fast like...

issue 1
free
Squirrel

student fashion...life...art...style...comment...poetry...media...music...opinion...
“Fast like...what?”
welcome to Fast Like...Squirrel
issue #01
Inside you will see a lot of different kinds of things. Some are about p o l i -
t i c s, some are about a r t and f a s i o n, some are about science. You’ll also find
p r o s e and p o e t r y, h a i k u s, m u s i c, m e d i a, r a m b l i n g s, f a s h i o n.... oh yes,
and even articles about cake... just go and read it!

This magazine is the product of a lot of work and sweat. It was started main-
ly but not exclusively by students at Sussex and Birghton. Away from union and
university constraints, it’s designed so that anybody can have a place where
they can publish their work, mouth off about something or get experience in
some aspect of this little niche. You see, with fast squirrel, anyone can con-
tribute.

What? Anyone can contribute?

Yeah, anyone can contribute. You can do it if you really want. All you gotta
do is something...anything....just do it... and email it to the squirrel in the
sky - and he snott fussy. It can be anything you like. That's the beauty of
the squirrel - it provides a forum for this diverse urban culture. A space to
be and a space to share. The squirrel is our friend. If you give him something
he will publish it - unless he thinks its nuts. That's why even the editors
don't know most of the contributers and most of the stuff here is so groovy -
we don't decide the content - its down to those who get up of their lazy, chem-
cally intoxicated arses and actually do something instead of ‘I don't wanna’,
‘its not cool’. ‘I'm to busy’. Bollocks.

It doesn't work with out you

So if you've got an idea or you wanna get involved in any way, reach out to
us like you would to a religion and we can all bask in the glory of The
Squirrel.

info@fastlikesquirrel.co.uk
i am the squirrel, you are the squirrel. Nuts to it... we’re all the squirrel.
 fast like......
Another local magazine?
the family
What the ****?
editorial stuff Ok, so this isnt technically
Dan Selinger news, but you’re probably read-
Alex Owen ing this, wondering why anyone
Ben Leach could possibly think that
Brighton needs yet another mag-
Deputy Chief Sub azine to add to the mountains
used as beer mats in the pubs
editor
and soakng up the greese in
Hannah O’Sullivan
Grubs. Well, here is an
explaination:
Photography Fast Like knows that people
Teo Spurring aren’t only interested in which
Ro Cemm gadgets poncy Londoners like to
Art babe burn their money on, where the
Grace Adams best funky house night is or
what Chris Eubank does in his
spare time.
All Extra art
That’s why, unlike other local
Pirate
mags, Fast Like... instead
gives us a space to share
Web Design ideas; a sense of community;
Randy Starr from the bleak concrete chasms
Contributors ex student bar reopens as
Mike Lask
Kim Fielding
playhouse
Paul Muthers Brighton University’s old stu-
dent union bar in Manchester
Maya Kjellstrand
Street has been re-vamped and re
Hannah O’Sullivan
opened as cosy cafe and small
Ben B. Burne playhouse. The builidng was
Louisa Strain bought by the university for the
Michael Homolka union in 1998 when the Grand
Liberty haynes Parade extension demolished the
Mike Ewer existing union bar. For reasons
Dave Williams best known to themselves, the
Isabelle O’Carrrol
Andi Farr
No More Excuses!
9:30 starts, the scourge of the
Adam Hennessey
student species, could soon
Tom Mower become a breeze with the intro-
duction of new broadband tech-
nology. Forget crowded 25 buses,
rain, sleet or seaside gales.
Soon it will be possible to
attend your lectures without
Fast Like Squirrel is unable to accept leaving the comfort of your own
any form of liability or damage for any home; thanks to WebCT, the
of the contents of this publication due American born e-learning system.
to the means of contribution employed.
Out go cold, lifeless lecture
Any views, ideas or opinions expressed
herein are solely those of the con- theatres, unwashed, unshaven
tributers, and, as such do not represent students and that dank, musty
those of the editorship, publisher or smell that we all know and love.
advertisers
In come text, images, animation,
(4) virtual whiteboards and video
of sussex’s prison, the office
blocks of mouslecoombe and the
pretentious haze of grand
parade.
This is a voice of the stu-
dents, not simply a listings
guide, a 32 page advert, or an
exclusive club for the editori-
al elite. This is a diverse
forum for the thousands of stu-
dents in this crazy little sea-
side town to come together and
make themselves heard.
Well, you get the point.
That should answer any of your
questions. Wether you agree
with us is another matter. If
you dont, well tell us. Tell us
what we’re doing wrong. E-mail
us and give us some grief...
its the only way we’ll learn!
bar never really made any money,
and closed down only a couple of
years later. The new venue is
being run by a brother sister
combo, with links both locally
and in the west end, so expect a
quality line up at this intimate
little venue. For more informa-
tion, go to www.jooglebury.co.uk
streaming.
WebCT are reported to have said
that virtual lessons put less
pressure on lecturers and stu-
dents and lead to higher exam
peformance. Interesting, but
probably not a concvincing rea-
son for universities to take the
scheme up in any real hurry. The
company also say that the system
offers higher performance for
l o w e r c o s t s. Now you're talk-
ing. Expect to see WebCT across
the city before you can utter
the words 'less fees, more con-
tact time'
news
 music26
D a v e W i l l i a m s on the void between the ever-pop-
ular gangsta-pop and local, home grown hip hop
Home Grown Hip Hop
opinion08 M i k e E w e r looks at the anti war demos and
asks why people say that nobody’s interested
in politics any more
the changing face of politics
science12
Ever felt like you are being watched?
P a u l M u t h e r s looks at one man who believes its
more than just a feeling the sixth sense
features

inside 01
regulars
media07 D a n S e l i n g e r on the compulsive, cult
like behaviour of online game players
Cyber Cult

the first installment of M i k e L a s k ’ s tale of prose29

drink, drugs, and.. greek tourist boats...
reckoning
fashion15
Chicks with hardly any clothes,
or an expresion of feminist girl power...
h o t p o t n o o d l e ...nah, its just a fashion shoot
art22
art work
this time... male and female representa-
tion in portraits lip gloss
other
poetry, haikus, ramblings, cake reviews, cartoons,
media, horoscopes, out of town
what more can you ask for?
Compulsive behavior,
broken
insomnia,
the
marriages,
job
loss
loss,
d e a t h , c o r p o r a t e c o n-
trol, of
cyber cult
boundaries between
'Death? Divorce? Because of
the real and the a computer game? Come on!
virtual... This all sounds like some-
thing from an early
Classic Hollywood nineties B-movie about the
script writing or the evils of the virtual world.
But this is reality. What
ultimate reality of started off as sci-fi is
really here. People are
online computer
actually getting lost in a
games? virtual word, sidelining
their real lives for their
'Clan' in an online commu-
nity. This isn't the Tron,
The Matrix, The Lawnmower
Man. Not even Total Recall.
This is today; this is
EverquestT M, Sony's online
role playing game, which
sucks 400,000 people into
their monitors every night.
So what is all the fuss
about? This is a game with
no end, and no rules. It's
not a shoot 'em up. No
blood and guts, and no con-
stant trigger happy button
bashing. Instead, it is a
constant quest to better
your character and gain
levels, skills and magical
items to boost your per-
formance. In order to suc-
ceed, you must team up with
other on-line gamers to
complete quests and better
your characters.
EverQuestT M isn't an
entirely new concept. Role
playing games have been
around since the start of
home computers, and online
games have been around
since the mid nineties. The
difference with EQ, is that
it isn't just a game, it's
an on-line world. When you
(6)
turn your computer off,
your character doesn't dis-
appear. It just stands
there vulnerable to attack.
When you leave, you have to
find a safe area and camp
out. You meet people on
line and go on quests which
can take hours to complete.
Leaving them to complete it
on their own is out of the
question. This could lead
to advancing a level for
all of you. This is impor-
tant!
It's scary stuff. People
get addicted to this game,
so addicted in fact that it
leads to inconceivable con-
sequences. In the USA, in
March 2002, a 21-year-old
Hudson man committed sui-
cide shortly after playing
Everquest. He was playing
for 12 hours a day. In
another case, a Florida man
pleaded guilty to aggravat-
ed manslaughter and sen-
tenced to 15 years in
prison after leaving his
son unattended in an apart-
ment for more than 24 hours
whilst he played the game.
Marriages are also regular-
ly destroyed. A support
group 'Everquest Widows'
has been set up, where
women often complain of
husbands neglecting their
wives, children, jobs and
anything else in the real
world. . People also pour
money into EQ; selling your
characters when you have
finished with them can
often earn you hundreds,
even thousands of dollars.
Media

You can even sell items such
as magical coats for hundreds
using on line payment systems.
'Online Gaming Anonymous' has
been created to try and help
those who realise their
dependency on on-line games
has got too much for them to
cope with.
This is a huge addiction, and
these are extreme examples,
but it's no bigger a problem
than drugs, alcohol, gambling
or anything else that people
find them selves becoming
attached to. Those with addic-
tive personalities or psycho-
logical problems are always
going to be enticed by a new
world offered to them, no mat-
ter what the source.
In the case of the 21 year old
who committed suicide, a psy-
chologist had diagnosed him
with depression and schizoid
personality disorder; symptoms
of which include a lack of
desire for social relation-
ships, little or no sex drive
and a limited range of emo-
tions in social settings. This
would explain why he felt the
desire to submerge himself in
the EQ world, in which he has
success, a social life and
power beyond his imagination.
Talking about EverQuestT M
addiction starts to sound like
Need to Check Your e-mail?
No Internet Access?
get down to
Net Central
Brighton’s Freshest Internet Cafe
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fast
a conversation about drugs.
Most people don't even get as
far as being addicted. Those
who do, do it too much, their
life starts to become distant,
they lose things from around
them, and in most cases, real-
izing that there is no end to
it, simply decide to give it
up.
What worries me more than the
addiction though is this: what
you are doing when you sign up
for EverQuestT M is paying
every month to have the privi-
lege of having the opportunity
to have this fantastic new
life. You give your money and
time to the cause, and, to
become a master of the game,
give up your whole existence
to become a subject of the new
world.
Does this hit anyone else as
slightly cult-like? Not only
because of the silly uniforms
or promises of bright lands
afar, but the fact that you
are signing your life away and
paying for this privilege. And
who is convincing these online
disciples to do such a thing?
Not a charismatic nut case,
but one of the biggest multi-
nationals on the planet.
It worries me that the Sony
Corporation has hundreds of
thousands of people lost in an
like......
alternative reality, forget-
ting about the world outside,
and doing anything, but any-
thing for their Everquest
world.
This is where it all gets a
bit sci-fi. We now live in a
world of always on internet
access and dedicated servers.
A world in which anybody can
easily get transported into a
virtual world with other real
people, and find themselves
being more involved in this
new existence than real life.
This is a network society in
which a multi national company
can get hundreds of thousands
of people to pay them for the
chance to join up in cyber
space. They can convince them
that it is more important than
going to work, making it seem
more important their wives and
feeding themselves or their
children. They can then get
them to trade VIRUAL items and
characters for REAL money,
thus losing their grips on the
boundaries between the two.
This new corporate-created
virtual community has the
power to effect, actively
change, and in extreme cases,
kill people in the real world.
If this isn't a script for a
Hollywood movie, I don't know
what is.
Dan Selinger
Net Central
82 Lewes Road
Brighton
BN2 3HZ
Tel: 01273 681006
 fast like......

the
changing
face of politics
The last general election saw one of the lowest turnouts in modern electoral
history. But the Stop the War protests have seen the largest peacetime and
largest wartime demonstrations this country has ever produced. Is there a
genuine attitude of apathy towards mainstream politics or are we witnessing
a change in the nature of political activity?
By Mike Ewer
There is a distinct apathy towards mainstream
politics. This was exemplified by the growth
of public disinterest with the war in Iraq;
or through what is termed ‘war fatigue’. The
dislocation of mainstream politics and public
interest is manifold in its causes.
Disillusionment with government policies,
scandal, bureaucracy and the reduced sover-
eignty (or independence) of nation states
have all been highlighted as such.

Governments and regimes now have less sover-

eignty over their policies. One reason for
this is that they must not be seen to iso-
late themselves from the international commu-
nity if they wish to continue trading for
commodities. The IMF, World Trade
Organisation and the World Bank are three
global institutions which, under the leading
influence of the United States, are thus
involved in a process of social engineering.
The aim is a global free market in which it
would be beyond the jurisdiction (and means)
of any one nation to implement economic, and
thus social, change. This is the last great
project of the seemingly distant
Enlightenment.

opinion
While Globalisation is a very
complex subject, new technology
seems to be a driving force in
bringing together the world’s
nations. However, coercing nation
states to come together under a
distinctly Calvinist, Anglo-
Saxon, and self-regulating free
market system is, in effect, to
legitimise this ideology’s domi-
nance over all others. Thus
causing all other cultures to
adapt to working under its par-
ticularly western framework. This
said; its intrinsic misconcep-
tions and contradictions are
already coming to the fore.
‘Free markets can exist
only as long as they
are protected from dem-
ocratic reform.’
The laissez faire ideal to which
the free market is appealing to,
and striving for, cannot be
reproduced. Also, the utopian
nature of a global free market
falls victim to its own
unachievable ideals: utopias by
their very essence cannot be
achieved. Another fallacy in the
ideal of a global free market is
simply that democracy contradicts
free market capitalism. Free
markets are not socially cohe-
sive. Therefore, there would
eventually be a majority vote to
bring about reform which would
make those free markets more
socially cohesive and lead to a
market society (one which would
be socially responsible/cohe-
sive). Free markets (markets
which are free from what is
deemed as the ‘unnatural’ inter-
ference from the state) are fun-
damentally entwined in a neces-
sity to uphold a strong central
authority to protect the autono-
mist nature of the market from
reform. Free markets can exist
only as long as they are pro-
tected from democratic reform.
The nature of political opposi-
opinion
tion to free market ethics has
been adapted by those who wish
to be political, but feel that
there vote, and voice, is being
overlooked. The Reclaim the
Streets and Anti Globalisation
movements are defined by their
use of information based resist-
ance, facilitated through modern
technology such as the Internet
and mobile communications. The
Stop the War Coalition has used
tactics of ‘civil disobedience’.
These include protesting in the
streets, causing traffic jams
and bringing city centres to a
stand still.
The famous sociologist Max Weber
claimed the state holds the
monopoly of legitimate violence.
One main feature of modern
political demonstration within
Western Democracies is that they
remain peaceful in their intent
and application. Although there
are splinter groups which adopt
the protests as a platform for
their own cause.
A large part in the anti global-
isation and peace protest move-
ments is played by the CND. Yet
they protest not just to help
protect the environment from the
damage caused by weapons of mass
destruction (whoever owns them),
but also, among other reasons,
because of what they interpret
as the waste of money and
resources incurred by their pro-
duction. To repeat what I heard
at a Public Enemy performance –
‘What good is a bomb?’ Between
1995 and 1999 the total value of
the legal arms trade was $111
billion US Dollars. Most of this
trade goes to regimes that are
militant in essence. Wasn’t the
recent war in the gulf just the
cleaning up of a mess created
when a regime was able to buy
most of its weapons from a prof-
it orientated and consequently
immoral West? Other major buyers
of western firepower have
included Saudi Arabia, Turkey,
Indonesia, India and Pakistan –
enough said.
According to the UN, in 1999 the
world spent $719 billion on run-
ning their military machines.
$520 billion was spent by Europe
and North America. This is 14
times more than is needed to
eradicate the very worst poverty
of the world. In the same year
the United States spent less
than $1 billion on peacekeeping.
It is figures such as these that
are causing unlikely candidates
to speak out.
‘I feel more affinity
with a political
unknown when compared
to another middle
aged, upper middle
class politician’
Chester P from the UK Hip Hop
group, Taskforce, has put him-
self forward as a candidate for
Mayor of London. He insists he
buys all of his clothes second
hand and is ‘keeping it real’
for people who cannot identify
with the greed and wealth they
live around. On a personal
level, I feel more affinity with
a political unknown when com-
pared to another middle aged,
upper middle class politician
who will not make any improve-
ment to the lives of those who
are in the most need. According
to the UN Development Programme,
between 1990 and 1998 the aver-
age income fell in 50 countries.
A global historical perspective
shows that the difference in
income between the worlds rich-
est and poorest has changed from
3 to 1 in 1820, 35 to 1 in 1950,
44 to 1 in 1973 and was recorded
at 72 to 1 in 1992 (UNDP, Human
Development Report 2000).
continued p.22
(9)
 Out of Town
(london)
...just don’t let
it get to you...
London. People who’ve come to
London as adults always com-
plain about how hard it was to
get settled here; its anonymi-
ty and enormity; how cold its
inhabitants are. But trust me –
A space for others to do their thing
grow up here, and it’s just
like any other small town.
Everyone goes to the same
school, hangs out in the same
pubs, does the same thing. Ten
years later, nothing has
changed. Some have gone to uni-
versity, come back, got jobs
and mortgages and babies, but
live five minutes from the
place they left, having said
they ‘had to get out’ with a
tired snarl on their faces.
Others never left, working in
tired drinking holes that you
all still get lashed in, and
talking about the next bar,
where the wages are great and
the manager is supposed to be
‘safe as fuck’. And the cir-
cle of incest never changes.
Ultimately we’re all inbreds,
but if every unhappy coupling
off had resulted in new life
then there would be a very
unfortunate generation spawned
from our loins whose sisters
were their cousins and uncles
their brothers (my family’s a
bit like that anyway, but then
that’s another story). It was
when I was sitting in one of
the aforementioned pubs with a
new group of people who were
exactly the same as the last,
and two blokes (both called
Ollie) - one that I had gone
to nursery school with and the
other I had slept with last
year walked in together, that
the insularity of it all hit
me. I had to leave.
Hannah Rohan
University College
London
 cake
review
It would appear that in con-
temporary western society,
cake is not seen as one of
the major food groups – we
think this is a great
tragedy. So maybe a big
slice of chocolate fudge
cake doesn’t contain your
RDA of vitamin C, but whoev-
er wanted to solve world
problems, lament a lost love
or ruin a diet over a bowl
of sprouts? No we thought
not…
This term we will be all
about back to school
boyfriends. What with buy-
ing new pencil cases and
‘school uniforms’ we could
hardly help ourselves think-
ing about the ultimate in
new school term accessories!
In order to discuss the
finer points of pretty boys
with mathematically inclined
hairstyles we have been
heading to The Sanctuary.
This badass cakery has a lot
to offer – a huge selection
of homemade cakes (including
some really yummy vegan
options), every tea imagina-
ble and fantastic pub-like
opening hours. When it’s
cold and dark and a pint
just won’t do this is the
perfect place to hang.
In the last few weeks we
have been mainlining lemon
meringue pie, coffee and
walnut gateau and banana nut
cake (this one earned major
scene points and warranted
two helpings in one sitting
when the original back to
school ‘love muppet’ disap-
peared never to be seen
again!)
Find The Sanctuary on
Brunswick Street East, Hove.
Grab some cake and some pep-
permint tea and watch the
hippies doing what they do
best….
Enjoy! xx xx
Hannah O’Sullivan
Maya Kjellstrand
(11)
 fast like......
The Sixth
Sense
By Paul Muthers
Have you ever wondered if
y o u c a n f e e l s o m e b o d y l o o k-
ing at your back?
Uneasy feelings come and go. As
do crackpot scientists. But I
know that I have felt that
warm, uncomfortable feeling of
being watched. I also know that
if you stare long and hard
enough at someone that they’ll
tend to react. In fact I’m
pretty sure most of you will
know exactly what that sensation
is like to experience. e3ro
this phenomenon has had most of
the scientific community label
him a crackpot, but as you will
see, it isn’t that simple.
The man who has delved in to
this unpopular area of research
is Rupert Sheldrake, who, among
a lot of other interesting
work, wrote a book called Seven
Experiments That Could Change
the World: A Do-It-Yourself-
Guide to Revolutionary Science.
In this publication he explains
his simple experiment to test
whether we can feel that we are
being stared at
Sheldrake is not the first sci-
entist to have noticed this
phenomenon. Others, including
the psychologist E.B. Tichener
(1898) described the feeling as
“a state of unpleasant tingling,
which gathers in volume and
intensity until a movement which
(12)
shall relieve it becomes
inevitable” and studied this
occurrence almost a century ago.
The results of Titchener’s
experiment are remarkably simi-
lar to those of Rupert
Sheldrake, with results for
guessing correctly when someone
was actually looking at around
60% for both studies (see
graph). If we consider that
this feeling of being stared at
should not influence the guess-
ing accuracy when no one was
looking, the results become even
more significant.
The idea that “unseen” staring
can be detected has been sup-
ported in a number of other
studies with accuracy rates for
detecting actual staring as high
as 68-86% (Coover 1913),
With ever higher accuracy’s
detected by Williams (74%, 1983)
and Braud, Shafer, and Andrews
(92% 1993a). Though the numbers
are strong facts, what can be
concluded from them is much
more vulnerable
to doubt.
Sheldrake seems
to be the one of
the few who actu-
ally accepts
these results as
showing we have
an ability to
sense someone
else’s gaze. His theory of
‘morphogenetic fields’, which
are in many ways similar to a
type of magnetic field generated
by our bodies, claims that a
part of this field reaches out
when we concentrate on some-
thing. Another person can,
through his or her own field,
sense a disturbance therefore
has a feeling (sense experience)
of being stared at.
Most other scientists ‘explain
away’ the results arguing, among
other things, that the ‘random’
sequences of staring and not-
staring used during these stud-
ies were, in fact, not random
at all and were being uncon-
sciously predicted by the par-
ticipants (David F. Marks and
John Colwell in Skeptical
Inquirer magazine
September/October 2000).
The problem with this argument
is that, although it may be
true, it is technically almost
impossible to produce a random
sequence of 2 events that can-
sicence
 fast like......

not be seen as having a pat- burning

tern, without stretching this there has
sequence to a ridiculous been for
length. many
The argument commonly used to years”,
explain this occurrence in non-
laboratory conditions is that The step of
the eye is attracted to move- burning his
ment and the starer’s gaze is book may
therefore attracted to the sta- seem rather
ree’s head turning in his extreme
direction (Titchener, E.B. when we see
1898. The feeling of being that Rupert
stared at. Science (New Sheldrake
Series):VIII, 208, December 23, is essen-
895-897). This argument, of tially
course, only works when the arguing
staree (person being stared at) that we
starts moving their head before have not
the starer is looking at them. yet
obtained an
If these explanations sound a absolute
bit desperate to you, it may understand-
help to understand how revolu- ing of our
tionary the implications of world.
Sheldrake’s theory of ‘morpho- As
genetic fields’ are considered Sheldrake
to be. While the magazine New writes:
Scientist called his book A New “Most biol-
Science of Life “an important ogists take
scientific inquiry into the it for granted that living bility that at least some of
nature of biological and physi- organisms are nothing but com- the phenomena of life depend on
cal reality”, Nature described plex machines, governed only by laws or factors as yet unrecog-
it as “the best candidate for the known laws of physics and nised by the physical sci-
chemistry. I ences.”
Sheldrake though doesn’t
myself used
always tread as carefully. He
to share
Do You Believe? this point
of view. But
points out that it was Francis
Bacon who believed scientists
should be part of a new priest-
Try it yourself. Just have one face away from the over a peri-
hood. And in his view that’s
other (making sure they are not looking at any mir- od of sever- how science has functioned ever
al years I
rors, reflective surface, etc…) and get them to close since — most of our modern
came to see
their eyes. Randomise what you’ll will do next (e.g. that such an priests are “busy doing genetic
research for Monsanto” and the
flip a coin or something) and then, after giving a assumption
former editor of Nature, John
signal, let them guess whether you’re staring at the is difficult
Maddox is then something like
to justify.
back of their head or not (concentrate on the person “the pope of science”.
For when so
when you’re staring and think of something else when little is
you’re not). Make sure you use a signal that’s always actually continued next page....

the same (knock on a bit of wood or something but understood,

don’t just say ‘ready!’ because your tone of voice there is an
open possi-
could give the answer away).

science (13)
 The Fish Bowl of data and years of
testing before they can
be accepted into the cir-
74 East Street Btn. cle of scientific knowl-
edge. As we can all do
the ‘sense of being
01273 777505
stared at’ experiment
ourselves and a new
Open 11am - 11pm
large-scale e-mail exper-
iment (see www.shel-
Food served till 5pm drake.org) is currently
in the pipeline, the
Selected drinks Promotions world of science may be
confronted with masses of
Happy Hour 5-7 Monday-Thursday data a lot sooner than it
is used to.
But we should ask
DJ’s: Thursdays: Russ / Fridays: Fungle / Saturday: Gazebo ourselves if we accept
our own findings to be
true by proving them to
continued from previous page... methods to empirically test his our own individual standards,
theory makes him more than a who needs permission from
Indeed, Maddox called Sheldrake heretic and the fact that he authority to believe in them
a “lapsed Jesuit attacking the freely offers most of his inde- just as long as we stay open to
church of science”, and advocat- pendently attained knowledge new arguments?
ed the burning of Sheldrake’s through the Internet means it is
books saying, “He deserves to be difficult to accuse him of being
condemned for the exact same motivated by anything other than
reasons the Pope condemned an honest desire for the truth;
Galileo.” an accusation that many other
scientists would have far more
The fact that Galileo was right difficulty answering to.
springs to mind here. Also that The world of science is
three centuries and the period famous for spinning very slowly
of ‘enlightenment’ (a time in and all advances require masses
which mankind moved
away from accepting
belief advocated by
authority, towards
knowledge gathered
through observations
and experiments)
separate us from
those days, gives
me hope that
Sheldrake’s argument
won’t simply be
rejected for con-
flicting with too
many accepted
assumptions.
The fact that
he uses scientific

(14)
 fast like......

hot pot
noodle
those long winter nights are
long gone, but why not recreate
them? Just crank up the heating,
take your clothes off and let
your imagination run riot...

fashion
(15)
fast like......

Cutie
33 Kesington Gardens
North Laine
Brighton (01273) 693968

Rocket
23 Kesington Gardens
North Laine
Brighton
the noodles take y
(01273) 672053
the clothes will
 photography...
Teo Spurring
production...
Hannah O’Sullivan
Maya Kjellstrand
models...
you up, Kim Fielding
Olivia Herbert
l see you through Luke Bissett
Ben B. Burn
fast like...reviews
Ok, so here’s the
deal. Events in
Brighton and Hove
offer a plethora
of comedy, film,
theatre and other
c u l t u r a l a n d c o m-
munity events.
Venues such as
THE GARDNER ARTS
CENTRE, THE DUKE
OF YORK’S CINEMA,
K O M E D I A a n d C I N E-
MATQUE constantly
show top notch
a l t e r n a t i v e e n t e r- Preview: told by the Bryan Adams
looking mutha fucker who
tainemt. So much
Paul Morocco and Ole reckons he runs the fast
so that we cant
Komedia like… joint that I had to
d o t h e m a l l j u s-
do a preview of a show
tice each month. Sunday, 18th May,
playing there I wasnt
As the issues of 19:00
thinkin it’d be all sweet-
Fast Like… fly by
ness and light. Anyhow, I
we’re gonna pick It isnt normal procedure but
did the research. I’m sup-
the cream of the I wanna do a review of
posed to be previewing Tom
crop, t h e b a d- something I haven’t seen
Morrocco and Ole –oh, its
dest, the top big yet. I guess that’s the sort
got critical acclaim!! From
daddy bollox of of thing that’d go down
what I can gather the whole
high (and low) well. I‘ll go see it and
show is these three dudes
brow non- tell you all what I thought
throwin their guitars around
alchoholic the next time round. You
and juggling ping pong balls
Brighton life and could even go see it Your
with their mouths and playin
let you now what self an write in an tell me
with fire in tights. It’s a
we think its what you reckoned. You see
crazy bunch of guys doin
gonna be like. Komedia is about as close to
crazy things in b-towns
Then we’ll give the physical embodiment of
hippest joint and I gotta
you free tickets ‘hip Brighton’ as it is pos-
say my first opinion was
to go and see it sible to get. Now this aint
lacking that special kind of
to see if it something that makes me
fervent good time joviality
lives up to wanna come over all ‘arnt I
that so easily characterised
expectations. cool’. In fact the only time
all the other reviews I
We’ll go crazy I ever went near the place
read.
and call it Fast was when I was trying to
Like…Reviews. show my girlfriends mum a
smooth. good time. So when I was

Reviews
 fast like......

I guess I lack that whole ‘big up the
bandwagon’ ethic that others find so
easy. But then… I guess… I guess I
read on a bit, kept trawling through
the reviews and slowly started to come
around to the fact that these dudes
couldn’t help the press they were get-
ting. They didn’t choose to have peo-
ple sucking their ass with the preci-
sion of a machine. And more, when you
see the pictures of these dudes, you
really cant say they aint goin for it.
So I figure what the hey, maybe its
worth a look – I love music and comedy
and stupidity so maybe this ‘zany
trio’ have more to offer than I
thought. Flamenco guitar is always
good to watch no matter how bollocks
the image and I reckon there’s a lit-
tle dread head in all of us who loves
fire and jugglin and stuff and if they
tell jokes as well then, then, well
all the better. I say good times.
By Alex Owen

Review:
Give us a chance!
WIN TICKETS T O SEE PAUL MORROCO AND OLE
Courtesy of Komedia
If you would like to go see this show and write a review for next month’s
issue, simply do something stupid, document it and email it to:
info@fastlikesquirrel.co.uk
 fast like...
hip hop
In the maelstrom of R’n’B
and Hip-Pop-metal fusion
t h a t i s t o d a y ’ s m a i n-
stream hip hop scene, it
seems that the discerning
beat head is left with
little option but to do
it themselves. With the
e x c e p t i o n o f t h e o c c a-
sional killer event,
Brighton’s hip hop scene
is somewhat lacking in
energy.
With UK hip hop continuing
its rise as a credible genre
and with artists like Black
Twang, Braintax and Taskforce
leading the way with intelli-
gent lyrics and a style that
just refuses to be ignored,
you might think that our
town, as the renowned party
centre of the South, would be
at the forefront of a new
music scene. But it seems
this is not the case: Radio
(20)
anomalous
representation is severely
lacklustre, with no legiti-
mate radio stations catering
for those who truly feel hip
hop, instead pumping out
watered down, hardcore piss
across the airwaves to the
tune of Dr Dre-Eminem-50 Cent
style gangsta pop (and their
female equivalents).
Meanwhile, flyers promoting
little but drum and bass and
breakbeat/house, with a pos-
sible …and hip hop following
the headliners, and few, if
any, open mic nights like the
fortnightly Slip Jam-B ses-
sion at the Freebutt leave us
true followers asking "Where
do we go from here?"
With Brighton still firmly in
the grip of the Fatboy Slim
style, twenty- something
dance frenzy or the most
heinous of public school jun-
galists, if the clubber is
searching for an alternative,
the options are limited. This
could be down to the lack of
specialist record shops in
the Brighton area - Bang, 52
T
Records, Edgeworld and
Rounder Records are the only
places I seem to be able to
find any beats worth playing.
Personally though, I think it
is more to do with the lack
of a musically sophisticated
public. Most places pander to
the average, A-typical stu-
dent and what they think a
night out should be in a town
where so many nights are on
offer. In short, the average
student is (supposedly) look-
ing for cheap entry, cheap
drinks and plenty of whichev-
er sex they happen to be
into… music is, even if only
a close second, still second.
And yet there are those who
would seek to make a differ-
ence.
Music
All over Brighton there are people, normally played in this town. And for those who
hidden away in bedrooms or seen stumbling to aren’t into the making, but prefer the appre-
the decks hazed at after parties making it ciation side of the music: don’t be afraid
their own tunes, creating their own sounds to try something a little different yourself.
and styles and keeping it too quiet. Granted, Write in to Fast Like… and let me and them
some do have the guts to put on individual, know what you think of whatever you have
personally funded nights or promote them- attended, or want to attend. To the promot-
selves as hip hop only dj’s on the scene, if ers, send in a ticket or two and they’ll (or
only for their own satisfaction. But such I’ll) give you a review and perhaps together
nights are either poorly attended, or poor in we can achieve that all important bit of
quality (often both) and often the ‘true publicity that Brighton’s independent hip hop
school’ dj will throw in something by Shy fx scene so sorely needs. By Dave Williams
just to keep the crowd happy. But sometimes,
just sometimes, you can still hit on a real
gem. mmm...
Surely what Brighton needs to do is take a
leaf out of the rest of UK hip hop’s book of
top ten booka hits and just go for it: go to
zesty
the trouble of making something new, and then
make sure its put out. We have the most
readily available arena for experimentation
and diversity that many have seen, or will
see once our young university stint is over,
and it seems a shame to waste such opportu-
nity on the kind of dross that usually gets fast like...music

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us or see
www. energyflashrecords.com
Continued from p.9
We in the UK are members of the
world’s economic super elite,
no matter how late the trains
run. In my opinion it is this
realisation that is, in part,
changing the face of politics.
People of all walks of life are
beginning to realise that they
are members of a privileged
few. With more money, taking
for granted of the constant
access to food, water and hous-
ing, and an increasingly broad
and wide-ranging worldview
through the advent of the
information age, it is hardly
surprising that politics and
morality are changing. People
are beginning to realise that
it is within their means, and
thus morally necessary, for
them to help those who are less
fortunate; to stop the
exploitation of the many by the
few, even if they themselves
are the ‘few’ and the changes
start at home. Thus the elec-
torate is beginning to realise
that capitalist governments can
never truly be democratic and
that globalisation has as many
cons as pros. But perhaps the
most important change in the
nature of politics is that the
people of the world are finally
beginning to unite on a mean-
ingful level in their opposi-
tion to the dominant hierarchi-
cal elites, with all their pos-
sessive individualism and greed.
New modes of social organisa-
tion are possible. We should
all look to the social move-
ments gaining momentum across
Latin America and more recently
the anti globalisation and anti
war demonstrations across Europe
for hope, inspiration and as an
indication of the nature of
this new face of politics.
Perhaps, if we are lucky, these
egalitarian, unselfish and truly
democratic ideals will come to
fruition and be recorded by
history as the last great rami-
fications of the Enlightenment.
Better that than our era be
characterised by the aggressive
arrogance of global capitalism.
For more information on this
and issues related to it try
reading ‘False Dawn’ by John
Gray (Granta Books) or ‘No
Logo’ by Naomi Klein.
Do you agree with this article?
Did you disaagree? Did it fill
you with rage? Not bothered?
Whatever you think, we want to
know. the voice above is not
the voice of the squirrel. the
squirrel only says what you
tell him to. If you have a dif-
ferent opinion, the sqirrel
will love to hear it, so get it
to him.
info@fastlikesquirrel.co.uk :)

Where’s Paxman?
Answer the question. Not that I’ve done much (any)
Where has Jeremy Paxman research into this, but I
gone? Well? Just answer can’t give any meaningful
the question. You can’t, response either. While watch-
can you? ing Newsnight for the third
time in a row the other day-
?
a record for me, but there is
a war on – I noticed some-
thing was wrong. I couldn’t
quite put my finger on it at
first: Had I eaten too much?
Did Al just fart again? Was I
missing Champions League
highlights on the other side?
Maybe all of the above But
more importantly the con-
spiquousness by absence of
Jeremy Paxman, the take-no-
prisoners, take-no-bullshit,
question-setting, answer-get-
ting post-watershed- for-a-
reason political journalist.
I don’t really want to sound
like a gushing, hero-worship-
ping student – apparently
JP’s something of an icon –
but his colleagues are such a
bunch of pussies that when
standing next to them you do
start to doubt his mortality.
The rest of the presenters
seem to be recruited by
political spin-doctors to cue
the interviewee’s dozens of
scripted soundbites. With all
these crazy bastards running
around the world causing all
sorts of trouble, we need
someone for them to answer
to, and that, I put to you,
is Paxman. There is no-one
else for the job, and the
reason he’s not around must
be some kind of conspiracy
between the BBC, the Tony
Blair Party, the Pentagon and
Exxon Mobile – there’s
absolutely no other possibil-
ity.
He’s just got to be brought
back before everyone forgets
about this war. I’d love to
see him go twelve rounds with
Donald Rumsfeld, George Bush
would be far too much of a
mismatch
By Ben B. Burne
Media
 fast like...art
The liitle rodent loves a pretty picture, so he
thought it would be good to offer a space for the
people who make such lovely images to show us what
they’re up to. This issue we found a few high
quality bits and pieces in a portrait style. The
squirrel loved them so here they
are.....
If you’ve got any work that
you’d like us to give the Squirrel

(21)
stamp of approval - drop us a line.
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Web: www.synergygallery.co.uk
Liberty haynes

Ellie

Adam hennessey
Tom mower

art
 the day we can both
reckoning hold our ground, but if
I went to jail I would-
n’t know the first thing
to do.
"What the fuck do
they want?" is all I
heard Earl say before
there was a knock on
‘a little story for the magazine’ he the window.
I looked out to see a
said...
uniformed officer asking
...check out this raw litterary talent, me to roll down the
window, "Do you have
your ticket?"
What am I doing on a seven in the morning. We
‘Shit! Is that it? I
midnight ferry to will then proceed
have to relax.’ The cop
Athens, on the night directly to a speciality
glanced at my ticket and
before my only day of liquor store, conve-
moved on.
work, during the height niently located between
I decided now was a
of tourist season? The the English and American
good time to take a
guy sitting next to me Embassies, where we will
couple of the valiums
is a lunatic, don’t get purchase approximately
Earl managed to secure
me wrong he’s a lovely two hundred quid’s worth
of the local doctor
guy, but he is crazy. of liquors, liqueurs,
before we left. In no
Eight hours ago I let and three bottles of
time I was asleep in
Earl talk me into taking tequila. With any luck
the front seat of my
my car from a remote we’ll have this done by
car, aboard a ferry, in
sunny island to Greece’s eleven or twelve when we
the middle of the
capital city, to pur- will call this phantom
Mediterranean.
chase a half pound of dealer who is willing to
It’s so hard to wake
smoke from some locals sell two tourists he
yourself after a pleas-
that we have never seen doesn’t know a substan-
ant Valium sleep; at
or met. I understand the tial chunk of dope.
least that’s what I
problem we have, we’re Earl’s managed to
thought it was, when I
stuck on an island away convince a DJ from our
checked my stash it was
from civilisation for local island bar to give
more like a Valium coma.
another two months, him a contact in Athens.
My eyes couldn’t focus,
without a joint to be It’s wrong; from the
my mate was oblivious,
had for miles. very get go I’ve had a
and I was driving from
So here we are, we bad feeling. We could
the safe, dark belly of
have a phone number, six just get robbed or beat-
a ship into a world of
packs of cigarettes, a en, or the port police
bright light and danger.
wad of cash and my could search us. If
stomach has been we’re caught I’ll lose Micheal Lask
clenched for what feels my car, and face a mere
like days. If everything life sentence for drug (...get part two of four
goes as planned we smuggling. I’m not so next issue)
should reach Piraeus, worried about being
the main port, by robbed, At the end of
(28) Prose

Memory of Celeste
At Present
Alameda is still sweet.
Its familiar menagerie of flowers
And strange coloured stalks
Cling to your perfume
Like the word we used
To describe the photograph
You gave me.
I admit the air feels heavier and greyer,
And harder to breathe and appreciate –
The other greys on the sidewalk and water
Look greyer too, too much so.
All the symbols:
Long green trees,
Imprinted footsteps on the sand,
The Safeway with your number
Still in their system,
And I
Stand here indentured
To this island,
Trying to trace out your shadows,
But frustrated and annoyed that they didn’t
linger.
Hey, I'm a made guy
So get da fuck outta here
Bada bing
The meaning of life
Leave at your own chosen speed
More biscuits?
What am I to do?
Her face and her arrogance
Don't add up
p fo ae st hr -y
fast like... fast
The mornings I leave San Francisco and you
Seem ripe to the point of sourness
With the sentiments of returning to a couch
That has the guitar, the lamp, and the
music sheets.
In this, the other city, I can’t
Lead my bike down your red carpeted
Hallway at a moment’s notice.
Tramping back from the bus stop
Behind a mottled man with a brown face
That yesterday was probably whiter
Who sings about making room for Jesus,
I think of so many stories of you,
Half true, half embellished,
The other half I can’t remember which.
In this cold open mouthed vacuum,
I call it the casket of morning.
This watering hole has rhythm, though,
still,
And you might come here soon
Or I might go to you or just go away
But I will stargaze continually
In search of the happy face you drew in dust
For someone else
Michael Homolka
haiku
Ben B. Burne
Celestial strobe
The road is wet and shiny
Frogs will die
The wink of an eye
An understanding is forged
All is lost
It's soul destroying
The pretentiousness of
My haikus (29)
 fast like......

Hororscope of the month

Scorpio A cashew nut and four transparent sheep will be the focus of
your dreams this period, symbolising a treatise between you and
your innermost urchin. If this is not weird enough, six rascals, a scamp, two
imps, a scallywag, the lower half of a mischievous elf, some pixies, and a lost
gremlin are about to eat your toes. No, not those ones; the other ones.

american pie
Louisa Strain "And I flew over Ireland once when I was 5
months old."
a conversation made up from actual Great, I’m impressed that you are taking
questions asked to me by miseducated an interest in the rest of the world.
Americans whilst I was studying at "How long does it take to drive to Ireland?"
The Univesity of Miichigan I think you’re getting a little
confused, the tunnel connects France to
"Are you Austrailian?” England, not Ireland to England. Ireland is a
“Are you Canadian?" completely separate island, it is the smaller
Close, but not really that close one on the left slightly closer to you guys.
m a t e . T r y a g a i n . T a k e a n o t h e r g u e s s , i t ’ s r e a l- "I just love your accent, do you really sit
ly not that difficult. around all day drinking tea and eating those
"Where are you from?" crumpet things?"
Birmingham, England Actually, yes I do. I have crumpets and
"Oh Alabama" tea for breakfast everyday, fish and chips for
No, ENGLAND lunch and a scone and jam later on if I’m
"Oh, Do you miss London?" still a little peckish. Just like you all eat
Actually no, because I’m not from f i v e b i g m a c s a d a y , g o s h o o t i n g i n t h e a f t e r-
London. noon and settle down with the remote control
"What’s London like?" and a big box of popcorn to a nice episode of
It’s very nice, but I don’t live there. Jerry Springer in the evening.
"Did you go to school with the Spice Girls?" "You guys have a new flag don’t you?"
Erm no. Er, no
"I have a friend from London called John, do "You know, that big red cross?"
you know him?" That’s actually the English flag. I then
Oh yes, that John, I know him very well, proceeded to spend around 2 hours explaining
what a coincidence, we both know John in the the concept of Great Britain and the makeup of
London-where-everyone-must-know-everyone- the Union Jack to a group of very interested
because-it-is-so-small. American wannabe British geography students.
"My great uncle’s, half sister’s daughter’s,
fiance’s dog was from London you know."
Really, how fascinating.

(30) back pages

 the squirrel has worked his tiny little arse off to get his magazine out, and
now he wants to chill. what better way than to do the...

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