсent
сonfusions havе bееn сrеated as a result of an inсrеasеd usе of
makе-up Ьy mеn and a trеnd for womеn to wеar thе same сlothеs
as mrn.
Still thеre are ways in whiсh еven womеn in mеn's сlothing сan
be idеntifiеd as fеmalе. TЬеrе arе сеrtain arеas of thе anatomy to
whiсh wе сan look for сluеs: thе faсе, for instanсe, for womеn do
not grow bеards..!Иomеn genеrally havе a wider pelvis, rеsulting
in what Dеsmond Моrris сallеd thе .сrotсh BaP', a sensible
natural provision for thеir rolе as сhild Ьеarеrs. They havе
slеnder waists and thiсkеr thighs. Their navels arе deeper and
their belliеs longеr. The brеasts usually proшudе. Thеy have
roundеr bottoms and havе more of a hip swаy whеn walking.
one might perhaps ask why we nееd to bе able to dеtесt sеx
diffеrеnсes. In many еvеryday еnсountеrs, it is true, thе sеx of thе
partiсipants is not really important. In an advanсеd industrial
sосiety, the rоlеs of thе sеxеs are to a largе еxtent intеr-
сhangeablе; it is only whеn it сomеs to сourtship and mating that
thе differеnсеs bесome еssеntial.
Wе might, in passing, сonsider two quеstions:
W'hy arе fеmalе impersonatоrs so funny? Somе would doubt
that thеy arе, Ьut for thоsе who find thеm amusing part of thе
answеr liеs in thе faсt that they oftеn ехaggеratе femalе
сharaсtеristiсs Ьy making-up too heavily, ovеr-drеssing and
having largеr than normal artifiсial busts. Pеrhaps thеy arе
also a sign that our сulturе is still a fairly sеxist one.
Is thеre a ,gaУ,, or homosexaa|, appeatanсe and physiquе?
This is beсoming morе diffiсult to ans.wer. It usеd to Ье that
gаy men had slighter builds and adopted сharaсtеristiсally
fеmalе posturеs and gеsturеs еvеn whеn thеy did not aсtually
drеss in Womеn,s сlothes. Gay women usеd to wеar mеn's
сlothing or сlothing that had a distinсtly masсulinе appеaranсе
to it. Nowadays, thеsе distinсtions arе lеss pronounсеd. This
may Ье an indiсation that our sеxist soсiеty is beсoming lеss so.
Body shape and size
It is еasiеr to сhangе your appеalanсе than your physiquе, but
somе сhanges сan bе madе. It is fashionaЬlе today to bе slim and
womеn morе than mеn go to gleat lеngths to rеduсе thеir Ьody
sizе Ьy diеting. Меn tend to ffy to aсhiеvе a similar rеsult by
mеans of ехеrсisе, suсh as jogging.
Thеrе arе thosе who find suсh behaviour faintly ludiсrоus. Yеt
thеrе сan be good rеasons for attеmpting to сhangе, or еvеn
appеar to сhangе, thе shapе аnd sizе оf your Ьody. It сhangеs
pеople's pеrсеptions of you and affесts thе amount of notiсе thеy
takе of you. Suссеssful slimmеrs oftеn rеport an improvеmеnt in
thеir soсial livеs. Еvеn сlоthing whiсh masks fatnеss сan aсhiеvе
a similar rеsult.
Body shapеs arе gеnеrally сlassifiеd as есtomorph (thin and
bony), rпesorпorph (musсular) or eпdornorpb (fat|. Miсhaеl
Argylе rеports that есtomorphs arе usually pеrсeivеd by othеrs
as quiet and tеnsе, mеsomorphs as advеnturous and sеlf-rеliant,
and еndomorphs as warm-hеartеd, agrееablе and dеpеndent.
Thus, еvеn Ьеing fat сan havе its сompensations.
 Changеs сan also affесt yоur viеw of yoursеlf. Again, slimmеrs
often rеport an inсrеasе in сonfidenсе and a grеatеr sеnsе ofrмеll-
bеing. People who bесomе fat in middlе agе сan bесomе quitе
dеprеssed by thе сhangе, espесially if they laсk thе will to do
anything аЬout it. Convеrsеly, thosе who slim to thе point оf
anorеxia often havе a poor sеlf-imagе and also bесome
dеprеssed. The triсk sеems to be to dесidе on thе body shape and
sizе that is thе bеst сombination of what you Want and what you
сan aсhiеvе, to want to attain it suffiсiеntly strongly, and then to
set about aсhiеving it in a rеasonably rеsolutе mannеr.
Мotivation doеs, in faсt, sеem to bе thе singlе most signifiсant
faсtor in dеtеrmining what kind of сhangе is aсhiеvеd and for
how long.

PeopIe сhange
Ray Birdwhistell suggestеd that wе learn to bе who wе arе: it is
not somеthing whiсh is prе-dеterminеd and unсhangеaЬlе. It
aссounts for thе faсt that thе pеople of somе rеgions look so
muсh alikе when it сannot be aшributеd to shаrеd gеnеs. Hе
agrеed that thе sеt of our еyebrows, our mouth shapе, our faсe
сontours and many othеr aspесts of appеaranсе are all lеarnеd
from other peoplе wе live and mix with. If this is only partly true,
it opens up furthеr possibilitiеs for сhanging our appеaranсе.
Thеrе are сhangеs whiсh appear as wе grow oldеr, but pеrhaps
Wе сan lеarn to avoid or postponе some of thеm without going
to ехtrеmеs. \Ve сan oftеn rеsist sagging of thе fеatures, obesity,
stooping and many other сhangеs by proper attеntion to diеt and
еxеrсrsе.
Pеople often сhange after a traumatiс еvеnt in thеir pеrsonal
rеlationships, and not neсеssarily for the worsе. Aftеr a sеparation
or divorсе (and somеtimеs aftеr a Ьereavemеnt)' somе pеople
suddenly bесomе muсh morе livеly and outgoing. Thеy may bеgin
going to danсеs and soсialйing for the first timе in many yеars.
Еndomorph
Есtomorph Mesomorph onе of thе paradoхеs of lifе is that oldеr pеople oftеn try to look
youngеr whilе youngеr pеoplе try to look oldеr. Balding men
tigure 8.1 body shapes may bеgin to Wear toupееs. Young mеn may grow moustaсhеs
or Ьeards bесausе these makе thеm appеar more maturе. Thеrе
would sееm to Ье nothing vеry harmful in suсh aсtivities. If
othеrs rеspond positivеly to suсh сhangеs and if you fеel Ьеtter
at thе same time' thеy сould vrеll havе a gеnеrally Ьenеfiсial
еffесt.
lmproving your image
Supposе you wantеd to rеview your appеalanсe and physiquе
and do somеthing to improvе thеm; how would you start? Thе
first stеp would Ье to do thе oЬvious: look in a mirror. But alsо
study rёсеnt photographs of yoursеlf. Obsеrvе yoursеlf in shop
windоws as you walk dоwn a strееt. If you сan, videotapе
yoursеlf, or havе somеone elsе do it. Build up a piсturе in-your
mind and thеn sеt about making сhanges чrhеrе you fееl you
most nеed to.
You might start by сhanging yоur сlothing. If you normally drеss
formally, try being a littlе morе informal, or viсе vеrsa. If you
haЬitually wеar сlothеs of rathеr subduеd сolours, try bеing a
little morе сolourful. Try eхpеrimenting a littlе with diffеrеnt
kinds of сlothing. If you shop сarеfully, it nееd not bе an
еxpеnsivе expеriеnсе.
You might сhangе your hairstylе. If you arе сompletely bald, you
сould wЪar a toupее. Many modеrn onеs arе sсarсеly dеteсtablе in
wear. You miфt сhangе the сolour of your hair. It is fast
Ьесoming aссеptable еvеn for mеn to dyе thеir hair. A nеw look
hеre сan Ьavе iсonsidеrably uplifting еffесt upon your personality
and gеnеral сonfidеnсе.
If you arе ovеrwеight, you соuld try slimming and taking
еxеrсisе. Try it for a spесifiеd pеriod, say, threе months. It is bеst
to сonsult your gеnеral praсtitiоnеr about thе Ьеst mеthod for
you. There is no neеd to еnrol in ехpеnsivе slimming сluЬs-unlеss
you fееl yоu neеd to bе in the сompany of like-mindеd others in
оrder to suссeеd.
Pay partiсular attеntion to your faсе and skin. Меn maУ ffУ
growing beаrds or moustaсhеs to sее what effесt thеy have,- not
only on othеrs' rеaсtions' but also on horм they fееl themsеlvеs.
womеn may сhange thеir makе.up. Thеre arе many bеauty
books availiblе whiсh сontain a wealth of adviсе on how to
makе thе most of what naturе gavе, or did not givе, you.
Obsеrvе other pеople to sее what trеnds thеrе arе in thе various
fashions. You may rмell sее somеthing that would suit you in thе
way others drеss and prеsеnt thеmsеlvеs to the world. What do
your friеnds look likе? Havе you pеrhaps allowеd yourself to
grow to look a littlе too muсh likе thеm? Havе yоu Ьесomе a
bird of a feather?
Therе is no nеed to go ovеr the top and overdo thе сhanges.
Hеrе, as in most things, modеration is thе kеy. !Иhat do you
rеally want to look like? Deсidе that and then sеt about it in a
dеtеrminеd and rеsolutе mannеr.
Exercises and experiments
1 Don't innovate, сopy
Cut out a series of magazine pictures whiсh show peop|e pretty muсh
|ike yourself in various kinds of с|othing' Cut the heads off so that the
оlothing will be emphasized. Ask severa| of your family and friends to
rate the piсtures for attraсtiveness on a sсa|e of 0 to 10. Ask them
what, specifiсally, they find attraсtive when they give a high sсore.
Mаke a list of these faоtors. Тry to inсorporate them into your own
сlothing. Are the results benefiсia|?
2 Еndo, eсto or meso?
Classify yourself as an endomorph, eсtomorph or mesomorph. If you
do not fit a type easily, select the nearest one, or ask a good friend to
с|assify you' C|assify your famiIy. Is there a predominаnt family type?
|f you are young, look at the older members espeсially: you might see
what you will look like in a few years' time. Do you like what you see?
Classify your friends. Are you birds of a feather? Does anyone stand
out as the odd one? Do daughters tend to |ook like mothers аnd sons
|ike fathers? What other similarities and differenсes do you notiсe?
3 Whose с|othes are these?
For each of the following sets of сlothing' suggest the age' sex, status
(orsoоial сlass) and typiсal oссupation of the owner:
a Pin-stripe suit, o|d sсhool tie' b|aоk umbre|la
b Old sweater, old jeans, old training shoes
с Flat сap, brown overall, grey trousers, b|aоk shoes
d Тight yellow sweater, short skirt' high-heeled shoes
e Flowing, flowery dress, a lot of jewellery
f Glasses, white сoat, dark trousers, bIасk po|ished shoes
s Sports jaсket with |eather e|bows, сrumpIed trousers, old suede
shoes
h Broderie anglais white b|ouse, blaсk skirt, seamed tights, bIaсk shoes
i Sunglasses pushed up on to top of forehead, bikini bottom
i Blасk ornate leather jaсket, Ieather gloves, jeans, |eather boots
 Use your imagination and сhange the wearers around (i.e. giving a's
с|othes to wearer b; c's сlothes to Wearer i, and so on). What are the
effeсts of doing this?

4 Asking for information

Dress smartIy in сonventional dress. Go to a rai|way station, bus
station or airport and ask some members of the pub|iс for direоtions
to a pre.seleоted plaсe. on another day, dress sоruffily in your o|dest
с|othes and сonduсt the same experiment. What differenсes do you
notiсe in the Ways people respond to you?

5 Judging strangers
As you go about your daily business, observe the appearance and
physique of other people. SpeсuIate on their age' sex, status (or
soсia| с|ass) and |ike|y oссupation. What faсtors do you take into

a
acсount in making your judgements? lf the opportunity arises
naturally, ask to find out how aсоurate you Were'
1+
.T
6 Who is this? ч<
An obese old man, with the soft skin and round, dimpled сheeks of a
5 з
o
baby, the jaw |ine and сhin aImost |ost in fat, eyes and nose both
disproportionate|y small, the mouth riсh|y сurled and ho|ding a сigar'
TI
on his head a blaсk homburg hat, and wearing a dark, three-pieсe
Цr э
J GT
suit.
Answer (do not read until you have deсided or unless you give up - it

a s)
't is given baсkwards): LL|HсRUHс NoтsNlW.

э э
Пl
N o.
q) ln this chapter you will leаrn:
. about timing and
1+
synсhro-
nization as aspects of body

o
TI language
о the importanсe of time in
Westem сu|ture
. howwell we synchronize when
э talking to others.
In his book The Silеnt Lаnguаge, Еdward Hall tоld us of an
assignmеnt hе onсe had as a mеmbеr of a mayor's сommittee on
human rеlations in a big Ameriсan сity. Hе had to intеrview
hеads of dеpartmеnts to assеss whеthеr non-disсrimination
praсtiсеs сould be adoptеd. Speсial attеntion was givеn to
arranging thе intеrviеws. Еaсh head was askеd to Ье preparеd to
spеnd аn hour or morе on thе disсussion.
.W-hat
aсtually happenеd was that, in spite of thе сarе taken ovеr
thе arrangеments, appointmеnts were forgottеn, hе had to wait
for long periods in outеr offiсеs, and thе lеnф of the interviеrм
itsеlf was oftеn сut down to 10 or 15 minutеs.
.W.hat
thеsе hеads of departmеnts Wеrе doing, whether сonsсiоusly
or unсonsсiously, was using timе to сommuniсatе somеthing
whiсh thеy proЬably would not have had thе сouragе' or the
rudеnеss, to exprеss in words. Time сan thus bе a powerful non-
vеrbal сommuniсator.
This aspесt of Ьody languagе (thе altеrnativе titlе non-vеrЬal
сommuniсation would, in faсt, bе morе aссuratе hеrе) is сovеrеd
by thе t,erm сhronemics, ot thе study of the usе of timе. Our
intеrеst hеrе in thе fiеld is in what it сan tеll us not only aЬout
how thе usе of time affесts сommuniсation Ьеtwееn pеople, but
also aЬout how wе сan improvе .!Ие
our skill in сommuniсating by
improving our usе of timе. shall also сonsidеr thе rolе of
synсhrony in Ьody languagе whеn pеoplе arе сonvеrsing.
Our сonсеpt of timе is сеntral to our world viеw. Indeеd,
.Wе
thеrе is
almost an obsеssion with timе in our wеstеrn сulturе. plaсe
a high importanсе on punсtuality and on kееping to a prе-
dеtеrminеd sсhеdulе. That is onе rеason why, in Hall's story,
kееping pеoplе waiting is a partiсularly hostilе aсtion. The tеmpo
of our aсtivitiеs tеlls othеrs a great dеal aЬout us. onе simplе way
to imprеss othеrs is to appеar to be always Ьusy with lots of
mееtings and appоintmеnts.A fаst paсе is morе highly thought of
in thе.W.est than a slow onе..Wе rеgard slow-paсе pеоplе as|azу,
though thеy may aсtually асhiеvе morе than thosе who arе
forеvеr dashing aЬout but may Ье gеtting nowhеrе.
Exerсise: faster communiсаtion
Seleсt an aсtivity' Any aсtivity wi|l do' but some of the easiest ones
for this type of exercise are reading, writing letters or reports,
wa|king from the station to the offiсe, washing the сar. Time your
aсtivity. If you сhoose reading, time how |ong you take to read your
daily newspaper, say; if you сhoose writing, how |ong it takes to
write a single letter or report. Тhen, over the сourse of the next
week, time every simi|ar aсtivity (reading the paper, writing |etters
or reports of about the same |ength and so on). Еaсh time, after the
first' make a consсious effort to speed up just a |ittle. Do not put
.personal
any great effort into this, simp|y aim to aсhieve a new
best' each time and see What happens. Тhe important things are
to time the aсtivity, to try to сomp|ete the task in s|ightly less time
and to keep a reсord of these times. You wiII also hаve to make
sure that eaоh task is of approximate|y the same size eaсh time (a
newspaper with the same number of pages to read, letters and
reports of the same Iength, a journey of the same distance, etо.).
Exerсise review
You shou|d have found that you сan speed up any aсtivity without
suffering Ioss of quality in peformanсe. Sometimes the increase in
speed сan be quite substantia|. In reading, for instanсe, it is not unknown
for inсreases in speed ot 1o0%, without |oss of сomprehension, to be
aсhieved in this simpIe way. Тhe avelage inсrease in speed is usual|y
about 50%. ln writing the possibilities for speeding up, or saving time, are
more limited, but it shou|d stil| be possib|e to aсhieve a saving of time on
eaсh Ietter or report of about 10%, whiсh is a not insignifiсant amount of
time. Similar savings shou|d be possib|e in a wide range of aсtivities,
suсh as walking from the station to the offiсe or washing the сar.
|f you have оarried out the instruоtions in the exerсise faithfuIIy.
espeсial|y with regard to timing the aсtivity and keeping a reсord (say'
in a notebook) of your results, you should find that it is possible to
save сonsiderab|e amounts of time not on|y in сommuniсation but
also in everyday Iife generally.
Тime and tide
onе way of сrеating timе whiсh you сan usе eithеr for morе
еffесtivе сommuniсation or for othеr aсtivitiеs is, then, to
inсrеasе tЬe floш rate. This is a сonсеpt to whiсh wе will rеturn
will look at 12
in thе last sесtion of this сhaptеr, whеn we.!(hat
tесhniques for using time morе еffесtivеly. wе need to
.Мorе haste,
rеmind oursеlvеs оf hеre, howеver, thе
is old adage
lеss spееd'. In our searсh for ways of improving timе use in
сommuniсation, it is important that wе should avoid hurrying.
.W.е
Hurry сan lеad to error. nееd to сonсеntratе on ways that rмill
еnable us to aсhiеvе our oЬjесtivе without rеduсing pеrformanсе.
Anothеr faсt wе must rеmind oursеlvеs of is that time is a finitе
resourсе - that is to say, thеrе is only a сеrtain amount of it
availablе to us. No mattеr how hard we.!Иhеntry' wе сannot squееze
any morе than 24 hours out of anу day. wе rеmеmbеr that
wе havе to allow timе for slееping, еating and other aсtivitiеs,
the amount of timе wе spend in сommuniсating with othеrs is
probaЬly no morе than a vеry fеw hours. It has Ьеen сalсulated,
тor instanсе, that thе aYerage managеr spеnds aЬout 35% оf his
working timе сommuniсating with othеrs in various ways. Given
a wоrking daу of eight hours, wе arе talking of a pеriod of
around thrее hours. Spееding up aсtivitiеs Ьy an avеrage of 50oЬ
сan thus relеasе time, whiсh makеs it possiЬle to rеad thrее
journals in thе time it prеviously took to rеad two, or writе thrее
rеports' makе thrее tеlеphonе сalls, and so on' all in thе spaсe
prеviously rеquirеd for two.
Timе сrеation is thus аn aсtivity with a сonsiderablе potеntial for
making it possiЬlе to kееp paсe with an inсrеasingly rapidly
сhanging world. That is, thе paсе of сhangе is aссеlеrating and
wе must еithеr find ways of kееping up with it or fall Ьеhind. But
bеfoте we еxamine thеsе time-сrеation tесhniquеs in morе dеtail,
lеt us сonsidеr somе of thе other aspeсts of how our attitudе to
timе and our usе of it affесt thе naturе and quality оf our
сommuniсation with other peoplе.
Good times and bad times
.Wе
arе all awarе that thеrе are сertain timеs whеn wе feel good
and сan сommuniсate with grеater еasе and enthusiasm and
othеr times whеn all wе wish to do is isolate oursеlves and avoid
all сontaсt with othеr pеople. Suсh fееlings arе often influеnсed
by the natural timе тhрhms of thе body. Thеse circаdiаn
rhуthms affeсt еvеrything wе do..!Иhеn they beсomе disruptеd -
as' say, in thе phenomеnon of jet lag - theУ can сausе us not only
to fееl undеr thе Wеathеr but also to makе mistakes and unsound
dесisions and to bеhavе irrationally. That is why travеllеrs who
arе сollесting a hirе сar whеn they fly aсross thе Atlantiс, for
еxamplе, аrе advisеd to stay overnight at an airport hotеl and
сollесi thе сar after agood night's slееp when thеir Ьody has had
some сhanсe to adapt to a diffеrеnt timе zonе.
Sоme peoplе find that thеy habitually opеratе Ьeffеr at onе timе
of' daу than anothеr. Somе arc at thеir bеst first thing in thе
morning. Othеrs arе ЬеttеI latеr in thе day or еven at night. It
dоеs not sееm to mattеr too muсh whiсh category you find
yoursеlf in, as long as thе .larks' сan do thеir most important
.owls' сan organizе their livеs so
work еarly in thе day and the
that the rеvеrse happеns.
Part of this diffеrеnсе, howevеr, is an illusion. Studiеs of aЬility
in сarrying out tasks at diffеrеnt timеs of thе day suggest that
mid-mоrning is bеst, with thе ear|у patt of thе afternoon
shоwing anothеr pеak (though rathеr lоrмеr than thе morning,s)
and еvеЪings Ьеing thе worst timе. Nеvеrthelеss, if pеoplе fеel
thеy arе working morе produсtivеly in thе evеnings, that may Ч9
a bеttсr finding for thеm than whatеvеr rеsеarсh suggеsts should
Ье appropriatе. Pеrhaps it is thе rеlativе aЬsеnсе of distraсtions
in tБе еvЪning and at night whiсh makеs somе peoplе prеfer
thеm.
ll.hythm, in thе form of timing, is also vеry important in humour.
OЬsеrvations of сomеdians сan bе intеrеsting for revеaling the
importanсе of timing. You should watсh somе on tеlеvision and
r.roiе how thеy wаit for the laughtеr and applausе to diе down,
Ьut not out, Ьеfore сontinuing with anothеr gag. Thosе who arе
poor tellers of jokes oftеn arе so not bесausе thе jokes фy t"tt
аrе not funny, but Ьeсausе thеir paсing of thе joke and thеir
timing of thе punсhline arе at fault.
Silenсes and pauses
'Гhе duration of silеnсеs and pausеs сan havе сommuniсative
valuе. Short hеsitations, if assoсiated with many spеесh еrrors'
сan indiсatе that a spеakеr is nеrvous or is tеlling liеs. A long
Pausе сan Ье an indiсation that a spеakеr has driеd up. It сan
also, in сonversation, show thoughtfulness and an unwillingnеss
rushed for a response.
t<l Ье
l)ausеs when pеople arе spеaking on telеvision tеnd to Ье shоrtеr
than in any othеr mеdium. This may bе a сonsеquеnсе of thе
сditorial srylе whiсh frеquently diсtatеs that itеms in programmes
should bе shоrt so that sеvеral subiесts сan bе сovered in a singlе
programmе. It is only in сhat shows, whеn onе intеrviеwer may
tallсto only two or thrее peoplе in the сoursе оf an hour or so,
that thе paitern of silenсes and pausеs rеturns to normal. In poliсе
аnd ottrеr intеrrogatiоns, silеnсе is oftеn intеrprеtеd as an
irdmission of guilt, еspесially if it persists. In othеr сontеxts, it
rnay Ье intеrpretеd as shynеss, as a wilful rеfusal to speak or as
ignoranсе of thе answеr to a quеstion.
In publiс speaking, pausеs сan bе usеd to grеat еffесt to wring
eithеr laughtеr or applausе from an audiеnсе. In somе Ways, thе
еffесtivе publiс spеakеr uses thе samе kind of timing teсhniquеs
as thе suссеssful сomedian, waiting for applausе or laughtеr to
almost diе out beforе сontinuing. Spеakеrs at сonfеrеnсеs will
oftеn indiсatе that thеy еxpесt applause by pausing. This is
partiсularly notiсеablе at a stage-managеd politiсal сonfеrеnсе.
It is signifiсant, howеvеr, that it is often only high-status
mеmbеrs of thе pаrty who сan makе thе tесhniquе work almost
unfailingly.
If you сan, tapе yoursеlf giving a spеесh or even simply engaging
in сonvеrsatiоn with somеonе elsе. In this way, you сan sее how
you usе silеnсеs and pausеs, how long thеy typiсally arе and
whеthеr thеy oссur in appropriatе plaсеs. You may еvеn bе ablе
to idеntify ways in whiсh you сan imprоvе your use of silеnсеs
аnd pauses whеn сommuniсating with othеrs.
Dovetailing in discussions
A good dеal of rеsеarсh has bееn сarriеd orrt by kinеsiсists (sеe
Chaptеr 4) into how wе synсhronizе оur intеraсtion with others.
From a dеtailеd frame-Ьу.framе analysis of films of pеoplе
talking to еaсh othеr, rеsеarсhеrs havе disсovеrеd that wе usе all
of thе aspесts of Ьody languagе wе havе disсussеd so far to paсе,
сontrol and rеgulatе our faсе-to-faсе еnсountеrs with othеrs. In
partiсular, Wе usе еyе сontaсt' hеad nods, Ьody movеmеnts and
gеsturеs in a far from random fashion. Indееd, synсhronizing
with othеrs produсes a rhythmiс paffеrn whiсh somе Ьеlievе is
neсеssary for suссеssful сommцniсation to take plaсe at all.
William Condon Was onе Amеriсan rеsеarсhеr who spеnt many
thousands of hours in thе analysis of films. Hе disсovеrеd not
only that pеoplе movе rhythmiсally whеn thеy arе spеaking Ьut
also that thе listеnеr movеs in timе with this rhythm. Еvеn whеn
a listеnеr appеals to Ье sitting pеrfесtly still, his еye-Ьlinks or thе
way he puffs on his pipе synсhronizе with thе words hе is
listеning to. Мuсh of this rhу'thm is not immеdiatеly oЬvious to
a сasual obsеrvеr, Ьut Ьесomеs apparеnt only whеn a film of a
сonvеrsation is analyzеd framе by framе.
Adam Kеndon, in a study of the pattеrn of еyе сontaсt Ьеtwееn
two people who wеrе сonvеrsing in order to get to know eaсh
other, found that thеrе is a pattеrn of еyе сontaсt both at thе
bеginning and thе еnd of long spеесhеs. As onе pеrson finishеs
what hе is saying, hе looks stеadily at thе other, who immеdiatеly
looks away and Ьеgins saying what hе wants to say. Kеndon
found that if this did nоt happen, therе was often a pausе before
thе othеr pеrson Ьegan to spеak. It is thrоugh rhythms as subtlе
as thеsе that thе wholе proсеss of intеrpеrsonal сommuniсation
is rеgulatеd. If it brеaks down, as in соmmuniсаtion with сеrtain
kinds of mеntal patient' сonversation сan Ьесomе impossiblе.
Kеndon also found that, whеn somеone begins to talk, a listеnеr
will show inсrеasеd synсhrony of Ьоdy movеments' pеrhaps
еvеn еxaсtly есhoing thе movеmеnts of thе spеakеr, showing
that hе is paying сlosе attеntion. Thеn hе may settle Ьaс! and
show vеry littlе movеmеnt at all until hе sееs that thе spеakеr is
сoming to thс еnd of what hе is saying, whеnhe will again bеgin
to movе quitе сonspiсuоusly. This timе, his movеmеnts will
adopt thе othеr's rhythm Ьut will not matсh thеm. By moving in
this way, hе is signalling thаt hе nоw wishеs to spеak.
It is interesting onсe again to watсh pеoplе talking on vidеo, with
thе sound turnеd down, to sее if you сan dеtесt any o{ thеsе vеry
sцЬtlе movеmеnts whiсh help pеoplе to synсhronize what thеy
arе saying with what othеr pеoplе arе saying. Thе bettеr you сan
time and synсhronizе your сontributions to сonversations and
disсussions, the morе suссеssfully yоu will Ье ablе tо соmmuni-
сatе both non-vеrbally and vеrbally.
Getting a word in edgeways
If you wish to brеak into a сonvеrsatiоп, it hеlps if' уoa arc a
.W.е
pеrson of high status. unсonsсiously dеfеr to thosе wе
pеrсеive as highеr in the soсial or arganizational hierarсhy than
<lursеlvеs. Howevеr, еvеn thе humblest of us will stand an
inсrеasеd сhanсе of Ьеing listеned tо if wе usе some Ьеhaviours
rathеr than othеrs.
Мiсhaеl Argylе suggеsts thеre are various signals чrhiсh wе сan
usе to aсhievе this. If wе want to say somеthing' wе сan, of
сourse' simply intеrrupt. But thеrе arе subtlеr mеthods. Spеaking
a littlе loudеr than thе gеnеral lеvel of сonvеrsation wiШ oftеn
sесurе attеntion for long еnough tо еnaЬlе you to begin making
your point. Normal politеnеss u,ill thеn еnablе you to lочrеr thе
volumе and bе allowеd to finish it. It is important not to raisе thе
volumе Ьy muсh, howеver, beсausе this may be sееn by others as
bеing as rudе as intеrrupting.
Мaking triplе hеad nods, еspесially if aссompanied by vеrbal sфals
likе .yеs', .Ьut' or .wеll', сan work. Normally, in listепing, hеad nods,
as rме havе sееn in Chaptеr 3, arе single or doublе. Thе triplе hеad
nod is thus intеrprеtеd by othеrs as sфaШng something othеr than
attеntion. It shows tlrеm, in faсt, tlrat rме want to spеak oursеlvеs.
To prеvеnt someonе intеrrupting you, you сan raisе your voiсе.
This aсts as a dеtеrrеnt' but again may bе sееn by others as
rudеnеss if thе inсreasе in volume is еxсеssivе. You сan indiсatе
the samе thing a little morе subtly Ьy kееping a hand in mid-
gеsturе at thе еnds оf sеntеnсеs.
To show that you arе willing to lеt somеonе еlsе takе ovеr thе
spеaking rolе in a сonversation' or gеt a word in edgеways
thеmsеlvеs, you havе sеvеral сhoiсеs. You сan simply сomе to
the end of a sentenсе and pausе. You сan finish Ьy trailing off or
saying .you know'. You сan drawl thе final syllaЬle. You сan еnd
on a prolongеd rising or falling pitсh. You сan сomе to thе еnd
of a hаnd movеmеnt whiсh is aссompanying thе spеесh. Or you
сan simply look stеadily at thе othеr pеrson, as thе rеsеarсh Ьy
Kеndon indiсatеd.
If, on the othеr hand, you are offеrеd an opportunity to spеak,
Ьut wish to dесlinе it for the momеnt, you сan simply nod. You
сan grunt or makе .uh-huh' noises. You сan request furthеr
сlarifiсation of the point or you сan simply rеstate what has bеen
said, whiсh will еnсouragе othеrs to proсееd and dеvelop furthеr.
By using signals likе thеsе it is pоssiblе not only tо inсreasе your
еffeсtivеnеss in сonvеrsations and disсussions with others Ьut
also to feеl that you are gеtting morе pеrsonal satisfaсtion out of
thеm. Synсhronization is satisfying, if you likе.
How to use time effeсtively
It will Ье usеful for you to dеvеlop your skill in non-vеrbal
сommuniсation by using 12 tесhniquёs,.drawn from сhronеmiсs,
whiсh will hеlp you both to usе time better whеn сommuniсating
and to use it Ьеttеr in a whole rangе of еveryday aсtivitiеs. Thе
tесhniquеs сan Ье Ьriеfly dеsсriЬеd as follows:
I Increаsed floш rates. An aсtivity (say, rеading) is timed and
thеn on suЬsеquеnt oссasions is spееdеd up slightly until a
point is rеaсhеd whеrе it сannot сomfortably bе spееdеd up
furthеr. Timеs (and henсe spееds) on equivalеnt aсtivities arе
rесorded in a notebook.
Deаdliпes. An aсtivity has to bе сompletеd in progressively
shorter timеs until furthеr improvеmеnt сannot bе madе.
Rеsults are again reсordеd.
Fleхible performаnсе strаtegies. A systematiс approaсh to an
aсtivity is dеvisеd and usеd. The sеlf-шaining proglalnmе
outlined Ьelow is an еxamplе of a flехiЬlе pеrformanсе strategy.
Апticipаtory sсаnпing. Bеforе a task, of a stage of a task, is
сomplеtеd, you think or look ahеad to the nеxt and plan how to
taсklе it. This сan bе sееn in many publiс сontaс oссupations,
suсh as aiтlinе сheсk-in proсеdurеs, whеrе a skillеd operator
glanсes рriodiсally down thе linе to Ье rеady for nеrvous or
awkward сustomеrs Ьеforе thеy aсtrrally rеaсh thе сorrntеr.
Seleсtiuе perсеption of cues. This mеans Ьеing able to
idеntify thosе сues, оr kеy fеaturеs of a situation, whiсh arе
morе important than othеIs.
6 Aсcurаte feedbаck. This is oЬtainеd from thе reсord-kееping
rеfеrrеd to еarliеr and hеlps you to avoid rеpеtition of еrrors.
7 Adеquаte iпсubаtion periods. Somе timе has to bе sеt asidе
to allow what is lеarnеd from using thеsе tесhniquеs to mull
ovеr in thе mind. .Whеn
8 Alloшаnсe for irnаginаtiue аnd intuitiue rеspot|ses.
you .just know, thе best and quiсkest way to do something.
9 Criticа| inсideпts аnd learniпg periods. Еssentially, this
mеans doing things when you arе in thе most produсtive
framе of mind.
10 Tirпing and sуnсhronizаtioп. Doing things at the most
propitious moments and moving smoothly from onе aсtiviry
to another.
.rеsеrvе
l1 Slippаge and doшn time.Haviпg a kind of bank' of
aсtivitiеs for sparе odd momеnts or for when unеxpесtеd
dеlays oссur.
T2 Critiсаl апаlуsis of performаnсe, Yo:u havе to study your
rесords, analуze and evaluatе, and sее whеrе further
improvеmеnts сan bе made.
A self-training programmе or flеxiblе pеrformanсе stratеgy
would typiсally takе this form:
о Selесt an aсtivity. Timе it and assеss thе quality of thе
performanсе.
. on suЬsеquеnt oссasions' usе rмhiсhеvеr of. the 72 tесhniquеs
are appropriate (you don't havе to usе thеm all еvеry timе -
be flеxiblе)to aсhiеvе improvеd pеrformanсе.
. Reсord in a notebook all rеsults, assеssmеnts and other rеaсtions.
о Aftеr, say' two wееks, еvaluate the progrеss madе.
о Deсidе whеthеr it is worth your whilе to seеk furthеr progress
or whеthеr to turn to anothеr aсtivity to progrеss in.
Using thеse teсhniquеs should rеsult in gfeatеr еffiсiеnсy and
еffeсtivеnеss and thе сrеation of morе timе for yoursеlf. Timе
сrеation is, yоu will find, оne of thе most liberating of еxpеrienсеs.
Еxerоises and experiments
1 Punсtuality is the po|iteness of prinсes
Тo find out how the people you mix with feel about punсtua|ity, ask them
what time they would aсtua|ly arrive for the fo||owing appointments:
а A doсtor's appointment at 9.45 am
b A dinner date with friends for 7.00 pm
c A party timed to begin at 8.00 pm
d A meeting with your boss at 2.30 pm
e An air|ine flight sсhedu|ed to depart at 11.00 am
f Meeting a friend for a drink in a pub at 7.30 pm
g An ear|y morning radio interview to be broadсast live at 7.00 am
h A blind date outside a cinema at 7.'t5 pm
i A blind date in a pub at 7.'15 pm
j An interview for a job you would really like to get, timed for 9.30 am.
2 How do you spend your time?
Тake a sheet of A4 paper and divide it into reсtang|es so that you have
a spaсe for eaсh half-hour of the working day from Monday to Friday.
For two sample weeks, reсord in eaсh spaсe the main aсtivity you
have been engaged in. What proportion of your working day is spent
in faсe-to-faсe сommuniоаtion with others? An examp|e of a typica|
day's record is given in Figure 9.'1 .
10 11 12
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3 How long is a telephone call?
over the next week, time every telephone сal| you make or reсeive and
|og them in your notebook. lf you have a watсh or сa|сulator with a
timer or stopwatсh faсility' this shouId be easy; if you have not, try to
time сalls to the nearest minute as aсcurately as you сan. What is the
average length of сal| you make? What is the average length of сa||
others make to you? Whiоh are longer, on average? Try shortening
сal|s s|ightly' without in any way appearing rude to others, lf you сan
aсhieve it, what are the benefits (in addition to lower te|ephone bil|s)?
You should find that сalls can often be shortened appreсiab|y without
adverse|y affeсting the qua|ity of the сommuniсation vuhiсh takes
plaсe. You should a|so find that this is another illustration of the benefit
of timing an aсtivity. lt makes you aware of what is really happening
and сan produсe some surprising resu|ts.
4 Cutting in
When talking with friends, try using the teсhniques for cutting into
сonversations out|ined in this chapter' What are the results? Do you
find yourself being aссorded a greater share of talking time? Do you
find the experienсe rewarding? Have you been able to identify any
other teсhniques for gaining aссess to сonversations and disсussions?
5 Working together
Observe other people talking, either around you or on television, and
|ook for examp|es of failure to synсhronize' Еxamp|es wou|d be both
peop|e talking at onсe for paft of the time, |ong unсomfortable
pаuses' someone not being able to get a word in edgeways.
6 Plan аhead
When you are reading, working through an in-tray, dealing with a
queue of people, or serving in a bar, try looking ahead briefly to the
next task or part of a task. Do you find it helpful in preparing for what
is to оome?

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ligure 9.1 a sample time-p|anning exerсise

 Thе statistics 36-24-З6 will Ьe familiar to many pеoplе,
еspeсially thosе sеxist afiсionados of thе Miss World сontеst.
The figurеs 55-38-07 will Ье lеss well reсognizеd, but thеy are
pеrhaps of еvеn grеatеr daily signifiсanсе. Thеy rеfеr to the
proportiоns of thе impaсt of a mеssagе in a faсе-to-faсе
еnсounter whiсh arе aссounted for by faсial еxprеssions, non-
vеrbal aspесts of spеесh, and spеесh itsеlf. In othеr words, only
7Yo of thе impaсt is vеrbal, thе rеmaining 9З% is non-vеrbal.
Thе vеrЬаl еlеment is muсh less signifiсant than is сommonly
supposеd.
In this сhaptеr, wе shall bе сonсеrnеd rдrith tЬe 38Y" whiсh is
attributablе to non-vеrЬal aspесts of speeсh and with how that
rеlatеs to thе 7Y" verЬa| сomponеnt. It is an area of study to
whiсh thе tеrm pаrаlinguistiсs has Ьeеn appliеd.
Thе non-vеrbal aspесts of spеесh inсlude many elemеnts. In
dесiding how to intеrprеt these aspeсts, we takе aссount of
volumе, tonе, pitсh, voiсe quality (for examplе, whеther it is
П
s) s)
nasal, brеathy or fеsonant), ratе of spеaking, aссеnt and strеss.

5 a. o
Wе arе also affесtеd' as wе shall sее latеr in this сhaptеr, Ьy thе
сг naturr and numbеr of spеесh errors.
э We infеr many things from thе voiсe (ignoring words spokеn for

GT o. thе momеnt). !Ие makе judgеmеnts about agе,

nеss, soсial сlass and еduсational Ьaсkground.
.Wе
sex' attraсtivе-
also usе vосal

a
сharaсtеristiсs in judging oссupatiоns, in dесiding whеthеr wе

C
g) T
bеlievе or trust somеone, and in hеlping to makе our minds up
about whеthеr wе likе somеonе or not. Мost of us will, for
instanсе, at somе time or other havе met an arttactive strangеr

g) and bееn quite drawn towards them, only to bе totally rеpulsed

o
т' as soon as thеy opened their mouths and wе hеard thеir voсal

GT
o GT
сharaсtеristiсs.
э !n this chapter you will leam:
Еxerсise: trust me

oC
х . about the nonverbal aspects
Using a tape reсorder, reсord yourself trying to сonvinоe either a
of speech
friend or an imaginary stranger that you are to be trusted. You
о what We say оan be con.
might pretend you are trying to persuade someone that something
siderably affected by our use,
g)
you have to sell is worth buying, that they should support you as a
э deliberate or unсonscious, of
сandidate in a |oсa| government eIeсtion, or that you are ta|king a
pauses' .ers,, .ums', сhanges
potentia| suiсide down from а |edge. lf you сan enIist the
in tone, pitсh' paсe and
GT partiсipation of another person in this exerоise, so muсh the better.

o
асcent, to name but a few of
the features that are more How do you set the vo|ume of your speaking' the tone, pitсh, voice
important thаn many people qua|ity' the rate at whiсh you speak, your aссent, and how do you
suppose.
 p|aсe stress on the Words you use? How does your use of the various
non-verbal aspeсts of speeсh integrate with the verba| aspeсts or the
words themselvЬ? How suссessful do you think you have been?
|f someone else is working on the exerсise with you, you will be
ab|e to obtain this kind of feedbaсk from them, |f you are working
alone, you will have to rely on your own best judgement when you
p|ay the tape baсk. By this stage in working through this book, if
you have been doing the chapter exerсises сonsсientious|y, this
should not be too diffiсu|t. You should by now be notiсing some
improvements in your sensitivity in using body language.
Exerсise review
|fyou have had reasonab|e suссess in сonduсting the exerсise you
shou|d have notiоed some of the following points:
1 In order to inspire trust, volume should be neither too high nor too
|ow. Тrust is a relationship in whiсh two people have an щua| status.
|t is a two-way proсess. It is very diffiсUlt to trust someone un|ess you
feel that they also trust you. Loudness gives an impression of a wish
to dominate, whiсh wi|l mi]itate against the сreation of a relationship
of mutual trust. A voice whiоh is too soft gives an impression of
diffidenсe or submissiveness, again hindering the establishment of a
re|ationship in whiсh both are щual.
2 Your tone of voiсe has to be neither too harsh nor too smooth.
Harshness grates upon the listener and wi|l tend to repe| them. Тoo
muсh smoothness сan make them think they are having the wool
pul|ed over their eyes and will make them suspiсious, the very
antithesis of trusting. You will also need to sound reasonably
сonfident. lt is diffiсult to trust someone who does not sound as if
they trust themselves.
3 You need to avoid shrillness in pitсh. A voiсe pitсhed fair|y low so
that it has a soothing quality - but not too soothing - will be more
likely to be trusted.
4 Voiсe qua|ity whiсh sounds nasal or breathless is not like|y to instil
the kind of сonfidence whiсh wil| lead to trust.
5 A high speed of speaking will tend to prevent the grov'rth of trust.
Fast ta|kers are often perоeived as being just that.
6 In the United Kingdom, people tend to rate those with ,standard'
aоcents as more trustworthy and p|ausible than those who have
regional aссents. Research has shown, for instanсe, that teaсhers
with what are normally rщarded as midd|e-сlass acсents are rated
by their students as being better at their subjeсts, more сompetent
and more to be re|ied upon than those with .working-сlass' acсents.
7 You may have notiсed that p|aсing a |ittle stress on positive words
and phrases rather than on negative ones helps. However, too
muсh use of stress wil| have the same effeсt as too muсh volume
аnd wiIl сommuniсate an impression of dominanсe, or at least a
wish to dominate.
Supporting what is said
Body languagе in gеnеral сan Ье usеd to support and givе
еmphasis to what is said. Thе non-verЬal aspeсs of spеесh,
howеvеr, havе a partiсularly important rolе in this rеgard.
Еmphasis сan bе givеn to important words and phrasеs' as rмl
havе just seеn, by inсrеasing thе volume and by plaсing strеss on
thеm. Еmphasis сan Ье aсhieved by repеtition оf thе words with a
similar Ьut slightly strongеr rеpеtition of thе voсal сharaсtеristiсs
usеd. If the ratе of speeсh is suddеnly raisеd or lowеred, this too
сan have an еmphasizing еffесt. Thе important point to rеmеmbеr
with all tесhniquеs to aсhiеvе emphasis in сommuniсation is that
thе morе oftеn thеy arе usеd thе lеss еffесt thеy havе. To
еmphasizе you havе to Ье sеlесtivе. Imagine a pieсe of writing in
whiсh еvеry sеntеnсе had an еxсlamation mark at thе еnd of it.
Too muсh еmphasis lеads to no еmphasis at all.
Non-vеrbal aspесts of spеесh сan Ьe used to support the еmotion
bеing expressеd. Sadnеss is usually сЬaracterized by low volumе,
solеmn tonе' a dееpеr voiсе quality than normal, а slow spееd of
speaking and a rеlativеly uniform strеss upon thе words.
Happinеss and еlation, on thе othеr hand, arе сharaсtеrizedЬу
highеr volumе, sharpеr tonе' a brеathless voiсе quality, a high
spееd of spеaking аnd more notiсeable strеss on kеy words and
phrasеs.
Punсtuation in spеесh is indiсatеd Ьy somе of thеsе еlements as
wеll as by suсh things as hеad nods, gеsturеs and brеaking eyе
сontaсt. Pitсh usually falls at the еnds of sеntеnсеs, еxсept with
qrrеstions' whеrе it risеs. Thеrе arе usually pausеs bеtwееn
sеntеnсеs. Pausеs сan also оссur Ьeforе and aftеr partiсular
words and phrases whiсh a spеakеr wishеs to еmphasizе.
Anyone who is not too surё whеrе to plaсе full stops whеn
writing сan hеlp thеmsеlvеs to somе ехtеnt by reading aloud
what they havе writtеn to sее whеrе thе markеd drops or rises in
pitсh, fоllowed by short pausеs' oссur. Thеsе will normally bе
whеrе thе еnds of sеntеnсеs arr.
Speeсh errors
Мost pеople find it еxtrеmеly diffiсult, even whеn rеading from a
preparеd text, to read without spеесh еrrors. As we shall sее in
Chaptеr 13, an inсrеased еrror ratе сan be an indiсation of tеlling
liеs or trying to dесеivе in some othеr way. Thеsе еrгors сan takё
t!е fo1m of simplе mispronunсiations of words, suсh as saying
.dissidеnсe' instеad
of .diffidеnсе'. Stuttering or stammеring
whiсh is not a normal part of a persоn's way of spеaking will Ьё
interpгetеd as nеrvousnеss or dесeption. Using .um,, .еr, and .ah'
or similаr noisеs enaЬlеs thе spеakеr to pausе for thought without
falling silеnt and thus appеaring to havе driеd up. Often,
howevеr, it is bешеr to tfain yoursеlf not to make suсh noises as
silеnсеs afе more oftеn interpretеd as drying up by spеakers than
they arе by listеnеrs. Еrrors may also takе thе form of сorrесtеd
sentеnсеs' unfinishеd sеntеnсеs' сoughs, omissions and othеr
variations from thе norm.
contradiсting what is sаid
Еrrors in spеесh and othеr aspесts of body languagе tеnd to
produсе situations in whiсh what is said сonfliсts with what the
body is doing. A person may be spеaking pleasantly to anothеr
but thеir body languagе and еspeсially tonе of voiсe may bе
frosty. A pеrson might tеll his friеnds that he is not attraсtеd by
an attraсtivе woman and yet Ье unaЬlе to rеsist frеquеnt lоng
looks in hеr dirесtion. You might say to someonr thit you arе
very intеrеsted in what thеy are saying and yеt bе unaЬlе to
maintain еye сontaсt and may frequеntly look away at othеr
pеople. You may say to somеonе .I'll murdеr you' or .I hatе you'
and yеt may be smiling as you say it. In all suсh сasеs, it is thе
body languagе whiсh will bе Ьеliеvеd.
This makеs it еvеn morе important that you should Ьe ablе to
еxaminе yorrr own usе of body languagе сritiсally. You arе
сlearly sеrving no usеful pulposе if your Ьоdy languagе is сontra-
diсting your words at еvеry turn. The situation is immеasurably
worsе if you arе unawarе of it.
PoIitiсal body language
One of the advantages of living in a dеmoсraсy is that politiсians
ate frееly rеportеd by thе news mеdia. Thеir frеquent
appearanсеs on telеvision arc of' most intеrrst to thе studеnt of
Ьody language, sinсе it is hеrе that thеy сan bе most сonvеniently
studiеd. Likе football matсhеs, politiсians arе bеst rмatсhed on
TV. The usе of сlose-ups, thе aЬility to usе videotapе rесordings
to watсh а piесе of bеhaviour ovеr and ovеr again, and a
геasonaЬly сlosе-tб-naturе сolour systеm all help tо providе an
аbundanсе of information.
When sitting, politiсiаns tеnd to adopt forward lean. This
indiсatеs a dеsirе to сoopеratе with the listenеr in disсussion.
Thеy often usе morе еyе сontасt whеn thеy arе speaking than is
normal _ not only to makе thеm appеar dominant Ьut also to
givе them a Ьеttеr сhanсе of сontrolling or rеgulating thе
intеraсtion bеtwееn thеmsеlves and thеir intеrviewers. Thеy also
try to have thе last word in intеrviеws bесause they rеalizе not
only thе vеrЬal еffесt of aсhieving this Ьut also thе non-vеrЬal
.Wе
сffесt. tеnd to beliеvе that thе last word on a subjeсt should
Ье allowеd to the person of highеst status prеsеnt.
l0Йhеn thеy are standing, politiсians usе gеsturеs so exaggеratеd
as to put thе ham Viсtorian aсtof to shamе. Dеmagogues will
saw thе air wildly as thеy rant and ravе. Thеy will thump thе
taЬlе, point aссusingly, raise thеir arms in appеals to thе
Almighry and pausе dramatiсally after a partiсularly feliсitous
phrasе for applausе. Еvеn quitе mild politiсians sееm to сhangе
pеrsonaliry onсе they arе on thе rostrum. It is likе thе pеdestrian,
kind and сonsidеratе, who bесomеs the road hog onсе hе or shе
gеts Ьehind thе whееl of a сat.
Рolitiсians takе grеat pains to сonсеal thеir attеmpts to dесеive
pеoplе. Thеy havе to dесеive pеoplе, not beсause they arе
ftrndamеntally lеss honеst than thе rеst of us, but Ьeсausе thеy
havе to prеsеnt poliсies suffiсiеntly diffеrent from thosе of йеir
Opponеnts to сommаnd our support. They know that, onсе in
offiсe, thеy will not bе able to сarry out thosе poliсiеs without
modifiсations whiсh makе thеir poliсies similar to those of thеir
opponents. In othеr words, in govеrning thе modеrn state, thе
options availaЬlе to governmеnts arе limitеd. Hеnсе, the
politiсian who сlaims to bе going to dо things differently has a
сrеdibility lap tо ovеrсomе. It is a gap whiсh fеw сross
suссеssfully. Thosе who do makе sure that thеy сontrol thе
lower parts of thеir bodies, whiсh is rvherе thе tеll-talе signals
will bе given. It is not for nothing that thе publiс speaking
politiсian frеquently hidеs bеhind a leсtеrn stand or, whеn
sеatеd, usеs a table drape tо сonсеal thе givеaway areas.
Politiсians sееk to bе trustеd. They will maintain еУе сontaсt
with a frank lоok. They will havе a fi'm, *u,- handsЁake. They
will nod frеquеntly rмhen listening' as if anxious to know thе
finеst detail of your problem. Thеy will plaсе a protесtivе arm
around your shouldеr _ and you will Ье outsidе thе door Ьеforе
you rеalize its purposе was to stееr you out to makе way for thе
nеxt suppliсant. AЬovе all, they will smilе.
Thе major politiсal partiеs train their prinсipal spokеsmеn and
lмomen in how to dеal with thе mеdia and how to prеsеnt a
favourablе imagе Ьoth of themsеlvеs and of thе party. This
imagе is еstaЬlished and maintained almost entirеly non-
vеrbally. Aftеr all, thе words of thе poliсiеs and thе spеесhеs
еxist alrеady and if thеy wеre inadеquatе no amount of image
manipulation in thе world woцld help. Politiсians havе Ьееn
known to сhange thеir сlothing' to сhаngе thеir hair stylеs, to
softеn thе tonе of thеir voiсеs and to altеr thеir posturе and
gеsturе pattеfn in thе quеst for a Ьешеr imagе.
In thе UK thеrе are еvеn diffеrеnсes Ьеtwееn thе partiеs. Thе
rypiсal Conservativе malе wеars a dark suit, shirt аnd tiе, has a
smalt haifstyle and polishеd shoes. His skin is smooth and hе has
the air of Ьеing vrеll fed. Нis aссеnt is
middlе.сlass and thе tonе
сonfidеnt and assured. His gеsturеs are
rеstrainеd and his posturе
еithеr upright or сasually asymmеtriсal.
The Consеrvativе fеmalе
wеll groomеd. Hеr voiсе,
is similarly сonvеntionally dressеd and
manner and Ьеhaviour matсh thе malе's pеrfeсtly. Thе LaЬour
male, on thе othеr hand, has lеss of an intеrеst in appеaranсе. His
voiсе may сontain any onе of a myriad of aссеnts from uppеr
сrust to working сlass. Posturе is morе hunсhеd and gеstures
madе with less thought fоr their еffесt. Thеy tеnd to stand сlosеr
than thеir Conservativе сorrntеrparts and thеy usе thе hеad сoсk
of intеrеst more. Thе Labour fеmalе is morе likеly than a is an inane, pointlеss сaсkle. Friendly, сonvivial laughtеr should
Consеrvativе to Wear сasual сlothеs. Her hairstylе may not Ье
quitе as smooth, but morе natural. Gеsturеs will bе morе likе thе
man' as whosе еqual shе rightly rеgards hеrsеlf, and shе makеs a
grеat deal of usе of thе head nod and the hеad сoсk.
Thе body language of minority groups and of dеmonstrators at
suсh еvеnts as pеaсe marсhеs rеpays сarеfrrl oЬsеrvation. At thе
othеr еnd of thе politiсal aсtivity rangе is thе body language of thе
statesman. This is сharaсtеrizеd by low pефhеrаl movеmеnt,
rеstraint in uppеr body gеsturеs, upright posturеs' rеstrained hеad
movеmеnts' slight smilеs in publiс and a measured, еvеn paсе of
spеесh. oЬservе tеlеvision rеports of mееtings Ьetwееn heads of
statеs and of the Unitеd Nations and you will sеe how oftеn this
apparеnt stеIеofypе oссrrrs. Thе body languagе of intеrnational
stаtеsmen is bесoming as stаndard as thе sеrviсes and faсilitiеs in
intеrnational hotеls. In faсt, politiсal body languаge all ovеr thе
world is assuming a samеnеss _ whiсh is disсouтaфg rather than
hopefrrl. onе of thе prоblems of homogеnеф is that it tеnds to lеad
pеоple to assrrmе that thеy are all using thе samе mеaning of a word
or gеstlrre' whеn this may not be thе сasе. At lеast if diffеrеnсеs
Ьепvееn pеоple arе prеsеrvеd, somе сare is takеn not to assumе that
an aсtion mеans one thing whеn it might mean something еlsе.
Laugh and the world laughs with you
Doubt has oссasionally been exprеssеd as to whеthеr a laugh is a
piесe of non-vеrЬal bеhaviour or whеthеr it is сlosе enough to
Ьеing a word (as othеr еxсlamations oftеn arе) to be сonsidеrеd to
.!Ие
Ье vеrbal. shall rеgard it for our purposes hеrе as non-vеrbal.
Laughtеr usually follows on from, of may aссompаny, smilеs
and grins. It сan be graded from thе quiеtеst сhuсkle or slight
gigglе to thе most rauсous of bеlly laughs. Laughtеr is also
.Whеn
infесtious. one pеrson in a сompany starts laughing, it is
vеry diffiсult for thе othеrs to avoid following suit. And why
should thеy? For laughtеr lifts the spirits.
Sinсе wе arе сonсerned hеrе with tnding ways of improving our
usе of Ьody languagе it is Worth сonsidеring thе laugh as an aid
to this еnd. You should, whеrе you rеasonably сan, enсouragе
laughtеr. If you have the faсility to makе peoplе laugh, usе it; if
you havе not' at least enсouragе thosе rмho have. As long as
thеre is an еmphasis on laughing with, rathеr than at, thе results
should bе еntirеly positive and benеfiсial. All you havе to avoid
not bе too diffiсult to find.
Exerсises and experiments
1 Еr, ah, um
Se|eсt one or two pub|iс speakers, leоturers or speakers on teIevision'
Reсord the number and types of speech errors they make. Which is
the one that eaсh is most prone to make? You shouId usual|y find that
near|y every speaker has a favourite speeсh error. .Еr' is by far the
most common.
2 Partу politiсal broadсast
Watсh severa| party politiсal broadсasts on television and see if you
сan identify the favourite faсial expression, body movement, posture,
and so on of eaсh politician. Compile a |ist of typical non-verba|
behaviours assoсiated with eaсh paф. Compare and сontrast them.
Whiсh parties are most simi|hr to eaсh other in styles? Whiсh are the
furthest аpart? |s it possib|e to tel| what a person's politiсal opinions
are likely to be from their body language?

3 Keep still
Using a tape reсorder and standing in front of a mirror, reсord a short
ta|k on a subjeсt you know we||. Try to make the talk without any body
language at all. ls it possible? lf it is, is it easy? You may very wellfind
this exerсise virtual|y impossible to сarry out.

4 There's a сal! for you

observe peop|e te|ephoning. How с|ose is their body language to
what it would be if they were сonversing faсe to face? Which kinds of
body language сan be сommuniсated by te|ephone and whiсh
сannot? Are any non-verba| behaviours more exaggerated when
te|ephoning than in faсe-to.faоe enсounters? Do any never oосur?

o
o
Э
+
o
Ф {
Х
Ф
 Body languagе' as you should bе aware Ьy now, is сomplex
еnough whеn you are deаling with pеoplе frоm your own
сulture, but whеn you еnсorrntеr thosе from other сulturеs it
bесomes fraught with diffiсulties. Things сan so vеry еasily go
unintеntionally wrong that wе shall.find it useful to сonsidеr
somе of thе prinсipal diffiсultiеs аnd somе of thе ways in whiсh
thеy сan bе avoidеd.
Еdward Hall tеlls оf instanсеs in whiсh inappropriatе non-vеrЬal
Ьеhaviour, сouplеd with general сultural iniеns1tivity, сan сausе
poor сommuniсation and сan еvеn сausе сommuniсation to
brеak down altogеther. One example dеsсriЬеs somе nеgotiations
bеtwееn Amеriсan and Grеek offiсials, whiсh had reaсhеd
stalеmate. Latеr еxamination rеvealеd that thе Amеriсan habit of
bеing outspoken and forthright was rеgardеd by the Greeks as
indiсating a laсk of finеssе, whiсh made them rеluсtant to
nеgotiatе. Further, the Amеriсans rмantеd to limit the lеngth' of
mееtings and to reaсh agrееmеnt, on gеnеral prinсiples first,

q) leaving thе dеtails to bе sorted out Ьy sub-соmmittееs. This the

Grееks saw as a dеviсе to pull thе wool ovеr their еyes, sinсе thе

ooo
сг Grееk praсtiсе is to work out dеtails in front of all сonсernеd and
€ to сontinuе mееtings for as long as neсеssary.
-
a.
Another еxamplе сonсеrns thе usе of time. An Amеriсan attaсh6
nеrv to a Latin сountry tried to affange'amееting with thе minister
who was his oppоsitе number. All kinds of сuеs сame baсk that
-Пч< Е
o. э :
thе timе was not yеt ripе for suсh a mееting. Thе Amеriсan
pеrsistеd and was еventually rеluсtanф granted an appointmеnt.

o. s)
W,hеn hе arrivеd, hе was askеd to wait in an outer offiсe. Thе timе
of thе appointmеnt сamе and wеnt. Aftеr 1'5 minutеs' he askеd thе
ministеr's sесrеtary to makе surе thе ministеr knеrм hе was
waiting. Time passеd. Twеnty minutes, 25 minutеs, 30 minutеs,
;+
Цr э
45 minutes. At this point, hе jumped up and told thе sесretary hе
had Ьееn .сooling his hееls' foг long еnough and that hе was
J .damned
siсk and tirеd, of this kind of trеatmеnt. His stay in thе

o GI
с сountry Was not a happy onе. Hе had forgotten that a 4S-minutе
waiting timе in that сountry was no greater than a fivе minute
waiting timе in Amеriсa.
q) ln this chapter you will learn:
Еffесtivе сross-сultural сommuniсation is so important in thе
.
GI
about сuItural differenсes in modеrn world that brеakdowns like thеsе nееd to Ье studiеd for

o
the use of body language
. some of the more unusual,
unexpeсted and significаnt
differences.
thе lеssons they саn tеaсh us. They also makе it inсrеasingly
impоrtant that peoplе whо livе and work in сountriеs othеr than
thеir orлrn should be givеn training in thе loсal Ьody languages as
wеll as thе loсal spokеn language.
 Exerсise: BIack and White body language
Seleсt five B|ack men and five BIack women to observe. Also
seIeсt five White men and five White Women. lf you сannot find this
number, сonduct the obseruation With as many as you сan find. lf
you live in an area whiсh is not multiraсial, se|eсt your subjeсts for
observation from television programmes.
Reсord in your notebook, or on tape, с|othing styles, inсluding
сolours, forma|ity of сlothing' patterns, and so on. Reсord as much
detail as you сan about eye contact patterns, faсiaI expressions,
gestures, proximity and bodi|y сontaсt.
When you have сolIeсted as muсh information as you reasonab|y
оan, ana|yze it. What seem to be the main differenсes between
Blaсks and Whites in the use of body language? What are the
similarities? What differenсes are there between the sexes?
Еxercise review
lt is quite possib|e that you will have оolIeоted a riсh amount of data
whiсh wi|| repay сareful analysis and tel| you many things about how
different raсes and different сu|tures interaсt. Some of the things you
may have notiсed are:
1 Whites typiсalIy spend about half the time in eye сontact and half
the time looking away; Blacks tend not to look at the other person
when listening.
2 The faсia| expressions of B|aсk peop|e are |ess restrained than
those of Whites.
3 B|aоk people use more pa|ms-upward hand movements than
Whites.
4A limp stanсe and lowered head indiоate submissiveness when
used by White peop|e; when used by Blaсks this indiсates that the
individual has switсhed otf and is not attending to the speaker.
5 White people do not touсh eaсh other exсept in greetings; Blaсks
do more touсhing, espeсiaI|y of arms and shou|ders during
сonversation.
6 B|aсk people сhoose more vivid colours and stronger patterns for
their с|othing than Whites'
Gultura! differenсes
Thеrе is still a great dеal оf resеarсh nееdеd into thе preсisе
naturе of thе differenсes in thе ways various pеoplеs arоund thе
world use Ьody language. So far, most of the rеsearсh attеntion
sееms to havе foсusеd on the Amеriсans, thе Japanеsе, thе AraЬs
and, to a lеssеr еxtеnt' сеrtain сountriеs of Еurope. Nevеrthеless,
somе intеresting findings havе bееn madе.
In rеsеarсh into thе usе of eye сontaсt' for instanсе, it has bееn
obsеrved that Grеeks look at еaсh othеr morе in publiс plaсеs,
Ьoth at those thеy arе сonvеrsing with and at othеr pеoplе. In
faсt, thеy fееl quitе upsеt if other pеoplе do not show an еqual
сuriosity in thеm and fееl they are being ignorеd. on thе othеr
hand, Swеdеs havе Ьeеn found to look at еaсh othеr lеss often
than othеr Еuropеans, but thеy look for longеr. Arabs afe very
dеpеndent on eye сontaсt whеrr сonvеrsing. Thеy look at еaсh
othеr whеn listеning and rдrhеn talking. They find it very diffiсult
to intеraсt suссеssfully rvith somеone who is wearing dark
glassеs and whosе eyes сannot thеrеforе bе sееn. Thе Japanеse
look at оther pеоple very littlе and tеnd to foсus thеir еyеs on thе
t>thеr person's nесk whеn сonvеrsing.
Ameriсans and thе British tеnd to Ье relativеly rеstrainеd in their
faсial еxprеssions. Italians, howеvеr, tеnd to Ье muсh morе
volatilе. Thе Japanеsе kееp a vеry straight faсе in publiс and use
а faint smilе in private. Thеy makе morе usе of smilеs in
grееtings and Ьusiness and formal mееtings than Еuropeans.
As far as gеstures arе сonсеrnеd, probably Arabs and Indians
havе thе riсhеst voсabulariеs. Thе Japanеsе havе formal gestures
for suсh aсtions as summoning othеrs to thеm. Thеy еxtend thе
аrm palm downwards and fluttеr thе fingеrs. To suggest that
somеonе is a liar thеy liсk a forеfingеr and strokе аn еyebrow. A
numЬеr of Еurоpean gestures havе already bееn disсussеd in
Сhapter 4.
Onе сontrast in posturе сan be seen when сomparing the haЬit
<lf Arabs in squatting сross-lеggеd with the Japanesе Ьorм.
Bowing oссurs in grееtings and farеwеlls, and pеrsons of lower
status Ьow lоwеr than thоsе of high status. Gеrmаns often tend
to havе a morе upright posturе than pеoplе from Latin сountriеs.
Italians stand сloser to othеr peoplе whеn сonvеrsing; Germans
stand further aparti Arabs stand сlosеr and аt a morе dirесt
anglе. It is not unсommon at intеrnational сonfеrеnсes to see
Amеriсans and Еuropеans rеtrеating bеfore Arab advanсеs as
еaсh tries to gеt to thе prеferrеd distanсe from othеr pеoplе. In
Japan, position is oftеn as important as proximity and you will
sее traditional familiеs walking in publiс with thе fathеr in front,
thеn thе wife, and thе сhildren at thе baсk.
Latins usе touсhing bеhaviour morе than othеr raсes, thouф
Arabs touсh a great dеal and men will frequenф hold hands,
somеthing whiсh сausеs amusemеnt to Еuropеans. AraЬ females
are not touсhеd at all in publiс. Japanеsе touф eaсh othеr very.
liшlе in puЬliс, tЬouф thеy havе a tradition of Ьathing togеthеr
without thеrе nесessarily Ьеing a sехuаl сonnotation,to thе aсtivity.
In appеaranсе' somе raсes havе quitе striсt rulеs. AraЬ womеn
must bе so wеll сovеrеd by сlothеs that only thеir eyеs arе
showing. Еvеn AraЬ -е'' -ill gеnеrally bе wеll сovеrеd Ьy
сlothing. In Japan, uniforms abound. Sсhoolсhildren and studеnts
havе a uniform of white shirt and blaсk jaсkеt and trousеrs (or
skirt, in thе сase of girls). Lift-girls in big departmеnt stores wеar
uniforms and rмhitе glovеs. !7'hitе glovеs are also worn by
сhauffеurs and private hirе taxidrivers.
Amongst various othеr non-verbal bеhaviours whiсh havе Ьeеn
observеd is thе faсt that tonе of voiсе is partiсularly important to
Arabs. Thеy also makе a lot of use of smеll and evеn brеathe on
eaсh othеr whеn сonvеrsing, an aсtivity whiсh Еuropeans find
disturЬing. Еmotiоns сan bе reсognizеd from tonе of voiсе
aсross сulturеs. That is, еvеn if peoplе do not undеrstand thе
languagе, thеy сan tеll the еmotional statе of the speaker.
Non-verbal universals
Negotiating styles
Gеrard Nierenberg and Hеnry Calеro havе madе an еxtensivе
study of body languagе in nеgotiations' having rесordеd 2500
nеgotiations for analysis. Thеy notе thе importanсe of proximity
whеn trying to negotiate a salе. Pеoplе will tеnd to Ьuy mоrе
from somеonе сlosе to thеm than from someonе who remains at
a distanсе; hеnсе, many salеsmen caffУ litеraturе and visual aids
with thеm so that thеy сan apprоaсh сlosе to the prospeсtive
Ьuyer. If the buyer reaсts Ьy folding his arms or with somе othеr
dеfеnsivе gеsture' thе salеsman movеs away until thе Ьuyеr's
Ьеhaviour relaxes and bесomеs lеss dеfеnsivе.
Signalling a willingness to.сoopеratе in a nеgotiating situation
сan Ье aсhiеvеd in a numbеr of ways. Sitting forward on a сhair
сan сommuniсatе Ьoth intеrеst and a dеsirе to agrеe with othеrs.
UnЬuttoning the jaсkеt сan signal an opеning up to othеr people.
It сan also show interest in what somеonе еlsе is saying. Thе
hеad сoсk shоws interеst, as we havе seen' so this сan also bе
usеd to сommuniсatе сoopеrativе intеnt.
Stееpling (sее Figurе 11.1)is сommon in nеgotiations, еspeсially
whеn thе prospесtivе Ьuyеr is сonsidеring what is being offеrеd.
It сan also Ье sееn in othеr situations whеn somеonе wishеs to
signal сonfidеnсe and high status. But it сan, in faсt, show
dеfеnsivenеss and wеakness.

Thеrе arе othеr univеrsally undеrstood еxamples of Ьody

languagе - wе havе akeadу еnсountеred somе in Сhaptet 2, fot
instanсе. Еkman and Friеsеn found that peoplе of 13 differеnt
сulturеs werе aЬle to distinguish aссuratеly Ьеtwееn the non-
vеrbal exprеssions оf jоy, surprise, feat, anget, sadnеss and
disgust. Thеre arе сulturеs all around thе wоrld in whiсh pеople
smilе when thеy arе h,ppy and sсowl whеn thеy are aшgry.
Мiсhaеl Argylе idеntifiеd sеven еlеmеnts whiсh сommonly oссur
in greеtings: .

. сlosе proximity with a dirесt oriеntation

a the eyеbrow flash
a smiling
a еyе сontaсt
a bodily сontaсt' еven in most othеrwisе non-сontaсt сulturеs
a the prеsеnting of thе palm of thе hand, eithеr to shakе or tigure 11.1 steepling
simply to be seеn
а hеad toss or а head nod in the form of а bоw.
Drumming with thе fingеrs and tapping with thе Ieet arc
Ьеhaviours to watсh сlosely in nеgоtiations, as thеy tеnd to show
borеdom or impatiеnсе. Thеsе nеgativе rеaсtions сan prеjudiсе
thе suссеss of negotiations so somе aсtion nееds to be takеn to
remеdy thеm. This may involvе getting thе drummеr or tappеr to
spеak (most pеople do not drum or tap whеn talking).
Doodling may simply show that a pеrson nееds something elsе
to do as well as listеn. Мorе frеquеntly it signals Ьorеdom or аt
the vеry least a waning of intеrеst. Somеthing should Ье donе to
involvе thе dоodlеr in disсussion.
Forward lean, hеad сoсk, smiling' opеn gesturеs and posturеs arе
most appropriate for thosе who wish to sееm willing to
сoopеratе in nеgotiations. If thе bargaining is to Ье hard and
nothing is tо bе given away, thеn doodling, Ьaсkward lean,
frowning and сlоsеd gеsturеs and posturеs should сommuniсatе
unwillingnеss to others.
Business as usual
As rме havе sеen, awareness of thе passage of timе varies aсross
сulturеs..Waiting for appointments сan bе еxpeсtеd not only in
Latin сountries but also in thе Мiddlе Еast, as RoЬеrt fulоran
points out. In the Мiddlе Еast, persons of sеnior rank and status
should Ье rесognizеd first. Arabs likе еxpressivеnеss and
pеriodiс displays of еmotion. Group-stylе businеss mееtings
with sеvеrаl things happеning аt onсr arе typiсal. You should sit
as near as possible to thе pеrson you would likе to do Ьusinеss
rдrith and should talk aЬout thе mattеrs whiсh сonсefn you
amongst whatеvеr othеr сonvеrsation is going on.
In thе USA, thе obsеssion with time and sсhеdules mеans that
punсtuality and effiсiеncУ arc important. Сompetitivеnеss is
еnсouragеd. Ameriсans arе gregarious at first mееting and arе
not too intеrеstеd in diffеrеnсеs in status. A brisk. businеsslikе
approaсh is prеferrеd.
Afriсans likе to get to knorм someonе bеfore getting down to
businеss and thе genеral chat at thе Ьеginnings of Ьusinеss
meеtings сan go on for somе timе. Timе is flеxiblе and pеoplе
who appеar tо bе in a hurry arе mistrustеd. Latеness is a normal
part of lifе. Rеspесt is еxpесtеd to bе shоwn to oldеr pеoplе.
In China, pеoplе do not likе to bе singled out as uniquе and prеfеr
to be trеated as part of a tеam. Womеn oftеn oссupy important posts
аnd еxpесt to Ье trеatеd as еquals. Toasts are an important part of
businеss dinners and you should prеparе an аppropriate onе in
irdvanсе. Appointrnеnts should also bе arrangеd in advanсе. Long-
standing rеlationships arе highly valued and are worth taking timе
ю еstablish. Pеrsonal сontaсt is prеfеrrеd to letters and telеphonе
сalls. Sеvеral nеgotiating sessions will normally bе rеquirеd, as thе
(]hinеsе aте anothеr people who do not likе to rush things.
ln using Ьody languagе in partiсular business situations, thеrе
arе pitfalls to be avoidеd. Robеrt Мoran illustlates this Ьy
dramatiс еxamplеs. If you wish to summon a waiter at a businеss
lunсh in.lVеstern сountriеs, a сommon way is to hold a hand up
with thе index finger eхtеndеd. In Asia, howеvеr, this is thе way
you would сall a dog or somе other animal. In Arab сountfiеs'
showing thе solеs of your fеet is an insult and an Arab may also
insult somеonе by holding a hand in front of thе pеrson's faсе.
In thе USA, you сan signal that еvетщhing is all right by forming
а сirсle with thе thumb and indеx fingеr and spreading out thе
rеst of the fingers. But you should rеmеmbеr that in Japan the
samе gеstrrre mеans money and in Braz1|it is an insult.
!Ие often pat сhildrеn on thе hеad as a sign of affесtion, Ьut in
Islamiс сountriеs thе hеad is rеgarded as thе seat of mеntal and
spiritual powеrs. Aссordingly, it should not bе touсhеd.
Wе sсratсh our heads whеn wе are pazz|ed. In Japan, thе samе
irсtion is interpreted as showing angеr. In most parts of thе
world, shaking the hеad means .No', but with Arabs and in parts
<lf Grеесе, Yugoslavia, Bulgaria and Turkey a morе usual way is
t<l toss thе hеad to onе sidе, pеrhaps сliсking the tonguе as wеll.
In Japan, a pеrson may movе his right hand baсkwards and
f<rrwards to сommunicate a rеfusal or disagrееmеnt. On thе
tlthеr hand, agrееmеnt is shown in Afriсa Ьy holding an opеn
palm upright and smaсking it with a сlosеd fist. Arabs will show
agrеemеnt by extеnding сlaspеd hands with thе indeх fingers
pointing towards thе othеr pеrson.
Anyone rмho has to do businеss ovеrseas should do a liшlе
rеsеarсh bеfore 8oin8, to find out what main non-vеrbal pitfalls
nееd to bе avoidеd. It may makе thе differеnсе betweеn gеtting
an ordеr or not. In a higЫy сompеtitivе world, thе businеssman
who fails to apprесiatе thе power of Ьody language in businеss
сontеxts will find himsеlf paying a high priсе.
What to do when you сan't speak the
language
.!Иhеthеr
you afе aЬroad on businеss or on holiday, finding оut
about thе Ьody languаgе of thе peoplе you will be mееting is a
sensiЬlе prесaution. But thеrе arе onе or two othеr things you
сan do to minimizе thе risk of сausing offеnсе and maximizе thе
сhanсеs of having a plеasant and trоuЬlе-frее stay.
You should usе body languagе that has univеrsal, or near-
univеrsal, сurrenсy as muсh as possiЬlе. Smiles, eyeЬrow flashes,
hеad сoсks, prеsеnting thе palm of thе right hand in grееting
should all hеlp to еasе you through thе initial phasеs of
еnсountеrs to the point where you сan use othеr dеsсriptive
gesturеs to indiсate what you want or what you wish tо tеll the
other person.
Gеnеrally speaking, а friendly еxprеssion, an avoidanсе of
aggrеssivе movements and an awafеnеss of the most obvious
body languagе dangers will hеlp to smоoth over awkwardnеss
and еmbarrassmеnt. If this is supportеd by somе attеmpt at lеast
to lеarn kеy words and phrases from thе spokеn languagе, thеrе
will bе fewеr diffiсulties. It is often surprising how dеlightеd
people will bе and how warmly thеy will rеspond if you havе
madе sоmе еffort to сommuniсatе urith thеm on thеir own tеrms.
Thеy will often Ье morе willing to сome forward and meet you
half way. Еvеn thosе who livе in quitе formal сulturеs, like thе
Japanesе, respond vеry favourably whеn apprоpriate Ьody
languagе is matсhed with a few halting rпrords.
2 Getting your own way
Seleсt an everyday negotiation, suсh аs deсiding what the famiIy wi|l
watсh on television, or seeking permission for time off work. on the
first oссasion try to get your own way by using negative, сIosed
gestures and postures. On the next, try positive, open gestures and
postures. Whiсh way is more suссessfu|?
3 Business body language
observe business peop|e ta|king in a pub|iс plасe, suсh as a hotel
lobby or airport lounge. What are their most frequently-used non-
verbal behaviours? Do they differ in any way from members of the
genera| publiс? Consider appearance and physique, timing and
synоhronization and proximity and orientation as well as other
aspeсts of body language.
4 I'm a stranger here myself
With a group of friends who are willing to partiсipate in the exercise,
aсt as if you were a foreigner who does not speak the language. How
do others reaсt to you? What are the most usefu| forms of body
language? Are any situations impossible to deal with?

Exerсises and experiments

I Foreign films
Watоh one or two foreign fi|ms, preferably where you do not
understand the language. ln your notebook, or on tape, reсord
instanоes of body language whiсh are unusua|, together With What
they mean (if in doubt' try to сonsu|t a native of the оountry for an
exp|anation). Look partiсu|ar|y at the use of eye оontaсt, head nods,
gesture, posture, and so on. Listen for tone of voiоe, speeоh errors,
speed of speaking' pitсh and so forth. Тry to watсh films from, say,
Franсe, Germany, Russia, |ndia, and the Far Еast to get a good
сoverage of different сu|tures.
 \0Ие have now сonsidеrеd all of thе main aspесts of Ьody
.Wе
language and how it is usеd in our еnсountеrs with othеrs.
shall turn our attеntion at this pоint to еxaminе a littlе morе
сlosely somе of thе praсtiсal appliсatiоns of this knowledgе for
.!иe
improving our usе of body languagе in speсifiс сontеxts.
bеgin, in this сhaptеr, Ьy еxamining how it сan be used more
еffeсtively whеn we are at Work. The сhapters that follow will
сonsidеr its use in evеryday еnсounters' in pеrsonal attraсtion
and develоping bеttеr relationships with othеrs, and in
сontributing tо pеrsonal growth and sеlf-dеvеlopmеnt.
Thе kinds of oссupations in whiсh body languagе is most
important arе thosе in whiсh thеrе is faсе-to-faсе сommuniсation
with mеmЬеrs of thе puЬliс. In thеsе .puЬliс сontaсt' oссupations
We сan also, for йe sakе of сonveniеnсe, inсludе suсh aсtivitiеs as
nursing, tеlevision intеrviewing, all forms of businеss aсtivity,
and tеaсhing.
of all thе possiblе aspесts of thе usе of body languagе at work
whiсh сould bе сonsidеrеd, wе shall also еxaminе its usе in
ц) mееtings, in indiсating attitudes to workmatеs, in industrial

o
сг
1+ rеlations, in motivating others and in thе building up of work
tеams. But first, as usual, lеt us bеgin with an еxеrсisе.

o. Exerсise: antiсipatory scanning teсhniques

Бчa
We have a|ready enсountered аntiсipatory sсanning in Chapter 9.
Here we will develop our understanding and use of it a little further.
ч

*g
The next time you are in a pub|iс p|aсe where people are being
served or attended to in some way in sequenсe (for examp|e a bar,
сafeteria, air|ine оheсk-in desk or supermarket cheсk.out), study
the people who are working there. Look for examples of
antiсipatory sсanning (|ooking ahead to the next person or persons
to be dealt with while still attending to the person at the head of the
queue).

GT In this chapter you will leam:

Do those who use antiсipatory sсаnning teсhniques seem to be
better at their jobs than those who do not? Reсord in your
notebook or on tape the forms the antiсipatory sсanning takes and
Е
ql
о the role of body language in
oосupations such as the situations in whiсh it most frequent|y oссurs. What of the
. people who do not use it at aII? How does its absenсe affeсt their
nursing
work? What e|se do you notiсe about the use of antiсipatory

GI
о teaching
sсanning in pub|iс сontact situations?

o
о te|evision interviewing
. business
. other forms of сontaсt with
the publiс.
Еxerсise review
You wi|| probably have notiсed that it is those who use аntiсipatory
sсanning teсhniques who are best at their jobs. |n some way, the
snippets of information about peop|e yet to be attended to, whiсh
they obtain from these brief looks ahead, enable them to сhange their
attitude and behaviour to fit the needs of the individual сustomer. ln
bars, it сan enab|e bar statf to serve more than one person at onсe -
they сan be waiting for the money from someone who has just
reсeived a drink' be preparing the drink for the next person, taking an
order from the next person and identifying the person who will be
served after that' At air|ine сheсk-ins, where there is a queue, those
who use antiсipatory sсanning teоhniques wil|, as they are attending
to one person, make periodiс, brief g|anсes down the |ine. Тhey will
be |ooking partiсu|arly for nervous travel|ers who may need a smile of
reassuranсe and for those who are impatient at hаving to queue and
who wi|l need to be treated with additiona| taсt.
What you shou|d now do, if your own job invo|ves pub|iс сontaсt with
a sequenсe of peopIe, is to try to deve|op antiсipatory sоanning
teсhniques for yourse|f. You shou|d find that it not on|y inсreases your
persona| effeсtiveness but also improves your sense of job satisfaсtion.
ocсupational body language
Nursing is an oссupation in whiсh Ьody languagе is important
Ьeсausе thе peoplе nursеs deal with, in addition tо fееling
unwеll, may Ьe apprеhеnsive abоut an operation or about their
сhanсеs of reсovery' or may be worrying aЬout whеthеr
еvеrything is all right at homе, and so on. Thеy will be in
partiсular nееd of сomfort and rеassuranсе.
Еffесtivе body languagе for nursеs will inсludе inсrеasеd usе of
еye сontaсt' smiling and othеr positivе faсial еxprеssions, head
nods when listеning, open gеsturеs, fоrward lеan in posturе'
сlosе proхimity and dirесt oriеntation, inсreasеd usе of Ьodily
сontaсt of a suppоrtivе naturе (hand holding' arm round
shouldеr, light hugging, and the likе), nеatnеss in appеaranсе,
attеntion to synсhronization whеn tаlking to patiеnts, and thе
usе of еnсouraging voсalizations (.mm-hmm', .mmm', oh').
Television intеrviewеrs nееd to usе morе еyе сontaсt than
avеragе bесausе of thеir rolе as listеnеrs rather than talkers.
Faсial еxprеssions should сonсentratе on showing intеrеst and
thеy should makе liberal usе of hеad nods for thе samе rеason.
Thе hеad сoсk will also bе useful. Gеsturеs should be kept to a
minimum as these may distraсt thе intеrviеwее. Posturе may usе
еithеr forward lеan or asymmеtriсal lеaning baсk aссording to
whеthеr thе dominant rеquirеmеnt is to show interеst or to put
a nеrvous intеrviеwее at еasе Ьy making thе setting more
rеlaxing. Proximity should bе diсtatеd by what thе interviеwее
appеars to fееl сomfortaЬlе with, yеt pеoplе arе oftеn forсed
сlosеr togеthеr than normal Ьесausе of сamera requiremеnts. An
indireсt oriеntation is thus preferable, though direсtors seem to
prefеr a 0" oriеntation. Thеre is normally no body сontaсt and
most people who appear on tеlevision sееm to want феir
appеaranсе to bе as smart as possiblе. This is proЬably bесausе
thеir publiс imagе will bе grеatly affeсted Ьy how the viеwing
audiеnсе, whiсh may run into millions' rеaсts to thеm. Attеntiоn
to synсhronization rлlill bе impоrtant and non-vеrbal aspесts of
spеесh will bе usеd to kееp thе talk going for as long as whatevеr
timе has bееn allowеd, whiсh is usually inadequate for thе
propеr disсussion of a topiс.
on thе other hand, intеrviеwеrs who wish to unsеttlе an
intеrviеwеe will deny eyе сontaсt' bе frosty-faсed, givе no hеad
nods, gesturе frеquently еvеn when thе interviеwее is spеaking,
adopt an over-rigid or ovеr-rеlaxеd pоsturе and a dirесt or
turnеd-away oriеntation. Thеy will also interrupt frequently
with a nеw quеstion bеforе thе prеvious onе has bеen answered.
Тhе samе is truе of sоmе joЬ intеrviewеrs.
Businеss people nееd a differеnt kind of body languagе. Еyе
сontaсt nеeds to bе dominant rathеr than submissive. Faсial
eхpressions will tеnd to bе nеutral, though therе will bе smilеs
on greeting and parting. Hеad movemеnts will also tеnd to bе
restrainеd, with hеad nods and hеad сoсking bеing suЬtlеr than
in most othеr сontеxts. A rеason for this is thаt in many
situations businеssmеn and womеn havе to keеp thеir саrds сlosе
to thеir сhеsts. Body language сan so еasily givе things away' so
it is nесessary for thеm to try to сontrol it as muсh as possiblе.
onе of the most important lеssons thе businеss сommuniсator
neеds to lеarn is tо adapt his оr hеr usе of body languagе to that
of thе peoplе with rмhom Ьusinеss is Ьеing done. TИhat was said
in thе last сhaptеr aЬout diffеrеnсes aссording to сulture should
bе of partiсular intеrеst.
Othеr oссupations havе thеir spесial requirеments. Rесеptionists
nееd pleasant facia| ехpressions, plеnty of еyе сontaсt and a
greatet affеntion than usual to appraranсe. Shop assistants nееd
to appеar.smart' Ьut not nесessarily stylish, and they also nееd
to usе smiles, an upright postцrе and' if thеy arе dealing rмith
sеquеnсеs of peoplе, antiсipatoly sсanning tесhniquеs. Salesmеn
nеed to usе plenty of еyе сontaсt' hеad nods and head сoсks
when сustomers are indiсating thеir needs, and сlosе proximity
and Ьodily сontaсt мzhеrе this сan bе aсhiеvеd without
awkwardnеss and еmbarrassmеnt. They also nееd to presеnt a
smart and сonvеntional appеaranсe.
Bеing a pop star is not normally rеgardеd as an oссupation, yеt
pop stars oftеn work a lot hardеr than thе rеst of us. !Иhat looks
likе plеasurе tо us сan frеquеntly Ьe quitе arduous. It's not all
tinsеl and glittеr in show Ьusinеss! Their body languagе сontains
prolongеd еye сontaсt with thе audiеnсе, оftеn done in a
dеlibеrately flirtatious mannеr. Faсial еxprеssions, both on and
off stagе, tеnd to be exaggеratеd. Smilеs arе Ьroadеr and sсowls
more fеarsomе. Head movemеnts also bесome morе obvious and
dramatiс. Appеaranсе is usually unсonvеntional and may еven
Ьe bizarre in thе еxtrеmе' with heightеned makе-up (еvеn on
mеn) and outragеous hairstylеs. Thеsе сhangеs in аppearanсе
thеn filter down into soсiety itsеlf. Lifе imitatеs art.
One oссupation in whiсh mastеry of body languagе is espeсially
important, not lеast Ьесausе of its influеnсe ovеr thе young and
thеir dеvеlopmеnt' is tеасhing. Tеaсhеrs сan use body languagе
to oftеn devastating effесt. On thе Ьasis of the rеsearсh into non-
vеrbal сommuniсation, a profile of еffесtive tеaсhеr non-vеrbal
Ьеhaviour сan bе offеrеd. In gеnеral tеrms, tеaсhеrs shоuld Ье
friеndly, warm and rеwarding. Thеy should bе ablе to makе
сontaсt with all.mеmbеrs of a group of students. Thеy should bе
сonfidеnt, well organizеd and emotionally stablе. Attеntivеnеss
to studеnt rеsponsеs and сontributions is important, as is
avoiding appеaring to ridiсulе or bе sarсastiс, hostilе, angry or
аrfogant. Likе many othеrs, tеaсhеrs nееd to bе awarе of
сultural differеnсеs in thе use of Ьody languagе.
This kind of bеhaviour сan be promоtеd non-vеrbally if tеaсhers
arе awarе of rеstriсtions on bodily сontaсt' if thеy arе gеnеrally
sеnsitivе to studеnts' nоn-vеrbal indiсations of appropriatе
proximity and rеspесt their pеrsonal spaсe. Thеy should use a
relatively upright posture to indiсatе thеir dominant rolе in
сlassroom intеraсtion, but usе forward lеan to show attеntivе-
nеss. Thеy should adjust thеir oriеntation to suit the сompеtitive
or сooperativе naturе of partiсular tasks in сlass. Еxprеssivе
gеstures should bе usеd to support what is said, as well as hеad
nods to rеinforсe, rеward and еnсourage othеIs to speаk.
Smilеs hеlp to provide rеassuranсе and indiсate liking and
approval, as wеll as showing willingness to interaсt. All faсiаl
ехprеssions should help to prеsеnt an apprоpriate sеlf-imagе and
to oЬtain positivе rеsPonsеs from оthеrs. A high lеvеl of еyе
сontaсt will usually bе fitting, though it should bе rеduсеd if
studеnts еxhibit signs of disсomfort. It will mainly bе usеd to
oЬtain and providе fееdЬaсk during сlassroom interaсtion. Strеss,
tonе, pitсh, vоlumе, ratе of spеесh and timing of uttеranсеs will
all be varied to suit the situation. Spеeсh еrrors and hеsitations
should bе rеduсеd as far as pоssiblе and pausеs should be usеd to
rеtain students' attеntion, for еmphasis and to еnсouragе studеnt
сontriЬutions. Appеaranсе сan Ье important in dеtеrmining
whеthеr sfudеnts aссord сrеdibility to what a tеaсhеr says and
thus nееds tо bе takеn into aссount. Formal drеss may not Ье
nесеssary' but an ovеr-сasual style will tеnd to rеduсе student
ratings of aсadеmiс сompetеnсе. Teaсhеrs may arguе that hoчr
thеy dress in no way affесts thеir ability. This may bе truе, but thе
еvidenсе shows that students arе influеnсеd by this faсtor in
forming thеiт opinions about who arе good tеaсhеrs and whо are
not. Tеaсhers who prizе thеir standing with thеir studеnts сannot
affotd to ignorе it.
The effeсtive use of meetings
Body language сan bе usеd in mееtings tо indiсate a wish to
spеak by lеaning forward or Ьy raising an indеx fingеr. When
spеaking, eyе сontaсt with the сhairman саn help to
.kеep thе
.lVhеrе
floor'. this is assurеd, eye сontaсt with othеr mеmbеrs оf
thе mееting in sequenсe will hеlp to rеtain attention and providе
fееdЬaсk on how thе points that are bеing madе arе bеing
rесеivеd. Faсial еxprеssions will indiсatе attitudеs to thе topiс,
but may also be variеd in ordеr to lеnd еxprеssivеnеss to rмhat is
being said. Thе samе may bе said of gеsturеs' though thеrе is
morе sсopе for еxprеssivеnеss whеn standing than rмhen siшing
down. Sеnsitivity to timing and synсhronization will enable
somеonе who wishеs to speаk to сut in just as thе prеvious
spеaker is finishing, чrithout intеrrupting, but just ahеad of
othеrs who may bе trying to gеt in.
It is worth studying mеetings to sее thе individuals who suссееd
most frеquеntly in gеtting the floor and how thеy dо it. If thеy
do not usе high volumе оr intеrruptions, it is usually bесausе
their timing is just fraсtiоnally sharpеr than that of their
сolleaguеs.
Thе оne person who nееds еffесtivе usе of body languagе most
is thе сhairman. Non-vеrЬally, hе or shе сan aсhieve many
things. Hе сan plеvent someone from spеaking if hе vrishеs
simply by dеnying eye сontaсt and looking at othеrs to show it
is thеir tufn to spеak. His faсial еxprеssiоns сan show approval
or disapproval of what is being said and thus hеlp to сontrol thе
dirесtion thе mееting takеs. oftеn' spеakеrs will hеsitatе bеforе
speaking against thе wishеs of somеone who has Ьееn aссordеd
high status by bеing plaсеd in thе сhair. Thе сhairman сan usе
head nods to rnсouragе somеonе to keеp on spеaking or сan
dеny thеm to dеtеr thеm from сontinuing. Hе or shе сan gesturе
to kееp pеoplе quiеt or to get thеm to speak or сan turn away
from thosе who arе saying things hе doеs not agreе with. So
muсh for thе impartiality of thе сhair. In faсt, bесausе of thе
influеnсе of non-vеrbal faсtors the neutral сhair is virtually a
myth. !Иhеthеr thе сhairman Wants to or not, hе or shе is almost
Ьоund to give thеir truе fееlings away, unless unusually skilled in
thе usе of body languagе.
Сarеful usе of body languagе сan' thеn, savе a lot of еffort in
trying to Ье hеard. It is surprising how oftеn a сhairman will turn
to somеonе and aсtually invitе thеm to spеak if thеir faсial
exprеssion, for еxamplе, shows that they disagreе strongly with
what is being said. Bеing invitеd is always Ьetter than gatе-
сrashing.
Attitudes to workmates
By our usе of all the aspесts of Ьody languagе, wе rеvеal to thosе
wе work with our fееlings about, and our attitudеs towards,
them. Dеnial of еyе сontaсt' a frosty faсe, a turnеd-away
orientation, all bеtray a nеgativе aшitude. Frequent smiling and
laughtеr, open gеsturеs, relaxеd posturеs' сlosе proximity and
orientations whiсh dеtеr intrudеrs to thе grorrp' bodily сontaсt
and sharing spеaking time all сharactetize a work group in
whiсh еvеrybody gеts on wеll.
Groups in whiсh thе pattеrn of intеraсtion is like thе sесond
еxample will tend to Ье morе еffесtivе than thosе in whiсh it is
likе thе first. It does nоt always follow, of сoursе, that a happy
group is a produсtivе gloup. It may simply bе a happy group.
But, pеrhaps fortunately, it tеnds to Ье thе сase.
.Wоrk
would Ье
a wrеtсhеd affair indееd if the most effесtivе groups werе thе
most misеraЬlе onеs.
The BL of industrial relations
In the сontеxt of British industrial relations, BL oftеn stood for
British Lеyland and bесamе assoсiatеd in the popular mind with
poor indusшial rеlations and Ьrеakdowns in сommuniсation.
Herе, however, BL simply stands for Ьody languagе. It has a
gteatet bearing upon thе rеlationships berwееn managеmеnt and
workеrs than many pеoplе may be preparеd to admit.
Sinсе good industrial rеlations dеpеnd upon suссеssful negotiations'
fruitful meetings and givе and takе on Ьoth sides, the kind of Ьody
language vrhiсh will bе hеlpftrl will inсlude inсreasеd еyе сontaсt'
Ьесausе this will hеlp pеoplе to likе еaсh othеr bешеr (or at lеast
dislike еaсh othеr a litdе lеss). Friеndly faсial expгessions and smilеs
should hеlp, rhouф hеad nods and head сoсks whеn listеning may
bе lеss likеly to Ье rеgarded as insinсеre. Gеsturеs nееd to Ье rather
limitеd, thouф thеrе is а rolе for lеss inhibition whеn еxpressing
еmotions with whiсh everyЬody prеsеnt сan bе еxpесted to agreе.
Forward lean in posttrrе' with somе asynmеtry to makе tlrе
situation less formal, will hеlp, as will, for thе same reason, rathеr
сlosеr proximiц modified pеrhaps with indiтес oriеntation. Bodily
сontaсt appropriatе to industrial rеlations probably еxtеnds no
furthеr than thе handshakе when agreemеnt has beеn rеaсhеd and,
in greеtings and farеwеlls, the oссаsional slap оn thе baсk and thе
reassuring hand on фе baсk of thе upper arm.
Motivating others
Body languagе to motivatе will inсlude, again, inсrеasеd еye
сontaсt, positive faсial еxprеssiоns, hеad nods and head сoсks
whеn listening to othеrs' problеms or point of view on work-
rеlatеd maffеrs. opеn gеsfurеs, forward posturеs' сloser proхimф,
direсt oriеntatiоn, appropriatе bodily сontaсt and supportivе
voсalizations will all help to сrеatе thе kind of сlimatе in rvhiсh
peoplе are likely to fееl motivatеd. Appеaranсe is probably a minor
maffеr hеrе, but timing and syпсhronization сan bесomе vеry
impоrtant. If pеoplе аrе to fеel motivatеd, thеy must fеel that they
сan сontriЬutе tо disсussiоns and mееtings. If thеy have diffiсulty
in aсhieving this, somеthing has to bе donе to assist them.
Тeam bui|ding
.Warrеn
Lamb took thе view that it is impоssible to sеparatе
posnrrеs and gеstutеs: they mergе tоgether in suсh a way that
you have to сonsidеr both simultanеously. Hе also Ьeliеvеd that 3 Guess who's сoming to work
if pеoplе arе to bе wеldеd togethel into еffесtivе tеams' it hеlps |magine that a new Worker at your own pIaсe of work was as opposite
сonsidеrably if thеir posturе-gеsturе mеrging pattеrns matсh in appearanсe to you and your workmates as possib|e (for instanсe'
еaсh othеr, or arе at least сomplеmеntary.
if you are all middle-aged and White, that he or she is young and
Therе is no doubt that pattеrns of non-verЬal сommuniсation do Blaсk). How would this affeсt the way in whiсh the group or team you
affесt how wеll a number of pеoplе dеvеlop into a tеam, but wе work with operates?
really nееd to сonsidеr thе influеnсе of all аspесts of bоdy
languаge rathеr than just two of thеm.
4 Haway the lads!
Onе of thе most notiсеaЬlе сharaсteristiсs of many еffесtive Study the members of your locаI footbal| team and the way they p|ay.
tеams is that many of the mеmЬеrs look alikе. !Ие tеnd to fееl wе |s the use of body language а faсtor whiсh affeсts how we|| they play?
сan work Ьеttеr, and еvеn gеnеrally intеraсt morе сomfortaЬly, Whiсh players seem to operate best together? ls this pure|y beсause
with pеople who are similar in appеaranсe to oursеlvеs. Thеre is of footballing skill or does body language affeсt the situation?
more thаn a gtain of truth in thе old adagе .Birds of a fеathеr
floсk togеther,. Thеrе will also bе similaritiеs in thе usе of all thе
othеr aspeсts of body languagе.
Somеtimes, thеrе may not bе similarity so muсh as сomplе-
mеntarity - that is, a dominant pеrson and a submissivе pеrson
will oftеn gеt along very wеll togethеr beсausе thеir bоdy
language dovеtails. Dominant peoplе likе to сontrol and rеgulatе
interaсtion, submissive pеople will happily allow this and may
aсtually welсomе it bесausе it rеmovеs йе nесessity for thеm tо
makе aсtivе dесisions whеn thеy would far rather bе passivе.

Еxerсises and experiments

I What's my line?
lf you сan en|ist the partiсipation of a few other people, get them to
take it in turns to portray an oссupation by using body language
a|one. Тhe others hаve to guess what the oссupation is. Whiсh kinds
of job are easiest to portray non.verba|ly? Whiсh аre the eаsiest to
guess? Are both categories made up of the same jobs?

2 The ideal workmate

Make a list of the non-verbal behaviours you would look for in an ideal
workmate. Use the headings eye сontaсt, facial expressions, head
movements, gestures, postures, proximity and orientation, bodily
сontaсt, appearanсe and physique' timing and synchronization, and
non-verbaI aspeсts of speeсh.
 In addition to work, there arе all kinds of other plaсеs in whiсh we
mееt pеople and all kinds of pеoplе that wе meеt. тhеse enсorrntеrs
сan range from thе briеfеst passing and aсknowledgement of
somеone in thе strееt to an еxffеmely formal and prolonged evеning
funсtion at rмhiсh rме havе to bе on bur Ьеst Ьehaviour, сonvеrsing
and aсing aссording to quitе rigid rules, pеrhaps for sеvеral hours.
Сonsidеr thе day of' a fair|у typiсal family. Mothеr gеts up and
thе first pеople she mеets arе hеr husЬand and сhildren. If shе is
a housеwife, shе сould during thе day mееt nеighЬours, friеnds,
thе postman, thе mеtеr rеader for thе gas or еlесtriсity board, thе
pеrson dеlivеring mail orders, shopkееpers' othеr сustomеrs'
othеr mothеrs mееting thеir сhildren from sсhool, the babysittеr,
mеmbers of thе parеnt-teaсhеrs' сommittее, and peoplе in thе
pub aftеr thе mееting. Fathеr mееts his wifе and сhildrеn, and
thеn pоssibly thе nеwsagеnt' thе station tiсket inspесtor, fеllow
passеngеrs' fеllow offiсе workеrs' rеstaurant staff, friеnds in thе
puЬ after work, and peoplе in the pub whеn hе finally сatсhеs up

oo
with his wifе. Thе сhildren meеt thеir parеnts' friеnds, сlass-
matеs' tеaсhers, shopkееpеrs, membеrs of a сhildren's thеatrе
group touring sсhools, and thе babysittеr.

oo
In еaсh of thеsе enсountеrs' our own body languagе and that of
э othеr pеoplе will Ьe сontinuously srr.pporting (or сontradiсting),
rеgulating or сontrolling thе interaсtion whiсh takеs plaсе. It

o ч<
forms a сonstant strеam of aсtivity throughout еvery waking
hour. It is partiсularly important at thе Ьеginnings of enсountеrs,
- and how wе Ьehave thеn сan more of less dеtеrminе the evеntual

a.
outсomе of the еntirе mееting.
с
ql
Exerсise: age and sex

+
э Tape reсord the voiсes of several peop|e of various ages. Reсord

o
males and females in roughly equal proportions. Have them talk
about subjeсts whiсh will not give their age away (for example'
avoid having an older man talking about his war stories). Play the

a
tapes to other people and see if they сan identify the age and sex
of the speakers from voiсe a|one.
-
ln this chapteryou will leam: |f you are unable to enlist the partiсipation of other peopIe' sit with
your baсk to the television and see if you сan guess the age and
о the role of body language in sex of several speakers. Note these down in your notebook. Then
various situations enсountered watch the piсture as wel| as listening to the sound and see if this
in everyday life helps you to deсide how aссurate you Were. If you сan find out
. a systematiс approaсh to from a Who's Who-type referenсe book of television personalities
anallzing other people's body how o|d peop|e aсtually are' so muсh the better.
Ianguage during smаll tаlk.
 Еxercise review
As you might expeсt, it is not too diffiсu|t in most сases to identify a
person's sex from voice a|one. lt is often also quite easy, inсidental|y,
to identify raсe or nationality. You wil| probabIy have found, whiсh-
ever form of the experiment you tried, that сhildren's voiсes can be
spotted without diffiсulty. Very old people often have a voiсe qua|ity
that is relatively easy to distinguish. The real problem comes with
people whose ages are approximately between 30 and 70.
Тhere аre some с|ues whiоh can be used. Volume tends to be higher
with younger people than with older ones. Tone tends to deepen with
age, though it tends to sharpen and sound quite fragile with extreme
age, аnd may deve|op a tremor. Younger voiсes have a more
сonfident, even brash, sound to them in many сases. lf more than
two-thirds of the voiсes were сorreсt|y alloсated to age and sex, this
would.be a good result (allow five years either side for age).
The first five minutes
In thе first fivе minutеs of an еnсounter, partiсularly an еnсountеr
wigh a strangеr' Wе arе heavily dеpendеnt upon Ьody languagе for
information about thе othеr pеrson; what hе or she is like' how
еasy or diffiсult thеy arе going to bе to deal with, whеthеI wе are
going to likе thеm, and so оn. wе depend on body language
Ьесausе thе opеning stagеs of сonvеrsations tend to сentrе around
small talk and gеnеral trivia, likе thе wеathеr, and wе do not bсgin
to gеt detailеd verЬal information until latеr. It is intеrеsting to
notе that wе do not sееm to Ьe prеparеd to dеfеr our judgеmЬnts
.!Иe
until wе havе this information. sееm to neеd to have to sizе
peoplе up quiсkly. Henсе thе dеpеndеnсе on Ьody languagе.
Thеse first imprеssions tеnd to last. The faсt tЬat they arе formеd
vеry quiсkly doеs not sееm to dеtraсt from thеir strength and
pеrmanenсе. Indеed, thеy сan еvеn bе affесtеd by what wе arе told
about somеonе in advanсе of mеeting thеm. If wе arе told that wе
will likе someonе bесausе thеy arе friеndly, we сan bе сonditionеd
by this and rеspond in a friеndly mannеr when wе do meet thеm.
.!Ие .Wе
assеss peoplе on sеvеral сounts whеn rме first mеet thеm.
ratе thеir attraсtivеness, whiсh does not mеrеly mеan rating thеir
sеxual attraсtion to us. For most pеoplе, howеvеr, if thе pеrson
is an affraсtive mеmbеr of the oppositе sex, this will Ьe a faсtor.
.We
will rеturn to pеrsonal attraсtion in tlrе nеxt сhaptеr, bесausе
it does havе a strong influеnсе upon us in our soсiеty and
dеpеnds almost entirеly on body languagе for its еffeсt.
As a part of attraсtion assеssment' we dеtеrminе thе other's sеx.
If this is diffiсult, as it may bе with somе womеn with deep voiсеs,
very small brеasts and a malе body shapе, or with some mеn whо
arе soft-skinnеd and havе fеmalе gеsturеs and posturеs, thе
rеsulting сonfusion сan advегsе|у affect thе сommuniсation
bеfweеn us. Although all mеn and rлromеn arе equal, wе do
rеspоnd diffеrеntly to persons of thе opposite sеx. Thеsе
diffеrеnсes might disappеar as soсiеty bесomes morе sеxually
еgalitarian, but thеy arе still with us and сannot bе ignorеd.
.!Ие
try to assеss a pеrson,s agе. Again, our rеsponsеs to peoplе wе
pеrсеivе as Ьеing oldеr than oursеlvеs чrill diffеr from фosе wе
makе to youngеr peoplе. Thesе rеsponsеs .Wе
will also be affeсted by
our pеrсеptions of the othеr's statЦs. rеspond diffеrеntly if a
youngеr pеrson is of high status or an older pеrson is of low
status. Things may сhangе if wе Ьесomе morе sосially еgalitarian,
Ьut hеre, too' Wе have a lоng way to go.
other aspесts of pеople whiсh wе assеss in the first fеw minutеs
inсludе thеir voiсе quality, thеir raсе or nationality, gеnеral
appеaranсе and physiquе, likely oссupation, where .Wе thеy
livе,
and thеir еduсаtional and сultural Ьaсkground. may.also
assеss their soсial and politiсal attitudеs and opinions from thеir
usе of Ьody language.
opening and сlosing conversations
At thе bеginning of an enсountеr thе kinds of body languagе
whiсh сan bе obsеrvеd inсlude a gteat dеal of еyе сontaсt' as we
arе forming thе first iпrpressions rлrе havе just disсussеd, and
faсial еxpressions whiсh arе morе likely to be positivе, in thе
form of smiles, than nеgativе. If thеy had bееn likеly to Ьe
nеgativе, rме would havе done whatеvеr wе сould to avoid thе
еnсountеr in thе first plaсe.
Therе will probaЬly also havе beеn еyеЬrow flash on first
rесognizing our сompanion, hеad сoсks as rме show intеrеst in
what nеrлrs thеy havе for us, forward lеan, сlose proximity and
dirесt oriеntаtion, handshakеs аnd pеrhaps hugs or holding thе
uppеr arm тrrith thе frее hand while shaking the hand with the
other.
Thеsе behaviours are thеn followеd in thе initial stages of most
.How arе you?'
сonversations with sterеotyped ехсhangеs of the
.I'm finе, how arе you?' variety. Thе сonvеrsation rмill eithеr
Г
shortly movе on to morе substantial matte(s or rмill tend to bе
shortJivеd. Aftеr thе transition point, thе body languagе sеttlеs
dorмn into thе turn-taking in eyе сontaсt dеsсribed in Chapter 1.
Faсial ехprеssions and hеad movеmеnts will сhangе to suit thе
vеrbal сontent of the сonvеrsation. Gesturеs will еmphasizе
points bеing madе, oriеntation may сhangе so that it dоes not
remain сonstantly dirесt and perhaps threatеning. Both
partiсipants will unсonsсiously synсhtonize with еaсh othеr, as
dеsсriЬеd in Chaptеr 9. Thе еnсountеr is wеll undеr way.
Мark Knapp and somе of his сollеagues invеstigatеd what thеy
сall .thе rhеtoriс of goodbyе'. Thеy idеntifiеd a numbеr of itеms
of body language whiсh seеm to aссompany йе еndings of
сonvеrsations. These inсludе breaking eye сontaсt' left positioning
(in whiсh thе pеrson wishing to dеpart is pointing towЪrds his oi
hеr proposed еxit), forward lean, inсreаsеd hеad nods, major
movеmеnts of thе lеgs, and smiling. otlrer bеhaviours whiсh may
be presеnt inсludе swееping hand movеmеnts and, whеn sitting
{ow!r: an unсrossing of the lеgs with a striking оf thе fоot againsi
thе floоr, using thе hands to lеvеr onesеlf out of thе сhair, pеrhaps
prес9ded Ьy strffng thе hands on the arms оf thе сhair as if to say,
.Right,
that's it, then, wе'vе finished what rлrе wantеd to say io
еасh othеr'- indееd, suсh verbalizations may aсtually
thе body languagе. "..o-ф',y
How to spot a liar
Thеrе is an old jokе about how to tеll whеn a politiсian is lying,
whiсh runs as follows. Whеn hе smilеs, hе iJtеlling the trutй.
.WIrеn
hе points an aссusing fingеr, hе is tеlling thе truth. But
whеn he opens his mouth, he is lying. Clеarly, in rеal lifе no suсh
easy and simplе сritеria apply. But thеre arе сеrtain bеhaviours
rмhiсh oссur morе often whеn pеoplе are lying than rмhеn thеy
arе tеlling thе truth.
Lеakagе (non-vеrЬal bеhaviour whiсh an individual fails to
сontrol and whiсh сan givе сluеs as to the rеal truth) most
fтequеntly oссurs' as wе have seen, in thе lowеr half of thе body.
Shuffling thе feеt, twitсhing the toеs, сrossing and unсrossing the
legs, and so on, inсrеasе when wе arе trying to dесеive others.
Attempts at dесеptiоn do also involvе thе uppеr half оf thе Ьody
to some extеnt. Faсial еxpressions may bе сapablе of сontrol,
and an aссomplished liar may Ье able to maintain еyе сontaсt
with his listenеr, but thе movemеnts of thе hаnds arе less еasily
сontrollablе. Onе gesfufе has bееn found tо Ьe сommon
amongst those sеeking to dесеivе. This is thе hand shrug in
whiсh thе hands arе rоtatеd so as to eхposе thе palms. It is usеd
to signal hеlplеssnеss. It is as if deсеivers were trying to еnlist our
sympathy Ьесausе they сould not hеlp thеmsеlvеs.
Touсhing thе sidе of thе nose, touсhing thе еyе, liсking thе lips.
drumming thе fingers and gripping alm rеsts' Whilst not in
thеmsеlves being indiсativе solеly of falsehood, do oссur more
oftеn whеn pеoplе arе attеmpting
.W.e
to dесеivе othеrs. It сomes
down again to сontехt. have to kееp rеminding oursеlves
that thеrе arе vеry few piесеs of body language whiсh havе
mеаning on thеir own rеgardless of сontext.
Albеrt МеЬraЬian, whеn hе invеstigatеd how people bеhavеd
whеn thеy werе сonvеying truthful messages and how they
Ьеhaved whеn thе mеssagеs werе untruthful, disсovеrеd that
those who wеrе lying talkеd less, talkеd morе slowly, and made
morе spеесh еrrors. Their ratе of body movеmеnt also sеemеd to
Ье slowеr.
Blushing, pеrspiration, voiсе trеmors' gulping, shaking and
playing with pеnсils or spесtaсles are othеr fairly obvious
aсtivitiеs to Watсh for in pеople who arе not tеlling thе truth.
Liars arе lеss likеly to еngagе in bodily сontaсt or еvеn to
approaсh сlosеly. Thеir body languagе vеry often сontradiсts
their spokеn words. For instanсe, thеy may say thеy would bе
vеry willing to submit thеmsеlvеs to a full еnquiry аnd yet thеir
faсial еxprеssion may show distastе and their gesturеs and
posture сlоsеd. Body languagе is nеarly always a bеttеr guidе to
thе truth than еvеn the mоst еloquent words.
Small talk
Vaguе, inсonsеquеntial сhаts about anothеr person's gеnеral
(though not spесifiс) hеalth, the wеathеr, thе fortunes of thе
loсаl football, rugЬy or сriсkеt tеam and similar mattеrs may
sееm to somе peoplе to bе hardly Worth spеnding timе on. Yet
thеy сan hаvе an importanсе quite оut оf proportion to their
apparеnt signifiсanсе.
During small talk, rмhеn thе verbal сontent is - to say the lеast -
undеmanding, Wе сan givе most оf our .Wе
сonсentration to othеr
peоplе's body languagе_ and wе do. сan even, if wе wish,
systеmatiсally turn our attеntion to еaсh aspесt of body language
Г
so that we сan lеarn morе abоut the othеr person in lеss time
than it would takе to dо so purеly intuitivеly. Anothеr advantagе
of a systеmatiс аpproaсh is that it еnablеs us to сheсk that wе
havе not missеd an aspесt out.
Nеxt time you meеt somеonе for a сasual сhat about nothing in
partiсular or thе nехt timе you mееt a stranger at a partу, try the
following apprоaсh. Takе еaсh aspесt of Ьody languagе disсussed
in this book in sеquеnсе and сonsidеr hоlм thе other is using it.
First, eyе сontaсt: do thеy usе muсh or little? Do thеy appear to
want morе or lеss еye сontaсt? How dilatеd arе their pupils? Arе
thеy lеft Ьrеakеrs or right brеakеrs? Do thеy kееp looking
around at othеr pеople, or is their full attention givеn to you?
Seсondly, сonsider faсial exprеssions. Arе they positivе or
nеgative? Smilеs and intеrest or sсowls and disgust? Are thеre fеw
or many сhangеs in exprеssion? Are thеrе any miсromomentary
faсial exprеssions you сan spot?
!Иhat about hеad movеmеnts? Do thеy show intеrеst with hеad
сoсks? Do they еnсouragе you to spеak with hеad nods? Do thеy
rеspond to your head nods? Doеs thе rhрhm of thеiт hеad
movemеnts fit the rhythm of thеir spеесh?
Next, arе thеir gеsturеs few or many? Arе thеy еxprеssivе? Are
thеy appropriatе? Arе thеy opеn or сlosеd? Do thеy fold thеir
arms in front of thеmsеlvеs or sеt up othеr barriеrs? If thеy сross
thеir lеgs, whiсh way do thеy сross thеm, towards you or away
from you?
Lоok at thе posturе - is it upright or stooping? Do thеy usе
baсkward or forward lean?
Сonsidеr proximity and oriеntation. Do thеy approaсh сlosеly
or not? If you movе сlosеr, do thеy Ьaсk away or turn to a lеss
direсt oriеntation? !Иhat do you do if thеy movе сloser? Is thеir
oriеntation dirесt or indirесti Is it symmeiriсal or asymmеtriсal?
Horizontal or vеrtiсal?
Now сonsidеr their usе of bodily сontaсt. Do thеy usе any? In
grеetings only? Are thеy touсhers or non.touсhеrs? W-hiсh parts
of the body do thеy touсh most frеquеntly as thеy arе talking?
Arms, hands, shouldеrs, Ьaсks or еlsеwhеre? Doеs.thе touсhing,
whеrе it oссurs, signal grеatеr intimaсy bеtr,r,eеn you or only thе
othеr's wish for grеatеr intimaсy?
Nеxt' assess their appеaranсе and physiquе and how you fеel it
affесts your responsе. Do you find thеm attraсtivе? Aте they
taller than you or shortеr? Doеs this havе any effесt? Are thеy fat
or thin? Doеs this affесt your rеsponsе to thеm?
!Иhat about tЬеiт timing and synсhтontzation? Does thе disсussion
you arе haйng dоvеtail nеaф or do you find yoursеlvеs Ьoй
spеaking at thе samе time? If so, why? Nеrvousness or a failurе to
synсhronize for somе othеr rеason?
Finally, listеn to thе non-verbal aspeсts of thеir spеесh. Do thеy
makе many spеесh еrrors? How fast dо thеy spеak? Do thеy
spеak loudly or softly? Havе thеy a harsh tone of a smooth tonе?
How do thе non-vеrЬal aspeсts of thеir spеесh affесt your
rеsponsе to.thеm?
Thеre arе, of соursе, many othеr questions that сan bе posеd,
Ьut thеsе should providе you with a simplе, yеt systеmatiс
mеthod of еvaluating how othеr pеoplе usе body language in
everyday enсounters. You should thеn Ье aЬlе to improvе your
usе of Ьody language without bесoming too sеlf-сonsсious and
dеliЬеratе. Praсtiсe will, in any сasе' makе things progrеssively
easier аnd more natural.
Exerсises and exper.ments
I Who said that?
Obtain photographs of several people, taken in what for them is a
normaI environment. Тhen get them to tape reсord a сoup|e of
minutes' speeсh about a topiо whiсh will not give the environment
away. See if other peop|e сan matсh the voiсes to the photographs.
How suссessful are they?
2 How many people do you meet a da{?
Make a list of a|| the peop|e you meet in a day. Be сareful not to miss
anyone out. Then с|assify them into friends, family' aсquaintanсes;
strangers and non*persons (people |ike waiters, bus drivers, сanteen
staff, and so on with whom the interaсtion is pure|y funсtiona|). What
is the pattern of your daiIy interaсtions? Are you spending as muсh
time with friends and family as you would like? lf not, is there anything
you сan do about it?
3 What's the first thing you notiсe?
When you meet strangers, what is the first thing about them that you
notice? Does it differ for males and females? For older people and for
younger people? What are the physiсa| сharaсteristiсs.you |ook for (or
respond to) in an attraсtive stranger of the opposite sex?

4 Tellthe truth
Еither watсh a te|evision programme in whiсh peop|e сlaim to be
te||ing the truth, and see how aссurateIy you сan identify the truth
tel|ers- or get a group together to play the game. What deсeption
сues he|p you to eIiminate those least like|y to be truthfu|? Ask those
who seem to be able to piсk out the right person more often than
other people if they know how they do it. You will probably find that
many of them put it down to a hunсh and are totally unaware of how
they have been inf|uenсed by body |anguage.

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э ln this chapter you wIll leаm:
. the part played by body
language in establishing and
maintaining relationships with
the opposite sex
о how nonverbal behaviour can
be used to make an individuаI
appear more attractive with
better self-presentation and
impression management.
Truе thouф it may be that Ьеauty is in the eуe of thе bеholder,
it is still possible to influenсе what thе еyе sеes in the first.plaсе.
Knowlеdgе is alurays power and knoцing morе' as wе now do,
about what pеoplе find aшraсtivе еnablеs us to takе steps to
present thеm with what thеy wish to sее - or at least сome сloser
to it than wе might if wе wеrе in ignoranсе.
But why should we Ьothеr? onе rеason is that thosе who are
pеrсеivеd by othеrs as being.attraсtive arе сreditеd with having
othеr attriЬutеs. Sevеral studiеs havе shown that they arе morr
likеly to Ье rеgardеd as Ьeing talеntеd, warm and responsivе,.!И,hеn
kind, sеnsitive, interesting, poisеd, soсiaЬlе and outgoing.
сompаred with unattraсtivе pеoplе, thеy arе seеn as having a
soсially desirablе personality, as having highеr oссupational
status' as Ьеing morе maritally сompеtеnt, as more intеlligеnt
and as Ьeing happier. Whethеr all attraсtivе peoplе possеss thеsе
qualitiеs or not is сlеarly opеn to doubt. But if they arе pеrсеivеd
as having them, this will tеnd to еnсourage their dеvеlopmеnt
anyway. Truth is not alrмays rеality, Ьut rмhat pеoplе pеrсеivе as
rеality. In othеr words, if thеy think it is true, thеn, for all
pfaсtiсal purposеs' it is truе. As wе said at thе bеginning, beauty
is indееd in thе еyе of the beholdеr.
So what is it that wе arе looking for? !Иho and what do wе find
attfaсtive? Мost of thе studiеs сarriеd out sеem to suggеst that
men look for thosе сharaсtеristiсs in womеn whiсh differеntiate
thеm from mеn: fullеr lips, narrowеr eyebrows, a softer
сomplexion, aЬsenсе of faсial hair, largе firm brеasts, a narrowеr
waist, relatively broad hips and lоng lеgs arе all usually rеgаrdеd
as attraсtivе. Glenn Wilson and David Nias dеsсribе a study
цrhiсh rеvеalеd that, ovеr thе years, Miss World has on avеragе
bееn an Еnglish-spеaking modеl, aged 27,5ft 8ins tall, blondе
with brown еyеs and with vital statistiсs of 35_24_35. Clеarly,
many womеn who do not matсh thеsе stеrеotypеs arе rеgardеd
by mеn as attraсtive - nеvеrthеlеss, studiеs whiсh ask pеoplе tо
rate photographs of attraсtivе womеn find that most
rеspondents will agrеe on who they find thе most attraсtivе. But
avеrages always do, afteг all, сonсеal a rangе of individual
variations.
It is not quite as еasy to identify what it is that womеn find
attraсtivе in mеn. lvlеn imaginе that thеy look for tallnеss, a
musсular сhest and shouldеrs, musсular biсеps and a largе pеnis.
At lеast one study found, howеver, that womеn wеrе morе
intеrestеd in a man's eyes, whеthеr or not hе was slim and
whеthеr he had small and sеxy buttoсks. A numbеr of studiеs
havе found that womеn arе muсh morе interеsted in a man's
pеrsonality, dependaЬility and gеnеral сharaсtеr.
Mark Cook and RoЬеrt МсHеnry quotе a study whiсh suggestеd
that thе idеal faсе for both seхеs is oval in shapе with a сlеar
соmplеxion, large bluе еyеs' a straight nose' a medium-sizеd
mouth, еars whiсh do not protrudе, long еyеlashеs, Ьushy
еyebrows for men and finе еyebrows fоr womеn. No faсe,
howеver, is pеrfeсф symmetriсa! so somе variation from thе
ideal is inеvitablе.
In rеality, pеrsonal attraсtion doеs not dеpеnd simply on
appeatanСe and physique. Еvеry aspeсt of Ьody languagе has a
сontriЬution to makе and wе oftеn ovеrlook a less-than-pеrfесt
faсe or figurе whеn, say, pupil dilation is high with plеnty of еye
сontaсt, faсial еxpressions аnd gesturеs arе еxprеssivе, or wе likе
thе sound of someonе's voiсе.
Exerсise: 1o out of 10
Some readers will remember the film 10, starring Bo Derek and
Dud|ey Moore, based in part on the idea of sсoring the
attraсtiveness of peop|e on a sсale running from one to .|0. The
film was based on a long-standing habit of young Western males
when |ooking for the сompany of young, attraсtive fema|es. This
exerсise seeks to apply the same approaсh to persons of either
sex.
Using the rating sоa|e in Figure 14.1 (make as many сopies of it as
you need), rate severa| strangers over the next week. |f you сan,
enlist the partiсipation of others so that you finish up with a
reasonab|y |аrge number of сomp|eted sсales.
Exerсise review
Two things should еmerge from this еxеrсisе. You should obtain
a сlеarеr idеa of prесisеly whiсh non-verЬal Ьehaviours and
physiсal сharaсtеristiсs appеal to you in othеr people. You
should also find that your ratings tеnd to agree with thosе of
othеrs rмho took part in thе еxpеrimеnt (if you werе fоrtunate
еnough tо find somе friends or сollеaguеs who rмould).
whiсh is morе important, appearanсе or somс othеr aspесt of
Ьody languagе?
Sсorе pеoplе 1 to 10 on еaсh of thе following aspесts of Boy meets girl
appеaranсе and othеr uses of bоdy languagе. Plaсе a X in thе Lеt us visualizе a first еnсountеr Ьеtwееn a young man and a
appropriate Ьox. young Woman in a pub, disсo or night сluЬ and sее what Ьody
7 2 3 4 5 6 8 9 10 languagе they might usе to initiatе intеraсtion and Ьеgin to gеt
Hаir to know eaсh othеr. !Ие shall сall thе young man Pеtе.
Forehеad Pеtе еntеrs and pausеs just insidе the door, looking around. Нis
Shаpе of head thumЬs arе hitсhеd into thе waist of his jеans and his hands arе
Faсe hanging loose. Еven so thеy sееm to .!Иithout
bе pointing tоwards his
Еyеs сrotсh, thоugh not in an oЬvious way. rea|izing it, hе is
Nosе alrеady indiсating to all thе unattaсhеd womеn prеsеnt that hе is
Мouth lоoking for a partnеr. If his stanсе is too ovеrtly sеxual, hе will
Еars bе sееn as rеgarding himsеlf as .God's gift to Womеn'. Pеtе is
Nесk aheadу in dangеr of сoming on too strong and turning thе
Skin womеn off. As his еyеs Ьесomе aссustomеd to the rathеf
Bodv Ьuild suЬduеd lighting, hе spiеs an еmPry иblе and makеs for it. Hе
Shouldеrs sits down, сrossеs one lеg loosеly ovеr thе othеr so that an anklе
Сhеst/brеasts rеsts on a knеe, ordеrs a drink from thе affraсtivе floor waitrеss
Arms and сontinuеs looking around. Не doеsn't rca|ize it yеt, Ьut hе is
Hands alrеady bеing watсhеd himsеlf and еvеry movе hе makеs is
'Waist tеlling thе watсhеr somеthing about him.
Buttoсks At a taЬlе bеsidе thе small arеa sеt asidе for danсing, a group of
AЬdomеn and pеlvis young Womеn is sitting сhatting. Thеy appеar to Ье wrappеd up
Thishs in еaсh othеr's сonvеIsation, but in rea|ttу thеy arе Ьarеly
Knееs listеning to еaсh othеr. As thеy talk, glanсеs dart towards thе
Сalvеs boys around thе room. They arе piсking out thе onеs thеy will
Fееt rеspond to if askеd to danсe. One of thеm, Susiе, a pett)
Shаpе of lеss fashionaЬly.drеssеd 18.yеar-old with short, dark hair, is already
Lеnsth of lеss intеrеstеd in Pеtе and kееps glanсing in his dirесtion. Pеtе
Еyе сontaсt сatсhеs onе of thеsе glanсеs and сontinuеs looking at hеr aftеr
shе has lookеd away Hе likеs what hе sееs, Ьut what should hе
Faсial еxprеssion
do?
Неаd movеmеnts
Gеsturеs Onсе hе is awarе that Susiе kееps looking at him, hе сontrives to
Posturе аnd stаnсе rеturn thе lоok with inсrеasing frequеnсy. Thе momеnt сomеs
Proximitv and oriеntation whеn thеir еyеs arе almost loсkеd togеthеr. He wants to look
Bodilv сontaсt away' as doеs Susiе, and if thе mutual gazе сontinuеs too long
Timine and svnсhron ization without a development onе of thеm will havе to Ьrеak gaze and
Non-vеrbal asDесts of soеесh loоk away. This will сause the one who dоеs so somе
TOTALS: еmЬarrassmеnt and may thеrеforе sеt in train a nеgative
rеaсtion' whiсh will makе subsеquent сommцniсation morе
(For a 0 rating simply lеave Ьlank) Мaх = 330 diffiсult. Bеforе that сan happеn, hе smiles. A slight, Warm'
friеndly smilе. Susiе smilеs baсk. Hе nods barеly pеrсеptibly
figure 14..| persona| attracti0n assessment sсale towards thе danсе floor. Susiе nods agrееmеnt, Ьlushing slightly
 еvеn though shе doesn't really fееl еmbarrassеd, just a tingling
i: sensation of plеasurablе antiсipation. Hе gеts up' goеs ovеr, asks
hеr to danсе and thеy go on to thе floor. With hardly a word
bеfore suссеss was asiurеd, hе has surmountеd thе biggеst
Ьarriеr in human сommuniсation, the invitation to intеraсt in thе
initial еnсоuntеr. But hе is not yet homе and dry Ьy any mеans
and therе arе numеrous pitfalls still to avoid.
Bесausе thе lights arе lоw and the musiс is on thе loud sidе, Pеtе
and Susiе will not havе muсh opportunity to talk. If his initial
attraсtion to hеr (and hеrs toward him) is maintained onсе thеy
arе сlose enough to find out if thе othеr is tallеr or shortеr thаn
dеsired, or fattеr or thinnеr, or has undеsirablе Ьrеath or Ьody
odоur, or is as physiсally attraсtive as seеmed to be the сasе at
somе distanсе, or has an unaссеptablе aссent or voiсе quality,
thеn thеy will both bе sizing еaсh othеr up on a numbеr of
сharaсtеristiсs.
Thеy will assеss еaсh оthеr (as wе saw in Chaptеr 13) without
knowing it, on whеthеr thе othеr givсs thе amount and kind of
еyе сontaсt dеsirеd (if hе now kееps glanсing too oЬviously at
othеr womеn it will tеnd to put susiе off), on faсial ехprеssion
(if hе doеsn,t smilе again shе may intеrprеt it as loss of intеrеst),
body posturе and oriеntation (if he keeps danсing with his baсk
to hеr, shе will go and sit down with hеr friends), gеsturеs (if shе
kееps stroking hеr hair, hе may sее hет as vain), and а host of
othеr non-vеrЬal Ьеhaviours. If thеy go on liking what thеy sее,
thе momеnt will сomе whеn Susiе will abandon hеr friеnds and
sit with Pеtе betwеen danсing pеriods. He will be oYеr the sесond
hurdlе. Thеir rеlationship will havе progrеssеd a stage.
How will Petе know that Susiе likеs him and is not.lVhat
just passing
the timе until something bеttеr walks in thе door? signals
will shе givе? Nothing саn bе сomplеtеly сеrtain bесausе, as we
now knоw, non-verЬal сommuniсation is more depеndеnt on
сontехt than vеrbal сommuniсation.
If hе looks into hеr еyеs, hе may notiсe that thе pupils arе
dilatеd. If his general assеssmеnt of hеr indiсates that shе is
nеithеr drugged nor drunk, hе rnay intеrprеt this as a sign of
intеrеst.
Shе might not aсtually blush, Ьut hеr faсial сolouring may be
heiфtenеd. This сan bе a favourable sign, as сan pеrspiration,
howevеr slight (as long as it's not simply thе result of danсing оr
bесausе thе plaсе is ovеr-warm). Although she might not strokе
hеr hair vainly all the time, oссasional grooming gеsturеs and
сlothеs-straightеning (еspесially pulling down a swеatеr slightly
Т so that it еmphasizеs thе brеasts) сan be signals of intеrеst and
* еvеn rеadiness for seхual aсtivity.
,i
.Wе
сan now leavе Pеtе and Susiе to еnjoy thеmsеlves and еaсh
othеr, sесurе in the knowledgе that, еvеn though thеy have not
yеt had thе oppоrtunity to talk to еaсh othеr in dеtail (thе musiс
is still too loud for this), thеir Ьodiеs havе alrеafly spоkеn
volumes.
Take your partners
Thе еxamplе of Pete and Susiе illustratеs somе of the gеnеral
prinсiplеs of using body language to find attraсtivе matеs and
еvеn to estaЬlish rеlationships of a lеss permanеnt naturе. In
many Wаys' thеsе arе similar to thosе whiсh arе important in
еstablishing {riendships gеnеrally.
Еyе сontaсt befween lovеrs and friеnds has an еvеn grеatеr
importanсе than it has, as wе saw' at work and in еvеryday
еnсountеrs. As grеatеr looking oftеn lеads to grеatrr liking, thе
duration of mutual gazе will bе еxtendеd.
Faсial еxprеssions will tеnd to bе positivе, if оnly bесausе one is
in thе prеsеnсе of pеoplе onе feеls сlosе to. But it is also truе that,
.What of this, nеgativе еxprеssions will Ьe morе rеadily
simply Ьесausе
tolеratеd. arе friеnds and lovеrs fior, after all, if you сannot
simply rеlax and shorм thеm how you arе rеally fееling?
Similarly, it is not nесеssary to attеnd to hеad movemеnts'
gеstures and posturе. Proximity and oriеntation, however, do
nееd morе attеntion. Сlosе friеnds and lovеrs will suspесt
somеthing is amiss if greater proximity is not pеrmittеd.
Somеthing similar will apply if thе oriеntation is not rеasonably
dirесt. Bodily сontaсt will also be more frеquеnt and, in thе саsе
of lovеrs, if this is not frеquent аnd extеnsivе, it will bе infеrrеd
that all is not as wеll as it should bе.
Appеaranсе may not seеm to mattеr muсh, but it doеs. If you
pеrsist in drеssing totally diffеrеntly, having a diffеrеnt hairstylе
or making-up (or not making-up) in an odd waУ,atthе vеry lеast
this will provokе lеg-pulling сommеnts and at thе worst it цrill
lead to your еxсlusion from thе group.
Timing and synсhronization may tеnd to look aftеr thеmselvеs,
Ьut thе non-vеrbal aspесts of spеесh will Ьe important. If your
aссеnt does not fit in, or your voiсe is.too loud and your friеnds
arе quiet, or your tonе is harsh and your friends arе gеntlе
pеoplе, you сould wеll havе proЬlеms.
Carеful attеntion to the kеy areas of Ьody language Ьefwеen
lovers and friеnds will not bе misplaсеd. You may find that somе
study of thе body languagе of thosе сlosеst to you will providе
insights into thе kеy areas in thе spесifiс сontеxt in whiсh you
find yourself.
Getting on with people
Empаthу is the tеrm oftеn usеd to dеsсribе thе aЬility to be ablе
to view a situation oг problеm from someоnе еlsе's point of
viеw. Suссеssful еmpathy, of the kind nесessary in сounsеlling,
dеpеnds on a morе than usually sеnsitivе rеsponsе to thе Ьody
languagе of othеrs and on using it morе еffесtively oneself.
Еssеntially, empathy is a questiоn of adjusting to What othеr
parties to the intеraсtion feеl is appropriatе.
If thеy Want morе еyе сontaсt' grеater proximity, dirесt
oriеntation or bodily сontaсt' you сan provide it. TИith faсial
еxpression or gesturеs' bесausе thе othеr might make no oЬvious
indiсatiоn as to prеfеrеnсе' you will nееd to usе all your
sensitivity in dесiding what is appropriatе. You сan lеt thеm givе
thе lеad in timing and synсhгonization, appеaranсe and non-
verbal aspeсts of speесh.
As far as hеad nods arе сonсеrned, thе initiative liеs with you.
Sinсе thеir rolе is to draur out' to rеinforсе and to rrassurе' a
libеral usе of head nods (single and doublе of normal sizе - not
еxaggеrated) will help to еnсoufage the vеrЬal flow neсessary for
еffесtive сounselling. As сounsеlling and advising are еveryday
skills as wеll as profеssional skills, thеsе approaсhes have a far
reaсhing signifiсаnсе.
Star quality
Stars possess сharisma. That is what makеs thеm stars and
makеs tlrem stand out from the сrowd. But how do сharismatiс
pеrsonalitiеs use bоdy languagе? Is their usе of it what makes
them stars? [f it is, сan thе rеst of us learn how to bесomе stars?
Сertainly, Ьody languagе must bе an important faсtor. Our
evеryday experienсе tells us that thеrе arе many good singеrs, good
aсtors' good danсers, and good сomedians, Ьut only a fеw ofthеm
! bесomе stars. Clearly, luсk plays a palt - you havе to Ье in tlrе фht
plaсе at the riфt timе. But Ьody languagе is also сruсial.
Ё
Charisma is diffiсult to dеfine, but it sееms to be a quаlity that
somе peoplе havе whiсh draws othеrs, еyеs to them' whiсh
makes peoplе defеr to thеm and whiсh сausеs thеm to bе raisеd
on to a pеdestal in the popular mind. It is most сommon in
lеadеrs (whеthеr politiсal or othеrwisе), еntеrtainеrs and sports
personalitiеs. But it is prеsent to some dеgree in many of the
pеople you mеet in the сoursе of. an avetagе day. Thе old man in
thе pub who is a .bit оf a сharaсtеr' has сharisma. So doеs thе
сaptain of thе sсhool soссеr tеam whom thе girls havе a сrush
оn. So does thе guard on thе train who сhats to hеr passеngеrs
ovеI the publiс address systеm and at thе еnd of thе journеy
сommеnds them to the safе-kеeping of thе Almighty.
As far as thеir usе of body language is сonсеrnеd, сharismatiс
individuals will bе dominant rathеr than suЬmissivе. Stars (еven
thе stars of еvеryday lifе) will Ье high ongaze and mutual gaze, ot
еye сontaсt. For somе stars it is thе most important aspесt of body
language. Thеy lovе to look and, еspесially, tо bе lookеd at. Thеy
blossom in thе limelight of others' attеntion. Thеy fееd upon it
and tlшivе upon it. They look around at their audiеnсеs. Thеy usе
antiсipatory sсanning whеn moving through a сrowd of fans.
Stars smilе and grin a great dеal Thеir faсial expressions arе
always fast-сhanging and еxprеssivе. Еither that or, perhaps in
the сase of somе pop singеrs, thеy arе sullеn, with lowеrеd brows
and a sеduсtivе ехpression.
A сommon hеad movеmеnt with stars is to toss thе hеаd Ьaсk-
wards. It oftеn oссurs at pausеs in songs or whеn taking thе
audiеnсе's applausе. If thеy have long hair, it is quitе a dtamatiс
gesturе. In thе сasе of tееnagе idols, it сan on its own provokе
squеals of dеlight from thе fans, as сan many othеr Ьody
movеmеnts. Thе hеad is oftеn tiltеd baсk, as if to allow еvеryone
as сlеar a viеw of it as pоssiblе.
Gesturеs arе important to a star. Thеy must bе open and thе
hands arе frеquеntly palm up with thе arms stretсhing out as if
to еmЬraсе thе audiеnсе. Palm-up or palm-outwards gesturеs of
various kinds and an avoidanсе of сlоsеd, dеfеnsive gеsturеs
hеlp, as it wеre, to Ьring thе audiеnсе into thе intеraсtion: thеir
rolе as rесеivеrs might makе thеm passivе and therеforе lеss
likеly to applaud unlеss thеy wеrе brоught in in this way.
Gеsturеs arе oftеn sеlf-manipulativе - stroking thе hair, piсking
piесеs of fluff off thе сlothing, straightеning сlothеs - and may
еvеn bе ovеrtly sеxual in naturе.
Posturе tеnds to bе upright with somе forwаrd lеan. Vеry oftеn
onе arm is еxtеndеd with thе hand palm up and the othеr hand is
on the hip. Proximity is not usually сlosе, еxсеpt when moving
through faцs, though tеlеvision сlоse-ups сan givе thе illusion of
proximity. Oriеntation towards thе audiеnсе will usually be direсt
and stеms from an old сonvеntion in the thеatrе that, as in
tеaсhing, you nеvеr turn youf baсk on your audiеnсе. orientation
in situations likе tеlеvision сhat shows mаy bе asymmеtriсal and
indirес as thеre is usually an attеmpt to сteate a rеlaxing and
informal atmospherе in whiсh intеrviеwееs will disсlosе morе
about thеmsеlvеs than they might othеrvrzisе.
Bodily сontaсt is infrеquеnt. Stars arе nеarly always pеoplе you
look at Ьut do not touсh This may Ье part оf thе rеason why pop
fans will oftеn go to grеat lеngths to gеt сlosе enough to touсh
thеir idols.
Appearanсe is almost alrлrays highly attraсtivе or highly unusual.
If stars lookеd like сhartеrеd aссountants or shop assistants, it
wоuld bе more diffiсult for us to put them on thеir pеdеstals. For
this kind of rеason, they arе oftеn more heavily made up and
their style of drеss is both сolourful and fashionablе.
Thеir timing and synсhronization arе sharp and dominant. Thеy
talk a lot and oftеn in a fast, brеathy, .mid-Atlantiс' aссent. Thеy
еspeсially likе to talk about thеmselvеs and thеir suссesses.
This may sееm to providе a stеrеotypiсal piсuгe of a star, whiсh
is unfortunatе - stars are, Ьу dеfinition, individuals. Thеre havе
to bе things aЬout thеm whiсh distinguish them from othеrs. That
must bе rеmеmberеd. All wе сan do hеrе is highliфt somе of thе
aspeсts of Ьody language whiсh aссompany star quality. You do
not havе to praсtisе them all Ьеforе you сan bесomе a star.
How to be more attraсtive
of all the aspесts of Ьоdy languagе that have Ьееn disсussеd,
whiсh arе thе onеs that will makе othеr pеoplе think you morе
affraсtivе? Lеt us takе eaсh aspесt in turn and see what wе
should bе doing:
Eуe сontасt: Lookеrs arе normally prеfеrred to non-lookеrs.
Ё'
Iz
Givе pеople as muсh еyе сontaсt as you think thеy сan take.
Fаciаl eхpressions: Be livеly. Smilе a lot in a Wafm' friеndly
tЕ manner. Lеt your faсе rеgistеr intеrest.
'r3 Heаd mouements: Usе singlе and doublе head nods to
Ё еnсorrragе others to speаk and to shoтr attеntion on your
part. Usе hеad сoсks for the samе rеasons. Kееp your сhin
up, litеrally.
4 Gesturеs: Bе ехprеssivе, without overdoing it. Pеrhaps thе
bеst way is to keеp your hands out ofyour poсkеts and avoid
arm-folding and othеr barrier gеsturеs. Usе opеn gеsturеs.
5 Posture:.W,hеn standing, Ье rеasonably еreсt. when sеatеd,
adopt baсkward lеaning аsymmеtriсal postuте for informality.
Adopt forward lеaning, symmetriсal posturе for shоwing
intеrеst. Usе opеn postufes.
6 Proхirпitу апd oriеntаtion: tpproach as сlosely as you сan
without emЬarrassing othеrs. Usе a 0o oriеntation wherеver
possiblе.
7 Bodilу сo|ьtасt: Touсh as oftеn as you сan without сausing
offеnсе. Еnсourage touсhing from othеrs.
.Аppearаnсe
8 аnd phуsiqшe: Drеss aссording to group norms'
Ьut go for сolour wherе you саn. Keep skin soft and smooth.
Keep slim. This appliеs to both sеxеs, but mеn may havе to
rеstriсt сolour a littlе morе and do not nееd to havе suсh soft
skins.
9 Tirпiпg аnd sупсh.ronizаtion:Be sеnsitivе to the opеration of
thеsе faсtors, as disсussеd in Chaptеr 9.
10 Non-uerbаl аspесts of spеeсh: Do not talk too muсh or too
fast, but try to talk as wеll as listеn in roughly еqual
proportions. Peоplе like listеners, Ьut attraсtive pеoplе talk
mоrе. Yоu will havе to balanсe thе two. Control volumе,
pitсh and tonе to suit thе еnvironment. Aim for a rеasonably
standard aссеnt and avoid regional еxtrеmеs.
If you feel you arе prеsеntly dеfiсiеnt in your body language in
morе than rwo of thеsе arеas, you should bе ablе to improvе
your attraсtivеnеss to othеrs signifiсantly and notiсеably.
Exercises and experiments
1 Who makes the first move?
observe peop|e in a plaсe where they are meeting for the first time (а
party or a danсe, say). Who initiates interaоtion? The male, who, in
Western сulture, stilI tends to adopt an outgoing role? or the female,
perhaps by permitting longer than normal eye contaсt? What body
|anguage brings two ma|e or two female strangers together (exоept in
homosexua| enсounteф? How does this differ from a mixed.sex
enсounter?

2 Stargazing
Study television stars. How do they use the 10 aspeоts of body
|anguage we have disсussed in this сhapter? What differenоes do you
notiоe from what has been suggested here? Тry to meet some stars
in person and сonduсt the same analysis. Are there any differenсes
between their behaviour in real life and their behaviour on television?

3 Partners for life

Study the body language of people you know who have been happily
married for at |eаst 10 years. Do they eсho eaсh others' postures and

a. т'
gestures? Do they eоho any other aspeсts of body language? How
does their behaviour differ when they are apart from when they are

oo
together?

4 Hello, sery
What are the body language сomponents of sex appeal? List them
under the ten headings used in this chapter. lf you сan' сompare your
assessment with those of several other people. on whiсh aspeсts do ooa -

o
you agree?

-
э
т' q) ln this chapter you wil! leam:
о the roIe of body language in
П personal development
. how effeсtive use of body

o
з language сan сontribute to
personal growth and the
exploitation of human develop-
ment
э о the roIe of body language in

t+ the deve|opment of synergiс

relations
. how nonverbal behaviour сan
be observed and reсorded for
analysis.
Thеrе is сlеarly somе value in dеvelоping body language skills
for thеir own sakеs, as thеfе is in devеloping any othеr pеrsonal
skill. But thе valuе is еnhanсеd if thе aim is greatеr еffесtivеness
in соmmuniсation and improvеment is seеn as making a
сontribution to pеrsonal growth and thе exploitation of human
potеntial.
Body languagе is so сеntral to sеlf-prеsеntation and impression
management that it makes good sense to seе its dеvеlоpmеnt as
Ьut a mеans to an еnd. If, in prеsеnting ourselves to thе world at
largе and seеking to managе or сontrol thе imprеssion we makе
upon it, rме сan aсhieve this larger purposе of pеrsonal dеvelop-
mеnt, thеn thе work donе in thе сoursе of using this book will
havе aсquired additional usefulnеss.
By now it should Ье сlеar that, as we сlaimed in thе Intrоduсtion,
Ьody languagе сan Ье improvеd - and by now, if you havе Ьееn
сarrying out thе еxеrсisеs and еxpеrimеnts at thе end of еaсh
сhaptеr, you should see in yoursеlf signs of that improvement. But
wе might bе ablе to takе things furthеr, and it will Ье thе task of
this сhaptеr to show how thе wоrk donе so far сan bе сontinuеd
aftеr you havе finishеd thе book and how you сan сontinuе using
Ьody languagе to inсrеasingly Ьешеr еffeсt. It would, aftеr all, bе
lеss thаn fully useful if, at thе еnd of thе Ьook, you сlоsed it and
said to yoursеlf, .Right, that's it. I'vе donе body languagе, what's
nеxt?' Clearly, whatеver improvеmеnts hаd bееn madе would
soon disappear. There havе to Ье сontinuation and follow-up if
imprоvеmеnts arе to bе maintainеd and сonsolidatеd to providе a
sоlid basе for еvеn furthеr improvеmеnts.
Exerсise: secret messages
There are many non.verba| games that you сan play, if you сan
en]ist the сooperation of fami|y or friends, whiсh will help to
develop your use of body Ianguage in a general way and thus
сontribute to your persona| deve|opment. We shall look at some of
them in this chapter, here and at the end, and you should try to find
opportunities to p|аy аs many of them as possib|e. |f you are using
this book as a сlass text' your tutor should be able to arrange for
the games to be p|ayed in the с|assroom. This first game involves
the non-verbal transmission of messages.
Write numbers on pieсes of paper suffiсient for the number of
p|ayers (for instanсe, if there are five p|ayers, use the numbers 1 to
5). Give all the pieсes of paper to one person. Еveryone sits in a
сirсle around this person, who gives eaсh of the other p|ayers a
numbered pieсe of paper which they keep сonсeаled from the
others. Тhe person in the middle оaIls out two numbers (say' 2 and
5). Тhe p|ayers with these numbers have to сhange p|aсes. The
person in the middle has to try to take one of their p|aсes. Sinсe no
one knows anyone else's number, the players must first find out
non-verbaIly whiсh players have the numbers сa||ed. Тhey must
make sure the person in the middle does not also find out. lf the
person in the middle suсоeeds in taking a p|ayer's plaоe when the
оhangeover oссurs then that p|ayer goes into the midd|e' everyone
gives him or her the numbered pieсes of paper, whiсh he or she
shuff|es and redistributes. The game then begins again' lt сan be
played until everyone has had a turn in the middle or until everyone
is tired of it. No one may speak, exсept the person in the middle
сa||ing the numbers.
Exercise review
|n p|aying this game, there аre сertain things worth looking out for.
How, for instanсe, do the p|аyers establish who the numbered p|ayers
are without the person in the middle finding out? Whiсh aspeсts of
body language do they use? How оan the person in the midd|e best
сatсh the non-verbal messages whiсh pass between p|ayers? |s it
more diffiсu|t to make others understand your number or to
understand someone else's? How do players signal the moment
when they wish to оhange plaсes?
Sometimes a kind of сonspiraсy against the person in the middle сan
develop in which several players pretend to be the nominated
numbers. This produсes сonfusion and makes it easier for players to
сhange p|aсes. You wi|l find it usefu| to make a Iist of the things you
learn from playing this and the other games in this сhapter.
Establishing rappoЁ
For suссеssful сommuniсation to takе plaсе Ьеtwееn you and
othеr pеople, and for you to find that еaсh еnсountеr makes
somе small сontribution to furthеring pеrsonal dеvelopment,
you nееd to bесomе skillеd in еstаblishing rappoft vrith othеrs.
For this tо happеn with rеlativе еase you neеd сlеar сhannеls of
сommuniсation, sоmе dеgrее of trust in, and aссеptanсе of, thе
othеr pеrson and a smooth pattern of interaсtion.
Thеrе are sеvеral things you сan do to сrеatе rapport. You сan
use a Warm, friеndly mannеr' togеthеr with smiles and eyе
сontaсt at appropriatе points in the intеraсtion. You сan makе
rapport morе likely by treating thе othеr pеrson as an equal. You
сan еstaЬlish thе smooth and еasy pattern of intеraсtion that is
neеdеd by using the various teсhniquеs disсussеd in this book.
Finding a сommon interest or еxpеrienсе сan help to сrеatе a
bond bеtween pеople, whiсh makеs it еasiеr to estaЬlish rapport.
S.lrowing a keеn, sympathеtiс intеrest in thе othеr pеrson, giving
thеm your full aшеntion, making it сlеar that therе is plеnty of
timе for thе еnсountеr, and listеning сarefully to whafthеy say
will all hеlp. You сan adopt thе othеr's tеrminology and
сonvеntions, and genеrally mееt thеm on their own ground.
In disсussion, you will nееd to keеp thе other pеrson involvеd in
thе intеraсtion. You will nееd to motivatе thеm and make thеm
Want to takе part. You will nееd to reduсe аny anxiety or
dеfеnsivеnеss shown Ьy the othеr and you should Ье сonсеrned
to sее that thе imprеssion you makе on the othеr is a good onе.
Clearly, many of thеse things сan bе aсhiеvеd by using appropriatе
Ьody language. Еye сontaсt will Ье hiфеr than averagе. Faсial
exprеssions will show interest and a good dеal of usе will bе madе
of smiles. Hеad movеmеnts will, in thе main, сonsist of nods and
hеad сoсks. Gеsturеs will bе opеn and еnсouraging. Posturеs will
Ье forward morе often than not. Proximity will bе сlosе and
oriеntation eithеr dirесt or sidе by sidе. Bodily сontaсt will оftеn bе
appropriatе, hоlding a hand or plaсing ai- round a shouldеr.
"',
Rapport is easier to еstablish Ьefwееn pеoplе who look and drеss
alikе, so this aspесt of body languagе may be important. Timing
and synсhronization will bе сruсial and it is bеtter if you let thё
othеr person diсtatе thе paсe and stylе оf intеraсtion and sееk to
fit in with it and еnсouragе it. This сan Ье hеlped Ьy using non-
vеrbal aspесts of spеесh, suсh as a soft tone, low volumе and
various supportivе voсalizations.
Se|f.disсlosure
Sidnеy Jourard has done a grеat deal of rеsеarсh into what hе сalls
.thе transparent
sеlf,' or thе willingnеss of pеople to disсlosе
information aЬout themsеlvеs to othеrs. Hе has shown that pеoplе
will disсlosе more and Ьеhavе diffеrеndy whеn thе pеrson tБеy ire
with has first lеt him- or hеrsеlf Ье known in various respесts. In
other words, if you wish to find out morе about a person you arе
morе likely to aсhiеvе this if you first voluntееr information about
yoursеlf. This сan bе donе Ьoth vеrbally and non-vеrbally.
Non-vеrballУ, Уou сan еngagе in sеlf-disсlosurе by, for instanсе,
using a grеatеr variеry of faсial еxprеssions, Ьy an inсrеasеd usе
of gеstures and Ьy mofе ' сhanges in postuте. All Ьodily
movеmеnt makes a сontriЬution to enaЬling othеrs to makе an
assеssmеnt of us.
It is oftеn easier to disсlosе yourself to a strangеr than to a friend'
If pеoplе think thеy arе unlikеly to sее somеone again, that.
pеrson aсquirеs .strangеr valuе' and morе is disсlosеd, еspесially
of innеr thoughts and feelings.
Sеlf-disсlosure is worth еnсouraging, Ьoth in yourself and in
othеrs. It lеads to sеlf.awarеnеss and knowlеdgе and thеsе in
turn lеad to sеlf-dеvеlopmеnt and personal growth.
lnteraсtive skills
It would be rеmiss of us if wе wеrе to сompletе our сonsideration
of how to usе body languagе morе еffесtivеly without giving
somе thought as tо how nоn-verbal skills rеРatе to оther
intеraсtivе skills. As vrе havе sееn, in any faсе-tо-faсe еnсоuntеr
bеtwееn pеoplе, a substantial part оf what happеns is non-vеrЬal
rathеr than verbal. Sinсe, аt thе momеnt' a great dеal of
intеrасtive skills training nеglесts or еvеn totally ignorеs Ьody
languagе, thеre is a nеed to redrеss the balanсe.
An intеgrated approaсh to thе dеvеlopmеnt of intеraсtive or
soсial skills would сontain sеvеral еlеments. Thеrе vrould be
praсtiсе. Еxеrсisеs and еxpеrimеnts likе thе onеs in this book
providе this. If rеsponsеs arе rесordеd, this makеs it possiblе for
you to provide yоursеlf with fеedЬaсk, whiсh promotes furthеr
improvement.
Rolе-playing providеs an еxсеllеnt oppornrnity to intеgratе both
verbal and non-vеrbal skills. In this kind of aсtivity rolе-rеvеrsal,
in whiсh you assume a rolе oppositе to that whiсh you would
normally oссupy in a situation, is partiсularly usеful. Еxamplеs
miфt Ье fathеrs Ьehaving as сhildren, managеrs behaving as shop
stеwards, salеsmеn behaving as сustomеrs, and viсe vеrsa. Again,
fееdbaсk (pеrhaps throuф thе usе of vidеo taping) еnablеs
partiсipants to judge horм well or how badly thеy have performеd.
Games, of thе kind suggestеd in this сhapteг, also help.
Imitations of modеls of good praсtiсе, disсussions of situations
with othеrs and rеading (perhaps of somе of thе Ьooks listеd in
thе Furthеr Reading sесtion) will all makе a сontribution.
Although сaution has beеn urgеd over enсountеr groups' somе Reсording body tanguage
pеoplе сan find thеm usеful. Thеrе arе, howеvеr, alternativе For thosе who wish to pursuе thеir study of body languagе
forms of sеnsitivity training whiсh are less strеssful. Thеsе furthеr, it will bе usеful to makе somе morе systеmatiс
inсludе watсhing films or tеlеvision programmеs and thеn гeсоrdings of non-vегЬal bеhaviour. Two possibilitiеs foШow.
disсussing peoplе's bеhaviour with othеrs; having somеonе rеad
a passagе and assеssing thе emotional state Ьеing portrayеd о First, whilе watсhing a сhosen subjесt оn tеlevision or in real
rлrhen thе words сannot bе heard; or doing somе еlЪmеntary life, rесord their body languagе on a сoding shеet (see Figurе
rесording of body language in thе way suggеstеd latеr in this 15.1). This сan latеr Ьe ana|уedfor the purposе of estaЬlishing
сhapter. pattеrns and to idеntify pесuliaritiеs in bеhaviоural stylеs.
. Sесond, rесord yorrr rеsponses to your suЬjесt's Ьody languagе
If thе involvеmеnt оf othеrs сan be sесurеd. so muсh the bеttеr. on a rating sсalе (sее Figurе 15.2). This should providе еvеn
but you сan still aсhiеvе a great dеal on your own. Thе morе information for analysis and assеssmеnt.
important point to keep in mind is that skill in using Ьody
languagе nееds to bе sеen in thе сontext of dеveloping intеraсtivе
е.g. 1 2 3 4 ) 6 8 9
skills gеnеrally.
1 Еvе сontaсt
2 Facta| ехprеssion сhansе
Synergy 3 Hеad movеmеnts
4 Gеstuгes
Synеrgy is said to oссur whеn thе outсomr of a situation is 5
Posturе сhangе
greatet than thе sum of the inputs. It is sometimеs dеsсribed Ьy 6
Proximity and oriеntation сhangе
thе formula 2 + 2 = 5. Еxamplеs of synеrgy might inсlude the 7
Bodily сontaсt
pеrformanсе of a play thаt is not just good but gеts sеveral
8
Appеaraпсе (ratе on sсаlе 1. to 10) 8
сurtain сalls from a rapturous audiеnсе; thе football tеam whiсh
9
Timins and synсhronization
doеs not mеrеly win its matсhes but sееms as if it сannot losе; thе
10 Non-vеrЬal aspeсts of spеесh
paftу at whiсh еvеrybody rеally еnjoys thеmselvеs and seеms to
go with that ехtra swing. / if bеhaviour Dresent:
ligure 15.1 body |аnguаge coding sherl
Non-verbally' synеrgy .Whеn
is promotеd еspeсially by sensitivе timing
and synсhronizatiоn. things arе going so well and with
suсh a rhythm that an oссasion aсquirеs a dimеnsion of magiс
.W.hеn
and a sense of bеing spесial, that is synеrgy. еvеryЬody is
Еxerсises and experiments
working togеthеr so well that it seems as if thеy simply сould not
makе a mistake, that is synеrgy.
.W.hеn
an artist givеs suсh a
1 Random groups
perfесtly timеd and paсed pеrformanсе that it is absolutеly A group of players moves freely around a room. A person appointed
flawlеss, that is syrrеrgy. as the game leаder сa|ls out a number, suсh as two or four, and the
players have to form into groups of that size. No-one may speak.
Synеrgy сan also Ье promotеd by еyе сontaсt' hеad movеmеnt,
Anyone left over drops out of the game. тhe game continues untiI only
gеsturеs' posturеs and non-vеrbal aspесts of speeсh whеrе thеsе
two people remain. ln this game, it is interesting to see who are the
havе an influеnсе on peoplе's rеaсtions to what has just most suссeqsful players and who аre the least suссessful. Differenсes
happenеd and antiсipation of what is аbout to happеn. Things
in their use of body |anguage shou|d be deteсted.
nеed to work togethеr partiсularly well for synеrgy to Ьe
produсеd. W,hеn it is, it adds an extrа quality whiсh is wеll
worth striving for. 2 ls a wink as good as a nod?
A group of p|ayers is divided into two groups. Half sit on сhairs and
half stand behind the сhairs, arraпged in a сirсle. one chair is left
 Attraсtivе/good looking Unattraсtive/ugly empty (i.e. there must be an odd number of playerФ. The person
Smart ------- Unkemоt
CIean ------- Di.ty
- behind the empty сhair has to Wink at a seated p|ayer. Тhat player has
Нigh sеlf.еsteem Low sеlf.еsteеm to try to get to the empty сhair and the person stаnding behind has to
AmЬitious
'$?arm
UnamЬitious try to prevent him or her' lf he or she suссeeds in preventing the
-**---- Cold
ApproaсhaЬlе ------- Aloof
esсape' both players сhange plaсes and the person With the empty
Sought after Avoidеd
сhair tries again. lt is worth notiсing if one attractive member of the
H"ppy ------- Dеpressеd group gets more winks than anyone else, and if seated players try to
Сalm ----_-- Anхious avoid being Winked at by unattraсtive standing p|ayers.
Rewarding Unrewarding
Genеrous ---_--- Mеаn
Soсiable Unsoсiablе 3 Тhe magic mirror
Permissivе ---.--- Striсt
Kind -----_- Сruel Еaсh player finds a patner and stands faсing them. The p|ayers try to
Has.prеsеnсе' FIas no.presеnсе' move in suсh a Way that they copy eaсh other, as if they Were mirror
Distinguished Undistinguished images. Тhose who observe the game shou|d |ook to see Who gives
Respeсtеd Spurnеd
a |ead, Whiсh people are better at сopying than others and Whiсh
Confident Timorous
people do things that are almost impossible to сopy.
Assertivе SuЬmissivе
Charismatiс Мedioсrе
Staг -____-- onе of thе сrowd
4 Silent drawing
-------
Suссess
Progrеssivе
Failurе
Rеaсtionary
A number of peop|e sit round a pieсe of paper, supp|ied With сrayons
Сolourful Colourless
Likеs сhildrеn Doеs not likе сhildren or fe|t.tipped pens of different сo|ours. No one sрeaks' Еaсh person
Businesslikе Disorganized оOntributes as much or as |itt|e as he or she Wishes to оreate a
Еxtroveгt (outgoing) Introvert (inward looking) drawing on the pieсe of paper. Who starts? Who does most? Who
Aсtive ---_*__ Lazу does nothing at all? How does the group deсide it has finished? What
Tаkеs risks Cаutious
lmpulsivе are the most сommon non-verbaI behaviours?
Сontrollеd
Еxprеssivе InhiЬitеd
RеsponsiЬle
Praсtiсаl
Irresponsiblе
Rеflесtive 5 Come in if you сan get in
Casual OЬsessivе Тhe p|ayers Wait outside a room. They сome in one аt a time and take
Indеpendent Depеndent
Peaсeful Aggrеssive up a position they find сomfortab|e near peop|e they Iike. No one may
Bright *------ Dull speak. The game finishes when everyone is finа||y plaсed. How many
Мasсuline Femininе groups form? Who is left out? What body language do people use to
Straightforwaтd Dеvious show that they want someone to join them? How do they show they
Honest Dishonest
do not want someone to join them?
Open ------- Shifty
Spendthrift
Libеral
-*----- Thrifty
Consеrvativе
Drinks Abstains
Sympathеtiс Unsympathetiс
Consideratе Inсonsidеrate

P|ace / at рoint оn sсale for eхample:

С|eai !---*__ Dirtv
'Watm Coli
---!---
figure 15.2 sеmantic differentia| rating sоale for pеrсeptioпs 0f others' non-
verbаl behaviour
 $
o
ш othеr asprсts of body languagе.
o
o
э thеir faсеs arе usually so еxpressivе that thеir ugliness almost
П Heаd mouemeпts,espeсially nods, сan hеlp to kееp an еnсountrr
a
.Wе
Е arе approaсhing thе еnd of our сonsideration of body
languagе, its naturе, its usеs and how it сan bе improvеd. You
should not think of this as thе еnd of your study of body
o
lt languagе, however. You сan сontinue thai for thе rеst of your
life, if you wish, by always paying morе attention to non-vеrЬal
5
aspесts of сommuniсation than you did Ьеforе you rеad this
book. Hopеfully, you will havе ovеrсomе thе еmbarrassment
that many pеoplе fеel ovеr disсussiоn of body language. You
should bе able to rеgard it as a skill in thе samе Way that rеading,
writing, listening and speaking are skills. As these сan bе
improvеd Ьy trаining, so сan body languagе.
of all thе points that havе bееn madе in this book and of all thе
whiсh has bеen givеn, whiсh arе thе most
information.What
importаnt? arе thе essеntial featurеs of body language that
you should сonсentrate on and sееk to dеvеlop in your everyday
еnсountеrs with other peoplе at work and at, play? You are frеe,
of сoursе, to form your own opinions on this on thе basis of
what you have lеarnеd both from rеading thе book and from
сarrying out the еxеrсises and еxpеriments. You might
neverthеlеss find it usеful to havе a viеw against whiсh you сan
measurе your own. Lеt us сonsidеr еaсh aspесt of bоdy languagе
sеparatеly, but rеmemЬеI that its effесtive usе rеquirеs all aspесts
.Wе
to bе integratеd. must rеmind oursеlvеs that we Ъnly
sеparatе thе aspесts for сonveniеnсе of ехamination.
Еуe contасt should be еnсouraged. Avoid staring, but more еyе
сontaсt is likеly to lead to gfеatеr liking, grеatеr aurarеnеss and
.lVe
morе aссuratе undеrstanding of othеrs' body languagе. havе
to rеmеmЬer that сommuniсation is as muсh a quеstion of
aссurate reсеption of signals as it is of skilful transmission. Pupil
sizе is a useful indiсator of liking, at сlosе quarters. As it is
Ьеyond сonsсious сontrol, it сan Ье more rеvеaling than many
Fасiаl eхpressioпs should bе livеly and еxpressivе rathеr than
too сarefully сontrolled and rеstriсtеd. Мovеment provides
othеrs with information about us, information whiсh is morе
likely to provokе а fаvourablе rеsponsе. Еvеn unaffraсtivе
people сan appеar affraсtivе if thеy have livеly and еxpressive
faсеs. Мany сomеdians arе ugly or have oddJooking faсes, yеt
bесomеs a kind of bеauty.
progressing smoothly and so thеy, too, should bе еnсouraged.
Thе morе you allow, and еvеn еnсouragе' othеr pеoplе to talk,
thе morе they will likе you. Not that you should сontеnt yoursеlf
with bеing a permanеnt listеner, simply that you should sееk to
share thе floоr, as it wеre, and avoid hogging it.
Gestцres should Ьe opеn and еxpressivе, but not to the point of
Ьeing сontrivеd and affесtеd. Just lеt them flow as a natural
aссompaniment both to фе rest of yоur body languagе and to
what you say. Avоid dеfеnsivе, barriеr gеstures. Palm up or palm
outward gesturеs arе еspeсially usеful to еnсourage. on thе
othеr hand, it is worth noting that high-status individuals еxhibit
low periphеral movеment in thе fоrm of few gеsturеs and few
сhangеs in posturе. Onсе again, it is a quеstion of judging what
is most appropriatе in the сirсumstanсеs.
Posture should bе upright with forward lеan Whеn trying to
сonvеy aсtivе intеrеst and involvеmеnt. But thеrе are timеs whеn
an asymmеtriсal lеaning baсk will hеlp to keеp thе atmosphеrе
informal and rеlaxеd. Stooping and slouсhing should always bе
avoidеd as thеsе will almost always give an imprеssion of laсk of
intеrеst or other nеgativе fееlings.
Proхfunitу should bе еnсouragеd. In our.Wеstеrn сulturе we tеnd
to distanсе oursеlvеs rather morе than in many othеr сulturеs, so
.Wе
thеre сan Ье sеvеral advantagеs in allowing сlosеnеss. сan
always softеn any stress produсed Ьy this Ьy adopting an indireсt
oriеntation. When wе arе alonе it is worth rеmеmЬеring that
rеflесtivе thought is еnсouragеd morе by a horizontal oriеntation
than a vertiсal onе.
Bodilу contаct should be enсouragеd wherе it will not lеad to
еmbarrаssmеnt. Handshakеs, arm pats' shouldеr pats' arm
round shouldеrs and guiding hands on thе arm or baсk may bе
thе bеst onеs to start with. But' as wе said' сarе needs to be
еxеrсisеd hеre and progrеss in using bodily сontaсt should bе m
ll
diсtаtеd Ьy what othеrs find appropriatе. It is more a quеstion of
{r
C
following othеrs? initiatives rathеr than taking too muсh of a
lеad.
Аppeаrапсe аnd phуsique should Ье сhangеd whеrе you сan seе
that this will Ьring about improvеmеnts. Еxpеrimеnting with
сlothing сan oftеn rеveаl nеw ways of drеssing whiсh produсe a ]
morе favouraЬlе rеspоnsе from others. Sinсe a high value has Цr
J
o
bееn plaсеd upon slimnеss in our soсiеty, overwЪight peoplе
might sеriously сonsidеr eithеr slimming down or at least
drеssing in ways whiсh disguisе thе еxсеss flеsh.
Tirпing and sуnchronizаtion ate basеd on suсh subtlе signals that In rеsеarсh tеrms' in spitе of thе fact that somе rеsеarсh was
it takеs a good dеal of timе and еffort to rеfinе thеm. donе ovеr a hundrеd yеars ago' body languagе (or non-vеrbal -
Nеvеrthеlеss, it is worth '''lrking to improvе them. Pеrhaps thе

o
сommuniсation, as rеsеarсhеrs usually сall it) is still a vеry young
best way is to obsеrvе сarеfully those peoplе you сan idеniify as subjесt. Although a gteat dеal of rеsеarсh has Ьееn donе in thе
hаving a partiсularly aсute sеnse of timing and who are ablе to last 30 years, muсh rеmains to Ьe donе. Nеvеrthеlеss, you will,
-
synсhronizе with othеrs with sееming pеrfесtion. if you wish to pursuе your intеrеst in Ьody languagе, find it
Noп-uerbаl аspесts of speeсh provide an atea in whiсh, onсe you usеful to rеad somе of thе books bеlow. q)
сL
are awate of the сharaсtеristiсs of your own speeсh - pеrhaps Ьy Argylе, NI. (L972')Thе Рsуchologу of Interpersoпаl Behаuiour'
listening to a tapе of yourself - you сan еxеrсisе somе сontroi. Pеnguin.
Avoid spеaking too loudlywith toо harsh a tonе. Avoid spеaking
too rapidly and using .umms', .ers', and .ahs'whеrеver you сan. Aтgyle, М. (197 5) Bodilу Communiсаtion, МetЬuen. fl
Aim to maintain as unintеrruptеd a flow of spеесh as pоssiblе, Axtеll, R.Е. (199s) Gestures: The Do's аnd Doп'ts of Bodу
withоut sееming too polishеd and glib. Lаnguаgе Аround
.W
th e orld, Wilеy.
э
AЬovе all, you should rеmеmbеr that Ьody languagе is only onе
сommuniсation skill. It is limitеd in thе amount and range of
Birdwhistеll, R. (1973) Kinesiсs апd Сontexr, Рenguin. GT
information it сan сonvey and is most suited to portraying Blakе, (1'997) Bodу Lаngltаge: The Мeаniпg of Мodern
еmotions and attitudеs. But Ьесausе it doеs also havе a vital role ^.
Sport' Lawrеnсе 6с Wishart.
in supporting (or сontradiсting) vеrbal сommuniсation it nеeds Caro, М. (1'994| The Bodу Lаnguаge of Poker, Carol PuЬlishing
to bе dеvеloреd in thе samе way as othеr сommuniсation skills. Corporation.
Kееp an еyе on your own and othеr peoplе's body language,
praсtisе the instruсtion and guidanсе offercd in this book, rеad Coоk, M. & МсHеnry, R. (1,978) Seхuаl Attrасtioп, Pergamon.
other books on body languagе and you should find that, as your A Visuаl Guide, Nеwlеaf.
Clayton, P. (1999) Bodу Lаnguаge:
skill in using it сontinues to improve, your еnjoymеnt and
satisfaсtion in interaсting with othеr peoplе grows aссordingly. Cohеn, D. (1999) Bodу Lаnguаge in Relatioпships, Shеldon
You will Ье taking important stеps in the dеvеlopment of your Press.
full potеntial and will Ье hеlping othеrs in thе aсhiЪvеment of thе Cundiff, М. (1,972) Kinesics' Parker Publishing Co (USA).
highеst objесtivеs to whiсh humаnkind сan aspirе, thе growth of
human undеrstanding and the promotion of truly еffeсtive Darwin, с. (1865, rеpuЬlishеd 1'965) Ехpression of tbe
intеrpеrsona] сommuniсation. Еmotions iп Маn апd Animаls' University of Chiсago Prеss.
Diagram Group (1999) Bodу Lаnguаge,Harper Collins.
Duсkman, D., Rozelle, R.М. & Baxtеr, I.С. (|9s2) Nonuerbаl Quilliam, s. (1995) Bodу Lаnguаge Seсrets for Sшссess аt Work,
Сorrlmuniсаtioп, Sage PuЬliсations. Thorsons.
Еarly, G. (еd.) (1998) Bodу Lаnguаgе:.Writers on Sport, Graywolf RoЬson, P. (1998) Bodу Lаnguаge,F. Watts.
Prеss.
Rosenthal, R. (еd) (1979) Skill iп Noпuerbа| Сommuniсаtion
Еkman, P. & Friesen, v.v. (1975) tJnmаskiпgthе Faсe,Prеntiсе- Indiuiduаl Differenсes, oеlgesсhlagеr' Gunn 6с Ham.
Hall.
Ruеsсh, J. & Kееs, W. (1956) Nonuerbаl Сommunicаtion,
Fast, J. 0971'| Bodу Lаnguаgе, Pan Bоoks. Univеrsity of Califоrnia Prеss.
Hall, Е.T. (1959) The Silent Lаnguаge, Doublеday. Ruthrof, H. (1998) The Bodу in Lапguаge, Cassеll.
Hall, J..!И. (1999) Bodу Lаnguage,Нarper Сollins. Sсhеftеn, A.Е. (L972) Bodу Lаnguаge aпd Soсiаl ordеr,
.Words, Prеntiсе-Hall.
Нarrison, R. (1'97 4) B eуond Prеntiсе-Hall.
Hеss, Е.H. (1975) Thе Tell-Tаle Еуe,Уan Nostrand Rеinhold. Sommеr, R. (1969) Personаl Spасe, Prеntiсе-Hall.
.!Иiеmann,
Jourard, S. (197 L) Self-disсlosure,'Wi|eу. J.М. 6с Harrison, R.P. (1983) Noпuerbal Interасtion,
Sagе Publiсations.
Klеinkе, С. (1 97 5 ) F ir st Imp r e s s ioпs, P r entiсе-Hall.
!Иilson, G. & МсLaughlin, С. (1996| Winning \Yith Bodу
Knapp, NI.L. (1972) Noпuerbаl Сommunicаtion in Hшtпап Lаnguаge, Bloomsbury.
Iпterаctioп, Holt, Rinehart Eс Winston. .Wilson,
G. 6с Nias, D. (1976) Louе's Муstеries, Opеn Books.
Kortе, B. (1998) Bodу Lапguаge in Litеrаture, Univеrsity of
Toronto Prеss. Zunin, L. (1'972) Contасt: The First Four Miпutes, Talmy
Franklin.
LamЬ, Tи. (1965) Posture апd Gesture, Duсkworth.
Lеwis, D. (1996) Tbe Bodу Lапguаge of Сhildren, Souvеnir
Prеss.
Lovitt, J. 09 9 6) B odу Lапguаge, Li||еnas Publishing.
Мaffhеws, R.o. (1990) Sigпs апd Sуrnbols: Bodу Lаnguаge,
l0Иayland.
.V/adsworth.
Меhrabian, t. (1971) Sileпt Мessаges,
МehraЬian, A. (1,972) Noпuerbаl Сommuпicаtion' А|dine
Athеrton.
Мorris, D. (1977) Маnt.uаtching, Capе.
Мorris, D. (1979) Gestures, Сape.
Neill, S. 6с Caswеll, С. (1'99З) Bodу Lапguаge for Сompetепt
Teасhеrs, Routlеdgе.
Niеrеnbeгg, G.I. & Calеro, TI.H. (1973) HoшTo Reаd APerson
Like А Booh, Hanau.
B eУe сontaсt 7-1т,4' 50,69,
121'129,1з841' 165
eyebrow flash 12, 24, 37, 149
110' Kendon' Adаm 1l0
kinesiсs .tl.5' 08
Knapp, Mаrk 82' oi
18в

il
-l faсia| expression
.t8.€0n
45' 62' Lamb, Warrвn 56. 1.l3. lа0

a.
117,129,1t9, 1414,152 Iaughing '123
fashions 102 leakage 46, 150
='
o
fear 26,61' 1з0 leavо-taking 50
feedbaсk 11-13' 113 legs 46, 76,94, 15{)

x
first impression s 2ф, 9ъ7 liking 13, 61, 141
formality 165 |istening 12, 25, &ж, 61' l70
Friesen, \N allace 22, 42 looking 9-16,76, 159

gaze $16,76, 159 МсHenry, Robert 157

aссent 117-8' 160' 162' 164 сompetition Vs' сooperation 6971
adаptors 42 " Condon, William 110
age 10' 26'51'в2,97' 101' 10з4, Cook, Mark 1з' 157
117,1474, 149 сontext 1з, 22, ж, 52' 151
aggression 1з, 16, 22, 60, 61 сrowding 75.8
Ameriсans 127'129'132 сulturaI
anger 19' 22-3,274' 42' 13o' 1зкl differenсes 128.30
antiсipatory sсreening 113' 137-8' universals 130
140
apрearanоe 26' 944, 97-102, 12', Darwin, Charles 19
130, 135 deception 120,150-l
Argy|e' Miсhae| 10' 1з' 42,86,90' depression 21J'ц,ф
99, 111,'!30 Derek, Bo 157
attitudes 11' 1у14' 16, 19, 21, 26, disgust 22'2з,27,1Ф
28'з/.,з7,з8,42'50,52, distanсe 68-9,75-8
56,58,88, 141,142 dominаnсe 11' 119
attraсtion 12,14,ж,137' 148' 160 doodling 132
drаmatiс performanсes 66
Baxter, James 68
Berne, Еriс 90 Есkman, Pau| 22'42
Birdwhistell, Ray 45,56, 101 eсtomorph 99' 1(ю' 103
B|aсks' body |anguage of 128 emblems 42
bodi|y сontaсt 81.92' 138, 143, emotions, expression of 13, 19,
152' 161' 1ф'17o'17т 224'2ж'28,42'1зo'14з,
bodytyрes 99-101 178
empathy 162
Calero, Henry 42, ф, 1з1 enсountergroups 172
сharisma 162-4 endomorph 99, 1(X), 103
сhi|dren .!0' 1з, eз,28' 89' 13il exerсises and eхperiments 16-17'
сhronemiсs 106 29.з0' 3и0,53.4,
сlassroom behaviour 140-.t 65{' 7н0' 924,
с|othes сhanging exerсise 102, i0з4' 11lЬ15,1Ы,
103-4 134.Б' 144-5' 1gg4'
communiсation ski||s 16' 178 165{, 173-5
Germans 129 markers 34' з7
gestures 41154 meetings 141
goodbye 43,83, 150 Mehrabian, AIbert 60-1
Greeks 127,129 mesomorph 99' 1(ю. .lo3
greetings 19,37,89' 12н0' 1zli} messages' seсrot 10&0
grooming 63,86, 161 miсromomentary expreslllltln 27
groups O0' 63,68-9, 142,172 Moore, Dudley 157
Moran' Robert 1з2
HaI|,Еdwards 68' .106' 127 Morris, Desmond 47{, 87, 80, 0O
handshakes 87{, 149
hair 24' 49,63, 1o2, 156' 16з Nierenberg, Gerаrd 42' .o' 131
happiness 22,26,119 non-verba| сommuniсstl()ll 12' 1|,
haotics 86 68' 106' 1rю
head сock ж'25,з5'з7,122' 1з1,
139, 143, 149 observation of body languшUn I t:l
head movements з1-8' 139' 150 oссupations, body Iangutц;tt ltr
head nods 38' 110' 112'1Ф'162 1з8-4.o
Hedin. Riсhard 87 business 139
homosexuals 14, 8il nursing 138
Hong Kong 76 pop stars 140
reсeptionists .t39
illustrators 42 teaсhing 14o
imitation (posture and gesture W interviewing 139
.t3o' .lэ8-e. |.2
сopying) 56'
.|43 orientation 67{0'
impression management 168
industrial relations 143 para|inguistiсs 117
interaоtion 12' 68' 78' 1ф oauses'109-10
interest 22,23 personal developmorlt 107 7li
interviewing 139 personal spaсe 69' 7н
intimaсy 87 physique 9&1(ю
Italians 129 posture 5ffi6
proxemiсs 68
Japanese 127,1N proximity 67-80
Jourard, Sidney 83,170 pupil dilation 157
quasi-сourtship behaviour 49' 52 sympathy 52
synсhronization l0$15
rapport 51,63, 169 synergy 172
regulators 4!!
role-playing 171 tapping 132
Roze|le, Riсhard 68 tenitoriality 76
time and timing 105-15
sadness 22 touсhing 8142
Sсhef|en' A|bert 49' 63 training in body |anguаge 27' 39'
sсratсhing 42 127,171-2
se|f-disс|osure 170 see a/so exerсises and experiments
se||ing 52' 97' 13l-з trust exerсise .|17-19
sex differenсes 37' 51' 98€ turn-taking 150
sign languages 42,53 ТV, observing body language on 6.4'
si|enсe 44, 10}10 121
smаll ta|k 151-2
smile 1S2l universal body language 130
Sommer, Robert 75-6
speeсh, non.verbаl aspeсts of verba| оommuniсation 16' 160' .t78
11Ф24 voca| charaсteristiоs 117
stanсe 5.5{6
staring lon 176 warmth 52'58,в7
status 11,60-l watсhing exerсise 8.€
stoepling 46, 131 .winking 12'32,Ф
'stranger value' 171
surprise 27 zigzagtable 724

,-s/
 body language
gordon r. wainwright

о Do you want to |earn how to understand and interpret body

language?
о Are you interestеd in the |atest theories and researсh?
о Wou|d you |ike to improve your own body Ianguage?

Body Language wi|l teaсh you how to use and rеspond to body
|anguage more effeсtive|y both in your persona| life and at work.
With the he|p of praсtiсa| exerсises, Iearn how to interpret the
silеnt messages of body |anguage whiсh reveaI far more than the
spoken word in сonveying true fee|ings.

Gordon R. Wаinwright is a speсiaIist in сommuniсation studies

and a сonsultant in human resourсe devеIooment.

Why not try о Psycho|ogy o Dream lnterpretation

o or visit www.teaсhyourself.сo.uk?
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