DIALOGO.

ADYLSON = TED INGRID = ROBIN

PEDRO = BARNEY RODRIGO = MARSHALL CLAUDIA = LILI

8-29

TED: It was way back in 2005.

TED: I was 27, just starting to make it as an architect.
TED: and living in New York with Marshall, my best friend from college.
TED: My life was good.
TED: And then Uncle Marshall went and screwed the whole thing up.
MARSHALL: Lili, Will you marry me?
TED: Yes. Perfect!
TED: And then you're engaged. You pop the champagne.
TED: You drink a toast. You do it on the kitchen floor.
TED: Don't do it on our kitchen floor.
MARSHALL: Got it. Thanks for helping me plan this out, Ted.
TED: Dude, are you kidding? It's you and Lilly. I've been there for all the big moments of
you and Lilly:
TED: night you met, your first date, other first things.
MARSHALL: Yeah, sorry. We thought you were asleep.
TED: It's physics, Marshall.
TED: If the bottom bunk moves, the top bunk moves, too.
TED: My God. You're getting engaged tonight.
MARSHALL: Yeah. What are you doin' tonight?
TED: I'm calling up your Uncle Barney.
BARNEY: Hey, so you know how I've always had a thing for half-Asian girls?
BARNEY: Well, now I've got a new favorite... Lebanese girls.
BARNEY: Lebanese girls are the new half-Asians.
TED: Hey, you want to do somethin' tonight?
BARNEY: Okay, meet me at the bar in 15 minutes. And suit up!
CHANGE OF SCENE… AT THE BAR. 39 - 48
BARNEY: Where's your suit?
BARNEY: Just once, when I say suit up, I wish you'd put on a suit.
TED: I did that one time.
BARNEY: It was a blazer!
TED: You know, ever since college it's been, Marshall and Lilly and me.
TED: Now, it's gonna be Marshall and Lilly... and me.
TED: They'll get married, start a family.
TED: Before long, I'm that weird, middle-aged bachelor their kids call Uncle Ted.
BARNEY: I see what this is about.
BARNEY: Have you forgotten what I said to you the night we met?
CHANGE OF SCENARIO… MANY YEARS AGO. 49 - 62
BARNEY: Ted, I'm gonna teach you how to live.
BARNEY: Barney. We met at the urinal.
TED: Oh, right. Right.
BARNEY: Lesson one: lose the goatee.
BARNEY: It doesn't go with your suit.
TED: I'm not wearing a suit.
BARNEY: Lesson two: get a suit.
BARNEY: Suits are cool. Exhibit "A."
BARNEY: Lesson three: don't even think about getting married till you're 30.
RETURNING…
TED: Right. You're right.
TED: I guess it's just, your best friend gets engaged, you start thinking about that stuff.
BARNEY: I thought I was your best friend.
BARNEY: Ted, say I'm your best friend.
TED: You're my best friend, Barney.
CHANGE OF SCENARIO… WHILE, AT MARSHALL’S HOUSE. 72 - 82
LILI: I'm exhausted.
LILI: It was finger-painting day at school,
LILI: and a five year-old boy got to second base with me.
LILI: Wow ! You're cooking?
MARSHALL: Yes, I am.
LILI: Aw... Are you sure that's a good idea?
LILI: After last time, you looked really creepy without eyebrows.
MARSHALL: I can handle this.
MARSHALL: I think you'll find I'm full of surprises tonight.
LILI: So, there's more surprises? Like what ?
MARSHALL: Boogedyboo!
MARSHALL: And that's all of 'em.
MARSHALL: I'm gonna go... cook.
100-107
MARSHALL: Oh, hey, look what I got.
LILI: Oh, honey! Champagne.
MARSHALL: Yeah.
LILI: No. You are too old to be scared to open a bottle of champagne.
MARSHALL: I'm not scared.
LILI: Then open it.
MARSHALL: Fine.
MARSHALL: Please open it?
LILI: You are unbelievable, Marshall.
MARSHALL: Will you marry me?
LILI: Of course, you idiot!
A MINUTES LATER…. 119 - 122
MARSHALL: Where's that champagne?
MARSHALL: I wanna drink a toast with my fiancée.
MARSHALL: I don't know why I was so scared of this.
MARSHALL: It's pretty easy, right? (HIT HER)

RETURNING… AT THE BAR 128 – 131 / 136 – 144. / 156 – 182.

TED: Plus, Marshall's found the love of his life.
TED: Even if I was ready, which I'm not...
TED: but if I was, it's, like, "Okay, I'm ready. Where is she?"
TED: And there she was.
TED: Hey, Barney, see that girl?
BARNEY: Oh, yeah. You just know she likes it dirty.
BARNEY: Go say hi.
TED: I can't just go say hi.
TED: I need a plan.
TED: I'm gonna wait until she goes to the bathroom,
TED: then I'll strategically place myself by the jukebox...
BARNEY: Hi, have you met Ted?
ROBIN: Let me guess... Ted.
TED: So, what do you do ?
ROBIN: I'm a reporter for Metro News One.
ROBIN: Well, kind of a reporter.
ROBIN: I do those dumb little fluff pieces at the end of the news.
ROBIN: You know, like, um...
ROBIN: monkey who can play the ukulele.
ROBIN: I'm hoping to get some bigger stories soon.
TED: Bigger, like, uh... gorilla with an upright bass?
TED: Sorry. You're really pretty.
TED: Oh, your friends don't seem to happy.
ROBIN: Yeah, see, the one in the middle just got dumped by her boyfriend.
ROBIN: So, tonight, every guy is "the enemy."
TED: You know if it'll make your friend feel better,
TED: you could throw a drink in my face. I don't mind.
ROBIN: She would love that!
ROBIN: And it does look fun in the movies.
TED: Hey, you wanna have dinner with me Saturday night?
ROBIN: Oh, I can't
ROBIN: I'm going to Orlando for a week on Friday.
ROBIN: Some guy's attempting to make the world's biggest pancake.
ROBIN: Guess who's covering it?
TED: That's gonna take a week?
ROBIN: Yeah, he's gonna eat it, too. It's another record.
FRIEND: Hey! What's takin' so long?
TED: Uh, I know this is a long shot, but how 'bout tomorrow night?
ROBIN: Yeah. What the hell? 2SEC
ROBIN: Jerk!
ROBIN: That was fun. 184- 188
BARNEY: De... wait for it... nied!
BARNEY: Denied!
TED: We're goin' out tomorrow night.
BARNEY: I thought we were playin' laser tag tomorrow night.
TED: Yeah, I was never gonna go play laser tag.
AFTER DINNER 257 – 264 - 296
TED: What do you think?
BARNEY: I can't believe you're still not wearing a suit.
TED: She didn't even give me the signal.
BARNEY: What, is she gonna, she gonna bat her eyes Ayou in Morse code?
BARNEY: "Ted... kiss me." No! You just kiss her!
TED: Not if you don't get the signal.
BARNEY: Did Marshall give me the signal?
MARSHALL: No! I didn't. I swear.
BARNEY: But, see, at least tonight,
BARNEY: I get to sleep knowing Marshall and me,
BARNEY: never gonna happen.
BARNEY: You should have kissed her.
TED: Oh, I should have kissed her.
TED: Well, maybe in a week when she gets back from Orlando.
BARNEY: A week? That's like a year in hot girl time.
BARNEY: She'll forget all about you.
BARNEY: Mark my words... you will never see that one again.
TED: There she is.
WATCHING TV
LILI: Ooh! She's cute. Hey, Carl, turn it up.
ROBIN: ...persuaded him to reconsider.
ROBIN: At which point, the man came down off the ledge,
ROBIN: giving this bizarre story a happy ending.
ROBIN: Reporting from Metro One News...
MARSHALL: Guy didn't jump.
TED: I'm gonna go kiss her.
TED: Right now.
MARSHALL: Look, dude. It's midnight.
MARSHALL: As your future lawyer, I'm gonna advice you that's freakin' crazy.
TED: I never do anything crazy.
TED: I'm always waiting for the moment, planning the moment.
TED: Well, she's leaving tomorrow.
TED: This may be the only moment I'm gonna get.
TED: I gotta do what that guy couldn't.
TED: I gotta take the leap!
TED: Okay, not a perfect metaphor,
TED: 'cause for me it's fall in love and get married,
TED: and for him it's... death.
BARNEY: Actually, that is a perfect metaphor.
BARNEY: By the way, did I congratulate you two?
TED: I'm doing this.
LILI: Let's go.
CHANGE OF SCENARIO – AT ROBIN’S HOUSE 327 – 331
ROBIN: Ted?
TED: Hi.
TED: I was just, uh...
ROBIN: Come on up.
BARNEY: He's in.
INSIDE 341 – 347; 362 – 365; 383 - 391
ROBIN: So, Ted, what brings you back to Brooklyn at 1:00 in the morning in a suit?
TED: I was just hoping to...
TED: get those olives...
TED: that you said I could have.
ROBIN: Would you like those olives with some gin and vermouth?
TED: Are you trying to get me drunk?
ROBIN: For starters.
ROBIN: I think I like your nose.
TED: I think I'm in love with you.
ROBIN: You love me?!
TED: I-I-I can't believe I said that.
TED: Why did I say that? Who says that?
TED: I should just go.
ROBIN: Hold on.
ROBIN: Wait a minute.
ROBIN: Promised you these.
TED: Olives. Thanks. I love you.
TED: What is wrong with me? I have to go. (Handshake)
LAST SCENARIO AT THE BAR 432 – 438; 443-444

TED: And that was it.

TED: I'll probably never see her again.
TED: What?
MARSHALL: That was the signal.
LILI: That long, lingering handshake? You should have kissed her.
BARNEY: There's no such thing as "the signal."
BARNEY: But, yeah, that was the signal.
TED: You guys weren't there. (Marshall opens a champagne)
LILI: I am so turned on right now.