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  • I Want To Kill Myself

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    Adam Garrison
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    Crime, discord, and a man calling himself Tom Sawyer are causing problems in Gilneas. Crime has risen since vitamins were added to the water, and many citizens no longer take the mandatory vitamins. Tom Sawyer encourages people to stop taking the vitamins and needs to be stopped. Weather patterns have occurred as predicted, but mass hysteria broke out when Wilhelm failed to do his usual scream, requiring doses of Mr. Happy to restore happiness.

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    i Want to Kill Myself

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    Crime, discord, and a man calling himself Tom Sawyer are causing problems in Gilneas. Crime has risen since vitamins were added to the water, and many citizens no longer take the mandatory vitamins. Tom Sawyer encourages people to stop taking the vitamins and needs to be stopped. Weather patterns have occurred as predicted, but mass hysteria broke out when Wilhelm failed to do his usual scream, requiring doses of Mr. Happy to restore happiness.

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    © All Rights Reserved
    Download as DOCX, PDF, TXT or read online from Scribd
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    51 views2 pages

    I Want To Kill Myself

    Uploaded by

    Adam Garrison
    Crime, discord, and a man calling himself Tom Sawyer are causing problems in Gilneas. Crime has risen since vitamins were added to the water, and many citizens no longer take the mandatory vitamins. Tom Sawyer encourages people to stop taking the vitamins and needs to be stopped. Weather patterns have occurred as predicted, but mass hysteria broke out when Wilhelm failed to do his usual scream, requiring doses of Mr. Happy to restore happiness.

    Copyright:

    © All Rights Reserved
    Download as DOCX, PDF, TXT or read online from Scribd
    Flag for inappropriate content
    of 2

    Daily Report

    To: The Democratic Committee of Gilneas

    67th Rotation - 777th Orbit

    Gain and Pain Pains - Crime, Discord, and a


    Gains - Weight, Happiness,
    and Transcendence Tom Sawyer

    Weight - As The Democratic Crime - Crime has been rising after


    Committee of X suggested, we the new vitamins were added to the
    have increased food production local water. For some reason they
    once again! Many people are feel like they are dizzy. Many
    reaching optimal weight before they citizens have needed liposuction to
    are even 20! correct behavioral problems.
    Happiness - Happiness is also Discord - People have stopped
    increasing with the influx of Mr. taking the mandatory vitamins. In
    Happy, however, we could always some cases we have had to A sketch of our parcel as you
    use more if there is any extra. heavily penalize people for their previously requested
    Transcendence - Citizens are actions.
    transcending faster than ever Tom Sawyer - A leader of the A Modest Proposal
    before, we hope that the new discordists calls himself Tom
    additions to the water are helping. Sawyer and has been encouraging A Meeting with the Democratic
    people to stop taking their vitamins. Committee of X - The Democratic
    In folklore, Tom Sawyer was some Committee of Gilneas once again
    sort of intergalactic spy as our requests that we might meet the
    reading suggests to us. We need top council. We understand that in
    help stopping this Tom and we times past you have deemed it
    hope enforcers will be on their way unnecessary but as many of our
    soon. longest standing members are
    reaching transcendence, we would
    like to finally meet the people who
    have blessed us with our many
    fortunes.

    Mineral Acquisition - 121%


    Creation Rate - 93%
    Transcendance Rate - 115%

    Prospector Loss (Orbit) - 142


    Avg Weight Loss (Crime) - 2.8 Kg
    Above: A picture of our deity Gandhi as originally
    painted by Abraham Lincoln
    Our artists rendition of a “Tom Sawyer”
    Gain and Pain the smaller scoop
    THE BIG SCOOP The Scoop

    WILHELM IS BROKEN Weather Coitus Corner

    Mass hysteria broke out when DAILY WEATHER REPORT: COITUS TIMES
    Wilhelm stopped his signature The past few days of weather have
    Time Orientation
    scream at the town hall. Everything occured just as we had expected
    was perfect at 2 o’clock, everything before. Once again the logarithm 6 PM XY
    was grand at 3 o’clock, but when 4 for weather was correct. As is due
    o’clock rolled around Wilhelm was process: 7 PM XX
    gone!
    Rotation 64: 85° High 67° Low 8 PM YY
    There was fire in the streets, Slightly Cloudy
    multiple suicides, and freaks in the 9 PM XY
    sheets. (Sheets is a part of town Rotation 65: 78° High 70° Low
    where freaks do not normally loiter) Cloudy with Showers at 3:51 10 PM YY
    Never before seen violence ensued
    Rotation 66: 82° High 76° Low 11 PM XX
    due to the lack of happiness and
    comedy inspired by Wilhelm. Sunny
    12 AM XYX
    Doses of Mr. Happy were Rotation 67: 87° High 79° Low
    1 AM YXY
    administered immediately. Due to Partly Cloudy and Windy
    the hysteria on the 66th rotation, 2 AM ALL
    we are in desperate need of more Rotation 68: 69° High 50° Low
    Mr. Happy. Thunderstorms at 2:42 3 AM ALL

    Algorithm Correct Since Orbit 1 4 AM ALL

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