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4/12/2018 (/disclosure)
Managing Anger — Coping Skills for Kids

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Inside: Kid-friendly coping skills used to help

manage anger, including safe ways to express anger,
books to read and videos that can help.
This post contains affiliate links. Learn more. (/disclosure)
It’s starting again, as usual, right after your son gets off
the school bus. He is frustrated from things that
happened during the day, and now he’s yelling and
stomping around the house. You’re feeling overwhelmed
and don’t know what to do next.
How do you help an angry child?
Here’s a collection of the best tools and tips to teach

children how to manage their anger in safe and healthy
ways. Let's start with some quick, safe ways to help kids
express those feelings.
https://copingskillsforkids.com/managing-anger/
Quick Ways to Help Kids 2/20
4/12/2018
Express Their Anger
Rip paper
Pop bubble wrap
Squish playdough
Wrap your arms around yourself and squeeze
Write a letter to someone
Jump on a trampoline
Do wall push-ups
Write down what’s bothering you and rip it up
Squeeze a stress ball
Talk about it
Scribble on paper and crumple it up
Do jumping jacks
Put the palms of your hands together, push and
release
Do stretches
Do a hookup - see it in action!
(https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dap-
9fNt7uU&t=4s)
How to do a Standing Hook Up
Looking for more quick ideas to help kids express their

anger?
Stop sensory meltdowns by hanging upside down

(http://hes-extraordinary.com/166/)
5 simple ways to help children calm angry feelings
(http://lemonlimeadventures.com/5-simple-ways-help-
children-calm-angry-feelings-yoga-free-printable/)
10 more ways to help kids manage anger

(http://meaningfulmama.com/day-278-10-more-ways-of-
helping-kids.html)
A Different Way to Respond When Your Child is

Aggressive (https://imperfectfamilies.com/different-way-
to-respond-when-child-is-aggressive/)
Remember that it's OK to be

angry
We need to help our kids understand and expect that they
will experience a variety of feelings as they go through
life, including anger. It’s normal to feel angry at times. It’s
what you do with those feelings that matter.
Here’s a great reminder

(https://imperfectfamilies.com/remember-anger-is-a-
feeling-too/) from Imperfect Families that anger is a
feeling too.
Keep talking to a minimum

When a child is in fight, flight or freeze mode, they can’t
process information as well as when their body is in rest
and digest mode. This is not a teachable moment, and
they can’t take in a lecture at this point. Your goal is to get
them through this rough moment. It’s best to keep talking
to a minimum. When you do speak, make sure you use a
neutral, calm, and quiet tone. Keep it short and repeat the
same phrase. Repeating it is helpful because they aren’t
processing information and words as they usually would.
Repetition makes it more likely that they’ll hear what you
are saying.
Phrases that you can say at that moment:
“I’m here for you.”
“I love you.”
“I want to help you.”
“Let me know when you’re ready.”
“You are mad; I get it.”
“I understand.”
Looking for some more inspiration for phrases to say?

Check this out:
26 Phrases to Calm and Angry Child
(https://www.huffingtonpost.com/renee-jain/26-phrases-
to-calm-an-angry-child_b_9997288.html)
Get them to a calm, safe spot

When some kids get big feelings, they destroy items
around them - rip books, throw toys, etc. If that’s the case
for your child, it may be helpful for you to set up a safe
spot where kids can go when they are angry. In that
space, take everything out that can be destroyed or
thrown that might injure someone or damage property. If
you have more than one floor, set up a safe spot on each
level of your home.
If you aren’t in the safe spot when your child is dealing

with big feelings, move harmful objects out of the way
and try to get them to that safe place.
It may make sense to set up their room as a safe place

too. We found this helpful when our son was dealing with
a lot of angry feelings. We moved his toys and his
bookshelf to a different room in the house so he could still
play with them. The items that stayed in his room were
those things that wouldn’t hurt him or us. We did this to
keep everyone, including him, safe. And as time went on,
and he had better control of his emotions, we were able
to add things back to his room.
How to Make a Calm Down Spot

(https://copingskillsforkids.com/blog/2016/4/27/how-to-
create-a-calm-down-spot) at home
Calm Space in Schools (https://www.youtube.com/watch?

v=Ar0GPsEYjqY)
https://copingskillsforkids.com/managing-anger/ Be Preventative 6/20

One of the best things you can do is work on teaching

coping skills kids can use before things escalate to epic
proportions. The trick is practicing when they are in a
calm and relaxed mood, not in the moment when they are
angry.
IDENTIFY TRIGGERS
Start by talking about what’s making them angry. Help
them identify those triggers, so you both know for the
next time. Is it a particular school subject that makes
them frustrated? Perhaps being hungry or thirsty? Are
their specific noises or locations that are frustrating?
HELP KIDS IDENTIFY WHERE THEY

FEEL ANGRY IN THEIR BODY
Sometimes, kids don’t know they’re angry until after the
explosion has happened. Help them identify the signs
their body gives them that they are feeling angry. Over
time, they’ll start to recognize that feeling and ideally use
a coping skill before things get too overwhelming.
EXPLORE WHAT OTHER EMOTIONS

THEY MAY BE FEELING
When kids are angry, there are usually other feelings that
they are experiencing too. But anger is easy to see and
often hides different feelings that lie below the surface.
It’s sometimes referred to as the “Anger Iceberg.” It takes
a bit of time to figure it out, but when your child is in a
calm place, talk about what other feelings may be hiding
underneath their anger.
Read more about the anger iceberg here

(https://www.gottman.com/blog/the-anger-iceberg/).
IDENTIFY AND PRACTICE COPING

SKILLS
Now that they know what causes those big feelings and
how to identify them, help them figure out ways to deal
with those feelings in safe and healthy ways. Go through
the coping skills checklist
(https://store.copingskillsforkids.com/products/coping-
skills-checklist) and have kids check off the skills that
work for them, cross off the ones that don’t and circle the
ones they want to try.
Identify one coping skill your child would like to try. Take a
few minutes during the week and have them practice a
coping skill they may be able to use next time. For
f f
4/12/2018 example, if they
Managing are
Anger — going
Coping toKids
Skills for try using shapes for deep
breathing
(https://store.copingskillsforkids.com/products/deep-
breathing-printables), have them practice before, so they
know how it feels. The idea is to have them practice, so
they know what it feels like to do it when they are calm.
Using coping skills to deal with big feelings

(https://store.copingskillsforkids.com/collections/coping-
skills-for-kids-workbook) will not go perfectly every time.
Learning to manage anger is a work in progress. Little by
little, with practice and time, kids will get better at it.
Encourage them when they make safe and healthy
choices. When they don’t, continue to work with them to
figure out better steps they can take the next time.
USE A FEELINGS THERMOMETER

Using a feelings thermometer can help kids make the
connection between their feelings and their coping skills.
Here’s how you can make an anger thermometer.
HOW TO MAKE AN ANGER THERMOMETER:
Have the child pick out three colors, one for each
section of the thermometer and color it in. Then talk
about each section.
Ask what it looks like when they are just a little
angry, at the bottom of the thermometer. Do they
sigh loudly, growl, etc.?
Then move on to the middle section of the
thermometer. If they are medium-sized angry, what
does that look like? Does their voice get louder? Do
they stomp their feet, etc.?
Finally, talk about what it looks like when they are
experiencing big anger at the top of the
thermometer. What does that look like? Is it yelling,
throwing things, etc.?
4/12/2018
It isn’t Managing
alwaysAnger
easy for kids to do this. If they are having a
— Coping Skills for Kids
hard time identifying what the behaviors were, I tell them

what I noticed the last time I saw them get angry. Or, if I
haven't seen them angry, I'll give them a prompt to help
them, like “When some kids get angry, they yell, is that
something you do?”
Once we go through and identify behaviors on the

thermometer, then we work on identifying coping skills
they can use to calm down. Some examples include
getting a drink of water, taking deep breaths, shredding
paper, or taking a break.
Make sure they have coping skills that will help them at 10/20
4/12/2018 each level ofAnger
Managing anger. It’sSkills
— Coping essential
for Kids to have a variety of
coping skills for each level because not all coping skills
will work all the time. For some kids, taking a drink of
water can help calm them down when they are just
slightly angry. However, when they are furious, getting a
drink of water won’t help. They need to do something
different at that point, like take a break.
If you'd like to make your own feelings thermometer, I've

made a blank one for you to use. Download your free
feelings thermometer here
(https://store.copingskillsforkids.com/collections/free-
printables/products/feelings-thermometer).
Read Books About Anger

Together
When Sophie Gets Angry, Really, Really Angry by Molly
Bang
(http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0439598451/ref=as_
li_tl?
ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=390957&creativeASIN=0
439598451&linkCode=as2&tag=encoplay07-
20&linkId=E2Z2LYQ2Y2OEW6AD) Poor Sophie has a
hard time managing her anger when she has to share
gorilla with her sister. It’s a visually appealing book to
show how big her feelings get and how it looks when she
calms down again.
When I Feel Angry by Cornelia Maude Spelman

li_tl?
20&linkId=4Z427ZI6VNG3ETO4) This is part of “The Way
I Feel” series. It explains how different things can make
https://copingskillsforkids.com/managing-anger/ you angry, and that feeling angry is an expected part of 11/20
y g y, g gy p p
life, but it’s what you do when you’re feeling that way that
matters.
Cool Down and Work Through Anger by Cheri J. Meiners

M.Ed.
li_tl?
20&linkId=HZ6QV7YNMER5FVK6) Another great book
that talks about how anger affects your body and
suggesting safe ways to express yourself.
Angry Octopus by Lori Lite and Max Stasuyk

li_tl?
20&linkId=2UHUWKR6DEH4ECIA) A great book that
actually is a progressive muscle relaxation and deep
breathing script for kids. It’s wonderful!
Don’t Rant and Rave on Wednesdays by Adolph Moser

li_tl?
20&linkId=T7362ODUSL5UNT7Q) It mentions the
consequences of having unchecked anger, and
acknowledges that adults struggle with this too. A large
part of the book explains different strategies kids can use
to express anger in a safe way, which I think is fantastic.
How to Take The Grrrr Out of Anger by Elizabeth Verdick

and Marjorie Lisovskis
li_tl?
4/12/2018
ie UTF8&camp 1789&creative 390957&creativeASIN 1
20&linkId=2WUVCZ5I4E7KO5W7) I love using this book
for kids who are having a hard time managing being
angry. I typically read one chapter at a time with the kids
and work on some of the strategies listed in the book.
What to Do When Your Temper Flares by Dawn Huebner

li_tl?
20&linkId=DFPN3LI3LJAPIUWO) This book has lovely
illustrations and goes through “anger dousing” methods.
Happiness Doesn’t Come from Headstands by Tamara

Levitt (http://amzn.to/2hWkCIJ). This is a beautifully
illustrated book all about growth mindset and resilience.
Leela wants to do headstands and is getting frustrated,
and believes the only way she can be happy is if she
does headstands. With the help of a friend, she shifts her
focus from what she can’t do to what she can and
focuses on the journey, not the singular goal is doing a
headstand.
The Secret to Clara’s Calm by Tamara Levitt

(http://amzn.to/2hT9koR). This is another beautifully
illustrated book that demonstrates the power of
mindfulness in managing big feelings. Clara has a bad
temper and has big reactions to small problems, but then
that leads to kids not wanting to be around her anymore.
She works on learning how to be mindful and manage her
big feelings with the help of a bird named Brodhi.
Chillax!: How Ernie Learns to Chill Out, Relax and Take

Charge of His Anger by Marcella Marino Craver
(http://www.encourageplay.com/blog/9-books-to-help-
kids-manage-their-anger?rq=anger%20#) This is a
graphic novel perfect for the tween set
4/12/2018 graphic novel,
Managing perfect
Anger — Copingfor
Skillsthe tween set.
for Kids
Keep Yourself Calm

It’s common for parents to struggle with staying calm
when their child is angry. As a mom, I know that’s tough,
especially when your child is having a difficult time. But
it’s important to learn to do it. You have to get yourself
calm before you can help your child. One of the best
ways to help your child is to make sure you stay calm
yourself.
USE SELF-TALK
Here are some phrases that may help you as you are
working with your angry kid:
They’re having a hard time, not giving me a hard time.
Share my calm, don’t join their chaos.
I am in charge of staying calm, no matter how my child is

acting and behaving.
All feelings are OK. My job is to help my kid manage

them.
I can remain calm, and be a good example for my child.
Be the thermostat, not the thermometer.
TAKE DEEP BREATHS

If you’re getting upset and about to blow up, try deep
breathing. I know, it sounds hokey, but it makes a
difference. When you are feeling overwhelmed, your body
can go into fight, flight, or freeze mode, but in situations
like these, you want to stay in rest and digest mode. By
taking deep breaths, you’re signaling your body to go
back to rest and digest mode. Expand your belly as you 14/20
4/12/2018 inhale,Managing
and contract your
Anger — Coping Skillsbelly
for Kidsas you exhale. Try taking
several deep breaths before you take steps to intervene.
USE A GROUNDING TECHNIQUE

If you’re overwhelmed, sometimes it helps to do a
grounding exercise to calm yourself down.
Say the alphabet and numbers together (A-1, B-2,

C-3, etc…)
Squeeze a stress ball
Take a sip of cold water
Count by 7’s
54321 Grounding
(https://copingskillsforkids.com/blog/2016/4/27/copin
g-skill-spotlight-5-4-3-2-1-grounding-technique)
FIND YOUR SUPPORT SYSTEM

Know that you are not alone. Read what this mom has to
say about parenting an angry child.
(https://bouncebackparenting.com/parenting-an-angry-
child/) If you don’t have a support system, then it’s time to
find one. Here are some ideas for both in person and
online support groups to help you.
In Person Support:
There are lots of places you can get support in person.

One resource I love is the National Alliance on Mental
Illness. They offer Family Support Groups
(https://www.nami.org/Find-Support/NAMI-
Programs/NAMI-Family-Support-Group), which meet
regularly. They also offer a 12 week class for parents by
parents, called Family to Family Support
(https://www.nami.org/Find-Support/NAMI-
Programs/NAMI-Family-to-Family). Search for your local
NAMI chapter here (https://www.nami.org/Find-
https://copingskillsforkids.com/managing-anger/ Support/Family-Members-and-Caregivers). 15/20
Having support for your child outside of your family can

be a lifesaver. Talk to the school, teachers and coaches
to help support your child during a difficult time. Sharing
knowledge about what strategies work, and how you child
responds in different environments is invaluable
information.
You can also seek help from a licensed therapist to help

support you. It's great to have someone to talk through
the tough situations you are experiencing. If scheduling
an in-person meeting is tough, you can see therapists
online at sites like betterhelp.com (http://betterhelp.com).
Some kids also benefit from seeing their own
therapist. Read this (https://copingskillsforkids.com/does-
my-child-need-more-help/) to get a little more information
about when you should seek outside help for your child.
Facebook Groups:
Did you know you can search for groups on Facebook to

find others who are struggling with similar issues to
yours? Here are some active Facebook Groups that have
been helpful for families.
Note: You may need to apply to some of these groups in

order to be added.
Support for Sensory Needs
Raising Poppies
Happy Sensitive Kids Community
Modern Parenting
The Neighborhood, Imperfect Families
The World’s Okayest Parents
Coping Skills for Kids Group 16/20
Coping Skills for Kids Group
(https://www.facebook.com/groups/copingskillsforkidsgro
up/?ref=bookmarks)
As your son continues to stomp and growl, you take a few

deep breaths and say to yourself “Be the thermostat, not
the thermometer.” Then, in a calm voice, you say to your
son ”I’m here to help. I love you.”
Other Resources from Coping

Skills for Kids
Coping Skills Family

Activities E-Book
$10.00
ADD TO CART
Coping Cue Cards Discovery Deck

$20.00
ADD TO CART
Ready to Use Coping Skills Cue Cards - Calming Set

$5.00
ADD TO CART
Coping Skills for Kids Workbook - Digital Version

$25.00
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4/12/2018 (/disclosure)

Managing Anger — Coping Skills for Kids

Inside: Kid-friendly coping skills used to help

This post contains affiliate links. Learn more. (/disclosure)

How do you help an angry child?

Here’s a collection of the best tools and tips to teach

How to do a Standing Hook Up

Looking for more quick ideas to help kids express their

Stop sensory meltdowns by hanging upside down

10 more ways to help kids manage anger

A Different Way to Respond When Your Child is

Remember that it's OK to be

Here’s a great reminder

Keep talking to a minimum

Phrases that you can say at that moment:

“I’m here for you.”

“I want to help you.”

“Let me know when you’re ready.”

“You are mad; I get it.”

Looking for some more inspiration for phrases to say?

Get them to a calm, safe spot

If you aren’t in the safe spot when your child is dealing

It may make sense to set up their room as a safe place

How to Make a Calm Down Spot

Calm Space in Schools (https://www.youtube.com/watch?

https://copingskillsforkids.com/managing-anger/ Be Preventative 6/20

One of the best things you can do is work on teaching

HELP KIDS IDENTIFY WHERE THEY

EXPLORE WHAT OTHER EMOTIONS

Read more about the anger iceberg here

IDENTIFY AND PRACTICE COPING

Using coping skills to deal with big feelings

USE A FEELINGS THERMOMETER

HOW TO MAKE AN ANGER THERMOMETER:

hard time identifying what the behaviors were, I tell them

Once we go through and identify behaviors on the

If you'd like to make your own feelings thermometer, I've

Read Books About Anger

When I Feel Angry by Cornelia Maude Spelman

Cool Down and Work Through Anger by Cheri J. Meiners

Angry Octopus by Lori Lite and Max Stasuyk

Don’t Rant and Rave on Wednesdays by Adolph Moser

How to Take The Grrrr Out of Anger by Elizabeth Verdick

What to Do When Your Temper Flares by Dawn Huebner

Happiness Doesn’t Come from Headstands by Tamara

The Secret to Clara’s Calm by Tamara Levitt

Chillax!: How Ernie Learns to Chill Out, Relax and Take

Keep Yourself Calm

They’re having a hard time, not giving me a hard time.

Share my calm, don’t join their chaos.

I am in charge of staying calm, no matter how my child is

All feelings are OK. My job is to help my kid manage

I can remain calm, and be a good example for my child.

Be the thermostat, not the thermometer.

TAKE DEEP BREATHS

several deep breaths before you take steps to intervene.

USE A GROUNDING TECHNIQUE

Say the alphabet and numbers together (A-1, B-2,

FIND YOUR SUPPORT SYSTEM

There are lots of places you can get support in person.

Having support for your child outside of your family can

You can also seek help from a licensed therapist to help

Did you know you can search for groups on Facebook to