Fernandez 1

Saul Fernandez

Eng. 102, 20394

Prof. Batty

December 12, 2018

The Queer Theory’s Intertwine in Two Stories: Revision Reflection

After re-reading my essay and reading Prof. Batty’s comments, it was clear that the essay

had room for improvement. The first issue fixed was obviously the few grammar mistakes. I also

addressed the issue with the works cited page not being properly indented/formatted. The next

issues that were addressed were based of Professor Batty’s comments. She mentioned that my

thesis could be a bit clearer and more specific. I attended to the thesis by changing a few words

and sentences to help make it a bit clearer. I changed a bit of the last sentence in the thesis to,

“The conflict of both stories ends up being both characters having to learn to accept themselves,

their gender, and sexual orientation.” The next change was to better explain the quotes that were

used. I changed a few sentence that explained Ai’s quote on the first body paragraph. I added

that, “Estraven is surprised that Ai lived in a world like this. The idea that one’s gender and

physical presentation can determine how you will be judged and treated in your society.” I also

added a bit of a clearer explanation as to what Wendy Gay says in the second body paragraph. I

added and changed a few words in one sentence and added a whole new statement. “It seems Ai

later comes to terms, after they’ve finished their journey and Estraven dies, that love was the

reason he accepted Estraven no matter what gender he is and what sexuality he fits in. That love

was the thing that kept their relationship in an awkward and still position, not their gender.”

Aside from these issues being addressed, I also added and re-worded a few parts in sentences to

make the essay a little more fluent. I added to the explanation of Shusgi’s quote on the third body
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paragraph that “to those like the Gethenians, he is depicted as an un-trustable foreigner, and an

unknown alien for looking differently. Which is why he is called monstrous.”