dear.

❀
 Contributors. Mpho Moloi

Anonymous. Sesei_papii

Anonymous.A

Anonymous.

Busisiwe Thokozile Mbonani

Buyiswa Twala

Gontse

Kim

Lethahabo Mamfha.

Mpho Nhlapo
Acknowledgements.

This whole book is my kids hey, Thank

You! Thank You for allowing me into
your lives, for sharing your truth
(as hard as it was.) with me and
everyone who’ll read this and last but
not least Ma’am ( You know yourself.)
Thank You for allowing me to do this
during your drama sessions.

- Mandisa Jiyane.
Foreword.
These letters are written by learners
who are between the ages of 16 – 19,
they basically wrote to their struggles,
things that they deal with on a daily
basis and that’s what this whole
project is about, giving young people
actually all the people a platform to
share their truth without anyone
judging them,
so as you go through these letters I ask
that you read them with kindest and
most sensitive of heart. I also hope that
they inspire you to voice out your truth
or struggle & just to never be silenced.
- Love Mandisa Jiyane.

Living in my body is by far the hardest
and most unenthusiastic thing in this
world, I am a teenager who is a survivor
of rape. I can say in the moment
everything foze and I lost all power in
me, I watched my dignity and
innocence fly and flash before my eyes.
See the hardest part wasn’t dealing
with the rape or even the fact that I’m
called a gay Satanist, it was the fact that
no women stood by me I was a “liar.” I
“wanted.” it, see no one asks for it…
And maybe you just lack a little
empathy.

As he was on me, his breathe felt like - Age: 17

needles poking my face leaving scars
on my soul. Many can say eventually it
gets better you learn to live with it but I
don’t think it gets easier as a lesbian girl
who was only trying to figure herself
out, it was the last thing I needed, I
didn’t need my innocence to be taken
away by a boy who didn’t even know
what it actually meant to me.

Dear Cancer.
I have no idea what made you think you
could mess with this amazing body of mine.
Thinking you could kill me ruin me, bring
me down…but you didn’t! See at first I
didn’t understand why you attacked me
and with that I thought you were going to
kill me. I lost track of who I am, you came
in between what I believed in and that is
God! You put stress upon my family, you
brought pain and sadness. You took away
my African crown, which was my hair (
even if it’s grown back now.). I had to watch
it fall off and get laughed at by stupid matric
boys because they didn’t understand what
was going on. You made me feel insecure
about my physique, I hated you even more!
But I realized that God would never give me
a challenge that I can’t overcome! No
cancer will stop me from fulffiling my
dreams! No cancer will stop me from being
the vision, star and the next BIG thing that
I am! I still hate you though even though
you have been overcome by me! You still
taught me that I am strong, brave and
amazing young girl! Each and everyday I
reminisce about my journey of being
diagnosed with bone cancer to being
cancer free! It’s really amazing! In return I
would love to wish you nothing but the
worst! Oh and I’m sure this Anti – Stress
adult coloring book will help you with your
stupid stress because more and more
people of this world will conquer you!!
I HATE YOU! OSTEOSARCOMA.
- Gontse.
Age: 17
Dear Me

I suffer form ADHD but I don’t take any

pills. Whenever I’m told to take pills, it
makes me feel weird. Like I’m not of the
world. That bothers me.

- Age: 15
I’m Sorry
I’m sorry I didn’t make you proud when
I came from my moms tummy

I’m sorry
I’m sorry I wasn’t like you
Sorry I didn’t give you what you wanted

Sorry i…
I have a fear of change so when I live
my life I don’t create close
relationships because everyone leaves
I fear commitment cause my own
father didn’t commit to my own mother.

Change is an intricate part of life and

I’ve been by myself since birth, I have
trouble expressing myself or
understanding women relations or
situations.
So the beginning of this year my mother
went crazy, now when I mean crazy I
mean mentally lose it. It was said no
one knows how this started, bare in
mind I am in matric and I have three
siblings all younger than me. Basically
this means the pressure is on me. I
have to pass my matric well and
sometimes I feel I can’t, I feel I was not
academically strong. Now you probably
asking yourself why do I have to pass
my matric. My father is unemployed
and obviously my mother was a bread
winner. I watch my little brother vent
and get angry at how he hates mum as
if it was her fault to go mad, the little one
constantly laughs because she doesn’t
understand mum is really mad and she
might never be normal anymore. We
don’t receive things the same like
clothes, food because our father is
struggling.
Now this is traumatic because my
mother tries to kill herself or us at night.
The worst part is the family believes my
step father is the one that made her
mad.
Not a single day goes past without
praying for her. She is currently
emakhaya hoping she gets help there.
I have never told anyone this and
maybe writing this will help me feel
better.
I smile everyday when I am at school
because I can’t be sad at school and
home…
Age:18
To my feelings

This letter may not be understood

because lately I’m just emotionally
confused.

I realized that lately I cannot get a

female “lover’ because of my previous
choices and how I live my life.

I try to get someone who I can commit

to but I can not most girls tell me that “
no I can not trust you because you are
always with other girls.” I’ve learnt that
it’s really hard for people to trust me.

I am currently on a path to make

changes in my life…

Age: 19
Dear Me.

Do you know how beautiful you are? It

frustrates me having to look at you see
yourself in the mirror, and not seeing
what others see umuhle Busisiwe
Thokozile Mbonani. It won’t help to be
stubborn about the fact. Yes I know
insecurities could make you see
otherwise but remember that we are
aiming to get rid of them so stop giving
into them and fight them babe. You are
made in God’s image and that is one
beautiful image if you think about it so
‘uz’tshele zithande ntombazane! No
one will love you like you love you!
Proclaim your beauty because it’s all
yours. Embrace it.

- Love Busi
Dear Dad.

You’re not here and I’m okay.

If you knew life you’d know that flowers
bloom on their own.

I don’t hate you, I don’t hate what you

did ( or didn’t do.) But I don’t feel for
you either...

Age: 17
Dear Death, took them in a flash, you grabbed him
lightly by the hand lightly and so swiftly.
You have taken a lot from me but I You never gave me a chance to
would like to say I do forgive you not apologise or give him a chance to
because I don’t care but because I apologise sometimes I still replay the
won’t let you take more. The more argument in my head, in my
denial I put myself in and lie and say dreams…You couldn’t care less about
what you took from me doesn’t hurt or our last words but you left me with a
affect me but it did, it hurt like hot sauce good memory of true love.
in my eye, I thought keeping it in would
make the pain go away but it didn’t. I’m - From Buyiswa Twala.
glad I spoke out about it cause only Age: 17
then I was able to accept what you did
and what you took from me was a lot,
you took so much, a whole sibling, a
whole half. Wow I must give it up to you,
you made a great choice. You chose
very carefully and picked your target,
you took what you could and hurt me a
lot. You found my favorite person and
Dear Self Acceptance

Mirror Mirror on the wal, guess who was

not fairest of them all? I was judged
because of my body, fitting in was my
main goal in life. Life itself became the
obstacle that I had to overcome but now
here I am flying high with no care. Here
I am loving myself.

#BeBold.
Daddy’s little girl.

Most girls I know are daddy’s little girls,

they have an actual relationship with
their dads, I look at them and wish I had
a relationship with my dad. No I’m not
saying I don’t know my dad, I do he is
very active in my life but we don’t get
along. I wouldn’t say it’s hate but it’s not
love either. Yes! this is my biological
father. I’ve been abused not physically
but emotionally. I am told how much of
“a loser I am that I am a bitch,” I sleep
with a broken heart everyday, because
of the one man that is supposed to love
me, protect me, understand me most,
but he sees me as a child that is just
trying to ruin his life but I am just a little
girl longing love from her dad.
Dear Safe Space. wanted. Self acceptance has eluded
itself in my life. It has taught me to be
Have you ever been deprived of breath myself regardless of what
yet theres so much oxygen in the circumstances I fall under…the true
atmosphere, have you ever been so beauty of being yourself. Here I am
thirsty yet theres so much water around today not feeling numb anymore.
you.
-
Mpho Moloi
Good day safe space here I am as I’m Age: 17
forced to be numb, here I am being #Beyourtrueself…Be Brave.
placed in a space that deprives me of
self- expression, love, respect and
support is a basic need, so why am I
deprived of my rights. I feel captured,
chained and trapped for I’m not allowed
to be me.

One’s true self lies in ones fake

self…I’m expected to be who I’m not for
the sake of fitting in where I’m not

To My Very Exsistence.
Where do I begin with you Just kidding
Where do I end I believe this story will
end at 21
Heres my confession to you Dear life.
Living with MPD ( Multiple Personality
Disorder.) and Malic Depression is not
easy to deal with most especially have
to go through it alone and without
support, being with a reputation of
guage, heartless person it’s hard not to
be able to show emotion. And you
should know that having to deal with
the death of my favourite twins and a
whole lot of other things during my life
I’ve had about 5 suicide attempts
which all like drastically failed and I
mean yeah it’s the slit – slit, beat
myself up game
The saddest part is no one cares
about me, no one is there for me, I
mean I need one person to never
switch up on me is that too much too
ask
I know I’ve always been an outcast
Always ridiculed so like yeah.
I plan to end this story at 21
From Sensei_papii.
Age: 17
Dear Insecurities.

You’ve been with me since the

beginning of puberty. Made me change
the way I dressed because you didn’t
think I was good enough. You made me
feel like I was nothing compared to the
girls on TV with the beautiful boobs,
clear skin and hourglass body. You
became my backfall.

- Lethabo Mamafha
My current problem that I am dealing and this bothers me. The reason I am
with is the passing of my father. That is not talking about it is because…I do not
still tormenting me up until this day. I get want people to look at me differently . I
very scary dreams that involve either wouldn’t say I have tried to commit
me or my mother dying. This has been suicide but the thought has crossed my
going on for almost eight months and mind before.
as a result I have started asking myself
if maybe death may be my only
answer? Because of these dreams I
have started developing signs of
depression and I have resorted to many
ways to try and deal with this issue I’m
facing by using drugs to try make
myself forget but still when I go to sleep
those dreams come back.

Lately I am learning to try and cope but

it is still hard. Although I put on a smile
and am my usual goofy self deep inside
I am suffering and have no resolution
Dear Depression.

You have dug a whole in my heart that

no oe can fill. You have turned me into
a monster that I’ve never been.

You have left a permanent scar that will

always be there and never forgotten.
You have left this memory that has
become a lesson I shall never forget.
This wound has become bigger than
you.
It has become my backbone when I am
weak.
It has become my pillar of strength.
For I will ever stay strong.

- Mpho Nhlapo.
You have broken me, you have made
me doubt the wonderful creation I am.
You made me feel unwanted, broken,
and a foreigner in my own body, life,
mind and soul. I started to compare
myself with others who within them face
realities in their fantasies but could you Let me be the beautiful art I know I can
please set me free and let me live? be and I was made to be. Subside and
let me go as I let you go, let us be
liberated from each other because me
living with you or anyone that has you
as apart of their life ends up in pain, self
shame and self unnaceptance…

- Goodbye.
Tshegofatso Mathabe.
Dear Mental Jail that’s holding my soul.
Open the gates and let my soul out. Set
it free from the captivity that you had
kept it in. I sit in one spot with my soul
trapped in a jail of my mentality. I
haven’t seen beyond my imperfections,
my flaws, my challenges and I haven’t
seen beyond my limitations because all
I see is the surrounding bars that kept
my soul in one place and denied me a
chance to be free. You made me think I
wasn’t good enough even though I
tried. I command you to let go of my
soul. Set me free.
The walls of your jail hold the unspoken
words of my sou. I want you to speak
them to life. If they are blade sharp I
hope they do cut deep They won’t hurt
as much as the words you have said to
me. Your words denied my smile a
chance to write itself on my face. Your
words kept me upside down. The
haunting sound of your laughter was
the music I played while crying myself
to sleep. But today I set myself free,
from your presence. I no longer want
you to have power over me. I therefore
ask you to free my soul.
If not than I’ll leave you instead. For you
have been the reason of my despair. All
you forever did was tell me I’m ugly, thin
unworthy and imperfect. Yet I now I
know you were unworthy of my
esteemed soul and for that I walk away.
- Age: 16
Dear Safe space.

A happy child is what I was until the

death of my father. I got a step dad and
things were ok for a few years; until he
lost his job. My mom took care of
everything including him but thankfully
he got a job two years later. He got so
used to my mom “ taking care.” Of
things that he let go of all his
responsibilities. My mom doesn’t want
to let go of him because of the
existence of my little brother. So
basically I’ve had to watch two people
tolerate each other instead of love each
other which also had had an impact on
the relationship I’ve had with my
previous boyfriend, I’ve seen so much
and guess what? I’m only 17...
I came to Joburg in 2010 to a new
school, new life. To live with my mother
and her boyfriend from long back
because he was a really close friend of
our family. So yes we lived a good
happy life as a family of three. The
boyfriend made me feel good about
myself and I enjoyed living with him. He
was a very nice kind guy and I could talk
to him about anything. He was a father
figure to me. So my mother decided to
break up with the guy, I don’t know why.
2013 that’s when we moved to her new
boyfriends house who is now her
husband.
A guy who want to be heard all the time.
A guy who wants to always be right all
the time. A dictator, full of himself and
looks down on other people. I really
don’t like the guy, I’m sure he knows
that too. I hardly share a laugh with that
guy even today since 2013. I’m really
not comfortable living with that guy.
Every time I see him I just get angry and
feel like he could just disappear. The
only time I get to be happy is when I’m
with my mother and when he’s not
around. We have clashed a couple of
ties. Event today when I remember the
arguments I’ve had with him I just feel
like I could go and leave that house for
good. Theres more to the story…
Dear Acceptance.
All my life I have been socially awkward
and that left me as the odd one out, I
had to force myself to become
somebody I’m not, do things that I
would never do and that corrupted my
mind and should following the so called
“cool kids.” Would drive my mind crazy
so not only would it corrupt me, it would
also destroy me, not knowing where
one ends and where one begins is
something everyone still learns to
overcome at least so I thought, that is
something I still haven’t overcome to
this day. Which causes me to randomly
switch up from happy me to sad me and
angry me, changing my
actions…pushing people away from
me.
If you are acceptance, if you really exist
why haven’t you embraced me? If
acceptance is real why do I have to
change myself? Or do you come with
conditions? Do you pick who you like
and you don’t are trash? Pushed aside
and left to die alone? You conditions
are the reasons that breath in the toxins
that destroy my life. All to numb the pain
that I will never be in your light. Your
conditions are the reasons I let the
demons or my life have at my soul
because those demons are the only
things that accept me, and I embrace
them something you’ve never done for
me.