Finding Myself

Timidity and apprehensiveness, when not fully understood or recognized, can be

interpreted as arrogance and bluster. This false impression of pomposity may hinder

communication and delay genuine camaraderie. As a naïve Chinese émigré of eight, I

mistakenly made an incorrect choice, in my attempt to quickly adapt to American

society. Having had some exposure to western culture, mostly through the medium of

television, I adopted the persona that I felt would carry me through the initial awkward

stages of assimilation. Unfortunately, my efforts proved lacking, leaving me quite

isolated because of language and cultural barriers. As I grew more distant from my new

classmates, I increased my facade of boastfulness, constantly seeking recognition;

ironically, my approach served only to intensify my exclusion. I credit Ryan Kwan, a

Camp Challenge guest speaker, with imbuing in me the confidence to relinquish my

pretentiously unnatural pose, an inspiration that allowed me to reveal my genuine self

and to be, finally, truly welcomed by my peers.

Initially unenthusiastic about attending a sleep-away camp, wherein I would be

escalating my torment of not fitting in, I agreed to attend Camp Challenge Christian

retreat. The first preaching session began, as Ryan, wearing stereotypical thick black

Asian glasses, plaid button-downs, and casual straight-legged jeans, strolled into the

worship hall and greeted the group of adolescents. His conventional yet comforting

appearance immediately gave me a sense of assurance in a crowd of strangers. As he

addressed the student body with his assertive tone and several uproarious personal

anecdotes, such as the eating of a spider alive, Ryan seized the attention of every single
audience with his inspirational messages. I was profoundly stirred by his words, in

particular, his message concerning chasing after the expectations of others. During the

next few days of camp, I excitedly arrived at the worship hall, hungrily anticipating for

more meaningful life lessons and bizarre narratives. On the last night before the

campers returned to their stressful and hectic lives, many campers shed tears as Ryan

recapitulated his messages and spoke the last time. During the sharing session,

numerous campers spoke of their personal thoughts and the impact that Ryan’s

messages had on them. I was not the most adept orator, but I felt the need to express

myself in front of my peers. Ryan was just an ordinary person, yet he was able to

influence so many teenagers just in four days, receiving praise and gratitude for what he

had done for the campers. I felt no regret for coming to Camp Challenge because I

grasped a precious life lesson. The chase after trends and popularity will ever end, and it

is time for me to stop. I don’t need to be “the cool kid” at school to be accepted. My

own unique personality is enough.

Detaching the superficial shell of false personality was a gradual and tedious

process. Reestablishing my individuality with a blank tablet with no blemishes was

impractical. The fake impressions that I gave my peers in the past several years was still

an obstacle that mired my recovery. However, the results of my transformation were

quite promising as I learned to intermingle with many more people with my own

distinctive personality. Before, I had been baffled trying to fit in the crowd, but now I

had found my own self after relating to Ryan’s analogous ordinary yet influential

persona. I no longer worry about changing myself to be accepted by others. With this
new healthful mentality, my personality will not change under the influence of my

surroundings.