Sabrina Pineda

Professor Holly Batty

English 101
May 26, 2018

Ethnographic Reflection Essay

My Ethnographic Essay was one of the essays I took much pride in. So when looking

over the comments given to me by Ms. Batty and rereading my essay, it was clear that there was

much room for improvement. First, I started off by explaining in paragraph 2 how universal can

shape us rather than just telling us. The most significant change that was made in paragraph 2

was that I added “Seeing how one place can actually shape us and make an impact because of

what the place is known for and being the reason we dream and try to accomplish those dreams.”

I think it clarified that paragraph because I briefly explain how people see universal as an impact

it makes in our life style by just visiting the place.This also changed the topics sentences of all

some of my body paragraphs.

I added a paragraph, which is paragraph 3 explaining detail by detail how it makes people

want to become a better version of their self to live a life like the glam Hollywood life. I added

how when they come to places like this they get motivated. I also added better argument because

pointed out how my arguments are lacking in development.

In addition, Proeffesor Batty said I needed to cite the number of visitor I mentioned. I

was more clear in explanations, particularly regarding the information about YouTube Vloggers

getting “sponsored somehow”. I made more evidence-based claims that support my overall

theme, and considered developing further the paragraph that talks about La La Land, and I made

it fit with the rest of the paper. Consider focusing more on Universal and its significance in LA’s
history. I had to revise MLA standards, and make sure works cited page is its own page and not

connected to main text of the essay.

I went over the prompt to make sure that I was incorporating exactly what is being asked

of me, which having my topic Universal focus on the specific characteristics that define Los

Angeles. I also made sure to make a clear argument answering the question, “What is LA?” I

made sure by answering that in my new revised thesis which was “Growing up in Los Angeles

there was one place I would spend almost every weekend and that was Universal Studio

Hollywood. For this assignment, I decided to go to Universal Studios;Of course I spent a few

hours there gathering up information about the place and any small details I can get. Although,

most would consider Universal Studio to be just a theme park, I believe that Universal Studio

Hollywood represents the true culture of Los Angeles through it’s divertial tourism, saturation

of social media, famous for popular films and gridlock traffic.” Rather than the last one just

focusing on just Universal.