SUNDAY, SEPTEMBER 20, 2015 The Mayberry Shazam page1

The Mayberry
You
hear it… Shazam! We
print it!

Local Buzz Put On Your Riding Boots Ladies!

RECENT GAY
“Little Joe”
MARRIAGE Cartwright
RULING named as the
AFFECTS next Bachelor
MAYBERRY 
Reporter: Stephanie Longo
Reporter: Alison White
Little Joe Cartwright has just
Following the been named the next
legalization of gay Bachelor! This will be the
marriage, Sheriff Taylor 20th season for the popular
and Deputy Barney were ABC series. Cartwright, 21
finally able to legalize is a rancher from the ten-
their love. Much to the thousand square mile family
surprise of Thelma Lou, owned Ponderosa Ranch
Barney and Taylor had located near Virginia City,
been hiding their Nevada. He has had plenty of
feelings for years. The heart break in his life and is really hoping to find ‘the one’ this season. Joe states “I am
church was happy to hoping to find the love of my life. Someone I can bring home to Pa, and run our ranch
have a ceremony for with.” Joe is not only a rancher, but also very active in his community and their local
Taylor and Barney and law enforcement. In his spare time he plays cards in the local taverns and jokes with
Opie Taylor is thrilled to his older brothers Hoss, 33 and Adam, 27. Joe often takes part in various rodeos
welcome Barney into his around the Midwest with his Paint horse, Cochise. Joe is an experienced outdoorsman
life. At first hesitant, and craves adventure.
Aunt Bea eventually This season is bound to be full of surprises! Put on your riding boots ladies and hop in
came around and the saddle, it’s going to be a wild ride, YEEHAW!
welcomed this new AC
P
development. The
Civil Rights Comes to Mayberry NA
Sheriff and Deputy plan Reporter: Buffy Thomas
I n M a y b e r r y ’s a t t e m p t t o e n d businesses opened their doors to the
to retire and enjoy life segregation, the Mayberry School black community. When questioned if
together. Mayberry District hired its first black female the Sheriff’s department was anticipating
welcomes the new teacher. The school district hopes that any strong dissensions among the
this will aid in the integration of African residents, Mayberry Sheriff, Andrew
couple to our
American children into the classrooms. “Andy” Taylor, stated, “No, I do not
community. The Civil Rights Movement is slowly anticipate trouble. The good people of
filtering into the small community of Mayberry are reasonable and
Mayberry. This past month, small welcoming.”
SUNDAY, SEPTEMBER 20, The Mayberry Shazam page2

PIES STOLEN FROM SHERIFFS HOME!

Reporter: Rona Wells
It was a sad day in
Mayberry. The annual
town fair and pie eating
contest was going to
take place on Saturday
afternoon at 3:00 p.m.
Aunt Bea made five
blueberry pies. (And,
we all know about how
good Aunt Bea’s pies
are.) The pies were
baked on Friday and
left on the counter to
cool. Aunt Bea made
dinner for Opie and
Andy, watched some
television, then went to
bed. Sheriff Andy
Taylor said he closed
the doors and windows
and saw all the pies on
the counter. He was
tempted to cut a piece,
but he knew Aunt Bea
would be very unhappy,
to say the least, so he
closed the kitchen door
and went to bed. In the
morning, Sheriff Taylor
told this reporter, that he
heard Aunt Bea scream
from the kitchen. Andy
and Opie both ran
downstairs to see what
happened. They found
Beatrice “Aunt Bea” Taylor, famous for her homemade pies, is
saddened by the mystery of her missing blueberry pies.
Aunt Bea looking at five
empty pie plates. She
was beside herself. Aunt
Bea questioned Opie
and Andy if they ate the
pies. She was so mad
that she even looked in
their bedrooms. Aunt
Bea could not believe
that five pies could just
disappear. She made
Andy visit everyone
who knew she made the
pies and interrogate
them and see if there
was any blueberry
Otis (our town drunk),
but no one knew about
the pies. Poor Aunt Bea!
She did not want to let
the contestants down, so
with the help of Thelma
Lou, five more pies
were made. Since, it
was almost 3:00, time
of the contest, Aunt
Bea, Thelma Lou, Andy
and Opie brought the
new pies to the contest.
Since there was no time
to clean up the mess in
the kitchen, Aunt Bea
said they would clean
when they came home.
However, when they got
home cleaning the
kitchen was not a
evidence left behind.
priority. The priority
Andy went to Thelma
now was getting a
Lou’s house first and
family of raccoons:
told her what happened.
mom, dad and four
She could not believe it
babies off the counter
and, no, there was no
that contained all the
evidence of eaten
remnants from the new
blueberry pie. Andy
blueberry pies. Moral of
asked Deputy Barney
this story: when you
Fife to help with the
check to see if every
search. They paid a visit
window and door is
to Floyd at the barber
locked before you retire
shop and Goober and
for the evening make
Gomer at the gas
sure you include the
station. They even went
doggie door!
as far as tracking down

Dancing Andy
by Shannon Branom
Our very own Andy Taylor will be
competing in Dancing With The Sheriffs
next month! He’ll be going up against COUPON
sheriffs from Greensboro, Raleigh, Buy one Get one Free Tickets
Durham & Charlotte. We asked Sheriff (Goober & Gomer Fill’n Station)
Andy what he was excited about the most,
“I’m excited that the competition will be
held at our very own Cross Creek Country Dancing With The Sheriffs
Club”. The competition kicks off on
Friday, October 2 at 6pm at Cross Creek Friday, October 2, 2015 at 6:00pm
Country Club. Tickets can be purchased at Location: Cross Creek Country Club
the Fill’n Station with Goober and/or
Gomer. Let’s wish him luck!
*Judges TBA
SUNDAY, SEPTEMBER 20, The Mayberry Shazam page3

MUHRLE BOYS SET A CAT ON moments before the sheriff arrived. The
FIRE! following morning, as the town
Reporter: Kyle Brown gathered together for Sunday worship,
Last Sunday evening, the Muhrle boys, it was discovered that a dozen pigs from
Johnny and Stevie, stole Aunt Bea’s cat local farms had been released into the
and set him on fire. These two boys are parking lot preventing parking until all
known to be a little rebellious, but their could be rounded up. It is believed that
recent wake of destruction is affecting these attacks are just the first of many.
the community—from painting Editor’s note: Yesterday morning four
Principal Wagner’s car, to egging goats were found tearing through the
Mayor Filmore’s house. Fortunately for community eating everything in their
Aunt Bea’s cat, path. It is yet to be
Snuffles, the boys determined if this is

CRIME RATE
were caught by related to the
Deputy Fife who rampage of senior
made them bring pranks mentioned
the cat back to Aunt above or just the
Bea. Upon their neglect of Otis to

SPIKES IN
arrival Aunt Bea lock his goat pen
promptly snatched again.
Snuffles back and
beat the two boys
over the head with

MAYBERRY!
a broom. Hopefully
this puts the
Muhrle boys reign
of terror to an end.

HIGH SCHOOL
SENIORS OUT
OF CONTROL!
Reporter: Chelsea Upshaw INTERGALACTIC SPY ARRESTED!
With the school year coming to an end and graduation
Reporter: Deanna Rose
just around the corner, this year’s senior class of 13
Several of the women in Mayberry went to Sheriff
students has turned the quiet town of Mayberry upside
Andy Taylor to report their scarves had gone missing!
down! It started on Friday night when the Sheriff
Sheriff Taylor sent Barney Fife out to investigate.
received a report of some disturbance at the high
Upon arriving at Otis' home, he observed over one
school. When he went to investigate he found that
hundred scarves. After detaining Otis for questioning,
every entrance had been barricaded with the students’
he told officer Fife the aliens told him to lay out a
desks. The assailants escaped through a window runway of scarves for their safe arrival later that
evening and in return he would be
provided with a lifetime supply of
Mayberry Book Nook LIMITED-TIME SAVINGS booze! Otis confessed to stealing
the scarves off the clothes line

50%
once he noticed the women
returned inside , he said he
ANY ONE planned on returning them after
REGULAR PRICED ITEM the spaceship landed. After this

OFF confession Otis was arrested for

i n t e rg a l a c t i c t e r r o r i s m a n d
sentenced to house arrest with the
condition of NO booze
STORE COUPON VALID SUNDAY, SEPTEMBER 20, 2015 whatsoever or he would be put
THROUGH SATURDAY, SEPTEMBER 26, 2015 away!
SUNDAY, SEPTEMBER 20,
Life in Mayberry
News from Private Pyle
Reporter: Steven Hale
Beloved Mayberry
businessman Gomer Pyle has
completed his first week of
basic training in the  United
States Marine Corp.   In a
letter sent to his cousin
Goober, Private Pyle tells of
his initial experiences with the
Marines.   Pyle is under the
command of Sergeant Carter
who this week had the
privates attempt an obstacle
course.  Goober related to us
that, "Cousin Gomer didn't
pass the first time but he
practiced  every night so he
could make his Sergeant
happy."   Proving that with
hard work anything is
possible, Private Pyle passed
the course and exclaimed
"Shazam!" as he crossed the
finish line.  We will continue to
run weekly updates on the
adventure of Gomer Pyle,
U.S.M.C.
W H A T
HAPPENED?
Reporter: Jessica Vega
Aunt Bea was enjoying her
nightly hot toddy last night
when she began to hear yelling
coming from her neighbor’s
house. Now she wants to make
it clear that she wasn’t
eavesdropping but when she
heard the words “I’m going to
kill you!” along with some
sounds of a struggle; she
panicked and woke up Sheriff
The Mayberry Shazam page4
A Cry for HELP!!!
Reporter:
Melissa Gresko
“The scream for
help came from up
the street,” Aunt
Bea was frantically
telling Deputy
Barney Fife as he
answered the
phone at the police
station. Barney
grabbed his jacket
as he ran out the
door. It was around
7:30pm September
15. As he passed Aunt Bea’s house he heard the cry as well. He ran as
quickly as he could to get to the person in need. When he reached the
house he saw a little old lady on her porch rocking in her rocker crying
out, “HELP! Come here!” As he got closer he noticed it was Jud
Fletcher. Jud jumped off her rocker so quickly because she saw
someone running toward her. Broom in hand she was ready to take out
whomever was approaching. Barney saw the broom, immediately
stopped in his tracks, and asked Jud if she was the one screaming for
help. Jud, after catching her breath, sat back down on her rocker and
told Deputy Barney that she was calling her cat named Help to come
home because it was supper time.
Andy. Upon being woken up the wash room for a “time out”.
from a dead sleep by Aunt
Bea’s frantic words, Sheriff
After all was calm, it was
discovered that Sheriff Andy
Andy grabbed his gun and
rushed next door. After gaining
had been in his tighty whities
throughout the entire episode.
access into the home, it was Community Service, in the
discovered that the neighbor form of linen washing, has
was yelling at her cat because been discussed for the charge
she was rudely woken up by of indecent exposure.
her cat peeing on her pillow
next to her head. The
“struggle” sounds was from a
lamp being knocked over when
the neighbor went to turn on a
light. Sheriff Andy deemed that
the cat’s life was no longer in
danger, since it was currently in