Ericka Washburn

Dr. Cassel

1 March 2018

ENG 1201.203

Musical Narrative

Fear to Conquer

Backstage lights go black, and my stage-fright becomes a reality. I stand frozen as my

entire body begins to shake, and I pray that all the after-school practices will shine through in

this moment of fear and doubt. The director steps onto the stage presenting our show, The Music

Man Jr., and I know, there is no going back. The velvet red curtains are drawn, and I force my

foot to take a step, then another. And as soon as my prestigious character was revealed to the

audience, an overpowering determination and courage consumed my body. The movement

became natural as words spilled out of my mouth. I had successfully overtaken the personality of

my character, Marian the Librarian, since I was not performing as Ericka, but, instead, an

entirely different person. My personality became Marian’s, my movement became Marian’s, and

my courage overflowed because I became transformed. I did not realize that in this moment,

theater would forever be imprinted on who I was.

I look back to where this crazy roller coaster began: auditions. Prior to that moment, I had

been rehearsing lines with my crazy three best friends, Allie, Charity, and Karli. I paced back in

forth in the cafeteria where echoing voices bounced off the walls into my ears as I attempted to

recite the lines. Allie and Karli were not auditioning, so they each took turns helping Charity and
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I rehearse. They both continuously reminded us to take deep breathes and embraced us with

uplifting words of encouragement. Even though time is constant, the seconds ticked slower than

molasses as I continually glanced at the face on the wall.

“Ericka Washburn?” Called the school secretary, Mrs. Daniels, whom also was the

director of the production.

“Well, that’s me. Pray all goes well,” I ask my friends as I turn to head to part one of the

auditions, the acting.

At that moment I had no idea what exactly was taking place before my audition, but I

realize how my friends were subconsciously helping me through a three-step process that Doctor

Melinda Smith takes an in-depth study in her article, Phobias and Irrational Fears, which was

last updated on December 2017. My friends were helping me face my fear a step at a time by

helping me recite my lines. Secondly, they were helping me quickly calm down by reminding me

to take deep breaths. Lastly, they both filled my ears with encouragement so that I could replace

the negative thoughts racing through my head.

As I entered the room, a peace went over me when I saw the familiar faces of Mrs.

Debbie, and Mrs. Julia, who was helping co-direct, but she was also the other school secretary.

My nerves were still sky rocketing, but since I was an office aid, and I had rehearsed these lines

previously in their presence, so I was able to comfortably get in character without the pressure of

unfamiliar eyes. The memorized dialogue flowed from my lips, and as I walked out of the

classroom, I could not recognize who I had become. That was not the nervous, quiet, fourteen-

year-old Ericka, I knew. These thoughts wrestled in my mind as I walked to part two of the

audition, singing.
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Now, I love music, since it has been a part of my entire life, but I never was confident in

my voice, and I knew that in this part of the audition, I could not let my fears control my fate.

Allison Garner created a journal called, Treatment Options for Stage Fright, which was

published on February 2012. In this journal, she provides several ways to help an individual ease

into his or her fear. The author, introduces her journal by providing hook relating the topic to any

person. This is because she explains that stage fright can be represented in any environment

besides the stage itself (34-37). My phobia grew and grew, but I knew I needed to find my

relaxation place, and pray to control my not-stop fidgeting. The song, I had to sing was called,

“Till There Was You,” which is the part in the musical where a reserved, skeptical woman,

finally expresses her love to a travelling salesman at the climax of the story. So, even though

there were some very high notes, in order to get the role, I needed to let go of every doubt and

worry clouding my mind and attempt to display confidence in order to fool myself, and hopefully

the judges.

The door creeps open, as I step in to an office with two unrecognizable faces, Joel and

Rachael, who happened to be high school students, and the school’s music teacher, Mrs. Horner-

Sherman. My palms began to sweat as I absorbed the environment around me. All that I had

rehearsed was fleeting my mind, but I knew I could not back out now. The pianist began to play,

as I stood immobile. I needed to impress these two high school students and give a performance

even my choir teacher had not seen. This led to a bold move, at the pinnacle of the song when I

stared deep into Joel’s eyes, and sang to him as if he was Herold, whom Marian was confessing

her love. I could not believe what had played out before me, and this was the moment; the

moment I first flourished out of my cocoon of fear. The standing ovation flooded my ears, and I

stood in amazement at how music had given me the confidence I needed through God’s help.
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Works Cited

Garner, Allison Maerker. "Treatment Options for Stage Fright." American String Teacher, vol.

62, no. 1, Feb. 2012, pp. 34-37. EBSCOhost

Smith, Melinda. “Phobias and Irrational Fears.” Phobias and Irrational Fears: Tips for

Confronting and Breaking Free of Phobias, www.helpguide.org/articles/anxiety/phobias-

and-irrational-fears.htm.