Series 03 Episode 17 – The Precious Fragmentation

Scene: The stairwell. Leonard is carrying a large box.

1 Leonard: Why do I always have to carry the heavy stuff?

2 Sheldon: Well, it’s very simple. In our ragtag band of scientists with nothing to lose, I’m
3 the smart one, Wolowitz is the funny one, and Koothrappali is the lovable foreigner who
4 struggles to understand our ways and fails. That leaves you, by default, as the muscle.

5 Leonard: One more floor, and I’d be the pulled muscle.

6 Penny (who is inside the apartment): Oh, it’s about time, I’m starving.

7 Leonard: Uh, well, we didn’t actually get Chinese food.

8 Penny: Why not?

9 Leonard: Don’t panic, this is better.

10 Penny: Oh, no, you didn’t trade the food for magic beans, did you?

11 Sheldon: Of course not. And, technically, magic beans would be food, although eating them
12 would be quite a waste, since you could plant them and overnight have a giant beanstalk,
13 which would provide enough roughage for a small city.

14 Penny: Yeah, sometimes I don’t listen, sometimes I just watch your jaw go up and down.

15 Leonard: We were on our way to the Chinese restaurant when we thought we saw Adam
16 West, so we followed him.

17 Penny: Who’s Adam West?

18 Sheldon: Who’s Adam West? Leonard, what do the two of you talk about after the coitus?

19 Howard: My guess is, “Hey, four minutes! New record!” That’s why I’m the funny one.

20 Leonard: Anyway, we followed the guy to this garage sale, and they had the coolest stuff.

21 Howard: They were closing up. We got this whole box for sixty bucks.

22 Leonard: We didn’t even get to go through it all. There could be anything in here.

23 Penny: There a new girlfriend in there? ‘Cause you might need one.
24 Leonard: No. But there is an original final draft Ghostbusters script with actual slime
25 stains! (Raj whispers to Leonard) Oh, you’re right, it’s Ghostbusters 2. Never mind.

26 Howard: Oh, my God. An Alf doll. When I was 11 my mother got me one to help me sleep
27 after my dad left. I used to pretend that my dad had moved to the planet Melmac, and Alf
28 was going to bring him back to me. But he never did. Where’s my daddy, puppet? Where is
29 he?

30 Penny: That is so sad.

31 Sheldon: No, what’s sad is that you don’t know Adam West was TV’s Batman.

Credits sequence

Scene: The same

32 Leonard: Here’s Spock’s head with no body. Here’s Mr. T’s body with no head. Oh, yeah,
33 here’s Spock’s body with Mr. T’s head. I pity the fool who’s illogical.

34 Penny: Okay, I’m just gonna go home and make a grilled cheese and window-shop on
35 eHarmony.

36 Leonard: Okay, bye.

37 Penny: Okay.

38 Leonard: Ooh, look, an Indiana Jones connect-the-dots.

39 Raj: And an Aquaman action figure.

40 Howard: Looks like someone drew a penis on him.

41 Raj: Huh? That’ll come off.

42 Howard: You see what you’re doing? Stop that.

43 Sheldon: Fascinating.

44 Leonard: What?

45 Sheldon: It appears to be a Lord of the Rings ring.

46 Leonard: Oh.
47 Raj: It’s even got the Elvish engraving on it.

48 Sheldon: It’s not Elvish. It’s the language of Mordor written in Elvish script. One Ring to

49 rule them all.

50 Raj: One Ring to find them.

51 Howard: One Ring to bring them all.

52 Leonard: And in the darkness bind them.

53 Raj: Holy crap, are we nerdy.

Scene: The Cheesecake Factory

54 Howard: So, I was doing some checking on the ring.

55 Raj: Hold on. Sheldon, is there ketchup on that table?

56 Sheldon: Yes, there is. Oh, here’s a fun fact, ketchup started out as a general term for sauce,
57 typically made of, uh, mushrooms or fish brine with herbs and spices. Some popular early
58 main ingredients included blueberry, anchovy, oyster, kidney bean and grape.

59 Raj: No, that’s okay. I’ll get it.